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Brewe Layman Divorce Guide

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Brewe Layman Divorce Guide For many women, divorce is a difficult and confusing experience that can profoundly change and negatively impact many aspects of life. In this Women’s Divorce Guide you’ll find helpful and supportive articles, book excerpts, advice, and insights that focus exclusively on women’s divorce issues. It’s a treasure trove of compassionate and credible information designed to support and empower you as you progress through your divorce – and into a brighter future. contents 3 The Importance of Doing Nothing During Divorce 19 Getting to Know (and Love) the New You After Divorce Stressed out? Need to restore your equilibrium? Consider Divorce off ers you the opportunity to reinvent yourself blocking off some time in your schedule to Do Nothing. – perhaps as the person you were before “I” became “We.” 5 6 Survival Strategies for Transitioning Through Divorce Strategies to help you heal so that you can move on in a 21 “Rock The Boat” and Create a Fresh New Life healthy way and embrace the next stage in your life. It’s time to rock your world: shake it up and turn it into something that fills you up spiritually and 7 10 Tips for Moving on After Your Spouse Cheats emotionally. His infi delity is about him; his actions are not your fault. 23 5 Milestones to Help You Live Your Best Life 9 Divorce Stress: How to Identify and Manage It You might be thinking it’s impossible to really move on – How to recognize the physical and psychological let alone live your best life after divorce – but you can! symptoms, and actions to help you manage stress. 25 Tired of Feeling Angry at Your Co-Parent? 11 Getting Organized During Divorce When you’re angry, you lose your ability to use reason You need to develop an organizational system that will and logic. These six tips can help. prevent you from drowning in a sea of paperwork. 27 Post-Divorce Dating: Things to Consider First 13 6 Baby Steps to Start Creating a Financial Plan This soul-searching might be diffi cult at times, but it will Take time to start planning the fi nancial aspects of your set you up for success in the long run. divorce; it will make a diffi cult transition that much easier. 15 Divorcing after 50? Make Finances Your Top Priority! 29 5 Steps for Dating After Divorce with Children You may have signifi cant assets at stake during divorce; Allow your children time to sort out their feelings, and take these steps to help to secure your fi nancial future. never make them feel like they must take sides. The articles in this Guide are provided for general information and may not apply to your unique situation. These articles do not take the place of a lawyer, accountant, financial planner, therapist, etc.; since laws and procedures vary by region, for professional advice, you must seek counsel from the appropriate professional in your area. The views presented in the articles are the authors’ own and do not necessarily represent the views of this firm or of Divorce Marketing Group. This Guide is published by and Copyright © Divorce Marketing Group. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Any use of materials from this Guide – including reproduction, modification, or distribution – without prior written consent of Divorce Marketing Group is prohibited. Women’sWomen’s DivDivorceorce GGuideuide | 2 The Importance of Doing Nothing During Divorce Feeling stressed out during divorce proceedings? Need to restore your equilibrium? Consider blocking off a bit of time in your schedule to Do Nothing. By Wendi Schuller, Therapist ometimes the best course of action is to Do Nothing. In Sdivorce, we are often spinning our wheels, making a lot of noise but going nowhere. It is hard to keep mental fatigue at bay with so much going on and so many life-altering decisions to make during divorce proceedings. Our brains are on overload and our bodies are exhausted. What is the anti- dote to this craziness? Step back and Do Nothing. Having a block of time to do whatever you like is a great way to recharge your batteries. This resets your mind and body, so you can tackle the tasks, such as negotiating the split of marital assets. Stress increases the risk of cardio- vascular events causing hormones such as cortisol to be released. This can cause head- aches, gastrointestinal issues, and for some of us, brain fog. Making decisions can Women’sDivorce Recovery Divorce Guide | 3 be overwhelming. The Mayo When feeling jittery and Clinic states that: “Taking time My divorce would have been unable to simply Do Nothing, to rest and relax with no particu- much smoother if I had known consider taking up an activity lar goals can help reduce stress designed to to calm mind and and bring a sense of calm and it was okay to Do Nothing. body – such as yoga or medi- control.” Downtime allows the tation. My son and I took Tai brain to process information that Chi classes during and after my has been received. divorce. We were both much Incorporating seemingly aimless downtime into your calmer after sessions, which enabled us to enjoy downtime. busy schedule may seem counterintuitive, but it often increases creativity and access to the wisdom of your sub- Do Nothing: Become a Human Being Rather Than conscious mind. Many artists and writers commonly allow a Human Doing themselves unstructured periods to let their minds wander. A young adult whom I take care of one morning a week first While you are seemingly doing nothing, creative concepts are introduced me to the concept of “Do Nothing.” He has cere- bubbling up to the surface. You can apply the same concept to bral palsy and can only string a limited number of words your divorce: your subconscious mind can offer outside-the- together at a time. When I ask him what he would like to box ideas to solve the complex issues that come with divorce, do, sometimes he replies “Basketball” – but on a regular but only if you give it time and space to do so. basis, his reply is “Do Nothing.” We might sit on his lovely Even if you don’t spontaneously resolve your divorce patio and listen to bird calls or the wind sighing through tree issues, doing nothing can offer respite and enjoyment. Think branches, or we might take a walk and look at flower-filled about when you were a child and had lazy days doing nothing. gardens. Most likely you were relaxed and enjoyed life. Bring this feel- Of course, these activities are not precisely “Nothing,” ing into your present situation. but the important distinction is that they are not meant to accomplish anything in particular. We are “being” instead of You’ll Be More Productive After Doing Nothing “doing.” I was amazed at how refreshed I became after fol- People sometimes mistake taking downtime as not being lowing his directive to Do Nothing. productive. It is the opposite: you are recharging body and As I began to practice doing nothing, I started to be less mind, just like you recharge your electronic devices. Without frazzled. Doing nothing allows me to be calm in my new job, that crucial break to recharge, you run the risk of leaving your- and I am less stressed overall these days. self totally depleted. So consider leaving gaps or blocking off My divorce would have been much smoother if I had time in your schedule to engage in a favorite activity or simply known it was okay to Do Nothing. I did take three trips chili out. Give yourself permission to nap, read a book, stroll during my divorce proceedings, and the parts I spent doing through a leafy park, or whatever you find pleasurable. This nothing were what had me energized and ready to get down downtime can be like a mini-vacation – rejuvenating to mind to divorce business upon my return. It is delightful taking a and body. break to read a great mystery novel now – without feeling You may be creating a jam-packed agenda for yourself any guilt that I am slacking off. as a way to avoid feeling uncomfortable or painful emotions. When feeling stressed out during divorce proceedings Trying to brush them aside, push them down, or avoid them and needing to restore your equilibrium, consider blocking altogether does not make these difficult emotions go away. off a bit of your schedule to Do Nothing. Enjoy taking time Instead, they will often resurface with a greater intensity – and for yourself knowing that the break will allow you to cope sometimes at the most inconvenient time. If you are unable to much better with the stressful issues of divorce. deal with these feelings and find the trigger for them, consider discussing them with a therapist. Wendi Schuller is an author, nurse, hypno- If there is a sticky point in proceedings, discuss it with therapist, and is certified in Neuro-Linguistic your lawyer or divorce coach. If you are staying very busy to Programming (NLP). Her most recent book is keep from being afraid of what your post-divorce future will The Global Guide to Divorce, and she has over look like, express your fears to the right professional: your 200 published articles. She is a guest on radio lawyer for legal questions; your financial advisor if you’re programs in the US and UK. Her website is worrying about money. www.globalguidetodivorce.com. Women’s Divorce Guide | 4 6 Survival Strategies for Transitioning Through Divorce Before you can move on with your life, you oing through a divorce is one of life’s biggest stressors.
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