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How You Can Use The NVC Process

Honestly expressing how Empathically receiving how I am without blaming you are without hearing or criticizing blame or criticism OBSERVATIONS 1. What I observe (see, hear, 1. What you observe (see, hear, remember, imagine, free from remember, imagine, free from my evaluations) that does your evaluations) that does or or does not contribute to my does not contribute to your well-being: well-being: “When I (see, hear) . . . ” “When you see/hear . . . ” (Sometimes dropped when offering ) FEELINGS 2. How I feel (emotion or 2. How you feel (emotion or sen- sensation rather than thought) sation rather than thought) in in relation to what I observe: relation to what you observe: “I feel . . . ” “You feel . . .” NEEDS 3. What I need or value (rather 3. What you need or value (rather than a preference, or a specific than a preference, or a specific action) that causes my feelings: action) that causes your feelings: “...because I need/value . . . ” “...because you need/value . . .”

Clearly requesting that Empathically receiving that which would enrich my which would enrich your life life without demanding without hearing any demand REQUESTS 4. The concrete actions I would 4. The concrete actions you like taken: would like taken: “Would you be willing to . . . ?” “Would you like . . . ?” (Sometimes dropped when offering empathy)

© . For more about Marshall Rosenberg or the Center for Nonviolent please call 1-818-957-9393 or visit www.CNVC.org. Feeling Words When Needs Are Being Met

Affectionate Hopeful Compassionate, Friendly, Loving, Expectant, Encouraged, Optimistic Openhearted, Sympathetic, Tender, Warm Inspired Confident Amazed, Awed, Radiant, Rapturous, Empowered, Open, Proud, Safe, Secure Thrilled, Wonder Engaged Joyful Absorbed, Alert, Curious, Engrossed, Amused, Delighted, Glad, Happy, Jubilant, Enchanted, Entranced Pleased, Tickled Excited Peaceful Amazed, Animated, Ardent, Aroused, Calm, Clear headed, Comfortable, Astonished, Dazzled, Eger, Energetic, Centered, Content, Equanimous, Fulfilled, Enthusiastic, Giddy, Invigorated, Lively, Mellow, Quiet, Relaxed, Relieved, Satisfied, Passionate, Surprised, Vibrant Serene, Fascinated, Interested, Intrigued, Exhilarated Involved, Spellbound, Stimulate Blissful, Ecstatic, Elated, Enthralled, Refreshed Exuberant Enlivened, Rejuvenated, Renewed, Rested, Grateful Restored, Revived Appreciative, Moved, Thankful, Touched Still Tranquil, Trusting

Feeling Words When Needs Are Not Being Met

Afraid Embarrassed Apprehensive, Dread, Foreboding, Ashamed, Chagrined, Flustered, Guilty, Frightened, Mistrustful, Panicked, Petrified, Mortified, Self-conscious Scared, Suspicious, Terrified, Wary, Worried Fatigue Angry Beat, Burned out, Depleted, Exhausted, Enraged, Furious, Incensed, Indignant, Irate, Lethargic, Listless, Sleepy, Tired, Weary, Livid, Outraged, Resentful Worn out Annoyed Pain Aggravated, Dismayed, Disgruntled, Agony, Anguished, Bereaved, Devastated, Displeased, Exasperated, Frustrated, Grief, Heartbroken, Hurt, Lonely, Miserable, Impatient, Irked, Irritate Regretful, Remorseful Aversion Sad Animosity, Appalled, Contempt Disgusted, Depressed, Dejected, Despair, Despondent, Dislike, Hate, Horrified, Hostile, Repulsed Disappointed, Discouraged, Disheartened, Confused Forlorn, Gloomy, Heavy hearted, Hopeless, Ambivalent, Baffled, Bewildered, Dazed, Melancholy, Unhappy, Wretched Hesitant, Lost, Mystified, Perplexed, Tense Puzzled, Torn Anxious, Bitter, Cranky, Distressed, Disconnected Distraught, Edgy, Fidgety, Frazzled, Irritable, Alienated, Aloof, Apathetic, Bored, Cold, Jittery, Nervous, Overwhelmed, Restless, Detached, Distant, Distracted, Indifferent, Stressed out Numb, Removed, Uninterested, Withdrawn Vulnerable Disquiet Fragile, Guarded Helpless, Insecure, Leery, Agitated, Alarmed, Discombobulated, Reserved, Sensitive, Shaky Disconcerted, Disturbed, Perturbed, Rattled, Yearning Restless, Shocked, Startled, Surprised, Envious, Jealous, Longing, Nostalgic, Troubled, Turbulent, Turmoil, Pining, Wistful Uncomfortable, Uneasy, Unnerved, Unsettled, Upset

Adapted From Communication Basics: An Overview of Nonviolent Communication by Rachelle Lamb (2002) Avoid Words That Sound Like Feelings But Are Actually Thoughts, Interpretations, Assessments, or Judgments

Abandoned Incomplete Threatened Abused Ineffective Tricked Attacked Inefficient Unaccomplished Belittled Insulted Unappreciated Betrayed Interrupted Unheard Boxed-In Intimidated Unintelligent Bullied Invalidated Undeserving Cheated Let down Unseen Coerced Manipulated Unsupported Cornered Misunderstood Untalented Criticized Neglected Untrustworthy Deserving Overworked Unwanted Diminished Patronized Unworthy Disorganized Pressured Used Distrusted Provoked Victimized Dumb Put don Violated Entitled Rejected Worthy Ignored Ripped off Wronged Inadequate Stupid Incompetent Taken for granted

Need Words Common To All Human Beings

Autonomy Choice, Freedom, Independence, Space, Spontaneity

Connection Acceptance, Affection, Appreciation, Belonging, Closeness, Communication, Community, Companionship, Compassion, Consideration, Consistency, Cooperation, Empathy, Inclusion, Intimacy, Love, Mutuality, Nurturing, Respect / Self-Respect, Safety, Security, Stability, Support, To know and be known, To see and be seen, To understand and be understood, Trust, Warmth

Honesty Authenticity, Integrity, Presence

Meaning Awareness, Celebration of Life, Challenge, Clarity, Competence, Consciousness, Contribution, Creativity, Discovery, Effectiveness, Efficacy, Growth, Hope, Knowledge, Learning, Mattering, Mourning, Participation, Purpose, Self-expression, Stimulation, Understanding, Work

Peace Beauty, Communion, Ease, Equality, Harmony, Inspiration, Order

Physical Well-Being Air, Food, Movement / Exercise, Rest, Sleep, Safety, Hygiene, Sexual expression, Shelter, Touch, Water

Play Humor, Joy, Leisure, Relaxation

Adapted From Communication Basics: An Overview of Nonviolent Communication by Rachelle Lamb (2002)