The student ‘news’paper of Imperial College London
Guardian Student Newspaper of the Year 2006, 2008
Issue 1,430 Friday 1 May 2009 felixonline.co.uk felix Inside Science - Wind powered cars!
Page 8
Travel - Hitchers guide to hitchhiking
Pages 10-11
Tech - Gadget Show Live!
Pages 16-17
Music - Summer Ball Camden Crawl
Unionline-up finally starts to listen to its studentsreleased about entertainments, but why has it taken so long? See pages 4 & 5 Page 13 2 felix Friday 1 May 2009 Friday 1 May 2009 felix 3 News [email protected] News News Editor – Kadhim Shubber and Dan Wan [email protected] ‘UCL’ shits all over Imperial A Second Life for Imperial The world beyond News in Brief college walls medical students Green Week competition winner Dina Ismail The winners of Imperial College Union’s ‘Greening Imperial’ competi- News Correspondent tion are announced online today, with two students sharing the £1000 prize. The judging panel consisting of estates staff, the College’s new Imperial College third-year medical Program Director for Corporate Social Responsibility, academic staff, students are taking part in a pilot pro- Deputy President (Education & Welfare) and the RCSU President who France gram that allows them to practice diag- part-funded the competition made the unanimous decision to award nosing and treating patients- all in the the prize to two research students, Adele Peel and Steven Johnston President Sarkozy has opened an exhibition containing ten projects by virtual world. for their practical approaches to making Imperial more sustainable. Dan Wan of UCL students. bag of shit purely to deposit its con- international architects which outline their vision for Paris in 2029. The prospective doctors are treat- Adele’s idea tackled student halls, proposing a competition be- Editor-in -Prowling “I’m doubtful as to whether it was tents on a table? If not, who would Sarkozy’s grand plan is for a greener city, and the ten options include radi- ing virtual patients in Second Life, a tween halls to reduce their energy use and waste production. Steven actually UCL or our students trying to bring a poor farmyard animal into the cal ideas like a monorail network, recycling stations buried beneath parkland 3D internet world where users live focused on the disposable paper cups available from catering out- After years of Imperial shitting all over put the blame on someone else – there depths of London and have it shit all and local power generation. and interact through online alter egos, lets across the College, with a three-step approach to reducing the ‘UCL’ in the league tables, ‘UCL’ have is absolutely no solid evidence to sug- over a snooker table?” Another stu- Nicknamed the “City of Light”, Paris is usually defined as everything within called avatars. It is however far from number we use as well as recycling the ones handed out. finally ‘shat’ back in a fashion befitting gest who it was.” Miss Topham duly dent, who wished not to be named, the périphérique or ring road, giving it an official population of two million playing out long held fantasies of being The People and Planet Green League 2009 will be announced in the to their intellect, and the only tables in- noted the absence of 3rd floor video also described the Union’s third floor people. But the French capital is surrounded by a plethora of suburbs and a doctor in the world of ER or Grey’s Autumn term. volved were snooker tables. surveillance. as “smelly as fuck”. felix concurs with towns administered by separate county councils and inhabited by a further Anatomy. Instead, it is a step by step For more details visit imperialcollegeunion.org/green. During the closing days of the Spring “This incidence has highlighted the both witnesses. The damaged snooker six million people. exercise in patient care and treatment term, the Union snooker rooms were problems with security – particularly tables have since been relayed with new Pressure has been growing to merge some of the neighbouring councils management. broken into and heavily vandalised; on the upper floors of the Union, be- felt. Topham assured that the damage together into something akin to the Greater London Authority for London’s A virtual hospital has been set-up including the deposition of faeces on cause, although the Union has inves- would not be inflicted on the Snooker eight million inhabitants. While Sarkozy is pushing for this, he is opposed by and designed to look like Imperial’s ICU RAG Mag: Funny and Free! snooker tables. The tables and walls tigated available CCTV footage and Club financially. the Socialist Party which is in office in most of the councils and which sup- own real-life facilities where every- were also targeted. Graffiti included questioned stewards on duty during “As soon as the scene was discovered port the decentralisation. thing is made to mimic the actual ex- Funny and Free! Well that’s not the complete truth but it’s definitely several ambiguous but aggressive mes- that night, there is no CCTV on the top we informed the club and to ensure perience of being on a hospital ward. funny. The ICU RAG Mag, a time honoured student joke book, is re- sages, such as “fuck off” and “c*nt”. To floor of the building and during busy that they wouldn’t suffer materially Even online versions of members of leased today. Funded by advertising revenue the magazines make whom these messages were targeted is nights it is very difficult to track every from these actions. The Clubs and So- staff bear an eerie resemblance to their money for charity by readers donating their coppers to a RAG tin. still not clear, but it is thought that the person in the Union building who takes cieties Board had unanimously voted real-life appearance. These can be found in either the union shop or union bar. If it makes unruly depictions of genitalia are to it into their head to do damage.” She to fund the refelting of the vandalised USA From the comfort of a classroom, you laugh, donate! This year’s charities are Barnardos, Shelter and provide clues. also reassured us that the Union Build- snooker tables from Contingency, students can log into the virtual medi- the Rainbow Trust. Any students wishing to nominate a charity for A carefully constructed structure ing’s security was also under “whole- however, Sport Imperial very kindly David Kellermann, acting Chief Financial Officer (CFO) of US mortgage cal world and transport their avatars How attractive do you think the real medic behind this avatar is? next year are welcome to fill out the form on the inside back cover made of broken snooker cues, trian- scale review” for the new term. offered to help as well, so my sincere giant Freddie Mac, was found hung in his basement after apparently to the computer-generated hospital. and post it in to the RAG pigeon hole in the SAC. gles and a chair was also erected on The faeces was thought not be of thanks to Neil Mosley [Head of Sport committing suicide. There they check in at a reception At Imperial, RAG Mags have been produced for at least the last 20 top of an uncovered snooker table. human origin, and is reckoned to be Imperial] for his support.” 41-year old Mr Kellermann had worked for Freddie Mac for 16 years, be- desk, put on an access badge and pick a friendly chat is needed, students can ple you may wish to ignore- if only real years. Previous magazines feature jokes which are unpublishable by Its delightful centrepiece featured an sheep’s, by the well-proven investiga- Topham went on to condemn the ginning in his mid-twenties as a financial ana- up their assignment to begin work. If communicate with their professors life were that easy. today’s standards, with one magazine even being banned for sale impressively large piece of excrement. tive method of scratch’n’sniff. After people responsible for the vandalism lyst, and rising through the ranks of the cor- an assignment takes place in a respi- and other colleagues within the world Although the program is not part of around college! The initial cover this year was itself refused for being The owners were seemingly so pleased extensive examination of Beit Quad “Whoever did this needs serious psy- poration. The death was reported by his wife ratory ward, students have access to through their avatars. the medical school’s official curriculum too risqué. Who says you can’t publish jokes about a certain MP who with their creation, they decided to CCTV however, there were no sight- chological counselling if they think at their home in eastern state of Virginia. recordings of real-life patients’ breath- As enjoyable as playing doctors may quite yet, in the future, educators see it was caught in an expenses scandal? sign their name beneath it; the letters ings of any farm animals within the that was they did was funny or accept- Freddie Mac is a private corporation that ing to help with their diagnoses. And sound, this game-based learning does as a new way of learning for students ICU RAG Mag, entertaining students for 20 years - pick up your copy ‘UCL’ were found painted onto the Union compound. able behaviour.” deals with financial services, namely owning if it is decided that x-rays are needed, not aim to replace traditional face-to- that also taps into their sophisticated along with the Felix from points around college today! table felt with an unidentified white The snooker rooms, which are found At the end of the Spring term, an- or guaranteeing mortgages. In September they can stroll down to the radiol- face training or the experiences gained and savvy computer skills. substance, thought to be paint or glue. on the 3rd floor of the Union Building other similar incident occurred in the 2008, to prevent it from collapsing, the US ogy department and order them. The from walking the wards of real hospi- “The aim is to develop a more en- After a month of headstratching, felix in Beit Quad, were thought to have inflatable laser quest in Beit Quad, Federal Government took over control of the idea is to think through the tests and tals and interacting with real patients. gaging learning environment” said have finally identified the meaning of been infiltrated between 22:30 and where it was found that an individual corporation, and appointed Kellermann as the treatments in the same way that a doc- The 3D virtual world cannot replicate Maria Toro-Troconis, a senior learn- Swine Flu hits the World, hard! the letters as Bloomsbury Community midnight after a play held in the Union had left some excrement in one of the CFO. But recently Freddie Mac’s losses have tor would and reinforce lessons about or convey real human emotion, distress ing technologist. “You’d like to say College’s lesser used name of ‘Univer- Concert Hall on the 20th of March. corners. As a result, the attraction was spiralled out of control, and Mr Kellermann’s responsibility and hospital protocol. or suffering nor teach how to effective- this makes learning fun and easy,” says It’s pretty hard to avoid all the commotion about Swine Flu as it has sity College London’. A witness to the aftermath voiced shut early so that the problem could be colleagues reported that he had been working Students even have to virtually wash ly deal with it. And apparently avatars Jenny Higham, head of undergraduate appeared in the media all over the world. If you are worried about However, Deputy President (Clubs & his concerns with the motives of the dealt with. long hours. their hands before visiting a patient, can’t be killed. In the world of Second medicine, “[but] at the end of the day, it, College have set up a website with up-to-date guidance for staff, Societies) Lily Topham, has raised her vandals. “It is immensely worrying on Thus far, the Union is dealing these otherwise their investigation is halted Life there is even a simple mute button there’s still a basic requirement to learn students and visitors: http://www3.imperial.ac.uk/alerts. doubts that the defacement was work two levels. Who’s carrying around a as two separate incidents. and they lose points. If advice, help or that can be clicked to silence any peo- the facts.” Russia
Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London NATO and Russia have restored formal diplomatic contacts, eight SW7 2BB. Tel: 020 7594 8072. Fax: 020 7594 8065. Trial opens of murdered Imperial UROP months after they were suspended over the five day war with Georgia in Printed by The Harmsworth Printing Ltd, 17 Brest August 2008. felix 1,430 Road, Derriford, Plymouth. Registered newspaper The 28 members of the NATO military alliance met with a Russian envoy Friday 01/05/09 ISSN 1040-0711. Copyright © Felix 2009. students at the Old Bailey in Brussels on Wednesday 29th April. A NATO spokesman said that disa- greement continued over Russia’s invasion of Georgia (which has been prom- Kadhim Shubber ised NATO membership), and NATO’s planned military exercises there next Felix was brought to you by: Deputy Editor month. But significant progress had been made on the Conventional Forces In the papers in Europe Treaty, which aims at limiting the number of tanks and other con- Editor in Chief: Jovan Nedić Deputy Editor: Kadhim Shubber Associate Editor: Gilead Amit The trial of two men accused of mur- ventional military equipment between the Atlantic and the Ural mountains. dering French students Gabriel Ferez NATO decided to gradually resume its ties with Russia, especially on is- News Editors International Editor Nightlife Editor and Laurent Bonomo has begun at the The Independent: sues such as nuclear non-proliferation, the war in Afghanistan, and the fight Dan Wan Hassan Joudi Catherine Jones Old Bailey. against terrorism, but emphasized that neither should shy away from issues Kadhim Shubber Raphael Houdmont Dano Sonnex, 23, of Peckham South “The jury was told that both on which they fundamentally disagree. What’s On Editors London and Nigel Farmer, 33, of no Sonnex and Farmer had a history Copy Editors Film Editors Rachel D’oliviero fixed address are charged with murder, of similar violence. Mr Aylett ex- Louise Etheridge Zuzanna Blaszczak Lily Topham arson, burglary, false imprisonment plained that Sonnex had a previous Jonathan Lloyd-Williams Jonathan Dakin and trying to pervert the course of conviction from 2002 when, aged Sasha Nicoletti Food Editors justice. Both men deny all charges al- 16, he stabbed another youth three South Africa Dina Ismail Technology Editor Rosie Grayburn though Dano Sonnex has admitted one Laurent Bonomo and Gabriel times in a row over a car.” Richard Lai Afonso Campos count of robbery at the victim’s bedsit Ferez had been on a three-month Jacob Zuma is expected to become South Africa’s next president on the Politics Editors: on the date of the murders. research placement at Imperial The Guardian 6th of May, after his party the African National Congress won 66% of the James Goldsack Music Editors Puzzles Supremo Gabriel Ferez and Laurent Bonomo, vote in the general elections. Katya-yani Vyas Peter Sinclair Charles Murdoch biochemistry masters students from “ ...Farmer, who was suffering A controversial figure, Jacob Zuma is a former guerrilla fighter and was an James Houghton University of Clermont-Ferrand, had take revenge for the fact they had been from burns to his face and hands, inmate at Robben Island prison alongside Nelson Mandela. For years he has Science Editors Alex Ashford Clubs and Socs Editor almost completed a three month re- unable to steal money from Mr Ferez, announced: “I just killed two fuck- been embroiled in legal battles on allegations of corruption and fraud, which Mićo Tatalović Alice Rowlands search placement at Imperial College both men were murdered in a way that ing people in New Cross.” have only recently been dropped – on a technicality. Daniel Burrows Fashion Editor when they were murdered at their bed- can only be described as inhuman”. Despite his many flaws, Mr Zuma is undoubtedly a man of remarkable Dan Wan Sports Editors sit in New Cross. Later that night, the flat was set The Times qualities. And qualities he will need if he is to lead a country which contrib- Arts Editors Jack Cornish LOL FLU The court has heard that the stu- alight. A man was spotted fleeing the utes a third of the 48 sub-Saharan economies’ GDP (Gross Domestic Prod- Caz Knight Coffee Break Editor Mustapher Botchway dents were awoken by intruders at fire by next-door neighbour Curtis “Jurors were told to brace them- uct). Too many African countries have collapsed because of leaders who view David Paw Ravi Pall 5:30am on June 29th last year, held for Cronin. He shouted “I’ve got you” at selves for the photographs of what government as a means of accumulating power and dispensing favours. Mr Emily Wilson Ron Burgundy Photography approximately two and a half hours the man, meaning that he had seen his was found at the flat by firefighters Zuma needs to show that South Africa, a beacon of hope for a continent of a Sami Michaels and murdered when Mr Ferez’s card face. Mr Cronin later provided an e-fit when it was set ablaze the night af- billion souls, can still lead the way. Business Editor Travel Editor Tom Roberts of tHe WEEK was swallowed by a bank machine. that closely resembled Mr Farmer. ter the murders” Edited by Hassan Joudi & Raphael Houdmont Luke Dhanoa Dylan Lowe Zoe Dobell Prosecutor Crispin Aylett QC said “to The trial continues at the Old Bailey. 4 felix Friday 1 May 2009 Friday 211 May November 2009 2008 felix 5 News [email protected] [email protected] News
of an increased capacity, which allows for 1000 extra attendees than we have Since their debut album ‘Vehicles & Animals’ ever sold before, we don’t foresee that in 2003, Athlete have been at the forefront of any Ic students will be unable to pur- the UK’s indie rock scene playing to crowds Student bands to Official line-up for the chase an entertainments ticket due to around the world. an external customer taking that place. Their first album was met with critical and In addition we are monitoring ticket ATHLETE commercial success producing singles such play with top acts sales closely throughout this period to as ‘You Got the Style’ and ‘El Salvador. For ensure that if we are approaching ca- their second album ‘Tourist’, Athlete scored Summer Ball announced pacity that the ability for externals to their biggest hit-to-date ‘Wires’ which went Union finally listens to its students, but why did it take so long and are our students purchase tickets will be removed.” on to win a coveted Ivor Nevello award for at Summer Ball Several students were also concerned Best Contemporary Song. ‘Beyond the Neigh- going to be at a loss? Editor in Chief, , finds out as to why the line-up wasn’t announced bourhood’ was released in September 2007 Jovan Nedić Deputy Editor of felix, who’s claims his Jovan Nedić earlier so that they could take advan- reaching number 5 in the UK album chart and Editor in Chief favourite artist at the moment is Laura tage of the early tickets, to which ICU spawning the hit single ‘Hurricane’. They are Marling. fter countless surveys replied “We have withheld the line-up currently working on their fourth studio al- Jazz and Rock Society, in conjunc- Each battle will start from 19:00 in and input from students, until this point as we awaited a full set bum and are about to embark on an intimate tion with Imperial College Union are dB’s, entry will cheap and there will be it seems that the Impe- of contracted acts. In previous years we UK tour ahead of its release. hosting a Battle of the Bands competi- a raffle at the end where the first prize rial College Union Enter- have released acts based on provisional tion, with the eventual winner playing ill be free tickets to this year’s Sum- tainments Department is contracts and we have been let down. alongside with Athlete, Rosie and the mer Ball. The bands will be playing a finally listening to the people it serves, We have attempted to avoid a situation Goldbug and Tape the Radio. mixture of covers and their own songs Athe students. where tickets have been purchased This move by the Union is seen as a throughout the night so there will be Back in October 2008 (Issue 1,411), based on a line-up which is not 100% positive one, with ever increasing stu- something for everyone. There might felix carried out a survey to review the certain, to avoid disappointment.” dent input to the entertainments that also be a possibility of selecting one of success of Freshers’ Week and also get are provided at the Union. the finalists from the runners-up by some idea of what the students really The competition will consist of three means of an online vote. wanted from the Union. One of the heats, held on the 7th, 14th and 21st So if you are interested in having a biggest results from the survey was the “We don’t May, followed by a final on Friday, May direct input into what you listen to at fact that students would much rather 29th. A top selection of judges will be the Summer Ball, then go along and prefer to see a live band over a live act. foresee that PENDULUM at the event deciding on the different support your favourite band, either The other big result from the survey winners, these include; Hannah Theo- that or bribe the official judges. I hear was that a whopping 83% of the stu- any IC students dorou who is Deputy President (Edu- the Deputy Editor has a particular lik- dents told felix that it was the people cation & Welfare) and a massive fan of ing for Innocent Smoothies and choco- and not the acts that make the night, (El Hornet DJ SET) Goldfrapp , as well as Kadhim Shubber, late Brownies! Photo by Ian Gillett will be unable with one student commenting that “I didn’t really care who the acts were, it Students at the Survivors Photo from last year’s Summer Ball to purchase an was Freshers’ Week, I would have gone i.e. not a live set... AGAIN along anyway.” Another result that entertainments came from the survey was the cost of ample. The theme was elegant to say butions to the Ball this year, including which will host a variety of live per- the tickets for the big blow-out finale the least: keep it simple, keep it cheap. £13,000 for general costs, the College formances which include the Globe ticket due to on the Friday of Freshers’ Week, with This is exactly what they did with tick- catering department donating around Girls and Imperial’s very own Jazz Big 70% of the students questioned think- ets only costing £5, no major headline £2,000 and Commercial services do- Band. Headlining the Cabaret stage an external IC Big Band win ing that the £14.50 ticket price was too acts that would cost several thousand nating nearly £10,000 to cover the this year will be Noel Fielding and expensive for what was on offer. pounds and, as expected, the Union cost of hiring the marquee after it was Dave Brown, better known as The customer taking The general consensus amongst was full with around 1,200 students found that Outreach, who normally Doctor and the Pencil. The duo from the student body was that for any big having a great night. Following on split the cost of the hire, pulled out in the hit TV show The Mighty Boosh that place” - ICU Gold Award at event, whether it be Freshers’ Week, from the success of the Easter “Credit the last minute. have joined forces to bring you a live end of term Carnival or the Summer Crunch” Carnival, it seems that the The organisers of the Ball have put on show that is certain to have you rolling Ball, people are going to come along no Union has decided to yet again listen three separate entertainment sections in the isles. National Festival matter who the acts are, and if they’re to its students. this year; the live music section will As well as live music and DJ sets, the “In addition we aim for students to going to pay a fair bit for their ticket, This year’s Summer Ball, which takes be in the Beit Quad where there will Summer Ball will also have other at- make their decision to attend the ball Jon Dennis to do so. The judges praised the band’s they want something good. In the re- place on the 20th June, promises to be be bands playing from 20:00 onwards. tractions to keep you entertained into based on a line-up in it’s entirety and tight ensemble playing, commenting cent International Student Barometer a great hit with acts that will satisfy a On the Live Arena, the headline act for the small hours of the morning, such not on single acts. We have worked Having wiped the floor with the com- that the set was a ‘most enjoyable per- survey, Imperial was rated bottom for vast range of students. The ticket pric- the evening will be Athlete who will be as the Giant Fun Fair and of course the hard this year to ensure that there is petition at the regional heat of the formance’ and one they ‘would happily entertainment enjoyment out of all the es, however, are more than last year, playing a one and a half hour live set, survivors breakfast and photo. a wide variety of entertainment on National Concert Band Festival, the have paid to see’. The soloing inter- Russell Group universities; even below with ICU commenting that “Ticket with Rosie & The Goldbug and Tape The line-up for the Ball is meant to offer, hopefully providing something NOEL FIELDING & Imperial College Big Band travelled play of saxophonists Jamie McDougall our own Medical School. A problem prices this year have risen owing to the Radio as the supporting acts of the be a close guarded secret to ensure for everyone. We have based many of to the Royal Welsh College of Music and James Trippett was described as that seems to have been occurring over several factors, costs of organising the night. Joining them will be the eventual maximum impact, however, rumours our decisions for this year’s line-up on and Drama in Cardiff to play in the ‘lovely’, whilst Chaz Keiderling and his the past few years is that there has been event have risen, bearing in mind tick- Battle of the Bands winner as well as of some of the acts have been circu- feedback gained from the Trading and national finals of the festival over the horn were commended for reaching an little input from the student body into et prices for the event have remained Jeff Automatic from Club NME. lating after a few of bands advertised Clubs & Societies surveys, particularly DAVE BROWN Easter break. Despite having to catch ‘appropriately timed climax’ that put a what they want in terms of entertain- static over the past two years. In addi- As usual, there will be a selection of the event on their website. Athlete in relation to having a live arena for the a coach from college at 7am, the band smile on the judges’ faces. ment from their Union, or what could tion, this year we have also applied a drum and base acts with Pendulum (El have even been telling their fans on first time.” Noel Fielding, star of the BBC’s Mighty Boosh and his Gorilla costume-toting friend Dave Brown are here were in fine form under the direction This outstanding result shows the IC be even more worrying is that their in- more rigorous budgeting process for Hornet DJ Set) feat. MC Jakes being their website that “Although the event Even though the line-up this year to offer a roller coaster trip through their unique minds! Noel and Dave explain more: ‘The Doctor came to of Andy Simm, opening their set with Big Band to be one of the top univer- put has just been ignored. the event, taking into account more billed as the headline act in the Dance is aimed at students of the college it is considered to be the best in recent London from Eastern Europe in 1876, he rode into town on a mule dragging a half man half pencil behind Tom Kubis’ up tempo tune, ‘On Purple sity big bands in the country and is the It does seem, however, that they have realistic costs than in previous years Venue. Other acts include Chase & is not an exclusive gig and tickets are years, several students have wondered him on a pencil case the size of a hospital stretcher. The pencil woke up with no recollection of the great Porpoise Parkway’. The band captured crowning achievement of a successful finally started to lis- and this has highlighted the need to in- Status feat. MC Rage, Scratch Perverts, available.” This has left several students why it has taken so long for the Union journey, frightened, incensed and slightly jet-lagged he ran straight to London Zoo and skewered a pack the essence of Don Menza’s classic, year for the band. Having enjoyed the ten, with the Easter crease ticket prices to avoid incurring a Killa Kela and Interlope (LIVE) that worried that there will not be enough to listen to them and if they will do in of rare monkeys making the worlds largest marmaset kebab.’ That clears that one up then! Expect great ‘Groovin’ Hard’, and the set ended with unique cultural experience that Wales “Credit Crunch” financial loss on the ball.” will be playing you into the small hours tickets available for Imperial students, the future. Only time will tell. comedy, superb music and much laughter. Pat Metheny’s technically intricate has to offer, the band will be taking Carnival being a It is also reported that Imperial Col- of the morning. however, a statement sent by Imperial ‘The First Circle’, which allowed the sax their award-winning jazz on tour to prime ex- lege have made some generous contri- Finally there is the Cabaret Stage College Union stated that “As a result section to indulge in some jazz flute Berlin in September. Their next per- playing that would put Ron Burgundy formance will be in the MDH at the to shame. Summer Ball on 20th June, and prom- Despite tough competition from ises to be one of the highlights of the other regional winners the band were ball. Recordings from the competition presented with a gold award, the only and other information is available at group in the ‘open big band’ category www.icbigband.co.uk.
Rosie & The Goldbug Tape the Radio Jeff Automatic Globe Girls Chase & Status Killa Kella Scratch Perverts LIVE ARENA CABARET DANCE STAGE There’s always one person that decides not to look at the camera 6 felix Friday 1 May 2009 Friday 1 May 2009 felix 7 [email protected] Comment Comment, Opinion Let us know your views: [email protected] Letters may be edited for length and grammar purposes & Letters Views on these pages are not representative of felix Dylan Lowe finds kindness in a ‘treacherous’ world “There is always “Let us really a motivation The pillars of hope that this behind every university life. new change of deed of direction is a kindness... ChapterJovan One Nedić Editor in Chief sometimes it positive one” photo by ian gillett was because we he summer term is finally one of the categories has a problem, things wrong. The acts don’t reflect the ferent arts societies of the Union. The £8,000 for the whole ball, that’s what. upon us; it is a time of be- you will notice it. general population of Imperial, when result there was a very full Union with An even more interesting question had something havioural change, locking Seeing as the first story of this year is they do try, the tickets are considered people having a fun time and again the is how have they managed to stick to yourself away into a room about entertainment, let’s go with that to be expensive. Union making more profit; more profit their budget this year, which was simi- they needed” with as little distraction as one. After a hard days work in the lec- I’ll be the first to give credit when than Tuesdays from previous Frehsers’ lar to last year’s, and somehow get a possible so as to optimise revision. For ture theatres and labs, or even after a they deserve it, and for what they did Week. Yet she was met with several better, wider range of acts for the Sum- Tsome, it is the final leg of their univer- hard fought sports fixture or concert, at the Easter “Credit Crunch” Carni- obstacles from the Union who didn’t mer Ball? henever I turned foreigners’. the pages of your newspaper are brim- nocence, like their fellow countrymen Hitchhiking, I discovered, brings sity life whilst for others it is only the the students need a place where they val, they definitely deserve it. There think the quality of the acts would be The credibility and popularity of my attention to I soon found myself at the mercy of ming with negativity, one can’t help but would, the Romanians in Valdemoro the best out of this generosity. We beginning. Either way, the end result is can go, relax and have a good time. were no big name Radio 1 DJ’s costing good enough! How wrong they were! any venue is mainly based on word of the ‘dangers & an- these ‘foreigners’. re-modify his perspectives of the world (Julian & Lorena) had spent a stagger- have been fortunate to have received the same; pure relief that it is finally all The most obvious choice for this is the thousands of pounds, there weren’t The initial outlook for the Summer mouth, and having people tell you that noyances’ section To participate in an activity that according to this pessimists’ model. ing twenty Euros on a pair of complete from individuals not because they had over. Students’ Union, but the problem is, as extravagant decorations and they of- Ball looks promising, yet again it seems the Union is a rubbish venue to go to as of my travel guide, is hitchhiking, one must step into a But then, as human nature dictates, we strangers. so much to give away, but rather the As I now personally reach the end of many students have pointed out time fered something for everyone, all for a that they are taking on board what stu- soon as you arrive won’t help at all. At I knew I was heading towards a very stranger’s vehicle with all of his cyni- thrive on gloom. There is always a motivation behind contrary. my fifth year at Imperial and look for- and time again, it’s rubbish! low price. The result, a packed Union, dents have wanted for some time. Va- the same time they haven’t been seen Wwrong direction. cism and distrust cast aside. The fact After all, pain is more deeply felt ‒ every deed of kindness. In hitchhiking Whether the manifestation of gen- ward to employment, I couldn’t help To me, it seems that the Union has which would have happened anyway, riety! They have several live bands, ac- to be doing much about it and have Hustlers? Faux guides? Pickpockets? that the driver has cared to express in- and inflicts more emotions ‒ than the terms, many of the drivers who picked erosity may be materialistic as money, but look back at the major aspects of had a communication problem with its full of people having a good time, en- tual live bands, not like last year where carried on regardless of what students Robberies at knifepoint? What was I terest on some stranger’s welfare is an process of healing. us up craved for the companionship, a refreshments, or something as subtle my university life. As I see it, there are students. I’m sure that numerous at- joying the music and the company of they advertised that The Klaxons were say. even thinking in the first place? unambiguous indication of kindness. Away from the media coverage and break from long periods of isolation. as space, privacy, or most certainly effectively five aspects, or pillars, to any tempts have been made and I am sure people they were with. The result for playing, only for students to later real- Let us really hope that this new Not that my past experiences helped: Similarly, they have as much to despise computer screen, I took it upon myself Sometimes it was because we possess their time, many of which our Samari- students life at university and if any of that students have given their input, the Union, a healthy profit margin. ise that it was a DJ Set. What was the change in direction is a positive one; trust me, I have long since lost my in- against foreigners as we do; still they to search for and experience genuine something they need, for example a tans lacked, they were still willing to these pillars fall, you time will be a long but is it just me or do they not seem Why has this taken so long for them to point of paying so much money for one where they listen to the students nocence to this ruthless world. To this dispel cultural differences and commit kindness first hand. What I found, as better map. give to a couple-in-need. and arduous one. Education, Clubs and to listen? Freshers’ Week and the Sum- figure out and why was it so difficult? one member of a band to play a DJ Set, and give them what they want and not date I still refuse to let a stranger into their act of charity. I tread my path, was the joy of discov- It may be spiritual rather than ma- Lorena emphasised how much gen- Societies, Finance & Services, Housing mer Ball will always be busy, no matter I know for a fact on the Tuesday of what was accomplished? simply do what pleases them, and then the one-metre radius of my baggage, And there should be no scepticism ering displays of compassion from the terialistic ‒ sympathy, redemption for erosity and hospitality she had en- and Entertainments. Some of these what university you go to in the coun- Freshers’ Week, the Deputy Presi- Overspending the entertainments maybe, just maybe, we can have a Un- and find deception in every unrecog- on this ‘charity’ ‒ it doesn’t necessar- most unlikely of places. one’s previous wrong-doings, repay- countered and received when she was are clearly interlinked and dependent try, yet even though they know it is go- dent (Clubs & Societies) Lily Topham, budget for the Ball by around £12,000 ion where the students will be proud of nisable face. Paranoia? No my friend, ily include a sinister element. However The formidable appearances of sev- ment for others’ displays of kindness, herself travelling. As though in debt, upon others, but the point stands, if ing to be busy, they still manage to get wanted to have a showcase of the dif- and making a total loss of around going to. vigilance. And, to a certain extent, the movie industry decides to portray eral drivers along our way would have even the mere satisfaction which she felt it was her morale duty to repay snobbery. hitchhiking, Anna and I weren’t es- repelled us from accepting the rides. comes with being charitable. the kindness by becoming benevolent Surely, strangers do not deserve your caping convicts, and the drivers who Chris initially emanated the impres- There is no such thing as absolute and generous herself. That way, she individual attention, let alone your in- picked us up certainly weren’t serial sion of a Mediterranean miscreant; selflessness; selflessness will always be believed, was the only way to over- dividual sympathy. Especially when, as killers. Here is the proof: I have made Barrie with his Mohican hairstyle ap- tainted by at least a small smudge of come the ‘treachery’ that enshrouds they attempt to explain their hardship, it back in one piece. peared rascal-like with sadism lurking selfish mindset. Yet, the simple act of our lives. the meanings are lost in translation. So Thanks to the media, our society behind his eyes. Both turned out to be generosity as motivated by mostly self- I hope I have now repaid this kind- Annabel Slater has a bone to pick with The Rogue why not despise them? To sum it up in seems to be swathed with a swarm of the nicest individuals I have ever met. lessness is, as quantified by our cynical ness by shedding some optimism on one, typically-English, phrase ‒ ‘bloody sad faces or mourning gowns. When Rather than taking advantage of our in- society, most noble indeed. this sceptical world. “Girls, we need to take a look at ourselves too- apparently we all Afonso Campos likes clapping and being locked in look like we’ve There’s been made over something I by mentally have wondered defective about and only makeup artists!” just very recently manage to mperial full of plain Janes with One- she will walk past without notic- that supercilious girls with borderline filled up her ego some more. down a peg. Quick, male students, step delusional perceptions of self- ing (Oh! She did NOT… what a stuck- trainwreck bodies are being increas- The Rogue concludes that this fun back and take a good look at yourselves experience – worth, shallow brains. So says up bovine!), OR, two- she will glance at ingly witnessed every day at Imperial, little story illustrates his central the- to check you’re not becoming a lapdog. the Rogue, quickly assuring us you, hold your gaze for a little too long that their unattractiveness only makes sis- that the way in which men and I’m not sure how- probably, it involves lock-in at a pub.” that he is not some careless stu- (probably pretending to wonder if she their behavior all the more appalling, women react to each other has de- not being nice to girls, especially those dent hack in the Comments section, knows you, ha!) before embarrassedly and that girls who were bullied in high generated appallingly in Imperial, al- who aren’t even pretty enough to de- Ispouting a sexual frustration induced glancing away, “self-disapproving and school should seriously think about though by the end of his article, he’s serve it. Girls, we need to take a look here’s something quite One of these things is being back- of the actors turns back and your eyes the shuttered windows of your local as been invited for lock-in by anyone harangue that insults almost every- annoyed that she isn’t more of a bitch”. whether they deserve to be confident suddenly attacking the superficial male at ourselves too- apparently we all look special about doing things stage at the end of an incredible play. fatefully cross, it all becomes evident. you stumble back to the bus station in and hence will not invite you. It’s that one here at Imperial. No, he has a wise You know, I can really sympathise with at university or not (they don’t, he re- as the creator of these Frankenstein like we’ve been made over by mentally that the great majority of There is an inexplicable and splendid All the people on stage, all the people a sort of drunken stupor. dreadful cycle where you think you commentary to deliver, based on care- her, what girl *doesn’t* wish just that, assures us). No, the responsibility for she-monsters, as well as the original defective makeup artists! But what do I people never actually get beauty about the theatre that you just in the audience, and yourself, you are all Inside it you witness a scene that you have no way in, similar to that whole fully observed field evidence which when she makes eye contact with a the creation of these deluded creatures concept of airheaded, power tripping, know- I mean look, I’m a woman and do. It’s not necessarily be- can’t find at the movies. there opposing realism and supporting wish you could be a part of. “in order to get work experience you one can and has witnessed every day. stranger? Like, duh! The horror! The lies with Imperial’s male student des- borderline fugly females. We’re just I’m even writing into Felix to comment cause they’re exclusive or open only to The ovation and the actors covertly art for art’s sake. While experiencing You see people holding lit cigarettes must have work experience” conun- Apparently, Imperial’s womenfolk sheer nerve! A deplorable sense of peradoes, who first encouraged these two completely different species, aren’t on the Rogue’s so intelligently written Tan elite and select group of few who shedding a tear, the scenographers this from backstage is pretty magical indoors, pints flowing past legal sell- drum. Quite recently however, I have need taking down a peg. Especially, self-importance, indeed, when a girl bloated egos. Why, in a spot of healthy, we? How else do you explain the reek- piece. The Rogue’s already laid it all have somehow, magically acquired in- smiling timidly, the directors oozing because you are privy to the hard work ing time and maybe half a dozen faces been fortunate enough to have been he stresses, the main breed- the plain you don’t know either walks past you sneering dB’s voyeurism the Rogue ing air of superiority that the Rogue’s out, without having to answer the beg- vitations to these not-even-that-glam- a radiant love for their craft, the audi- that goes into making it all happen, it having a laugh and talking about an in many lock-ins at a really fun pub in girls (again, the Rogue can help you out or LOOKS AT YOU and then WALKS and his similarly shrewd male friend keen and fair senses detect from Impe- ging question of whether he actually orous happenings. ence shouting a corageous and mighty is just as satisfactory to experience this obscure and random topic like post- Tottenham Court Road, and it is every here- they’re the ones who aren’t “folli- PAST YOU. What kind of creatures are observed a “moderately attractive” girl rial womenfolk? No doubt, articles like has any female friends here, or just the For the most part, these things are “bravo”, the lights slightly dimmed, from the audience. If you have never modernist Italian cinema or the fall of bit as good as I imagined it to be. Be- cally challenged” by which we can only these? dancing with a group of “disgusting” the Rogue’s can help us all get along moronic caricatures he nurses in his best when they are very low-key rather the echo of the endless clapping - the had the fortune to live through a sce- calligraphy as an everyday art-form or sides the paramount pleasure of be- presume means bald or bushy haired, Having pointed out the nauseating male students (possibly perverts too, when we have to. So come on- don’t head. I’m just making sure everyone than elaborate spectacles including finale of a fantastic play is one of the nario in the likeness of this one, I urge something equally befuddling to your ing able to smoke cigarettes indoors or have kind of symmetrical faces, shortcomings of the average Imperial in the Rogue’s words), then receiving you realize that Imperial is apparently understands his message, I don’t even dancing mexican midgets in ill-fitting most amazing experiences one can go you to seek one soon. brain. You desperately want to be part through the night, I was inundated or don’t have the body of a fat child). female, the Rogue generously tosses some ‘nauseatingly insincere’ attention a godforsaken establishment where have a cool nickname. And just look cashmere underwear and stick-thin through. It’s borderline impossible to There is something else that I have of it but you do not belong to this se- with good conversation (of which I un- They’re too proud. Nauseating. Super- out a noble concession. Clearly, this from one of them in the hopes of get- almost all the men are desperate, and at me. Chances are, I’m just a typical catwalk models carrying trays filled to stand on the sideline and not feel like for eons wondered about and only just cret society for you do not work at any derstood a fair amount) and made even cilious. Full of undeserved confidence. net of criticism cannot be laid on every ting an accidental shag. Of course, he all the women stuck-up? Being at Im- Imperial girl. One of those typical de- the brim with intricate canapes of crap you are in one way or another part of very recently manage to experience – establishment where lock-in happens; better friends. I am thankful that there The Rogue reports how if, as a hum- Imperial girl, he adds halfway through failed, because he was one of those lap- perial, you see, has utterly destroyed luded, once-bullied girls, validating my you have never even heard of or could this great machine where the bounda- lock-in at a pub. I have always wanted nor do you actually know anyone who is someone in my life who has noticed ble student, you catch the eye of a pass- his pontification (I can nearly use big dogs that the Rogue is not. Meanwhile, their desire of “a meaningful platonic gargantuan sense of superficial self- even fathom eating, like domesticated ries and truth are too indistinct to to know what it feels like to stay in a works at a pub that could potentially that something like that would be an ing female student, the stranger will do words as well as he can), having previ- the girl, like the rest of her vile gender, relationship”. Appallingly, most of worth with the regular attention of ferret covered in bacon, cut into thin make out. pub past closing time. I’m sure I am not invite you. easy way to break my monotony and one of two things. This is very impor- ously and suitably established that all subconsciously “congratulated herself them are shallow, undesirable crea- desperate males, and by nabbing a bit slices and dipped into a bath of pink As you peer through the sides of the alone in this musing and also sure that Well, you might know someone, but make me happy. If you ask nicely, I may tant, so it was printed in bold type. of Imperial’s womenfolk are egotistical, on the hollow offer of casual sex” and tures to boot! Take those awful women of print-space… gold. great stage and for a brief moment, one like myself, you have peered in through they hate you because you have never bring you along next time I go. 8 felix Friday 1 May 2009 Friday 1 May 2009 felix 9 Science [email protected] Science Science Editor – Mićo Tatalović & Daniel Burrows [email protected]
Windmobile Windmobile was tested by Popular Sci- ence’s writer in 1976. It was found to go up to 47mph in side winds of 12-18mph on wind Wind cars: future of motoring? power alone. The vehicle used its electric mo- investigates the past, present and future of wind-powered cars. tor to get up to the speed of 30mph and then Mićo Tatalović on windy highway the wind-only propulsion carried on. With crosswinds of above 9mph hat if cars could the Windmobile runs on wind and can reach run on wind power 62mph. Popular Science described it as being alone? Britain is at like “some kind of space capsule out of a Walt the cutting edge of Disney movie”. Later version had solar panels wind-powered car on top of the arched canopy (bottom right). technology. British Greenbird has just Wset the land speed record (202.9km/ hr) for a wind vehicle on 26th March, whilst Ecotricity, a British energy com- British Greenbird wind-powered race car sponsored by Ecotricity. pany, is sponsoring the revamp of the Lotus Exige sportscar into an all elec- tric vehicle powered by wind-generat- ed electricity. But this is no recent development. Back in the 1970s, when the last fuel crisis hit western economies, the Windmobile (“land sailer for the hig- way”) featured on the cover of the 1976 issue of Popular Science magazine. This amazing vehicle could be pow- ered by wind on the highways alone, or could use wind to extend the range of its electric motor. Like the Greenbird, Windmobile could run on wind already available in the atmosphere alone. For most cars though, especially within the city, the wind is not fast enough to power them. Windmobile could use its smart design to aid its movements and Sketches for some of the patented wind-powered commercial car so extend range; the Popular Science ideas. article reported. The designer’s view was that placing a similar sail on per- sonal vehicles could extend their range up to 40% as well. The plans were in motion for a four-seat family Windmo- bile, but the economic forces precluded Some other wind-powered vehicles from the Wind Energy Events’ race Racing Aeolus 2008, and a streamlined Aptera electric car (top right). this green technology and as soon the Imperial students build an oil prices were down again, the Wind- mobile was buried in history. The newest development in this area car. The technology is probably already Several other patents have been filed is RoarMaxx’s Formula AE sportscar all there, buried in unused patents, but since the 1970s for using wind energy designed by two enthusiastic high- there are no economic incentives to electric sportscar for fuelling cars. Many of these are school students who decided to design develop it. based on the simple observation that a car that would recapture some of the A more realistic way of using wind to Andrew Hadland mous off-shoot to the already well that the best talent is used to bring at high car speeds, the incoming wind wind energy. power cars is to harvest wind for the Science Correspondent publicised Racing Green initiative, but RGE success! speed is also quick and could gener- The “energy lost under the friction of grid, and then charge your electric car it is independently backed by Imperial The team faces significant technical ate electricity. Now the skeptics could the air will be recovered through aero- from that grid. In this way you use clean Louis Palmer, a Swiss school teacher College and the prestigious Energy Fu- challenges in modifying the SR3, in- say that most of this incoming wind dynamically optimised intakes, which wind-power to power your electric car. became somewhat of a celebrity after tures Lab (EFL). cluding: raising the suspension from is generated by the car’s movement force air into the turbines like fans that This is exactly what the new develop- touring the Planet with his Solar Taxi: Although RGE is still in its early days, its current race configuration; and im- in the first place, which is true (un- will spin brushless synchronous alter- ment by Ecotricity is trying to do. The a solar powered electric vehicle, last the project only having started in mid- plementing a completely new and be- less you live and drive in windy areas nators recovering a predicted 20-25% project of turning a Lotus Exige into an year. He has now organised the Zero January 2009, much has already been spoke electric drivetrain that can cope used by the Green Bird), but the fact electrical energy which will then get electric sports car is reminiscent of the Emissions Race which will see 6 elec- achieved. They have secured the use and excel during the rigours of this that this wind energy is going to waste stored in Ultra-Capacitors for immedi- Tesla Roadster, an electric sportscar tric vehicles racing 40,000km around of a sexy Radical SR3 Supersport car, epic endurance event. still stands. So, many patents are based ate usage. Four strategically placed air from California. The founder of Ecot- the world, across 6 continents, all in 80 from Radical Sportscars, to modify for The vehicle will be designed and built on internal wind turbines that capture flow recovery systems will be installed ricity, charismatic entrepreneur Dale days! the race. After much research and cal- over the summer of 2009, ready to start much of the incoming wind which use around the vehicle, but their intakes Vinci, dissapointed with slow rate of His electric car for this race is being culation, the optimum batteries, sup- racing in Copenhagen at the UNFCCC it to generate electricity and so extends will not be obvious because the body electric cars coming out of the major built by Imperial College students. The plier and packager have been found. summit in December. the car’s range. This works in much the work design will incorporate them in a car manufacturers, got a team of ex- team have called themselves Racing Furthermore, the team has been Their progress can be followed via same way as re-generative braking; it way that’s very pleasing to the human perts together to build a competitive Green Endurance (RGE), and will be established from students across a their website at www.racinggreen- is the recycling of waste energy rather eye; an important key factor in vehicle alternative. Important as it is to replace the only student led team in the whole number of departments, including endurance.com, which is frequently than creation of energy anew. (Another design.” internal-engine cars with electric ones, event. Mechanical Engineering, EEE, and updated with the latest news and way around the fact that a lot of energy Like the later version of Windmobile, this will only reduce carbon emissions Wind powered Lotus Exige. The project started as an autono- Sustainable Energy Futures, ensuring information. is expended by cars just to push the air this car will also incorporate roof-top if the electricity powering these cars around themselves, and so is lost on solar panels to extend the range a fur- comes from clean energy, and wind is drag, is to design cars so to minimize ther 15-40%. The combination of such an excellent solution, says Vinci. These are vehicles like Greenbird, that More information on the follow- the drag – this is the idea behind Ap- ‘airflow re-capture energy’ and a sail In the meantime, events where wind- are “powered only by nature” and are ing weblinks: tera electric car now on sale in Cali- that would generate energy from the powered vehicles race (such as Racing “part aeroplane, part sailboat and part http://www.formulaae.com fornia. With its light and streamlined true wind (the one not caused by the Aeolus 2009 in Netherlands) are at- Formula One car”. So the future looks http://www.windenergyevents. body Aptera is very reminiscent of the vehicle’s movement), might one day tracting more publicity and more inter- bright for the wind-powered electric com/ Windmobile.) lead to an all wind-powered electric est from teams from around the world. cars. http://www.greenbird.co.uk/
Louis Palmer went around the world in his Solar Taxi. He still uses it to Imperial College’s Racing Green Endurance team with their new toy, a sportscar they are turning into an drive to work. His new quest to raise awarness about electric cars is to RoarMaxx’s Formula AE (alternative energy) with solar panels and windflow recovery system installed to maximise its range and efficiency. electric car for the December’s Zero Emissions race around the world. drive the electric sportscar designed by Imperial student team RGE. 10 felix Friday 1 May 2009 Friday 1 May 2009 felix 11 Travel [email protected] Travel Travel Editor – Dylan Lowe [email protected] Valdemoro, a vibrant town south of Madrid. We had arrived at the Repsol in search for a hitch down to Algeciras ferry port, preferably from any of the many lorries lodged by the petrol sta- tion. Perhaps we didn’t have any pref- erences at all, since we were in no posi- A hitchhiker’s guide to hitchhiking tion to bargain when the entire Spain had plunged into an Easter traffic recalls something beyond thumbing his way from London to Morocco: the personal lockdown. Dylan Lowe Soon enough, after spending over- challenge, the encounters and people along the way, and a sense of self-discovery night at the station waiting and resting (hardly), the futility became clear. We devised a plan: we would stay in Valde- unrise was finally upon us. African countries to improve stand- moro for a day before making another It was better reflected by the ards of education – has hosted the attempt to hitchhike. Julian, who ran a increasing influx of traffic Morocco Hitch every year since its night shift behind the tapas bar, offered heading our way rather than creation in 1992. Apparently, hitchhik- us a ride into Valdemoro town. Unbe- the morning temperature. I ing almost penniless across the conti- knownst to us, the hotels declined any Come rain... Or come shine observed Anna from afar, now that she nent to the African country closest to check-ins before 12pm; and so for four hadS returned to her spot by the junc- the UK would be an effective fundrais- hours, we took pleasure in Julian’s hos- tion where traffic from the lorry park ing mechanism: at least a thousand of pitality at his flat. livened. She was complaining to me us did buy that concept, raising over about the cold; I don’t blame her. My £300,000 in the process. palm seemed to be fixed in its thumbs- It all started when a certain Miles “I believed that up gesture not because of my enthusi- Glanfield brought news of this event to asm – it was simply frozen. the conversations of Selkirk Hall’s 3rd hitchhiking was Something was going terribly wrong. floor kitchen. “Challenge yourself to it” The old town of Foix, just north of Andorra It didn’t matter if the roundabout had was my first reaction. Granted, this is all about getting directed the traffic into different di- no London Marathon, or anything re- rections, one heading to Zaragoza/ motely as physically demanding. But, would turn, kept us going. Just like the Too true. from point A to Madrid and another into Barcelona as we found out soon enough, it is ac- monstrous queue to a rollercoaster We stopped at a petrol station en route – there were hardly any vehicles go- tually our mentality that is put to the ride, it was all part of the suspense. to refuel. As we clambered back into point B with zero ing southwards. For those that were test. Our driver, who introduced himself the truck I looked through the wind- southbound, the merciless junction as Amadou, kept to his word: with his screen. My heart almost stopped at the expenses…I was presented little room for stopping. The two new companions he now roamed sight – a vehicle bearing the insignia of wait continued. “Whenever the autopistas that led us inching to- the Guardia Civil (Spanish paramili- wrong” I went over to Anna and gave her a wards Madrid. Only one small problem tary police) had pulled into the station. cuddle, just for the sake of salvaging our fortunes though: of Malawian ancestry, he spoke I certainly didn’t forget that carrying Valdemoro petrol station, our one-time bedroom our morale. She was ready to give up extremely little English. The same situ- more than one passenger in a lorry Came noon, and Julian’s Romanian and more keen on using public trans- took a detour ation would have baffled many hitch- isn’t exactly legal in Spain. As I feared, housemate Lorena emerged from slum- port. With sleep deprivation kicking in, ers who, some of them had confessed we came under their scrutiny. Unwit- ber and aided our search for cheap ac- I feared that I would soon snap myself. it did send us to us, relied entirely on English to get tingly I had left my cardboard perching commodation (Julian was still asleep). How had we managed thus far? them through the continent. behind the windscreen, though upside The pair took it upon themselves to Anna and I had set off from Clap- crying for anti- Fortunate for us, Amadou was fluent down; a civil guard squinted to read judge that we were too famished to ham Junction four days ago, accepted in both Spanish and French; unfortu- the sign (“charity hitch”) while Ama- continue our hitch – we devoured at a lorry ride to Portsmouth to catch a depressants” I can’t recall doing anything involv- Chris the Portuguese marine-turned drid’ sign so that the conductor de nate for me, Anna had fallen asleep at dou convinced the other that Anna their expense (including Anna’s very ferry bound for Caen, blitzed through ing that much unpredictability in my trucker, Barrie the Anglo-French cook, camión could see. His gesture in re- the back, leaving me to fend for my- and I were his friends rather than mere first chocolate con churros). When I at- Northern France until Brive, where our life (albeit a mostly uneventful life). We Martine the geography teacher, Julien sponse, I swore down, must have been self with my patchy GCSE-standard passengers (not entirely untrue). tempted to pay, Lorena grimaced and luck expired. From there we inched to We had previously found ourselves could enjoy a glorious moment as we & Laure the nomadic hippies and Ro- a hallucination. Spanish. Eventually we had once again evaded tapped her cheek. the south of Toulouse. Rested, we at- waking to rainwater seeping through breeze through hundreds of miles, but main the crane driver was no everyday So I approached him. arrest. Maybe I should stop forgetting “This (gesture) means you’re hurting tempted a border crossing via Andorra our tent; three hours of thumbing later whenever our fortunes took a detour occurrence. “¿Va usted a Mardid?” “Si.” (“Are you that the continental folks tend to be my feelings,” she explained. “You’re my only to find the mountain passes grid- our chances of getting a ride was slim- it did send us crying for anti-depres- (Special mention to the French going to Madrid?” “Yeah.”) “Just like the more lenient on crimes petty as illegal guests – allow us to look after you.” locked with snow; several short hitches mer than that of us dying of pneumo- sants. But it is not without its positive businessman who scared us shitless “¿De verdad?” “De verdad, tío. Puedo hitchhiking on a French motorway, or * and much walker later we wound up in nia on the spot. We were drenched to outcome – it served as a reminder to by graphically depicting what would tomarte a Mardid.” (“Really?” “Really, monstrous pitching tent on private land, or kip- The Gatwick Express was in full swing the Spanish Pyrenees. Our fortune re- the bone. The invitation to travel by us to treasure every of those ‘glorious happen if the Toulouse nuclear power bruv. I can take you to Madrid.”) ping tramp-style in a car park without with a pledge to deliver us to Victoria turned with a ride that took us across public bus was too hard to resist. But, moments’ with awe and appreciation. plant explodes – even I, with my mini- Upon hearing the news, Anna dis- queue to a shelter? Station within 30 minutes. My shoul- the mountain range by nightfall. Hav- staying true to our personal challenge, It has even more to do with human mum knowledge on the French lan- played her talents as a dancer by sprint- A lot of people believed that hitch- ders felt uneasy without the weight of The happy hitchhikers at Plaza Mayor, Madrid ing slept rough in a car park in the our endurance put up a good fight and interaction. When one gets an insight guage, understood what he was saying. ing and leaping into me in a celebratory rollercoaster hiking was all about getting from point my rucksack; but I was relieved. Anna lorry park just outside of Lleida, Cat- won over the temptation. of the lives of one’s Samaritans, it sets We bore with his banter as he took us hug – the exhilaration beats watching a A to point B with zero expenses, save was busy texting her boyfriend, with alunya, we hoisted the cardboards on Almost two hours had passed since this personal enlightenment from that 20k across the outskirts of Toulouse.) similar scene from Dirty Dancing. ride, it was the energy and effort of raising your news of her arrival from Morocco and the fifth day hours before the sun was sunrise. Still nothing. A little earlier I experienced by travelling on public Speaking of frigid, I had now begun That exhilaration is what found thumb long enough to get yourself flirtatiously stressed how much she This article is dedicated to Chris, Interested? Contact me on travel. even in sight. had run into trouble with the police: transport. For once, I felt privileged to shivering in Lleida. My patience was throughout the trip: it gives proof that, all part of the picked up – I had been one of them. I missed him. A sign bearing ‘Clapham Barrie, Martine, Romain, Julien & [email protected] for more in- Not that me and Anna were the only for treating the police like a taxi serv- be part of a stranger’s voyage, share our wavering. Then my eardrums shook the bitterer a situation gets, the tasti- was especially ruthless with the plan- Junction’ sped by – I was reminded Laure, Diego, Amadou, Julian & Lore- formation on how to take part in ones partaking in this bizarre, if not ice. I was reminded just how spoilt a varying objectives and destinations yet – it was to the awakened grinding of er the sweetness when it bears fruit. suspense” ning: my emphasis had been on my how Chris the Portuguese trucker had na, as well as any unnamed individu- the Morocco Hitch, or more about insane, endeavour. Being the 18th of pair of hitchers we were to begin with ostensibly heading towards the same di- a lorry engine. In a seemingly vain at- Wetness, coldness, sleeplessness, we destination, Morocco, rather than the clogged up the entire cross-junction by als who had offered us a hand along it from an ex-hitcher’s perspective. its kind, the charity Link Community – our longest wait on the first two days rection. In an increasingly frigid world, tempt, deterred by my many failures endured them all – the belief that our process of getting there. As much as I stopping to pick us up, and grinned. our hitch to Morocco. Also to Miles, Alternatively go to http://www. Development (LCD) – it does work in lasted no more than half an hour. immersing into the everyday lives of on a similar effort, I raised my ‘Ma- frustration would soon end, and tables Not saying I dreaded exposing my hate to admit it, I was wrong. Now things have finally come to a full to whom I am grateful for introducing lcd.org.uk/events/hitch or become a unfamiliarity with the language: they Should I have kept up with that at- circle. I found myself asking whether I me to this event of a lifetime. fan of LCD on Facebook (search for love it when they see you try, don’t titude I would have missed so much would dare to go hitchhiking again. LCD’s Morocco/Prague Hitch). they? Quite so. My enthusiasm to detail in the fabric. In my urgency to Quizas – perhaps. generate conversation with Diego, the reach Morocco I have made decisions window salesman who took us across that could have potentially hastened the tunnels from Vielha to Lleida, kept or slowed down our progress. For in- my phrasebook glued to my hand. Until stance, my stubbornness prevented the awkwardness – and the dark – got us from travelling towards Bordeaux the best of me, and I stayed quiet for from Périgueux (just west of Brive), a the remainder of the ride. I managed to route that would have saved us days of describe this unease to Amadou, who misery and pointless wander; that said, seemed to have sensed the novice in both Anna and I had agreed with hind- me anyway without saying. sight, it would mean sacrificing the One hour of endless conversing memories of moments and encounters later, he remarked that I hadn’t once we now share and cherish. used my phrasebook – he was flatter- Two pieces of memory we would nev- ing me. But then, as ‘sleeping beauty’ er trade in for a faster track occurred found consciousness and tuned in with soon after Amadou had dropped us off a now French-speaking Amadou, my in the suburbs of Madrid and led us head was able to interpret bits of the to the train station (fine, we cheated dialogues from a language I knew little a little bit). As we waded through the of; similarly, after we had parted ways streets, I couldn’t help but feel the sen- with the trucker, Anna expressed her timent of the tri-colours (Anna being amazement on her ability to uphold a white, me being yellow and Amadou discussion on politics and life using her black) striding across a country re- meagre post- A Level French. nowned for its racism – this metaphor I then remembered what Diego had reflected the tolerance and kindness mentioned a day earlier. “A practicar/ we enjoyed. For once, my cynicism aprender (una idioma), viajar” – in or- crumbled in defeat. Our destination: Djemaa el Fna, Marrakesh. Stay tuned for more on this journey as I review aspects of my Me and Romain the crane driver From right: Anna Salmon, my hitch partner, Laure & Julien the hippies der to practise/learn a language, travel. The other occasion took place in encounters in Morocco over the next few weeks! 12 felix Friday 1 May 2009 Friday 1 May 2009 felix 13 Food & Drink [email protected] Music Food & Drink Editors – Rosie Grayburn & Afonso Campos [email protected]
Vegans may A students guide to wine actually be OK David Stewart gives his oneology views on the grape
Afonso Campos Food Editor
nother term, another experiences stick out however. rampage of food sections The first one, was right before a Ra to keep you well-fed Ra Riot gig at Webster Hall. We were Ravi Pall kicked the Camden Crawl in the and your tummy happy taken to an incredibly small estab- through a period that lishment that goes by the name of cannot be easy on any self-respecting Artichoke. There was a small queue teeth, then ran away! AImperial student who wants to come forming outside, and inside there was back to university by the end of a glo- no seating area and just barely enough rious fun-filled summer. Sometimes space to order what was described to I catch myself thinking that I am not me as New York City’s best slice of that student, and that with something pizza. These gigantic pieces not only resembling a frail certainity, I might ac- filled me up, but were without a doubt tually be that kid you heard about once worthy of the hype. If you are in the who got kicked out for failing his ex- City soon, please, do yourself a favour ams. Immediately, upon this thought, I and indulge in these blasphemously get up, look at my books and fall into a delicious slices (artichoke and spinach Threatmantics deep hatred of mathematics and phys- recommended). HHHHI ics, and gracefully recommence this The other restaurant was something King Blues HHHHH cycle of pathetic self-loathing that is unlike anything I have tried before. not the most conducive to effective Foodswing’s, a vegan joint in Wil- study. liamsburg, Brooklyn. Despite walls Count + Sinden HHHHH I do not help myself in this aspect one covered in the usual hippie PETA bit though. This easter holiday, I decid- propaganda and lies, the food was ed shun revision for a while and go to shockingly good and interesting. Bacon New York City for about one week, and cheeseburgers, milkshakes and cheesy foodies, let me tell you, what a holiday fries are not exactly the kind dishes James Yuille HHHII that was. Not only did I venture there one would expect at a place where the with some great friends, despite the thought of even touching an animal is food experience not being everyone’s enough to sicken the waiter. Through favourite gourmet extravaganza, it was clever use of tofu and flavourings, we without the shadow of a doubt, a por- were presented with something that nographic feast for my palate and taste non only resembled meat, it tasted buds. None of it was guilt-free and I quite similar if not oddly better. The ’d tried the stuff before being into a glass, you’ll find it’s possible to bit so you don’t know which is which. must have put on more weight than I buffalo faux-chicken wings were to die an undergrad, of course, but accomplish this without too much of Swirl the liquid in the glass a bit. Taste care to think about, but it was worth for and the peanut-butter ‘milk’shake the main use of wine in social a judder. All in all, wine is a drunkard them both making sure to smell while every gram and every cent. Two dining was galactic. Try these if you go. situations was, as far as I and my student’s best friend. you drink. These two grapes usually friends were concerned, the op- As utopian a symbiotic relation- produce wines which are poles apart: timising choice of parameter for a pay- ship with wine it is that I describe, one of them will be more neutral, tast- off function of drunkedness with con- there comes a point that ‘drinkability’ ing of melons, apricots, possibly a little The Computers I HHHHI straints on time, cost and maximum becomes a less compelling factor. In butter or vanilla, depending on how it’s disgustingness of the intoxicant. short, you realise that you’re one of (a) made -- that’ll be the Chard. The other Beer didn’t really cut it: you can try a ponce, (b) old, (c) rich or (d) orally will taste of grapefruit, elderflower, to get drunk on beer if you like (and fixated. At this point wine becomes a passionfruit, possibly a little cat’s piss many do employ this method to great rather more fascinating subject. You if you know that smell or even B.O. -- effect), but you are fundamentally lim- literally find yourself reading the wine that’ll be the Sauvignon. Yeah Yeah Yeahs ited on volume. The human stomach articles in the Guardian magazine. It’s fascinating isn’t it? The recipe HHHHH can take two pints. Even if you can cue What could possibly drive one to such after all is essentially the same: grape up a third somewhere else in the sys- despicable extremes? juice left to go bad. But what’s your tem, at a paltry 5% alcohol you need at Depends whom you ask, really. To the favourite? Once you can answer that least two hours of fairly committed ef- French (who are usually fairly convinc- question, you’re half way there. And fort to get (un)acceptably sloshed. ing in matters of the taste-buds) a wine once you’re over the threshold, the efore you can even think ally I was like “FUCK YEAH” to Spirits are a step too far, though. is its personality. It has to be a strong possibilities are endless. A wine is af- about what festivals the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, and thusly my Large amounts of gin, for instance, are personality: recognisable and in a clear ter all a function of a huge number of you’re planning to go to companions and I queued up at the The Hexes HHIII notoriously bad for emotional stability: tradition. To many an Australian, wine parameters: grape variety, soil com- this summer, Camden MTV stand to get an extra wrist- next time you’re around a(nother) girl is a commercial product, which can be position, total rainfall, total sunshine, Crawl creeps up on us band for this for an hour and a half! give her loads of gin and see what hap- done badly or well and they don’t put ripeness of grapes at harvest, wine- for some springtime fun. Luckily, the sunny weather and ice pens. To reach a tolerable level of drink- too much stock in the Old World voo- making techniques including optional BWe all love music, and we all love cream van made this bearable. ability in Scotch, you need to spend at doo. To many an American, a wine is secondary fermentation, lees-stirring, discovering new bands. This makes In Camden, the fun starts early; least twenty quid a bottle, then you’ll as good as it is big -- high alcohol, high oak ageing, bottle ageing… the list is the Camden Crawl (24th - 25th April) the afternoons were filled with only end up giving most of it away and concentration and served in a nice big endless. the perfect place to enjoy the very plenty of live bands performing in regret the whole sordid affair the next heavy bottle. The result: you have every taste from best of what London’s up and com- small pubs with great atmosphere. day with the feeling that someone had Well, whatever the motivation, differ- chocolate pudding to smoky bacon ing music scene has to offer. A quick Of particular note were the King pumped mercury into your ears while ent wines do taste different and where crisps to tinned asparagus to treacle tube ride away and you’re in Cam- Blues, who seemed to be playing you slept. And whatever anyone tells you have differences, you have differ- tart with custard. All you’ve got to do den High Street, home of London’s everywhere (including the MySpace you, vodka is disgusting. ences of opinion. Noticing these differ- is think about what you’re drinking ‘alternative’ music scene. Right on Bus). We saw them at the Island Editor Afonso Campos. After the With wine on the other hand, a bottle ences can be great fun. If you’re a fan (and possibly spend a little more than our doorstep, you don’t need to get Records 50th birthday party at the partying of Day One, it was time to can be polished off within about fifteen of white, try the following experiment. 3.99 - say 4.99 to start with - see how a train back home, so you can stay Constitution Pub. However, to get rest and head on to Day Two. minutes -- then it’s simply a matter of Get a friend. Go to the bar. One of you you go). until four in the morning to party. to this pub we had to take a boat The second day was even better fine-tuning. There’s also the downabil- get a glass of Chardonnay (oaked if pos- Here are some cheap but good sug- Yay! ride. Fun, but I’m sure unnecessary. than the first, with awesome bands ity factor: if you find yourself invited to sible) and the other get a glass of Sau- gestions from the best place which is Camden Town is full of great After spending the afternoon in played there, but let’s be honest, the like the The Computers, being a lot ‘save the queen’ (a penny) when tossed vignon Blanc. Swap the glasses about a close and cheap: Waitrose. clubs and bars, with a music style a pub drinking, it was the general people working there look like third of fun. But the steal of the show was sure to cater to you. Weather it be consensus that food at the Camden generation freaks. It scares me. Ah definitely the amazing DJ set from Indie, Trance, Electro, Punk, Rock, Lock would be great. This legendary well, time to drink. Count + Sinden. I’ve never been Folk or anything else you can think place is home to food from all over When it came to the evenings, it so sweaty in my life, raving to their White: of! the world, being practically thrown was time to see some real bands! hard core Drum & Bass as well as Robert Mondavi - Woodbridge Chardonnay 06 £6.99 (Oaky, exotic, yet restrained) Firstly, collect your wristband. in your face. The Food Editor who The highlight for the first day was, of sick Dub Step tunes. Cardeto 2007 Orvieto Classico, Umbria, Italy £3.79 (Light, perfumed, typically Italian) A simple affair, you hand in your accompanied me suddenly decided course, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Man The Camden Crawl is a definite Joseph Leitz 2007 Riesling Pfalz, Germany £7.99 (German wine can be dry and zingy) ticket and are rewarded with a plas- to visit the infamous shop, Cyber- that chick is cool... and hot. I’ll tell must for students. With a weekend tic wristband, a map, and a booklet dog. OMFG this place is WEIRD! you who else was awesome though: ticket costing only £60, it’s some- Red: containing information on every I’ve been before and love how cool Datarock. They were so camp and thing that should definitely not be Datarock Classic 2007 Côtes du Rhône £3.99 (Spicy, light, yet warm) HHHII band playing (over 150!). Person- the place is, and the music that is full of energy, much like the Food missed next year! Salduba Garnacha 2007 Cariñena, Spain £4.99 (Fat, chocolatey, fruity) Photo by Will Breakey Imperial Mixed Lacrosse ULU Cup and League Winners 08/09 16 felix Friday 1 May 2009 Friday 1 May 2009 felix 17 Technology [email protected] Technology Technology Editor – Richard Lai [email protected] Ultra Motor A2B From £1,700, www.ultramotor.com
Being a bloke, I am naturally pro- grammed to like my big toys, and I think I’ve just found a new favourite. The Gadget Show Live ‘09 Out of the many electric-bicycle mak- Richard Lai travels north to check out the TV show’s first ever exposition. ers in the show, Ultra Motor stood out with their A2B Metro - the world’s only power-on-demand electric bicy- cle. The other electric bicycles only any people might not use the motor for assistance instead of have watched The acceleration. Gadget Show before, ReVoMaze Seeing that the show had a test track, due to the poor na- £69.99, www.revomaze.co.uk I had a go on the Metro and loved tional broadcast cov- every second on it. Controlling the ac- erage of Channel Five (unless you’re This could well be the puzzle of the celeration was just like using a normal Mwatching on Freeview, cable or satel- year: the objective of the British-made motorbike without the noise. The mo- lite), but the program and its enthusi- ReVoMaze is to guide the shaft out of tor did respond with a slight delay, but astic presenters (who were at the show an internal maze (no map given, of the acceleration was quick enough to too) are adored by a strong fanbase. course), and if you fall into a trap you remove my slight frustration. Being my third electronics show of must start from the beginning again. Apparently under power the Metro this academic year, and especially hav- The idea is that you have to memorise could travel up to 15.5mph, and on a ing been to the massive CES in Janu- the path, and then work on the speed. single charge it has an unassisted range ary, I really wasn’t expecting much ex- I had a go on the blue one - the en- of up to 20 miles. However, if you do citement from The Gadget Show Live. try model - and had no success. If your run out of juice you’ll be pushing a In fact, I only found out about it right memory and speed is better than mine, 37kg bicycle on your own. at the beginning of the Easter holiday, you can then upgrade to the advanced Such fun doesn’t come cheap either: and was told it would be the TV show’s green model which has just come out. the A2B Metro will cost you £2,000, first ever attempt at hosting such expo. Three more harder models will be re- and even their power-assisted version, And boy, what a great start! leased throughout the year. the A2B Hybrid, goes for £1,700. With all the tickets sold out early, it Part of that slightly large price tag was not surprising to see long queues actually goes towards an accumulating Live Luggage at the entrance every now and then. I prize fund for the national ReVoMaze From £295, www.liveluggage.com went on Sunday which was apparently competition. To enter, all you need to quieter but still fairly populated. It was do is visit their website and register Here’s something handy for the regular also nice to see my old pals from previ- your unique number etched on the travellers: a power-assisted suitcase. ous shows surrounded by big crowds, shaft. So far they have gathered just Sadly, it doesn’t do the whole pulling namely Pacemaker and DIGISKIN. over £2,170 in the pot, which will be work for you, as hinted by the compa- What made The Gadget Show Live so shared between winners of each of the ny’s motto - “because the world is not unique were the many special features five categories at the live event. Surely flat”. What it does is when it detects not found in most of other electronics one of them should be a bright student that you’re going uphill or up the stairs, shows: the spectacular stage shows at from Imperial? the motor will kick in to assist you. On the “Gadget Show Super Theatre”, the one charge it can assist you for up to “How To Theatre” where independent two miles. Available from John Lewis experts teach you how to get the most in June with a five-year warranty. out of your gadgets, and the many To my surprise, PC World had a pretty hands-on opportunities with gadg- impressive-looking stall at the show, RoboSteel ets as small as webcams to as big as a but it wouldn’t change my distaste of £5-£5,000, www.robosteel.com fighter jet. Yes, they somehow man- the chain store. They did, however, aged to land a Red Arrow in the con- showcased the Adamo, a new premi- The expo wasn’t just about electronic Cigstar vention hall, courtesy of the RAF. No um line of laptops from Dell. gadgets, as shown by these amazing From £34.99, www.cigstar.co.uk test flights though, sadly, but there was This MacBook-like laptop recently metallic sculptures from Robosteel. a “Gadget Test Track” where I test- caused some stir in the computer in- This 20-year-old family business Smoking is bad for you, m’kay? Well, drove an awesome electric bicycle. dustry because of its diamond-studded uses only recycled metal for their it depends. Regular smokers might Even though the show was mainly for price tag. Since last Saturday, PC World assemblage art, ranging from cute little want to consider the realistic-looking companies to promote their products, started offering the said laptop for just WALL-Es to scary life-size Predators. but much healthier electronic cigarette The Gadget Show Live had a dedicated under £1,700, but eagle-eyed readers They export to all over the world, and from Cigstar. You will still be getting area for antique computers and mo- might have noticed that you could save they do free shipping to the UK if under your doses of nicotine bar the tar, and bile phones from the last thirty years, £50 if you buy direct from Dell’s web- 20kg, so check out their website. they come in many flavours too (to- courtesy of The Centre for Computing site. What a bargain! bacco, Marlboro, menthol, chocolate History. Most machines were switched Don’t have high expectations though: and vanilla). What’s best is that each £1 on for attendees to play with, the most this 64-bit Vista, 13” portable only has NVIDIA GeForce capsule is equivalent to 15 to 20 ciga- popular ones being Atari’s Pong, the a 1.20GHz CPU, 2GB 800MHz DDR3 rettes! The £35 starter kit will therefore Apple II and the original Sony Play- RAM, 128GB SSD and just a 1-year 3D Vision last you for a while with its 6 capsules. station. It was every gadget-lover’s “Premium Warranty Support”. The From £139, PC World Even though e-cigarettes sound fantasyland. build quality and weight (1.81kg) could dorky, you wouldn’t see the dif- There is no doubt that I’ll be back be better for the price too. If you’ve NVIDIA is about to launch their 3D ference: the head glows gently next year. Keep it up, guys! Dell Adamo just won the lottery as well, go for the graphics products in the UK. The tech- when you inhale, and you puff From £1,649, www.dell.co.uk £2,249 model (1.4GHz, 4GB RAM). nology is not as simple as you might out what appears to be smoke think: the supplied glasses are actually - it’s just water vapour! This battery-operated, and they respond means you can now “smoke” in non- to an infrared transmitter to flicker at smoking areas! 60Hz. You then need a 120Hz screen, There are no health issues to wor- If you don’t have any spare USB ports so that the graphics card can display ry about: the e-cigarette has been on your computers, you should look two offset images at the right timing tested by New Zealand’s Ministry of away now: Veho is a UK company (but only one port is required from the Health, and apparently soon to be which specialises in interesting USB card). The glasses then block out one confirmed by the NHS. We will also products. The most interesting one image at each flicker to create the 3D try to get hold of one for review, so was their USB Microscope line (pic- effect. stay tuned! tured left), starting from £59.99 for What you will see in PC World soon their VMS-001 model (1.3 megapixels, are some £330-£400 NVIDIA graphics 20x-200x magnification). Their more cards that come with the 3D glasses and expensive VMS-004 (£69.99) features USB transmitter, along with a range a more powerful 20x-400x magnifica- of 120Hz screens. If you already have tion, but the 2-megapixel resolution is the NVIDIA 8800 GT or better cards, only achieved by interpolation. you can get the glasses and transmitter Another special product from Veho alone for just £139, but don’t forget the is the “muvi” (pictured right), which screen! is officially the world’s smallest cam- On NVIDIA’s website you will find a corder. This £80 tiny package has a list of 350+ tested games, and around Veho USB 2-megapixel sensor, and comes with a half of them are rated “very good”, Mindflex - a mind control game2GB microSD card (about two to three uncluding “Fallout 4”, “Left 4 Dead”, Microscopes hours of recording). You can upgrade it Veho muvi “GRID” and “Mirror’s Edge”. Hardcore From £60, www.veho-uk.com to 8GB maximum too. £79.99, www.veho-uk.com gamers should start saving up now! 18 felix Friday 1 May 2009 Friday 1 May 2009 felix 19 Fashion Clubs & Societies Is your club cooler than the cat that Fashion Editor – Dan Wan & Kawai Wong [email protected] got the cream? Write to us. Clubs & Socs Editor - Alice Rowlands [email protected] Jaeger man in conversation Harold Tillman goes through the past, present and future of his fashion diary, as well SICK Islam Awareness Week 2009 -The Five Pillars as giving insights into building a fashion business during a Design London event. felix Some of you were in on it. Many of you experienced it. Now, Saira Wariach will let you all find out what Fashion Editor Kawai Wong enquires further The Game was all about as Islamic Society host their Islam Awareness Week
t is hard to imagine the suited son for its failure; Jaeger was too quick a collection. The cross between crea- street fashion house. H&M, in the past he 2nd-6th March was – which is what it was all about in the cusing in detail on some of the ideals and belted multimillionaire to reinvent itself, and had lost a lot of tive design and entrepreneurship can two seasons were both British - Stella Islam Awareness Week end. Conversation, education, and mu- for justice he so strongly held, bringing wearing a pair of punk platform its original supporters. After he gain- cause a designer to lose his flair. Form- McCartney and Matthew Williamson. at Imperial. There were tual respect; the perfect beginning to to people’s attention the highly-preju- shoes. But it is true that he was ing control of the company, he put ing business collaborations is the way The February London Fashion Week stalls throughout the week the week. diced society within which he devel- once so fond of them back in his Jaeger back in tune with the designs forward. has also seen a record attendance. Mr. offering henna, calligra- oped those ideals. fashionista days. The wise and charm- that have made the company famous. When asked how to find the suitable Tillman believes that the brilliant Brit- phy and just a little enlightenment as to Tuesday - Charity Free pizza was a great attraction and Iing businessman speaks of getting into A lot of fans have since re-embraced business partner, Mr. Tillman admits ish talents have attracted more fans to Twhat was REALLY going on. 2009 saw an opportunity for discussion, with fashion as if it is the most natural pro- the brand. Mr. Tillman then went on that there is no perfect formula. He the UK’s fashion industry. The forward Cooler Bag a fresh approach to this annual event. A fundraiser BBQ for Save the Chil- about 120 people attending overall. gression for him. His father was an ap- put out a new line, Jaeger London, to also understands the difficulty for de- thinking fashion mogul hopes that Forget Louis Vuitton. Forget Each pillar of Islam was uncovered as dren was held in Beit between 4-7pm. People left feeling inspired, and curi- prentice at Burton, and the family went attract the original fan’s daughters. signers starting up their new business- the BFC can acquire a more respect- the It bag everybody seems the week unfolded: As well as tasty food for the enjoyment ous; not only about Malcolm X, but on to start a small textile workshop in Jaeger Children is now on the drawing es. As a London College of Fashion able stature in the UK and that also to be carrying. Pop a beer in of all students on campus, this pro- about the teachings of Islam. London. Mr. Tillman followed his fa- board, an attempt to attract the grand- graduate, he has pledged £1 million to it will become an organisation which there to help relieve revision Monday - Declaration of Faith vided a great opportunity to encourage therís footstep in fashion and spent children as well. sponsor 10 MAs every year at the LCF. receives the same level of professional stress. And it also keeps your students around campus to pose ques- Thursday - Fasting two years at the London College of How does Mr. Tillman position In addition, as a chairman for the Brit- recognition as in other countries such notes and textbooks cool. We started the week with the first pil- tions and learn about Islam from quiz- Fashion. Jaeger in the current economic cli- ish Fashion Council, he has pioneered as France and the US. With some gov- What more can you ask for? lar of Islam – Faith in One God, and in zes and discussion. Over 150 burgers As Muslims, we are obliged to fast for a After graduation he took an intern- mate? “I’d like to call it a downturn, a BFC fashion fund with Vogue to sup- ernment support, there can The best summer accessory! Muhammad (Peace be upon him), his were sold, and all revenue went to Save whole month, Ramadan. During IAW, ship with Lincroft on Savile Row, not a recession,” he smiles. He sees the port designers financially and to give perhaps exist a final messenger. the Children. A lot of students even we challenged people to try fasting for sewing suits for customers who were downturn as a chance to create more them business mentoring. thriving gar- Resonating with Reason was a dis- braved the rain near the end and had a day, from dawn till dusk, and then 30 years his senior. In his spare time, opportunities, a chance to focus on Top fashion journalist Hilary Al- ment manu- cussion panel of three student converts a great time. to break their fast with delicious food, he would shop for cheap and stylish giving customers what they want. exander was suitably frustrated with facturing in- to Islam – all from very different cul- great company, an inspiring talk and clothes on Carnaby Street in London. “Although it might seem like people the locations of the shows during the dustry here, tural backgrounds. It aimed to retrace Wednesday – Hajj Pilgrimage entertainment. The event was publi- He then started to design his own are spending less, they are actually Fashion Week. She missed enough just like Italy. each of their individual journeys, while cised as ‘Fast and Feast’ and was held clothes and sell them in the tailor shop investing in quality products.” He be- shows last season that she wrote on at university, that had led them to rec- Malcolm X has been an inspiration to from 5.30pm in SAF. as well as taking them to Kings Road. lieves that the quick-buy philosophy her blog to vent her disappointment ognise this faith as their own. many revolutionaries over the years, The event started on time, with a As his designs gathered popularity, his cannot last forever, and the best com- about the impossibility of getting from The panel comprised of Nicole and his life has been taken as a model turnout of about 150+, one of the big- Before the event, the sunset prayer Or so they thought! The EndGame ambitions grew and he eventually took bat strategy is to keep up the qualities shows to shows across central London Ahmed, who found Islam at Imperial for many ordinary people looking to gest turnouts of IAW, about a quarter was held in congregation on the SAF event was publicised as an ‘evening Lincroft onto the London Stock Ex- of his products. and Paris. As the top man of the BFC, after being raised without a faith in a change their lives and the community non-Muslims. Almost all the Muslims, concourse, and witnessed by many of entertainment’. However, there was change, at the tender age of 24. The secret behind Mr. Tillman’s suc- Mr. Tillman has announced that the Bangladeshi family; Fatin Phang, a Chi- around them. IAW was a platform on and about 10 non-Muslims, took up the non-Muslims who were curious to see a top-secret performance kept under As a young boy, Mr. Tillman would cess is “belief”. He believed in his vi- London Fashion Week tent is to be nese Malay, currently doing her PhD which we brought the great personality challenge and tried fasting on that day. the final pillar… wraps until the show itself. The mantra walk around the Jaeger shop on Regent sion and went ahead to design his first moved from its current location at at Cambridge University; and Hamza to Imperial’s attention, and what influ- Participants shared their experience of which was to truly surprise the audi- Street with his parents. He adored the collection when he was doing an in- the Natural History Museum to the Tzortzis, originally a Greek Orthodox enced him to develop such morals and and views about fasting, and improved Friday - Prayer ence, bending their perceptions while designs. Jaeger was in deep trouble in ternship at Lincroft. The creative and Somerset House next season. He Christian, who lectures internationally values. their understanding. They learnt that conveying the pillars in so subliminal the late 80s, losing £12 million before producible collection enabled his first hopes that the larger venue can Deputy Editor’s Hair on Islam, philosophy and politics. The A talk on Malcolm X, highlighting it is not only abstaining from food and The weekly congregational prayer was a way that Derren Brown would be being put on sale in 1990. Mr. Tillman commercial success. Although it might accommodate the majority of There has been some distress venue was packed, there were even the influence Islam had on the latter drink, but includes a more spiritual as- also held as usual, at Friday lunchtime, fooled. acquired the company, ìI had to have come as a cruel fact for some cutting- the catwalk shows. within the general College people on the stairs (don’t tell Health years of his life, after he had performed pect, as well as self discipline. in the Union Building. The event proved successful. Howev- itî, he said. Under new establishment, edge designers, commercial success It is without a doubt that population of late. I put it and Safety). the pilgrimage to Makkah, was con- The event continued with a talk by As the last day in IAW, Friday need- er, the details cannot be revealed in case Jaeger immediately cut its losses to usually stems from authentic prod- London has become one of down to daily sightings of a The audience raised their own ducted by Sheikh Ahmed Babiki (who Imam Ajmal Masroor on the topic ed a spectacle. It had to encompass the clamoured-for repeat performance £3.5 million the next year, and has seen ucts that do not lose their “commercial the most interesting and lanky Eastern European-look- questions during a very successful 45 has recently been involved in similar “The relevance of acts of worship in all five pillars from the week, yet still is honoured. This is no hyperbole, the operational profit of around £1 million flair”, with products appealling to the successful fashion capitals ing rapist on a Vespa. Oh wait, minute Q&A session. Many stayed be- events alongside Malcolm X’s daugh- today’s Society” and a performance be less academic and more fun than show is probably like nothing ISoc has in 2008. mass market in its own niche. in the world. The two de- no, we’re mistaken. It’s just hind afterwards for refreshments and ter Malikah Shabazz). He gave a brief by our very own Imperial Nasheed the talks preceding it. It had to be a ever done before… and was a mission When Mr. Tillman took over the Mr. Tillman thinks that designers signers that have collabo- Deputy Editor Kadhim Shub- discussions with speakers and ISoccers overview of Malcolm’s life before fo- Group. pantomime. well accomplished. company, he recognised the main rea- should focus on their ability to build rated with the global high- ber and his newly acquired hair’style’. He either used to be cool or now is just too cool. Home-styled it may be, but the jury is out on the shaved Daniele de Paola sides of his head. Oh la la la la, it’s Chalayan! A successful term for Vicki Masding risked her life to touch Hussein Chalayan’s gorgeous designs at the Imperial’s Dance Company Design Museum. You’ll be glad to know she escaped alien abduction Claire Stanley reviews the overwhelmingly successful term for Dance Company, with prizes, dancing and celebrations galore, o, so I went to the Design world of cone heads dressed as puri- with this preoccupation for being odd Museum; it was waste. I tanical executioners, or at least I think or kooky. The screens show the afore- what more could you ask for? jest. But I seriously did go that is what the designer intended to mentioned art-house-actress-turned- there to see the exhibition conjure, alternatively… I am wrong. blockbuster-sellout, Tilda Swinton. Lady Gaga on Jonothan Ross on fashion designer Hus- Another interesting dress I felt She plaits her hair. She unplaits her Did anyone see this? It annoys hat a month Febru- at lunchtime, our efforts were certainly of our sixth dance team, the sexy ad- sein Chalayan. compelled to touch, (this was prior hair. She washes her clothes. She looks me because she has enough ary was for Dance rewarded. Our sparkling, sophisticated vanced tappers (choreography by Zoë YI will say it now, if you want to see to the “excuse me, please do not in the mirror. These images are juxta- musical talent to be suc- Company! Two beginner tap dancers and beautiful be- Dobell), to form our biggest ever dance some gash, go to this exhibition. It also touch the garments” episode, while posed with a seemingly unrelated dia- cessful, without all the “I’m competitions, a ginner ballerinas (choreography by troupe of 37 dancers! Having danced has video installations featuring Tilda I was on a fabric induced high) was logue discussing human DNA. I think cute and pissy, love me, love guest performance Fumiyo Nakagawa and Louisa Brown to the highest standard, the audience Daniele de Paola Swinton, though thankfully not her a rubber dress. It appeared to have it was meant to distort my perspective me please” shit. There’s too and eight awards…. respectively) both pipped the post win- (and I) were wowed by Imperial’s me- gash. been moulded while under some and provoke self reflection. much to be annoyed about WThe competition season started two ning first place in each of their catego- lange of acts. Vulgarity aside, the runway show extreme G-force, forcing the rubber From the quest for identity to Ur- individually, so here’s a list: weeks ago when five dance teams trav- ries. Additionally the elusive advanced This was reflected in the judge’s de- projected as part of the tour does show to ripple backward as if the dress ban Outfitters?! Yes, it is that small a the teacup, the eye-watering elled up to Loughborough University, contemporary entry (choreography by cision to award first place to Imperial one piece where the model is wearing were liquefying off the mannequin. leap. Hussain Chalayan has put out a fringe, the post-it note dress amidst snow-covered fields, to strut Elisa Bellomo) and the talented ad- in the beginners/advanced ballet and a hat; this hat looks like some kind of Apart from these, his most publi- ready-to-wear line of uniquely con- the piece of sellophane on her their stuff at the Loughborough Dance vanced ballerinas (choreography by contemporary categories, and second 1960’s UFO and the dress she is wear- cised crowd pleasers are the LED structed garments currently stocking head, and, and the ‘I’m too Competition 2009 for the very first Louisa Brown) were awarded second place to beginners tap. But the celebra- ing originates from said hat. The dress dress and the mechanical trans- at UO, so go and piss your money up damn cool for light mockery’ time. Full of anticipation and high ex- and joint third place respectively. The tions did not end there – two of our is subsequently abducted by the hat Alien abduction and lasers. Sci-Fi former dress. That should make the wall there, I do all the time. I love attitude. SHIT. pectations, our beginner ballet, begin- high energy, star-struck, advanced jazz very own dancers, Elisa Bellomo (win- and the model stands naked in the Society’s dream girl. some Mechanical Engineers jizz in that place. ner tap, advanced ballet, contempo- dance (choreographed by Hildur Ein- ner of ‘Best Dancer Award 2008’) and middle of the runway while the other their pants. I fear I have belittled this mans crea- rary and jazz dancers took to the stage arsdóttir) just missed out on a place in Alvaro Feito Boirac, took to the stage models parade. After marvelling at dresses with built- tions; in fact I love them all. If I could to dazzle more than 20 universities in the highest subscribed category of the to perform the last act of the day, their Some of the clothes that did not re- worth it. However, my experience was in neck rests and an entirely carpeted personify and romance them, I would. SHIT front of a 400+ strong audience. competition. original guest piece based on a tale of move themselves were simply divine somewhat tainted hence forth; due to coat you are led to the video installa- Basically, go to the exhibition. Competition was fierce with such a After such a successful day at Lough- two lovers. (insert flamboyant hand gestures). the cripplingly fragile nature of my tion section. This would be the point high level of dancing on display, but borough spirits were high for the Ed- After such an ecstatic day, our cel- There was one ruffled dress, entirely psyche being unable to brush off this where my appreciation and tolerance Hussein Chalayan exhbition at the that did not distract us from our goal. inburgh Dance-Off, a competition that ebrations commenced with food, drink compact tulle ruffles. I had to touch it! micro-humiliation. for modern art falters slightly. People Design Museum runs until 17th After a long, exhilarating day and hav- Imperial has made their mark on over and laughter, and continued by boogy- I got told off for doing so, but totally Onwards, you are transported to a seem to get tied up in their own head May. You have two weeks. ing taken part in the Nokia Tube Dance many years. Here, we saw the arrival ing late into the night! Top: Advanced Contemporary Team. Below: Advanced Jazz Team 20 felix Friday 1 May 2009 Friday 1 May 2009 felix 21 [email protected] Fun & Games A Quickie (Crossword) 1,430 FUCWIT 1 2 3 4 4 4 5 6 ACROSS Coffee Break 1. Predicament (6) 7 8 League Table [email protected] 4. Grass (5) 8. Old Testamant figure (5) 8 9 9. Mischievous (7) Teams: 10. Inundate (7) MÖchten sie mein Manschaft? 341 Points 10 11. French cheese (4) 12. Hill (3) Team Shotgun 314 Points Battle of the Carters just in case you don’t get it, this is a joke! 10 11 11 14. Of the ear (4) Team What What 48 Points 15. Rim (4) I got paid for a 12 12 13 18. Container (3) 21. Weapons (4) Team Dirty Medics 23 Points haircut! 12 14 14 15 16 23. Smoothing out (7) 25. Conspicuous (7) Individuals: Ravi Pall 17 16 18 19 18 20 26. Race (5) Coffee Break Editor 27. Follow (5) Giramundo 88 Points 21 22 19 23 28. Loves (6) Hringur Gretarsson 60 Points 24 21 aplowowow!!!! Term nu- and lost. That is to say my hair failed DOWN Jonathan Phillips 18 Points mero trois is here. Let’s be to break the metal blades and thusly I 1. Ordinary (6) 25 26 Thomas Dinsdale-Young 16 Points honest here this term is have had my hair cut. Well as the tale Beaker 2. Examine (7) going to be hella ma busy goes, my mother bribed my to cut my Being a well known char- 3. Teach (8) Known for: 23 The Felix University/College-Wide Invitational Tournament League for you guys, exams are hair. How? Well let me first tell you acter from The Muppets. 4. Exchange blows (4) is new and improved. There are now prizes for both the winning coming in left, right and centre. I was that for the last two years (the time my 5. Put off (5) team and the winning individual. James Earl Shawn Corey 27 21 28 6. Girl’s name (6) walkingK in the park the other day, and hair has been long) she has with out Awards/Banter/Personality: None Whammy I was hit by an exam. Seri- fail hated my hair. She made sly com- 7. Exhausted (5) Basically, you get points for doing all the various puzzles and chal- 13. Relapsed (8) lenges, and at the end of the year, the winning team and the win- ously there must be a better way to as- ments, like “you look like a homeless Known for: 39th President of the Known for: Hip-Hop Interesting Facts: In a 2004 Internet Solution 1,429 sess your academic ability than a few man!” or “you’d look so much better United States poll sponsored by the BBC and the 16. More dirty (7) ning individual will win an iPod nano! The scoring is as follows: R S C L I O E A B R S Q C hours bunched together at the end of without all that hair!” To be honest she Known as: Jay-Z British Association for the Advance- Scribble box 17. Riff-raff (6) S C R I P T N S T A T U E 5 points for the first correct answers for Slitherlink, Wordoku, Lon- the year, which won’t even cover all the was right, but being the rebellious in- Jimmy Carter ment of Science, Beaker and Dr. Bun- 19. Dens (5) Known as: D U M S N T T P A V I O E don Underground, Mentalist Maze, Nonogram, Riddle me This, Din- material your have learned! OK now dividual that I am, I never listened to Awards: Eight Grammy Awards in- sen Honeydew were voted Britain’s 20. Way out (6) C L I P E O P E R E T T A 22. Funds (5) gats and Quickie. 4 points for second, 3 points for third, 2 points for for a joke. her. Well one day she was so annoyed Awards: Nobel Peace Prize (2002), cluding Best Rap Album and Best R&B favourite cinematic scientists. They O P L A R M C N P N P E R fourth and 1 point for fifth. that she said “If you cut your hair, I’ll Presidential Medal of Freedom, Gram- Song beat Mr. Spock, their closest rival, by S T O P G A P U M O O D Y 24. Destiny (4) “Thanks to the buy you a whole new wardrobe.” Now my Award for Best Spoken Word Al- a margin of 2 to 1 and won 33 percent T U M O U N M P I U R O N Double points will be awarded for correct cryptic crossword an- this sounded like a good deal to me. bum (2007) plus many more Spouse: Beyoncé Knowles, lucky git! of the 43,000 votes cast. He also bares S C R U B N L O B S T E R Congratulations to MÖchten sie mein Man- swers, because it’s über hard. credit crunch, the I needed new clothes, and I have no a remarking resemblances to Christian I A N L E F D L S A S R P schaft for coming first. They seem to be do money. The answer seem obvious, and Spouse: Rosalynn Smith Carter Interesting Facts: On February 1, Carter, Imperial College Union Deputy S T A T U A R Y O C R O P doing well! More effort everyone else! Simple! Now then FUCWITs, send in your answers to felix@impe- value of Pi had as you now know, I did it. 2008 it was announced that Jay-Z President (Finance & Services) P C A I T U C G L O O D E Also, we need a new Quick Crossword set- rial.ac.uk or [email protected]. Go! One day I decided to go to a place Interesting Facts: As President, Jim- would headline the 2008 Glastonbury C H E C K S T O S P R E Y ter, if anyone is interested email sudoku.fe- R Y Y E N T S N S Y E D T fallen to e.” called Pimps and Pinups. Now this my sought to put a stronger empha- Festival. Tickets failed to sell out with [email protected] place was unreal cool! With the words sis on human rights; he negotiated a 100,000 being sold - out of a possible I know, I know, that was pretty lame, “do whatever you want” I let the hair- peace treaty between Israel and Egypt 137,500 and as the festival sold out but how else am I supposed to break dresser go wild on my hair, and now in 1979. His return of the Panama in 2 hours the previous year critics up the tension. This joking about the I look like this. Best of all they sup- Canal Zone to Panama was seen as a blamed the choice of a hip hop artist credit crunch does lead my nicely to plied my with beer while they cut my major concession of U.S. influence in as opposed to a rock band as the main tell you about my latest adventures. In hair. Now I don’t know if it’s because I Latin America, and Carter came under problem. Oasis’ Noel Gallagher criti- case you haven’t guessed from the col- haven’t had my hair cut for a long time, heavy criticism for it. Carter is a mem- cised the organizers of the festival for Horoscopes. These will be offensive, deal with it! umn title, and picture, you favourite fe- but this has never happened to me be- ber of The X-Presidents, a superhero scheduling Jay-Z as a headliner for the lix editor (that’s me, and yes I’m being fore. Top Score! team from the Saturday Night Live TV traditionally guitar-driven, stating “If it The truth about Imperial’s IDEA League exposed, plus a few extra thrown in there for good measure big headed) has battled with scissors... twitter.com/D00SKI program. ain’t broke don’t fix it.” Christian Aquarius Taurus Leo Scorpio
As a last gasp blow So you are a medic. You’ve been in the This week’s going to out before our exams And a rower. I think library for so long be one to forget. That you decide to lash I have found the that you are starting exam you spent ages Dingbats 1,430 it up in Germany. worst combination to halousinate. revising for... well felix FAIL! Unfortunately for you of human being You look around guess what? You failed. Well, some people bothered to do 1 after a big night out possible. I pity the and everyone has Miserably. You know these last term, and as it’s revision and on the town you wake up in the morning feeling scum that decided to pro-create and produce suddenly aged, growing so much ‘facial hair’ that girl you’ve been pining over? She’s off with my tits have fallen off due to bore- Which felix editor has FAILED his week? not so good. Fearless, you power on with your you. You spout shit about how buff your rowers that they could all be Hagrid, but in fact it’s just another fella. You know those parents that you dom, I thought I would crack out some PRETTY day. A trip to town sees four vomits, the winner look, then go on to tell everyone how good you a ‘revision beard’. Here’s a tip, a few random think love you? Nope, you’re adopted. Why don’t more. This week’s exquisite mix are all being in the middle of the busy town square, are at rowing. You must admit that you are not pubes on your face does not constitute a beard. you do yourself and society a big favour and go based around music, so they are pretty into a bin, with the Rozzers driving past. Nice. really that good, just a fucking idiot. FACT! Get rid of it you muppit! jump in the Thames. No-one will care. simple. I will offer bonus points if you send in an interesting fact with your 2 answers. Well done to Team Shotgun. Pisces Gemini Virgo Sagittarius All correct answers should be sent via electronic mail (or carrier pigeon) This week you will This week you decide This week you find So your department to [email protected]. Or ySTUCKou play a bit of mixed that the usual casual that you are the child took down their model better still come and see us down here football. After a bit racism will not sit of a sperm donor. As answers to past papers in the felix office in the West wing of of rumble-tumble with your new cool the law now allows because the lectures Beit. It’s close to the bar, full of Imperi- you take an unusual kid image. Walking you to find out the are too fucking bone al’s hot girl fraternity and we are quite 3 attraction to a long back one night you father, you feel you idle to bother about possible the coolest club about. Well haired male on the apposing team. After a few stroll into a Turkish babbie joint and racially must. Unfortunately for you it turns out that thinking up new questions. WELL FUCK YOU. much better than the rowers. But that beers that night you are bish-bash-boshing it abuse all the staff. Touché. However I feel that the phrase ‘donor’ is a little loose when used It’s never going to work as the model answers will is stating the bloody obvious really. SUGAR on the lawn. Well. I say lawn, really I mean the the presence of the Five-O fucked you over a in this situation. It turns out that you father is always be found from someone in the older years middle of a football field in clear view of every- wee bit and the resultant criminal record will unknown as your mother was gang raped late and distributed about the whole department. I one. You is classy love! hamper your ability to actually get a job. in 1986 by 10 youths. Ha fucking ha. hope you die from materials overexposure. 1,429 Solutions
1. Lighten up 4 Aries Cancer Libra Capricorn 2. Spinal column 3. In the middle of something You and your I feel that since the You have a confession 4. Get over it! ROclockCK boyfriend are trying sad demise of the to make, and it involves for a baby. I hope. ray of sunshine that a girl called Beresford. If not how else can is Jade Goody this You think that Scribble box you explain the need Horoscope should be dangling your penis 5 This weeks epic fail belongs to of work for the news- what so ever. An epic fail me to go for a session in hers for evermore. through her letter box Fonzie. What did he fail at? Work. paper, however Fonzie thinks. Worse yet the reason for an ‘empty room?’. It was most unfortunate that After all, never in my life have I seen such a late one night will impress her. You couldn’t have As of writing it is Monday after- managed to sit down, leaving is because he wanted to go a couple of builders walked in on your mo- chavvy-looking pikie mother-fucker. If they do been more wrong. Her Staffordshire Bull Terrier Witho_t noon, and we had both agreed to procrastinate for 20 min- with his better half to get bicycle ment of passion, disrupting the whole thing. [God fucking please NO] make a film about has a problem with the postman, so the outcome come in to the felix office to do a bit utes and then leave. No work done light. WHIPPED!!! You disgust me... in fact I have a little bit of her worthless inept life please tell me, and hand Had to revise. Sorry. of your penis was a foregone conclusion. However vom in my mouth. me a knife so I can kill myself. on the plus side, you got a pity date. Pint? 22 felix Friday 1 May 2009 Friday 1 May 2008 felix 23 Fun & Games [email protected]
Slitherlink 1,430 This week’s texts: 1,429 Solution Hangman 3 2 3 3 “‘Imperial babe’ t-shirts on sale. Putting the cat out to dry 1 3 2 3 2 Contradiction in terms surely?” [email protected] 1 2 1 1 1 3 2 2 3 2 1 2 3 3 “To the second year physicist with 3 1 2 2 the big mouth. Shut the fuck up! 3 3 2 3 2 2 3 2 0 Think your name is sasha because 2 3 1 2 everyone calls her a cunt behind Surviving swine 1 3 3 1 2 2 her back.” New dinosaur discovered 2 2 2 2 2 3 3 2 2 2 flu, avian bird flu 2 “Union quiz: a true test of a man’s iphone skills.” 2 0 2 3 3 3 3 3 and the apocolypse on the Isle of Wight “Candy floss is gonna make a big Hangman MÖchten sie mein Manschaft won. come back soon. Panda porn is Oh Hai Guyz! Chad Huleatt 3 1 3 3 3 Did you know that the plastic sheath still struggeling through the credit Palaeontologist about the ends of shoelaces are called crunch.” aglets? No? I just thought that was an 07726 799 424 ou are doomed. Everyone we caused quite a shit storm. Some of A new species of dinosaur, Dragonus 3 2 2 interesting fact and wanted to share it. “I believe your science correspond- who shakes your hand, humour it would seem is not appropri- pyromanicus, has been discovered by ent is confused. CORE’s anti- passes you in the street, ate for the eyes of some Imperial stu- researchers on the Isle of Wight. Den- 1 3 3 2 How to play: spintron indirectly stimulates or even spies on you from dents. We had considered telling these tal evidence showed that a specimen TEXT US! OR seismic waves. It is in reality a vast a distance may give you certain people to do something sexual previously thought to be an Eoraptor It’s quite simple, all numbers are in a communication network to permit swine flu. I don’t need to tell you that to their mothers but instead we did it was a previously unclassified genus of 2 2 1 2 3 2 cell and must be surrounded with a WE WON’T Chinese students to coordinate Yperforming fellatio on pigs is not a wise ourselves. In any case, we will avoid the the Ornithischian order. corresponding number lines. Lines their countrymen to jump at pre- idea (The Food Editor might stop, if sort of crass humour that offended and Radiometric dating techniques re- cannot split and there can only be FEED THE CAT! cise intervals to trigger the slowing they fly away). we hope you will enjoy our offerings. cently developed at the University of 2 3 2 one continuous line. Any cells with no of the planet’s rotation.” There are quite a number of other Well enough bullshit. Union enter- Bristol showed that the species lived numbers can have any number of lines. things that are likely to kill you before tainments have fallen squarely into the well into the Holocene, outlasting all Look at the solution above for help. you manage to disappoint your parents cross-hairs of the Hangman team so other species by 65 million years. It by failing your exams and re-taking look forward to next week’s Hangman is not clear why the species survived the year. The food at the Union, TER- Union ents special. In the mean time, the Cretaceous Tertiary mass extinc- RORISTS!, boredom in da Vinci’s, the here’s a preview of next week’s inter- tion that is thought to have caused the level of cringe in dBs and that guy in view with the Union’s Supper Happy extinction of all dinosaurs. Some esti- the Union Bar that graduated in 1978. Fun-Times Officer (she’s in charge of mates obtained from IridiumII/Iridiu- Something that won’t kill you is Hang- making you smile): mIII ratios place that date as little as Wordoku 1,430 Going Underground man, so do chill out, just a little. Hangman: What’s the purpose of 2.5Kya, or about 500 years BC. The real thing may not have been this epic As you may have deduced, Hang- your job? Notable on the specimen are tool Scribble box Congratulations to MÖchten sie mein Each letter in the alphabet is assigned a man has returned. The last time that Super Happy...: I try to get Impe- marks on the bones. Researchers origi- R P O Manschaft who were the first to get value, 1-26 (see table) and when added felix had the honour of Hangman’s rial students laid but I usually don’t get nally thought that the long scratches eton prior to burial. aging, such as poorly healed fractures PADDINGTON sent in. Have you no- together for a specific word the sum presence was in the Winter term and them further than a nervous “Hello?”. were made by tools during excavation, Palaeontologists have struggled to of tumours that are often found asso- S Y E F ticed how nobody talks to you on the equals the total shown. All you have to but closer analysis revealed that the explain apparent scorch marks on the ciated with dinosaurs that died of old underground, and if you do, they all do is scan and send the Underground scratches were coated with a layer of teeth of the dinosaur. Professor Mark age. The tool marks and iron found on X R look at you in a strange was as if you station that is hidden each week to su- silica, like the rest of the bones. Elec- Allison of Imperial College London the bones has led Dr. Peter Sutton, of MÖchten sie mein Manschaft were a criminal. Anyway, give this a try. [email protected] tron micrographs of the scratches re- postulated that strong calcification of Imperial College London to suggest a 1,429 Solution were again the winners of this veal that they are very well defined, teeth can only be explained by expo- human cause of death. Allison points E P Y O amazing puzzle. I want to say A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Union bars to sell students and do not resemble the more irregu- sure of the growing teeth to prolonged out that the dinosaur lived well into the T W R I E N S A P well done and carry on, but I 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 lar scratches often found on dinosaur and intense heat. “The only possible iron age, when the Isle of Wight was O S R Y N S P T A W I R E would rather say “can anyone else Purely Indiscriminate bones from the teeth and claws of source of the heat, as I see it, is inter- known to have been populated by peo- I A E P R S T W N be bothered to do these?” as I am B A N K predators of scavengers. A fragment nal, it almost seems as if the pyromani- ple possessing the relevant knowledge Y O R E W E N R S T A P I getting rather peeved with them. 2+1+14+11=28. Job done. of iron oxide was also found within the cus breathed fire”. for the production of iron weapons. A R T W P I N E S 2 1 14 11 = 28 Sparkling Substance pelvis. According to Dr. Martin Bunt of Researchers are struggling to find the According to Allison, D. pyromanicus P E S P I E N A R T W Wordoku is identical to Sudoku; the Natural History Museum the iron cause of death of D. pyromanicus. The may be the first example of an extinc- R T W N I E P S A we’ve just replaced numbers So which London tube station sums to 102? Хангман ensure that nobody in a group photo must have been introduced to the skel- bones show none of the telltale signs of tion caused directly by man. Eastern Blocker E N S A T P W I R with letters. Complete the puzzle will have their eyes closed. Other high- Y E X R and then send the whole grid to lights include Fiona Barclay who cre- P I A S W R E N T [email protected]. Scientists from around the world con- ated the Periodic Table table. E R O You will not get credit for just the = 102 verged to the Great Hall in early March A rather surprising entry into this word alone. It’s not an anagram. to take part in the Ig Nobel 2009 years award came from Imperial Col- Roadshow. lege Union who entered a paper on The Ig Nobel Prize is an annual lager. The study investigated under Physics students nominated award given out every October, the how many different brands they could same time as the Nobel Prizes, to re- market the same lager under in the search that makes people think about Union Bars before arousing any sort of the sciences. Commenting on the 2006 suspicion. It was found that they could for Nobel Prize this year Mentalist Maze... Nonogram 1,430 awards, Marc Abrahams, editor of An- market up to eight different brands, in- nals of Improbable Research, cospon- cluding one brand of wheat beer and Hudya Nikabolokov Well done to MÖchten sie mein any of you, please just come and let 1 So it’s revision time and here at felix we are sor of the awards, said: “The prizes one non-alcoholic brand. The beer that Foreign Correspondent Manschaft blah, blah, blah. I hope you us know. You are supposed to be the 1 3 3 3 1 3 providing you with as much material we can are intended to celebrate the unusual, everyone has in fact been drinking is a are enjoying these mazes I give to you cream of British youth, but every man possible think of to make sure you all have honour the imaginative - and spur special brand from Kentucky’s finest Students from the Department of each week, and if they are too hard for has his limit. 6 5 3 3 6 5 1 3 1 2 enough stuff to get you through the tedious people’s interest in science, medicine brewery, however the Union refuses to Physics at Imperial College have been revision hours. and technology.” release the name of the brewer. working on a project in an attempt to 1 5 The Nonogram will count towards the Previous winners of the award in- Other highlights for 2009 include identify the problem with the latest FUCWIT League, which means the same clude Pierce Barnes, a research associ- proof that dog fleas jump higher than class of Photon Torpedo’s. The study 2 4 1 rules apply. Send your answers in to the usu- ate in chemistry at Imperial College, cat fleas and that our perception of is part of their third year group project al address [email protected]. who in 2006 calculated the number of crisp-crunchiness is influenced by and has led to their work being short 2 4 Answers will be revealed next week. Good photographs you must take to (almost) sound-effects. listed for the Nobel Physics Prize this luck! year. The students from the Physics de- 3 1 partment have discovered that a phe- How to play: nomena known as “Long Anti Matter Members of the covert JOKE squad just before the raid 3 1 1 Exposure” has been causing problems Nonograms are picture logic puzzles in with the detonation device in the tor- which cells in a grid have to be colored or pedo, hence making it difficult for any Klingon Empire’ wanting to steal it. that the incident that occurred in the 6 2 left blank according to numbers given at the destruction. In order to study the ef- Problems, however, arose when the basements of Blackett was an act of side of the grid. fect in more detail, they have built their collider was in use which led to an in- sabotage, our biggest fear is that it is a 4 In this puzzle type, the numbers measure own torpedo and have been closely teraction between the anti-matter in ‘Junior Officers of the Klingon Empire’ how many unbroken lines of filled-in squares monitoring the “Long Anti Matter Ex- the torpedo and the collider. The out- attack.” 3 there are in any given row or column. For ex- posure” factor. come was the creation of a small worm Nevertheless, the resulting creation ample, a clue of “4 8 3” would mean there are Over the past six months they have hole in the basement which has led of the worm hole, whether it was in- sets of four, eight, and three filled squares, had the torpedo locked safely in the to several long haired, black-clothed, tentional or not, has led to the students 2 1 in that order, with at least one blank square basements of Blackett next to the small greasy creatures appearing in the Phys- being nominated for the prestigious between successive groups. particle collider under heavy guard, ics Department. award. The results are to be announced 2 2 due to fears that members of the secret A spokesman from the Physics de- in Stockholm later this year in front of A strong contender for the secret Union beer organisation, ‘Junior Officers of the partment told felix that “We believe the King and Queen of Sweden. 24 felix Friday 1 May 2009 Friday 1 May 2009 felix 25 Sport [email protected] [email protected] Sport Imperial Devils Postman Pask delivers Imperial I to 12th Christina Duffy rial and their break into the first eight bodes well for the coming years. Head Stroke Adam Freeman-Pask was in- Coach Steve Trapmore gave an uplift- take conference strumental in leading the top IC crew ing speech to all crews before indi- to 12th position overall in the biggest vidual crew chats: “You know what it’s head race of the season. The all-IC like, you’ve all done this race before”, at title en route to crew was comprised of four college which point Bowman Bellion revealed freshers and finished second in the S2 “Eh, well I haven’t actually.” category in 18:18.72. The crew set-off at number 2 follow- Tideway Scullers’ School I were the ing last year’s strong performance from play-off final overall winners finishing in a time a crew featuring IC’s George Whittak- of 17:25.21. Sculler’s crew included er, Freeman-Pask and Hislop, but was Ice Hockey the Southern Conference, but also as Alan Campbell (Olympian/Sculler’s ineligible for the University pennant. 2nd Division, Southern Conference the semi-final for the playoffs for the Head of the River Champion), Iztop Cox Henry Fieldman was ecstatic, if national division, in which Cardiff Cop (Olympic Gold), Mahe Drysdale not incomprehensible with this year’s Imperial College Devils 7 and Imperial were drawn against each (World Champion, Olympic bronze), result, “12th f*cking place after an Ol- Cardiff Redhawks 1 other reguardless of who finished first Olaf Tufte (Olympic Gold) and On- ympic f*cking year, with half the crew or second in the conference. So, a win drej Synek (Olympic Silver). Despite f*cking freshers. That’s f*cking awe- from Imperial would ensure a place in the hired guns the win is attributed to some man! FML!” The Henry Field- Stephen Holland the play off final, but only a win by 4 ex-Imperial cox Ali Williams who in man Express was in top gear coming goals would take them to the national a limited time transformed the single through the final hundred metres and The Imperial College Devils A team final with the Southern Conference George Garnier - www.georgegarnier.com scullers into a crew of sweep rowers. on-looking alumni on ICBC’s balcony have won their first conference title snatched from Cardiff. Rumour has it they made the switch to attested to “hearing the boat sing.” and booked their place in the play off The game started hard with the Imperial Devils looking cool as ice after their win against Cardiff (yes it is a bit of a lame pun) sweep rowing as a result of becoming The upset of the day came with the final for the national second division Devil’s defence and netminder placed bored out of their sculls. The standard defeat of IC II by the hands of arch- title. After their disappointing last under constant pressure, struggling to of competition in the HORR follow- nemesis IC III who ranked 6 places place finish last season, the more expe- find a rhythm against the Redhawks Imperial were quick off the mark in the Alyn Wallace skated by Imperial’s con- Smirnov receiving 2 minutes for un- ing an Olympic year is always toughest higher (70th overall) than the second Cox: Henry Fieldman, Adam Freeman-Pask, Leo Carrington, Ole Tietz, Henry Goodier, Simon Hislop, Josh rienced squad, further bolstered by the onslaught. As the half-way point of the second period, with Clough back on fused defence and scored unassisted sportsman like conduct and tripping making Imperial’s 12th place ranking boat (76th overall). When crew selec- Yerrell, Dan Cadoux-Hudson & Danny Bellion addition of a couple of gifted finishers, first period passed, Imperial started the score sheet 2 minutes in, giving the making the score 4-1 to Imperial Col- respectively. However three quick goals even more poignant. The crew were tions were finalised for the race there set out this season to avenge their bat- mounting their own attacks, which Devils an unprecedented 3 goal lead. lege. But after avoiding trouble earlier in the final 8 minutes by Chris Clough satisfied with the result and Pask feels was disappointment in the third boat tered reputation. paid off when Tom Koch broke the This did not please Cardiff whose frus- in the match, Freddie Hellander was and Tom Koch getting his third and he’s a really happy man. as many felt they had performed bet- S3, 70th/409 overall). Richard Winchester sought comfort in Walkabout and all camps were satis- Cardiff, always the southern confer- deadlock 14 minutes in, assisted by tration was shown when Evan Juurak- given a 2 minute penalty for holding, fourth of the match, closed the door IC I (Adam Freeman-Pask, Leo Car- ter in training than those chosen for IC II (James Wedlake, Will Todd, each other and disappeared after the fied after wins from both England and ence favourites, were unsettled after Chris Clough. ko, the season’s highest penalty taker, leaving the team with potential trou- on Cardiff, with a final score of Cardiff rington, Ole Tietz, Henry Goodier, Si- IC II. But the crew should have been John Dick, Richard Winchester, Dom race to be alone together. Ireland in the Six Nations Rugby. (Ire- a rare 3-6 defeat to the Devils before Imperial made it harder from them dropped his gloves to entice Imperial’s ble, eased slightly when Cardiff picked Redhawks 1-7 Imperial College Devils. mon Hislop, Josh Yerrell, Dan Cadoux- delighted not to be banished to the sec- Meyrick-Cole, Adam Mayall, Adam In the novice camp, IC IV performed land became Six Nations Grand Slam Christmas. However slip ups against selves when Chris Clough was then Freddie Hellander into a fight, getting a up their own penalty 30 seconds later, This 6 goal win gave the Devils their Hudson, Danny Bellion) were coxed ond boat because as Dan Topolski put Seward, Alex Gillies) were coxed by well. (Sean Delaney, John Beaty, Champions… England came second). Oxford and Bristol in away games given 2 minutes for tripping. The team 2 -minute penalty for roughing. Player- David Williams getting 2 minutes for first ever conference win and first trip by Henry Fieldman (12th/409 overall, it: “There is no joy in coming second, Connie Pidoux and finished in 18:56.63 Rory Fallon, Thomas Walshe, Ben- London RC attracted a huge crowd left the Devils one game behind the showed resilience however and Koch coach Vince Miller further increased high sticks. to the play off finals against the win- 2nd/81 in S2). The crew missed out because to be second is to be last.” The (76th/409 overall, 8th/81 in S2). The jamin Fahs, Patrick Hudson, Andreas of intoxicated rowers for the jungle- Welsh team going into their final got his second goal while Imperial were Imperial’s lead, with an individual ef- The beginning of the third and final ner of Manchester and Huddersfield on the University pennant to Oxford second boat, or “banter boat” were out- crew were devastated by the result and Prøsch, Alistair Larsson) were coxed themed after party. Moshing, table match against each other. This match down one man at 17 minutes, leaving fort at 27 minutes. The disillusioned period saw goals replaced by penalties for the national division 2 title on 19th Brookes by 20 seconds. Brookes is gunned by the third who made a gal- were barely able to face IC III, whose by Deepika Reddy and finished in dancing and naked swimming in the counted two-fold as the last match of the first period Cardiff 0-2 Imperial. Cardiff side hinted at a fightback when with Imperial’s Paul Gilmartin and Ilya of April. one of the top-ranked university clubs lant effort in the black stallion Vespoli. delight could not be contained. It was 19:37.87 (187th/409, 4th/60 in Novice Thames all made for a thoroughly en- in the country and have consistently IC III (Tom Bell, Tom Arnott, Gareth clear when they came off the water that category). joyable evening. been a thorn in the side of IC crews. Brown, Kieron Docherty, Iain Palmer, the crew was not pleased with their Thus ends the head race season and The men’s squad will have a brief Boy-siders Carrington, Goodier, Yer- Mike Zammit, John Davey, Andy Gor- row. A steady rhythm could not be we can finally look ahead to regatta respite from intense training this week rell and Bellion have set high standards don) were coxed by Nicola Quinn-Py- found and they had to bludgeon their racing; an entirely different form of before the entire club jets off to Italy on for emerging fresher talent at Impe- att and finished in 18:53.16 (8th/91 in way through the course. Will Todd and pain. Post race celebrations began in Saturday for Easter training camp.
Imperial Boat Club enter Imperial come 2nd in IDEA Guinness World Book of League held in Aachen Records, just Continued from back page Earlier this year, Reporter wrote about Stuart Marston took up the reins. the day the IC Boat Club broke a very Straight off, the Imperial rowers pow- ble-tennis battle kicked into full swing, special world record. Steve Trapmore ered Stuart over a faultless 100 metres Imperial Judo was showing the other MBE, Head of Rowing, describes the which we clocked at 19.3 seconds. An- three universities (Delft-Netherlands, day. noyingly the Guinness World Records Aachen-Germany and Zurich-Swit- “On 11 March I took a team of Impe- adjudicator clocked the same attempt zerland) a little bit of Imperial finesse, rial College Boat Club rowers to Dor- two seconds slower! comfortably winning and boosting our ney Rowing Lake, venue for the 2012 Trapmore went on to say that “Af- confidence for the next day. Olympic Regatta. Helped by coach ter pointing out that we were perhaps That evening was spent in the town, Stu Whitelaw, we set out to attempt a more experienced at timing rowing with most of “Team Fit” retiring early world record for the fastest time a row- crews, I invited the adjudicator to fol- to prepare for what was to be a very ing eight can tow a water-skier over low the attempt in the Sport Impe- tiring day, and the Floor Ball fraternity 100 metres.” rial truck rather than from a safety still very unsure as to the exact rules. The current record stood at 19.9 sec- boat on the water. This did the trick, Thursday morning drew in, and onds, held by a French team. After a and although we timed the run faster, after a decidedly less than adequate couple of failed attempts with celebri- the official verdict was 19.58 seconds, sleep on the gym floor, Imperial ladies ties, including ex Blue Peter presenter breaking the previous world record by took to the Floor Ball arena- still no Konnie Huq, waterski professional almost 0.4 seconds.” wiser about the rules. The match was photo by neil mossley always going to be tough, but a 13-3 loss did not reflect Imperial’s ability, Claire Taylor with support from Team Fit on the leg press challenge likewise the men would struggle in the first two games. By the third and final game, however, the ladies had a respectable 3rd place, considering the most prestigious club in Aachen. notched up a 3-2 victory over Delft, the majority of the players had never Celebrations continued into the small and the men were only 2-1 down deep played Floor Ball before! hours, but not without incident… but into the second half also against Delft. The evening was then a classic, start- we certainly can’t remember them! Unfortunately, the keen forward Jack ing with a formal dinner at the premier The next day, IC clearly took the tro- Cornish got ‘hit on the head with the University venue. The alcohol was cer- phy for bar heavyweights, with many ball’ whilst just having a casual jump. tainly in abundance allowing spirits to contenders for the top ten headaches. This was in breach of the rules and he fly high and friendships to be forged. An enjoyable three days saw success, was penalised with a two minute sin- To the amazement of Imperial, the friendships and celebrations, none of bin; the only one of the tournament! scoring system had worked out in our which would have been possible with- This left IC with only three outfield favour and we had managed a com- out the backing of Sport Imperial and players. They managed to hang on for mendable 2nd place overall! The cham- so a big thank you goes to them from picture courtesy of reporter that time, but didn’t manage to win. pagne continued to flow on the tables all of us. We all look forward to Floor However, the ladies’ victory secured of Team IC, before we were ushered to Ball next year. The rowers with Stuart Marston after they broke the world record 26 felix Friday 1 May 2009 Friday 1 May 2009 felix 27 Sport [email protected] [email protected] Sport
Dismal end to an abysmal Imperial fencing finishes season for both rugby 1sts Imperial Immortals downed Sports league Team P W D L F A Diff % FI Jovan Nedić in the way of them and another Gut- off a brilliant season with a Editor in Chief by vicious Cobra venom teridge Cup final. Having beaten King’s 1 Tennis Men's 1st 12 12 0 0 105 15 90 100 5.00 many a time before in the competition, George Barnes really ready for the brutal physical Both the offence and defence worked 2 Squash Men's 1st 12 11 0 1 51 9 42 92 4.25 The end of the season couldn’t have the side was ready for the match, how- challenge ahead. It was not until the tirelessly for the whole game with the 3 Fencing Men's 1st 11 10 0 1 1457 861 596 91 4.18 resounding win come any sooner for Imperial College ever, it seems that the King’s side want- Done and dusted. The Imperial Col- second quarter that they started to get home team picking up two more first 4 Fencing Women's 1st 11 10 0 1 1445 1160285 91 4.18 RFU and Imperial Medicals RFU 1st ed to get to the final more than Impe- lege Immortals (ICIs) chalked up their their act together. The defence lead by downs from Newton (16) and Tino 5 Volleyball Women's 1st 9 8 0 1 17 3 14 89 4.00 teams. Both sides have had a difficult rial did. The end result, King’s beating first game of the season on Sunday. A Goose (42) started to bond. Big open (81). 6 Hockey Men's 1st 13 11 0 2 65 19 46 85 3.62 Fencing season in the BUCS Southern Premier- Imperial and eventually beating Royal fair crowd turned up to support ICIs field tackles came in from the two It is true that ICI were outclassed on 7 Squash Men's 2nd 13 11 0 2 40 21 19 85 3.62 ship B, fighting for survival and pride. Holloway. battle against one of the UK’s top sen- standout defensive backs Fisher (20) the day but each and every player gave 8 ICSM Netball 2nd 12 10 0 2 452 226 226 83 3.50 Imperial Men’s 1st 135 Despite their best effort, including a This was not the only success for ior teams, The London Cobras. and Ramirez (25) with Quincy doing it it their all and the experience gained 9 ICSM Netball 3rd 12 10 0 2 444 225 219 83 3.50 Bath Men’s 1st 37 nail-bitting Varsity that saw the match King’s College, as their own medi- It was clear from the start who the for the D Line gave the defence some from coming face to face with a team 10 ICSM Badminton Men's 1st 6 5 0 1 28 20 8 83 3.50 go into extra time yet again, neither cal school, GKT, were yet again in the pros were when on the first play ICI confidence. who only conceded 9 points in their 10 11 Lacrosse Women's 1st 11 9 0 2 162 43 119 82 3.36 team managed to make a very success- United Hospitals Cup against Imperial barely returned the kick-off for more The offence was able to feed off this game regular season is priceless. The 12 Table Tennis Men's 1st 15 12 0 3 163 88 75 80 3.20 Indy Leclercq ful season of it in the league. Both teams Medicals. The UH Cup is oldest rugby than 10 yards before their wedge success and with one of the last play Immortals are now league material. So 13 Badminton Men's 1st 12 8 2 2 61 35 26 67 3.00 were, however, hoping for better suc- cup competition, predating the Cal- busters destroyed our feeble first of the first half, the O-Line of Sanches next year they look forward to games 14 Netball 2nd 12 9 0 3 404 226 178 75 2.75 “It’s weird. Last year, we had finished cess in the ULU cups, something which cutta Cup by four years, and the Medi- wedge consisting of Quincy (No. 52), (78), Sikorski (68), Tovell (63), Mac and against other universities and hope- 15 ICSM Hockey Women's 1st 14 9 1 4 65 29 36 64 2.21 all our matches before the Christmas both clubs have managed to have a cals have been the holders of the pres- Mac (55), Jan (58) and Arthur (77) and Quincy held strong and Kennedy was fully making it to the play-offs. 16 Hockey Women's 1st 16 9 2 5 54 38 16 56 1.81 break...” Our president, Chris Namih, firm grip over the past few years. Impe- tigious cup for the last seven years. It totally flattened Big Geoff (88). The of- able to dodge a tackle and make our Sadly we are saying farewell to a cou- 17 Basketball Men's 1st 11 7 0 4 780 709 71 64 1.73 uttered those words before we set rial’s 1sts managed to get a bye straight seemed, however, that lady luck wasn’t fence which was lead by Kennedy (9) first ever 1st down, which consider- ple of members of the team. Thank you 18 Hockey Men's 3rd 12 4 5 3 23 30 -7 33 1.50 off to Southampton at the beginning into the quarter-final of the Gutteridge on their side either as their 1sts, 2nds were unsuccessful on their first drive ing the quality of the opposition was a very much for all the hard work put 19 Hockey Men's 2nd 12 7 0 5 50 36 14 58 1.25 of this term for our last (postponed) Cup, a competition which they have and 3rds all managed to lose to GKT and were forced to punt on the 4th huge achievement. in over the year from Stan, Ramirez, 20 Hockey Men's 4th 8 4 1 3 19 23 -4 50 1.25 league match. dominated over the years and planned in the final. down, which was returned for the first The second half began and the wedge Binnie and Sanches. These places will 21 Badminton Men's 2nd 11 5 2 4 49 39 10 45 1.18 Winning it made us undefeated to do the same this year. Hopefully the new season will bring touchdown for the Cobras. seemed to have a new lease of life, need filling up next year so bulk up and 22 Squash Men's 3rd 7 4 0 3 14 9 5 57 1.14 south-east conference champions. It College managed to get a walkover better fortune for both sides as they try ICI were clearly rattled with no one holding form to allow a longer return. get in touch! 23 Badminton Women's 1st 12 6 1 5 57 39 18 50 1.00 also meant that the season was still on over SOAS who were unable to field to retain the former glory they once 24 Fencing Men's 2nd 9 5 0 4 1100 947 153 56 1.00 for a while yet... Two months on, we a team, which left on King’s College had. 25 Rugby Union Men's 2nd 17 9 0 8 358 334 24 53 0.76 had narrowly lost a BUCS champion- 26 Squash Women's 1st 12 2 6 4 20 32 -12 17 0.50 ship quarter-final to Northumbria, and 27 Basketball Women's 1st 10 5 0 5 453 425 28 50 0.50 fenced our way into a playoff match for 28 ICSM Hockey Women's 2nd 11 4 2 5 27 43 -16 36 0.36 promotion into the highest league di- The Imperial fencers avoiding a lunge attack from the Bath fencer 29 Football Men's 1st 12 5 1 6 25 29 -4 42 0.25 vision in the country, the Premiership. 30 Tennis Men's 2nd 12 5 1 6 42 69 -27 42 0.25 Winning this meant fencing against 31 ICSM Football Men's 1st 13 4 3 6 17 26 -9 31 0.15 the likes of Oxford and Cambridge (the club novices and friends, as well as the after what was our largest win of the 32 Volleyball Men's 1st 9 4 0 5 10 10 0 44 0.00 top two teams in Britain) next year, and BUCS silver medallist women’s team, year, we were still pretty chuffed at the 33 Football Men's 2nd 11 4 1 6 24 35 -11 36 -0.18 would give us the chance to start a ri- had turned up to cheer us on; they got season we’d had. The win was the cue 34 ICSM Rugby Union Men's 2nd 16 6 1 9 271 244 27 38 -0.25 valry with UCL (it’s not that we don’t the win they were hoping for as Impe- for a whole evening of fun, as we went 35 Tennis Women's 1st 10 4 0 6 44 56 -12 40 -0.40 like them, or think we’re the better rial dominated the match from start to on to shave the president’s hair off at 36 Rugby Union Men's 3rd 15 6 0 9 264 324 -60 40 -0.40 London uni, but I’m just saying...) finish. The sabre wasn’t much of a con- the union (and, in a related incident, 37 ICSM Rugby Union Men's 1st 17 5 1 11 306 467 -161 29 -1.00 Our opponents were Bath, last- test as Jean-Romain, Naren, Wookie Andreas’s, Wookie’s, Maiyuran’s and 38 Volleyball Women's 2nd 7 2 0 5 13 16 -3 29 -1.43 placed in this year’s premiership with and Maiyuran made it 45-16; the foil Sjoerd’s) and then went out for a 30- 39 ICSM Rugby Union Men's 3rd 14 4 0 10 152 429 -277 29 -1.43 a none-too-flattering record: just one even less so with Chris G, Namih, Lit- strong dinner and a bit of partying! I 40 Football Men's 3rd 11 3 0 8 18 33 -15 27 -1.55 win out of six matches played, and tle Ed and Indy getting a score of 45-8. think everyone in the club, from the 41 ICSM Football Men's 2nd 10 2 1 7 13 28 -15 20 -1.60 one walkover conceded. The team Big Ed, Ale and Marcello rounded off novices to our adored president, de- 42 ICSM Hockey Women's 3rd 9 1 2 6 11 39 -28 11 -1.67 that turned up only consisted of three the match with a comfortable 45-13 serves a special mention for making 43 Hockey Women's 2nd 11 2 1 8 10 46 -36 18 -1.82 fencers! As we warmed up, many of win in the epee. That was it, Premier- this year such a great one for fencing photo by Joe Muddiman 44 ICSM Netball 1st 13 2 1 10 314 497 -183 15 -2.15 us couldn’t help feeling that the pre- ship. Sorted! at Imperial. Cheers guys, and see you 45 Football Women's 1st 10 2 0 8 11 34 -23 20 -2.20 miership was within our reach. Some Despite a slight anticlimactic feeling, next year in the Premiership! IC 1st XV looking dejected after this year’s closely fought Varsity 46 Rugby Union Men's 1st 14 2 1 11 165 430 -265 14 -2.29 47 ICSM Hockey Men's 2nd 11 2 0 9 17 24 -7 18 -2.36 48 ICSM Hockey Men's 1st 11 1 1 9 18 45 -27 9 -2.64 49 Rugby Union Men's 4th 15 2 0 13 162 623 -461 13 -2.80 50 Lacrosse Men's 1st 8 1 0 7 40 114 -74 13 -2.88 51 Netball 3rd 12 1 0 11 127 452 -325 8 -3.25 52 ICSM Badminton Women's 1st 11 0 1 10 11 78 -67 0 -3.45 At least we still have the Gutteridge Reserves Cup 53 Rugby Union Women's 1st 2 0 0 2 15 109 -94 0 -4.00 The newly formed Imperial Immortals, Imperial’s very own American Football team 54 ICSM Hockey Men's 3rd 5 0 0 5 0 15 -15 0 -4.00 rial then stuttered. A workmanlike at- score was 8 – 0. Imperial should have pacing his opposite man, despite be- Imperial continued this pattern to 55 Netball 1st 11 0 0 11 220 428 -208 0 -4.00 Rugby titude from the UCL forwards coupled carried this lead into the halftime in- ing “shown” the inside. Powerful runs the death, running continuous phases with some poor decisions with ball terval, however indiscipline gave away from Imperials big boys, most notably and looking dangerous. Unfortunately, Imperial Men’s 2nd 20 in hand led to UCL having consist- a penalty that even UCL couldn’t Conan O’Rourke, made deep inroads no more points could be added. It was UCL Men’s 2nd 3 ently good field position. Fortunately, miss, allowing them to score their first into the UCL defense. After 10 phases no matter, UCL knew they had been Crossword No. 1,430 Answers to: [email protected] the UCL kicker did not have the same points, leaving 8 – 3 as the halftime of superb organisation and distribution beaten by a class act in the second composure as his counterpart, and score. from scrum half Penfold, Imperial span half. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Scott Greening failed to capitalise on a penalty that The second half began in a similar the ball wide through the hands, allow- The Reserve Cup was therefore re- Across Down A new term, a new set of crosswords was imminently kickable. Imperial vein to the first half, Imperial failed to ing Bowe to run through a gap so big tained for another year by Imperial. 1 Area of London sounds as if it’s 1 Puppet character from video game for you all to feast your eyes on. Con- In the twilight of what had been a suc- then began to claw their way back to exert their authority in the opening 10 he could have moon-walked through. This trophy was no less than the team, constructed from beer (5,4) on the web, say (10) gratulations to Mochten sie mein cessful season for the Imperial 2nd XV, their early match form. Despite con- minutes of the half, allowing UCL too This time the touchline conversion led expertly by Captain Andy Mac- 9 10 6 Not a taxi heading west for 2 Strangely fine story that can’t be Manshaft who won the last cryptic the players were determined to seal a ceded the majority of the possession much ball and then kicking away the was successful, bringing the score to fadge, deserved after a hard and ulti- philosopher (5) spoken (9) crossword of the term, there were trophy, especially off the back of a huge to their opposition, UCL never threat- possession they had. It was a moment it’s ultimately finality, 20 – 3. mately rewarding season. 9 King with fish wavers (5) 3 Donkey to feel unwell in attack (6) some very close seconds so the race is and comprehensive 69 – 0 victory of ened, and soon the Imperial back three of vision and opportunism that led 10 I tried hen, somehow acquired 4 A member of school with an empty definitely on to get those big points for Middlesex in their midweek league showed their class with some searing to Imperial’s second try. From a pen- 11 15 from parent (9) bottle – one in an unfamiliar situa- the FUCWIT League. match. Despite having not played a breaks from deep. On one occasion alty in Imperial’s half, rather than kick 11 Away in the company of senior tion (1,4,3,2,5) Best of luck everyone! teacher? Execute him! (3,4,3,4) game in the Reserve Cup so far, IC fullback and man-of-the-match Dow- for touch, Greening noticed the UCL 14 12 5 Clannish genetic engineering might knew they were in for a stern test from den made 50m in one break that mark- team idling, clearly trying to recover 13 Returned competent from place achieve this (6,9) Crossword by: Sam Wong of exile for 18’s famous son (4) what would be a dogged, albeit less tal- edly resembled a knife cutting through their breath. Greening took a quick tap 13 18 14 6 Oddly, Brit rota had many a celebra- ented, UCL 2nd team. Moreover, the soft butter. Unfortunately, the support- and chipped over the static UCL line. 14 Crazy man with biscuit used to tory event (8) break shells (10) 2s were now Imperial’s flagship rugby ing players failed to show the required Despite the covering winger and full- 15 7 A platform for Felix perhaps to go team in all ULU competitions, given slight-of-hand required to score the try back the bounce of the ball was good 16 Indie band fail kosher test (3,7) on strike(7) 17 Poet banned, we hear (4) Solution to crossword 1429 the shock exit of the 1st XV a fortnight that was deserved. and was caught by the chasing fly half. 16 17 18 8 Poem in support of north point (4) 20 I was lengthwise unfortunately, P Z E B R A C R O S S I N G N ago. No matter; Imperial were now reju- Despite bouncing off the attempted 12 Quiet communist is to ask to make B E N E A G O T V O R A Q P In the pre-match huddle, Coach venated and had the ball deep in the double tackle, Greening responding perhaps filled with Semillon one vulnerable (10) 19 (5,4,5) E N V I R O N D E N L A R G E Brimah’s instruction was to bring out opposition territory. A short chip from to calls from David Bowe and span the 15 Scottish leader Edward has skin W 23 Food provided by health centre S A E A E E G R A A O I O the running game from the word go. fly half Scott Greening, which was ball out to Lite to touch down in the 25 20 21 condition repaired (8) I D L E A B A R B E R S H O P Straight off the UCL kick-off the 2s ran well pressurised by Foley, forced UCL corner. The wide conversion was again in front of immigrant districts? 18 Part of stoic Cajan turns up in D B O E T C C A O E I O A E L (9) their now famous Brunel ball; a strong into conceding a lineout on their own failed, leaving the score at 13 – 3. 22 32 Mediterranean port (7) E X P R E S S W A Y S U L E E crash up the middle from Adam Foley 5m line. Following on from previous From this point out Imperial oozed 24 Anna chooses to have a snack 19 A long duration and, peculiarly, a O H E O S E T R O I A T N C (5) N I B O S C A N D I N A V I A being followed by a burst up the blind games, the Imperial forwards showed class and exerted their marked supe- 23 24 schedule (6) side from Rob Dowden and China Lite. utter domination in the lineout, with riority. The whole team ran its pat- 25 Extra snake with unusual tail (5) 21 Difficult to keep ring in treasure (5) E N R O E O T O C Y G S A I R 26 Fix mother a part in S H O U L D E R E D M E M I R Imperial recycled well and soon earned the catch and drive resulting in Im- tern just as they had trained, with the 34 22 Motorist’s body found with silicon a penalty inside the UCL 22, which, perial’s first try of the game; the ball forwards securing quick ball, and the complicated procedure (9) implant in eastern land (4) E N W H L N L L N R R P H I L I N E A G E S E X A M I N E without any hesitation, was kicked for having been put down finally by Ben backs running with pace and from 25 26 goal to put Imperial 3 – 0 to the good. Moorhouse. deep. Lite made continuous breaks F V I K T S H G F C I R C R R E Despite this electrifying start, Impe- The wide conversion shanked; the down the right flank, repeatedly out- Imperial’s 2nd XV with the mighty Gutteridge Reserves Cup S N E V E S A Y N E V E R Send in your sport reports: [email protected] felix sport High resolution photos only Imperial have a great
Jack Cornish this year’s Hockey Club Captain and IDEASports Editor next year’s ACC Chair! All present and correct, the triple The IDEA League is the collaboration train journey to Aachen in Germany of ‘five leading universities of technol- was followed by a festival atmosphere. ogy and science’, and annually a sports Aachen’s fantastic sports centre was event is held in celebration of the based in the west of the suburban area continued collaboration between the with views across the historic spa city. institutions. This year it was the turn After a introductory lunch, many of of RWTH Aachen to host the elite ath- the party chose to explore the town, letes in a competition that was to fea- only for a call to come thought that la- ture Table Tennis, Floor Ball, Judo, and dies were needed to play table-tennis. a Fitness Challenge! Teddy Middlebrook was selected as she The thirty plus Imperial participants had her own table at home, and Izzy had their first challenge even before Smith went along to join her as eve- the competition had started – remem- ryone else ran off. Results were rather ber your passport and get to Kings better than expected with the men Cross International at 6am in time for and women winning many games, but the EuroStar. To everyone’s surprise it eventually coming 3rd. As the epic ta- was two senior members of the ACC that managed to fail at this, notably Continued on page 25 Kendo club find national success Tim Simpson Wong had some cracking fights which included the first having an encho (ex- As with all competitions the day starts tra time, 1st score wins) that was at with an ungodly noise- that of the least double the length of the actual alarm clock at an abnormally early match itself. The star of this particular time of the morning. On this day, the show, however, was Danny Mak. Mak 4th of April and the day of the Na- managed to win three fights outright tional University Kendo Competition, with a mixture of kote (wrist) and men the alarm sounded about 4.45am. That (head) cuts before losing out to a kote is the spirit of commitment shown by from a 10 year kendo veteran who be- your very own kendo club. By 5.50am longs to the Mumeishi club. That club, the competitors were all huddled in based outside of London, is rich in Jap- Victoria ready for the first train of the anese kendoka, and has our very own day to Canterbury where the fight was Yoda in residence, Yoshikawa-sensei, going to be hosted by the good boys as one of their teachers. and girls of the University of Kent. Following soon after the kyu grade A smaller competition than last year, bouts were the Dan grade competi- after Cambridge Kendo Club made a tion and the ladies competition (for all mess of the timings and enraged judges ranks). Imperial only had one competi- from as far afield as Japan, only 8 Uni- tor for each. Tin Wong was the man up versity teams were to take part. These against it all in the Dan grade compe- included teams from Cambridge, Ed- tition but he came acropper with two The Kendo team proudly adorned with their medals inburgh, Oxford and UCL- so all our men cuts received from a very ath- old rivals were back yet again. letic opponent. Rachel Soon tried her However before the main competi- hand against two opponents both her going to head-to-head in a set of indi- against Edinburgh went less well. Un- draw. However, their performance was tion there was the kyu-grade individu- senior in terms of experience but lost vidual bouts. Imperial’s first match was fortunately Edinburgh’s team of ninja enough to nab them a spot on the win- als for those lower down the food chain out to the eventual winner of the la- against Oxford. Of the fights two were (with two newly arrived Japanese ken- ner’s podium with a 3rd place. Not bad than the black belt (‘Dan grades’). Six dies fight, T. Volkata, from Edinburgh draws with Tin Wong and Christos Ar- doka, including a 5th dan) managed all in all especially after so little sleep. of our team went that show. Of special University. gryakis holding their own, whilst Ali to overcome some spirited defences What happens when you hit a haggis interest were two of last year’s begin- After these warm up “exercises” the Hammad and Daniel Mak won their although notably Tin Wong managed with a shinai? Well, next year we are ners and some of this year’s club stal- main competition took place. This in- tussles with a men cut and a kote re- to hold that bundle of vicious feminin- off to Edinburgh to try to even the warts, Benny Wong and Danny Mak. volved 5 kendoka from each Uni team spectively. The second set of matches ity, T. Volkata, to a rather respectable score so maybe we can tell you then.