Codependency

Codependency Caring Until It Hurts f you are overly concerned about the well-being of others or I live your life to meet the needs of another person, while deny- ing your own needs, you may earn praise from those around you. But if you are unhappy with your relationships and struggle to find more balance, you may be struggling with codependency .

What is Codependency? Rules for Codependents odependency is a term used to describe ules codependents learn in a family tion and approval from others; high expecta- Cproblematic ways of thinking and be- R troubled by dysfunctional communi- tions from others, especially family mem- having that contribute to adult relationship cation and personal problems include some bers; feelings of extreme discomfort when problems. Generally, these maladaptive be- of the following. (Notice how many are not in a relationship; and frequently feeling haviors are learned in one’s family of ori- associated with denial, overcompensation, depressed. gin, and reflect the spoken and unspoken and unhealthy ways of coping with stress) rules, and ways of coping with stress, asso- ciated with physical or emotional issues of ▪ It's not okay to talk about your problems. Codependency Takes one or more family members. Codepend- ▪ Feelings should not be expressed the Stage ency is a common problem, and much atten- openly — keep feelings to yourself. s adults, codependent people have a tion as been dedicated to understanding it ▪ Communication is best if indirect — one and helping people overcome it. A greater tendency to form relationships person acts as a messenger between two with people who are unreliable, emotionally others. distant, and dependent. Although the code- Codependency vs. ▪ Be strong. Be good. Be right. And be pendent person may promise never to enter Co-alcoholism perfect. into a relationship with a dependent or dys- ▪ Make us proud beyond realistic functional person, such behaviors are never- he word "codependency" evolved from expectations. theless familiar, and the codependent person T the word "co-alcoholic," a term com- ▪ Don't be selfish. Consider your needs last. may feel more competent and in control, and monly used to describe a person in a close ▪ It's not okay to be playful or authentic. less vulnerable in such relationships. Act relationship with an alcoholic (or drug ad- two begins when the codependent person dict). Co-alcoholics naturally attempt to Symptoms of Codependency reenacts his or her childhood role in the cope with the alcoholic's dysfunctional be- adult relationship. Once again, they avoid havior by enabling — controlling, protect- s a result of the rules that codependent meeting their needs and feel unfulfilled. ing, and compensating for the alcoholic's A persons learn to follow, many struggle problems. Many people in adult relation- with how to ask for help, how to say no, ships with alcoholics grew up in an alco- feelings of self-doubt, and the need to con- What the EAP Can Do holic home, and as a result, exhibit learned trol intimate relationships. They may find odependency is treatable, and you can codependent behaviors in their relation- it difficult to trust others and struggle to Cfind relief from the cycle of guilt and ships. acknowledge their feelings. Many code- caretaking behaviors that may cause you to pendents feel driven by perfectionism, and feel sick and exhausted. The key is learning Growing up in an alcoholic home is one experience volatility and instability in their new skills, taking a close look at your behav- way to be affected by codependency, but relationships. Self-denial and an overriding ior in relationships, and investing the time in other health conditions and psychological concern for the well-being of another per- yourself necessary to make the changes you problems may contribute to the develop- son, however, are the key traits codepend- want. Begin by talking to the EAP. The EAP ment of codependency. The personalities of ent persons bring to their relationships. can refer you to mental health professionals family members and the types of problems and popular and successful self-help support they experience shape the codependent be- Other signs and symptoms of codepend- groups. The EAP can also recommend books haviors. ency may include tailoring one's actions or that explain codependency and how you can conversation about caretaking to get atten- break free of the limiting pattern.

This information is not intended to replace the medical advice of your doctor or healthcare provider. Please consult your health care © 2006 DFA E015 provider or EAP for advice about a personal concern or medical condition.