Refinding the Object and Reclaiming the Self
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Refinding the Object and Reclaiming the Self David E. Scharff, M.D. Copyright © 1992 by David E. Scharff e-Book 2020 International Psychotherapy Institute All Rights Reserved This e-book contains material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. This e-book is intended for personal use only. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of this book may be used in any commercial manner without express permission of the author. Scholarly use of quotations must have proper attribution to the published work. This work may not be deconstructed, reverse engineered or reproduced in any other format. Created in the United States of America The author gratefully acknowledges permission to reprint or adapt from the following: "Painful Memories" in Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality, June 1985. Adapted by permission of Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality. Excerpts from The Oedipus Rex of Sophocles: An English Version, by Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, copyright © 1949 by Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, Inc. and renewed 1977 by Cornelia Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald. Reprinted by permission of the publisher. CAUTION: All rights, including professional, amateur, motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, and television are strictly reserved. Inquiries on all rights should be addressed to Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, Inc., Orlando, FL 32887. Figures 1 and 3 in Chapter 3 from The Sexual Relationship: An Object Relations View of Sex and the Family, by David E. Scharff, Routledge & Kegan Paul, 1982. Reprinted by permission of Routledge, Chapman Hall. Portions of "In Memory of Sigmund Freud" by W. H. Auden from W. H. Auden: Collected Poems by W. H. Auden, ed. by Edward Mendelson. Copyright © 1940 and renewed 1968 by W. H. Auden. Reprinted by permission of Random House, Inc. and Faber and Faber Ltd. To my patients whose trust and generosity fill these pages . the theory has not yet properly conceptualized Buber's "I-Thou" relation, two persons being both ego and object to each other at the same time, and in such a way that their reality as persons becomes, as it develops in the relationship, what neither of them would have become apart from the relationship. This is what happens in good marriages and friendships. Winnicott describes its beginnings in the evolving pattern of a good mother-infant relationship. This raises the fundamental question: how far can we know and be known by one another? It is what psychotherapy seeks to make possible for the patient who cannot achieve it in normal living. It raises the question Winnicott . says psychoanalysis has not yet faced: "What is life about, apart from illness?" -Harry Guntrip, Schizoid Phenomena, Object Relations, and the Self (1969) Table of Contents Preface Part ONE: Self and Object in Psychotherapy 1. Adam THE DREAM AS TRANSFERENCE THE DREAM'S COMMUNICATION ABOUT THE ANALYST 2. Self and Object Intertwined THE INEXTRICABILITY OF SELF AND OBJECT THE SELF WITHIN THE OBJECT THE SELF AND THE OBJECT THE OBJECT WITHIN THE SELF SELF AND OBJECT MUTUALLY HELD 3. Contextual and Focused Transference and Countertransference FAIRBAIRN'S CONTRIBUTIONS TO AN OBJECT RELATIONS THEORY OF THE PERSONALITY MELANIE KLEIN'S CONTRIBUTIONS WINNICOTT'S MOTHER AND CHILD WINNICOTT'S TRUE AND FALSE SELF RECONCILING WINNICOTT'S TRANSITIONAL PHENOMENA AND BION'S CONTAINER/CONTAINED THE THERAPEUTIC PROCESS TRANSFERENCE AND COUNTERTRANSFERENCE A CURRENT VIEW OF TRANSFERENCE AND COUNTERTRANSFERENCE CONTEXTUAL AND FOCUSED TRANSFERENCE THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN PATIENT AND THERAPIST TRANSFERENCE AND COUNTERTRANSFERENCE IN CONJOINT THERAPY ADAM'S EVOLVING TREATMENT Part TWO: Therapy of the Self in Relation to Objects 4. Using Transference and Countertransference to Understand Projective and Introjective Identification in a Couple THE INITIAL COUNTERTRANSFERENCE ENACTING CO-THERAPY COUNTERTRANSFERENCE WORKING THROUGH COUNTERTRANSFERENCE CLARIFYING THE COUPLE'S ENVY AND SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP CO-THERAPY AND COUNTERTRANSFERENCE 5. Changing Internal Object Relations in the Psychotherapy of an Adolescent TAMMY'S TREATMENT AS A YOUNG CHILD THE COURSE OF ADOLESCENT TREATMENT TAMMY REFINDS HER FATHER A NEW SELF AND A NEW RELATIONSHIP TO HER MOTHER TERMINATION 6. The Therapeutic Transformation of Screen Memories EARLIEST MEMORIES MEMORIES OF LATER CHILDHOOD ADOLESCENT MEMORIES DISTORTION OF ADULT MEMORIES 7. The Birth of the Self in Therapy DELIVERING THE SELF:THE CASE OF FERNANDO GONZALES BUILDING A RESILIENT SELF REFINDING THE THERAPIST'S SELF Part THREE: The Object Relations of Dreams 8. The Dream as Communication between Self and Others FAIRBAIRN'S DISCOVERY THAT DREAMS DEPICT THE STRUCTURE OF SELF AND OBJECT THE DREAM AS INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION THE FAMILY'S OBJECT RELATIONS PROJECTIVE IDENTIFICATION AND UNCONSCIOUS COMMUNICATION THE TRANSFERENCE MEANING OF THE DREAM THE DREAM AS INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION IN INDIVIDUAL THERAPY DREAMS IN COUPLE ASSESSMENT DREAMS IN GROUP AND INSTITUTIONAL SETTINGS THE DREAM IN SOCIAL AND CULTURAL COMMUNICATION 9. Dreams in Marital Therapy CLIVE AND LILA: DECREASING DISTANCE SHIRLEY AND SAM: EXAMINING INTERLOCKING DREAMS DON AND MAGGIE: INTERLOCKING DREAMS OF A COUPLE READY FOR TERMINATION 10. Dreams in Therapy of Families with Adolescents THE RELUCTANT DRAG-IN "MY PARENTS WEREN'T LOOKING WHILE I GREW UP!" THE DREAM IN SALLY'S INDIVIDUAL SESSION Part FOUR: Self and Object from the Vantage of the Family 11. Oedipus Revisited in His Family THE INFANT'S INVENTION OF THE FAMILY THE INTERNAL COUPLE OEDIPUS' FAMILY THE WHEELER FAMILY 12. Role Relationships of Children and Adults in the Family PARTNERS-OF-THE-MOMENT THE CHILD AS AN INCOMPLETE ENTITY THE PARENT AS THE LEADER CHILDREN AND ADULTS: SIMILARITIES AND DIFFERENCES THE CHILD AS CONTAINER INSTEAD OF CONTAINED THE SIMPSON FAMILY REPARATION LEADS TO GROWTH AND DIFFERENTIATION THE DIFFERENTIATING ELEMENTS CHILD AND ADULT DIFFERENCES IN THE INTERNAL FAMILY THE ROLE AND EMOTIONAL POSITION OF THE THERAPIST 13. The Interlocking of Self and Object during Life Development VIOLETTE LA FRANCE ADOLESCENT ECHOES OF PARENTAL BLOCKED DEVELOPMENT Part FIVE: Refinding the Self through Refound Objects 14. The Object Relations of the Therapist MRS. MILLS AND THE SMITH FAMILY THE ROLE OF THE THERAPIST'S UNIQUE HISTORY VULNERABILITY AND LEARNING 15. The Object Refound and the Self Reclaimed SANDRA THE GOALS OF THERAPY EVE FACES TERMINATION 16. Epilogue: Refinding Our Selves through Our Patients References Preface This book investigates the way each of us is dependent on others throughout life, and the way our self-image is drawn from others —always relying on our relationship to others while being at the same time our own unique creation. In this study, the works of Fairbairn, Klein, and Winnicott are the foundations of my theoretical views. I also build on what I have learned from many people, some from their writings, some from the teaching and supervision they have given me, and some from the privilege of colleagueship and mutual facilitation. Here, I list some of those to whom I feel the most obvious indebtedness. I have learned at first from the prolonged tutelage of my psychiatric training at Massachusetts Mental Health Center and the Beth Israel Hospital in Boston as well as Children's Hospital National Medical Center in Washington, DC. The year of study that had the most impact on my early career was spent at the Tavistock Centre in London. Many of my teachers and colleagues there have continued to influence and support me in the ensuing years. I am also grateful to my teachers and colleagues at the Washington Psychoanalytic Institute for the support and teaching during my training in child and adult psychoanalysis. And for the last fifteen years, my colleagues and students at the Washington School of Psychiatry have contributed enormously to my work. Particularly, Mauricio Cortina, Justin Frank, Macario Giraldo, Joseph Lichtenberg, Gerald Perman, Charles Privitera, Kent Ravenscroft, Charles Schwarzbeck, Roger Shapiro, Robert Winer, and John Zinner have shared various aspects of theoretical and clinical interests over many years. www.freepsychotherapybooks.org 9 In exploring many facets of the relationship of self to other, I draw on the work of many writers and clinicians whose influence on my ideas and work is far more pervasive than can be credited by reference to specific spoken or written comments. They include A. H. Williams, who has remained a mentor since my days at the Tavistock, and the late John Sutherland, whose love for analysis and dedication to its application coupled with his personal knowledge of Fairbairn is an enduring model. There are many whose influence has come from a combination of personal contact and writing: Henry Dicks and John Bowlby of the Tavistock Clinic, Harold Searles, Joyce McDougall, Thomas Ogden, Vamik Volkan, and Christopher Bollas. All of them have written in ways that extend various aspects of theory while enriching the subjective experience of the therapist. Robert Stolorow and his colleagues have explored intersubjectivity from a Self psychology point of view. The theoretical advances and explorations of Stephen Mitchell (1988) have a particular interplay with the ideas I am trying to explore. And certainly, the rich lode of infant research stemming from the tradition of John Bowlby, including T. B. Brazelton, Robert Emde, and Daniel Stern. Recently I have drawn particular stimulation from the guests to the program I chair in Object Relations