Color-Conscious Multicultural Mindfulness (Ccmm): an Investigation of Counseling Students and Pre-Licensed Counselors
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COLOR-CONSCIOUS MULTICULTURAL MINDFULNESS (CCMM): AN INVESTIGATION OF COUNSELING STUDENTS AND PRE-LICENSED COUNSELORS By EMILIE AYN LENES A DISSERTATION PRESENTED TO THE GRADUATE SCHOOL OF THE UNIVERSITY OF FLORIDA IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF THE REQUIREMENTS FOR THE DEGREE OF DOCTOR OF PHILOSOPHY UNIVERSITY OF FLORIDA 2018 © 2018 Emilie Ayn Lenes Dedicated to you, the reader in this moment right now. May we evoke curiosity and compassion with one another. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS Synchronicity and grace have guided my way, and I thank the divinely orchestrated fabric that somehow enabled this dissertation to come to completion. Despite all the literature I have read, and the profound education that I have received from an incalculable number of exceptional people, I know that I still have many areas of development. I am on a lifelong journey of dismantling my own social conditioning. Our American society has been built upon racist roots and oppressive systems that advantage some groups of people and marginalize others. Awareness of this has given me a sense of ethical responsibility to be on a collective team of people who are working towards tikkun olam. This dissertation has drawn upon interactions throughout my lifetime, but especially over the past decade at the PACE Center for Girls. Individual and group conversations continuously enlighten me, as well as participation in multicultural and/or mindfulness conferences and trainings over the years. I acknowledge those whose insights have been integrated on a level beyond my ability to always remember precise attributions. Undoubtedly, there is someone who may be reading this right now, who contributed in some way(s) that I neglect to mention. I trust that you know in your heart, that you are deeply appreciated and your contributions are precious to me. We all make mistakes. Undoubtedly, there is some content somewhere within this dissertation that does not communicate my true intended message. Constructive feedback is as a gift. I welcome contact and learning if anyone would like to teach me something related to these topics. I am so overwhelmingly thankful for all the people who have educated me and expanded my understanding of humanity. Growing up color-blind, I was unaware of my White privileges, and the racism and racial socializations systematically inherent within predominantly White neighborhoods and schools. I started this dissertation as a novice related to color-blind racial attitudes. I have received freedom and opportunities as I grew up with many privileged identities (e.g., White, able-bodied, 4 cisgender, economically comfortable, highly educated, in a heterosexual relationship, with American citizenship). These privileges are juxtaposed with my very personal resonance with groups of people who are mistreated due to an identity they were born with. I am aware that my ancestors survived the holocaust and the Passover story of freeing the Jewish slaves resonates with me on a transgenerational level. When I first began freely writing these acknowledgments from the bottom of my heart, this prologue began with my parents, Dr. Bruce and Barbara Lenes. My mom and dad gave me the gift of life and have deeply instilled the value of education, hard work, dedication, perseverance, sacrifice, and love into the core of my sisters, my niece and me. My mom and dad have reminded me to choose wisely with all the choices I may be presented with in my life. They recommend choosing health and happiness as priorities. In the moments when giving up on school due to health concerns crossed my mind, my parents let me know, in no uncertain terms, that they will still be completely proud of me, regardless of whether I finished this doctorate. Simultaneously, they also cheered me on, daily. My parents also have had innumerable conversations with me about color-blindness, color-consciousness, multiculturalism and mindfulness. We have watched movies together about the horrors of slavery and also the aftermath of present day institutional discrimination. My mom and dad have receptively listened to me read the entirety this dissertation, in pieces and sections. They have also attended presentations on these topics and shared new insights with their friends. My parents have given me expansive perspectives to consider. My mom has shed more than one tear for me while I was going through this sometimes tormenting process. Now, my mom gets to have a husband and a daughter that she can call Dr. Lenes. 5 I also experience a solar system of gratitude for my beloved husband Anthony Cortez, who lives, breathes, eats, and embodies mindfulness with more integrity and consistency than anyone else I have ever encountered. Anthony held the sacred space, hours and hours a day, inspiring me to give my focus and attention to what was there in front of me in the moment. He repeatedly reminded me that spirituality and holistic health are of utmost importance. Anthony also cooked nutritious and delicious meals and kept soothing music continuously playing in the house. He played his guitar each week for our “Mindful Living” class. Anthony’s patience with me, and his generosity of spirit brings me to tears on a very regular basis. Furthermore, Anthony went to all my CCMM practice trainings and contributed his reflections. We have had many deep conversations on challenging multicultural topics. We practiced using mindfulness techniques while noticing the strong emotions that arose. We maintained respectfulness even when we had a difference of opinion or life experience. Our cat Flowie would meow and purr and keep the loving energy intact. She would sit on my lap for hours at a time while I typed. After much deep listening, we realized that we both had already genuinely agreed with one another. There is a universal sameness underneath our skin color and human identities, on both a spiritual and scientific level. Also, there are staggering sociopolitical disparities based on one’s identity that dramatically affects people’s daily lives. We are morally obligated to whatever our part is regarding pursuing justice and virtue. Anthony’s beloved mom and dad, my Mother-In-Love (MIL) and Father-In-Love (FIL), Joan and Anthony Cortez, have provided bountiful nourishment for us, both physically and emotionally. They have been truly heroic in my life and I am utterly in awe of their outpouring of generosity. Despite the fact that their house was already a refuge to multiple other family members at that time, my MIL and FIL opened their home to us when our pipes burst and our 6 home was under crucial reconstruction. We needed a place to stay during the most intensive part of this dissertation process, the back-to-back weekly and weekend training sessions. Furthermore, that same year, we needed to mandatorily evacuate due to Hurricane Irma flooding. My MIL and FIL helped put sandbags at our doors to prevent the flooding from entering our home. Then, they took us in again until the flood warning was over. A couple months after we were able to move back home, our heater broke in the coldest part of winter. Thus, they lent us multiple space heaters. Uniting with the Cortez family has majorly improved my daily life and has enabled my dissertation to go on, despite any roadblock or natural disaster. I will never be able to fully express my deepest gratitude to my little sis Jul. She has always been with me in the moments when I felt that “I cannot.” We are so connected. Knowing me better than I know myself, Julie made me laugh through my tears while lecturing me on how to get over my procrastination, and reminding me of who I am and what I am capable of. My big sister, Laura Lenes, reminded me of our tendency towards persistent overachievement, and integrating spirituality and creativity into our work. I loved when she pointed out to me that I was being religion-blind. Her courage to be a leader and stand up and speak out for what she believes in has inspired me and emboldened me. My niece, Callie, brought me laughter along the way and motivates me to “Let it Go,” and sing and dance in the metaphoric rain. My Uncle Ira sat at the beach with me, listening to various dissertation sections, helping me get clear on the methodology. He also checked in with me every Shabbat and sent me good vibes. My uncle reminded me that even if the work felt mountainous, if we pace ourselves, mountains can be beautiful and refreshing as we climb them. I also thank the generations of strong and educated women, including the Grandmothers, Lynne Schlitt, Evelyn Lenes, and Lillian Levine, who made me feel as if my accomplishments gave them nauchas. 7 Meaningful personal communications with family members along with way of this dissertation includes but is not limited the following individuals: Barbara Lenes, Dr. Bruce Lenes, Julie Ross, Laura Lenes, Callie Cousin, Lynne Schlitt, Evelyn Lenes, Uncle Ira Schlitt, Aunt Madeline Schlitt, Adam Schlitt, Noah Schlitt, Joan Cortez, Anthony Cortez, Anthony Cortez, Brother Kyle Cortez, Cuz Lelania Cortez, Adam, Aunt Sharon and Uncle Bill Cortez, Aunt Carol Cortez Gaines, Aunt Carol Levine Cirigliano, Melissa Holmes, Mari Guzman, Alexia Shae, Patricia and Uncle Gary Levine, Sadie, Simba, and Shelby. My dissertation committee members have given me direction and enhanced the quality of this work exponentially. My committee members have opened up doors of opportunities for me that I could have never imagined. Every member of my committee has served as an outstanding exemplar in many different moments along my doctorate degree. They have taken my writing to another level of professionalism and respectability. They have cared about me as a person, in addition to caring about me as their student.