Bridging Differences Playbook Learn research-based strategies to promote positive dialogue and understanding

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Table of Contents BEFORE YOU TRY IT

Now that you’ve learned more about this skill, think about where Skillsand how you and could applyStrategies it. How might it already for 04 show up in your life or work—for instance, in a close rela- tionshipBridging or work in your community—and Differences where could it Page 4 An Invitation come a.in handy?INTR BeAPERSON specific. AL (Skills to practice on your own) 01 What This Playbook Is—and Why It Matters Page 6 AFTER YOUi. Assume TRY Good IT Intentions Page 22 ii. Practice Mindfulness Page 26 Then, after you’ve had the chance to try it out, consider iii. Expand Your Activities, Expand Your Views Page 30 these reflection questions: iv. Seek Counter-Stereotypical Information Page 34 v. Focus on Individuality, Not Group Identity Page 38 Before You Begin Page 8 • How did it feel to practice this skill? What, if any, posi- tive impact did it have on you or others? b. INTERPERSONAL (Skills to practice with others) 02 What “Bridging” Is . . . and What It Isn’t Page 9 • What was difficult or challenging about it? What barri- The Benefits of Bridging Page 12 ers did you face in applying it, and what other barriers i. Listen with Compassion Page 44 do you anticipate in bringing it into another part of ii. Put People Before Politics Page 48 your life or work? iii. Perspective Taking and Giving Page 52 • What was unclear about it? What questions do you iv. Find Shared Identities Page 56 have about its steps or its overall purpose? v. Understand Their Values Page 60 How to Use • How might you improve upon it? Is there anything vi. Try Self-Distancing Page 64 03 This Playbook Page 14 you’d suggest adding, revising, or removing in order to make it feel more relevant or effective? c. INTERGROUP (Strategies for bringing people together) • In what situations—in your personal life, work or com- Bridging Personas Page 16 munity—could you imagine using this practice in the Guiding Principles Page 18 i. Create the Conditions for Contact Page 70 future? Reflecting on Your Practice Page 19 ii. Identify Common Goals Page 74 iii. Focus on Solutions, Not Identities Page 78

05 Resources Page 82

2 3 Bridging Differences Playbook 01 Recent surveys suggest that partisan common ground when possible, and An Invitation divides in the United States are on identify shared goals and values. the rise. The resulting polarization has widespread effects: It can harm At UC Berkeley’s Greater Good to Bridge Rour personal relationships, spark vio- Science Center (GGSC), we are mix- lence motivated by racial or religious ing science and storytelling to both Differences prejudice, and even undermine our illuminate and support the important democracy. work of Bridge Builders across the country. But it doesn’t have to be this way. There is a growing movement of Drawing on cutting-edge research individuals and organizations—Bridge and insights from trailblazing pro- Builders—who are working to fos- grams, our Bridging Differences ter more constructive dialogue and initiative is highlighting the key skills understanding across group lines, and strategies for overcoming di- bringing us together at a time when vides. This Bridging Differences Play- so many forces are pulling us apart. book shares lessons learned from our work. Bridge Builders close the psycho- logical gaps between Us and Them, encouraging others—and them- selves—to recognize that their differ- ences don’t need to define or divide them and that they can disagree with someone without dehumanizing them; instead, they work to promote empathy and understanding, find

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What Is the Bridging Differences Playbook?

Under our Bridging Differences for more positive interactions with We also recognize that this collection initiative, we have reviewed decades other people and across groups; of skills may evolve over time, keeping of scientific studies, interviewed pace with new findings from the dozens of leaders, and surveyed the 2. interpersonal skills to make those research and new innovations in the landscape of relevant programs. From interactions go more smoothly; and field. But for now, we believe that it this work we have collected enduring offers a strong foundation. We are wisdom and best practices for bridging 3. intergroup skills that you can confident that the more we practice political, racial, religious, or other use when bringing other people these skills, the better we’ll get at divides. It has led us to identify a set or groups together—these skills bridging differences. of skills and strategies that support are especially relevant to leaders positive dialogue, relationships, and or facilitators trying to guide We know that the work of bridging understanding between groups or others toward better interactions differences can feel daunting, and it’s individuals. and deeper understanding of one not often clear where to start; that’s another. what this Playbook is for. Indeed, The Playbook synthesizes these core each entry is a springboard to further skills and strategies. For each of the 14 Taken together, these skills are exploration, and we identify a number of skills that we identify, we first briefly not supposed to constitute a organizations throughout the Playbook explain the main steps involved in how formal curriculum or rigid list of that can help you go even deeper. Given to practice it. Then we explain why and requirements. Instead, we offer the urgency of this work, we hope it when this skill is useful and offer caveats them as a set of flexible principles gives you the confidence and tools to keep in mind when you try it out. that people can adapt and apply in to take an important first step toward Finally, we cite research that supports different settings, from public debates overcoming divisions and divides, this skill and organizations that use it in and political discussions to our most whether within families, between their work, along with other resources intimate relationships. They can serve groups, or across our nation. where you can learn more about it. as the backbone for a new initiative or help to explain why an existing We have organized the Playbook’s skills program already works. Not every skill into three main categories: is appropriate in every circumstance. Like players on a basketball court, 1. intrapersonal skills that you can try sometimes you have to dribble, and on your own, to build your capacity other times you have to shoot.

6 7 Bridging Differences Playbook 02 Before What “Bridging” Is . . . You Begin and What It Isn’t

Before you dive into this Playbook, we dig deeper to try to appreciate where want to clarify a few important aspects those views came from. This requires of bridge building and what it means to asking questions and a willingness to be a Bridge Builder. suspend judgment.

BRIDGING IS NOT ABOUT BRIDGING RECOGNIZES PERSUASION; IT IS ABOUT COMMON HUMANITY UNDERSTANDING Bridge building does not mean that The true goal of bridging differences you always find common ground or isn’t to convince the other person of compromise. You may disagree with your viewpoint or even necessarily to another person, sometimes vehemently. build consensus. But the key is that you don’t dehumanize them in the process—you never reduce “Bridging work is not a sneaky way them to a caricature or see them as to convert people to your ideological somehow less worthy of health and position,” says Reverend Jennifer happiness than you are. Bailey, founder of the Faith Matters Network and co-founder of The Indeed, bridging starts from recognizing People’s Supper. that another person or group has their own human needs, tastes, values, goals, Instead, the heart of bridging work and worldview, just like you do. Without lies in trying to understand someone that basic recognition of your shared else’s perspective, even if it’s not your humanity, constructive dialogue—to say own. While you might not share their nothing of problem solving—is unlikely views, you don’t dismiss them; you to happen.

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BRIDGING REQUIRES MODESTY “Bridging is sometimes just putting BRIDGING IS NOT WITHOUT discriminated against or otherwise AND HUMILITY a flag in your land that says, ‘I’m RISK denied social power. Before they’re To bridge differences, you usually working on it,’” says Rodolfo Mendoza- Bridging often involves taking risks and ready to bridge, some must heal from need to start by accepting that Denton, a professor of psychology exposing vulnerability. You may risk personal trauma. you don’t have all the answers or at UC Berkeley and a faculty advisor having your overtures rejected, and you a monopoly on the truth. This is to the Greater Good Science Center. may often need to express feelings of As we’ve suggested above, bridge especially important because bridging “Sometimes that’s the job of the person hurt, anger, or disappointment. Perhaps building shouldn’t be used as a tool of often involves contact between who bridges, to make small incremental most of all, when you truly try to hear persuasion or coercion, especially not people from different cultures or changes.” someone else’s views, you risk being to consolidate power in order to attack communities. You probably won’t changed or influenced by what you hear. or oppress others. It’s about expanding BRIDGING INVOLVES INNER get very far in your bridge-building one’s sense of commonality with others, WORK, NOT JUST ACTION efforts if you presume that your own “That willingness to be transformed is not about constricting them to adopt tradition or story is definitely the right When we think about bridging also a necessary part to do authentic your worldview. So while we hope this one; that’s true whether you’re talking differences, we usually think about bridging work,” says Rev. Bailey. “I don’t Playbook is a useful tool for many, we about major historical events or your grand gestures or breakthrough think you can walk away from a bridging recognize that it’s not for everyone. own family’s history. conversations. But the truth is that scenario, particularly when you’re much of the work happens before bridging differences, and remain exactly BRIDGING IS NOT ALWAYS those events ever take place. To the same.” REVOLUTIONARY; IT’S make them possible, we often need SOMETIMES ABOUT SMALL to cultivate the right mindsets and NOT EVERYONE SHOULD SHIFTS psychological approach—and that’s BRIDGE something we can (or must) do on our While bridging differences might mean Partly because of those risks, it’s own. overcoming a history of conflicts— important to recognize that not personal or political—or forging an everyone can or should be a Bridge That’s why a substantial portion of this alliance between once-opposing groups Builder, or feel compelled to build Playbook is devoted to intrapersonal to work toward a common goal, it bridges in every situation—the work skills—things you can practice on your sometimes centers on more modest of bridging should not be done own, to build your capacity for more shifts. That may just mean setting an by demand. It’s ethically dubious— positive interactions with other people intention or an openness to more and, research suggests, often and across groups. change down the line. counterproductive—to ask people to bridge differences when they’re being

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What Are the Benefits of Bridging?

Bridge building is vital to healthy • It improves our health. Research ings—and that is very dangerous. relationships and healthy institutions. And has found that individuals who Since the 2016 election, hate crimes it helps counteract the trends toward harbor racial prejudices and fears have risen and more Americans greater polarization that we have been experience elevated levels of stress seem to be endorsing the idea of seeing for years in the United States. and other physiological responses intergroup violence. that, over time, can wear down their Polarization is not the same as muscles and damage their immune • It’s good for the bottom line. disagreement about how to solve public systems. When organizations convey to policy problems; those disagreements their employees that they have a are natural, even healthy, in a democracy. • It strengthens families. A recent shared fate—meaning that they’re Polarization is about more than study found that Thanksgiving din- all going to succeed or fail together just having a different opinion than ners were significantly shorter in as a group —diverse teams are your neighbor about certain issues. areas where Americans share meals more productive and creative than Polarization occurs when we refuse to across party lines. The effect was homogenous ones. live next to a neighbor who doesn’t share worse in areas with heavy political our politics, or when we won’t send our advertising. The researchers estimat- • It supports good government. children to a racially integrated school. ed that 34 million person-hours of On issue after issue, Americans cross-partisan discourse were elimi- are closer to agreement than they Research suggests that polarization nated in 2016 thanks to this polariza- appear, but polarization prevents us affects families, workplaces, schools, tion effect. from seeing that and passing effec- neighborhoods, and religious tive legislation. Researchers have organizations. It stresses the fabric • It makes us smarter. Studies have noted that the 112th Congress, for of our society. Antagonism might feel found that when people with dif- instance, passed fewer laws than necessary in conditions of injustice. But ferent backgrounds or beliefs work any Congress stretching back to the being aware of the price we all pay for together, they make better decisions 1800s. By getting past intense parti- polarization might motivate us to reduce and solve problems more creatively sanship, our political representatives it, before the worst effects take hold. than more homogenous groups do. are more likely to get things done.

Here’s a few reasons why bridging • It reduces violence. In polarized differences is beneficial for our lives situations, we stop seeing people in and society. competing groups as human be-

12 13 Bridging Differences Playbook 03 Bridge Builders don’t come in This isn’t an exhaustive list of a single form or model. Some personas, but they represent many How to work as mediators or lead of the people we’ve met during groups devoted to cross-group our Bridging Differences initiative. Use This Bunderstanding; others are K-12 We hope it expands your notion of educators, local politicians, what a Bridge Builder looks like and workplace managers, or leaders provides inspiration for how to use Playbook of faith-based groups or other some of the Playbook’s strategies in community-based organizations. combination with one another. They span ages, neighborhoods, and backgrounds. They broker difficult conversations at the holiday dinner table and suggest solutions with broad appeal at a community town hall.

Similarly, there’s not a single “right” way to use this Playbook. That said, we realize that the amount and variety of its content might feel overwhelming. So we put together a few “personas” to convey different types of Bridge Builders, each encompassing their own constellation of practices.

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THE EXPLORER THE CONNECTOR THE SEEKER THE MEDIATOR

Might use these Playbook skills: Might use these Playbook skills: Might use these Playbook skills: Might use these Playbook skills: • Identify Common Goals • Perspective Taking • Practice Mindfulness • Expand Your Activities, Expand • Identify Shared Identities • Understand Their Values • Try Self-Distancing Your Views • Focus on Solutions • Focus on Individuality • Listen with Compassion • Counter Stereotypes • Put People Before Politics • Assume Good Intentions The Connector hopes to The Mediator knows how to “connect the dots” among The Seeker is constantly stay calm and composed in The Explorer bridges by people with differences. learning about new moments of conflict. They exposing themselves to new They’re great collaborators perspectives and stories. can regulate their emotions situations that allow them to and systems thinkers who can They defy judgment by and don’t get riled up when interact with different people recognize patterns. They have asking questions like: What’s they hear something that and perspectives. They’re an intuitive ability to sense your story? They don’t let contrasts with their beliefs or curious and adventurous. They how people with different someone’s identities or offends their sensibilities. They don’t shy away from putting strengths and weaknesses can ideologies define them. can listen from “above the themselves in the potentially come together and establish They get to the root of who fray” rather than rushing to a uncomfortable position of common ground. someone is by inquiring about response or judgment. meeting diverse people. They their upbringing and values. attend public meetings, rallies, or other events where they’re likely to encounter people different from themselves.

16 17 Guiding Principles Reflecting On Your Practice

As you begin using the Playbook, and • Practice compassion (and As you go through the skills and strat- do you anticipate in bringing it into perhaps even try on some of these self-compassion). This work can be egies in the following pages of the another part of your life or work? personas, we offer a few guiding emotionally taxing, and it can put a Playbook, we offer a few questions to principles. lot of stress on the people engaging reflect on. These prompts, which you • What was unclear about it? What in it—yourself included. If you can can ask yourself before and after try- questions do you have about its • Center on your intentions. Ask keep that in mind, it might be easier ing each of the Playbook’s skills, aim to steps or its overall purpose? yourself why you’re bridging and be to extend feelings of grace, forgive- make your practice more focused and honest about whether your inten- ness, and compassion toward others deliberate and refine the way you use • How might you improve upon it? Is tions are genuine. Is this truly about and toward yourself. We’ll all make these skills in your work and life. there anything you’d suggest adding, understanding someone on a deeper mistakes along the way, and hopeful- revising, or removing in order to make level, or is it about trying to change ly we can learn from them. BEFORE YOU TRY IT it feel more relevant or effective? someone’s mind? • It’s an ongoing journey. These Once you’ve read more about a skill, • In what situations—in your personal • Don’t force it. Sometimes people skills and strategies are like a muscle think about where and how you could life, work, or community—could you aren’t ready to have a bridging mo- that we need to exercise. Actively apply it. How might it already show up imagine using this practice in the ment; sometimes you might not feel reflecting on our efforts—by ask- in your life or work—for instance, in a future? up to it yourself. That’s OK. Better to ing ourselves what works and what close relationship or work in your com- wait for when the time is right. doesn’t—helps us grow as Bridge munity—and where could it come in Builders • Be flexible. Some skills and strate- handy? Be specific. gies might work better in different

circumstances or depending on the AFTER YOU TRY IT person. Context matters. Then, after you’ve had the chance to try it We welcome your feedback out, consider these reflection questions: on the Playbook.

• How did it feel to practice this skill? If you would like to make What, if any, positive impact did it suggestions or share stories have on you or others? based on your experiences with it, please email us at • What was difficult or challenging [email protected]. about it? What barriers did you face in applying it, and what other barriers

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• Intrapersonal • Interpersonal • Intergroup

Intrapersonal The skills and strategies in this section are those that you can try on your own, without a partner. By cultivating the mindsets and experiences that orient you toward bridging, they can deepen your capacity for more positive interactions with other people and across groups.

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Assume Good PRO TIP Set the expectation to assume good intent before or at the start of your interaction, to be clear Intentions about the mindset you’d like to adopt. Entering a conversation with the sense that the other person dislikes or distrusts you—or has a nefarious agenda—may put you in an anxious mindset that negatively affects your interaction. By assuming that the other person is approaching your interaction from a place of goodwill, it will likely go better for both of you. WHY TRY IT We often instinctively assume that if an interaction makes us feel bad, then the other person must have intended to make us feel that way. This can become a self-fulfilling prophecy that causes others to distrust you. However, by assuming good intentions, we can sidestep any hurt we might feel and instead focus on the issues that are being raised in the discussion. This practice reduces the perception of threat—and can help you connect with people who are different from you. HOW TO DO IT

KEEP IN MIND

This practice can be done before can be shaped by your own past Sometimes, people do have bad intentions. Try to re- or during an interaction. Before experiences of mistreatment. Try to member, though, that this is rare, so those exceptions you engage with someone across detach yourself from these experiences should not unduly influence your interactions. difference, try to assume that their and remind yourself that the person intentions are good and positive. you are meeting is not the person who mistreated you. The next time you feel slighted during an interaction, stop yourself from taking offense and instead try to hear the underlying comment for what it was intended to be.

Recognize that your assumptions about others and their intentions

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RESEARCH BEHIND IT

• Turner, R. N., & Cameron, L. (2016). Confidence in READ MORE contact: A new perspective on promoting cross– group friendship among children and adolescents. What Happens When You Give People the Benefit of Social Issues and Policy Review, 10(1), 212–246. the Doubt People who view the behaviors of others in a • Trawalter, S., Adam, E. K., Chase–Lansdale, P. L., & positive light are happier, a new study suggests. Richeson, J. A. (2012). Concerns about appearing prejudiced get under the skin: Stress responses to interracial contact in the moment and across time. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 48(3), 682–693.

• Mendoza-Denton R., Page-Gould E., Pietrzak J. (2006). Mechanisms for coping with status- based rejection expectations. In Levin S., van Laar C., editors. (Eds.), Stigma and group inequality: Social psychological perspectives, the Claremont symposium on Applied Social Psychology (151– 169). Mahwah, NJ: Erlbaum.

THE SKILL IN PRACTICE

• Spaceship Media works with media organizations to support conversation across divides. Their Alabama- California Conversation brought together women from California who voted for Hillary Clinton and women in Alabama who voted for Donald Trump for a two-month collaboration designed to break down stereotypes about the other side.

• The National Institute for Civil Discourse works to promote civil and productive dialogue about politics and contentious social issues. Its National Civility Network is composed of a dozen university institutes and centers that work to tackle political dysfunction and incivility.

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conversation or situation where you might be at odds with someone. And over time, as you do it more often,

Practice Mindfulness see if you can incorporate some of its elements into Research suggests we can reduce social biases by building moment-to- a heated conversation. For instance, try taking a deep moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, and surroundings through breath before you respond to an upsetting comment practices like meditation. or notice if your body is tensing up, which may suggest you are feeling stressed and might be primed to react hastily to the other person before considering your words or actions.

PRO TIP

You might notice that your mind starts to wander during a mindfulness practice. This is natural. Just notice that your mind has wandered and then gently redirect your attention back to your HOW TO DO IT breathing. You might also feel yourself having a strong emotional reaction to what a person says. 1. Find a relaxed, comfortable position. breath. Not long, not short, just This is also natural. Watch those feelings like you’d You could be seated on a chair or natural. Notice where you feel your watch clouds in the sky, knowing that they pass on the floor on a cushion. Keep your breath in your body. It might be in and change. back upright, but not too tight. Hands your abdomen. It may be in your resting wherever they’re comfort- chest or throat or in your nostrils. able. Tongue on the roof of your See if you can feel the sensations mouth or wherever it’s comfortable. of breath, one breath at a time. WHY TRY IT 2. Notice and relax your body. Try to 4. Stay here for five to seven min- notice the shape of your body, its utes. Notice your breath, in silence. MIndfulness can help us bridge differences in a couple weight. Let yourself relax and be- From time to time, you’ll get lost in of different ways. First, it can help us slow down come curious about your body seat- thought, then return to your breath. in tense or challenging interactions, enabling us to ed here—the sensations it experienc- respond with greater thoughtfulness and equanimity 5. After a few minutes, once again es, the touch, the connection with rather than reacting more hastily to what the other notice your body, your whole body, the floor or the chair. Relax any areas person says or does. It can also help us attune to our seated. Let yourself relax even more of tightness or tension. Just breathe. thoughts, feelings, or bodily sensations that suggest deeply and then offer yourself some we’re getting anxious or angry, enabling us to manage 3. Tune into your breath. Feel the appreciation for doing this practice. those emotions before they get the better of us. natural flow of breath—in, out. You 6. It might be particularly useful to try Second, research also suggests that mindfulness can don’t need to do anything to your this practice before entering into a reduce our unconscious biases. When we encounter

26 27 Bridging Differences Playbook Bridging Differences Playbook strangers, we’re prone to taking mental shortcuts in evaluating them—and sometimes, these shortcuts become stereotypes. Asians are good at math, Muslims THE SKILL IN PRACTICE are terrorists. Being mindful of these mental shortcuts • The Engaged Mindfulness Institute trains can help us avoid such cynical, reactive judgements. In professionals and volunteers to use trauma- effect, practicing mindfulness encourages our minds informed mindfulness practices as they support to wake up and pay attention to the details that make individuals and communities that have been other people unique. It can be a tool to strengthen our marginalized and underserved. feelings of kindness and connection toward others— even those who are different than us.

KEEP IN MIND READ MORE

There are many kinds of mindfulness practices, many How to Avoid the Social Media Outrage Trap of which you can find in our library of research-test- Six ways to keep your cool on social media, drawing ed practices, Greater Good in Action . And the type on skills of mindfulness. of practice you select, and the language you use to teach it, may depend somewhat on the context in which you’re using it. If you’re introducing mindfulness to peo- ple new to it, you may want to avoid anything that feels too esoteric—a simple mindful breathing exercise might be a good start. LISTEN IN

Trying Compassion on Capitol Hill

RESEARCH BEHIND IT In this episode of our podcast, Congressman Tim Ryan tries a practice to help him reach across the • Price-Blackshear, M. A. et al (2017). Mindfulness aisle. practices moderate the association between intergroup anxiety and outgroup attitudes. Mindfulness, 8(5), 1172-1183.

• Lueke, A., & Gibson, B. (2015). Mindfulness Meditation Reduces Implicit Age and Race Bias: The Role of Reduced Automaticity of Responding. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 6(3), 284–291.

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WHY TRY IT

We tend to fall into ruts, becoming complacent about how we see the world and other people. If we’re always Expand Your doing and reading what seems familiar, and hanging around people who make us feel comfortable, then prejudices and stereotypes are more likely to fester. Activities, Expand But breaking out of your comfort zone can help you to grow and expand your personal identity—and perhaps break down some social barriers. In fact, research Your Views suggests even having a friend from your own group Through exposure to new people, events, and experiences, we can broaden befriend a member of a different group can reduce our own sense of what’s comfortable and familiar to us. Popular ways to do your own prejudices. this include traveling or consuming media outside of your typical feed.

KEEP IN MIND

Superficial exposure will have limited impact; it often requires deeper, ongoing engagement.

RESEARCH BEHIND IT

• Dys-Steenbergen, O., Wright, S. C., & Aron, A. (2016). Self-expansion motivation improves cross-group HOW TO DO IT interactions and enhances self-growth. Group Processes & Intergroup Relations, 19(1), 60–71.

• Page-Gould, E., Mendoza-Denton, R., & Tropp, L. R. (2008). With a little help from my cross-group friend: In many respects, this exercise is really Don’t arrive hoping to make other Reducing anxiety in intergroup contexts through just a matter of moving toward things people like you, or looking for things to cross-group friendship. Journal of Personality and that make you uncomfortable. Do criticize. The next step, beyond that, is Social Psychology, 95(5), 1080-1094. you tend to have a low opinion of gun to bring others like you into your new owners? Pay a visit to the local shooting experiences. In this way, you can reduce range and sign up for lessons. If it’s misperceptions and biases, and create liberals you don’t like, consider attending warmer feelings between people. panel discussions hosted by liberal organizations.

It’s important to approach these events with questions and an open mind.

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THE SKILL IN PRACTICE

• OpenMind is an interactive online educational READ MORE platform that equips people with skills to think clearly and communicate constructively across How We Can Fight Prejudice Against Muslims differences. The platform has been used across Lessons learned from interfaith programs suggest more than 200 universities and dozens of ways to foster acceptance toward minority groups. organizations worldwide, helping to address political polarization and promoting more positive intergroup dialogue.

• The National School Climate Center at Ramapo for Children provides educators with ideas, activities, research, and coaching to build inclusive environments where students with different needs and identities can come together to form positive school cultures.

• AllSides exposes people to information and ideas from all sides of the political spectrum so they can better understand the world—and each other. They provide balanced news coverage, media bias ratings, civil dialogue opportunities, and a technology platform that’s available for everyone.

• StoryCorps records the stories of Americans and syndicates them through public radio channels. Its One Small Step program invites people with differing political views to interview each other to encourage listening from outside your own perspective.

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PRO TIP

Seek and Promote The goal of exposing ourselves to counter- stereotypical information is to challenge our own assumptions and broaden our perspectives, not to Counter-Stereotypical create new stereotypes. Information The stereotypes we hold about other people or groups can dictate how we treat them. But as we’re exposed to information that challenges those stereotypes, WHY TRY IT our views can become more positive—and our behavior may follow. Our assumptions about other people are often based on available stereotypes, perhaps ones you’ve seen in the media or heard from friends. For example, we might have a perspective from the news about refugees but never met one in real life.

We can expose ourselves (and others) to counter- stereotypical information by replacing our general HOW TO DO IT impressions with first-hand experiences and understanding—for instance, instead of just relying on It’s important to start by acknowledging to?” You can follow up with a question others’ accounts of refugees, we can try to meet them that we do hold stereotypes about like, “What’s something about you that in person, attend or watch a public hearing featuring individuals, based on their group identities. challenges this stereotype?” the voices of refugees, or read more detailed accounts If we become more aware of the about their experiences. stereotypes we hold, we can ask where You can also make a deliberate effort to they come from. The next step is to make expose yourself to counter-stereotypical a concerted effort to find information that information through the news or KEEP IN MIND challenges these assumptions. content you consume. For instance, if Questions you have for people unfamiliar to you might you notice you have stereotypes about betray your stereotypes about them, which could feel You could take a direct approach by hunters and anglers—you think they offensive. It’s important to clearly state your intentions getting to know someone who is a don’t care about the environment, for up front for asking those questions and remind them part of a different group. You can ask, instance—you could learn more about it’s acceptable to choose not to respond. You may even “What’s a common misconception organizations where communities of provoke irritation; try to take it in stride. Even if that or stereotype people on the outside anglers are protecting rivers and oceans conversation is difficult, you’ll be better equipped to have about you because of the groups from pollutants. have another one. (e.g., race, faith, or gender) you belong

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RESEARCH BEHIND IT

• Paolini, S., Wright, S. C., Dys–Steenbergen, O., & READ MORE Favara, I. (2016). Self–expansion and intergroup contact: Expectancies and motives to self–expand What the Struggle for Gay Rights Teaches Us about lead to greater interest in outgroup contact and more Bridging Differences positive intergroup relations. Journal of Social Issues, In just a few decades, GLBT+ rights moved from 72(3), 450-471. the margins to the mainstream. Here’s why.

THE SKILL IN PRACTICE

• Braver Angels holds events all over America to engage liberals and conservatives in thoughtful and empathetic conversations. One of their projects, the Red-Blue Workshops, enlist five to seven Democrats and five to seven Republicans to attend day-long events designed to understand one another’s experiences and points of view, including their views of the other party.

• Encore.org works to break down stereotypes about the elderly. Its Gen2Gen program connects young people with elders through entrepreneurship and volunteering—bridging divides between generations in the process.

• Welcoming America works with communities to cultivate a culture that’s possible for newcomers of all backgrounds to feel valued and to fully participate alongside their neighbors in the social, civic, and economic fabric of their adopted hometowns.

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Focus On PRO TIP Be aware of the tell-tale signs that you’re feeling threatened: faster heart rate, quicker breaths, sweat. Individuality, not If those happen when you meet someone new, it’s time to try this practice! Group Identity We often see others in terms of their group membership: He’s old, she’s white, they’re immigrants. But according to research, when we view people in terms of their own individual tastes and preferences, we feel less threatened by WHY TRY IT those who might seem “not like us.” When you encounter someone new, you might be quick to categorize them by their race, gender, age, political party, or other group identity. That makes you more likely to see them as an “Other”—someone not like you—and feel threatened. This practice reduces that fearful response, fostering a greater sense of connection and making your own experience less stressful.

HOW TO DO IT KEEP IN MIND

The key to shifting your perspective is to humanize the other person, giving them more individual features The essence of this practice is to shift questions—just thinking about them can and agency, rather than seeing them as a stereotypical away from seeing another person as be enough. For instance: group member. So you might want to avoid questions an anonymous member of a group and that center on their passive social identities—Are they instead view them as a unique human • Do they prefer carrots... or broccoli? over or under 21?—and focus more on the active being. This could mean looking for those • Do they prefer dogs or cats? choices and preferences they express. features and quirks that define them as • How do they like to exercise? an individual, just like you. Similarly, try to avoid questions that can elicit cultural • What’s their favorite color? stereotypes. For instance, thinking about someone’s To get into that mindset, ask yourself favorite genre of music might just invoke the group • What do they like better, staying up questions about that person’s particular identities of “country music lover” or “hip-hop fan” and late or waking up early? tastes and preferences. You don’t need all the associations we may have with them. to discover the actual answers to those

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RESEARCH BEHIND IT

• Wheeler, M. E., & Fiske, S. T. (2005). Controlling READ MORE Racial Prejudice: Social-Cognitive Goals Affect How to Beat Stereotypes by Seeing People as Amygdala and Stereotype Activation. Psychological Individuals Science, 16(1), 56-63. We often judge people by their group • Harris, L. T., & Fiske, S. T. (2007). Social groups that membership—but research suggests another way elicit disgust are differentially processed in mPFC. to view each other. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 2(1), 45–51.

WATCH THIS THE SKILL IN PRACTICE

• Narrative 4 brings together diverse groups of Science Found a Way to Use Broccoli and Carrots people through storytelling. One project, for to Stop Prejudice instance, encourages students from the Bronx, One experiment used vegetables to show how you Eastern Kentucky, and Mexico to befriend each can overcome knee-jerk biases... and you don’t even other through virtual discussion sessions. have to eat them.

• Sisterhood of Salaam Shalom forms bonds between Jewish and Muslim people in the United States, Canada, and England through interfaith exchange programs designed to create lasting friendships.

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• Intrapersonal • Interpersonal • Interpersonal Interpersonal • Intergroup The skills and strategies included in this section are those you can deploy during interactions Intrapersonal with other people. Some can help you step back in the heat of a moment and prevent a conflict The skills and strategies included in this section from escalating; others can help you form are those that you can try on your own, without stronger connections with people who you a partner. By cultivating the experiences and might see as different from you. mindsets that orient you toward bridging, they can help you build your capacity for more Though they seem relatively simple, it can be positive interactions with other people and hard to remember to try them in the midst of across groups. a conversation, especially an intense one; it can be even harder to get them just right. But don’t be discouraged: With practice, they can become more habitual and easier to execute. You can even look for opportunities to practice Intergroup them when you’re by yourself—perhaps toward a character in a movie you’re watching or in a book you’re reading—or in less heated conversations, so that they feel more natural when you’re actively trying to bridge differences with another person.

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Listen with PRO TIP Avoid attending to distractions in your environment, such Compassion as checking your phone. We’re more likely to want to bridge our differences with someone when we feel heard and understood by them—and we’re more effective at connecting with someone when we really listen to where they’re coming from. This practice helps you tune into what someone else is saying and convey that you’re paying attention to them. It’s a useful skill for fostering empathy and practice compassionate listening, 5. Take turns. After listening to the connection in our everyday lives, especially in difficult conversations. encourages listeners to ask about how speaker, ask if it’s okay for you to share someone’s past or childhood informs your perspective. Express yourself as their present situation or feeling. Avoid clearly as possible using “I” statements jumping to conclusions. Instead, ask (e.g., “I feel overwhelmed when you clarifying questions, such as, “When you don’t help out around the house”). It say_____, do you mean_____?” may also be helpful, when relevant, to express empathy for the other 3. Hold negative emotions. If the person’s perspective. Youth on Board other person voices negative feelings, has found that people are more likely strive to validate these feelings rather to listen and remain engaged if they HOW TO DO IT than questioning or defending against know they will be listened to as well. them. For example, if the speaker Setting up an equal listening time expresses frustration, try to consider agreement, where each person gets why they feel that way, regardless the same amount of time to listen and Find a quiet place where you can talk the other person’s lived experiences. of whether you think that feeling is to be listened to, can be an effective with someone without interruption or Compassionate listening starts when justified or whether you would feel that method of practicing and receiving distraction. Invite them to share what’s you can remember that any person way yourself. compassionate listening. on their mind. As they talk, try to follow is worth listening to because that can the steps below. You don’t need to open the door for connection and 4. Use engaged body language. cover every step, but the more you do mutual growth. Show that you are engaged and cover, the more effective this practice interested by making eye contact, is likely to be. 2. Be curious. When appropriate, nodding, facing the other person, and ask questions to encourage the other maintaining an open and relaxed body 1. Affirmation. Affirming feelings or person to elaborate on his or her posture. Be mindful of your facial opinions—such as a simple “that makes thoughts and feelings. The organization expressions: Avoid expressions that sense” or “yes, I hear you”—helps build Youth on Board, which works with might communicate disapproval or trust and demonstrate respect for young people across the country to disgust.

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WHY TRY IT THE SKILL IN PRACTICE

Often we’ll listen to someone without really hearing • The Sustained Dialogue Institute conducts them. In the process, we miss opportunities to connect workshops and trainings designed to teach people with that person—and even risk making him or her how to talk across differences. Their Sustained feel neglected, disrespected, and resentful. That can Dialogue Campus Network operates on 62 college complicate any attempt to bridge differences with campuses worldwide, helping communities bridge them. This exercise helps you express active interest in divides that exist among student bodies. what the other person has to say and make him or her • Resetting the Table runs forums, workshops, and feel heard—a way to foster empathy and connection. town squares to facilitate dialogue on controversial This technique is especially well-suited for difficult issues and heated topics. One of its programs conversations. targeted Midwestern counties that swung from Obama to Trump during the 2016 election; it brought together hundreds of people in Iowa and KEEP IN MIND Wisconsin to discuss topics such as immigration and When you’re listening, try to avoid expressing health care across differences. judgements or giving advice. Your goal is to • Youth on Board’s ListeningWorks project trains understand the other person’s perspective and community leaders and activists to incorporate accept it for what it is, even if you disagree with listening-based healing and resilience practices it. Try not to interrupt with counter-arguments or based on the organization’s signature “Action & mentally prepare a rebuttal while the other person is Support” model. Since the project launched in 2016, speaking. Problem-solving or advice-giving is likely it has trained over 600 individuals and community to be more effective after both partners understand organizations from over 25 states. one another’s perspective and feel heard.

RESEARCH BEHIND IT LISTEN IN • Weger, H., Castle Bell, G., Minei, E. M., & Robinson, M. C. (2014). The relative effectiveness of active What Does It Take to Really Listen to Someone? listening in initial interactions. International Journal Are you actually listening when someone is talking of Listening, 28(1), 13-31. to you, or just waiting for your turn to talk? In this episode of our podcst, a veteran of the Iraq War practices how to truly hear others.

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• Tell us about a moment in • Tell us about a recent experience which you’ve been made to feel that gave you hope. Put People Before unwelcome, or misunderstood. • Tell us about someone from this If the conversations around politics are Politics community who makes you proud to unavoidable, it’s helpful to ask questions call this place home. like, “How did you develop this belief?” It can be hard to have constructive political conversations—especially when or “Who impacted the way you see • Share a story about someone you we’re often quick to stereotype people based on their political views. But the world the most in your life?” These love but with whom you disagree if you get to know the other person first as an individual, and perhaps even questions help them focus on the reasons about something. better understand why they developed their perspective, the conversation is behind their views, which builds more likely to be more productive. • Tell us about a common understanding and deeper relationships misconception or belief people with those with whom we disagree. on the outside hold about our community. Describe an experience you’ve had that would surprise them.

WHY TRY IT

When you see the person before you as a three- HOW TO DO IT dimensional human rather than an abstract representation of the “Other,” you’re more likely to treat them with care and respect.

When you talk about a candidate you voted for Many of us have been there: We’re at a But if you actually want to have a or a policy you’re in favor of, others might have dinner with strangers when someone productive dialogue, you’ll be well- assumptions about you because of those decisions. By starts talking politics, and it’s not long served by steering clear of politics and getting to know people’s stories and their upbringing, before tempers flare and insults get first learning more about them—and we build more empathy for them and are able to hurled across the table. sharing more about yourself. navigate difficult conversations more easily. You can start by asking questions that When you encounter someone who uncover stories and experiences. The seems like their views differ from organization The People’s Supper uses yours—perhaps because they’re these discussion questions to bring carrying a National Public Radio tote diverse groups together to share a meal bag or wearing a Make America and get to know one another as people, Great Again hat—it can be tempting before they talk about politics: to dig into a political conversation.

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KEEP IN MIND

The questions we ask matter, and should be adapted READ MORE based on the context. “We typically tailor the discussion How to Save Thanksgiving from Political Arguments questions to the particular community we work in,” A new study suggests Americans are avoiding says Lennon Flowers, co-founder of the People’s Thanksgiving because of political differences. Here Supper. “It’s important to emphasize how important it are some tips for hosting a bipartisan holiday. is to come to the table not to convince or persuade, but to listen,” adds Reverend Jennifer Bailey, another People’s Supper co-founder. The goal should be to authentically learn about people before their politics because you’re curious, not because you’re hoping to convince or persuade them.

RESEARCH BEHIND IT

• McDonald, M. et al (2017). Intergroup emotional similarity reduces dehumanization and promotes conciliatory attitudes in prolonged conflict. Group Processes & Intergroup Relations, 20(1), 125–136.

THE SKILL IN PRACTICE

• The People’s Supper organizes dinners for people across the political spectrum and prompts conversation over the meal that help participants get to know one another as people.

• Sisterhood Of Salaam Shalom requires a pair of Muslim and Jewish women to spend a year getting to know each other before they talk about political issues like the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.

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PRO TIP Perspective taking doesn’t necessarily require Perspective Taking direct interaction: We can practice it by seeing the world through the eyes of a character in a book, and Giving movie, or another form of storytelling. Imagining the perspective of someone from a different group—trying to see the world through their eyes and understand where they’re coming from— improves our attitudes toward that other group and makes us less likely to see with this person, think about how you, to their own particular emotional them as the “Other.” However, for members of groups with less social power, as this person, would experience that response? giving their perspective to a member of a higher-status group might do more shared situation; if you’re not together, to improve their attitudes toward that group. try to recall a moment that you 4. If you’re in a debate with this shared, or imagine where they might person, try to imagine taking their be. What does the world look like side and formulate an argument on from their point of view? their behalf. You might have an “a- ha” moment that reveals nuances 3. As clearly and vividly as possible, try about their point of view. to imagine how it feels to be them. What emotions are they experiencing, 5. If you have the time and capacity, and how might that feel in their even try to imagine a day in the life HOW TO DO IT body? How might their feelings in of this person as if you were them, the situation differ from yours? Can looking at the world through their you imagine how their own unique eyes and walking through the world life experiences could contribute in their shoes. Perspective taking is an excellent skill 1. Pick a person from whom you feel to practice when you’re in conflict estranged or with whom you might be WHY TRY IT with someone. But in the heat of an at odds—perhaps they have different argument, it can be hard to have the political beliefs than yours, or they’re Negative attitudes toward other people or groups presence of mind to pause and see the not part of your ethnic or religious often stem from the limits of our own perspectives: world through their eyes. group, or perhaps they’re a close We get so caught up in our way of seeing the world friend or family member with whom that we dismiss or even dehumanize people who That’s why it’s helpful to practice the you’re having an argument. might see things differently. Deliberately trying to take steps below during more relaxed someone else’s perspective can not only help us better moments, when you’re feeling less 2. Imagine for a moment that you are understand where they’re coming from and empathize stressed, angry, or defensive—then work this person, walking through the world with them but also make them seem less foreign or your way up to deploying this skill in in their shoes and seeing the world alien to us—it reduces our tendency to stereotype moments of conflict or division. through their eyes. If you’re present people from other groups.

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KEEP IN MIND THE SKILL IN PRACTICE

Your sense of another person’s perspective is often • Narrative 4 builds connections between individuals based on your own assumptions. We can never truly from different cultures by connecting them through know what someone else’s experience is, but imagining shared storytelling. One of their projects introduced and asking them directly are important steps in the students from the Bronx in New York City to right direction. students in a rural district in Eastern Kentucky.

• All Sides is a website that works to widen And if you’re part of a group with less social power, it perspectives by introducing readers to how may be more important to offer your perspective— different sides of the political spectrum report on to feel heard—rather than try to take the perspective and discuss news events. The organization helped of someone from another, more powerful group. create Mismatch, a resource that pairs people, Research suggests that, in these situations, this particularly students, with different perspectives to “perspective giving” may do more than “perspective have conversations with one another. taking” to improve attitudes toward the other, higher- status group. • The National Conflict Resolution Center’s (NCRC) works with thousands of individuals worldwide in mediation and conflict resolution RESEARCH BEHIND IT settings, encouraging both perspective taking and perspective giving as a means upon which to • Galinsky, A. D., & Moskowitz, G. B. (2000). resolve tensions. Perspective-taking: Decreasing stereotype expression, stereotype accessibility, and in-group favoritism. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78(4), 708-724. READ MORE • Bruneau, E. G., & Saxe, R. (2012). The power of being heard: The benefits of ‘perspective-giving’ What Happens When You Tell Your Story and I Tell in the context of intergroup conflict. Journal of Mine? Experimental Social Psychology, 48(4), 855-866. Sometimes, empathy isn’t enough. New research reveals how taking and giving perspectives can help us to bridge our differences.

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WHY TRY IT

Focusing on a shared identity allows people from Find Shared Identities different groups to bridge their differences by widening their sense of who they are and who is part of Even when someone seems different from you, chances are you can find at their “tribe.” Research suggests that when we identify least one important identity you have in common—it could be a group you our commonalities, without necessarily suppressing both belong to (you’re both Midwesterners) or a role you share (you’re both what makes us different, we are more generous, parents). Often those shared identities are bigger and more significant than empathic, and helpful toward other people. our differences. For instance, you might root for different soccer teams, but you’re both soccer fans. Instead of focusing on the differences, try to find those important threads of similarity. KEEP IN MIND

Members of marginalized communities may not benefit from being asked to identify with members of a dominant group. If they feel that their identities or concerns are being made invisible by the larger group identity, that can harm their psychological well-being and even undermine their willingness to participate in the larger collective.

It’s also important not to suppress our own varied identities in the interest of finding a bigger shared identity. For instance, at an interfaith forum between Muslims HOW TO DO IT and Christians, you should acknowledge the differences between these faiths (such as their distinct practices) 1. Before you meet with someone who in the democratic process. You can while encouraging parishioners to discuss where their seems different from you—or even make this list in your head, but best to faiths overlap (such as a belief in monotheism). during or after your interaction, if write it down. possible—make a list of the defining characteristics that you share in 2. Review this list of shared identities— RESEARCH BEHIND IT common with this person. These ideally do it together. Do they feel • Levine, M., Prosser, A., Evans, D., & Reicher, S. (2005). could be groups to which you both accurate? Are there any identities Identity and emergency intervention: How social belong or identities that shape how missing from the list? group membership and inclusiveness of group you see yourself. Perhaps you both boundaries shape helping behavior. Personality and work or live in the same community. 3. Consider: How do these shared Social Psychology Bulletin, 31(4), 443-453. Maybe you are a part of different identities make you see this person • Nier, J. A. et al (2001). Changing interracial religious communities but both in a new light? If possible, talk with evaluations and behavior: The effects of a common believe strongly in faith as a value. the other person about how your list group identity. Group Processes and Intergroup Maybe you have different political impacts the way you see each other. Relations, 4(4), 299-316. views but are both active participants

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THE SKILL IN PRACTICE

• Citizen University hosts programs designed to LISTEN IN foster civic renewal and a shared sense of purpose W. Kamau Bell’s Thoughts on Awkward among Americans. Its programs include Civic Relationships and Bridging Divides Saturday, where diverse people come together to In this episode of our podcast, comedian W. build a shared sense of community and citizenship, Kamau Bell discusses the challenges of finding celebrating the civic values that bind them to one common ground, even with people in your own another. family. • Braver Angels seeks to reduce political polarization in the United States by bringing liberals and conservatives together to understand each other beyond stereotypes, forming Red/Blue community alliances, teaching practical skills for communicating LISTEN IN across political differences, and making a strong public argument for depolarization. Can You Humanize a Zombie? Should we try to find common ground with the villains in our lives? In this episode of our podcast, comedian Zahra Noorbakhsh tries to understand a READ MORE “zombie” from her past.

How Americans Can Find What They Have in Common Can we bridge differences without suppressing what makes us different in the first place? Yes, say social scientists and civic organizations.

WATCH THIS

What Happens When Political Opponents Get to Know Each Other? Two people from opposite sides of the political spectrum find what they have in common.

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WHY TRY IT

Typically, when we discuss the issues we care about, Understand Their we tend to give our own reasons, based on our own morals or values. However, we sometimes forget that the people we’re talking to might not share these Values same morals or values. The purpose of this practice If you’re trying to appeal to people with a different ideology, try to discover (sometimes referred to as “moral reframing”) isn’t what values resonate with them—then present your argument in terms of how to simply persuade another person to agree with it supports those values, not in terms of your own values. you; rather, it’s to help them understand where you’re coming from and to understand where they’re coming from. Ultimately, this practice enables you to have more civil and less polarizing political conversations, even if you don’t ultimately agree on the issue.

KEEP IN MIND

“Moral reframing” can be used to win someone over to your position, but try to remember that understanding, not persuasion, is the goal here. HOW TO DO IT

RESEARCH BEHIND IT

First, it’s important to make sure the shape the issues you care about. • Feinberg, M., & Willer, R. (2015). From Gulf to values or morals you believe others You don’t need to agree with those Bridge: When Do Moral Arguments Facilitate have aren’t based on your own values. The point of this exercise is to Political Influence? Personality and Social assumptions or stereotypes. You can do understand them. Psychology Bulletin, 41(12), 1665–1681. this by asking questions like, “What are • Graham, J., Haidt, J., & Nosek, B. (2009). Liberals important values that you try to uphold Once you understand their values, you and Conservatives Rely on Different Sets of Moral in your life?” and “Who taught you those might even find yourself better able Foundations. Journal of Personality and Social values, or what experiences formed to make yourself and your opinions Psychology, 96(5), 1029-46. those values for you?” understood by the other person. Even if you fail to persuade them to your Next, think about how those values position, you’ll have gained something might be the same or different from from arguing from a position of your own; you might discover that you empathy rather than hostility. have more in common than you initially thought. If they seem very different, then consider how those values might

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THE SKILL IN PRACTICE

• The Better Arguments Project at the Aspen Institute aims to help Americans change the way they argue with each other about political and social issues, promoting a more constructive and respectful way to have disagreements.

• Street Law is an organization that helps classrooms and communities teach about law and government. Their resources on deliberations help facilitate conversations about some of the thorniest and most controversial topics in the context of a social studies classroom.

• Junior State of America works with high school students to get them involved in civic activism and leadership. Their school chapters plan events such as voter registration drives and community service projects.

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3. Taking this third-person perspective 4. Despite the obstacles to self- can be challenging, especially around distancing, people can be successful intergroup conflicts—and especially in doing so—but it takes practice. in the heat of the moment. Ask Over the next few months, try Try Self-Distancing yourself: What obstacles do you your best to take this perspective Sometimes we get so caught up in our own thoughts and emotions that we face trying to take this third-person during disagreements. What effect have a hard time considering someone else’s point of view. To avoid this trap, perspective? What might help you does it have on the interaction? try to think about yourself or talk to yourself in the third- or second-person overcome them? For example, if you What effects can you feel it having instead of the first-person. Research suggests that “self-distancing” through find yourself getting caught up in the on your body and thoughts? How this simple change in pronouns can help us better regulate our emotions and heat of the moment, it might help to could you be more successful at it? engage in difficult conversations with greater equanimity and less distress. pause and take a deep breath. Allow these reflections to inform your future interactions, make your disagreements more constructive, and prevent them from escalating.

WHY TRY IT

When we experience conflict with others, we typically take a first-person perspective, preoccupied with our own thoughts, feelings, and values. That can overwhelm us with emotions like anger and resentment, making it hard to engage in constructive conversation, especially around charged or polarizing issues with someone who HOW TO DO IT 1. First, think about this conflict we might see as an adversary or a threat. from the perspective of a third It can be hard to practice self-distancing party who wants the best for all in the heat of a disagreement. For But when we take an outsider’s perspective on the involved—a person who sees things starters, it might be easier to try these situation, and get some distance from ourselves, from a neutral point of view. How steps on your own, removed from a we can respond from a place that is more calm and might this person think about the conflict, then eventually work your conciliatory. Distancing ourselves from the problem disagreement? way up to applying them in the midst also helps us recognize that alternative viewpoints exist of an argument or debate. This can be outside of our own. 2. As you think about the conflict, a conflict you’re having with someone shift your perspective of what is close to you, like a romantic partner, or happening from the first-person KEEP IN MIND you can apply this skill to the way you’re to the third-person. For example, thinking about members of a group If it feels too awkward to refer to yourself by your own if your name is Leo, instead of with whom you have differences or name, you can use a third-person pronoun, like he/she/ asking, “Why do I feel this way?” ask disagreements. they, or even try a second-person pronoun (“you”). yourself, “Why does Leo feel this And you don’t have to do so out loud—changing your way?” perspective in your inner monologue is more than enough.

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RESEARCH BEHIND IT

• Kross, E., & Grossmann, I. (2012). Boosting wisdom: Distance from the self enhances wise reasoning, attitudes, and behavior. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 141(1), 43.

• Ayduk, O., & Kross, E. (2010). From a distance: implications of spontaneous self-distancing for adaptive self-reflection. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 98(5), 809–29.

THE SKILL IN PRACTICE

• Learn how John Sarrouf, co-executive director of Essential Partners, applies the skill of self-distancing to their work fostering constructive dialogue across divides.

• Teresa F. Frisbie, the director of the Dispute Resolution Program at the Loyola University Chicago School of Law, promotes self-distancing as a tool to enhance mediation and resolve disputes.

READ MORE

How to Get Some Emotional Distance in an Argument How “self-distancing” can help resolve conflicts.

66 Skills and Strategies for Bridging Differences

• Intrapersonal • Interpersonal • Intergroup

Intergroup

The skills and strategies included in this section are those you can use when bringing other people or groups together. These skills are especially relevant to leaders or facilitators trying to guide people toward better interactions and deeper understanding of one another.

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in meeting that goal, giving them each group how you plan to address incentive to cooperate. these four conditions and get their Create the feedback. Make sure there’s buy-in d. Lastly, create a sense of equal from both groups before you invite status. If, for instance, one group has them to come together. Conditions for more leverage or power over the other—either during the interaction 4. Finally, create a space for reflection or in their everyday lives—the so that you can learn from each Intergroup Contact interaction is unlikely to bridge their group’s experience and refine it for differences. the next time. Don’t underestimate the power of connection. When we come into contact with a member of a different group, we can build more positive attitudes 3. Ensure you’re not operating off toward that group—provided that four key conditions are met. your own assumptions. Review with

WHY TRY IT

When people from different groups are segregated from one another, stereotypes and prejudices about each other can take hold. Bringing together members of these groups, helping them get to know one other better— that’s a fundamental way of reducing misperceptions and HOW TO DO IT biases, and creating warmer feelings between them. In fact, research suggests even having a friend from your own group who befriends a member of a different group can reduce your own prejudices. 1. Think of two different groups that a. First, the interaction should have normally do not come into contact the support of legitimate authorities. with each other. They might have This could be a local political leader, different interests, religious or or perhaps even a neutral mediator. political beliefs, or life experiences. This might even be two groups who b. Second, identify a common goal are in conflict with each other. that the two parties share.

2. Before making an invitation for these c. Third, create a sense of two groups to come together, set up interdependence—the parties should the following four conditions: feel like they have a shared stake

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KEEP IN MIND THE SKILL IN PRACTICE

• The People’s Supper project has brought together The power of positive contact between members of thousands of Americans of different backgrounds different groups can have ripple effects: Research to meet each other over a shared meal. suggests that when someone knows that a member • Seeds of Peace brings together teenagers from of their own group is friendly with someone from a both sides of a violent conflict to build friendships, different group, they form more positive attitudes engage in dialogue, and work on shared goals at a toward that other group, even if they themselves summer camp in Maine. haven’t formed that positive relationship themselves. in- group members have cross-group friends and improve • Some evidence suggests this “contact” can even attitudes toward this out-group. occur through pop culture: Research has found that the presence of gay characters in major television If people from different groups come into contact with programming was associated with less prejudice each other and have a negative experience, that can among viewers. actually reinforce and exacerbate tensions between them. Those negative interactions are more likely when the four conditions listed above aren’t met. For instance, rapid increases in immigration that aren’t READ MORE accompanied by support from authorities can increase inter-ethnic conflict. What Makes a Good Interaction Between Divided Groups? An overview of how intergroup contact can help RESEARCH BEHIND IT bridge divides, under certain conditions. • Pettigrew, T. F., & Tropp, L. R. (2006). A meta-analytic test of intergroup contact theory. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 90(5), 751-783.

• Zhou, S., Page-Gould, E., Aron, A., Moyer, A., & Hewstone, M. (2019). The Extended Contact Hypothesis: A Meta-Analysis on 20 Years of Research. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 23(2), 132–160.

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few minutes to write down their came on board because of the high individual goals and what they paying employment and economic sense might be common goals opportunities, while Democratic Identify Common shared among all members of legislators were on board because the group. Then, each person in it was a concrete action to address the group shares their responses. climate change. Goals When someone is sharing, the other group participants should practice 3. Discuss the practical steps required When people from different groups identify a goal that they share, and they compassionate listening and not to achieve these common goals, and recognize that they need to work together to achieve that goal, they’re interrupt or respond to the goals learn how others have been successful capable of putting aside their differences to come together, replacing distrust presented. in the past. After they identified this with a spirit of goodwill. Though you may have disagreements, look for the common goal in Iowa, legislators then goals that you have in common with members of other groups—and if you’re 2. Discuss and workshop until you’ve embarked on a renewable energy in a position to bring different groups together, try to highlight for them the identified common goals. If the tour together to listen and learn from goals that they share. goals shared seem different, dig existing efforts. For example, at one deeper to look for overlaps. This is Millennial Action Project summit, a exactly what happened for Millennial legislator in Ohio methodologically Action Project’s work in Iowa as explained how he framed these they brought legislators together common goals to constituents who to focus on renewable energy have different political views. projects in the state. Though their goals didn’t initially seem to align, ultimately Republican legislators

HOW TO DO IT Millennial Action Project, which brings legislators together across partisan One way to help people identify divides to identify common goals and common goals is to call their attention WHY TRY IT solve problems in their community. “You to a big problem that is affecting both can only start to listen to new ideas if People are often hesitant to work with—or even of them. There are subtle ways that you really trust the source,” he adds. interact with—people they see as different from you can call people’s attention to the “That really starts by having a trusting themselves. To overcome that resistance, it can be common goals they might actually relationship.” useful to appeal to their enlightened self-interest, share with those who they see as being helping them see how those other people can actually different from themselves. Building on that trust, once you unite help them achieve goals that they share. Even if people from different groups, you can they have trouble identifying commonalities in their “The starting point is getting in the same guide them through the following steps. backgrounds, identities, or other traits, focusing on mind space and having the right kinds common goals can shift their perceptions of one of trusting relationships,” says Steven 1. Identify individual goals. Start another—from adversaries to collaborators who are Olikara, founder and president of the by asking everyone to take a part of the same team.

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KEEP IN MIND

If you have the opportunity—for instance, if you’re LISTEN IN working with youth in a school or camp—you could Why Shared Goals Can Bridge Divides even create a problem, with the goal of motivating This episode of our podcast explores how people two separate groups to realize that they have to work from different groups can get on the same page, together around a common goal. featuring an interview with an educator and football coach. This is what researchers did during a famous experiment in the 1950s, when they brought boys to a summer camp and divided them into rival groups that competed fiercely with one another. Later, however, the boys were told there was a problem affecting the entire camp (a threat to the water supply) that could only be solved by working together. They put aside their differences to solve their common goal. This won’t work in every context, but it might sometimes be possible to manufacture a problem that helps parties identify common goals.

RESEARCH BEHIND IT

• Sherif, M. (1958). Superordinate goals in the reduction of intergroup conflict. American Journal of Sociology, 63(4), 349-356.

THE SKILL IN PRACTICE

• The Millennial Action Project brings millennial legislators together across partisan divides to identify common goals, future-focused solutions, and necessary reforms to our democracy.

• Ben Franklin Circles meet regularly to learn about each other, ask questions and discuss how to improve ourselves and the world using Ben Franklin’s 13 Virtues and applying them to 21st- Century values and leadership.

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to see change?” This breaks down the solutions can highlight how people issue into something more digestible. from seemingly disparate groups are Focus on Solutions, not Try to understand as much as you can actually more aligned in their views about why they’re interested in that than they might think. It can also build issue. Think about using questions like, empathy across group lines as people Identities “Why is this issue important to you?” or more deeply appreciate one another’s “What are examples of how this issue is experiences and perspectives. And it To reduce polarization, don’t fixate on the identities someone brings with them affecting people’s lives?” can inspire hope and optimism as they into a conversation—that might only reinforce partisan divides. Instead, zero in rally around the shared desire to tackle on the issues affecting your community or country, and share your ideas for Finally, invite suggestions for solutions issues they both care about. solutions. You might be surprised by how your ideas overlap. to these problems. Talking about

WHY TRY IT

People often agree on the issues affecting their communities, and have similar ideas for the solutions to those problems, yet they still feel like they’re at odds with one another based on their social or cultural identities. This has become an even greater problem in recent years, when people have developed more HOW TO DO IT partisan political identities even though their actual positions on the issues haven’t changed much—they This is an especially useful activity person—and the solutions that they have the sense that they’re more different from one to try when you’re bringing together have in mind. another than they actually are. That’s why focusing people from different, supposedly on solutions instead of identities can make those “opposing” groups. They might be First, start by understanding the conversations less charged and create a deeper sense inclined to focus on the other person’s issues and problems people would of unity, as people appreciate the actual agreements identity—they’re a Republican, she’s like to address. Everyone might have they have. Muslim, he’s Latino—and make all kinds a different priority—for one person it of assumptions based on that identity, might be improving the educational putting themselves on edge before system, for others it might be more KEEP IN MIND the interaction even begins. Whether accessible health care—but it’s important Sometimes it’s important simply to create opportunities you’re facilitating this conversation— for everyone to voice their perspective. for people to talk candidly about the issues affecting or participating in this conversation them, and not feel forced to introduce solutions where yourself—your goal is to transcend Then, start to get more nuanced and none readily exist. It’s important at least to understand those assumptions and biases as specific about those problems—for what problems all parties are trying to address, and quickly as possible, and instead surface instance, ask questions like, “What about deeper discussions can unearth new insights and the issues that actually matter to each the educational system would you like approaches to solve these issues.

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RESEARCH BEHIND IT

• Mason, L. (2015). “I Disrespectfully Agree”: The Differential Effects of Partisan Sorting on Social and Issue Polarization. American Journal of Political Science, 59(1), 128-145.

THE SKILL IN PRACTICE

• Convergence is a nonpartisan organization that brings together a diverse set of stakeholders from across the ideological spectrum to identify problems and devise policy solutions.

• The One America Movement uses community projects—such as tackling the opioid crisis in West Virginia—guided by faith institutions to build bridges across divisional lines.

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92ND STREET Y BRAVER ANGELS

Ben Franklin Circles meet regularly to Braver Angels is a citizens’ organiza- discuss Ben Franklin’s 13 Virtues and tion uniting red and blue Americans apply them to 21st-Century values in a working alliance to depolarize and leadership. America. 05 https://benfranklincircles.org/ https://braverangels.org/

ABRIDGE NEWS CAMPUS COMPACT

Abridge News tackles news echo Campus Compact is a national co- chambers by providing our users with alition of colleges and universities quick facts, an opinion spectrum, and committed to the public purposes of Resources reader reactions for trending stories. higher education.

https://abridgenews.com/trending https://compact.org/ As many of the skills in this Playbook suggest, bridge building requires empathy and humility; approaching it with arrogance and too many BE THE BRIDGE CITIZEN UNIVERSITY assumptions can sabotage your efforts and even deepen divides. Authentic racial bridge-builders. Our Citizen University envisions a great

vision is that people and organizations civic revival across our nation in which Knowing the research and skills doesn’t are aware and responding to the ra- Americans are steeped in a sense of make you an automatic expert. It’s important cial brokenness and systemic injustice civic character, educated in the tools to constantly learn from others and live the in our world. of civic power, and are problem-solv- experience of bridging differences so you can https://bethebridge.com/ ing contributors in self-governing continue to grow. It takes real relationships, communities. practice, and experience. https://citizenuniversity.us/ BEYOND DIFFERENCES Thankfully, around the country, there are organizations nurturing the skills of bridge Inspire students at all middle schools CIVIC SPIRIT building and creating a network of bridgers. nationwide to end social isolation While the list below is not exhaustive, we hope and create a culture of belonging for Civic Spirit educates, inspires, and it provides you with new leads and ideas to everyone. empowers schools across faith tradi- continue your journey as a Bridge Builder. https://www.beyonddifferences.org/ tions to enhance civic belonging and responsibility in their student, faculty, and parent communities. https://civicspirit.org/

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CIVIL CONVERSATIONS DOHA DEBATES ERASE THE HATE GENERATION CITIZEN PROJECT Doha Debates builds on the tradition of Erase the Hate is a social impact cam- Generation Citizen believes all stu- The Civil Conversations Project is an examining complex global issues, estab- paign hoping to create an America dents have the right to civics educa- evolving adventure in audio, events, lished by Doha Debates’ original launch where people feel safe from hate and tion that prepares them to participate resources, and initiatives for planting 14 years ago, through live debates, discrimination. in our democracy. relationship and conversation around digital videos, a TV series, blogs and erasethehate.com https://generationcitizen.org/ the subjects we fight about intense- podcasts on the world’s most pressing ly — and those we’ve barely begun to challenges. discuss. https://dohadebates.com/ ESSENTIAL PARTNERS GENERATION SCHOOLS https://onbeing.org/civil-conversa- tions-project/ EAT WITH MUSLIMS Essential Partners works with commu- Generation Schools Network co-cre- nities and organizations around the ates healthy school ecosystems by globe, equipping them to navigate the partnering with educators, students, CIVITY Eat With Muslim proactively counters misconceptions and misinformation values, beliefs, and identities that are families and communities to elevate essential to them. the education experience. Civity is a national nonprofit organi- about Muslims through shared meals https://whatisessential.org/ https://www.generationschools.org/ zation that helps leaders build and where guests get to connect and ask strengthen their civic networks to questions. https://www.eatwithmuslims. address problems in their community. FACING HISTORY HIGH RESOLVES https://www.civity.org/ org/#eat-together Empowering teachers & students to High Resolves works with students to EL EDUCATION think critically about history & to un- be global citizens, embodying skills COLOSSIAN FORUM derstand the impact of their choices. such as compassion, generosity and EL Education creates classrooms https://www.facinghistory.org/ acceptance. A Christian-led organization that where teachers can fulfill their high- https://highresolves.org/ provides guided opportunities to have est aspirations, and students achieve conversations around culturally divi- more than they think possible, becom- FUTURES WITHOUT sive “hot button” issues. ing active contributors to building a VIOLENCE INTERFAITH YOUTH CORE https://colossianforum.org/ better world. https://eleducation.org/ Futures Without Violence trains pro- Interfaith Youth Core works with fessionals such as doctors, nurses, campuses to make interfaith coopera- CORTICO (MIT MEDIA LABS) tion the norm, while creating the next ENCORE.ORG judges, and athletic coaches on im- proving responses to violence and generation of interfaith leaders. Cortico aims to foster constructive abuse in communities. https://ifyc.org/ public conversation in communities Encore.org tackles the generational https://www.futureswithoutviolence. and the media that improves our un- divide by bringing younger and old- org/ derstanding of one another. er adults to connect and collaborate https://www.cortico.ai/ across differences. https://encore.org/

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JUNIOR STATES OF AMERICA MORE IN COMMON NATIONAL INSTITUTE FOR ONE AMERICA MOVEMENT CIVIL DISCOURSE Junior States of America is a stu- More in Common works on both The One America Movement builds dent-led organization where partici- short and longer term initiatives to The National Institute for Civil Dis- societal resilience to polarization by pants learn how to engage civilly in address the underlying drivers of course works to build the nation’s bringing people together across politi- political discourse. fracturing and polarization, and build capacity to engage our differences cal, racial and religious divides. https://www.jsa.org/ more united, resilient and inclusive with civility and respect so that we https://www.oneamericamovement. societies. can effectively address the challenges org/ LIVING ROOM https://www.moreincommon.com/ before us. CONVERSATIONS NARRATIVE4 OPENMIND

Living Room Conversations is a model NATIONAL SCHOOL CLIMATE Narrative 4 is a global network of ed- OpenMind is a free, psycholo- developed by dialogue experts in or- CENTER ucators, students and artists who use gy-based educational platform de- der to facilitate connection between art and storytelling to build empathy signed to depolarize communities and people despite their differences, The National School Climate Center between students. foster mutual understanding across and even identify areas of common promotes safe, supportive learning https://narrative4.com/ differences. ground and shared understanding. environments that nurture social and https://www.openmindplatform.org/ https://www.livingroomconversations. emotional, civic, and academic growth org/ for all students. NATIONAL CONFLICT PEACE FIRST https://www.schoolclimate.org/ RESOLUTION CENTER MAKE AMERICA DINNER AGAIN Peace First is a non-profit organi- The National Conflict Resolution Cen- NOT IN OUR TOWN zation dedicated to helping young ter provides services and training that people around the world to become Make America Dinner Again brings to- transform conflict into resolution. Not In Our Town is a movement to powerful peacemakers. gether diverse groups of people across https://www.ncrconline.com/ stop hate, racism and bullying, and build https://www.peacefirst.org/new-home political ideologies to build a healthier safe, inclusive communities for all. understanding of fellow Americans https://www.niot.org/ through a facilitated dinner experience. NATIONAL CONVERSATION PLAYWORKS http://www.makeamericadinneragain. PROJECT com/ NUNS & NONES Playworks helps kids to stay active National Conversation Project is and build valuable social and emotion- MILLENNIAL ACTION mending the frayed fabric of America Nuns & Nones is an alliance of spir- al life skills through the power of play. PROJECT by bridging divides one conversation itually diverse young folks, women https://www.playworks.org/ at a time. Host or join in-person and religious, and key partners working The Millennial Action Project (MAP) virtual conversations happening coast to create a more just, equitable and activates Millennial policymakers to to coast. #ListenFirst loving world. create post-partisan political cooper- https://www.nationalconversationproj- https://www.nunsandnones.org/ ation. ect.org/ https://www.millennialaction.org/

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RESETTING THE AMERICAN RURAL SYNERGY STAND FOR CHILDREN THE GRAND TABLE FOUNDATION Stand for Children focuses on ensur- The Grand is a community focused Resetting the Table collaborates with The Rural Synergy Foundation is cre- ing all students receive a high quality, on navigating life’s big questions by strategic partners to build important ating a mutually beneficial relationship relevant education, especially those connecting older and younger adults communication across political silos between rural and urban communities. overlooked because of their skin color, together. in American life. http://ruralsf.org/ zip code, first language, or disability. https://www.thegrand.world/ https://www.resettingthetable.org/ http://stand.org/

SEEDS OF PEACE THE PEOPLE’S SUPPER RESPECT & REBELLION STORYCORPS - ONE SMALL Seeds of Peace is a leadership devel- STEP The People’s Supper is housed by TDP Respect & Rebellion is a speaker opment organization committed to Labs, which works to transform some series on college campuses that’s transforming legacies of conflict into of our hardest conversations and One Small Step is an effort to connect worthy of the American embrace of courage to lead change. most isolating experiences into sourc- people so they can remember that competing ideas to innovate. https://www.seedsofpeace.org/ es of community support, candid people with whom they disagree are https://respectandrebellion.com/ conversation, and forward movement human beings. using the age-old practice of breaking https://storycorps.org/discover/ones- SISTERHOOD OF SALAAM bread. mallstep/ REVIVE CIVILITY SHALOM https://thepeoplessupper.org/ STREET LAW Revive Civility empowers Americans The Sisterhood of Salaam Shalom THE VILLAGE SQUARE to restore and call for civility in our builds bridges, fights hate, stereotyp- Street Law is an approach to teaching democracy. ing & prejudice by bringing together practically relevant law to grassroots The Village Square is a nervy bunch of https://www.revivecivility.org/ Muslim & Jewish women. populations using interactive teaching liberals and conservatives who believe https://sosspeace.org/ methodologies. that disagreement and dialogue make https://www.streetlaw.org/ for a good conversation and a good RURAL ASSEMBLY country. SPACESHIP MEDIA https://tlh.villagesquare.us/ The Rural Assembly connects rural leaders and helps urban-based institu- Spaceship Media launched in 2016 SUSTAINED DIALOGUE tions engage with rural communities with a mission to reduce polarization, INSTITUTE THREAD effectively. build communities, and restore trust https://ruralassembly.org/ in journalism. The Sustained Dialogue Institute helps Thread creatively links students and https://spaceshipmedia. people to transform conflictual rela- university- and community-based vol- org/?home=true tionships and design change process- unteers to collaborators and resourc- es around the world. es in the larger Baltimore community https://sustaineddialogue.org/ http://www.thread.org

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TWIN CITIES SOCIAL YOUTH ON BOARD COHESION FOUNDATION Youth on Board centers young people The work of the Social Cohesion in decisions that affect them most and More Resources from the Initiative is grounded in the belief that engages them in deep canvassing to we can intentionally create the condi- understand other perspectives. Greater Good Science Center tions that nurture and sustain a healthy https://www.youthonboard.org/ social infrastructure by engaging in STAY INVOLVED practices that foster trust, good will and resilience. There are many ways to support our mission: become a Greater Good http://www.tcsci.org/ member, make a donation, volunteer for an event, or subscribe to our e-newsletters. Learn More VOICES FOR RURAL RESILIENCE

BRIDGING DIFFERENCES DEFINED Voices for Rural Resilience is a portfo- lio of empathy building tools that seek Our summary of the science suggesting why and how to bridge differ- to engage and elevate the voices of ences Learn More. rural Americans and advance inclusive climate action. https://voicesforrural.org/ BRIDGING DIFFERENCES ARTICLES

WELCOMING AMERICA Check out our coverage of the science and practice of bridging, in- cluding articles about cutting-edge research and profiles of trailblazing Welcoming America leads a move- programs, Learn More. ment of inclusive communities be- coming more prosperous by making everyone feel like they belong. BRIDGING DIFFERENCES EVENT https://www.welcomingamerica.org/ Will feature researchers and program leaders sharing evidence-based strategies for dialogue and understanding Learn More. WORLD SAVVY

World Savvy works with schools and communities to ensure all youth are ready for our complex global future. https://www.worldsavvy.org/

90 91 PLAYBOOK LEAD Scott Shigeoka

DESIGN LEAD Erika Diaz Gomez

EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR Jason Marsh

WRITING AND EDITING Scott Shigeoka Jason Marsh Jeremy Smith Zaid Jilani Elise Proulx

SCIENTIFIC CONSULTATION & RESEARCH SUPPORT Rodolfo Mendoza-Denton, Ph.D. Sophia Pashtunyar

Thank you to all of the practitioners and researchers who contributed insights, suggestions, and feedback.

The Bridging Differences Playbook was made possible through the generous support of Allan Spivack and the Einhorn Family Charitable Trust.

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