Mccain Thesis — Stepping Back to Move Forward
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STEPPING BACK TO MOVE FORWARD: HOW THE SKILLS OF EMPATHIC DIALOGUE SUPPORT INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION By David R. McCain A Thesis Submitted in Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for the degree of Master of Arts in Sustainable Communities Northern Arizona University December 2014 Approved: Julie Piering, Ph.D., Chair Janine Schipper, Ph.D. Stan Clark, Ed.D. ABSTRACT STEPPING BACK TO MOVE FORWARD: HOW THE SKILLS OF EMPATHIC DIALOGUE SUPPORT INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION DAVID R. MCCAIN Interpersonal communication is essential for developing and maintaining relationships. Strong interpersonal relationships undergird communities by facilitating their formation and supporting their maintenance and growth. This study explores the effect of training in Empathic Dialogue, a system of communication based on Nonviolent Communication, on the interpersonal communication skills of nine participants. The participants were interviewed prior to attending two three-hour training sessions, and again between one month and three months after the sessions. Before turning to the empirical study, I make sense of the theoretical strengths of this position. First, in order to argue that Nonviolent Communication constitutes a virtue, I outline Aristotle’s definition of virtue and the process by which one develops virtue. I then introduce the theory of McDonaldization, based on Max Weber’s theory of rationalization, and apply it to interpersonal communication. Finally, I review Nonviolent Communication based on the dimensions of McDonaldization, the results of which support my contention that Nonviolent Communication opposes McDonaldization. I present my finding that Empathic Dialogue had a positive impact on the research participants’ communication skills. I then address these findings through the lens of ii Aristotle’s virtues and McDonaldization. Finally, I consider wider implications of these findings on the development of sustainable communities. iii ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS These acknowledgements provide space for me to practice what I believe to be one of the most powerful and under-appreciated tools available to us as humans: gratitude. First, I am grateful to the universe for the gift of life and for the natural beauty of Flagstaff, Arizona. I’d like to thank Northern Arizona University and the Sustainable Communities Program for providing opportunities for me to learn about myself and others, helping me explore the visions and realities of just and green communities, and giving me a place to begin my life in Flagstaff. I am thankful to the research participants for their willingness to participate fully in this study. I appreciate that every participant picked up at least one of the crayons I placed in front of them to draw their visual representation of a mutually-satisfying dialogue. I found myself looking forward to seeing them again after the first interview and longing to see them in advance of the second. I wish each of them the very best as they continue their journey with Nonviolent Communication. I very much appreciate the support my thesis committee throughout the ups and downs of my work on this thesis. I give special thanks to Dr. Julie Piering for chairing the committee and giving me a balance of guidance and encouragement and for exposing me to the wisdom shared by philosophers that is relevant to my topic. I’m glad Dr. Janine Schipper provided material guidance, especially with the literature review and methods section, and emotional support with her compassionate presence. I’m thankful to Dr. Stan Clark for his willingness to join the committee well into the process and for urging me to hold on to the passions that attracted me to this thesis topic. iv I reached out to my friend Pez Owen for editing assistance and she responded by reviewing the document from top to bottom. Thank you, Pez! And, finally, to Katie Pierce, my wife of five months and my partner of five years, for being there for me in all ways: emotionally, physically, spiritually, energetically, lovingly, playfully, enthusiastically, unceasingly, honestly, and empathically! I love you! v TABLE OF CONTENTS Abstract………………………………………………………………………………….ii Acknowledgements……………………………………………………………………..iv Table of Contents……………………………………………………………………….vi List of Figures………………………………………………………………………….vii Dedication……………………………………………………………………………..viii CHAPTER 1: Introduction…………………………………………………………........1 CHAPTER 2: Theory and Literature Review ………………………………………….12 CHAPTER 3: Methods…………………………………………………………………57 CHAPTER 4: Findings and Analysis…………………………………………………..70 CHAPTER 5: Conclusions………………………………………………………...….106 Works Cited……………………..…………………………………………………….129 Appendices Appendix A: Initial Interview Questions……………………………………...135 Appendix B: Final Interview Questions…………………………….…………139 Appendix C: Training Agenda – Day 1…………………………………….….143 Appendix D: Training Agenda – Day 2…………………………………….….144 vi LIST OF FIGURES Figure 1: Fireworks : Michele's Visual Representation of a Mutually-Satisfying Dialogue……………………………..……………….11 Figure 2: A Rainbow of Connection : Jennifer's Visual Representation of a Mutually-Satisfying Dialogue………………………………………..…….56 Figure 3: Exchanging Energy : Rachel's Visual Representation of a Mutually-Satisfying Dialogue……………………………………………...69 Figure 4: A Group with Heart : Shawn's Visual Representation of a Mutually-Satisfying Dialogue…………………………………………….105 vii DEDICATION For my father, Len McCain, for his willingness to provide love and support for the last forty-four years, including during my initial experimentation with NVC. And for his infectious positivity, quirky sense of humor, and rock-like stability. And for my Mother, Ellie McCain, who passed away fifteen years ago. I wish she would have been alive to help me celebrate this achievement. She instilled in me the value of education, the importance of hard work, and the significance of relationships – values that helped me complete this project. viii CHAPTER 1: INTRODUCTION As powerful as compassionate communication can be when we use it in our individual relationships, its power is magnified when we bring it to our communities . A community that is committed to mindful speech and deep listening can be very effective in making society better. ~ Thich Nh ất Hanh Interpersonal communication is a basic component of the human experience. It is the “means through which relationships are initiated, negotiated, maintained and ended” (Knapp and Daly 484). These relationships affect our well-being by providing avenues to meet a myriad of human needs including friendship, love, contribution to others, and community. Research in the field “consistently reveals communication as one of the most important factors in determining the satisfaction of marriages . and close relationships” (Knapp and Daly 484). A college communication textbook adds, “People who are skilled in interpersonal communication are more likely to achieve career success” and that “even modest improvements in our interpersonal communication are related to physical and psychological well-being” (Lane 4-5). Proposals to increase the emphasis on communication skills in school curricula point to the growing acknowledgement that such skills are fundamental to a well-rounded education. Recently the National Education Association (NEA) partnered with several other education associations to publish Preparing 21st Century Students for a Global Society: An Educator’s Guide to the “Four Cs” . In it they call for the “Three Rs” (reading, writing, and arithmetic) to be supplemented by the “Four Cs” which include critical thinking, communication, creativity, and collaboration (NEA 5). The guide also notes the importance of communication skills in the workplace, given the threat of increasing automation, stating that “because complex communication involves explanation, 1 negotiation, and other forms of intense human interaction, jobs that require these skills are not as likely to be automated” (NEA 13). As Nh ất Hanh says, when brought into communities, well-developed communication skills and the robust interpersonal relations they enable allow those communities to make “society better” ( The Art of Communicating 129). At this juncture in history, when global challenges including climate change, resource depletion, and economic inequality present unprecedented threats to the sustainability of our society, change must be created by collective action through mobilized communities. Unfortunately, many of the strategies offered in public and policy discussions to address these issues focus primarily, or exclusively, on technological ingenuity while neglecting the crucial role of the community. Nh ất Hanh critiques the quest for technological paths to create sustainable communities: “When we speak about creating a sustainable environment or a more just society, we usually speak of physical action or technological advances as the means to achieve these goals. But we forget about the element of a connected community. Without that, we can’t do anything at all” ( The Art of Communicating 130). Viewed through the lens of interpersonal communication, Nh ất Hanh’s critique suggests two related questions: 1) What interpersonal communication skills are necessary to create a “connected community”? and 2) How can they best be developed? This project offers one answer to these questions in the form of a communication model called Nonviolent Communication, and the experiences of nine research participants learning this technique. 2 PURPOSE AND GOALS The purpose of this study is to understand