4
The Issue University of No. 890 Surrey's Student Magazine 8th November 1996 £15 Photocopy Bargain Revealed
few weeks ago, it was design or architecture courses stu- lege buildings, and with few books revealed that hidden dents will pay out around £800 per left in libraries. Fees will be the nail course fees of £15 were year on extra course costs. Hidden in the coffin of access to éducation, A Course Costs, the NUS research but who would pay for such a dev- being charged to Surrey Economies Students for report to be published later this astated éducation system? We are photocopies and other course month draws on the results of a aheady paying out enough. We are material. However, compared to country-wide survey of university subsidismg the universities to the departments last summer. tuneof£171 million per year. Ifthe average hidden course costs in top up fees are introduced this will other universities, this is a real Yesterday, students across the coimtry demonstrated for National mean students and their parents bargain. The findings of a NUS paying out a further £300 million." survey, to be published later this No Fees Day in protest at threat- month, show that Britain's ened top-up fees and up to £1000 300,000 undergraduates are a year registration by university aiready forced to pay up over £ 171 heads. NUS announced the results of a ballot of student unions, million a year in hidden course showing unanimous support of the costs. The news comes as students Higher Education Shutdown by across the country join National the teaching trade unions, who No Fees Day (November 5th) to will announce the result of their protest against a possible £1,000 ballot on Friday 8th November. If entry fee from this September. this is favourable, The University of Surrey will shut down on Tueg- The average undergraduate, strug- day 19th November, although gling to survive on a maintenance theStudents' Union will remain grant of less than £2,000 will now open as a focus of activity. pay out over £500 for photocop- ies, lab fees, computer software, Douglas Trainer, NUS President field trips and even entry to gradu- said 'Now is not a good time to be ation ceremonies as universities a student. "V^ are living through find creative ways to make up for the destruction of British higher drastic govemment cuts. For lan- éducation. After cruel cuts to grants, we're left with appalling guage courses, extra costs average Douglas Trainer - NUS President to £1,043.52 per year and graphie staff morale, with decaymg col- Editor's Bit Only In America CONTENTS he latest bit of as a free plane ticket to New scandal to hit York or Chicago or whatever. In my opinion these are the REGULARS TAmerica is the better chat shows, they don't future of chat shows on tend to gloss things over. 14 Crossword TV. The cause of this How many times does Ricki 14 Bare Side attention is The Jenny have a fi¿it on the show or 16 Personals some woman shouting Jones Show that "you're a dawg" at her man? recorded an episode on We love it and the ratings the subject of 'same sex prove it. 5 Nude Certitude secret crushes'. Soimds Imagine if this happened 6 Alan D Roy - 'D'is for Disco good doesn't it - nice and here, if a guest was shot after 15 Cinema controversial - well it appearing on Esther? Not was. very likely I know, more like I would have been fine except an adulterous husband would Jonathan Schmitz didn't real- return home to find his wife ise that the person who had a cutting up all his clothes and 1 NUS Hidden Course Costs Survey crush on him was a gay man, then hitting him over the head 3 Green Banl(S Scott Amedure. Jon walks on with a rolling pin. Okay, so 8 H&C Charity Events to the set and the young men we are never going to be as huge awkwardly - Scott then sensationalised as America taii^ out on stage about his but what would the reaction be? bizarre fantasy of tying Jon in 12 Single Reviews a hammock with whipped cream and champagne. Well, the beeb would babble 13 Album Reviev/s on for hours about how pro- Okay we've all done it but not fessional their research team many react as strongly as Jon was and how they felt for the did because three days later family of the victim. But 18 GInga is bacic he went to Scott's house and would the family sue the shot him dead. Jon is now on show or the BBC? No, of 19 Women's sports pages trial for murder, his defence course not, they would start being 'diminished capacity' up a pressure, group for the but Siis media attention has ft-evention of Chat Shows on now brought into question Television (PCST). the future of daytime chat shows. The other week someone wrote in complaining that Scott's parent have filed a they had had a bad haircut, in University of Surrey Students' Newspaper $25 million lawsuit against America that hairdressers the show, Jenny Jones and would have a £5 million law- Union House, University of Surrey, suit over its head for a £10 Warner Bros. They claim that Guildford, Surrey. GU2 5XH trash TV killed their son - haircut. What's the point - only in America. you're hair looks shit, mil- lions of pounds is not going Telephone: 01483 259275 There is now a big debate go- to make you feel better or Fax: 01483 34749 ing on to prevent 5iis happen- maybe I've just totally ing in the future. The trouble missed the point. Advertising: 01483 259275 is that chat shows are big E-mail: [email protected] bucks - they don't cost a lot to In the States they put so much http://www.surTey.ac.uk/Union/barefacts/ produce but the ratings are more emphasis on money, high. As with anything like how much you've got, want, Editor - Melante Dean this there are different classes need. Scott Amedure parents' Features Editor - Tonic Rocks of chat shows. Ricki Lake is lawsuit against the iV show Newi« Editor - Scvn Blrmlngtiom down in the gutter along with has got nothing to do with his Music Editor - Rob Winder half her audience where deaA - they just saw an easy Sports Editor - Mark 'Ginga' Cusock Oprah is considered to be the way to make a quick buck and Ptiotographer - Matt Panndl creme de la creme. I'm not a bit of free publicity for their Cartoonist - Stuart Parker saying Ricki doesn't have a comer store business or what- Editorial ContTibutk:xis: Andy Gale, Mites Hedgehog. Bruce place in the chat show indus- ever it is they do. CiTopman, Matt Panneil and ottiers.., try but criticism has been Musk:? Reviews: Mel Odedra, James Hemir»gway, Mark De Lange, made about the research Well, fear not readers be- Vfcki Snelgrove, Numnuts taken out before the show is cause it has been confirmed transmitted. that Bare Facts is not detri- Bare Facts is an independent newspaper, published by the mental to your health so read Uniwsity of Surrey Students' Union Communications Office. The views »presseo within the p^>er are those of the Editor, the These shows have been criti- on and enjoy... Editorial board and the author, and do not necessarily represent the views of the University of Surrey Students' Union or The cised for using lower class Mei XXX University or Surrey. people to live out their lives on air and they use the show USSU Communications Office 1996 News Green Issues Who Do You Bank With ?
he subject this week is third The banks were scared and needed to There is a campaign called "The Lloyds cover themselves, so they informed the and Midland Boycott Campaign" or world debt. All high street countries involved that they could have LAMB for short. However our Students Tbanks have lent money to "NO MORE MONEY, NOT EVEN Union believes in free choice and there- the third world. Much of this AID" unless they made a deal with the fore this article is not going to tell you lending happened in the 1970's banks. The costs to the third world coun- who to bank with. The idea is to give you tries were in terms of: the facts so that you can make an informed when no questions were asked as choice. to where the money was going or • health and education budgets slashed what it was for, so as a result much • food subsidies cut Lloyds and Midland are being targeted by of the money ended up financing • natural resources plundered LAMB because their debt exposure is the largest. corrupt officials and the purchase The banks also imposed Structural Ad- of armaments. It was not used to justment Programmes (SAP) which were If you want more information contact me benefit the poor. economic reforms that were to increase a through the pigeon holes. country's exports at ANY cost. Then in the early 1980's there was a mas- Remember "it is estimated that the aver- sive increase in world interest rates, lead- So what does all this have to do with you? age student is eventually worth £I 8000 in ing to a world wide recession and a profit to a UK bank. massive increase in the amount that third High street banks are making millions world countries owed to high street banks. from third world debt, for example Catherine Woodburn This meant that some countries could not Lloyds Bank made £50million profit from Environmental Officer even afford the interest rates, and were debt exposure in mainly South American practically bankrupt. countries last year and Midland Bank made £41 million.
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23 Friary Street, Guildford. Telephone (01483) 452225 Simon Collins bsc(hons)Mbco Leslie Turnbull MISCT Dispensing Director Spectacles and Contact Lens Practice Letters Dear Students was that the policy of plástic explained he did not know occasionally, but othenvise, In reply to the complaint glasses was in need of review. about. I agree that you did not who cares? they accoimt for made by Miss A Perkins to- But when I put this point get a satisfactory answer and about a quarter of the univer- wards my staff. Miss Perkins through, I was nearly shouted it is something that I intend to sity population I imagine, if returned to my Salon to de- at by someone from the 'un- raise at the club committee not more. mand a refund after having ion circle' saying that it IS the meeting next Wednesday so visited another Salon for a law so there, and don't give this time next week I may be As for first year students, let's fiirther haircut. In doing so hassle to the bar staff. As if I able to answer your question. face it Bruce, you know the Miss Perkins did not give any was!! mentality of your own people of my staff the opportunity to I am sorry if you feel the Stu- - "let's go out and get pissed" rectify the alleged complaint Here is (Ed - sic) two points dents' Union offìcials are un- - one of the more refined henee there was no way of us about the 'apathy' of the un- approachable. Before 1 points of the English student knowing the extent of any ion - it is unapproachable, and became a sabbatica! I felt, like culture (eh-hem...). Who's re- Problem. In the pursuit of ex- small minded. The third point you do, that the union does ally interested in joining any cellence we would bave will- is that it is very cliquey. Eve- tend to be cliquey, this is societies? Let's go out, get ingly dealt with any cause of ryone knows everyone else something I have been trying pissed, get laid - this would dissatisfaction if it had been and to keep in this clan every- to rectify since I have taken seem to be the first year stu- pointed out to us and we one protects everyone else's office. You must understand dent ethos. Fair enough! interests. Also, most ofthem that working together we are would have been given the Now, in relation to voting etc. chance. have been here since I was in going to become quite dose the first year, and maybe be- but this does not mean that we against payment of tuition fore that. are not open to other people's fees of £1000 or more, the Since opening our second Sa- large amount of foreign stu- lon in Madrid Road just over suggestions. After ali it is An example of this last point your union. dents who pay between five years ago my staff have is that a letter went in to Bare £6000 and £10 000 for their . always been courteous and Facts before the deadline last Finally, your comment about fees, just to be educated here I professional in dealing with week about Rag and Rag the Rag letter. Firstly, it did (yes, it is our own choice) will Our customers including the week (sorry. Rag weekend! !). miss the Bare Facts deadline just think - 'so what if they great number of students It wasn't aimed at anyone and on Monday at 5pm (as this have to pay sometìiing - not which make up our clientele. admittedly it did have a few letter also did) but I did have our problem' - and I don't Yours sincerely unpleasant words. It never legitímate reasons for not even know if we are allowed Robert got printed. The reason, ap- printing it. As a friend of the to vote. As for the first years, Hair By Robert parently was that the editor, Rag Chairman, Chris I imagine only those whose Melanie Dean, and the Presi- Howard, I felt I could not be families are really having dif- Dear Bear Facts, dent, Sharon Baker, thought objective about the letter so I ficulties or those who have Apathy? - there isn't much of that the letter was too rude. I consulted with the Bare Facts strong feelings (the English it about really. Many people, want to know whether the un- editorial board and Sharon versión of these) about educa- especially the first years, are pleasant words were too rude, Baker who ali agreed that the tion being a fundamental part involved in lots of activities, or it was too rude for the Rag letter should not be printed. of what the Government and don't really have time to chair (Mels' chum in the They ali felt that it was a per- should provide, might just have other responsibilities. clan), who is supposed to be sonal attack and it would not think about it. The only area where I can see an accountable, and responsi- achieve anything construc- that there maybe some so- ble union officiai. If the letter tive (like getting Rag up and As for the bit about 'if we called 'apathy' is in the union was too rude because of the running again). don't like things, why don't itself. No one wants to get offending words, then star we do something about involved with the union, and them out like she has done Melanie Dean them', weil let's face it, the it is only recently that I have before. Editor of Bare Facts type of thing many of us worked out why. might want to change just Dear Editor wouldn't happen - I refer to Illese are three very good rea- Well Bruce, what a surprise GM's - If anyone, as I have sons why no one wants to be the ever so controversia! and found out, tries to ask a ques- you didn't get any answers! I part of OUR imion, and no current problem of guests on tion (or make a suggestion), guess you proved your point. Friday night. Any more seri- however silly or stupid, gets one wants to speak their view. I being a "foreign student" Alan Howells ous than ùat, nobody is inter- replied by someone from the (Oh God, not another one!) ested in - who cares about the 'union group' which will put PS This letter has been aimed have often tried to explain 5 year pian for the Union - it's the poor person down so that at the whole union and not why I think there is a general only aplan and by the time the he/she won't get up and ask anyone in particular - I just lacic of interest on the part of changes have taken place, another question. Actually have to make this clear before the students in Union matters, we'll be gone!). Everyone I asking a question in front of a anyone writes back. societies etc. Here goes: know would like to be able to fair amount of people is quite invite anyone they want (I nerve racking itself but when PPS Another point I have no- Probably 90% of overseas students have no Intention of know that Alan or others say barked back on what a stupid ticed is that the union, even othenvise), but this is not to idea/it's union rules OK (de- though it should break even, staying in this country one day past their graduation. In be and we know the reasons. lete as appropriate) then what should be more of a SERV- Therefore Bruce, we / you/ is the point of making any ICE than a business. short, they are here to study. They make their small or they can only complain with- suggestion whether it is good Dear Alan out bothering to get off our or not. large group of friends, they I would like to respond to a bugger off to London most arse, because there is nothing few of your remarks if I may. we can do. Enough said by me An example is last GM when Weekends, or just sit around Firstly, your comment about in their rooms and basically -any replies / retaliations most I asked about the policy of being shouted down at the welcome. plástic glasses, and when was the rest can go to hell. They GM last week. You addressed don't care about this coimtry Nevin Bayoumi the law of having to have a your question to Alan Roy on new glass introduced. I know and couldn't care less about the subject of plástic glasses the university, let alone the it is the law, and I know it can which is something Aat he be unhealthy, but the point Union. The latter may be used Feature Nude Certitude By Miles Hedgehog
hat is a ...after Rwandan refugees students are As a final thought, 1 would just medium like to show you a cunning the poorest life-forms in the yet discov- trick that a friend showed me Wdensity office yesterday. By asking someone perforator? I have ered universe... to do this completely random apparently had to remove process, you will obtain a well one of these from my when it comes to giving to pulled out whilst watching known boxers phone number. charity, buying drinks, and go- Phil Collins having sex with (He wears braces, and his sur- computer keyboard in ing shopping. Maggie Thatcher in a pile of name sounds like U-bend.) order to write this. Come baked beans and cigarette Ask them to: to think of it, I now recall If you are thinking of putting stubs. that the medium density pen (or, in Vincent Hedgehog Write down the first four Slayers case; quill) to paper, Why do we feel this constant words that the giant in Jack office perforator would, and telling me that this is all urge to be available? By being and the Beanstalk says. up to a few years ago, lies, then save yourself the constantly on-call it really have been called by tiie biro-chewing energy. I know makes us less available to be Re-arrange the words. lowliest of names, in the that a small number of stu- doing whatever it was that we Re-arrange them two more dents are hard up, and that the most hushed of tones - A were supposed to be doing. times, making sure that you do odds of them making it There is one other disadvan- not repeat the previous pat- hole-punch. through their academic career tage as well. People we are tern. But now, it simply must be without going into debt are trying to avoid can easily grab known by its fiill, Christian slim, but you only have to go us at a moments notice, and Cross out all of the words spelt and surname (not that hole into the Library or a cinema to there is no excuse for not talk- film. punches have need for a relig- have a jolly good idea of the ing to them, because if a mo- What a cess-pit of useless in- ion; they are already holy). prosperity in this place. Here bile phone is switched on, it formation. TTie reason for the grand title? is a staged example (the ring- can only mean that you desire Simple. A hole punch now ing noises have been altered to someone to phone you up. costs two pounds and fifty protect the innocent). pence. Scene: A particularly quiet But not all hole pimches go by part of a library or in a cinema. this posh new pseudonym. I •UNIVERSITY 0F SURREY Small black lump of plastic could have quite easily parted ^mpî^er^vènts ^ - ^r with half the cash and bought with green illuminated win- a really cheap contraption dow: Bliddle. Bliddle. Bliddle which you can clip into your bliddle. ALLIED DOMECQ BVNS Présentation for students from ail ring-binder. However, with Student: Sits looking vacant at my holier-than-thou (stop it) latest copy of Bare Facts, and degree subjects attitude, I thought that I could think to him/herself tìiat they Monday 11 November clearly do with one bearing a really should give that hedge- 6.30 pm in Watcs House tasteful motif. Against the hog bloke a good talking to.) tasteful two tone coat of paint AIR PRODUCTS Présentation which it sports, the words Nice Student: {Realises that odd Day are written on it, sadly noise is coming from their for careers in Engineering, Sales, Marketing, with no question mark, nor pocket} Manufacturing, Finance & IT dotted line on which to write Wednesday 13 November Student: {In loudest possible your reply, but you can't have 6 pm in Wates House everything for half a fiver. voice} Hello? What? What? Yeah. Okay, IlI...Youre breaking up, you've gone ter- KERRY FOODS Présentation The reasoning behind not buy- for careers in R & D, Quality Assurance, ing the cheaper one, was be- ribly quiet..{Yelled at top of cause at the time, I felt I could voice} SEE YOU LATER Finance & IT afford it. Now, we all know THEN. Thursday 14 November that I must have been lying. Oh dear, oh dear. If tìiis has 6 pm in Wates House Why? Because after Rwandan ever been you, then please stop refugees, students are the whatever you are doing, re- SHL would like as many students as possible, poorest of poor life-forms in move the offending item from ail subjects and years, to complété a trial the yet discovered universe. your bag, and jump on top of Or so the saying may go. I personality questionnaire. it several times, until it is in 27 November 1 pm in LTB can't help feeling that if we all several pieces. Contrary to admitted to ourselves that the what you might believe, I do You will be paid and receive a report majority of people in this place not think that mobile phones have got more than enough are Satans spawn, just that Please sign up in careers asap for ail the above money to live comfortably on, people who leave them —CAREERS SERVICE there would be a lot less flan- switched on in these places nely rubbish talked about ought to have their toenails Feature 'D'is for DISCO!
A two part interview with Alan D. Roy (Ents Manager), to giva us students an insight into the man and his music. Alan D. Roy is a man with body's cup of tea. Give us ask a lot of people what they for 1200 people, so that we whom most of you have in- your side. thought. I mean, this was the play ever^ing. I think now direct contact every Friday most expensive band that that we're beginning to get night Bare Facts decided to Right Said Fred started doing we'd ever had in the Union, the feel right, we're begin- fìnd out what else he does a foli live show and a lot of and people were saying that ning to get the Ents right and for his money. universities took it just as they they thought they'd got £7 its starting to work. Its true were starting up. I was worth of entertainment. They that you're not going to please Why did you decide to go at the Ents convention in were very professional, very everybody. TTie Friday Night for Ents Sab two years ago? Aprii, I talked to a lot of other good and its a shame that a lot Out is different in that if you universities and people were of people missed out. go to one of the three clubs That's a very difficult ques- saying that it was a fantastic tion. The nominations shut on down town, you know what show. And by the time it got People moan when the FNO they're going to be playing Friday and I decided that I to Intro. Week, word had got goes dance: they moan was going to go for it on the and you can decide what you around that Right Said Fred when it returns to the old want to go to. On campus, Wednesday. I was sitting in were very good and offers shite. What's best in your the Upper Bar with some you've only got one night were coming in thick and fast. view? club to go to and that's the friends and thought "Let's go The advantage of having an for Ents Sabbatical" We're very lucky with the Union. You've just got to So has the job changed, now that you are Ents manager? As Ents Sab you were here to serve the students. Has this changed now that you are Ents manager? No, l'm stili here for the stu- dents. What about this job title ''Ents and Marketing man- ager**? Teli US about the marketing bit. In the past, there was nobody responsible for any marketing being done. A lot of people did tìiings on goodwill; the President would do a few things, the Bar Manager would do a few things, the Ents Sabbatical would do a few things and it wasn'treally co-ordinated and it got a bit scrappy. Last year I did quite a lot and decided to go for Ents Manager and co-ordi- Alan D. Roy - Ents Officer tums into. nate the marketing side. Ents Manager, is that I could DJs we've got. Chris has been hope that we're playing what Do you feei that this is work- book things a bit in advance. doing Surrey for ten years. you want to hear. You can't ing? When I was Ents Officer, l'd Andy James has worked for be sure of it, but hopefully it Yes, gradually, but its a long only just taken over, but as P&O and Rank Leisure. They will happen. l've heard how process, trying to create dif- Ents Manager, I could book know what's going on and people weren't happy with ferent images and styles for first. They only did a few gigs they're both very experi- the music, l've spoken to the different parts of the Union, and we were one. So I was enced. Now, how the Union DJs and we've got a good re- so that people see a particular really pleased that we got is, where its very democrati- sponso that people like it. Right Said Fred. They were cally based and everyone has logo and can immediately YouVe probably heard it a identify what it is. This makes really good live, everybody a right to their say, a lot of loved Aem and I was really people carry that through to million times ''Oh xxxx Uni- sure that things are a little less versity has got Supergrass scrappy. chuffed. It just happened that what we play at the Friday when Intro. Week came, the Night Out. You've got to be playing/ Look! The Blue- You've receìved a bit of First Years weren't inter- very carefiil to make sure that tones/Shed Seven/Sleeper stick for Intro. week. Right ested. But on the night, I did it doesn't tum into a juke box are playing up at The Guild- Said Fred were not every- Feature ford Civic Hall. Why can't book it. Now as Ents manager, me a fax saying "Please con- warm-ups and that's how you they come bére?" I can't just say, "Yes l'Il have sider the following bands for get bands like Ocean Colour this. Yes ni have that". l'Il your Sunday night freebies Scene. There's three kinds of univer- speak to a lot of people. The next semester". TTiat's the im- sity. There's those without portant bit. This guy books out We've had a few coups since Ents committee are the stu- l've been here: Ocean Col- Unions, there's those with dents, they should know. the Brand New Heavies and closed Unions and there's other huge bands and when our Scene, Jesus Jones, My those with open Unions. How do you go about book- he's got little bands coming Life Story, Miles Hunt etc. TTiere's also several différent ing Surrey Ents, for example through, he thinks of us. Now, Do you get to hang out with gradings of live music. the Sunday Night bands? I don't loîow who these bands the stars backstage before You've got your pubs, like are; l've never heard of them. they do their thang? The Star, who do live, local Well, its a case of agents ring- bands. Then you've got bands Yes, its part of the job, getting who go to smaller Unions, and in the things that the bands they do the same kind of mu- want. sic, but they may have a man- Any gossip? agen Then those bands get signed and they may start to do Ocean Colour Scene were re- things and that's when they ally nice guys, but they hated come to US, with big Unions, Lush. Before they went on I but closed, so that the public said "Lush were here two can't get in. The next step from weeks ago. We had 1200 peo- that is the open Universities ple in and they were one of the and the next step is stadiums. best bands we've ever had". Its the way the music business They played and when they runs, its the way that managers came back they said "We beat and agencies run. We will get that bunch of cock sucking bands that slot into our pigeon wankers Lush right up their hole. We will never get Ocean fiicking arse". They didn't like Colour Scene again. They Lush at ali. came here because they wanted to do a select amount Miles Hunt from Vent 414 was of warm ups before a big push. a very quite chap, I had a talk They came, they did the busi- with him before he went on. ness. We had 1000 people in One of the nicest bands l had that night and they've gone on in were The Brothers. One of to do really big things. If they them told me how they used to ever do play here again, it'll be have to work these holiday when they've come back camps with these dancers. down again. This guy got caught back stage with a dancer "getting busy We could get bands like The with the fîzzy" by Rolf Harris, Bluetones, but I don't think I who did a quick sketch of them could get 1000 people to pay in action. £8 to come in. A lot of people Richard and Fred in Right Said say, "Why can't you get such Fred both drunk a bottle of and such?", but if we do and it whisky each before going on. was a fiver a ticket, then are They were very nice guys, but people going to come. The they could drink. bigger the ticket price, the big- ger the chance of loosing lots ....Alan Roy - Ents Manager My Life Story were just weird. of money. ing me. I ask for a minimum of So what r 11 do now is ring him They asked for a bowl of Tre- bor Love Hearts and a bowl of Is it Worth giving it a shot for a Publishing deal. You can't up and ask if he thinks they're suitable for us and if they are, rose petals back stage. Mind just one big band? just take people off the Street. This semester we've got we'll probably have them. you. Vent 414 asked for a tub Yes and I'm still waiting for 'Wildwood'. They're local These guys know the business of lard. that big band to come along. guys and its always nice to and that's the way we go about Some people may know that Hiere's some interesting of- have one or two local bands. it. you're the Ringo Starr of the fers Coming in. There's one Apart from that, its very expe- University. Ever been band in particular, The Divine rienced agents. Again, you get So its not a case of you searching for bands? tempted to ask some of these Comedy, but unfortunately its two kinds of agencies. You get bands if you can Join in? in the exam period and its on a people who have got mates That's an important change in Wednesday night, which who are in a band and they set tiie Sunday night band. From No, 1 haven't played drums means going head to head with up as an 'agency', or they see us trying to find them, people now for two years. Bojanglez. They're about to other people's catalogues and are now coming to find us. Start a big European Tour and they book them out as well. Part Two - nexi week, where There are hundreds of bands Alan tells us what flavour want to do a few dates. But at Then you get the real agents, who send us demo tapes. I very £3 a ticket, l've got to get at who are dealing with the big yoghurt he'd like to corne rarely book from demo tapes, backas, what the'D'in Alan least 800 people through the bands, but of course, they've it mostly cornes from big door and that is risky on a always got the little bands to D. Roy stands for and who his agencies calling me up and favourite Sabbatical is. Wednesday night. I will talk to do as well. One of the biggest saying "Here's a band". And the Ents committee about it agencies in London, who have in return, those agents will and if they say "Yes", then l'Il Blur, Black Grape, Pulp sent give me the first pick of the Feature The Story So Far The Eternal Student ince the last article Caroline James (HCM2) and For anyone who's had a really covered in one course or an- back at the end of myself (Boo Hiss, Fix, I hear good time at University, the other. A 2.2 is usually Äe September. The you cry - NOT!!) and the thought of ieaving can be minimum requirement for S rooms by Jeannie Lee quite depressing. At least one these, but in practice course Charity Dinner Dance (IHTM2) and Neil Harvey. way of giving yourself an directors may ask for at least Committee have been up extension is to do some sort of a 2.1 if it's a really popular to ali sorts! ! Cocktails and Karaoké postgraduate study, though I course. Some humanities Cocktails & Karaoke - -31st October wouldn't necessarily Masters are almost impossi- Yet another popular event. recommend staying on for ble to get flmding for without 3rd October What more can be said! ! that reason alone. Tliere are, a First. As populär as ever, tickets arguably, more positive Another good reason for do- were sold out within 2 days Ticket Sales - from the reasons for doing a ing a postgraduate degree is and 180 people packed the llth November postgraduate qualification. that it does improve your em- lower bar, and helped to in- As the bail draws doser, the For example, if you see your- ployment prospects. Only crease bar sales to over tickets eventually go on sale self in a long term research 2% of UK postgrads were un- ce2000. Hope you ali felt as from the llth November in career, then a PhD is a tremen- employedin 1994. Mindyou rough as I did on Friday 4th. the Union. For those who dous asset, since it confîrms it's still possible to go down a The Charity Dinner Dance have been before and had a your ability to carry out effec- path which makes things Committee made a total of great time please come again tive research. It also means worse for you. I shall never œ380 for the nominated and for those who haven't, you can compete more effec- forget a PhD entomologist I charities - The Kidney Foun- here is a good time to re-cal- tively with colleagues when once interviewed who was to- dation, Breast Cancer Care, culate thatmonthiy budget, or promotion opportunities tally dedicated to fmding a job Disability Initiative and increase that overdraft, and come up. By the way, you'll working with butterflies. Medecins Sans Frontieres. allow for some extra spend- need to be expecting a 2.1 if He'd been looking for 18 ing money, for what can only you want to stand a realistic months when I first met him. Congratulations to Michael be described as the biggest chance of getting a place and Who knows, maybe he made Cox - HCM3 who won the and most prestigious social the flinding to go with it. it. But there's a lesson to be 'Name the Cat Compétition' event at the University of Sur- On the other hand, you may be leamed there for anyone con- where the prize was a 2 night rey. considering a career which re- sidering postgraduate study - break to include dinner, bed quires more specialised think about where it mi^it and breakfast at the Glenrid- See you all at the Union, op- loiowledge than your first de- leadyou. A lot of people drifr ding Hotel, Ullswater, Cum- posite Campus Travel with gree provided. Masters into further degrees without a bria. The prize also included those cheque books in your courses are tailor-made to due what's at the end of it. the fluffy white cat who an- hands !!! meet these demands with vir- That can be an expensive mis- swered to the name of tually every subject from ac- take if you have to finance it Jeremy. One last reminder the next tuarial work to zoology yourself. and last Cocktails of 1996 is
to be held on Thursday 19th •UNIVERSITY OF SURREY Balloon Launch - 17th December. Ticket price is October œ3.50, this is to include one COMING UP WEEK 10 A big thank you to ali those raffle ticket for the grand raf- people who were accosted by fle to be held on the night. members of the committee, CAREERTALKS hassling for you to sponsor a WATCH THIS SPACE FOR balloon for œi. A total of 760 MORE INFO, ABOUT THE WORKING ADVENTURES ABROAD balloons were launched from TICKET SALES AND TUESDAY J2 NOVEMBER outside Natwest Bank, and CHRISTMA[[ S COCKTAILS the flirthest balloon travelled 6.00 pm in LT F as far as Dieppe in France. Others only got as far as Kirstie Graves A represenialive from BUNAC (British Universities Nori/i America Oub) will Secretary to the Charity Din- give « talk foUowed by a video outiining ike trcrk and iraveiprogrammes Crawley, Suffolk and Sussex. operaled ty BUNA C ner Dance Committee Ticket Launch -31st They see tourism as the only October carrent altemative way to sur- SKILLS TRAINING Would like to thank every one vive, the only way that supported this event. This HOW TO SURVIVE THE INTERVIEW event was run by the Ist and WEDNESDAY 13 NOVEMBER 2nd year représentatives. The ticket launch is mainly a Pub- 2.00 pm-4.00 pm in LT B licity evening to increase A repeat workshop for anyone unable lo aUtnd on 6 November. Thb one will awareness of the ball and is be run by Russ Clark. held in the Lakeside Restau- rant. Apart from the food and punch, the main purpose of PRACTICE APTrrUDE TEST the evening was the grand raf- fle with 2 free tickets to the THURSDAY U NOVEMBER ball and 2 complementary 6.IS-8.1S pm inLTB double rooms at the Royal Lancaster Hotel to give away. This session is a repeat of the one held en ¡6 October. Please register with The tickets were won by Careers by Tuesday ¡2 November. -CAREERS SERVICE' Advertìsement
THK 30TK ANNTIAT.
CHARTTV mNNFR
DANCK 30th Charity Dinner Dance 25TH JANUARY 1997 Committee 1996 THE ROYAL LANCASTER HOTEL, HYDE PARK CORNER
£55 PER TICKET to include: Champagne Reception 4 course mea] ine 1/2 bottle of wine per person
An Individual Terrine of Zucchini. Grílled Aubergine Sun Dried Tornato and Kaiamata scrved with a Yellow Pepper Sauce.
Fil let of Salmón Troul, with Strips of LccI» scrvcd with a Light Butter Se. Shaüot Sauce
Supreme of Guinea Fowl served with Glazed Onions Mushrooms and Croûtons served with a Bcmaise Sauce
A Chocolate Cup fílled with Lemon Parfait and served with a Raspbeny Coulis.
Vegetarían Option Available Dancing tili 2am - DJ and Funktion Jimktion
TICKETS ARE ON SALE FROM:
11TH NOVEMBER 12-2PM, IN THE Breast Cancer UNION BUILDING
£5 FOR COACH Travel to and from University Campus
M£0£CtNS SANS FttONTIERES e Copyr^he Harvey Acktnson 1996 5 0 w&^r^
The possession of soivents is P^jCRtmOf/ légal, however in Scotland the use for intoxication may be a 50LVENTS ARE CHEMICALS FOUNP IN potential reaeon for putting those under 1Ô in care. TNlNGS LII^E GLOE. PAINT, AEROSOLS, Otherwise the only nsstriction in TIPPEX ANP POTANE GAS ANP ARE the LIK, makes it an (0encô to supply soivents to someone GENERALLY SNIFFEP OR INHALEP. »^HEN under 1Ô tf the suji^lier believes INHALEP SOWVE OF THEM HAVE EFFECTS they intend to use them to achieve intcwcation. SIBILAR TO ALCOHOL.
The user may feel giiJdy and lì^ht headed, drowsy and in eome cases hallucinate.
Long term effecte of heavy use over sisveral years may nssult in lasting damage to the brain, affecting control of movement. Long term damage to the kidneys and llver can aiso occur. Long term users will have the hangover symptoms of palenesô, tiredness, forgetfuiness and lack of concentration. Performance 5H0CT TERM EFFECTS - ans that bnsathing and heart rat« and function may be are depressed and repeated or deep inhalation can cause affected and, weight loss, disorientation. loss of control and consciousness. Effects depression and trembling disappear wtìiin a few minutes to half an hour after snrffin^. may occur but these will Afterwards the user may experlence a mild han^over disappear when the sniffing (headaches, pocr concentration) for about a d^. has stopped. Psychological Sniffin^ carries the risk of death through choking on vomit. dependence may occur, and About 100 deaths occur evsry year usual^ due to fnsezing of the iungs there have been reports of or suffocation . As with alcohol. accidentai death by injury can occur physical dependence. yinìiìi Lìinches /jl^ilahle vrom Œ)ecemher 2nd-20th TP ¡ione Q3^3 for details Wednesday 13th November CIdIIÈ WHITE RUM USSU Ents Planner Week Ending Nov 17 I'm afraid you've caught me with more than
my hands up CLLJ Friday > D0N7 BEUEVE IT, I DONI BEUEVE IT, Saturday ' ITS TIE ONE AND ONLY msissm
FEAT ANDY JAMES .akaltj Ice £1.20 WhilsShKkiLM FRKE MN» WlUtWOO» In the Upper Bar Available from 7pm OFU Film - Goldeneye OFU Film - Goldeneye
Tuesday Wednesday Wllil»8WisU« jP^i Helyn Rose Bar 8pm etui) WHITE MIM WmM £1 a Shot!!
Tliursday FHdoy THE OHE AND ONLY Movie Night Bar Open ti 11:45pm FEAT CHRIS HASLAH
Saturday Sunday
mi mmM » MIN UNION SttAWMeSucklLM i CLOSED ALL DAY Guests Allowed CHANCELL0R8 OPEN @ Copyright Harv«y Atkinsofi 1996
Cocaine and crack are class A controlied drugs Coosme may be prescribed in certain COCAINE (CNARUE, dNOW, COkE) CO^^ES IN THE circumstances. Otherwise it is FORW OF A WMlTÌ POWPER AMPE FROAA THE COCA illegai to possess, supply or SHROP TNAT CAN Bi EATIN, SMOkEP, SNiFFEP •pTOÀK^ce, (uniess authorised to OR INJECTIP. do so). Similarly it is illegal to allow premises to be used for CRACli (ROCI^, STONE è f^ASM) |S PERlVEP their supply or production. FROM COCAINE HYPROCHLORIPE, |T TOO |S WNtTÌ The poiice ne^ take s soft Une m IN T>|E FORW OF CRYSTALS OR ROCkfS THE on cocaine. SIZE OF RAISINS THAT ARE SAAOIÌTEP.
The user can feel invincible SHORT TEKM EFFECT6 and confident due to a include anxiety, halluc- powerful buzz. Animated inations and feelings and intense tall
The BARE FACTS BARE SiDE SUBMISSIONS DEADLINE IS MON- DAYSPM — / t ARTICLES TO BE SUP- PLIED WRITTEN 1 171 (ONLYIF you RE- ALLY CAN'T TYPE), ON DISK aHlY WILL BE RETURNED) OR BY E-MAIL (B.FACTS@SUR- You'LL PaY DEAl^Ly FORTHlSl REY.ACm
DON'T fOmryOUK UN- ION NUMBER Cinema An OFU and Martini - shaken, not stirred. tali, dark handsome figure The Arts fihn is 'Fargo' - the Cohen brothers return in this Midwestem murder enters the roora and mystery. Basically, a man arranges for his Aproceeds to talk to a prim, wife to be kidnapped, in order to ransom pert and proper secretary t^'pe. her rieh father. As you can probably Miss Moneypenny, what's this week's guess, things go horribly wrong. Marks & OFU fihn?" (In deep, Scottish accent). Spencer, Laurei & Hardy, Comedy & Murder. Ali three are a guaranteed suc- "Weil James, M informs me that accord- cess, so ril see you there - LTG, Wednes- ing to American reports, the pianned film day, 8pm. has been hijacked. He's told me to book another one in its place. The thing is that How do I get my ticket? Weil, secret when you walked in this moming, I was agents can come in for free of course so taken aback by your masterfiil pres- (we're not going to argue with martial arts ence, that I completely forgot about it. experts, gunmen and people with qualifi- l've only just managed to book 'Gold- cations in modem languages). The rest of eneye'. l'm doing this job by the seat of you will have to sneak down to the Socie- my pants." ties Post Room, put a filled in advanced ticket in our box and give us 21bs of fiesh if a) you want to tell us what films you "Oh, ni have to look into them later!" on the door (or two of those shiny, gold want to see next semester b) you need (Not only Scottish accent, but raising of coins if you prefer). Having said that, Pick some spiritual guidance c) you think this eyebrows). and Mix tickets are still on sale for 6 quid, column's crap. We'll see what we can do for you. Bond retums in the shape of Pierce Bros- meanmg you get 4 films for the price of nan for Goldeneye, which, if you ignore 3. Smart, eh? But hurry if you want us to Thought of the week: the average person the Tina Tumer song, is quite good. The cast our Goldeneyes over your Thunder- farts 15 times per day (yes, even the man may have changed, but the main balls and Octopussy, as You Only Live Queen). features haven't. Fast cars, fast women Twice. We reserve the right to refuse en- and lots of action. Watch out for the try to members of Spectre. Brucey woman who likes to crush men between her legs during nooky. Now that's what I Weil, life plods on and so do OFU (pro- cali ball breal^g! nounced OFF YOU, not O. F. U.) meet- ings. Tum Up to LTH on Tuesday at 6pm Odeon Cinema, Guildford Week Commencing Friday ist November 1996
Michael Collins (15) The Nutty Professor (12) Fri & Sat at 3.00,6.30,9.30 Fri&Satat 12.55, 3.10, 5.15 Sun to Thürs at 2,30, 5.30,8.25 Sun to Thürs (except Wednesday) at l.OO, 3.40 The Craft (15) Chain Reaction (12) Fri & Sat at 3.10,5.30,7.50,10.10 Fri & Sat at 5.40 only Sun to Thürs at (1.30 except Sun), 4.00,6.30, 8.50 Sun to Thürs at 6.00 Brassed Off (15) Emma (U) Fri & Sat at 8.00 only Fri & Sat at 7.30 Sun to Thürs at 8.00 only Sun to Thürs (except Wednesday) at 6.00 Dragonheart (PG) The Fan (15) Fri&Satat 1.15,3.30 Fri&Satat 10.00 only Sun to Thürs at (1.20 not Thürs) 3.45 Sun to Thürs (except Wednesday) at 8.40 only The Wind in the Willows (U) Top Ten Film Special Fri & Sat atl.OO Terminator 2 Sunday at 12.40 only Saturday 9th November 1996, Doors open at lO.IOpm, film only at lO.lSpm Jack(PG) Fri ife Sat at 12.45 Film for ali Seasons Sunday at 1.30 Citizen Kane (PG) Wednesday 13th November 1996 at 12.55, 3.30, 6.00, 8.30 Personals lan King (RM2a), Did you ter from Emma (8,52 Uni Ifs that time again... pulì at the FNO?...I sup- Ct 95-96) pose that's a NO! • Galling Sweat Beast - how Noel, your girlfriend is about drenching my bed • But Steve, Big brothers • Si-all good things cometo beautiful... again? or will you just pulì were only created for scam- those who wait.... F'm a Ben, ok ya! Harvey Nicks the photos offmy wall! Top ming lunch! Antonia Coming!!!! next weekend sweetie, love weirdo - love from Kung • Boy, Do I hate kill- • Ha! Gotcha! M&M = Mad liz and kez FuLu switches...Kam (Ex-DJ!) and Madder! Day 7 out of 15 and its all • Hello to all the top birds • Räch, thanks for the • I am under threat of sexual over -1 owe you £10 Aris. and blokes from 52 Uni Ct flower. Am still looking harrasment by a wanton SS - The Beautiful South, is 95-96. See you soon, love for something suitable to woman (with a whisk) it 'a song for whoever' or a EmmaP send in return. AB • Nicky - here's a personal 'shag for whoever' ? TCE? • Edward! • James, hope you're 'spot- just for you! I think we Miss June/July - Was it • Hope you liked the roses less' soon! M&M need to oil our squeaky Linda? Need more détails left outside your house, • To Tai, JOE WROTE TO doors! Bex Carlos. love from your secret ad- mirerxxx ME!!!! AB • Little lan - love you honey, Hannah and Corinna say • The Kill Switches weren't thanks for being there for hello from Atlanta!! See • Ed - How are your Fraggle on, it was just a trancey- me last Wednesday. Kez y'allinJanuary!! -H'n'C!! Rocks? xxx ambient type song that's JO, YOU WERE GREAT, • Virgin Chunderman strikes all!...Kam • won struh niarb ruoy teb I ROLL ON NEXT FRI- again! • "There's you and I and the ,ziL DAY! • BR-Instali buckets please, Love in between" • Martin, Did you think Brad DOMs - when do you get a for Ed's next Ram trip... • Lilly, send us a postcard Pitt was sexy too? M&M mech eng module in your • Sylvia - teli us all of Ed's from your next trip down • esaelp won em htiw xes course? secrets! the stairs evah dna dnuor emoc uoy EK - can i borrow the • Spamela Hamderson needs • How many cows Does Nor- lliw ,nhoJ brain celi next FNO? a porking! folk have? • To the people that sent in Wanted: mature,male re- • Bizarre! the article about Pizza +, • Tropica! Heat + chocolate placement for "DOMs" - • Lushious Lesbo, Aunty mousse = sticky first year! please come and see me. I need your union card num- contact SOB's! Fifa and the boy downstairs (you know who you are! Well... in Germany we (who sometimes answers to from AH) bers before I can print any- thing. Mei xxx never wear plimsolls! tìie name of Ben) Who's in • I know where you live, S.O.? the house? Why the moo CraZy dOn'T anSwEr THe • Happy 24th Chris you old moos of course, cheers for sod, lots of lurve ex-SP!!! Well... in Bahrain we al- dOor maN. So buy a door ways get cr*p hair cuts! the advice - l'm free at bell. YOU HAVE BEEN • Antonio, two babeson your S.O.? last! ! love ya ali from Mup- WARNEDÜ floor has forgotten what pet Shagger you look like 6 and a half pints of cock- • House 64 we are transfer- tails • Oi Rachel, next time give ring you to Hazel Farm. • Hello Newcastle will win US some waming....phew! You are making too much Next time Ed, we are not the cup in Europe, and In • er.. I think it mi^t have noise. love the Wind UK. Cheers Hugo Tom carrying you home! Chimes xx Ed, shave off your beard - been the chicken.... • Orai sex in Chancellors • Happy Birthday Kev!! • Hey hey satay how novel it catches the vomit! Darling Softie - Have I told Ioads of love • No, No, No, No parking in • Steve - 25th November, U lately that I love U? Gary,Rach.Ruth and Katie t'top field. Write it in your diary, l'm xxxxxxxxxx coming up - Mouthy Chocolatie Muscleman - • Nick, have you stocked up good luck with the new fit- • Ginga we missed you on Mahesers fortonight?! Mackie ness program! Keep em • Playboy Bunny - No more • Ginga you're great you • Ness,lurve-guru, will solve hard & sfrong! POLO's for you young all your problems with the sexy beast lady, except of course if opposite sex. • Matt, I did miss you on the sorry if i have upset some- their name's Andi - tee hee 2nd and 3rd and don't for- body with my personals, - love Miss Macho Tits • Ruth, you are sweeter than last week. molla doms. jam doughnuts. PS re- get it. love ya KJ XX • Oi Charlene "5 Bellies" member cleaning days on • Swindon are going DOWN HI ERICA!!!!! Braganza! Tuesday Once shagged, never for- DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! • Mei you pissed up tart • Top Birds: soppy vids, !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! gotten! • NO Kev I AM NOT chocolate, pizza and drink; • Beccy I want your babies Nice haircut. OHKHAY!! NARKY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! who's up for it? • Karen What happened to Erica's probably going to • Chris and Shandy-had any • I will always love you xxx the Cumcumber! ! ! Do you kill me now. fights at the Ram recently? • So how were Matt's par- lose it every time at Friday • To lan (ms51 ie). Hope the ents then? Did you teli Night Out • Have a great day Kev on plans for your placement 7th Nov. Blimey another them the horse story?! • Nick, 'the stud' put some are going well. See you year older. That boy racer clothes on, us girlies are • Kristain, you can't get us, soon, love Emma P (UNT^ image will have to go! !! love the Wind Chimes fainting in house 64 • Hello to the residentofRm • Karen, I am innocent! ! ! ! 8/52 Uni. Ct for this semes- Clubs and Societies Notices AGMs/EGMs • RNIB - Workshop on age with Words, Excel, Reading for the Blind Power Point, etc. Still quite Boat Club Economics AGM 10am-4pm, 13th December new. Going at £950. If in- at the University. Any stu- Thursday 14th November Thursday 21st November terested contact Veronica dents interested in training on ext. 3439 (work hours) 1996 at 7.30pm 1996 at 5.30pm please contact Sharon Tay- Grant Mitchell Room 4AD17 or 234722 at evenings. lor Special Needs Advisor, Can you spare an hour or Please contact Carla on Please contact Neil Rickman Welfare Office, SU 578306 for more details economics dept for more de- two each week? - We are tails • Small room to let in looking for volunteers to Islamic Society filendly share house - £40 read printed material onto Wednesday 13th November Jiu Jitsu AGMplain RSun- pw plus bills. Town centre. tape for visually impaired 1996 at 6pm day 24th November 1996 at Females only please. Cen- students. The subjects are LTF 5pm tral heating, all mod cons. varied and a little knowl- Please contact Abdul 3418 for Campusport Please phone 832056 to edge or, at least, interest more details Contact 831279 for more view. would be useful. If you can details, all to attend elec- spare some time, possess Bare Facts tion of new committee posi- • A DELL latitude notebook Mondays at 6pm computer bargain - this common sense and a clear lions - Bring sports reading voice, then contact Starting Monday 11th Novem- registration cards notebook computer is built ber around the Intel 486 micro- Sharon Taylor on 259261 Bare Facts Office, SU Cricket Club AGM processor running at 75 or or ext. 9261. Now to be held on 17th No- LGB Soc 100 megahertz (Mhz). Has Guildford's New Basket- vember 1996 at 7.20pm 4 Megabytes of RAM ball team vs Liverpool - this Tuesdays at 8pm all please to attend TBll memory but can be in- Saturday 8-10pm at Cam- Archeiy AGM creased to 20 MB by in- pusport, fi«e entry with Un- University of Surrey Scout Monday 18th November at stalling a 4-, 8-, or 16-MB ion Card or DOSH card and Guide Club 6pm memory module in the op- tional-memory socket on PLEASE NOTE - THE Monday 18th November at LTK UNION WILL BE 7.30pm the system board. Hard disk space (program memory) is CLOSED ON SUNDAY TB23 all member to attend 17TH NOVEMBER ALL please 400 Megabytes. Fully in- stalled Windows 95 Pack- DAY AND NIGHT Shag Away International societies: This Saturday night is a NURSES SHAG night, with International Tamil society the diploma and degree nurses nternational Tamil Nearly 80 million tamils in all Vadai etc. Tamils favourite at Surrey hopefully joining society is a new over the world, living particu- food is Rise and Curry, like forces, getting drunk and men many Indion's. Most of the off their guard. overseas society in larly in Tamil nadu state of IUniversity of surrey India, North east part of Sri Tamilian cuisine is inherently lacto-vegetarian due to the It's about time that this event founded by some Tamil Lanka, Singapore, Malaysia, occured with so many joint Fiji and Mauritius. Nowadays, fact that most of the popula- students this year to tion is hindu and religions and and seperate problems nursing more than 0.3 million Tamil and midwifery students face cheer the Tamil culture migrated to western countries. consider animais like the cows with other students in as holy. on top of the all too common More than 70,000 Tamils are general studenty probs. Hope- UOS. In this issue, I am now living in United King- TTiere are about 80 students folly this evening will be a trying answer the big dom. They started to migrate huge success in taking a step in 1940, and most of tìiem studying in University of Sur- question of yours. " rey. Most are doing Elect.Eng, towards a united student body Who are Tamils? " have came recently, due to the addressing problems and so- ethnic problems in Sri Lanka. Maths, Chemical Engineering Tamil is a major member of and Bio-Science. Most of cialising together. Come along the Dravidlan family of lan- Most Tamils are Hindu by re- them are home students, who for what could be the SHAG of guages, which, in terms of ligion and they have a rich cul- originally from north-east part the year! their recorded history at least, tural background. As some of of Sri Lanka. are indigenous to the Indian you may know, the Tamils A big thanks must go to three If you like to know more about great individuals who have subcontinent -though affini- cultural dance is called as Baratha Natyam. There are so Tamil's home land, foods, cul- helped to enable the diploma ties with languages spoken ture or tamils ethnie problems nurses to get into the union this elsewhere have, with some de- many festival for Tamils such as Dewali, Thai Pongal, Nava in Sri Lanka please feel fi"ee to Saturday. Firstly to Gaby and gree of plausibility, been sug- Rathari, Villakkedu visit the following web links Anne at BNA for part sponsor- gested. Tamil is of a particular ect.Tamils new year is in or watch out for Ais space in ing the transport, secondly to importance as being the mem- April. following weeks. Graham Wright and the EIHMS for further helping ber of the group with the long- http://www.ee.surTey.ac.uk/ est continuous written history, Almost everyone who loves with the transport, letting the Societies/tamilsoc/notice.ht students come together the earliest extant literature ethnic food is sure to have ml heard, seen or eaten Thanks, come along and enjoy belonging to the beginning of the nuses SHAG tìie Cluistian era or earlier. http://www.surrey.ac.uk/~bs the items that originated in 41 cm/tmp/tamil.html Tamil nadu, Idli, Appam, Jon T.XXX Bloke's Bit The Baboon Is Back
elax. It's OK I Please note the headers on the what this University needs. two of his England team mates are alcoholics (Paul have returned. pages, and how, apart from But alas, these are the nineties this wee bit and men's fenc- (and if you haven't got used Merson havùig a cocaine and RThe prodigai son ing, these are pages of to them by now, well you'd gambling problem as weil), is here. Or in the words of women's sport. To such an better as there's another four Sie re-elected US président is the great Gary Glitter, extent that l'm thmking of years to go) and we must be a thief, adultérer and drug 'It's good to be back'. putting a nude photo of my- even minded and PC. user, NÎP's are sexual dévi- Yes, Ginga here. No self in next week as the first ants or adulterers or selling More violence from the Gaza, more of that nasty pin-up of the year. If the arms to Iraq. These politi- sports pages are going to be or should it be Gazza? Should cians who stand on a public impostor Tigs. Piece of like Cosmo, then as an even he be picked for England or platform to lead us deserve piss, I ask you. Mei (she's minded and depraved kind of shouldn't he? What kind of a everything they get, but well keen, especially for chap I feel I should edit ac- role model is he presenting? I Gazza just wants to play foot- a hunk like me) did all the cordingly. Relax, the photo am going to come off the ball. He should be left well work for you. And you will be in black and white so fence on this one, as it seems alone. And remember that you won't need sunglasses. to have caused so much of a 'the Lord would rather accept try being a witty national stir. It's my duty as raconteur week after And I don't think they're that one repentant sirmer into the bright anyway. But if you sports ed. Jeff Powell got to kingdom of heaven than fïve week. I don't know how want to keep the Baboons but- do it in the Daily Mail, so why righteous men.' And while I manage it sometimes. tocks out of these pages, then shouldn't I? Gazza should be we're on a biblical note, And to be honest, I don't. come on mixed and men's picked. Without a doubt. maybe Glenn Hoddle should But what's wrong with clubs, let us know what What he did was deplorable be criticised for basing his life mindless drivel anyway? you're doing and write me an and cannot be condoned. But on a story made up by a few article. Please do not get me he's trying to sort it out. stoned Hebrews a couple of But I digress. Thank you Gazza is under enormous for standing in Tigs, you wrong. I am extremely grate- thousand years ago. fiil for all articles submitted pressure both on and ofF the owe me a beer. But where pitch, mostly due to the can- and ï am in no way a misogy- Well, now that l've put the cat nibalistic media in this coun- have I been? you ask. nist, but an even balance of ail among the pigeons I will sign try. He is a role model Weil, and I write this specifi- sport would be nice. Not that off, sportsfans. Have a good because of that media which cally for anyone in authority, that would be my choice. In- week. is so quick to try to ruin him I was away working for the deed no. Three pages a week of good, Scottish rugby is at every tum. And let' s face it, Ginga week. Yes, you see, despite a role model in a world where being a 'mature' student and getting a fiill grant, this is not enough togeüíier with a full loan to even pay the rent on Surrey V Kingston my university house. So I had to skip lectures for a week and rse, drink, feck, with now somewhat damp- The epée scores were 5-4 to eam some money. I would've our fencing ened spirits, we discovered Surrey, with some long the full extent of Kingston's bouts which were inspiring been wearing black on the 5th match was disorganisation: vhtuäly no to watch. Gabi would have (no fees day) but didn't for A scheduled to start at 5pm, weapons, we had to se up the been proud! fear of people thinkmg I was so we had no legitímate piste (the area where the in stage crew. reason to miss moming matches take place), and them Overall it was a good per- formance from Surrey, the But look what has happened lectures. This did not casually drifting in and out didn't help. final scores being 16-11 to in my absence. Women's bode well. We hired a Kingston. rugby have run riot. A 5-0 win private taxi and made our The match started badly with All our team would like to two weeks ago, and then beat- way to Kingston. a staggering 8-1 defeat in sa- extend our thanks to an ex- ing Boumemouth 42-0! Ap- Hopefully, if we arrived bre. Our single victory was tremely badly organised parently, Boumemouth were produced by Gijs and he early we could go to the event. Anthony fwinted this so vanquished, I hear that the saved us from total failure in pub after the match, and out to a Kingston fencer and whole of the team sought sol- sabre. Gijs has developed a make up for our earlier was nearly beaten up by her! ace and comfort in the arms bad/useñil habit of slashing But then he is only small. (or, more bluntly, by Îicking disappointment. But it the opposition in an attempt a the tonsils of) one beautifully wasn't to be. contact (one squealed in Jonathan Bird, Armourer. challenged member of the To start with we couldn't fìnd pain). After the thrashing in men's rugby second fifteen. the venue so Anthony, our se- sabre, our foil and epée pros- Don't forget there's our web To make it worse, one of said rene President, grabbed some pects looked bleak, but luck- page, soon to have all these women of questionable mor- results and more! innocent student off the ily this tumed out to be far áis performed a lewd act of from the tmth. In the foil com- the Hugh Grant/Divine streets and grilled them as to http://www.ee.surrey.ac.uk pétition we won 5-4, with An- /Societies/fencing/ Brown type on another, even the location of the sports cen- thony and myself winning more hideous second fifteen tre. Suiprisingly, they didn't most of our bouts. Our third complete with pictures from player prior to joining the eue know where it was: does no- foilist, Paul was more intent Portsmouth. to snog Penfold. OOPS! did I one actually use it? on hurting his opponents than Kyle, [email protected] say his name? scoring points, great flin to Once we had found the venue watch though, cheers Paul. (echoes of Portsmouth?), More Buuurd's Bits Surrey Women Stili On Fine Form ! ! ight Tries, Seven everything Caz ! 10 - 0 up and Second half and more firn and again but by a last ditch effort Supporters Boumemouth defence was fi"olics, or as the men's say hair by Boumemouth was held up, foiled again as the Mighty pullingandpinching! Surrey's the ball whipped from her E .Three Attempts Miriam crashed and bashed injury another ambulance hands and set down by none at a conversión, Two her way through most of the needed for Liz. Game nearly other than our very own Ambulances and a defence to score her debut try abandoned but thanks to some LOUISE - the utility forward! I partridge in a pear tree ( ( just wait till she gets in the quick thinking by one of our The conversion finally con- bar we ali think with glee!!). team - the seconds pitch was verted- some more can-can well it's dose enough to Some serums, running and invaded, l've never known practice needed Fiona. Whis- Christmas !ì. yelling fi-om our reluctant sup- one individuai so keen and en- tle blown, final score 42 - 0 Another cold and windy porters (thanks to Surrey thusiastic about rugby! ! Wednesday a fine day to break men's 2" team especially for a record - well done to the the pitch) and al that stuff Surrey WOMEN on a mission So men take note, we won newly named " three try later, slinky hips Celia - succeeding in gently per- again at the end of the glorious Cazza" who scored a try in the steamed her way through to suading (hmm!!) American day .first 40 seconds of the game or throw herself between the football to watch 20 minutes of women's rugby (like hell) The Surrey Women are defi- 'however long it takes to nm posts, who most graciously nitely here to stay, half way up the pitch. Then ten knocked out one of the oppo- thanks lads. Two more tries minutes later stomped her way sition along the way. Then the from the "Mighty Miriam" And Rugby is_what we play! ! through the Boumemouth de- and another fi-om "Three Try Surrey pack trampled over LumpyXXX fence to score her second. Sur- their next victim, good job the Cazza" ( let someone else have rey spirits as high as a kite, as ambulance was already on the the ball girls like a winger). our "timid" N0.8 !?! lined up way. Then just on time that No.8 to kick the conversion but (also going for the record of missed it, well you can't have latest try) got over the line Women's Football Score On the Pitch!! It's not the Our first home game and we goalie. Others were hoofed winning.• •• were ready to kick Southbank over the bar, can't you ever Uni's arse. We were ready for keep those ball down 'Biri' !?! action with a vengeance after This was ali brought to an LHC 2nd (0) vs the 9-0 defeat practice match? ! abrupt end by the half time two weeks ago, played on a whistle. Southampton (10) cratered pitch, no ref and hav- ing sufifered the exposure of After a peptalk from Captain 'Jigsaw' Lisa, we were ready o amount of and by half time we were 5-0 their poorly endowed rugby down. players. for more stunning action. The flowery words second half was played with will ever convey The second half showed team great enthusiasm, with Lisa N After their late arrivai due to the events of last morale fighting strong, but to traffic congestion forecasted holding the midfield together no avail. S^ome excellent saves from the nigh before (!) both and Aretha standing her Wednesday as Surrey by Amy and superb team work teams were up for a good fight. ground saving oiu^ net from LHC 2nds attempted to kept the end score at only 10-0. too much of a battering. The take Southampton by The whole team played very Southbank, after scoring only whole team played their hearts well and a huge "thank you" three goals were knocked for storm. Let's just say it out with the final score being wasn't of hurricane goes out to ali involved espe- six as our first goal of the sea- 7-1 to Southbank. cially Amy. And remem- son hit the back of the net. The standard, more like a ber...It's not the winning... ball was struck with force by Krista and Lisa's perform- downhill deterioration of our top scorer Krista ances were celebrated in the monstrous proportions. (Shearer!) our very own £15 bar later - pity they couldn't million women (Go on take us quite down their pints in one! But we fought to the end. through it again Krista). The Practice makes perfect eh However, enough Bronte roar from our supporters and girls. style writing and on with players could be heard from the report. the bar - anyone would have Well played everyone, we've thought we'd won the league. proved we can do it, so let's do Fielding only ten players, Sur- it again. rey took to the pitch deter- What followed was a spell of mined to play our best. But Quote "It's defìnitely harder fancy stick moves and daz- inspirational football, show- to score on the pitch than ing our filli potential as many zling ball control (and approx. off!!" No names mentioned 5 subs!!) got the better of us shots were denied by their there Buuurd's Bit! "It's Great To Be Back In Southampton" Surrey Ist LHC 2 Soton Institute 2 eil, that's how Saf'aamton to it's resi- The match was pretty even Swollow) getting passed our that well dents/inmates) thanks to the and they managed to sneak keeper, maJcing us all even. driver and the fact that the one back (dodgy deflection in W known song pitches were down a track that my view, however the umpire The rest of the match went goes, whether it is true or the bus couldn't get down didn't seem to agree). with little event, apart from not is a matter of opinion (time for me and Lisa to do a our armoyance at the umpire quick jog) we eventually got Soon we were on top again who seemed to be able to only (and who am I to judge?). with Emma iinally loosing Signal in one direction (cheers Anyway 11.30am Àere (I see we get all the best coaches laid on for us!!??) her virginity (you've done love) and my 'interesting' outside Nat West, the day ever so well for yourself tackle (she still got up and was just beginning (the After watching the ladies 2nd love...) on the hockey pitch, played again). and the odd side ways glance game on Bird! reason for the early start Thanks to the team for putting at the Pompey lads on the was to be discovered Up with me and after being pitch next to ours (their ball Half time, and now for my honouree captain for the day L later, actually when we skills) it was our tum to step inspirational talk, well at- feel there is no area in the' arrived at the pitch v^th on to that hallowed astro. The tempt at one (actually I was 'field' of hockey that I'm not about 5 minutes before game started well, in fact it still recovering from actually versatile in - something like started bloody well with Lisa getting the team, goalie kit the 2nd were about to that anyway... birdleggin' itupthewingand and shirts all to the same des- play - and the least said tination, at the same time). about that match the scoring in the first 15 seconds Lovingly type by Kate Birrd (San Marino aünost eat your The disappointment of no half better, and NO Sara, it's heart out) -1 bet she's scored time oranges seemed to have PS Well played on Saturday not your fault) quicker in the past though an effect on us and we spent a girlies (5-0) and good luck for After a tour of tìie great city (it's old, but it had to be said). tough second half battling tìiis Wednesday (just beeh). witiiin our half, with another (commonly known as very dodgy deflection (Sarah Sports Party Crmse 1991 Amsterdam 28th Feb - 3rd March
Total Cost £85 ind. insurance o
BUT
Total Cost with Sports Registration Card £50 incl Insurance and party extras (tour Shirt, free beer, etc.) CoKMct otber : For Hot. Wet S, Farioit» fun wtth pl9trty oftìgMblaek Pqxi x4738 ¡mey 56*206 rubber meet in ttw Union. or lem a mwtige à dw (rigeon Me 1:00pm Ffidays upstairs if you CMit mke tbe meetiny. in the 'ptr^ section' See your club captain for more details Deposits required by 27th November 1996 VyttidUrÌinj^ lU