B NDINGS Vol. 34, No. 2 A Publication of New Ways Ministry Summer 2014

By Bob Shine to in 2012 after the Jesuit parish ended Bondings 2.0 its affiliation with Dignity Toronto Dig- NewWaysMinistryBlog.wordpress.com nité, which now meets elsewhere. An- July 1, 2014 other church, St. Joseph’s Church in Ottawa, sent a delegation to join AIM’s LGBT and ally Catholics appeared at liturgy and march in the WorldPride Pride festivities around the world this parade, having witnessed in their local month, visible signs of Pope Francis’ de- parade for many years. sire for a more merciful and welcoming The Ontario English Catholic Teach- Church. Canadians welcomed Catholics ers Association (OECTA) also marched from around the world for World Pride in World Pride’s parade following sev- 2014 celebrations, while Catholics in the eral months of criticism from Toronto’s U.S. participated in local celebrations. cardinal and others who opposed the Toronto was the site for World Pride teachers union’s decision to march. this year. All Inclusive Ministries (AIM), OECTA President James Ryan told the National Post the Parishioners from St. Francis Xavier in Manhattan in the city’s Pride parade. teachers’ participation was an “internal union united in justice, love and respect for matter” made through a Catholic parishes in the U.S. marched in Pride parades in their cit- one another. What’s exciting about it is democratic process. The they come from a very affirming com- paper reports further: ies, as well. In Chicago, St. Clement Church parishioners marched along- munity.’” “In March, the OECTA In Boston, contingents from voted to send a contin- side Dignity/Chicago members gent of more than 100 to for the second year in a the parade as a visible row. The Chicago Trib- and vocal message that une reported on the marchers: Catholic-school teachers “‘We don’t want to be dictat- in the province want ed to anymore,’ said Rob students to feel support- Svendsen, 41, a parishioner at ed and free from discrim- St. Clement for nine years. ination. ‘With the new pope, we’ve all “OECTA is just aligning been given a new ray of with other public unions hope.’… and teachers’ unions “‘What St. Clement Franciscans from St. Anthony’s staff their Pride Canada-wide, said Mr. demonstrates is there are booth in Boston. Ryan, whether Catholic or Catholics in the pews out not. there who think this is a time based at Our Lady of Lourdes Church in “‘Coast to coast in Canada, pretty to be united and give witness that city, brought “its message of faith and much every teachers’ union I know of to what the church’s true mis- love to this celebration” by welcoming does support LGBT rights without ex- sion is,’ [former Dignity ception,’ [Ryan] said. ‘The Canadian president Chris] Pett said. London’s LGBT Catholics march in Pride. Catholics from around the world to their (Photo by Martin Pendergast) monthly Mass and gathering. AIM began Teachers Federation has been very for- ‘We are here to advance jus- tice. We should be a church with support of the Archdiocese of Toron- ward with its support for LGBT rights.’” both Boston College and St. Anthony Shrine were present during the city’s June 14th Pride festival. For their part, the Franciscan friars from St. Anthony’s in Boston hoisted a banner with the pope’s famous “Who am I to judge?” quote in rainbow lettering. In San Francisco, St. Agnes, Most Holy Redeemer, and other Bay Area parishes joined together to ‘show their Catholic pride‘ at the city’s parade. By Father Peter Daly In New York City, parishioners from National Catholic Reporter vide is generational. The other divide is not admit it. personal. Personal experience is important. St. Francis Xavier Church marched, as did May 5, 2014 a collaborative contingent from various The generational divide is the most More and more people are coming out Pope Francis has asked our bishops to obvious and clear-cut, but not absolute. as gay. More and more people will have metro NYC area gay-friendly parish- report to Rome on what is actually hap- Older people are less accepting of to accept their relationships. Our young- es, marching behind the banner of pening in the parishes in regard to mar- LGBT relationships. Younger people er people nearly always know someone “LGBT Catholics and Friends.” riage and family life. Among the many see no problem. In fact, younger people who is out as gay and find it very easy In London, England, members of the topics to be discussed are "same-sex un- often think the church should move be- to accept. This is a sea change from a Archdiocese of Westminster’s pastoral ions between persons who are, not infre- yond mere acceptance to affirmation. generation ago. outreach to LGBT people (called “Soho quently, permitted to adopt children." The dividing line seems to be about age More and more gay relationships Masses” because of the neighborhood in I think that our parish is a fairly typi- 50. are being discussed, even in a conserva- which they originated) took part in that cal middle-class, mostly white, English- This generational divide is radical tive community like ours. In the past city’s pride march, complete with a giant speaking, American parish. I also think it and serious. For some young people, it few years, at least a dozen parents have street puppet of Jesus draped in a rainbow would be fair to say that our approach to determines whether or not they will re- come to me to tell me that their children flag. same-sex couples, including marriage and main Catholics. One young man left our are gay. They are supportive of their Repeatedly, Pride participants cited adoption, is evolving. One might charac- church over the issue. As the older Cath- children. They want to know how I will Pope Francis as a reason for their witness terize our approach as public silence and olics die off, the church will find very respond. I always encourage them to this month and also tied their actions to private acceptance. little acceptance of its current negative accept and love their child. the Church’s standing commitment to In public, we are silent about the fact position on gay relationships. We will Two of my friends who go to other social justice that has resulted in Ameri- that some of our fellow parishioners are find ourselves culturally marginalized in parishes left the Catholic church when can Catholics’ overwhelming support for gay, even though some people are aware countries like the United States. their children came out. They simply LGBT equality. Earlier this of their relationships. The personal divide is more subtle could not accept a church that judged month, Bondings 2.0 suggested that In private, we are accepting their rela- and harder to quantify. People who their children to be "intrinsically disor- marching for Pride was a key way to show tionships so long as we don't have to know someone in their family or circle dered." If someone is put in the position solidarity for church workers under in- acknowledge them. of friends who is publicly gay are much of choosing between his or her child and creased scrutiny for their support and in- Such a modus vivendi is not really an more accepting of LGBT people than the church, they will obviously and volvement with marriage equality or be- ethical resolution to the question. In fact, people who claim they don't know any- quite rightly choose their child. cause of their gender identity. it is merely a strategy for avoidance. one who is gay. Of course, the fact is, The hyperbolic and harsh language Additionally, many of the parishes men- There seem to be two great divides in everyone actually does know someone of the church will have to change. It is tioned above are on New Ways Ministry’s my parish over issues facing lesbian, gay, who is gay. They just know that their not accurate, and it is not charitable. listing of gay-friendly Catholic parishes and communities. To find a parish near bisexual and transgender people. One di- friend or family member is gay but does (Continued on page 8) you, review our list on page 7.  Page 2 BONDINGS Vol. 34, No. 2

B NDINGS Simply Loving Summer 2014 Vol. 34, No. 2 By James Martin, SJ the loved person seems to be applied only in the case of America Magazine gays and lesbians. To take another example, it would be May 26-June 7, 2014 Francis DeBernardo, Editor like telling a child, “You’re a sinful child, but I love you Everybody knows that same-sex marriage and homo- anyway.” This can end up sounding more like, “Hate the Board of Directors sexual acts are contrary to Catholic moral teaching. Yet sinner.” Mary Byers that same teaching also says that gay and lesbian people Look how Jesus loved people who were hated in his Jeannine Gramick, SL must be treated with “respect, sensitivity day. Take the story of Zacchaeus, Ryan Sattler and compassion.” As more states pass the diminutive man who climbs a laws legalizing same-sex marriage, more sycamore tree to catch a glimpse gay and lesbian Catholics are entering of Jesus as he passes through Board of Advisors Jericho (Lk 19:1-10). As chief Cornelius Hubbuch, CFX into these unions. This leaves some Catholics feeling caught between two tax collector, and thus head of all Anna Koop, SL values: church teaching against same-sex the tax collectors in the region, Louise Lears, SC marriage and church teaching in favor of Zacchaeus would have also been Anthony LoGalbo, OFM compassion. In Seattle a few months seen by the Jews as the chief Claire Pluecker back, for example, many high school sinner in the area. When Jesus students protested the ouster of the vice spies him perched in the branch- Staff principal, who was removed for marry- es, he calls out, “Zacchaeus, hur- Francis DeBernardo, Executive Director ing another man. ry and come down, for I must Matthew Myers, Associate Director Most people who oppose same-sex stay at your house today.” Zac- Robert Shine, Social Media Coordinator marriage say they do not hate gay peo- chaeus then promises to repay ple, only that the traditional understand- anyone he has defrauded. Co-Founders ing of marriage is important and perpetu- “Salvation has come to this Sr. Jeannine Gramick, SL ally valid. Other opponents of same-sex house,” says Jesus. Rev. Robert Nugent, SDS marriage invoke the oft-repeated mantra, Notice that Jesus shows love for Zacchaeus even before the “Hate the sin, love the sinner.” If that is James Martin, SJ so, then why do so many gay people say man has promised to do anything. Bondings is a seasonal publication designed they feel hatred from members of the church? That is, Jesus loves him first, by offering to dine with him, to keep our subscribers informed of issues Let me suggest a reason beyond the fact that many a powerful sign of welcome in that time. Jesus does not that pertain to lesbian and gay people gays and lesbians disagree with church teaching on homo- say, “Zacchaeus, you’re a sinful person because you’re and the Catholic Church. sexual acts: only rarely do gouging people with taxes collected for the oppres- sive occupying power, but even though you’re a pub- opponents of same-sex mar- Founded in 1977, New Ways Ministry riage say something positive lic sinner, I love you anyway.” He simply loves is an educational and bridge-building about gays and lesbians Let me suggest a reason him—first. ministry of reconciliation between the Cath- without appending a warn- beyond the fact that many The story of Zacchaeus illustrates an important dif- ing against sin. The lan- ference between the ministry of John the Baptist and olic gay and lesbian community gays and lesbians disagree and the institutional structures guage surrounding gay and of Jesus. For John the Baptist, conversion came first, in the Roman Catholic Church. lesbian Catholics is framed with church teaching on then communion. First you repent of your sins; then primarily, sometimes exclu- homosexual acts: only rarely you are welcomed into the community. For Jesus, the New Ways Ministry seeks to eradicate sively, in terms of sin. For do opponents of same-sex opposite was more often the case; first, Jesus wel- example, “We love our gay comed the person, and conversion followed. It’s not prevalent myths and stereotypes marriage say something loving the sinner; it’s simply loving. about homosexuality and supports civil brothers and sisters—but they must not engage in positive about gays and What might it mean for the church to love gays and rights for lesbian and gay persons in society. sexual activity.” Is any other lesbians without appending lesbians more deeply? First, it would mean listening group of Catholics ad- a warning against sin. The to their experiences—all their experiences, what their dressed in this fashion? Im- language surrounding gay and lives are like as a whole. Second, it would mean val- New Ways Ministry agine someone beginning a lesbian Catholics is framed uing their contributions to the church. Where would 4012 29th Street parish talk on married life our church be without gays and lesbians—as music Mount Rainier, Maryland 20712 by saying, “We love married primarily, sometimes ministers, pastoral ministers, teachers, clergy and (301) 277-5674 Catholics—but adultery is a exclusively, in terms of sin. religious, hospital chaplains and directors of religious [email protected] mortal sin.” With no other education? Infinitely poorer. Finally, it would mean NewWaysMinistry.org group does the church so publicly acknowledging their individual contribu- NewWaysMinistryBlog.wordpress.com reflexively link the group’s tions: that is, saying that a particular gay Catholic has identity to sin. made a difference in our parish, our school, our diocese. The language of “hate the sin, love the sinner” is dif- This would help remind people that they are an important ficult for many gay people to believe when the tepid ex- part of the body of Christ. Love means listening and re- pression of love is accompanied by strident condemna- specting, but before that it means admitting that the person tion. And the notion that love calls first for admonishing exists.  TO SUBSCRIBE COMPLETE AND RETURN THE FORM

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Mail to: New Ways Ministry 4012 29th Street Mount Rainier, MD 20712 Catholic Commentary on LGBT Issues Every Day: www.NewWaysMinistryBlog.wordpress.org Summer 2014 BONDINGS Page 3 Could baptizing children of gay couples become a new battleground?

By David Gibson son Diocese by the top aide to Bishop rity of this most sacred sacrament,” Officials at the USCCB said these Religion News Service Robert Morlino. wrote King. He added that the diocese decisions are left to local church leaders, June 26, 2014 Monsignor James Bartylla is vicar would have no further comment. and indicated there are no plans to formu- general of the Diocese of Madison. Un- But some suspect that Morlino, one late a national directive beyond the guid- Despite numerous controversies over der an administrative change enacted of the more outspoken conservatives in ance offered in a 2006 statement on min- dismissing gay Catholics from church earlier this year, his office now handles istering to gay people. That document posts and the U.S. hierarchy’s campaign priests’ inquiries about whether to bap- says that baptizing the children of gay against same-sex marriage, Catholic lead- tize children of same-sex couples. In the parents is “a serious pastoral concern” but ers have carefully, if quietly, avoided past, this issue was largely left up to the that the church should not refuse them doing anything to block gay couples from discretion of individual priests. access to the sacrament. having their children baptized. In the memo, the vicar general of Since the bishops passed that docu- But a move by a bishop in Wisconsin the diocese, Monsignor James Bartylla, ment, however, an ongoing wave of vic- to route all such decisions through his says there are “a plethora of difficulties, tories for same-sex marriage advocates office is raising questions about whether challenges, and considerations associat- has continued to push the issue into the that neutral zone will now become anoth- ed with these unnatural unions public arena. As more gay Catholics can er battleground, and whether the growing (including scandal) linked with the bap- marry, and can be open about their rela- acceptance of gay parents will inevitably tism of a child, and such considerations tionship, more gay couples may be pre- draw more attention to this practice and touch upon theology, canon law, pasto- senting their children for baptism. force church leaders to establish clearer ral approach, liturgical adaptation, and “The question with gay couples is rules. Carina Villaroel and Soledad Ortiz with sacramental recording.” daughter, Uma, after her baptism in Argentina whether their opposition to the church’s The default position for most bishops Bartylla says that pastors must now teaching on marriage means that they do — reiterated in a major Vatican docu- coordinate any decision on baptizing the the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bish- not in fact intend to raise the child in the ment released on Thursday (June 26) — children of gay couples with his office ops, will use the new policy to curb faith,” said Rita Ferrone, the author of is that if the parents pledge to raise the and that “each case must be evaluated baptisms that he considers problematic. several books about liturgy and a consult- child Catholic, then no girl or boy should individually.” “While this process might protect ant to U.S. dioceses on liturgical matters. be refused baptism. A spokesman for the Madison Dio- couples from the negative whims of a “Gay parents may or may not be ide- They generally let parish priests cese, Brent King, said in an email that local pastor, Bishop Morlino has such a ologically opposed to church teaching, make the final call and let them adminis- the new policy would not affect the strong record against supporting lesbian but chances are they do not merely diso- ter the sacrament, though it is usually church’s openness to baptizing a child if and gay people that I worry he might be bey but also reject the various norms they done in a private ceremony with the bio- a parent or guardian “is sincere in pre- more restrictive about baptizing their have transgressed,” Ferrone said. logical parent — not the adoptive mother senting a child for baptism” and if he or children than most local priests would DeBernardo said the problem with a or father — listed on the baptismal certif- she “truly intends to raise the child in be,” said Francis DeBernardo, head of policy that focuses specifically on gay icate. the faith and all that means.” New Ways Ministry, a leading advoca- parents is that it “stigmatizes lesbian and The new debate was prompted by the “We want everyone to receive this cy group for gay Catholics. gay couples as being more suspect than emergence of a memo — first reported by most important sacrament, and we are If that happens, he said, it “has the any other parents.” the Wisconsin State Journal — that was dealing with this sensitive matter pru- potential to blow up into a pastoral dis- “It is very likely that no parents that sent in early May to priests of the Madi- dently, for the child’s sake and the integ- aster.” present a child for baptism are perfectly following all church rules,” he said. “Why single out only lesbian and gay parents for further scrutiny?” Countering any trend to curb bap- Synod Document is First, Not Last, Word tisms, however, is the long-standing pre- sumption, in church teaching and on Marriage and Family Issues among even conservative church leaders, that no child should be denied baptism. That welcoming stance was given a By Francis DeBernardo views the secular world as a problem, sex] unions request a child’s baptism, powerful boost with the election of Pope Bondings 2.0 rather than as a dialogue part- almost all the responses emphasize that Francis, who as an archbishop in Argenti- NewWaysMinistryBlog.wordpress.com ner. McElwee’s synthesis continued: the child must be received with the same na castigated priests who refused to bap- June 27, 2014 “Responses to the synod office’s care, tenderness and concern which is tize the children of unwed mothers. “The global consultation — which saw bish- given to other children.” child has absolutely no responsibility for One of baseball legend Yogi Berra’s ops’ conferences around the world an- Some other sections are half-good, the state of his parents’ marriage,” he also memorable quotations is “It ain’t over till swer a long questionnaire on how Cath- half-bad. For instance, there is a recog- said. it’s over.” olics perceive church teachings — were nition that the Church must engage with As pope, Francis has continued to I was reminded of the wisdom of that ‘in agreement on the underlying reasons the scientific world on the issue of ho- promote that view. sentence yesterday when I first heard the for the difficulty in accepting Church mosexuality: Last September he said that while the news that the Vatican has issued the work- teaching,’ the document states. “Many responses and observations church has the right to express its opin- ing paper (in Latin, the instrumentum la- “Among those reasons: ‘the hedon- call for theological study in dialogue ions it cannot “interfere spiritually” in the boris) for the upcoming synod on mar- istic culture; relativism; materialism; with the human sciences to develop a lives of gays and lesbians. In January he riage and the family to take place in Rome individualism; the growing secularism; multi-faceted look at the phenomenon of personally baptized — in the Sistine this coming October. There have been the prevalence of ideas that lead to an homosexuality.” Chapel — the child of a couple married high hopes for this meeting, especially excessive, selfish liberalization of mor- That’s good. That’s a difference civilly, not in the church. And in May he since the Vatican has asked lay people for als; … [and] a culture which rejects from the 1986 Vatican document on said in a homily the church should baptize their opinions on various topics, and espe- making permanent choices.’” homosexuality which said the Church I’ve no doubt that some of these did not need science. little green men from Mars if they asked cially since several bishops have noted for it. that lay opinion has been strongly calling factors affect the way some people ap- Yet this good statement is undercut Some bishops are taking a cue from fo r changes on certain aspects of church proach church teaching, however, I have by the statement which immediately Francis. teaching on marriage and family. met far too many people who disagree follows it, which says that the dialogue with church teaching on matters of mar- with science should be conducted In Mexico, Bishop Raul Vera Lopez But the content of the document re- personally baptized a 16-month-old raised leased yesterday does not seem to signal riage, sexuality, gender, and family who through Vatican offices: by a lesbian couple. He did that in any hope for change. Joshua McElwee are motivated, instead, by a deep “Others recommend collaborating May, just two weeks after meeting in of the National Catholic Report- faith. Their positions were arrived at with specific entities, e.g., the Pontifical after much study, reflection, discussion, Academy of the Social Sciences and the Rome with Francis and discussing his er synthesized the document in this way: ministry to gay people with him. “Struggles faced by faithful around and prayer. Their disagreements grow Pontifical Academy for Life, in thor- “If I find the natural daughter of one the world in following Catholic teachings out of their lived and examined faith, not oughly examining the anthropological some worldly “monsters” that this docu- and theological aspects of human sexu- of two women, how can I deny her bap- stem mainly from ineffective education in tism? If the parents seek it, it’s because those teachings and the pervasive effect of ment discusses. ality and the sexual difference between there is a Christian faith,” Vera a relativistic culture, states the guiding This is the same kind of thinking man and woman in order to address the Lopez explained. “The pope has the same document for an upcoming Synod of Bish- that was evident in the International issue of gender ideology.” Theological Commission’s document It’s hard to think that Vatican offi- attitude as Christ did.” ops on the family. In Argentina in April, the archbishop “The document, anticipated by many “‘Sensus Fidei’ in the Life of the cials will learn anything new if they of Cordoba also defended the decision to Catholics as a barometer for what to ex- Church,” which was published on the conduct their inquiries with a closed or baptize the child of a lesbian couple dur- pect from the synod, also strongly rein- Vatican’s website. You can read the biased mindset. summary of that document here, and There is also a recognition that ing a service in the city’s cathedral, and forces church teachings regarding the in- said he cleared it with the Vatican. dissolubility of marriage, the restriction of you can read an excellent commentary Church leaders have not always been “Baptism is a right of every human marriage to heterosexual couples, and that by seasoned religion journalist Ken good at developing pastoral ministry person, and I think that the Holy Father as partners must be open to having children. Briggs here. with gay and lesbian people, particularly If the bishops of the world ignore those in committed relationships: well, ever since he was archbishop of “At the same time, the document Buenos Aires, always advocated for great states, the church must respond with mer- the reality that disagreement comes out “On the whole, the extreme reac- openness in administering these sacra- cy to the struggles of families to adhere to of a deep faith, they do so at great peril tions to these unions, whether compro- ments,” said Archbishop Carlos Nanez. sometimes controversial teachings — like to themselves and to the church. mising or uncompromising, do not seem On LGBT issues, the document is to have facilitated the development of an And just this week, a major docu- those prohibiting divorce and remarriage, ment published by the Vatican to guide contraception, cohabitation, and same-sex not totally problematic. For exam- effective pastoral programme which is future discussions on family marriage — and ‘support her children on ple, Reuters’ news story on the docu- consistent with the Magisterium and life stressed that almost all the world’s the path of reconciliation.’” ment focused on the fact that there compassionate towards the persons con- seems to be some agreement already that cerned.” bishops would greet requests to baptize While it is commendable that the doc- children living with gay couples “with the ument is stressing Pope Francis’ constant children of lesbian and gay couples Yet, a few paragraphs later, the doc- same care, tenderness and concern which themes of mercy and of meeting people in should not be prohibited from bap- ument states: is given to other children.”  whatever situation they are living, the tism. The story quotes the document: “The great challenge will be to de- troublesome part of the document is that it “. . . .when people living in [same- (Continued on page 5) Page 4 BONDINGS Vol. 34, No. 2 Letter to Pope Francis from Catholic educators

In May 2014, the Human Rights Cam- contradict your pastoral priority for the ly do not align with the Catholic values For some reason, it rejects that love paign, a national LGBT equality organi- Church to reflect the beauty of God in that we strive to live our lives by. This when a mother embraces her LGBT zation, organized a letter which they ways that attract and entice rather than must end. While Catholics are among child. mailed to Pope Francis on behalf of nine alienate. the most welcoming and embracing of Our families are hurting. We feel people recently fired from Catholic insti- Your Holiness has said that "[u] all people of faith, the hierarchy is doing scorned by our church, which we have tutions. The letter's text follows: nless we train ministers capable of an incredible amount of damage by dedicated our lives to. From coaching warming people’s hearts, of walking emotionlessly wielding discriminatory sports teams, to leading canned food Your Holiness, with them in the night, of dialoguing policies against faithful Catholics. drives, to going to Church every single We write to you today with humility with their hopes and disappointment, of All of us were fired for whom we Sunday – we feel abandoned by the to request a Papal audience. With loving mending their brokenness, what hope love – whether it be for committing our- Catholic Church. We know God has not eloquence you have explained that the can we have for our present and future selves to one person, and one person abandoned us. Our friends, loved ones, role of the Church is to restore what is journey." We agree and we respectfully only, for the rest of our lives, or for em- and many others in our community have broken and unite what has been divided. submit that it is time for our Church to bracing and supporting our own children not abandoned us. But we feel the hierar- In this spirit of wholeness and reconcilia- reflect on how it treats lesbian, gay, bi- unconditionally. Love is one of the chy of our Church is denying us the pas- tion, we hope you will agree to meet with sexual and transgender (LGBT) Catho- greatest gifts God bestows upon us, and toral care and love they are called to do. us and our families to hear our stories. lics, and the family members who em- we can think of nothing more sacred We take hope from your messages We have devoted years, some of us brace them. Love thy neighbor as thy- than loving another human being of acceptance and see in your pastoral even decades, to serving our communities self is at the foundation of the gospel through challenges, sicknesses and leadership the possibility for the Church as teachers, leaders and role models. We and the Church’s social teaching, and times of distress. to correct these hurtful injustices. We ask have made a conscious choice to work yet we are not treated as neighbors. The Church celebrates this type of for a Papal audience with our families, so within the Catholic Church because we All of us are called to lovingly sacred commitment. But for some rea- that you may hear our personal stories strongly believe that a Catholic education serve one another. The founder of the son, it rejects that same commitment firsthand and see the impact the Church’s prepares our young people to be responsi- Society of Jesus, Saint Ignatius of Loyo- when it’s between loving LGBT people. actions have had on us all. ble citizens, men and women for others. la teaches us “love is shown more in For each and every one of us, our employ- deeds than in words.” Yet how are we to ment was far more than just a job – it was fulfill the words of St. Ignatius if we are barred from showing our love through Respectfully, Richard Hague a reflection of core Catholic values. Purcell Marian High School Unfortunately, we are a group bonded our deeds? We are eager and willing to Tippi McCullough Cincinnati, OH together not just by Catholic values. We do the work of educating our youth, yet are a group of teachers, administrators and we have been denied the opportunity to Mount St. Mary’s Richard Miller Little Rock, AR St Rita School for the Deaf lay people who have all lost our jobs do so by the very Church that has in- stilled in us an understanding of the sa- Cincinnati, Ohio simply because of who we love. We are Nicholas Coppola good teachers and role models. The eco- cred dignity of work. Rather than evalu- St. Anthony’s Catholic Church Kristen Ostendorf nomic hardships and emotional impact we ating our abilities based on our job per- Oceanside, NY Totino-Grace Catholic High School have experienced from losing our jobs, formance, the Church has instead turned Fridley, MN Flint Dollar not for inability or lack of dedication, but a blind eye to its own founding values Mount de Sales Academy Brian Panetta for who we love, is devastating. and denied those who would lovingly Macon, GA Sandusky Catholic High School After each termination, school and serve an opportunity to do so. Michael Griffin Cleveland, OH Church officials have told us we violate Too many LGBT Catholics and their loved ones feel abandoned by the Holy Ghost Preparatory School Molly Shumate Catholic Church teachings on homosexu- Bensalem, PA Catholic Church, unwelcome and Cincinnati Archdiocese ality. Yet, such directives have not only Cincinnati, OH caused great harm to our families, but also judged by Church regulations that simp- Gay-friendly Catholic Colleges and Universities

Below is a list of known gay-friendly Catholic colleges and universities, that is, those Catholic institutions that have some type of gay/ lesbian student group, support group, ally group, etc. If you are aware of such a college that is known as welcoming to gay/lesbian people, please let us know.

Alabama Iowa Montana Pennsylvania Mobile: Spring Hill College Davenport: St. Ambrose University Helena: Carroll College Cresson: Mount Aloysius College Dubuque: Loras College Dallas: Misericordia University California Nebraska Erie: Mercyhurst College Belmont: Notre Dame de Namur University Kentucky Omaha: Creighton University Greensburg: Seton Hill University Goleta: St. Mark’s University Louisville: Spalding University, Philadelphia: Chestnut Hill College, Los Angeles: Loyola Marymount Universi- Bellarmine University New Hampshire LaSalle University, St. Joseph’s ty, Mount Saint Mary’s College Manchester: St. Anselm College University Moraga: St. Mary’s College Louisiana Nashua: Rivier College Pittsburgh: Carlow University, Oakland: Holy Names University New Orleans: Loyola University Duquesne University Ranchos Palos Verde: Marymount College New Jersey Radnor: Cabrini College San Diego: University of San Diego Maryland Caldwell: Caldwell College Reading: Alvernia University San Francisco: University of San Baltimore: Notre Dame of Jersey City: St. Peter’s College Scranton: Marywood University Francisco Maryland University, South Orange: Seton Hall Villanova: Villanova University Santa Clara: Santa Clara University Loyola University of Maryland New York Rhode Island Colorado Massachusetts Albany: College of Saint Rose Newport: Salve Regina University Denver: Regis University Boston: Emmanuel College, Brooklyn and Patchogue: Providence: Providence College Chestnut Hill: Boston College St. Joseph College Connecticut Chicopee: Elms College Bronx: Fordham University, Texas Fairfield: Fairfield University, Easton: Stonehill College Manhattan College Austin: Saint Edward’s University Sacred Heart University North Andover: Merrimack College Buffalo: Canisius College San Antonio: University of the Incarnate New Haven: Albertus Magnus College Weston: Regis College Loudonville: Sienna College Word, Our Lady of the Lake West Hartford: Saint Joseph College Worcester: Assumption College, New Rochelle: College of New Rochelle, University College of the Holy Cross Iona College District of Columbia Poughkeepsie: Marist College Vermont Georgetown University, Trinity University Michigan Riverdale: College of Mount St. Vincent Colchester: Saint Michael’s College Detroit: University of Detroit Mercy Rochester: St. John Fisher College Florida Grand Rapids: Aquinas College St. Bonaventure: St. Bonaventure Washington Miami Gardens: St. Thomas University University Lacey: St. Martin’s College Miami Shores: Barry University Minnesota Sparkill: St. Thomas Aquinas College Seattle: Seattle University Collegeville: St. John’s University Syracuse: LeMoyne College Spokane: Gonzaga University Hawaii Duluth: College of St. Scholastica Queens: St. John’s University Honolulu: Chaminade University Minneapolis: College of St. Catherine West Virginia St. Joseph: College of Saint Benedict Ohio Wheeling: Wheeling Jesuit University Illinois St. Paul: St. Thomas University Cincinnati: Xavier University Chicago: DePaul University, Loyola Uni- Winona: St. Mary’s University of Cleveland Heights: John Carroll University Wisconsin versity, St. Xavier University Minnesota Dayton: University of Dayton De Pere: St. Norbert College Joliet: University of St. Francis Pepper Pike: Ursuline College Madison: Edgewood College River Forest: Dominican University in Illi- Missouri South Euclid: Notre Dame College Milwaukee: Alverno College, nois Kansas City: Avila University, Sylvania: Lourdes College Cardinal Stritch University, Romeoville: Lewis University Rockhurst University Marquette University St. Louis: Fontbonne University, Oregon Indiana St. Louis University Marylhurst: Marylhurst University Canada Notre Dame: Holy Cross College, St. Portland: University of Portland Toronto: Regis College Mary’s College, Univ. of Notre Dame

Summer 2014 BONDINGS Page 5 Catholic teacher backs gay son, quits to protest contract

By Michael D. Clark ers to have a voice in their contract," he The Enquirer (Cincinnati) said. May 10, 2014 "I doubt there is a more important contract in the Archdiocese, impacting Veteran Catholic teacher Molly Shu- more people, teachers, students and par- mate stared at the Cincinnati Archdiocese ents, than this contract with 2,200 or more contract for next school year and thought teachers, 43,000 or so students and their of her son. parents." She remembered when a nervous But he adds "the leadership of the Zachery Shumate, a teenager at the time, Archdiocese of Cincinnati is not a democ- approached her and revealed his homo- racy, and there has been little to no indica- sexuality. tion that it will voluntarily respond favor- His revelation prompted the first- ably to any request for change to their grade teacher to give him a hug, telling Catholic School teachers' contract, no her boy she would always love and sup- matter how reasonable or modest those port him. changes might be." So when the new teachers' contract – The 12 billboards were paid for by strictly forbidding public support of ho- the Cincinnati Voice of the Faithful, mosexuality – was handed to her earlier which for more than a decade has criti- this year, she was torn. Molly Shumate and her son, Zachary cized the church's alleged lack of transpar- The employment contract – exclu- ency and accountability regarding the sively obtained and reported by The En- ported or run by gays and lesbians,' I derstandings. Officials say much of the sexual abuse of children. quirer in March – continues to divide would have to tell him no, according to opposition is based on over reactions to The group's coordinator, Kathy huge sections of the region's Catholics. that contract. And if my picture was tak- the newly detailed personal morality Weyer, said "we believe that the Cincin- The "morality" clauses – though not en, what would happen?" she said. provisions and how, in some circum- nati Archdiocese is being dishonest with unique among Catholic schools nation- So for the first time in 14 years of stances, they may lead to teacher firings. the teachers by suggesting that the chang- wide – were a first for the 19-county teaching, Shumate will not be signing The contract – double its predeces- es to the wording and job description of Archdiocese school system. the Archdiocese's teacher employment sor's size – includes provisions that for the teacher ... contract are not that much Poll: Would you sign the contract? contract for next school year. And when the first time details prohibited practices different from past years. What is really It ignited a raging public battle, in- the last class bell at her Hamilton County such as gay "lifestyles" or public en- happening is that the church is protecting cluding a protest march Downtown and school rings out the finish of the school dorsements of homosexuality, out-of- itself from possible future lawsuits." online petitions signed by thousands. And year later this month, it will also toll the wedlock relationships, abortions and Zachery Shumate drapes an encour- this week, 12 billboards opposing the con- end of her Catholic teaching career. fertility methods that go against Catho- aging arm on his mother's shoulder and tract dot the area. As the controversy She is the first Archdiocese teacher lic teachings. praises the "courage" of her public stance grows, so too does interest around the to make a public stand but those oppos- Each of the Archdiocese's more as one of the first teachers to quit in pro- country. ing the contract predict more will step than 2,200 teachers must sign the con- test. For Molly Shumate, the battle lines forward once the school year ends later tract before the end of the school year if "It's hard to put into words how proud have surrounded her family. this month. they want to remain employed. The em- I am of her," he said. "For her to step into Though a lifelong Catholic and de- "For me to sign this (contract), I feel ployment agreement explicitly orders the public eye like this and go against the voted teacher, the lengthy contract's stark- like I would be telling my son I've them to refrain "from any conduct or (church) … because she has a gay son ly detailed restrictions on her personal life changed my mind, that I don't support lifestyle which would reflect discredit speaks volumes about the kind of person – and the freedom to publicly support her him as I did. And I won't do that," she on or cause scandal to the school or be she is."  now 22-year-old son – stunned her. said. in contradiction to Catholic doctrine or "In my eyes there is nothing wrong Archdiocese officials remain stead- morals." It also bans public support of with my son. This is what God gave me fast in their support of the new contract. the practices. and what God created and someone I Moreover, they contend some of the "It's a bit frustrating to us that some Synod Document is should never be asked to not support," she protests, which have attracted ancillary of the organized opposition to our new said from her Butler County home. campaigns for private teacher employ- contract language has misstated its in- First, Not Last, "If my son were to say to me, 'will ment rights, school unions and critics of tentions and its implications," said Cin- you go somewhere with me that is sup- the church's policies are based on misun- cinnati Archdiocese spokesman Dan Word on Marriage Andriacco. and Family Issues "First of all, nobody who signed this year's contract or last year's contract Trans Students Celebrate Openly During should hesitate to sign the 2014-2015 (Continued from page 3) agreement. All say the same thing – that velop a ministry which can maintain the Catholic Graduations the teacher will not publicly act or speak proper balance between accepting persons against the teachings of the Catholic in a spirit of compassion and gradually Church," said Andriacco. guiding them to authentic human and By Bob Shine Catholic School Superintendent Jim Christian maturity. In this regard, some Bondings 2.0 ca in Washington, DC, a transgender Rigg has previously defended the conferences refer to certain organizations NewWaysMinistryBlog.wordpress.com woman was chosen by her peers to ad- dress the graduating class of social "homosexual lifestyle" section of the as successful models for such a ministry.” June 22, 2014 If by “authentic human and Christian workers. Andy Bowen spoke openly to latest contract. Two moments this graduation season an audience at the US bishops’ national Rigg has stated "our culture is maturity,” the bishops are saying that min- highlighted the positive gains being made university about her identity as a trans changing rapidly in this area, and many istry should help gay and lesbian people in Catholic education for transgender woman engaged to another woman and of our school employees, including me, develop a healthy acceptance of their sex- students, forgoing the controversies of addressed her fellow students on the have family members who are lesbian, uality and the formation of their adult con- past years for moments of celebration social worker’s duty to seek justice. She gay, bisexual or transgender. The con- sciences, I’d be all for it. Yet, sadly, I instead. said, in part: tract does not stipulate that relationships don’t think that is what they mean. Immaculate Heart High School in “Maybe it is because I’m a of love for LGBT relatives should be All of this brings me back to “It ain’t Los Angeles, an all-girls institution run transgender woman who is engaged to severed. over till it’s over.” Let’s remember that by the Sisters of the Immaculate Heart of another woman and I’ve had to come out "As Christians, we are called to this document is the first word on the syn- Mary, allowed a transgender young of the closet like three or four times, but love and serve all people … while the od, not the last word. It’s true that it man to graduate using his preferred gen- I’ve always been attracted to the princi- Church's stance on homosexual mar- doesn’t get off on a positive note, but I der identity. A post in the Facebook ple that all human beings have inherent riage is well known, this does not mean believe that there will be some interesting group for the class of 1970 includes the human dignity… that our teachers will be asked to cast debate in October and that we won’t know following caption for the above picture: “If you center your moral universe away loved family members," said the final outcome until the meeting clos- “Meet our alumni brother. This was on the idea that all human beings have Rigg. es. Let’s remember that this synod will not an easy decision for the administra- inherent dignity, you have to work But that is exactly what teachers are most likely be very different from those tors to make, but they did the right thing against injustice in all its forms because being asked to do, complains Tim Garry held under Popes John Paul II and Bene- as Immaculate Heart does. {He] is the someone much smarter than me, living Jr., a local attorney who opposes the dict XVI when the instrumentum la- first transgender graduate but probably many decades ago pointed out how in- contract language. boris was often written by the Vatican won’t be the last. He loves the school as justice anywhere is a threat to justice In April Garry met with Archdio- Curia, and bishops in synod were simply much as the rest of us and that’s all that everywhere.” cese officials in an attempt to get them asked to rubber-stamp it. Pope Francis matters. ‘Every loyal daughter and Congratulations to Andy and the to modify the contract, to no avail. has already shown that he wants more son…’” CUA class of 2014! Garry provided The Enquirer with discussion and collegiality from bishops. Congratulations to this young While these two examples show the latest response from church officials More harmful than the specific re- man and to the Immaculate Heart Class of progresss, there is still a lot of work to to his request to meet and review his marks on lesbian and gay people, though, 2014, as well as the administra- be done on Catholic campuses concern- suggestions on altering the wording of are the remarks that the reason that Catho- tors for ensuring every stu- ing transgender people. LGBT advocate the contract. lics don’t agree with church teaching is dent’s day could be one of celebra- and musician Joanna Blackhart recently "The Archbishop does not believe because they have succumbed to a secular tion! Last year, a controversy at a New spoke with HuffPost Live about her iso- that any further meeting regarding the mindset. We’ve heard that remark time Mexico Catholic high school tarred com- lating experience attending St. Mary’s teacher … contract is warranted," ac- and again from U.S. bishops, especially in mencement ceremonies when a College in Texas as a transgender wom- cording to a May 1 letter from Robert the context of same-gender marriage, but transgender student was given the choice an. Reid, director of human resources for it is simply not the whole truth. It’s very either to wear attire inconsistent with his Let’s hope the examples of in- the Cincinnati Archdiocese. convenient to have a scapegoat. It’s much gender or skip graduation altogether. He creased welcome and acceptance for Garry said the lack of discussion is more challenging to face up to the reality chose the latter. trans inclusivity on Catholic campuses frustrating. that faithful Catholics are calling for At the Catholic University of Ameri- continue to spread!  "We're attempting to help the teach- change.  Page 6 BONDINGS Vol. 34, No. 2

By Bob Shine School Sisters of Notre Dame, cited a those teachers. Though most Bondings 2.0 conflict with Church teaching as the are no longer living, I am still NewWaysMinistryBlog.wordpress.com reason for the decision, but over 1,600 in touch with and have visited June 16, 2014 people signed a petition in support of most who are…and am happy Proving that Catholic religious and Rupert-Sullivan and her wife. to say they have embraced lay people have the power to effect Having learned of the news, alum- Sally as my partner/spouse change in our Church, a Maryland high na Pat Montley, a former School Sister and rejoice in our marriage. I school has reversed its decision to deny of Notre Dame herself, wrote to the ad- hope that you can do the same, same-gender couples recognition in the ministrators about her own negative and that this embrace can be alumnae newsletter. experience with the same situation. A reflected in SSND schools’ In January, news broke that Notre decade ago, her own same-gender wed- publication policy… Dame Preparatory School, Baltimore, had ding announcement was rejected, and “Over the years, I have each class note sub- repeatedly submitted entries to mitted since that class notes that included a had any reference to mention of Sally, as school- her partner was ex- mates have done with their punged. Writing to spouses…Sadly, each time, the School Sisters her name and any references of Notre Dame’s to her were expunged. I im- Mid-Atlantic pro- plore you to try to understand vincial team, Mont- how hurtful this is, what it ley stated, in part: feels like to have the primary, “I am sending the sustaining relationship in my Patricia Montley, left, with wife, Sally Wall, letter to you now in life rejected and unacknowl- and granddaughter Alexa the hope that you edged by my alma mater–which, will find it persua- ironically, provided the spiritual values many decades—at a time when lesbian/ sive in reversing that have made me capable of and desir- gay issues were very unpopular. These this policy. You ous of having such a loving and long- leaders believed in the human rights of would not be alone lasting relationship in the first place. It lesbian and gay people, despite the oppo- among local Catho- breaks my heart.” sition of some church leaders. lic schools in hav- Sr. Jeannine Gramick, co-founder “It is distressing that SSND is now ing a more open of New Ways Ministry, who was a maintaining a reactionary stance in its policy… School Sister of Notre Dame before schools when the tide of public opinion “My teachers at transferring to the Loretto Community, has shifted dramatically. According to a Sarah Rupert-Sullivan, left, with wife, Molly Notre Dame Prep wrote her own letter to the provincial number of recent polls, most U.S. Catho- played an immeasur- leadership. In it, she stated: lics today now support same-sex marri- rejected 2003 alumna Sarah Rupert- ably important role in my life–not just in “This unfair policy makes me feel aege (53% according to the 2014 survey Sullivan’s announcement about her mar- helping me develop and pursue a life of sad because SSND supported me in les- from the Public Religion Research Insti- riage to wife, Molly, from the school’s the mind but in the formation of my con- bian/gay ministry from the early 1970s tute)… “Class Chatter” notes in the alumnae science and habits of the heart. I will to the late 1990s. Three SSND General “The basic principle of the Church’s newsletter. The administrators of Notre always be grateful for that training and Superiors and three SSND provin- social teaching is that all human beings Dame Preparatory, which is run by the feel an immense affection for many of cial leaders supported this ministry for have dignity and worth and should be treated fairly and equally. In school publi- cations, administrators would not treat males and females differently by publish- ing information about males, but not fe- males, or vice versa. Administrators would not treat people of color differently by publishing information about white By Francis DeBernardo social action, and a call to action.” that somehow, both of these attractions students, but not about Black students. Bondings 2.0 The authors have long been in- did exist within me. I was truly attracted Similarly, administrators need to treat NewWaysMinistryBlog.wordpress.com volved in research and ministry concern- to men…and to women. I sat alone in people uniformly, whatever their sexual June 25, 2014 ing religion and sexuality. Alford- the stairwell outside my bed- orientation. Harkey is the Deputy Director of The room, my head held in my hands, when “I urge you to change all SSND poli- A new resource to help faith commu- Religious Institute and Haffner is the Co the thought entered my consciousness cies that discriminate against sexual mi- nities understand bisexuality and bisexual -Founder and President of the same or- for the first time: maybe I was bisexual. norities. To do otherwise is not worthy of people has been published ganization. The As soon as I’d named it, a homophobic us as women religious who profess to today by The Religious Inis- new publication solution came on its heels: I would just follow Jesus’ Gospel of love, service, and titute, a multi-faith ministry emerged from an decide not to pursue my attraction to care for all God’s people.” which deals with the topics interfaith colloqui- women. Ironically, this is pretty much These two missives accompanied of sexual morality, justice, um on bisexuality exactly what the Catholic Church tells letters from many alumnae and communi- and healing. the Institute spon- me to do….I thought I’d arrived at a ty members, who have now been notified The 95-page booklet, sored in April 2013. prudent solution: I could inwardly of a new policy regarding class notes that entitled Bisexuality: Making There are two Cath- acknowledge who I really was while respects LGBT people and their relation- the Invisible Visible in Faith olic contributors to also pursuing only love that I could de- ships. In an email, Sister Patricia McCar- Communities, is authored the report. In the clare publicly, only love that didn’t en- ron, headmistress, writes: by Marie Alford-Harkey and section on sacred tail the risk of being cast out “After much thoughtful and prayerful Rev. Deb Haffner. As stated texts and religious of my community. But the solution must discernment regarding concerns ex- in the Introduction to the traditions, Dr. Kate not have been too great after all, because pressed about the content of ‘Class Chat- work, the text is divided into Ott, professor of I fell into the worst depression of my ter,’ Notre Dame Preparatory School has three sections: Christian Social life.” arrived at a policy which we believe re- “Part One of the book, Ethics, Drew Theo- Although the publication is not spe- spects individuals and upholds the ‘Bisexuality Basics,’ begins logical School, New cifically geared to Catholic, or even school’s Catholic identity. by naming the harm that many bisexual Jersey, wrote “A Roman Catholic Per- Christian, faith communities. I think that “‘Class Chatter,’ or information sub- people suffer, and includes definitions of spective on Bisexuality.” In that reflec- Catholic parishes and schools can gain mitted by alumnae of Notre Dame Prepar- terms, models to help understand sexual tion, she notes: immensely from it. The basic infor- atory School, exists for the purpose of orientation, research on bisexuality, infor- “Correlations can be made to ex- mation on bisexuality is clear, under- alumnae-to-alumnae communication. mation on the prevalence of bisexuality in pand the concept of sexual orientation as standable, thorough, and authorita- “Publication does not signify en- the United States, and myths and facts a ‘natural’ part of one’s createdness to tive. The suggestions for how to affirm dorsement by Perspectives or its sponsor- about bisexuality. include bisexuality as an orientation or and welcome bisexual people in reli- ing bodies, Notre Dame Preparatory “Part Two, ‘Sacred Texts and Reli- perhaps even more accurate- gious contexts are excellent, and some- School and the School Sisters of Notre gious Traditions,’ introduces theological ly to consider each individual as having thing that every Catholic parish can Dame. Notre Dame Preparatory School is issues related to bisexuality, and includes an orientation that is as unique as their do. There are even suggestions for an independent, Catholic school for girls a discussion of sexuality in the Hebrew personality. . . . preaching and public prayer, as well as which upholds the teachings of the Catho- and Christian Scriptures, essays authored “Although the Catechism also refers guidance for bisexual people in profes- lic Church.” by theologians from different traditions, to homosexual acts, unfortunately, as sional ministry on how to disclose their This incident, and the positive out- and the few denominational policies that ‘intrinsically disordered,’ I have hope sexuality to others. come that emerged from a poor decision exist on bisexuality. that the Church will continue to re- This publication will be of great against a lesbian couple, is proof that “Part Three, ‘Creating a Bisexually examine this issue in light of a more help to any Catholic parish that wants to Catholics, lay and religious united, can Healthy Congregation,’ presents infor- loving, inclusive tradition.” educate its parishioners fully on sexuali- indeed respond to school and parish level mation and strategies for faith communi- The second Catholic contribution ty or that wants to do outreach to the actions which do not reflect a more inclu- ties and religious leaders to become more comes from Lacey Louwagie, co-editor LGBT community. Bisexual people are sive and welcoming tone which even welcoming and affirming of bisexual of Hungering and Thirsting for Justice: often the “forgotten” group in the LGBT Pope Francis demonstrates. Through persons and others who are attracted to True Stories by Young Adult Catho- rainbow, and this publication is a great sharing personal stories and wisdom with people of more than one sex or gender. lics. In the section on developing a wel- step to remedying that omission. Church officials decisions can be re- Sections include welcoming and affirm- come for bisexual people in religious Copies of the publication are versed. This kind of dialogue can help ing bisexual persons, bisexually congregations, Louwagie tells part of $15.00 each, and can be ordered to build up policies more in keeping with healthy religious professionals, worship her story: from The Religious Institute by calling the Catholic tradition of justice and mer- resources, pastoral counseling, youth, “Finally, I confronted the reality 203-222-0055.  cy.  Summer 2014 BONDINGS Page 7 Gay-friendly Catholic Parishes & Communities Below is a list of known “gay-friendly” Catholic parishes and intentional Eucharistic communities. Thank you for helping us add to this growing list! If you are aware of a parish or community that is known as welcoming to lesbian/gay Catholics, please let us know. Tell us if this welcome is because of a support program, spirituality group, mission statement, participation in gay community events, or involvement with parents. Parishes are listed first and intentional Eucharistic communities follow. For links to many of these parishes’ websites, go to NewWaysMinistry.org.

Delaware Nebraska Texas North Wilmington: Holy Child Omaha: Holy Family, Sacred Heart Dallas: Holy Trinity

Wilmington: St. Joseph El Paso: All Saints Nevada District of Columbia Las Vegas: Christ the King, Houston: St. Anne

Holy Trinity, St. Matthew Cathedral Guardian Angel Cathedral Virginia

Arlington: Our Lady Queen of Peace PARISHES Florida New Hampshire Daytona Beach: Our Lady of Lourdes Merrimack: St. John Neumann Richmond: Cathedral of the Sacred Alabama Flagler Beach: Santa Maria del Mar Pelham: St. Patrick Heart, Sacred Heart Parish Decatur: Annunciation of the Lord Ft. Lauderdale: St. Anthony, Roanoke: St. Gerard Montgomery: St. Bede St. Maurice New Jersey Triangle: St. Francis Kissimmee: Holy Redeemer Lawrenceville: St. Ann Virginia Beach: St. Nicholas Arizona Long Beach Island: St. Francis of Chandler: St. Andrew Naples: St. John the Evangelist Washington St. Petersburg: Holy Cross Assisi Glendale: St. Thomas More Maplewood: St. Joseph Seattle: Christ Our Hope, St. Benedict, Tampa: Sacred Heart, Christ the King St. Joseph, Prince of Peace Mesa: St. Bridget South Plainfield: Sacred Heart Phoenix: St. Matthew Georgia Tinton Falls: St. Anselm Newman Center Scottsdale: St. Patrick Atlanta: Shrine of the Immaculate Tacoma: St. Leo New Mexico Tucson: St. Cyril of Alexandria, Conception Wisconsin Albuquerque: Holy Family, Ss. Peter and Paul, St. Pius X, Madison: Our Lady Queen of Peace, Our Mother of Sorrows, St. Odilia Idaho Shrine of St. Bernadette Boise: St. Mary Espanola: Sacred Heart of Jesus Menomonee Falls: Good Shepherd California Milwaukee: Good Shepherd, Berkeley: Holy Spirit Parish Illinois New York Prince of Peace, Trinity-Guadalupe Burney: St Francis of Assisi Berwyn: St. Mary of the Celle Albany: St. Vincent DePaul Wauwatosa: St. Pius X Chicago: Immaculate Conception, Baldwinsville: St. Augustine Carlsbad: St. Patrick Canada Claremont: Our Lady of the St. Clement, St. Gertrude, Bellmore: St. Barnabas the Apostle St. Gregory, St. Peter, St. Sylvester, Bellport: Mary Immaculate Montreal: Holy Cross Assumption Ottawa: St. Joseph Diamond Bar: St. Denis St. Teresa of Avila, St. Thomas the Binghamton: St. Francis of Assisi Apostle, Our Lady of Mt. Carmel, Brooklyn: St. Andrew the Apostle, Toronto: Our Lady of Lourdes El Cajon: St. Luke Encino: Our Lady of Grace Old St. Patrick St. Boniface, St. Athanasius, England Escondido: St. Timothy Country Club Hills: St. Emeric St. Augustine, Immaculate Heart of London: Church of the Immaculate Fremont: St. Joseph - Mission San Evanston: St. Nicholas Mary Conception (Mayfair) Jose Johnston City: St. Paul Deer Park: Ss. Cyril and Methodius Goleta: St. Mark Univ. Parish Morton Grove: St. Martha East Islip: St. Mary Hawthorne: St. Joseph (Spanish) Oak Park: Ascension, St. Catherine of Elmira: St. Mary INTENTIONAL EUCHARISTIC Hayward: All Saints Sienna-St. Lucy Fairport: Church of the Assumption COMMUNITIES Schaumburg: St. Marcelline Henrietta: Good Shepherd Arizona LaPuente: St. Martha Lemon Grove: St. John of the Cross Manhattan: Holy Name of Jesus, Scottsdale: Franciscan Renewal Indiana St. Francis Xavier, St. Paul the Long Beach: St. Matthew Evansville: St. Mary Center Los Angeles: Blessed Sacrament, Apostle, Church of the Ascension, Indianapolis: St. Thomas Aquinas St. Francis of Assisi California Christ the King, Mother of Good Pleasanton: Catholic Community of Counsel, St. Camillus Center-LA Iowa Pittsford: Church of the Transfiguration Pleasanton USC Medical Center (Spanish), Coralville: St. Thomas More St. Agatha, St. Paul the Apostle Rochester: Blessed Sacrament, District of Columbia Kentucky St. Mary (Downtown), St. Monica North Hollywood: Blessed Sacrament, Louisville: Epiphany, Cathedral of the Communitas St. Jane Frances de Chantal, Syracuse: St. Lucy, All Saints Assumption, St. William Utica: Our Lady of Mount Carmel, Florida St. Patrick Historic Old St. John’s Tampa: Franciscan Center Oakland: Our Lady of Lourdes Louisiana Oceanside: St. Thomas More New Orleans: St. Augustine Wading River: St. John the Baptist Iowa Wantaugh: St. Frances de Chantal Orange: Holy Family Cathedral Maine Iowa City: Full Circle Pasadena: Assumption of the B.V.M. Westbury: St. Brigid Portland: Sacred Heart-St. Dominic Maryland Ross: St. Anselm Saco: Most Holy Trinity North Carolina Sacramento: St. Francis of Assisi Catonsville: Living Water Inclusive Charlotte: St. Peter Catholic Community San Carlos: St. Charles Maryland Durham: Immaculate Conception San Diego: Ascension, St. Jude Shrine Baltimore: Corpus Christi, Greenbelt: Greenbelt Catholic Fayetteville: St. Patrick Community San Francisco: Most Holy Redeemer, St. Francis of Assisi, St. Ignatius, Raleigh: St. Francis of Assisi Old St. Mary Cathedral, St. Agnes, St. Matthew, Michigan St. Dominic St. Vincent dePaul Ohio Grand Rapids: Marywood San Jose: St. Julie Billiart, Columbia: St. John the Evangelist Akron: St. Bernard Kalamazoo: Lambda Catholics St. Martin of Tours (Emmaus Gaithersburg: St. Rose of Lima Cincinnati: St. George-St. Monica, Community) Hagerstown: St. Ann St. Robert Bellarmine Minnesota San Luis Obispo: Old Mission of Prince Frederick: St. John Vianney Cleveland: Blessed Trinity, Minneapolis: Spirit of St. Stephen's San Luis Obispo Severn: St. Bernadette St. Malachi, St. Martha Catholic Community San Raphael: Church of San Raphael & Columbus: St. Thomas More Massachusetts Newman Center Oregon Mission San Raphael Arcangel Portland: Journey and Koinonia Santa Barbara: OL of Guadalupe Boston: Paulist Center, St. Anthony Fairlawn: St. Hilary Shrine, St. Cecilia Catholic Community Santa Cruz: Holy Cross Mentor: St. John Vianney Santa Monica: St. Monica East Longmeadow: St. Michael University Heights: Church of the Washington Simi Valley: St. Rose of Lima Newton: St. Ignatius Gesu Olympia: Holy Wisdom Inclusive Spring Valley: Santa Sophia Provincetown: St. Peter Westlake: St. Ladislas Catholic Community Sharon: Our Lady of Sorrows Wooster: St. Mary of the Immaculate Stanford: Catholic Community at Stan- Wisconsin ford University Springfield: Sacred Heart Conception Madison: Holy Wisdom Monastery South Pasadena: Holy Family Michigan Oregon Valinda: St. Martha Ann Arbor: St. Mary Student Parish Beaverton: Mission of the Atonement To add your faith community to our Vernon: Holy Angels Catholic Church Detroit: St. Leo, Christ the King, Gesu Portland: St. Andrew, St. Francis of list, please contact New Ways Minis- of the Deaf Parish Assisi, St. Phillip Neri, Down- try at [email protected] or Walnut Creek: St. John Vianney Kalamazoo: St. Thomas More town Chapel (St. Vincent de Paul) call 301-277-5674. West Hollywood: St. Ambrose, St. Ignace: St. Ignatius Loyola St. Victor Westland: Ss. Simon and Jude Pennsylvania Whittier: St. Mary of the Assumption Philadelphia: Old St. Joseph, Minnesota Old St. Mary, St. John the Colorado Minneapolis: St. Frances Cabrini, Evangelist, St. Vincent DePaul Arvada: Spirit of Christ St. Joan of Arc Avon: St. Edward Rhode Island Colorado Springs: Sacred Heart Missouri Providence: St. Francis Chapel, Denver: St. Dominic, Christ the King, Kansas City: Guardian Angels, St. Mary’s Our Lady of Mount Carmel St. Francis Xavier, St. James Wickford: St. Bernard St. Joseph: St. Francis Xavier Lafayette: Immaculate Conception Tennessee Littleton: Light of the World, St. Louis: St. Cronan, St. Margaret of Scotland, St. Pius V Memphis: Cathedral of the St Frances Cabrini Immaculate Conception Montana Connecticut Hartford: St. Patrick-St. Anthony Billings: Holy Rosary, St. Pius X Page 8 BONDINGS Vol. 34, No. 2 Fortunate Families Founders Feted for Ministry to Catholic Parents of LGBT People

By Francis DeBernardo had. (NACDGLM is now known as represented Call To Action; Marianne bers, were also part of the evening’s fes- Bondings 2.0 the Catholic Association for Lesbian Duddy-Burke, executive director, repre- tivities. Fortunate Families Board Presi- NewWaysMinistryBlog.wordpress.com and Gay Ministry.) Throughout the sented DignityUSA; Francis DeBernar- dent Deb Word presented the Lopatas May 11, 2014 1990s, the Lopatas were tireless in their do, executive director, represented New with a memory book, and New York State education, support, and advocacy minis- Ways Ministry. Sister Jeannine Assemblyman Harry Bronson gave them a When the history of the Catholic LGBT try for families. They served as consult- Gramick, co-founder of New Ways resolution from the legislature in honor of movement is written, a major chapter of it ants on the U.S. bishops’ 1997 pastoral Ministry, and Father James their contributions. must be devoted to Mary Ellen and Casey letter, Always Our Children. Schexnayder, founder of NACDLGM The Lopatas are leaving an indelible Lopata, a pair of Catholic parents of a gay They published several resources in- were unable to attend in person, but they mark on our church because they have son, whose journey of understanding and cluding a book, Fortunate helped to affirm and empower acceptance led them to ministry with other Families: Catholic Families so many parents, and LGBT parents, and eventually the founding of a with Lesbian Daughters and people, as well. Catholic par- national network called Fortunate Fami- Gay Sons, and a manual enti- ents are among the most pas- lies. Last weekend, Catholics from around tled Seeds of Hope: Compas- sionate and persuasive advo- the country gathered in the Lopatas’ sionate Ministry with Gay cates for LGBT people in the hometown of Rochester, New York, for a and Lesbian Catholics and church. Their natural love for dinner celebrating their retirement from Their Families. In 2004, they their LGBT children motivates leadership in Fortunate Families, as well established Fortunate Fami- them to work to make sure that as the 10th anniversary of this network of lies as a nationwide resource they are treated in the same Catholic parents of LGBT people. and networking ministry to, way as their heterosexual chil- During the event, the history of the for, and with Catholic par- dren are treated. Lopatas’ ministry was recounted, going ents of LGBT people. In the For some parents, it takes some back to 1992 when they attended New following year, New Ways time to adjust to the new infor- Ways Ministry’s Third National Symposi- Ministry presented them mation that their children are um on Lesbian/Gay Issues and Catholi- with its Bridge Building LGBT. Support from other cism, in Chicago. The couple attended Award, “for compassionate parents who have gone through the meeting with six other pastorally in- ministry, personal witness, the same experience is often volved people from Rochester, and they and national leadership to the biggest help for those who returned home fired with enthusiasm to promote justice for lesbian/ are just learning about a child’s start pastoral outreach to LGBT people, gay Catholics, their parents, sexual orientation or gender and particularly, their parents. Their ef- and families.” identity. forts eventually led to the establishment of Fortunate Families is a Casey and Mary Ellen Lopata peruse a memory album Parents of LGBT children are a the Diocese of Rochester’s Catholic Gay member of the Equally presented to them by Fortunate Families Board President Deb Word true gift to the church. The and Lesbian Family Ministry. Blessed Coalition, which also at their retirement dinner. journey of love and acceptance A few years later, the Lopatas were includes Call To Ac- that Catholic parents go on is instrumental in helping to establish the tion, DignityUSA, and New Ways Min- each sent video testimonials about the the same journey that the entire church National Association of Catholic Dioce- istry. Representatives from each of Lopatas’ contributions to the Catholic eventually will need to experience. So, all san Lesbian and Gay Ministries these three other coalition partners were LGBT movement. in the church, particularly pastoral minis- (NACDLGM), and in 1998 they orga- on hand in Rochester to praise and thank Emails and letters from parents and ters and bishops, can learn a lot from nized and hosted the group’s national con- the Lopatas at their retirement par- pastoral ministers, as well as testimonies these people that God has made so fortu- ference in Rochester, one of the most suc- ty. Jim FitzGerald, executive director, from Fortunate Families board mem- nate.  cessful meetings the organization has ever

(Continued from page 1) redeemed sinners. disagreements within families. Just look same-sex acts are "intrinsically disor- Our purpose as a Christian church is In a conservative parish like mine, at the recent smack down between the dered" and may never be approved in any to remain faithful to the teaching of Jesus the presence of LGBT people is not gen- Cheney sisters over gay marriage. way. But that certainly is not my experi- Christ. It is significant that Jesus had erally a big issue, but it does exist. We Civil society will still have to work ence as a pastor of souls. nothing to say about gay relationships. If have a few same-sex couples in our par- out a new modus vivendi on such things Almost a decade ago, I got to know a homosexuality had been important to Je- ish. At least two couples have been mar- as open housing, the wording of school gay couple in our parish. They had been sus, he would have said something about ried civilly. They live quietly, devoutly textbooks, legal adoption policies, together 35 years. Both are dead now. it. After all, he told us his views on di- and humbly. fringe benefits for spouses, and access Richard was a retired school teacher. vorce and adultery and many other ethical Maryland legalized gay marriage a to government programs. Even the George was a retired architect. issues. But Jesus said nothing about it. little over a year ago. So far, it has not church will have to adjust. Religious When George was dying of cancer, Maybe it was not important to him. caused even so much as ripple in our liberty, like all of the rights in the Bill of Richard came to see me to ask if I would Clearly, the most important thing to parish. It simply does not affect us. Sac- Rights, is a qualified right, not an abso- anoint his friend. Once at their house, I Jesus was love. The night before he died, ramental heterosexual marriages are not lute right. realized they were a couple. Richard was he said to his disciples, "I give you a new threatened by the civil law's recognition But I don't think the sacramental nursing George through his final illness. commandment, love one another" (John of gay marriage. We are much more definition of marriage as taught by the He had also helped George's parents. 13:34). Love is the key and the measure threatened by no-fault divorce, which church will change. We will still limit After George died, Richard came into of his followers. So long as gay relation- came into the law 50 years ago. marriage to one man and one woman. the parish office to plan the funeral. The ships are truly loving and committed, I It is my view that we should get out It seems to me that so long as we rest of the family refused to come, but cannot see how they are intrinsically dis- of the civil aspects of marriage altogeth- are free to celebrate our weddings in our they did telephone to say, "We don't want ordered. er, just as they do in France and Mexico own way and live our understanding, we it mentioned that our brother was gay and So how do we respond to people in and many other countries. People who should not be threatened by same-sex we don't want that man mentioned." same-sex relationships in our parish? want to be married in the eyes of the law marriages. Indeed, we may come to see At the funeral, I began the homily by First, I try to see the whole person. should go to the courthouse. People who them for what they really are: a rather saying, "I want to thank Richard for being This is what Pope Francis said he want to be married in the eyes of the conservative movement that pushes the such a great friend to George over more tries to do when he spoke with the Jesuit church should come to us. Church and gay community toward sexual restraint than 35 years. Your relationship was the magazine La Civiltá Cattolica. He tries to state should be free to have their own and stability. It may cut down on overall defining relationship of his life and a real see the "whole person" because people definitions. promiscuity in society. Surely, that is a sign of love and friendship." cannot be reduced to just one aspect of Welcoming gay parishioners does good thing. Richard was grateful. For the first their lives. Certainly, no one is defined have some limits. We do not perform I have to say frankly that I have time in 35 years, he started coming back only by their sins. As the pope said, "If gay marriages. We teach only about changed my view over the past 20 years. to the church. Three years later, it was they accept the Lord and have good will, sacramental marriage in our religious Like vice presidents Dick Cheney and Richard who was dying of cancer. I went who am I to judge them?" education classes. We do not host wed- Joe Biden, I am evolving. Perhaps the to see him in the hospital in Delaware. I Seeing the whole person has practical ding receptions for same-sex weddings. Catholic church should evolve, too. anointed him and gave him Communion. consequences in pastoral life. (Our parish avoids this conflict by When gay marriage passed by ref- He asked me to say his funeral Mass, just Our parish motto is "All Are Wel- limiting our wedding receptions to wed- erendum in Maryland, our local bishops as I had done for his partner. come." We really mean it. That includes dings that take place in our parish were notably quiet. Perhaps it was be- Since neither of them was buried in LGBT people, too. We welcome them to church. We are not a hiring hall for wed- cause it passed by a vote of the people our parish cemetery, I put up a plaque for the Eucharist if they are Catholics. We dings.) and not by a court decision or legislative them on our wall of remembrance, as is baptize their children. We register the Recently, I was asked to bless the action. Maybe our bishops are evolving, our custom. On the plaque, I quoted Si- children in our activities and programs, home of a gay couple. Judging from the too. rach 6:14: "A faithful friend is a sturdy just like any child. Welcome means wel- crucifixes and holy pictures, they have a Most of my parishioners are mili- shelter, he who finds one finds a treasure." come. very traditional piety. Apart from the tary or civil servants. They vote Repub- Their relationship was not perfect, but I am not the bedroom police. I do not fact that they are gay, it was a pretty lican. One man, who identifies himself it was certainly not intrinsically disor- quiz people on their private lives. I do not Ozzie-and-Harriet relationship. as a tea party Republican, told me that dered.  know who is sleeping with a boyfriend or In the United States, gay marriage is the son of a friend came out to him. girlfriend. I do not know who is cheating now legal in 17 states and the District of "What did you say to him?" I asked. Fr. Peter Daly is a priest in the arch- on a spouse. But one thing I know for Columbia. As a legal issue, I think the "I told him it was OK to be gay. diocese of Washington, D.C., and has sure: One hundred percent of the people debate is all over but the shouting. There Just don't become a Democrat." been pastor of St. John Vianney parish in who come to Communion at every Mass will still be serious disagreements within For more than 40 years, the lan- Prince Frederick, Maryland, since 1994. in the history of the world are sinners; society, of course. There will even be guage of the magisterium said that all