and the Sacred Text 5.13 -- Obsession: Detention with Dolores

Chapter 13 Detention with Dolores

Casper: Chapter 13, “Detention with Dolores” ​

“Dinner in the Great Hall that night was not a pleasant experience for Harry. The news about his shouting match with Umbridge had traveled exceptionally fast, even by standards. He heard whispers all around him as he sat eating between Ron and Hermione ” …

Casper: I’m Casper ter Kuile --

Vanessa: And I’m Vanessa Zoltan --

Casper: And this is Harry Potter and the Sacred Text.

Vanessa: So, Casper, this week we both have some sort of, like, more personal log-rolly things. So we thought we would put them together.

Casper: Yes! Tell me about your announcement.

Vanessa: Well, I am going to be flying to Eugene, Oregon, and I will be giving a talk in Eugene on Friday, December 7th, and then two in Tacoma, Washington on December 8th. And, I don’t want to say that I am even more fun without you holding me back --

Casper: (*laughs*)

Vanessa: I just want to say that because no one will be there to stop me, we will only be talking about Hermione.

Casper: (*laughs*) Everyone sign up right now.

Vanessa: And Nick Bohl, our musician, is gonna be doing these with me so there will be some live music. We’re gonna be talking about the entire series, all seven books, and we’re gonna be thinking about how we can all live more radical lives. Or, really, just what would Hermione do --

Casper: (*laughs*)

Vanessa: In Trump’s America, so I hope to see some of our West Coast listeners in Eugene and Tacoma. And you can go to our live shows page, click on Eugene and Tacoma. And then I’m taking a red-eye back to Cambridge, because December 9th is our Cambridge live show, which my mom will be at. What about you Casper, what do you have to share?

Casper: Well I’m really excited about this. I co-created a little project with my sister Rosa and a divinity school student here called Wilson Hood, on trying to re-imagine what the season of Advent could mean. We’ve had so much fun trying to translate, like, sacred reading into a contemporary context with Harry Potter, so we’re trying to translate a liturgical journey through time on Instagram.

Vanessa: And you love Advent.

Casper: I love Advent so much! This is, like, my favorite season cause it’s all about, like, hope and hopelessness and waiting and fulfilling, but not quite, and what does it mean. And so we’re doing that through a beautiful visual journey with some reflection prompts, and you should come follow us @theadventproject. So, go to Instagram and search The Advent Project and you’ll find us there. It’s like a queer new moon journey, it’s amazing.

Vanessa: (*laughs*) Oh my God

Casper: Vanessa, this week’s theme is obsession, and I think it’s your turn to tell a story.

Vanessa: It is. Casper, as I’ve talked about on this podcast before, my family was very directly impacted by the Northridge earthquake. My grandparents lived right at the epicenter and there house was, I mean like, destroyed in the earthquake. You know, and we felt the earthquake very strongly, we just lived a couple miles away, and highways were destroyed in Los Angeles. This was a really big natural disaster that happened when I was 11 years old.

And what happened after, and lasted for a pretty long period of time, is that when I would get into bed at night I would start thinking about the possibility of earthquakes. The earthquake happened in the middle of the night -- it happened around four in the morning. And so there would be something about getting into bed that would trigger this obsession in me. I would just start spiraling thinking about the potential of another earthquake. And so, eventually, my mother, very smartly, was like, “Let’s channel this energy into something.” Cause I would get out of bed and go to her and be like, “What if there’s an earthquake tonight?”

And so we started doing research on earthquakes. She took me to the library -- very Hermione of her, looking back. And we just really started doing research about fault lines, and the geological history of earthquakes in California, and the likelihood of these things happening again, and She … and I now differ on whether or not that was successful. She would say that it was not successful, that she just kept feeding my obsession. I think it was successful, because I came to a very logical conclusion with my research. Which was that my family had to leave the state of California. I don’t think my research was quite thorough, because I understood that there was a risk that California could, like, break off from the United States and float into the Pacific.

And I for some reason thought that that would happen, like, along border lines, and so if we just moved right across the border into Oregon we would somehow be safe. I started doing a lot of research on Ashland, Oregon, which is basically the southernmost tip of Oregon, and I would try to convince my brothers that we should all move there, like how great it is. There’s a great Shakespeare festival in Ashland, Oregon that I started learning a lot about, and tried to convince my brothers how cool it would be to live in this town that was, like, famous for this theatre festival.

They didn’t go for it, interestingly, and in looking back I think that this obsession was both incredibly healthy and incredibly unhealthy. I think it made me aware of the Earth, and has made me really interested in environmentalism, and global warming, and the way that we have to live humbly in relationship to the Earth. And I also think that it fed in me, like, a real fear and, like, an attempt to be controlling with my family in a way that might not be as healthy and helpful.

I think we all agree that obsession in certain contexts is a virtue. We want our surgeons to be obsessed with their work and meticulous. And we want our violinists to be obsessed. Itzhak Perlman was obsessed with his violin and we are all the better for it. But then there are obviously obsessions, you know, with one another that can lead to stalking, and to unhealthy behaviors. Or an 11 year old’s obsession with earthquakes and getting their family to move to Oregon, which can be mildly counterproductive. And so I’m interested in talking about that with you today: when is obsession a virtue that moves us forward, and when is it, like, an unhealthy spiral?

Casper: Vanessa, I feel like I have gotten to know you even better in just these last few minutes. And I actually think I have a different idea on obsession: I think any obsession is unhealthy.

Vanessa: Oh, no. For sure no.

Casper: (*laughs*) So, let’s get into that when we get into the chapter. But, before we get there, Vanessa, let’s do our 30 second recap. The chapters are getting longer, so we need to be getting better at our 30 second recaps.

Vanessa: You know they say practice makes perfect?

Casper: Turns out it’s not true.

Vanessa: Yeah, we’ve proven them wrong. On your mark, get set, go (*clock ticking*)

Casper: This is the very powerful chapter where Harry has to write lines: I must not tell lies, I must not tell lies. And so, he comes back every evening during the week to, um, to write those lines and it appears on his hand, and Umbridge is horrible. Angelina says there’s tryouts, but why are you missing them? And, um, it’s all bad. And Ron says that he’ll do it, and so Harry watches it from the window in the end and suddenly Har--, um, Ron is keeper and that’s great, um, but like, there’s a lot of stress. There’s a lot of stress. I’m just gonna say: that’s child abuse. It’s bad. (*buzzer sounds*)

Vanessa: (*laughs*)

Casper: Here we go: 30 second recap. 3-2-1, go! (*clock ticking*)

Vanessa: So, Harry has to write lines and he’s lying to Hermione and Ron, and then Hermione and Ron find out that this is what he-- that-- uh. Well, Ron finds out that he’s, like, cutting himself and the-- because of Umbridge, and is like, “You should tell Dumbledore,” and Harry is like, “No”. And then Hermione is like, “You should tell Dumbledore that your scar is hurting,” and he’s like, “No.” And then Fred and George are tormenting young people more and Hermione is like, “I’m gonna write to your mother,” and they’re like, “You wouldn’t.” And she’s like, “Wouldn’t I?”. And, um, Ron makes the team for sort of weird reasons, but he’s gonna be keeper. (*buzzer sounds*) Bye, Oliver Wood.

Casper: (*sighs*) I miss him.

Vanessa: Do you?

Casper: I had to do actual math to figure out why, if he was a fifth year in Harry’s first year, they only talk about him leaving in this book. But, of course, it’s because there’s no quidditch in book four.

Vanessa: Right.

Casper: But I had to really think about that.

Vanessa: (*laughs*) Did you have to think about that?

Casper: Or did I want to think about that?

Vanessa: So, Casper, convince me. Obsession: bad. Interesting point of view for someone who does this podcast.

Casper: (*laughs*) Okay, so hear me out. Obsession, for me, is putting an interest before other needs. So, it’s saying, I’m gonna just put this as the prime effort in my life. At the expense of relationships, at the expense of my health, at the expense of, like, my financial well-being. I will do what it takes to, like, be able to live out this passion that I have. And I think a life well lived, in so many ways, is a life of balance, and that we actually lift up genii or heroines in ways that is unhealthy even for them. Like, the great heroes of our time sacrifice so much. I always think of Olympians, you know, people who, who are obsessed with their sport. Who maybe have, like, one week of glory once in their lives, and have put in so much work and so much pain for that moment. And then for the rest of their lives, like, fade back into obscurity, maybe without any sort of financial success. I just really want us to challenge this idea of, like, intense hard work for the only reason of being extraordinary. And I say that, in part, because I sometimes have the tendency to put work before things that would make me healthy, and happy, and connected to the people I love.

Vanessa: Yea. I guess, I just think it sounds to me that you’re asking too much from obsession. Like, Martin Luther King was obsessed with civil rights, and thank goodness for it. He was a bad husband, right, like, and we know that about him. And so I always think I’m like, well what if I were his wife, like, how would I feel about his obsession? But, I just think that the world would not be a place I wanted to live in if I didn’t benefit off of other people’s obsessions. J.K. Rowling spent 17 years obsessed with writing these books and, like, what a gift that has been to me. And Mozart was obsessed with his music. And Pasteur was obsessed with finding cures for things. And just, like, other people’s obsessions are what make the world worth living in.

Casper: That’s really good. Yes. I completely agree with that. Both that obsession always have victims, or that there are people who are negatively impacted by someone’s prime focus being away from them, and that some of the greatest gifts of human culture, and medicine, and political state-making are because people took that kind of intense focus and put it onto one subject.

Vanessa: So, I think that we can really get to the heart of this by diving more into S.P.E.W. When Hermione finds out that Ron has been made keeper she, like, wants to stay up and keep celebrating her friend on his big night, and she literally falls asleep while celebrating him.

Casper: (*laughs*)

Vanessa: And the reason that she falls asleep is because she’s been up so late every night knitting hats for house elves to “free house elves.” And I think that this is very much to your point, right, of, like, she’s sacrificing her health, she’s not being as good and present of a friend, because of this obsession.

Casper: Yes, and it’s really interesting to think about S.P.E.W., because what is it doing for Hermione? I don’t feel like we’ve really got to the bottom of why Hermione is so passionate about this. I feel like it’s always been more about her than about the house elves, right? She’s not even obsessed with the actual house elves. She’s obsessed with her idea of house elves. And, I wonder if she’s so passionate about knitting these hats and freeing these house elves because it’s the only thing that she feels that she can do. I think this is what my fear of obsession is: is that it closes our eyes to the important people we should be talking to or perspectives that we should be engaging. Like, obsession becomes so singular that it cannot, by its essential nature, be complete.

Vanessa: I think that that’s really interesting. I’m trying to remember the things that, like, really spoke to me and got me worked up when I was younger. And this I think is, it’s embarrassing but it’s fairly cliche -- I think anybody who’s my age, like, we all got riled up about whales right when Free Willy came out. And, like, there was, like, this real awareness in, like, 1990 or whatever year that was, that, Sea World, and, like, whale capturing for our entertainment was bad. And that was, like, something that I got really passionate about. And even though I think that when I was young that obviously wasn’t productive, I think, like, now I am involved in, like, animal rights stuff and environmentalism in a way that matters. And so, this youthful sense of, like, this is profoundly unfair and so I am going to explore ways of trying to figure out how to make a difference -- like, that’s something that a lot of kids go through.

Casper: Oh, a hundred percent. And, you know, there’s a joke within the environmental world that, like, you put the panda, or the polar bear, on the fundraising ask, or the tiger, because it’s, like, cute and fluffy and it has big eyes. And, like, to some extent house elves, like, have these big eyes, right, they’re charismatic megafauna. That’s the label that you use in fundraising. And so it’s completely natural, especially for children and young people, that that’s where our empathy is drawn, because it’s the first way in which we know how to express that sense of what is right and what is wrong. So, I don’t blame Hermione for that instinct. I think it’s something to be cultivated, and I think it’s something to be celebrated about. But, maybe the place where I’d want to coach Hermione a little bit is, like, her obsession on the solution. Right? Like, let me knit hats has become more important to her than the obsession of the problem, which is we live in an unfair, racist, caste system, and it’s oppressing house elves, amongst others. Like, she does have that analysis, but she’s, she’s kind of caught on to this one thing that she feels she can do, which is knit, rather than saying ‘okay, how can I really contribute best to this movement?’

Vanessa: Yes. I mean, like, this is helping, but I’m still not totally able to articulate for myself when I think obsession is a good thing, and when it’s not. And I would hate if it was just, like, a utilitarian idea of when it’s doing more harm for the world than it’s doing bad for individuals, then we should all be sacrificing ourselves entirely -- I don’t believe in martyrdom, right? Like, I do believe very much in relationships and in being there for each other and I would hate to, like, not call my mom because I’m volunteering every single night, right?

Casper: Okay, so let’s try and answer that question with really the core part of what this chapter is, which is Umbridge forcing Harry to write lines.

Vanessa: Yeah, it’s really disturbing.

Casper: It’s horrible. I mean, not only because of what it is, but because you’re seeing it every night that week.

Vanessa: So, I -- I think that this is a really interesting place to think though obsession.

Casper: Yeah.

Vanessa: Because Umbridge is not trying to teach Harry a lesson.

Casper: Correct.

Vanessa: Umbridge is obsessed with overpowering him, and getting him to submit to her will, and to violently prove to him that at the end of the day, she has more power over him.

Casper: And I think -- oh my goodness, even you just saying this makes me see it in a new way. She’s not just saying this to Harry, she’s making Harry see that McGonagall, that Sprout, that, like, no one else in Hogwarts really has the power to stop her.

Vanessa: Right. And he does see it, right?

Casper: Yeah.

Vanessa: When Ron finds out, when Ron sees what has been happening to Harry, Ron says, “Tell McGonagall,” and Harry’s like, “I don’t think McGonagall can fix this.”

Casper: That’s right.

Vanessa: I think here we do see, not just because the methodology is abusive, but I think that we also see the downside of obsession which is when something loses all clarity of purpose, and it just becomes about the thing itself. Because I think that if Umbridge were to articulate to herself her purpose, it would be like, “I need to teach this kid that I have power over him,” she would not need to keep him for seven hours, night after night, for a week, in order to teach him that lesson.

Casper: So, I think you just said the magic word for me, which is power. Like, she’s so obsessed with power that she will do anything to get her the power that she needs. Including abusing a child. And so, like, that’s what I mean by obsession, right? Like, it dominates your whole worldview and you are willing to, like, throw away anyone who’s superfluous for one’s plans.

Vanessa: So, I think we’ve gotten to the point in the conversation where we’ve realized something really important. Martin Luther King obsession, good. Dolores Umbridge obsession, bad. (*laughs*)

Casper: (*laughs*)

Vanessa: (*laughs*) So we’ve made progress.

Casper: (*laughs*) Broken new ground, everyone.

Vanessa: And, I think the other thing that we’ve definitely learned is that, like, inherent in obsession is sacrifice.

Casper: Yes.

Vanessa: It depends on who you’re talking to as to whether or not you think the sacrifices are worth it, and that that’s, like, always a conversation worth having, right? So, let’s look at this situation and see what we can learn.

Ron is obsessed with getting onto the quidditch team. And, I think that he is probably obsessed with it for any number of reasons. A lot of it does seem to be about status with Fred and George. I wonder if Ron hadn’t just been made prefect if he would be as obsessed with getting on the team as he is. It seems as though he’s now being seen as this, like, goody-goody Percy type for becoming a prefect, and he wants to, like, regain some, like, bro-y stature with Fred and George. And also I think he’s, like, always loved quidditch, this is a way for him to become part of a community, more of the center of attention with Harry. Like, I think there are all sorts of things associated with it.

And so, he spends a week making a lot sacrifices, right? Staying up late, getting behind on schoolwork, lying and sort of being dodgy with friends, in order to practice, in order to have, like, a good enough tryout that Angelina can justify letting him on the team. And so, I don’t know, right? It’s like, is this obsession worth it? And in the long run it probably is. He gets behind on school for a week, but he, like, becomes a part of this community, and gets a stronger sense of identity and self.

Casper: Okay, but this gets into the question of what is obsession? Because, yes, he’s passionate about getting onto the team, yes, he makes some sacrifices for a few days. But, like, he’s not abandoning Hogwarts to try and get into the England team. This hasn’t been his number one goal since he arrived at Hogwarts. Or, at least, he has not put in the work to demonstrate that it is his number one goal. So I feel like obsession is also something about longevity, like it needs to be overwhelmingly a priority, right? In terms of the length of time that you're committed to it, and the breadth of investment that you have. How much of your life is oriented around this one thing?

And I feel like quidditch for Ron is like a pastime and a passion. For Harry, I think Voldemort is an obsession. And I think, certainly, for Voldemort Harry is an obsession. And I think we could even look at Dumbledore and the way in which he’s willing to move all these pieces of the chessboard around in order to try and undermine Voldemort and to defeat him. And -- and he is willing to make sacrifices of himself and of others, including children. Like, if we were to compare Dumbledore to Umbridge in terms of what they’re willing to do to children, I think we’d find more in common than we would like when it comes to their obsessive nature.

Vanessa: @ Casper. Don’t @ me. @ him.

Casper: (*laughs*) Right?

Vanessa: Yeah.

Casper: Like, there’s more than passion when it comes to obsession.

Vanessa: But thank God Dumbledore is obsessed with this.

Casper: Absolutely.

Vanessa: So, I guess maybe the only answer is a utilitarian answer of, like, if it does more good than harm then we are grateful for certain obsessions.

Casper: But I don’t want it to be me.

Vanessa: You don’t want it to be you who what?

Casper: Like, I don’t want to be the necessary victim or the necessary sacrifice.

Vanessa: Right, you don’t want me to become so obsessed with writing that I, like, stop being a decent friend to you.

Casper: Right.

Vanessa: Right.

Casper: That would make me sad.

Vanessa: Yeah, yeah, yeah. No -- and, I guess I just think that, like, living a balanced life is healthier, but it is less productive. I will set aside a day for writing, and then it will turn out that I can, like, see my partner’s kids that day, and I’m like, “I will pick hanging out with my partner’s kids every single time.” And that is not laziness or avoidance, that is me prioritizing, in my opinion, the right thing. Like, they are only gonna be this age for so long, and they are only gonna be interested in spending time with me for so long, and I love them, and I want to spend time with them. But, I just also think that, like, everything beautiful in the world, from the Sistine Chapel, to a Chopin piece, to figuring out that, like, Golden Retrievers make great guide dogs -- everything that is gorgeous about the human experiment was born out of obsession.

Casper: Yeah. I think that’s really compelling. And really hard.

Vanessa: I guess my fear is that we throw obsession out with things like addiction or things like--

Casper: Hmm.

Vanessa: A way that we talk about obsession a lot is, you know, young love, or early stages of love. People are obsessed with one another. And I think that, often, those thought patterns are actually addiction, they’re not obsession. It’s not about the other person, it’s about having the emotion, and it’s about the highs. And I just don’t want us to throw all obsession into one basket of it being unhealthy, of it being obsessive compulsive disorder, of it being detrimental. I want us to be making sacrifices in order to be make more beautiful things. And I think that Hermione being obsessed with knitting I don’t know. She’s willing to put her time, and energy, and body into something that is … bigger than her. I’m romanticizing this, I realize.

Casper: No, but I think you’re pointing to something which is really worthy, and beautiful, and, like, something that we can commend. Which is that the longing that we feel to contribute to something greater than us and the hope that we have for the gifts that we give the world. Maybe it’s about pacing obsessions, right? That you can go all in for something for some time, and then come out of it and take a breath, and be with your family, or, like, take a vacation. Maybe to live a life where obsession can play a healthy part is to give it some time and then to step away from it. I feel like that’s why McGonagall takes summer vacations.

Vanessa: Yeah. No, I think that that’s exactly right. I think that obsession, we can’t let our obsessions overtake us, right?

Casper: Right.

Vanessa: Because then you become Umbridge, right?

Casper: Yes. That’s exactly right. I don’t think Umbridge has anyone else in her life except her cats.

Vanessa: They’re not even real cats, right? They’re, like, plates with pictures of cats.

Casper: Right. And I think McGonagall has a gang of other witches, and they get together every couple of months and go wild in Tahiti.

Vanessa: (*laughs*) Mallorca.

Casper: (*laughs*)

Vanessa: She’s friends with Aunt Marge. (*laughs*)

Casper: (*laughs*)

Casper: So, Vanessa, it won’t surprise you that for our sacred imagination practice I’ve chosen a scene from Umbridge with Harry. So, again, this is a chance for you to imagine yourself into the scene. It might be one of the characters, it might be just an invisible presence watching what’s happening in the action. And, I especially want you to focus on what your body experiences. So, I’ll invite you to close your eyes if it’s safe to do so, and just listen as I read this page.

“You know what to do, Mr. Potter”, said Umbridge, smiling sweetly at him. Harry picked up the quill and glanced through the window. If he just shifted his chair an inch or so to the right, on the pretext of shifting himself closer to the table He managed it. He now had a distant view … of the Gryffindor quidditch team soaring up and down the pitch, while half a dozen black figures stood at the foot of the three high goalposts, apparently awaiting their turn to keep. It was impossible to tell which one was Ron at this distance.

“I must not tell lies,” Harry wrote. The cut in the back of his right hand opened and began to bleed afresh. “I must not tell lies.” The cut dug deeper, stinging and smarting. “I must not tell lies.” Blood trickled down his wrist. He chanced another glance out of the window. Whoever was defending the goalposts now was doing a very poor job indeed. Katie Bell scored twice in the few seconds Harry dared to watch.

Hoping very much that the keeper wasn’t Ron, he dropped his eyes back to the parchment, dotted with blood. “I must not tell lies. I must not tell lies.” He looked up whenever he thought he could risk it, when he could hear the scratching of Umbridge’s quill or the opening of a desk drawer. The third person to try out was pretty good. The fourth was terrible. The fifth dodged a bludger exceptionally well but then fumbled an easy save. The sky was darkening and Harry doubted he would be able to see the sixth and seventh people at all.

Casper: So, Vanessa, who or where did you find yourself in that scene?

Vanessa: I mean, I was very much Harry, and I think to a large extent what I realized was how effectively he’s distracting himself from the extent of that he’s in the middle of.

Casper: Oh, gosh, yeah.

Vanessa: He’s instead paying attention little strategic moments of, like, okay she’s writing right now so I can look outside, and I wonder which one of these is Ron? And how effectively he’s trying to minimize how awful the thing is that’s happening to him.

Casper: Hmm.

Vanessa: It’s like he’s checked out of the abuse and then, like, it becomes to painful and he gets sort of, like, pulled back into it.

Casper: Hm. Did you notice in your body where you felt pain, or at least sensation?

Vanessa: I think that I was really keenly aware of how, like, pulled my attention was, right? Like, I was trying to pay attention as to when I could look away, and then was just, like, so miserable at the idea that, like, I couldn’t look away at that moment and that I had to go back to, like, being forced to harm myself. Which, I think the other thing that never occurred to me was how demoralizing it is to be forced to harm yourself in this way, right? I mean it’s, like, the way that, like, siblings even, like, humiliate each other, right, you, like, take your sibling’s hand and have them hit themselves and you go, “Why are you hitting yourself?”, right? And it’s a way to hurt them and also to mock them for their lack of power. She could carve this in his hand, but she’s making him do it to himself which adds to the punishment.

Casper: Hmm. It makes me think about Sirius surviving Azkaban, as well. Just the way in which you were pointing to Harry looking out of the window, like we know that Sirius becomes his dog form in order to survive. Like, there’s something about distraction, there’s something about another world, which you’re able to inhabit in the midst of one which is so horrific, that it’s a sort of soothing or escaping behavior in some way.

Vanessa: Yeah, I mean, disassociating, we know, is a really powerful tool, right? Even with things like the marshmallow test in toddlers, the kids who show an ability to withhold the desire to eat a marshmallow the longest are the kids who are able to distract themselves from looking at the marshmallow. And kids who just stare at the marshmallow are more likely to eat it quickly. And I think that this is a skill that you can learn and unfortunately Harry has learned how to distract himself from abuse.

Casper: That’s what he learnt for 11 years.

Vanessa: Yeah, so he is very skilled at being able to dissociate from horrible things that are happening right in front of him.

Casper: We’ve heard from a lot of listeners that, you know, often on first reading we really get frustrated with shouty Harry, like, angry Harry, right -- Order of the Phoenix. And that the more we’re trauma informed, as we read these books, the more we understand that he has PTSD, the more we understand that his whole world is struggling to stay upright in the midst of his day to day experience. Not only the more forgiving we are of his behaviors, but the more we understand what he might need in these moments. And, I hope that we become better at spotting friends, or family, or even in ourselves, like, when we’re living out of trauma. And I think so much is about a somatic response, like how we notice what is happening in our bodies when we’re in certain situations. And I’m just starting to wonder, like, what would be the things that Harry would find healing? And I’m thinking maybe this is partly why he loves quidditch so much, right, it’s a chance to move his body and feel the freedom of flying. Like, that that is more than just a pleasure of the wind in your hair, it’s actually an embodiment of, like, no one can cage him in under the staircare. No one can make him hurt himself if he’s flying. I’m just seeing more and more that, like, the freedom of his body is so important to him.

Vanessa: Yeah. The other thing that I noticed this chapter was how much being a victim compounds, right?

Casper: Hmm.

Vanessa: Like, so he is a victim of this traumatic incident with Cedric, and so he is not able to be as strategic as Hermione in the previous chapter, and so he acts out more quickly, and more robustly, than Hermione does, and so he gets detention. And when he gets detention, it’s not just the punishment of detention, but he has to miss quidditch.

Casper: Right.

Vanessa: And he doesn’t just have to miss quidditch, but now he is being lambasted by his captain for missing quidditch, right? These things, how quickly they spiral into so much more than the initial incident. And the initial incident, of witnessing Cedric’s death and of being tortured by Voldemort, is horrific enough. But it doesn’t stop. The traumas have not stopped. And we see that in real life, too, right? It’s like, the trauma of then having to go report, and then the trauma of people judging you, and the trauma of doctor’s appointments. Being a victim of any sort of trauma is never an isolated, single incident, it compounds on itself.

Casper: Well, and, that he’s like, “Oh, I’m not gonna tell Dumbledore, because the previous time I told Dumbledore, like, he didn’t even look at me,” right? Like, “I no longer believe that the people who say they’re here to help me actually can help me, so I’m not even going to say it anymore.” Like, it’s so sad.

Vanessa: It’s so sad, and I just really appreciate you calling us to try to pay attention to ourselves and to other people. These things are messy enough in a young adult novel, right? Like, it took me reading the book three times--

Casper: Right.

Vanessa: In order to not just be like, “Oh, shouty Harry.”

Casper: Me too.

Vanessa: Let alone in one another, right? Like, this is such a hard thing to try and notice in one another, and have compassion for, when you’re just, like, watching someone be rude, or whatever it is.

Casper: Yeah. Thanks for joining me in that, Vanessa.

Vanessa: Thank you.

Vanessa: This week’s voicemail is from Mallory Thorpe.

(*voicemail beep*)

Mallory: Hi Vanessa, Casper, and Ariana. This is Mallory from Victoria, BC. I just listened to your episode on willpower in book five, chapter nine, and though I was expecting to see moments of willpower from Mrs. Weasley and Ron, as you discussed, I was caught off guard by Harry’s willpower and restraint while congratulating Ron on his prefect assignment, a moment that truly resonated with me.

A year and a half ago, I completed my undergrad in astrophysics, and applied to astrophysics graduate schools. It’s a very competitive field, and I got into three out of ten schools I applied to, most of which were safety schools. It worked out well for me. I love my work in my current graduate school, and my research really fascinates me. But last year my best friend from undergrad, also an astrophysics student, went through the same application process, and got into Harvard. Like Harry and Ron, we were attached at the hip at school. We worked with the same research advisor, we were both very active in our departments, both in extracurricular and academic activities. I should have been happy for him, but instead I had three terrible voices in my head. One said that I deserved to an Ivy League school as much as he did. One said I was a terrible person for having thought that about my best friend. And one said that maybe I was never as good as I thought I was.

While reading this chapter I saw these voices manifest on the page, popping into Harry’s head as he moped over Ron’s prefect assignment. And I empathized with the guilt and doubt he felt over his best friend’s achievement. Sometimes willpower is just saying no to the voices in your head. Ron does deserve to be a prefect. Harry’s still a great person without receiving this honor. And, most importantly, he’s not a bad person for being jealous. So I’d like to bless Harry. This isn’t the first time he’ll have to stomp down the voices in his head, but I’m proud of him for finding the willpower to do so this time. And, I hope all of us, myself included, can find the willpower to express genuine happiness for our friends’ success, even at the lack of our own.

Vanessa: Thank you so much, Mallory, for that really thoughtful voicemail. I think we all have a million reactions to every piece of news that we get. I have at least five feelings about french fries. So, I think that when you’re walking directly along a friend and watch them get one response from the world and you get another one of course you’re gonna have multiple feelings. So, I really appreciate your voicemail, and congratulations on getting into your grad program. Grad school’s the worst, so.

Casper: It’s the best, you meet people like Vanessa.

Vanessa: That’s not true, not in astrophysics programs.

Casper: Oh, you meet better people.

Vanessa: (*laughs*) Right. Good for her.

Vanessa: Casper, it’s now time to offer a blessing. Who would you like to bless this week?

Casper: My blessing is for Ron this week. I think he knows that he’s not an amazing quidditch player, and he’s right. He also didn’t have the resources to, like, practice, and he doesn't have a practice buddy, right? He’s trying to, like enchant a quaffle to, like, come at him so he can stop it from going through the hoops. But I want to bless him for trying, and I think it’s a risk every time we try something where we don’t know if we’re gonna success. And, even if he hadn’t been chosen as keeper, I am glad that he tried. And I hope all of us can keep trying at the things we believe in, and are passionate about, and that bring us joy. So, a blessing for Ron. How about you, Vanessa?

Vanessa: I would like to bless for the moment in which she says to Harry, “I believe you.” Being the first person to speak in any circumstance is hard and scary. Everyone laughs at her because she’s wearing her radish earrings, and I also want to bless her for strong fashion choices, I think bold fashion choices are always a good idea. But, I just want to bless anybody who’s willing to be the first, or second, or third, or fourth, right? An early person to stand up and say something that is going against what the majority is saying. It is brave, and it is so important. And so, a blessing for Luna.

Casper: And other people follow her. Like, Ernie then says, “I believe you”, right?

Vanessa: Yep.

Casper: Which he otherwise might not have said.

(*music begins*)

Casper: You’ve been listening to Harry Potter and the Sacred Text.

Vanessa: That’s my favorite podcast.

Casper: (*laughs*) You can follow us on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. Check out our new merch store at harrypottersacredtext.com. You can support us on Patreon. You can leave us a review on iTunes. Or, you can send us a voicemail. Next week we’ll be reading chapter 14, “Percy and the Padfoot” through the theme of boundaries. This episode was produced by Ariana Nedelman, Vanessa Zoltan, and me, Casper ter Kuile. Our music is by Ivan Pyzow and Nick Bohl, and we are part of the Panoply Network where you can find ours and other great shows on panoply.fm.

Vanessa: Thanks to Mallory Thorpe for this week’s voicemail, to Julia Argy, Bridget Goggin, and, as always, Stephanie Paulsell.

(*music ends*)

Vanessa: What about an obsession with a boy named Harry?

Casper: Harry who?

Vanessa: (*laughs*)

Casper: All I know is Oliver, Oliver Wood. (*laughs*)

Vanessa: (*laughs*)