Honi Soit

SEMESTER 2 WEEK 2 04 JULY, 2010

Burning Man Festival

Interview with Dom Knight Cyber vigilantes in China The demise of print media Frockstars at the Powerhouse 2 Is this a dream? This Week's: CONTENTS Most impressive abs: Ciara’s in the “Ride” clip. Tight. HONI SOIT, EDITION 14 Most played song: Edith Piaf ’s “Non, je ne regrette rien”. 04 AUGUST 2010 Quote: “No, not the bees, not the bees! My eyes!” - Nick Cave in Wickerman Movie we should get over soon: Inception. Creepiest song: “What’s New Pussycat” by Tom Jones The Arts-Hole 09 Pristine Ong interviews Dichen Lachman at The Post Supanova. A letter, an editorial, a call for submissions and 03 Hannah Lee reviews Inception. Honi expands online! Monica Connors enjoys a Fry up Molly Shmengy looks the Power House The Uni-Cycle 04 Museum’s Frock Stars exhibition up and down. Carmen Culina reviews the Three Minute Diana Tjoeng attends the play Like a Fishbone. Thesis Competition. 10 Lucy Bradshaw shows you how to make a Bridie Connellan reports on the Asia-Pacific cheesecake in your microwave. Model United Nations Conference. Camilo Lascano Tribin watches the SUDs Anusha Rutnam has a yarn with Knitsoc. production of Antigone. Georgia Flynn reports on online vigilantism and 05 Lukasz Swiatek reviews Charles Darwin the emergence of ‘human flesh search engines’ in bio-pic, Creation. 11 China. Lisa Skerrett had a look at the World Bridie Connellan knows what USyd students like: Press Photo Exhibition. Oxford Art Factory. Aleks Wansborough read the Out of the Taking over a facebook The Usual Suspects 06 Box poetry anthology. status near you Mekela Panditharatne celebrates the Town Hall The Mains steps. 12 Rob Chiarella tried fruitarianism. For a whole day. Mark Sutton built and burnt.

THE HYPOTHETICAL: Monica Connors misses MasterChef Would you rather The Soapbox Chini Ogundare compares the experiences 14 Would you rather be able to hover 15cm above Henry Hawthorne and Naomi Hart really 07 of international and exchange students. the ground without beingOR able to go anywhere enjoyed writing the Countdown together. Naomi Hart on Fair Trade’s place at USyd. Sam Elliott and Tom Marr bicker Be impervious to the common cold? FAQs Henry Hawthorne’s middle name is luddite. 15 Paul Karp has tortoise and hare moment. Could I still catch the flu? The Profile 08 Yes. You will also be susceptible to any rarer versions of the Dave Mack meets camera-shy Chaser boy, The Score cold. 16 Dom Knight. Arghya Gupta on the Tour de France. Am I subject to the law of inertia? If I hover for Aleks Wansborough breaks it down on long enough will the earth move beneath me? Err... deconstruction. Sam Pender-Bayne is amused. Can I make a living off my hovering abilities? Possibly. But there is a strong chance you will spend your life as a test-subject in Top Secret US military experiments. SRC 17 Bletchley Park 20 The Garter 21 - 23

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Carmen Culina EDITORS Bridie Connellan, Carmen Culina, Naomi Hart, Henry Hawthorne, Ben Jenkins, Joe Payten, Anusha Rutnam, Joe Smith-Davies, Diana Tjoeng REPORTERS Lucy Bradshaw, Rob Chiarella, Georgia Flynn, Hannah Lee, Chini Ogundare, Mekela Panditharatne, Sam Pender-Bayne , Lisa Skerrett, Kirsten Wade, Aleks Wansborough Ooh look at me I’m back CONTRIBUTORS Arghya Gupta, Paul Karp, Pristine Ong, Liz Schaffer stage at Splendour #Lah- CROSSWORD Daniel Wodak de-dah About 9 mins ago - PHOTOS Zeck Jones

DISCLAIMER Honi Soit is published by the Students’ Representative Council, University of Sydney, Level 1 Wentworth Building, City Road, University of Sydney, NSW, 2006. The SRC’s ion costs, space and administrative support are financed by the University of Sydney. Honi Soit’s editors and the SRC acknowledge the traditional owners of this land, the Gadigal people of the Eora nation. Honi Soit is written, printed, and distributed on Aboriginal land. Honi Soit is printed under the auspices of the SRC’s directors of student publications: Mel Brooks, Tim Mooney, Alistair Stephenson , Andy Thomas and Cherissa Zhou. All expressions are published on the basis that they are not to be regarded as the opinions of the SRC unless specifically stated. The Council accepts no responsibility for the accuracy of any of the opinions or information contained within this newspaper, nor does it endorse any of the advertisements and insertions. The Post 3 Board of there are the rich kids from the secluded areas of the Hills District who got an EDITORIAL ATAR of 53... and I doubt they’d be Privilege regulars, the new Soapbox section given a place in any USyd course. Last week’s Honi brought in a flood CONTENTS Dear Honi, of letters, primarily in response to and the frivolity of our Burning Man Festival feature sure to transport HONI SOIT, EDITION 14 In short, I don’t think it’s USyd’s fault the Union’s spending cap and to our Last week’s edition of Honi has provided you far from the tedious demands 04 AUGUST 2010 that there aren’t enough poor people to feature on privilege at USyd. Thank a glimpse into the dirty politics that of our second week back- albeit satisfy the curiosity of you whinging rich you to all who wrote in- not only festers within the USU. because it means I have less space momentarily. kids. Not everyone around is privileged to fill for these perennially tricky This week also marks the official 09 In light of Sydney Uni’s “privledge and if you want more poor people, you editorials- but also because sifting launch of the new Honi website problem”, I find it disturbing that the should work on changing the mindset through the full spectrum of your (which those editors not swanning election rules and regulations can be of thousands of high schoolers that approval, criticism and insight is a around Splendour were up late Monica Connors enjoys a Fry up overlooked for certain candidates as waiting an extra 4 years to get paid is a weighty reminder of how important updating) and its second week long as they have the connections on better option than going straight into the it is to have a weekly student paper live as well as Honi’s exciting campus. The overlooking of Alistair’s workforce. Or just stop the rumours of as a place for intelligent discussion. new Opinion Competition with alleged tripling of the spending cap USyd being elitist and old fashioned... Reading what you write is one of the Annabel Crabbe- see back cover for and Bateman’s rushing of the executive 10 best parts of this job. details. We can’t wait to read your election illustrates the triumph of egos Leo Nelson contributions! Guess I could have over equality. We’ve got another cracker of an done with a bit more room to write edition this week with familiar after all. Carmen Culina Not only was this move highly A Bit fResh undemocratic, it further isolates the I would be classified from coming from Dear Honi, Glossing Over a Directors from the student body and this crop of “low” socio-economic 11 reaffirms its image as an elite clique. status (SES). I originally grew up in the Nice to be back at uni. Looking forward Breach Social inclusion should be a top priority country and moved to western Sydney to second semester. It’s all about finance for the USU and all students should feel in Year 10. My parent’s occupations are for me. Or, more specifically, as a Dear Honi, that they can participate in the Union a mechanic and a chef. I am also very political economy student, about how regardless of their political affiliations, proud to be a product of the public finance oppresses and marginalizes social After an initial sigh of exasperation to connections or financial situation. school system; completing my primary 12 groups. see the USU elections still featuring in the paper, Rhys’ letter (Week 1) does school at Sandy Beach Public School A place on the Union Board should be and high school at Model Farms High Speaking of oppressed and marginalized expose some serious injustices about the won through campaigning, not through School. The way the journalists of Honi social groups... College freshers. I was spending cap. I’m not proud to admit cash and connections. have been writing it seems it is a miracle enjoying being back on campus, listening this, but I voted for Alistair and Sibella that I could be going to this university to a talk on Isaiah 40 in the EU’s Public primarily because I wore their stickers 14 Sammy Baille and it must be a thrill for the editors Meeting on Wednesday. I must admit, on election day. Arts (2nd Year) to know that I managed to achieve a I was a little confused when I started scholarship of merit on top of that mind hearing the word ‘penis’ echo around The unfortunate fact is, money can buy votes. From Ben Tang’s wristbands, bending feat! A Bit Rich the room. And then the speaker was 15 asked for his number by a woman in a Alistair’s high gloss posters, to Sibella’s stickers, it does seem that many votes What I have a problem with is the Dear Honi Soit, tutu. Not the regular EU Public Meeting university program to strengthen the experience. were won through expensive campaign gimmicks. From what I recall, candidates student population from low SES. I The only impression I got from this believe this could jeopardise the high 16 I wasn’t too happy about it, either. A who narrowly missed out like Deb week’s feature article was that it White only campaigned with posters, calibre of students that this university is was written by a group of rich kids student union society books a room, so well known for. In making the entry and has a couple of hundred people pamphlets and chalk and did not use the complaining about how rich they are. As luxurious extras the candidates who were levels lower for people from “perceived” if Sydney Uni has a privilege problem. there for an event. The colleges can do low SES areas and backgrounds is not whatever they like for initiation. Just elected did. Entry is determined by ATAR and only demeaning to the students that have you don’t have to go to a school which don’t interrupt your fellow students. It’s worked long and hard in their final year 17 rude, at best. Considering Alistair won by only 17 uses the term ‘headmaster’ instead of votes, if there were another 16 people of school but is also insulting to their ‘principal’ to get a high one. Entry-level who, like me, cast their vote in favour achievement of being accepted to this 20 ATAR is based on course popularity, and Oh, and as for ‘the penis game’? university. Seriously, women: grow up. of the candidate with the shiniest it just shows that Sydney is a popular badges and glossiest poster, the election choice on the UAC application form. But results would most definitely have been While I am all up for the university if you’re from way out west, why would Richard Glover designating promising students outside Arts V different. you bother going to USyd when you just an academic mark, I think that in can just go to Macquarie which is closer In light of the recent Green Paper, making it “easier” for students from a and has a lower entry standards, or go Yes to USU many candidates ran on the policy of low SES is going about the wrong way to UTS when they can guarantee you a proving to the University that students to solve the issue. Increasing scholarships work placement? Referendum? are capable of running the Union. Well, available for students that display talent if we cant trust our Board Directors to and intelligence from low SES could go Going to a selective school (out past towards solving the problem. Giving a Dear Honi, manage a mere $700 spending cap, how Parramatta) definitely gave me a boost can we trust them with a multi-million lower Atar/UAI entry level to people into uni. But that had nothing to do from low SES will not solve any issues So lets get this straight… After the dollar student Union? with my parent’s money (not like they that are associated with this debate USU election, the Returning Officer had much anyway, both being degree- besides the one generated by the federal has no power to dismiss a candidate D.S Horne less and unskilled). Yes, many selective Labor government with its “social who has breached the spending cap Bachelor of Science (4th Year) school kids had much bigger houses inclusion objective”. We all know how and it is up to the Board Directors than mine (rich parents are rich because well the federal government plans have (who have perpetrated the breach) to they’re smart, and smart parents have gone of late… This could reduce the decide the outcome? This is a serious Don’t Get with smart kids, ey Charles Darwin?) but the academic standing of the university in constitutional flaw in the Union Board ones who didn’t still had a choice of any the long run and generate an atmosphere as no one in their right mind would vote the Program university they wanted. Most going to of contempt for people from low SES. themselves off the Board. Even a first either UNSW or doing Engineering or year Government student understands Dear Honi, Economics in USyd and not giving a shit Letter of Joseph Callingham the importance of the Separation the Week! about whatever’s going on at Manning Bachelor of Science (Adv.)/Bachelor of of Powers. The USU must consider I write in relation to the on a Wednesday night. Yet every now Arts, 2nd Year. dramatic electoral reforms and remedy article about the small, but and then, I do have talks with people the illegitimate practices of the recent vibrant, amount of students from low Love mail? Hate mail? Like mail? from the area who are surprised by my election in order to restore public socio-economic backgrounds present at choice to go to uni. Of course to them SEND IT ALL TO confidence in the Board. this university and the active university the norm is to get a trade and live the life policy of increasing the number of [email protected] of a rich 17 year old apprentice. But it’s students from this background. Sally Li NEXT WEEK’S BEST LETTER PRIZE: not like they didn’t have a chance. They Bachelor of Arts/Commerce, 3rd Year A copy of the new album by Faithless, probably just didn’t give a shit. Then The Dance. 4 The Uni-Cycle www.honisoit.com THAT'S WHAT Three Minute SOC IT Thesis Comp KNITSOC SHE SAID Carmen Culina learns from the TO ME: The best hearsay, gossip and rumours on campus. postgrad pros. Anusha Rutnam has knits. HONI SOIT 2011 Australia shooting material for his next It is not often that articles directly documentary on the history of language. relevant to our postgraduate students Z.J. Just when you thought the glut of Union are also of interest to their undergrad election gossip was dispersing, some companions and make it into the students are already gearing up for US SUPREME COURT JUDGE body of the paper. Until recently, their USyd’s other vote fest with the SRC and Students were bewildered last Thursday concerns have been contained within Honi elections fast approaching. Rumour by signs plastered around the Law the SUPRA double spread (recently has it immediate Union past President School directing guests to a talk by canned because as SUPRA resident Pat Bateman and Treasurer Douglas Chief Justice John Roberts of the US Nick Irving succinctly put it, “No-one Thompson will be forming an Honi Supreme Court from the night prior. read it”). ticket. Science Revue head writer James The most senior and distinguished legal

Colley also looks set to form his own officer in the United States spoke to an So it was great to see the breadth of ticket, as does Paul Ellis who is currently audience of 300 about the origin of the talent on full display at the University’s Knitsoc, if you’ll forgive the joined by Media kids Callie Henderson Bill of Rights of the US Constitution. first Three Minute Thesis Competition god-awful pun, are a tight-knit and Arghya Gupta. Only staff and alumni were notified of held last Thursday. PhD students bunch. Case in point, Laura the event with tickets selling out shortly jumped at yet another opportunity to Cunningham, my inside woman for FRY IN QUAD after. This was one of only three talks procrastinate, whittling down their years this article, was very keen that her Stephen Fry, the witty British writer presented by the Chief Justice during his of research to a punchy three minute name not be mentioned without and media personality was spotted on time in Australia. Thanks for the heads PowerPoint aided presentation. The acknowledgment of the rest of the campus last week giving an interview up, Gillian. heats and finals were hosted by the hard working exec. Their names with ABC TV. Fry was interviewed by SECRET TUNNEL! side-splitting undergrad veteran Adam and knitting specialities (socks, the ABC’s Anne Maria Nicholson and Well, not quite but it seems like the long Yardley, who acted as the much needed beanies etc.) were provided, but part of the interview has already gone awaited Level 1 connection between “intellectual palette cleanser” to use his Laura I hope you’ll forgive me for to air on ABC News 24. The interview the Law and Fisher Libraries is finally own words. His banter conquered the not listing them all here. You see, covered a range of topics from cricket, open giving students one less reason unenviable task of segueing between when it comes to Knitsoc there is depression, Australian politics to to succumb to elements and buy an prostrate growth in mice, the influence quite a lot to get through. Fry’s view on the media. As well as umbrella. of shark attacks on beach policy, performing in several sold out shows Carmen Culina improving the properties of carbon They are a diverse society, in Sydney and Melbourne, Fry is in bundled nanotubes, lizard gynecology, comprising Science, Arts, connections between sentencing and Economics and Med students, along Asia-Pacific Model behavioural genetics, smelling pepper in with a sprinkling of internationals shiraz and microwave photonic signal and exchange students for good United Nations processing all in under an hour for the measure. Laura informs me that Bridie Connellan gets crunk at AMUNC. finals. knitting lingo has been translated into French, Mandarin, Finnish, Sydney Law School played host to over What is the hardest thing about having and Swedish so far. The common 120 delegates from various universities to present your thesis in three minutes thread (or yarn, if you will. Fair in the Australasian Region at the annual or under? Chris Hales, an Astronomy enough if you won’t.) is that they’re Asia-Pacific Model United Nations PhD candidate, thinks the lack of all knitting nuts. Conference (AMUNC) from July 10-16. Kirby, Conny Lenneberg (Policy and context can be a particularly tricky The program seeks annually to simulate Programs Director of World Vision hurdle in engaging the audience. Perhaps in order to buck the the workings of United Nations policy Australia) and Associate Professor Ben “There is so much background stereotype of knitters being dear development and negotiation, or what Saul (Co-director of the Sydney Centre information - especially for a Science old grannies, there is something organisers deem “an exciting mix of for International Law). PhD, that it is a real challenge just of a badass streak to many of debating, international relations and getting everyone on the same page, let Knitsoc’s activities. Last semester role-playing”. Discussions between NGO In the spirit of humanitarian alone trying to talk to people about ‘Stitch and Bitch’ sessions were a representatives and political council foundations, the theme ‘We The Peoples’ what you are doing your thesis on.” weekly event and coming up there allow participants to engage critically focused on the disparate and diverse Hales can’t have found it too difficult will be as “Domaknitrix” pub with issues of international concern. nature of mankind and the challenges though, winning first place for his crawls as well as guerilla knitting inherent in the idea of an ‘international thesis presentation on magnetism in attacks (seen any be-scarved For example, Victorian representatives community’. With four days of debates, deep intergalactic space and securing telephone poles lately? It may well from La Trobe University formed discussions, democracy and a dash a place at the Australia New Zealand have been the work of Knitsoc). a committee acting as UNESCO of daiquiri, the event promoted four Competition hosted in Queensland There has even been a Knitsoc Indonesia, with questions of artifact conference principles of dignity, justice, later this year. romance. ownership and the age of consent progress and tolerance amidst a sensitive becoming key issues in the discussion. cache of global issues for discussion.

Despite largely remaining a virtual To the delight of Sydney University FACT! affair, organizers said that in 2010 they UN Society, 11 USyd students received Italics were invented by spies to aimed to create a more professional awards amongst the 120 delegates communicate hidden messages forum for discussion with the addition and directors, with 6 Best Delegates, 1 before they were adopted by of real political officials and academic Diplomacy Award and 6 Honourable the mainstream. guests including The Hon Michael Mentions. the You were applying palestalker pink lipgloss to your luscious lips when you first caught my eye onlevel four of Fisher. Dressed in black, patterned tights and a grey dress, you exuded elegance.

Your fingers tapping on yourMacBook Pro made a pleasant sound like rain on rooftops - the kind Knitsoc are holding an AGM on of lullaby that I long to have lulling me to sleep for the rest of my nights. Friday 13th of August and will also be holding a knitting workshop on Your shiny, black-framed glasses caught the light and only served to emphasise the bright the Manning lawns during the Verge blue of your eyes. That beige tote bag you carried seemed large enough to take me home in it Festival. All are welcome! one day. And for that day, I await.

sydneyuniknittingsociety@gmail. Think you were stalked? Send a photo of yourself to [email protected] and you may win a prize! com 5 The Wild, Wild Web

Georgia Flynn looks at virtual STUFF USYD “Anonymous” has vigilantes. wrought tangible STUDENTS LIKE Hearts palpitating with a kind of moral change and helped #572 Oxford Art panic, we are educated about the people, across the Factory untamed corners of the World Wide globe. This has never Maybe it’s because we have a Web and the pitfalls associated with the happened before, in flipbook of trendy musos studying unguarded assertion of our Internet the whole of history!” In 2006, through the effective Arts, maybe it’s because the large identities. Others have less edifying reasons. “I can handle my operations of file sharing networks majority of us live somewhat city- and in the Star Wars cantina of online esque, maybe it’s because there’s A fortnight ago, in the suburbs of douche bag cognitive dissonance better chatrooms, a video of a middle-aged a significant shortage of good live Florida, an eleven-year-old known online if I’m trolling people who deserve it,” Chinese nurse crushing a kitten under venues in Sydney, or maybe it’s as Jessi Slaughter was placed under explains one user, known simply as the sharp point of her stiletto sparked a simply because the sandstone hubris police protection when the retaliation Anonymous. furious online response. She was quickly has finally enveloped our succulent against her self-serving and fluent traced to her home in Heilongjiang little grey matters. Any way you want YouTube clips (“I’m happy with my life, In China, however, the growth of cyber- Province and within days she was to justify that stance o’ yours bud, okay? And if you can’t, like, realise that vigilante justice has taken on a political dismissed from her government job. hangin’ at Oxford Street’s venue and stop hating you know what? I’ll pop timbre. de poseur has become as common a glock in your mouth and make a brain Although there are several identifiable as a UTS joke for Sydney Uni cats. slushie…”) seeped over into her daily life. Last year, it took only eighty hours for Yu Fuqin and her husband Deputy message-boards taking a particularly Gallery Bar tonight? Sheesh lads, active role in this collaborative online again? While most anonymous users who lurk Colonel Chen Wei to be stripped of their detective service, such as Tianya and in the shady hallways of the various Communist Party posts when footage Mop, the call for a vigilante justice Go on, fool yourself. message-board forums, may dedicate of Fuqin slapping a tour guide in the can emanate from any Netizen on any Saunter down the their time to trading jibes, anime and a face went viral on the Chinese message- forum, in response to any perceived perilous, Studio 54- rather impressive array of pornography, board, Tianya. indiscretion. esque staircase with a certain sector of the virtual citizenry is anonymity. Peruse utilising these technologies to serve the In 2008, Gao Qianhui turned on her What is compelling about this the high-brow cocktail titles with cause of justice – as they perceive it. webcam and recorded her response to the Sichuan earthquake. phenomenon is not merely the offline a knowing academic smirk (“Oh impact of an online witch-hunt, but also a “Van Gogh”? Simper. Absinthe. In 2007, concerned Netizens mounted what the practice indicates about our Well, I’m an Art History major, I get an information gathering campaign “I turn on the TV and see injured digital culture. it.”). G’head think you’re the only on suspected pedophile Chris Forcand. people,” Ms Gao complained in her one who recognises the DJ’s choice With the virtual label of pedophile video. “I don’t want to watch these “The regulation of Cyberspace is of a B-Side from the Klaxons. neatly embroidered on his chest pocket, things…come on! How many of you part of the process of normalisation,” Pretend you’re aloof. the police arrested the man and charged died? Just a few, right? There are so argues David Resnick of the University him with two counts of luring girls under many people in China anyway.” of Cincinnati. “[It is a process] of You’ve got about seven minutes the age of fourteen to engage in sexual transforming a marginal frontier into a before you bump into those ‘people’ touching. In 2008, outside 108 Churches When every detail of her personal life, populous settled territory of advanced you know from Manning, or that of Scientology in seventeen countries, including her home and work address, industrial society.” ‘backrower’ from ARHT2616, the voice of the Anonymous website was published on hundreds of forums or even stumble upon that took on a physical form in the 7,600 and message-boards, it was the work While the image of the untamed ‘guitarmanplayer’ from Band Comp hacktivists who congregated to protest of a uniquely Chinese phenomenon frontier may be appealing to the western Heat 5. Hell, your English professor against the benighted church. known locally as renrou sousuo vinqing, and globally as the “human flesh search Netizen, this account doesn’t recognise just took the main stage with his the wanton destructiveness of the Jessi indie-synth hobby side project. For a “We are your brothers and sisters, your engines.” Slaughter marginalisation, and does venue that prides itself on apathetic parents and children, your superiors and not adequately engage with the political hipster cred… awful lotta HDs in your underlings,” the Anonymous credo The equation takes on a fitting dimension of the human flesh search this gin joint. Screw this, I’ll be at reads. “We are the concerned citizens symbolism. Through the efforts of engine working within the Great Chinese Hermann’s. standing next to you. Anonymous is thousands of anonymous Internet users, Firewall. everywhere, yet nowhere. Our strength the human flesh search engine will Bridie Connellan lies in our numbers.” gather the only currency that holds any particular value online: personal details. Nonetheless, the prevalence of the practice of disclosing the personal This audacious mission statement information of cyber-villains from echoes in the posts of various members, In China, the might of the human Toronto to Luobei, reconfirms not only compelled to discuss their reasons for flesh search engine has been raised the ferocious will of a mobilised online protesting. “Motivated by nothing more most effectively against public officials. citizenry, but also highlights an emerging than a mutual desire to do some good,” The force of this public shaming are sense of an e-frontier being tamed not says forum user Fisherman. “This small particularly potent, and have been only by external forces, but from within. group of ad hoc volunteers dubbed effectively utilised against public officials. 6 The Usual Suspects www.honisoit.com salmonella really easily, so I feed it to one THE GAUNTLET of the Honi eds instead. CHALLENGE: TO SPEND A DAY AS A LIFE-BEGINS-AT-BIRTH- 13:30- Walking around, starting to feel EVEN-FOR-PLANTS FRUITARIAN kinda faint after coming down from RAW FOODIST. slight sugar high. Need protein, resolve to obtain avocado and/or banana ‘Those carrots have been at some point. Meanwhile, the food murdered’ court at Broadway shopping centre has Until recently, I thought fruitarianism never smelt so good. I want a curry. Or was nothing more than the best joke in even just some sautéed onions. Mekela Panditharatne steps up. How could you? Notting Hill. Thanks to the Internet, 14:30- Text message from friend: This is a (somewhat lackadaisical) I discovered I was wrong. Ethically- “The Internet says you can eat nuts. 19:30- Tomato juice? More like tomato tribute to the unsung hero of meeting motivated fruitarians believe that eating Surprised fruitarians don’t consider that soup. points, the linchpin of loitering spots, vegetables involves hurting, killing or cannibalism”. the Town Hall Steps. I feel I may say stealing from plants. Fruit, by contrast, 19:45- Watching Masterchef is a bad with absolutely unverifiable certainty is a gift freely given by the plant to aid 15:00- Look up recipes for avocado idea. that many of us who frequent the its own propagation and is therefore fair soup. Find a delicious one, but it involves Sydney CBD have spent a significant game. both chicken broth and cooking. Bah. 20:40- Friend is sautéing onions and cauliflower. Murderer. portion of our lives waiting here – unless you fall into the perpetually Generally, nuts and grains are considered 15:15- Fuck. Faint and dizzy. Need late category of people, in which case OK, although these tend to be seeds banana. 21:00 Dinner- Avocados with tomato your friends probably have spent a lot (rather than the fleshy bits surrounding juice, vinegar, salt, white pepper (as black of time waiting here for you. a seed) so if you are a fruitarian anti- 15:20- Go outside to obtain two pepper is part cooked) and cold-pressed olive oil. Attempts to mush into some abortionist, your choices are even more bananas. Eat one, feel marginally better. It’s a favourite gathering place for sort of soup. restricted. I’m neither of those things, It is cold and I want a hot chocolate. small and motley groups of protestors, but why not try anyway. Fruitarians and (whether relatedly or unrelatedly) 21:30- Thoroughly sick of tomato juice. are not necessarily raw foodists, but I 15:40- I can haz cheeseburger? prone to be filled at any known time Eat apple. decided to try that on as well. with spontaneous congregations of 15:41- No. exceptionally odd people. It is also 23:15- Despite continued headache and 10:00 Breakfast- An apple. So far so traditionally known as one of the diminished mental capacity, can still pull good - if anything, probably better than 16:20- Headache. Is paracetamol bastions of the natural habitat of the 150 lines in Tetris. my normal coffee and biscuit. fruitarian? Eat second banana. long-fringed creature known as the emo, now being encroached upon by 00:20- The whole self-denial thing 12:00 Lunch- Still feeling good. Fruit 17:50- Supermarket. Buy two avocados the polo-wearing arch enemy of the makes me feel weirdly Protestant. Since salad with apple juice for lunch. It and two apples. Consider buying a emo, the lad. feels like I’m eating desert - grapes, coconut, but seriously doubt ability my last non-conforming food was at 1:00 watermelon, orange. There is also to crack open. Spend too much time a.m. the night before, begin count-down For those in the know, a reference to rockmelon, which I don’t like. Plus looking for tomato juice without added to freedom. Tasty, tasty freedom. ‘the steps’ probably extends beyond rockmelon goes off and develops carrots, celery, or sugar. the actual steps, to the balustrades Rob Chiarella on either side atop of which you may Whereas I often can’t handle the pressure and judge Matt Preston has seen the worst perch self-consciously as the emos Mulling Over of making, and would probably need of it. Just like a member of the gay mafia, throw you apathetic stranger glares. It MasterChef some vicodin to attempt a salad, Samurai Matt tightly ties cravats around his neck as is in fact the only public place where a fashionable alternative to gastric banding. people can wait collectively on a Sometimes when Monica Connors cooks, and Blubberface stoically battled to What I can only attribute to the discomfort street (mostly) without being mistaken she weeps. culinary death on a series of rounds that not only tested their cooking skills but of his cravat, is the fact that Preston’s face for harlots and solicited by seedy when he enjoys something and when he gentlemen. Just like its theme song, the 2010 series of also their creativity. Ultimately, Samurai dislikes something are exactly the same. MasterChef was Hot n’ Cold. The show’s or, rather, Adam Liaw, was declared the Rumour has it that Town Hall second season saw 8000 entrants whittled winner of MasterChef and was awarded Lastly, George Colombaris was judge I management has recently deployed down to a group of 24 contestants. While a prize including a book deal, training loved to hate. He is unremittingly creepy measures to prevent people I remain unconvinced that Quentin Bryce and $100,000. Rather embarrassingly, to be perfectly honest, I was surprised he congregating at the steps, but does actually eat, the episode filmed in I am already starting to miss the way could read. Just what on earth does his for me its enduring popularity as her depressingly outdated home saw the Samurai tied his hair into a tight bun and one-liner “Boom boom shake the room” Sydney’s premiere loitering hotspot elimination of the ever teary Claire. By Blubberface’s nervous blinking. mean George? I’m still not sure. -Further ire is confirmed by its presence as an then down to two, Adam Liaw and Callum grew from George’s table manners and his entity on Twitter: “They say every Hann, or as I like to call them, ‘Samurai’ Undoubtedly, however, the most appalling mouth-to-fork approach did make time you clap an angel gets its wings. and ‘Blubberface’, faced off in a heated final entertaining aspect of MasterChef was the me wonder if he grew up in a group home. Well, every time a train runs late which drew in the highest ratings of a non- judges. Let’s be honest: binge eating is a a homeless person urinates on me sporting event in Australian television history. struggle. Sadly, bloated MasterChef host #TownHallSteps”.

Students’ Representative Council, University of Sydney Nominations for the Students’ Representative Council Annual Nominations must also be lodged online along with your policy Elections for the year 2010 close at 4.30pm Tuesday 24th August statement and Curriculum Vitae (optional), by close of nominations at Notice of 2010 2010. Polling will be held on the 22nd and 23rd of September www.src.usyd.edu.au/elections. For more information, call 9660 5222. 2010. Pre-polling will also take place outside the SRC Offices Level Students’ 1 Wentworth Building on Tuesday 21st of September 2010 from Signed nomination forms and a printed copy of your online 10 am - 3pm. All students who are duly enrolled for attendance at nomination must be received no later than 4.30pm on Tuesday 24th lectures are eligible to vote. Members of the student body who have August, either in the locked box at the SRC Front Office (Level 1 Representative paid their affiliation fees to Council are eligible to nominate and Wentworth), or at the following address: be nominated, except National Union of Students national office PO Box 794, Broadway NSW 2007. Council bearers. Fulltime officebearers of the SRC may also nominate as NUS delegates. Nominations which have not been delivered either to the locked box Annual Election in the SRC front office or to the post office box shown above and Nominations are called for the following elections/positions and submitted online by the close of nominations will not be accepted open 4th August 2010: regardless of when they were posted.

(a) The election of the Representatives to the 83rd SRC The Regulations of the SRC relating to elections are available on-line (31 positions) at http://www.src.usyd.edu.au/PDFS/SRCconstitution 06.pdf or from (b) The election of the President of the 83rd SRC the SRC Front Office (level 1, Wentworth Building). (c) The election of the Editor(s) of Honi Soit for the 83rd SRC (d) The election of National Union of Students delegates for the 83rd SRC (7 positions)

Nomination forms can be downloaded from the SRC website: www. Authorised by Paulene Graham, SRC Electoral Officer 2010. src.usyd.edu.au, or picked up from SRC Front Office Students’ Representative Council, The University of Sydney (Level 1, Wentworth Building). Phone: 02 9660 5222 www.src.usyd.edu.au 7 USyd's most ill-advised frivolous expenditures COUNTDOWN Henry Hawthorne and Naomi Hart Could this be the greatest cover-up of our times? The latest cover girl of Yen Library Advertising Campaign 3 magazine is Laura Marling, a singer who If you mosey through the JFR forecourt, your eye may be caught by a large sign in the glass window the headline declares is a “relunctant sporting a chap apparently conducting an experiment in growing bacteria in a Petri dish, which, upon star”. Relunctant? It’s quite a nice closer inspection, is a sign advertising our campus libraries. University libraries are part of a highly word, really. Regardless, someone at the inelastic market (people simply won’t be in there unless they need to be, no matter how alluring the magazine eventually noticed and Yen’s glossy posters) so any advertising campaign is pretty futile. The real cause for concern is the egregious website shows the cover complete with breaches of the space-time continuum which these ads have attempted to engineer through their slogan, correct spelling. “University Libraries: Any Place, Anytime”. Libraries on campus are distinctly static and willingly eject patrons perusing beyond closing time. At time of print, the uni is yet to develop a J. K. Rowling-inspired Magazines W, Vogue and Elle Knight Bus Library. featured the same Miu Miu dress on the covers of their respective Library-Book-Return-Slot-Conveyor-Belt-System-3000 2 August editions. This is weird not The contraption overseeing the return of books to the SciTech Library gives weight to the idea that only because both W and Vogue Wallace and Gromit are being hired to design university buildings. Upon returning your book, listen not are Condé Nast publications but for the comforting thud of it falling onto a larger pile of books on a trolley, but instead the triggering also because (the plot thickens) of a low mechanical hum, a meshing of a complex series of interconnected gears and the screech of there have been rumours of the rubber conveyor belts as your book is swiftly transported into a labyrinthine highway of automated publishing behemoth scooping up book-returning efficiency. When excitement of the display wears off, however, one is left with the Elle too. Maybe the Condê Nasties inescapable conclusion that the book must eventually be deposited off the conveyor belts and, surely, need to start shouting down the into some kind of trolley. Which begs the question of why they couldn’t cut out the entire mechanical hall to let their stablemates know middleman. which dresses they’ve shot- gunned. Remote voting consoles 1 Some super-hip lecturers in the Economics and Business Faculty and the United States Studies Not technically a botch, but rather an Centre (USSC) have started distributing whiz-bang little gadgets to the students in their lectures. When example of sub-editing so exceptional you enter the lecture theatre, you’re handed a small console with which you can respond to survey-style that it deserves a mention here. News. questions posed by the lecturer. The quarter of an hour taken to hand out the devices hardly seems com.au covered a story about Sydney worth it, given that adequate precision can usually be delivered to lecturers’ questions through an nightclub entrepreneur John Ibrahim’s old-fashioned show of hands. One commerce student who’s encountered them half a dozen times says “secret” child who was returning to they’ve never even successfully turned on. One fellow Honi editor also reports that in one of his USSC live in Australia. Their headline for the lectures, only four per cent of students identifiedHoni Soit as their primary source of news. The consoles piece? “Hot Cross Son”. were obviously broken.

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CRICOS: 00116K 8 The Profile www.honisoit.com Hi, I'm Honi Soit, you must be Dave Mack chats with The Chaser’s most elusiveDom member – and former Honi Knight editor – Dom Knight, about satire, Sydney Uni and student politics. Dom Knight warns me before our chat eventually team up with Julian that he’s a bit out of it. He has been up Morrow and Craig Reucassel in since 5am, waiting in line at Apple’s CBD 1999 and the first issue of The glass temple to get his hands on the new Chaser was born. iPad. “There’s not a massive point to it,” he concedes, “but it’s sleek and beautiful “When we started The Chaser, and I’m falling in love with it.” there really wasn’t a paper out there that was dedicated to He’s also had a few late nights making the silliness and being ridiculous, final adjustments to The Chaser’s new except perhaps Green Left Weekly,” iPhone (and now iPad) ‘app’, where users Knight says. “We had this launch pay a small monthly fee to read all the party and we were so disorganised satire their phone can handle. “Our hope we didn’t even bring any copies is that users will be willing to pay a small with us.” price to read a bunch of dodgy jokes,” he says. “That guy who made Flight Control, At the time, Knight was one of the game where you direct planes so the editors of Honi, and the other they don’t crash into each other, is a three founding members had all millionaire now. We don’t expect that to cut their teeth on the publication happen, but we’ll be monitoring it to see in previous years. He’s able to It’s been helpfully pointed out to us that he’s the one on the far right. how we can improve it and if it doesn’t talk with a confidence about the paper’s work, it doesn’t work. If people don’t ethos that can only come from spending 2009’s Disco Boy, was about a young disc “Charles Firth’s sister Verity is now the want to pay then we’ll get the message a year of your life devoted to it. “I’ve jockey rapidly realising his youth was NSW Education Minister. On the right pretty soon.” been reading the paper this year and have deserting him, Knight’s second book, you have Tony Abbott and Joe Hockey, enjoyed it, but I hope you won’t take it Comrades, shamelessly takes him back to both of whom were SRC Presidents. I As part of Australia’s most celebrated personally when I say that it tends to be the good old days and is about a fictional was even friendly with Federal Minister – and vindicated – comedy troupe, the same thing every year. Honi has its student election at, you guessed it, Sydney for Agriculture Tony Burke. The bridge Knight has every reason to believe the own style and substance, and I think only Uni. between student politics and ‘real’ politics app has a good chance of emulating when you become an editor do you really is quite short. It’s scary, really.” the soaring success of Flight Control. get to interrogate what that is exactly. “It’s about a fictional SRC election at What began as a bunch of Sydney Uni There’s always some think-pieces and Sydney Uni with all the in-fighting and Knight and the other Chaser boys know students chaotically assembling a satirical then a lot of humour, because it’s what politics and backstabbing that goes on. a thing or two about being scared after newspaper has now transformed into a people want. So if it feels the same from Even a romance subplot for all the softies last year’s fallout from the ‘Make A veritable media empire: The Chaser has year to year, I think that speaks to a really out there. I think there are going to be a Realistic Wish’ sketch. I ask him whether had a presence in print, on television, on solid history. People shouldn’t try and few people who will pick it up just to see the outrage that followed was justified: radio, on stage, on the web and now in turn it into something it’s not.” if I’ve modelled a character off them.” “Certainly all parody comes from a ‘new media’. Although Knight tells me place of outrage, but it’s a different kind “no one ever goes into comedy to make “Certainly all parody comes Knight is evidently fascinated by the of outrage. It’s mocking. It’s turning a lot of money”, there is some serious from a place of outrage, wheeling and dealing of student politics anger at an issue into comedy and financial thought that underscores all this and he’s studied his subject matter well humour and using that to bring people madness. “Media organisations around but it’s a different kind of enough to know that it basically boils down a peg. The outrage following the the world are trying to work out how outrage. It’s mocking. It’s down to a competition between different ‘Make A Realistic Wish’ Sketch was real to make money when they realised that degrees of ‘leftism.’ “It was certainly that outrage and was quite terrifying and advertising was not going to be enough to turning anger at an issue way when I was at uni,” he says of most indiscriminate really. ABC Journos were support them. They’re getting squeezed,” into comedy and humour student groups’ similarities. “It’s a bit driving around in ABC cars with logos Knight tells me with the confidence “ like Christianity. They tend to forget that on the side and felt quite threatened for of someone who’s made a life out of and using that to bring they’re worshipping the same God and a while. When it reaches that level, when dissecting media. “We’re just like Rupert people down a peg.” focus on the little differences and those people who just work at the ABC felt Murdoch really.” differences become an obsession to the unsafe, is when I think it had gone too far. point that it is really quite amusing. And we should know, we have a tendency If you didn’t immediately recognise his The people who do Honi tend to be to take things too far.” name or face, don’t worry. Knight has involved in a million other things on “It’s disappointing to hear that the Trots mainly enjoyed an off-camera role for campus, so our paper’s philosophy was don’t have the same influence they had Despite last year’s misgivings, the boys most of The Chaser’s endeavours. “I just really a ‘night-before’ type thing. I think in my day, though. They used to win are back. “We tend to be in our element kind of fell into it,” he tells me. “We that’s quite cool though. That you can elections back then! They were hilarious.” during federal elections so it’s only natural were pretty rushed in getting ready for be sitting in the office at 3am laughing that we would want to re-emerge as the the show and this was just the role that I about something ridiculous and the next So why are only some students drawn into election approaches.” Yes We Canberra naturally gravitated to. That isn’t to say in day thousands of people are reading the fray while most couldn’t care less? “A will see the team breaking down election the future I won’t have more screen time it. There aren’t many other papers like lot of it is apathy, especially from those antics once again with the same air of or whatever, but this is where I’ve always that. All you need to do is get it past students on the right who tend to look cynicism and ridiculousness that makes been most comfortable.” legal, whether that be a SRC Director of on and just laugh and see all these kids them so endearing. Knight may not be Student Publications or the ABC legal as just a bunch of CV stackers. But there on screen, but look for his name in the Though he may enjoy the lowest profile advisors, and you really do then have a lot are a lot of people who do genuinely credits. of all The Chaser boys, Knight has been of freedom.” care. When I was creating the SRC Dom Knight will be one of The Chaser boys there from the beginning. At Sydney President character for Comrades, I really present to officially launch Honi’s brand Grammar School with Charles Firth and Despite being in his early 30s now, needed someone who took a lot of joy new website at the Verge gallery from 6pm Chas ‘APEC Osama’ Licciardello, the and occasionally contributing pieces from attending academic board meetings on Wednesday, August 4. His new novel seeds were planted, so to speak, in a small to The Herald about his sudden desire and reviewing enrolment figures. These Comrades will be launched at Manning Bar satirical magazine the trio worked on for children, there is a huge part of people do exist. And I’m telling you, they from 6pm on Friday, August 13. called The Tiger. After moving onto studies Knight’s identity that remains bound up will go on into politics. at Sydney Uni, Knight and Firth were to in student life. Although his first novel, The Arts Hole 9

against corporate power and misuse of CONVENTION technology. Yet, for every Sydney Bristow or Lara Croft who punches her way through the SUPAnova traditionally testosterone-filled genre, Pristine Ong enters the Dollhouse and chats to its Aussie star, Dichen Lachman. there’s a swooning Megan Fox who Even from their graves, Buffy Summers for his child. A thief wants to pull off the needs rescuing. Pop quiz: think back to and Sydney Bristow cast long shadows. perfect crime. Enter Dichen Lachman these shows and films—do the female and Eliza Dushku, who play “dolls”— characters talk to each other, and if so, Dom Knight I’m at Supanova, the fan convention people programmed to play characters do they talk about something other than for sci-fi, fantasy and anime. I’m doing that fulfil your needs and fantasies. a man? It’s the Bechdel test. So, for the a postmortem of the recently axed action heroine, does independence mean, American show Dollhouse, amidst the The challenging premise that appealed well, the nunnery? Lachman says, “To be constant waves of applause and cheers to the show’s small but loyal fan base was an empowered woman, you don’t need to from the Cosplay competition behind me. perhaps what led to its cancellation. “It be on your own. As a woman, I’ve crossed Dichen Lachman. A long way from Ramsay st. Dichen Lachman, the Aussie co-star of had undertones of human trafficking a lot of bridges and fought a lot of wars, Joss Whedon’s latest show, is excited to be and prostitution,” Dushku says. “It was but for a lot of the time, I’ve had someone casting of two black actors in his back home from Hollywood to meet fans, socially and culturally controversial in in my life who’s been very supportive. newest show Undercovers. “That is friends and family. But when I raise the many ways. That was something we I think I’m a strong person but I’m not a huge step forward for America,” comparison between Alias and Dollhouse, wanted to do—to talk about puritanical afraid to say that there’s someone in my she says. “For a guy like JJ Abrams Lachman sighs, “The only thing I can America and how some of the most life who helped give me strength.” to have the complete confidence to say about Dollhouse is that everyone at Fox absurd things are considered acceptable have two African-Americans in the wanted it to be Alias and it just wasn’t. but you can’t talk about sex!” As an Asian-Australian actress, Lachman lead—that’s never been done before. Dollhouse was a lot darker and it went to encountered a lot of resistance. She It’s really changing and in a really very different places.” Despite its early demise, Dollhouse joins says, “I got external resistance from positive way.” ranks with other “kickarse women” people who said, ‘You’re too exotic.’ I Set in Los Angeles, the show revolves (Lachman’s words) of the action genre. encountered a lot of racism when I was around the idea of bodies for hire. A man The arc of the show focuses on how a kid, but the thing is, it’s really changing Listen to Joss Whedon discuss pop culture needs a date for dinner tonight. A recently Lachman and Dushku’s characters now. Being a minority in Hollywood is and feminism at Sydney Opera House on widowed father needs a surrogate mother wake up from their doll state to fight a great thing now.” She cites Maggie 29 Aug. Tickets from $49. Q’s lead role in Nikita and JJ Abrams’ SCREEN THREADS Frock stars Molly Shmengy thought the Power Inception House museum exhibition was pretty daggy. Hannah Lee believed the dream. Dream weavers. DiCaprio and Nolan on set. Funnily enough, the clothes are the best It is going to be one difficult job for thing this exhibition has going for it. After those who have already seen Inception defences conjured by the dreamer, but being greeted by a sunray-pleated, sky- to spoil the film for anyone who is yet also the fearful nature of his own personal A Romance Was Born creation. blue Dion Lee dress from this year’s show, to experience Christopher Nolan’s demons that awake in the operation of discussed the awesomeness of sitting one is met with 14 mannequins garbed latest mind-bending blockbuster. As a job so delicately balanced between in the front row (‘It’s really important in Australian Fashion Week’s greatest lengthy descriptions and explanations disaster and success. because you can see the clothes’. Deep.) hits. Highlights include ‘the dress that are inadequate in giving away the entire but as a woman put the earphones on her saved Fashion Week’, designed by Akira Inception experience, audiences will no In dealing with a concept that could 3 year old child, it was all I could do not Isogawa for his 1999 collection. To be doubt be impressed by the film’s visual potentially be confusing or ridiculously to scream ‘Flee, you fools!’. able to see the luscious Balinese beading tricks, maze-like narrative and how much flawed (filled with plot-holes and hasty in real life is a treat. A tea-stained gown Joseph Gordon-Levitt has matured since cover-ups), Nolan proves to be an expert One good feature of the exhibition was from Toni Maticevski’s 2004 collection is 10 Things I Hate About You. But regardless in engaging the audience with a tightly the projected catwalk footage, though similarly gorgeous and such is the beauty of how trippy or awesome the special constructed and perfectly executed story irritatingly the designers’ names were not of its design, one could easily imagine it effects may be, Inception stands several cuts that has the ability to hypnotise with listed anywhere. Regardless, given that being worn on a red carpet today. above most Hollywood action films due AFW is not open to the public, video to its strong but easily comprehensible “You mustn’t be footage is a one of the best ways the The close proximity to the garments that concept. afraid to dream a rest of us can get a feel for a designer’s the exhibition allows the visitor does not little bigger, darling.” collection. It is a pity that more footage work to every designer’s advantage. Tina While plenty of films have been made wasn’t available. Kalivas’ Mondrian dress draws the eye using the idea of dreams and the metal spin-tops, DiCaprio’s anxious facial for all the wrong reasons, with a busted human subconscious, Inception navigates expressions and tense cliffhangers dotted The rest of the exhibition is hit and miss. seam on the side practically screaming this unpredictable terrain through the across the space of two and a half hours One sad cabinet holds bottles of Moet ‘Yves Saint Laurent wants his idea back!’ expertise of Dom Cobb (Leonardo that doesn’t rest, linger or wait for anyone. and Chandon (AFW’s former sponsor) Also, the inclusion of several dud duds DiCaprio) – a thief who specialises in alongside those of (current sugar-daddy) is irritating given the omission of more stealing people’s ideas in their sleep by With so many sequels and remakes Rosemount. Oh how the mighty have iconic pieces, such as the corsets of Sass deceiving them through layers of dreams flooding cinemas, Inception stands out in fallen. and Bide’s inaugural collection. that are hard to discern from the real its originality as Nolan adopts the very world. advice sleep-expert Eames (Tom Hardy) Frock Stars is unsuccessful because A glass box displaying a selection of gives to Arthur (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) in it is neither a crowd pleaser nor an VIP passes marks the beginning of the In what he hopes to be his final the film: “You mustn’t be afraid to dream intellectually rewarding exhibition. ‘Front Row’ section of the exhibition. assignment, Cobb and a team of other a little bigger, darling.” You can try and There has been some media coverage Rather mortifyingly, most belong to the experts in the field are challenged to pinpoint flaws within the film, but like of the apparent snubbing of AFW exhibition’s curator, Glynis Jones. Well, if perform the trickier task of ‘Inception’, Cobb’s performance of Inception, once founder Simon Lock by organisers of you didn’t know she was Very Important which requires them to plant an idea in an idea is planted in your mind it doesn’t the exhibition. Given Lock’s crucial before… someone’s mind rather than having to stop growing – the idea being: this movie role in the history of AFW, the meagre extract anything. In doing so, Cobb not is AWESOME. attention paid him within the exhibition is I made myself listen to the interviews only faces the dangers of subconscious appalling. with various industry personalities, who 10 The Arts Hole www.honisoit.com OM NOM NOM STC & Griffin Theatre: Microwave STAGE Like a fishbone Diana Tjoeng smelt something fishy. mother is motivated by Christian faith cookery: Amidst the crafted simplicity and and has a message for the architect that geometric sterility of an architect’s city will not be met favourably. Cheesecake-in-a-cup office, stands a woman with rain scenting Lucy Bradshaw whips up a radioactive her hair and damp earth muddying her As ideals of religion and humanism No! That’s my copy of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo! delight. shoes. She is waiting to see the architect. are pitted against one another, the women wade deep into verbal and guarded sensitivity and a firm belief in Considering the current obsession with Written by Sydney playwright Anthony even physical conflict, unthreading old the tangible, which you can almost taste all things vintage, it seems about time Weigh, the story that unfolds between wounds and carving out new ones. At in the air parting around her. But it is that microwave cookery came back into the visitor, known only as the mother times, however, the characters seem more Hegh’s full-bodied performance as the vogue. Moreover, its purpose – the hasty (Anita Hegh), and the architect (Marta archetypal than individual, and a lurking grieving mother that fills you with the preparation of food – seems to serve Dusseldorp), is jarringly human. It is didacticism in the script undermines the gamut of emotions – sympathy, fear, Western society’s current tendency of intricate, messy flesh and blood set against visceral experience. But Weigh exhibits suspicion and respect. becoming increasingly time-poor and the spotless office backdrop of black, audacity in portraying the two women as obese. To honour this trend, I offer you white and chrome. unapologetically brutal, yet vulnerable. This is the type of play that can leave a speedy recipe for microwave-baked audiences divided: some may view it cheesecake – simple, ever so satisfying, The mother has travelled from a small Weigh also manages to provide the as just another didactic plea for debate and a mere flick of a switch away. rural town where an unspeakable crime occasional comic relief through the around the religious/secular dichotomy, occurred months earlier. She has arrived character of the intern (Aimee Horne), while others may walk away with an on the night the architect is scheduled who is refreshingly optimistic and caring. appreciation for the complexity and grit to present her plans for a memorial to Dusseldorp as the architect plays the in the clash of human thought. I was of honour the victims of that crime. The part of strident career woman with a the latter group.

STAGE A GOLDEN GAYTIME: ANTIGONE TALK STEPHEN FRY LIVE For one mug’s worth of cheesy goodness, Camilo Lascano Tribin saw the SUDs Monica Connors lets a charming Gleek spin some tales. whisk 2 ½ tablespoons of softened cream production of the death-heavy play. Many weeks ago as word spread of his describes it as “biscuity, covered in cheese with 2 tablespoons of sour cream*, two shows at the Sydney Opera House chocolate”, but soon admits, “Yes, I could mixing until any lumps are removed Walking into the Cellar Theatre I in July, both quickly sold out. So it was grow very fond of the Tim Tams”. It is (this is most easily done with an electric was met by an extremely detailed and that before Stephen Fry even stepped hard to imagine another celebrity doing beater, but any old whisk will do just as thoughtful set design with numerous dead onstage, the 2500 people seated in the this and it is Fry’s nonchalant approach well). Add 2 tablespoons of icing sugar bodies balancing the stage from the get- Concert Hall were already under his to fame makes Fry all the more appealing. (sifted, if you can be bothered) and half a go, a nice warning to the audience that charm. Fry is considered by many to It is this appeal which has seen him gain pre-beaten egg. Try and get the mixture everyone in the play will die (yes, Antigone be one of the smartest men alive and more than one million twitter followers as smooth as possible, and pour all the is a Greek Tragedy). whether it’s in the arenas of writing, or as he loving refers to them as the creamy deliciousness into a microwave- social commentary or acting, Fry brings “twitteratti”. safe cup or mug. Director Olivia Satchell’s use of space his quick wit, insight and peerless throughout the whole play was effective, command of language to play. Known Fry is similarly charismatic and Add your flavourings of choice: a hefty allowing the actors and the text to get to most fans of modern comedy, Fry unabashed in his recounting of the squeeze of lemon does wonderful to work. The details in the costuming overcame mental illness, addictions, people and historical events that shaped things, but depending on your epicurean and set design were fantastic, showing and time in prison, to have a career his life, particularly his time at school preferences, toss in a sprinkling of frozen Satchell’s understanding of the space and which has seen him pen numerous and Cambridge University. He says he berries and some chocolate chips, or swirl how costuming affects characterisation. books and star in many popular was “such an ass when I was a child”, through a spoonful of jam. Now head to television shows such Fry and Laurie, describing his first addiction to sugar and the microwave, but beware: treat these The strong staging was accompanied by Blackadder, Absolute Power and most how he made his friend steal sweets for babies delicately, or you risk the mixture an impressive use of sound and light, recently QI. him. Moving on to worse additions of ‘splitting’ and sacrificing the requisite making for a strong foundation for the cigarettes and cocaine, Fry explains how smooth texture. Start by microwaving on performance to rest. Though Antigone is Outside the Opera House a fierce rain he was expelled from several schools, stole medium for 1 ½ minutes, and check the a tragedy, the production felt to me like is battering down on it’s white sails, credit cards and was ultimately sent to state of the cheesecake, continuing in 30 it was too preoccupied with getting the but inside the audience chatters with Pucklechurch prison, near Bristol in the second bursts until done. It’s sufficiently ‘tragic’ across to the audience and not nervous anticipation. When Fry finally United Kingdom. Despite these trying ‘cooked’ when puffed up and a tad firm allowing the truly tragic scenes to speak appeared onstage, sharply dressed times, I tend to believe him when he says around the edges, but still wobbly in the for themselves. in a black shirt, black pants and a that, “no prison is anything other than a centre. Next, refrigerate the cheesecake white tuxedo jacket, the audience breeze if you’ve been to British boarding for 2 hours or so, to let it chill down to It seemed that due to a lack of dynamics, cheered wildly. His ensemble was a school”. firmness. scenes that could have been really long way from the über-British, all- dramatic and powerful, got lost in the tweed ensemble I had been expecting There were moments during his Once it has set, simply dig in with a heaviness of the work. Antigone walked but despite this, the man considered lecture and subsequent interview with plain old spoon, or go the whole hog and on crying and she walked off crying. a ‘national treasure’ in his native Jennifer Byrne that he seemed almost a crumble a digestive-esque biscuit over Nonetheless, the actors did give very England, comes across as more reincarnation of his idol Oscar Wilde. the top to echo the traditional cheesecake impressive performances, with Brenden British than tea and crumpets. In his Like the Victorian writer, Fry is a crust. Either way, thank the world of Hooke, Charles Mitchell, Harriet hometown of London, Fry is well “gaysexual homonist”, supremely funny science for producing such a marvellous Gordon-Anderson and Nick Starte, known for driving a black London cab and intelligent in an almost avuncular piece of machinery, and rush back to the exceptional. as his private car and other cabbies are way. Unlike Wilde, however, Fry is slightly whirlwind of 21st-century life. said to pass him with a knowing wink. embarrassed to be a “Gleek” that is a fan If you’re in the mood for a serious night of television show Glee. His fascination *This recipe technically works better with at the theatre, Antigone is the play to go Fry begins the show by stating that with Wilde, and the two other ‘’Ws’’ - P. low-fat cream cheese and sour cream, to. A solid and committed cast, alongside before this visit to Australia, he didn’t G. Wodehouse and Evelyn Waugh fuelled which are less lumpy and thus much a very observant director gives this Cellar know what a Tim Tam was. Revealing Fry’s passion for words and he believes easier to mix, but if you’re ideologically slot the sense of professionalism all Cellar one from his pocket, the audience himself to be “so lucky I should be opposed to the concept of anything slots should have. But, it’s all Greek to me. seems thrilled to be sharing in his first ‘low-fat’, feel free to use normal and spanked”. Arnotts experience. Fry tentatively wholesome varieties, just whisk more Antigone will be playing at the Cellar Theatre energetically. until August 7. 11

(Jennifer Connelly), firmly disapproving epilogue hint at this notion, reminding of his ideas, which bolster the standpoint viewers that he was buried in Westminster SCREEN of atheists. Abbey “with full Christian honours”. Although Creation focuses on Darwin While Darwin dissects nature in the film and his endeavours, it is the family that – literally, with some scenes that involve provides this portrait with its details. wildlife being slightly brutal – the viewer CREATION Here, we see the full complexity of the can appreciate its beauty. England’s bonds amongst loved ones, with their verdant countryside is shown in its full Lukasz Swiatek gets highly evolved. Honey, I just thought of something... No! That’s my copy of The Girl With The sorrows, delights and uncertainties. As fecundity. The life-cycles and activities Dragon Tattoo! husband and wife, Bettany and Connelly of animals are also depicted through the London Zoo, underline humans’ A man wrestles with his conscience, give intense, stirring performances as a close-ups and techniques such as time- pitiful mistreatment of animals. struggling to reconcile religion and couple dealing with unhealed emotional lapse photography, which accentuate Jenny’s plight is a heart-rending scene science, faith and fact. This could easily wounds and a common anguish. their dynamism. Light is particularly be a scenario in any modern individual’s that correlates with other moments of well captured, with many moments of death in the film. life. Yet it was particularly acute for the These characters breathe life into glorious chiaroscuro increasing the beauty man who would pen one of history’s most the biological and evolutionary issues of the film’s natural locations. Moving Creation’s release marked two significant controversial books, On the Origin of Species. explored by the film, which, on the particles and living organisms – such milestones. Last year was the 150th whole, refrains from taking a stance in as flocks of birds, schools of fish and anniversary of the publication of That man, of course, was Charles the evolution-creation debate. Rather, phosphorescent algae – vividly enrich the On the Origin of Species and the 200th Darwin, the English naturalist whose it highlights the tensions that existed, film’s environmental themes. anniversary of Darwin’s birth. Today, book on evolutionary biology ignited and persist, between the two positions. we live in the shadow and light of lasting, international debate. In Jon Certainly, Darwin’s colleagues Joseph Not all of nature is rendered with such Darwin’s ideas. The film’s creators Amiel’s Creation, we meet Darwin before Hooker (Benedict Cumberbatch) and sublimity, however. Darwin recounts his made a judicious choice not to take the publication of his scientific work. Far Thomas Huxley (Toby Jones) advocated visits to distant countries in the form of any particular side in the evolutionary from being a triumphal, filmic paean his theory of evolution, with the latter stories for his children. Some of these, like debate. More important for everyone, to one of history’s most revolutionary fervently telling him in the film: “You his trip to Tierra del Fuego, are darkly as the film emphasises, is the need thinkers, this partly factual, partly have killed God, Sir.” amusing and stress the need to approach fictional film is underpinned by struggle: to keep struggling through life: to other cultures with respect. Others, such confront and surmount its many internal (in Darwin himself) and external In fact, Darwin was an Anglican for most as the story of Jenny, an orangutan that obstacles and to be the best person (between family, friends and the wider of his life and never became an atheist; was captured in Borneo and brought to possible for others. English community). four years before his death, he wrote that agnosticism had probably become “the Paul Bettany is Darwin, a man on whom most correct description” of his mentality. the labours of writing have taken a If Amiel makes any argument through heavy toll. His theories have strained his the film, it is that every individual needs marriage, with his religious wife Emma faith. Indeed, the film’s closing scene and PAGES OUT OF THE BOX contemporary Gay & lesbian PICTURE poets WOrld press photo Aleks Wansborough thinks outside the... I must confess that I am terrified of exhibition reviewing texts that belong to a different cultural framework than my own. This is Lisa Skerrett lets the pictures tell odd because I believe there are standards the story. that transcend sexuality, gender and other semi-cultural constructs (including To reach the World Press Photo A winning photo by Kent Kilch. culture), and yet my knees were making being thought a homophobe, was that of exhibition at the core of the State a tremulous motion just after I had been revealing that I’m not an excellent judge Library, one must first pass through the swollen, bleeding head jutting out from a given a book on gay and lesbian poetry to of contemporary poetry. Although I love hushed library quarters, whose lining of pile of rubble. review. What if I did not like it? A straight the work of many past poets, I’m barely gorgeous, antiquated hard-backs belies guy not liking gay poetry! Isn’t that kind competent when it comes to assessing the atrocities on display a few levels below. Which leads me to the next opposition. of, well, homophobic? The editors of this the worth of more recent ones. But upon This is the first of many oppositions that How can you reconcile subject matter like particular anthology, Out of the Box, are finding the great work of David Malouf characterises this most prestigious award this with the fact that the photographs both gay, one a man (Michael Farrell), in the book, I realised that even that for photojournalism. themselves are exquisitely beautiful? How the other a woman (Jill Jones), and both concern was silly. can one seriously praise a picture of a predictably selected the poetry belonging International luminaries agree dead toddler? The exhibition presents to their gender to write about in the That said, there are a couple of verses that this is the crème of the crop absolute technical skills married with intros, which I paranoically interpreted that are too concerned with our supposed of news photography. Each year, a absolute human horror, leaving the viewer as forbidding commentary outside their postmodernity. Dîpti Saravanamuttu’s global invitation is extended to press squirming in moral confusion. experiences. osbcurantist poetic posing ‘To Forget Air’, photographers and media outlets to ‘inspired’ by Luce Irigaya’s bolderdash, is submit the finest of the previous year’s The subsequent sections - nature, sports, I had enough confidence to go ahead concealed dross: photographs, the winners travelling the arts and portrait - come as a relief. with this review because of the gay globe in the form of an exhibition that They’re emotionally brighter, but also scholar and poet Paul Knobel who “That the breadth of the singer packs an emotional punch. noticeably whiter. In fact, it’s hard not to suggested the review. Luckily I first read Remains out of reach, interpret the remainder of the exhibition his poem in the anthology Destimo, Greece Is the meaning of our difference.” Here in Sydney, the exhibition is arranged as comment on Western excess; a New- and I liked it immensely. I chuckled when in prize sections but there’s obviously Yorker examines his freshly-waxed chest; he described a man ‘very much in love At first, I feared Out of the Box might a deeper thematic layout at work. overdressed racecourse punters teeter with a soldier / who insists he has two reductively put poets into a box The first room – housing news-related over a trench of rubbish; Yankees fans girlfriends / in Australia.’ because of their sexuality. The editors’ images – is a showcase of blood, dirt and jostle to distract their opponent. It’s an introductions maintained that far from explosions, with an undeniable repetition entirely alternate world on display and Kate Lilley’s ‘Discovery’ was a gem. limiting the meaning of the poems, they of nationalities. On one wall Somali despite the lush visual banquet, my mind Here’s a spoiler: were merely trying to add something Islamist insurgents are stoning a man to lingers back with the toddler. extra to it by pronouncing the poets’ death for adultery. On another, a Jewish “Weirder evidence surfaces, sexuality. And of course, anthologies boy hurls wine at an elderly Palestinian As we go to leave, a baby starts crying. formal and somewhat see-through. accentuate something about the poems woman. But there’s one photograph that It’s a fitting response and perfect I had no idea how complicated and poets. singularly singes my soul via my retinas. accompaniment to an exhibition that not lingerie could be.” It’s the body of a toddler uncovered after only summarises the news, but does away I recommend Out of the Box to people an Israeli air strike on the Gaza strip, her with words altogether. A more rational concern of mine than regardless of their sexual orientation. 12 The Mains wine, there is a Mad Hatter’s tea party which serves elaborate high tea for everyone in the camp at four each day, there is the aforementioned Turkish Hookah tent- which as well BURNING MAN as the hookahs has volunteers bringing around figs and honey Mark Sutton leaves his inhibitions somewhere outside Sydney and enters a world tea for the patrons - there is a of feasts, flames and freedom at Australia’s first Burning Man Festival. cinema, a library, about four nightclubs each with a different “Life is death! You’re a c**t! have been erected haphazardly and garlanded with flowers. style (psy-trance, top 40, sixties, F**k you all!” screams a tubby, all over the place. Psy-trance Everything is shared. No-one eighties), a costume tent and bearded, dreadlocked hippy music doofs over to my left, The feels left out. We get talking to whatever else you can think of. (whose name, I learn later, is Beatles’ ‘All You Need Is Love’ Ishmael, a man who seems to And it’s important to understand, Hippy), rolling on the ground by blares over to my right. As I drive be the Captain of Fire for the no money exchanges hands at the campfire in the chilly, moist slowly through the chaos I see festival. He is supervising a giant any point. All of this is done air of the evening. Searching for signs telling me the ten principles metal dragon which is blowing in the spirit of building the something more friendly, I look of the event: Radical Inclusion, fire onto some dinky metal Burning Man community, and in another direction. A man is Gifting, Decommodification, flowers. He is wearing army for the enjoyment of all. On one standing there wearing an SS Radical Self-reliance, Radical fatigues. It seems like there is no hand it’s easy to mock the new- army uniform on the top, and a Self-expression, Communal activity in the world that would agedness of the Burners, but you kilt on the bottom. The radical Effort, Civic Responsibility, suit Ishmael better, supervising cannot doubt their sincerity. They self-expression in his eyes dares Leaving No Trace, Participation that fire, he is a man at one want to prove it is possible to me to question him. I decide and Immediacy. I know what with life, at least until it goes build and live in a community against it. they mean by some of them. out. Five hours later we return for five days where everything is to our original campfire to find shared and everyone is friends. I am at the first ever Australian I have to find Alan, and through a Hippy in the same position, It’s sentimental. And it works. Burning Man, an Aussie version complete miracle, given there is much dirtier, and still screaming of the much larger festival in zero phone reception, hundreds But I didn’t know this when I “You’re a c**t! Life is death!” the Nevada desert which began of people spread over a huge left Sydney, and as such, I have to the glistening star cover. in 1986. The event celebrates area in every nook and cranny, prepared nothing. I look around “I wonder what demons are personal expression, community, inside, outside, some down by at the generous-spirited folk, all going through his mind” Alan and the joy of watching large the river, some smoking hookahs eager to provide everyone else ponders. I look over at Hippy things burn to the ground. in the Turkish harem tent, and it Though I’ve never been to the is very dark, as soon as I park my When you are looking at a forty foot tall column Nevada Burning Man, I’ve heard car and go for a walk, I bump of fire something primeval takes over, something about it and always regarded into Alan. Thoughts of fate and the event as the kind of thing kismet and some divine order elemental. The Burning Man commands respect. 30-something yuppies from enter into my mind. Burning Man L.A. might attend to imagine must be having its effect. Alan with the best possible experience and he screams “She bangs, they were hippies for five days. shows me our camp and after I of the event. I do not want to be she bangs, Oh baby!” It turns Having said that, I also had a pitch my tent, we wander over a spectator. I want to be part of out to be Ricky Martin demons. certain curiosity, and a secret to the first campfire we see. And it all but when I look at what I An ambulance arrives to take belief that it sounded great. So this is where I encounter Hippy. have brought with me my best him away, and he is carried when my friend Alan offered In my hazy preconceptions of offer would be to read aloud kicking and screaming onto a me one of the hard-to-come-by the event I had expected nothing excerpts from the latest issue of stretcher. The next morning at tickets to the first Australian one but happy, dreamy, friendly McSweeney’s. I go over to the seven am I see him wandering (they decided to limit the number folk to enjoy our five days here pikelet lady and guiltily receive around, happy as Larry. “Are to 500 for this first time, a long with. Instead the first things I my allotment, convinced at any you feeling okay this morning?” way from the 50,000 that go to experience are a prostrate man moment she’ll recognise me for I ask. “I feel great.” He responds. the Nevada one each year) I leapt telling me I’m a c**t and a Scotch the filthy spectator I am. Luckily “Overall I think it was a positive at the chance. Nazi. His hair is frenzied. His Alan makes contact with Ruben, experience.” pot belly dribbles out all over a hulking tattooed Canadian with One hour before Hippy called the moist grass. His eyes are The way Burning Man works about three dreadlocks twirled me a c**t I am driving through blank, his mouth is grinning. is this: An area is demarcated around his scalp who appears to a back road in the bush, after He laughs and gurgles and spits for the event and the organisers be speaking English, though we an eighteen podcast drive from into the fire. He waves his arms build toilets (which are cannot understand a word, and Sydney, when I see the signs and legs around so wildly it is a surprisingly clean and well set who is intent and begin slowly moving down hazard to get within five feet. In up). Everything else is up to on building an the incline that leads to the field his sweaty clenched fist: a tiki. the patrons. People who don’t Aztec temple where Burning Man is taking Hippy has taken some ghastly contribute to the community to set on fire place. I literally don’t know what cocktail of drugs (some untested of Burning Man are derisively on the last to expect. Is this the ridiculous wild mushrooms turn out to be called ‘Spectators,’ and are night. But he last vestiges of hippidom distilled the catalyst), his friends alternate not welcome. Participation is can’t do it into five days of dropping acid, restraining and soothing as everything. Some people do this alone. looking at a fire and saying required and he continues his by running yoga classes for the ‘Whoa’? As I drive in it is slew of profanities, undeterred. campers each morning. Some And this is already dark. People are running Hippy is in good hands, we make hundreds of pikelets. why at 9am in everywhere, dressed as ancient wander off. The principle Some form huge groups and the morning Romans, trees, the Queen of radical inclusion is taken prepare for months planning I find myself of Hearts, hobbits, wizards, seriously here. We get drunk elaborate theme-camps. There Napoleon and Jedi warriors. and talk to everyone. People is an ancient Roman tent called There are a surprisingly large wander into stranger’s camps Bacchus with endless red number of small children. Tents and are made tea, given a meal 13 groggily hacking away in a huge single-minded vision, and gravity bamboo forest with a machete, is not the only force at work. visions of Vietnam buzzing around my head. If Ruben has a In fact, Ruben works so hard plan, no-one can comprehend that he completely misses it. He is a man of few words. the abundant Roman feast He seems to have spent a lot of that Bacchus are holding that money on the materials for his evening. It begins with Caesar creation, and the sheer labour being given his Triumph, and that must of have been exerted paraded through the fields to cart down the mountains of carried aloft by slaves. When he timber he has strewn all over is brought back to the camp a the place is astonishing. Alan spit roast is on the go along with and I have found a project, so a buffet of endless extravagant we happily carry the mountains Roman food. There is more of timber back and forth, cut wine than the 500 Burners can bamboo, climb the pyre, bang in possibly drink. We are about nails and hunt around the place to eat. Suddenly, Caesar is for the various tools he claims surrounded by sixty senators with to require all morning, and we knives. He somehow disappears watch his wooden Babel rise to amidst the stabbing. A new about twenty-five feet tall. It is Caesar is crowned, it turns out exhausting work but it is worth it. to be Ishmael, the Captain of We want to make Ruben’s crazy Fire. He is carried around the Nicolas Cage and bees not pictured. dream happen. Our attitude camp. We all sit down to eat. changes and we feel at peace. I Someone throws a toga around sceptical about the Burning Man. Alan and I had already been wander over to the pikelet stand. my shoulders and a string of It seemed to sum up everything obliged to move our camp for “What are you doing?” the lady jewels on my head. “I’m working ridiculous in the world. But when fear of our tents being engulfed cheerily enquires. “Oh, just on the Aztec temple!” I tell them. you are looking at a forty foot in flames, though we were at building that giant Aztec temple We toast the temple and the tall column of fire that collapses least thirty feet away. Toby the over there” I proudly reply. For new Caesar and stumble, wine in on itself showering sparks organiser doesn’t seem enthused the rest of the festival, Alan and bottle in each hand out into the everywhere as the Burning Man’s by the prospect of letting this I are part of the Aztec Temple cornucopia of clubs, fires and great sad-eyed head explodes completely uncontainable and team. We have a place. We have dancing circles. I am made an into the inferno, something uncontrollable thing go up. a purpose. We have justified honorary member of Bacchus. All primeval takes over, something In the nick of time the Bush Fire ourselves. evening everyone I meet offers elemental. No-one speaks. The me food and drink, and as the drum circles stop drumming. The brigade arrive. They have been Around one, exhausted, we Bacchanal continues I lose Alan nightclubs shut down their decks. called on spec in case things head down to the river for a and become one of the crowd, The Burning Man commands with the temple go awry. Toby swim. It is surprisingly warm pouring the scotch I brought for respect. As soon as the flames gives the nod. Alan and I let out a and the sun casts a dappled light everyone in sight and saying “I’m calm down enough to not be sigh of relief. Ruben grunts with over the bathers. The scene is working on the Aztec temple!” ludicrously dangerous, a few what appears to be excitement. a watercolour idyll. A beautiful folk take off all their clothes and Once again the fire takes over naked couple are playing the On the final evening is the actual begin running naked round the the feeling in the air, though this ancient Chinese board game Burning of the Man, a huge fire. A flat-top truck pulls up with one captivates Alan and I more. Go among the rocks. A naked wooden sculpture, covered in some DJ’s decks and speaker This is ours. Everyone gathers woman is strumming a guitar to neon lights, that towers in the stacks blaring eighties rock, it round. The heat is absurd. The herself. Refreshed, we return to centre of the field. It can be seen becomes a mobile nightclub, and flames shoot up twice as high as our mission helping Ruben. He from anywhere in the camp. people dance their way across the structure itself. But, perhaps grunts in acknowledgment and Whilst clearly the Man is the the fields well into the evening. against the odds, the fire contains we work steadfastly. But this is main attraction, there are plenty itself to the pyre in perfect safety. Ruben’s baby. He began work of off-Broadway conflagrations As the flames subside, Alan Even the Bush Fire Brigade at dawn and continues working this evening. At dusk there is and I begin to fret about our whistle and gape. We look over eighteen hours a day until the a fire show down by the river, temple. Ruben had been worried at Ruben. He just silently stares last night. Ishmael the Captain of Fire and about it all day, and given he at the fire. His whole goal for The structure others have gone out in rowboats communicated only in grunts the five days of the festival had grows larger and set up Catherine wheels all and always had the same both been to build this crazy structure. than we had down the shore. As dreadlocked soulful and crazed expression His name is cheered riotously dreamed men with ridiculous abs twirl fire in his eyes, to see Ruben visibly throughout the crowd. He doesn’t possible, with and the ubiquitous drum circles worry boded ill. Earlier we had seem to notice. bits darting beat no kind of rhythm into the seen Toby, one of the organisers, The stated aim of this year’s off in all darkness, I look up at the huge talking to him and it didn’t sound Burning Man was to “gather directions wooden man. He looks terrified. good. Unlike the official Burning momentum to stage a full scale and defying To our left someone lights up a Man itself, which has been ‘Australian Region’ - Burning all the laws large hexagonal structure made designed by some fire-engineers Man Event - in the Australian of physics. of chicken wire, festooned with for maximum efficiency, safety desert, or suitable outback Ruben has a Tibetan symbols made of rope. I and wow-factor, and which watch the symbols burn. The girl was always destined to collapse region, in the not too distant next to me turns, puts her hand inwards without any possible future”. Who knows, there on my shoulder and actually says harm, Ruben’s behemoth has may be a full-scale replica of “Meaning. There’s just so much been built with no apparent Technochtitlan stretching out meaning.” planning or consideration of any across the Nullabor in a few kind. And by Alan and me. It is years’ time. Under the unique Soon the man himself goes a giant ugly tower of kerosene- spell of Burning Man, that kind of up. Before I arrived I had been soaked wood and bamboo, and thing just happens. 14 The Soapbox www.honisoit.com Fair Trade Debate THE INTERNATIONAL Chini Ogundare discusses the unique Naomi Hart thinks all is fair in love and trade. challenges faced by international students. Manning-goers last Tuesday lunch were the sole determinant of the Union’s The exchange and international student treated to a spirited panel discussion decision to purchase fair trade coffee. On share more similarities than they’re on the merits of fair trade following the day of the referendum, Honi editors generally given credit for. Take a second the referendum, held in tandem with spied several campaigners inadvertently to consult your own biases for some the USU Board elections in May, on promoting ‘free’ rather than ‘fair’ trade, confirmation; if you’re inclined to whether the Union should buy and and a number of students who asked attribute more playful and gregarious sell only fair trade-certified coffee. questions at Tuesday’s panel made the characteristics to the exchange student, The panel included Dave Mann, USU same mistake. As Srikumar remarked consider yourself allied with a common President; Chris Hoy, from the Fairly in his address (and which one audience sentiment. Educated campaign which collected the member, Tim Mooney, reiterated in a signatures necessary for the referendum question to Hoy), the phrasing of the And the view that international to occur; a representative from each referendum suggested a dichotomy students here at Sydney University are of the Rainforest Alliance and the Fair between trade which is ‘fair’ and trade too preoccupied with their studies to Trade Association of Australia and which is somehow ‘unfair’, eliciting an worthy cause. embrace other aspects of the tertiary New Zealand (FTAANZ); and Sriram instinctive preference for the former. The experience resonates with many students, Srikumar, a USU debater. truth is that responsible leaders don’t And that’s before we even get to the sometimes to the point of resentment: lead according to simple shows of hands matter of the Union’s current contracts They arrive, pump money into the on critical issues. As one student, Ed The tenacity with which the Fairly with Vittoria coffee, which expire in university, pull out a degree, and go. Miller, has posted in response to Hoy’s Educated campaign has crusaded for 2012 at the earliest. The Union would speech on Facebook, 75 per cent of the Union to sell fair trade coffee is incur enormous liabilities if it reneged Although there may be some truth to this Australians identify refugees as a ‘critical truly admirable. Its members’ aspiration on such contracts in order to gratify view, its implications can be extremely threat’, but it would be reprehensible to be responsible global citizens and a majority of students, hampering its damaging to the international student. for the Australian Government to shape their success in coordinating a huge ability to deliver a high quality student Indeed, international students are under policies around such visceral reactions. grassroots movement is impressive. And experience. significant pressure when it comes to Fair trade, like immigration, is incredibly there is certainly evidence, advanced by maintaining good grades at university. complex, and implementation of policy the Rainforest Alliance and FTAANZ demands more than a straw poll. Fairly Educated, the Rainforest Alliance representatives on Tuesday, supporting According to a 2008 report, 299 and FTAANZ are right to advance the proposition that buying fair trade international students were sent to the case for free trade as vigorously as coffee improves the lot of some of the This is especially important because detention centres in Sydney and possible, but their ability to get a critical world’s poorest farmers. the virtues of fair trade are far from Melbourne from 2006 to 2008 after their mass of students to tick a box on a conclusive. As Srikumar highlighted, student visas were cancelled due to poor piece of paper shouldn’t dictate Union substantial research suggests that the attendance and academic performance. But several audience members, including policy. The Union is right to consider collectives that fair trade encourages Local and exchange students seldom myself, harboured a scepticism about the the proposal in good faith, but ultimately become oligopolies that lock out farmers have to deal with such pressures, and can particular mantram which Hoy adopted: base its decision on a comprehensive who are already the most desperately afford to embrace the more social aspects that because 89.3 per cent of voters had canvassing of the interests of all the poor. Enforcement of the standards of student life. cast their ballots in favour of fair trade stakeholders in this important debate. necessary for fair trade certification is at the election, the USU Board has a Not all international students come to lacklustre at best. Moreover, fair trade ‘mandate’ to implement the resolution. Sydney University merely for the benefits is an inefficient way of assisting the The Union isn’t a direct democracy: of a western education. Many also purported beneficiaries: as little as one- students elect Board members to make intend to be charmed and enriched by tenth of the extra money students and responsible decisions on its behalf, and the quirks of Australian culture, much the Union would pay for fair trade coffee FACT! more energetic students lobby the Board like exchange students. However, such an would reach the intended recipients. to implement new measures or spend experience can be difficult to access with Srikumar posited that if the Union Pinky promises are binding money on new projects, but referenda academic pressures, language barriers, wishes to alleviate poverty, it should in Arkansas, Oregon and are not and should not be binding. and the high costs of tuition and living simply sign a cheque for the $200 000 Pennsylvania. standing in the way. If our prejudices that implementing fair trade would cost only serve to strengthen this brick wall, There are good reasons for why the to a charity which will use all of it on a results of this referendum shouldn’t be they would be better put to rest.

to secure his AT-AT-like balance. problem: they can become unresponsive Halfway between an athlete and a uphill. As for ‘cool’, twin tip skis were The Bar Fight: tent, the skier is the baby elephant invented for just that. Now, one can be of the slopes. Why does no one graceful and trickful. That’s a term you Sam Elliott says two planks good; ever go from boarder to skier, but boarders use, isn’t it? No longer will we Tom Marr says one plank better. never vice versa? Boarders don’t be called ‘two planker wankers’. Just a get bored because they are at the quick question how many snowboarders top of the food chain. Looking at have ever made it to the North or South Skier: My problem starts before we to ignore as they are corralled in the scattered remains of a skier’s Pole? Not that any have but I was just even get on the slopes. The gays- fluoro red lycra herds down to mishap only compounds this wondering how versatile those trays on-trays initiate problems with their their cushioned, anaesthetised ski predatory feeling. If Darwin had were. crapped-out vans, filled to the brim resort. gotten in as far as Kosciuszko, he with mattresses, people, and dare I would have been a snowboarder. A I’d like to ask anyone who still say it, marijuana. As they try vainly Now for equipment: those with long snowboard is a sleek, streamlined, believes skiing to be the cooler of to make it up the hill they prevent dreadful hair and pants as loose as a consolidated pair of skis. If Steve the modes of snowportation just all of those with sufficient vehicular wizard’s sleeves. Riding a contraption Jobs made a pair of skis, they one question: have you seen the transport from getting to the top which you strap yourself into like a would be a snowboard and, like The Spy Who Loved Me? No one before midday. kamikaze pilot. Death or destruction, lions and humans, if we do knock can help faintly cringing as they bulldozing your way down the mountain off a few inferior species, like watch the opening of this 1977 Boarder: Meanwhile, skiers turn instead of gracefully skiing around it you skiers, as we veer violently down film, in which a bright-yellow up in their opulent vehicles with plough straight through it leaving ice the mountain of evolution, so be it. lycra-jumpsuit-clad Roger Moore traction control, heated seats and rocks in your trail. You selfish %@... gravely risks and protects both his and auto-pilot. Having checked How undignified of me. I’ll admit I have seen some horrible own life and the lives of his future their 2-year-olds into ski school people, skis akimbo like an elephant on offspring, from Russian agents and set their 15-year-olds loose Skis: ‘My First Snowboard’. Only ice but that is nothing compared to the and the tightness of his pants for the day these off-piste off- a toddler would lack so much autumn leaves falling down the mountain respectively. To anyone with any duty parents head off to cement balance that, having already had as their chaotic flight path destroys all doubt, I simply ask: if even James some more pow. To them, all two 2-metre-long fibreglass shoes our hallowed ground. Let alone the silly Bond can’t make it look cool, what our ill tricks and gnar flips will built around his feet, he would sight of boarders attempting to move hope does your fat ass have? never be anything more than also demand two buttressing poles in anything remotely uphill. Just like another human-shaped bump with which to dig into the snow the iPhone 4, snowboards have a fatal 1519 STOP SAYING THAT Incrementalists vs YOU'RE EMBARRASSING YOURSELF: purists PRINT IS DYING Paul Karp does a balancing act. What you say: Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for print! Woe betide! We are overcome by zealous throngs of technophiles, blindly wielding their People who think the world needs to responsible for Kevin Rudd’s inability to digital blades of doom, unaware that they are slashing change a lot want to do it quickly. On maintain popular support for the policy. away centuries of rich literary tradition! How my the other hand, people who fear such At least they stayed true to their electoral inkwell eyes sluice blue drops down my leathery cheeks change will be difficult may opt to settle mandate and brand: nobody who voted and onto my papery lap! for smaller steps in the meantime. Both for the Greens should be surprised that of those positions are rational, and yet they insisted on a bigger commitment Why you say it: Because you’re a wanker. in the national debate on key progressive to fighting climate change. On the other Why you are being such a wanker: issues like climate change or marriage hand, Labor under both Rudd and Aristotle suggests that there is a fundamental equality progressives from both camps Gillard ran away from their electoral connexion between death and sex. A gross (incrementalists vs all-or-nothing purists) mandate for an ETS, even though it misapplication of this theory might be made display a surprising degree of mutual could have delivered 5 per cent cuts to to most objects that have been said to have incomprehension. emissions by 2020 much cheaper than ‘died’ and subsequently become ‘sexy’: vinyl, either the Coalition or Labor’s variants polaroids, 1950s Jaguar E-Types and togas Greens Party Leader, Bob Brown. On the issue of climate change the on “direct action”. have become all the more alluring for the dilemma is best illustrated by the Greens’ believe climate change is not real or reason that they are obsolete. Nowhere does decision to not support Kevin Rudd’s Intolerance is also directed against not caused by mankind. There are still expressing nostalgia find better currency than in defending the faded sepia tones and Emissions Trading Scheme. Labor took incrementalists. Last week on the ABC’s people that believe either that gay people comfortably coarse texture of paper. How an incremental approach: the ETS was political forum QandA one questioner do not deserve to be equal to others, very vogue. Into the mix is also thrown an a framework to reduce emissions in the seemed disappointed and hurt when or that equality does not extend to the affectation of sympathy, in the same way that future. Although it would not be capable asking Penny Wong in an accusatory institution of marriage (arguably the you might express commiseration when a of making deep cuts to carbon emissions tone how she could “sit idly back” and same thing). All outrage, disappointment, friend’s goldfish passes away. quickly, that was a necessary compromise publicly support Labor’s policy not pointed QandA questions and eloquent given the likely electoral disapproval to introduce gay marriage. Graham argument would be better spent on those Why it’s wrong: You can always get a new of rising costs of living caused by a Richardson eloquently made the case people. goldfish, and after one week you won’t know tax on carbon. The Greens took an for incrementalism: that Labor’s policy the difference. This is the finer point for why it’s wrong: the moralistic use of the word environmental purist approach: that would eventually change but that in the At the end of the day, however ‘dying’. Even if print is in decline, there is we are better off without a weak ETS meantime people must respect Senator disappointing the fact may be that no place for such macabre and emotional that would only make negligible cuts to Wong’s decision to not voice a dissenting Labor opposes gay marriage and has metaphors. Now replace ‘goldfish’ with greenhouse gases and erode voter will to view in public because were she to do so delayed an ETS, Tony Abbott has ‘communication technology’, and expand tackle climate change by making it seem she would lose power and influence in said climate change is “absolute crap” one week into six thousand years. Every as if it were under control. the caucus where, behind the scenes, she and that he “feels a bit threatened” by period of communication change, from has been lobbying for marriage equality homosexuality. And if neither of those speech to writing to print and, now, to digital The Greens’ position is not one of sheer the whole time. options appeals, we should be glad that communication, has been accompanied by bloody mindedness. They thought they proportional representation in the Senate a mourning period filled with doomsday rhetoric, that inevitably passes. After one could make bigger cuts to emissions People are free to prefer one approach and preferential voting in the House of week/one century, people generally forget by waiting until they had the balance or the other, but to denigrate efforts of Representatives allows for a meaningful that the old goldfish/communication of power in the Senate. And yet the progressives that prefer the opposite vote for the third force, the Greens, technology ever existed. fury directed at the Greens by some method is to lose sight of the bigger without hopelessly dividing progressive is palpable, as if they were somehow picture. There are still people that interests on those issues. The reason why it’s so easy to defer to simplistic and emotional notions of ‘death’ is the familiarity of the metaphor of The Fall, whereby our current positions are perpetually Whale Fail? perceived as being in a decline from a past Jeremy Leith spears some whaling misconceptions. state of grace or perfection. In the same way that you might only remember the good I suppose us idealistic youths should help bring Japan before international aspects of your dead goldfish, so you perceive be accustomed to politicians not courts if their whaling practices did current language as being corrupted from a past age of literary splendour and excellence fulfilling campaign promises. Are we not cease before the end of this year? too naive, too gullible, drank too much of public-usage. So it is for all the other of the K-Rudd Kool-Aid? Or in some things that have never been alive that have Were they so concerned with the killing ‘died’ in the last ten years: romance, manners, circumstances is it our fault that we of whales that they would send their spirituality, privacy and childhood. didn’t allow the issue to remain a high friendly neighbour Japan to court? priority because the protests, marches That sounds all well and good but if If it’s not enough to suggest why a moralistic and sound-bites petered out? the Government was in fact guided by approach to the decline of print is wrong, normative principles then unfortunately Having a whale of a time? it’s easy to turn to the facts: the volume of The 2007 ALP Platform stated that, it means that they perceive the issue of books being sold each year worldwide is the highest it has ever been, and growing. “Labor will use all available means to whaling as more important than, say, court because that is what we wanted- Rather than viewing print as a declining end the slaughter of whales for all time.” hazuh for democracy, hooray for the helping those other living beings that slice of static readership pie, see the pie as Now that is a pretty ambitious claim, demos! have been arriving close to our shores. an ever-expanding volume of demand for which one would assume translates texts – instead of a pie, perhaps, an insatiable into a near impossible foreign relations Apparently the answer is us. It turns But before we start patting ourselves and self-perpetuating Magic Pudding with initiative, especially when you consider out that there was a strong national on the back we should probably look an appetite for narrative, where film, print the not-so-subtle context of Japan being consensus, wide media coverage and around and realise that the issue of and online reading are not in competition but the primary offender and subsequent enough protests to warrant sending whaling has been completely drowned bolstering each other’s demand. target of such a Japan to court. In fact, in a national and nothing new has happened. Why you need to stop saying it: Because policy. survey conducted by the Lowy Institute nobody likes a wanker, least of all a wrong There has been no mention of whaling in 2008 the majority of respondents were wanker. Japan. A country which represents one in the national media and neither willing to have the Government stop Henry Hawthorne of Australia’s largest export markets, is Japanese whaling even if it meant losing major party is even mentioning it in the Australia’s third-largest investor and an valuable trade deals. Only seven percent lead-up to this month’s election. important regional security partner was of respondents were against intervening subsequently barraged by megaphone at all. It looks like our only chance to revive diplomacy with rhetoric that they must the issue is to don our grey whale stop the ‘slaughter’ preceding and It turns out that the Australian electorate costumes, get organised, and start a following Labor’s election in 2007. So has enough indirect power that the coordinated dance protest outside Pitt what caused our former Prime Minister Government was willing to send one of Street Mall. Shotgun being the tail. to threaten that the Government would their most important regional partners to Z.J. 16 The Score www.honisoit.com A SPORTING CHANCE Arghya Gupta didn’t get much sleep in July. So after another July filled with late he should have waited. Others say that nights, hot or cold beverages, and the a race was going on, and Contador That said, they remain innocent until COLLEGE witticisms of Phil Liggett, another couldn’t let the others get away just to proven guilty, and let’s hope they are edition of le Tour de France was appease Schleck. Though on following innocent because it was a wonderful completed. The winner, no surprise, was mountain stages, that did seem to Sam Pender-Bayne had a wonderful Tour. Crashes all over the shop in the Alberto Contador. What did come as a happen. evening. first week, cobblestones disabling riders surprise was the resilience of the man from using their pedals properly, Fabian For six wintry weeks at St Paul’s College, everyone predicted would come second, In the end, with close to one hundred Cancellara absolutely steaming his way something very special happens. The Andy Schleck. hours of racing on each individual through both time trials. Poor Cadel College Dining Hall is transformed into cyclists’ part, the difference between Evans gaining the yellow jersey then a theatre for Australia’s longest running The man crashed in an early stage and Schleck and Contador was 39 seconds. facing a demise with a broken elbow, musical and/or theatrical production, would have lost minutes to everyone The signs Schleck showed during the last but still finishing. And of course, Mark Victoriana! Now in it’s 47th consecutive else had the peloton not come to a time trial on Saturday suggest that he is Cavendish. Despite a slow start and year, it began under the Hon. Justice gentlemanly sort of agreement over developing into an all-round rider, rather losing his lead-out man Mark Renshaw Lloyd Waddy, who, even at the end slowing down and allowing everyone to than just being a multi-tasking climber due to a headbutting incident, he went of such a distinguished career, has the finish together. He then lost the world’s - giving the peloton freaks among us on to win four (five) stages (and the humility to tell the current producers best climbing domestique, in the form of reasons to salivate for years to come. green jersey). He will easily surpass the that the show is the best it has ever been. his brother Frank, to a clavicle-shattering Unless either or both of them get ousted record for the most stage wins if he races It shows no sign of slowing down. crash a day later. And who knows what for drugs. another four years. would have happened if ‘Chaingate’ It is best explained as a Victorian music went Schleck. For those who missed it, Like last year, no ejections for drug For Aussie fans, it was a bittersweet Tour. hall evening. For those unfamiliar on one of the descisive mountain stages, cheating were made during le Tour. Cadel won yellow, but lost it and all his with the music hall tradition, Google Schleck made an attack which Contador Either the peloton is racing cleaner (as ability the next day. Renshaw headbutted will provide a good indication. It’s didn’t respond to, but about ten seconds could be suggested by the lack of attacks a Kiwi (Julian Dean), but was kicked out. something like a mix of Gilbert and into it, his chain came off. Contador by the big names during mountain And Robbie McEwen constantly finished Sullivan and Moulin Rouge... but not cycled past a despondent Schleck who climbs), or they’ve developed a new 4th (five times!), but couldn’t take the quite. This is unique in Australia, so had to take his chain off and re-thread undetectable medicine. Chavanel won green. But regardless, a satisfying July little wonder why tickets sell out every it onto his chainring, effectively stealing two stages and made it into two other for couch cyclists or those with home- year within weeks, with over 1000 sold the yellow jersey from the 25-year-old day long breakaways. Rafael Valls Ferri, trainers installed. And now, we wait for at $120 each. Even with such huge Luxembourger. Whether Contador while cracking majorly at the end of the Vuelta a Espana and hope for Cadel income, the show struggles to break even should have waited in a sportsmanlike each stage, also made it into five or to pull off victory there. And if not each year. It is simply that extravagant. fashion so that Andy could resume six breakaways. And Vinokourov, the that, in Geelong this year for the World Nevertheless, in 2010, a “Charity racing is a question that has divided less said the better (a stage victory and Champions. Until next year, Vive le Night” raised more than $21,000 for the cycling ethicists worldwide. Some say leading out on every climb? Really?). Tour! Stepping Stone House Charity.

The production does not happen easily. All cast and crew work for love alone, consisting of Paulines (past and present) Deconstruction and their associates, including members of Opera Australia. Days upon days relations, are spent rehearsing, singing, blocking, The Scenario meaning choreographing and perfecting countless Have you ever been told you place that to be a details. The set-up and pack down of too much importance on reason? Or deconstructionist one must the Hall alone is a monumental task. that your political persuasions stem approach society as one Talent and dedication is what makes the from unconscious sexual urges? Have might a book and analyse it show; the audience response is payment you ever been accused of legitimising from multiple perspectives, with a enough. and preferencing the Enlightenment’s sense of irony, to make sure one is also hierarchical, phallologocentric, analysing one’s own discourse. I might be a little proud, myself a thoroughly Western, scientistic, grand cultural practice is better than another; current Pauline and cast member. instead favourably contrast a Chinese/ narratives over the equally valid By the way, notice how the word But, I am also a musician, and for Indian/Native American practice and much cooler and edgier micro- perfect is crossed out in the previous a College (indeed, a country) where to a western one. Never say ‘it is the narratives of cultures, subcultures and paragraph? Well, that’s an example sport is paramount, Victoriana! confirms case that...’ – no, you ought to say indeterminate ethnicities and genders of deconstruction. ‘Perfect’ is far too humanity’s fundamental need for music something like ‘for me’ or ‘I feel’, or previously marginalised as ‘other’? Platonic, and in turn, ‘Western’ a and theatre. Apollo’s blessings shower its ‘for the purposes of my mythic, poetic, If you have encountered a scenario concept to remain unquestioned in producers, Shane Treeves and Cameron ironical narrative’. Most importantly, where any of these unsubstantiated my sentence, and crossing words out is Grover. Bravo! never say anything that is lucid and not accusations have been launched a very (un)succesful way to ironically unambiguous. at you, you have fallen pray to deconstruct one’s own sentences. In this deconstruction. instance I have crossed out ‘perfect’, or What to Say: put it under erasure, to use a Derridean It does not matter what you say as If you are sick of being unaware phrase (Derrida being the key theorist of long as you take heed of what not to of the radical nature of Derrida’s deconstruction). thought, or tired of being accused say. It is ideal to mention a leading deconstructionist such as Luce Irigaray of phallologocentricism whilst you Also parenthesise as used in this article, is (who postulated that E=MC² was a sexed attend lectures on multiculturalism another tool de(con)(s)tructionists use to equation that privileged the speed of or womyn’s emancipation, a column say two things at once, marrying binary light over other speeds), and rely on the on how to fake deconstruction is (im) oppositions and hence questioning following terms because no conversation, perfect for you. language and logic. or rather dialogue, or if you would rather textual exchange, is complete What is Deconstruction? What Not to Say: without: gender, ideology, narrative, Deconstruction involves taking If you want to fit in with micronarrative, macronarrative, literary and philosophical texts and deconstructionists, never give a reasoned phallologocentric, hermeneutic, phallic, society apart, and finding hidden argument (unless you are a racist, fascist patriarch, hegemony, Western, late- contradictory meanings which society phallo-logo-incensitive-reductionist capitalist, culture-industry, legitimising, and literary texts must have as axioms prick). Instead, you must soliloquise and to function. Deconstruction assumes and words and terms to that (non-)effect. participate in mutual, inter-subjective Tickets are sold out. that the world is a network of textual monologues. Never say that a Western Aleks Wansborough SRC Help 17 Ask Abe Q & A with students who need help and a dog who COLLEGE has all the answers. . . Send your letters to: [email protected] Did you Hi Abe, I had an absolutely shocking time last semester and failed every subject I attempted. I have previously had an excellent record, but had a lot of family problems last semester. Is there know? any way that I can have last semester wiped off my record so my bad marks don’t spoil my record?

DS

You have 15 Dear DS, If you had a serious illness or misadventure (your family problems may be described working days to as this) that was out of your control, became worse after the 23 April and seriously affected your ability to study, you can write to your faculty to request appeal a mark or if they can change the relevant fails or absent fails changed to DNF (Discontinue not to count as fail) grades. You will need to be able to explain how your plagiarism decision illness or misadventure affected your study – for example, did it affect particular assessments and how? Naturally you will need to have documentation to show Think you can’t qualify for Youth Allowance? that you really did have these problems. This could be a letter Think again - there have been changes! from a doctor or counsellor, a community leader or someone Are you 24? else who knows about the issues You can now qualify for Youth Allowance Independence If you are the only child and you live with your parents, at the age of 24. They won’t look at your parents’ income. you can receive a partial payment if your parents earn your family have been dealing just over $70,000 a year. This goes up to about $90,000 with. Your parent/s can earn more money than before if you have to live away from home. The parental income From 1 July 2010 the Parental Income Test (PIT) threshold threshold goes up even more if your parents have other You may also consider talking to for dependent Youth Allowance or ABSTUDY increased! dependent children. an SRC caseworker about having You can receive the full amount of Youth Allowance or The Family Assets Test (personal, business and farm assets) your HECS/fees refunded. The ABSTUDY if your parents earn $44,165 a year or less (not is $580,000 – with a 75% discount applied to business deadline for applying for a fee taking into account any earnings you might get from part- and farm assets. refund if you are a local students time work). is 12 months, but it’s so easy to forget that you’d be better off dealing with that straight away too. Fee refunds for international students are not as straight Contact SRC HELP forward as they are for local students so come and have a chat phone: (02) 9660 5222 email: [email protected] to SRC HELP. www.src.usyd.edu.au Level 1, Wentworth Building If you are not on main campus contact Breda on: 0466 169 664 Abe. 18 The SRC Reports www.honisoit.com President's Report Report of the SRC President, Elly Howse // [email protected]

The semester has definitely started with Rumour No.1: The uni will decrease a bit of a bang at our university. The undergrads from 74% of the current White Paper / 5 Year Strategic Plan of population to as low as 60% and the University will have been officially replace them with postgrads (and other released by the time you read this. old people) and upping the intake of Unfortunately I have no idea what’s in it international students. as its contents have been very secretively held by the upper echelons of the Our Vice-Chancellor once lovingly University management. I have some referred to the writer of the SMH article idea, of course, as do many other people that mentioned this rumour as ‘going on who work and study at this amazing the warpath’ to the Chancellor. You can institution. Interestingly, if you are see there may be little love for journos boring or ‘left wing’ enough to read the in this section of town sometimes. Sydney Morning Herald, you will have But nevertheless, the rumour (leaked noticed that USyd made the front page from a draft White Paper document) (yet again) for some leakage. And yeah, highlights some interesting issues the this was pretty exciting – it was KRudd- uni has to face. Basically, undergraduate style leakage. Rumour has it that one Commonwealth Supported Places Rumour rating: ★★★★ Rumour rating: ★★★ of the Deans or someone close to them (CSP), which is what you are if you’re an Australia or New Zealand student here released the draft version of the White Rumour no.2: The uni will doing an undergraduate degree, don’t Rumour no.3: The uni will take over Paper that would have been circulated at increase the number of students from make any money for the uni. In fact, they the bars. the Deans’ Retreat that was a short time disadvantaged backgrounds and schools lose money. Why? Because the funding to ago. A mole in the ranks?? … from 7% to a minimum of 10%. higher education institutions in Australia Apparently this came from the idea that essentially sucks. What the government because our VC is actually a priest, he That was my shitty attempt at trying If you read Honi last week, three of gives to the uni for each student in their doesn’t like drinking. I think he enjoys to make this really exciting for you, our eds wrote a feature on this. The degree doesn’t actually cover the cost of the odd tipple or two, but as far as I’ve yes you, the average student who is uni is very interested in seeing a greater the degree. Simple mathematics – you’ve heard, this isn’t happening. What the usually just trying to get through their participation of students from what are got a loss. The uni was expecting 3.2% University will be doing is entering into Biology lecture or Foucault readings called ‘disadvantaged backgrounds’ increase in funding from the government a cooperative agreement over food, by opening up the lovely pages of this ie. Poor (low socioeconomic status), in 2010; instead it got 1.6%. Nice. Real licensing and catering. No word yet from great publication Honi Soit (speaking Indigenous, students with a disability). nice. What does that mean? With all the powers-that-be if it includes bars. of which, the launch of their website is But these students need a lot of support th the staff costs, capital infrastructure on Wednesday 4 August, 6pm Verge being at uni – financial, academic, and (nice shiny new buildings, or destroying Rumour rating: ★★★ Gallery). personal support. That doesn’t come the freaky Carslaw toilets), the VC’s cheap; it means having strong student $750K salary etc, having lots of local Rumour no.4: This is actually all Though my mind is still reeling a bit organisations and support services for undergrad students doesn’t cover all a dream and I’ve planted these ideas from Inception (OH MY GOD IT WAS those students, which costs money. these things. In fact, the uni has two in you brains via a process known as SO GOOD. LIKE REALLY REALLY Where would they get the money from? problems then – it has to pay for all these ‘inception’. REALLY GOOD), I’m genuinely trying …international and postgraduate things but the actual cost of the degree to engage you in a debate / discussion / students! So obviously it’s great to isn’t fully covered by the government or This will get you all talking. fight / whatever you want to call it that encourage students from traditionally the student. So what do they do? They will be going on for the next few weeks excluded backgrounds into higher get ‘full fee’ students in – ie. Students Rumour rating: ★★★★★ / months / years about the direction of education like universities, but aren’t who have to pay for the full cost of their your university. The best way to discuss we then pushing them away by moving degree (plus a bit extra so the uni can I’ve actually run out of my word limit, this is, of course, PRESIDENT STAR towards an education model of postgrad actually make some money to spend so if you’d like to know more about RATINGS SYSTEM-style. education with lots of fees, crap Austudy on stuff like a new logo and branding). the White Paper, you could visit the and APA payment rates? Postgraduate Who are these students? Postgrads (local University’s website on it or you could PRESIDENT STAR RATINGS FOR education is even more elitist than & international) as well as international just come talk with me. Have a great WEEK 2: BEST RUMOURS OF THE undergraduate education. Seems a bit undergraduate students. Makes sense, week! WEEK ironic that in the process of making uni but do I personally like it? Not really, (1 star meaning boring, 5 being really more accessible, you’d actually make it and I’ll explain why if you read the next Tweet me: @srcpresident interesting). more inaccessible. Hmm… rumour… Email me: [email protected]. edu.au

Get involved! Come along to a collective... Green Campus NOW! Education Action Group: 1pm Tuesdays, Quadrangle S441 Campaign Launch Thursday 13th May Women's Collective: 1pm Thursdays, Holme Women's Room. There will be a free lunch on the New Law lawns from 12.30pm, followed by a discussion and guest speakers in New Law Seminar Room 105. It's a totally free event, so bring your friends Queer Collective: 2pm Mondays, Queer Space Holme Building and let's engage in a dialogue about preserving the environment and stopping climate change! Environment Collectives: Student Enviro Action Collective (SEAC): 1pm Mondays, Botany Lawns SRC Council Meetings... Climate Action Collective: 1pm Mondays, Chancellors Lawns Meetings are held on the first Tuesday of the month (June 1st, 3rd August, 7th September, International Students: Check your email for updates 5th October) @ 6pm in Eastern Avenue Seminar Room 405 For agenda contact: [email protected] 19 aGeneral Secretary's Report Report of the General Secretary, Donherra Walmsley // [email protected] When I checked out the paper today are incredibly generalised and narrow Reintroduce DUFFs, undergraduates (Friday last week by the time you’re in scope, rendering an undergraduate can pay full fees, no incentive to reading this - sorry my report’s late eds!) degree almost meaningless and thereby postgraduatise education, universities the first thing that jumped out at me was essentially forcing students to enroll still have money, problem solved, right? the story on Sydney University’s proposed in the more profitable postgraduate Wrong. plan to cut undergraduate places by about courses. I wrote a rant about why the 6 000, to be replaced with fee paying postgraduatisation of degrees is fucked The reason that NUS fought to have postgraduate places, in order to generate last semester, so I won’t repeat myself. DUFFs abolished is because they are more funds for the university. To be However, given that a lot of the time the hugely inequitable: essentially DUFFs honest, it didn’t really come as a surprise, decision to limit undergraduate courses enable students who have not gotten the given the indications in the Green Paper and increase postgraduate courses/ marks necessary to get into a course, but meritocracy, principles upon which the that the university wanted to become student numbers is based on financial who have enough money to pay full fees, University of Sydney was founded. It more research intensive, and its distinct reasons – i.e. – the fact that you can to be accepted into a course. So what’s the entrenches privilege, by making education focus on becoming more “financially charge full fees at a postgraduate level problem with that? Well, the number of more easily accessible for the wealthy. viable”. – some people might be thinking that places in a course is not increased because Given the university’s recent commitment Tony Abbott’s recent announcement that of DUFFs, so basically a student who (also in the Green Paper) to increasing the As soon as the Green Paper came out, he’d reinstate Domestic Undergraduate can afford to pay full fees but didn’t get number of low SES students at Sydney there was a lot of concern that Sydney Full Fee places (or ‘DUFFs’ – which the marks can take the place of a student University, they need to seriously consider would move towards the “Melbourne NUS fought to have abolished after their who can’t afford to pay full fees but DID the repercussions of postgraduatising Model” of education, wherein the only introduction by the Howard government, get the marks to get into the course. education. courses offered at an undergraduate level a fight NUS won in 2008) is a great idea. To me, that violates the principles of a Environment Report Report of the Environment Officer, Clare Fester // [email protected] The only ‘fair dinkum’ thing we can Given the lack of real activity on the issue TV ads were also targeted by a CAC is necessary. We’re hitting the ground expect from our major political leaders of climate change, this year the Climate demonstration involving members of running this semester with a forum this election is hollow promises and Action Collective (CAC) has organised The Greens and Greenpeace. The ads that asks the question “How can we further procrastination on the issue of several forums, discussions and protests to blame the consumer for excessive energy get climate action this election?”. John climate change. Julia Gillard intends to build the much-needed campaign for no consumption at the same time the NSW Kaye from The Greens will be joined ‘move Australia forward’ by introducing new coal and renewable energy. government is proposing to build two by Michael Thomson from the National a carbon price after a so-called new coal-fired power stations in NSW, Tertiary Education Union Sydney Uni community consensus has been reached. A CAC forum earlier this year gave equivalent to 600 billion black balloons. branch. Come along - it’s this Thursday This will mean delay but even worse, the Clive Spash, a former environmental at 1pm in New Law Building 105. likelihood of another ineffectual carbon economist with the CSIRO, a chance CAC members also made their And come along to our weekly CAC pricing scheme like the previous CPRS to speak-out about carbon trading and presence felt at the annual Students of meetings, every Tuesday at 1pm on the (Carbon Pollution Reduction Scheme). Rudd‘s CPRS. Having resigned after Sustainability conference in Adelaide Chancellor’s Lawns (down the stairs next being gagged by CSIRO management, this year. While much of the conference to Fisher). On the other side, Abbott’s right-wing Spash spoke of the futility of carbon focused on lifestyle change as a solution, agenda has created a breeding ground for trading as a solution to climate change. CAC members were active in illustrating climate change deniers. The NSW government’s black balloon that a huge shift in government policy Women's Report Report of the Women’s Officer, Rosie Ryan // [email protected]

Last Monday students from across the state night was a performance from one of the up of a national hotline for pregancy gathered in The Loft at UTS recreated as SRC Welfare Officers, Matt Mcgirr as councilling which did not provide Tony Abbott’s ideal vision for Australian Tony Abbott himself. Clad in a wetsuit and information on all options. women. 50s housewives in chastity belts, spouting some of Abbott’s more ridiculous freshly baked cupcakes and cakes, women and offensive lines, Matt allowed us a We are planning some public stunts with slaving over the ironing board and posing vision of our future if the Liberal Party Tony Abbott in the near future – so email in photo frames as ‘Abbott’s vision for succeeds in winning this election. me if you want to get involved and help Australian women.’ Given Abbott’s track us out with our mission to stop Abbott record on women’s policies and frequent Tony Abbott once said; “I think it succeeding in his vision for Australia’s offensive comments regarding their control would be folly to expect that women will women. Activism in the form of media- over their bodies and role in society this ever dominate or even approach equal grabbing, costume wearing, prop wielding image was not far off the mark. We also representation in a large number of areas Chaser-style stunts to publically humiliate events on campus then come along to heard from Gender Studies lecturer simply because their aptitudes, abilities Tony Abbott in the few weeks leading Women’s Collective Thursdays at 1pm Jennifer Germon, Robyn Fortescue from and interests are different for physiological up to the election? Not something to be in the Holme Building. You can find the the Australian Manufacturing Workers reasons”. Given the polls on the weekend missed. Women’s Room as you enter the Holme Union, Eva Cox feminist activist and the possibility that our leader will become Courtyard – downstairs to your right. The Keelia Fitzpatrick, Women’s Officer of Tony Abbott is a very real, terrifying one. If you are interested in not only being Women’s Room is an autonomous space the National Union of Student’s. They Abbott has actively worked to strip women involved in the Abbott’s Heaven, Your with couches, tables, comfy chairs and all addressed us about what they believed of their reproductive rights through his Hell campaign, but also in developing many books which you can access anytime a government led by Tony Abbott would attempts to block access to RU486 and th Reclaim the Night campaign and at uni – make use of it! mean for our country. By far the most his references to the rates of abortion as organising the rally and festival as well disturbing and entertaining section of the a “national tragedy’ as well as his setting as designing many other campaigns and 20 Bletchley Park www.honisoit.com THE HONI SOIT CROSSWORD

Across Down 1. Abstract Thinker Beats Hip-Hop 1. Alexander Benedict (4) Loser (11) 2. Clitoris contains created light? (3) 5,21 Down. Confused an Aryan 3. “Not even?” “Even not.” “… Dude.” dickhead without a “1 Across” who (3) was really an 32 Across (3,4) 4. Male possessive of first husband’s 7. 1 Across-king gave broken opal to Italian stuff (3) model (5) 5. Shalt end a challenge to norm (3.) 9. Deer casts bad 1 Across (9) 6. Space program left of the nose (5) 13. In teaching find immediate 8. In the light of dawn, find a bristle (3) understanding (9) 10. Able to abolish (3) 15. 1 Across is a producer of flour? (4) 11. Alcohol found in back-to-front 18. Twisted bacon is still preserved at murder scene (3) the University College London (7) 12. Strangely avid female singer (4) 20. North, I go. Into the ether. For not 14. Tutor begins to admonish (3) one, or the other. (7) 16. Remain a dishonest act (3) 21. Cold narcotic (3) 17. His bib is holding an ugly bird (4) 22. Rotate old Zionist’s arse openings 19. Sri Lankan woman misplaced to find the proto-atheist Jew! (7) soldier (1.1.1.) 24. A liberal and a feminist? Have my 20. Kelly, the dickhead, goes after initials, or family (7) New England (3) 27. Greater than bad team? (4) 21. (See 5 Across) DANIEL WODAK 29. Hazing is what Sherlock was really 23. 1 Down almost authored the good at (9) murders in rue morgue (3) 32. Terrible omen! Devil makes 9 25. Weekends contain 99 of this kind 28. Everything in fall looks so beautiful really revealing robe (4) Across doubt almost everything (4,5) of flammable material (4) (3) 33. The Italian left feeling sick (3) 36. “1 Across, part of Greg is in an 26. Middle of wrist hurt by wrist injury 29. The end of Mrs Doubtfire caused 34. Became acquainted with NY art iron!” (5) (1.1.1.) anger (3) gallery (3) 38. Oddly, evenly, slithering fishy (3) 27. “What I see with, you will find, 30. The middle bodes well for this kind 35. New Order starts right after 39. “Pet backwards again, Soprano, is in no way your business, so keep of poetry NEITHER (3) and you’ll find the author of ‘Heavy mum, ye, ye prying bastards!” (2,5) 31. Hairy gay guy is in a robe. A really, 37. Escape even arguing (3) Petting’!” (5,6) SUDOKU THE TAKE HOME* *Questions themed around this week's issue.

1. Other than the knit stitch, what is the other basic knitting stitch?

2. Where does mohair yarn come from?

3. China has more websurfers than the United States. True or false?

4. Objects filled with hot air will float better on water than objects filled with cold air. True or false?

5. Is a cucumber a fruit or a vegetable?

6. Strawberries are part of what family of flowers?

7. Frock has traditionally been used to refer to items of clothing for both men and women. True or false?

8. What is the world’s most expensive wedding dress valued at?

9. How many times has Lance Armstrong won the Tour de France? RATED: Tricky like a fox 10. Approximately how many islands are part of Croatia: 800, 1000 or 1200? RATED: slightly easier than Live Tracing in InDesign 11. Memento was Christopher Nolan’s first film as director. True or false?

12. What is the oldest college at Oxford University: University, Exeter or Oriel? KENKEN 13. When was the first San Diego Comic-Con held? 14: Victoria’s reign lasted for 63 years and 7 months. True or false? KENKEN 15. Largesse means: a) Generosity in bestowing gifts b) To play an instrument in a relaxed fashion

c) French for “largest” KENKEN

) 12. University (founded in 1249) 13. 1970 14. True 15. a) 15. True 14. 1970 13. 1249) in (founded University 12. ) was (It False 11. 1200 10. 2005) (1999- row a in times 7 9. diamonds) The Following The ANSWERS: 1. Purl 2. Goat 3. True 4. True 5. A fruit because it has seeds on the inside. 6. The rose family 7. True 8. US $12 million (it features 150 carats of of carats 150 features (it million $12 US 8. True 7. family rose The 6. inside. the on seeds has it because fruit A 5. True 4. True 3. Goat 2. Purl 1. ANSWERS: The Garter Press FISH AND CHIPS SHOULD BE SO LUCKY

ISSUE: π EST c. 40 000 BC, the very Mists of Time Price: The Contents of Your Pocket. Think. Carefully.

WHAT’S NEW, FREE NATURE INSIDE PUSSYCAT? SOUNDS CD Including never heard before ‘Rain falling Presumably darker than outside. Tom Jones interviews Gillard, gets slapped on a sandwich you left outside at lunchtime’ LEADERSHIP DEBATE DOMINATED BY DISCUSSION OF INCEPTION

EXCLUSIVE was the same as the one inhabited by Hercules Pickleyton Cobb and Mal, Abbot’s view that they Political Editor/Clairvoyant/Your Future Husband were distinct proving popular with A debate which was meant to focus females. on the ETS, border security and paid parental leave was sent off course Commentators are joining the fray, last Sunday when both leaders were with Peter Hartcher’sSydney Morning unable to move on from a lengthy Herald column titled, ‘The 2010 Federal and impassioned discussion of the Election Will be a Referendum on Why intricacies of Christopher Nolan’s Didn’t Arthur Wake Up When The Van labyrinthine blockbuster. In The Level Above First Drove Off The Bridge’. The problem started when Ms Gillard stated in an off the cuff remark that The debate concluded, however, with “the Liberal Party needs to wake up an inspiring display of bipartisanship to the reality of climate change”, with both leaders agreeing that the adding “not unlike Cobb at the end of taut physiological “mind fuck” was a Inception.” star-making vehicle for Joseph Gordon- Levitt, although neither could pinpoint Both leaders then found themselves what made the 29 year-old actor so quickly embroiled in a detailed “And then Cobb was all like, Blam, Blam, Blam!” eminently watchable. dissection of the finer points of Nolan’s “It’s The Matrix meets Bourne,” he The Chemist, careening out of control universe. Mr Abbott claimed, “Entirely added. and down an embankment, pursued by Greens Party Leader Bob Brown unsurprisingly, the Labor government the subconscious security of a distant expressed disappointment at the has completely missed the point of the Gillard then shot back with evidence billionaire.” leaders’ focus during the debate. He role of totems within the universe of of her five-level dream model, which stated in a press conference, “Neither the film.” she drew on the reverse side of her At this point moderator David Speers leader was prepared to address the prepared remarks. The Prime Minister put his fingers in his ears, stating “la la tough questions, specifically why we see He continued, “If Ms Gillard and specifically cited the closing alleyway la la ihaventseenit lalalalala.” a tattooed Leonard with his wife during her lot want to convince you that the in the Mombasa chase sequence, Mal’s a flashback in Memento and what David entire thing was a dream, or that there position across the abyss in the hotel “Oh, you simply have to,” responded Bowie was doing in The Prestige.” was another level above the plane, and flashback and the spinning top at the Abbott. perhaps that the Cobb and Saito are end of the film – moments which the Dolores - pls remember to include at the top of the still trapped in limbo, then she has opposition leader claimed were merely Throughout the debate the worm made fundamentally misread the nature of included as a wry allusion to the tropes piece “SPOILER ALERT: reading clear which issues were most divisive, this article before seeing dream logic presented in this mind- of the action genre. such as who dreamt the snow level, Inception [italicised] may bending rollercoaster ride.” Eames’ remark about dreaming a bigger ruin elements of surprise”. “The Prime Minister is like Yusuf gun, and whether or not Saito’s limbo V. important!!! GARTER GOES DIGITAL INSIDE 23 years of planning which, despite Climpton Cadbury all party-goers can insert the floppy the many changes in the media and GILLARD’S AUCTION: Tech/Tick-Tock Reporter, Wanka disks from the safety of their own Back-stabbing knife to fund technology landscape since the home at the synchronised time of project’s inception, has strived to keep 5:30pm, and enjoy the animated gif flailing campaign The Garter has embraced the true to the black letter of its original possibilities for broadcast presented light show, canapés and viruses. 1987 vision: to publish the newspaper ELECTION WATCH: by innovations in electronic media, on the most powerful platform offered ushering in the new millennium by at that point in time. Sorry, make that Watch Election. releasing its new range of ‘soft’ copies Vote for your favourite watch! of the newspaper on floppy diskettes. Despite fears that the disks are slightly too large to fit inside the The GarterTron3000 gives the FREE BUDGIE SMUGGLERS! average sized pocket, defeating the Only 1.2 Million Dollars in bail reader the convenience of carrying stated aim of “GarterTron3000: news GarterTron30O0 (disc 3/5) an edition on a combination of five any time, any where, any body?”, required floppy disks, with the ease of reading The Garter’s Technology Team has different portions of an article being Images for first confirmed that it is a very easy half of articles on JUSTIN BIEBER OR BUSTIN made a matter of merely swapping process to resize pockets. pp. 7-13; 14-17 diskettes when prompted. JIEBER? Who gives a fuck? The launch party for the GT3000 is Look for the new ‘soft’ Garter, The project is the culmination of set for this coming Wednesday, when available at all distribution points The Garter Press Comment

Punchy Punch how to get tight you’re getting punched! I’ve got 1,000 words for you, GET FIGHTING FIT... FAST! abs that the chicks love and but only 3 of them matter: the dudes also love because the PUNCHY PUNCH OUT KNOW YOUR ENEMY. Your With Davey “Punchy- abs in question are awesome. enemy here is probably your Punch” Boxcar Want to know my secret? I call Dear Davey, boss, or the city, or even this it the AB UP™ because it’s My boss signed me up shady surf character. PUNCH going to make your ABS go for our work team in the your way to SUCCESS with dominals and my obliques Dear Davey, UP (in quality). Just start like a City 2 Surf, but I’m not your FISTS. Tomorrow, I want that won’t get tedious? normal sit up – but when your really much of a runner. you to go right into your place Every morning when I chin touches your knees, punch How can I get in shape in a of work and beat your boss -Geoff, Bangor NSW wake up I do 100 situps yourself right in the neck to get week? to death with your bare fists. as a way to get the blood back down. It’ll get your adren- Then if anyone asks, tell ‘em Geoff!! pumping, but I find lately aline pumping and also your -Simone, Parramatta OL BOXCAR PUNCHY sent- I’m getting bored with heart pumping because you’ve cha! I’m still a champ I am! Good to hear from you! situps, what other stomach just collapsed your windpipe! SIMONE! YOU’RE AWE- People are always asking Ol’ exercises will work my ab- Extreme! Can’t get bored when SOME, -Boxcar

sure you’re not thinking of ants? No! I reply to you, HOT PROPERTY! although you will find ants in the dictionary – if you leave Brought to you by your muffin crumbs all over the pages! Crookshanks & Crookshanks & Crookshanks

The dictionary was invented by Samuel Johnson (pictured Feel like you’ve got no above), who as legend has it, space to breathe? Keen began writing a shopping list bird watcher? Realise one day and never stopped, your dreams with this according to legend. I’d like to see him buy all these things at massive and largely un- Aldi! touched acreage. Prices may fall., but you’ll be on As previously mentioned above, cloud 9. You, also, may The OBE contains over million plummet to your death. words and weighs 130 kilo- grams. This hypthosises that the word elephant weighs only What’s full of words but cannot a word that means to throw out 0.13 grams, but the word Time to get down to earth speak? Whats black and white of a window, which comes from ‘African Mosquito’ weighs 0.26! with this rock-solid invest- and read all over and is a dic- the word fenestrate, meaning Welcome to the topsy-turvy tionary? Whats broke Maisy’s ‘to stay in a room with intention ment! Perfect for those world of Samwise Johnson. bookshelf this afternoon when to not be thrown out of the cosy nights when the Furthermoreover, there are she tried to put it in it? Why window’. These words and their weather is raging outside/ so many words in the OCD – it’s the Complete Works of one million friends (also words) that you were to write them up above. Prices at rock the Oxford English Dictionary – are found hidden between the all on a single piece of paper bottom. You may be The OED (pronounced Oh- ed). pages and also on the pages of you couldn’t, and if you were to But what is the ODE? Well, it is this twenty volume doorstop. scorched alive by floes of put them together in a book it the bible for all lovers of words molten rock. would weight 130 kilograms and – but instead of being a bible And while it’s true that it can cost $2999.99. it is an dictionary, and what a be a doorstop, that still leaves bible it is! Maisy nineteen volumes of There are ocean views, But it’s a small price to pay for words which explain the mean- a word-lover to get more words and then there are OCEAN Ever wanted to know the mean- ing of words using words, which to write and say. So the time VIEWS! This has the latter. ing of (Spoiler Alert!) persi- are also helpfully defined. is now to leave you now so I’ll flage, inane or guatemala? Lets Ride the housing bubble and perambulate to the kitchen, to just take a word at random. Hold your phone, Maisy – you rest easily in your water- emphatically accumulate myself Defenestrate. What on earth might say. Did you just say one a buttercake. What does that bed at night with an auto- could that mean? Wait, I’ll read million words? And keep holding mean?! Well, just check the matic application of nature’s the definition… … aha! Defenes- your phone, there’s not even OMG to find out! trate’s definition is defined as one million of those, are you moisturiser, water! Almost certainly requires gills.

Never know what to bring out when those Help! unexpected guests arrive? Want some- Wrap your laughing gear around some of thing soft but sick of pillows? Just plain these mouth-pillows: feel like eating cake? • Raspberry Sponge! • Norwegian Red! Have You Considered... • Mexican Rainbow Cake of Paradise! • Franz Josef Gateau! • Fanged Jumping Cake (*DANGER!)! CAKE?! • CILF! A surprised guest The Garter Press Lifestyle altercation with the sun with DOES the rain in Spain fall A MOSQUITO, desirable undesirable mainly on the plain? Courses COLUMN CLASSIFIEDS alternative to a bee. Higher consequences for me. with Miranda Spiffy, Duchess ∞ chance of sting but less LOOKING for Freedom! Last of elocution. pain – you do the math. ANSWER: if 2/3 of voters seen at #5 in VH1’s Power Cynthia Litmus, of Cam- prefer A to B, and 2/3 prefer Ballads. Contact D. Has- YOGHURT CLASSES. Yeah meray saw a quince yes- SOME OF my heroin. Not B to C, must at least 2/3 selhoff at Bathroom Floor, not yoga, yoghurt. Delicious, terday. What a coquince- all of it though, can’t get prefer A to C? Hollywood. flexible yoghurt. Call Tina for dence! Gulp. enough of the stuff. yoga classes. Actually, forget it, find your CORPSE flowers for sister’s A full stop, period, interval, own heroin, ya junkie! wedding. Must be about to Elizabeth Asquith, of As- or some other way to end bloom. PERSONALS quith, believes she might this sentence SORTING HAT – sorry, that related to the Asquith of should read ‘a sort of hat’, TRUST of the Australian Asquith.Well done, Eliza- KA ME HA ME KA ME HA ME YOU are a Western suburbs it’s a fez. A magical fez which public. Resigned apathy also beth. KA ME HA ME KA ME HA ME redneck with ‘concerns’ sorts children into Hogwarts welcome. KA ME HA ME KA ME HA ME about immigration. I’m a Houses. Made up so free. Call The Labor Party. KA ME HA ME KA ME HA ME boatperson with a shotgun. Reginald Perrin, of Drum- KA ME HA ME KA ME HA ME Together, we live out West moyne thinks he might CELINE Dion and Shania KA ME HA ME KA ME HA ME Side Story. be related to the Reginald Twain CDs. I’ve finally ac- COURSES AND PRI- (Goku’s advertisement Perrin of the “Reginald cepted that she’s not coming VATE TUITION continues over the next four SOMEONE to spin me right back. Perrin” book. I see a editions) round, baby right round, like theme developing. CLASSES in correct place- a record, baby, right round, BASILICA incense no longer FOR SALE ment of desert dessert forks right round. I am, in fact, a needed. Demon removed Steve Ipac from Collaroy when serving sorbet. record. And not Meatspin. itself from basement. can’t find where he left his Don’t be caught out again ALL MY pegs. Don’t need boomerang- maybe it will ‘em anymore, I’m buying a with this mortifying gaff. DEATHS come back to you Steve! dryer from the guy Send requests via post to below. Cop that, the sun! WANTED Chesterton Fancyspoons. 1 Featherbrook Lane, Haugh- GOOD manners (1789- Maria Pekyvich from 2010), no need to send flow- CLOTHES DRYER. In excel- ALL MY pegs back. Just tytown (Riverwood). Wahroonga has just fin- ers/condescendences. Easi- lent working condition, but read the second sentence 1300 pounds sterling. ished her daughter’s major er just to have a laugh about also doesn’t work. of that ad. Buyers beware! work for the HSC- Con- it behind family’s back. Sorry. I, like Icarus, have had an gratulations!

Foster Isthmus, of Castle 1. Brown 10. Muddy brown Pet of The Week: The Easel 2. Cow brown 11. Muddyish brown Hill, weighs into the moss Follow this Peasy 3. Brownish 12. Muddyish brownish v lichen debate. “I know 4. Brownesque paint-by-numbers 13. As above, but add which one I’m lichen!” 5. Caramel (brownish- some brown code to paint like ‘Luke’ caramel) 14. Just plain brown Send your submissions to Column∞: one of the Masters, 6. Cow-brownish- 15. Cow-in-mud brown [email protected] dipped in black paint sus- impress your friends caramel 16. This particular cow pended from the ceiling. whilst producing 7. Colours 1-6 mixed in mud brown have an attractive together 17. Chestnut (or closest And the top 9 names for children Nastiest habit: Deliberately wall-hanging: 8. Leafy brown brown thereof) in 2010 are: 9. Dirty brown 18. White* increasing the noise of his breathing. Carmen Culina, Naomi Name: Luke. Hart, Henry Hawthorne, Most concerning habit: Breed: Pug. Decreasing socialisation Michael Hing, Ben with other dogs in the park, Jenkins, Anusha Cutest habit: insisting increasing attempts to el- Rutnam, Mark Sutton, repeatedely that he is the evate them from a distance. Joe Smith-Davies, Diana Dark Underlord. Tjoeng Most embarrassing mo- *brown Favourite Toy: Tennis ball ment: This column.

Help!

Dolores

Remember to save the image as a TIFF file this week, okay? Otherwise you’re just wasting the space!!! Students’ Representative Council Presents ‘Honi Soit Opinion Competition 2010’

Political Journalist, Commentator, Star of ABC TV

THEME CENSORSHIP “How open should society be?"

Honi Soit & Annabel Crabb want to know YOUR opinion

Are you a budding writer, pundit, commentator or looking for a good reason to have a bit of a rant about something? If you are super-passionate and enrolled at Sydney as an undergraduate in any discipline, then HONI SOIT wants to hear from you!

What you need to do

• Write an opinion piece on the theme of ‘Censorship’ • Make sure it’s 800-1000 words and your own original work • Submit it by 5pm (EST) Friday 17 September 2010 to [email protected] (Entries open 5pm 6 August 2010) • Include your full name, year, degree, faculty, student ID number, email and phone contact details.

…and you’ll be in the running for a $1000 prize, generously donated by one of the University’s most supportive alumni!

So, what could you write about? The door is open to ideas around the topic of ‘censorship’. Think:

Internet censorship… Privacy laws… Confidentiality… Pornography… Film and classification… Wikileaks… Literature… Hip-hop and rap… Bill Henson and art… …and there must be many more!

www•src•usyd•edu•au All entries will be judged on their style, content, substance and writing skills by our fabulous 2010 Honi Soit editors. The final short list of 12 will be read and a final winner (and two runners-up) will be chosen by Australia’s favourite opinionista – Annabel Crabb, political journalist, commentator, star of ABC TV and author of ‘Rise Of The Ruddbot’ (Black Inc. Publishing). Finalists will be featured in Honi Soit or other SRC Publications.