Konosuba – Blessings Upon This Wonderful World

この素晴らしい世界に祝福を！ KONOSUBA Blessings upon this Wonderful World!

Akatsuki Natsume

Mishima Kurone

Contents

Prologue ...... 13 Chapter 1: A Trade for these True Companions! ...... 14 Part 1...... 14 Part 2...... 18 Part 3...... 22 Part 4...... 25 Part 5...... 29 Part 6...... 31 Part 7...... 33 Part 8...... 37 Part 9...... 39 Part 10 ...... 42 Part 11 ...... 45 Part 12 ...... 49 Chapter 2: Repose for the Master of this Labyrinth! ...... 51 Part 1...... 51 Part 2...... 53 Part 3...... 57 Part 4...... 60 Part 5...... 62 Part 6...... 63 Part 7...... 65 Part 8...... 68 Part 9...... 70 Chapter 3: A Loving Hand for this Ghost Girl! ...... 71 Part 1...... 71 Part 2...... 72 Part 3...... 78 Part 4...... 80 Part 5...... 82 Part 6...... 84 Part 7...... 86 Part 8...... 88 Part 9...... 90 Part 10 ...... 93 Part 11 ...... 96

Chapter 4: Blessings upon this Wonderful Shop! ...... 97 Part 1...... 97 Part 2...... 99 Part 3...... 100 Part 4...... 102 Part 5...... 105 Part 6...... 109 Part 7...... 111 Part 8...... 117 Chapter 5: A Fiery End for this Tyrannical Fortress! ...... 120 Part 1...... 120 Part 2...... 122 Part 3...... 125 Part 4...... 129 Part 5...... 130 Part 6...... 134 Part 7...... 136 Part 8...... 144 Part 9...... 148 Part 10 ...... 150 Epilogue ...... 152 Afterword...... 154 Notes ...... 158

Prologue “Satou Kazuma-san… Welcome to the afterlife. I shall be your new guiding goddess, Eris. Your life in this world has come to an end.”

When I opened my eyes, I found myself in a place that looked like a Roman temple. Before I could figure out what had happened, the girl in front of me spoke. She had fair skin and long silvery hair, and was draped in a loose white hagoromo. Her ephemeral beauty betrayed a hint of melancholy. I couldn’t tell her age, but she looked somewhat younger than me. This goddess who introduced herself as Eris looked pitifully upon my dumbfounded self with her blue eyes as I stood frozen in place. I realized from her words that I had died.

This all seems familiar. It was like this when I first went to that world and met self-proclaimed goddess Aqua. This time I remember how I died, though.

I see; I died again, huh.

As I thought that, I could feel something warm running down my cheek. Even though nothing like that happened the first time I died.

Aah, so this is it...

I thought I hated that worthless fantasy world, but I guess I was quite fond of it after all.

Chapter 1: A Trade for these True Companions! Part 1 “...I want money!” I groaned as if coughing up blood. I want money. And I need lots of it.

In the Adventurers’ Guild tavern. I was burying my face in a table with both arms around my head, at my wits’ end. “That’s something everyone wants, stupid. Of course I want money too... In fact, don’t you think you’re being a bit too inept? To think you’re making a Goddess like myself sleep in a stable every night; have you no shame? If you do, you should be lavishing me more. You should be pampering me!” Thus the beautiful girl with light blue hair and eyes berated me, as I continued to hold my head in my hands – the self-proclaimed goddess by the name of Aqua, whose beauty was only outward. “...Do you not understand why I want money?” “You expect a beautiful, kind-hearted person like me to understand what goes on in the filthy mind of some ex-hikikomori? You just want money so you can go back to being a shut-in, don’t you?” “The debt.” When I said that, Aqua jumped and tried to look away. “It’s because of the debt! Because of the debt you got us into, the one most of our earnings from all the quests we take go into repaying! It’s already winter! Just this morning, when I woke up in the stable, my eyelashes were frozen! All the other adventurers are already renting rooms at inns! We can’t keep going on like this or we’ll freeze to death in those stables! I’ll come out and say it: we are done trying to defeat the Demon King!” I slammed my fist on the table as I lectured Aqua, who was plugging her ears and averting her eyes.

In this world, there live people called Adventurers. They spend their days hunting monsters which threaten the people, drink away their earnings and live a reckless life, never worrying about tomorrow. Yet even these carefree adventurers would seek comfortable lodging over the winter. This was because in winter, pretty much all of the weaker monsters would hibernate, and only the fiercest of monsters would remain active. Our current location is the town where novice adventurers gather, the town of Axel. For a bunch of weak amateurs, taking on the winter monsters is basically suicide.

Then, Aqua banged on the table and began to talk back. “But-But I had no choice, did I!? Without my super amazing efforts back then, this town would’ve been destroyed! But instead of thanking me they saddled us with this debt! This is ridiculous! I’m going to go have a word with management!” “Oi, stop it, don’t bother the attendant lady! ...Besides, we got a huge reward for that... It’s just that it after deducting the damages, we came out in the red. We protected the town but ended up destroying part of it in the process; they’re obviously not going to just overlook that.”

Previously, a general of the Demon King by the name of Veldia had attacked this town. The Demon King. Yes, that Demon King. One of the underlings of the infamous Demon King that often appears in videogames and manga had showed up. Aqua managed to weaken him by exposing him to his weakness, water, after which I was able to courageously attack and bring him to his knees; so we somehow managed to get through that, but...

“What are you talking about!? You were just running around like a headless chicken before I weakened that Dullahan, and only then you were able to take his head using ‘Steal’! You should praise me more! Exalt me! You should shower me with compliments and spoil me rotten! Everyone in the Guild should be going ‘Whoa, that’s one awesome goddess-sama’ and honour me!” “You’re just a showboating idiot! If I don’t put you in your place you go and get full of yourself! Sure, fine, we only managed to pull through because of your amazing efforts! You get all the credit; and all the debt that goes with it! Pay back the whole debt by yourself, then!” “Waaaaaah! I’m sorry! I’ll apologise for getting carried away so please don’t leave me!” The goddess of debt Aqua threw herself at me with tears in her eyes as I got up, trying to keep me from leaving her behind. Someone then called out to us. “Honestly, why are you causing a fuss so early in the morning? Everybody is... not looking. I guess the whole Guild is used to you two by now.” “You sure got here early. Did you find us any good work?” The ones who called out were our companions, the perverted masochistic Crusader called Darkness and the Archwizard suffering from chuunibyou, Megumin.

Darkness, dressed in light, casual clothing and wearing her greatsword on her hip, brushed her long blonde hair aside and sat down. Next to her, the crimson-eyed eyepatch-wearing mage likewise sat down. “Hey, you two; you all set? We haven’t found anything yet. Given the situation, I don’t think there’s any rush. We were waiting for you to show up.” I started wandering around the Guild as I spoke. Despite it being early morning, the adventurers were drinking heartily. What else was there to do, really? All of them had received their rewards for participating in the fight against the Demon King’s general the other day. With their purses full, the adventurers had no reason to risk their lives hunting the dangerous winter monsters. As such, we were spoiled for choice as far as the quests posted on the Guild notice board were concerned, but...

I approached the board and looked over it to see if I could find some decent work. “Let’s see... Well, all of these have great rewards, but there’s nothing we can take on...” Defeat the pack of white wolves preying on the pastures, 1,000,000 Eris. A One-Hit Bear awoken from hibernation is attacking the fields. 2,000,000 if slain, 500,000 if driven away. We can’t handle a pack of wolves. They’re larger and faster than the larger breeds of dog and if they attack us all at once we’re done for. And the bear is out of the question. I’m sure Megumin and I would die if it as much as grazed our necks. I don’t want anything to do with something called a One-Hit Bear. “Mobile Fortress Destroyer approaches. Scouts wanted to help predict its route? ...What’s this about? What’s a ‘Destroyer’?” “The Destroyer is the Destroyer. It’s a giant, fast, moving fortress.” “It goes ga-shunk, ga-shunk, destroying everything in its path, and is oddly popular with children.” I see. I don’t get it. I ignored Darkness and Megumin’s explanations and continued searching for good quests on the board. Next is...

“Say, what’s this Snow Sprite hunt? They don’t sound that tough going by the name.” There was a 100,000 Eris bounty for each Snow Sprite slain. All the hunting quests so far offered good rewards, but unlike the wolf and bear ones this one didn’t have any scary, tough-sounding names attached.

“Snow Sprites are very weak monsters. They’re said to gather in snowy fields, and can be very easily sliced through with swords. However...” As Megumin spoke, I tore the paper off the board. “Hunting Snow Sprites? Snow Sprites aren’t very dangerous to humans, but they say that for each one you slay spring comes half a day sooner. If we’re going on this one, I’d better get ready.” After I took the piece of paper, Aqua asked me to wait and headed off somewhere. Megumin didn’t seem to have any complaints about going on the Snow Sprite hunt. Darkness muttered: “Snow Sprites, huh...” And here I thought the masochist Crusader who’s always looking for the toughest fights would be the one most opposed to going on this quest. In spite of that, Darkness looked quite pleased. Although Darkness gave off an uncomfortable vibe, we waited for Aqua and set off on the Snow Sprite hunt.

Part 2 On the plains some distance away from town. Even though it hasn’t snowed in town yet, this place is white with snow as far as the eye could see. And these must be the Snow Sprites. White, fluffy, round lumps, large enough to fit in the palm of one’s hand, floating all around. They don’t look at all dangerous. I have to wonder why these harmless-looking things deserve a 100,000 Eris bounty. Since it is said that spring comes half a day earlier for each one slain, perhaps the people who have an interest in spring arriving sooner are willing to offer the substantial reward. When it comes to quests, just because the bounty is high that doesn’t always mean the monsters are necessarily dangerous. There could be monsters that aren’t particularly strong or dangerous to humans, but damage crops, or perhaps there could be monsters that are weak, but very aggressive and constantly harass humans. Between the two, the ones that attack people would have the higher bounty. I am curious as to why the Snow Sprites carry such a high bounty, but there’s something more important on my mind. “...Couldn’t you have done something about that getup?” I asked, bewildered by Aqua’s appearance, as she was dressed like a dumb kid going bug-catching in the middle of winter, with a bug net and carrying several small bottles. Aqua replied with a ‘Huuuh?’ and a look as if I was stupid for asking. You little... “I’m thinking of catching the Snow Sprites with this, and then putting them in these little bottles! That way, we store them with our drinks and we can have ice-cold Neroid whenever we want! Basically, I’m going to make a fridge! Well? Aren’t I smart?” I can imagine that going wrong somehow, but if that’s what she wants to do I should just leave her to it. Moving on... “So where’s your armour?” “Being repaired.” Picking up where Aqua left off, Darkness, our party’s tank, is dressed in some sort of casual clothing instead of her armour, and only carrying her greatsword. “...I guess the Demon King’s general did kind of do a number on your armour back then... Still, will you be okay with that gear? ...Though it doesn’t really look like the Snow Sprites are going to attack.” “It’s fine, I’ll be okay1. It is a little cold, but I can just think of it as a test of endurance...” Darkness, dressed lightly in just a dark shirt and a tight black skirt, stood there panting. Maybe her body temperature is as steamy as her perverted thoughts. Pulling ourselves together, we began the Snow Sprite hunt.

1 This is a reference to the El Shaddai trailer. 18

“Megumin, Darkness! Take care of the one that ran off! Hold still, damnit!” Despite just floating gently when far away, the Snow Sprites became surprisingly quick when attacked. Those things were pretty difficult to hit. Well, considering the 100,000 bounty they had, it couldn’t have been too easy. After striking down three Snow Sprites, I let out a sigh. “Caught my fourth Snow Sprite! Look, Kazuma, look! What a catch!” I looked at Aqua as she called out happily, and she then pressed the Snow Sprite from the net into one of the small bottles. ...Maybe I should’ve brought a net instead of a sword too. If I don’t end up killing enough Snow Sprites, I’ll kill the ones she’s caught as well. “Kazuma, these Snow Sprites are too quick for Darkness and me to chase around... Can I blow up the whole area with explosion magic?” Megumin called out, breathing heavily after running around with Darkness and having finally hit a single Sprite with her staff. I was worried that might attract some of the white wolves or the One-Hit Bear from earlier, but with my Sense Enemy skill we could know they were coming and just make a run for it. “Alright, go for it, Megumin. Take them all out at once.” Hearing my words, Megumin got excited and began reciting her incantation...! “Exploooosion!” Megumin cast her once-per-day sure-kill spell on the Snow Sprites. The cold and dry air began to ripple and vibrate, and with a thunderous roar, a brown crater was carved right in the middle of the snowy field. Having used up her mana, Megumin collapsed face-first into the snow and boastfully showed off her adventurer card. “Eight! I got eight of them! I even went up a level!” Ooh, nice going. You’d look even cooler if you weren’t half-buried in the snow. I took down three and Megumin nine, bringing us to a total of twelve Snow Sprites slain so far. If we were to count the ones Aqua caught, that’d be a total of sixteen Sprites, so 1.6 million Eris. Split amongst four people, that would be 400,000 each. We earned that much in less than an hour. Hey, these winter kill quests are a piece of cake. I wonder why nobody else goes on these Snow Sprite hunts.

As I asked myself that, the answer suddenly appeared in front of us. “...Mm, there he is!” Darkness said, readying her greatsword with a delighted look on her face. He burst forth suddenly, making an appearance too quick even for my Sense Enemy skill to pick up so we could run. “...... ” Megumin, who had been acting triumphant until a moment ago, lay silent on her face, playing dead. “...Kazuma, you were wondering why adventurers don’t take on quests during the winter. I’ll tell you why.” Aqua said, taking a single step back and never taking her eyes off him. The one who had all our attention slid forward with a single step. “You’ve lived in Japan, so I’m sure you’ve heard this name on the weather forecasts and the news whenever winter came.” He was covered head-to-toe in thick, white armour, and exude a murderous intent towards us. Being Japanese, I realized who it was at a glance, before Aqua even said anything. I didn’t need her to tell me who this absurd figure was, but I waited for her answer anyway. “Master of the Snow Sprites, the one who conjures up the very image of winter...” He wore a heavy, white, Japanese-style helmet and a likewise pure white, heavily decorated surcoat. The heavily armoured warrior stood with his white full-face mask, grasping his katana from which cold mist drifted. Aqua muttered with a sober face. “Indeed. The Winter Shogun2 has arrived.” “Stupid! This shitty world, the people, the food, the monsters- everything is completely fucking stupid!” His drawn katana glittered terrifyingly as if eager to take our heads, and the Winter Shogun drew near!

2 A personification of the winter season; Jack Frost 21

Part 3 Pure white armour and helmet. Rather a bland colour, but it did nothing to diminish the brilliance of the sengoku-era suit of armour. His battle surcoat was ornate with intricate patterns. The fearsome sharpness of his katana radiated a cold, white chill which could be seen even from afar. With an imposing presence and murderous intent, the Winter Shogun took a fighting stance, raising his blade upright next to his head. As his sword glittered in the sun, he slashed at Darkness, who was closest to him! “Kh!” Darkness blocked it with her greatsword, but... The greatsword that withstood even Veldia’s fierce attacks snapped cleanly in the middle, with a resounding *crunch*. “Aah!? M-My sword...!?” Aqua drew back from the Shogun and Darkness as they fought, and... “The Winter Shogun; a monster upon which the realm has put a very large bounty. He is a spirit of winter... Spirits are beings born without a single physical body, but they pick up on the unconscious images people have of them and manifest in those forms. Spirits of fire manifest as ferocious fire salamanders, based on our image of an insatiable, all- consuming blaze. Incidentally, spirits of water appear as beautiful maidens, based on their association with the pure, intellectual, stunning and refined goddess of water. ...But this winter spirit is a bit different, isn’t he? Since the adventurers and the other people in town rarely go out in winter due to the dangerous winter monsters, there are few who ever encounter him... Unless they happen to be someone from Japan who is playing with cheats on,” Aqua explained, holding her bottles with Snow Sprites crammed into them. The Winter Shogun in front of me exhaled cold mist through his mask with each elongated breath. I was standing next to Darkness who just had her sword broken, and was keeping my guard up towards the Shogun. “...So you’re saying this thing was created by some idiot who came here from Japan and associated winter with the Winter Shogun? Talk about a pain in the... What do we do here? How are we supposed to fight a spirit of winter!?” Frankly, I thought we had no chance of beating the monster in front of us. Even though he just looked like a human warrior in armour, if he was a manifestation of a spirit, I doubt hitting him with a sword would accomplish anything. Even our last hope, Megumin, had already used up all her mana. When this fight is over, I’ll step on that little brat who’s been playing dead all this time.

Aqua opened the lids on her bottles, and released the Snow Sprites she had worked so hard to catch. “Listen, Kazuma! The Winter Shogun is merciful! If we bend our knees and apologise properly, he’ll let us go!” Aqua said, as she promptly knelt down to the snowy ground. “Dogeza3! Do a dogeza! Come on, all of you, throw down your weapons and do it! Apologise! You too, Kazuma, apologise already!” Tossing all her pride aside, the former something-or-other-sama planted her face in the snow in a wonderful display of a dogeza. It was kind of refreshing seeing Aqua doing a dogeza without any hesitation and Megumin playing dead as expertly as she was. Indeed, the Winter Shogun took his eyes off Aqua after seeing her prostrate herself. He then turned his gaze to me and Darkness. As he turned to look at me, I quickly rushed into a dogeza-! But next to me, Darkness was still standing tall. “What the hell are you doing? Bow your head already!” Darkness had tossed her broken sword in frustration, and was glaring at the Winter Shogun. “Kh...! Even I have my pride as a holy knight! Even though no-one is looking, a knight such as myself would never bow in fear before a mons-...!” I grabbed the head of the annoying nonsense-spouting Darkness with my left hand and forcibly pulled her down to the ground. “You’re the one who’s always chasing monsters around; why do you always choose times like this to show off your stupid pride!?” “L-Let go! Knh, I don’t want to bow my head but I’m being forced to; my face is being pressed into the ground- What a delight! *Pant*,*pant*... Aah, it’s so cold...!” I forced the pervert’s head to the ground as she blushed and only pretended to resist, as I bowed my own head down. Catching a glimpse at the Winter Shogun, I saw that he had already sheathed his sword. I breathed a sigh of relief and continued to hold my head to the grou- Aqua let out a shrill shout: “Kazuma, your sword, your sword! Hurry and toss that sword!” I just realized that as I was bowing my head to the cold snow, I was still grasping my sword in my right hand. Panicked, I quickly let go of the blade. And perhaps due to my panic, I unwittingly raised my head...

3 Lying prostrate, with your forehead touching or almost touching the ground. This is considered the most humble and sincere way to apologise or request something. 23

As I did, my eyes caught a glimpse of the Winter Shogun, who was holding his hand on the hilt of his sheathed katana. I saw him push the sword out of its scabbard just slightly with his thumb, exposing part of the blade. Just like he was preparing to draw and cut4. His right hand became a blur for a second. I heard a slight *shwing*. It must’ve been the sound of him sheathing his sword. When I heard the sound, I inadvertently looked up at the Winter Shogun, but for some reason my line of sight turned downwards toward the snowy ground, as it got closer and closer...

4 Kazuma refers to iaidou, which is a Japanese martial art focused on drawing, attacking and sheathing a sword. Drawing and attacking in quick succession is one of the techniques studied in iaidou. 24

Part 4 I remember clearly now. I was killed by the Winter Shogun. “Um... Have you calmed down some?” “Ah... I’m sorry; I was lost for a second. I bet I looked pretty pathetic just now.” Inside the pure white temple, I stood embarrassed and tried to avert my gaze from the Goddess in front of whom I had started crying. But the Goddess who introduced herself as Eris shook her head sorrowfully. “There is nothing to be ashamed of. You’ve lost the life you treasured dearly, after all...” She closed her eyes mournfully as she spoke, looking as if she was genuinely trying to comfort me. Seeing Eris so distraught, my heart weighed heavily as well. “Um, can I ask something? Could you tell me what that monster did after he killed me?” I was worried that the others might’ve tried to pick a fight with the monster in order to avenge me. “Everything is fine. The Winter Shogun vanished after he struck you down.” Hearing that, my regret left me as I let out a sigh. Eris looked at me, saddened. “Satou Kazuma-san; you have come a long way from peaceful Japan to this world, only for such a fate to befall you... Brave soul from a different world, should you wish it, by my power I shall grant you a new peaceful life in Japan, in a prosperous home where you shall have want for nothing. I shall reincarnate you such that you may live a blissful life.” After Eris spoke, I thought “Oh, right”. When you die, you can either go to Heaven or start over as a baby. My being able to resume my life in this confusing world was just an exception. It didn’t last long, but I thought that things were just getting a little bit fun towards the end. When I thought I’d never get to see that troublesome group of misfits ever again, I felt a little... Yes, it’s just a slight feeling, but I think I’ll miss that lot... My feelings must’ve shown on my face, because Eris looked at me and cast her eyes downwards regretfully. She then raised her right hand towards me...

«All right, come back right now, Kazuma! What were you thinking, getting killed off like that!? It’s too early to die!»

Suddenly, I heard Aqua’s voice. In this space where there was only me and Eris, her voice boomed and echoed loudly with a Doppler effect. “Wha- Wait, w-what!?” I called out in surprise. And it seemed like I wasn’t the only one who was surprised. “Wha-!? This voice... Aqua-senpai!? I thought that was a priest who looked a lot like her, but it was actually her!?” Eris yelled as she opened her eyes wide in disbelief and stared at the space around us. «Hey, Kazuma, can you hear me? Listen, I cast this spell called ‘Resurrection’ on your body so you can come back to us now. There’s a goddess there with you, right? Tell her to open a gate over to this side.» Aqua’s voice resounded once again. Ooh! Are you for real, Goddess-sama? You went and pulled off something incredible! Now that you mention it, she brought those adventurers who got killed by the Dullahan back to life as well! “Okay, wait for me, Aqua! I’ll be right over!” I didn’t know if the voice thing could work both ways, but I shouted out in reply towards the empty space as I hopped up and down joyfully. “Wa- P-P-Please wait a second! You can’t-You can’t do that! I’m very sorry, but you’ve already been resurrected once and according to the divine laws you cannot be resurrected any further! You’re the only one who can talk to Aqua-senpai on the other side, so could you please relate that to her?” Eris said to me, in a desperate panic. Oi, are you serious? Way to spoil my mood! “Oi, Aqua, can you hear meee!? She says that I’ve already been resurrected once and according to the divine laws or whatever I can’t be resurrected agaaain!” I yelled towards the void. Everything went silent for a mome- «Huuuh!? Who’s spouting that bullcrap!? Hey, you, give me your name! Who’s the backwater goddess who thinks she can talk back to the elite Goddess in charge of Japan!» Oi, cut it out. The backwater goddess in front of me is already looking stiff. “Uh, she said her name was Eris...” I nervously called out to Aqua. As soon as I did, she replied with a high-pitched shrill: «Eris!? The same overrated Eris who’s gotten full of herself just ‘cus she’s gotten a few followers in this world and went and became a local currency!? Listen, Kazuma, if Eris gives you any more trouble tell her I’ll confiscate her bra pads-»

“O-Okay, I get it! It’s a special case! I’ll put it down as a special case! I’ll open the gate right now!” Eris cut Aqua off, turning red and with a snap of her fingers. At her signal, a plain white door appeared in front of me. “Gosh... Aqua-senpai is as unreasonable as always...” Eris grumbled under her breath. “Now, then, I’ve linked this to where you just came from... Honestly, something like this should never happen normally, you know? Legally, not even kings and such are allowed to be resurrected by magic more than once. Good grief... Your name was Kazuma, right?” “Huh- Oh, yes!” I confirmed my name to Eris with a nervous shrill. Compared to our phony goddess, she felt more like the real deal. And she was exceptionally beautiful at that, which didn’t help my nerves. The Goddess who had such a sorrowful look in her eyes until now scratched her cheek, looking troubled. She gave me a playful wink and whispered softly and somewhat cheerfully: “This’ll be our little secret, okay?” I gave her a wry smile, and pushed the white door open...

Part 5 ...I heard a distant voice. “...-zuma!... Kazuma! Please wake up, Kazuma! Kazuma!” It was Megumin, who was clinging onto me tearfully. ...? Huh, my right hand feels warm. When I looked over, I saw Darkness, down on one knee, clutching my hand in both her hands with her eyes closed as if in prayer. I could feel a presence above my head, so I looked up towards it, and my eyes met with Aqua’s, who was watching over me. “...Ah, finally awake? Honestly, that girl is still as stubborn as an ox.” As she spoke, I could feel something warm on the back of my head. ...Oh. Apparently my head was resting in Aqua’s lap. When they noticed I had opened my eyes, both Megumin and Darkness hugged me without saying a word. I’m glad that you’re happy to have me back, but this is too much...! Seeing me frozen with embarrassment, Aqua smirked. Damn it, maybe I should’ve left them and been reborn as a rich kid in Japan after all. “Come on, Kazuma; don’t just sit there all bashful like that. Don’t you have something to say to us?” Aqua said, still wearing a smirk from ear to ear. Can’t I trade this useless goddess for the cute one from earlier?

I said a single word to Aqua.

“Swap.” “Fine, you shitty NEET! If you wanna go see that girl so badly how ‘bout I send you to her right now!?” “S-Stop it! Don’t get violent with someone who’s just come back from the dead you hooligan goddess!” An anger vein popped up on Aqua’s face as she shouted, pinning me down and getting ready to hit me with her glowing fist.

As Darkness tried to calm her down, I stood up and began inspecting my body. “…Are you okay? Does it hurt anywhere?” Megumin asked, as I patted myself all over once again. “I’m fine, I guess. Speaking of which, how exactly did I get killed?” Aqua replied: “The Winter Shogun took your head, you know? And it was one clean cut, too. Thanks to that it wasn’t too hard to fix you up. I tried to restore your blood as best I could, but you’re still pretty low so I’d avoid doing any strenuous activities for a while unless you want to get anemic. So I don’t want to see you on the front line. If you get injured and lose any more blood there won’t be anything more I can do for you.” “Took my-…!” I was at a loss for words, and instinctively rubbed my neck with my hands. No matter how much I checked, there wasn’t the slightest hint of a scar. A part of the snowy field was dyed red with my blood, and some of it even got on Darkness. Aqua gave me a proper treatment, but the thought of dying was still very unappealing. Winter in this world is a time when food is scarce, conditions are harsh, and the only ones who remain active are the monsters strong enough to make it through the struggle for survival. This means no easy quests for novices like us. …Yep. Let’s just head back to town.

Part 6 We went back into town, and headed towards the Guild for our reward. “Still, twelve Sprites in less than an hour. 1.2 million, huh… That’s a huge sum, but not worth dying for. She said the Winter Shogun had a special bounty on him, too. I wonder just how much he’d be worth. He broke Darkness’ sword in one hit, so he must be stronger than even Veldia, and he was worth 300 million.” “The Winter Shogun is a monster that won’t do anything as long as you don’t harm the Snow Sprites. Still, his bounty is probably around 200 million Eris. Generals of the Demon King’s army like Veldia are decidedly enemies of mankind, and that kind of danger is why their bounties are so high. The Winter Shogun isn’t normally much of a threat, so that’s why he has a 200 million bounty. The bounty is simply because he’s so powerful.” Hearing Megumin explain, I fell silent. 200 million. If we had that kind of money, we could pay off the debt, buy a house and still have some left over to enjoy. “…Megumin, can’t you use your Explosion to-“ “Explosion magic cannot defeat the Winter Shogun. He may look human, but he’s a spirit, after all. Spirits are beings that are magical, not physical in nature. Something like that, which could be considered a boss among spirits, would have an incredible amount of magic resistance. Explosion is powerful enough to damage anything, of course, but defeating something like that in one hit is still impossible. …Basically, I’m not going to cast Explosion on something that scary.” Not happening, huh? Seeing my dejected expression Aqua grew a self-satisfied smile. “Fufu, Kazuma. You look down, but wouldn’t you know it? I wasn’t just prostrating myself back there. Take a look at this!” As she spoke, Aqua took out a small bottle from inside her clothes. There was a Snow Sprite inside of it. Apparently she didn’t release all the Snow Sprites back then; she actually managed to keep one. “Oh! Nice going, Aqua. All right, hand it over! I’m gonna kill it.” While praising Aqua for her unusual display of wit, I picked up the bottle. “Wha-!? N-No way! I’m going to keep him and bring him back home and make him into our fridge! So we can have ice-cold Neroid even in the summer… No way, not this oooone! I already gave him a name so I won’t let you kill him! Stop it, stooooop!” Aqua clutched the bottle with the Snow Sprite in it as she crouched down, putting up more resistance than I expected.

Damn it, we could’ve gotten 100k for that little bugger, but… Aqua saved my life today. I hate to do it, but I’m going to look the other way just this once.

After doing all the calculations, the Guild gave us our bounty, with a portion deducted for the debt, and we each took our share. It was a bit early, but I thought our earnings for the day turned out pretty well, so I decided to just rent a room at an inn, call it an early night and let my body get some rest. I was only just resurrected after all; don’t wanna push myself too hard. Still… It was a good day’s earnings, but thinking about the debt looming overhead it felt like spitting in the sea. Confronted with the harsh reality of what lay ahead, perhaps looking for an escape, I remembered my encounter with Eris. She was beautiful on the outside, but on the inside as well. The Goddess was genuinely saddened and mourned my death, and she made a special exception to let me revive, calling it “our little secret” with a gentle smile. For the first time since I came to this world, I felt like I had met a true love interest. As I was picturing Eris’ face, I eventually found myself in front of the inn. “Fufu, I’ll take good care of you, and you’ll make me lots of ice in the summer, won’t you? And then we’ll open a shaved ice stand together! And we can go to bed together on hot summer nights… Say, Megumin, do you know what this little one eats?” “I don’t think anyone knows. Do spirits even eat anything to begin with?” “It looks so soft and fluffy, I bet it’d be great to eat covered in sugar…” The three followed behind me engaged in their dull conversation. As I put my hand on the door to the inn, I turned my head towards them. I remembered Eris-sama’s trim and proper figure once more. And then I looked back at them again. “…?” x3 They all stared back at me silently, with puzzled expressions. “*Sigh*” “Ah!” x3 As the three of them began roaring in response to my deep sigh, I opened the door of the inn.

Part 7 Several days after I had been killed. “Oi, say that again.” I said to the guy in the now silent Guild, whilst trying to hold back my anger. Having just died for the second time a few days ago, I had planned to take some time off in order to rest my body and my mind.

Which brings me to today. I was still forbidden any intense physical activities, so I had come to the Guild to see if there were any easy jobs posted on the notice board; carrying luggage or something of the sort… “I’ll say it as many times as you want. Carrying luggage? You’re in a party full of top tiers, and you can’t even try for something more challenging? Don’t you think you’re holding everyone back? Mr. Bottom-of-the-barrel?” The warrior-looking guy said, sharing a laugh with his allies gathered around the table. Just endure it. I’m a grown man, and I can cope. Compared to teasing I usually get from Aqua, this kind of cheap provocation from a drunkard is nothing. Though, he did have a point. Sure my party was a bunch of oddballs, but they were all top tier classes. If only they could fight better, perhaps we could also expect to bring in more money. And what’s more, I am, indeed, the weakest class: an Adventurer. The way I am right now, I’m in no position to talk back. But apparently the man took my silence as a sign of being unable to say anything back. “Oi, oi, aren’t you gonna say anything, loser? Hell, you’ve got yourself a harem party of three fine ladies, and they’re all top tier classes as well? I bet those girls give you plenty of nice memories every day, huh?” On that, the whole Guild burst into roars of laugher. Still, there were a few people who knew what we had done for this town, and they frowned anxiously at those words. I clenched my fist instinctively, but for their sake I endured it. Just bear it.

As my patience was being tested, Megumin, Darkness and Aqua jumped in to hold me back. “Kazuma, don’t sink to his level. I don’t care what he says about me.” “She’s right, Kazuma. Don’t let some drunkard’s words get to you.” “That’s right. That jerk is just jealous of your companions. I don’t give a crap what he says so just drop it.”

Right. The guy in front of me was the type of typical small-time bully you see in manga. He’s not worth my time. I gritted my teeth and managed to hold back, but the last thing he said made me lose it. “Must be nice getting carried by those top tiers. I wish I had your carefree life! Oi, don’t you wanna swap with me, buddy?”

“I’d be happy toooooooooooooooooooo!” I yelled out. The adventurers’ Guild fell silent. “…Eh?” The warrior-looking guy who had picked a fight with me said, dumbfounded, his mug still in hand. “I said I’ll swap! I’ve had enough of sitting here quietly listening to you spout bullshit! Yeah, you’re right, I’m a loser! I’ll admit that… But! What the hell did you say after that!?” “Ka-…Kazuma?” Aqua suddenly said to me, nervously, as I blew up. Then, having backed off a little due to my sudden outburst, the man cut her off. “A-After that? Um, you’ve got a harem party of three fine ladies…” I slammed my fist onto the table with all my strength, making everyone in the Guild jump. “Ladies!? Harem!? A fucking harem!? Have you got eyeballs or marbles in that head of yours? Where are these fine ladies you’re talking about? Maybe I’m just blind but I don’t see any! You’ve got a good pair of marbles, so let’s trade for these cloudy eyes I’ve got!” “H-Huh!?” x3 The three gasped while pointing at themselves after I spoke. “C’mon, dickhead, tell me! Where are the ladies? Where the fuck are they, asshole!? You said you’re fucking jealous, didn’t you!? Huh!? Ya’said it, din’cha!?” I said, grabbing the guy by his collar, and I heard a timid voice from behind. “Uh…Uhm…” Aqua said quietly while raising her right hand, as if on behalf of the others as well. But I ignored her and continued. “And what the fuck did you say after that? ‘Must be nice getting carried by top tiers’!? ‘Carefree lifeeeeeeee’!?”

“…Uh-Uh, I’m-I’m sorry… I’m a little drunk so I may have gone too far… I-It’s just- you know! The grass is always greener and all that, and you’re just really lucky! You said you’d swap with me, right? Then, how about one day? Won’t you switch with me for just one day, Adventurer-san? Oi, is that okay with you guys too!?”

The guy I had by the collar asked his allies at the table. “I-I don’t really care… Today’s just a Goblin hunt anyway.” “Fine by me, too. But listen, Dust. I don’t want to hear you say you’re so comfortable in your new party you don’t want to come back.” “Makes no difference to me. Having one more weakling won’t change a thing when we’re hunting Goblins. You’d better bring back some good stories, though.” The guy’s companions answered one after another, agreeing unanimously. “Hey, Kazuma. They get to choose but don’t we have any say in this?” “You don’t. Hey, my name is Kazuma. It’s just for the day but I look forward to working with you guys!” “O-Okay…” The guy’s three allies answered, somewhat perplexed.

Part 8 A man armed with a sword and shield, clad in a very heavy suit of armour, stared at me as if trying to size me up while saying: ”I’m Taylor. I’m a Crusader specialized in one-handed swords and kind of the de-facto leader of this party. Unusual as the situation may be, and even if it’s just for a day, you’re now a member of our party. That means you have to listen to the leader.” “Of course. In fact, I’m usually the one having to call the shots, so I’m looking forward to not having to worry about everything myself. I’ll be in your care.” Taylor looked quite shocked by my words. “What? The leader of that party of top-tier classes was an Adventurer?” “That’s right.” I nodded in reply not thinking much of it, but the other three were speechless. And then, the rather young-looking girl wearing a blue cape said: “My name’s Rin. As you can tell, I’m a Wizard. I can use up to intermediate-level magic. Well, looking forward to working with you, as far as the Goblin hunt goes. I’ll take care of you, newbie-kun!” The girl smiled brightly, while treating me as a younger kouhai. I’m pretty sure I’m older than her. Still, having a real magic user around is reassuring. I’ll gladly depend on her. “Name’s Keith. I’m an Archer. One with pretty good aim, at that. Well, nice to meet you, I guess,” the frivolous-looking guy carrying a bow said, with a smile.

“Then, I guess I’ll introduce myself again. I’m Kazuma. I’m an Adventurer... Uh, should I mention some strong point too?” The three let out snorts of laughter. “No, that’s fine. I mean, you were looking for a job carrying luggage, right? You can carry ours. The three of us can handle a Goblin hunt just fine. Don’t worry; we’ll split the reward evenly four-ways when we’re done.” Taylor said mockingly, but I wasn’t bothered. I’ve been accused of being carried by my top tier allies, but isn’t getting an even reward just for carrying luggage even easier? Are they really okay with this? Well, it was their idea, so if they want to spoil me like this I won’t say no.

Then, I heard a familiar voice coming from the notice board. “Eeeh~, Goblin hunting~? Why are they even showing up so close to town? Shouldn’t we do some like, totally crazy profitable one? We’ve only been rented out for one day but we should show that Kazuma just how grateful he should be to have us.” Aqua was wingeing at the guy who had picked a fight with me. “N-No, look, I get that you’re powerful and all that but I’m not at that level. I know that with an Archpriest, Archwizard and a Crusader alone you can take down pretty much anything, but please, let’s just go with a safe bet for now... Also, you; you aren’t carrying a weapon or armour or anything; don’t tell me you actually plan on going like that.” “Don’t worry. I’m confident in my resilience and besides, even if I had a weapon I couldn’t hit anything with it.” “Couldn’t hit...? No, that’s... uh...? O-Okay, fine...” Hearing his back-and-forth with Darkness, I noticed he said 'let’s just go with a safe bet for now”. Did he think there was going to be a next time? Not that I’d complain. I was a little curious about what was going on over on that side, but Taylor stood up. “Normally, we wouldn’t bother going on any quests during the winter, but this sweet Goblin slaying gig fell into our laps. So, today we’re going to go wipe out the Goblins living by the mountain road. If we leave right now, we should be back by nightfall. All right, newbie, you ready?”

Part 9 Goblins. A relatively well-known monster where I come from, but in this world you wouldn’t find anyone who didn’t know about them. Apparently they aren’t like the small-fry mobs you find in games, but actually considered rather dangerous by average people. A Goblin by himself isn’t that strong, but they work together in groups and use weapons. They are like wild demi-humans, small in stature but nimble and aggressive, and would viciously attack people and livestock. Normally they make their dwellings in forests and such, but the ones we were after this time for some reason had started living near the mountain road which led to the next town over.

We were making our way towards the mountains, strolling leisurely through the grasslands. “Still, you have to wonder why those Goblins would want to live in a place like that. Well, it’s not often you get a kill quest this sweet so we should thank them, huh!” One Goblin was worth 20,000 Eris. I had no idea how strong a Goblin was, but Rin kept calling this a sweet job so they couldn’t be that tough. I would get a cut just for following these three and hauling their belongings. This may have been the first time I’ve ever been on such an easy, relaxing job. Usually my regular companions would’ve definitely caused some sort of trouble along the way, but this time we made it to the mountains without a hitch. These mountains weren’t like the lush green mountains of Japan, but more like typical bare, stony mountains, covered in brown rock. There was the occasional thicket here and there, but I found it odd that Goblins would choose to move to a place this barren. Had I been with the usual members, by now I’d be worried that the quest was moving along too smoothly, but this time I felt pretty confident. That must’ve been because I had a decent party. Taylor stopped and unfolded a map. “The place where the Goblins were spotted is just below the top of this mountain road. The Goblins are likely inhabiting some cave by the side of the road. We have to be on guard from now on.” Taylor’s words made me feel a little excited. This is it. This kind of banter is properly adventurer-ish. It’s the stuff like “Let’s charge straight into enemy territory” or “I wanna cast Explosion” or “I wanna go home and get drunk already” that’s not right.

Everyone looked at each other and quietly nodded in agreement. This mountain road was a narrow, perfectly straight path stretching through the craggy mountainside. It was wide enough for five, maybe six people to walk side-by-side along it, with one side bordered by the bare stone of the mountain and the other by a cliff. As we climbed silently along the path, I noticed something. “Something’s coming down the path. My Sense Enemy went off. It’s alone, though.” My Sense Enemy skill picked something up. But I only felt one enemy. Don’t Goblins move in groups? As I spoke, the others turned to me in surprise. “...Kazuma, you have the Sense Enemy skill? Just one, you say? Then it can’t be a Goblin. There shouldn’t be any strong monsters that travel alone around these parts, but... The road is straight, so we’ll be spotted even if we try to hide in the bushes. Should we charge it?” Taylor asked, raising his shield. “No, I don’t think we’ll be spotted if we hide. I have the Conceal skill. With this, I can hide both myself and any party members I touch. We’re lucky enough to have a hiding spot, so I think it’s worth a try.” The three, even more surprised than before, hid in the bushes. This is what it means to be an experienced party of adventurers. When faced with an unknown opponent, avoiding fighting until you assess the situation is common sense. There’s no shame in being cautious, there’s shame in getting killed because you weren’t. I fret over whether my own allies would be this cooperative as I hid in the thicket, when...

It came. Simply put, it was a big cat. It was bigger than a tiger or lion, covered in black fur and had two large tusks like a sabre-toothed tiger. It sniffed the ground along the path where we were just walking. When Rin saw the creature, she quickly covered her own mouth, probably in order to stop herself shrieking in fear. I felt their hands, which were all on me in order to benefit from the concealment of the skill, tighten nervously. If these three were so worried, then this was definitely a really dangerous monster.

After spending some time sniffing in search of us, eventually the beast left, going down the road towards the town. “...Pwaah! Th-Th-Th-That was so scary! The Rookie Slayer! That was the Rookie Slayer!” As I saw Rin exclaim with teary eyes, I realized it really was a seriously dangerous enemy. “I-I thought my heart was gonna stop! Y-You saved us... This must be it; why the Goblins moved to the mountain road so close to town. The Rookie Slayer must’ve led them here.” “Y-Yeah... Still, this is bad. It went back the way we came. We won’t be able to go back to town like this now.” Keith and Taylor said. “Uh, is that thing really that dangerous?” When I asked, the others looked at me in disbelief as if saying “You don’t know?” “That’s the Rookie Slayer. It stalks around weaker, more profitable monsters like Goblins and Kobolds in order to prey on novice adventurers. Basically, it uses Goblins to bait adventurers. It also chases the Goblins around in order to keep them from settling in one place so it can change its hunting ground. It’s a cunning and very dangerous monster.” “That’s frickin’ scary.” To think there are monsters that clever in this world. I wonder; what would happen if you made an infusion from the Rookie Slayer’s claws and made Aqua drink it? “In any case, we should finish the Goblin hunt. Usually the Rookie Slayer protects its bait from enemies so it can lure more adventurers. If we kill the Goblins then hide in the bushes again, it should pick up the smell of the Goblins’ blood and come back, letting us get past. We have Kazuma’s Sense Enemy skill so we’ll know when it’s getting close, and we can just sit around hiding forever hoping it’ll let us go back home. Let’s finish what we started.” On Taylor’s proposal we came out of the thicket. Then, Rin took some of the baggage I was carrying. “If we happen to run into the Rookie Slayer, we all have to be able to run for it, so you need to be light on your feet as well. I’ll take some of this stuff, b-but we’ll be counting on your Conceal and Sense Enemy skills, okay?” Rin said nervously, as she took on her own belongings. Then, Taylor and Keith also took their shares of luggage from off my back. “I-It’s not like we’re counting on you or anything, okay?” x2 Oh, the tsundere came out.

Part 10 With no sign of the Rookie Slayer, we trudged along climbing up the mountain path following Taylor’s map, until we reached the spot where the path began to descend. Apparently this is where the Goblins were spotted. Taylor turned towards me. “Well, Kazuma? Is your Sense Enemy picking anything up?” It sure is. Lots of things. “There’s a whole bunch of them just down the path and around the corner. Not sensing the Rookie Killer coming back the way we came so far, though.” Still, I felt a lot of them; easily more than ten. There were too many to count. “With this many it’s got to be Goblins. Goblins love to flock together,” Keith said, unconcerned, and I asked in reply, somewhat concerned: “Uh, I’ve never fought Goblins so I don’t know for sure, but are there really supposed to be this many? How many are there usually in a group? I can sense them but there’s way too many to even count.” My anxiety seemed to spread to Rin as well. “H-Hey, are there really that many? If Kazuma says so, maybe you should try to sneak a peek at how many there are and see if we can actually take them...” Was as far as she got, when: “It’s fine, it’s fine! Don’t make Kazuma do all the hard work! Come on; let’s get ‘em!” Keith shouted, at the same time dashing out down the hill and around the corner to where the Goblins probably were. Taylor immediately followed, and then we heard both of them shout at the same time: “Whoa-! That’s a lot!” x2 On that, Rin and I also followed them down the slope. There was a group of at least thirty Goblins there. So these are the famous Goblins! I see; they’re tiny imp things! They were no taller than a first or second grader, but most of them were armed and they all turned towards us right away.

This is more than a little bad.

Seeing that, Rin shouted out with a grimace: “I told you! Didn’t I tell you!? I told you we should’ve checked how many there were!” Taylor took to the front of the mountain path, protecting the teary-eyed shouting Rin and Keith the archer behind him. “There usually aren’t more than ten Goblins in a group! Damn it, if we run now we’re probably going to get sandwiched between them and the Rookie Slayer! Time to fight!” Hearing Taylor shout out, Rin and Keith put on looks of grim determination and got ready to attack. On that, the Goblins let out a strange noise and began running up the hill towards us!

This is a mountain path, so on the edge there’s just a cliff. “Gigya! Kii, kii!” And right now, we have the high ground. “Ow! Damn it, I just took an arrow! Oi! There’s Goblins with bows! Rin, use the wind defence magic!” “Rin’s casting it but she won’t be done in time! Try to dodge, people!” As Taylor and Keith were yelling: “’Wind Breath’!” I casted the elementary level wind spell in an instant and the arrows that were flying towards us got scattered. “K-Kazuma! N-Nice job!” Taylor shouted out while holding his shield up to protect me, as Rin’s spell finished. “’Wind Curtain’!” In that moment, a strong wind began churning all around the four of us. Yes, this is the real deal! This is the kind of proper support magic you expect from a wizard! This spell must be used to blow away arrows and things like that. Still in awe of seeing a proper magic user in action, I shouted out: “In a place like this, I know a good trick! ‘Create Water’!” I cast the basic level water spell, putting a lot of mana into it in order to create water in a large area. This way it would flow down the path in front of Taylor. “Kazuma!? What are you-...” Before Rin could finish asking: “’Freeze’!” I put all I had into the basic ice spell! “Ooh!” x3 The others called out in amazement, as a layer of ice formed at the Goblins’ feet.

It was the same trick I had used against the general of the Demon King’s army not long ago, but the Goblins kept slipping and tumbling on the icy ground all over the place. Taylor, who was standing firm on solid ground, cut down the Goblins as they trudged slowly and shakily up the icy terrain. At this rate nobody’s even going to get a scratch! I took out my sword and stood next to Taylor...! “Taylor! Let’s take care of the Goblins who’re still trying to come at us through the bad foothold! The others can handle the ones that are standing back with long ranged attacks!” I called out giddily to my party members, somewhat moved by the great coordination we were displaying. “G-Great going, Kazumaaa! Hey, guys, let ‘em have it! We can take out as many Goblins as we want like this!” “Uhyahyahya, what the hell; this is easy! I’ll turn ‘em into swiss cheese!” “Here I go! Going to hit them dead center with my most powerful spell!” With reckless abandon, we hit the group of Goblins with everything we had!

Part 11 On the way home after wiping out the Goblin horde. “...Kuku, I-I’ve never seen magic used like that before! How did basic magic end up being the most effective!?” “You said it! At the magic academy they told me elementary level magic wasn’t worth the points it takes to learn! Fufu, fufufu, can you imagine that!?” “Uhyahyahya! H-Holy crap, I’ve never had this much fun hunting Goblins! Man, when I saw that pack of Goblins I thought that was the end for sure!” We were walking down the mountain path back to town, reflecting on the battle we had just fought. To the three whose excitement still hadn’t sagged a bit since the battle ended: “Hey, the battle’s over now so hand over the luggage. Being a pack mule is all a bottom tier Adventurer is good for, right?” I said, the corners of my mouth contorting into an ironic smirk. “Wha- Sorry, I’m sorry, Kazuma, my bad! I won’t make fun of Adventurers from now on!” “S-Sorry, Kazuma! Like, how did an Adventurer who gets called the weakest class end up being the most useful!? That’s messed up!” “Oi, Kazuma, you hand over your luggage! You’re the MVP, so I’ll carry your share for ya!” As the three of them became flustered, I involuntarily let out a snort of laughter. Seeing that and realizing it was a joke, they started laughing as well. Aah, this is nice. This is what a party of adventurers should be like. “Hngh... Ow...” Taylor pressed on his arm, grimacing. He pulled out an arrow that had struck him during the fight. “Hey, you okay? I could learn some healing magic right now, but without disinfectant or something it would be better to keep the wound open until we get to town. We should get that cleaned and sterilised when we get there.” Hearing my offhand words, Rin and Keith gulped for some reason. “Kazuma, y-you can even learn restoration magic...?” “Restoration magic... F-Finally, a healer in our party...” Taylor abruptly cut them both off: “Oi, stop it. Kazuma already has somewhere he belongs. That all-top-tier party. ...Honestly, now I understand why a lowest tier class like Kazuma ended up the leader in that party full of elites.” Taylor smiled at me as he spoke. Not even I to this day understand why I have to be the babysitter for that party of problem children, but apparently Taylor does. I’ll have to ask him about it next time.

We descended the mountain and began walking through the plains on our way to town. And then, I remembered. There was something we really had to keep an eye out for. “Huh? Is it me or is there something coming this way really fast?” As you’d expect from an Archer, his eyesight was second-to-none. And so, Keith was the first to notice. I was next, using my Sense Enemy. Smack in the middle of the grassy plain at dawn, a black beast was hurtling towards us.

“The Rookie Slayer!” At my shout, the four of us started legging it towards town. “*Pant*... *Pant*... Damn it, this just had to happen after all that!?” Keith cursed out, winded. “*Pant*, *Pant*... Th-This is bad, it’s gonna catch up to us!” as if in reply, teary-eyed Rin grumbled while also out of breath. The Rookie Slayer drew closer and closer until it was right behind us. The town was still some distance away. At this rate, I doubt we’ll make it. Then, Taylor, who was at the front, suddenly turned around, drew his sword and said: “Rin! It’ll catch us at this rate! You and Kazuma make for the town! I’ll stall it; Keith, you back me up! When you get to town, go to the Guild and have them send help!” “Ooh!? R-Right! L-L-L-Leave it to us! That’s right; Kazuma did all the work today despite being from another party! Now it’s our turn to put the work in!” Damn, that’s badass! What’s with that cool “You go on ahead, we’ll handle it” line!? “G-Got it! Come on, Kazuma!” Rin yelled to me, grabbing my arm as she ran. ...But, these people are my party members, even if just for a day. Leaving them behind and running is not an option. The Rookie Killer was so close we could smell its breath. Taylor was standing in front of it. “H-Hey, Kazuma!? Aren’t you going to run!?” I shook off the grip Rin had on my arm, as she called out shocked and flustered at my refusal to run, and muttered softly so that Rookie Slayer wouldn’t notice: “’Create Earth’.” Some crumbly bits of dirt formed in the palm of my hand. “O-Oi, Kazuma! This is dangerous, hurry up and go!” I heard Keith call out in a panic, clenched the dirt in my hand and slowly made my way to Taylor’s right side. “Come on! Come and get it, fuzzball!” Taylor shouted. The Rookie Slayer leapt at him.

“’Wind Breath’!” I incanted loudly, turning my dirt-covered palms towards the Rookie Slayer. “Gyaan!” As it pounced towards Taylor, the Rookie Slayer suddenly caught the blast of dirt from the side right in the face, and it crouched down on the ground, having gotten a load of sand in its eyes. Even blinded as it was, it still was growling menacingly. “Fshaaa!” “Wai-!? Eh!? Eeeh!?” Taylor stammered, just as confused as to what happened as the others. “Oi, now’s our chance! Run like heeell!”

We were still a short ways away from town. But I couldn’t pick up any trace of the Rookie Slayer anymore. Being the cunning a monster it was, it was probably smart enough to know not to chase us close to town. “D-Did we lose it?” Taylor muttered, hoarse and out of breath. “*Pant*... *Pant*... I-I think so?” Rin said, stopping and looking behind her repeatedly. “...Fu... Fufu... Fuhehehe...” Keith laughed, as if he couldn’t hold it in anymore. O-Oi, what’s wrong with you? Did the fear make you go nuts? But then, as if infected by Keith’s laughter: “Kuh...Kukuku...” “Aha... Ahahaha... Ahahahahahaha!” With the realization of having successfully escaped a dangerous enemy dawning, eventually even I started laughing along with everyone else. “Oi, what the hell was that just now!? Kazuma, what was that!? Buhahaha!” Taylor slapped me on the back roughly, but that kind of roughness felt good. With good humour, I knocked on Taylor’s armour in reply. “Basic magic, my friend, basic magic! I’m just an Adventurer after all; I don’t have the skill points for anything else! Wahahahaha!” “Who’s ever heard of an Adventurer like you!? Uhyahyahya! O-Ow, my gut! We’re alive! We met the Rookie Slayer and we frickin’ lived!” “I don’t believe this guy! Seriously, you’re all kinds of incredible! How high is your Intelligence, anyway!? Hey, Kazuma, let me see your adventurer card!” As asked of me, I presented my card to Rin. “Ah... Huh? Your Intelligence is pretty average, huh. Your other attributes too... Whoa, that’s high! This guy’s Luck is crazy high!”

Hearing Rin, the others also peeked at my card curiously. “Woah, look at that!” “H-Hey, do you think it’s thanks to Kazuma’s Luck that we managed to get through this quest? Guys, let’s pray, pray! We might get a blessing or something!” Nah, I don’t think it had anything to do with luck. The attendant lady even said that Luck isn’t very relevant for adventurers. If I was really lucky, then I never would’ve gathered those party members of mine in the first place, I don’t think. Still, just like Taylor said, the three put their hands together in a praying posture. “C-Cut it out, don’t pray to me, guys... How about some coffee instead? I can make some really clean water, and can light a fire too,” I said, pulling out some mugs, making the three of them burst out laughing.

Part 12 By the time we arrived in front of the Adventurers’ Guild, it was already past midnight. Aside from getting our bounty, we also had to report about the Rookie Slayer we encountered. According to Taylor, however, since we wiped out that pack of Goblins, the Rookie Slayer would probably stray away from human settlements for a while, in search of a new group of Goblins. “W-We maaaade it! Today really felt like a grand adventure!” As Rin exclaimed, we opened the Guild doors, smiling...

“*Sniff*... *Sob*... *H-Hic*... Ah... Ka-Kazumaaaa!” Seeing Aqua in tears, I softly closed the doors.

“Oi! Really, I understand how you feel but don’t just close the door!” The one who re-opened the door was the guy who picked a fight with me this morning, half in tears. His name was Dust, if I recall; the new leader of the Aqua & Co. party.

It was a tragic scene. Dust was carrying Megumin on his back, and Aqua, bawling, was burdened with Darkness, whose eyes had rolled into the back of her head. Looking closely, Aqua had a large bite mark on her head, and was wet with what looked like drool, though I had no interest in knowing exactly what it was.

“...Uh, so, what happened? Actually, no, I think have a pretty good idea. Yeah, pretty sure I get the gist of it so don’t bother.” “Listen! Please! I’m sorry so please hear me out! So, first we left town and I asked everyone what skills they can use. This girl said she can use explosion magic so I was like ‘Wow, that’s awesome!’ and then she was like ‘Witness my power!’ or something and she like suddenly used all her mana to blow up this empty field for no reason and-...” As Dust griped on the verge of tears, I plugged my ears and pretended not to listen. “Oi, listen, please! Then, the Rookie Slayer! I think the sound of the explosion or something brought out the Rookie Slayer, and now our crucial magic user is lying down on the ground, so I’m like ‘Let’s get out of here!’ but then the Crusader who didn’t even have her armour on went and charged the thing, and then in the end-...”

“Hey, guys, looks like he already told them about the Rookie Slayer so let’s grab something to eat. Let’s toast to the new party!” “Yeaaaah!” x3 Taylor, Keith and Rin cheered joyfully at my suggestion. “Wait! I apologise! I’ll grovel at your feet or whatever you want, just please let me back into my old party!” I felt sympathy for the now full-on crying Dust, from the bottom of my heart. “Do your best with your new party from now on.” “I’m sorry! I apologise for the thing this morning so please forgive me!”

Chapter 2: Repose for the Master of this Labyrinth! Part 1 “Tomorrow we’re going into a dungeon.” “I refuse.” “We’re going.” I instantly replied to Megumin’s veto, and grabbed her as she was about to run.

One week after my decapitation. I had healed enough to be in fighting condition again, and I made the proposal to everyone as they lazed around the Guild, but Megumin was strongly opposed to the idea of going into a dungeon. “No, I don’t wanna! In a dungeon, I’ll be completely worthless! I can’t use explosion magic without the place collapsing, and without that I’d be a mere commoner!” “That’s what I said you when you joined us! And then you said you’d carry our luggage or do anything as long as we don’t abandon you!” Hearing that, Megumin hung her head in resignation. “*Sigh*... I understand. However, I will be truly useless. I really can’t do anything other than carry luggage...” She said, defeated and with a look of anxiety on her face. To reassure her, I said: ”Relax; you can just come with us to the entrance of the dungeon. If we run into any dangerous monsters on the way, you can blow them up with your magic.” “Heh-? I don’t have to go inside?” Megumin asked, puzzled. “Still, why do you suddenly want us to go into a dungeon? You can’t raid a dungeon without a Thief in the party, you know? What about that Chris? I haven’t seen her around the Guild lately,” Aqua said, sprawled out lazily on the table.

While I was resting up to get in fighting shape, she’s been lounging around the Guild, occupying the spot closest to the fireplace, drinking and just generally being a layabout. When I asked her if she was even old enough to drink, she said I shouldn’t hold a world that has things like magic to the same legal standards as Japan. Apparently the rule is anyone can drink, but you have to take responsibility for anything that happens. “Chris said something urgent came up. She said an old superior of hers suddenly pushed some unreasonable demand on her, so she’ll be gone for a while until she settles that. But the things you need for a dungeon raid, the Detect Trap and Disarm Trap skills, I already learned from her. Apparently the monsters that dwell in dungeons don’t change with the seasons, either. That’s why I think if we raid a convenient dungeon we have a good chance to make a killing really quickly.”

I haven’t just been sleeping this whole week, after the quest with Taylor and his party. I had gained three levels from the Snow Sprite and Goblin hunts, so I learned the Detect Trap and Disarm Trap skills, along with one other new skill. The success rates of the detection and disarming of traps depends on your Dexterity, as well as Luck. My Dexterity is fairly average, but with my inherent good luck I want to believe things will work out fine. I want to believe that, but between the weird allies I got involved with and the massive crippling debt I’ve racked up, I’m starting to think my good fortune may just be a joke. Darkness, whose armour had finally come back from repairs, was using a cloth to wipe it all over, grinning as she did. She suddenly turned towards me. “Mm, I wish you’d wait a while. My greatsword was broken by the Winter Shogun, if you remember. I already ordered a new one, but it will take some time before it’s done. Right now, I’m not really able to fit...” “You’ve never been able, so we’re good.” “!?” Darkness’ eyes moistened and her face became red, partly due to being insulted but probably also due to being aroused. She was probably just as happy as she was hurt, but I didn’t really feel like engaging her. I’ll just continue. “Just so you two don’t misunderstand, I’ll be going in the dungeon alone. I want you all to come with just to get me there safely.” “?” x3

Part 2 We headed to a mountain half a day’s walk away from town, and then started following an animal trail at its foot. We followed the difficult path filled with snow-covered branches which constantly got in our way for a while. Suddenly, we encountered a rather solidly-built-looking log cabin. It had a signboard dangling in front of it, which read ‘Shelter’. On the rock face of the mountain near the cabin the entrance to a dungeon gaped, showing only pitch black darkness inside. The entrance looked like a natural entrance to a cave, but peeking inside revealed a set of well-maintained stairs leading into its depths. This was named the dungeon of Keel.

Keel was the name of an exceptionally talented Archwizard who lived a long time ago, who fell in love with a nobleman’s only daughter. She would occasionally take walks around town, and he, who spent his days engrossed in his arcane studies and never had any interest in romance, fell in love with her at first sight. But of course, such a love could never be. In this world, social status trumps everything. He was well aware of this, so he paid no mind to the sprout of love in his heart, and instead devoted himself to disciplined study of magic. As time went on, he became known as the greatest Archwizard in the land. He used his sorcery generously in service of his kingdom and he was praised and lauded by many. He was summoned to the king’s court, and a banquet was held in his honour. The king spoke to him, saying that he wanted to reward him for his achievements, and that he would be granted any one wish he desired. The man said that he had but one wish he desperately craved in this world.

It isn’t known what the Archwizard Keel wished for at the time. The story goes on to say that the Archwizard stole the nobleman’s daughter, built this dungeon and they both secluded themselves inside it. What happens next was never passed down. Well, if you think about normally, no matter how hard he tried a mere Archwizard couldn’t have possibly dug himself into a dungeon for very long. These days the details of how this dungeon came to be have mostly been forgotten, and now it stands as a good practice ground for beginner adventurers going on their first dungeon expedition.

I stood in front of the entrance to the dungeon of Keel, and turned to look back at the three following behind me. “Right. Well, from here on I’ll be going on ahead by myself, so you lot go and wait for me in that shelter over there. If more than a day passes and I don’t come back, go back to town and ask Taylor and his group for help... Though, today I’m just going on a trial run to scout the place out, so I should be back soon.“ They looked concerned by my words. Darkness crossed her arms and said: “Are you really going? I’ve never heard of anyone going into a dungeon alone. I understand how in your plan someone wearing full armour like me would be noisy and get in the way, but still...” Well, this kind of thing is indeed unheard of. “I think I’d only get in the way if I came along too... Are you sure you don’t want to reconsider?” Megumin said, anxiously, when: “Don’t worry, I’ll come with you!” Aqua said, as if that would encourage me. “...No thanks, you don’t need to come. I told you, it’d be best if I went alone,” I reiterated what I tried to explain to Aqua on the way here. “With the ‘Farsight’ Archer skill I learned from Keith, I can see in the dark. I tried it before, and even in complete darkness I can make my way around and make out the shapes of objects. Basically, if I’m by myself then I don’t need a light. That way I can avoid any monsters that target adventurers by following their lights.” Of course if that was all it took to make it through a dungeon then Archers all over the world would be solo-ing them. However... “On top of that, I have the Thief skills ‘Sense Enemy’ and ‘Conceal’. I can make my way around in total darkness, and if I come across any enemies I can avoid them. And even if I can’t avoid them, with Conceal I can hide by hugging the walls and waiting for them to go past... At least, I think so.” This was one claim I hadn’t tested, so I couldn’t speak with certainty.

Even though I’m going into a dungeon, this isn’t a kill quest. If I’m not going to earn any money from slaying monsters, it’d be best to just avoid fighting them in the first place. I’ll let them go by, and just loot any treasure. It might seem burglar-ish, but being able to learn all sorts of skills from any class is one of the few advantages of being an Adventurer. This is one of the times I can capitalize on one of my few strengths.

From my pack, I took out a scent masking potion I had bought from the Guild, to use against monsters with a keen sense of smell. Monsters in a dungeon would be accustomed to the darkness, which means that other than sight, I should expect them to have sharp senses. Smell, for example. Sound would be another one, but I was counting on my Sense Enemy to act faster than the sound could lead them to me. In the case of snakes, which could sense heat through something called pit organs, or bats which can detect pray with ultrasonic waves like sonar, there wasn’t anything I could do, but apparently none of those inhabited this cave. I had asked around the Guild for information about what kind of monsters live in this dungeon beforehand. I mean, I just died a week ago. I kind of want to see Eris-sama again, but still I want to keep dying to a minimum if I can help it.

I covered myself in the odour-masking potion. I’m not sure how much of an effect this will have, but it’s got to be better than nothing. What’s more, when I used the Conceal skill against the Rookie Slayer a while ago, it did pick up my smell but still moved on. This probably means the Conceal skill does hide smells and such at least to some degree. Yep. This’ll work. It ought to. This is just an experiment in the first place. If everything goes well, that in itself would be good enough. In terms of challenge, this dungeon is below my level. If I can establish this method of raiding dungeons in this easy one, it should work for more profitable ones from now on as well. After all, this dungeon is within half a day’s walking distance from the town. I’m sure this place must have already been thoroughly plundered by other adventurers. I’ll be fine. Even if I run into enemies, anything that’s in this dungeon shouldn’t be too hard to deal with.

“All right, I’m off. It’s cold and you might run into monsters, so take it easy and just wait for me,” I said to everyone from the dungeon’s entrance, waving my hand and beginning to descend. ...And I heard someone following behind me.

And of course, it had to be Aqua. “...Were you even listening? I said it’d be best if I go alone. Even if you come with me there’s nothing you can do in this darkness.” When she heard that, Aqua chuckled calmly. ...I really want to smack her. “Excuse you, Kazuma, but have you forgotten who I am? And I’m not talking about the Archpriest façade. Come on, say it. Megumin and Darkness may be too stubborn to believe it, but go on, state my true designation.” “Goddess of debt, was it?” “No! You mean Goddess of water! At least bring back the goddess of party tricks thing!” I honestly couldn’t care less what kind of goddess she is, but I wonder just what she’s getting at. “I’m a genuine Goddess. There isn’t anything you can hide from the eyes of the Gods, you know. Remember how I knew how you died before you came to this world? I may have lost some of my powers when I came down to the surface, but I’ve still got one or two godly tricks up my sleeve. I might not be all-seeing anymore, but being able to see in the dark is a piece of cake!” Aqua’s prideful speech made me more and more anxious. I’m worried about what kind of blunder she’ll cause this time. What to do? How do I turn her down? Then, Aqua said to me: “Thing about dungeons is, there’s a lot of undead in ‘em. And they’re drawn to the life force of living things. Which means your Conceal skill won’t do jack against them. Which means you don’t have a choice but to take me along with you!”

I’ve got a really bad feeling about this.

Part 3 I’ve been going down the stairs from the dungeon’s entrance for a while now. I must’ve spent hours going down this dim stairway, with no sign of a passage at the end. I had imagined a dungeon meant for novice adventurers would be on the smaller side, but searching this place might take a lot longer than I expected. In any case, this dungeon raid is just an experiment; a trial to see if my burglar strategy is viable to use in the future. Frankly, this way of doing things must be an insult to the kind of people who would laboriously map out dungeons and diligently search every nook and cranny.

As I continued down the stairs, I could feel Aqua’s nonchalant gait as she followed behind me. “Hey, Kazuma, can you really see in the dark? My vision is unclouded, of course; I can see your cowardly steps as you tiptoe down like a scaredy-cat. How’s that night vision working out for you?” She said, either out of concern or trying to pick a fight. “I can see. I can see every little pathetic twitch you make every time you hear a noise just fine. Can I ask you not to trip and fall down the stairs, please?” I replied, and Aqua put on a relieved smile. “I see. I can handle running away in this darkness so let me know if any monsters show up. Also, I can see perfectly so don’t even think about trying to feel up my butt ‘accidentally’ in the dark, okay?” “Relax; I wasn’t even considering touching your butt or anything stupid like that. Want me to tell you what I’m actually thinking of now? I’m seriously thinking about how I’m going to dump you in the deepest part of the dungeon and go home by myself.” Both of us stopped at that moment and looked each other in the face. “Oh my goodness~, Kazuma, you’re such a kidder~! Kusukusu! “Aqua, you big dummy! You’ve known me long enough to know I was being serious just now! Hahahahaha!”

As we exchanged words like that, we finally made it to the bottom of the tall staircase. Despite the total darkness, thanks to my skill I was able to see the stone walls and the extent of the passage perfectly. To my eyes, every object in the darkness gave off a pale blue outline, almost as if I was seeing in thermal vision. At the bottom of the stairs there was a fork in the passage, with one side heading left and one heading right. Then I noticed something right at the bottom of the stairs. “...What’s this?” I could see the blue outlines in the dark, but I couldn’t see the actual colour of objects clearly.

Yes, just in front of me, I saw the outline of what looked like a decaying human body...... “Fuwaaaaah!” It was the rotten corpse of an adventurer. I wonder if he also tried to challenge the dungeon alone like I am, or maybe his party just left him here when he died. Putting aside the details of how it happened, there are actual remains of a human being sprawled out on the floor here. Aqua drew close to the body, and: “...He’s turning into an Undead. Kazuma, hold on a second.” She murmured some kind of prayer after she spoke, and the body became enveloped in a faint light. She must’ve sent the lost soul on its way to prevent the body from becoming an Undead. If she always behaved like this she might’ve actually gained a few believers. Man, running into a corpse right at the bottom of the stairs; if this goes on I might lose it. If I didn’t have Aqua with me I would definitely just turn back at this point. “Still, you went ‘Fuwaaaaah’, Mr. I’m-so-tough-I-can-go-in-the-dungeon-by-myself! ‘Fuwaaaaah!’ Puu~ksuksu!” With those words, the decision was made to leave her alone for a while if we end up in the deep parts of the dungeon.

...Something’s coming. I felt something heading our way with my Sense Enemy, and froze. Maybe it heard our voices, or maybe it was the light from Aqua’s purification. I looked at Aqua, pointed in the direction the enemy was coming from, then jerked my thumb in the opposite direction of the passage, gesturing “Let’s get out of here”. “What’s that? What’s with the weird hand gestures? Are you showing me shadow puppets? Just give me some light. Forget about foxes and bunnies, I’ll show you the Mobile Fortress Destroyer!” “Wrong! Also what the hell is the Destroyer!? That gesture meant ‘Enemies are coming so let’s run away’! Damn it, they found us! Oi, help me out, we’re going to have to fight!” I’m an idiot for inadvertently retorting out loud like that. I drew my sword in the darkness, and slashed at the small humanoid monster that was heading our way!

“...Phew, what is this thing? I can tell the shape with my nightvision but I can’t get a good look at it without being able to see the colour. Do you know what it is?” There was a small humanoid body rolled over at my feet. While looking at it, Aqua said: “It’s a low level demon called a Gremlin. Magic is stronger in dungeons than above ground, so sometimes weak demons spring up.” I see, the people at the Guild did mention something like this when they told me about the monsters in this dungeon.

...Suddenly, something dawned on me. “Hey, can I ask you something? So you really can see perfectly in the dark, right?” I asked. “Just as well as I can in the day, sharp and clear. Why do you ask?” She said, not thinking much of it...... “Do you ever see anything, like late at night, when we’re sleeping in the stables?” “I don’t see anything. If I hear you rustling around I just turn around and try to sleep.” “...Thank you so much, Aqua-sama.”

The stink of the Gremlin’s blood might attract other monsters. We left that place behind us.

Part 4 Aqua seems a bit different today. Yes, she isn’t the usual poor excuse for an Archpriest. Neither is she the goddess of party tricks nor the goddess of debt. “O, lost souls who wander the cold, dark depths of this dungeon: I send thee to thy peaceful slumber. ‘Turn Undead’!” The Aqua that is currently basking the wandering ghosts in a wide burst of light paints the picture of a true, legitimate Goddess, rather than the embarrassing one she was before.

To be honest, I underestimated this dungeon. The nightvision and concealment combo is certainly effective and would be enough to deal with the majority of monsters, but just like Aqua said, to the Undead that have been suffering roaming this cold, gloomy dungeon for so long, my life force must shine like a beacon. Since we got here, we’ve purified quite a few of them. Had I come here alone I’d have been swamped by Undead by now. I had no idea dungeons would have this many Undead monsters. I reflected deeply on my own naiveté.

After finishing the purification, Aqua sighed as if after a job well done. “Hey, good work. You’re a lifesaver. If I’d have come here alone I’d have been in real trouble by now.” Aqua seemed to be somewhat pleased by my gratitude. “Oh? Have you finally realized my true greatness? ...Still, where’s all the treasure? I mean, this is kind of a beat-up dungeon after all so maybe I shouldn’t get my hopes up.”

We’re pretty deep inside the dungeon at this point. I say ‘deep’, but this dungeon only has one level to it. It‘s just fiendishly long. Aqua, who could see in this darkness as well as in daylight, left chalk marks on the walls of the dungeon every time we turned a corner. By all rights, exploring a dungeon should be done by being very vigilant, watching for traps and monsters, lighting your way with torches and making measured and careful progress while mapping the whole place out. Instead, we’re pushing ahead making steady progress into the dark depths of the dungeon, with me in the lead on the lookout for enemies and traps. Having proved the effectiveness of this method of raiding a dungeon, we could just head back, but since we’ve made it this far we don’t want to return empty handed; not without some treasure or at least one valuable item.

I checked the room in front of us for enemies and traps, and finding none, I entered cautiously, as to not make a sound. I looked around, and... “...Tch, nothin’ worth taking.” “Hey, Kazuma, between the way we’re searching this place and that line I’m starting to feel like a burglar.” Don’t say it; I was actually thinking the same thing. I feel a bit guilty, thinking of all the others who diligently made their way through this place, room by room.

“...? Hey, Kazuma; over there. There’s something over there.” Seems like Aqua found something in a corner of the room. We went there, and... “Hey, treasure! It’s a treasure chest! We did it, Kazuma! We hit the jackpot with this dungeon!” I rushed to stop Aqua, who was giddily making her way towards the treasure chest. “Oi, oi, hold up. Don’t you think it’s weird to find a treasure chest that’s just been left here, in a dungeon that’s been searched many times over? ...Yeah, I knew it. My Sense Enemy is going off.” The source of the reaction I got must be from the chest in front of us. I see; is this one of those Mimics you hear about? “Aaah... Then that’s one of those Dungeon Mimic things. That’s a shame, but I guess it can’t be helped,” Aqua said, as she tossed something over to the treasure chest. It was an empty bottle from one of the odour-masking potions I’d used. The bottle arced through the air and landed next to the treasure chest... As soon as it touched the floor, the walls and the floor itself near where it landed began to wiggle around and wrapped around the bottle and the chest, swallowing them up. The walls and floor we thought were just part of the architecture just gulped up the bottle and were now squishing around like a living creature as if chewing it. “N-Nasty! What the hell is that!?” I think she called it a Dungeon Mimic? “The clue is in the name. It can’t move, but it can disguise part of its body to look like a treasure chest or a pile of money, and it preys on the living things that come near. Some of them can even transform their bodies to look like humans in order to attract monsters that prey on adventurers.” To think it even eats monsters; that’s seriously messed up! Now that you mention it, the people at the Guild did tell me to watch out for Dungeon Mimics. They said they’re easy to spot with Sense Enemy, but still… I guess survival of the fittest holds true even inside a dungeon. This really is a harsh world.

Part 5 “’Turn Undead’!” With Aqua’s magic, the Zombie’s body disappeared. How many Undead have we exterminated up until now? I’m glad I’m only able to see by the thermal vision-like Farsight skill. If I had been navigating normally with lights and run into this many Zombies, I’d have probably run back in tears by this point. This many Undead are enough to leave you traumatised. “...Hey, don’t you think this is too much? There’s way more Undead than there should be. No party without an Archpriest would be able to cope with this. We haven’t even found any proper treasure-ish treasure, so don’t you think we should head home?” This is supposed to be a dungeon for novices to practice in, but with this many Undead I don’t think it qualifies as something a rookie would be able to handle. Despite constantly shooting her magic, Aqua doesn’t seem the least bit tired. I guess that’s a former Goddess for you. Still, Aqua or not, I think it’s about time we turned back. “I guess. We didn’t find any treasure but I got my fill of purifying Undead at least... Wait a second, though. I think I still smell some Undead over there.” My Sense Enemy isn’t picking up anything, but Aqua is really in top form today.

Finding ourselves deep in the dungeon and up against a dead end, Aqua went up to the wall and began sniffing incessantly like a cat on catnip. Still no reaction from either my Detect Trap or Sense Enemy, but if Aqua said so then there must be something there, considering she’s at the top of her game right now. We spent over ten minutes fumbling and groping at every nook and cranny of the wall in the dead end. Just when it seemed like we weren’t going to find anything and I was about to suggest we give up and go home, a part of the wall suddenly began to rotate sideways and open. It’s not like we did anything. It must’ve been opened from the other side. A low voice mumbled from within: “Is there a Priest among you?”

Part 6 Inside the room there was just a small bed and a chest of drawers, along with a table and a chair. The chair was next to the bed, and in it he sat. There was some sort of lamp on the table.

“Why, good day, nice to meet you. Ah, I don’t know what time it is out there, so maybe it’s good evening?” My skill only revealed his contour. Asking the person who greeted us for permission, I used my Tinder to light the lamp that was on the table. When the light of the lamp shone on him, I saw the figure of a skeleton wearing a hood low over his face, with dried skin clinging to his exposed bones.

“I am Keel. The evil wizard who built this dungeon, and stole the nobleman’s daughter.”

A long time ago, an Archwizard named Keel fell madly in love with a nobleman’s daughter as she happened to be walking through town. But Keel knew their love was not meant to be, so he secluded himself and diligently focused on his magical studies. Time went on, and Keel became known as the best Archwizard in the land. He used his sorcery freely for the benefit of his kingdom. He came to be lauded by many, and was summoned to the royal court, a banquet held in his honour. The king said: “To reward your great achievements, I will grant you any one wish you desire.” Keel said: “In this world, I have but one wish I desperately desire. That is, I wish for the freedom and happiness of the one I love.”

“...I says to him, and then I up and ran with the noble’s daughter.”

Keel told us the story, boastfully. “...So, what you’re saying is you’re not an evil wizard, but a good one? The nobleman gave his daughter to the king to curry favour with him, but the king didn’t love her and the queen and all the other concubines didn’t get along with her. So then you asked him to free her and to give her to you, since he didn’t want her anyway.”

At my words, the bones around Keel’s throat began to clatter. “That’s how it went. Then I proposed to my darling and she immediately gave me the okay. We eloped and got into a heck of a lot of trouble with the king’s army... Ah, those were the days. Oh, by the way, my lady is just over here. Doesn’t she just have the most beautiful collarbone you’ve ever seen?” Looking in the direction Keel pointed, there was an old bleached skeleton, neatly arranged on top of the little bed. ...I don’t know what to make of this. Next to me, Aqua’s eyes practically shone as she glared at Keel. I guess she really wants to purify him. “Now, then; could I ask a small favour of the young lady over there?” Keel said. “A favour?” Keel nodded in response.

“Would you purify me? I’m sure the miss has the power to do so.”

Part 7 Aqua was incanting the magic spell thoroughly, word by word. The man who apparently used to be a great wizard held the bony hand of the lady who was laid down on the bed. According to Aqua, she had passed on peacefully, with no lingering regrets. That being the case, the purification circle only needed to be big enough to encompass Keel, but Aqua got so into it that the magic circle ended up covering the whole room, including the bed with the lady’s remains.

Keel had received a serious injury while defending the lady in a fight, so in order to keep protecting her he abandoned his humanity and became a Lich. Maybe it’s wrong to think this, but I thought this Lich was kind of badass. Though that may just be because the only other Lich I know is Wiz, the one who got bullied by Aqua a while ago. This lady had become a concubine and was mostly confined to her mansion, but then she eloped and travelled around the world, going against on the whole kingdom as she did, only to ultimately spend her last days in this dungeon. Keel said that despite living destitute and always on the run, she never complained and always wore a bright smile. He muttered quietly to himself: “Was I really able to make you happy?”

“Gosh, you’re a lifesaver. Undead can’t commit suicide or anything crazy like that, you know? But then, while I was waiting to rot away in here I felt this overwhelming holy presence. It even made me wake up from my long slumber,” Keel said, his bones clattering with laughter as a soft light began to shine from the magic circle that covered the whole room. Aqua finished reciting the incantation. Then, with a kind expression I’ve never seen before, she turned towards Keel and smiled. ...Who is that? As I doubted my own eyes, Aqua spoke to Keel with a gentle voice: “O Keel, Archwizard who defied the ways of the Gods and became a Lich by thy own volition: By the name of the Goddess of water Aqua, thy sins are forgiven... When thou shalt awaken, thou art to see a Goddess with an unnaturally large bust by the name of Eris. If thou care not how many years apart, whether thou be man or woman nor what shape you take... ask it of her. Ask that thou may see thy love once more. She will surely grant thy wish.”

She sounds honest. Who the hell is she? As I stood dumbfounded by Aqua’s transformation, Keel bowed his head deeply before her, enveloped by the light radiating from the magic circle. “’Sacred Turn Undead’!”

The light faded, and the room became darkened once more. The Lich, along with the lady’s bones for some reason, both vanished into thin air. Neither of us could bring ourselves to say anything in that mood. I said to Aqua, quietly: “...Let’s go home.”

Part 8 On our way back to the surface. In the dark, not paying any mind to the risk of being found by monsters, I kept talking to Aqua, who was silent. “Hey, do you think that Undead is going to meet his lady friend again?” “...Who knows? Well, I’m sure Eris will work something out.” Aqua said, coldly, and I muttered an “Oh.” in reply. Then, trying hard to change the subject, I said cheerfully: “Still, that Lich was a nice guy after all, huh? He even gave us his treasure he locked away in the drawers, saying he didn’t need it anymore. I don’t know how much it’s worth, but once we get to town we should split this between us.” At that, Aqua’s shoulders twitched slightly. “...That’s right, we should make good use of it, for their sake,” She said, slightly louder and with a bit more vigour than before.

......

I really had to break this mood, so I asked her something I maybe should’ve waited until we reached the surface and she cheered up to ask. “Hey, Aqua. That guy said something back there.” “...What?” I said to Aqua, who was still feeling a bit down: “...So he said he felt an overwhelming holy presence that made him wake up. The fact that we ran into so many Undead in this dungeon; that wasn’t just because I’m here with you, was it?” “!?” Aqua froze in place with a twitch when she heard my question. She said, as if put through a wringer: “No, N-N-N-No waaay. That can’t be, I... don’t... think... maybe?” About as fuzzy an answer as you can get. “...Now that you mention it, back when the Dullahan attacked, his Undead Knights all started chasing after you, didn’t they?” “!?”

Aqua gave off another twitch and a shiver, as I slowly and silently began to put distance between us. Seeing that, she started to gradually come closer. “Hey, Kazuma; why are you walking so far in front? Don’t you think we should be closer together if a monster attacks? A-And also! Don’t forget! You probably can’t even see the chalk markings I made with your crappy night vision!” Hearing that, I gave off a “Kh!” and contorted my face into a grimace for a second.

Sensing the opportunity, Aqua launched a relentless verbal assault. “Fufu, that’s right! If you were thinking of leaving me here, it won’t work out for you! That’s right, in this situation, we’re both on equal footing! ...Wait, no, because I know the way back and I can kill the Undead, so you wouldn’t be able to go home without me! Don’t you think I’m the one who comes out on top here!? If you understand, then from now one you should properly address me as you would a Goddess, as Aqua-sama, and tell everyone in town about the amazing feat I just-...!” As Aqua was shouting out.

We heard something like a howl coming from the darkness of the dungeon. It probably reacted to Aqua’s loud, cocky self-glorification. My Sense Enemy confirmed that something was coming at us from dead ahead. “...... ” I silently stuck myself to a wall in the dark, and used my Conceal skill. “Hey, Kazuma! Wait a second! Hey, why are you only concealing yourself!? Sorry, I’m sorry, I made a mistake! I’m sorry so use Conceal on me too! I’m sorry, Kazuma! Hey, Kazuma-samaaaa!”

Part 9 “...Somehow I figured it would turn out like this, but may I ask what happened?” Megumin, who had been waiting in the log cabin, spoke out first. “U-Uwaaaaaaaaah! Kazuma-! Kazuma, he-!” Megumin went to Aqua who was bawling away behind me and pat her on the head to comfort her. “Don’t put the blame on others; it’s your fault for being a natural Undead magnet! Even the way out was hell because of you! Give me back the praise I gave you at the start!” “But- But! It’s not my fault I was born with such abundant life force and holiness! What do you want from me!? You want me to sink my holy aura to the level of a hikiNEET like you!? Think of how much my devout believers in the Axis sect all over the world would suffer if I did that...!” “You aren’t even the least bit sorry! Go back in the dungeon and look for some dirt from under the fingernails of that Lich and his lady! Maybe you can learn something and some of their pureness will rub off on you!” “A hikiNEET telling a Goddess to learn from a Lich!?”

As I pushed Aqua off as she was trying to choke me, Darkness muttered, tilting her head to one side: “...Lich and his lady?” While fighting off the crying Aqua’s attempts to grab my neck, I explained the details of what had happened to Darkness and Megumin. “So from what Aqua said, that lady passed on peacefully into Heaven without any lingering regrets. To think she spent her life always being hunted by someone. The Lich asked himself if he truly did make her happy. I think she must’ve been.” As I just muttered to myself; “...She was happy. It’s obvious she was. I’m sure the time that lady spent on the run must’ve been the most fun she’s ever had.” Darkness said, possibly with a hidden meaning, as a smile with just a hint of sadness appeared on her face.

Chapter 3: A Loving Hand for this Ghost Girl! Part 1 With Aqua in tow, I headed towards a certain place. Darkness stayed at the Guild, in order to snatch up any good quests that might come up while we’re gone. Megumin had run off somewhere since early morning. That kid has a habit of disappearing on us from time to time, which makes me wonder what she’s getting up to.

Our party is poorly balanced. We’re too lopsided. Aqua is not half-bad as a Priest but our tank, Darkness, is so durable that restoration magic is rarely called for. Megumin’s damage output outmatches any other Wizard’s, but she can only get off one shot. What we desperately need is some consistent DPS. In order to do that, I’d have to learn some skills, because when it comes to fighting by swinging around a sword, the reason why the Adventurer class is considered the weakest becomes obvious. Basically, I want a skill that can be used more like a primary weapon. To that end, finding myself a few levels higher after the dungeon raid from earlier, I came to this one store. “Okay, here we are. Listen up, Aqua, I’ll tell you right now: No violence. No fighting. No magic. Are we clear?” It was a small store that dealt in magic items and enchanted tools. While looking at it, Aqua tilted her head slightly in confusion to my warning. “Excuse you, why would I do anything like that? Do I have to remind you again of who I am? I’m not some thug or hoodlum, you know? I’m a Goddess? You know, divinity?” Aqua grumbled from behind as I opened the door and entered the shop. A small bell attached to the door gave off a distinct jingle as it opened, announcing to the shopkeeper that we had come inside. “Welcom- aah!?” “Aaaaah!? So this is where you were, you filthy Undead! You were here, running some kind of shop right under our noses!? While I, a Goddess, have to spend my nights in a stable, you’re running a store!? You’ve got some cheek, Lich! In the name of the Gods, I’ll burn this crappy store d- ow!?” I hit Aqua, who forgot my warning about getting violent right as she set foot inside, on the head with the pommel of my dagger. As she crouched down, rubbing the back of her head, I greeted the frightened shopkeeper. “Hey, Wiz. Long time no see. I stopped by, like I promised.”

Part 2 “...Hmph. I don’t suppose you serve tea at this store?” “Ah, I-I’m very sorry! I’ll bring some right away!” “You don’t have to bring her any! Who’s even heard of serving tea in a magic tool shop?” I stopped Wiz, who immediately responded obediently to Aqua’s spiteful demand.

Being my first time in a magic tool shop, I wandered around the inside of the store, casually picking up the first item within reach. It was a small bottle holding a potion. “Ah, strong impacts can make that one explode so please be careful.” “Geh-, seriously?” I quickly put the bottle back. Then I picked up the bottle next to it... “Ah, that one explodes if you open it...” I softly put the bottle back, and picked up the next one. “What about this one?” “It explodes in contact with water.” “...A-And this one?” “It explodes when warm...” ...... “Do you even sell anything that isn’t an explosive!?” “Y-Y-Y-You’ve got it all wrong! That shelf is just for the explosives line!”

Oh wait, that’s not it. I didn’t come here looking for magic items. Leaving aside Aqua who went and poured herself a cup of tea and was now sipping on it, I got down to the business I did come for. “Wiz, you said something before, right? About teaching me some Lich skills? Well, I’ve got myself a few spare skill points, so... Can you teach me something?” “Bwft!” “Kyaaaa!?” Upon hearing my request, Aqua spat her tea out all over Wiz. “What the heck are you thinking, Kazuma!? Lich skills? You want to learn Lich skills!? I was wondering what you and this woman talked about when you took her business card! Liches only have the crappiest skills! I can’t believe you’d want to learn something like that! Listen, okay? Liches are a bunch of losers who like to hang out in dark, damp, gloomy places. They’re like distant relatives of slugs, if you think about it!” “Th-That’s awful!” Wiz got teary-eyed upon hearing Aqua’s brutal outburst. “Listen, I don’t care if they’re relatives or cousins or whatever. You don’t often get a chance to learn skills from a Lich. Don’t you think that if I learned some skills I’d get a pretty big boost to my fighting power? The way we are now, do you have any idea how screwed we’d be if a bunch of strong enemies got the jump on us?” “Mmngh... But as a Goddess, I cannot accept one of my followers learning skills from a Lich...” Aqua grumbled but reluctantly backed down when she heard my reasoning.

Seeing her gripe away to herself, Wiz looked anxious and asked timidly: “’As a Goddess’...? I’ve been wondering since you were so easily able to banish me with Turn Undead, but... Are you actually a real Goddess?” Oh crap. Leave it to a Lich to figure out that Aqua is a real goddess. Even though I to this day have my doubts about that. “Pretty much. It’s not like you’re going to go spilling the beans so I guess I’ll tell you. I am Aqua. Indeed, Goddess Aqua, venerated by the church of Axis. Hold yourself in awe, Lich!” “Hiih!?” Wiz hid behind me, looking more frightened than ever. As I suspected, things like Liches seem to be natural enemies of the divines. “You don’t need to be so afraid, Wiz. Though I guess Undead and Goddesses get along like oil and water, huh,” I said, trying to comfort her, but: “N-No, you see... There are a lot of strange people in the Axis faith, and everyone knows it’s best to not get involved with them, so hearing she’s the patron Goddess of the Axis church...” “What’d ya saaaay!?” “I-I-I-I-I’m sorry!” “*Sigh*...This isn’t getting us anywhere...”

I tore Aqua away and told her to go look at the goods in the store, and she obediently began rummaging around the shelves, picking up bottles, sniffing the contents and just generally loitering. So, with Aqua out of her hair, Wiz composed herself and: “Come to think of it, I heard that you and your party recently defeated Veldia-san. He was known as the best swordsman of all the Demon King’s generals, so that’s quite a feat,” she said to me, with a calm smile. ...Huh? “You sound like you knew Veldia. Do Undead share some kind of connection or something?” In reply to my question, Wiz said casually, as if exchanging gossip: “Aah, did I forget to tell you? I’m one of the generals of the Demon King’s army.” She said, with a big smile.

......

“You’re miiiiiiineeeee!” Aqua, who had been wandering between the shelves, rushed and tackled Wiz! “Wait! Please, Aqua-sama, please hear me out!” The apprehended Wiz shouted towards Aqua, who was pinning her down the floor. Aqua wiped the sweat off her brow like after a good day’s work. “We did it, Kazuma! This’ll take care of that stupid debt! We’ll even have cash to spare! Never mind staying at an inn, we can buy a house!” She said, excitedly. Leaning over to the detainee, Wiz, I said: “Oi, Aqua, let’s at least hear what she has to say... Uh, so, what do you mean by that? If you’re spying for the Demon King, as adventurers we can’t exactly overlook that...” Hearing that, Wiz began trying to explain herself frantically, half in tears. “You’ve got it all wrong! I was just asked to maintain the barrier that protects the Demon King’s castle! Of course, I’ve never hurt anyone, and I said ‘general’ but it’s really in name only! You won’t even get any reward for slaying me!” Hearing that, Aqua and I looked at each other. “...I don’t really get it, but just in case let’s kill her anyway.” “Please wait, Aqua-samaaaa!” Wiz shouted, still pinned by Aqua. I stuck my hand out towards Aqua who had already begun chanting something, as if to say “Just hold on a second.” “Uh, so you’re saying it’s that typical videogame thing, where you have to defeat all the generals to get to the Demon King’s castle? And maintaining this barrier thing is your only responsibility?” “I don’t know what a vidyogheim is but more or less, yes! Demon King-san said I could continue living peacefully in a human settlement and run a store if I just became a general to maintain the barrier! He said nobody would think a general of the Demon King’s army would be running a shop in a human town, so it’d be a big help and I wouldn’t have to hurt anyone!” “So as long as you’re alive mankind can’t attack the Demon King’s castle, and that’s big enough a problem for us. Let’s wipe her out, Kazuma.” Wiz started crying. “Wait! Please wait, Aqua-sama! With your power I’m sure you can break through the barrier even if there are two or three generals still left alive! There were eight generals in total. Even if you slay me, there’d still be six left, and Aqua-sama would still be unable to break through the barrier, so even if you purify me it wouldn’t help you to invade the Demon King’s castle until you defeat the other generals! Please let me live, Aqua-sama, at least until you’ve defeated enough generals to break through the barrier…! I… I still have things I want to do…”

As Wiz lay pinned to the ground crying, even Aqua looked unsure. She keeps throwing glances at me… So you want me to make the call? “Uhm. Well, what’s the harm? Even if we purified Wiz right now it’s not like it would help taking down the barrier, right? And besides, even if normally you had to take down all the generals to get through, with Aqua we should be able to do it even if a couple are still alive, right? In that case, we can spare Wiz until someone else takes down more of the generals.” I mean, despite all this talk about the Demon King and his generals, it’s not like our inexperienced party can do anything about it, and besides, I don’t want to get involved with something that dangerous anyway. Better to just drop the whole thing, and leave it to the privileged enchanted-sword- wielding Sword Masters of the world like Mitsurugi to cut down on the number of Demon King’s generals. But they wouldn’t be able to get through the barrier to the Demon King as long as Wiz is alive. The Demon King would have to die by our hands, if I was to go back to my world. That being the case, it’s for the best to leave things as they are now, until we get strong enough to defeat the Demon King. Utterly ignorant of my self-serving ulterior motive, Wiz’s face lit up when she heard me. “Are you really okay with this, though? Don’t you generals at least know each other? No hard feelings about us taking down Veldia?” Wiz looked slightly troubled by my question. “…It’s not like Veldia-san and I were particularly close… He was the kind of person who would often roll his own head at my feet in order to look up my skirt. There’s really only one person who I’m close to amongst the Demon King’s generals, and that person is… Well, they’re not the type to die easily… and also,” she continued, “Even now, I like to think my heart is human,” she said, with a smile that betrayed a hint of sadness.

Part 3 “W-Well then. I’ll show you most of my skills, so choose which one you’d like me to teach you. I should at least repay you for letting me go…” Wiz said, before looking like she just realized something and beginning to alternate between glancing at me and Aqua. “What’s wrong?” I asked, as Wiz looked at Aqua, frightened. “All of my skills require a target to be used on, which, um, means… I need someone to cast them on…” Oh, so that’s how it is. “Hey, Aqua, sorry but could you do it?” “Hooh? I do wonder what skills an Undead means to use me.” Aqua said, intimidating Wiz who took a few steps back, cautiously. “U-Uhm… How about Drain Touch? Aah, o-of course, I will only drain a little bit! Only as much as it takes to have enough of an effect so you can learn the skill!” Wiz blurted out, flustered, as Aqua raised a malicious smile. Here we have a big-shot Undead Lich and a Goddess. You wouldn’t be able to tell which is which, just looking at this scenario. “That’s fine. I don’t mind, suck as much as you’d like. Help yourself.” Aqua presented her hand. Wiz meekly took it in her hand. “E-Excuse me…… …….? Huh? A-Ah?” I’m not sure what’s going on, but looks like something unexpected is happening to Wiz. “Come now, come now, what’s the matter? Don’t you want to suck my mana and stamina? Goodness me, can’t the big, bad Undead boss even drain someone?” Opposite of the calm and confident Aqua, Wiz’s eyes moistened with tears. “Wh-Whaaaaaaaaaa!?” Looks like Aqua is putting up some kind of resistance against the drain.

I hit her on the back of the head without saying a word. “Ow!? Hey, Kazuma, stay out of this! This is a battle between a Lich and a Goddess! I may not be a full-fledged Goddess anymore, but don’t expect me to let this zombie drain me that easily!” “Listen, we’re not getting any younger so just let her drain you… Sorry about her, Wiz. Not getting on with the Undead is an occupational defect.” As I apologised on Aqua’s behalf, Wiz shook her head violently. “N-No, not at all! U-Uhm, It’s my fault for being a Lich, after all...”

Pulling herself together, Wiz went to demonstrate the skill once again. “E-Excuse me...” Wiz grabbed Aqua’s hand and started using Drain Touch again. Drain Touch is a skill unique to the Undead, which lets them absorb an opponent’s mana and stamina. Apparently it can even be used to impart your own mana and stamina with another. Depending on how I use it, this skill could well make up for our party’s lacking damage output. After seeing Wiz use it, I checked my adventurer card. The name was indeed written down, ‘Drain Touch’. I spent my skill points and acquired the skill without hesitation. “U-Uhm, Aqua-sama? It’s fine, you can let go of my hand now... Actually, Aqua-sama, my hand is starting to sting a bit for some reason, so I’d appreciate it if you let go...” “...” Hearing Wiz’s request, I looked over and saw Aqua holding Wiz’s right hand in her left, and then placing her own right hand on top, wrapping around Wiz’s. “A-Aqua-sama? Um, my hand is starting to heat up... Actually, it hurts, um, it really hurts! Aqua-sama, my body is starting to, um, slowly evaporate, almost like I’m being purified, Aqua-sama, I’m fading, I’m fading, I-I’ll disappear!” “What the hell are you taking advantage of the situation to do?” “Ow!” I hit the bully who was grasping Wiz’s hand on the head. Am I just imagining it or is Wiz kind of see-through?

And then, “Excuse me, is Wiz-san in?” A middle-aged man said as he entered the store, ringing the bell on the door as he did.

Part 4 “Evil spirits?” x3 Apparently so.

The man who visited Wiz was a landowner. He said that recently evil spirits have been moving into vacant houses around the city for some reason. He consulted with the Adventurers’ Guild, but they said they had no experience dealing with something like this so they couldn’t help him. Apparently even when a quest was put out and the evil spirits got banished, new ones would settle in immediately after. “No matter how many times they exorcise the evil spirits, there’s always more that move in right away. Instead of selling property, I’m being run ragged trying to get it exorcized,” the man said with a sigh and a worn-out expression on his face. I wonder why he’d come to Wiz for help. The question must’ve shown on my face, because the man answered me. “Before opening this store, Wiz-san used to be a renowned wizard. Everyone in the market district knows they can rely on Wiz-san whenever they’re in trouble. Especially when it comes to dealing with the Undead; Wiz-san is an expert on that. That’s why I came asking her for help.” I see. Liches are called kings of the Undead after all. I doubt this man knows Wiz’s true identity, but she is a good candidate for handling something like this.

But the man looked at Wiz with a troubled expression as he said: “But, I guess... I guess Wiz-san isn’t feeling well today. She’s always been pale, but today she looks awful. She looks as though she might... fade away at any moment.” “...... ” I stared silently at Aqua, who was just trying to purify Wiz, as she fidgeted and avoided my gaze uncomfortably. Forcing a smile, Wiz gave herself a hearty pound on the chest and said: “I’m fine, you can count on me. I just need to handle the evil spirits in town, right?” “Aah, no! I couldn’t ask you to clear every building in town... I just thought you might be able to help with that one mansion...” “Aah, that one. I see...” Wiz nodded as if she knew what the man was referring to. ...That one mansion?

“All right, leave it to me. I just need to get rid of the evil lost souls inside the mansion, right?” Wiz said, standing up only to stagger as if she lost her strength. “Aah! W-Wiz-san, if you’re not feeling well it’s fine, please don’t strain yourself!” The man rushed to support Wiz, and Aqua continued to look away, pretending she wasn’t taking any notice of Wiz’s condition. I put my face close to hers and stared at her silently. “...I’ll... I’ll do it...” Aqua muttered softly, not being able to take any more.

Part 5 “...So this is the place, huh?” A mansion stands on the outskirts of the city. The man said this place doesn’t have that many rooms for a mansion, but it’s still got plenty. This mansion, which is several times larger than a typical suburban Japanese house, apparently used to be some noble’s holiday home. He got rid of it, though, it seems. When it was about to go up for sale, this evil spirit debacle started. “Not bad! Yes, not bad at all! This place looks worthy enough for me to live in, I’d say!” Aqua, carrying a small bag, shouted with excitement. Likewise holding a bag, Megumin seemed somewhat flushed. Living in this mansion. It’s not that Aqua finally lost it. Because the mansion is so big, a considerable number of evil spirits have taken up residence in it, so it has gained somewhat of a reputation as being a haunted house. To that end, assuming we’re able to finish the exorcism, as a reward we were offered the opportunity to live here for free until the house loses its infamy. Basically, if we can see this job through, we’ll be able to make it through the winter without having to worry about securing funds. I really have to thank my lucky stars for landing us this opportunity. “Still, will you really be able to exorcise this place? From what I heard, others have tried again and again and no matter how many times they try new spirits always move in,” Darkness said, lugging a giant pack. That’s right. By all rights we’d be better off finding out where all of these spirits are coming from and eliminating the root of the problem. But the job we were tasked with is just exorcising the spirits. Strategically speaking, it would be to our advantage to make sure that this exorcism goes on for a long time, giving us an excuse to live here longer. “This mansion looks like it’s been uninhabited for a long time, though. The spirits have only started showing up recently, right? Could it be this place has some sort of dark history that goes back further than the current spirit issues the town is facing, like maybe something happened here...?” Megumin said, making me somewhat worried. “W-Well, whatever. Even if there’s something dark about this place, who cares? We’ve got Aqua. Right? Everything will be fine, right, Anti-Undead expert?” I said, somehow only worsening my anxiety, but at least as far as her Archpriest abilities go she should be able to handle this. ...Probably.

“Leave it to me! ...Hmhm. I see, I see it! Peering beyond the veil, I see a child, born from a nobleman who fooled around with a maid half in fun, and the illegitimate child was confined to this very mansion! Before long, the nobleman, who always had a weak constitution, died of illness, and the illegitimate child’s mother was nowhere to be found. The young girl found herself all alone in this mansion, and from a young age succumbed to the same disease her father suffered, and died a lonely death without ever having seen her parents’ faces! Her name is Anna Filante Esteroid. She has a love for stuffed toys and dolls, as well as stories of adventurers’ daring escapades! But worry not, for hers is not an evil spirit. She means us no harm! But oh my, even as a child she seemed to enjoy playing the grown-up. She has a fondness for sweet liqueur, it seems. You should prepare an offering of drinks in her name, Kazuma!” As Aqua began prattling on like some bogus spirit medium you’d see on television, I stared at her with the same look you’d give a fishy con artist or swindler as I asked Darkness and Megumin: “...So what do you think? Should I retort about how she knows so much about the backstory or how she even knows that name? ...Will we really be okay with her? Did I end up making a promise I can’t fulfil?” “...... ” x2 Both of them looked as though they shared my concerns, and neither answered.

Part 6 Late at night. We all took off our armour and equipment, making ourselves at home. We soon decided who would get which room, and each took their belongings to theirs. As for me, now that Aqua moved in I, fully expect all kinds of spirits to pop out at any moment. Maybe since they’re attracted to her divinity they’d do us a favour and all gather in her room. Having said that though, she is still an Archpriest and a Goddess. She’s not the kind to let evil spirits run amok in her own house. Confining myself in my room, the largest one on the second floor, I felt relatively at ease. “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!? Waaaaaaah!” That is, until I heard the crying voice of our stalwart defender, Aqua.

“What’s wrong!? Oi, Aqua, what happened!? Are you okay!?” I rushed over to in front of Aqua’s room and knocked on the door. When no reply came, I took that as a sign that something really bad had happened and opened the door forcefully. And I saw... “Ugh... Uu... Ka-Kazumaaaaa!” Aqua in tears, standing in the middle of the room, clutching an empty liquor bottle. ...Oi. “Uh, what happened? What the hell are you doing hugging that bottle? If you tell me you raised your voice just because you got drunk I’ll make sure you sober up with some Create Water.” “N-No! This bottle isn’t empty because I drank it! This is the really expensive bottle of liquor I brought with me. I was looking forward to taking leisurely sips from it after coming out of the bath, but! When I came into the room, as you can see it-it’s emptyyyy!” Time for bed. “Okay, well, goodnight. See you tomorrow.” “Aaah! Hold it, Kazuma! It must’ve been the evil spirits! This is the work of evil spirits! It’s either the stray ghosts that moved in or the spirit of that illegitimate kid, bound to this mansion by her sorrow! It’s either one or the other! I’m going to on a little ghost hunt, and if I see one there’ll be hell to pay!” I’m curious if stray ghosts even exist in this world, but if she wants to go exorcising I don’t see why I should stop her.

“...What’s going on, what’s all the fuss?” “Honestly, do you even know what time it is? Could you please keep it down? What’s going on here?” Darkness and Megumin arrived, probably woken up by Aqua’s yelling. “She’s upset because ghosts drank her booze. She said she’s going exorcising or something. I’d retort about why a ghost would even drink and a few other things, but I can’t be bothered so I’m just going to go to bed. You guys can handle it.” I returned to my room as Aqua barraged me with verbal abuse from behind, but I couldn’t care less. If drinking the liquor you set aside is as evil as these evil spirits get, sharing house with them is fine by me.

Part 7 I wonder how much I slept. I suddenly opened my eyes in the middle of the night. The house was dead silent, and it seemed to be well past midnight.

I gotta pee. Still sleepy, I tried to get out of bed... When I realized I can’t move my body. What’s this? ...Sleep paralysis? I tried to call out but I could only let out a grunt, so calling Aqua for help is not an option. As I lay there, I suddenly realized something serious. Yeah, I really need to pee. Come on, pull yourself together, you’re a grown man! The only times grown men are allowed to pee their pants are in special establishments or when they’re really old! As I lay down helplessly gritting my teeth and trying to endure, I heard a noise from the corner of the room.

*Clack*

It sounded much louder in the stillness of the quiet mansion. I turned my line of sight as much as I could while being paralyzed towards the corner of the room from where the sound came from. In that dark corner there was... What the hell is that doing there? It’s a small western doll. “....!” I instinctively gulped. I broke into an uncontrollable cold sweat. What the hell; why? Why is there a doll there? I don’t remember it being there. Did Aqua sneak into my room while I was sleeping and leave it there just to freak me out? Yeah, that’s it. That must be it. That fucking useless goddess. She’s seriously going to get it tomorrow morning. As I convinced myself it was all Aqua’s doing, I shut my eyes tight and attempted to escape reality.

*Clack* The disturbing sound could be heard again, but nevertheless I kept my eyes shut and continued to try and ignore it even as sweat ran down my face. Yeah, you know what? I feel bad blaming everything on Aqua all the time. At the end of the day, despite everything she still works hard, I shouldn’t be so hard on her. *Clack* I mean, she’s a Goddess after all. Mhm. And I’m sure that Goddess is in this room right now. Evil spirits? Yeah, right. Just let ‘em come at Aqua and she’ll blow them all away. Our beloved Goddess Aqua is powerful enough to even purify a Lich, don’t you know? *Clack* *Clack* *Clack*! Aah, as soon as morning comes I’ll apologise to Aqua for everything, I mean, I’ve definitely been treating our resident Goddess-sama too harshly. Yes, for sure. I’ve seen the light. I’ve repented. *Clatter**Clatter**Clatter**Clatter**Clatter**Clatter**Clatter**Clatter* Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah I’m really seriously sorry for everything, for real! I apologise so please, Aqua-sama, please save me!

...I don’t know if my regret-filled prayers reached her or what, but the sound stopped coming from the corner of the room. Oh thank goodness, it wasn’t evil spirits after all. I’m a little relieved. Should I open my eyes? I want to see if the doll from earlier is still there. Some part of my brain is fighting with all its might to keep me from doing that, though. What do I do? I really want to know, but I’m scared to open my eyes, but I’m also scared to stay like this! As I racked my brain, I remembered that in this state I still couldn’t go to the bathroom. Strengthening my resolve, I opened my eyes just slightly...

And my eyes met with the western doll, as she was staring me right in the face. “NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” I let out a shriek like my soul was about to leave my body, and at the same time realizing I could move again, swept the doll away!

Part 8 “Aquaaaaa! Aqua-samaaaaaaaaaa!” I ran barefoot down the hall to Aqua’s room. All the while from behind me I could hear the sound of something chasing me. This is scary, scary, really fricking scary! What the hell is going on!? How did it end up like this!? *Clank*! *Clatter* *Clatter* *Clatter* *Clatter*, *Clack* *Clack* *Clack* *Clack*! With the horrifying noise still at my back, I made it to in front of Aqua’s room, and barged in without even thinking to knock. I slammed the door in a panic and locked it. As soon as I did, I heard the sound of something crashing into it. I pressed against the door with my back and turned my eyes towards the room. I couldn’t see Aqua anywhere. What I could see was a young girl with black hair and glowing crimson eyes, sat in the middle of the pitch-black room. “Hyaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” “Kyaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” I impulsively let out a scream, and the dark-haired girl in front of me did the same. Recognizing that voice, I took a better look and realized it was Megumin, in her pajamas. We both screamed for a while, but eventually calmed down a bit. Outside the room, something kept rattling and scratching at the door. I’m too scared to want to know what it is. “D-Don’t startle me like that, Megumin. God, I almost leaked.” “That’s my line! What are you doing barging into the room like that, Kazuma!? And I thought Aqua had finally come back...” As she said that, I realized. “Oh, right, what are you doing in Aqua’s room? And where did Aqua go?” She answered: “Uu... It’s, um... the dolls. Um, they were moving all over the place, and...” Aah, I guess we both went through the same thing. “So I... Um... I wanted to have Aqua protect me, and... I thought, maybe... she could... come with me to the bathroom...” “...You too, huh...” I murmured, and Megumin seemed to also realize the similarity in our predicaments. “Did you get chased by the dolls, too? I think Aqua is gone exorcising inside the mansion with Darkness.” “...I get Aqua, but Darkness...? Aah, right, I guess she is a Crusader in spite of everything.” She didn’t much look it, but Darkness was technically a Crusader, a holy knight, champion of the Gods, and a devout follower. She may not be on the same level as a Priest, but she must have some degree of holy power.

I doubt a blockhead like Darkness has any magic skills, being that she was obsessed with defence, but she should at least be able to do some good with a half-baked prayer or something. All of that doesn’t do much to help me and Megumin in our current situation, though. I ran for my life, so I left anything that could be used as a weapon in my room. Megumin also seems empty-handed, without her staff. I’m sure if she had it she couldn’t resist casting her explosion magic right here and now. As I was mulling over what to do, Megumin looked like she realized something and said: “Kazuma, the sounds outside the door stopped. Do you suppose the dolls have gone?” Now that you mention it, I can’t hear them anymore. But honestly, I’m scared to leave. I’m not worried that the Lich-banishing Aqua would get beaten by a bunch of dolls. If we just wait here patiently, I’m sure Aqua and Darkness will finish the exorcism and come back. There’s just one problem. “Hey, Megumin, face the door and cover your ears for a second, would you? I’m just going to borrow the veranda...” In order to quickly put that problem to rest, I put my hand on my belt and headed for the balcony... But Megumin caught me by the belt from behind as if to say “I’m not letting you go.” “Oi, what do you think you’re doing? Let go or both my pants and this carpet are going to suffer a terrible fate.” “I won’t let you. You think you can go and help yourself just like that? We’re friends, aren’t we? Whether it’s to the bathroom or anywhere else, we go together, don’t we...?” Megumin said, with a glowing smile. “Give me a break! Don’t give me that ‘bonds of friendship’ crap only at times like this! You were the one who said Crimson Magic kin don’t need to use the toilet, weren’t you!? Look, there’s an empty liquor bottle right there!” “Y-You just said something unforgivable! Just what are you suggesting I do with that empty bottle!? I won’t allow this! Even if it’s the most I can do, I’ll push you from behind as you’re taking care of your busi...ne...ss...” Just as Megumin was pressing up against my back, she gradually pushed less and less, so I looked at her, perplexed. She was staring at the window to the balcony I had set for. With a terrible feeling of dread, I looked over. It was just as bad as I anticipated, or perhaps worse. A crowd of dolls, all pressing against the window and looking right at us. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” x2 Megumin and I shouted, dashing out of the room and running for our lives together, like the best of friends.

Part 9 “Uuu... Kazuma, are you there? Please don’t leave me, okay?” “I’m here, I’m really here and if the dolls show up I won’t leave you so hurry up and do it, please.” As we fled through the mansion, Megumin and I took refuge in a nearby bathroom. Both our bodies were already at their absolute limit at this point. As I had done my business first, I was waiting for her to finish outside the door. Since she was afraid of me running off somewhere, she kept calling out just like before. “...Um, Kazuma. It’s a bit embarrassing, so, could you sing a song in a loud voice or something?”

“What did I do to deserve having to sing out loud in front of a bathroom in the middle of the night!? Besides, you’re going to have to do this outdoors and in dungeons all the time from now on!” Despite my retorts, I was actually somewhat embarrassed so I had no choice but to sing. I sang acapella in a reasonably loud voice, despite only knowing Japanese songs. “...Phew. Um, that’s enough, Kazuma. I’ve never heard anything like that weird song before. I’ve been wondering for a while, but where are you from?” “From a wonderful little country called Japan, where they have a habit of singing in front of bathrooms in the middle of the night. Come on, we have to meet up with Aqua.” Megumin’s pitter-patter followed behind me after I gave my flippant answer. The way we are now, Megumin and I have no way to defend ourselves from the evil spirits. I want to rendezvous with Aqua and Darkness as soon as possible.

At that time: Megumin and I went to leave the toilet’s washroom into the corridor, when... *Clack* *Clack* *Clack* *Clack* Hearing that awful sound, I stooped down in front of the door to the washroom. Megumin gripped tightly onto my clothes and stepped in close to me, shivering. I’m scared; I’m seriously scared of those dolls. I don’t think I could get killed by a bunch of dolls, but being chased around by a bunch of western dolls in the dead of night fills me with an awful sense of dread and fear. Still giving off little shivers, Megumin let go of my clothes and put both hands forward, and quietly mumbl-...! “Hey, what are casting!? Are you trying to blow us up, mansion and all!?” Out of fear, Megumin began reciting her Explosion spell, so I covered her mouth and held her so she’d stop struggling. Eventually, the clattering sound stopped coming from beyond the door. Still shivering and holding my hand, Megumin looked up at me. Damn it, we don’t have a choice, do we!? “Megumin, as soon as I open the door, run for it! I’ll use the Drain Touch I learned to suck the mana out of the dolls, even if it’s only one! I probably won’t die even if the dolls attack me!” I shouted, and Megumin nodded, her mouth still covered. “Come on! Bring it you evil spirit bastaaaards! I’ll sic mad dog Aqua on you after thiiiiiis!” I sent the door flying open, and it smashed into something with a clonk. That did it; that must’ve sent the dolls that were chasing us flying. Holding Megumin’s hand, I dashed out the door and went to make a run for it...! “Aqua! O-Oi, Aqua, are you okay!?” As I was about to run, I stopped when I saw Aqua crouching down covering her face, with powerless dolls spread out on the floor around her... And the one who called out to her was Darkness.

Part 10 “Phew, that should do it. There sure were a lot of them. I ended up having to chase them until morning,” Aqua muttered while looking out the window at the bright morning scenery, having purified the last of the evil spirits haunting the dolls. As expected from an anti-Undead expert. In a single night, she exterminated every evil spirit in this giant house. “Hrm, I believe it would be best to report this to the Guild. We didn’t accept a quest, but they usually deal with this kind of work. They might even give us a special reward for purifying one of the haunted houses in the city. I’d also like to know why the number of evil spirits in town suddenly increased.” We all nodded in response to Darkness’ proposal. We asked Darkness and Megumin to stay and clean up around the house, while Aqua and I went to the Guild to deliver the report.

Along the way, Aqua and I talked about the evil spirits in the mansion. “By the way, what happened to that story about the nobleman’s illegitimate child? You said she wasn’t an evil spirit and she wouldn’t harm us, didn’t you?” Aqua put her fist in her hand with a plop. “Aah! Right, there was that kid, wasn’t there? Don’t worry, what happened this time was all because of those stray ghosts that came out of nowhere. I think it was the noble’s illegitimate kid who drank my high-class liquor, though! Hey, Kazuma, do you think we can count the drink I lost as part of the exorcism expenses...” I ignored what Aqua was saying and put my hand on the door to the Guild. “Good morning. It’s a little early, but we have something we’d like to report, if we may.” Despite it being early morning, the attendant lady was at her post. “Of course, what seems to be the matter?” Aqua and I explained about the request we got from the landowner and the incident at the mansion, and after taking a look at Aqua’s adventurer card, the attendant lady nodded understandingly. Oh right, the adventurer card keeps track of how many monsters you slay and information about them. “It’s true we’ve received a number of requests from various people to deal with this situation of evil spirits infesting the town. It may not be much, but we offer a special recompense for anyone who exterminates monsters within city limits. Your efforts are greatly appreciated.” Hearing that, both Aqua and I pumped our fists triumphantly without saying a word.

The attendant lady continued: “We apologise for any trouble this may have caused you. We’ve learned of the reason for the sudden increase in the number of evil spirits. Do you know of the town’s public cemetery? Apparently as a prank or something, someone erected a massive holy barrier over it. Because of that, the spirits in the graveyard had nowhere to go, and they began haunting unoccupied houses in the city...” Hearing that, Aqua jolted and froze in place.

...... “Excuse us.” I said to the attendant lady and quietly dragged Aqua to a corner of the Guild. “Oi. You know something about this, don’t you? Spill it.” “...Yes, sir. Wiz asked me before to go to that graveyard regularly to send the lost souls on their way. But I thought ‘I can’t be bothered going to that graveyard all the time’. So I thought if I took their home away, those souls would scatter and eventually go away.” Resigned, Aqua confessed her crimes honestly and politely. Basically, because of her negligence, the souls from the graveyard strayed into town. ...Like an arsonist fireman, she was taking credit for solving a problem that was her fault to begin with. This is unacceptable, no matter how you look at it. “...We’re not accepting the special reward from the guild. Understand?” “...... Yes, sir.” With a regretful look on her face, Aqua nodded meekly. “Also, you’re coming with me to apologise to that landowner. You realize you basically scammed him, right?” “...... Yes, sir. I’m very sorry, sir.” We left the guild, and went to see the landowner... Before that, though, we wanted to go back to the mansion to let Darkness and Megumin know, and that’s where we found the landowner from the other day.

“Well now, well now. I was worried so I came here to check on you, but it looks like you finished the exorcism without as much as a scratch,” The man said to us, with a big smile. Knowing that he was so worried about us only made my heartache worse. Aqua and I explained the situation, and offered to give the now-exorcised mansion back to the man. ...But. “I see... Still, I’d appreciate it if you continued living here. You see, this is the largest property I own, and that meant it had that many more evil spirits settled in it. Because of that, it’s gotten as bad a reputation as you can imagine...” “We’rereallyverysowwy!” x2 As Aqua and I buried our heads into the ground in a dogeza, the man said, flustered: “Aah, it’s fine, it’s fine! Raise your heads, please! Let’s see; how about this? You folks live here for a while. If you were able to exorcise all the evil spirits in a place this big, you must be quite the adventurers. It’s the townsfolk’s responsibility to look after adventurers, after all. If you stay in this haunted house for a while, I’m sure it will start to lose its reputation...” Hearing the man’s generous terms, Aqua and I once again put our faces to the ground in dogeza. “Aah, stop, please, that’s enough!”

Part 11 We were given two conditions for living in this mansion. And they were a bit strange... “’When you come back from an adventure, like when sitting down to dinner, recall the story in a lively manner with your comrades.’...Another weird one. It’s fine, I guess,” I mumbled, bent over in the garden. That man sure made a strange request.

And the other condition was... “Good morning, Kazuma-san! Mending the gravesite, are you?” Someone greeted me from behind as I was leaning over, pulling weeds. Looking back, I saw Wiz, looking a lot better than she did yesterday. “Are you okay now? Sorry about the trouble our idiot caused yesterday.” “It’s fine, really. In fact, I’m glad things turned out this way. Now I’m sure she won’t feel lonely anymore.” Wiz said something a bit confusing while smiling at me. The reason I was outside was the other condition for living here. It was to look after the small grave that was in a corner of the mansion’s garden. To that end, I promptly began pulling weeds the area around the grave. For some reason, Wiz looked delighted as she saw me weeding diligently. I asked if she wanted to come inside, but she said she had to go tend the store, and left with a bow. I wonder why she came over. Maybe she was worried about us. I sprinkled water over the headstone and began cleaning it. I saw some faded writing carved into it. It must’ve been the name of whoever was resting under there. I couldn’t quite read all of it, but I could make out the name ‘Anna’. Anna... Anna? Who was that again? I get the feeling I’ve heard that name recently... As I was leaning over the grave fretting over it, I heard a voice calling from the mansion. “Kazumaaa! The food is ready so get over here already! If you don’t come quick, your long-awaited lunch will get cold!” Looking over, Aqua was sticking her head out the window, beckoning me over. “Got it. Wait for me, I’ll be right there!” I shouted back at Aqua, while wiping the front of the headstone with a damp cloth. It had the name ‘Anna Filante Esteroid’ carved onto it. I definitely feel like I heard that name before... “Kazumaaa! Megumin said for each minute you’re late you lose one piece of fried chicken. You can take your time coming after all. More side-dishes for us.” “Wait a minute, you jerks! You think I’ll allow such tyranny!?”

I finished cleaning the grave and made a dash for the mansion.

Chapter 4: Blessings upon this Wonderful Shop! Part 1 We got ourselves a mansion. Thus, our most pressing concern, passing the winter, was resolved. The four of us promptly settled in, and although their personalities were dubious, the thought of living under the same roof with members of the opposite sex filled me with excitement. “Oi, piss off. I have work to do. If you’re cold, go to your own room and wrap yourself up in bed.” On the first day of our new life, a problem had already arisen. Only the strongest monsters remain active during the winter, which means there’s nothing to do but hole up in town. I wanted to pay off our troublesome debt as soon as possible, so I took on a side-job5 from the Guild, but the cold would make my hands would go numb, making it hard to get any work done. To that end, I wanted to use the spot closest to the fireplace in the first floor living room, which Aqua had arbitrarily decided was her own special spot, and was clinging to the sofa, violently protesting. “No way. My bed gets cold the moment I get out of it. If you want me to sleep there again, you can warm up my blankets in the oven.” “They don’t have ovens here, you idiot! Stop being selfish and move your butt! Whose debt do you think I’m working to pay off here? If you keep getting in my way you’re going to get it.” “What, you wanna have a go? If it’s fisticuffs you want you should know my stats are way higher. In front of the fireplace is my sacred ground. Any trespassers will receive a divine punishmeeeaaaaaaah!!” Aqua wasn’t listening, so I imparted the divine punishment by the name of Freeze onto her back and neck, and she tumbled off the sofa she was clinging to, letting out a shriek. I sat down on the now empty sofa in front of the fireplace, and laid my materials out on a table. “Phew... I guess I’ll claim this land in my name. Look, if you don’t feel like helping me with work go and play with the others,” I said to Aqua, shooing her away as she rolled on the carpet rubbing the back of her neck.

5 The term used here is naishoku, which refers to a specific type of working from home. Generally the notion is that it isn’t a “real” job and doesn’t pay much. The actual work done can range from more traditional light manual labour like folding plastic flower or cartons to more modern things like blogging or being a youtuber. 97

In the middle of the living room, Darkness and Megumin were playing a board game, which was this world’s equivalent to Chess or Shogi. “Fufu, you shall witness the power of my forces. I teleport my Orc soldier to this square.” “Megumin, your use of Wizards is obscene... I move my Crusader here, and checkmate!” “Teleport!” Since this concept of magic exists in this world, it would make sense that even this Chess-like game would have different rules that take that into account. I played that board game once with Megumin, but after she teleported her king off the board, I decided to never play again. Then, Aqua, who had been rubbing her neck and shivering, suddenly jumped up as if she just remembered something, pulled her adventurer card from her bosom and thrust it in my face. “Hey, Kazuma, look at this, at the level! Do you realize I am the highest level between the four of us? I’m high enough to be called a veteran at this point! You’re awfully impertinent for a below-level-20 scrub! If you understand your place, then relinquish the spot in front of the fireplace to your superior!” Looking at the card she poked out at me, her level had indeed jumped up quite a bit. The level indicator read 21. Thinking about it, she did defeat Veldia, a general of the demon king, purified a lot of Undead in that dungeon recently, and in the end even purified a Lich. I’m glad Aqua is improving, but at the same time the thought that her level overtook mine irks me...... Huh? “...Say, Aqua, you did gain levels, but your stats haven’t changed at all since the beginning. Why is that?” “You’re such an idiot, Kazuma. Who do you think I am? My stats are obviously already at their highest value. They’re maxed out. I even had enough skill points to learn all the party trick skills and Archpriest spells right from the start. You’re mistaken to compare me to the likes of Joe adventurer.” Without thinking, I dropped her adventurer card and fell to the floor, on my knees. Seeing that, clueless Aqua put on a boastful, triumphant smile.

That means no matter how much she levels up, she will never get any smarter.

I picked up the card and returned it to Aqua, along with my spot by the fireplace. “Oh? What’s this? You’re being awfully obedient. ...Hey, why are you crying? Were you that shocked by my level? ...H-Hey, why are you putting your hand on my shoulders remorsefully? Why are you giving me that pitying look?” Letting Aqua take her place by the fire, all my determination to work having left me, I decided to go into town, hoping that would improve my mood.

Part 2 The town was covered in snow, and the cold was probably what kept most people off the streets. For the people in this world, shutting yourself in during winter is common sense. In this season where only the most brutal of monsters remain active, only the cheaters from Japan, dressed up in armour, could afford to go on quests. I guess only layabouts like me would be out wandering around town in this cold...

...And the suspicious-looking acquaintances I happened to see in front of me. I saw them sneaking around the streets, finally stopping and loitering in front of a shop in a back-alley. I called out to them: “Keith, Dust, what are you guys doing here?” “Uwoah!?” x2 The two jumped when they heard me call out from behind. Today they aren’t dressed very adventurer-ish, rather more casually. “O-Oh, it’s just you, Kazuma. Don’t startle us like that. God, people who have the Conceal skill are just...” Keith said to me, looking relieved. Of course, I hadn’t actually used Conceal at all. “What’s up? You didn’t bring those three with you today, did you?” Dust peered cautiously around me. Well, they left him in a sorry state last time, so I understand why he’d be cautious. “Nah, I’m by myself today, don’t worry. Did they really scar you that badly? I got tired of sitting around at home, so I’m out for a walk. What are you guys doing here, though?” At my words, Dust let out a sigh of relief and said: “Yeah, well... We’re, uh... you know... Well, since those girls aren’t here I guess it’s fine. As long as you’re not with any women it’ll be okay.” ...? What’s this? Are they up to something where having women along spells trouble? Picking up on my curiosity, Keith said to me with a smirk: “It’s nothing a lucky guy surrounded by beautiful girls every day would care about, but Dust and I get lone-...” “Oi, wait.” Dust cut Keith off mid-sentence. He then looked at me sympathetically and: “Keith... He’s not like that. At first glance it may look like he has a harem, but really, it’s not like that. ...He’s one of us. He has all kinds of trouble to deal with,” he said, earnestly. Aah, I see... He went through a lot back then, huh...... All right. I may be up to my neck in debt, but today I’m treating Dust to a meal, at least.

Part 3 I have a pleasant childhood memory of wanting to taste beer, seeing as how my father made it look delicious, and then spitting out the first sip I took. In my childish mind, I made the decision to never drink alcohol, and now here I am in this fantasy world, drinking from the break of dawn. It doesn’t feel right, but in this world the laws and customs are different. Here there is no law against underage drinking; you are held responsible for anything that might happen while under the influence, instead. I didn’t particularly care for the taste of alcohol, but I put up with it and drank regardless, which gave me a somewhat fuzzy feeling. It feels good; this must be why people drink.

We three lads were having a great time drinking in the Guild tavern in the middle of the day, when Keith grumbled under his breath: “Aah, for the love of.... This season’s so dull I feel like I’m going to rot away. Whoa there, Kazuma, you’re really downing them, ain’t ya? C’mon, let’s keep goin’!” Keith let out a ‘Hyahyahya’ and filled my glass as I continued gulping down my drink. Apparently he’s the kind who gets cheery when drunk. “*Siiigh*...Winter really makes you really wish for some bodily warmth, doesn’t it? Honestly, I know what you go through, Kazuma, but at times like this I’m still a little jealous,” Dust said, letting out a morose sigh. Possibly due to there not being much to do in winter, the Guild’s tavern was quite packed with others drinking before noon, just like us. Many of these alleged adventurers looked just as hopeless and miserable as my former-shut-in self. As I was thinking that, I asked the two about something that was on my mind. “Say, what were you guys doing back there?” Yes, back then the two had stopped in front of some shop in a back-alley, looking like they were fretting over whether or not they should go inside. I was a little curious of what exactly lay behind those doors. When I asked, the two looked at each other and nodded... Keith set down his mug and looked at me with a stern face. “Kazuma. I have faith in you. What I’m about to tell you is a secret kept between the male adventurers in this town, which you must absolutely never let out. Can you promise me you won’t tell your female companions?” As that serious atmosphere set in, somewhat intimidated, I nodded. Keith also nodded in reply. Then, amongst the clamour, Dust whispered to me, so as to not let anyone else hear: “Kazuma; do you know about the underground shop in this town run by Succubi that let you have nice dreams?” “Fill me in,” I replied immediately.

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With his face turning slightly red, Dust put his mug down and explained: “Succubi live in this town- and by ‘live’ I mean they’re demons that feed off the life force of men; our lust and horniness. Naturally, this means they require men to survive.” Mhm, I see. In that tavern, I listened carefully to Dust’s enthusiastic explanation. “So that’s what it is. They drain some of our vitality of course, but... The male adventurers and the Succubi living in this town have developed a mutually beneficial relationship. ...Like, we usually crash in stables and stuff, right? You get pent-up in all kinds of ways, you know? But you have other adventurers sleeping right next to you. You can’t exactly do the deed, can you?” “Y-Yeah, I know, right?” I said, with a gulp and a nod. I had nothing to feel guilty about, but still a single droplet of sweat ran down my cheek. That’s right, nothing to feel guilty about. “You might also think to make a move on a female adventurer. You hear about cases where the other girls find out and you end up getting lynched, or maybe the one you try it on is carrying a concealed dagger or something and you end up losing your thingy.” As he said that, Dust’s face went pale and he shuddered. Seeing that, Keith said: “Still not over the trauma from the time you tried to put the moves on Rin, huh?” “Sh-Shut up! …Anyway, that’s where these Succubi come in. They let us see really nice things while we sleep. We get to clear our heads, and they get their sustenance. They go easy on you too, so you don’t end up being sucked so dry you can’t go on adventures anymore. I’ve never heard of anyone getting in trouble due to being drained. …What do you think? Everybody wins, right?” I replied with more violent nods than I could count. Wonderful. Marvellous, even! The Succubi avoid having to attack random people indiscriminately, and the adventurers don’t have to anguish through their nights in the stables. I bet this even helps keep sex crime in check. This town does have great public order. In my head, I pictured adventurers as rowdy, crude, violent drunkards. I’ve held that image for a long time, but in this town there aren’t many fights, and you hardly ever heard about crime. It’s no wonder nobody ever fights if every man in town can partake in some post-climactic peace of mind at his leisure. Amazing! The world can be such a beautiful place! Seeing me moved by this joyous revelation, Keith said: “We just found out about the delights of that shop recently, too. We were thinking of going there for the first time today. That was when you showed up.” Dust gulped down his drink, and said to me: “That’s how it is. …How about it? Care to join us?” “By all means.”

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Part 4 Having left the Guild’s tavern, with a little bit of anxiety still weighing on us, we arrived in front of the establishment. I would’ve never been able to come to a place like this by myself. This time, though, I have comrades I can count on. It takes courage to buy dirty mags by yourself, but when you’re with others it suddenly isn’t as intimidating; the same mysterious psychological phenomenon is at play here. The small shop was crammed in a back alley, not too far off from the main street. At a glance, it seemed like a perfectly ordinary restaurant or pub, however…

“Welcome~!” The woman had an exceptionally alluring figure, the kind of ideal beauty most men could only dream of. On the gorgeous young lady’s greeting, we entered the establishment, in which there were a significant number of male clients. Inside, other young women just as stunning as the greeter wandered to and fro, and honestly, that alone was enough to make my chest tighten somewhat. Despite resembling a restaurant, on the tables in front of the patrons there was not a single item of food or drink to be found. Each customer was sat alone at his own table, scribbling intently on what looked like some kind of questionnaire. The young lady led us to an empty table, with an armful of menus and a smile. “Is this your first time at our establishment, sirs?” The three of us nodded in reply. She smiled pleasantly. “...Then, are you aware of the nature of this establishment and of the staff?” Once again, we nodded silently. Then, looking pleased, the young lady set a menu down on the table. “Feel free to order anything you’d like. You needn’t order anything if you do not wish to, of course. ...Then, please fill out the necessary details on this form, and leave it at the register when you are ready to leave.” We received the questionnaire forms. I guess this means that the Succubi gather all these forms and then the ones that most fit the client’s request are the ones who cater to them? I took a look at the form, and... “Excuse me, about this ‘Your own situation, gender and appearance in the dream’...?” Something I didn’t quite understand was written on it. I could figure out what ‘situation’ meant, but gender and appearance...?

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“Your status in the dream may be set to see yourself be a king or hero, or anything else. As for the gender and appearance, we do cater to customers who wish for an experience from the female perspective. There are also customers who desire to see themselves as young boys, being forced down by a strong female adventurer, for example.” Are the adventurers in this town okay? Still, to think you’d be able to customize it in such detail. Well, it is a dream, after all. Keith nervously raised his hand, as if to ask the lady a question. “...Um, how specific can this ‘partner preference’ be?” “As specific as you would like. Their personality, speech patterns, their appearance or even their disposition towards you; it can be anyone and anything, even someone who doesn’t exist.” “For real?” “For real, sir.” I unwittingly asked as I overheard her explanation, and received an immediate reply. Does this mean that even that famous girl, or that girl you know, or even a 2D waifu; are they all within the realm of possibility? “...Um, there aren’t any issues relating to rights to use a person’s likeness and all that involved, are there?” “There are none. It is a dream, after all.” “Of course.” Her unhesitant reply put me at ease. Anything goes in a dream. Dust raised his hand nervously. “...Does this mean there aren’t any restrictions on the partner’s age? Er, not that I’d ask for something like that, you understand, just as uh, a precaution you could say...” “There are none. Request whatever you wish.” The lady replied instantly without a hint of doubt. I unwittingly: “I-Is that okay, you know, in terms of regulations and...” “It is okay. It is a dream, after all.” “Of course.” Anything goes in a dream. This is unbelievable; the Succubus erotic dream service is the best.

The three of us silently filled out our forms. Indeed, just like everyone else. “Now then, for the three-hour course your bill comes out to 5000 Eris each, gentlemen.” That’s cheap! In awe, I took out my wallet in front of the register. Compared to similar services in Japan, this place charged much less; not that I’ve ever visited such establishments, mind you, so I may not have all the facts.

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As my surprise showed on my face, the young lady: “...For us, this money is only necessary in order to continue staying in town. We will be taking a small amount of sir’s vitality later, after all,” said, letting out a smile. I can’t believe there exists a business so dedicated to the customers’ happiness. I was deeply moved by these girls’ kindness and devotion to providing such great service. How could you not become a regular customer in light of such moral business practices? We instinctively put our hands together in front of the Succubus and murmured: “A...A Goddess...” “P-Please, sir; that is hardly fitting! N-Now then, lastly we require the location where you will be staying and the time at which you intend to retire for the night. At that time, one of our Succubi will visit you as you sleep and offer you the dream you requested. If possible, please consume alcohol and such in moderation. We will not be able to offer you a dream if you are too inebriated or too sound asleep, after all.” Receiving the young lady’s advice, we left the establishment.

There was still time before sunset, but somehow the three of us ended up going our separate ways. “W-Well, see ya.” “Y-Yeah!” “S-See you later!” The two of them looked somewhat antsy and eager to go home. As was I, turns out. There was still plenty of time left, but I wanted to go back home, get ready and get an early night. Taking no detours, I quickly made my way back to the house.

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Part 5 “Welcome back, Kazuma! Rejoice, for tonight’s dinner is amazing! We’re having crab! Some people Darkness’ family sent came over to thank us for looking after her and left us some super-high quality blanched red crab as a housewarming gift! Some really high class liquor too! As thanks for taking care of their daughter, they said!” Aqua welcomed me, smiling from ear to ear, as I came into the house. I guess crab is a luxury food in this world, too. I’ve never really eaten crab when I lived in Japan; I didn’t think I’d get to try it here... “Awawa... Living the life of a destitute adventurer, I never thought there’d come a day when I would lay my eyes upon blanched red crab...! I never thought I’d be so happy to have joined this party...” “Is this crab really that big of a deal?” I asked Megumin curiously, as she put her hands together in thankful prayer in front of the blanched red crab. She responded with a look that asked ‘What are you talking about?’ and an exaggerated gesture, raising her fists into the air emphatically. “Obviously! Just so you understand, if I was told I could eat this crab if I refrained from using explosion magic, I would gladly hold myself back, eat the crab and then unleash my explosion. That’s how lavish it is!” “Ooh, that does sound pretty...! ...Huh? What did you say at the end there?”

While Megumin and I were talking, Darkness set the cooked crab onto the dinner table. Aqua giddily brought drinking glasses for everyone. We all sat around the dinner table, and promptly dug in... With a *crack*, we snapped the crab legs open, dabbed the pinkish-white flesh in vinegar then stuffed it in our mouths. “!?” The taste was overwhelming. With its soft texture and sweet aroma, the unique delicious flavour of the crab meat filled my mouth. Looking at the others, they were also quietly savouring the crab. Oh man, I can’t stop myself! I opened the crab’s shell with a *crunch*, and was about to taste the innards... “Kazuma, Kazuma, lend me your Tinder for a sec. I’m about to teach you the best way to enjoy this expensive liquor,” Aqua said, having already cracked open her crab’s shell and eaten the innards, as she put some charcoal into a small pan and lay a wire mesh over it. She had made some kind of simple charcoal brazier.

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As instructed, I lit a fire in the charcoal, and she placed the crab shell with just a few remains of its innards still left in it on top of the wire mesh. She then poured this high- quality drink, which was transparent and looked like Japanese sake, into the crab shell. Joyfully, she let the shell grill until it became slightly scorched, then took a sip of the now hot sake... “Hooh...” she exhaled, making it look quite delicious indeed. She looked like an old geezer, but nonetheless we all gulped and decided to follow her example; but then, I realized.

This is a trap!

The crab was so delicious I completely forgot, but I was to receive a visit from a Succubus. The young lady said that if you get dead drunk then you won’t be able to see any dreams. Calm down, me. You’re a patient man. You have a resolve of steel, the power to endure. “!? This goes quite well; delicious indeed!” Don’t be tempted! Don’t let Darkness’s voice lead you astray! I’m sure if I take a single sip of that I won’t be able to stop myself. I’m sure I’d just go overboard, say ‘Screw it’ and get completely wasted. If the crab is this delicious, then that sake must be just as good. “Darkness, let me have some, please! What’s the harm? Just for today! I want to see what alcohol tastes like too!” “That won’t do! I heard if you start drinking young your whole life goes *poof*.” Megumin turned her eyes towards Aqua, who was enjoying herself to the fullest, and Darkness followed suit, staring at her silently. “...? Something wrong?” As I was abstaining from taking part in the exchange, Darkness looked at me and tilted her head in confusion. “...What’s the matter, Kazuma? Have you never drunk before? ...Is our crab is not to your liking?” She looked somewhat concerned as she spoke. Nope, that’s not it. The crab is delicious.

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“No, the crab is definitely great, really tasty. It’s just that I went drinking with Keith and the guys today. You know, I’m just not used to drinking so I think I’ll pass on this. ...Tomorrow! I’ll have some tomorrow!” Hearing my excuse, Darkness breathed a sigh of relief and gave me a calm smile. Stop it; don’t smile at me so innocently. You’re always blurting out the stupidest and most repulsive things, so why pick now of all times to be so...!? So...! “Huuh? You really think there’s going to be any of this delicious booze left over tomorrow? I’ll drink it all, obviously. How could I not!? Yaay, I can drink Kazuma’s share!” Damn it; I don’t think it’s possible to hate that idiot more than I do now. Darkness smiled at me yet again. “...Mm, I see. Then, at least eat to your heart’s content. It’s the least I can offer.” Hearing her say that made me feel so guilty my heart ached.

That’s right, I should just drink with everybody, forget everything else. Tomorrow, I’ll go apologise to the Succubus lady for making her come all this way. I’ll have fun drinking with my friends, and pull myself together tomorrow. I mean, all this fuss over what? Just some, admittedly realistic, dream I came up with? Also, apparently you remember the dream even after you wake up, too. Is that all? Look at Darkness, and everybody else. Which is more important to me? And remember what I wrote down on that form! ...That’s right. I was stupid to fret over this in the first place. Having my fill of crab, I stood up.

“Well, it’s a bit early but I’m going to hit the sack. Thanks for the meal, Darkness, and goodnight, everyone!”

My mind clear of any doubt, I withdrew to my room for the night.

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Part 6 I locked the door to my room and unlocked the window. They didn’t specifically tell me to keep the window unlocked, but I did just in case. I’d feel sorry if I made things any more difficult after asking her to come all this way. Without a clock, I didn’t know exactly what time it was, but I got the feeling it wouldn’t be long. I’d have to be asleep by then, but I was so excited and nervous in so many ways I couldn’t fall asleep. God, my heart’s pounding. Aah, what am I going to do? The anticipation is killing me; I won’t be able to sleep!

I lay there for a while. I crawled out of bed, thinking I should go do some light calisthenics in the garden to cool my head off. If I tire myself out a bit I might be able to sleep. As I thought about it, I went down into the garden in my pajamas. While everyone else was asleep, making use of my Farsight skill, I did some light exercise under the moonlight. In the middle of the pure white snowy garden, I suddenly became conscious of that snow-covered grave in the corner. I approached it and brushed the snow off the headstone, revealing the carving of the name ‘Anna’. I felt at ease, but now I was somewhat self-conscious about my sweat. I’m only having them show me a dream, so it’s probably nothing to worry about, but... I think this is a matter of etiquette. As everyone else was sound asleep, I headed for the bath.

Since this used to be a noble’s holiday home, the bathroom was furnished with some magic equipment. Simply put, it was a magic-powered water heater. Since it didn’t require a lot of mana to operate, ordinary people could use it just fine. Turning it on, the mana consumption made me feel slightly sluggish, but that couldn’t be helped. As I prepared to get into the bath, I lit a lantern with my Tinder and left an ‘Occupied’ sign on the bathroom door. I stripped down and left my clothes in the hamper, in order to make it clear that someone was in the bath.

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Indeed, I spared no expense in avoiding that one cliché development you often see in manga. I’m fine with keeping that kind of lovely event confined to the dream I asked for. If possible, want to avoid getting into any awkward relationships with the people I have to live with under the same roof. In that situation, even if it’s the girl who walks in by mistake, it’s considered the guy’s fault. If something like that were to happen now, I could firmly defend my case. I would let out a scream before they have a chance to, and get to treat them as female perverts, citing reverse sexual harassment. “Well, that kind of stuff only happens in manga, anyway.” Having warmed the water with magic, I got into the bath and soaked up to my shoulders. Under the dim light of the lantern in the dressing room, I relaxed and sprawled out inside the warm water. I let out a deep sigh, and feeling somewhat tired, I closed my eyes.

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Part 7 I wonder how long I sat there. From outside the bathroom, a clattering like the sound of something falling over made me open my eyes. I thought it might’ve just been my imagination, but I doubt I’d mishear something when it was so quiet. Maybe the sign on the bathroom door fell down? I’m pretty sure I stuck it on there properly, though...? I thought maybe Aqua was playing a prank by taking the sign down, but surely she’d be asleep at this hour. Well, whatever; it’s not like anyone’s going to come in here in the dead of night. I left my clothes out in the dressing room too, and the lantern was still lit. Anyone who would walk into the bathroom would be able to figure it out, I thought, when it happened. Even though this was inside the mansion, an unnatural gust of wind came in and the lantern was suddenly blown out. Just like the other day, when the ghosts jumped out at us, I felt I wasn’t alone... But there was no response from my Sense Enemy skill. ...Well, whatever. Even if the lantern is out I can still manage with my night vision. Besides, there’s moonlight shining through the window. I sat there, unconcerned...

I heard the dressing room door open.

When I heard that startling sound was when I began to worry. Oi, oi, what’s with this timing? Wait, I don’t know if whoever that is wants to come in, but she’s carrying a light. She should notice what I left in the dressing room hamper. If she has a lamp with her, then it couldn’t be Aqua, since she can see in the dark. That means it’s either Megumin or Darkness...

Suddenly, the lamp she was carrying went out. “Waah!? W-What the-, why did the light go out...?” From beyond the glass, I heard Darkness’ bewildered voice. “...Oh well. Tonight the moon is bright, so it’s fine...” As she said that, Darkness stood in front of the glass and took her clothes o-... whoa wait wait wait wait!

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As I was about to yell out in a panic, I realized. This situation was obviously set up by someone. It was too improbable a series of events to just be coincidence. That’s right; it’s too contrived, too convenient for me, no matter how good my luck is. ...Wait a second. Before this started happening, I suddenly felt sleepy and closed my eyes. I get it. This situation has to be...!

“Mm... Tonight, the moon is truly...”

Letting her long hair down, Darkness started saying as she came into the bathroom... In the dark, her eyes met with mine, as I sat boldly soaked in the bath. “...... ” x2 Of course, both of us were stark naked. Illuminated in the dim moonlight, Darkness’ beautiful, almost transparent fair skin shone vividly. Unbelievable; I always figured she had a sexy body, but this was beyond what my imagination could have come up with. I’d have thought she was a bit rougher on account of all her training, but she had pleasantly thick curves in all the right places... Hmm, the Succubi might have adjusted her to suit my tastes. As Darkness stood frozen in shock, not even covering her privates, I extended a friendly “Hey there” from the bath, raising one hand. Her jaw dropped, she covered her breasts and fell to the floor. “...Wh...Wh-Wha...Wh-Wh-Wh-Wha.....!?” “...? What’s wrong, Darkness? Come on over here. Actually, you can wash my back first.” “!?!?!?!?” I stood up from the bath and sat down on a wooden stool, turning my back to Darkness, who, still covering her chest, found my behaviour so surprising she kept trying to find words but only managed to open and close her mouth. I wonder what’s up with this Darkness. It’s kind of fresh, I like it. Nothing less from the Succubi’s Darkness. I wonder why Darkness showed up in my dream, though. Maybe I should’ve given more details than just ‘A beautiful, shapely onee-san’. Next time I’ll be more specific.

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“W-Wh-Wh-What-What are you saying!? No, uh, um, why are you so calm and why are you asking me to wash your back and- this is just so much my brain can’t keep up...!” Wow, that reaction! Succubi are amazing, really amazing! “Wait, now’s not the time to be impressed. Playing hard to get wasn’t part of the setting, so please hurry it up. ...Wait, on the form I did write down that I wanted a beautiful, shapely, bashful, innocent onee-san, now that you mention it. I guess it’s okay, then.” “!?” Darkness seemed to become even more flustered by my soliloquy. This is so new I can’t help but like it, but I’m meant to take the lead here, aren’t I? “I guess there’s no getting around you being clueless, but; my back, if you please.” “!? I-Is... In this situation, is me washing your back considered the normal thing to do!?” Darkness said, still in a panic, as she timidly approached my back. I turned to look at her without hesitation, and she again covered herself and knelt down. “I’m really liking this new take. However, please hurry up. If you don’t, I won’t be able to stand it in so many ways.” “Y-Y-You-...! Do you understand what’s going on here!? If Aqua or Megumin found out about this, what would they say-...!?” “If they do, we can all get in the bath together.” “What’s wrong with you!? What in the world has gotten into you today!?” “Hey, you’re being noisy. Do you know what time it is? Think about the neighbours. You have to get a clue at some point, you know?” “How can you say something like that in this situation!? I-Is it me!? Am I the one who lacks common sense!? Is it just me who’s ignorant!? Am I the one acting strange!?” “You’re strange in general, most of the time. Wait, since it’s a dream, I guess it doesn’t matter if you make noise... Okay, now, please." “Uu... How could this happen... But when you order me around so shamelessly my disposition won’t let me resist...” Her face turning red, Darkness muttered as she turned towards my back. At some point she had picked up a towel, and then she sat down in seiza6 behind me. Before long my words had swayed her and she began clumsily yet forcefully scrubbing my back with the towel.

6 A formal sitting posture where a person sits kneeling with their legs tucked behind them, the tops of the feet touching the floor. 113

“Phew... Really, this is new in so many ways... Even though I’m usually the one being creeped out by you, seeing you so shy and embarrassed is pretty nice.” “Y-You...! The way you’re talking and acting tonight is just like some perverted old man! Th-There, that’s enough, isn’t it? C-Can I go now...?” Averting her eyes from my naked body, Darkness meekly asked if she could leave. Despite her almost tangible innocence, I still told her firmly: “You’re kidding, right? No matter how much you want to play with the setting, it’s only common sense to know what comes after this. Now do it without using the towel...” “That’s wrong, too wrong! No matter how oblivious I may be, that’s definitely not right!” With her blushing face, Darkness protested as tears welled up in her eyes, but then.

“Trespasser! Get out here, people! There’s a burglar in the hooouse!”

Aqua’s voice rang through the mansion. Oi, oi, I didn’t ask to be made to wait just when it was getting to the good part! I snatched the towel off Darkness, quickly wrapped it around my waist and jumped out. Taking a glance at Darkness, she was sat down, covering her breasts, her face beet red and tearing up, looking at me with upturned eyes. Damn it, I really want to keep going here, but first I need to give that bitch a piece of my mind for being a pain in the ass even in my dreams! Dashing out into the hall dressed in a bath towel, I saw not the onee-san-ish Succubus from before, but a young, petite Succubus girl being held captive by Aqua. Megumin was also there in her pajamas, pointing her staff menacingly at the girl. “Kazuma, lookie, lookie! The intruder got caught in my barrier and now she can’t move... Wait, we’ve got another freak on the loose!” “Who are you calling a freak!? ...Huh? What the-? Why is the Succubus girl here?” As I retorted to Aqua in my towel, I realized the story had a few too many characters, and a bad feeling came over me. I mean, why would the Succubus show up as herself? “You see, I put up a powerful magic barrier around the mansion. I felt a disturbance and when I went to check it out, I found this Succubus who had tried to get into the house but got caught in the barrier and paralyzed! Succubi attack men, so it must’ve been after Kazuma! But it’s all right now. I’m about to purge the heck out of this demon!” The Succubus jumped and let out a quiet yelp when she heard Aqua’s words. Huh. No, this is weird, this doesn’t add up. Wait, does this mean the Darkness that came into the bathroom was...! No, I can deal with that later; the Succubus in front of me comes first!

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Aqua, who had lived up to her reputation of doing stupid things nobody asked her to by erecting a barrier and not telling anyone about it, took a step back and stuck her index finger at the Succubus dramatically. “Now, resign yourself! I’m about to bust out my special extra-powerful anti- demonic...... ? Kazuma, you’re a guy so you should stay away. If you don’t, the Succubus might take over your...” Without a word, I stood in front of the Succubus, took her hand and began heading for the entrance hall. “Wh-Waiwaiwait a second! What do you think you’re doing, Kazuma? That girl is a demon. A demon who comes after your life force, you know?” Aqua yelled at me, shrilly. Megumin too, who at first was taken aback by my appearance, was pointing her weapon at the Succubus and giving her an icy glare. The Succubus whispered softly, so that only I would hear: “I-I’m so sorry, sir! Please don’t trouble yourself over me; I’m just a monster anyway! I didn’t expect a barrier, when we’re supposed to pride ourselves on approaching your bedside discreetly. It’s my fault for being so inexperienced that things ended up like this. You don’t need to shame yourself over me; I’ll let them think I’m just a stray Succubus and let them exterminate me, so please pretend you know nothing about it, sir!” Hearing her say that, I turned towards Aqua and Megumin while protecting the Succubus behind me. I reached my hand back and shoved her towards the exit. While facing the two, I clenched my fists and assumed a fighting stance. “S-Sir!?” As the Succubus let out a quiet shriek: “…And just what are you playing at? Don’t think for a second that a Goddess like me is going to just let that demon go. Kazuma, if you don’t want me to break your face then get out of my way!” Narrowing her eyes, Aqua said something typical of a hooligan. “Aqua! I think Kazuma is under that Succubus’ control; he’s been charmed! He’s been acting strange for a while now! He kept talking about dreams and settings; I’m sure of it! Curse you, damned Succubus, how dare you subject me to such… such disgrace…! I’ll slaughter you!” With wet hair and barefoot, wearing a shirt and tight skirt, Darkness ran into the hall and yelled towards the Succubus. Hearing her yell out threateningly with tears in her eyes, I impulsively backed off some. “Kazuma, have you gone mad? She may be cute, but that’s a demon; a monster! Pull yourself together; that’s an enemy we have to defeat,” Megumin yelled out, shocked and with a cold expression. I couldn’t bear her gaze, but still I refused to back down.

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I kept shoving my hand out behind me, ushering the Succubus to go. Seeing that, Aqua took a step forward and dropped her hips, reading herself. “Looks like we’re going to have to settle this the good ol’ fashioned way…! All right, bring it on! After I wipe the floor with you, I’ll perform that Succubus’ last rites!” With a cry, she charged at me. Seeing that, with grief, the Succubus softly called out: “S-Siiiir!” There are things you absolutely cannot betray. Such as the trust my friends placed in me when they told me the secret. There are things you absolutely must protect. Such as the gentle demon hiding behind me, who satisfies the desires of sad, lonely men. I clenched my fists tight. “Bring it oooooooon!” With burning passion, I let out a roar that echoed throughout the mansion.

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Part 8 “...... ” As I was crouched over working silently in a corner of the garden, I could feel a silent gaze on my back. I was there doing the daily upkeep of the grave. “Hey, you can talk to me already. In fact, I think it was your fault for getting carried away and just going along with it.” “.....! .....” Behind me, Darkness looked like she wanted to say something, but stopped herself. She had taken to standing behind me, arms folded, never saying a word, which made it difficult to get on with work. Back then, I ended up getting battered because of the numeric disadvantage, but I was at least successful in helping the Succubus girl get away. Darkness got it in her head that I was under the Succubus’ influence at the time, which proved a convenient excuse for me, but... “...Do you really not remember anything from last night? The Succubus’ control made you lose your memory, right?” Darkness asked, finally breaking her silence. Just to reaffirm. “Yeah; it’s a shame, but I don’t remember. All I remember is I had a nice dream.” Since a convenient excuse presented itself, I went along with it. This was best for both of us. “I-I see. Then, it’s fine. ...Mm, well, what’s done is done. We can call it an accident and I’ll try to forget as well. ...Still, back then you were so forceful it was frightening, but I didn’t completely hate it. I didn’t appreciate having my naiveté being taken advantage of, though.”

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“Seriously, if you don’t want to play the sheltered ojou-sama, then try brushing up on your knowledge of the world. None of what happened this time was my fault in the first place. I lit a lantern, left a sign on the door and everything. I wonder who played this trick on us...” “...H-Hey, you do remember what happened last night, don’t you? Was that really all because of the Succubus’ influence!?” Throwing a backwards glance at Darkness who was shaking me by the shoulders, I continued to clean the headstone. I don’t know who played that prank on us, but I’m a little thankful to that prankster.

In any case, we finally had our daily lives in order. With the basic necessities all covered, we could start moving forward. I had finally found a peaceful place for myself. I was sure I was going to sleep soundly that night.

That would be the case, if not for the announcement that echoed through the whole town.

“Destroyer warning! Destroyer warning! The mobile fortress Destroyer approaches! All adventurers, please arm yourselves and report to the Adventurers’ Guild! All non- combatants, please prepare for evacuation!”

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Chapter 5: A Fiery End for this Tyrannical Fortress! Part 1 By the time I entered the mansion, it was already pandemonium. “We gotta run! Run far away!” Aqua said, running in circles, making a mess of the house. Next to her, Megumin, who seemed to have already gotten over her panic, was drinking tea with a small bag by her side, seemingly resigned. “I don’t see the point in causing a ruckus now. If we lose everything, including our home, we might as well go and raid the Demon King’s castle.” As I grabbed my gear and headed for the Guild, I looked at them dumbfounded. “...Uh? What’s with you guys? What’s going on here? We have to respond to the emergency call, so go get your stuff.” Finally taking notice of me after I spoke, they responded: “What are you talking about, Kazuma? Don’t tell me you actually want to fight the Mobile Fortress Destroyer?” Aqua said, shocked. She was also carrying a precious-looking pillow under her arm. Actually, I was about to respond to the emergency summons, but I had no idea what it was all about. From the announcer’s panicked tone, I could figure out something bad was coming our way, at least. “Kazuma. Right now, on its way to this town, is none other than the terrifying Mobile Fortress Destroyer; a machine so dreadful that, aside from followers of Axis, nothing, not a single blade of grass, is left in its wake; and it has a bounty to match. Trying to fight it is reckless to say the least.” “Hey, don’t talk about my beloved faithful like that. Wiz said something about them recently too. Why does everyone think so poorly of my flock? They’re all good little children, you know!?” As Aqua was shouting about something, I thought about Megumin’s explanation but nothing really clicked. I’ve heard whispers about this Mobile Fortress thing before. From the name it sounds huge, but what is it? “So, can’t you do something about it with your explosion magic? It sounds big, judging by the name, so you should be able to see it coming from far away, right? Can’t you blow the whole thing up at once?” Megumin replied: “Impossible. The Destroyer has a powerful magical barrier. It can easily withstand one or even two bursts from Explosion.” Who or what the hell is this Destroyer thing?

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“Listen, my believers are nice people! Megumin, listen to me, the ones spreading nasty rumours about my darlings must be those heartless followers of Eris! They all love to glorify Eris, but take my word for it, that girl is rotten! She’s even less forgiving to demons than I am, and completely irresponsible! I bet she even comes down to the surface in her free time! Join the church of Axis! Axis is happy to take you on!” “Aqua, between casually proclaiming yourself a goddess all the time and now bad- mouthing Eris-sama, don’t you think you might be incurring some divine wrath?” “I’m not just proclaiming myself! Why won’t you believe me!?” Looking around, I suddenly realized Darkness was missing. “Huh, where’d Darkness go? She came in before me.” I asked Megumin, as Aqua was shaking her by the shoulders, half in tears and gritting her teeth. “She ran to her room, I think.” Everyone’s a traitor! I don’t what this Destroyer is, but I finally found a place to live. I had just found another of my favourite shops too, and more than anything else, I still have unfinished business in this town. Yesterday ended in disaster because of Aqua’s barrier, but next time...!

In fact, if not for them I might’ve been debt-free and out of here a long time ago. Indeed, even if those lovely demons managed to set up shop in some other city, who’s to say business would be as good as it is here? For now, I have to arm myself and head to the Guild. I have to...!

“...Sorry I took so long! ...Mm, what’s wrong, Kazuma? Hurry and grab your gear. You are coming to the Guild, aren’t you?”

Darkness said to me as she came down the stairs from the second floor, wearing heavier armour than I’d ever seen her wear before. She was wearing a heavy chainmail cloak on top of her usual armour, and a shield attached to her left gauntlet. Despite all that, she was still without a helmet, perhaps wishing to still be recognized as a woman.

It seems like she hadn’t run to her room to pack and leave, but rather to gear up. As expected of what is more or less a holy knight. Abandoning the townsfolk to save your own skin is not an option. “Oi, you two should take a page out of Darkness’ book! Do you not care at all about the house and the town we’ve lived in for so long!? Come on, we’re going to the Guild!” “...Hey, Kazuma, how come you’re so fired up today? It’s like your eyes are sparking. Also, we’ve only lived in this mansion for a day...”

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Part 2 “Oh! So you came after all, Kazuma! I knew we could count on you to show up!” I walked into the Guild fully equipped, and there, likewise sporting heavy gear, was Dust. I was sure you guys would show up, too. Next to him, there were Keith, Taylor and Rin. I took another look all around the Guild. There were all levels of adventurers all around, each and every one of them clad in the best gear they could muster. I’m sure the town was close to all of their hearts as well. For some reason, it felt like the ratio of male adventurers was higher, but that was probably just my imagination. Now that I look, I recognize most of these people. There’s Mitsurugi, the enchanted sword wielder who came from Earth, just like me. It looks like he hasn’t noticed us, which is just as well since I’d rather not get involved. I’d better move on before he spots me.

...Well, looks like most of the adventurers have gathered. “Everyone! We are truly thankful for your gathering on this emergency summons! Presently, we are about to launch an emergency quest to defeat the Mobile Fortress Destroyer. We ask that everyone participate, regardless of class or level. Should the situation turn hopeless, however, we ask that everyone abandon the city and flee. You all represent this town’s last bastion. All our hopes lie with you!” A member of the Guild staff announced loudly, in order to be heard over the noise of the crowd. Then, several of the staff gathered tables from the tavern part of the Guild into the center of the building, arranging them to form some kind of impromptu council room. Ooh, this feels different. There’s real tension in the air. I guess this Destroyer really is a big deal. “Now then, everyone, we shall hold an emergency strategy meeting. Please find a seat!” Following the staff’s instruction, we sat down alongside everyone else. Still, there are a lot of people here. The Guild is spacious, but there must be around a hundred people gathered. As I sat at a table, I took a good look at the other adventurers’ faces. ...Ugh, looks like Mitsurugi noticed us. He was staring right at Aqua, who was lazily playing with the water in her cup.

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“Now, let us begin. Firstly, let us explain the current situation! ...Err, is it necessary to explain about the Mobile Fortress Destroyer?” I and several other adventurers raised our hands. The staff member gave a nod. “The Mobile Fortress Destroyer was initially conceived as a weapon to be used against the Demon King’s forces; a colossal golem created by the arcane technocracy of Noise. A large sum from the national budget was invested in the creation of this massive golem in the shape of a spider. Its size is comparable to a small castle and it is made out of enchanted metal for the most part, making it lighter than its outward appearance would suggest, meaning it can move faster than a horse using its eight giant legs.” Since the Destroyer was so infamous, most adventurers just nodded along as they listened to what they already knew. “Its size and offensive speed cannot be understated. It moves at an incredible speed and its eight legs can crush even the largest of monsters underfoot. Moreover, aside from the unique enchanted framework of the body, it is also protected by a powerful magical barrier. As a result, magical attacks are considered ineffective from the start.” Hearing that, the adventurers started looking troubled and doubtful. They must’ve started becoming more and more aware of how reckless taking on this fight would be. “Since magic is ineffective, we are only left with physical attacks... but approaching it at close range only means getting crushed. Because of that, we must use bows, slings and other physical ranged attacks... but since it is a metal golem it will just deflect arrows, meaning our only choice is to use siege equipment like catapults, but with its movement speed even those are unlikely to hit. Furthermore, in order to defend from aerial monsters’ attacks, the golem’s body is equipped with autonomous medium-sized golems using small ballistae, and it can even deploy combat golems on its body to deal with intruders.” ...I see. “As for why the Mobile Fortress Destroyer went berserk, well... it is said the head researcher for the project is on board, controlling the Mobile Fortress from its core... Given its speed and mobility, there are few places on the continent that haven’t known the ravages of the Destroyer, its spider legs being able to traverse over any land. Such is the Destroyer, the Mobile Fortress that lays waste to both man and monster indiscriminately. When it approaches, the only choice is to abandon the town, let it pass through and then rebuild. This is considered a natural disaster when it happens.” The adventurers who were so rowdy before had gone deathly silent. “At present, the Mobile Fortress Destroyer is on a direct course for our town, approaching from the northwest. ...Well, we are open to suggestions!” Nightmare mode. That’s all that popped into my head.

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...Then, one adventurer raised his hand. “...Um, whatever happened to that magic technocracy of Noise place? If they’re the ones who made it, then they might have something equally strong to take it down with, or at least tell us a weak point or something...” “It has been destroyed. It was the first place to perish when the Destroyer ran wild.” “...Anyone else?” the staff member urged. Another adventurer raised his hand. “What if we, like, dig a big hole outside the town an-“ “They did. A large number of ‘Elemental Masters’ gathered and used the Earth Spirits to dig a massive pit and successfully got the Destroyer to fall in it, but... using the mobility of its eight legs, it was able to jump out. The plan was to bury it by dropping stones on it from above, but they didn’t have enough time to do that.” “...... ” The whole place went so quiet you could hear a pin drop. “...Any other ideas?” Another adventurer raised his hand. “How does the Demon King’s army deal with it? Wouldn’t the Demon King’s castle get trampled as well? How do they defend against the Destroyer? It must be a problem for them too, surely?” “That castle is protected by a powerful magic barrier; one that human strength could never hope to break through. The Demon King’s castle has suffered no damage, and there are no signs of them taking measures against the Destroyer. The fact that it tramples random, wild monsters doesn’t seem to be a concern for them, either.” The staff member calmly continued: “Any other ideas?”

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Part 3 With one half-baked idea after the other, the meeting proceeded less than swimmingly. If someone came up with an idea like using ropes to climb onto the Mobile Fortress, it was immediately shot down with “But it’s too fast”. If someone thought to build a giant barricade the Destroyer couldn’t get through, the staff member would say it knew how to go around walls and continue trampling, making them fall quiet. Magic doesn’t work, it crushes you if you get close, and it shoots down aerial attacks. And to top it all off, it’s fast. Now I understand why Aqua and Megumin thought running was the only option. Probably worn out by the gruelling meeting, Taylor came and sat over at our table. “Oi, Kazuma. You’re a clever guy. Don’t you have any ideas?” I was suddenly put on the spot. ...I’ve got nothing. The only thing I could come up with was having Megumin blow it up from afar, but that idea fell apart by the time I heard about the magic-cancelling barrier...... A barrier that stops magic. I turned to look at Aqua, who was sat next to me, idly doodling on the table with the water from her cup. “Say, Aqua. Wiz said that the Demon King’s castle has a magic barrier around it, but that even with two or three generals still maintaining it your power could still break through it, right? In that case, couldn’t you also break the barrier around the Destro... wait- whoa!? What the-!?” I only got so far when I caught glimpse the painting Aqua had done on the table using just water, and my eyes became glued to it. It was a masterpiece, beyond any doubt. A painting of a beautiful angel musing over a flower...! “Aah, yeah, she did say something like that, didn’t she? I won’t know unless I try, though. I can’t make any promises.” As she spoke, Aqua splashed the leftover water from her cup onto the painting without a hint of regret. “Aah! What a waste! Why’d you ruin it!?” “W-What’s the big deal? I was done with it so I wanted to paint a new one...”

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As we quarrelled amongst ourselves, the staff member shouted out: “You can break through!? Through the Destroyer’s barrier!?” With those words, all eyes turned to me and Aqua. I swiftly waved my hand. “Well, it was just a maybe. She says she can’t guarantee anything.” The guild went into an uproar at my flustered words. And then... “Would you be willing to at least try? If you succeed, we could use magic...! Ah, but wait, weak magic will not work against the Mobile Fortress. I don’t think the firepower the novice mages in this town can put out will be enough....” The staff member put forward another troubling issue, and there was silence again. One adventurer broke that silence with a mutter:

“We do have firepower, though; that crazy girl.” With those words, the Guild became noisy yet again. “That’s right, the crazy girl...!” “There’s that crazy kid...!” “Oi, wait a second, if you’re talking about me then stop beating around the bush. Otherwise I’ll show you just how crazy I am right here and now.” As Megumin stood up with her staff in hand, the adventurers averted their gazes. This was because of Veldia, the Demon King’s underling. He always called her “Crazy Crimson Magic girl”, and the name stuck with the adventurers. She took to her feet forcefully, but under the hopeful stares of everyone around, Megumin’s face quickly turned red: “Uuuu... E-Even with my explosion magic, I am not able to fell this foe in a single blow... I... don’t think...” she struggled to say, before sitting back down. Then I guess we need at least one more. If we had just one more person who could use powerful magic...

As the atmosphere in the Guild was sinking, someone suddenly opened the door and stood in the entrance.

“I’m sorry I’m late...! I’m Wiz, the owner of Wiz’s Magical Item Shop. I’m more or less qualified as an adventurer, so I’d also like to help...” The one who came into the Guild, wearing a work apron over black robes like she suddenly had to leave in the middle of something, was Wiz. With that getup, she looked like a volunteer for some kind of hunger relief effort.

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When they saw her, the adventurers... “It’s the shopkeeper!” “The penniless shopkeeper’s here!” “Shopkeep, you’re always taking care of me in my dreams!” “The shopkeeper’s here! We’re saved! Now we’re saved!” Welcomed her with heartfelt cheers. I knew that Wiz was a Lich; but why were these adventurers so confident in her? “Hey, how come Wiz is so famous? She seems really popular; what gives? Actually, I feel sorry for her so stop calling her penniless. Is her shop really that bad at turning a profit?” I asked Taylor, who was nearby. “Don’t you know? Wiz-san used to be a famous magic user. She was known as a brilliant Archwizard, but she retired before long and disappeared for a while, when she suddenly showed up and opened a shop in this town. The reason her shop isn’t doing too well is because there’s lots of novice adventurers in town who can’t afford or don’t need her magic items. I think she’d do better if she set up shop in the capital or somewhere like that. The enemies we fight aren’t that strong, so there’s no demand for powerful healing items or expensive magic tools. Everyone goes to the shop to see the beautiful owner; it’s just that nobody buys anything.” Seriously, buy something; don’t just go there to gawk. “H-Hello, I’m the shopkeeper, please visit Wiz’s Magical Item Shop... I’m the shopkeeper; thank you very much, please come visit the shop when you can, we’re still operating at a loss...!” Wiz said as she kept bowing in response to the adventurers’ cheers. I’ll... I’ll make sure to buy something the next time I go there. “Wiz-san of Wiz’s Magical Item Shop, it’s been a while since we’ve seen you! On behalf of our staff, welcome back! Please, come this way!” Urged by one of the staff members, and still bopping up and down bowing to everyone around, Wiz was led to a seat at the table in the middle of the room. She sat down and the hopeful eyes of the adventurers turned towards the chairman. In response, the staff member: “Well then, now that we are joined by the shopkeeper, let us resume the strategy meeting! Err, allow me to reiterate for the shopkeeper’s benefit. ...First, Archpriest Aqua- san will dispel the Destroyer’s magical barrier. Then, the craz-...Megumin-san will cast explosion magic on the unprotected Destroyer. That is the plan so far.” Hearing that, Wiz brought her hand to her mouth and began pondering. “...I believe it would be best to use the explosion magic on the legs. The Destroyer has four legs on either side. Megumin-san and I could each cast explosion magic on one side of the Destroyer. If we disable the Mobile Fortress’ legs, we might be able to figure things out from there...” The staff member nodded in agreement to Wiz’s proposal.

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As you’d expect from a Lich, eh? She can even use explosion magic. It’s true that if we managed to disable the legs the Mobile Fortress wouldn’t be quite so mobile anymore, and we wouldn’t have to worry about it trampling the town. Not having to board it, we could sidestep the danger of the combat golems on its body. With the Destroyer immobilized, we could keep a close eye on it and have Megumin unleash her daily dose of Explosion on it, slowly wearing it down. Even the head researcher who was supposedly still inside the fortress might surrender if he had to endure being barraged by magic every day. We went on to form a battle plan based around Wiz’s suggestion. Taking every possibility into account, and with not much to lose, every idea from setting a trap in front of the town to erecting a barricade was brought up. “So, after the barrier is brought down, we will attack the legs with explosion magic. On the off chance that the legs are not completely destroyed, tank adventurers wielding hammers or something similar will be on standby in the areas the Destroyer is expected to pass through. They will attack the legs damaged by magic and put them out of action. We cannot rule out the possibility that the head researcher is still on board the Destroyer, and there is no telling what he might do. In the worst case scenario, we will have Archers equipped with rope arrows at the ready, should we need to board the main body. Those of you who are light on their feet should prepare to charge into the Fortress!”

The Guild staff member acting as chairman restated the battle plan, issuing orders to everyone.

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Part 4 In front of the town, not only the adventurers but also the townsfolk were gathered, working quickly to put together an improvised barrier. Amongst the people putting it together I saw the foreman of the labourers who took us in when Aqua and I first came to this town. It was decided that we’d ambush the Destroyer on the plain in front of the town’s main gate. Those who could set traps were setting them up in that area, regardless of how futile that might’ve been. In front of the barrier, a class of adventurer known as ‘Creators’ were gathered, arguing back and forth amongst themselves and drawing magic circles on the ground. “Oi, Darkness, I won’t scold you so come down from there. I know you’re tough but I think we both know that won’t do you any good this time, and standing there isn’t helping anyone in the first place. Come on, leave your fetishes to one side and let’s retreat back to the side of the road. Okay?” I said, continuing to try and persuade Darkness, as she stood firmly even further out from the barrier in front of the main gate. The pervert Crusader was having none of it. Darkness had stuck her brand-new greatsword into the ground, resting both hands on the handle, unmoving, staring off into the distance towards where the as of yet unseen Destroyer was to come from. She stood there without saying a word, but eventually spoke back: “...Kazuma. Considering my usual behaviour, I understand why you’d think that. ...However, do you think me a woman who would be engrossed with her own desires even at a time like this?” “Yeah I do. Of course you are.” Darkness fell silent for a moment, her cheeks turning red slightly, but she continued. “...I am a holy knight. Moreover, I have a reason to protect this town. Someday, I may tell you what that is.” She gave me a sidelong glance as I nodded, then went on: “I cannot tell you about it yet, but I have a duty to protect the people of this land. I doubt the townsfolk are aware, but that is my creed. That is why... No matter how futile you may think it, come what may, I will not back down a single step.” “You can be so stubborn and selfish at times,” I said, astounded. Slightly disconcerted and with an anxious look, Darkness asked: “...Do you hate stubborn and selfish comrades?” “There is a certain Archpriest who’s so selfish it makes me want to sock her. Still, I can’t say I hate those who are selfish the way you are now.” To my nonchalant words: “...I see,” Darkness replied softly, looking just slightly reassured.

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Part 5 “I couldn’t convince her. Now we have to win this for that stubborn pervert’s sake too.” I leaned over and informed the nervous-looking Megumin, as she stood on alert to the side of the Destroyer ambush area. “I-I-Is-Is that so...! W-We have to do it! I, I-I-I’ll, I’ll definitely have to do it...!” “C-Calm down, will you? Worst case scenario, I’ll strip her heavy armour off with Steal and pull her back against her will!” What’s more worrying...

“Hey, there’s like, smoke coming from your head; you okay? What’s up with that? You trying to challenge me to a party trick battle?” “N-No, Aqua-sama... This is, um, because the weather is so clear, and I’ve been standing under the sun for a long time...”

On the other side of the ambush area, Aqua and Wiz were crouched over, talking about something. Around us and those two were gathered adventurers wielding blunt weapons like hammers that looked effective against golems. There were also the Archers, nocking hook-like arrows with a thin yet sturdy-looking rope attached to the back, at the ready should we have to board the Mobile Fortress the moment it stops moving.

A guild staff member’s magically amplified voice echoed through the plains. “Attention adventurers, the Mobile Fortress Destroyer will soon be in sight! Citizens are asked to evacuate the town as soon as possible! All adventurers, please prepare for battle!”

The Mobile Fortress Destroyer.

It sounds like the kind of half-assed name some cheat-using Japanese came up with, just like the Winter Shogun. I thought it could use a better name, but everyone who saw it agreed it was fitting. As it came over a distant hill, its head came into view first. I felt a slight tremor. It was still far away, but that giant was definitely shaking the earth. “That’s fricking huge...” someone muttered. That is huge. No, I’ve known Megumin for a long time; I know how powerful her explosion magic is. Still, I had to ask myself: Can... Can explosion magic really bring this thing down?

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“Oi, we can’t beat this, can we? Can we do it? It’s hopeless, ain’t it!?” someone nearby blurted out in a panic. “’Create Earth Golem’!” All the Creators raised golems from the earth. The newly-created golems formed a line behind Darkness as if following her as she stood there, the town’s vanguard. All of the Creators in town were also all novices. They could’ve tried to create stronger and bigger golems, but they’d have had to shave off the golems’ active time; hence, the last-minute summoning. “It’s huge! And fast! Faster than I thought!” As the giant figure drew closer, panic grew amongst the adventurers. “Here it comes! Keep your heads down, lads! Don’t stand in front of the Destroyer if you don’t want to get crushed!” Someone shouted vigorously, but nobody really had the presence of mind to listen. The intimidating presence of the Mobile Fortress in front of us was overwhelming... “Hey-, Wiz! I’ll be okay, right? It’ll work, right!?” A long distance away from me and Megumin, Aqua kept asking for assurance from Wiz. “Everything will be fine; you can count on me, Aqua-sama. I am a Lich, the highest rank of the Undead, after all. You just have to break the magic barrier, and I can handle the rest! ...And if we fail, let us all return to the earth as good friends.” “Don’t even joke about that! Don’t ever joke about that!” I couldn’t quite follow the conversation since they were so far away, but as I was watching those two, I said to Megumin, who was next to me, her teeth chattering with anxiety: “Oi, calm down already. Nobody will think any less of you even if you mess up. If things go sour everyone can just abandon the city and run for it. Don’t lose your head.” I didn’t have much to do this time, so I wasn’t too concerned as I spoke. “I-I-I-I-I’m-I’m okay! M-M-M-My explosion magic will sk-scatter it to the wind!” Megumin said, stuttering. It was understandable, though. It’s not just Megumin; most people here are beginners. “Here it comes! Get ready!” Was that Taylor’s voice? For some reason, I was entrusted with commanding when and where Aqua should cast her spell. The Guild staff member even left me a megaphone-like magic tool to shout directions with. Apparently this was because I was the party leader of the key people in our strategy, namely Aqua and Megumin. I think Taylor might have also talked me up to the Guild staff.

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Before we knew it, the Destroyer was only a stone’s throw away. Its presence was so awe-inspiring we could only stare upwards at it. If not for the charge placed on me and Darkness being so stubborn, I would’ve probably turned my back and ran right there and then. The colossal spider-shaped golem’s top was flat like the deck of an aircraft carrier, and on it rode a fortified building like the shell of a hermit crab. Aside from that, deck-like surface was equipped with ballistae in places.

The Mobile Fortress Destroyer.

The stupidly-named giant Mobile Fortress the size of a small castle, which thundered and roared as it stomped the ground underfoot and ploughed through our traps: “Now, Aqua! Do it!” -on its path to trample our homes, had made its way into the ambush spot! “’Sacred Spell Break’!” At my signal, Aqua cast the spell. No sooner than an intricate magic circle appeared around Aqua, a white ball of light appeared at her fingertips. She held her hand forward, and shot the ball at the Destroyer. The moment it came into contact, something like a thin membrane appeared around the Destroyer’s giant body for just a moment, which appeared to resist the ball of light, only to be shattered into small pieces like glass. As if waiting for my instruction, Megumin looked up at me uneasily, grasping her staff and shivering slightly. That membrane that broke must’ve been the magical barrier. That must mean magic will work now. I shouted loudly into the megaphone! “Wiz, you’re up! Blow off its legs on your side!” After issuing the orders to Wiz, I turned to the tense, shivering Megumin. “Oi, is your love for explosion magic the real deal or what? For all you talk about it, are you just going to let Wiz outdo you? Is your explosion magic so wimpy it can’t even destroy that thing!?” “Wh-What was that!? You just had to say the one thing - the only thing worse than mocking my name - the one thing you should never say to me!” The corners of her mouth contorting in anger, with all her nervousness suddenly gone, Megumin made an instant recovery and began reciting her incantation clearly and vigorously...!

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As the Destroyer charged past our advance post with a thunderous roar- A resourceful former Archwizard turned Lich, now struggling to make ends meet as owner of a small magic item shop- And a crazy explosion-obsessed Archwizard girl from the Crimson Magic clan who had poured all she had into a single spell- Cast their ultimate destructive magic on the fortress with a bounty to match is unassailable infamy.

“’Exploooosion’!” x2

Set off in perfect unison, their spells utterly destroyed every single one of the Mobile Fortress’ legs!

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Part 6 Having suddenly lost its legs, with an earth-shaking tremor and a resounding growl the Mobile Fortress’s bottom side crashed into the middle of the plain, its inertia causing it to slide on the ground towards the town. The giant continued to slide along, stopping not at the barrier in front of town, but right next to Darkness’ face, as she continued to stand her ground. Fragments of its massive legs, shattered by the deafening explosion, rained over the adventurers’ heads. The legs on side Wiz was tasked with destroying were so utterly pulverised that hardly any bits of them were left to precipitate. However, debris from our side continued to pour down in large chunks. That means...

“Gununu... H-How vexing... As expected of a Lich; my level is still far from allowing me to compete with Wiz’s explosion magic...” Collapsed on her face, Megumin mumbled dejectedly. I picked up her small body, and she leaned on me, looking awfully pale after having exhausted her mana. “H-How frustrating... N-Next time... Next time I’ll definitely...!” “There, there, you did good, you did good. There’s no way you would’ve won against a magic user as powerful as a Lich. You can just try your best next time. Look, we accomplished our objective. Good job.” I wanted to let her rest under the shade of a tree or something, but the pale-faced Megumin clung to me. “One more time...! Give me another chance! I’ll prove that my explosion magic is the most powerful...!” “H-Hey now, stop it! Don’t pull on my trousers! I get it; your explosion magic is the best! You’re just having a bad day, is all! I’ll watch your explosion magic once you recover your mana, so let’s just get you somewhere safe to rest for now!”

I pulled Megumin along and let her lay down under a tree, and as the other adventurers were trying to hide their heads from the falling debris, Aqua and Wiz came over to me. As for Darkness, she was still standing there, hardly even blinking, having not taken a single step from her spot, taking no notice of the wreckage pouring down. I once again looked up at the massive Destroyer; the colossal, legless Moving Fortress had fallen silent.

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As the metal rain petered out and the dust began to settle enough so they could grasp the situation, the adventurers let out astonished gasps. Our troubles weren’t about to end so easily, though. At times like this, you have to be careful not to jinx it with clichéd “Is it over!?”-type lines, keep your wits about you and surround the enemy, never letting your guard...! “We did it! Man, for a grandiose name like Mobile Fortress Destroyer I have to say I’m disappointed. Alright, let’s go back and get our drinks on! Just think how much money we’ll get for taking down a nation-killer like this!” “You idiot! Why do you love to go for the clichés like that!? Now that you said something like that...!” I frantically tried to stop Aqua from continuing with her stupid babbling. ...But it seems I was too late. “...? Wh-What could this be; this shaking...” As Wiz approached alongside Aqua, she looked up nervously at the Mobile Fortress. The shockwaves that were rocking the earth were obviously coming from the Destroyer. As the adventurers looked up uneasily at the giant; Suddenly: “Mobility has been compromised. Mobility has been compromised. Unable to divert excess heat and energy. Operations personnel are to evacuate and seek shelter immediately. Mobility has...“ An automated voice sounded from inside the Mobile Fortress, repeating again and again. “See, I knew it! For every one thing you do right you screw up two others!” “Wait! Hey, wait! This-This isn’t my fault! I didn’t do anything this time!”

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Part 7 As the evacuation order sounded off endlessly from inside the Destroyer, I gathered the nearby adventurers. “Oi, what’s this warning about? Doesn’t that mean we’ll be in trouble if we stay here?” one adventurer asked. I think so too. In fact, I’m pretty sure everyone here realizes that. “Probably. I’m pretty sure it means it’s headed for a big boom.” My words made the adventurers’ faces tense up. If this giant fortress exploded, there’s no telling how much damage it would cause. Without even knowing what powers the thing, there doesn’t seem to be anything more we can do. In fact, forget about doing anything; we need to get out of here already... Would our stubborn Crusader be okay with abandoning the town and running, though? Wait, it’s not like we know for sure the explosion would be big enough to completely destroy the town. With that kind of excuse, I might be able to convince that bull-headed...! “Th-The shop... If the town gets destroyed, I-I’ll... I’ll lose the shop...” Wiz said, on the verge of tears. She must’ve been talking about her own magic item store. But... “Mobility has been compromised. Mobility has been compromised. Unable to divert excess heat and energy. Operations personnel are to evacuate and seek shelter immediately. Mobility has...“ As the announcement kept sounding off again and again, someone muttered: “...I’ll do it.” I wonder just who that was. “...Me too. I remember now why I’m still in this novice town despite being over level 30.” ...Th-There’s people like that? Still, I understand where they’re coming from. “For all the inexpensive comfort this town has offered me, I owe it a debt. I can’t let it end until I’ve repaid it!” ...... The silence returned. The only thing that could be heard was... “Mobility has been compromised. Mobility has...”

I took the megaphone in my hand, and yelled at the top of my lungs.

“Whoever wants to board the Mobile Fortress Destroyer, raise your hands!” As the adventurers raised their hands without a moment’s hesitation, the Archers shot their hooked rope arrows at the Destroyer! 136

The Archers used a skill called Snipe. It significantly increased the distance their arrows travelled, as well as their accuracy. Boosted by the skill, the arrows easily reached the Destroyer’s massive deck in spite of their heavy heads and attached rope. The hook on the end of the arrows stuck into the various protrusions on the golem’s surface. Tugging on the ropes attached to the ends of the arrows made them taut. One after the other, the adventurers pulled on a rope each and began climbing up. It might’ve been inappropriate at this point to remark how they managed to climb up despite wearing heavy armour, or to ask where their superhuman strength was coming from. Before long, the adventurer who first started climbing made it first onto the deck. The others followed behind almost as if they had been training for this day to come, their morale still amazingly high...! “Let’s get in there!” x? One after another the adventurers let out battle cries like bandits raiding a small village would, as they sieged the massive fortress! “U-Uwaah... Hey, Kazuma, I’d rather not get involved with what’s going on there... I think at this point we can just leave them to handle it. Can we just go home? Let’s go home and have another go at it tomorrow?” Aqua pulled on my sleeve, seemingly creeped out by the overly-zealous adventurers. We can’t do that, though. That’s where my likeminded comrades are doing battle. “We can’t go home now, you idiot. Can’t you see those determined, daring heroes boarding the Destroyer? This is where your real job starts. If you’re half the half-assed goddess you say you are, heal those brave souls.” I left Aqua with those words as I ran to follow the others onto the Fortress. The Archers who shot the rope arrows were also already on-board. I shouted: “Darkness, your armour’s too heavy to climb in! Megumin, you rest up! Wiz, do whatever you can! Aqua, you’re the main culprit so you’re coming with me!” “Hey, wait! I told you, I didn’t do anything this time!” I grabbed onto a rope and Aqua followed, half in tears. Wiz also grabbed a rope and followed us. We climbed up to the deck, and there was...! “Surround the golems! Circle ’em! Use the ropes to tie up as many as you can! Hit ’em with your hammers when they’re down!” I can’t tell who’s assaulting who anymore. Many of the small golems and combat golems had already been brought down by the supposedly novice adventurers.

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“Oi, lads! In here! Get it open! Break this door down with yer hammers!” “Show yourself! Come on out you bastard! We’d like to have a word with you!”

Looking towards where the jeers where coming from, several adventurers were trying to break down a door towards where the person said to be responsible for controlling the Fortress might have been holed up. Yeah, we’re definitely the aggressors at this point. And then... “One of the big ones went that way!” I turned that way and saw a single combat golem. It was a large, blocky and clunky humanoid golem, not all too different from the robots of yesteryear. As it started heading towards us, the other adventurers came to our aid. But I had a secret anti-golem weapon. “Oi, Aqua, let me show you something cool: a clever way to use a skill.” I wriggled my fingers and stuck my hand out, palm facing up, towards the golem. The opponent is a golem. Meaning if you take away one of its parts, it will stop moving. This is a move I’d used against mechanical enemies in an RPG once. That’s right, if you use a stealing-type skill against a machine, it’s a one-hit-kill! Even I work on improving every day. “’Steal’!” “Hey-! Kazuma, wai-!” Realizing my intention, Aqua raised her voice trying to stop me, but... In my outstretched palm, the golem’s large head flawlessly appeared. Of course, without its head, the golem stopped moving instantly.

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All according to keikaku...!7 As the golem’s quite heavy head manifested in the firm grip of my right hand, in accordance with gravity, it pinned my hand to the ground. “...Gyaaaah! My arm! My aaaaarm!” As I replaced my smug face with a teary one, the adventurers rushed to pry the golem’s head from off my hand. “Aaah! Are you okay, Kazuma-san!? You shouldn’t use your Steal skill against enemies carrying heavy things!” As Wiz worried about me, Aqua looked at my right hand. “Aqua... It’s-It’s broken. It’s definitely broken.” “It’s not even fissured. I guess I’ll heal you, but try not to get carried away and do stupid things like that, will you?” H-How embarrassing!

“It’s open!” The adventurers broke down the nearby door with their hammers, and flooded inside. They’re probably not scared of anything at this point. Paying no mind to the announcement still going out, party composition and everything else be damned, they rushed through. We also followed behind the very inspiring group of adventurers. There were still several golems inside, but they were dealt with effectively. ...Usually it’s every man for himself, but a bunch of adventurers working together is a force to be reckoned with. We went deep into the building, finally stopping as a crowd formed outside one room. Everyone in that group wore an equally sullen expression, making me wonder where their enthusiasm from earlier had gone. “...Oh, Kazuma. Good timing. ...Take a look at that,” Taylor said to me, from the middle of the room. Even he looked disheartened. I looked towards what he pointed out. ...It was a person’s desiccated remains. The head researcher responsible for the Mobile Fortress was on board; sat all alone in a chair in the middle of the room, deep inside the golem-infested stronghold. I called Aqua into the room. I wordlessly pointed towards the skeleton, but she shook her head calmly. “He’s already passed on peacefully. He won’t turn into an undead; he died contented, without any lingering regrets.”

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...... Contented? “No, he must have had some regrets. He obviously died a sad, lonely death in here...” Aqua seemed to find something as I spoke. It was a journal, buried under a clutter of papers on top of a desk. She picked it up and the room grew silent. As the adventurers watched intently, only the automated warning could be heard.

Aqua began reading the journal aloud:

「○ Month; × Day. The bigshots sprung a real load on me. They want me to build a mobile weapon on this budget. Ridiculous. I keep complaining but they won’t listen. Not even when I cried and begged them. I tried to quit but they won’t accept my resignation. I tried pretending I’d gone retarded and ran around in my pants, but the female researchers asked me to take those off too. This country’s fucked.」

...Instinctively, everyone’s gaze turned towards the weathered skeleton.

「○ Month; × Day. The deadline for the design is today. What do I do? I can’t tell them I only have a blank page so far. I mean, I said fuck it and drank away the advance payment. As I was wracking my brain over the blank blueprint a goddamn spider crawled onto it. Fuck spiders. I screamed and smashed it with the closest thing I could grab. I crushed it. Onto the blueprint. …I don’t even have the money to pay for this really expensive high-quality sheet of paper if they ask me for it. Fuck it. Might as well just submit it like this.」

...Uhm. A weird mood was setting in but Aqua kept reading.

「○ Month; × Day. They liked the design more than I thought. I couldn’t tell them I was impressed they’re willing to touch a spider splattered on a sheet of paper. They keep moving the project along. What do I do? All I did was kill a spider. They put me in charge, though. Woohoo!」

...I was starting to wonder if Aqua was just making this up, but she kept reading with a serious look on her face.

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「○ Month; × Day. I haven’t done jack but they keep making progress. They don’t even need me for this, do they? What the hell? Whatever, I don’t even care anymore. I’ll do what I want to do and live the way I want to live. …They asked me for a power source; how the fuck should I know? I told them this was stupid from the start. I said to bring some legendary ultra-rare ore that burns forever; Coronatite. I dun told them, I did. You go bring that, I’ll wait.」

......

「○ Month; × Day. They went and brought it. Holy shit they actually brought it. I’ve never worked with this nuclear reactor type shit. What do I do, seriously what the hell do I do now? I only asked for it because I never thought they’d actually get it but now they actually did. What’ll happen if it doesn’t work? What will they do to me? Eh, death sentence? They’ll execute me if this thing doesn’t work, won’t they? Please work, I’m begging you! 」

Our stares look like they’re bothering her…

「○ Month; × Day. They told me we’ll be testing the movement system tomorrow, but honestly I haven’t done anything. All I did was crush a spider. Today’s the last day I can lounge in this chair, huh… That pisses me off. Fuck it, I’ll get wasted. This is my last supper. I’ll get fucking shattered! There’s nobody left in the mobile weapon today. Nobody will mind if I get pissed and make an ass of myself. Let’s start with the most expensive bottle!」

As Aqua read the journal aloud, she started to look almost panicked by our gazes.

「○ Month; × Day. Everything was shaking when I woke up. What’s this? What’s going on? How much did I drink? I can’t remember. I can’t remember any of yesterday. All I remember was going to the power core and talking shit to the Coronatite. Wait a sec. I said I’d burn it with a cigarette and then I…”」

Aqua kept trying to avoid eye contact more and more as she read.

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「○ Month; × Day. I’ve grasped the situation. And it’s over. It’s currently on a rampage. What do I do? I’m sure they’re blaming me. I definitely made the wanted list. They won’t forgive me if I cry and say I’m sorry now, will they… Oh man… They’re gonna break the mobile weapon down, drag me out and hang me for this. Fuck ‘em. Fuck the bigshots, fuck the king, fuck the researcher lady who laughed when I took my pants off, fuck all of them! I hope the whole kingdom blows up! Whatever, I’m getting drunk and going to bed. I’m not short on booze or food. I’ll just sleep on it.」

Before long, the sound of fists clenching could be heard in the room.

「○ Month; × Day. Kingdom’s blown up. It’s destroyed, man, it’s fucked! Looks like the people and those bigshots all managed to run away, though. But I blew up the kingdom. Oh man, what a relief! I’m happy. I’m okay with this. I’ve made up my mind. I’m going to live the rest of my life on this mobile weapon. It’s not like I can get off, anyway. Can’t stop it, either. Whoever made this thing must’ve been a fuckin’ idiot. …Oh, wait! It was me!」

She stopped reading. With an awkward look, Aqua said: “…Th-The end.” “You kiddin’ me!?” everyone except Aqua and Wiz exclaimed, in perfect unison.

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Part 8 “So this is the Coronatite, huh. How are we even supposed to take this thing out?” We were in the core of the Mobile Fortress. It couldn’t fit too many people, so everyone entrusted me, Aqua and Wiz with coming here. In the middle of the room, enclosed between iron bars, we could see a small stone; the Coronatite. That rare mineral continuously gave off a red light, as if burning. Still, what can we do here? There’s no way we can take it out through the iron cage. ...I get it. This is its last defensive measure against invaders. It was easy to light it through the gaps in the grate, but you couldn’t take it out. “What should we do? ...Ah, right; we could get whatshisface-san with the enchanted sword to...” Aqua was about to say something when I had a flash of inspiration. “Hey, we won’t have to break the bars if I just do this, right? The grate isn’t an issue. If I get close... ‘Steal’!” “Aah! Ka-Kazuma-san!?” As Wiz shouted something at me, the Coronatite bypassed the grill and appeared in my hand, as expected.

Burning red-hot.

“Hoooooooooooooooot!” “’Freeze’! ‘Freeze’!” “’Heal’! ‘Heal’! ...Hey, are you stupid? I used to think you were pretty clever most of the time, but between this and the golem thing; are you sure you’re not actually an idiot?” D-Damn it! I can’t even say anything back to that! After having scorched my right hand and nearly my arm along with it, the Coronatite which had been quickly cooled down with ice rolled on the floor to Wiz’s feet. Despite being flash-frozen, it quickly became bright red again... “This is bad, we don’t have much time. It looks like it might explode at any moment. What should we do...?” At Wiz’s feet, the Coronatite was glowing brighter and brighter. At some point, the automated warning had stopped. This rock must’ve been powering the whole fortress. Still, I have no idea how we could deal with the thing. Frankly, this is beyond what any of these adventurers can manage. What can you do with a stone that burns so bright it can power an entire fortress...? That’s right. When you’re stuck, turn to the gods!

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“Oi, Aqua, can’t you seal this thing away or something? Isn’t that how it usually goes; the Goddess seals away the evil or something like that!?” “That is how it usually goes! In videogames! Hey, Wiz, can’t you do something!?” The self-proclaimed something-or-other passed the buck, dumping the unreasonable demand on the Lich she usually bullies. I expected Wiz to say it was impossible, but... “There is one thing I could do, but... I don’t have enough mana left. Um, Kazuma-san, I need your help!” She said with a serious expression, bringing her face right up close to mine. “W-With what, exactly?” Looking desperate, Wiz placed both palms of her hands on my cheeks, her thumb lightly touching my lips. Without hesitation, she said: “Will you let me suck it out!?” “With pleasure.” I won’t ask something dumb like “Suck what out?” I won’t say “At a time like this!?” either. I’m not the dense type who gets lost or plays dumb in this situation. “Thank you! Well, if you’ll excuse me!” Whether I wanted to or not, all I could see were Wiz’s moist lips.

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Mom, dad, right now, in this alternate world, I’m about to become a... man...? “I’m sorry, Kazuma-san! Drain Touch!” “Aaaaaaaaaaah!” “H-Hey, wait! If you drain any more Kazuma-san’s going to dry out!” Aqua rushed to stop Wiz, and she let go just before I lost consciousness. What a let-down. Well, I can’t say I didn’t see it coming!

“With this, I’ll be able to use teleportation magic! ...The question is where to send it... The only teleport destinations I know are Axel, the royal capital and a dungeon. What shall we do...?” So she was going to teleport the stone. “What’s the problem with sending it to that dungeon?” “T-That is... I know it as a teleport destination because I go there to collect magical ingredients, and it’s the world’s largest dungeon... There is a tourist town there and the dungeon’s specialties are its main draw...!” “What a pain in the ass! Oi, this is bad! The stone went from glowing red to white!” As Aqua and Wiz were fretting over it, I kept trying to cool the burning stone down with water and Freeze. “There is one thing I could do, I suppose! I could send it off without a destination using a Random Teleport! However, I will have no idea where it ends up; it would be great if it goes into the sea or on a mountain, but at worst it might end up somewhere where there’s a lot of people...!” Wiz frowned as she spoke with tears welling in her eyes. Random Teleport? “It’s fine! It’s a big world out there! It’s much more likely it’ll end up somewhere uninhabited than in a place with people living in it! It’s okay, I’ll take full responsibility! They say I have good luck, despite everything!” In response, Wiz nodded and loudly intoned the spell. “’Teleport’!”

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Part 9 “What happened? Where did the Coronatite go? It’s not nearby, is it!?” At my words, Wiz and Aqua looked at each other anxiously. In any case, we have to get out of here first. We left the room, and since the golems on deck had all been defeated and the alarm stopped, the other adventurers were pulling out. One after the other began descending down the ropes, leaving only us on the deck. I noticed they were also taking the researcher’s bones down to the ground, in a wooden box. They probably intended to bury them in the town graveyard. We also came down and made for Darkness and Megumin. I took Megumin from where she was resting in the shade of a tree and carried her on my back, passing by the adventurers who were completely engrossed in a festive mood by this point, to where Darkness was standing, still in her imposing stance in front of town. Completely unlike the celebrating adventurers, Darkness still glared at the Mobile Fortress with a stern look. “Oi, Darkness. We took care of the Destroyer’s core. It’s over now. *Sigh*...I’m seriously tired. Let’s go back to the house and treat ourselves something good to eat for today.” Darkness replied with a murmur. “It’s not over yet. I can smell formidable enemies, and I can still feel the scent of danger in the air. ...That thing is not finished yet!” As if reacting to Darkness’ words, the Mobile Fortress itself began to shudder and tremble. Oi, oi, I thought we took out its heart! “What’s going on? Hey, what’s happening to it!?” “C-C-C-C-Calm down! In times like this it’s one of those things! One of those either cut the red wire or the white wire things!” “Wait, that’s what you do with bombs! We took out the Destroyer’s core, so how can it still move!?” Besides us, the adventurers must’ve also taken notice of the strange phenomenon, as they quickly began putting distance between themselves and the Destroyer. “Wh-What shall we do!? It seems the heat that was trapped inside is going to burst out! There’s no way I can teleport something that large! Do you see the large fissure caused by the explosion on the front part of the Destroyer? That is where the heat will escape from! At this rate it’s going to hit the town...!” “I don’t wanna hear it I don’t wanna hear it! Kazuma-san, Kazuma-saaan! Hurry and do something about thiiiis!” Aqua interrupted Wiz, asking a hell of a lot from me.

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I mean, what could I even-...! “M-Mana! Someone please give me mana! If I cast explosion magic on that crack, the blasts will cancel each other out!” Wiz suddenly asked the adventurers who were nearby. In a panic, I quickly grabbed Wiz and whispered to her: “O-Oi, Wiz! What are you blurting out all of a sudden!? The other adventurers don’t know you can Drain! What will you do if they find out you’re a Lich!? I’m human so they can investigate me for knowing Lich skills all they want, but if they start checking to see if you’re human that’ll be the end!” “B-But! I need to drain mana in order to stop that...!” Wiz only got so far before I stuck my hand out to stop her. “I can drain too. Let me quickly drain from somebody and deliver it back to you. It’s more work but it’s our only option.” Drain Touch does not only drain mana and stamina from others, but it also lets you share them with others. Mana, mana.... If I’m looking for some adventurer with a lot of mana...! “Hey, Darkness, stop being stubborn and let’s get out of here already! Far away from here! We can start over from there! ...Wait a minute? Thinking about it, our debt comes from the Guild in this town, so if it were to go away...!” “Oi, self-proclaimed whatchamacallit. Get over here.” I took the one with the most mana who was shouting nonsense and dragged her over. “Hey, what do you want? I don’t have time for you right now. We should beeeeaaaaah!?” Aqua didn’t even have time to react to my sudden Drain Touch as she started screaming. “Excuse me, HikiNEET, but are you aware this is an emergency!?” “I’m doing it because it’s an emergency! Listen to me and listen good! You’re going to give me your mana, and I’m going to give it to Wiz so she can blow up the Destroyer! That should settle it!” “No way! Why should I have to give my mana to some stinky undead!? Besides, if Wiz takes in too much of my holy magic energy she’s going to go bye-bye!” Hearing that, I turned to Wiz and she, pale-faced, nodded forcefully. “Um... I took a bit of Aqua-sama’s mana before and, um, it left me in a truly bad way...” So it’s like food poisoning or something. Seems Aqua was telling the truth. In that case, our only choice is-

“The star takes the stage.”

Megumin got off my back.

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Part 10 “You understand, right? You won’t suck out too much, right? You won’t, right!?” “I get it, I get it; this is the lead-in to the goddess of party tricks. It’s fine, leave it to me!” “That’s not what I meant! Don’t say that like a comedian or something!” Aqua was sitting in seiza in front of me, waiting for me to start draining her mana. Next to her, Megumin stood pointing her staff at the Destroyer, ready to cast the spell at any moment. “Kazuma-san, the drain is more effective when applied from somewhere where the skin is thinner! Also, the source of magic is near the heart. Draining is most efficient when done from somewhere close to the heart!” Wiz instructed me with a serious face. I see; somewhere where the skin is thinner, huh. That must’ve been why she touched me near my lips when she drained me. I couldn’t do that; I don’t want to give them any weird ideas. ...No, wait a second. “I’m ready any time! To think I’d get to use my explosion magic twice in one day, today hyaaaaaaaaaaah!” As I placed my right hand on Megumin’s back, she stiffened up and screamed. “What are you doing all of a sudden!? Putting your cold hand on my back; I thought my heart was going to stop! What is this? Is it sexual harassment? Are you sexually harassing me at a time like this!?” “No, idiot! Didn’t you hear what Wiz just said!? This isn’t sexual harassment; I just have the drain’s effectiveness in mind! She said a place where the skin is thin and close to the heart so I thought about the back! ...Ah, hey- wait! Oi, Aqua, stop struggling! We’re trying to save the town so it’s for a just cause! You should be thankful I’m not doing this from the front!” Hearing that, Aqua began putting up even more of a fight, not letting me touch her back. “Everyone, we don’t have much time left!” Wiz shouted out, tearfully.

Having reached a compromise, I grabbed both Megumin and Aqua by the napes of their necks. I redirected the mana from Aqua to flow into Megumin. “Oh boy, this is something else! Aqua’s mana is amazing! With this I’ll be able to cast my most powerful of explosions!” “Hey, Megumin, isn’t this enough!? I’ve already been sucked quite a lot, I think!” Just like Aqua said, an incredible amount of mana had already been injected into Megumin’s tiny body. As you’d expect from a goddess, albeit a rotten one. No matter how much mana I sucked out of her, she showed no signs of running dry.

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“A lil’ more! Just a little bit more! Ah- oh, this might be dangerous...” “Oi, what do you mean ‘dangerous’!? You won’t blow up if we go over-capacity, right!?” As she began blurting out ominous things, Megumin peeled the eyepatch from her left eye and began chanting her spell while pointing her staff. The adventurers watched intently from a distance, as the by now all-too-familiar explosion magic incantation resounded. “All else aside, when it comes to explosion magic! I will not lose to anyone! Here goes! My ultimate spell of destruction!” Megumin pointed the tip of her staff towards the large crack in the Destroyer’s hull, which looked like it was about to burst at any moment.

Her crimson eyes glittering, the Archwizard who refused to be outdone by anyone called out so loudly her voice almost cracked.

“Explooooosion!”

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Epilogue A few days had passed since operation ‘Intercept the Mobile Fortress Destroyer’. Which brings us to today. The Adventurers’ Guild was overcome with an unusual fervour. I don’t think I need to explain why. All the adventurers were looking at the staff members, with great anticipation. “Kazuma. This may come to you as overdue, but I am once again truly thankful. You have truly saved this town. ...Thank you, thank you so much...! I’d like to tell you about myself one day; about why I want to protect this town.” Thus did Darkness, dressed in casual clothing, say to me with a bashful smile. The two of us were a bit further away from the other adventurers. I looked at her and replied: “You know, you were pretty cool yourself back there.” Hearing me suddenly say that, Darkness probably thought back to how she stood unwavering, refusing to take a single step back from the encroaching Destroyer. “I-Is that so..?” With a slight blush, she looked away timidly. I followed: “Even though you were the least useful.” With a blunt remark. “!?” My words made her twitch as she still had her back turned to me. “Oh yeah; If you think about it, all Darkness did was stand in front of town, huh. Hey, I worked hard, though! I broke the barrier, and healed Kazuma and everything! I even gave my mana to Megumin!” Aqua, who had showed up at some point, said to Darkness with no particular ill will. Hearing that made Darkness twitch again. “I, of course, had the greatest contribution by casting my explosion magic twice in a day. The second one even pulverised the Destroyer, after all!” And again, appearing out of the blue, Megumin said with no intended malice, making Darkness twitch yet again. “I believe Kazuma-san had a great contribution! He was a splendid commander, and despite a couple of mishaps, managed to defeat a large golem, get the Coronatite out of its cage and supply me with mana...!” And yet again, out of nowhere, Wiz said without a hint of bitterness, and Darkness, seeming like she couldn’t stomach any more, buried her face in her hands.

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“Speaking of Wiz, you cast explosion at the start, cooled my hand and teleported the Coronatite at the last minute before it exploded... Wiz is the MVP, isn’t she?” Having said that, I turned to Darkness who was still covering her face and giving off slight twitches. “...So, aside from throwing a tantrum about protecting the town, what’s your contribution?” “Th-This...! This is such a new-! ...Waaaaaaah!” Having gotten my fill of teasing Darkness, who was now squatting down covering her beet-red face- The commotion in the Guild suddenly stopped. I lifted my gaze and saw the reason. There, next to a Guild staff member who had a somewhat gloomy look, stood two knights and a black-haired woman. I see; the bounty for the enemy we took down this time was far greater than that for a general of the Demon King, since it was a great threat to every city. That must mean the Guild staff aren’t the ones issuing the bounty, but rather the kingdom’s knights had come to personally hand us the reward. Damn, they might even offer me to join their ranks. As we looked on attentively and with high expectations, the woman noticed and made a beeline towards me. Her eyes were affixed to me, and her gaze burned with a zealous intensity. If I had to compare it to something...

It was the kind of look you’d give someone who threatened your parents.

“Adventurer Satou Kazuma! You are as of now under investigation on charge of subversion of the state! I’m afraid you’re going to have to come with me!”

The End

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Afterword Thanks to everyone’s support, volume 2 is out. When I was first offered to have the first volume published, I thought I might’ve been on candid camera or something so I was always on edge, but now I’m starting to think this may be real after all. I’m sure the moment I let my guard down is when I’ll find out it’s all a prank, though, so I’ll stay vigilant.

Yesterday I went to visit Tokyo. I’ve lived in urban areas before, more or less, but I usually live like a hermit out in the countryside, so going to a place with so many people made me panic. When I arrived in Tokyo station, the sheer number of people almost made me burst into tears and start running back. I didn’t go to the big city in order to escape from the reality of daily life, but I had a pre-arranged work-related meeting I had to see through. Since I arrived early, I went scrounging around Akihabara. In case I didn’t see my book being sold in the many bookstores, I was prepared to throw a tantrum going “Eeeeh? You don’t have iiiiit? You don’t have ‘Konosubaaaa’?” but they very thoughtfully did in fact carry it. Thank ye kindly, thank ye kindly...! After that, I wandered around the Kadokawa building, and worried about what I’d do if the security guard stopped me because I entered the building dressed the way I was, but the meeting concluded without a hitch. Then, my editor treated me to a lavish meal and I got to have my fill of the big city. The next day, a typhoon hit Tokyo. As the trains were stopped all over, “Aah, this must be a message from heaven saying I don’t have to rush home and get to work and instead can have some fun”, I thought, so I roamed around the metropolitan area amidst the howling wind. I had fun loitering in all sorts of places, but I got lost countless times and thought to myself “If I won’t be able to find the way back, I’ll buy a tent or something and just live here.” Where I live is the kind of backwoods where we don’t have to wait at traffic lights, but rather for wild boars to cross, and despite the inconveniences, I think life in the countryside suits me better.

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Now, about the book. Currently, on Sneaker Bunko’s home page, the Megumin-centric spinoff titled “Kono subarashii sekai ni bakuen wo!” 8 is being serialized. If you are interested, please consider taking a look at it. It also has illustrations by Mishima Kurone-san, so by all means. It takes place a year before she met Kazuma and the others, so Megumin’s hair is even shorter and she did not yet have her eyepatch. It deals with the story of that mysterious thing that rides on Megumin’s shoulder, so those of you who are curious about that are absolutely encouraged to check it out. Still, with the release of volume 2 I’ve been as troublesome to so many people as always. For me, the most difficult thing was coming up with the titles for each chapter. The truth is, the one in charge of the subtitles for each volume is K-san. For a writer, coming up with title and character names is probably the most time- consuming part. It’s something you need to have a knack for, and I’m sure I’ll have to rely on my colleagues for help with the title names in the future, so I’d like to apologise in advance. Seems like the afterword of every volume is nothing but me apologising.

Still, it’s thanks to all of you that we were able to put this volume out. Thank you, thank you so much! Speaking of, the web novel was concluded the other day. To those of you who have come from the web version, I’d like to announce that the published version is the real deal. I have lots of new material I want to put into volume 3 and onwards. I hope to make this much more entertaining than the web novel, and that would only be possible with your support! I may be a hack author, but I would never lie about the contents of... my... work...?

So, to everyone who helped make this book what it is, and especially to the readers who went through the trouble of picking it up: Once again, I am truly, very thankful!

Akatsuki Natsume

8 Explosions upon this wonderful world! 155

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Notes Here’s a joke you missed because I’m too lazy and stupid to do any more than the very bare minimum of typesetting: that blue speech bubble on the cover says “Even though I have chuunibyou I want to use magic!” which is a reference to Chuunibyou demo Koi ga Shitai!, of course. Kept you waiting for that one. I only noticed it when putting the finishing touches on this volume. Sometimes I wonder how many references in Konosuba go completely over my head. I try to add TNs for anything I spot that warrants explanation and isn’t something you can just readily google, but I just want to have a disclaimer saying I’m not the best person to be picking up on every reference and linguistic complexity. I’m a hack fraud.

Some changes to how I did things in the previous volume: No translation on the colour illustrations at the start, for one. Really, all they have is character names and some quotes taken from the relevant part in the novel, so you’re not exactly missing much. It’s not really an excuse, but you get what you pay for, I suppose. I also went and changed some skill names from the first volume in this one. Detect Enemy becomes Sense Enemy, Lurk becomes Conceal. Hopefully that won't be too confusing. I pretty much used the same skill names from the anime subs in the first volume, but these new ones are better translations. I have real issues keeping consistency. The naming convention of the chapters is particularly hard to keep both consistent and accurate. I try to avoid being confusing but I prefer being accurate.

In the afterword of the last volume I called Akatsuki-sensei "her" because for some reason I thought he was a woman. I had just heard that somewhere. Turns out I need to learn to stop listening and believing, because he is actually a man. Oops. I'm going to say that part of the blame goes to the shitty English language for being not as ambiguous as Japanese. Also “Natsume” is in hiragana. Come on, that's misleading.

So, that's another volume done. Still a long way to go but I haven't lost interest, at least not to the degree I expected, so maybe I can actually make it all the way. Thanks again to Skythewood and the folks at Yen Press for their translations, without which a retard who doesn't speak a lot of Japanese like me couldn't have made it this far. I still recommend the official Yen Press releases if you want to support the creators since they're actually decent, but I still recommend buying figures more since you can explode on Megumin. Also buy the BDs, you assholes. Let’s make the anime go up to season 9 like Teekyuu. Once again, thanks and apologies to Akatsuki-sensei for the source material, which continues to be somewhat of an obsession for me. Isekai is suicide prevention. All the best.

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