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A Grounded Theory of How Mixed Orientation Married

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A Grounded Theory of How Mixed Orientation Married “Making it Work”: A Grounded Theory of How Mixed Orientation Married Couples Commit, Sexually Identify, and Gender Themselves Christian Edward Jordal Dissertation submitted to the Faculty of Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy In Human Development Katherine R. Allen April L. Few-Demo Christine E. Kaestle Margaret L. Keeling April 27, 2011 Blacksburg, Virginia Keywords: Bisexuality; gender; marital commitment; mixed orientation marriage Abstract Married bisexuals who come out to their heterosexual partners do not invariably divorce. This qualitative study included 14 intact, mixed orientation married couples. The mean marriage duration was 14.5 years, and the mean time since the bisexual spouse had come out was 7.9 years. The research focused the negotiation processes around three constructs: (a) sexual identity; (b) gender identity; and (c) marital commitment. Dyadic interviews were used to generate a grounded theory of the identity and commitment negotiation processes occurring among intact mixed orientation married couples. The findings revealed two sexual identity trajectories: Bisexuals who identify before marriage and reemerge within marriage; or bisexuals who do not identity before marriage but who emerge from within marriage. Two gender identity processes were reported: gender non-conformity and deliberate gender conformity. Finally, two negotiation processes around marital commitment were found: (a) closed marital commitment, and (b) open marital commitment. Closed marital commitment was defined as monogamous. Open marital commitment had four subtypes: (a) monogamous with the option to open; (b) open on one side (i.e., the bisexual spouse was or had the option to establish a tertiary relationship outside the marriage); (c) open on both sides or polyamorous; and (d) third-person inclusive (i.e. couples had or were seeking a third person to bring into their marriage for both spouses). The implications for research and clinical practice were discussed. Table of Contents Table of contents............................................................................................................................ iii List of Tables ...................................................................................................................................v Acknowledgements........................................................................................................................ vi Dedication.................................................................................................................................... viii Chapter 1: Introduction....................................................................................................................1 Theoretical Framework........................................................................................................3 Rationale for the Study ........................................................................................................8 Overview of the Proposed Study .......................................................................................11 Significance of the Study...................................................................................................12 Research Questions............................................................................................................13 Chapter 2: Literature Review.........................................................................................................14 Review of the Empirical Literature....................................................................................14 Clinical Significance of the Study .....................................................................................23 Chapter 3: Methodology ................................................................................................................30 Rationale for the Approach................................................................................................30 Chapter 4: Findings........................................................................................................................61 Discovering Bisexuality Before and After Marriage.........................................................61 Gender Negotiations: Non-conformity and Deliberate Conformity ..................................69 Disclosing to Spouses, Seeking Support, and Coming Out to Others While Married.......78 Making MOM Work is an Intentional, Relational Process................................................94 Chapter 5: Discussion, Conclusions, and Implications................................................................114 Overview of the Findings and Grounded Theory ............................................................114 Implications for Research and Clinical Practice..............................................................124 Future Research ...............................................................................................................129 In Conclusion...................................................................................................................129 References....................................................................................................................................131 Footnotes......................................................................................................................................155 Appendix A..................................................................................................................................156 Appendix B ..................................................................................................................................157 Appendix C ..................................................................................................................................158 iii Appendix D..................................................................................................................................159 Appendix E ..................................................................................................................................160 Appendix F...................................................................................................................................161 Appendix G..................................................................................................................................168 Appendix H..................................................................................................................................169 iv List of Tables Number Page Table 1: Mean Age, Marriage Duration, and Time Since Disclosure to Spouse...........................33 Table 2: Couple Demographic Information...................................................................................35 Table 3: Online Groups For Mixed Orientation Married Couples and Spouses............................39 Table 4: Coding Scheme One ........................................................................................................49 Table 5: Focused Coding Audit Trail ............................................................................................52 Table 6: Discovering Bisexuality Before and After Marriage.......................................................62 Table 7: Negotiating Gender Identity Within Marriage ................................................................71 Table 8: Marital Commitment Typology.......................................................................................96 v Acknowledgements This project was funded in part through a Doctoral Dissertation Research Award that I was fortunate to receive from the Department of Human Development. I wish to thank the faculty committee who granted me the award, as it was instrumental in my ability to collect and analyze my data. I am indebted to Dr. Katherine Allen, my faculty advisor and dissertation Chair. You continually gave of yourself, even at times when personal circumstances made it an arduous undertaking. You took me under your wing, guided me, encouraged me, defended me, and perhaps, most importantly, challenged me to think beyond what I know, and you have indelibly shaped my understanding of what it means to be a mentor and scholar. I am grateful to the members of my dissertation committee, Dr. April Few-Demo, Dr. Christine Kaestle, and Dr. Margaret Keeling for their enthusiastic support and guidance over the course of my graduate education. You offered your ideas openly and eagerly during the proposal of this project, and they lent greater rigor to it. Over the course of my seven years in graduate school, I sought the guidance of my professors on many occasions. Their sage experience served as a guide on this journey. I wish to thank Dr. Joyce Arditti, Dr. Anna Beth Benningfield, Dr. Larry Chamow, Dr. Megan Dolbin- MacNab, Dr. Todd Edwards, Dr. Scott Johnson, and Dr. JoEllen Patterson. I have had the good fortune to receive outstanding clinical training over the course of my career. This has served me well, but more importantly, it has served the individuals, couples, and families I worked with in therapy. My clinical development and much of my success therein is directly attributable to the supervision I received from Dr. Derek Ball, LMFT, William Hiebert, D. Min., Leita McIntosh-Koontz, LMFT, and Christine Turner, LCSW. vi I ran this dissertation “marathon” with my friend and colleague,
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