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Notes Introduction 1 There were many linguistic struggles to be engaged with in writing this book. Deciding which term best described the experiences women related to me was especially problematic. There are a range of gender-neutral terms currently in use, such as, intimate partner violence, common couple violence, family violence, family conflict, domestic violence and coercive control. And there are specifically gendered terms such as, male violence against women, violence against women by known men and male coercive control. I decided to use the term domestic violence, since it is the term most commonly recognised worldwide, despite reservations, in particular the way it obscures the gendered dynamics involved and implies such violence only takes place 'in the home'. See Radford (2003) for an insightful discussion on definitional debates in relation to domestic violence in the UK. 2 All the names referred to in this book are pseudonyms to protect women's anonymity. 3 ESRC/Joseph Rowntree, 'Violence, abuse and the stress coping process' 1991-1992; 'Rotherham domestic violence repeat victimization project' 1995 -1996. 4 Patriarchy is a much contested term, in this book I use it in a limited sense as a short-hand to describe male dominance in a particular historical gender order. 5 The malmaritata was either a wife who had fled her abusive husband or a wife whose husband instituted her in an asylum for correction (Cohen, 1992, p. 161). 6 This is not to say that social agencies have achieved high standards of service to women experiencing abuse/violence, there is still a considerable way to go; Amina Mama (2000) for instance identifies the many ways in which agency responses to black women often exacerbate the negative con sequences of domestic violence. 7 The 'battered woman' is linked in the public imaginary with visible injuries, and women experiencing domestic violence where there are no visible injuries may not see themselves as experiencing domestic violence. 8 I owe this to Liz Kelly in a private communication 2005. 9 For the reader new to this field good overviews are to be found in: Dobash and Dobash 1979, 1992; Kelly, 1988; Yllo and Bograd, 1988 and Stanko, 1990. 10 The British Crime Surveys of 1996 and 2001 included self-completion modules on 'domestic violence and these are viewed as providing a far more complete measure of domestic violence' (Mirrlees-Black, 1999; Walby and Allen, 2004). Prevalence rates derived from the 2001 self-completion 184 Notes 185 module, for instance, were around five times higher for all adults than those obtained from the face-to-face interviews (Dodd eta!., 2004, p. 74). Chapter 1 Coercion and 'Consensus' 1 'Patriarchy' is a much contested term and here I use it in a limited sense as a short-hand to describe male dominance in a particular historical gender order. 2 Lundgren (1998) has interviewed couples in four different groups, however, her analysis in this article is based on a series of interviews with one couple who were part of a fundamentalist Christian group that was particularly close-knit and restrictive. 3 Susan Griffin argued that a 'male protection racket' exists in which male partners supposedly protect women from other men, women become more dependent on them and hence become more vulnerable to abuse by them (1971 cited in Kelly, 1988, p. 23); Hanmer and Stanko (1985) also deconstruct the discourse of 'male protection' exposing it as rhetoric. 4 There is a lot of debate about the existence and significance of this concept (Frosh, Phoenix and Pattman, 2002, p. 11) however interviews with women revealed that attributes like the ability to fight can be attractive to hetero sexual women. The concept comes from R.W. Connell (1987, 1995) and refers to a dominant form of masculinity which is constructed in relation to subordinated masculinities and in relation to women (Connell, 1987, p. 183); 'hegemonic' masculinity is not a fixed character type but as a posi tion in a given pattern of gender relations is always contestable. (Connell, 1995, p. 76). 5 This approach to gender has been influential especially in the field of 'mas culinities and crime' in criminology (see for example Collier, 1998; jeffeson and Collier, 1997; Newburn and Stanko, 1994). 6 Dobash eta!. (1996) found a correlation between a reduction of patriarchal attitudes and a reduction in the extent to which men used violence against their partner. 7 Moreover, research has also revealed that work site settings, which take women out of the home, often tend to reinforce hegemonic masculinity and femininity (see e.g. Hochschild, 1983; Adkins, 1995), and hence heterosexuality. 8 C hapter 2 details men's use of this strategy. Chapter 2 Love and Shame 1 Here I refer to self-blame and blame imputed by others, however I look at the latter aspect in Chapter 6. 2 This is not to imply fixity but gendered emotional dynamics can at times seem to interlock in this way. 3 The ideal of beauty is not simply re-enforced by individual men but through patriarchal institutions in western societies, see Naomi Wolf, 1991, The Beauty Myth, which examines the cosmetics industry and the marketing of unrealistic standards of beauty. 186 Notes 4 The ways in which this message is reinforced in the media are legion; see for example 'Ten Years Younger' on Channel4. Chapter 3 Mothers and Children 1 See Department of Trade and Industry 2005 Work and Families: choice and flexibility, a consultation document. 2 Mandy's partner insisted in accompanying her to every ante-natal appoint ment. She was unsure whether this was because he didn't like her to be examined by the doctors. Whilst she was undressing in the toilet he had read her diary which had a few snippets in it saying, 'you know I hate him blah blah' which started an argument. The nurse asked whether he was staying for the birth and Mandy replied, 'I don't know, you better ask him'. So when the nurse walked out he said, 'what do you mean better ask him', punched Mandy in her face and then stormed out. 3 The study sample comprised only women who had left their violent rela tionships and so women who don't leave may continue to believe that keeping the family together is better for their children (see Hague and Wilson, 1996; Mullender, 1996). 4 Helen Baker argues that even at the limits of our existence as, for example, in domestic violence contexts, discourses of strengths and weaknesses act upon women at this time. Women are constructed in certain terms, essen tially as weak, and often refuse to see themselves as 'strong', since certainty of strength would indicate a lack in femininity. Women do have the poten tial to be strong, but strength comes into existence at 'bare life' levels when women hit 'rock bottom' (2004). 5 The abuse of animals has now been recognised as one aspect of domestic violence and this can particularly affect children and young people (Stalford, Baker and Beveridge, 2003, p. 27). There is now a charity called Paws for Kids which fosters the pet animals of women and children escaping domestic violence see www .pawsforkids.org.uk. Chapter 4 Home and Security 1 This was a hostel and not a Women's Aid refuge. Chapter 5 Work and Money 1 For further information see the Mifumi Project web site at http:// www.mifumi.org/. 2 There has also been recent important work on the financial costs of domestic violence to the public sector, the measurement of which poses difficulties, but this is not an area of work I address here due to my focus on women's perspectives; See Crisp and Stanko (2001) and Walby (2004) for helpful reviews of studies on the public costs of domestic violence. 3 They also found that two-thirds, 67 per cent, said they were physically, sexually and/or emotionally abused during childhood. Notes 187 4 Tolman and Raphael (2000) found that few TANF participants disclose domestic violence to welfare caseworkers; most States do not track these numbers but where data exist rates are between 5 and 10 per cent of case load (Raphael and Haennicke, 1999 cited in Tolman and Raphael, 2000, p. 676). These statistics are lower than the prevalence of domestic violence identified by research and overall the number of FVO waivers is low, so women find it difficult to disclose abuse and will therefore fail to access agency support. 5 Individual incomes of men and women 1996/97 to 2001/02, Median total weekly income where all sources of income are included. 6 Source: Ofsted, 2003, Registered childcare providers and places in England 30 September 2003; ONS, 2003, mid-2002 population estimates. 7 Research reveals that poor women experience more physical and mental health problems than women in general (Tolman and Rosen, 2001). 8 One study found that 12 per cent of the women who had experienced severe abuse in the past 12 months were also either drug or alcohol 'depen dent' compared to 6 per cent of those whose abuse was less recent, and 2 per cent of those who reported no severe abuse (Tolman and Rosen, 2001) 9 Note the problematic nature of a risk assessment approach taking the perspective of professional workers rather than the women themselves. 10 A nationally representative sample of 22,463 women and men aged 16-59 were asked, via a computerised self-completion questionnaire, whether they had been subject to domestic violence, sexual assault or stalking during their lifetime and during the preceding year. Those who had been subject to such incidents were asked details about their experiences.

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