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Staying-On-Top-When-Your-Worlds STAYING ON TOP When Your World’s UPSIDE DOWN Turning Grief into Gifts and Adversity into Opportunity Joe Tye (and 123 co-authors) PRAISE FOR the 1996 edition of STAYING ON TOP WHEN THE WORLD’S UPSIDE DOWN “A practical, readable, compassionate, and helpful book.” Harold Kushner, author of When Bad Things Happen to Good People “A very useful compilation of information applicable to all levels of career planning. Utilization of these suggestions will be beneficial before, during, and following a career change.” Zig Ziglar, author of Over the Top “This is good, solid stuff. Anyone can get into this book on any page and find useful -- and often uplifting -- material.” James A. Autry, author of Love and Profit and Life and Work “This book is a wake-up call to look around and see all the exciting possibilities for productive and rewarding work that await someone willing to adapt and seek new ways of serving.” David Noer, author of Healing the Wounds “Whether you’re trying to restructure your career or trying to restructure your organization, this book is full of practical advice that will help you make effective decisions. Anyone who might face job insecurity -- and today that means everyone -- should read this book.” Jeffrey Pfeffer, author of Competitive Advantage Through People “Warning! This book may kick you out of the old ruts... A virtual roadmap for making it in life on your own terms.” Wilson Harrell, author of For Entrepreneurs Only Copyright 1996, 2013 by Joe Tye All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced or transmitted by any means whatsoever, in all or part, for any purpose except for brief quotations for a review or other fair use purposes, without written permission by the author. Inquiries should be addressed to Paradox 21 Press at the address below: PARADOX 21 PRESS P.O. Box 490 SOLON, IA 52333-0480 319-644-3889 Staying on Top When YOUR World’s Upside Down ISBN 978-1-887511-32-2 Printed in the United States of America The Chinese symbol for crisis: Danger plus Opportunity Additional Free Resources: 101 Actions You Can Take to have More Energy Never Fear, Never Quit: A Story of Courage and Perseverance Everyday Courage for Extraordinary Times Workbook Workbook for the Values Coach course on The Twelve Core Action Values http://www.valuescoachinc.com/homework Staying on Top When Your World Turns Upside Down DEDICATION This book is dedicated to Kien Pham and Thuy Do Kien Pham: My good friend and business school classmate Kien Pham grew up in what was then known as South Vietnam during the war. He and his family lost everything when the North Vietnamese army rolled into Saigon. Their home was confiscated, his father was sent to prison, and the family was reduced to poverty. They finally escaped Vietnam in an open boat with only the clothes on their backs. Kien arrived in the U.S. with no money and speaking no English, but went on to become a modern-day Horatio Alger story. He graduated with a double major from the Stanford Graduate School of Business and became a White House Fellow. Following a successful career in business and government service, Kien established the Vietnam Education Foundation (VEF) to help Vietnamese graduate students, many of them children of the men who had dispossessed his family of their home, study at America’s top universities. Today, Kien lives in Vietnam – country of his birth and of the former “enemy” – where he is a businessman and philanthropist. When Kien accepted the Never Fear, Never Quit Award at one of my conferences, he brought the painting of the Chinese symbol for crisis which is reproduced on the previous page. You would never know it talking to him because he is always so positive and optimistic, but due to a degenerative eye disease, Kien has been gradually losing his eyesight and is now almost totally blind. I can think of no better role model for staying on top when your world turns upside down than Kien Pham. Thuy Do: Shortly after arriving from Vietnam as a VEF Fellow, Hung Viet Tran became the Values Coach go-to guy for technology (his self-designated title is “Chief Keyboard Cleaner”). He has since earned his Ph.D. in computer science and co-founded the company Tutor Universe (www.TutorUniverse.com). One day about three years ago he brought his wife Thuy to the office to help us pack up a large book order. As we worked, Thuy told me about herself. She told me that she’d earned an MBA and had been CFO of a company in Vietnam. Hearing that, I immediately escorted her from the packing table to an empty cubicle and gave her my copy of QuickBooks for Dummies. She has been our CFO from that day on. In addition to making sure that we stay solvent, Thuy taught herself web design and created all of our websites. She also manages our webinar program and was the driving force behind this total rewrite of the 1996 edition of Staying on Top When the World’s Upside Down. Thuy does not know the meaning of the words “not my job” in either English or Vietnamese. She is now also studying for her CPA and is the mother of two beautiful young daughters. 8 Joe Tye ACKNOWLEDGMENTS FOR THE 2013 EDITION Every day my colleagues at Values Coach join me for that day’s promise from The Self- Empowerment Pledge (about which you will learn in this book) – a practice that is being carried out at an ever-growing number of organizations. These seven promises, more than any other tactic I know of, will help you shape the character required to successfully transform adversity into opportunity. I am forever indebted to the people I work with, who help me stay on top when my world is upside down and always strive to be my best self. I love you all. I learn from and am inspired by the people and the organizations it is our privilege to serve with consulting and training and those I meet through my speaking and writing. This book is for you. I especially want to acknowledge my family. It’s been the proverbial long and winding road since the first edition of this book came out in 1996. As I said then, if I lost everything except for the love of my family I would still have all I need. I love you all. 9 Staying on Top When Your World Turns Upside Down INTRODUCTION The title of Harold Kushner’s classic book When Bad Things Happen to Good People conveys an eternal truth – it’s not if bad things happen to good people, it’s when. At one time or another, we all have our worlds turn upside down on us. We are overwhelmed by health problems, money troubles, relationship challenges, career crashes, and dark nights of the soul. When (not if) these things happen to you, how you choose to respond will, more than any other single factor, define your character and set a path for your future. When bad things happen to good people, they often happen unexpectedly: the cancer diagnosis, pink slip, court subpoena, divorce papers; the fall down the stairs, the fall in the stock market, the fall in sales as a new competitor enters your market; the call every parent dreads: “there’s been an accident.” The world suddenly turns upside down and you must respond – even hiding out in paralyzed fear and doing nothing is a response of sorts. The purpose of this book is to help you avoid reacting in ways that are counterproductive and self-sabotaging, and instead respond with courage, determination, and faith – to respond in such a way that you grow as a person and create new opportunities out of apparent adversity. There is nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so, said Hamlet in Shakespeare’s play. When bad things happen, it’s tough to see how anything good can come from it. It takes a conscious act of will to find the silver lining, the blessing in disguise that will help you find, or create, meaning from adversity. Eric LeGrand was on his way to a professional football career when he was paralyzed making a tackle in a college game. The way he chose to think about what had happened to him set him on a path where, through his writing and speaking, he is helping many others better handle the challenges in their lives. Marcus Blank was fired from his dream job as CEO of Handy Dan’s. The way he chose to think about what happened set him on a path to launch Home Depot, one of the great American business success stories. Candace Lightner’s daughter was killed by a drunk driver. The way she chose to think about what had happened set her on a path to found Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD), an organization that by some estimates is responsible for saving the lives of more than 300,000 people who otherwise would have been killed by drunk drivers. This book will not prevent bad things from happening to you, nor can it stop your world from turning upside down. My goal, with the help of the “coauthors” whose books are 10 Joe Tye quoted within, is to help you be prepared to respond in ways that are positive, nurturing, and constructive. When bad things happen, they do not un-happen; no amount of crying, complaining, self-pity, being a victim, or blaming others will return you to the status quo ante, the way things were before.
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