Consensual Non-Monogamy and the New Sexual Ethos
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University of Pennsylvania ScholarlyCommons Publicly Accessible Penn Dissertations 2012 The Casualization of Intimacy: Consensual Non-Monogamy and the New Sexual Ethos Brittany Griebling University of Pennsylvania, [email protected] Follow this and additional works at: https://repository.upenn.edu/edissertations Part of the Communication Commons, and the Feminist, Gender, and Sexuality Studies Commons Recommended Citation Griebling, Brittany, "The Casualization of Intimacy: Consensual Non-Monogamy and the New Sexual Ethos" (2012). Publicly Accessible Penn Dissertations. 638. https://repository.upenn.edu/edissertations/638 This paper is posted at ScholarlyCommons. https://repository.upenn.edu/edissertations/638 For more information, please contact [email protected]. The Casualization of Intimacy: Consensual Non-Monogamy and the New Sexual Ethos Abstract This dissertation explores the discursive construction of consensually non-monogamous (CNM) relationships. The focus is limited to non-monogamists involved in primary, committed dyadic relationships who also pursue secondary, more casual partners. Using the framework of "casualization," the dissertation carries out a discourse analysis of 25 in-depth interviews with straight and LGBT individuals and couples involved in CNM relationships. The term casualization of intimacy makes an analogy between the evolving norms of private life and the casualization of labor. For scholars of work in a global economy, the casualization of labor refers to decreasing job security for workers, coupled with increasing productivity and the demand for new skills. The casualization of intimacy means that our personal lives, like our work lives, are characterized by precarity, the need for flexibility, the feminization of communication, and the valorization of individual "hard work." Analysis of interviews with non- monogamists demonstrates a construction of CNM in line with casualization. Non-monogamists portray their lifestyle as protective of partners' autonomy and uniquely accommodating of change; individual adaptability to changing expectations is construed as a necessary virtue. The feminization of communication norms is demonstrated in interview subjects' construction of verbal communication, particularly self-disclosure, as central to and distinctive of CNM relationships. Frequent communication about emotionally-fraught topics - jealousy, desire, insecurity - is considered essential to the success of CNM partnerships; interview participants often argued communication was "more important than sex" in distinguishing CNM and monogamous partnerships. This emphasis on communication suggests one reason CNM appeals to some women; it also disrupts an understanding of non-monogamy as inevitably sexist. Additionally, by framing the self-disclosure required by CNM as "hard work," interview subjects align their lifestyle with the ethos of casualization. In sum, non-monogamists contrast an image of traditional, rigid, hierarchal, and monologic relationships with their construction of non-monogamy as a modern ethic of intimacy, one that is flexible, egalitarian, and dialogic, while also deemphasizing the instability and insecurity inherent in CNM. In trading predictability for excitement and security for freedom, the discourse of consensual non-monogamy highlights the promise and peril offered by the casualization of intimate life. Degree Type Dissertation Degree Name Doctor of Philosophy (PhD) Graduate Group Communication First Advisor Carolyn Marvin Keywords Communication, Discourse, Gender studies, Intimacy, Non-monogamy, Sexuality Subject Categories Communication | Feminist, Gender, and Sexuality Studies This dissertation is available at ScholarlyCommons: https://repository.upenn.edu/edissertations/638 THE CASUALIZATION OF INTIMACY: CONSENSUAL NON-MONOGAMY AND THE NEW SEXUAL ETHOS Brittany Griebling A DISSERTATION in Communication Presented to the Faculties of the University of Pennsylvania in Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for the Degree of Doctor of Philosophy 2012 Supervisor of Dissertation _______________________________ Dr. Carolyn Marvin Frances Yates Professor of Communication Graduate Group Chairperson ________________________________ Dr.Joseph Turow Robert Lewis Shayon Professor of Communication Dissertation Committee Dr. John Jackson Richard Perry University Professor of Communication, Anthropology, and Africana Studies Dr. Katherine Sender Professor of Film, Television, and Media Studies THE CASUALIZATION OF INTIMACY: CONSENSUAL NON-MONOGAMY AND THE NEW SEXUAL ETHOS COPYRIGHT 2012 Author: Brittany Nicole Griebling This work is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 License ACKNOWLEDGMENTS Given the time I’ve been working on this dissertation and the generous help I’ve received, it is a serious challenge to show proper gratitude to all those who have assisted along the way. But, I will do my best to thank those who have contributed the most to this project’s success. To begin, I want to express appreciation for the Annenberg School for Communication at the University of Pennsylvania. The Annenberg School is a great place to learn and develop as a scholar. In particular, the dean, Michael X. Delli Carpini, deserves special recognition for the steps he took to enhance the graduate experience during his tenure. Additionally, I had the great luck to have friendly, supportive colleagues in my graduate program, especially Brooke Duffy, Paul Falzone, Lauren Kogen, Jocelyn Landau, Deb Lubken, Moira O’Keeffe and Andy Dyson, Suzanne Ramirez and Kris Unger, Nicole Rogers, Jason Tocci, Leslie Williams, and Magdalena Wojcieszak. Thanks also to other far-flung friends for providing shelter from the rather rarified storm of academia and for putting up a broke graduate student when she visited their cities for conferences. I’m thinking of you, Saba Bazargan, Alexis Brown and Anil Murjani, Doug Hanes and John Hutchings, Jon and Krystal Nizar, and Ailinh Tran. I am also enormously grateful to the individuals who met with me to tell me their stories. They took time to talk to a stranger about the intimate details of their personal lives. They were a sharp, funny, brave, and thoughtful group of people. Though the arguments of my dissertation are, for better or worse, my own, I hope they feel that this work does justice to their stories. This project couldn’t have happened without their contributions. My advisor, Carolyn Marvin, is the toughest critic around; I’m glad she was on my side! I benefited immensely from her insight and acumen, as well as her friendship. Katherine Sender and John L. Jackson provided sound advice as the work progressed, as well as several valuable iii critiques in later stages of this project. Don Mitchell was kind enough to let me bounce some ideas off him during the proposal phase. I have nothing but gratitude for my boyfriend, Thomas J. Sugrue, who, in addition to taking out me for the occasional much-needed glass of wine, made it possible for me to take the summer off from teaching so that I could finish writing the dissertation. Thank you, Tom. I love you. My greatest thanks go to my parents, Graciela and Michael Griebling. Adopting a strategy that requires an uncommon reservoir of courage, grace, and love, they always encouraged my brother and me to question received wisdom, even though they knew that such questioning might lead us towards lives very different from their own. My largest, most fundamental debt is to them. iv ABSTRACT THE CASUALIZATION OF INTIMACY: CONSENSUAL NON-MONOGAMY AND THE NEW SEXUAL ETHOS Brittany Griebling Dr. Carolyn Marvin This dissertation explores the discursive construction of consensually non-monogamous (CNM) relationships. The focus is limited to non-monogamists involved in primary, committed dyadic relationships who also pursue secondary, more casual partners. Using the framework of “casualization,” the dissertation carries out a discourse analysis of 25 in-depth interviews with straight and LGBT individuals and couples involved in CNM relationships. The term casualization of intimacy makes an analogy between the evolving norms of private life and the casualization of labor. For scholars of work in a global economy, the casualization of labor refers to decreasing job security for workers, coupled with increasing productivity and the demand for new skills. The casualization of intimacy means that our personal lives, like our work lives, are characterized by precarity, the need for flexibility, the feminization of communication, and the valorization of individual “hard work.” Analysis of interviews with non-monogamists demonstrates a construction of CNM in line with casualization. Non-monogamists portray their lifestyle as protective of partners’ autonomy and uniquely accommodating of change; individual adaptability to changing expectations is construed as a necessary virtue. The feminization of communication norms is demonstrated in interview subjects’ construction of verbal communication, particularly self- disclosure, as central to and distinctive of CNM relationships. Frequent communication about emotionally-fraught topics – jealousy, desire, insecurity – is considered essential to the success of CNM partnerships; interview participants often argued communication was “more important than sex” in distinguishing CNM and monogamous partnerships. This emphasis on communication suggests one reason CNM appeals to some women; it also disrupts an v understanding of non-monogamy as inevitably