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Paul Salerni (B SALERNI, P.: Tony Caruso's Final Broadcast 8.669031 http://www.naxos.com/catalogue/item.asp?item_code=8.669031 Paul Salerni (b. 1951) TONY CARUSO’S FINAL BROADCAST A One-Act Opera in Ten Short Scenes Music by Paul Salerni • Libretto by Dana Gioia Setting: The opera takes place in the studio of a classical music radio station. Tony Caruso - Eric Fennell, Tenor The Station Crew Intern - Jacquelyn Familant, Soprano Engineer - Jan Opalach, Bass-baritone Announcer - Henry Fogel, Narrator The Marketing Trio Marketer 1 - Vicki Doney, Soprano Marketer 2 - Val Hawk, Soprano Marketer 3 - Nancy Reed, Soprano The Parochial School Nun - Dísella Làrusdóttir, Soprano Priest - Keith Phares, Baritone Young Tony - Rory Lipkis, Boy soprano The Three Visions Tony’s Mother - Alison Tupay, Mezzo-soprano Maria Callas - Phoebe Fennell, Soprano The Dark Woman - Patricia Risley, Mezzo-soprano [1] SCENE ONE [2] SCENE TWO Radio Studio: Half an hour before the show. The Station Intern The side of the stage is illuminated to reveal the Marketing Trio, and Broadcast Engineer enter. which is composed of three women dressed in male business suits—the Account Executive, Program Director, and Marketing INTERN Research Director. They sing into a large old-style radio I can’t believe they’re shutting down the station. microphone bearing the acronym W E Z Y and perform in the ENGINEER manner of a swing-era girls vocal trio. Believe it, kid. The station’s sold—lock, stock, and broadcast frequency. ACCOUNT EXECUTIVE INTERN Easy! How did it happen? The station made money. PROGRAM DIRECTOR (harmonizing) ENGINEER Easy! Not enough to survive. Some animals are worth more dead. MARKETING RESEARCH DIRECTOR (harmonizing) INTERN Easy! This is my first job, and I’ve lost it after just two weeks! TRIO ENGINEER Easy listening! I’ve been here ten years. I get fired tonight and rehired on W - E - Z - Y ! Monday—with a pay cut. The bastards! ANNOUNCER (speaking) INTERN W - E - Z - Y is proud to announce that tonight at midnight, the What about Tony? station begins a new format—Soft Rock... ENGINEER ACCOUNT & RESEARCH He’s gone. He’s dead. The new management hates him. Ahh! INTERN ANNOUNCER (spoken) How long has he been here? . Easy Listening ENGINEER ACCOUNT & RESEARCH Since Adam and Eve. Maybe before. O h h! INTERN ANNOUNCER (spoken) Quit joking! Tony’s a nice guy. A sound so smooth, it soothes. ENGINEER ACCOUNT & RESEARCH I dunno. Tony has been here forever. He gave Mozart his first O o h! airplay. TRIO INTERN W - E - Z - Y ! How can they cancel his show? Opera Lover is a classic. The station that relaxes — So smooth it soothes. ENGINEER RESEARCH A classic is what they call a show the day before they cancel it. I’m the brains. Making a classic is long hard work. Killing one is easy. PROGRAM I’m the money. ACCOUNT I’m the suit. ⓟ & © 2010 Naxos Rights International Ltd. Page 1 of 6 SALERNI, P.: Tony Caruso's Final Broadcast 8.669031 http://www.naxos.com/catalogue/item.asp?item_code=8.669031 PROGRAM / ACCOUNT I sat in this studio (They point to the Marketing Research Director) Year after year. He’s so smart! Repeat the same mistake, kid. RESEARCH / ACCOUNT It’s called a career. (They point to the Program Director) Now I’m invisible, He’s so macho! A voice in the air. PROGRAM / RESEARCH Turn off the radio, (They point to the Account Executive) And nobody’s there. He’s so cute! (Tony settles in at the console. The Intern stands at a side TRIO microphone.) What a night! ENGINEER Everything’s working Thirty seconds . Without a hitch. ANNOUNCER (spoken) We can’t stop W - E - Z - Y is proud to present Antonio Caruso’s award-winning We can’t lose. Opera Lover. Now sit back until midnight and enjoy three hours of PROGRAM immortal music and great voices hosted by celebrated singer and I’ll get rich. commentator Antonio Caruso in what we regret to say will be his final broadcast. And now our star announcer, Antonio Caruso. MARKETING SONG TRIO [4] SCENE FOUR Fill your drive-time on the freeways Stage left: A Nun is presenting a Choirboy to a Priest. She beams With soothing tunes and world-class DJs, with pride in the child. Super oldies ten in a row. Win a coffee mug on the call-in show. NUN Our mega-wattage fills the air Here is our little star, Father—Tony Caruso. He is in fifth grade. To maximize our market share. PRIEST We’re bigger, stronger, leaner, taller. Caruso. That’s a lucky name for a singer. The best ad value for your dollar. YOUNG TONY ACCOUNT (aside) Yes, father. (And a free T-shirt for our next caller.) NUN TRIO He has the voice of an angel. So just stay tuned to 90.7 PRIEST And you’ll discover drive-time heaven. I have to agree, sister, The voice of an angel, [3] SCENE THREE Though he is a devil everywhere else. Center stage Radio Studio: Tony Caruso enters the studio. He NUN wears a dressy suit, but is disheveled. He seems slightly drunk. Sing something for us, Tony. Something you love. He staggers over to the Engineer and stands there silently. YOUNG TONY Tantum ergo Sacramentum. ENGINEER Veneremur cernui: You look like hell. Et antiquum documentum, CARUSO Novo cedat ritui: I feel like hell. Praestet fides suplementum INTERN Sensuum defectui. I’m so sorry, Tony. NUN ENGINEER He’ll be famous. A second Caruso. Rotten luck, Tony. But no time to talk now. We have a show to NUN & PRIEST do. We’re running late. It’s almost nine o’clock. Let’s get set up. A second Caruso. CARUSO (to the Intern) YOUNG TONY Welcome to the last act, kid. The grand finale. Twenty-seven (with nun & priest harmonizing) years doing this show. When I started, I was a singer. “The Genitori, Genitoque Second Caruso,” my friends called me. This show was just a Laus et jubilatio: sideline. But my opera career never took off. This show is my Salus, honor, virtus quoque, opera career—I mean was—and I love it. Being here with this Sit et benedictio: music was as wonderful as singing at the Met or La Scala. Procedenti ab utroque ENGINEER Compar sit laudatio. Two minutes! ALL THREE CARUSO Amen. This music has meant more to me than anything else in my (Fade into next scene) life. When the show is on, I’m alive, utterly alive! [5] SCENE FIVE ARIA Studio: the room is now dark except for the light on Caruso alone I never chose this show. at the microphone. He sits there quietly while a selection plays for This show chose me. broadcast. The Engineer and Intern sit behind the dimly lighted I never chose this life. glass wall of the sound booth. It happened to me. I longed to be a star. WOMAN’S VOICE (offstage) I wanted fame. Tonio? I wanted one great love. CARUSO It never came. Who’s that? Quiet! We’re broadcasting. ⓟ & © 2010 Naxos Rights International Ltd. Page 2 of 6 SALERNI, P.: Tony Caruso's Final Broadcast 8.669031 http://www.naxos.com/catalogue/item.asp?item_code=8.669031 WOMAN’S VOICE (nearer) ACCOUNT EXECUTIVE Tonio? Dove sei? O momma! CARUSO Take a peak (slowly standing as he removes his microphone) At this antique. Mama? (She hands it to the Marketing Research Director who looks at it (A woman dressed in black emerges from the shadows) in disgust. During this next section, the Account Executive pulls What are you doing here? out one album at a time—pronouncing the name of the How can you be here? You’re dead. composer—and then hands it to the Marketing Research Director MOTHER who tosses it away into a huge plastic trash barrel. They enjoy the Tonio, perché si triste? game more with each exchange.) Why you so sad? ACCOUNT EXECUTIVE / MARKETING RESEARCH CARUSO Ravel? Won’t Sell. Bizet? No way. Sibelius? Get serious. Mama? Why are you here? Britten? You’re kiddin’. Franck? He stank! Liszt? Not missed! Perché sei tornata? Bach? A crock! Gluck? The snook! Mozart? An old fart! MOTHER Puccini? A weenie! Tchaikovsky? He’s out-skie! I came to help you remember. (They now begin joyously dumping LPs and CDs by the armful) Devi ricordare. TRIO CARUSO The past is over. Remember what? Let’s clean house. MOTHER Out with Verdi. Canta per me. Canta qualcosa bella per me. Goodbye Strauss. CARUSO Trade in Wagner Mom, I don’t sing anymore. For smooth soft rock. MOTHER The future starts Devi ricordare. Canta per me. At twelve o’clock. CARUSO Classical music’s Please, Mama. Gotta go. MOTHER All the surveys You had a gift from God. Tell us so. You had the power to sing. Brahms is boring. We had so little then, Bach is dreary. But I was never sad Morning drive-time Because you were blessed Should be cheery. Con un dono divino? Grieg is stale. Where did it go? Mozart mouldy. CARUSO Give us this day I never got my break Our golden oldie. I never had the chance. Tschaikovsky’s pathetic. MOTHER Schubert’s a nerd. Where did the song go? And once is too much Figlio mio, mi dici. For Beethoven’s third. Dov’è andato il canto? Curtains for opera. CARUSO Unstring that cello. Non dici così, Mama. Make the music I never lost the gift. Soft and mellow. MOTHER Whether you’re driving Perché non canti mai? Or trying to score, Dov’è andato il canto? Lean back, relax You had a gift from God.
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