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Consensual Non-: Stigma

Tashina Eggleston

Presentation ID # 1161 Non-monogamy relationship styles

• Consensual Non-Monogamy (CNM) • Swinging • • Mono poly • Poly fidelity • Solo poly • Casual • around • • • • ……

Source types

• Academic research papers • Magazine articles • Blogs • YouTube videos • Newspaper articles • Movies • TV/Netflix shows • Documentaries • Books • Non-academic Personal experiences and observations Everyone seems to have an opinion, even if they don’t know they do. • It’s good (and I practice it). • I don’t care what consenting adults do with their own time. • It’s bad, because it’s immoral, destructive, selfish, shallow …etc. Let’s Talk About Monogamy ()

Stephanie coontz author of “Marriage, A History” “I was raised in the 60’s and in that time the anthropological theory was that marriage was invented to protect women and children. That women traded sexual monogamy in return for the man going out and hunting the meat protecting them from the sabre tooth tigers. But then in the 70’s a lot of anthropologists came along and they pointed out if the men were out hunting and the women were who was protecting the women from the sabre tooth tiger? Then you got a totally different theory of the invention of marriage. That it was invented to oppress women.” “Eventually, I came to the conclusion that, marriage had nothing to do with the relationship between the and the and the children. It was a way of getting in-laws. In-laws were the reason for marriage. ‘I marry my son to your daughter and therefore we have a relationship. I owe you things. You owe me things.” Monogamy by default

Which is better? Consensual non-monogamy or monogamy? According to , Author of Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships, practitioners of Consensual non-monogamy feel that most people enter into a monogamous relationship by default. Religious views

Christianity, , , and some forms of Adultery or Polygamy (vs Polyamory) Polygamy Seen as cheating Polyamory

Polygyny

Seen as consensual

Polyandry People who hold the stigma think that CNM:

• Practitioners are “freacko • Is all about sex, sex, sex pervert(s)” • Is an unsafe environment to raise • Is twisted children • Is just a fancy way to say • Is inferior to Monogamy “cheating” • Is a sign of selfishness and • Is physically unsafe • Is an excuse to have shallow • Is destructive to the fabric of our meaningless relationships. • Is for people who haven’t met the “right person” yet. • Is for people who can’t commit • Is unnatural. Like the emperor • “(Polyamory) is what do” penguin, monogamy is human nature. “Consensual Non-Monogamy practitioners are not happy” Direction for Future Research Brown vs Buhman April Devilbiss V.C. and C.B v. J.E.B. and C.C. sources

• Devilbiss, April. Polyamory Community News, www.polyamorysociety.org/Divilbiss_Families_Case_Ends.html. • Dinos, Sokratis. “Stigma Creating Stigma: a Vicious Circle.” The Psychiatric Bulletin, Royal College of Psychiatrists, Aug. 2014, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4115432/. • Dominus, Susan. “Is an a Happier Marriage?” , The New York Times, 11 May 2017, www.nytimes.com/2017/05/11/magazine/is-an-open- marriage-a-happier-marriage.html. • Sanford, Arlene, director. Friends. The One with the Butt, 27 Oct. 1994. • Glassburn, Sharon. “7 Ways to Dismantle the Stigma Surrounding Polyamory.” GoodTherapy.org Therapy Blog, 7 Apr. 2017, www.goodtherapy.org/blog/7-ways-to-dismantle- stigma-surrounding-polyamory-0411174. • Greene, Heather. “U.S. Court Ruling Supports Polyamorous in .” The Wild Hunt, 10 Jan. 2017, wildhunt.org/2014/08/u-s-court-ruling-supports-polyamorous-families- in-utah.html. • Johnson, Sarah M., et al. "Development of a Brief Measure of Attitudes Towards Polyamory." Psychology & Sexuality, vol. 6, no. 4, Dec. 2015, p. 325. EBSCOhost, dist.lib.usu.edu/login?url=http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=edb&AN=110081716&site=eds-live • Monogamish. Dir. Tao Ruspoli. Perf. Christopher Ryan, Esther Perel and Dan Savage. 2016. Documentary. • Polikoff, Nancy. “Beyond (Straight and ) Marriage.” 2012, 1 Jan. 1970, beyondstraightandgaymarriage.blogspot.com/2012/. • Polyamory Is Hippy Bullshit. 8 Jan. 2017, www.youtube.com/watch?v=407ou7laR2w. • Sheff, Elisabeth. “Religious Attitudes Towards Polyamory.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-polyamorists-next- door/201401/religious-attitudes-towards-polyamory. • Taormino, Tristan. Opening up: a Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships. Cleis Press, 2008. • Trainer, , director. That 70s Show. The Good Son, 26 July 1999. • The Holy : . Thunder Bay Press, 2000. • Vrangalova, Zhana. “Who's More Stigmatized: Swingers or Polyamorists?” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/strictly-casual/201407/who- s-more-stigmatized-swingers-or-polyamorists.