A Parent’s Guide to Understanding Teenagers

CONTENTS INTRODUCTION

I Introduction to this guide...... 3 Being a parent or carer is one of the most fantastic and rewarding things that we ever do, but without a doubt it I What makes teenagers special ...... 4 can also be one of the most difficult. Almost all parents I Communication, communication, communication ...... 7 will have times when they worry about their children and their own ability to support and guide their child. I Relationships and sexuality ...... 10 This is certainly the case for the parents of teenagers.

I Different and equal ...... 13 As parents and carers, we have a of help available if you want further huge influence on young people’s information, advice or support with I School ...... 15 lives and the ability to shape their parenting, or with wider family issues. values and aspirations. Our impact I Further education, training and careers advice ...... 18 on young people and our ability to using this guide support and help them to develop, We have split the guide into chapters I Bullying ...... 21 will be shaped by our own strengths, and included a contacts section in experiences and limitations. each, to highlight some relevant I Involvement in anti-social and criminal behaviour ...... 24 organisations and services. The Knowing how to respond to the needs contact details for these and many I Physical, mental and sexual health ...... 27 of teenagers isn’t always easy and others are listed under the chapter there are no ‘right’ answers. Every headings in the National and Local I Alcohol and drugs ...... 31 teenager and every family is different Contacts section at the end – see from the next. Having said that, it can page 44. There is also a general I The internet, social networking, mobiles ...... 35 help all of us in our role as parents section on ‘Help for parents of and other technology to find out more about teenagers, to teenagers’ on page 42. reflect on how we interact with them, I How old do they have to be? ...... 39 and where necessary to seek more what is a parent ? A guide to legal age limits information, advice and support. This guide is written for anybody We hope that this guide will help. I Help for parents of teenagers ...... 42 who looks after and is a role model This guide addresses the issues that for teenagers. Throughout this guide I Parenting programmes ...... 42 parents have said they would like we use the term ‘parent’ and we refer more information about and the to ‘your son/daughter’ etc. In this I National and local contacts ...... 44 issues that teenagers want their guide, the term ‘parent’ means all parents to understand. The guide carers of young people including won’t answer all your questions foster carers and adoptive parents, but it will get you at least one step parents and grandparents. step closer to understanding your We use the terms ‘son’, ‘daughter’, teenager and the world he or she ‘child’ and ‘young person’ to refer to lives in. Fortunately there is a lot the teenagers that you are caring for. 2 3

Important changes are also noticed and recognised. This what makes happening inside a teenager’s can be perfectly acceptable or brain. Throughout adolescence not depending on how they brains change in a way that involves choose to get recognition. the breaking and reforming of teenagers special? Parents are extremely important connections and pathways too. Teenagers may seem to reject within the brain. During this period or dismiss your views and values, young people may find it hard Between the ages of 13 and 19 young but your influence, interest and Give them to recognise emotions in other people are developing physical, support continue to be crucial. responsibility…“ it’s people. Other changes in the emotional and sexual maturity. brain make it hard for teenagers Although they are always likely that they will They are also establishing an to make mature judgements about pushing the limits, teenagers rebel in one way or the consequences of their actions. need boundaries. When setting individual identity separate rules and boundaries try to involve another – think about Some typical behaviours and your teenager in recognising the from their family. Teenagers characteristics identified by how important the issue consequences of overstepping and their families are of course teenagers about themselves is. Is it worth alienating them. Remember, they are becoming include: ‘know it all’, increased all different from each other young adults and as such should your child over the interest in sex, rebellious, depending on their background, expect to take responsibility for stressed, insecure, lazy, clothes they wear? their actions. One of the most ethnic origin, family culture etc, argumentative, challenging Oxfordshire parent difficult things about parenting ” authority, mood swings. but there are some things that teenagers is knowing when to they have in common. Peer pressure, allow them to make their own responsibility mistakes and when it is necessary all change and development to step in to avoid disaster. Young people may be juggling many pressures and at the same time and influence they will be experimenting with relationships, behaviour, tastes and Teenagers can sometimes lifestyles. Often this is a time of increasing pressures at school and be very self-conscious and college, when decisions need to be made about work, careers or worry a lot about fitting training. All of this can make teenagers anxious and stressed. in. They compare Teenagers have entered a potentially exciting time of their life themselves to their – with many new horizons opening up and personal choices to peers and are often make – but it can also be frightening and confusing and may make influenced by how them feel insecure. others see them. During puberty many changes happen to a teenager’s body. It grows Along with this they rapidly in height and weight, sexual organs develop and the body’s have a desire to be production of sexual hormones soars. These changes affect teenagers’ behaviour and attitude, and can lead to wild mood swings. While this is normal, it can be very confusing and sometimes even frightening for both you and your teenager. 4 5

Adolescence is a time when many young people are idealistic. Because of Don’t try to be this they often find themselves impatient and at odds with the adult world. communication, They also tend to believe that they have all the answers while most adults ‘cool’“ and your teen’s have none. While this can be very irritating, it will work better if you join best friend – you’ll in the discussion and explore each other’s beliefs rather than ignore the communication, embarrass yourself and teenager or put their ideas down. It’s all part of finding out who they are and what they believe. them. It’s OK to be a ‘fogey’; that's what they How are teenagers portrayed? communication see you as anyway – but The media and commercial world strongly influence all of us; many of us will be influenced by common views of young people and youth culture Living with teenagers is all about do it with humour. which portray teenagers in a negative light. Young people on the other communication and much of the Laugh at yourself. hand may feel that society judges all teenagers to be ‘trouble’ – a judgement information in this guide is about Oxfordshire parent ” that they feel is unfair. As a parent you will have to take account of the wider making the most of communication social pressures that impact on your teenager and realise that these will influence all of your views. with teenagers. This is not always an easy task. However, if you talk with and listen to teenagers, they will at least know that you SUMMARY & practical tips are interested in them and in what they have to say. contacts > Understanding what teenagers are going through This can be very important if they want to talk about I NSPCC can help us to understand their behaviour. something that is difficult for them, perhaps to ask I Parentline Plus > Remember the things that teenagers say they need: for help with a health or relationship issue, or to tell ‘acceptance’, ‘responsibility’, ‘respect’, ‘privacy’, you that they are being bullied. I Parentscentre ‘not to be stereotyped’, ‘to be listened to’. I P arent-Talk > Don’t assume that your son or daughter knows how What makes a good parent? I Raising Kids you are feeling – you need to explain your feelings Some of the things teenagers say to them. about what makes a ‘good parent’ I spired.com > Give young people a say in deciding rules and include: I thesite.org boundaries – the more investment they have in > “someone who listens” I Talking Teens campaign drawing up an agreement with you, the more likely >“someone you can talk to” they are to stick to it. I Young People’s >“someone who can talk to young Survival Guide > Be patient and listen to your teenager’s views – people and other parents about most of all be encouraging and show that you setting limits” care unconditionally. >“patience” >“someone who can compromise with the child and give reasons for setting limits” 6 7

Expressing themselves Listening with. Remember, in spite of how it thing is not how you feel about may seem, young people want their this, but that they have been able At this time of physical and Listening can be a surprisingly parents to be happy too. to talk things through with someone. emotional change, teenagers often difficult skill for parents to develop; Professionals working with young find it hard to express their feelings. it’s easy to miss opportunities for Other important adults people will encourage them wherever communication. Young people may They may slam doors or pick fights As your teenager grows older it possible to talk to their parents, give up quickly if we are not receptive because they don’t know any other is natural that there will be times but they will also need to respect or if we frustrate them by not taking way to deal with a problem. when they choose to talk to someone the confidentiality of the young their views seriously. Try actively else. This could be a peer, another people that they work with. Sometimes they answer back watching your behaviour. Are you parent or a worker. The important because they feel that they aren’t talking over your teenager? Are you being heard. As a parent you can noticing when they want your help by not taking things personally, attention? Try listening to what your SUMMARY & practical tips and avoiding arguing back. teenager has to say without arguing Describing what you see – e.g. “You with them. This shows that you > It can be difficult for teenagers to express their feelings. look fed up” – can sometimes help respect what they have to say. You You may learn more about how they feel from what they to start a conversation. Talk to them don’t have to agree with their views; do rather than what they say. about alternative ways to deal with indeed it’s important that teenagers > Talking to your teenager, even about difficult issues, their frustrations and don’t be afraid know what your values are. will help them to be safer, feel less anxious and make contacts to tell them that you still expect to up their own minds. I NSPCC be treated with respect. Being positive > Be open with your teenager – tell them what you think I O xfordshire Family Teenagers have said that the way Above all you will need to be positive about things, and what is going on in your life. Mediation Service that parents may know that they about your teenager. This means > Offering choices or a compromise can work better than are “not OK” is if they: spotting the good things about them I Parentline Plus making demands, e.g. “If you tidy your room, I’ll clear and looking for the best in everything • “didn’t speak” the kitchen”. I Parentscentre they do. Teenagers, like the rest of • “trashed the place” us, need to feel valued and cared for. > Try not to judge, but to understand and show you care. I P arent-Talk • “shout” Even if they have done something Here are some tips for opening up communication: I Raising Kids that they know you will disapprove > Spend time just being with or near your teenager as • “got very drunk” of, the message that they need to I spired.com well as doing things together. Aim to give them your hear is “I love you even if I don’t like • “often cut my arms” time rather than just your advice. I thesite.org what you are doing”. Sometimes • “was quiet” I Talking Teens teenagers need to be able to say “I > Tell them things about themselves that you appreciate, campaign • “told you to leave me alone” hate you”. This probably means that e.g. “I like the way you…” they’re fed up with their lives, their • “was being horrible to you or > Acknowledge their feelings without judging, by saying I Young People’s friends, or something you’ve said or someone else” “You look as if you feel unhappy, upset, angry etc.” Survival Guide done. Try not to get hooked into this > Ask questions that can’t be answered with a ‘yes’ Many of these don’t involve words, – they need the freedom to be able to or ‘no’, but be careful that it doesn’t come across but they may be signs that that they express their frustrations and you as an interrogation. need your attention and support. may be the safest person to do this

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Peer pressure relationships, even though many of these will be short lived. relationships Belonging to a group is often really important to teenagers. Friendship It is important, as a parent, groups help teenagers to form an to recognise that every new and sexuality identity. They can provide support, relationship will be very important and they are important for learning to your teenager, even though you Relating to other people is important to about new experiences. For may not approve of their choice of partner. It is very difficult for some teenagers. Although you are still very teenagers the pressure to act in Get to know certain ways can be very powerful. teenagers to cope with these new their“ friends, make important in your teenager’s life, Teenagers may want to be part of sensations, especially if they feel he or she is probably trying to alter a group because their friends are, they may be different in some them welcome, way from others in their peer group. the relationship you once had into even if they feel uncomfortable they are the most with some of the things the group They may be experimenting with important people in one that is more adult to adult. are doing. different types of relationships to see what feels comfortable your child’s life right At the same time, young people You will probably prefer some of for them. now… just show an will be starting to relate with other your teenager’s friends to others. significant adults, such as teachers Your teenager will sense this and Sexual orientation is who we are interest. attracted to and is not a choice and youth workers, as well as their part of their desire to experiment Oxfordshire parent” and push boundaries may attract we make. Your teenager may be peers. Teenagers will also start to seek them to the very friends you like heterosexual and attracted to and explore sexual relationships. least. If you can, try to make their people of the other sex, or she/he friends welcome in your home. That may be bisexual and attracted to Changing relationships way you can get to know who your people of both sexes. She/he may teenager is having relationships with be homosexual (often called lesbian There’s a lot going on for teenagers in terms of relationships and inevitably and keep some influence on what’s or gay) and attracted to people things will go wrong from time to time. All of this can cause stress for parents, going on. of their own sex. Whatever as well as the teenagers themselves. As parents our role in modelling positive sexual orientation they are, relationships with friends, family, and our partners is vital. Sexuality they all deserve acceptance and respect for their feelings. If your teenager feels able to talk to you about what is happening in his Teenagers are discovering their own or her life, you stand a chance of being kept informed about their various sexuality which means they will be relationships. Remember that however much you may want to protect them, experiencing strong feelings and one of the lessons they’ll probably learn during this stage of life is that some emotions, which can be both relationships don’t work out. Try not to be judgmental – it’s not going to help exciting and daunting. It is your own relationship if you say “I told you so” when things go wrong. Just during the teenage years allow them some freedom and let them know that through your unconditional that they may discover love for them you are there to support them. and identify their own sexual orientation and learn to develop meaningful

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Information about contraception and sex It’s easy to assume that teenagers know all about sex and contraception. DIFFERENT AND EQUAL Schools do have certain responsibilities to inform young people about sex and relationships, but parents also have responsibilities to ensure Whatever your culture, whether you are a Christian, that young people are as well informed as they can be to cope with the Muslim, Hindu, of any other or even no religion, your adult world. As parents, we may need to offer appropriate practical support such as access to contraceptive and sexual health services. experience of other cultures may be quite limited. It is Be open about the subject and offer your support, so that they feel sometimes easier to ignore what you don’t know, but it is more able to include you in this part of their lives. important in today’s multicultural society that you try to instil in your child a sense of equality and understanding. contacts SUMMARY & practical tips Your teenager will be learning at school about other cultures and mixing with I Acceptance UK for others from different backgrounds from their own. You can help them in their parents of gay people > Family support and relationships are understanding of others by encouraging them to take an interest in those people who don’t always look or behave as they do. I After Adoption important, but don’t expect teenagers to come to you first. I British Pregnancy We are all judged by what we are, sometimes in a positive way and other Advisory service > Teenagers will experience deeper and more times in a negative way. We are judged for our similarities and differences, for complex relationships and will want to have example according to gender, age, ethnicity, religion, sexual identity, ability or I Brook relationships with a wider range of people disability, levels of income and politics. For young people, when belonging to I Family Friends of as they grow older. a peer group is extremely important to them, these differences or similarities Lesbian and Gays become more basic. They can be part of, or excluded from a group because of > As they become sexually aware and active, I Family Planning teenagers need to be well informed in Association order to make responsible choices. There I Family Planning Service is plenty of help, information and advice out there. Offer them your help and I National Domestic support in accessing it. Violence Helpline I N HS Direct Here are some tips for talking to your teenager about sex: I Oxford Friend Lesbian & Gay Helpline > Talk about feelings and relationships, not just the physical facts. I Oxfordshire Family Mediation Service > Use everyday media (such as adverts, soaps, magazines) to start a conversation. I Parentline Plus I Parent-Talk > Ask your child what they think about specific issues. I RU Thinking About It? > Find out what they are learning about sex I Youth Access and relationships at school, and use this as a basis for wider discussion. 12 13

the length of their hair, their choice of clothing or by music they listen to. It isn’t easy for them to understand that it is okay to be different. SCHOOL Therefore it is important in everyday home life that parents can talk about differences and what makes people special and lead School plays a very important by example in celebrating diversity and equality. part in your teenager’s life, both Maintaining Experiencing Prejudice socially and educationally. For most a good“ relationship If your teenager is experiencing some form of prejudice, such as racism, teenagers, time at school is happy with the school then do talk to social services or the police. If they are facing prejudice and rewarding. For parents too, can really help… at school, talk to their teacher or headteacher to try to sort out the school becomes problem. Ask your teenager to log down the incidents so that these involvement in school life can be can add weight to their statements. fun and rewarding. However many an extension of home teenagers are likely to have some and vice versa problems at school from time to time. Oxfordshire parent” SUMMARY & practical tips contacts Many parents find school to be a > Lead by example. Show your teenager that source of tension and concern. I Acceptance UK for just because somebody looks or behaves parents of gay people differently from them, it doesn’t mean that You may worry about your teenager’s attitude to school, their willingness to attend and the demands that school places on them, I Bullying UK they are worse or better than themselves. Encourage learning and development as or the quality of the education or other provision. There may also be social I Equality and Human a family activity. issues to deal with, such as bullying and troublesome friendship groups. Rights Commission School remains one of the most emotive subjects between parents and > Try to make sure your views and opinions I Family Friends of teenagers. Whatever the problem, remember you are probably not alone. are unbiased and non-judgmental. Lesbian and Gays Talking to other parents can be a great support. Always explain that these are your I Oxford Friend Lesbian personal beliefs and try to give the The law requires that you, as a parent or guardian, & Gay Helpline other side of the story too. ensure that your child is educated either at school or by other means acceptable to your I Oxfordshire Racial > Give your teenager opportunities to spend local authority. This requirement ends on Equality Council time with others who may not be part of the last Friday of June in the school year their normal social mix. This will encourage I Starlight Enterprise in which your child becomes 16. them to understand that being different Limited should not be a barrier.

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Advice on providing access to a range of educational psychologist. If the Managing change educational choices services, including information, situation doesn’t improve the school referral to specialist sources of help may consider other measures such Just as the teenage years are a time There are educational choices to and parenting support. as a parenting contract, a parenting of growing independence at home, be made all the way through the order, or temporary suspension or at school more and more emphasis If you do approach the school teenager years. It is helpful to talk exclusion. In these situations you is placed on taking responsibility for there may be counselling or other these through with your teenager will need all the information and oneself and one’s own learning. This health related services for example; at every stage. Schools are now support you can get in protecting means that just when you may be school health nurses may be a good introducing a more flexible, relevant your child’s interests. Find out anxious about your teenager’s starting point. If the school has a and personalised curriculum for what support is available through school work and progress, they may peer mentoring system you could young people aged 14 and over. the Children, Young People & want to make their own choices encourage your teenager to use The careers coordinator at your Families Directorate (formerly about homework, revision, free time that. Teenagers can sometimes feel teenager’s school or college is a the Education Department) and part-time jobs. As a parent it comfortable with the most unlikely good source of further information and seek independent help. can be a difficult balance to make. people and if they can use a mentor and help, as is Connexions which to begin the process of talking about offers each young person support the things that are bothering them, from a personal adviser. For details this may prevent the need for further of courses available for 14-19 help. Alternatively you can start year olds in Oxfordshire see the SUMMARY & practical tips by making direct contact with the contacts Oxfordshire Prospectus website. school via the form tutor or year > Help your child to be happy at school by letting them know that you think education I Advisory Centre Schools and parents head. After that you may choose for Education to speak to the Head teacher or and school life are important. Take an Schools want the best for their a school parent governor. active interest in your teenager’s school I Connexions students, and they should always work and activities. I Education Otherwise encourage parent and student > Talk to the school about education and Seeking other help I OCIS involvement. Having said this, the career choices and how you can best relationship between school and It is also worth bearing in mind that support your teenager. I O xfordshire County parents can also be tense. If you the solution to the problem may Council have a concern about your child at not lie with the school; there may > If you have a concern about your child school you should talk to school be a range of issues that could be at school, talk about it with the school I Oxfordshire Parent staff, and also look for alternative impacting on your child’s experience as soon as possible. Involve your teenager Partnership in these discussions if you can. sources of help. Parents often say at school such as peer pressure, I Parent-Talk that it is difficult for them to get family problems or parenting issues. > Remember there can be many reasons why I Social Inclusion Unit the help that they need early If your teenager’s behaviour is your child seems to be unhappy at school enough to prevent problems I The Coach Yourself causing concern to the school, which may or may not be related to their from getting worse. Company the staff will contact you to discuss school life – seek help to find out about Through the ‘Extended Services the problem. The school may offer the range of support and services that I The Oxford Brain Gym in and around Schools’ programme, support, including referral to an are available. schools are now responsible for education social worker or an

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are various funding initiatives available to support teenagers further education, training to remain in post-16 education or training, in particular the Education Maintenance Allowance (EMA). EMA is an allowance paid directly to young people who continue their education or undertake unwaged and careers advice training beyond 16. There are some restrictions on the level of household income, and the type of learning undertaken, but EMA doesn’t affect Until fairly recently, most teenagers in other benefits or income teenagers or their families receive. Young parents and care leavers may be entitled to These are the UK left school at 16 to go directly additional financial support to cover study related important“ decisions into employment. Now, competition costs. For more information see contacts overleaf. My EMA for school leavers, so in the global market has changed Another incentive to encourage young I found out as much as that trend as employers need people to continue learning is the Time helped“ me to buy stuff I could about the workers who are more highly Off for Study or Training. This entitles young for my art and design workers aged 16 and 17 to paid time off to course at college. I got options, so that I could trained. In Oxfordshire 78% of young study towards a Level 2 qualification (e.g. help my daughter to people stay on at school or college BTEC First Diploma or NVQ Level 2) if they a bonus too as my make the right to study for more qualifications, do not have one already. attendance was good. choice for her. while a further 10% continue learning Because of the importance of continued 16 year old student ” learning, the government has introduced a at an Oxfordshire Oxfordshire parent at their workplace, or through an ” “September Guarantee” where all young people college apprenticeship, usually gaining National are promised an appropriate free place in learning Vocational Qualifications (NVQs). (school, college or work-based learning) if they want it, by the end of the September following Year 11. After 16 the options for full-time education include a school sixth form or a college One of the main forms of training for young people of further education. Students can opt for is through an apprenticeship. There are different academic or vocational courses or both – types ranging from pre-apprenticeships such as see the www.oxfordshireprospectus.com Entry to Employment (e2e) for those needing website for information on what is on offer. to build their confidence and brush up on their basic skills, to Advanced Advice and funding Apprenticeships that normally for further education require four GCSEs at grade C or above and lead to NVQs Information and advice about courses at Level 3, key skills and and career pathways is available from technical certificates. your teenager’s form tutor, subject teachers, the school’s careers coordinator and the Connexions Personal Adviser (PA) based in the school/college and at the local Connexions Centre. There are also good websites available – see Contacts. There 18 19

SUMMARY & practical tips BULLYING Research shows that parents/carers are a major Although many teenagers will not be influence on the career choices young people directly affected by serious bullying, make. Deciding what to do next can be very People they may be victims or perpetrators difficult for all of us. Here are some tips on need“ to take how you can support your teenager. of bullying and they are likely to be bullying seriously aware of bullying going on around > It’s important for young people to continue and act on issues their learning and gain as many qualifications them in one form or another. quickly. contacts and skills as they can. Unfortunately bullying is common, > Encourage them to think about what and it causes a huge amount of Oxfordshire teenager” I Apprenticeships they like doing and what they are good unhappiness for teenagers. One in I Connexions at when thinking about training and careers. Discuss ideas and explore twelve children is badly bullied to the I Connexions Direct careers information with them. point that it affects their education, (jobs) > Attend parents’ evenings and careers relationships, and even their work life later on. I Learning & Skills events with your child. Council > Suggest they ask for an interview with the What is bullying? I Skills for Life Unit Connexions PA. Help them draw up a list of Bullying is any deliberate aggressive behaviour that is carried I Education Maintenance questions to ask. If your teenager is happy out to hurt another person. It can take many forms such as: with this, you are very welcome to attend Allowance Physical – e.g. pushing, kicking, with them. I Time Off for Study Verbal – e.g. rumours, threats, name calling, sarcasm Training > Connexions provide information, advice and support for teenagers on a wide range of Emotional – e.g. humiliation, ridicule, issues from courses and careers to health, exclusion from others housing, money and relationships. It can Racial – e.g. gestures, taunts, graffiti help you to support your teenager too. Sexual – e.g. homophobic abuse, > If your teenager has special needs, contact unwanted physical contact etc. the special needs personal adviser at your local Connexions Centre who can provide Online/cyber – e.g. misusing photos, specialist information and advice. sending hate texts etc. Bullying reduces the victim’s self- confidence, and leaves people feeling alone, guilty and vulnerable. Victims of bullying may feel that they are to blame, they may not

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understand what is happening to teenager about ways that they can If your teenager is being bullied themselves. Some parents them, and if they do, they may not deal with the bullying themselves. at school and they are not able will have to face up to the be able to express it. Your teenager If this does not work you may want to deal with it without your uncomfortable reality that their may be ashamed of admitting to to encourage your teenager to keep intervention, arrange to meet the own children are bullying others. being bullied, or afraid that if he or a diary of incidents to take to the staff concerned and make it very Sometimes people bully because she does talk about it, they will not school. Make the school aware of clear that you want the bullying of their own insecurities or be taken seriously. Teenagers say the bullying as soon as you can. to stop and that you are prepared anger. They may be being bullied that they have often had a negative to work with them to help stop it. themselves or their behaviour may By law schools must have an anti- reaction from adults when they Try to get a commitment from them be due to problems at home, or bullying policy – this should include have tried to talk about it. to review the situation regularly peer pressure. This too will require cyber bullying. Most schools do put with you and your teenager. open communication and support a lot of effort into preventing and Signs of bullying as well as firm boundaries. Staff at dealing with bullying. Schools What about the bullies? the school or workplace will need The signs that your teenager is should make their bullying policies While victims of bullying deserve to be involved in helping to stop being bullied can be wide ranging. public, and welcome suggestions our full attention, so do the bullies the bullying. They could include withdrawal from parents for improving the way from friends and family, being that bullying is dealt with. Having very secretive on the subject of said this, parents often feel that friends, disliking an activity that schools are in denial when bullying SUMMARY & practical tips has previously been enjoyed, not occurs. > Let your child know how he/she should treat wanting to go to school or work. other people. You are your teenager’s best There may also be physical Parents whose teenagers have teacher, so set an example through your own contacts symptoms, such as headaches or experienced bullying have found the behaviour. Let your child see you be kind, speak stomach aches, under achievement following things helpful in reducing I Advisory Centre well of others, solve problems without getting and loss of interest in school work. the problem: for Education angry, be accepting of differences between people Victims of bullying may become • Support from other parents; such as race, religion, attitudes and so on. I Beatbullying anxious or insecure and they may • Peer support/mentoring schemes I Bullying UK experience nightmares or have > Talk about bullying at home. Look out for signs at school; problems sleeping. In addition to of bullying. Treat allegations of bullying seriously. I Childline the above, missing or damaged • The establishment of safe places at school, and confidential > Teenagers will probably need help admitting that I Kidscape belongings or unexplained cuts they are being bullied. If you suspect that there is systems to report bullying; I Parent Partnership and bruises could be the result a problem try asking them if they know of anyone • Lots of communication between of bullying. being bullied or what happens if bullying is I Parent-Talk schools and parents when the discovered at their school. Taking action bullying is happening; You can help your teenager most by • Help from schools for bystanders > Bullies need help too – let them know that what recognising bullying, and believing to condemn the behaviour and they are doing is harmful, discuss ways that they what they tell you if they do admit isolate the bully; can change their behaviour and ask the school for guidance. there is a problem. Always treat • Strong leadership from school allegations of bullying seriously. Heads to deal with bullying in In the first place talk with your school. 22 23

Arrest and detention suspect. Someone who is deaf or involvement in antisocial has difficulty in understanding If your teenager is arrested and English should be given a signer detained they are likely to be very or an interpreter. While in detention, and criminal Behaviour daunted by the experience. Young it is likely that your teenager will people have rights designed to be held in a cell. He or she should protect them from unreasonable As they become independent and spend be offered food at mealtimes and treatment. If he or she is under drinks as reasonably requested. more time out and about, young people the age of 17 you, another adult, If your Suspects are normally not held will have increasing contact with other or an ‘appropriate adult’ such as for more than 24 hours without teenager“ gets into adults in authority and they are likely a social worker, must be present being charged. trouble, don’t jump to at the police station before any to encounter the police in one way questioning can take place. It is After your teenager has been conclusions… talk to or another. While teenagers may Oxfordshire County Council policy interviewed, the police will decide them and find out their that all young people who have whether they have enough evidence feel antagonistic towards adults in to charge him or her with an offence. side of the story. a Youth Offending Service worker authority, adults can be intolerant acting as an appropriate adult They will also decide whether they Oxfordshire parent ” and judgemental of young people. should be interviewed with a are going to bail your teenager or to charge him or her straightaway. Teenagers often feel “criminalised” solicitor present. You are entitled to receive free legal advice from a They may also ask the Youth by the adult world. At the very least, solicitor. This can be the 24-hour Offending Service to make an young people will often say that they don’t duty solicitor or a solicitor of your assessment to help them reach a feel their parents trust them. choice. Wait to see the solicitor decision. If this is the first or second before talking to the police, and time your teenager has been in Although young people from the age of 10 are neither you nor your teenager trouble, the police may decide to broadly considered responsible for their own should sign anything until you issue a caution called a Reprimand behaviour, teenagers may get caught up in negative, have spoken to the solicitor. or a Final Warning. If the crime is antagonistic or antisocial behaviour when they are more serious or your teenager has part of a group. The events going on around them If your teenager is detained, he had a Final Warning already, then may well feel out of their control. or she should be offered a copy of it is likely that they will be charged the Code of Practice to read. This and have to go to the Youth Court. Discovering that your son or daughter has been explains the procedures the police If your teenager hasn’t admitted the arrested for committing a crime can be upsetting should follow when questioning. offence and the police have enough and scary for a parent. But if it happens to you, Suspects must give their name and evidence, your teenager cannot be you’re not alone. Nationally, one in three men address, but do not need to answer cautioned and will most likely go under the age of 30 has a criminal other questions. However, the court to court. The courts have various record. Teenagers are also much will be told of this if the case goes options open to them in passing more likely to be the victims of to trial and it may strengthen a sentence that directly affects crime than any other age group. the case against them. During the parents of teenagers, e.g. they questioning the police should not can make parents responsible for put unreasonable pressure on the paying any fines. 24 25

The role of parents Parenting programmes are available and parenting to provide help to parents who are physical, mental concerned about their young person’s Parents are not held directly behaviour, particularly those whose responsible for crimes committed children are in the criminal justice and sexual health by their children, but these days system. These programmes give there is a belief that parenting has parents a chance to explore, in an important role to play in the confidence, difficulties they may Age 13-19 is a time of major physical, behaviour of teenagers. If a young be experiencing with their children mental and sexual change that can It’s hard to person is involved in criminal or and to look at ways of managing be a great source of interest, pride “like healthy stuff antisocial behaviour it is important their teenagers positively. The Youth if you’ve come to like that they are supported. Feelings are Offending Service has parent workers and excitement for all! All this likely to be running high all round; it who run groups for parents and who change takes place in its own time, junk – parents should can be a frightening time for everyone. also offer one-to-one support by which can be earlier or later, faster get their kids to like the It is important to remember that phone or home visit. Parents who right things early on. young people who are supported are concerned should contact the or slower than you or your teenager by their parents are less likely to YOS directly. Where the courts believe expect. In spite of all the fun, Oxfordshire teenager ” re-offend. Having said that, it is that parents would benefit from this changing body shapes, periods, important that the whole family gets support to help stop their children pubic and facial hair and all the rest support. Services for young people from offending, they may either who are offending will not want to recommend that parents attend can be a source of concern or even look at the young person’s behaviour on a voluntary basis or make it a embarrassment for teenagers. in isolation. requirement by making a Parenting On top of the physical change, teenagers have all the pressures of growing Order, which requires the parents up, experimentation, sexual development and exploration. All of this can to attend parenting provision. contacts at times feel overwhelming for young people – causing stress and sometimes I Oxfordshire Youth more serious mental health problems Offending Service SUMMARY & practical tips such as anxiety, depression, self-harm I Oxfordshire Youth > Teenagers experience crime both as offenders and eating disorders. Support Services and victims, but most offenders don’t get caught Many teenagers worry greatly up in a life of crime. I Citizen’s Advice about aspects of their physical and Bureaux > Watch out for warning signs such as stealing, mental health and development. I Nomad having unexplained amounts of money, truanting A certain amount of concern may and substance misuse. encourage them to take good care I Thames Valley Police > Get help to explain to your teenager the of themselves, but as their parent, I Underzone consequences of future criminal behaviour. you will need to be involved too. Young people will need you to help I Youth Justice Board > Work with the Youth Offending Service and them understand what is happening other agencies to support the young person and yourself. 26 27

to their bodies and to keep a sense of their feelings, or get into dangerous Eating disorders such as binge feel alone, angry, guilty or perspective about their physical and situations. Many young people blame eating, anorexia and bulimia are desperate. Some teenagers self- mental health concerns. Teenagers themselves for emotional or mental becoming more common, and they harm over a period of years, while also need help from adults to access health problems, but the causes can affect young people of both sexes others do it just once or a few times. information about physical, mental be wide ranging and they may need and of every age and background. In It can be very difficult for parents and sexual health. They may need help to deal with the underlying anorexia the sufferers have a to come to terms with the fact that your support to access services problem. distorted image there may be a problem with their such as contraception, sexual health of their own bodies and constantly child’s mental health. It’s important services, and counselling. Some Mental health concerns attempt to get thinner, sometimes to remember that, even though it schools and youth centres run to the point of starvation. Symptoms More common mental health must be taken seriously, many Bodyzones which are drop-in health include cessation of menstrual problems include depression and teenagers overcome mental illness. services for young people. School periods, lethargy, depression, mood anxiety, obsession, compulsion As parents we need to encourage health nurses are available for swings and intense fear of becoming and eating disorders. Depression teenagers to use the information students in most secondary schools, fat. Between 4 and 10 per cent is not always easy to spot; it occurs and services that are available to and health visitors (at most local of women are afflicted by bulimia. when difficult emotions become help them. You may want to talk to health centres) provide an excellent Bulimics may be about average in overwhelming. It can be triggered by the school to find out if they have resource for anything to do with weight and in public appear to eat a number of things such as conflict at noticed any changes in behaviour. children and young people’s health. normally, so the disorder can be home, stress or not being listened to. Let your teenager know what your difficult to spot. The fear of gaining Depression commonly appears for the concerns are and if you feel that Mood and mind weight leads to a cycle of binge first time in people aged 15-19. The it’s appropriate, try to get their eating followed by vomiting and/or Mood swings and behaviour changes good news is that whilst depression is cooperation in asking your GP the use of laxatives. are inevitable – stay in touch with your a serious illness, it can be treated with to take a more detailed look at teenager and don't overreact. medication and/or counselling. Self- harm may be very hard to what’s happening. Look for other Occasionally these can be symptoms Anxiety is excessive fear and worry. understand, but it is much more counselling services. Getting of more serious problems. At least Teenagers may demonstrate this common than we think. One in ten agreement to seek solutions 1 in 10 young people is affected by by having panic attacks or being children undertakes some form of together may take some time, mental health issues which can vary frightened of leaving home for self -harm. Often the behaviour will so don’t delay raising your from mild to severe. As with all example. Obsessions are intrusive be hidden and secretive. Self -harm concerns if you are worried. problems, the warning signs are thoughts or ideas that often feel silly can take many forms including wide ranging. You may be concerned or unpleasant. Obsessive compulsive cutting the arms or legs with a knife Sexual health if your teenager shows signs of disorder occurs as a result of deep or razor, burning, biting, hitting or severe tension, irritability, aggression, In terms of sex, teenagers are anxiety, when young people feel taking overdoses. Luckily most hopelessness, and withdrawal from becoming sexually active at a compelled to do something even when people who self harm do not want family and friends. Other signs are younger and younger age. You they don't want to do it (for example to kill themselves, or even do lasting an inability to concentrate, changes shouldn’t make the mistake of repeatedly checking that a door is damage to their bodies. Teenagers in sleep patterns, and either a lack thinking that this does not apply locked). Often people try to stop may hurt themselves to help with of appetite or bingeing. Some young to your teenager – one third of themselves from doing these things, negative feelings, to punish people may self-harm or use alcohol young people under the age of 16 but feel frustrated or worried unless themselves or to feel more in charge. or drugs as a way of dealing with are sexually active, and the UK has they can carry them out. Self-harm can be a way of relieving overwhelming feelings when they the highest teenage pregnancy rate 28 29

in Europe. In terms of sexually transmitted infections (STIs), one in nine people in the UK has an STI – often without symptoms. The most common STIs are HIV, alcohol and drugs chlamydia, herpes, and gonorrhea. Chlamydia affects teenage girls more than any other age group and like gonorrhea, if untreated it can lead to infertility. Most teenagers are exposed to drugs You can help your teenager by making sure thathe/she is well informed before in one way or another and many young Cigarettes they hit puberty and keep talking about sex as they grow older. The range people will experiment with drugs. “and alcohol of things that your teenager will need information and advice about may With all the risks involved, it is not seem daunting – apart from information on physical changes and facts shouldn’t be sold about sex, they will need to explore issues around surprising that most parents worry to under-age contacts feelings and relationships, homosexuality, STIs, about teenagers using drugs. It’s young people. contraception, “saying no”, pregnancy and abortion. worth remembering that in spite of ” I Brook Teenagers may also need your help to access Oxfordshire teenager contraceptive and sexual health services (CASH). the exposure that young people have I Beat – beating eating to drugs and alcohol, most of them disorders In spite of the fact that teenagers nationally say that they want their parents to be the main source of information do not become problem users. I British Pregnancy about sex, it can be difficult to get them to talk about Advisory Service (bpas) One in three 14 year olds has tried drugs, and by the age of 16, four out of ten it or take notice of the information that you provide. young people will have tried at least one type of drug. Young people take drugs I Face 2 Face Youth The websites listed below provide a wealth of for many different reasons. Although illegal, drugs are widely available, but Counselling information for parents and young people. only a very small percentage of young people end up as problematic users. I Family Planning You may think that experimenting with cannabis is bound to lead down the Association path of being addicted to heroin, but the evidence just does not back this up. I Family Planning Service Get informed I NHS Direct SUMMARY & practical tips As a parent, you can help yourself by finding I Oxfordshire Health > Teenagers need information about all aspects of out about drugs – what they are called, the Information Service their health, and they rely on adults to access it. effects and the risks. If you can do this with I Oxfordshire Mind your teenager so much the better, you can > If you think your child is becoming mentally learn together and you can also see what I Parent-Talk stressed, listen to them and find out if there is information they already have. Don't jump I PCHAMS (Primary Child any way you can help. Be patient and to conclusions if your child seems to & Adolescent Mental understanding – what may seem like a minor know a lot about drugs, it doesn't Health Services) problem for you may be overwhelming to them. necessarily mean that they have been I RU Thinking About It? > Some anxiety states can become dangerous. using them. From your point of (including Sexwise Consult your GP or seek alternative professional view, knowing more about drugs Helpline) help if you are worried. will make it easier for you to I YoungMinds > Young people who are well informed wait longer recognise the signs if there is a problem. I Youth Health Talk before trying sex, and are likely to be safer once they do become sexually active.

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24 hours a day. Don’t over react if It starts affecting social function in behaviour where the teenager There should they tell you, or if you find out, that and personality. Here substance becomes more aggressive or agitated. some of their friends have tried illegal misuse becomes compulsive be more to do for If your teenager is using drugs, there “ substances. Whilst their use of drugs and addictive. Drugs start are many helplines and information teenagers – less may be a problem for you, most playing a more important role websites available for both you as teenagers will not see drinking or than anything else. boredom would reduce a parent, and for your teenager. occasional drug use as a problem. drug and alcohol 4. Injecting drug users are at the Counselling, health services, Remember, teenagers are constantly greatest risk. Injecting can lead treatment and support are all misuse. testing boundaries, experimenting, to serious injuries and infections. available. Remember, you may and responding to peer pressure. Oxfordshire teenager” This level of self-harm is very need to be patient; it may take As always, communication is dangerous. There are, however, your teenager a while to seek help. important. Your child needs to know ways of reducing harm to injecting that you are there for them no matter users – by seeking medical advice Communication and using needle exchanges. what. If the police are involved you You might find the following advice will need to support your child helpful to start with: Talk openly about drugs with your through the process whilst continuing Spotting the signs teenager. Talking about drugs does to point out the seriousness and and getting help • Try not to accuse your child as this not encourage young people to use consequences of the situation. will probably start a row; and if you Often parents ask “How can I tell them, but it will help them to make are wrong, your child may lose trust if my teenager is using drugs?” safer choices. Discuss the risks and How serious is in you. Ask them to talk about their Spotting the signs will be easier the effects of different drugs. You also views and try to listen with respect this drug use? once you know more about drugs, need to talk about the illegal nature to what they say. Oxfordshire Drug and Alcohol Action but look out for these possible signs: of drugs, and what it would mean to • Don’t try to discuss their drug use Team provide the following four your teenager if they got caught – • Mood swings with them while you believe they categories of illegal drugs use: their police record, the impact this • Being confused, irritable, are under the influence of a drug. would have on school, jobs and 1. The majority of young people who or aggressive • Decide in advance how you want to careers. Research shows that those try illegal substances (usually react if your child tells you that they who are well informed about sensible cannabis), do it three or four • Showing anxiety have used drugs. use and the potential dangers of times and stop. • Lots of energy, or no energy at all drugs are less likely to develop a • Make sure they know that you will 2. “Social users” are the next largest • Secretiveness serious problem. You can get more group. For these young people be there to help them through any information about drugs by using using drugs is part of • Loss of appetite difficulties they come across and the contacts listed below. show that your main concern is their social lives. They do it All of these can be usual teenage their health and well-being. Let s talk about it with friends at a weekend behaviours, and this can make and function relatively normally drug use difficult to spot. If your • Make clear to them what behaviour Encourage your teenager to discuss during the week. Apart from the teenager’s drinking or drug use is is acceptable to you, and what their experiences of drugs with you. immediate effects, there may becoming more serious, there may is not. Young people need to Be careful not to judge them. It’s be some longer term risks. be more worrying symptoms such understand that they are natural for a parent to want to protect 3. The next group is where drug as stealing, truanting and changes responsible for their actions their child, but you can’t watch them use becomes problematic. and the consequences that follow. 32 33

• Try not to threaten them with Alcohol is the most commonly punishment – this might seem abused drug. Drinking by young the internet, social to offer a quick solution, but it’s people tends to increase between the unlikely to give the results you ages of 15 and 17, but binge drinking are looking for. reduces as young people become networking, mobiles more mature. Young people are more Legal drugs likely to be in danger when they are Although we tend to concentrate on drunk. The likelihood of them being and other technology illegal drugs, legal drugs are more involved in risky sex and violence, common. Both alcohol and tobacco for example, increases significantly. The Internet has a lot going for it. It’s fun, creative and are used to experiment, to relax Make sure your teenager or to be seen as part of the group. understands the risks involved in informative. Nowadays it plays an increasingly important Excessive use of alcohol may well misusing alcohol. You can help by part of teenagers’ educational and social lives. It’s a be a greater threat to the health than recognising that as a role model resource where teenagers can broaden their knowledge, illegal drugs. you need to show them how to share information and communicate with friends. use alcohol responsibly. contacts Young people conduct an increasingly large part of their social life using technology through different formats such as texting, communicating in chat I Alcoholics Anonymous rooms, blogs, email and multi-user online games. The Internet has many I ADFAM – Families SUMMARY & practical tips attractions for teenagers including the fact that they can use it without involving Drugs and Alcohol > Many young people will experiment with drugs adults. In addition, communication is instantaneous, and the anonymity that it I Drinkline and tobacco as part of the process of growing allows enables them to communicate more freely than perhaps they could face up. In most cases this will not lead to long term to face. I Evolve problems. Having said this, a person who decides I Families Anonymous One of the great things about the Internet is that it’s very creative – all young to take an illegal drug (or to abuse alcohol) is people should be able to use it in ways that suit them. In spite of this, some I FRANK (National Drugs taking some very serious risks. The risks include: Helpline) prosecution and a criminal record, immediate I National Association for health issues, overdose, accidents and dangerous Children of Alcoholics behaviour, mental distress. (NACOA) > You can help yourself and your teenager by being I Oxfordshire Drug and informed about drugs, looking out for the signs, Alcohol Action Team talking to your teenager, being supportive and (DAAT) keeping the communication open between you and them. I Oxfordshire Smoking Advice Service – NHS > Parents of substance abusers will need help (OSAS) and support from professionals and other parents I Parent-Talk who understand. There are many sources of information, confidential advice, and support I There4Me for you and your teenager.

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young teenagers in Oxfordshire say encourage balanced use and set set clear rules with our teenagers impossible to ever As a family that they don’t have sufficient access rules around bills and appropriate about the amount of time that they remove things that we watched a TV to the Internet, particularly at school. use of the online facilities. spend online. they upload to the “ Young people who do not have Internet. programme with Most use of the Internet by young access to computers at home Social networking Websites, people is unsupervised. You need to teenagers explaining may feel very disadvantaged including social Social networking sites focus on know what your teenager is using the dangers of in comparison to their peers. networks building communities of people who the Internet for and they need to are not private chatrooms… it really share interests and activities. Most know about the dangers of viewing We all use the internet...but and they are social networking services are web inappropriate websites. The Internet helped my daughter increasingly It’s worth remembering that use of based and provide a variety of may blur the distinction between understand the being used by the online Information Communication ways for users to interact, such as advertising and information; young police in criminal potential danger. Technology (ICT) tends to be different messaging, email, video, voice chat, people can suffer from invasion of investigations, by Oxfordshire for adults and teenagers. For a start, file sharing, blogging and so on. In privacy, unwanted contact, extreme ” college and school parent adults often consider themselves to general, social networking services, views, and pornography. While 57% administrators, and by be inexperienced at using ICT, while such as MySpace and Facebook, of 9-19 year olds come into contact future employers in order to teenagers are much more likely to allow users to create a profile for with online pornography, only 16% find out more about individuals who be confident. Teenagers’ use of the themselves on their own mini- of parents think their children have post information about themselves Internet tends to be more inter-active, webspace. They can then become seen porn on the Internet. makes use of a variety of different ‘friends’ with other users. It is worth on the Internet. Teenagers need to media and involves more uploading remembering that chatrooms can be Although you can apply filters which think carefully about how they of information than it accessed on mobile phones as well block access to websites with a portray themselves online. They also does for adults. as computers and other online sexual content, it may be more need to be aware of cyber bullying devices. effective for you to take an active and ensure that information that As a parent you need to understand interest in the sites that your they are sending out is not damaging as much as possible about how your So what s wrong teenager is browsing and discuss to anybody else. Teenagers also teenager is using the Internet so with them the type of websites need to be warned about getting that you can support them to use it with technology? that are appropriate for their age. involved in creating and distributing safely, and avoid some of the risks Overuse of the Internet can be a potentially illegal images on their associated with online activity. problem. The Internet provides Teenagers, like other Internet users, mobile phone. 24/7 entertainment, interaction and may be vulnerable to people who Mobiles communication and it can become use shared personal information Many young people will experience As with computers, parents need to addictive. Teenagers can become for fraudulent use. Remind your bullying through mobiles and the learn about how their teenager uses immersed in their online world so teenager that they must never give Internet at some time. As many as their mobile. Phones can include that it takes over their lives. Hours out any personal details such as 1 in 5 young people report being equipment such as – camera, video, spent on the Internet may mean that contacts, school name, passwords. the target of cyber bullying. Cyber online chat facilities, mob logs, MP3 your teenager leads an unbalanced If they are using social networking bullying is very powerful as it player, TV, radio, email, and down- lifestyle. It may make it harder for sites, or creating their own websites, potentially intrudes 24/7 into home loads. Teenagers tend to have their you to communicate with them and teenagers needs to be careful about and other spaces that may have phones on all the time and they are inevitably it will become a distraction what they put on their web spaces previously been considered safe usually used away from supervision. from other activities or aspects of and they need to be aware about by a young person. In addition the As a parent, you will need to their life. As parents we need to the whole concept of their cyber audience can be very large and reached quickly. The impact of cyber 36 footprint – it may be difficult or 37

bullying on teenagers will be similar sexual interest in children and young to any other bullying. You will need to people do use chat rooms and other how old do they look out for signs of bullying in your interactive areas online to befriend teenager, encourage them to talk children. Harmful, inappropriate about it and then take the necessary contact may be carried out online, have to be? action to protect your child and but abuse also includes adults stop the bullying. Fortunately manipulating young people, and Generally, a ‘child’ is a person under the age of 18 and there is a lot of helpful advice for ‘grooming’ them to meet up. It parents available. Although some is important that young people people from the age of 18 are treated legally as an ‘adult’. instances of cyber bullying can be understand that people that they Parents are responsible for their children until they are 16. unintentional, be aware that your chat to online may not be who The age at which children can be left alone is a matter for child may be bullying online, or they say they are and that they are retaliating. reminded to be cautious in their parental judgment. The following is a guide to legal age Some young people have been hurt online communication. Childnet limits… when they have formed relationships, International has developed a set or gone to meet ‘friends’ that they of SMART rules for young people Marriage and sex have made online. Adults with a to help them to keep safe online. People can get married at 16 with parental permission, or at 18 without permission. The age of consent for heterosexual and homosexual sex is 16. SUMMARY & practical tips Medical consent > ICT is a key part of teenagers’ education, individuality At 16 teenagers can register with a GP and they can consent to treatment – and an increasingly popular and cheap way of i.e. they do not need parental consent to receive treatment. They have the right communicating with their peers. to confidential consultation under the age of 16 and they can receive medical treatment without their parent’s permission if they are judged to be mature contacts > There are risks, but it is important that you do not I Beat Bullying ban access to the Internet or over react in other ways. I Bullying UK > Keep informed – become confident at using the Internet I Childnet and get your teenager to show you what they do online. International > Set up some ground rules and revisit these as your I Chat Danger teenager gets older. I Kidsmart > Talk about the risks and help your teenager to take appropriate action to protect themselves. I Think u Know > Watch out for signs that there is a problem – obsessive or secretive use of the Internet, distress after using the Internet or their phone, changes in behaviour, inappropriate sexual questions, not telling you where they are going or who they are meeting. > As with any bullying – treat cyber bullying seriously. 38 39

enough to understand all the issues of 18. Children are able to drink at There is no minimum age for With the exception of small pocket involved. Doctors must honour their home from the age of 5 years old. babysitters. knives, shops must not sell knives duty of confidentiality to their to people under 16. Carrying a knife patients and so they will not tell Gambling Police and criminal or a similar object in a public place parents of teenagers under 16 There are some limits on people responsibility is an offence. about treatment without permission. under 18 gambling and playing on The police can stop and talk to Medical practitioners are likely to fruit machines. Purchase of lottery School leaving age teenagers of any age. They can search encourage teenagers to talk to their tickets is restricted to those 16 and Teenagers must remain in school or them at any age if they have reason to parents if they are younger than 16. over. Young people under the age of education until the last Friday in June suspect that they are carrying stolen 18 cannot go into a betting shop. during the school year in which they property, drugs or weapons, or if they Body piercing and tattoos become 16. Leaving Home match a description. They can search There is no minimum age for body teenagers aged 10 – 17 without an Banking piercing, but without parental Parents can't stop a child leaving by adult present. From the age of 17 consent the person must be physically restraining them. Parents young people can be interviewed by Many banks offer accounts to young considered mature enough to can apply to a court for an order for police without an adult present. teenagers and issue bank debit cards understand the consequences. Some their teenager to return home, but in for 13 year olds. Credit is not available The age of criminal responsibility is places will insist that young people the event of family breakdown it is until the age of 18. 10. Anti Social Behaviour Orders can are accompanied by their parents. unlikely that a court would force an older teenager to return home. be made against anyone over 10. Armed forces It is illegal to tattoo anybody under These are civil orders but it is a 16 year olds can join with parental the age of 18. Working criminal offence to breach them. consent and 18 year olds without. Smoking The rules are complicated around part time work for teenagers. With In October 2007 the legal age at some exceptions the minimum age of which cigarettes could be bought employment is 13. 14 year olds can do increased from 16 to 18. It is illegal light work, for not more than 2 hours to sell cigarettes to under 18s. There on a school day and no more than 25 is no minimum age at which it is legal hours per week. They are not allowed to smoke. to work before 7.00am or after 7.00pm. Working hours for 15 and Alcohol 16 year olds are also restricted unless The legal age of drinking on licensed they are 16 and have left school. premises is 18. Having said that, 16 16 year olds who have a National and 17 year olds can drink beer or Insurance number and who have cider or wine with a meal on licensed left school can work full time. The premises if accompanied by an adult. minimum wage applies from the It is an offence to sell alcohol to age of 16. The minimum wage level someone under 18 on licensed increases for 18-21 year olds. There premises. It is an offence to buy is no minimum wage for under 16s. alcohol for anybody under the age 40 41

There are several organisations in Oxfordshire that provide programmes for the help for parents of parents of teenagers. Oxfordshire County Council Youth Offending Service (YOS) YOS provides a 12-week Parent-Talk programme for parents of young people teenagers in oxfordshire aged 10-17 who are at risk of, or involved in, offending behaviour. Programmes are delivered in groups and on a one-to-one basis. Call 01865 202218, email All parents of teenagers are likely to need help at [email protected] or go to www.oxfordshire.gov.uk for more information. some time – this may be just talking things through with a friend, or becoming part of a parent support Oxfordshire Parent-Talk Programme group, or you may want to get help from a statutory Oxfordshire Parent-Talk specialises in providing support to parents of 10 – 19 year olds whose behaviour is causing concern to the parents or the community. or voluntary service. You may also want to attend Programmes are delivered for groups of parents or on a one-to-one basis. Call a parenting programme. 01865 559386 or email [email protected] for more information. If you want further help you can get in touch with any of the organisations Parentline Plus listed in the contacts section of this guide – see page 44. Parentline Plus run a variety of programmes for parents providing the In addition you could start by contacting your health centre, your GP, your opportunity to explore issues that parents find challenging. Call teenagers’ school/college, or Oxfordshire County Council’s Youth Support 0808 800 2222, or go to www.parentlineplus.org.uk for more information. Service. You can contact Oxfordshire Children’s Information Service (OCIS) for advice about where to go for help. The Oxfordshire Services Directory (OSD) website provides detailed up-to-date information about a whole range of parent support, parenting programmes, and other services for children, young people and their families. See www.oxfordshireservicesdirectory.org.uk. There are many more organisations on the OSD than it has been possible to list in the contacts section of this guide. Parenting education programmes Parenting education (often referred to as ‘parenting programmes’) involves joint work with parents and carers to help in their overall parenting role. The programmes help parents to develop skills, knowledge and attitudes that will increase the quality of relationships with their children, support the increased wellbeing of children and young people and encourage positive behaviour at home and outside. Parenting programmes put the parent at the centre of their learning. Programmes are supportive, fun and potentially life changing. Parenting programmes are delivered in groups or on a one-to-one basis.

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Apprenticeships Beat – beating eating disorders CONTACTS Apprenticeships range from Pre- Information, help and support Apprenticeships such as Entry to on all aspects of eating disorders, The contacts below include local and national services, Employment (e2e) for those including anorexia nervosa, bulimia needing to build their confidence nervosa, binge eating disorder and information sites and helplines. For additional family and brush up on their basic skills, related eating disorders. information contact Oxfordshire Children’s Information to Advanced Apprenticeships that Tel: 08456 34 1414 Service or use the Oxfordshire Services Directory. normally require four GCSEs at Youthline: 08456 34 7650 grade C or above and lead to NVQs Email: [email protected] Acceptance UK for Parents Advisory Centre for Education (ACE) at Level 3, key skills and technical www.b-eat.co.uk of Gay People Information about state education certificates. Helpline run for and by parents in England and Wales for parents of Tel: 08000 150 600 British Pregnancy Advisory offering support and help for school age children. Free telephone www.apprenticeships.org.uk parents and families of gay people. advice on many subjects e.g. Service (bpas) For local Apprenticeships see Tel: 01795 661 463 exclusion from school, bullying, A charity with consultation centres special educational needs and www.connexionsoxfordshire.com/ and clinics throughout the UK Email: school admission appeals. opportunities or contact the offering pregnancy testing, [email protected] Learning & Skills Council. Tel: 0808 800 5793 emergency contraception, www.ukselfhelp.info/acceptance counselling, abortion care, www.ace-ed.org.uk Autism Family Support Project sterilisation and vasectomy. ADFAM – Families Drugs bpas works with the NHS and and Alcohol After Adoption Supporting families, carers and people on the autism spectrum. provides a range of reproductive A national organisation working A voluntary adoption agency providing Support is offered if you have health care services, free of cost with families affected by drugs and information, support and advice to a family member who has just to the user, on behalf of the NHS alcohol. Provides direct support to all those affected by adoption. been diagnosed with an autistic where local arrangements allow. families through publications, training, Tel: Action Line 0800 0 568 578 spectrum disorder. Information Tel: 08457 30 40 30 prison visitors’ centres, outreach Email: is available about autism, services work and signposting to local www.bpas.org [email protected] in Oxfordshire, contact details support services. www.afteradoption.org.uk of support groups and other Brook Tel: 020 7553 7640 parents and talks, training and Email: [email protected] Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) developments in your area. A national charity providing free and confidential sexual health www.adfam.org.uk A worldwide ‘fellowship’ open to Tel: 01844 338696 alcoholics and their families and advice and services specifically Email: [email protected] Adoption UK to anyone interested in solving for young people under 25. www.autism-fs.org.uk National charity run by and for a personal drinking problem or Tel: 0800 0185 023 adopters, providing self-help helping someone else to solve www.brook.org.uk information, advice, support and such a problem. For details of local training on all aspects of adoption meetings or to speak to a volunteer and adoptive parenting. call the national helpline. Tel: 0844 848 7900 Tel: 0845 769 7555 Email: [email protected] www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk www.adoptionuk.com 44 45

Bullying UK Chiltern Centre for Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB) Contact A Family Practical information and advice to Disabled Children Ltd Online CAB service that provides Provides advice, information and young people and their parents, The Chiltern Centre provides support independent advice on your rights support to the parents of disabled through the website and by email. to children and young people (aged and information on where to find children. Also enable parents to It includes work with schools, youth 2 to 25) with physical and/or learning your local CAB. get in contact with other families. organisations, police forces and disabilities and their families via a www.adviceguide.org.uk Tel: 0808 808 3555 health trusts, running workshops range of short break care services (freephone helpline) and speaking at conferences. together with social and recreational Connexions Email:[email protected] Email: [email protected] opportunities. Free, impartial and confidential www.cafamily.org.uk www.bullying.co.uk Tel: 01491 575575 service for all young people aged Email: 13 to 19 or up to 25 if they have a Disabled Parents Network (DPN) Carers in Oxfordshire disability or learning difficulty. [email protected] A national organisation of and for (including young carers) Connexions personal advisers (PAs) www.chilterncentre.co.uk disabled people who are parents (or provide information, advice and The carers website is designed to who hope to become parents), their support on a wide range of issues signpost to information and support, ChildLine families, friends and supporters. The from courses and careers to health, including a list of local carers centres ChildLine is the UK's free, 24-hour organisation provides information, housing, money and relationships. and young carers projects, for anyone helpline for children in distress or advice and peer support. PAs are based in schools, colleges looking after a relative, friend or danger. Trained volunteer counsellors and Connexions Centres. Connexions Tel: 08702 410 450 neighbour who needs support comfort, advise and protect children Centres have job and apprenticeship (Helpline & general enquiries) because of frailty, illness, disability and young people who may feel vacancies on display, free public www.disabledparentsnetwork.org.uk or a difficulty. they have nowhere else to turn. access to careers software and the Tel: 01865 205192 The website also has useful Internet, comprehensive libraries and Drinkline information on a variety of topics www.oxoncarers.org.uk friendly and helpful staff. A national helpline service offering for children and young people. information, support and advice to Chat Danger (produced by Childnet) Tel: 080 800 13 2 19* Tel: 0800 1111 callers worried about their own Tel: 07766 4 13 2 19 (text) Information and advice about how to Email: [email protected] drinking or the family and friends of keep safe while chatting online. A site Email: www.childline.org.uk people who are drinking. The service all about the potential dangers on [email protected] can advise callers on where to go for interactive services online like chat, Children’s Legal Centre www.connexionsoxfordshire.com further help and has a database for instant messaging, online games, The Children’s Legal Centre provides www.connexions-direct.com referrals to local services. email and on mobiles. free, independent legal advice, www.connexions-direct.com/jobs4u Tel: 0800 917 8282 Email: [email protected] information and representation www.knowyourlimits.gov.uk www.chatdanger.com to children, their carers and * Calls from landlines are free but mobile networks may charge so ask the adviser to professionals throughout the UK. Education Maintenance Allowance Childnet International phone you back. Tel: 0800 783 2187 National phone and web-based helpline for (EMA) A non-profit organisation working (Young people’s free phone number) young people. Connexions Advisers are Funding initiative available to support with others to ‘help make the Internet available from 8am to 2am, seven days a week Tel: 0845 120 2948 (advice for teenagers to remain in post-16 a great and safe place for children.’ to answer telephone or email enquiries, or parents on legal issues, e.g. contact have a one-to-one web chat. education or training. EMA is an Tel: 020 7639 6967 and residence) allowance paid directly to young people. Some eligibility criteria apply. Email: [email protected] www.childrenslegalcentre.com www.childnet-int.org Please note that the Children’s Legal Centre Tel: 0808 10 16219 does not provide advice on criminal www.direct.gov.uk/ema offences/juvenile justice. 46 47

Education Otherwise Evolve Families need Fathers Family Planning Service Provides support and information for Evolve is Oxfordshire’s Young Person’s Information, advice and personal The Family Planning Service offers families whose children are being Drug and Alcohol Treatment Service. support to help parents to retain, contraceptive advice, supplies, educated outside school. Evolve is a confidential treatment develop and make best use of the and time to talk, particularly around Tel: 0845 478 6345 service which provides community children’s relationship with them. sensitive issues like pregnancy and support for 10-18 year olds with Email: eoemailhelpline@education- Tel: 08707 607496 sexually transmitted diseases. The complex and serious substance otherwise.org (national helpline) Oxfordshire family planning service misuse issues in Oxfordshire. www.education-otherwise.org Email: [email protected] is provided from nine clinics across 01865 723909 www.fnf.org.uk the county. The main Alec Turnbull Equality and Human Email: [email protected] Clinic in Oxford (ATC) plus satellite Rights Commission F www.evolveoxon.co.uk amily and Parenting Institute clinics in Abingdon, Banbury, Bicester, The commission is working to Aims to improve the wellbeing of Didcot, Kidlington, Thame, Wantage Face 2 Face Youth Counselling eliminate discrimination, reduce children and families by supporting & Witney. inequality, protect human rights A free, confidential counselling service families to bring up their children. and to build good relations, run by Oxfordshire County Council Tel: 01865 456666 Tel: 020 7424 3460 ensuring that everyone has a fair Youth Service for young people aged www.oxfordshirepct.nhs.uk/ chance to participate in society. 9 – 19 living in Oxfordshire. Also offers Email: [email protected] local-services Tel: 08457 622 633 a specialist service for young people www.familyandparenting.org Fathers Direct (disability rights helpline) aged 9 – 19 years who are misusing drugs or are at risk of developing Families and Friends of Tel: 0845 604 6610 Promotes close and positive drug misuse. Lesbians and Gays (FFLAG) (race, age, gender, sexual orientation, relationships between men Provides information and local religion and belief and human rights Tel: 01993 892420 and their children. helpline) Email: [email protected] contacts to support parents and their Tel: 0845 634 1328 gay, lesbian and bisexual children. www.equalityhumanrights.com www.spired.com Email: [email protected] Tel: 0845 652 0311 www.fathersdirect.com Everyman Project Families Anonymous Email: [email protected] The project aims to help men change A worldwide ‘fellowship’ of relatives FRANK (National Drugs Helpline) www.fflag.org.uk their violent or abusive behaviour. and friends concerned about the use A national drug helpline offering free, Tel: 0207 263 8884 of drugs or related behavioural Family Planning Association (FPA) confidential advice, information and problems. Group meetings aim to help Email: National charity providing information support to anyone concerned about the family and friends of people with a [email protected] and advice on contraception, abortion, drugs and solvent/volatile substance current, suspected or former drug www.everymanproject.co.uk problem by providing mutual support sexually transmitted infections and misuse, including drug misusers, their and to offer a forum where pregnancy choices. The helpline and families, friends and carers. Advisers experiences and anxieties can be website have information regarding are professional trained to give shared. For details of local meetings local clinics including NHS emergency straight, unbiased information. contact the helpline or view through contraception, genitourinary medicine Tel: 0800 77 66 00 the website. (GUM), sexually transmitted infection, Textphone: 0800 917 8765 Tel: 0845 1200 660 family planning and young people’s www.famanon.org.uk services. Email: [email protected] Tel: 0845 122 8690 www.talktofrank.com www.fpa.org.uk 48 49

It’s not your fault Learning & Skills Council National Association for NHS Direct A website organised by NCH the Provides information about training Children of Alcoholics (NACOA) A 24-hour service providing Children’s Charity, with practical opportunities for young people A charity offering information, advice information and advice about health, information for children, young including apprenticeships and support to children of alcohol illness and health services – including people and parents going through Tel: 01865 291700 dependent parents of all ages to listings of local GP surgeries, a family break-up. address the needs of children dentists, pharmacies and opticians. Email: [email protected] www.itsnotyourfault.org growing up in families where Tel: 0845 4647 www.lsc.gov.uk one or both parents suffer from Jigsaw 4 U www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk Missing People alcoholism or a similar addictive To support children and young problem. Nomad Offer support, advice and guidance, people, and their families, who and practical help to families of Tel: 0800 358 3456 Works with children, young people have experienced loss and trauma. missing people. Also runs ‘Message Email: [email protected] and families and in particular those Tel: 020 8687 1384 Home’, a confidential service that www.nacoa.org.uk who are at risk of anti-social www.jigsaw4u.org.uk can provide a vital link to those behaviour, exclusion from school, left behind. National Domestic Violence Helpline drug or alcohol misuse, child Kidscape protection orders. Tel: 0500 700 700 A national 24-hour service for women Charity committed to keeping (24 hr confidential freefone) experiencing domestic violence, Tel: 01491 577414 (ext 16) children safe from abuse by their family, friends, colleagues and Tel: 0800 700 740 Email: [email protected] preventing bullying and child sexual others calling on their behalf. Run in (message home freefone) www.nomadhenley.co.uk abuse. Kidscape works, with children partnership between Women’s Aid and young people under the age of Email: & Refuge. NSPCC 16, their parents/carers, and those [email protected] Tel: 0808 2000 247 The NSPCC (National Society for the who work with them, to provide www.missingpeople.org.uk Prevention of Cruelty to Children) is individuals and organisations www.nationaldomesticviolence helpline.org.uk the UK’s leading charity specialising with practical skills and resources Multi Arts Programme (MAP) in child protection and the prevention necessary to keep children safe Works with specific target groups National Self Harm Network (NSHM) of cruelty to children. including disaffected young people from harm. A national charity providing support and young people excluded from Tel: 0808 800 5000 Tel: 0845 1205 204 and information for those people school. (Child Protection Helpline) www.kidscape.org.uk who self-harm, their family and Tel: 0800 056 0566 Tel: 01295 227186 professionals. Kidsmart (part of Childnet) (Textphone) Email: [email protected] Email: [email protected] A practical internet safety programme Email: [email protected] www.map-project.co.uk www.nshn.co.uk website for schools, young people, www.nspcc.org.uk parents, and agencies. NCH the Children’s Charity Email: [email protected] NCH is one of the UK’s leading www.childnet-int.org children’s charities, supporting some of the UK’s most vulnerable and excluded children and young people. Tel: 08457 626579 www.nch.org.uk 50 51

One Parent Families/Gingerbread Oxfordshire Children’s Oxfordshire Family Oxfordshire Racial Equality Council Confidential, independent information Information Service (OCIS) Mediation Service Advice and information on racial and advice service Family and parenting information. A charity providing experienced discrimination in services, industrial for lone parents. If you are concerned about your family mediators/children's workers tribunal assistance, support Tel: 0800 018 5026 teenager, wanting support, to find who are there to help parents and & advice on racial harassment, Lone Parent Helpline out about parenting programmes, children move forward, and make promotion of good community or looking for services, organisations decisions following parental and race relations Email: [email protected] or activities. separation. Tel: 01865 791891 www.oneparentfamilies.org.uk Tel: 08452 26 26 36 Tel: 01865 741781 Email: [email protected] Oxford Friend Lesbian Email: [email protected] Email: [email protected] www.oxrec.org & Gay Helpline www.oxoncis.org.uk Oxfordshire Foster A voluntary organisation providing Oxfordshire Smoking Advice www.oxfordshireservicesdirectory. Carers Association Service – NHS (OSAS) free and completely confidential org.uk information, support and counselling Support service run by foster A National Health Service available for lesbians, gay men and bisexuals. Oxfordshire County Council carers for foster carers to anyone who would like schools information Tel: 01865 726893 Oxfordshire County Council – information, support or advice Information for parents about Fostering and Adoption regarding giving up smoking. The Email: Oxfordshire’s schools, including service provides a 7-week course for [email protected] Tel: 01865 816057 financial help with school clothing, smokers wanting to quit as well as www.oxfordfriend.co.uk www.oxfordshire.gov.uk/ meals and transport to parents childrenandfamilies trained smoking cessation advisors Oxford Sexual Abuse with low incomes or on benefits. contactable at all local health Oxfordshire Guideposts Trust Rape Crisis Centre Tel: 01865 815449 centres and surgeries. If you are a survivor of sexual abuse (general enquiries) Provides direct services for people Tel: 01865 226663 with dementia, mental health or rape, recently or in the past, Tel: 01865 815175 Email: smoking.advice@ problems and learning difficulties and need help ring us. We offer (school admissions enquiries) oxfordshirepct.nhs.uk including children’s services help through counselling, support Email: [email protected] www.smokefreeoxfordshire.nhs.uk or information for you or friends and friendship scheme www.oxfordshire.gov.uk/schools and family. Tel: 01993 899980 Oxfordshire Women’s Aid Tel: 01865 726295 (Helpline) Oxfordshire Crossroads www.guidepoststrust.org.uk Women’s Aid is the national Provides social, domestic and domestic violence charity that www.rapecrisis.org.uk Oxfordshire Parent Partnership personal care to children with helps women and children. Oxfordshire Children and Voluntary disabilities or to parents who Providing support, impartial advice, Tel: 01865 778400 Youth Services (OCVYS) have disabilities and need support. information and training for parents Tel: 0808 2000 247 (24 hr helpline) of children with Special Educational Supports voluntary and community Services are tailor made, and Email: [email protected] organisations that work with young Needs they can arrange training for more www.womensaid.org.uk people. complex and specialist tasks. Tel: 01865 810 516 Tel: 01865 810650 Tel: 01865 260280 Email: parentpartnership@ Email: [email protected] Email: oxfordshire.gov.uk www.ocvys.org [email protected] www.parentpartnership.org.uk 52 www.oxfordshirecrossroads.org.uk 53

Oxfordshire Youth Oxfordshire Mind Oxfordshire Parent-Talk Programme Relate Oxfordshire Support Services A registered charity, separate from Specialises in providing support Offers relationship counselling, Provides a range of personal and but affiliated to National Mind. Offers to parents of 10-19 year olds with family counselling, sex therapy and social education development support and information, including a challenging behaviour. counselling for those experiencing programmes for young people monthly therapeutic relatives support Tel: 01865 559386 domestic abuse or violence. in the 13 – 19 age range group, regarding mental health Email: [email protected] Tel: 01865 242 960 matters primarily for adults Tel: 01865 815166 Email: Email: youthsupportservices@ Tel: 01865 247788 PCAMHS – Primary Child and [email protected] Adolescent Mental Health Services oxfordshire.gov.uk Tel: 01865 251152 (Crisis Line) www.relate-oxfordshire.org www.oxfordshire.gov.uk Email: [email protected] An early intervention and preventative service which nips in the bud Ridgeway Partnership (Oxfordshire www.oxfordshire-mind.org.uk Ouch problems which might for example, Learning Disability NHS Trust) A BBC website that reflects the lives Oxfordshire Mind – Young People be linked to bullying, low self-esteem, Provides a range of health care and and experiences of disabled people. Operates dedicated services for young family breakdown and avoiding social support services, mainly for Includes regular columns, features, adults in Banbury and Abingdon school. people living in Oxfordshire who quizzes, a monthly podcast, blogs have a learning disability, and their Tel: 01295 271064 or 01295 259442 Tel: 01865 849612 and a community message board. families/carers. Oxfordshire Learning (Banbury) Email: [email protected] Email: [email protected] Disability Child & Adolescent Team – Tel: 01235 522096 (Abingdon) www.bbc.co.uk/ouch RaisingKids.co.uk OLDCAT is a multi disciplinary community team who provide a Parentscentre Offers support, information and OutProud service to children and adolescents Information and support for parents friendship to anyone raising children, A website for gay, lesbian, bisexual under the age of 18 with a learning on how to help with your child’s whatever their circumstances or and transgender youths, providing disability who are registered with learning, including advice on GCSEs, income. advocacy, information, resources a GP in Oxfordshire. young apprenticeships, higher Tel: 0208 444 4852 and support. Tel: 01865 228159 education and careers. Email: [email protected] Email: [email protected] (Children’s services) Tel: 0870 000 22 88 www.raisingkids.co.uk www.outproud.org Email: [email protected] www.parentscentre.gov.uk Reducing the Risk www.ridgeway.nhs.uk Oxfordshire Drug and Alcohol Action Parentline Plus Oxfordshire’s dedicated website for Team (DAAT) Rights4me Parentline Plus is a national charity those affected by domestic abuse Provides access to a variety of A website with advice and information offering help and support for parents. or violence. Find out how to get sources of information about drugs help and advice. on children’s rights, for children and and alcohol. Commissions and Tel: 0808 800 2222 young people living in children’s Tel: 0808 2000 247 coordinates local drug services (National 24 hr Freephone Helpline) homes, foster care, boarding schools, (24-hour National Helpline) such as treatment services, free www .parentlineplus.org.uk residential special schools, or FE needle exchange scheme, overdose Email: colleges or going through adoption. [email protected] prevention and response workshops. Tel: 0800 528 0731 www.reducingtherisk.org.uk Tel: 01865 260250 www.rights4me.org Email: [email protected] 54 www.oxfordshiredaat.org 55

RU Thinking About It? Shires Spectrum Support Group Spired.com Thames Valley Police (including Sexwise Helpline) Support group for families whose A dedicated website for young people Nobody should have to put up with Offers free, confidential advice on children have autistic spectrum provided by Oxfordshire Youth crime, or with other people behaving sex, relationships and contraception disorders (also welcomes parents Support Service. in a way that makes them frightened to under 18s. of children with other impairments). www.spired.com or unhappy, including domestic Tel: 0800 28 29 30 Tel: 01295 712287 violence or child abuse. Starlight Enterprise Limited Tel: 0800 328 1651 Email: [email protected] Tel: 0845 8 505 505 A support group for families with (Textphone Sexwise) (single non-emergency number) Skills for Life Unit black children of mixed heritage. www.ruthinking.co.uk If you are in immediate danger Offers part-time English and Maths Tel: 01865 776691 call 999 Samaritans (Oxford) courses to anyone over 16, from Email: [email protected] www.thamesvalley.police.uk Samaritans provide confidential complete beginners to GCSE. Study www.starlightenterprise.co.uk non-judgemental emotional support, may take place by distance learning, The Abingdon Bridge (TAB) 24 hours a day for people who are in the workplace or in a local venue. Stop It Now! A service for young people aged experiencing feelings of distress or Call to request your local service. Aims to protect children and prevent 13 – 25, offering accurate, unbiased, despair. Oxford Centre is open to Tel: 01865 778827 child sexual abuse, by raising relevant information and support receive visitors 8am – 10pm. awareness, changing attitudes and on a whole range of issues. Free, Tel: 01865 722122 Social Care Access behaviour, so that people take confidential and non-judgemental (Local helpline 24hr) The Access Team at Oxfordshire appropriate action to prevent abuse, service. and seek help if they are worried Tel: 08457 909090 County Council is the route for all Tel: 01235 522375 about themselves or others. (National helpline) new contacts, and referrals into Email: [email protected] social care. Provides information, Tel: 0808 1000 900 Email: [email protected] www.theabingdonbridge.org.uk advice and signposting, delivers (freephone helpline) www.samaritans.org an assessment of needs and Email: [email protected] There4me.com implements some services. Seesaw www.stopitnow.org.uk A website run by the NSPCC for young A registered charity providing Tel: 0845 050 7666 people aged 12-16 years. Offers help Talking Teens Campaign grief and bereavement support Tel: 0800 833408 (out of hours with issues such as abuse, bullying, for children (up to the age of emergency number) A new campaign by Parentline Plus, exams, drugs and self harm. Talk supports parents with teenagers, 18), in cases where a parent Email: [email protected] confidentially with a There4me offering top tips by parents, personal adviser. or sibling has died or is dying. www.oxfordshire.gov.uk stories and ideas of how to get the Tel: 01865 744768 (24-hour answer www.there4me.com very best from your relationship phone service is in operation) with your teenager. Thesite.org Email: [email protected] Tel: 0808 800 2222 A website for young adults. Provides www.seesaw.org.uk (National 24 hr Freephone Helpline) high quality, impartial information and www.parentlineplus.org.uk advice when they need support and guidance through life. Tel: 020 7250 5700 www.thesite.org.uk 56 57

Think U Know Wantage Counselling Service Youth Access Youth Justice Board The latest information on the sites A registered charity which offers Provides information, advice, Works to prevent offending and you like to visit, mobiles and new counselling to the communities of counselling and support services to re-offending by children and young technology. Find out what’s good, Oxfordshire and beyond, including parents and young people, including people under the age of 18, and to what’s not and what you can do individual adults, couples and young drop-in, befriending and sexual ensure that custody for them is safe. about it. There is also a place which people aged 15 years upwards. Fees health. Visit the website for Secure and addresses the causes of anyone can use to report if they feel set in relation to income. information on local services. their offending behaviour. uncomfortable or worried about Tel: 01235 769744 www.youthaccess.org.uk Tel: 020 7271 3033 someone they are chatting to online. Email: Youth Health Talk Email: [email protected] Email: [email protected] [email protected] www.yjb.gov.uk www.thinkuknow.co.uk A collection of interviews with young Working Families people about their experiences of Youth Offending Service (YOS) Time Off for Study Training health or illness aimed at patients, Provides free advice and information for YOS is a partnership between council their carers, family and friends, Entitles young workers aged 16 and working families on employment rights, departments and Thames Valley doctors, nurses and other health 17 to paid time off to study towards childcare and flexible working. Police, county magistrates, Mental a Level 2 qualification (e.g. BTEC First professionals. Tel: 020 7253 7243 Health Trust, NHS Primary Care Trust Diploma or NVQ Level 2) if they do Tel: 01865 487176 and Youth Offending/National Tel: 0800 013 0313 not have one already. Email: [email protected] Probation Service. (free helpline for low income families) www.dfes.gov.uk/tfst www.youthhealthtalk.org www.workingfamilies.org.uk Tel: 01865 202218 (Youth Transition Information Network Offending Team Headquarters) YoungMinds A website for parents, carers and Email: people who work with and for A national charity committed to [email protected] disabled young people in transition improving the mental health and www.oxfordshire.gov.uk/ to adulthood. Has a separate section emotional well-being of all children and youthsupportservices for young people. young people. Gives advice, training, and distributes publications. Email: [email protected] Tel: 020 7336 8445 www.after16.org.uk Tel: 0800 018 2138 (parents helpline) UnderZone www.youngminds.org.uk Acknowledgements A section on the Thames Valley Police website with information for children Young People’s Survival Guide This guide has been written by Oxfordshire Children’s Information Service (OCIS) in conjunction with for Oxfordshire and young people on keeping safe and Oxfordshire Parenting Forum. We extend our grateful thanks to the many parents, young people and staying on the right side of the law Free guide with information and practitioners working in Oxfordshire for their help and expertise in putting this guide together. Much www.thamesvalley.police.uk/underzone support for young people, published by of the information has also been drawn from popular websites and recent publications. the Oxfordshire County Council Youth Support Service ‘A Parent’s Guide to Understanding Teenagers’ is based on a previous publication called ‘Teenagers – a survival guide – for parents and carers’ that was produced by a group of local practitioners in 2001. www.spired.com Funding for the guide has been provided by Oxfordshire County Council (through the Parenting Support Strategy Reference Group), Awards for All – the National Lottery, and Cherwell District Council. 58 59

OCIS is a registered charity, number 1092491 Photographs: istockphoto.com/ Justin Horrocks, Erik Skorupa, SJLocke, Stephen Strathdee, Chris Schmidt, Timothy Large, Andreas Reh, Laurin Rinder, Dora Pete