Our America at UMFA • Dengue Fever • Yob Vol. 26 • Issue 315 • March 2015 • SLUGMAG.COM • Always slugmag.comFREE 1 2 SaltLakeUnderGround slugmag.com 3 SaltLakeUnderGround • Vol. 26 • Issue #315 • March 2015 • slugmag.com Publisher: Eighteen Percent Gray Barkiple, Johnny Cowan, Logan Brian Kubarycz, Brinley Froelich, CONTRIBUTOR LIMELIGHT: Editor: Angela H. Brown Sorenson, Martín Rivero, Matt Brunk, Bryer Wharton, Christian Schultz, Managing Editor: Matthew Windsor, Megan Kennedy, Cody Kirkland, Dean O Hillis, Steve Goemaat Alexander Ortega Melissa Cohn, Michael Portanda, Gavin Sheehan, Henry Glasheen, SLUG Games Coordinator, Writer Junior Editor: Christian Schultz Mikey Baratta, Russel Daniels, Scott James Bennett, James Orme, Jimmy Office Coordinator: Frederick, Talyn Sherer, Martin, John Ford, Jordan Deveraux, Gavin Sheehan Weston Colton Julia Sachs, Justin Gallegos, Kia Digital Content Coordinator: Videographers: McGinnis, Lauren Ashley, Mariah Henry Glasheen Andrew Schummer, Brock Grossl, Mann Mellus, Megan Kennedy, Mike Fact Checker: Nic Smith Candida Duran, Lexie Floor, Perry Brown, Mike Riedel, Peter Fryer, Copy Editing Team: Alex Layne Decker-Tate, Ryan Dearth, Ricky Vigil, Ryan Hall, Scott Farley, Cragun, Alexander Ortega, Allison Slugger Sean Zimmerman-Wall, Shawn Shephard, Christian Schultz, Cody Community Development Mayer, Stakerized!, Steve Goemaat, Kirkland, Henry Glasheen, John Executives/Advertising Sales: Steve Richardson, Thomas Winkley Ford, Jordan Deveraux, Julia Sachs, John Ford: [email protected] Monkeys with Computers: Laikwan Waigwa-Stone, Maria Angela H. Brown: Adam Fratto, Alex Coulombe, Alex Valenzuela, Mary E. Duncan, Nick [email protected] Cragun, Alex Gilvarry, Ali Shimkus, Steve Goemaat’s passion for skateboarding and Kuzmack, Shawn Soward, SLUG HQ: 801.487.9221 Allison Shephard, Andrea Silva, snow sports may only be eclipsed by how friendly Traci Grant Marketing Interns: Ben Juell, Ashley Lippert, Ben Tilton, Blake and personable the guy is. Goemaat joined SLUG Digital Interns: Davis Pope, Kolton Smith, Rosemary Saycich, Leszczynski, Carl Acheson, CJ in October of 2012, and has since penned skate- Julia Sachs, Nick Kuzmack Paige Emond Morgan, Connor Brady, Dan Vesper, and snowboarding-related articles like 2014’s Mi- Content Consultants: Marketing Team: Alex Darcy Russell, Dylan Evans, Eric losport 30th Anniversary and Christian Bourne Jon Christiansen, Matt Hoenes Topolewski, Ashley Kinser, Ben Juell, Norris, Gregory Gerulat, Jamie Stott, Cover Design: Joshua Joye Carl Acheson, Cassandra Loveless, Kamryn Feigel, Kathy Zhou, Kendal profiles. This month, he wrote a skier profile of Lead Graphic Designer: Cassie Anderson, Janie Greenberg, Gillett, Kenny Tadrzynski, Kristyn Walter Shearon (pg. 22)! Goemaat has been Joshua Joye Jono Martinez, Kendal Gillett, Kolton Porter, LeAundra Jeffs, Lizz Corrigan, an integral part of our 15th annual SLUG Games Graphic Design Team: Smith, Lindsay Clark, Paige Emond, Madi Smith, Mame Wallace, Matt ski/snowboard competitions at Snowbasin and Chad Pinckney, Lenny Riccardi, Rachel Roller, Rosemary Saycich, Brunk, Michael Sanchez, Nancy Brighton as a SLUG Games Coordinator on the Mason Rodrickc, Paul Mason Sabi Lowder, Skye Galley, Perkins, Nate Housley, Nic Smith, SLUG Games Planning Team. He listens to a Ad Designers: Brad Barker, Zac Freeman Nick Kuzmack, Nicole Stephenson, range of tunes like Nas, Misfits, Bayside and Brighton Metz, Christian Broadbent, Social Media Coordinator: Randy Dankievitch, RGB Robb, Black Sabbath. Goemaat will have an English Devin Wakefield, KJ Jackett, Maggie Catie Weimer Rebecca Frost, Rheanna Sonnichsen, degree from the U later this spring, and he cher- Zukowski, Nicholas Dowd, Nick Distribution Manager: Sara Bezdjian, Seeth McGavien, ishes casual Sunday skate sessions. Brains and Ketterer, Sumerset Bivens Eric Granato Some Cop Dude, Taylor Hoffman, boards abound with Goemaat, and we love it! Website Developer: Kate Colgan Distro: Andrea Silva, Daniel Timo H., Trevor Hale, Tyson Call, Alexander, Davis Pope, Eric Xkot Toxsik Illustrators: Brighton Metz, ABOUT THE COVER: Northern Utah electron- Granato, Janie Greenberg, John SLUG Magazine’s Official D. Bradford Gambles, Eleora ic record label Hel Audio has become known Ford, Jordan Deveraux, Julia Podcast: Nelson, Lenny Riccardi, Maggie for minimalist designs on their artists’ album Zukowski, Manuel Aguilar, Natalie Sachs, Maria Valenzuela, Michael SLUG Soundwaves covers in addition to experimental/ambient Edwards, Paul Frame, Phil Cannon, Sanchez, Nancy Burkhart, Nancy Producer: Gavin Sheehan electronic music. SLUG Lead Designer Joshua Robin Banks, Ryan Perkins, Sean Perkins, Lucas Goodrich, Ryan Executive Producer: Joye interpreted their knack for audial/visual Hennefer, Steve Thueson, Worwood, Tommy Dolph, Tony Angela H. Brown isometric shapes into this cover and the Hel Au- Timm Paxton Bassett, Wesley Peterson, Associate Producers: dio cover story (pg. 32). Photographers: Ben Melini, Bob Xkot Toxsik Alexander Ortega, Christian Schultz, Plumb, Chad Kirkland, Chris Gariety, Senior Staff Writers: Henry Glasheen, John Ford DISCLAIMER: SLUG Magazine does not Chris Kiernan, Gilbert Cisneros, Alex Springer, Alexander Ortega, necessarily maintain the same opinions as those Gilbert Garcia, Jake Vivori, John Amanda Rock, Ben Trentelman, found in our content. Content is property of SLUG youtube.com/user/SLUGMagazine Magazine—please do not use without written @SLUGMag permission. 4 SaltLakeUnderGround slugmag.com 5 Cyclists and Drivers Not as Chummy as BREAKING Thelma and Louise By Ashlee Mason • Instagram: @ashee_mashee Photo: John Barkiple Drivers and cyclists have learned that there are a lot more driveways on 300 South than originally suspected. n an effort to boost the local white paint economy and add a touch of je ne sais Iquoi to what would otherwise be just boring, unfashionable pavement, Salt Lake says, shaking. Chalmerton had considered bike lane in between the sidewalk and a hop- City officials recently unveiled a dazzling cycling as a central focus of his life, but when scotch board filled with perilous blind spots in kaleidoscope of parking lanes along 300 a car nearly took it, his thoughts turned dark. an already traffic-clogged stretch of the city, South (and to a lesser but just as confusing “I used to be a food-delivery boy, but now lawmaker Patty Nugella shifted around in extent, 300 East). that dream is gone,” he says. “I sold my one- her seat uncomfortably before commenting, speed for a couple bucks, and now I’m push- “I think ... I left the oven on …” After years of ignoring the ever-growing in- ing paper for a soulless corporation on the version problem that’s plagued the city and south side. I’m ‘Bike Mike’ no more.” Salt Lake City Mayor Rosalee Kirkpat- listening to bicyclists blab on and on about more has taken a more forward approach not getting to bike really fast from Jed’s Bar- While Chalmerton’s turn for the worse has in addressing the cyclist/motorist kerfuffle bershop to Pioneer Park, city planners took been heartbreaking for the community, he surrounding 300 South. At a recent City firm steps in creating a bike-friendly utopia hasn’t been the only human impacted by the Hall meeting, she went into abuelita mode, by inserting bike lanes between the sidewalk change. After the city did away with diago- saying, “You know, I’ve been in the city and parking spaces throughout the bustling nal parking in favor of parallel spots, drivers planning-game a long time. Mapping out antique shop and sandwich district. have learned there are a lot more driveways parking spaces isn’t easy, and if there’s and fire hydrants lining 300 South than origi- one thing I know about you people, it’s that Back when the project began, urban planner nally suspected. With the street’s parking you’re never happy no matter what we do. Ned Maloof was very optimistic. He says, spaces having been reduced by nearly a Cyclists, no matter how much you tell us oth- “I like to think we’re adding a little zig-zag fun third, throngs of non-Downtowners have been erwise, you’re not goddamn cars, so don’t to Broadway. We’re going to throw up con- forced to resort to parking inside abandoned bike so fast down the lanes, and you’ll prob- crete barriers and draw Union Jacks all over shops at the Gateway Mall—a place where ably be OK. Motorists, just because you can the street to assist all commuters, not just the alligators live. afford car payments and gas doesn’t mean cyclists. We’re even going to put up cute, little you’re shit don’t stink. Put down your phone, signs to show motorists where to park, which Walking a few extra blocks east from the pay attention to other people around you, is good because you don’t want all those at- Japanese Church of Christ, the city cen- and for chrissakes, remember that parking tempts at parallel parking to be in vain. Plus, ter has increased drivers’ general sense of a couple of blocks away from your destina- if I do say so myself, it won’t be long before grouchiness and has brought forth all kinds tion can be looked at as exercise.” we can confidently tell Portland to SUCK IT.” of misplaced shade against hapless cyclists. “Muscly-legged, nature-humping low-lifes,” After the meeting concluded, no one came Once everything was in place, things were says overweight motorist Eric Farnswood, up with a witty retort to the Mayor until they looking rosy and not controversial at all, until shortly before drunkenly speeding off from a hit the stairwell, so it appears the controversy tragedy struck. bar in his truck. has simmered somewhat. However, it remains unclear whether cyclists will have any more Brent Chalmerton (37) formerly known to Despite the cloud hanging over the Downtown excuses to ride on the sidewalks, and it’s locals as “Bike Mike,” gave off a resigned, area, citizens have managed to cope with the doubly unclear—given the nearly snowless all-is-lost vibe while recounting a recent in- reality of the new parking spots. However, winter we’ve had this year—how much snow- cident where he was nearly clipped by a they demand answers.