The student ‘news’paper of Imperial College London

Guardian Student Newspaper of the Year 2006, 2008

Issue 1,429 Friday 20 March 2009 felixonline.co.uk felix Inside Feature - felix Easter Eggstravaganza!

Page 18-19

Science - Tesla’s electric car

Page 8

Food - Welcome to Hell!

Page 26

Coffee Break - Guess who’s back!

TheRecord breaking number results of students vote in this year’s are in! elections. See page 3 for full details Page 35 2 felix Friday 20 March 2009 Friday 20 March 2009 felix 3 News [email protected] News News Editor – Kadhim Shubber and Dan Wan [email protected] Imperial College takes a step Win £2000 to develop your Record turn-out at towards selling diplomas to Evelyn Gardens stuck in the science-inspired design companies dark ages after explosion Sabbatical elections Luke Dhanoa moderated by the College to ensure Staggering 25% turn out to vote for highly contested elections Business Editor quality standards are met. Should this Jovan Nedić programme prove successful, the next Editor in Chief Currently there are several Glaxo- step would be to sell the new masters Jovan Nedić SmithKline employees in an internal package to other pharmaceutical com- A number of students living in Evelyn net . cgc u. Editor in Chief course that teaches them the funda- panies, specifically Merck and Proctor Gardens were left without any water, mentals of lab chemistry. This course and Gamble. electricity or heating on Monday night The results of this year’s Sabbatical has been running for years and is based If the College decides to go ahead after an electrical cable cracked under elections were announced on Wednes- around teaching employees from non- and allow the new masters course to be the pavement outside Holbein Hall. day amidst a packed crowd in da lab-specific backgrounds how to work made, it would be the first university At roughly 01:30 the crack caused two Vinci’s. where around 3,500 students in a chemistry pharmaceutical compa- to have sold a course and degree, as a fuses and one circuit breaker to trip in voted to determine who would be run- ny. For the most part these employees product, to a company. the sub-station that serves the Evelyn ning the Union next year. Initially the have doctorates and multiple degrees After the talks on Wednesday the Garden area, which caused the sudden results were meant to be announced and are on what is essentially a chem- committee is currently drawing up loss of power in all rooms situated in on Thursday night, but Returning Of- istry conversion course run by GSK. conditions that the GSK course and Willis Jackson, Holbein, Southwell and ficer Christian Carter decided to move This course has been run routinely all employees must meet for Imperial to Fisher, however the emergency lights the date forward after all candidates over the world, in a standardized form accredit and moderate the internal came on immediately afterward. agreed to have it earlier. and has proved to be quite successful course; in principle the committee is Philip Notely, Village Manager for Mr Carter decided to released the re- for GSK, who decided to try and turn it happy to proceed provided that the the Evelyn Gardens areas, told felix weetman and live o c ou rtec y f lawrence sults in reverse order, according to the into a more substantial qualification. people who take the course have 2.1 t that “The power failure resulted in all number of votes casted. Starting with GSK, via the Royal Society of Chem- degrees (most, in fact, have signifi- lights, electrical sockets, telephone, in- ph o the Student Trustees, Mark Mearing- istry, then asked Imperial College to cantly better qualifications), that they ternet and water circulation pumps and Smith was elected in the first round. accredit the course by acting as an ex- are taught to Imperial standard (by heating to fail. The emergency lighting Mr Mearing-Smith is joined by Es- ternal examiner and then putting the GSK staff), that the course is of a high automatically came on in corridors ther Khan who won in the 5th round, Imperial College brand on the course. enough quality (determined by the and staircases. At 10.00am on Monday Amaury Fastenakel who won in the 3rd But as the Chemistry department ex- Chemistry Department and externally 16th EDF reinstated the power to the round and Shah Rahman who won in amined the content of the course they moderated) and that the participants buildings.” the 6th round. Returning Officer, Christian Carter, announcing the results came to the opinion that what GSK are examined properly (the specifics Many students were oblivious about What do you get if you pair a scientist chance to engage directly with a crea- Next up were the results for Deputy were teaching their staff was extremely have yet to be confirmed). the whole incident as they were asleep, with a designer? Designers shape the tive practitioner to brainstorm ways President (Welfare) where John James close to being a masters degree and de- When the student representative with the majority realising the lack of way we live while scientists pervade of translating scientific principles into proved that second time’s a charm, as In the race for Deputy President (Fi- eliminated leaving this year’s Deputy cided that after some minor changes raised points about ensuring that the power and water in the morning. One the very fabric of our lives. design models. Perhaps you are a de- he beat Caroline Clark by 312 votes nance & Services) the Royal School of Editor and News Editor to fight it out they could issue the GSK employees value of students’ degrees were not of the residents in Southwell Halls told Inspired by the successes of the recent sign student or a practitioner setting and Michael Powell who came in third Mines boy Danny Hill was up against to the bitter end. As has been the pat- with Imperial College masters’ diplo- harmed by the sale of degrees to pri- felix that “I was very confused when I Fabrics of Life project, Nobel Textiles, up your own business? Nobelini offers with 501 votes. Clearly Mr James’ en- Recreational Clubs Committee chair tern over the past few years, the po- mas – in return for cash. vate interests the committee agreed got up in the morning and tried to turn The pavement just outside Holbein Hall where the incident occured which married together five Medical you the chance to engage directly with ergetic speeches worked where he Peter Mabbott. At the final count, sition for Felix Editor was a fiercely On Wednesday 17th Professor Tom that this could be the beginning of a the light on. I then went to the kitchen Research Council Nobel prize-winners a scientist in the development of a de- promised to fight the increase in ac- Danny Hill had 1,148 votes compared fought one, with only 65 votes in it. Welton presented an application to the slippery slope and that the participat- to get a drink of water where there was with five leading Textile and Fashion sign proposal that celebrates scientific commodation costs next year. A total to Peter Mabbott’s 850, meaning that This very slim victory margin ended Graduate School of Engineering and ing firms would have to be carefully a sign on the door saying that every- up in case EDF could not reinstate the “Hall staff and Wardens worked Fellows from Central Saint Martins discovery. of 1,957 people voted, only 188 more Danny Hill will be taking control of the up favouring Dan Wan, who will be the Physical Sciences Quality Commit- selected. As one committee mem- thing wasn’t working.” power on Monday evening.” said Mr closely with Facilities Management College of Art & Design in London, Participants will pair-up 30 young than last year. Union’s budget next year. new editor as Felix enters its 60th year. tee to create a new programme called ber put it “we wouldn’t do this with In order to repair the damage that Notley. dealing with students queries and en- the Nobelini scheme invites 30 young scientists with 30 design students at a Next up was the other newly formed Surprisingly, the position of Union The close margin for Felix Editor has “Professional Development (GSK Woolworths” the incident caused, EDF had to dis- He then went on to say that: “Dur- suring that they were kept updated at scientist-designer pairs to compete speed-dating style event at the Science position of Deputy President (Educa- President didn’t attract the highest been a familiar sight in recent years, Pharmaceutical Process Chemistry)” For students, this could prove to be connect power to Southwell and Hol- ing this time students affected were di- all times. Notices were fixed around all for £2000 to develop designs that cel- Museum’s Dana Centre on Tuesday tion) where Jonathan Silver came out voting attendance, which has normally with this year’s editor, Jovan Nedić, which would essentially make Imperial either good or bad news. If Imperial bein Halls from 13:00 on Monday, but rected to Common Rooms within the Halls advising students of the current ebrate discovery across four scientific 26th May 2009. If you’d like to be con- victorious in the second round against been the case in the past. This could winning by only 78 votes against Greg College act as a moderating body for were to start outsourcing its degree power was finally reinstated to all af- halls that had power. When students situation.” themes: stem cells; energy and recy- sidered for the Nobelini scheme, apply Alex Grisman with Matthew Kaufeler be due to the fact that there was only Mead last year. Tom Roberts, who was the internal GSK programme, provided teaching it could forge an extremely fected areas by 22:00. returned from College between 17:00 As a result of all the work carried cling; synthetic and systems biology; as follows. falling in the first round along with one candidate running for the position, recently named Guardian Media Stu- the course met certain conditions. The strong strategic position within the The Estates department, realising and 18:00 the Wardens briefed them out to rectify the problem, the pave- and imaging. RON. A massive 2,046 people voted, however, the RON candidate managed dent Journalist of the Year, only won intention of this paper, as explained by private sector as an industry standard, that these premises might have been on the situation. Students were given ment area outside Holbein Hall had to Are you are a science student, PhD Application forms: www.csc.mrc. which was 277 more than the year be- to put up a good fight. In the end, Ash- his election against Emily Lines by 49 the head of the chemistry department, but if mismanaged it could massively without any power, came up with a food vouchers which they could use in be removed, however since then EDF or postdoctoral researcher whose ac.uk fore where it was a combined position ley Brown was named the new Impe- votes back in 2007. was to pave the way for the creation of devalue degrees, only time can tell. back-up solution. “In the early evening the library. Bottled water was available have returned and everything is back interests fall into one of the above Apply by: Monday 11th May 2009 for education and welfare. rial College union President, winning This record-breaking turnout for a new programme whereby GSK em- But this reporter would like to recom- Estates provided a generator as back for students.” to normal. themes? This scheme offers you the To: [email protected] The Knit-Soc queen and Social Clubs the race with a 1,572 votes compared Sabbatical elections shows how seri- ployees would be able to earn an Impe- mend that if, years from now, we need Committee chair, Jennifer Wilson, to 763 votes for RON. ously the candidates have been taking rial College Masters degree for a course to pick a definitive date that Imperial was named the new Deputy President In a rather surprising turn, it was in- the elections, which can only be a posi- that would be taught, designed and started “selling out” it should be the (Clubs & Societies) after she managed deed the position for Felix Editor that tive outcome for student democracy. examined by GSK but modified and 17th March 2009. Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London to stave-off the Athletics Club Com- attracted the highest turn-out at 2,646 felix would like to take this opportu- SW7 2BB. Tel: 020 7594 8072. Fax: 020 7594 8065. mittee candidate Colette Gregory, win- votes, which roughly equates to 25% of nity to congratulate everyone that won Printed by The Harmsworth Printing Ltd, 17 Brest ning in the first round by 1,214 votes the electoral body at Imperial. In the and wishes them the best of luck. Trust felix 1,429 Road, Derriford, Plymouth. Registered newspaper to 846. first round, Zoë Dobell and RON were me, you’re going to need it. ISSN 1040-0711. Copyright © Felix 2009. Friday 20/03/09 ONLY BY EXPERIENCED STYLISTS £26* ..... LADIES Felix was brought to you by: £20 ..... MEN Sabbatical Elections Results *£36 with Blowdry Editor in Chief: Jovan Nedić Deputy Editor: Kadhim Shubber Associate Editor: Gilead Amit

LOLCATZ President Felix Editor NOW 10% DISCOUNT ON ALL News Editors International Editor Nightlife Editor Ashley Brown - 1572 ELECTED Zoë Dobell - 579 COLOURING SERVICES Dan Wan Hassan Joudi Catherine Jones Ron Burgundy (RON) - 763 Kadhim Shubber - 1136 Kadhim Shubber Raphael Houdmont Dan Wan - 1201 ELECTED CASH ONLY What’s On Editors Deputy President (Finance & Services) Channel 4 News Team (RON) - 125 ‘Still the best student Copy Editors Film Editors Rachel D’oliviero Danny Hill - 1148 ELECTED Louise Etheridge Zuzanna Blaszczak Lily Topham Peter Mabott - 850 Student Trustees offer in South Jonathan Lloyd-Williams Jonathan Dakin Veronica Corningstone (RON) - 215 Ozan Asim - 118 Kensington!’ Sasha Nicoletti Food Editors Mahmoud Ewas - 187.6 Dina Ismail Technology Editor Rosie Grayburn o f t eH W EE K Deputy President (Clubs & Societies) Amaury Fastenakels - 377.84 ELECTED Richard Lai Afonso Campos Colette Gregory - 846 Nicholas Heung - 96.32 Politics Editors: Jennifer Wilson - 1214 ELECTED Esther Kang - 336.08 ELECTED James Goldsack Music Editors Puzzles Supremo Champ Kind (RON) - 194 Mark Mearing-Smith - 475 ELECTED Katya-yani Vyas Peter Sinclair George Charles Murdoch Shah Rahman - 299.8 ELECTED James Houghton Deputy President (Education) Sami Soud El Mammeri - 77.6 15a Harrington Road Science Editors Alex Ashford Clubs and Socs Editor Alex Grisman - 848 RON - 234.08 South Kensington Mićo Tatalović Alice Rowlands Matt Kaufeler - 334 Daniel Burrows Fashion Editor Jonathan Silver - 908 ELECTED Sabbatical Team London SW7 3ES Dan Wan Sports Editors Brick Tamland (RON) - 197 President - Ashley Brown (1 Minute walk from Arts Editors Jack Cornish Deputy President (Finance & Services) - Danny Hill Caz Knight Coffee Break Editor Mustapher Botchway Deputy President (Welfare) Deputy President (Clubs & Societies) - Jennifer South Kensington Tube) David Paw Ravi Pall Caroline Clark - 626 Wilson Emily Wilson Ron Burgundy Photography John James - 938 ELECTED Deputy President (Education) - Jonathan Silver Te l e p h o n e 020 7823 8968 Sami Michaels Mike Powell - 540 Deputy President (Welfare) - John James www.freshhairdressers.co.uk Business Editor Travel Editor Tom Roberts Brian Fantana (RON) - 266 Felix Editor - Dan Wan Luke Dhanoa Dylan Lowe Zoe Dobell 4 felix Friday 20 March 2009 Friday 21 November 2008 felix 5 News [email protected] [email protected] College London News The world beyond Library Cafe to extend Summer Ball 2009 college walls opening hours during the upcoming revision period Saturday 20 June Jovan Nedić Service hours in the Library Cafe, weekend. Editor in Chief which is located on the ground floor, The cafe now has a new exciting are from 08:00 until 23:00 Monday to menu of hot and cold snacks, including Britain Imperial College Commercial Services Friday and at the weekend it closes at Hot Wrapid Wraps, soups, salads and department are to extend the opening 18:00. The space is available through- sandwiches, as well as a range of muf- The British government is set to seize control of the Turks and Caicos hours of the library cafe during the re- out the library’s 24 hour opening pe- fins with a barista coffee. Islands after a damning report into allegations of corruption. vision period. This is the first time that riod with a vending facility. Since there The combination of caffeine and food An investigation into the administration of the Turks and Caicos Islands the new, fully refurbished library will will undoubtedly be a high number of is considered, by some students, to be a found a “high probability of systemic corruption or serious dishonesty,” es- be open during the exam period since students in the library over the next vital ingredient to surviving the stren- pecially around the islands’ Premier Micheal Misick, who is a British-trained it opened last summer. few weeks, Commercial Service are uous revision period, with one student lawyer. Consequently the Foreign Office is expected to propose before the Thousands of students descend upon considering pushing back the closing telling felix that “It’s a no-brainer for UK Parliament, a plan to suspend the islands’ constitution, transferring the library in the months building up time at weekends from 18:00 to 23:00 them. The benefits of having the cafe all power from the elected assembly and cabinet to the governor Gordon to their exams in the summer term, to match the times during the rest of open for longer would be huge!” Wetherell. But Mr Misick has hit back, calling the UK’s “draconian” plans to with a large number of students often the week. During the revision period, Steven Salter, from the College Ca- oust him “modern day colonialism.” moving into the various floors. the Library Cafe will also become a self tering Department, told felix that “We The two Caribbean islands, which attract visitors both as a tourist destina- At the moment, the library is open 24 clearing area in order to minimise the are looking forward to welcoming Im- tion and offshore financial hub, are one of 14 British Overseas Territories hours a day, seven days a week, apart amount of litter accumulated. perial Students over the Spring Break, Prices rise by £5 meaning they are autonomous parts of the United Kingdom. from a small period between 21:00 on The Library will also be open during and hope our later closing time of 23:00 Friday and 10:00 on Saturday when the College Easter holidays but will be at the weekend will make the revision there is a thorough clean of the library. closed during the Easter Bank Holiday period a less stressful one.” Pakistan

Pakistan’s government has given in to opposition demands and an- nounced the reinstatement of sacked top judge Iftikhar Chaudhry as well as ten others. Friday 27 March The Pakistan People’s Party led by President Zardari, faced a major po- litical crisis over the issue. But the decision has defused tensions, and led to the main opposition party Pakistan Muslim League-Nawaz to call off a major rally in the capital Islamabad. When ex-President Pervez Musharraf resigned in August 2008 the two par- ties worked together, but since then their relationship has deteriorated. However the Taleban’s militant activity on the border with Afghani- stan, including a suicide bomb which at midday. killed 12 Pakistanis at a bus station on Monday 16th March, continue to destabilise regional politics.

Russia

Russian President Dmitry Medvedev has announced plans to rearm his nation. In response to the perceived threats from the eastward expansion of NATO The newly refurbished Library Cafe will be open for longer during the Easter holidays and from international terrorism Russia plans to modernize its armed forces, according to the President, who was speaking to military leaders in Moscow. Mr Medvedev admitted that the war in Georgia last August had exposed shortcomings in the military, including its lack of modern equipment, but insisted Russia had the financial muscle to carry out the renovation. The announcement comes just two weeks after Moscow and Washington seemingly pledged to reset relations. Meanwhile, the Czech Republic has And finally: Medical student withdrawn from parliament treaties committing the country to the United Buy online now! States’ missile defence shield. The Czech Prime Minister said this was only a temporary measure, and the ratification process could be revived at any time. Nevertheless, this is sure to put a smile on faces back in the Kremlin. loses out on ITV show Dina Ismail against nerve. Contestants must hold News Correspondent out for as long as possible to withdraw the greatest amount of money. To in- Madagascar Imperial College medical student, crease the tension, and indeed confu- Sumera Shahaney, lost out on £75, 000 sion, each contestant has to do this 10 Entertainments Dinner & Entertainments Over the past week, a coup has unfolded in the island nation of when she appeared as a contestant on times, without getting locked down, to Madagascar. ITV game show ‘The Colour of Mon- reach a set target. During February there was a massacre of over a hundred people when ten- ey’ over the weekend. The show, which The IC medic unfortunately did not from from sions flared between supporters of the opposition party, led by Andry Rajoe- is hosted by Chris Tarrant, has been manage to take home any cash which £35 27 March £70 27 March lina, and those loyal to the democratically elected President Ravalomanana. billed as “the most stressful game on she had told Mr Tarrant would fund her Things have developed considerably since then. Indeed, Rajoelina, a 34-year- television” in which contestants can ei- medical studies and pay for her wed- old former DJ, has used his supporters and mutineers from the army to in- ther win a life changing sum of money, ding. However, Sumera hadn’t actually from from vade the presidential palace, and declare himself as the new President. or nothing at all. been proposed to by her boyfriend of £40 15 May £75 15 May The citizens of Madagascar are relieved Incase you have never watched the seven years, who was also in the audi- £30 the power struggle has ended without show before, its format is effectively a ence on the day: “I think it came as a £65 further bloodshed, but pro-democracy blend of Deal Or No Deal and bomb bit of a surprise to my boyfriend, but observers have condemned Mr. Rajoe- defusal involving cash machines. Play- thankfully, we had spoken about mar- lina’s resort to the use of force to evict ers pick a machine (each differentiated riage before!” the current government, instead of wait- by a different “colour”, hence the title) Although Sumera returned home ing until the next elections in two years and stand staring at the screen while a empty handed, she said she was de- time. He has promised elections within cash figure steadily rises. The trick is to lighted with the experience neverthe- two years, but needs time to ‘rewrite the shout “stop!” before the machine hits less. “I had a great time and I met some constitution’. its total and “locks you out”. Since how lovely people on the show- Chris Tar- Edited by Hassan Joudi & Raphael Houdmont much cash the machine contains is rant was adorable. It just wasn’t meant imperialcollegeunion.org/ball unknown, this means balancing greed to be.” The host Chris Tarrant 6 felix Friday 20 March 2009 Friday 20 March 2009 felix 7 Comment, Opinion Let us know your views: [email protected] Business Business Editor – Luke Dhanoa [email protected] Letters may be edited for length and grammar purposes & Letters Views on these pages are not representative of felix What goes down This week in The Rogue is less than happy with you ladies pictures “Culpability lies must come up? with the desperate Sina Ataherian Value investors must be watching this many global financial incidents of re- space very closely. Book values now cent decades represented road bumps chaps whose The global recession - or in the case dwarf the market capitalisation of all in the road to higher prices. Even prior of China, slightly slower growth – has major banks and financial institutions. to the boom before this latest bust, the lapdog attention been about the biggest thing to happen Some speculators are even beginning Dow seemed stable at around 10000 recently. It has affected us financially; to see general avoidance of financials despite relatively recent recovery from first encouraged many students now pay less interest on as irrational herding behaviour just the .com boom. But could something their loans. It has prompted changes in like that leading up to most big booms about this one be unique? your bloated egos” career directions. It has even renewed and subsequently inevitable busts. Niall Ferguson, the financial version the raison d’être of 24 hour news chan- Last week Goldman Sachs estimated of Simon Schama, views this as an evo- nels. Its level of coverage has been the fair value of the American equity lutionary process. History, he argues, like a new Iraq, but relevant to home market at 47% above current prices. It is rife with examples of weaker finan- s anyone else somewhat ab- who are unacquainted with being per- ing and annoyed that she isn’t more girl in question, our wretched remain- belief – and spectating certain scenes audiences. According to Rob Arnott, reckoned the equilibrium level, which cial systems and companies giving way horred by the egotistical behav- ceived in this manner, who were per- of a bitch. ing fool caught her and with a look of of guy-girl interactions at Imperial is former editor of Financial Analysts assumes long-term return to a normal to the strong. This process may even iour of Imperial’s womenfolk? haps bullied in high school and utterly Despite the fun you can have with nauseatingly insincere concern on his like watching a tragic comedy, except Journal, in real terms the fall has only appetite for risk, was 72% above the be hastened by Brown and Mandel- Rather than casting this article overshadowed by prettier, more confi- wild generalisations, clearly this net of uncivilized face, inquired ‘Are you al- no one has learnt their lines, and the been exceeded by the Railway bubble current value. Many traders have been son campaigning for tougher global aside, concluding it to be yet dent girls. Now finding themselves in criticism cannot be laid on every girl. right?’, before proceeding to shove the makeup artists are mentally defective. bursting in the 1850s and the great predicting for some time that the worst regulation. another sexual frustration induced ha- an establishment packed with the for- And predictably, the root of culpabil- other unaware individual with point- The upshot is the inevitable nine times depression. is over and that the market is waiting The industry may be on the life sup- Irangue, consider my inference; simply merly tormented; they can flaunt their ity lies with the desperate chaps whose less aggression. You could almost hear out of ten ; the girl subconsciously con- Now that the sub-prime problem has for a trigger for recovery. The Dow ap- port of government bailout, as many not possessing a train wreck for a vis- new authority to an infuriating degree: lapdog attention first encouraged these his mind computing; ‘Perhaps I’ll try a gratulates herself on the hollow fact been successfully post-predicted by proaching 6500, a level below which of us are frequently reminded by dis- Sir Fred Goodwin, ex CEO of RBS age or the body of an overweight pre- Practical experiment: Assume you bloated egos. different tact and go for the friend role, that someone wanted to copulate with network news analysts and some les- many thought it would not sink, was gruntled engineering lecturers, but made off with this exorbitant teen does not justify conducting your- are the epitome of mediocrity. Saunter Which reminds me; last week I ob- insinuating others to be the perverts. If her, while the abortive imbecile resigns sons have perhaps been at least tempo- widely predicted as one such potential it cannot stay that way for ever. The pension last week. MP’s vowed self in a manner of nauseating disdain. down the walkway and subtly catch the served a fairly appalling attempt to I appear comparatively less disgusting, himself to a drinking game with his fel- rarily learned, should we see opportu- trigger. stronger firms and better practices to sue him and recover the funds. This is not some inflated oversimpli- eye of the next obviously female stu- pick up a girl, even by the standards we she may accidentally sleep with me!’. low disgruntled chums. My deduction nity in our current woes? Downturns This happened around March 9th have emerged dominant. Some, nota- fied gender assessment; instead a com- dent. One of two outcomes; are accustomed to at the Union. Perch- Extraordinarily, this clever methodol- is that students like our hopeless case are remarkably consistent in immedi- and the chart for the last few months bly HSBC, are even cautiously talking mentary stimulated by the increasingly 1. She will walk straight past, nose ing atop the large subwoofer in dB’s, ogy was unsuccessful. in dB’s only serve to make this divide ately following great booms and then can now be seen literally kicking back. of the potential possibility of maybe regular superciliousness one witnesses in the air. This category of girl has with my partner in sneering voyeur- This story has no relevance to the between men and women at Imperial slowly recovering over a few years, The opportunity to buy low and hope- expanding perhaps, taking advantage every day. been at Imperial far too long, and ism, we observed a collection of fool- original premise save to illustrate a shoddier, by putting their immediate albeit not to previous peaks. The sen- fully sell high in maybe as little as a year of the low share prices of their compet- The quintessence of Imperial, ex- the unremitting attention has ren- ish miscreants making recurring and perennial problem in the way men and superficial desires before the poten- timent that equities should have been is now irresistible to many. Whilst they itors. Warren Buffet, the most success- cellence in science etc, seems to have dered her with a delusional quantity uncoordinated attempts to dance with women react to one another; which tial of a meaningful platonic relation- punished, but not so much, is now may well be right, they must remem- ful value investor of all time, is noted been substituted inadvertently for of self-worth. this moderately attractive/inebriated unfortunately is degenerated a shock- ship. And as a result those females who widespread. As is the feeling that many ber that the growth between 2003 and for preferring “an outstanding compa- some form of depressing competition 2. She will glance at you for just young woman, who appeared over- ing amount in this godforsaken estab- aren’t follically challenged and have stock prices, particularly financials, are 2007 resulted from the coincidence of ny at a sensible price” rather than weak for the notice of the better looking fe- a little too long, and then embar- whelmingly aware of her contextual lishment. In other words, the general somewhat symmetrical faces can justi- now ‘cheap’. The odds seem to be lean- a unique combination of factors. Tech- ones at rock-bottom. males studying here, who behave with rassedly accelerate away. Slightly power. At last all but one remained, stereotypes of desperate adolescent fy the air of superiority they carry with ing towards buying stocks in many of nological factors, rapid growth in the So it may just about be the right time a deplorable sense of self-importance. less conceited than our subject in re- evidently the most hopeless of the lot. males and vaguely appealing, power them. Bleak, but candid. the worst hit sectors. widening club of emerging markets to expect a slow return to long-term This is particularly true for those girls sult 1, but as a result self-disapprov- As another person knocked into the tripping females is exaggerated beyond Until next time. With most stock markets now worth and unsustainable lending and bor- growth in equity markets. Stocks may around half their peak values it is rowing, predominantly in Anglo-Sax- not quite be as low as they can go, but tempting to think valuations should on economies, amongst other causes their current values do provide a cush- revert to their mean. Relatively well of growth, collided together. These are ion, at least for those willing to stick managed banks such as HSBC and unlikely to simultaneously reoccur in around for a few years. It may be time Deutsche seem unfairly damned to col- the near future. to go long on the companies that have In a similar gesture President lective punishment of the sector. Con- Nonetheless before all this, the suffered from the recent troubles, but Obama pledged to do everything US courts press to imprison Dan Wan discovers real friendships in victory cern has largely gone back to returns growth of equity markets seemed a probably not yet those that caused he could to block $165m of Bernard Madoff for 150 years on capital rather than return of capital. long term trend. Even the worst of the them. bonuses being paid out at AIG after he pleaded guilty to fraud “As we walk off into the sunset, already started investing in the prop- there’s a global market like never before and the credits erty market and REITs (hedge funds to sell your product - and even though for property) are expected to have it poorer than it used to be a year ago, start rolling, it is The recession just might an exceptional five years. The credit demand for basic, simple goods has crunch hasn’t just destroyed credit – Kadhim to whom I it has forced it to be re-allocated, and be the best thing to ever start-ups with strong ideas are poised The firms that owe most.” to take those investments. On top of private funding there are pioneered this dozens of ways in which the state is happen to you set to help you out. The government new era were t is ironic being speechless and would be proud to have at its helm. Though rivals, it was never bitter. We bribes, and the ones supporting me at Felix and its outcome. That can only is currently trying to make the UK going on to write 800 words for Kadhim ran his campaign with the spoke regularly about our campaigns, hustings, really pulled out all the stops benefit Felix and College life. Business Editor makes the case to forget about more competitive and innovative and often rookie a Comment piece this week. utmost integrity, and I can only thank both laughing as we explored the joys for me. There were times started to Beyond people I know, I was hon- Luke Dhanoa there is a strong case for them to sup- However, I feel I need to write him for that. In the ever-occurring ‘heat and stresses that walking around Col- question why I was actually running estly overwhelmed by people’s willing- finding a graduate job and start your own firm instead port the next Microsoft in the UK. As a firms guided by this Comment piece. Not be- of the moment’ situations, we could lege with your own face on your chest for the position and times when I felt I ness to listen to me as I interrupted business owner you may be eligible for cause I won the election for Felix Edi- have very easily fallen out as friends came with. was one step behind other campaigns, their quiet pint at the Union to shove government grants, tax relief and pub- young innovators Itor, but because I owe this to so many during the last two weeks. It would Becoming next year’s Felix Editor how- but they created a haven away from a leaflet and sweet in their face. This here are lots of ways that ogies where the radical innovation and find one and latch on to them. Once lic contracts. Provided you’re helping people at Imperial. have been the last thing I would have ever, is not only my own reward. It is also elections and College, where I could Comment piece seems the only way of the recession is hurting spread of microelectronics was key to you have an idea, you’re going to need the economy, there is a case for them Over the last two weeks of soul-de- wanted, and scuppering my friendship for everyone that helped me during the relax and reassess. At times, their hon- reaching out to everyone that spoke business, but the calami- global growth. But if you look at the know-how. Luckily for you, in times of to help you. never been higher. So if you have a stroying campaigning for this position, with him would truly not have been campaign fortnight. Not winning the elec- esty seemed harsh, but I always knew it to me, whether I knew you or not. I tous grey clouds hanging firms that pioneered this new era, they recession companies slash Research And once you have funding, in the cheap method of capturing sunlight I have learnt to appreciate the people worth the editorial role in Felix. tions would have been a massive shame was for my best interests. I’m glad one have met so many people along the last ominously over the coun- were often rookie firms and start-ups and Development budgets, and as a current climate it goes further than it and using to turn water into steam, around me and more so than I have A new rule was announced this year to not only myself, but especially to those of them had the balls to tell me, albeit two weeks that I am grateful for their try do have a silver lining. Right now is guided by young new innovators - and result they’re hemorrhaging top qual- used to. People are cheaper than they then the world’s your oyster. Have you ever in my life. that allowed us to ‘negative campaign’ who put so much effort into my cause. I quite tactfully, that my pre-lecture an- time. Though I initially hated talk- Tprobably the best time to be starting up if history is any judge, we may be about ity researchers and inventors and if you used to be. Government backed mort- found out a way to make refrigerators I’m not going to start listing names, against each other. It didn’t need to am just glad they now get to celebrate their nouncements were, compared to Ka- ing to strangers, I came to enjoy the a business and since you (Imperialites) to see the same thing happen again. can get hold of these folks you’ll be in gages are cheaper. Commodities are run off ambient heat? Then you’ve got even though I feel like I should do, but be spoken of that I trusted him not to own success, and not just mine. dhim’s like watching a calves enter an experience. Campaigning gave me a are exactly the sort of people who have The current economy has almost per- great shape. Doubly lucky for you is the cheaper. Land is cheaper. Office space a six billion-person market. Can you there is one person to whom I am en- attack me within his campaign, and My friends proved themselves to be abattoir. great reason to approach anyone and the intellectual assets required to do fect conditions for new start ups and fact that a lot of these people will have is cheaper. Services (except for bank- make a cheap reusable water filter? Be- tirely grateful through all of this. As vice versa. Anyway, his campaign was the best friends I have ever known, To the people that approached me everyone. so, this recession could prove to be the the business section of felix would be contacts with your lecturers, so you ing) are cheaper. And what’s more you cause if you can, you got it made. we walk off into the sunset of these strong enough alone without the need and though I may be caught up in the with such enthusiasm about the elec- I hope, as Felix Editor throughout best thing that ever happened to you. doing you disservice if we didn’t do our are positioned within a brilliant place can buy all kinds of assets in auctions So there you have it - you have an elections, and the credits start roll- to negatively campaign against me. As emotion of winning the election, I truly tion race highlighted a bigger issue that next year, I will be able to speak and lis- If you look through history, the glo- part to encourage you to go and start to start building firms. from firms that have gone into receiv- amazing opportunity in your hands ing, it is Kadhim who I owe most to. the last day of voting ticked over its mean it. I have reasoned with myself in is only a benefit to Felix. The fact that ten to your opinions and ideas for Felix bal economy has almost always been up a new firm. The next thing you’ll need is money, ership. There is rarely as good a time right now. With some vision, hard Despite the rivalry harboured through midnight deadline, I only felt a sense the event that I didn’t win and I came Kadhim, Zoe and I managed to rack up just as much I did during the last two pulled out of recessions by innovations The first thing that a new firm would and despite what the mass media will as now to be buying with the long term work and luck you could become a our contesting campaigns over the last of massive relief that I didn’t have to to the following conclusion. I realised a record total of 2,900 votes for the Fe- weeks. I hope you will be just as recep- and new technologies. The most re- need is an idea, and since you’re a tell you - it’s there. Investors that have in mind. captain of industry and your odds have two weeks, it has always been through compete against Kadhim’s seemingly that my friends helping me with my lix Editor election alone, is testament tive too, because as cliché as it may cent example is how the recession of bright, young thing you may have one recently pulled out of hedge funds And once you’ve got your idea, your never looked better. And considering competition I am proud to have bat- omnipresent campaign ever again. campaign; the ones wearing my T- to the excitement of the race. The im- sound, I want to bring the newspaper the late 80’s and early 90’s was ended of your own, but if you don’t – don’t need to put their cash somewhere and funding and your assets you need to that you’re having trouble getting a tled. Kadhim, who had a mere 65 votes Throughout the two weeks, my shirts, the ones giving up their spare portant thing is that we managed to back to you, as the readers, the writers by the gains from the development of worry. You’re at a university brim- start-ups are often a favourite for rich face the market, which although tough, job anyway, what have you got to lose? less than me, would be an Editor Felix perspective of him never wavered. time to hand out flyers and sugary get so many more people interested in and the editors. internet and communication technol- ming with all kinds of creative people, investors in bear markets. Banks have won’t be all doom and gloom. For one, Nothing. 8 felix Friday 20 March 2009 Friday 20 March 2009 felix 9 Science [email protected] Science Science Editor – Mićo Tatalović [email protected] The big debate: Flying for science Felix Whitton fessors Coulson and Milner-Gulland Science Correspondent attend each year, the chair asked? Re- markably few, as it happens; Prof Coul- Tesla returns to electrify Europe felix was privy to a debate on Wednes- son prefers smaller-scale workshops maps out the arrival of cool electric cars to Europe. day afternoon entitled “Flying for (large conferences, he said, are a “waste Mico Tatalovic Science”. Held at Imperial College’s of time”), and Prof Milner-Gulland Silwood Park campus in the bucolic only flies to one a year (the Society for n early 1900s Nikola Tesla revo- The car is produced in California by around London.” he told the Guardian. Berkshire surroundings, three sci- Conservation Biology Annual Meet- lutionized the way we use elec- the Tesla Motors company, but the first The New York Times recently re- entists from different backgrounds ing, which is carbon neutral). tricity and paved the way for the shipment of 250 cars for the European ported on another advance for the discussed the issue of whether using Are there any points in favour of life-style of the 20th century. market is now available from their web- electric car revolution. Shai Agassi air travel to get to conferences or to large conferences, asked Sir Green? Now an electric car named af- site. You can also join the waiting list from company called Better Place has perform fieldwork was justifiable or The usual arguments can be dismissed ter this great physicist is set to change for the 2010 standard European edition. got several countries including Israel, hypocritical, given the significant (and easily; meeting colleagues? only ones Ithe way we drive in the 21st century. The price is 99,000 euros. Being 100% Netherlands, Canada and Japan, signed growing) contribution of air travel from your own country; sightseeing? Tesla Roadster is one of the first elec- electric, with top speed of 200km/h and up for the electric-car charging stations emissions towards climate change. most conferences are held in “godawful tric sports cars. It is stylish, fast and acceleration from 0-100 km/h in just scheme. This scheme involves building The IPCC calculate that global emis- places”. So what draws such large num- has been making headlines all over 3.9s, this car is designed to impress. So, infrastructure that would allow electric sions from flying make up 3.5% of total bers of people? Partly vested interests the world. Most recently, Boris John- now you can save the environment and car drivers to exchange their batteries greenhouse gases; this is predicted to on the part of organisers, conferences son wrote about the car in his column avoid the congestion charge while driv- when they get low on energy. Instead rise to 15% by 2050. centres, host cities, and big pharma in the Telegraph. He says: “...having ing an enviously cool car. of having to charge your battery every Arguing the case for and against were (but there is a move towards video- driven the Tesla I have something like Boris Johnson, London’s mayor, re- time it gets low, you could just drive to Sir Malcolm Green, founder of the conferences from some companies, for the same sense of revelation. Of course cently announced plans to introduce the closest station and get them to fit British Lung Foundation, and former example GlaxoSmithKline). this is not new technology, but electric the electric car hire scheme in attempt you with a fully charged battery in just head of the National Heart and Lung There is also, according to Sir Green, cars have evidently reached a point of to make London the “electric capital of a couple of minutes. Payment could be Institute (NHLI), who has lately taken an unwillingness on the part of scien- development where they are now in Europe”. “I think this [electric vehicle made per battery exchange: pay-as- American Tesla Roadster an interest in climate change with an tists to use new technologies – after all, serious competition with conventional technology] is something we should be you-go, or by subscription, so you pay article published in the BMJ entitled, businesses, financial institutions, oil machines.” He enjoyed the ride in the really leading on.” certain amount monthly and you can “Are international medical confer- companies, even teenagers have seen first Tesla Roadster in Britain and obvi- “I think we should be making London exchange your batteries as often as you ences an outdated luxury the planet the light of virtual get-togethers. ously impressed asked: “But shouldn’t the electric capital of Europe, and that’s need them. With these charging sta- can’t afford?”; Professor EJ Milner- Professor Milner-Gulland was next Is flying really bad for the environment and should we even be talking about it when they are bigger we be making similar batteries and why we are going to be greatly expand- tions in place, there would be nothing Gulland, head of the Imperial College to argue her case. Playing the devil’s questions still to be adressed? cars in this country?” ing our support for charging points stopping the electric car revolution. T Conservation Science research group advocate she professed to “not care” he technology is already here, and it is and founder of the Saiga Conservation about her carbon footprint. The train, good enough to replace the convetional Alliance; and Tim Coulson, Profes- ferry, bus... whatever alternative form cultural land will be lost, towns and and to have the luxury of such a choice ple working is a crucial component of combustion engine cars. The main sor of Population Biology at Imperial of transport was available simply took cities will be at risk from rising sea one needs resources. Thus, to gain re- her work. However, conservation is an problem so far were consumers afraid and winner of the 2007 ZSL Scientific too long, and she would rather spend levels, and a significant amount of bio- sources requires flying to conferences international discipline, and it remains they would run out of power in their Medal. time with her family. To qualify her diversity will be at risk of extinction. to hobnob with superiors and (hope- important to have real, as well as vir- electric cars and be stuck; with new To kick off the debate, Professor statement, she said that flying was the To cope, he argued, we should move fully) get a better job. tual, contact with people. charging stations in place one would Green outlined his belief that confer- least of her “eco sins” – with only six or away from petty debates on flying and Prof Coulson agreed, saying that the Finally, Sir Green drew an analogy not have to worry about this. “The bat- ences, particularly large-scale medical seven flights a year, she said “I don’t fly double-glazing our homes, and instead “big ideas” and technologies to deal with the campaign against smoking, tery is a consumable part of the car, just conferences (some of which, for ex- enough”, and thinks the daily drive to address broader questions on our “will with climate change will only come which began in the 1950s with a few like gasoline,” Mr. Agassi told the NYT. ample the American Cardiology Soci- work and having a child are far more and capability to re-engineer society”. from discussion between people from scientists pitting their evidence against “Cars in the 1950s only went about 100 ety’s annual shindig, host up to 45,000 worthy of environmental damnation. It has quickly become apparent, he different cultures and with different the might of the tobacco companies, miles on a tank of gas, and that problem people) are a separate matter to field- Although we may beg to differ, she argued, that initial predictions for cli- experiences. Sir Green, on the other and ended with an EU-wide ban on was solved by installing an infrastruc- French Venturi Fetish work. One “small” (in medical terms) does have a point – long-haul flights mate change were too conservative. hand, argued that the responsibility tobacco advertising in 1991 (and of ture of gas stations.” conference, of say 15,000 people, emits are a necessary evil if your work relies Time is running out fast, and we need for making a difference lies with our course, most recently with the ban on There are also several European- over 10,000 tonnes of carbon from re- upon you meeting people face to face quick approaches such as geo-engi- generation, and that not flying costs no smoking in public places in 2007). He produced electric cars, French Venu- searchers and doctors flying in from as in order to train them or gain their neering (for example ocean seeding) money and is something everyone can said that it was important to focus on tri Fetish comes in limited edition and many as 50 different countries. To put trust. and reducing population growth (as a address (as opposed to planting a for- something “difficult but achievable”, costs 297,000 euros, and still in concept this in context, this is the equivalent of Milner-Gulland also questioned the demographer, albeit of animals, Prof est). He said we in the developed West, which with luck can result in a sea- phase are the Hungarian Antro Solo the yearly emissions of 2000 UK citi- value of offsetting one’s flights – there Coulson is certainly knowledgeable on by not taking a lead on the matter, are change of opinion and behaviour. The new Tesla Roadster, as seen on Top Gear, you know you love it! and Venturi Voltage. zens, 11,000 Indians, or 110,000 Chad- is too much room for ambiguity, many this subject). Perhaps most important- not only responsible but “complacent”. Whether or not in this crisis we have ians. As he put it, this is “a significant schemes are open to abuse and un- ly, as a society we “must think in more Coulson replied that even stopping the luxury of time afforded to the anti- amount of CO2”. trustworthy, and you can’t even be sure abstract ways” in order to adapt and all flights tomorrow would only buy us tobacco brigade is doubtful, and this He then went on to estimate the to- of what you are doing is helping. In her survive. If this involves getting brilliant a couple of years; to which Sir Green observer isn’t convinced that flying is tal emissions from one year’s worth opinion, you are better off giving your minds together in large numbers, then quoted the Chinese proverb: “A jour- the right cause to focus on. There are of medical conferences – a rather money to FFI (Flora and Fauna Inter- this is a necessary evil. ney of a thousand miles begins with other threats, some with a far greater Who was Nikola Tesla? conservative assumption of 60 in his national) or Oxfam. The debate was opened to the floor one step”. Choosing not to fly is sim- contribution towards carbon emis- thought experiment, split evenly be- Finally, Professor Coulson argued next. Various people pointed out that ply the most practical step available to sions; as NASA’s top climate expert from Goethe’s Faust, suddenly had an not only to make possible wide scale tween America, Europe and Asia/Aus- that by even having this debate, we small-scale individual action often felt most of us. James Hansen recently made clear, idea that would change the world. He use and transfer of electricity but he tralia – at around half a million Indian were missing the point. Calling for like it achieved nothing, which tends Prof Milner-Gulland was asked if “You have to keep the eye on the ball sketched a diagram on the sand in the also invented the radio – not Mar- people-years (i.e. per person yearly fewer flights is akin to “shuffling deck- to foster apathy, especially in younger it was not possible to incorporate a and not waste your efforts. The number park and later copied it to paper. coni as is widely thought. He also emissions); this equates to the CO2 chairs as the Titanic goes down”; there generations. On top of this, knowledge phase-out of air travel with more local one enemy is coal and we should never After being ignored by European in- took the first ever X-ray photos, in- consumption of well over 100 million are far greater problems requiring our itself is not enough; to make a deci- training of people in countries where forget that.” vestors, he travelled to New York with vented neon lighting and designed hectares of rainforest. focus. The IPCC projections are stark. sion not to fly but to travel by train is conservationists, and other scientists, Felix Whitton is editor of four pennies, a sketch and a recom- the first ever remote control. So, how many conferences do Pro- In the near future vast tracts of agri- a luxury (albeit a less convenient one), work. Yes, she said, getting local peo- www.conservationtoday.org mendation in his pocket. The recom- He also had some more bizarre mendation was from the director of a ideas; he attempted to design elec- power plant in Germany addressed to tric death rays that would lead to Hungarian Antro Solo Thomas Edison saying: “I know two cessation of all wars, and came up great men. One is yourself, the other with a power plant that could reap is the young man in front of you”. cosmic energy and transmit elec- Science Museum launches online source for medical students However, after doing some work tricity through the atmosphere or for Edison, who was reluctant to hear the soil – so people would get the Mico Tatalovic ry’ and ‘Health Matters’. These include ing available for close examination on ikola Tesla invented about alternating current since he was electricity for free using simple re- Science Editor Renaissance treasures such as rare the site by 2011. electricity as we know investing in his ideas of direct cur- ceiving in-ground devices. His in- anatomical wax models and books; Project Director Robert Bud, the it today. Without his rent, Tesla was refused his salary and vestors were (perhaps unsurprising- Brought to Life: Exploring the History of early surgical instruments; leech jars; Science Museum’s Principal Curator inventions we could made fun of. This was a beginning of ly) reluctant to fund this research! Medicine is a new multimedia website. artificial limbs and iron lungs. for Medicine, said: “We are proud to kiss goodbye to com- a life-long dislike of Edison, who was Tesla’s vibrant life and strokes of At the heart of the first phase of the The site initially covers ten themes, be introducing a resource that is des- puters, TVs and radios, trains and previously his role-model, which cul- genius were often exploited by oth- project are 2,500 significant objects rising to sixteen in later phases, tined to become an acknowledged key Nneon lights. Tesla’s invention of the minated in Tesla’s refusal to share a ers due to his own high regard and covering centuries of medical history stretching back to the earliest forms tool for students and their teachers. induction motor allowed alternat- Nobel prize for physics with him in trust of others. Nowadays he is re- from around the world. While Brought of surgery and forward to the present ..But as well as providing a vital serv- ing current to be produced and used 1915, according to some. membered by science and his legacy to Life is aimed at GCSE History stu- day. They cover diseases and epidem- ice, it is also a new source of thousands worldwide, something unimaginable Tesla was a pacifist and a humanist, continues today. dents studying the ‘Medicine Through ics, medicine and belief, and the pio- of fascinating stories and facts which with the way electricity was pro- a man who wanted electricity to be Last year marked the 150th an- Time’ module, and undergraduates neers of medical science. Each subject will enthral anybody with an interest duced prior to his ideas. available to everyone for free. His wish niversary of Tesla’s birth in a small studying the history of medicine, the is explored with detailed analysis and in medical history.” where, which can only ever display the Born in 1856, Tesla’s teacher in to bring this free energy by a renewa- Croatian village of Smiljan to a re- website also includes material sup- commentary by expert historians and Clare Matterson, Director of Medi- tip of the iceberg in terms of what he Graz, Austria later told him it was ble source and by wireless transfer led ligious Serbian family. Croatia and porting other GCSE subjects and con- curators. cine, Society and History at the Well- left for future generations to explore. impossible to produce alternating him to invest all he earned into new Serbia both proclaimed 2006 to be tent for anyone with an interest in the The site’s themes are explored using come Trust, commented: “Henry Well- “While the website is primarily current; it would be “perpetuum research and inventions. Sadly, this led the year of Nikola Tesla; postage topic. text and multimedia, with each sec- come was an avid collector of anything aimed at students, the vast range of mobile”, he said. Nevertheless, the to him dying penniless – even though stamps were dedicated to him and Supported by the Wellcome Trust, tion’s featured object linking in turn and everything to do with medicine objects that can be viewed, along Croatian-born genius, while walk- most of the world’s economy was pow- Belgrade airport was even renamed the website will provide access to be on view for the first time, while oth- to a further 200-250 related exhibits. and culture, up until his death in 1936. with the accompanying detail, means ing one day in a park in Budapest ered by his idea for electricity. Nikola Tesla Airport – praise indeed items from the Wellcome Trust col- ers are also on display in the Science Following the launch on 2nd of March Brought to Life is a wonderful comple- Brought to Life is fascinating for eve- and quoting his favourite passage Yet, before his death he managed for the Serbian genius. lection held by the Science Museum. Museum galleries ‘Science and Art of 2009, Brought to Life will be further ment to the galleries at Wellcome Col- ryone with an interest in the history of French Venturi Voltage Many of these fascinating objects will Medicine’, ‘Glimpses of Medical Histo- developed, with 4,000 objects becom- lection, the Science Museum and else- medicine.” 10 felix Friday 20 March 2009 Friday 20 March 2009 felix 11 Science [email protected] Politics Politics Editors – James Goldsack & Katya-yani Vyas Wildlife exhibition at the Humanities Mico Tatalovic tingham. Nicolas has been doing art- heritage. Science Editor work as a fun hobby in various forms Climate change and green issues are since his early childhood. now at the forefront of many young There are two galleries in the Sherfield Finding the legal profession far too students’ consciousness and Nicolas Minimum alcohol pricing proposal Building on the main Imperial Cam- constricting, he decided to make a life believes that more attention to the Sir Liam Donaldson proposes a stop to cheap sale of alcohol to curb the damaging effects of binge drinking pus: Blyth Gallery on the fifth floor change and get back to art, his first love. natural environment is essential as so specialising in fine arts and Depart- While in South Africa he had been on much of it is being destroyed before ment of Humanities’ exhibition space our very eyes. James Lees less lifestyle of supermarket own brand on the third floor specialising in sci-art The original drawings were created drinks, then the price increase would exhibitions. “Nicolas has in pencil and, in the case of the chee- On Monday the Chief Medical Officer be crippling. Blyth Gallery also occasionally shows tah and gazelle picture, in charcoal. for England, Sir Liam Donaldson, un- Supermarket prices are often cited science-related exhibits, such as recent been doing Nicolas used shades of black and grey veiled a proposal for a minimum price as a cause of binge drinking, with su- art produced by scientist through the to make the images stand out clearly in for alcohol of 50p per unit in an effort permarkets actually losing money on Leonardo Society and the upcoming artwork since his the art space provided. The works on to reduce the burden upon society as a some promotions which are designed Medical Engineering students’ exhi- display at Imperial are gicle prints of result of excessive drinking. to bring in customers. By imposing a bition. At the Humanities’ exhibition early childhood” the original and are a limited edition of Sir Donaldson has stated that ‘we minimum price on alcohol the prices space there is currently an exhibition twenty each. Prices are available at the need to think, rather like we did with at supermarkets would of course in- of wildlife drawings aimed at raising safari with his family, he became inter- Humanities Department Reception in smoking, that it isn’t just the effect on crease, and with no suggestion of this awarness about wildlife and biodiver- ested in wild animals and came to ap- the Sherfield Building. the individual that drinks, and smokes, increase being returned to the gov- sity issues. preciate their diversity, living freely in Watch this space for the colourful it’s the effect also, on other people, the ernment through tax, the increase in Nicolas Philippakis, featured artist, a natural environment. upcoming science comics exhibition collateral damage’. Currently the annu- price would result in little more than has spent most of his life in England, Nowadays many species are threat- that will go up simultaneously at the al cost to the NHS due to alcohol abuse an increase in profits for supermar- but was also educated in Greece and ened with extinction. The drawings on Humanities and virtually in Second is £2.7bn, while the total expense to the kets. Also the price of all alcohol, not South Africa. He went to secondary display in the Humanities department Life at the House of Science: http:// taxpayer due to the misuse of alcohol is just that at or under the 50p per unit school in Oxford (England) and then at Imperial College are offered as a slurl.com/secondlife/Haddath/79/99/ thought to be in the region of £25bn. would have to increase, as if a bottle studied law at the University of Not- reminder of the beauty of our wildlife 69/?title=Zoonomian. Research carried out by the Universi- of ‘wine’ previously costing £2.50 is to One of the drawings at the exhibition ty of Sheffield last year concluded that increase in price to £4.70, then a bot- increasing the price of alcohol would tle of wine that was originally £4.70 be one of the most effective measures would have to increase in price for it to of combating alcohol abuse, as the ef- be distinguished from the ‘wine’. So it fect would be greatest on the most would seem that one of the main ben- heavy drinkers, while according to Sir eficiaries of imposing a minimum price Nature’s design: are engineers ever creative? Donaldson at least, the price increase for alcohol would be the supermarkets for a moderate drinker would be in the who are often blamed as being one of Omar Mustufvi engineered for the purpose that we re- overcome many obstacles in its path. were many tiny hooks that caught on Waals forces from each of these hairs region of £1 per month. the causes. If Sir Donaldson’s proposal is accepted, cut-price alcohol may no longer be available from supermarkets quire. The challenge for the engineers This shows that it is the structural anything with a loop; such as animal with a surface that allows the gecko to Under his proposals a typical bottle The prime minster, Gordon Brown, Just how creative can a scientist be? If is that they should only consider the form of the animals which allow them fur or clothing. literally stick onto any surface. of wine could not be sold for less than is not currently backing the plan, say- you look at any scientific innovation necessary details, and the example to move so freely, without them having But most of the secrets within na- This technology has already been £4.70, the price of a 2 litre bottle of ing ‘We don’t want the responsible, to drink, instead of merely dealing with In Scotland however SNP ministers to deal with excessive drinking. Wales you will find it already has its roots in he gives is of building an automobile to even comprehend these obstacles. ture are hidden in a region which can- patented for use as adhesives in micro- Strongbow would almost double, a 10 sensible majority of moderate drinkers supply and cost. The Lib Dems, on the have already officially put forward the and Northern Ireland have also both nature. It seems scientists and engi- which has, inside it, a factory in which Full collaborated with other scien- not even be explored by a microscope; surgery and microelectronics; soon we pack of Stella would increase by almost to have to pay more or suffer as a result other hand support putting an end to idea of minimum pricing for alcohol. If declared an interest in the idea. Cur- neers are merely inspired by what they you can make another automobile. tists and engineers from Berkeley and the nano-realm. And it is only recent can even expect to see people walking a quarter, and a bottle of Smirnoff vod- of the excesses of a minority’. The con- ‘pocket-money priced’ alcohol. Clearly the measures were to be implemented rently the heaviest drinkers in Europe, see every day in plants and creatures. Full’s research concerns locomotion Stanford to write a paper; ‘Biomimetic advancements in microscope technol- up walls with gecko inspired boots! ka would increase by almost 20%. Of servative party have said that it is more if you enjoy a cheap drink there is 1 then Scotland would be the first coun- the Luxembourgers, have no plans to The Technology, Entertainment, in robots and studying techniques in Design and Fabrication of a Hexapedal ogy which have allowed this region to Going back to the original question course, if you were to enjoy the home- important to focus on people’s attitudes party to not vote for. try in Europe to take such a measure end the party. Design conference (TED) is held an- nature that allow creatures to go, ba- Running Robot’ which includes his re- be explored. of whether scientists and engineers nually and invites some of the world’s sically, anywhere. He found that two, search and also the results of imple- It was in this nano-realm that the can be creative and innovative at all most inspired thinkers to share their four, six and eight legged creatures menting this model in a robot named mystery of how geckos are able to since nature usually gets there first, views on science, business and the arts. all exert similar forces on the ground; Sprawl. climb even the most slippery of sur- even though many of the ideas are in- The event had previously been hosted they all bounce and can be modelled Another nature-inspired design is faces was revealed. spired by nature, there are still huge by the likes of Bill Gates, Al Gore and as spring-mass systems or, in simpler Velcro. The idea for it came to Swiss When examined, the foot of a gecko diversities in the applications of the Jane Goodall. This year’s conference is terms, a pogo stick. engineer George de Mestral after re- appears to be covered with many mil- technologies. Hence innovation and taking place in Oxford in July. He went on to work together with turning from a hunting trip with his lions of hairs, and each of these hairs creativity is always required in a scien- The subject of learning from evolu- mathematicians to create a model dog when he took a close look at the branch off into smaller hairs (like split- tist to design for the specific function. Ex-guerrilla victory for El Salvador tion was touched on in one of these which imitates this movement and burrs of burdock that kept getting ends). Many more secrets are being held by Raz Jabary mala and Honduras as neighbours to time ‘Salvadorans had been afraid to reconciliation’ with the ARENA party to be brought about between Salva- lectures by UC Berkeley biologist found that the model was able to self- stuck in his dog’s fur. This huge rug of hairs on the feet nature, and the prospects for scientists El Salvador are considered to have had vote for the FMLN in fear of reprisals in trying to book political progress and doran-US relations. Although having Robert Full. Full believes that exam- stabilise without being directly aware When he examined them under a creates a huge surface area contact, and engineers depend on how deep This week saw the leftist FMLN party an effect on the perception of Salva- from Washington’. He told CNN In- to have a common approach to tack- received a majority of votes, the FMLN ples from nature are sometimes over- of its surroundings, allowing it to microscope, he discovered that there and it is the sum of the tiny Van-der- they explore. take power in El Salvador for the first doran public opinion with regards to ternational that the election of Barack ling the financial difficulties imposed in fact lacks the number of parlia- time since the party’s legalisation in their political preferences. Before that, Obama as U.S. president as opposed to by the economic downturn which has mentary seats needed for an absolute 1992. Mauricio Funes, a former CNN a majority of the Salvadoran popula- the former administration could lead also affected this small Central Ameri- majority in the country’s National As- Correspondent, won the Salvadoran tion have had concerns about the lack Salvadorans to expect a different view can country. sembly, which means future decisions national elections on Sunday 15th of ruling experience of FMLN. Larry held by American foreign policy. Despite the results, making the have to be consulted and agreed upon March with a majority of 51% of the Birns, director of the Council on Hem- After his victory was announced, FMLN the ruling party, political ana- with the opposition first, before being votes. Although the results proved the ispheric Affairs, claims that for a long president Funes said to ‘seek a path of lysts do not consider a radical change implemented. race was a tight one, analysts in fact already speculated a leftist victory that would oust the republican ARENA party from power for the first time in 20 years. ‘It is the happiest night of my life’, Fu- nes told a crowd shortly after 90% of the votes had been counted. The FMLN is a former guerrilla movement that fought a 12-year long battle against the U.S.-backed Sal- vadoran military dictatorship from 1980 to 1992, which left nearly 80,000 people killed. The conflict came to an end after the signing of several peace accords, which furthermore saw a general amnesty being granted to the members of the group and allowed the party to enter the political stage on a formal and recognised basis. Former Salvadoran president Anto- nio Saca was a staunch ally of the Bush administration and considered by the latter to be one of America’s three key allies in Bolivarian Latin America, next to Peru and Colombia, the latter which continues its own fight against the FARC rebel movement. With a row of leftist presidents re- cently being elected in Latin American A gecko’s foot: it could inspire technology that would allow countries, amongst which is Argen- Legendary Spiderman: inspired by nature Spiderman-like abilities of climbing the walls tina, the political processes in Guate- Under the banner “Un Cambio Seguro”, A Sure Change, Mauricio Funes from the FMLN party won the Salvadoran national elections on Sunday 12 felix Friday 20 March 2009 Friday 20 March 2009 felix 13 [email protected]/ [email protected] Welfare Welfare Email Hannah on [email protected] Welfare Editor – Hannah Theodorou Email Nigel on [email protected]   Dealing with exam stress  Dr David Hayton them. We can all do the same. We aca- you have to be well, so do not neglect centration to good sleep, so make sure and need to be booked in advance, and Salaried GP demics might all benefit from develop- your physical health. Make sure you eat you put time aside to relax before go- there is some preparatory work to be Are you carrying it? ing our learning and assessment skills three balanced meals a day. Time spent ing to bed. done. The workshops are about some Chlamydia affects 1 in 10 people under 25. Testing for it is quick, easy, free and painless. So why haven’t you EXAM STRESS as much as we do our knowledge. on eating regularly and healthily is far Be firm with yourself about working of the cognitive theories on stress and Exam stress affects us all at some time And we all already have, to some more valuable than the extra 30mins in the day and at least be trying to sleep how to deal with it; please be clear that got round to doing it yet? or another. There are few people who extent. Whatever you feel, Imperial you save by not going shopping. at night. You are in training, so remem- they are not about the tools and tech- go into the exams at the end of the year College students are good at being as- Mood altering drugs only make things ber that even one late night can leave niques of how to study, revise and take without being nervous. It’s a normal sessed, otherwise they wouldn’t have worse. Alcohol can help you relax but you jet-lagged for days. exams. Find out more at www.imperi- Chlamydia is the most prevalent sexu- damage to your or your partner’s health. physiological reaction to being in a made it this far. But the transfer to be careful it doesn’t progress into an You can find our more about sleep alcollegehealthcentre.co.uk ally transmitted infection (STI) in the The infection can cause pelvic inflam- STI Information stressful situation. Flight or fight. Ex- university is a difficult one, and the big easy but counterproductive solution problems and sleep hygiene at http:// UK. One in ten people aged under 25 matory disease and ectopic pregnancy ams are designed to stretch us, to dif- fish in a suddenly-very-much-bigger- to that sleeping problem. Caffeine can www.patient.co.uk/pdf/pilsL835.pdf who are tested for it, have it . Despite and result in both men and women not Sexually transmitted infections (STIs), including ferentiate between the good and the pond phenomenon is a very real chal- help you wake up, but can keep you high infection rates, a recent survey of being able to have children. HIV, remain one of the most impor tant causes of less good students (or at Imperial the lenge for the majority students at Im- awake for 12 hours. Both disrupt the WHERE TO FIND OUT MORE Top Tip I under 25s in Westminster, Kensington However, chlamydia is both easily illness due to infectious disease among young extremely good and the very good) and perial. It is so easy to loose sight of the body’s natural day/night pattern and There is plenty of information out There is plenty of research that and Chelsea and Hammersmith and tested for and treated. For both men people (aged between 16 and 24 years old). are inherently stressful, no matter what fact that even those students who get sleep quality, energy levels and ulti- there about how exam stress can af- shows our concentration can Fulham showed that 79% have never and women, the test is just a urine the examiners say. thirds have earned their place in what mately productivity, are all impaired. fect you, how to help avoid it being a last 40-50minutes at most. Have been tested for chlamydia. sample and treatment will usually just If left untreated, many STIs can lead to long- For some people, the reaction to ex- my headmistress used to call “the up- Performance enhancing drugs are be- problem and even how to use it to your breaks (7-10mins) every 50mins be one dose of antibiotics. term fertility problems (e.g. with chlamydia or ams is extreme. The prospect of be- per echelons of intelligencia”. coming increasingly more common in advantage. There are many different of studying. Use this to relax WHAT IS CHLAMYDIA gonorrhoea). Infection with HIV or the strains of ing assessed, being compared to other the UK, but there is plenty of evidence psychological models, and a variety don’t spend it on the phone or Chlamydia is passed on through pen- HOW CAN YOU GET TESTED? human papillomavirus (HPV) that cause cervical students and being judged provokes IN TRAINING against their use in the general popula- of techniques and tricks which can be planning your revision. etrative vaginal or anal sex, oral sex, or Testing is free and confidential. You cancer can lead to long-term illness and possible such an intense emotional and physi- You would expect an athlete to train tion and the guidance is clear: do not helpful. You can find out more at www. through sharing sex toys with someone can get tested by: death. cal response that they simply cannot hard, but you would expect them to use them unless they are prescribed to imperialcollegehealthcentre.co.uk Top Tip II who has it. •Visiting your GP and asking to be perform at all, let alone to the best of have dinner every night. You would you by your doctor. If you think you have a disabling The secondary education Chlamydia often does not have any tested- this is now available at Imperial their ability. Worries might start early imagine that a pianist would put the problem with exam stress it is usually system knows how to help stu- symptoms, which means that you or College Health Centre TOP TIPS FOR STAYING SAFE: in the year, revision be impossible, or hours in to perfect Rach III for their SLEEP HYGIENE worth investing the time, sooner rather dents learn. Run your day like your partner could have it and not •Calling Westside Contraceptive physical symptoms prevent the student finals, but you would also expect them Not sleeping well can be a really big than later, in dealing with this rather a school day. Get up early at a know about it. In fact, around 75% of Services on 020 8962 4454 to book an - have fewer sexual partners and avoid overlap- from entering the exam hall. to sleep. This isn’t Shine. So why, oh problem. Insomnia is often the first than bury yourself in more and more regular time. Have breakfast. women and 50% of men with chlamy- appointment to get tested ping sexual relationships why do students try to concentrate on symptom of stress and worry. Most work. It would do far more for your re- Work for short periods with reg- dia have no symptoms at all . •Visiting www.check-kit.org.uk to LEARN TO LEARN their work for 18hours a day? people suffer with it at some point, and sult. The doctors at the Health Centre ular breaks and proper meals. Although you may have no symp- order a free test kit - use a condom when having sex with a new Some people, some lucky people, can Work life balance is incredibly im- most students notice a change in their would be happy to see any student who Do something relaxing in the toms, the signs to watch out for are • Visiting one of the outreach stalls partner and continue to do so until both have use their nervous energy in a positive portant. No matter how strong the energy levels at College, particularly in feels he/she has a problem, as would evening, and go to bed on time. unusual discharge or more frequent or organised by Brook London or the Ter- been screened way. They find the butterflies in their temptation, don’t ditch your society exam term. your personal tutor. Alternatively the painful urination. Women may notice rence Higgins Trust on campus. stomach exciting and motivating. They for the library. You need time to relax Unfortunately most students are Student Counselling Service (http:// Top Tip III pain or bleeding during sex, bleeding For more information see below. - get screened for Chlamydia every year and can revise more effectively, seem calm and forget work, so extracurricular also inadvertently making the situa- www3.imperial.ac.uk/counselling) of- Think about having a regular between periods, irregular periods or whenever you have a new partner and still have time to go the gym. Of activities are even more important in tion worse. In particular there is the fer free confidential counselling to any arrangement with your friends lower abdominal pain. Men might suf- WHAT HAPPENS NEXT? course, they are much more likely to do the exam term. Revising can be bor- temptation to try to work into the late registered student of Imperial College. to spend an hour together at the fer from irritation at the tip of the pe- Once you have been tested, you can - If you are a man who has sex with men, then themselves justice in an exam, and yes, ing and tiring, so dedicate time to evening. Although you might feel more The Health Centre also runs work- end of each day. And don’t talk nis or painful swelling of the testicles. then choose whether to get your re- always use a condom and have an annual they usually get better results. They are activities which given you a sense of awake then, work at this time is barely shops on exam stress. These are free about work. Friends on different sults by phone, text or post. If positive sexual health screen, including an HIV test not superhuman, but they have learnt achievement. productive. Importantly, you cannot and open to all. You do not need to have courses are useful. WHY SHOULD I GET TESTED? you will then be advised on where to skills and adopted attitudes which help Look after yourself. To perform well expect to go straight from hard con- seen a doctor first. Spaces are limited If you have chlamydia and leave it un- collect your antibiotics which will clear treated it can cause serious, lasting the infection. He probably won’t be wearing these pants...

How can you get Are you an international student? checked at Imperial? When does your visa expire? 1. Imperial College Health Centre The Health Centre is now participating in the National Chlamydia Screening Programme which is open to all men and women of 24 years and under who have been sexually active in the past and do not have any symptoms currently. Check your passport! You do not have to be seen by a doctor or nurse. All you need to do is provide a urine sample (you must not have  passed urine for one hour prior to producing the sample)  If your current visa expires before and complete a form. Further information is available at the  Health Centre. Imperial College Health Centre, 02075846301, healthcen- the end of your course please [email protected] consider extending it now.

2. Check Kit 3. Brook London and the Terrence Higgins The Home Office will be introducing the The new website www.check-kit.org has lots of in- Points-Based system for students at the end formation about chlamydia screening and lets you Brook London and the Terrence Higgins order a kit online which is delivered to your home Trust are doing outreach sessions for of March 2009 which might result in a new address. For every sample returned, you get a £10 Imperial students, based in the Union or HMV e-voucher. Results will be returned to you via the JCR. Details for next term’s oureach application form and fee. If you wish to letter, email or phone and will take between 5-10 dates will be uploaded onto the Union days. Terms and conditions apply, so check the web- website during the Easter holidays. extend your visa now using the existing site for more details. form it costs £295. The International Office can support you with this application.

For more information contact the Imperial International Office, tel 020 7594 8040, Room 164, Sherfield Building, South Kensington campus. www.imperial.ac.uk/international 14 felix Friday 20 March 2009 Friday 20 March 2009 felix 15 [email protected] Arts Culture & Arts Editors – Caz Knight, David Paw and Emily Wilson Budding culture vulture? Write for us. The Arts [email protected] He is to architecture what Hendrix Books, bondage What to do if your is to the guitar: Andrea Palladio and buildings The don of architecture is very much hard done by as the Royal Academy’s attempt to pay homage to the great Palladio. David Paw tells us more. Caz Knight daughter marries the hen I started out surance of my heroes, it would have Italian architecture. The room is split Arts Editor learning to play gui- taken me a lot longer to see the light. up into several rooms, with the gross tar, I hacked it up It is 3.50 on a glorious Saturday af- trend being that as a whole, each is bet- like any other be- ternoon and instead of being outside ter than the last. This is also valid when feel as though I have neglected America and back four times on mo- ginner. I would buy in the sunshine, I am packed inside the pondering the choice between staying culture and the arts these last 6 torbikes, buses, open top trucks and in king of Sadism guitar magazines (Guitar Techniques Royal Academy in the space the size of in the well-lit and spacious lobby and weeks. The majority of second beat up Cadillacs. Might be an appro- Wand Guitar for the Practicing Musician a Hobbit’s broom cupboard along with descending into the first room. year and the first term of my priate antidote to feelings of claustro- Rosie Milton prepares to be impressed by an all star cast and - was there any point buying anything a collection of bored partners, their The first room attempts to set the final year flew by as my weeks phobia brought on by revision. else?) and wallow in the rich soup of enthusiastic yet confused girlfriends context of our subject’s achievements. were spent attending at least two cul- Dune by Frank Herbert converted director but is left disappointed. musical knowledge in their pages, try- (at least Topshop provides sofas), tour- May I take this opportunity to stress Itural ‘happenings’ a week, writing me from sci-fi cynic to lover thereof in ing to soak as much of it up as I could. ists and pushy middle class pension- the word “attempt”. The first room is a comment pieces for felix and attend- the time it took me to read this hefty e all know that fade into the set like wooden dolls until younger daughter, the personification I absorbed mainly anything and every- ers who probably look at Stephen Fry bedlam of spatial and physical incoher- ing lectures, lab and what have you in novel (1 week: how’s that for an en- Monet’s ‘Water Lily they are as much a part of the furniture of feminine guilelessness. However, thing about my favourite players - Ed- the same way Mrs Robinson looked at ence that fails to excite. If this were the between. dorsement. In fact, the transition may Pond’ is pretty. It’s as the wooden chairs delicately placed all the actors seem swamped by the die Van Halen, Satriani, Jason Becker Dustin Hoffman. In the words of a very Divine Comedy, the first room would I have my time management skills have taken within the first fifty pages.) a great piece of art around the stage. shear wordiness of the 40 year-old - while maintaining a neutral outlook underrated liquor clerk in Superbad, be the dullness of Purgatorio and Para- and seemingly unending energy to This novel will excite anyone with an and we all like to Frances Barber’s wickedly carnal translation. on the other genres. Outside of my fuck my life. I have been trying to make diso condensed into 400 square metres thank for that. Today I tell an antitheti- interest in physics, biology, politics, look at it, but I implore anyone to look Comtesse De Saint-Fond steels the pro- As an incurably nosy gossip, I am sur- limited area of knowledge, the world my way through the crowd while doing of plan drawings and minor details that cal story. This term my nun avatar has religion, poetry, action, travel, science- Wat it for 1 hour 45 minutes without an duction from the moment the curtain prised that the play fails to solicit near- of guitar and music was an incredibly justice to the subject of the exhibition only the dedicated follower of the archi- barely made it into the introductory fiction (duh) and even throws in some interval and not begin to tire a little of rises. Her impressive use of the riding ly the amount of interest and intrigue daunting place, and basic priorities - reputedly the greatest architect of tect would have any genuine interest in. pages of the comment section and my soppy romantic shizzle. Please, please those sweet pastel hues. This is rather crop cracks some much needed energy that such fruity subject matter war- like memorising the chord chart were all time - while also trying to compre- There is one breathtaking scale model reviews grow sparser with each pass- do read. how I considered the latest instal- into the production and this is only Act rants and this is perhaps because the difficult enough, much less navigating hend why this title had been bestowed of the Basilica in Vicenza, and staring ing week. The Life of Ivan Denisovich by Ale- ment of Michael Grandage’s ‘Donmar I. While Rosamond Pike is well cast as direction lacks momentum. If you’re insane jazz progressions. upon him. His name is Palladio, and he into its massive hallways and corridors Final year sucks. Not only do I fear ksandr Solzhenitsyn takes you through West End’ residency at the Wyndham’s De Sade’s devotedly masochistic wife happy to zone out for 110 minutes and I always reached a sticking point wouldn’t be happy if he were here. it is easy to get a sense of scale of what an impending nervous breakdown dai- one grueling day in one of Stalin’ gu- Theatre. her rabbit-caught-in-headlights char- watch a group of very pretty woman when it came to the greats, though. The problem with Andrea Palladio : he achieved upon its completion. But ly on account of just how much needs lags (labour camps) through the eyes Madame de Sade is about the wife of acterisation in the first Act makes it a in gorgeous dresses sashay around the My 10-year old self genuinely could His Life and Legacy has nothing to do other than that, as important as con- to be achieved before the last week of of Shcha-845 (Ivan) as we live through the Marquis de Sade (Rosamond Pike) hard to believe the reports in the sec- stage like bon bon’s in an ornate rococo not understand for years why Hen- with undeserved reputations and hype. text may be, a good proportion of it felt April when my finals commence, but I every bite of frost, sharp wind and her mother (Judi Dench) and several ond Act that during an orgy with her box then Madame de Sade is worth a drix and Clapton were so revered. In I fully trust that the curators know tedious and relatively indulgent given fear for the psychological welfare of my sanction enforced by the warders. An other women who know the infamous husband and a group of yokels she had watch, however, with credentials like my eyes back then, I equated being what they’re talking about. The prob- the limited amount of space the exhi- boyfriend, closest friends and family as outstanding, easy 150-page read. French aristocrat from whom the word quite literally been swinging from the Grandage’s I don’t think an audience able to “play” with technical ability, lem with this particular arrangement bition had. Paintings from the area try they double as emotional punch-bags. Arts this week is also a short, easy one ‘sadism’ originated. rafters while a peasant boy licked her can be blamed for expecting a little and naively this was how I gauged a of architectural models, plan drawings, to set the tone of the figures involved, La Rotonda has inspired countless architects Before I continue further and turn you with some more architecture reviewed Whilst the set looks almost edible and naked body. more. musician’s merit, much less paying at- contextual tidbits and memoirs is that the world of the architect and the con- devoted Arts readers into one too, I by David Paw, as well as the previously the costumes are stunning, annoyingly Judi Dench makes a fine Madame de tention to things like tone, personal though the parts may be there, they feel struction site during that era, but it still will just say that my pitiful lack of con- mentioned Madame de Sade review. they only serve to enhance the over- Montreuil obsessed with keeping her style, innovation etc. Jimi couldn’t play less than their potential sum, largely in feels tenuous. Ornaments and artifacts Oh, we do get a sense of his begin- the exhibition. We are meant to be tribution is due to a temporary accept- However, for now I must desist with whelming sense that the audience is family name in honour while Fiona Madame de Sade is on at the a million miles an hour. What was the part to a dramatic in failure of commu- from the era are dotted around the nings as a collaborator with more witnessing a tribute and exploration ance that I need to put things on hold culture and persist with fact! Enjoy peaking into a dolls’ house. The prox- Button’s Anne provides some wel- Wyndham’s theatre until May 23 point? I just didn’t buy it. Later I would nication from the organisers to their room to try to give the viewer a flavour well-known architects of the era. For of one of the greatest creators and until my exams are over. Come May 1st your Easter ‘holidays’. emics are static and the actors literally come light relief as Dench’s frivolous 2009 watch interviews of my favourite play- audience. I am somewhat sceptical in of the time period. It feels like a GCSE example, a segment focuses on a joint design influencers of all time, but we and I am all felix’s once more. ers speaking about Hendrix et al. with believing that the majority of people Art and Design student trying to argue project with the great architect Giulio never reach a point of awe or complete Not only has the work load stopped incredible reverence and though I still who were present with me that after- that the painting they plucked arbitrar- Romano on the Palazzo Thiene in Vi- understanding of his greatness until my opportunity to write but it has also didn’t believe the hype, I began to ac- noon were there specifically to tickle ily from Google images has plenty to cenza. The details of the project are the very end. At the outset we are told meant I was not able to attend a play cept the inevitable. Without the reas- their fancy for 16th century Northern do with their final piece. intriguing and the progression reward- his designs for the country house out I have been looking forward to since ing when followed to the end, and as in Italy were greatly influential from early October. Madame de Sade fea- a bonus we are even rewarded with the European mainland to Britain to tures Dame Judi Dench and bond girl a portrait of Romano by none other a point at which the British country Rosamund Pike and is next up in the than Titian. But it is difficult to feel any house can trace direct lineage to Pal- Donwar West End’s superb line up genuine excitement without physical ladio’s initial work. A little later on we (Hamlet with Jude Law follows next). illustration, and by physical illustra- learn of the influence of the Quattro In my stead ….. has stepped in and re- tion I mean models. Architecture is a Libri in subsequent generations over viewed it. I am extremely grateful and physical, visual language that requires centuries of architectural history. But only a little bit bitter. the viewer to not only see and imagine we’re heathens. We’re too used to gi- Even worse than missing out on the finished project and its interaction ant skyscrapers born of oil riches and plays, the work load has prevented me with its surroundings, but to obtain a difficult concept buildings, too used to from reading all those novels on my palpable feel of its scale and physicali- brash visual statements and the new To Read list. As a wee girl of 12 or so I ty. The plan drawings and photographs standard of physical grandeur. We need used to consume novels at an alarming never allow you to really get involved just a little more convincing. Some rate. Alex Garlands grizzly Thailand as with the building and space itself, and reassurance, perhaps. So his achieve- conjured up in his book The Beach was parts of the exhibition suffer notice- ments never really hit home until we read, digested and accepted with its ably for that. watch videos and interviews of today’s themes of an adult nature never elic- The second room is better. Larger, architects speaking in reverential tones iting even a bat eyelid. Come puberty quieter and with less packed into the about the great man himself. and my reading seemed to go down as space, it offers a greater quality of He was a starchitect before they even my acne soared, but since my summer depth and contemplation as far as get- existed. The Palladian influence is so (and coincidental visit to the land of ting under the skin of the buildings is great that it has become subsumed Garland’s novel) I have made an effort concerned. It is difficult not to notice into modern architecture not just in to up my fitness, as it were, and start the large scale models of the Villa Emo a practical and technical sense but in reading regularly again. Since New and Barbaro with their imposing tri- a philosophical sense that the ethos Year’s I have read six novels which I partate facades, and with the greater of the modern architect owes no lit- consider no small feat. freedom allowed to the gallerygoer, it is tle debt to his ideas. A teenager sitting So, in a last effort to exercise my certainly more of a pleasure to peruse. in his room playing his guitar would powers as critique before I go under I Rooms three and four focuse on the take the feedback and distortion and will whiz through a select few trying to emergence of the then newly-coined screaming lead tones for granted, but capture them in a nutshell. “Neo Palladianism” and its influence he would owe it to Hendrix who had Mr Nice should really be a student on subsequent generations, and the brought all of these ideas to the fore staple for its easy going narrative from publishing of perhaps Palladio’s great- and made them art forms. Just as charismatic author, Howard Marks est work in any sense, his influential much, the vocabulary and ideology (Oxford graduated physicist no less), compendium of reflections on the of modern architecture owes a debt who writes his autobiography follow- professional and idealistic aspects of to Palladio’s ideas, a man who, in the ing 6 years spent in prison after finally architecture, the Quattro Libri. One words of the Japanese architect Arata being caught 20 years after beginning could consider them a giant tome of Isosaki, “could reach the real essence of his career as one of the world’s largest sorts spread over four volumes, with architecture”. hashish dealers. Adventure awaits. the thoroughness of Grey’s Anatomy, On The Road by beatnik Jack Kerouac the vision of Delirious New York and doesn’t need much of an introduction the epic scale of The Bible. Until 13th April at the Royal only to say that it will whisk you across Rosamund Pike (left) with hair that would have made the 80s jealous, and Judi Dench (right) San Giorgio Church in Venice. (1560-1580) This is where we reach the crux of Academy, Piccadilly 16 felix Friday 20 March 2008 Friday 20 March 2009 felix 17 Arts [email protected] Film [email protected] Review of DramSoc’s spring term show Film Editors – Zuzanna Blaszczak and Jonathan Dakin Jessica Bland reviews the opening night of The Life of Galileo –­ running in the UCH until Saturday 21st alileo proved that the more science he could do if he didn’t evil as the Cardinal Inquisitor, com- Go on a Easter bunny hunt with these films earth revolves around have to teach are uncomfortably manding the stage on every appear- the sun. He was called a reminiscent of the complaints often ance. Shamini Bundell and Ziggi Jonathan Dakin some truly shocking torture scenes (scary!) and the moment Passover hap- ted, and also features every man’s fa- heretic by the Catholic overheard in the SCR. Szafranski were equally arresting as Film Editor that demonstrate what Christ suffered pens- the angel of death is coming and vourite cartoon character, Jessica Rab- Church despite his un- He performs a careful balancing Galileo’s daughter and the pope re- before being crucified. When this film if you don’t put lamb blood on your bit (if only she were real…). Although wavering faith and spent much of his act between investigative, pure sci- spectively: giving energetic perform- Don’t know what to watch over the came out it caused a media storm and door he will kill your first-born child! it seems like it is for children, it is very Glater life under house arrest. He had ence and providing useful tools like ances throughout. forthcoming break? Well even I was had a lot of controversy surrounding it, Featuring an all-star cast (including adult, with gruesome murders and one a daughter out of wedlock called Vir- the telescope to keep his sponsors The set for this production was shocked to discover that there is noth- but if you are a Christian or a lapsed Sandra Bullock, who I am secretly in of the scariest villains ever (if you could ginia. He did move to Florence and happy. And it only takes a little im- ambitious and perhaps, like many ing out at the cinema at the moment Christian, this film gives a good idea love with), this film is a good watch, make swords pop out of your eye balls he did go blind. agination to remodel the sponsors student productions, could have that I wanted to see (that I haven’t al- of what the message of Easter is. And and includes a catchy song by Whitney then I would be scared of you too). So The story that Brecht weaves as the funding bodies which provide benefitted from a ‘less is more’ phi- ready). For example, this week for the even if you aren’t religious, this film is Houston and Mariah Carey. don’t be fooled into thinking it is for around these facts in The Life of the financial lifeblood to science to- losophy. The sometimes excruciat- film section I could choose between still very powerful and interesting to Who Framed Roger Rabbit children, as it has universal appeal. Galileo is wonderful. It gives Galileo, day; the struggle to explain the eco- ingly long scene changes interrupted reviewing movies such as Marley & Me watch, even though it is brutally gory. Okay, so this has absolutely nothing Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey Virginia and even the Pope complex nomic benefits of theoretical physics the play’s narrative for too long. But or The International, both of which The Prince of Egypt to do with Easter. But it does feature So now I am really getting further and believable characters. Watching or biological modelling is the bane of the intelligent design did work well do not appeal to me in the slightest. I haven’t forgotten my Jewish cous- a bunny rabbit as the main character, away from Easter. But actually, this film their story unfold made for a very many a PhD proposal. to orientate the audience as the play So if you are like me, and are stuck for ins- don’t worry! They had their claim so I am kind of inclined to give this does feature an evil Easter Bunny that enjoyable evening. The opening performance in the moves between Rome and Venice, as ideas of things to watch, then it is time One bunny down. Any more? on this time of the year for a holiday film a mention. If you haven’t seen it, lives in Hell and tries to torture one of It employs the playwright’s famous Union Concert Hall was disciplined well as providing a pleasing frame to dust off the DVD’s from your shelf, first (I am referring to Passover). And you must, as it is brilliant. Set in San the main characters. Odd, yes. Maybe alienation effect: making the audi- and energetic. The cast worked well for the more static scenes. The pe- set your TV to record random films, or although this film appeals to both Jew- Francisco in the 40’s a detective is you have to have seen this as a child to ence stand back and analyse the im- as an ensemble, never tiring or los- riod costumes were wonderful and sign up to a film mailing site, and start walk down a street on Easter Sunday ish people and Christians, it does fea- hired to solve the murder of a Cartoon appreciate it. A sequel to Bill and Ted’s plications of Galileo’s scientific dis- ing focus. But it was Gilead Amit’s useful for distinguishing the several to broaden the horizons of your film wearing big hats… ture Moses, God, Ramesses II, freed Studio owner, the main suspect being Excellent Adventure, this one is about covery for society and for religion. skillful portrayal of Galileo that characters played by several of the taste. And because Easter is beginning Chocolat slaves and Passover, so I feel the Jew- an A-List Toon, Roger Rabbit. Now two evil robots sent back in time to kill This is Brecht at his best, using great held the production together. Play- actors. to loom around the corner, I decided Now this is a film about Easter! The ish community have more stake in the this might sound strange, but this film Bill and Ted (so they end up going to characters to make a wider social ing a lead with so much stagetime The Life of Galileo discusses the to reminisce about films with Easter film opens on the first day of Lent, and film. An animated classic, this movie mixes live action with cartoons, and Hell) so that their music doesn’t save commentary. and personality is a challenge he politics of science. And as students themes in. So why not venture into the main villain of the film gives up follows Moses as he tries to free his He- has cameos from Mickey Mouse, Bugs the world from becoming a utopian so- DramSoc chose well. And not just met with aplomb. Aaron Singh’s in- of science it makes for welcome food the unknown and join me by watching chocolate just as Vianne (Juliette Bino- brew brethren from being slaves to an Bunny and Daffy Duck. Yes it is weird, ciety (because in the late 80’s/early 90’s because Brecht is an accomplished terpretation of Sagredo & the Little for thought. Despite the disruptions, films you might not otherwise choose che) opens a chocolate shop. The small Egyptian Pharaoh. Cue the Ten Plagues but it is extremely clever and well plot- people believed that rock music was so writer. The social and political issues Monk was thoughtful and engaging. DramSoc do a great job of bring- to see? French town is cold and unwelcoming powerful that is could save the world). highlighted by the play are echoed The dialogue between these two ac- ing it to the Imperial student stage. Easter Parade to her, but she quickly wins over the Hmm… an evil pink Easter Bunny, the in those faced by science, and some- tors exhibited an impressive level of Something that Brecht – who saw I think that this is the only film ever hearts of everyone through the magic Grim Reaper and some weird creatures times science students, today. Gali- dramatic sophistication. the stage as a social forum – would made with ‘Easter’ in the title, and a of chocolate (I tell you, if someone that God creates all add up to a very leo’s murmurings about how much Adam Khamis was convincingly have no doubt approved of. Ziggi Szafranski and members of the company from Life of Galileo film that focuses on the actual holi- wanted to give me chocolate for free, I strange, drug induced movie. Well, it day itself. Starring Fred Astaire and would be their friend too). This film is still sounds better than Marley & Me. Judy Garland, this is a musical about a a heart-warming tale of love and loss, man who decides that the next woman and Johnny Depp makes a brief ap- Other films with Easter themes Issue 1 - 2009 lacrosse he meets he will turn into a dancing pearance as a gypsy that Vianne falls include: sensation, and so he luckily bumps in love with. Ending on Easter Sunday, The Miracle Maker into Judy Garland. Her dream is to be everyone learns valuable lessons about Claymation film that chronicles Je- a famous dancer and to one day walk themselves, life and love. How sweet… sus’ life through the eyes of a young down 5th Avenue in New York in the (what a terrible pun). girl. Easter Parade wearing a big hat. There The Passion Of the Christ Donnie Darko- The is lots of singing and dancing, and to be I had to put something religious Psychological drama featuring a Rival honest I don’t really remember the film slightly disturbing bunny rabbit that here, as after all, Jesus’ crucifiction and very well, just that her life ambition is resurrection is what Easter is all about. predicts the end of the world.

to wear a big hat in an annual parade. Following the last few days of Jesus’ Octopussy When thinking about it, this film isn’t life, the film tells us about his disciples, A James Bond film all about a Fab- really about Easter at all, except for the his family and his teachings through erge Egg. James travels to India, Cuba fact that everyone seems to want to various flashbacks, interspliced with One more! But this bunny looks slightly less friendly don’t you think? and Germany to investigate.

pinch of clownishness. Given that this made (or what kind of movies in has had a wide effect on American and general), because the marketplace At the touch of horror... British films in particular, almost all will never come up with ideas - it will satisfactory horror movies of late have only consume the next best thing. Stefan Carpanu been in a language other than English. The genre needs a story to revive it, an The current state of affairs is so actual story as opposed to a series of Out Now! ... everyone becomes a human being. depressing that I don’t even go to see scares and massacres strung together. horror movies any more. As soon as It needs a Wicker Man, a Psycho, While this is not fundamentally the trailer’s finished, it’s clear what The an Alien, an Exorcist, some Birds, a true of the whole genre, I would not Unborn, The Uninvited, The Haunting Shining – hell, even a Nosferatu. Or be lying if I said that throughout the and all their relatives will be like. And maybe, just maybe, all it really needs "...therefore endure hardness, as a good soldier…” 2 Tim 2: 3-4 last few decades or so, the mood when a month ago I made the mistake is something completely different. and atmosphere of such works of of watching My Bloody Valentine 3D, cinema have gone from unsettling all I got was a mindless borefest, a to disturbing, nowadays bordering ridiculous pile of “let’s play around on disgusting. Horror movies have with this technology so as to scare definitely undergone a bit of plastic some people out of their money”. I surgery, and it’s the manner in which mean really, as has been argued many this has shaped horror productions times before, there is a difference which causes my dismay. The fact of between scaring someone and startling the matter is that with the immense someone. That’s how bad it’s gotten. visual power of the 21st century, many I don’t particularly mind when you filmmakers have thought that inducing can enjoy a film without putting your The Drewe Theatre The Rival 1 unease through violent images and brain to any use, but when having brutal editing, amounts to a fair work The cute face hugging thingy was the icing on the cake in Alien. a brain proves an impediment to Reynolds Building, of horror. While such a belief holds enjoying a film, well, then I have Imperial Medical Campus, some truth in itself, this empowerment a problem. The truth is that not Complete coverage of this year’s Varsity St. Dunstans Road, has lead to abuse: once you focus the fact that some of these elements seeing for the lingering effect of “I’m everything has to change, and this can on the imagery and not the content, are portrayed in such a manner that not opening the fridge, you do it”. be seen by contemplating the irony Hammersmith, London, the only way to become original and they should impress the viewer. I won’t Some of the more gifted filmmakers that a revolution has already taken W6 8RP Exciting action shots from the day innovative (i.e. interesting) is by striving even mention remakes more than once have realized that the direction horror place in modern horror, but we’re no to new extremes of the disgusting. in this article, although they’re a crying movies have taken is almost insulting better off than we were before it. I Nearest Tube Station: Barons Court or Hammersmith Get your copy now! However, this isn’t necessarily bad. A shame and deserve a dissertation sized and they’ve chosen to embrace their can understand that it will take more (Piccadilly & District Lines) film may be of debatable taste, but still spanking. What saddens me is that cheesiness and B-movie nature by than a Judd Apatow figure to put terrifying. What has killed the modern while production values have gone turning them into parodies, or at least by out a great work of horror, because Available in the Library, Reynolds Bar and the Union horror movie is the baseness of the up and can finally inspire the fear one trying to blend in some self-deprecating patterns work way better in comedies CONTACT: OBI [email protected] / 07852989687 OR LIZ [email protected] stories it tells, the innate stupidity of its lusts for when happiness wants to parody amongst the horror. This isn’t a than they do in horror movies. But characters, the incredibly predictable kick one out of his/her house, there bad move – or at least it wasn’t until it’s not fair that the marketplace One of, if not the, most famous In aid of ‘RAINBOW TRUST CHILDREN’S CHARITY’...providing practical and emotional support to families with terminally ill children. Reg No.: 1070532 shower scene ever (from Psycho) plots and plot twists and, even worse, seems to be no horror movie left worth everyone started taking horror with a dictates what kind of horror is being Guylian Sainsbury’s Taste the Difference Egg £2.00, Hollow milk chocolate egg with white chocolate decoration Felix Easter Eggstravaganza 2009 £5.00, Milk chocolate egg with sea-shell praelines. Appearance: 6 Appearance: 9 Value for money: 8 Welcome to felix’s annual Eggstravaganza where, purely in the interests of research, we wolf down copious Value for money: 9 Endurance Test: 5 Endurance Test: 8 Taste: 7 amounts of ovoid-shaped, chocolatey goodness to let you know which eggs are worth your cash this Easter Taste: 9 Extras: 0 Extras: 9 Comments: Although you get nothing with the Cadbury slighty more Comments: It’s just so damn good and cheap and egg, the price itself isn’t too bad considering After Eight amazing! the taste of the egg. Not a bad option if you expensive than budget eggs want a good cheap egg £5.00, One egg plus some After Eight mints. Final Score: 8.8 £2.00, Cadbury classic eggs, Final Score: 5.2 Appearance: 8 LAST YEAR’S WINNER DOES IT AGAIN, IT’S JUST SO Value for money: 7 Appearance: 4 GOOOOOOOOOOOD! Endurance Test: 7 Value for money: 8 Champion Taste: 4 Endurance Test: 6 2009 Extras: 6 Taste: 6 Comments: Similar to the Chocolate Orange in terms of Extras: 6 idea, but it really doesn’t work as well here. A minty egg Comments: Plain and simple, if you’re just looking for a just tastes odd! good, cheap egg, this is the one for you! Final Score: 6.4 Final Score:6 Nestle Mid-range eggs Cadbury Collection Egg £5.00, Nestle eggs with bonus chocolates £7.00, Three Cadbury eggs, all inside each other Appearance: 5 Appearance: 8 Value for money: 5 Terry’s Chocolate Orange Value for money: 6 Endurance Test: 5 Green & Black Endurance Test: 10 Taste: 6 £5.00, Chocolate orange egg with chocolate orange. Taste: 6 Extras: 6 £5.50, 70% Organic dark chocolate Extras: 8 Comments: They’re not too bad, but they are more Appearance: 6 Comments: If you liked the basic Cadbury brand, you’ll expensive than the Cadbury ones and you don’t get that Appearance: 7 Value for money: 8 like this. Very nice appearance, but slightly more expen- much extra Value for money: 5 Endurance Test: 9 sive than getting three of the normal eggs! Endurance Test: 9.5 Taste: 6 Final Score: 5.4 Taste: 2 Extras: 8 Final Score: 7.6 Extras: 0 Comments: There’s really nothing to it, it’s just an egg Comments: It tastes like mud and you get abso- version of the orange! lutely no extras! Final Score: 7.4 Final Score: 4.7

Top Gear Egg £4.00, One egg, one Stig mug Peasant eggs Baileys Lindt (Golden Bunny Egg) Appearance: 6 £0.90 - £1.50, One egg that is it! Value for money: 7 £10.00, Milk chocolate egg with Baileys truffles. Endurance Test: 8 Appearance: 2 £5.00, Milk chocolate egg with Lindt bunnies. Taste: 6 Value for money: 10 Appearance: 9 Extras: 10 Endurance Test: 5 Value for money: 3 Appearance: 8 Comments: We couldn’t help ourselves, we had to get Taste: 4 Endurance Test: 7 Value for money: 7 this egg, purely for the mug! The egg however was not Extras: 0 Taste: 9 Endurance Test: 7 so good! Comments: If there was ever an award for the simplest Extras: 7 Taste: 7 egg possible, this would be it. Oh and the Barbie and Comments: The egg is absolutely massive and tastes Extras: 7 Final Score: 7.4 Simpson one taste horrible! amasing, but it is just too expensive Comments: A good mixture of size and extras, very nice Final Score: 4.2 Final Score: 7 Final Score: 7.2 Apologies to Nick Ablitt who actually took the photo last week of the IC Boat Club Spot the VolleyballSpot Photo by Barbara K Barbara Photo by 22 felix Friday 20 March 2009 Friday 20 March 2009 felix 23 Music [email protected] Music Music Editors – Peter Sinclair James Houghton & Alex Ashford [email protected] Hospitality Ice-cream and sunshine Matters Alex Ashford Tom Phillips reviews one of the biggest Music Editor and best drum ‘n’ bass nights in London

he other day I was sitting ered head-dresses. Crookers, who you ounded by Chris Goss and dance floor, at Matter. Along with your in my room doing some might remember from that remix of Tony Colman (also known as hair and clothes moving in the air, kick necessary Biology work Kid Cudi’s “Day ‘n’ night” (I predicted London Elektricity) in early drums pounding in your chest and when I heard the sound that would be big in my January article, 1996 in their west London your whole body vibrating from the – THE sound. And sud- you read it here first!) has also got in on studio, Hospital Records was floor, you’ll see some top-class VJing denly, I knew; the harsh, cold tyranny the brass section action with “Gypsy P” set up primarily to spread their own projected onto all of the walls. Tof winter is over. That sound of loud, which sounds like a song you could musicF within the drum and bass scene. The whole experience makes eve- tin-ny chimes playing a barely rec- dance to around a campfire, drinking Since then, it’s grown to become one of ry pretentious West-end club (e.g. ognisable version of “Greensleeves” psychadelic tea with Gogol Bordello. the biggest drum and bass labels in the Maya, come on RCSU…) seem like a and kids on the estate yelling, in their But my favourite horn-related song world, known for leaning towards liq- crap house party where all the tracks South London accents, “ICEEEEE of right now has to be Jesse Rose’s uid funk, a more melodic subgenre of are streamed from YouTube and CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAM!” and “Get “Touch My Horn” [Mad Kids remix], drum and bass, with nearly 300 releas- played back on a knackered iPod dock yo money den dat’s da ice cream truck!”, a perfect blend of anthemic brass and es as well as being home to some of the bought in the closing-down sale at alongside the sounds of doors slam- techno breaks – the perfect summer most popular drum and bass produc- Woolworths. ming and kids running. And I admit, I dance-track. Moving away from dance Festival ers, like High Contrast and Nu:Tone. However, you can have the best club felt a pang of craving for ice-cream too music, I’ve also been listening to the Hospitality, the label’s own club night, environment in the world but with- but at the same time I am 21, and like song “Obsessions” by Marina & the began in 1996 at Herbal in Shoreditch out great DJs it’ll fall flat on its face. most middle-class white chicks, I’m Diamonds approximately twenty times but quickly spread out of London to Hospital Records haven’t let us down still a little bit scared of those kids who a day, every day for the past two weeks. Cardiff, Brighton and even Berlin. here either. Room One kicked off with have grown up on a council estate in It’s just that good. It’s so beautiful it al- line-ups so far... Hospitality soon outgrew its London Nu:Tone and Logistics for the first South-east London with parents who most makes me cry. However no one in venue and moved to a hugely success- two hours who warmed up the slightly look like crystal meth addicts, I mean, the felix office seems quite as into this ful quarterly residency at Heaven. sparse crowd nicely with their smooth don’t they all have guns and knives and as I am, so my enthusiasm might just What? From To Line-Up Location Price At the end of September 2008, Heav- flowing, minimal mixes. shit? That’s what The Daily Mail says be because I am an unashamedly mas- en was sold by its previous owners and Starting his hour-and-a-half set with anyway. sive Kate Bush fan and she sounds like Dan Black, Marina & the Dia- the new owners decided in November some impressive turn-tablism, Brazil- Brazilian DJ Marky hits the mark with his renowned scratching and mixing skills As soon as summer hits you have to a cross between Kate Bush, Florence & monds, Heartsrevolution, Filthy – with just two weeks to go before the ian DJ Marky took it up a notch and adjust your iPod playlists for the change the Machine, and La Roux. Camden Crawl 24 April 25 April Dukes, Echo & the Bunnymen, Wire, Camden £59 gig – to cancel the last Hospitality of the dancefloor was soon heaving. Nor- in weather and stop listening to all that My other summer staple is always, Drums of Death, Heartbreak, Little 2008. Even with the threat of legal ac- mally, I find scratching to be irritating My Money’ virtually stopped the dance two-step garage beats and wobbling just happened was priceless. He also music from the winter because it’s not hip-hop remixes. I mean the kind of Boots, and more tion, no agreement was reached be- and narcissistic because often it doesn’t floor and even got a few boos from the sub-bass. seemed to constantly mash his hand fresh any more. One of the things I’ve hip-hop that reminds you of the Fresh tween Heaven and Hospitality to re- add anything whatsoever to the music, crowd, prompting London Elektricity After last year’s release of his amazing into the beat repeat button at every been listening to is dance music with Prince of Bel Air. Last year it was Kid The Black Lips, Chairlift, Abe solve the situation. but here Marky skillfully integrated it to make a quick record change about debut album Diary Of An Afro Warrior, opportunity. Did he just want us to go horns that sound like Mark Ronson Sister with lyrics like “help your granny Vigoda, Golden Silvers, the Macca- This led Hospital Records to make unobtrusively and intricately into the 15 seconds into the track. I was particularly excited about seeing back into Room One so he could catch putting on a summer carnival rave in up out of her chair/if you wanna get The Great 14 May 16 May bees, White Denim, Heartbreak, Fan Brighton £45 the move to London’s brand new Mat- mix. Cyantific then showed off some of his Benga DJ at Hospitality, but he turned up with his friends? The MCs were aw- SE1. Mr Miyagi is a Swedish duo of loose say ‘hell yeah’ ” this year I don’t Escape Death, Marina & the Diamonds, Ipso ter at the O2 Arena. Founded by the National Drum and Bass 2009 award technical skills, playing three records out to be a complete disappointment. ful, one of whom seemed to only be “one rock musician and one computer know what it’s gonna be. I’ve heard Rye Facto, Passion Pit, Peggy Sue, and owners of Fabric, Cameron Leslie and winner (Best Liquid DJ) High Contrast at once and his more techy sound was After turning up 40 minutes late, he able to make squealing monkey noises. geek” according to their Myspace and Rye aka the new M.I.A. but I’m not more Keith Reilly, the 2,600 capacity venue followed with his trademark uplift- a welcome change to the last two-and then proceeded to invite so many of Benga may be a great producer, but their song “We Gonna Give You the sure she’s got what it takes. Also her can only be described as incredible. ing sets, although after DJ Marky he -a-half hours of liquid funk. his mates into the booth that he could he’s a terrible DJ. Lesson” will make you wanna dance Myspace has the worst design of all Dot To Dot 23 May 23 May Friendly Fires, Ladyhawke, Annie Bristol & £22 The whole place is completely immer- seemed a little predictable. Room Two was dedicated entirely barely move to get to his record bag Back in Room One, Bristol’s Krust like it’s Brazil and everyone is only time, but I’m not sure if it’s just sup- Dot To Dot 24 May 24 May Mac, Patrick Wolf, Abe Vigoda, Viv- Nottingham sive. Capable of generating stiff breeze, London Elektricity hit the stage at to dubstep all night. Although much and spent so much of his time chat- and Die rounded off what was, with wearing glittery thongs and feath- posed to be “retro” or something. ian Girls, and more no words could adequately describe 2:30am. He played a great set with smaller than Room One, it is well ting to his friends that the mix was all the exception of Benga, an extraordi- the clarity and quality of the phenome- tracks from Mistabishi’s new album suited, both acoustically and atmos- over the place. Silence ensued after he nary night. Hospitality will be back at nal 200 speaker sound system in Room Drop – ‘Printer Jam’ in particular sent pherically, to the darker side of elec- seemed to forget completely where he Matter on 1st May with High Contrast, Aphex Twin, My Bloody Valentine, One, and if you thought the BodySonic the crowd wild – and dubplates from tronica. Rinse FM radio presenter N- was and let the Skream remix of La Fabio, London Elektricity, Friction, Sonic Youth, Girl Talk, Simian Mobile dance floor in Fabric’s Room One vi- new artists recently signed to Hospital Type played a mind-blowing set with Roux’s ‘Going In For The Kill’ play to Cyantific, Danny Byrd, Skream and Primavera 28 May 30 May Disco, Jarvis cocker, A-Trak, The Barcelona €145 brated a lot, you have got to experience such as B-Complex and Sigma. Howev- some really great tracks that kept the the very end of the record. The look DJ Zinc. I’ll definitely be going, and I Jesus Lizard, Kimya Dawson, DJ Yoda. the latest incarnation, the BodyKinetic er, the set wasn’t perfect. TC’s ‘Where’s mix interesting, rather than the usual on his face when he realised what had think you should too. Bloc Party, Crystal Stilitz, and more

Isle of Wight 12 June 14 June Pixies, Prodigy, Basement Jaxx, Neil Isle of Wight £120- Thursday Young, Razorlight, more TBA £140 12:00 – 13:00 Belated Hype Orchestra as part of a young compos- enic days with a fierce low-fi 13:00 – 14:00 Dead Air Space Download 12 June 14 June Slipknot, Prodigy, KoRn, Mötley Donington Park £135- ers project and releasing her own grime accompaniment. 16:00 – 17:00 Papercuts Crüe, Faith No More, Def Leppard £190 mix tapes ‘Filthy Friends’. The debut al- This album owes alot to Monday 17:00 - 18:00 The Metal Hour bum Jewellery is released off the back hours spent on sampling 12:00 – 14:00 IKOBETRADIO 18:00 – 19:00 Nath and Yuvi’s Sónar 19 June 21 June Grace Jones, Late of the Pier, Erol Barcelona €140 of an NME Awards show appearance software and harnesses 17:00 – 18:00 Capital Cuts Happy Hour Alkan, SebastiAn, Deadmau5 and precludes extensive touring across a diverse array of sounds 18:30 – 20:00 Pick ‘n’ Mix 19:00 – 21:00 Instrumental Micachu & the Shapes the UK, US and Europe. that would make the Flam- 20:00 – 21:30 Peer Pressure 21:00 – 23:00 The Spectre Glastonbury 24 June 28 June Echo & the Bunnymen, Lily Allen, Glastonbury £180 Jewellery In constant decay, Jewellery skims ing Lips proud. This is best 21:30 – 23:30 The Students Show Florence & the Machine, more TBA Rough Trade the edge of sanity, knitting together a exemplified by ‘Turn Me Want Techno HHHHI loose alliance of influences from low-fi Well’ which boasts a vacuum Friday Basement Jaxx, Dizzee Ras- £40 to dubstep to hip-hop busting to break cleaner in its ensemble – art is Tuesday 14:00 – 15:00 Free Music Wireless 4 July 4 July cal, N.A.S.A., Fischerspooner, The Hyde Park, London - £179 loose. Abrasive from the start ‘Vulture’ life, life is art. 12:00 – 12:45 Capital Science 16:00 – 17:00 Science Jam Streets, and more Steven Burgess erupts with the energy of the Libertines In the end, this a debut album 13:00 – 14:00 Science at One 17:00 – 18:00 Peter & James setting the tone for a relentless assault with an irrepressible punk 14:00 – 15:30 Beyond the Hype 19:00 – 20:00 The DC Sessions Roskilde 2 July 5 July Fleet Foxes, Nine Inch Nails, Cold- Roskilde, Denmark £222 Don’t be put off by the name, despite of out-of-tune guitars and distorted sensibility and it will 17:00 – 18:00 Maggie’s Thatch 20:00 – 00:00 Music Tech play, Friendly Fires, Oasis, and more – £348 sounding like a Japanese cartoon show samples mastered with the quirky in- be interesting to 18:00 – 19:00 It’s All About the Sessions these pocket monsters have produced genuity of a young Beck. see where Mi- Music a diamond of an album which sparkles Threaded through with prickly lyr- cachu will take 19:00 – 20:00 Believe the Hype Saturday Kings of Leon, Franz Ferdinand, in the Rough Trade catalogue. Hailing ics, from the bitter “lie all the time you her sound next. 20:00 – 21:00 White Noise 11:00 – 13:00 VPT Benicassim 16 July 19 July Friendly Fires, Mystery Jets, better near Barcelona £155 from London, the 21 year-old Mica still get by”, “I was told I have a sell by However ques- 15:00 – 17:00 Yes We Can acts TBA Levi a.k.a. Micachu, along with Marc date” to the direct “she stole all my tions of the fu- Wednesday 17:00 – 18:00 Pell and Raisa Khan (The Shapes) are money, the f---ing thief” backed with ture are out of 13:00 – 14:00 Eye on Science Hypercommunication Field Day 1 1 Mystery Jets, Mogwai, Erol Alkan, Victoria Park, £29.50 a spit-ball in the face of the indie es- shouts, crushed and perverted sounds joint with the 14:00 – 15:00 The Indie Show August August more TBA London tablishment. They have produced a Mica builds up a monument of burnt album’s out- 16:00 – 18:00 The Flagship collection of twisted three minute pop nerves, pent-up anger and young lust look, so for the Show Sunday Summer 14 16 Bon Iver, Micachu & the Shapes, songs, a nicotine fuelled, manic ciggy in modern London. moment seize 18:00 – 19:00 1 for the Heads 16:00 – 17:00 The Pop Show Sundae August August the Streets, Noisettes, James Yuill, Leicester £92 rush and the perfect antidote to the in- The infectious ‘Curly Teeth’ em- the day and 19:00 – 20:00 Off Beat 17:00 – 19:00 The G & T Show more TBA sipid wave of morbid rock produced by ploys an R&B section so catchy one enjoy this of- 20:00 – 21:00 DJ Chainz Ice 19:00 – 21:00 The Roushan the White Lies – just what the doctor could imagine Missy Elliot sliding into fering of raw, Cream Hour Alam Show ordered for 2009. view then taking forward electro-pop, painful youth. 21:00 – 23:00 Pirate IC Radio 21:00 – 23:00 The Crack Den 11 13 Kraftwerk, Massive Attack, MGMT, A graduate from Guildhall Music ‘Golden Phone’ sounds like a grimy Bestival September September Klaxons, Annie Mac, Soulwax, Flor- Isle of Wight £140 School, Mica has already written a Hot Chip track and ‘Just In Case’ sees ence & the Machine, and more TBA score for the London Philharmonic Lily Allen meet Bjork in her Homog- 24 felix Friday 20 March 2009 Nightlife Nightlife Editor – Catherine Jones (CJ) [email protected] Sun, sex, drugs and dance music CREDIT CRUNCH As summer is just around the corner, Catherine Jones previews nightlife highlights not to be missed CARNIVAL

Friday 27 March 20:00-03:00 Room 1 - Party Time y End-of-Te umm rm Jeff Automatic (Club NME) f Y o UNIONdjs ll u Emma Harkness F Free Creme Room 2 Funk & disco through to funky electro house Eggs Inside! with a taste of uplifi ting breaks G oo Room 3 d s! Dub step and Drum andd Bass nes Miss Pink Pacso (KOOL FM) Refl ex Macpherson (FABRICLIVE) he sun has finally come eo visuals, you know it will be one to Dance Saturday at the O2 Wire- and nights in the clubs! Like the Amer- Skills, Scratch Perverts & Dynamite out and made its happy remember. less features four stages packed with ican tradition of Spring Break, 12,000 MC, London Elektricity and Urban presence known. Hopeful- www.ticketmaster.co.uk (Standard stellar acts, including Basement students will be hitting the beaches of Knights AV. ly you’ve made the most of tickets £35 + booking fee) Jaxx headlining, with Dizzee Ras- Newquay this June, for fun and frol- In the Quad it, with the fairer amongst cal, The Streets, Paul Oakenfold, icks on one of the U.K.s best surfing SummerBreak kicks off on 1st June, you possibly even suffering from your South West Four FrankMusik, Sneaky Sound System, beaches. in Newquay, Cornwall. Tickets start Infl atable laser quest! Tfirst batch of sunburn. Bank Holiday Saturday 29th August N.A.S.A. Basically, it’s a series of post-exam at £59 for a tent pitch, going to £99 for Summer will be along soon and we Standard day tickets are £40, a limited blow-out weekends, sure to be an caravan accomodation. Nightclub en- have to look forward to the best nights South West Four is Bank Holiday Sat- duration early bird price. unforgettable 4 days (Assuming you try is included. out, in the almost fresh air of London. urday’s mega all-dayer set to rock the www.wirelessfestival.co.uk can actually remember the week- Here are a selection of events with green grass of Clapham Common. end...), with an exciting varied DJ line www.summerbreak.com for tick- You asked for lower the minimum amount of hassle, any- The line-up has yet to be released SummerBreak 2009 up;Pendulum DJ’s & MC Jakes, Scott ets, or enter the competition to one can enjoy; as this goes to press, but you can bet Spend your days at the beach party, Mills, Judge Jules, Mistajam, Jaguar win the 4 free tickets. end-of-term prices. it is going to be massive. Keep an eye only Get Loaded in The Park. on www.southwestfour.co.uk for more Bank Holiday Sunday 30th August details. As a guide to the quality expected, Get Loaded in The Park returns to last year saw the likes of Carl Cox, £5 Clapham Common for the Bank Holi- John Digweed, Eric Morillo, Danny Win a Holiday for 4! day Sunday! No camping, no mud, no Tenaglia, Armin van Buuren, Sven We listened! long motorway journey to reach the Vath, Tiefschwarz, Nic Fanciulli, campsite. You can even catch the last Markus Schulz, Layo & Bushwacka, tube home. This year’s Headliners are Claude von Stroke, Fedde Le Grande, Orbital, with the iconic duo Paul and Green Velvet, Francois K, Sander van FREE camping tickets to Summer Break Phil Hartnoll celebrating the 20th an- Doorn, Sister Bliss and SOS take to the niversary of the release of their first decks. Keep an eye on www.south- single “Chime”, considered by some to westfour.co.uk to hear the official line 2009 be one of the best dance records of all up announcement. buy your tickets online now from time. SW4 2008 was hugely popular, with to give away. “We’ve got 15 years of active service, all 20,000 tickets selling out. www.tick- making songs,” says Paul. “If you boil etmaster.co.uk (Standard tickets £40 + Email: [email protected] imperialcollegeunion.org that down to a 90-minute festival set booking fee). you should get something thoroughly Imperial College Union, Beit Quadrangle, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB good from beginning to end. Let’s put O2 Wireless Festival by Friday 27th March The Union encourages responsible drinking. R.O.A.R. Student I.D. Required. £6 on the door. some fun back into it.” With their trade Hyde Park Saturday 4th July mark torch glasses and innovative vid- £5 26 felix Friday 20 March 2009 Friday 20 March 2009 felix 27 Food [email protected] Food Food Editors – Rosie Grayburn & Afonso Campos [email protected] Serves 2

100-150g frozen queen scallops (200g bag of frozen MSC certified scallops available from Tesco for under £3!) Olive oil In Hell, there are Kiwis 3 rashers streaky bacon or pancetta (preferably smoked), cut into 1cm thick strips Have a happy, 2 – 3 cloves of garlic, squashed and finely chopped A cup full of frozen Peas James Copley finds Hell on North End Road. What’s new, eh? Juice of half a lemon saccharine Easter! 50 ml Double cream Good handful of flat leaf parsley, finely chopped Rosie Grayburn Linguine, enough for two Food Editor Salt and freshly ground black pepper Freshly grated parmesan cheese

ne month and count- thing I didn’t enjoy was the lack of fel- Heat 1 tablespoon of olive oil in a frying pan over a medium-high heat and cook the bacon until ing… I’m still waiting low females around. The place reeked the fat turns golden and starts to crisp. Remove to a plate and keep warm. for that bunch of re- of testosterone and the demographic duced roses promised was worse than an EEE lecture theatre. Turn the heat down to medium-low and, adding a bit more oil if necessary, add the garlic and fry to me for Valentine’s I was the only girl tucking into a plate- very gently for 2-3 minutes until soft. This requires your full attention as it is important to take care Day. My stubborn Mr Rosie vetoed ful of food and others were nervously not to let the garlic burn. Add the garlic to the pan off the heat if necessary. Valentines Day this year because he, holding a dainty soup spoon in hand, Oas a bloke, felt pressurised into being while watching their male companions Once the garlic is softened, drain the contents of the pan onto the same plate as the bacon and romantic and loving. I do agree with scoff. So in conclusion, what the MDH keep warm. Cook the linguine in well-salted water until al-dente or according to the packet’s him on some level – men find it hard needs is a MASSIVE salad bar and a instructions. enough without large pink signs re- makeover. Answers on a postcard. minding them on every corner about I needn’t rip the Union food to Meanwhile, wipe the frying pan clean before adding another tablespoon of oil, and return over a that inevitable day when everything shreds. We all know its crap, so how medium heat. Add the scallops to the pan and fry for 5-7 minutes, turning occasionally. has a ‘love’ premium. can we make it better? I was at War- So as a consequence of his anti- wick University last week visiting Lit- Whilst the scallops are cooking, heat the peas in the microwave, with a tablespoon of water, for Valentines Day anger, I was promised tle Rosie (sister, not daughter) and we Linguine with scallops, 2-3 minutes and set aside. roses when they were reduced but even treated ourselves to a meal out at their on Anti-Valentines Day (14th March), Union. In a space no bigger than Da bacon and peas Once the scallops are cooked, return the bacon, garlic and cooking juices/oil to the pan and add they hadn’t arrived. This fabled day Vinci’s, they managed a nice looking, the peas, lemon juice, cream and chopped parsley. Twist in a few turns of black pepper and give among the romantically suppressed well cooked plate of food for a fiver. I a quick stir before also adding the drained linguine to the pan, making sure to toss everything men of this modern society is also was very impressed. Sure, it was just Never Mind the Scallops… together until thoroughly mixed. known as ‘Steak and Blow Jobs Day’. In a small step up from Wetherspoon’s my opinion, all these ‘feast’ days have food, but the portions were immense, Scallops enjoy a somewhat lofty position among the pantheon of luxurious and Check the seasoning, and add a squeeze more lemon juice or cream if needed. Sprinkle on the gotten out of control – in both these as was the choice of food on offer. decadent foodstuffs and, as a financially crippled student, you may well be hor- parmesan, give another twist or two of black pepper and serve immediately, preferably alongside cases (14/2 and 14/3) we should live Students were packed round tables rified by my apparent fiscal contempt and brazen snobbery in producing such a glass of dry white wine. life like the Mad Hatter does. Life is sharing piles of steaming wedges and a recipe. But at just over £2.00 a serving, and by using scallops sourced from too short. tucking into steak baguettes or lasa- sustainable fisheries, this dish is as economically and ecologically friendly as it is Written and Created by David Wallis I risk doing an ‘Imperial Girl’ if I gne and salad. No doubt it would be a unutterably delicious. So there. carry on talking about matters of the logistical nightmare for such a simple heart. The next sentence might have idea to come to fruition at the Union contained the word ‘orgasm’ and I’d be but Warwick’s utopian eatery did make faced with an inbox of hate-mail. Let’s me wonder… stick to food – it’s safer. When I saw David’s recipe for this What with all these elections that week’s food section my mouth imme- have been a-happening in the previ- diately started watering. I have tried to ous weeks, a lot of promises have been avoid that cliche for so long, but when made concerning our welfare and eve- you’re faced with a photo of glistening ryone on the election wagon seems to pasta with shiny peas and scallops it’s be concerned with the quality of food impossible to resist. This dish would that we’re ingesting at Imperial. I will be perfect to cook for your loved one admit that the Union food stinks, but this Saturday night. For fish-sceptics, I really think we should be more grate- just omit the scallops or replace it with ful for resources such as the MDH. I more bacon. James ‘I eat your soul for rediscovered the MDH the other day breakfast’ Copley went to Hell this after a 2 year lapse in Sandwich Shop week. From what I can tell from his ac- and SAF limbo. No, it is not haute cui- count, in Hell there are lots of Austrai- sine, but I think we all forget that we lans plying you with very spicy pizza. I are students and we should be thank- think we can expect to see more of Hell Road), through dreary old Fulham. If with a barbecue sauce that could have Position starting May 2009. ful that for £4.40 we can eat ourselves in the next few years as this Antipode- Hell Pizza HHH the underworld is this innocuous I re- been made of pure treacle. silly in the Sherfield Building. This gets an franchise of spooky pizza takeouts ally ought to start sinning more often. Hell Pizza came into existence in The Subwarden will assist the Warden in the running you a large portion of hot lunch and as expands onto British soil. Don’t worry 369 North End Road So, what makes this place so hell- the mid 1990’s in New Zealand, and of the Halls, particularly social activities, pastoral much pudding and custard as you can - Hell is just like Dominos with more Fulham, SW6 1NW though the food served is (very loose- 08456 666 999 ish then? Basically, it is your stand- cram into your bowls (it’s £3.30 if you chilli and bats! ard pizza joint, but with all manner of ly) Italian in origin, the ethos could not care and discipline. The Subwarden receives a rent just want the main course). I can’t believe it’s the end of term www.hellpizza.co.uk demons, fire and bats lurking about be more antipodean if you named it I loved the food at the MDH and was already. You may insert a cliche about the walls and ceiling. The pizzas are Bruce. Now the second largest pizza free room in the hall. pleasantly surprised at the number of time going as fast as a fast thing, here. Best: Hellish decor and match- given suitable names, seven named af- restaurant chain in New Zealand, they people sitting down to eat. The only Happy Easter, folks. See you next term! ing coffin pizza boxes ter the deadly sins. Interestingly, ‘Lust’ are spreading their damned seeds contains only meat toppings, whereas around the western world with outlets Worst: Antipodean chilli scales ‘Sloth’ inexplicably is based on tuna soon to open in Ireland and Canada. Bernard Sunley Hall is an undergraduate residences on a mild, British palate and mushrooms. Some gentle Wikipedia research sug- Elsewhere there is the standard half- gests that they are famous on their na- Price: All you can eat pizza for in Evelyn Gardens; about 15 minutes walk from £6 on Tuesdays. Snack pizzas arsed array of pastas and salads, but tive continent for controversial adver- from £4.50 and giant ones from this is really all about the pizza. Which tising campaigns including giving out College. £9. is what makes the fact that the pizza free condoms with their ‘Lust’ pizza tastes exactly like Domino’s all the and, brilliantly, using “the skeletal re- Takeout: Hell delivers to most more disappointing. Hell Pizza claim mains of Heath Ledger and the Queen places north of the river. Batter- to be all about “big flavours” and not Mother dancing on their gravestones” Applicants should be either Postgraduate / senior sea dwellers dispair. about “old Italian recipes”, but this is for their Hallowe’en campaign. their downfall. The pizzas are irritat- These reservations aside, on Tues- Undergraduate students or staff at Imperial. ingly thick and the toppings piled on days Hell offer a £6 All You Can Eat s a treat this week, Fe- with abandon, raping the taste buds. deal which is excellent value if you lix decided to send me Several pizzas are available on a Nan- happen to be in the Fulham area with to Hell. Naturally, I had do’s style spice scale, but be warned: a group of friends and have already Application form available: some initial reservations. stereotypes of Australasian machismo started drinking. Arrive hungry, gorge Fire and brimstone are stand true. Opting for the second hot- yourself, and be damned with the inev- http://halls.imperial.ac.uk/vacancies/ just a touch strong for my delicate pal- test option, the auspiciously named itable stomach ache. Also, highly com- Aate. However, this was before I was told ‘Ring of Fire’ for my ‘Mischief’ pizza, I mendable is the takeaway packaging - a Hell contained pizza. Homer Simpson was confronted with obscene amounts coffin shaped box ‘For Your Remains’. sold his soul for a measly donut; this of barely cooked chilli. Perhaps this Lol. Provided you’re not expecting was a bloody big pizza. was to mask the fact the supposed good food, the Hell experience can Eternal damnation notwithstanding, chorizo had the texture of a frankfurt- be quite good fun. Infintely superior Meet Houdini, the Amazing Escaping Chick. He gets out of the shell I ventured down the Highway to Hell er. Elsewhere they use sauces to similar pizza is widely available elsewhere, but then eats it whole, but we don’t have a picture of that. Shame. (previously known as the North End effect: the ‘Mordor’ arrives saturated I would wager nowhere has bats. 28 felix Friday 20 March 2009 Friday 20 March 2009 felix 29 Travel [email protected] Travel Travel Editor – Dylan Lowe [email protected]

What should I write?

Dylan Lowe Travel Editor

his would have been my riage – there is no doubt that the two confession: I am running combine to emanate the essence of out of material. So exactly true adventure. One’s anticipation what did this mean? Well, for adventure, most certainly “entic- I was afraid I was going to ing”, can only be magnified through have to pack in the travel section, after travel literature, while the thirst itself Tjust three weeks of service to felix. is quenched by the actual experience. Really? I hear you ask. Of course not It is how you get the constant doses of – no shit, Sherlock. adrenaline before, during, and after the So, in order to seek inspiration (keep trip. A Lagosian market, catering for your Nigerian needs Teenage vendors selling goods by an immobile traffic my job), I delved into the mystical world But now I am musing on a reversed that is the felix archives. In that dodgy debate: while we have established that backroom of the basement, I excavated travel literature and its reader do share my ward some unruly behaviour on the tial driving skill and, in many cases, re- madness, why bother with Nigeria? ganisation, the fraudulent emails you make you hate it, but somehow leaves the volumes of past issues that bore the an intimate relationship, what is the flight, everyone stayed in their seats placing the job that the rear view mir- It sounds like a hideously unpleasant receive asking for your bank details, you thinking ‘that was fun’. names of my predecessors. Now I can stance of literature with its authors? (talk about progress). ror of other drivers should be doing. country to visit. extreme tardiness – Nigeria has some However, I believe Lagos is chang- draw upon their wisdom and salvage How on Earth could travel writers When you eventually step off the We got to experience the full frenzy But then, the best thing about Lagos really good things to offer. ing: the recently-elected Governor of my many unfinished manuscripts of cope with composing literature about plane into the welcoming/suffocating of the local driving twice in the space is the people and, beyond all the crazi- With a revolving door of relatives, Lagos has shown that he cares about horrid writing. localities that have been depicted, of- arms of the heat, you are faced with of the week, with two accidents in the ness, they provide the best moments. friends, former teachers and ex-col- the state (a novelty in recent Nigerian That’s when it struck me hard. ten repetitively, by hundreds in the final obstacle to entry to the hallowed same car. Both times the driver of our As preparations for my dad’s 60th history), and is committed in cleaning The eagerness to learn soured into past? country – the infamous border control. car was not at fault; both times the birthday were underway, people kept up the streets, building better, bigger jealousy. I mean, how can one travel And that is when I understood what “Best to steel yourself,” I thought, “to driver who crashed into us jumped popping up to help out with one thing “I was reminded roads and introduce some order to writer write so well? It was certainly no travel writing is about – personal ex- hear the words, ‘Ah, oga sa, wetin you out of their car and started shouting or another, so we got to reconnect with proceedings. So within a few years, my Paul Theorux but, hey, this is a student perience and discovery. OK, I won’t bring for us now?’ (-‘Hello, sir, what “Ki lo de (What’s up)? Are you blind? people we hadn’t seen for years – I was just why the accounts might not be the picture the newspaper after all. If this isn’t discour- go on about the effects of travelling on did you bring for us?’)” . But no such Why are you driving like that?” On the reminded just why the New Scientist average visitor is greeted with – I need aging enough, I found articles on every personality development (I definitely advance was forthcoming, at least not second occasion, the other driver, with has named Nigerians the happiest peo- New Scientist to publish these before they stop being single place I have been to, or would didn’t ‘find’ anything travelling) but until baggage collection, when I could a clear road ahead of him suddenly ple in the world. true. want to visit. The series of memoirs there is no denial that every visit to the smile and say “Ah, it’s not like that” and changed lane and blind-sided us. It re- Nigerians seem to have a way of en- has named “I want to go to Lagos before it gets written by Ammar Waraich, 4th year same place is unique itself as, even if walk off. sulted in a physical fight at the side of joying life whatever the situation is and tamed,” said a friend of mine. I can un- medic (2007-08) and travel editor of the place hardly changes, your encoun- As you leave the airport, you are the road. regardless of how beleaguered they are, Nigerians the derstand the sentiment. four months, essentially had the whole ters and interaction with people would greeted by what is seemingly the big- After about 20 minutes of yelling, and are born with a delightful ability to So for those of you who have a La- of Africa covered. be different. This can’t be better dem- gest tourist attraction that Lagos has during which time a crowd of bystand- laugh at themselves. And we do love a happiest people gosian friend, make them take you to Truth to be told, I may as well as pack onstrated than by Tosin Ajayi, who has to offer. Just like the Table Mountain ers who had nothing to do with the ac- good party. Nigeria with them before it does get my bag and go home. Put my scripts kindly written this week’s article about in Cape Town, everyone who comes to cident had gathered and commentated And speaking of parties, for his birth- in the world…we tamed. One thing Lagos can guarantee in a box and burn it will you? In fact, Nigeria. Don’t expect to be bombarded Lagos leaves having spent a fair chunk day my dad went to the market and is a lot of crazy stories to tell and, really, I shall call it my funeral pyre and toss with facts – just enjoy the many hidden of time looking at it, and talking about haggled for a live ram for the occasion. seem to have a how is life complete without them? myself into the flames whilst I still have gems he is willing to spill in order to it. Oh yes, the Traffic (not traffic, but “That’s Lagos for This ram was then brought home and a shred of dignity left. grab your attention. Traffic). kept away from our dogs, which would way of enjoying My revelation came in the form of I guess I shouldn’t be so discouraged Traffic jams are ingrained into the you”, explained probably have ripped it to shreds. Alex Marsden’s article from last week’s – I shall remain, after a promising East- psyche and life of the Lagosian, should (A brief word on dogs: in England life whatever the issue of felix. Literature and travel, I er break, at your readership’s humbled you be in it or making a living out of it. a friend involved the average dog is called something must admit, is indeed a divine mar- service. In the meantime – chocolate. During our two-hour drive across the like Fido, Rover or Lassie. Cute dogs situation is” city (50 km?) we spotted CDs, DVDs, in the fight, “you have no place in Lagos. You would find drinks, food, TV aerials, fans, radios names like Killer, Hitler & Satan; the and – I have seen at one point – pup- have to attack dog has to be mean, hulking and pref- pies being sold in the traffic by car-to- erably of German origin. Its primary leagues, it was a great six hours of fun, car vendors. When it seemed to have first before the purpose is not to look adorable or keep and one of those places and times that settled an estate car – originally meant you company, but to bite anyone in makes everything else seem worth- for people – went past us, packed full crazy person your compound it doesn’t recognise. while. The traffic, the crazies who crash of plantains; there was about enough Our two rottweilers are called, mis- into you, the airport queue – they mat- A rough guide to Lagos, Nigeria space for the driver and a passenger, attacks you” leadingly enough, Casper and Daisy – ter no more. You get together with the One week, two crashes and some bartering later, explains why Nigeria is worth your time and you wouldn’t have been able to fit they would eat that ram alive.) people, eat the meat, dance the dance, Tosin Ajayi anything else in the car, no matter how On the day of the party, some guy feel the love and you get a slice of Nige- small the item is. (who I shall refer to as ‘Ram Man’) rian goodness. My protégée, who had a couple of weeks ago, I about Nigeria, and there was nothing… Another staple of the check-in queue during the six-hour flight time. Also, And when the traffic does clear, you on who was at fault, the other driver shows up with a couple of sharp knives taste of it all, left Lagos wanting to go went on a week-long trip there was one for West Africa with a is the last-minute mobile-phone guy. even though it has become a more realise that this is a place that probably simply admitted their guilt and paid and a half-barrel barbecue and trans- back. Lagos possesses a kind of crazy back to Lagos, Nigeria. paragraph on Nigeria, which basically This particular stereotype usually regular occurrence in the last couple has never heard of the High-way Code for the damage on the spot, since in- formed that smelly animal roped up in magic: it has everything to make you A crafts vendor This was a trip unlike any says ‘don’t go there’.” comes across as having £5 credit re- of years, the sight of a pale face on one (or blatantly ignores it). The use of the surance is an iffy thing in Nigeria. our yard (RSPCA would never fly in of the others I have taken So the following is, in part, my pro- maining on his T-mobile (it is the Ni- of these flights still brings a few double car horn becomes a central and essen- So the question, I hear, is with all this Nigeria) into succulent bits of barbe- to my country of origin. For one, it was spective entry for the Lonely Planet gerian network) sim card and, leaving takes from those sat close by, the un- cued goodness called Suya, otherwise Afor my dad’s 60th Birthday. And this Guide to Nigeria. England for good or just for a month, spoken question traditionally being: “I known as the reason why you don’t re- time I travelled back with my brother’s The first sight you get to see when finds it outrageous to let “the British have to go back, Junior needs to meet ally find Nigerian vegetarians. fianceé, who is white and Welsh – you going to Nigeria actually takes place Government take his money”. To use his grandparents…but what are you Then the band showed up, asked my could say this was a typical fish-out-of- before you even depart – the airport. up his credit, everybody in the phone- looking for in Nigeria?” brother for the names of family mem- water scenario. For those who walk in and think, “I’ve book gets a call, and the pidgin Eng- I had once imagined that being an bers and proceeded to insert praises for Let me explain why this is a big deal. flown before, I know what happens lish starts (translation in parentheses) air hostess on a flight to Lagos was a each family member into all the songs I used to think: if you are thinking of at the airport, why should this be any “Ol’ boy, wetin dey happen?” (-“Hey, job for the person who had drawn the they sing, and by doing so, usher in going to Nigeria but don’t happen to be different?”, expect to be struck the how’s it going?”), “How body?” (-“You short straw, or one who had really pis- another very Nigerian custom – spray- Nigerian, unless you are adventurous frustration of standing in the check-in good?”), “I jus dey oh” (-“I’m chilling”), sed Sir Richard Branson off. Why? Let’s ing. This is where you dance and those and have someone who will whisk you queue for many hours. Once checked “I dey for airport, dis queue neva fin- just say that ‘order’ is another word older than you attach currency notes to away the second you hit the tarmac at in, frustration does turn into amuse- ish” (-“I’m at the airport, standing in that Nigerians are still grasping the your forehead: the more you do so, the the other end, don’t bother! Nowadays ment when watching Nigerian women a long queue”). “Wait, wait, wait… meaning of. I remember one occasion more the band praises you and when the requirements are different. You (and their husbands/bellboys), who when you go next go home?” (-“Hang where the pilot had to halt the plane on you spray them, they shut up. don’t actually have to be Nigerian. have already gone to the counter and on, you’re going back to Nigeria soon the runway and refused to move until My brother’s fiancée got in on the Nigeria is just not ready for tourists, have been informed that the baggage aren’t you?”), “How many suitcase you everyone had sat down, as almost the act, getting praises by the band, spray- and backpackers are just asking for the allowances are ‘2 bags, 23kg each’ not fit carry?” And so on. entire plane had shot out of their seats ing them and having a bevy of aunties trouble. ‘3 of 32kg each’, furiously repacking The flight itself is pretty uneventful, the second the plane touched down, adopt her as their own child and lead With this in mind, I took it upon my- their bags by the queue in hope that although you are always guaranteed with the ‘fasten your seat belts’ sign her through the potentially scary world self to be a tourist guide of a country it will make them 10kg lighter. As for that at least 10% of the passengers still on. To serve a Lagosian mob? Talk of Nigerian families. The way they took that has yet to discover what the word the extra suitcase, it is handed to the will be under the age of one (we had about career suicides. someone in and treated her as one of ‘tourism’ means. In the words of my next person they know who is board- to become the most populous African This time round, I had a weird mix of their own reminded me that regard- soon-to-be sister-in-law, “I went to ing a plane to Nigeria with express country somehow). Which might be a glowing pride and simmering annoy- less of all the nonsense we are known Borders to find a Lonely Planet guide instructions. problem if you were planning to sleep ance because, although I had promised The notorious Traffic for around the world – the lack of or- Umm...Suya...Veggies, beware 30 felix Friday 20 March 2009 Friday 20 March 2009 felix 31 Fashion [email protected] Fashion Fashion Editor – Dan Wan & Kawai Wong [email protected] Spring is all about springing SICK Two weeks ago, Kawai Wong teamed up with two Imperial photographers and Felix encounters New York Times models to prove that urban outfits don’t have to cost a bomb. Sheena Mehnon sports Kawai Wong met the fashion director for the New York Times Style Magazine, Bruce Pask in Dover Street Market. She asked Bruce a few questions. some spring inspirations.

Last three songs played on your iPod? Three favourite publications? I only listen to my iPod when I travel on T Magazine, of course. The New York Times airplanes, usually trying to go to sleep. I Style Magazine. Fntastic Man. My friend love Sigur Ros and their beautiful songs. Charlie Porter is an editor there. The third They really calm me. So the last three is a tie between Numero Homme. Serge Gir- songs have certainly been by them, and the Icelan- ardi is a great fashion editor there. Arena Homme Plus, dic1 titles are indecipherable to me! and2 Another Man.I’m a big fan of Nicola Formichetti’s Credit Crunch Hits Vogue styling. British Vogue has relaunched its “More Dash than Cash” section this April. The 9-page What brought you to London this time? spreads featured heavy tribal I took the Eurostar to London for the week- and safari influence with ac- end after I finished shooting a still life fashion cessories and clothing ranging story for an upcoming New York Times Maga- from £5 to £485. Labels used zine in Paris. in the photoshoot range from I hadn’t been to London in a while and just wanted to the rock bottom brand Primark run3 around stores, museums, restaurants, and theaters. Three favourite places in London? to deluxe Antik Batik. Dover Street Market of course. But that’s quite obvious. I Keep Calm love Rose Bakery and the Labour and Wait stand there. Which leads me to the next: the Labour and Wait store on Carry On Cheshire Street off Brick Lane. Mix red, white and navy blue Three most inspiring cities? I like the White Cube Gallery on Hoxton Square and I love the Tate to achieve a bold and colourful I love Tokyo. I did a shoot there at the end of last Modern. I love eating at the Wolseley. Richard James, my favorite look for spring. British colours year and I was incredibly inspired by all the street 4Savile Row designer took me there for dinner when it opened for British attitude - tough style. Their outfits are so carefully considered. a few years back. And for going out I have a great time at the times? Keep calm and carry on. The shopping is outrageous, they have some Joiner’s Arms. Always a fun crowd. Sheena wears: Red cropped of the most amazing shops in the world. I love Lon- pea coat with gold buttons, don.5 We Americans are style-obsessed by the Eng- £19.99; Rolling stone lish.Your history, your street style. And NYC of bejeweled t-shirt, Mango, course. For the originality, the audacity, the £5.99; Blue silk loose fit creativity, and the beauty. trousers, Ralph Lauren, £15.99 Barbie Gets Botox Barbie celebrated her 50th birthday on the 9th March. Three timeless Mattel unveiled a new face for Barbie based on Christina items a man must Gold Aguilera. The new Barbie wears an updated two-piece own? Revelation version of the black and Metallic accessories - the more white bathing suit the debut 6 the better. Vintage padded Barbie wore in 1959. Mattel A pair of Levi’s shrink-to-fit Above from left: Lanvin men SS09 catwalk in Paris. White Cube Gallery, The Labour and Wait Store. jacket with shiny leggings give sold the new doll at $3 during the outfit a 2009 twist. Barbie’s birthday week – the 501 unwashed jeans. Clark’s Sheena wears: Gold brocade original cost of a Barbie doll Three most stylish women of all time? silk dinner jacket, £19.99; in 1959. More than 50 design- sand suede desert boots. A Katharine Hepburn, Audrey Hepburn, and Anna Wintour. Gold knitted vest, St. John, ers, including Marchesa and Anna always looks amazing. £8.99; Gold legging, American Vera Wang drafted new outfits solid wool single-breasted Apparel, £2.99; Golden strappy to celebrate Barbie’s gold sandals, price upon request anniversary. Karl Lagerfeld’s sportjacket design is available at the from APC. 7 Colette in Paris as “Barbie and Ken” exhibition from now until the 28th March.

Sheena wears: Mens’s blue stripe Three most stylish men of all time? shirt, Fil a Fil, £12.99; White There are stylish people I admire. Paul canvas belt, price upon request; Newman, Steve McQueen, Alain Red velvet gloves, £8.99. Delon are a few. 8 Fashion and Music Facts abouts Bruce: Just a note! The most played track in the Where do you get your fashion in- SS09 fashion shows is The The Gloucester Road Oxfam shop routinely re- Great DJ by The Tings Tings. spirations from? 1. He has been the fashion director for T Mag- ceives donations from Gucci (women) and Empo- Hmm. Inspiration originated in the cloth- azine since March 2006. And the cliche of the cliche rio Armani (men). According to the shop keeper, goes to Stella McCartney for ing we see on the runways.Then, with that 2. He was the style director for a Conde Nast’s James, the clothing items are “returned goods” in mind, I can be inspired by cinema, por- publication - Cargo - before joining the New to the luxury stores as they are slightly daman- playing her dad’s song. Check traits, artists, famous personalities. I had seen a great York Times. ged (e.g. a sloppy button). Upon examination, out all the tracks played on the 9exhibition of Carlo Mollino, a very gifted Italian de- 3. He freelanced for Vanity Fair, The these items are still in extremely good condition. runways in New York, London signer. I saw pictures of him and was inspired by his Sopranos. Whether or not these are in season, we do not and Milan at http://tinyurl. personal style. 4. T: The New York Times Style Magazine is know. But all these pieces are on the rail in the com/felixcatwalkmusicAW09 similar to the Style Magazine of the Sunday Oxfam shop for £125. James once saw an original Times in the UK. T circulates inside The Sunday price tag on an Armani coat - £3000 - therefore a whopping 95% discount! Hardly anything skint Three designers a man New York Times across America. students can afford, but definitely worth a men- Model: Sheena Mehnon. Photographers: Andreea Babiuc, Anton Korneev. Lighting: should look out for Spring/ Bruce’s latest project in T can be found here: tion! - Kawai SHIT Summer 2009? http://tinyurl.com/felixNYTbp Alfred Yu. Fashion editing and Make-up: Kawai Wong. Hair: Jihee at Toni&Guy. Special Lanvin, Burberry, Dries van thanks: James at Oxfam Gloucester Road. All the clothing items above are available Noten. from Oxfam Gloucester Road. Oxfam is a registered charity. Oxfam works on areas such 10 as education, conflicts and natural disasters. See www.oxfam.co.uk for details. Issuelacrosse 1 - 2009 Friday 20 March 2009 felix 333

The Rival What’s on...

The Clubs & Societies Calendar Rival Editors – Lily Topham & Rachel D’oliveiro Complete coverage of this [email protected] year’s Varsity Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday

Exciting action shots from Photograph- Windband Photograph- Photograph- Photograph- the day ic Society Spring ic Society ic Society ic Society Exhibition Concert Exhibition Exhibition Exhibition The latest exhibition in the Blyth After the great success of last The latest exhibition in the Blyth The latest exhibition in the Blyth The latest exhibition in the Blyth Gallery features work from ICU term’s concert and gala din- Gallery features work from ICU Gallery features work from ICU Gallery features work from ICU Photographic Society. ner in collaboration with the Photographic Society. Photographic Society. Photographic Society. Get your copy now! Coldstream Guards, Windband The works will be on display are back with their Spring The works will be on display The works will be on display The works will be on display until Friday 27th March, so it Concert! until Friday 27th March, so it until Friday 27th March, so it until Friday 27th March, so it is well worth going along and is well worth going along and is well worth going along and is well worth going along and having a look! Repertoire inludes: ‘A Lindis- having a look! having a look! having a look! Available in the Library, Rey- farne Rhapsody’ – P. Sparke For further information, contact (featuring student soloist Phin For further information, contact For further information, contact For further information, contact Andrea Robins Chooi), ‘Concerto for Band‘ Andrea Robins Andrea Robins Andrea Robins nolds Bar and the Union ([email protected]). –Gordon Jacob and ‘Sandpa- ([email protected]). ([email protected]). ([email protected]). per Ballet’ – Leroy Anderson. Time: Open from 8am to 10pm Time: Open from 8am to 10pm Time: Open from 8am to 10pm Time: Open from 8am to 10pm Place: Blyth Gallery, Level 5, Time: 6:30pm Place: Blyth Gallery, Level 5, Place: Blyth Gallery, Level 5 Place: Blyth Gallery, Level 5, Sherfield Place: Great Hall, Sherfield Sherfield Sherfield Sherfield Don’t miss out! Price: Admission Free Price: £2 Price: Admission Free Price: Admission Free Price: Admission Free

The Rival 1 Gospel Choir Why We ACC Dinner Big Band Easter Ball Concert The majority of placements are in the London Region – Placements outside Became and Dance Easter Gig 2009 Your attendance is requested London can be accommodated by request Doctors for a night of song and praise The annual ACC Dinner and The award winning Imperial Come to the Union and cel- with ICGC & Special Guest Dance is tonight! Why not College Big Band return to the ebrate the end of term at the The ICSMSU Outreach Pro- Performers! come along and celebrate the Union for the Easter Gig. Play- Easter Ball 2009! gramme invites you to the achievements of the ACC this ing a wide range of Jazz, Latin, launch of Vision 2009, a con- Get ready for singing, danc- year? Funk and Soul Music, the band Time: 8pm ference dedicated to helping ing, comedy, spoken word and are guaranteed to get your feet Place: dB’s, Beit students from underprivileged gospel rap as we look to get The ticket includes a cham- tapping! Price: TBC
backgrounds get into Medical you armoured, mobilised and pagne reception, three course

StudentStudent AssociatesAssociates SchemeScheme (SAS)(SAS) School. deployed to celebrate Easter dinner with choice of wines, The various Union bars will be and life thereafter in victory prizes and dancing ‘till late. open, so come along and chill Come along and hear Mr Bar- and style. out/boogie to some of the best ry Paraskeva and Prof. Karim Tickets available from: music to come out of Imperial. Welcome to the last edi- Support secondary school Maths, Physics or Chemistry in London Meeran share their motiva- To reserve tickets, phone Obi www.imperialcollegeunion. tion of What’s On for the tions, inspirations and most (07852989687) or email org/acc-exec-360/acc-exec- Time: 8pm Spring Term! It’s been a memorable moments during [email protected]. icu-acc-annual-dinner-and- Place: dB’s, Beit fantastic term of events, What does the scheme entail? Medical School and in their ca- dance-1278. Price: Admission Free thank-you to everyone ! Undergraduates/Postgraduates undertaking a 3 week placement in June/July reers thus far, as well as find out Time: 6:45pm who has sent in a event more about getting involved Place: Drewe LT, Reynolds Time: 6pm listing! in a school/college with the Outreach Programme. Building, Charing Cross Place: LT 207, Skempton ! Working alongside experienced teachers and assisting in classroom teaching Campus Price: We will still be running ! Groups of up to 10 students can be placed in one school In memory of 4th Year student Price: £4/£5 (Students/Non- ACC Member: £32.50 the page next term, so Jeevan Sivalingam. Students) Student (Non-ACC): £37.50 keep emailing to let us ! Placements arranged by Exscitec Staff or Alumni: £40 know what your clubs Time: 6:30pm and societies are up to. Place: LT1, SAF Price: Admission Free The deadline for the first ICSMSU edition of next term is What are the benefits of the scheme? Monday 27th April. " Receive a £600 tax free bursary for completing the 15 day placement Orchestra To feature, please send in " Receive a free CRB Disclosure check Concert the following: " Have something different for your CV " Develop new transferable skills and communication experience Repertoire includes a selection - Club name from ‘Pirates of the Caribbean‘ - Event name " Gain first hand experience of what a career in teaching involves as well as music from Bizet’s - Date(s) ‘Carmen’ plus Chopin’s ‘Piano - Time Concerto No.1’ (student solo- - Place ist Alasdair Warwick) and Tele- - Price (if applicable) man’s ‘Viola Concerto’ (student - Short description of the For more information or to apply contact Sarah Cooper: Pre-requisites : A- Levels in Maths, Physics or soloist Jenny MacRae). event (max. 30 words) Chemistry [email protected] Time: 7:30pm All submissions should 01730 235683 Place: St Stephen’s Church, be sent to: Links : www.tda.gov.uk / www.imperial.ac.uk/outreach / www.exscitec.com SW7 4RL Price: Free/£5 (Students/Non- [email protected] Students)

34 felix Friday 20 March 2009 Friday 20 March 2009 felix 35 [email protected] Fun & Games A Quickie (Crossword) 1,429 FUCWIT 1 1 2 2 3 3 4 4 5 5 6 6 7 ACROSS Coffee Break 7 Written text (6) 7 8 League Table [email protected] 8 3D artform (6) 9 Cut with scissors (4) 8 10 Frivolous musical drama (8) Teams: 11 Short-term solution (7) MÖchten sie mein Manschaft? 302 Points 9 10 13 Temperamental (5) 15 Rub with a wet brush (5) Team Shotgun 293 Points Battle of the Morgansjust in case you don’t get it, this is a joke! 10 11 17 Underwater crustacean (7) Team What What 48 Points 20 Collection of 8 across (8) The end of 11 12 13 21 Riding whip (4) 22 Performs an examination (6) Team Rubbish 17 Points term 2... 12 14 23 Bird of prey (6) Individuals: 15 16 17 18 Ravi Pall DOWN Coffee Break Editor 1 To make 8 across (6) Giramundo 88 Points 15 19 16 17 2 Speech impediment (4) Hringur Gretarsson 60 Points 3 Upholstered sofa (7) 20 21 ell can you believe ers’ week all over again. With one week 4 Type of poplar tree (5) Jonathan Phillips 18 Points it, it’s now the end left hit the union every day, and enjoy 5 Starving (8) 18 19 Ben Hanson 18 Points of term 2. The good yourself more than ever at the Easter 6 Named the price (6) thing is we have the Ball. Seriously cheap drinks, it’s going 12 Soft mass applied to aching body part 22 23 Easter holidays to to be awesome. It’s also the last time (8) The Felix University/College-Wide Invitational Tournament League look forward to. The bad thing, exams you’ll get to see everyone before people Captain Freeman Jenny 14 Many-sided shape (7) is new and improved. There are now prizes for both the winning 20 21 team and the winning individual. Ware just around the corner. Let me tell go home etc. Known from: Known from: Known from: 16 Hard to get out of one’s head (6) you now, next term will not be easy. Also don’t forget to take a little time RUM/Pirate Film ICU President 18 Worn down (6) 19 German alchemist who sold his soul Basically, you get points for doing all the various puzzles and chal- Here you are at university, spending out to enjoy the good weather we have Solution 1,427 lenges, and at the end of the year, the winning team and the win- every last second of your time revising had lately. Do a bit of sun bathing, get Money: Money: Money: R E C E I V E T B A S I C ning individual will win an iPod nano! The scoring is as follows: all the lecture courses you have missed, a few pitchers of Pims, and be social in £1billion ish/1 million pieces of silver Roughly $300 million -£20,000 did A H O R N O N R R P L E H MÖchten sie mein Manschaft Scribble box 5 points for the first correct answers for Slitherlink, Wordoku, Lon- when you get a phone call from your the quad or queens lawn. Just because D E M O N S T R A T I V E a fairly good job of this one, so well friends telling to come play Frisbee in you’ve now planned to work dur- Colour: Colour: Colour: that they won the quick crossword. don Underground, Mentalist Maze and Quickie. 4 points for second, I N P W E A I L S I P E V 3 points for third, 2 points for fourth and 1 point for fifth. Hyde Park. You won’t be able to resist. ing the break, doesn’t mean you can’t Golden Blind Egg Shell White O W L A R I C E P A P E R Whoop-di-bloody-doo! This is why you must spend your holi- relax now. At least if you do it now, Anyway, this is the last one of this S E I E T T E U L S E R O Double points will be awarded for correct cryptic crossword an- day break studying, and accumulating you’ll have you friends about and not T U M O U R M M I C R O N term, I hope you all like it, if not then Country of Origin: Country of Origin: Country of Origin: swers, because it’s über hard. the knowledge you should have gained look like a complete muppet sitting by Puerto Rico/ Wales USA UK R P E R B N E C M D Y M Y I really really don’t care! We’ll be back months ago. Not fair I know, however yourself. Yes I have done this, and yes I N N U E N D O S A S I P in the Summer term, first issue back is Simple! Now then FUCWITs, send in your answers to felix@impe- this is the only time to catch up and I felt like an idiot. I’m sorry, I just get Slogan: Slogan: Slogan: P U T B R B I L O H L A L on the 1st May. Swat up on your words rial.ac.uk or [email protected]. Go! hopefully not fail your year. So while so lonely... “Got a little Captain in You?” “I find it difficult to watch myself... I “well...... ” P R A C T I C A L J O K E and we’ll be back with bigger and bet- everyone else is at home this holiday, I’d like to now announce the win- find it boring” E A R K A D T I L I P A A ter puzzles for you all. R A Y O N R S U S P E C T stock up on relentless and redbull, ner to the twitter competition. after 4 Interesting Facts: Interesting Facts: Kthnxbye! top up your printer credit, and start weeks, I p0wned Kadhim, by having The rum is actually named after the Interesting Facts: Distinctly hates going to Council collecting missing lecture notes. Go 42 followers. The winner of the 120Gb 17th-century Caribbean privateer Morgan Freeman (yes Morgan is his through every problem sheet now, HDD is 8Kerski8 aka Ryan Kerr. Send from Wales, Sir Henry Morgan. Cap- first name but this guy is a legend) en- Jenny also like strolls on the beach, as doing it before you exams will just an email to felix.imperial.ac.uk to ar- tain Morgan was ingenious but ruth- dorsed Barack Obama’s candidacy for karaoke and pina colada’s in the rain. stress you out. More so than Jov (felix range a collection of your 120GB ex- less at the same time. He faked a land- the United States presidential election, She is currently looking for a tall dark editor in chief) sending the paper to ternal HDD. Thanks for everyone who ward attack on the fort at Maracaibo 2008, although he stated that he would handsome man, who has similar in- print on a Thursday evening. Well se- participated, and please continue to which convinced the governor to shift not join Obama’s campaign. He has terests. Ideally someone with a strong Horoscopes: well this is true, Union food is shit ing as you need to make the most of follow us. his cannon. In doing so, he eluded the won an Oscar for Million Dollar Baby deep accent. If you feel you meet this the rest of this term, my advice to you enemy’s guns altogether and escaped and is noted for his reserved demeanor requirement feel free to email presi- So for the last time this term I write Horoscopes, as I write I think, “who the fuck cooks that shit?” Read on is to go mental, and party like it’s fresh- twitter.com/D00SKI in safety. and authoritative speaking voice. [email protected] Aquarius Taurus Leo Scorpio

So you wannabe Last week you walk So you have a little Wow, really can’t get editors think my down the street and shave this week, wash off this paedophile RON team disqualified from horoscopes are shit. you slowly notice the hair, generally theme, something is Controversial Research Well fuck you to hell mothers pulling their smarten up because definitely not right and back! You can’t children closer to of the paedophile here. You go to see the ICU Sabbatical elections please everyone them as you walk claims last week. And doctor about this as and I get more comments of praise than I do past them. You stand confused, and confess to then as you’re walking down the street, you start you start to worry. The doctor looks at you and Angers Protestors Ross Goldberg disqualify the RON team as they were of hatred. So with that in mind, how about the mother that despite your appearance you seeing mothers with their children, this time not explains that you can’t be a paedophile because in clear violation of common sense and you get a razor, salt, vinegar and just for good are in fact not a paedophile, an even if you were pulling them away. This makes you happy, but you’re actually 12 and it’s all perfectly natural. A Noh Juan Lykes Yu the name the ‘Maintenance of Rota- longer be applicable, meaning the re- Students at Imperial College were in basic human rights.” The argument put measure some AIDS in a jar, put it in a blender, you wouldn’t go for her daughter as you’re more are you sure you’re not a paedophile, you just paedophile you may not be, but the doctor sure as tional Stability Alliance’ (MRSA). The quirement of mass international inter- uproar after it was found that the RON forward by Mr Beaker was that “By try- mix it all up and drink it all down! Cunts. into brunettes. might not have met the right child yet! hell is. Unlucky! Protests threaten to hit the South Ken- protests centre around the potential vention to stabilise affected industries. campaign, headed by legendary an- ing to make us like King’s, we would be sington campus for a second time in dangers of switching on the machine The final static tests are set to be chorman Ron Burgundy, planned to doing ourself an injustice!” less than two weeks as campaigners and the impact it could have on the completed next week with initial runs “Make Imperial Like King’s” which is Recently elected ICU President Ash- Pisces Gemini Virgo Sagittarius are expected to demonstrate about global climate if the project proves un- expected to commence on April 1st. If the most likely reason for the record ley Brown was present that afternoon. the controversial project, internally successful. They also point out that if these prove successful further develop- elections turnout. When asked about Delight was had by all with Mr Brown So you think you This week you are Oh haiz honey. I hate Who knows that labelled ‘CORE’, set to be complet- the project is successful then the con- ment is required and will continue to his actions, Mr Burgundy told felix commenting to felix that “Although are tall? Get over it, forced to work in the everyone else but song “Dark End of ed shortly with the help of Imperial ventional Gregorian calendar will no involve the college. that “The plan, which we code named they were formidable candidates, we grow some hair and Union kitchens. You you are just about the Street” by Muscle College. MILK, was a bad choice!” are all glad that they were disqualified find someone to fuck hate your life and bearable. I think I Shoals. The lyrics The project is believed to be the Returning Officer Christian ‘Beaker’ as they posed a real threat.” Full elec- before your balls everything about it miss WHAT THE go “at the dark end spearhead of a global initiative that has Carter, said “[he] had no choice but to tion results can be found on page 3. explode. I tell you and definitely don’t FUCK?!? I apologise. of the street, that is been under development since 2003, that it is not healthy to allow yourself to put show it when serving. Where the fuck is your I don’t know what came over me, don’t worry I where we always meet, hiding is shadows where looking to tackle global warming by more than one finger up your bum at a time. finesse? Sort your life out before I get really ag- am now beating myself with my right arm that we don’t belong...” I think of it as a rape song. If manipulating the Earth’s rotational pe- And remember to wash your hands before that gressive, jump over the counter and force your I just ripped off. Don’t worry I promise that it I were going to rape you it would definitely hide riod relative to other celestial bodies. finger buffet at your grandmas house. Sleep to eat that monstrous creation that you sell to won’t happen again. Here’s a racist joke: What in the shadows at the dark end of the street. But The central structure known as an An- well, eat healthy and tell mum jokes. me as pasta bolognase. does a black child get for Christmas? Your bike. then again you’re fucking horrible so I wouldn’t. ti-Spinatron is undergoing final testing in the Mechanical Engineering lower ground test facilities and is believed to Aries Cancer Libra Capricorn affect the Earth’s inner core rotation by the use of seismic body waves. What the hell is this, I feel that a certain Is it OK to just hate What’s that coming By changing the Earth’s orbit it is be- there’s some sort of someone it being a people without even over the hill, is it lieved that the Earth can be accurately bright light coming big (emphasise on talking to them? a monster, is it a manipulated to a distance further from through the very big) brave girl (read Well I currently hate monster? You bet the sun with the aim of achieving a small window in the useless fucktard). everyone, very much your sorry arse it is, drop of 6% in annual solar radiation office, it’s blinding And who could you included. Look because guess who’ll absorption. me, I can’t see anything. Wait a minute, what’s this wonderful character be... well Jade Goody. out of the window, no really look hard as you be back next term; you love him, you hate him, The protesters are a faction of the that sound? It sounds like people having a Unfortunately I think that the star sign used are going to be thrown from it and you better you want to have babies with him that would have same group that campaigned for the good time. No wait, that’s screaming, oh and could be a little non-PC, but this is all I had choose a soft place to land. Yer that’s what I undoubtedly been killed if they were Trojans. Yes banning of the Large Hadron Collider I’ve figured out what that light is. You’re all left. Oh well. I really hope you get better. Sorry thought piss your pants you scum. Go get your everyone, Hangman is coming back, so be afraid, experiment and have united under Computer generation of what will happen if the test goes wrong The RON team hear the bad news at the final candidates meeting fucked, Zeus is pissed! meant I really hope you DON’T get better. own country. be very very afraid. If not, then how about a pint? 36 felix Friday 20 March 2009 Friday 20 March 2009 felix 37 Fun & Games [email protected] [email protected] Sport

Monumental achievement Slitherlink 1,429 This week’s texts: 1,428 Solution “I reference to pornography: a man for Imperial sports with a 1 3 2 3 2 likes to see the mount. Please lets 2 2 2 3 3 not skip the transition!” record turnout at BUCS 3 2 3 2 2 0 1 2 1 1 1 3 2 1 3 3 3 “Union food is WANK! I will vote 2 2 for anyone who sorts that shithole Championships 3 2 3 2 3 of a kitchen out. Fuck you union. 2 1 2 3 3 1 1 3 Fuck you. X” (Nice use of X, but 3 3 2 3 still fairly aggressive) Continued from back page worse loss to 2 hits. 3 1 2 2 1 3 2 Despite everything the foil team 1 2 2 2 2 2 “Your Chlamydia screening result the University of Glasgow in their maintained their lead to win the foil. 3 3 2 3 is negative, you do not need to call semi-final. Both sides were clearly Unfortunately with two extremely 2 3 2 0 the Chlamydia Screening Office. tired at this point with Imperial giving strong foilists (including one due to 02089692XXXX” away points due to fatigue and service go to the world championships in a Last one of term here so you better mistakes, however, Imperial managed few weeks) in the Oxford team, the 3 1 2 enjoy it. Last week’s winners were “STEPHEN!” to win the match 3-0 and became the foil team lost the 30-45. The sabre fol- MÖchten sie mein Manschaft. Epic. BUCS Men’s Trophy Champions. lowed, with an unchanged team from This week’s winners is as yet undecided 07726 799 424 “My piss burns, what shall I do? I the semi-final. Again the sabre went 1 3 3 1 2 2 due to the unpredictable future. turn to felix readers for help.” Women’s Volleyball without any problems winning 45-27. The women’s team, unfortunately, The Oxford team took the epee 45- 3 2 2 2 How to play: “Talking loudly on the phone in couldn’t repeat the performance of 40 giving them an overall lead of two TEXT US! OR the computer room is a sure way the men’s team, however they put up a hits 117-115. Despite the frustration of It’s quite simple, all numbers are in a to ensure that you leave the room great fight. On the first day they played having come so close in the final, this cell and must be surrounded with a WE WON’T with a monitor rammed up your Dundee, who were one of the champi- was a fantastic end to the season which 2 corresponding number lines. Lines hole. And it won’t be the one you onship favourites, and although they saw the Imperial women’s team lose cannot split and there can only be FEED THE CAT! talk out of, so you better keep your played hard, they eventually lost 2-0. to only one team throughout the year 3 3 3 3 3 one continuous line. Any cells with no Vasaline handy” As a result, it meant that on Saturday and gain the silver medals in the team numbers can have any number of lines. they had to win both games to qualify championship. Look at the solution above for help. for the semi-finals. Their first match that day was against Men’s Table Tennis Birmingham at 9am and with some In the men’s table tennis trophy great play they managed to win the competition, after defeating Plymouth, game 2-1. Manchester were the next Bournemouth, Cardiff and Glamor- The Women’s fencing team, who narrowly lost to Oxford, posing with their hard-earned medals team the girls had to face, and with sets gan in some closely fought knockout being decided by only a few points they matches, Imperial’s men’s tennis team Wordoku 1,429 Going Underground were unlucky to lose the game 2-0. In qualified into the final of the national ryone was ready to put forward their scraped qualification. and Cardiff.” their final match of the tournament, trophy competition. The final was very best efforts following weeks of prepa- “Their final against York was in- Scribble box Apparently there were fuck loads of Each letter in the alphabet is assigned a the women’s volleyball team were up close with Imperial successfully beat- ration and training. Other Sports credibly exciting...the standard of ta- T W N P answers last week. The one I had in value, 1-26 (see table) and when added against Durham for 5th place, however ing the University of York resulting James Teuten and Sam O’Neill both Imperial’s snooker club took away ble tennis was breathtaking and the mind was BAKER STREET, others fit- together for a specific word the sum luck was not on their side and although in a gripping 9-7 win. In addition to ran in the days opening event, the the bronze whilst the highest break York number 1 player was completely W E ted, give a shit? No. Enjoy this week’s equals the total shown. All you have to the match went to three sets, the final this fantastic win, Imperial’s Eddie Liu 1500m. Ajay Mohite started off his for the championships went to Impe- unbeatable at a higher level... but the and remember kids; play safe. The un- do is scan and send the Underground one went Durham’s way at 17-15. Cap- was then awarded with ‘Player of the Athletics season very well, jumping an rial’s Sam Groth. The swimmers also performances of Eddie Liu (who won I E R W derground is no place for a skateboard station that is hidden each week to su- tain Alana Johnson commented on tournament’. impressive 13.08m in the triple jump, achieved success with a silver medal in player of the tournament), Yang Zhang, MÖchten sie mein Manschaft ramp. Over and out. [email protected] the girls performance saying that “The and subsequently qualifiying for the the women’s 100m freestyle Bernd Kleinwachter and captain Darius 1,428 Solution officially don’t wash. This is the girls have done extremely well this sea- Men’s Judo final. Tom Brown ran an excellent Atashroo, who all consistently raised W S A I only fathomable reason as to why A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z son, after only being promoted to the Eugene Weiming Siew and Rahual 3000m heat amongst stiff competition. Neil Mosley, Head of Sport Impe- their game to prevail 9-7, were simply E M L S R D O U A they were so quick to answer 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 first division this year, to qualify for the Bose from the Imperial Judo club man- In a later heat Alex Milne also ran the rial, told felix that “This was our best breathtaking and they were rightly de- T N S O D L U A E M R with ARSEMOULD. Lets hope final 8’s was a great achievement.” aged to come away with a silver and a 3000m, coping well with a very diffi- ever performance in BUCS with some lighted to win the Trophy.” A R U O E M L D S that this week the word is more bronze medal. In the men’s “Dan” grade cult heat in which the leaders stormed incredible team and individual per- “Overall, I was immensely pleased B A N K Women’s Fencing S I N W U S O S M L D A E mature... it won’t be. 2+1+14+11=28. Job done. section under 100kg, Eugene Weiming off at the start. Alex still ran a strong formances from all who qualified. and proud of our performances and the D L A E S O U R M 2 1 14 11 = 28 In other sports, having scraped a win Siew came away with the silver medal, race in 9 minutes and 42 seconds. There was an unexpected highlight for way that the teams competed with the T I P A M E R A D U S L O Wordoku is identical to Sudoku; against Cambridge in the quarter-finals whilst Rahual Bose came away with the Pavidra Sivanandarajah also ran me at Sheffield though... Men’s Table very best.We have truly raised the bar R D E M L S A O U we’ve just replaced numbers So which London tube station sums to 104? the women’s fencing team were head- bronze in the under 73kg category. the 60m achieving her PB and closely Tennis... not a sport that we have had now and taken sport to a higher level. O U S D A R M E L with letters. Complete the puzzle ing to Sheffield for the BUCS cham- missed semi-final qualification in both much success at before, and not a club The championships were very profes- E A and then send the whole grid to pionships. In the semi-finals the team Indoor Athletics this event and the 200metres. Her ded- that has had much support from Sport sionally run and I also think that BUCS L A M U O E R S D [email protected]. were facing Birmingham. The Imperial On the Friday, athletes from the IC icated training regime clearly paid off. Imperial,they are self coached and very has finally arrived too!!” P S N T You will not get credit for just the = 104 epee team consisting of team captain & ICSM Athletics clubs travelled up Aaron Mason ran a spectacular much student run...to qualify for Shef- Lastly, this reporter would like to word alone. It’s not an anagram. Emily Bottle, Hannah Bryars and Joan to Sheffield to compete in the pres- 400metre race, showing off a clearly field they had to travel away to a range congratulate everyone who was in- Chang, did a fantastic job of keeping tigious BUCS Indoors Athletics event. well practiced technique and admira- of universities including Plymouth and volved over the weekend, as well as the match close throughout and limit- The pressure was high to perform well ble endurance. This was also demon- Bournemouth and face two very tough those of you who provided the infor- ed what could have been a significantly against the fierce competition, but eve- strated in the 200m where he narrowly fixtures at home versus Glamorgan mation to make that fills the report. Riddle me this 1 Time to flex your brain a bit, we Mentalist Maze... Watz they meanz? have a logic puzzle for you. Normal FUCWIT rules apply and send your This maze is to its title as Ronseal is Shotgun, battling to victory. As a Fuck yeah! We have a new game. Dunno FUCWIT points simply work out their answers in to sudoku.felix@impe- to its tin. It’s mental, I have still failed result I have rustled up another one how this will turn out as your Sports meanings and send them into sudoku. rial.ac.uk. More next term! to complete one. This however is not and look forward to seeing correct Editor, Jack Cornish failed to get any [email protected]. If you can’t get a problem shared by my best friends answers as much as I do AIDS. at all. Even after we spelt them out to them all, don’t worry, you’re just an Crossing the Lake him. But then again he is retarded. idiot. If you like my latest brainwave I There are four people in an adven- Back to the matter at hand, each box shall continue to make them up, having ture race that need to get across depicts a well known phrase, cleverly said that I probably can’t be arsed and a lake. They have a small canoe. worked into textual format. For five shall use my time to nap. The rules say that only the slow- est person in the canoe can pad- dle, only one or two can be in the canoe at a time, and they must all 1 2 3 cross in the canoe. From practice, they know that: N S someINthing Mike can paddle across in 1 minute. E P Bill can paddle across in 2 minutes. T I Sue can paddle across in 5 H minutes. 4 N Anne can paddle across in 10 G minutes.

I A GET How do they get everyone across the river in the fastest time without L L IT breaking the rules? Trophy winners Imperial College Men’s Table Tennis 1st team. The victorious men’s volleyball team, with coach Ercu 38 felix Friday 20 March 2009 Friday 20 March 2009 felix 39 Sport [email protected] [email protected] Sport Imperial overcome Oxford The Immortals hit Drifting under bridges - Sports league and dances itself to 2nd place Imperial College never with the flow Team P W D L F A Diff % FI 1 Tennis Men's 1st 12 12 0 0 105 15 90 100 5.00 Roser Preuss George Barnes ditional white board classes to discuss Christina Duffy reports on the Women’s Head of the River 2 Volleyball Women's 1st 8 8 0 0 17 1 16 100 5.00 tactics, and time in the weights room 3 Squash Men's 1st 12 11 0 1 51 9 42 92 4.25 Cambridge comes first, Oxford second The Imperial Immortals have been to further enhance our physique. 2009 as well as fashion faux-pas and famous cox’s 4 Fencing Men's 1st 11 10 0 1 1457 861 596 91 4.18 and Imperial... third – that’s how the hard at work over the winter months To be eligible to play in the BUAF 5 Fencing Women's 1st 10 9 0 1 260 109 151 90 4.10 core of the current Imperial College and now their first game is just around League we have to host one home 6 Hockey Men's 1st 12 10 0 2 63 17 46 83 3.50 Dance Team grew up in the university the corner. For those of you who don’t fixture. This will be taking place this oreboding renditions of the Ex-ex-UL-cox Henry was undoubtedly Ellie Berry, Carla Canturri, Ella Bur- 7 ICSM Netball 3rd 12 10 0 2 444 225 219 83 3.50 dance circuit. After 10 years of not get- know, The Immortals are Imperial coming Sunday against the London Travis classic ‘Driftwood’ feeling guilty having coxed the women’s roughes, Rose Stainthorp, Natasha Ga- 8 ICSM Netball 2nd 12 10 0 2 425 226 199 83 3.50 ting past the 3rd place – it was finally College’s very own American Football Cobras down at Harlington (KO 1pm). bellowed from the clubroom UL8+ in direct competition against the necki) were coxed by Libby Richards 9 ICSM Badminton Men's 1st 6 5 0 1 28 20 8 83 3.50 time for change! Team. The Club was founded in Octo- We hope that you can come down and window in a questionable IC crew, with UL placing 18th. “Who is and came 226th overall 20th/45 in the 10 Lacrosse Women's 1st 11 9 0 2 162 43 119 82 3.36 On the last weekend of February, ber 2008 and since then we have grown support the mighty Imperial Immor- showing of “support” from coxing you at Heineken?” “You could.” Novice Academic category. This is a 11 Squash Men's 2nd 11 9 0 2 34 17 17 82 3.36 62 dancers, 2 captains and 4 coaches from a small group of enthusiasts to a tals. Cheerleaders are required! If you the men’s squad. “And you really didn’t “Eh, well, eh, I’ll probably have to cox 100 place drop from last year’s novice 12 Table Tennis Men's 1st 15 12 0 3 163 88 75 80 3.20 made their way to Blackpool to com- unit of 30 chiselled athletes. cannot make it but are keen on getting Fthink it would happen/But it really is the men’s crew… but I can cox you for crew who came 126th overall (4th/48 13 Badminton Men's 1st 12 8 2 2 61 35 26 67 3.00 pete at the annual Inter-Varsity Dance Life for the club started out with involved over the summer and next the end of the line.” And so it was for IC a Henley race.” The women’s squad in Novice Academic). IC C managed to 14 Netball 2nd 12 9 0 3 404 226 178 75 2.75 Competition held in the Empress Ball- kit less sessions in the mud across year please send an email to american. A whom after months of winter train- gratefully accept these crumbs from beach themselves on the way up to the 15 ICSM Hockey Women's 1st 14 9 1 4 65 29 36 64 2.21 room – probably the most famous the road in Hyde Park. After negotia- [email protected] ing to secure a top ten position only the master’s table. start rendering the steering control un- 16 Hockey Women's 1st 15 9 2 4 53 32 21 60 2.20 ballroom dance venue in the world and tions between our Head Coach Matt Finally a big thank you has to go out managed a 22nd placing. The crew Imperial College B (Christina Mat- predictable. The crew pin-balled their 17 Basketball Men's 1st 9 6 0 3 658 331 327 67 2.00 host to several of the most prestigious Excell and Coach Franco of the Lon- to Mac, Jan and Coach Excell for get- were stung by a swarm of crews with teotti, Alice Smitheman, Stef Me- way down the course and were lucky to 18 Hockey Men's 3rd 12 4 5 3 23 30 -7 33 1.50 competitions. don Cobras (a top professional team ting the ball rolling and also for the higher standards than previous years, nashe, Clarice Chung, Georgie Philips, escape with just a single time penalty 19 Hockey Men's 2nd 12 7 0 5 50 36 14 58 1.25 Already in the individual events in England) we have been having full time and effort put in over the year but more critically had to cope with a Christina Duffy, Hannah Rouse, Cyn- for impeding other competitors. 20 Hockey Men's 4th 8 4 1 3 19 23 -4 50 1.25 the Imperial team demonstrated its contact workouts twice a week over at from Stan, Tom and Rich. cox-box failure upon spinning at the thia Mynhardt) were coxed by Nicola When racing was complete all crews 21 Squash Men's 3rd 7 4 0 3 14 9 5 57 1.14 strength. Many couples danced their their Selhurst training facility, with ad- start line. Although the race plan had Quinn-Pyatt and placed 97th overall, retired to the Jolly Gardeners to pon- 22 Badminton Women's 1st 12 6 1 5 57 39 18 50 1.00 way into the finals with impressive been well studied beforehand this may 29th/69 in S3. There was little expec- der their fate. Inebriated chat reached 23 Badminton Men's 2nd 10 4 2 4 43 37 6 40 0.80 results – especially considering there have cost the crew precious seconds tation for the crew composed of a bow an all-time low after the disappointing 24 ICSM Hockey Women's 2nd 10 4 2 4 25 31 -6 40 0.80 were about 500 couples dancing in to- and the coveted honour of club blazers. results were released. Locals later com- 25 Rugby Union Men's 2nd 17 9 0 8 358 334 24 53 0.76 tal. In Ballroom: Guo Heng Chin & Jin- The result was undeserved for the crew plained of rowdy IC students discussing 26 Football Men's 1st 11 5 1 5 24 26 -2 45 0.64 gjing Yan won the Beginners Waltz and who have worked tirelessly in prepara- “Unless you shapes; “If I was a shape, I would so be 27 Basketball Women's 1st 10 5 0 5 453 425 28 50 0.50 came 2nd in Quickstep, Gareth Jones tion for this race. an ellipse.” “No-no it’s all about the cir- 28 Fencing Men's 2nd 8 4 0 4 965 897 68 50 0.50 & Zhiping Lin placed 6th in the Quick- Imperial College A (Ellie Dorman, want my shins cle, an ellipse is just a posh circle. You 29 Squash Women's 1st 12 2 6 4 20 32 -12 17 0.50 step. Michael Wong & Yun Wang came Rachael Davies, Nicky Smith, Erica want to get down with the common 30 ICSM Football Men's 1st 11 4 2 5 16 22 -6 36 0.36 3rd in Intermediate. Zheng Ruan & Thompson, Selina Graham, Ro Smith, to explode mid- shapes.” The party ended at London RC 31 Tennis Men's 2nd 12 5 1 6 42 69 -27 42 0.25 Iwona Pilch came 7th in the Advanced Louise Hart, Chloe Symmonds) fin- with more shapes thrown around the 32 Rugby Union Men's 3rd 13 6 0 7 250 229 21 46 0.15 event, with Arman Sahovic & Anne- ished 22nd overall in 19:56.33 (11th/34 race, you’ll let dance-floor. 33 Volleyball Men's 1st 9 4 0 5 10 10 0 44 0.00 Marie Wirth taking the coveted Ad- The lovely ladies of the IC Dance Team posing for a photo in S2) to overall winners London/Hol- Despite being driftwood; hollow and 34 ICSM Rugby Union Men's 2nd 15 6 1 8 256 224 32 40 0.00 vanced Ballroom crown. landia/Thames/Marlow/UL (18:28.27). me stretch!” of no use, there were no reports of wa- 35 Football Men's 2nd 11 4 1 6 24 35 -11 36 -0.18 In Latin the following couples made Further salt to the wound was the 9th terfalls finding, binding or grinding 36 Tennis Women's 1st 10 4 0 6 44 56 -12 40 -0.40 it to the finals: Tian Yi Yuen & Yvonne Shaw & Natasha Manderson (who were: A came 4th, B came 3rd, C and position placing of Osiris BC A whom pair who was taken out of rowing re- any of the three crews. The pre-race 37 ICSM Rugby Union Men's 3rd 14 4 0 10 152 429 -277 29 -1.43 Liu won the Beginners’ Cha, James Sa- coaches the IC Ballroom team). Their D both came 2nd (beating Oxford) – the IC crew repeatedly rowed through tirement, a post stress-fractured three serenade led by Will Todd, Tom Bell 38 ICSM Hockey Women's 3rd 9 1 2 6 11 39 -28 11 -1.67 marasekara & Iniya Rajendsan came stunning, creative and moving show which added up to a very unexpected at training a few weeks earlier. Cox Tom seat and a novice at four. Officer Duffy and Adam Seward resonated in crews’ 39 ICSM Hockey Men's 2nd 8 2 0 6 13 12 1 25 -1.75 2nd in the Beginner’s Jive. In the Nov- was very well received by the audience overall 2nd place!! Fieldman, younger brother of top-inter- was not impressed at being hurried minds as they paddled away from the 40 Hockey Women's 2nd 11 2 1 8 10 46 -36 18 -1.82 ice event: Gann Aiewsakun & Fern and followed by a standing ovation. After a long and exhausting day, sud- national-world-renowned-elite-crème- through her pre-race stretching re- ICBC bat-cave; “Don’t stop believing/ 41 ICSM Netball 1st 13 2 1 10 314 497 -183 15 -2.15 Prapsiripan came 2nd, Retesh Bajaj & The next highlight of the day, how- denly everyone found renewed energy de-la-crème-de-la-coxswain Henry gime; “Unless you want my shins to ex- Hold on to that feeling.” Because we 42 Football Women's 1st 10 2 0 8 11 34 -23 20 -2.20 Sarah Ho came 6th. In the Advanced ever, was the team event. Each uni- to party all night long to celebrate this Fieldman (and modest too) was at the plode mid-race - you’ll let me stretch”. all believe in IC. The disappointment 43 Football Men's 3rd 10 2 0 8 16 33 -17 20 -2.20 event, Arman Sahovic & Nicole Pa- versity is allowed four teams A, B, C, result. This very rewarding competi- helm of the crew. Fieldman Junior was With enough yield in their calves to go of IC A comes with the consolation 44 Rugby Union Men's 1st 14 2 1 11 165 430 -265 14 -2.29 paioannou came 5th. D. All our teams made it into the first tion concludes the season and leaves instrumental in the crews’ improve- the distance and back they rowed their of avoiding a major fashion faux-pas; 45 ICSM Rugby Union Men's 1st 11 1 1 9 18 45 -27 9 -2.64 The open events were followed by division, with only our A team making the team with high hopes for next ment in the final weeks of preparation little hearts out and secured the top London fashion week have literally just 46 ICSM Hockey Men's 1st 11 1 1 9 18 23 -5 9 -2.64 an incredible demonstration by Craig it to the final. The results for each team year! Two seemingly immortal athletes in American Football gear and is highly rated by coaches and crew 100 placing they have been aiming for announced that blazers are last season. 47 ICSM Football Men's 2nd 7 1 0 6 8 22 -14 14 -2.71 at Imperial. It has never been explicitly all year, ahem. An epic overtaking of They don’t accentuate the female form 48 Lacrosse Men's 1st 8 1 0 7 40 114 -74 13 -2.88 said that Tom is better at coxing than RUMS was the highlight which started like an all-in-one can. 49 Netball 3rd 12 1 0 11 127 452 -325 8 -3.25 Henry, but the elder sibling was shocked at Barnes Bridge and wasn’t complet- The crew should be proud of how far 50 Rugby Union Men's 4th 14 1 0 13 132 598 -466 7 -3.36 in association with Sports Partnership at the mere suggestion. “F*ck my life! ed until a few lengths before Putney they have come in preparation for this 51 ICSM Badminton Women's 1st 11 0 1 10 11 78 -67 0 -3.45 Fixtures & Results Man, you actually rate Tom higher than Bridge. But it was done and that’s all race and carry these achievements for- 52 Rugby Union Women's 1st 2 0 0 2 15 109 -94 0 -4.00 me, are you kidding?! What does he that matters. ward to next weekend in Amsterdam 53 Table Tennis Women's 1st 4 0 0 4 3 12 -9 0 -4.00 Friday 13th March Rugby Fencing Netball Sunday 22nd March have that I don’t?” There was little hesi- Imperial College C (Julia Hong, Tam- where the Heineken Roeivierkamp 54 ICSM Hockey Men's 3rd 5 0 0 5 0 15 -15 0 -4.00 Table Tennis ULU Reserves Cup Final BUCS Premier League Playoff Women’s 1st 12 Football tation before the response: “Charm.” sin Bromley-May, Ranalie Karunartne, takes place on the Amstel River. 55 Netball 1st 11 0 0 11 220 428 -208 0 -4.00 BUCS Trophy Final Men’s 2s 23 Men’s 1st 135 UCL 1st 59 Men’s 2s ULU vs Men’s 1st 9 UCL 2s 3 University of Bath 1st 37 LSE 1s ULU University of York 1st 7 Women’s 3rd 10 Monday 16th March Football Universities at Medway 1st 50 Women’s 1s ULU vs Crossword No. 1,429 Answers to: [email protected] Saturday 14th March Netball Men’s 1st 4 UCL 2s ULU Fencing Women’s 2s ULU 24 LSE 1st 2 Rugby 1 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 BUCS Cup UCL 4s ULU 9 Men’s 2nd 26 Wednesday 25th March Across 28 Break one’s own rule twice? Team What What have taken over the Women’s 1st 115 Men’s 2nd 3 University of Kent 1st 12 Badminton 8 9 1 Equid interbreeding somewhere Don’t rule it out (5,3,5) cryptic crossword mantle, and have yet Oxford University 1st 117 Women’s 3s ULU 20 King’s 1st 4 Men’s 2nd vs to get to the other side (5,8) Down again won the cryptic yet again. I’m not Imperial Medicals 4s ULU 12 Men’s 4th 0 Royal Holloway 1st 10 11 10 Surround English, securing 2 Wrap upturned shaft with creeper, sure what’s happened to the rest of you Football Men’s 3rds 2 Buckinghamshire New University 2nd 46 victory with golf club (7) missing one (7) guys, are they too difficult? Men’s 3rd 0 Waterpolo University of East London 1st 4 Hockey 11 General tinkering to expand (7) 3 Laughter banished from Zimbabwe- Anyway, here is another one by Sam Kingston University 5th 3 Mixed 1s ULU 3 Squash BUCS 2nd Division Promotion Playoff 12 Identify the French doing an capital – it’s uncommon (4) Wong for you all to have a go at. Re- King’s College Mixed 1s ULU 0 Men’s 4s ULU 1 Men’s 2nd 3 Men’s 1st vs 12 13 nothing (4) 4 Georgia supports criminal in line of member, double points are awarded ULU Royal Holloway 4s ULU 2 University of Essex 1st 0 University of Reading 1st 13 Point Queen towards boutique people (5) for correct cryptic crossword solutions where they’re always making Men’s 2s ULU 3 Tuesday 17th March 14 14 5 In the water, where dice may be as they are pretty difficult. Royal Holloway 2s ULU 0 Netball Women’s 1st 0 Tennis BUCS Cup Final cuts! (10) thrown? (9) Good Luck 15 Former journalists’ methods are Women’s 3rd 4 Royal Holloway 1st 2 Men’s 1st 10 Women’s 1st vs 15 16 17 6 Coin coming up, becoming exposed Men’s 7s ULU 1 Imperial Medicals 2nd 51 Roehampton University Men’s 1st 0 University of Chichester 1st fast routes (11) to light (10) Crossword by Sam Wong Royal Veterinary College 1s ULU 4 Hockey 17 Shelter martial artist (3) 7 Regularly, one arrow cheaply hits Tennis Men’s 1st 4 Rugby 18 Put container back to make a endangered animal (7) Saturday 21st March Solution to crossword 1428 Men’s 1st 10 University of Hertfordhire 1st 1 Men’s 3rd vs point (3) 8 Consumed by emotion, as if having Volleyball Football 18 19 20 21 O N C E I N A B L U E M O O N BUCS Cup Imperial Men’s 2nd 0 BUCS Kingston University 2nd 20 Rethink aid, canvas in northern an out-of-body experience? (6,7) X E L E R G L T E S R B Q O Men’s 1st 3 Men’s 2nd 9 Men’s 3rd vs countries (11) 9 Large vehicle could give you proper 24 22 Supported outbuilding, mostly F O O T A G E D A P P O S E D University of Southampton 1st 2 Wednesday 18th March Canterbury Christ Church University 2nd 1 Imperial Medicals Men’s 2nd Men’s 4th vs ear lice(6,7) O A U A Q E R O D A E O E I T containing rock (10) Badminton Universities at Medway 1st 14 Following upheaval, terrorists allow R E D M I S T N W O R K S H Y 22 23 27 24 24 Mariner’s poem turned prince Sunday 15th March Men’s 2nds 8 Men’s 3rd 3 ULU fewer inside to fit together (10) D B R O N C S A O E A O S E E (4) Football University of Reading 1st 0 University of Sussex 2nd 3 Men’s 1s vs Squash 25 32 16 Second gallery is lacking without C Y M B A L C P R A N D I A L Women’s 1s ULU 0 Royal Holloway 1s Men’s 2nd vs 26 Queue, a long time in descent nationality (9) O H O O T E V T O T A V N L City University London 1s ULU 2 Women’s 1st 36 Women’s 1st 2 UCL 2nd (7) M I N U T I A E D B O L E R O 26 26 27 19 Prime minister, that’s a cake (7) Buckinghamshire New University 1st 42 University of Portsmouth 1st 2 Men’s 4s vs 27 Analyse what used to be an 21 Five amp current about revenant M N O O R O L O S Y A E N I W Queen Mary 3s organic compound? (7) A N G U I S H D K I C K O F F Lacrosse Tennis 34 (7) ULU Women’s 2nd 0 BUCS Cup Final 23 Mournful poem, for example in B N E H T N A L I N E R U H E Mixed 1st 6 Buckinghamshire New University 1st 2 Men’s 7s vs Men’s 1st vs cathedral city (5) S U N D I A L S M O L O T O V 32 28 I V I K O L H P F L I D C E UCL Mixed 1st 5 Imperial Medicals 4s London Metropolitan University 3rd 25 People rush (4) S E C O N D A R Y C O L O U R Send in your sport reports: [email protected] felix sport High resolution photos only Success for Imperial at

NineBUCS teams travel to Sheffield finals to take part in the BUCS Championships. felix sport reports back on their achievements

Jovan Nedić menico Corapi, Gonzalo de Gisbert, Editor in Chief Nicolas Vecchione and Marios Char- tosias, played against the University of Several of Imperial’s teams were taking Southampton. part in the British University and Col- Imperial won the first set quite com- lege’s Sport’s (BUCS) Championships fortably and thought the opposition last week (11-15 March). Imperial sent would not be too hard a team to beat. a total of nine teams up to Sheffield Southampton then improved as Impe- to take part in the competition which rial started to flake resulting in them brings together the best athletes from losing the second and third set. This around the country. turn of fortune for Imperial meant that they had to find something extra to Men’s Volleyball ensure that the match went to a fifth Both men’s and women’s volleyball set. After saving a match point in the teams managed to make it to the finals, fourth set, Imperial managed to win it something that is a great achievement and eventually went on to win the fifth in itself and clearly shows the stand- set comfortably, winning the match ard of our athletes at Imperial. On the 3-2. Saturday, the men’s team, comprising On Sunday they played Nottingham of Johnny Zhang, Jonas Morgenweg, in the final, who had managed to beat Julio Jover, Alexandre, Alex Boury, Marc Schäpertöns, Zimuso Okoli, Do- Continued on page 37 Men’s hockey win BUCS 2B divsion tional Cornish chat. The jaffa cakes Hockey were an interesting choice as half time snacks, but substituted well for the Imperial Men’s 1st XI 4 lack of water available in the county of Hertfordshire Men’s 1st XI 1 Hertfordshire region. The second half saw IC put every- thing into the match and with an early Jack Cornish goal the result of the game was clear. Sports Editor Classic performances all round, espe- cially from the experienced heads of After a highly successful season the Tunnicliffe Senior, Connick, O’Reilly Men’s 1st XI have capped it off with a and Cornish. final win away at Hertfordshire Uni- The team would like to thanks both versity. A stunning day was graced Avtar (coach) and Mark (president) for with some glorious hockey from both attending the league winning match, sides but the class of IC was obvious and hope that they both enjoyed the during the whole game even after in- Champagne hockey. tense pressure from the Hertfordshire The team now have a promotion forwards. playoff next week against Reading, The short corner routines from IC winners of the 2A division. Celebra- were performing well and an early goal tions of their two league topping per- from Koch left Hertfordshire stunned formances have already commenced by the German’s reactions. A second however, with the mighty men’s 1s out goal soon followed, but by half time the in force at the ACC bar night and they score was 2-1 after a rare mistake from will be in good voice this evening to let the Imperial backs. the whole world know who we are. The half time break was a welcome The club also wishes the Ladies 1st relief for both sides after some scorch- XI the best of luck for their BUCS Cup ing sun that was only matched by the Final next week. If you are interested hot IC team. Avtar the great provided in coming to support both teams next inspiration and words of wisdom, week at Harlington, then go to imperi- which were followed by a classic emo- alhockey.co.uk for more details.