BONDINGS Volume 29, No. 1 A Publication of New Ways Ministry Winter 2008/2009 In a First, Rights Are Pressed at the U.N.

right so it will be remembered,” said Scott eral system prevents us from undertaking By Neil MacFarquhar tions, rejected the idea that sexual orienta- Long, a director at Human Rights Watch. commitments and engagements where federal The New York Times tion was a matter of genetic coding. The state- The official authorities don’t December 18, 2008 ment, led by the Organization of the Islamic Conference, said the effort threatened to un- American position have jurisdiction,” was based on highly said Alejandro D. An unprecedented declaration seeking to dermine the international framework of hu- technical legal Wolff, the deputy decriminalize homosexuality won the support man rights by trying to normalize pedophilia, grounds. The text, by permanent repre- of 66 countries in the United Nations Gen- among other acts. using terminology sentative. eral Assembly on Thursday, but opponents The Organization of the Islamic Confer- like “without distinc- Gay-rights ad- criticized it as an attempt to legitimize pedo- ence also failed in a last-minute attempt to tion of any kind,” vocates brought to philia and other “deplorable acts.” alter a formal resolution that Sweden spon- was too broad be- the conference from The United States refused to support the sored condemning summary executions. It cause it might be in- around the world by nonbinding measure, as did Russia, China, sought to have the words “sexual orientation” terpreted as an at- said just the Roman Church and members of deleted as one of the central reasons for such tempt by the federal having the taboo the Organization of the Islamic Conference. killings. government to over- broken on discuss- The ’s observer mission issued a Ms. Yade and the Dutch foreign minis- ride states’ rights on ing the topic at the statement saying that the declaration “chal- ter, Maxime Verhagen, said at a news con- issues like gay mar- United Nations lenges existing human rights norms.” ference that they were “disappointed” that riage, American dip- would aid their The declaration, sponsored by France the United States failed to support the decla- lomats and legal experts said. battles at home. “People in Africa can have with broad support in Europe and Latin ration. Human rights activists went further. “We are opposed to any discrimination, hope that someone is speaking for them,” said America, condemned human rights violations “The Bush administration is trying to come legally or politically, but the nature of our fed- the Rev. Jide Macaulay of Nigeria. based on , saying such measures up with Christmas presents for the religious run counter to the universal declaration of human rights. “How can we tolerate the fact that people are stoned, hanged, decapitated and tortured A Catholic Rebellion? only because of their sexual orientation?” said Rama Yade, the French state secretary for hu- In contrast to the homophobia of the , Catholic man rights, noting that homosexuality is banned in nearly 80 countries and subject to the death penalty in at least six. in England and Wales are urging acceptance of gay people France decided to use the format of a dec- laration because it did not have the support By Peter Tatchell can your family received from lay Catholics during its Listen- for an official resolution. Read out by Am- Guardian.co.uk do to make ing Day survey: bassador Jorge Argüello of Argentina, the dec- December 15, 2008 a difference?” Unusu- “The continual message from the church laration was the first on gay rights read in the ally for an official Catho- is that homosexuality is so, so dreadful. Our 192-member General Assembly itself. A pastoral leaflet au- lic publication, gay son just hasn’t stood a chance … My Although laws against homosexuality are thorized by the Catholic it acknowledges the “op- is gay; the church has been very in- concentrated in the Middle East, Asia and Bishops Conference pression” suffered by ho- tolerant of him.” Africa, more than one speaker addressing a of England and Wales is mosexuals: This frank admission of past failings is separate conference on the declaration noted creating more than a few “As a group that has brave and honorable, as is the suggestion that that the laws stemmed as much from the Brit- ripples throughout suffered more than its Catholics should “express appreciation for ish colonial past as from religion or tradition. the Catholic world. In a share of oppression and the gifts that homosexual Catholics bring to Navanethem Pillay, the United Nations marked departure from the contempt, the homo- their faith community”. high commissioner for human rights, speak- constant stream of anti-gay sexual community has a Exuding love, compassion and empathy, ing by video telephone, said that just like denunciations by the particular claim on the leaflet goes on to advise priests and pa- apartheid laws that criminalized sexual rela- Vatican, it urges clergy and the concern of the rishioners: tions between different races, laws against ho- churchgoers to be respect- church.” “Try not to assume that everyone is het- mosexuality “are increasingly becoming rec- ful and welcoming towards Indeed, the leaflet erosexual ... Avoid stereotyping and condemn- ognized as anachronistic and as inconsistent and gay people. includes a disarmingly ing ... Remember that homophobic jokes both with international law and with tradi- The leaflet, which is honest admission of and asides can be cruel and hurtful; a care- Peter Tatchell tional values of dignity, inclusion and respect distributed to dioceses, is en- the role played by the less word can mean another experience of re- for all.” titled: “What is life like if in the jection and pain.” The opposing statement read in the Gen- you or someone in your family is gay or les- victimization and marginalization of lesbian The leaflet’s suggested reading list of eral Assembly, supported by nearly 60 na- bian in their sexual orientation? ... and what and gay people. It quotes comments seminal Catholic statements on homosexuality does not, notably, include any statements from the Vatican. It omits all papal documents de- Be careful not to offend gay worshippers, Catholic priests warned nouncing homosexuality and endorsing legal discrimination against lesbian and gay people. Catholic traditionalists have, predictably, By Simon Caldwell condemned the leaflet’s liberal message and Dailymail.co.uk - London, England are undermined by Pope Benedict XVI's op- by Pope Benedict XVI's opposition to gay accused the English and Welsh church of November 29, 2008 position to gay marriage marriage. defying Vatican orthodoxy. priests have been Priests are also encouraged to put up The advice was criticised by Lynette One English critic, Father Ray Blake, has banned from using 'heterosexist' language in posters advertising 'support services' for ho- Burrows, a Catholic commentator, as 'pitiful'. described the leaflet as ”troubling” because their churches in case they offend gay wor- mosexuals, a move bound to infuriate many She said it was ridiculous that Church it does not mention the traditional shippers. Catholics who believe gay sexual activity to leaders appeared to be ' grovelling' to a secu- Catholic teaching that homosexuals should They have been told by their bishops not be sinful. lar agenda. live a life of chastity. to assume that every churchgoer is a hetero- The advice was welcomed by gay rights 'It is things like this that are enfeebling Although I am an atheist and a strong sexual and to reflect this 'in language and campaigner Peter Tatchell as a 'positive ini- the Church at the moment - the concentra- critic of Catholic homophobia (and sexism), conversation'. tiative which will bring great comfort to gay tion on things that don't matter and missing I applaud this leaflet. It is a welcome, 'Remember that homophobic jokes and Catholics and their families'. the things that do,' she said. positive initiative which will bring great com- asides can be cruel and hurtful - a careless He said: 'Its sympathetic, understanding 'What is pitiful as well as demeaning is fort to gay Catholics and their families. Its word can mean another experience of rejec- message is a big improvement on the past that the Church is running after homosexual sympathetic, understanding message is a huge tion and pain,' say the bishops in a leaflet homophobia of some Catholic pronounce- opinion but nothing is going to make homo- improvement on the stern, uncompromising advising priests and worshippers how to be ments on homosexuality.' sexuals like the Catholic Church. homophobia of most Vatican more welcoming to gay people. However, he said the 'laudable change 'This is because the Catholic Church pronouncements on homosexuality. Activists say any moves by the Catholic of tone' was undermined by the 'homopho- teaches that homosexuality is a disorder and Church to be more tolerant of homosexuality bic content of the Catholic Catechism' and whatever the bishops say will not change that.' Continued on page 4 Page 2 BONDINGS Vol. 29, No. 1

B NDINGS News from New Ways Ministry By Francis DeBernardo, Executive Director Winter 2008/2009 Vol. 29, No. 1 The closing of 2008 and the dawn of 2009 might have can president, Barack Obama, the decline in the economy has put many people into extremely dire circumstances. Francis DeBernardo, Editor been what Charles Dickens was thinking about when he opened “A Tale of Two Cities” with the famous line, “It was As we review events in the arena of lesbian/gay issues in Board of Directors the best of times. It was the worst of times.” the Catholic Church, the same Dickensian sentiment expresses Mary Byers Daily headlines proclaim the truth of this sentiment for the mood, too. The last few months have been months of Frank O’Donnell, SM the national mood in the U.S. While people are elated and struggle, as the stories in this issue of Bondings indicate. Rev. Paul Thomas overjoyed at the historic election of our first African-Ameri- In California, the electoral battle over legalizing same- sex marriage brought out two courageous priests who spoke Board of Advisors their consciences on the issue. While the restrictive Proposi- Cornelius Hubbuch, CFX Financial Statement tion 8 ultimately passed, two Catholic prelates in California Anna Koop, SL called for toleration of opposing views. Sadly, these bish- Elizabeth Linehan, RSM July 1, 2007 to June 30, 2008 Patricia McDermott, RSM ops’ calls for toleration didn’t stop some protestors from van- Rev. Joseph Muth Statement of Revenue and Expenses dalizing Most Holy Redeemer parish church in San Francisco, Barbara Regan, rc one of the nation’s leading gay-friendly parishes. Revenue Total % of Total Messages from the Catholic hierarchy also contained Staff Contributions 78,285.72 42.6 paradoxical news. Just days after Catholic bishops in Great Francis DeBernardo, Executive Director Grants 39,600.00 21.5 Britain called for pastors to use more sensitive language con- Matthew Myers, Associate Staff Investments 16,567.54 9.0 cerning lesbian/gay people, the Vatican announced that it would oppose a United Nations resolution to support human Co-Founders Programs 46,152.45 25.1 Sister Jeannine Gramick Publications 1,836.78 1.0 rights for GLBT people all over the globe. Similarly, the Father Robert Nugent Other 1,498.34 .8 pope seemed to ignore the advice about using more sensitive Total Revenue 183,940.83 100.0 language when he compared new gender relationships and Bondings is a seasonal publication designed to keep understandings to the destruction of the rainforest. our subscribers informed of issues that pertain to Expenses Total % of Total As you read through this issue of Bondings, you will lesbian and gay people and the Catholic Church. Contributions 4,145.00 2.4 learn about all these controversies and many other bits of Salaries and benefits 94,324.90 54.1 news as well. As I perused these stories, I was struck by a Founded in 1977, New Ways Ministry is an educa- paradoxical feeling similar to the Dickens lines: “How far tional and bridge-building ministry of reconciliation Telephone, supplies 3,155.57 1.8 between the Catholic gay and lesbian community and Postage and printing 10,944.70 6.3 we have come! institutional structures in the Roman Catholic Church. Occupancy 4,903.18 2.8 How far we have to go!” Travel, conferences 39,348.45 22.6 When I became involved in lesbian/gay ministry over New Ways Ministry seeks to eradicate prevalent Depreciation 3,030.00 1.7 15 years ago, I never thought that we would be at a point myths and stereotypes about homosexuality and Fees, payroll taxes 7,192.95 4.1 where same-sex marriage is not only openly discussed, but supports civil rights for lesbian and gay Staff Dev., consultation 7,386.89 4.2 legal in some places. Even five years ago, I never thought persons in society. Total expenses 174,431.64 100.0 that we would see priests publicly break rank with their bish- ops on lesbian/gay issues. Similarly, I was not prepared for For more information, contact: New Ways Ministry Fund balance, beginning of year 423,711.11 the Vatican to go against its best thinking on the protection of 4012 29th Street Excess for year 9,509.19 human rights by opposing a UN measure to protect those rights Mount Rainier, MD 20712 Other changes in net assets 3,057.34 for sexual minorities around the world. (301) 277-5674 Fund balance, end of year 426,277.64 Because it some times feels like “the worst of times” for E-mail: [email protected] Catholics involved in lesbian/gay ministry, we continue to do Web: www.newwaysministry.org *Approximately $331,000 of the current fund balance repre- our work at New Ways Ministry. Because we are supported sents a reserve for 22 months operational expenses. The fund by so many good people, who, like yourselves, are helping to balance also includes land, building, and equipment assets of bring about a more just and equal church, we more often feel approximately $95,000. like these are certainly “the best of times.”

The Pope’s Christmas Gift: A Tough Line on TO SUBSCRIBE... Church Doctrine COMPLETE AND RETURN THE FORM BELOW By Jeff Israely Said Migliore: “Countries that don’t recognize the union be- Time Magazine tween people of the same sex as marriage will be punished December 12, 2008 and pressured.” Please add my name to your mailing list. The U.N. declaration does not in fact mention gay mar- Those nicknames from the past — God’s Rottweiler, the riage, and most of the nations that support it themselves don’t Enclosed is: Panzercardinal — don’t seem to stick anymore. After acquir- allow people of the same sex to wed. Migliore ___ $25.00 in the U.S. ing a reputation as an aggressive, doctrine-enforcing Cardi- confirmed on Tuesday that the Vatican had also refused to ___ $35.00 outside the U.S. nal, Pope Benedict XVI has surprised many with his gentle sign a U.N. document last May in support of the rights of the ___ I would like to receive Bondings, but manner and his writings on Christian love. But with the Christ- disabled because it did not include condemnation of abor- cannot donate at this time. mas season upon us, there is growing proof that the 82-year- tion, and the rights the fetus with birth defects. Vatican offi- ___ An extra contribution for those unable old Pope is also quite willing to play the part of Scrooge to cials nevertheless voiced support for the central principles of to donate defend his often rigid view of Church doctrine. the disabled rights document, which Migliore helped craft Benedict’s envoy to the United Nations, Archbishop before the final decision to withhold the Holy See’s signa- Name ______Celestino Migliore, has announced that the Vatican will op- ture. pose a proposed U.N. declaration calling for an end to dis- The Italian gay rights association Arcigay says the Address ______crimination against homosexuals. At first blush, no one should Vatican’s opposition to the anti-discriminatory measure is be surprised to find the Catholic Church hierarchy butting “unprecedented,” and the citing of gay marriage is an “ex- City ______heads with gay rights activists. But this particular French- cuse” to distract people from the real intent of criminalizing State/Province ______Zip______sponsored proposal, which has the backing of all 27 Euro- gays. One Rome-based priest was disappointed that the pean Union countries, calls for an end to the practice of Vatican decided to publicize its opposition to what appears a Home Phone______criminalizing and punishing people for their sexual orienta- rather innocuous declaration. “When you’re always trying to tion. Most dramatically, in some countries, including Iran and look for new ways to make your point, you lose credibility,” Work Phone______Saudi Arabia, homosexuality can be punished by death. says the priest. “Better sometimes to keep quiet.” Papal spokesman Father Federico Lombardi was forced Benedict has said repeatedly that the Church is forced to E-mail______to clarify that the Vatican continues to condemn the use of speak out against the tide of secularization, especially in the death penalty for any crime, including those associated Catholicism’s home turf in Europe. His kindly manner not- with homosexuality. Instead, Migliore said the Vatican’s op- withstanding, Benedict does not seem to hesitate doing or Please make check payable to “New Ways Ministry.” position to the U.N. proposal was driven by concern that coun- saying what he deems necessary to keep Catholicism from Outside the U.S., please use only checks drawn on a tries that prohibit gay marriage would somehow be targeted. straying too far from its doctrinal tradition. U.S. bank in U.S. dollars; no postal money orders. Mail to: New Ways Ministry, 4012 29th Street, Your submissions requested! If your organization, parish or religious com- Mt. Rainier, MD 20712. munity is doing something to promote dialogue about lesbian/gay issues, send us a photo and short article to include in the next issue of Bondings. Winter 2008/2009 BONDINGS Page 3 Gay priest is true to his faith, at odds with his church

By Steve Lopez “I have a hunger for the transcendent,” ded my passport.” was asked by a Prop. 8 supporter in Fresno to Los Angeles Times Farrow said. “This is too precise,” he said of I asked if he’d had any relationships speak up in favor of the measure. He knew he October 26, 2008 man and the universe, “to be a coincidence.” while serving as a priest. couldn’t and that in fact he had to do just the And so he became a believer, once more, in Yes, he confessed. He seemed near tears opposite. So who is this Catholic priest from the church he had been “carried to in diapers.” and stopped short of sharing the details. But “I am morally compelled to vote no on Fresno who stood up and spoke out against When I told Farrow that as an agnostic, he said it had ended. Proposition 8,” he told his congregation, say- Proposition 8, putting his career on the line? I don’t understand that leap, he described God I wondered again how anyone could go ing he had to break “a numbing silence” about As a gay man who finds the church’s views as love and faith as trust. through such an ordeal and remain commit- church prejudice against homosexuals. on homosexuality so objectionable, why has “Trust is fundamental of all human rela- ted to a church that considers it a sin for a Among the critics in his own parish and he been a priest for more than 20 years and tionships,” he said. “Part of the attrac- beyond, there are those who quote the subjected himself to such moral conflict? tion of the relationship with that per- Bible to condemn homosexuality and After reading my colleague Duke son is that you’re always familiar with gay marriage. Helfand’s story about Father Geoffrey Far- them and yet always discovering “The Bible is not a book, it’s a li- row and his recent career-suicide from the them.” brary written over 15 centuries,” Farrow pulpit, I was curious. I love and trust my wife, I said, told me, suggesting that Christianity has Farrow agreed to meet me for lunch in but she’s real and doesn’t need to prove and should continue to evolve. “People the middle of a schedule that’s gotten very that she exists. who approach scripture in a literal fash- busy since he became persona non grata to “Precisely,” Farrow said with a ion are attempting to manipulate God his employer. He’s been asked to appear all smile, as if I’d described his relation- himself.” over the state for rallies against Prop. 8, which ship with God. To Farrow, condemning gay and would amend the California Constitution to When his family moved from lesbian marriage is as offensive as the say marriage can only be between a man and Florida to Redondo Beach in the condemnations of interracial marriage a woman. 1970s, Farrow, still closeted as a gay not too many decades ago. Father Farrow, who was suspended by man, joined St. John’s Seminary in “ ‘Think about the children,’ they his two weeks ago, strolled into the Camarillo. said, and they’re doing the same with lobby of the Kyoto Grand Hotel in downtown Is it possible, I asked, that becom- this,” Farrow said indignantly. “If a child Los Angeles wearing the collar. ing a priest was a way of avoiding com- is raised in a home where he’s loved, “I’m still a priest,” he said over lunch, ing to terms with his sexuality? Far- that’s a good home.” though he fully expected to be disciplined for row had, after all, once prayed to God So why not just quit his job rather speaking to his congregation about Prop. 8 to “please make me normal, please than wait to get fired? and wouldn’t be surprised if he’s ultimately make me normal.” Rev. Geoffrey Farrow Farrow said he still sees the church as fired. “That’s a valid question,” he said, but home, and believes his new mission is to For the moment, he’s staying with friends he believes he was addressing his spiritual gay person to act on biological urges. Whom force this issue whether he’s wearing a collar in Los Angeles. Farrow, 50, doesn’t know rather than sexual identity in becoming a do you even talk to for help? I asked. or not. what he’ll do after the election. He was sus- priest. “There are a lot of clergy who deal with “They said I’ve caused scandal to the pended without pay and said his medical ben- Wasn’t it a suffocating compromise? I this,” Farrow said, telling me many priests church,” he said. “I think the real scandal is efits run out at the end of the month. asked. He had given himself over to a church in the Fresno diocese are gay. “You speak to the thousands of gay and lesbian children who Farrow, who lived in Cuba until the age that has, despite moderating its views in re- each other.” feel abandoned by the church of their bap- of 4, grew up Catholic in Florida and knew cent decades, condemned homosexuality and But that’s a form of silence as well as tism.” as a teenager that he was gay. He dated girls marginalized gays, even though in Farrow’s hypocrisy, and Farrow was increasingly When he was in seminary, Farrow in- “to keep up appearances” but was miserable opinion a sizable percentage of priests are gay. troubled by his double life. Not long ago, he terned as at St. Vincent’s Medical about it, and he began questioning his faith. Farrow conceded that he has considered saw a woman crying in a church hallway and Center and worked with terminally ill patients. “If God is omnipotent, why is there evil church teachings “monstrous,” especially asked what was wrong. As the end nears, Farrow told me, people say in the world?” he asked himself as body bags given the history of violence and suicide vic- “My son just came out to me,” she said. the things they never could utter. They are returned to the U.S. from Vietnam. timizing gays. But he said he has always be- “I was having a dinner party and I told him “more alive than ever . . . because they real- He looked into agnosticism and atheism, lieved in the church, if not in the men who he couldn’t bring his boyfriend.” ize the futility of fear.” He found them all neither of which offered the answers he led it. It’s like loving a family member de- “Do you know what you just did?” Far- contemplating the same questions. wanted. In his first year of college in Florida, spite a falling out, or loving your country even row asked her. “You just told your son he “Were you true to your conscience? Did he studied philosophy, read Cicero and mused as you doubt its leaders. was not as important to you as your dinner you do what you felt was right?” on the meaning of history, civilization and the “I’m not happy with the current admin- guests.” And one more -- “What do you have in nature of God. istration,” Farrow said, “but I haven’t shred- Farrow then had his epiphany when he the end but the love you gave away?”

San Francisco archbishop defends role in Prop 8 passage

By Matthai Kuruvila region at the forefront of gay and lesbian "Having Catholics, evangelicals and a very long time to forgive our archdiocese San Francisco Chronicle rights. Jews in a coalition was exactly the right way for this." December 4, 2008 During the campaign, Niederauer issued to do it," Otterson said. "We knew someone The Rev. Donal Godfrey, who profiled a statements, sent flyers and gave a videotaped would make this a Mormon-versus-gays largely gay Castro district parish in the book San Francisco Catholic Archbishop interview posted at battle." "Gays and Grays" and is executive director George Niederauer, in his first extensive ex- www.marriagematterstokids.org. But In his statement Wednesday, titled for university ministry at the University of San planation about his role in the passage of Niederauer's most prominent action was "Moving forward together," Niederauer Francisco, took Niederauer's statement as an Proposition 8, on Wednesday defended the drawing in the Church of Jesus Christ of Lat- urged both sides to tone down the rhetoric affirmation that all views are welcome and church's actions in the successful ballot ini- ter-day , whose members responded and move toward a common cause. encouraged in the archdiocese. tiative. with intensive grassroots organizing and an "Tolerance, respect and trust are always "Archbishop Niederauer is a pastoral, "Religious leaders in America have the estimated $20 million in campaign contribu- two-way streets and tolerance, respect and caring and intelligent man," said Godfrey, constitutional right to speak out on issues of tions from individuals that accounted for half trust often do not include agreement, or even adding that most Catholics he knew opposed public policy," Niederauer wrote in a state- of the Yes on 8 campaign's total. approval," he wrote. "We need to be able to Prop. 8. "He knows Catholics disagree in good ment posted on the archdiocese's Web site. Niederauer noted that many other Chris- disagree without being disagreeable. ... We conscience. By saying this, he's saying (he) "Catholic bishops, specifically, also have a tian denominations supported Prop. 8, includ- need to stop hurling names like 'bigot' and won't judge their motives." responsibility to teach the faith, and our be- ing evangelical Protestant, Orthodox and his- 'pervert' at each other. And we need to stop it Bill May, chairman of Catholics for the liefs about marriage and family are part of torically African American churches. now. Common Good, who helped coordinate state- this faith." The Mormon church has said "We churchgoers need to speak and act wide Catholic support for the measure, ap- Niederauer, who has declined interview Niederauer, previously the bishop of Salt out of the truth that all people are God's chil- preciated that Niederauer took time to explain requests, wrote that "to insist that citizens be Lake City for 11 years, played a pivotal role dren and are unconditionally loved by God," that there are "strong and legitimate reasons silent about their religious beliefs" would in its joining the cause. he wrote. for supporting marriage between a man and a have had a detrimental effect on history, gag- "We were invited to join the coalition," Kevin Sullivan, a gay parishioner at St. woman." ging the voices of important abolitionists and Michael Otterson, managing director of pub- Dominic's in the Fillmore district, found May also echoed Godfrey's praise. people in the civil rights movement. lic affairs for the church, told The Chronicle Niederauer's letter to be "very condescend- Niederauer "is a very loving person," Niederauer's statement, coming more in an interview shortly after the election. "We ing" and said the archdiocese deserves the May said. "He expresses the teachings of the than a month after the vote to ban same-sex didn't unilaterally go into the battle." moniker of being bigoted. church in a very pastoral way. He is express- marriage in the nation's most populous state, Otterson said Niederauer's letter per- "The actions of our archdiocese and this ing the fundamental understanding of the underscored the complex role he plays. As suaded the Mormon church that they wouldn't archbishop in no way spoke of tolerance, re- Catholic Church that every human person has archbishop of San Francisco, Niederauer is be fighting this battle alone, a status that spect and trust toward gay Catholics," said intrinsic dignity that must be respected." the ultimate teacher of Catholic doctrine in a would have made them vulnerable. Sullivan, 50. "It will take the gay community Page 4 BONDINGS Vol. 29, No. 1 Archdiocese at odds with gay marriage foes

By Michael Paulson setts’ ‘1913 Law’, which deals with Ordinary of the no winning on this issue. By The Boston Globe out of state couples seeking to marry diocese. Regard- the time the measure reaches October 11, 2008 in the Commonwealth. The letter ing the Archdio- the ballot in 2010, hundreds, also solicits your help in gathering cese of Boston, perhaps thousands, of out-of- The Roman Catholic Archdiocese of petition signatures at masses this none of these has state same-sex couples al- Boston, although staunchly opposed to gay coming weekend. Please know that authorized the ready will have married in marriage, is declining to support an effort to the Archdiocese was not contacted MassResistance Massachusetts. More impor- gather signatures at Masses for a referendum about this letter to its having mailing.” tantly, even if the referendum that would bar out-of-state same-sex couples been mailed. Additionally the letter The proposed effort were successful at the from marrying in Massachusetts. presumes to speak of Cardinal referendum to rein- ballot in 2010, this Governor The controversy apparently began last Sean’s personal disposition and ac- state the so-called and legislature—bent on ex- weekend, when Cardinal Sean P. O’Malley, tivities he would undertake as a pri- 1913 law, which had porting the same-sex mar- at the annual Walk for Life event, signed a vate citizen. Neither the Archdiocese been interpreted as riage experiment—could petition supporting the referendum. Then the nor the Cardinal were consulted barring most out-of- easily pass another repeal in organization supporting the referendum, about these matters at any time. Fur- state same-sex 2011.” MassResistance, wrote to parishes, citing ther, the Archdiocese would not ask couples from marry- But the cardinal’s deci- O’Malley’s support and asking priests to pastors or any other persons to ing here, has been Cardinal Sean O’Malley sion to sign the petition and gather signatures. That prompted the follow- gather petition signatures at masses. controversial even then bar parishes from col- ing e-mail from the archdiocese to pastors: The Archdiocese’s position concern- among opponents of same-sex marriage. The lecting signatures is drawing criticism from “It is has come to our attention that ing political matters is that materi- Massachusetts Family Institute, one of the some conservatives. Over at “The Lady in the you may be receiving a letter from als shall not be distributed unless au- leading opponents of same-sex marriage, has Pew,’’ blogger Kelly Clark has an e-mail alert the organization MassResistance, thorized by the United States Con- declined to support the referendum, saying: from MassResistance saying the development signed by Mr. Brian Camenker, con- ference of Catholic Bishops “Massachusetts Family Institute is not is “truly unbelievable. It’s as if the world is cerning Cardinal Sean having signed (USCCB), or the Massachusetts participating in the referendum effort to rein- turning upside-down.” a petition pertaining to Massachu- Catholic Conference (MCC), or the state the so-called 1913 Law because there is

“Gay persons are good and part of God’s creation”

California Catholic Daily The same day that Fr. Niskanen ex- He said he supports Proposition 4 – the fam- that between 5-10% of the human race, across October 13, 2008 pressed his opinion in San Gabriel, Fr. ily notification before a minor’s abortion ini- cultures, has a predominantly same-sex ori- Geoffrey Farrow told parishioners at the St. tiative, and that he op- entation. I believe Another priest has broken ranks with Paul in Fresno following his poses Proposition 6 – that we as a Church California’s bishops on the Protect Marriage Sunday morning homily that he opposed the the “Safe Neighbor- need to learn from initiative, telling his parishioners in the marriage initiative – and admitted during a hoods Act,” which their stories of rejec- church’s weekly bulletin, “I cannot in con- television interview before the Mass that he would add new crimes tion and alienation, science unequivocally support Proposition 8.” was a homosexual. and tougher penalties to of faith, hope, and The remarks came in a “dear parishio- In his “dear parishioners” letter at San state law. Fr. Niskanen’s love, so as to better ners” letter published Oct. 5. by Claretian Fr. Gabriel Mission, Fr. Niskanen went through positions on Props 4 and discern with them Steve Niskanen, pastor of San Gabriel Mis- each of the ballot measures endorsed by the 6 are in line with the rec- God’s will for their sion in the Los Angeles archdiocese. Catholic bishops of California one by one. ommendations of the and our lives. bishops. “My belief is But when it came to that gay persons, as Proposition 8, which gay, are good, and would amend the state part of God’s di- A Catholic Rebellion? constitution to outlaw Rev. Steve Niskanen verse creation. Their same-sex marriages, Fr. expression of love, Continued from page 1 Niskanen disagreed. After reprinting a por- though different from the majority, does, I tion of the bishops’ arguments in favor of the believe, participate in both the weakness and Indeed, I hope the Catholic Church in wards an intrinsic moral evil”. In October, proposition, he wrote: “I deeply respect and selfishness of sin and the generosity and kind- England and Wales will encourage the Vatican the Vatican ruled that chaste gay men should submit to the authority of our bishops and the ness of God’s love. They, like all of us, are to adopt this leaflet for use by Catholic be barred from the priesthood and this month force of traditional Catholic teaching limit- called to chastity; that is, sexual self-control dioceses worldwide. Its broader dissemina- it again vilified same-sex marriages and an- ing sexual relations to the love and life-giv- and loving respect of the other in conformity tion would help counteract the ignorance and nounced its intention to oppose a UN general ing commitment of heterosexual marriage. with one’s calling in life. In the pastoral state- prejudice that exists among many clergy and assembly statement calling for the decrimi- But I cannot in conscience unequivocally sup- ment, Always our Children, the US Bishops’ . nalization of homosexuality worldwide. port Proposition 8 because I cannot in my Committee on Marriage and Family con- But I would also add the following ca- The English church’s pastoral leaflet heart of hearts say with certainty, at this time, cludes with a consoling word to our gay veat: the loving, respectful tone of this pas- challenges these outdated, bigoted attitudes. that God would not call His gay and lesbian brothers and sisters, ‘Though at times you toral leaflet is undermined by the homopho- It reflects the growing acceptance of children into a faithful and life-long covenant may feel discouraged, hurt, or angry, do not bic content of the Catholic Catechism and by loving, loyal, long-term lesbian and gay re- with one another.” walk away from your families, from the the Pope’s frequent endorsement lationships by grassroots Catholics. It is also Fr. Niskanen’s letter continued, “Some Christian community, from all those who love of discriminatory, anti-gay laws. In particu- a fitting tribute to the late Cardinal members of our families and of our parish you. In you God’s love is revealed. You are lar, the Vatican policy of condemning loving, Basil Hume and a continuation of his valiant, family are gay and lesbian. Studies estimate always our children.’” stable same-sex relationships is not only but often tortured and incomplete, attempts ethically wrong; it risks undoing the good, to move English Catholicism towards kind intentions of this leaflet. the acceptance of gay people and gay human The Catechism, which sets out the basic rights. u u doctrines of the Roman church, reflects the I know from my personal dialogue with Word Flesh Spirit pre-scientific ignorance and anti-homosexual Cardinal Hume in the 1990s that he was per- prejudice of the medieval era; describing sonally pained by the Vatican’s intransigent, same-sex acts as a “grave depravity” heartless homophobia. He tried, as best he An Exploration and ”intrinsically disordered”. It states that could, to distance the English church from lesbian and gay relationships are “contrary to Rome, with nuanced theological pronounce- of Sexuality, Intimacy, and Celibacy ... and do not proceed ments that discreetly differed from those of from genuine affective and sexual the Pope. Although his distancing was far complementarity. Under no too subtle for my liking, I appreciated his ef- Mother Boniface Spirituality Center circumstances can they be approved.” forts. A Retreat for Priests The Vatican identifies homosexuality as It is good to see Cardinal Hume’s more 3501 Solly Avenue a deep-seated personality disorder and psy- gay-sympathetic theology reflected in this and Men Religious Philadelphia, PA 19136 chological flaw; variously condemning same- pastoral leaflet. He would be happy and sex acts as ”grave sins … objectively disor- proud. Congratulations and thanks to the Facilitated by: dered … (and) intrinsically immoral”. Catholic Bishops Conference of England and July 26-31, 2009 Even people who have a gay orientation Wales. Now please reform the Catechism – Cornelius Hubbuch, CFX, but abstain totally from sex are condemned or publish your own non-homophobic English by the Pope as possessing a “tendency to- version. Sponsored by New Ways Ministry and Dr. John Perito Winter 2008/2009 BONDINGS Page 5 BOOK REVIEW Vatican Attacked for Opposing Gay Decriminalization

By Phillip Pullella Rama Yade, France’s state secretary An editorial in Rome’s left-leaning La Reuters for human rights. Repubblica newspaper said the Vatican’s po- December 2, 2008 Human rights groups say ho- sition “leaves one dumbstruck.” Margherita Gay rights groups and newspaper edito- mosexuality is still punishable by Boniver, a leading member of the Italy’s left- rials on Tuesday condemned the Vatican for law in more than 85 countries and ist Democratic Party, called it “alarmingly its decision to oppose a proposed U.N. reso- by death in a number of them, in- anachronistic.” lution calling on governments worldwide to cluding Afghanistan, Iran, Saudi Grillini, the gay rights activist, said he de-criminalise homosexuality. Arabia, Sudan and Yemen. feared what he called another “Holy Alliance” The row erupted after the Vatican’s per- Vatican spokesman Rev between the Vatican and Islamic states at the manent observer to the United Nations told a Federico Lombardi said “no-one United Nations to oppose the proposed reso- French Catholic news agency the Holy See wants the death penalty or jail or lution. would oppose the resolution, which France fines for homosexuals” but de- At a major U.N. conference on the fam- is due to propose later this month on behalf fended Migliore’s comments, add- ily in Cairo in 1994, the Vatican teamed up of the 27-member European Union. ing that the Vatican was in the ma- with Islamic and Latin American countries to Archbishop Celestino Migliore said the Franco Grillini jority on the issue. defeat an abortion rights proposal. Vatican opposed the resolution because it “It’s not for nothing that fewer The Catholic Church teaches that while would “add new categories of those protected tries, the editorial said what the Vatican re- than 50 member states of the United Nations homosexuality is not sinful, homosexual acts from discrimination” and could lead to re- ally feared was a “chain reaction in favour of have adhered to the proposal in question are. But in October, a leading Vatican official verse discrimination against traditional het- legally recognised homosexual unions in while more than 150 have not adhered. The called homosexuality “a deviation, an irregu- erosexual marriage. countries, like Italy, where there is currently Holy See is not alone,” Lombardi said. larity and a wound.” “If adopted, they would create new and no legislation.” implacable discriminations,” Migliore said. Franco Grillini, founder and honorary “For example, states which do not recognise president of Arcigay, Italy’s leading gay rights same-sex unions as ‘matrimony’ will be pil- group, said the Vatican’s reasoning smacked Vatican Backs Decriminalization, loried and made an object of pressure,” of “total idiocy and madness.” Migliore said. “The French resolution, which is sup- Not U.N. Measure A strongly worded editorial in Italy’s ported by all 27 members of the European By Phil Stewart mainstream La Stampa newspaper said the Union, has nothing to do with gay marriage. Reuters posed European-backed text could lead to Vatican’s reasoning was “grotesque.” It is about stopping jail and the death penalty December 19, 2008 reverse discrimination against traditional Pointing out that homosexuality was still for homosexuals,” Grillini told Reuters. heterosexual marriage. punishable by death in some Islamic coun- The resolution is to be presented by The Vatican Friday urged govern- “If adopted, they would create new ments around the world to decriminalize and implacable discriminations,” Migliore homosexuality but said a proposed U.N. told a French Catholic news agency. “For resolution on the issue went too far. example, states which do not recognize Vatican spokesman Rev. Federico same-sex unions as ‘matrimony’ will be Pope accused of stoking homophobia Lombardi said the Holy See’s delegation pilloried and made an object of pressure.” explained the position at the United Na- The Catholic Church teaches that after he equates homosexuality to tions late on Thursday, criticizing the word- while homosexuality is not sinful, homo- ing of a European-backed text that cham- sexual acts are. It also opposes gay mar- climate change pions decriminalization of homosexuality. riage and, in October, a leading Vatican “The Holy See continues to advocate official called homosexuality “a deviation, By Phillipe Naughton ing in Western society, purely and simply that every sign of unjust discrimination to- an irregularity and a wound.” The Times - London, England because of their sexual orientation or their ward homosexual persons should be Sponsors of the European text point December 23, 2008 gender identity. avoided and urges States to do away with out that homosexuality is still punishable “When you have religious leaders like criminal penalties against them,” read the by law in 77 countries and by death in delegation’s remarks, released by the seven of them. This includes Iran, Saudi Pope Benedict was accused of stoking that making that sort of statement then fol- Vatican on its website Friday. Arabia, Sudan and Yemen. homophobia today after a speech in which lowers feel they are justified in behaving in “At the same time, the Holy See notes An opposing Arab-backed statement, he declared that saving humanity from ho- an aggressive and violent way because they that the wording of this declaration goes read out at the United Nations Thursday mosexuality was just as important as saving feel that they are doing God’s work in rid- well beyond the above mentioned and by Syria, said the European text could lead the rainforest from destruction. ding the world of these people.” shared intent.” to “the social normalization, and possibly The Pontiff made the remarks yesterday Her views were echoed by the Reverend The Vatican singled out the categories the legitimization, of many deplorable acts in an end-of-year address to the Curia, the Dr Giles Fraser, the vicar of Putney and presi- of “sexual orientation” and “gender iden- including pedophilia.” Vatican’s central administration. He said that dent of Inclusive Church, the pro-gay Angli- tity” in the text, saying “these would cre- “We note with concern the attempts humanity needed to listen to the “language can movement. “I thought the Christmas an- ate serious uncertainty in the law”—in what to create ‘new rights’ or ‘new standards,’ of creation” to understand the intended roles gels said ’Fear not’. Instead, the Pope is appeared to be reference to its well-known by misinterpreting the Universal Declara- of man and woman and behaviour beyond spreading fear that gay people somehow concerns about gay marriage. tion and international treaties,” it added. traditional heterosexual relations was a “de- threaten the planet. And that’s just absurd ... The Vatican’s permanent observer to Lombardi told Reuters that the Vatican struction of God’s work”. Can’t he think of something better to say at the United Nations, Archbishop Celestino did not support the Arab-backed statement “The tropical forests do deserve our pro- Christmas?” Migliore, has previously warned the pro- either. tection. But man, as a creature, does not de- Pam Spaulding, a leading lesbian blogger serve any less,” he told scores of prelates from the United States, was even more di- gathered in the Vatican’s Clementine Hall. rect. She said: “The Prada Papa Ratzi opens “What’s needed is something like a ‘hu- his trap again, and the homophobia stinks like the Creator Spirit.” man ecology,’ understood in the right sense. trash piled up during a NYC garbage strike.” Mark Dowd, campaign strategist at Op- War It’s not simply an outdated metaphysics if the The Catholic Church teaches that while eration Noah, the Christian environmental Church speaks of the nature of the human homosexuality is not sinful, homosexual acts group, who is a gay man and a former Do- and the Soul person as man and woman, and asks that this are. It opposes gay marriage and, in October, minican , said that the Pope’s remarks order of creation be respected.” a leading Vatican official called homosexu- were “understandable but misguided and un- It is not the first time that the Pope has ality “a deviation, an irregularity, a wound”. fortunate”. A retreat He said that he understood the Pope’s used the Curia speech to throw out a contro- The Pope’s speech was also seen, how- for gay former religious versial idea – two years ago he complained ever, as a denunciation of “gender theory” – vision of creation in which rainforests were that Islam had yet to learn the lessons of the the study of how gender assignments affects protected and men and women “complement and resigned priests Enlightenment – but the comments were the behaviour of individuals. The Catholic one another, reproduce and live happily ever Church has repeatedly spoken out against after”. quickly denounced by gay and lesbian groups, Facilitated by both inside and outside the Church. gender theory, which gay and transsexual But he said: “The problem is that if you The Rev. Sharon Ferguson, chief execu- groups promote as a key to understanding and study ecology seriously as any intelligent Richard Rohr, OFM tive of the Lesbian and Gay Christian Move- tolerance. man would do, and the Pope is a fantasti- ment, described the Pope’s comments as “to- “That which is often expressed and un- cally intelligent man, you realise that ecol- September 9-11, 2009 tally irresponsible and unacceptable in any derstood by the term ‘gender’ in the end ogy is complex, it has all sort of weird inter- dependencies and it is the same with human shape or form”. She said: “It is more the case amounts to the self-emancipation of the hu- Bon Secours Spiritual Center man person from creation and from the Cre- sexuality. that we need to be saved from his comments. 1525 Mariottsville Road It is comments like that that justify homopho- ator,” the Pope said. “It is not a one-size-fits-all model, there bic bullying that goes on in schools and it is “Human beings want to do everything by are lots of differences, so therefore I think it Mariottsville, MD 21104 comments like that that justify gay-bashing. themselves, and to control exclusively every- is really sad that these comments betray a For additional info, contact New Ways “There are still so many instances of thing that regards them. But in this way, the lack of openness to the complexity of cre- ation.” Ministry at [email protected] people being killed around the world, includ- human person lives against the truth, against or at 301-277-5674. Page 6 BONDINGS Vol. 29, No. 1 Bishop backs gay move by parish

By Graham Downie can be disillu- St Mary’s were upheld and hundreds of bap- which is reaching out to gay people,’’ Bishop The Canberra Times sioned, and it is tisms conducted there were ruled invalid by Power said. ‘’So often they feel no one wants November 3, 2008 good if there is a Archbishop Bathersby. to know them. But a bishop has difficulty with place where they Yesterday, Bishop Power said canon law those things. I recognise their desire to be part Bishop Pat Power says he has can feel at home.’’ required homilies at mass must be preached of the Church. sympathy for Catholic parishes that The parish has by a deacon or priest. ‘’I have a lot of sympathy and admira- reach out to gay people and try to been taken to task ‘’I have difficulty with that ruling, but tion for a parish like this. I know it is hard to make themselves more relevant to by Archbishop that is how it is.’’ He did not accept all good- find the middle ground.’’ The their congregations. Bathersby after ness and knowledge resided in priests. Par- bishops were generally open and accommo- The Auxiliary Catholic Bishop complaints to the ishes such as StMary’s pushed the Church dating and generally progressive in terms of of Canberra and Goulburn was Vatican and subse- ahead. the . commenting yesterday on an ulti- quent pressure ‘’I think the day will come when that sort Archbishop Bathersby has outlined his matum by Archbishop from it on the arch- of thing will happen.’’ StMary’s is one of concerns in a three-page letter to the parish. John Bathersby to St Mary’s South bishop. Brisbane’s most active Catholic parishes, with ‘’At the present time they’re not in com- Brisbane Parish that it would close Concerns in- up to 700 people attending weekend services. munion with the Church and they have to if it did not change some of its prac- Bishop Pat Power clude blessing of ho- Father Kennedy has led the parish for about make that significant decision about it,’’ he tices. mosexual relation- 28 years. said. Bishop Power said the parish was ships, women preach- Bishop Power described Archbishop More than 500 people attended a meet- a haven to people who had been excluded ing homilies, and the priest, Father Peter Bathersby as ’s most open and ac- ing on Saturday to consider the future of St from their own parishes Catholic and other- Kennedy, not wearing prescribed vestments commodating archbishop, who was commit- Mary’s. They agreed to establish groups to wise. during mass. In 2004, claims that incorrect ted to dialogue. examine matters raised by Archbishop ‘’At times there are a lot of people who language was being used during at ‘’I would have sympathy for a parish Bathersby.

UT Catholic organization launches gay prayer group

pease possible protesters who deem the form- “People will protest anything,” Martir By Ednna Solis church” with respect to non-heterosexual ing of the group a sanction of same-sex rela- said. The Daily Texan - Univ. of Texas lifestyles, Koharchik said. tionships. Koharchik said the center is not attempt- February 10, 2009 “It’s about this group of people and how to stay within the teachings of the church and “There is a lot of hatred out there,” ing to keep the announcement of the group yet still identify as being of that orientation,” Koharchik said. “There’s a lot of anger.” under wraps and that the center is actively The principle behind UT’s University said Michael Jungwirth, a Middle Eastern History and finance senior Jennifer Mar- seeking to promote the support group. Catholic Center’s founding of a gay, lesbian, studies graduate student. “It sounds reason- quess said she first heard about the group “Whenever you start a group, it’s going bisexual and support group is that able.” three weeks ago after a Mass. to be slow at first, unless it’s something im- in God’s eyes, we are all the same. Koharchik said he hopes to deter Catho- “I think it is awesome that they were able mensely popular,” Jungwirth said. Group meetings will begin this week, lics from breaking off their relationship with to get the support of the bishop for the group,” Among other pastoral recommendations where members will come together for dis- God due to their sexual orientation. He said Marquess said. aimed toward church ministers, the National cussion, prayer and fellowship. he wants community members to know that Student members of the center expressed Conference of Catholic Bishops suggests in “We want to provide a safe place for sexuality is not tied to an individual’s their accord with the group. its pamphlet, “Always Our Children,” that young people to talk about this issue — how personhood and that linking the two together “I think they brought it up last semes- religious entities “help to establish or promote does it fit in with the Catholic Church teach- could “cut off awareness to goodness.” ter,” said Eugene Martir, a biology and lin- support groups for parents and family mem- ings?” said the Rev. Ed Koharchik, associate Koharchik and UT alumna Chelsea guistics junior. “They had thrown out the bers” of gays and . director at the center. “Whether one is gay or Griffo enlisted the support of Bishop Gregory ideas, and it seemed like a really good idea at Koharchik’s goal for the support group straight, it’s morally neutral.” Aymond from the Diocese of Austin to imple- the time.” is to encourage a chaste lifestyle for every In recent weeks, the center has promoted ment the program. When asked about any concerns regard- person and to encourage members to “live the support group, whose purpose is to shed Koharchik and Griffo said they believe ing opposition to the support group, the stu- morally good and make proper decisions. light on the “misconstrued teachings of the that Aymond’s approval of the group will ap- dents shrugged it off.

Gay-Friendly Catholic Colleges

Below is a partial list of known “gay-friendly” Catholic colleges and universities, that is, those Catholic colleges that have some type of gay and lesbian student group, support group, ally group, etc. Thank you for helping us add to this growing list! If you are aware of such a college that is known as welcoming to gay and lesbian people, please let us know. Tell us if this welcome is because of a club, support services, participation in gay community events, or simply the friendliness of faculty and staff.

Minnesota Arizona Indiana Oregon Collegeville: John’s University Tempe: All Saints Catholic Newman Center Notre Dame: Holy Cross College, Saint Mary’s Marylhurst: Marylhurst University : College of Saint Benedict College, University of Notre Dame Portland: University of Portland California St. Paul: St Thomas University Winona: Saint Mary’s University of Minnesota Belmont: Notre Dame de Namur University Iowa Pennsylvania Goleta: St. Mark’s University Dubuque: Loras College Cresson: Mount Aloysius Los Angeles: Loyola Marymount University Montana Erie: Mercyhurst College Helena: Carroll College Moraga: Saint Mary’s College Kentucky Philadelphia: Chestnut Hill College, Ranchos Palos Verde: Marymount College Louisville: Spalding University LaSalle University, Saint Joseph’s University San Diego: University of San Diego Nebraska Villanova: Villanova University Omaha: Creighton University San Francisco: University of San Francisco Louisiana Santa Clara: Santa Clara University New Orleans: Loyola University New Orleans Rhode Island New Hampshire Newport: Salve Regina University Nashua: Rivier College Colorado Maryland Denver: Regis University Baltimore: College of Notre Dame of Maryland, Texas New Jersey Loyola College of Maryland Austin: Saint Edward’s University, University Connecticut Jersey City: St. Peter’s College of Texas Newman Center South Orange: Seton Hall University Fairfield: Fairfield University, Massachusetts San Antonio: University of the Incarnate Word, Sacred Heart University Boston: Emmanuel College, Boston College Our Lady of the LakeUniversity New York New Haven: Albertus Magnus College Chestnut Hill: Boston College Albany: College of Saint Rose West Hartford: Saint Joseph College Easton: Stonehill College Vermont Bronx: Fordham University, Manhattan College North Andover: Merrimack College Colchester: Saint Michael’s College Buffalo: Canisius College District of Columbia Weston: Regis College New Rochelle: College of New Rochelle, Iona College Georgetown University Worcester: Assumption College, Washington Poughkeepsie: Marist College Holy Cross College Lacey: Saint Martin’s College Florida Riverdale: College of Mount Saint Vincent Seattle: Seattle University Rochester: Nazareth College of Rochester Miami Gardens: Saint Thomas University Michigan Spokane: Gonzaga University Syracuse: LeMoyne College Miami Shores: Barry University Ann Arbor: St. Mary Student Parish Wisconsin Ohio Illinois Missouri De Pere: Saint Norbert College Cincinnati: Xavier University, Chicago: DePaul University, St. Louis: Saint Louis University Madison: Edgewood College Loyola University, Saint Xavier College University of Cincinnati Milwaukee: Alverno College, Cardinal Stritch Columbus: Ohio State University University, Marquette University, Dayton: University of Dayton Mount Mary College Winter 2008/2009 BONDINGS Page 7 Gay-Friendly Parishes

Below is a partial list of known “gay-friendly” Catholic parishes and faith communities. Thank you for helping us add to this growing list! If you are aware of such a parish that is known as welcoming to lesbian and gay Catholics as members and active parishioners, please let us know. Tell us if this welcome is because of a support program, spirituality group, mission statement, participation in gay community events, or involvement with parents.

Alabama Country Club Hills: St. Emeric Rochester: Blessed Sacrament, St. John the Montgomery: St. Evanston: St. Nicholas Evangelist (Humboldt St.), St. Mary, St. Monica Morton Grove: St. Martha Syracuse: St. Andrew the Apostle, St. Lucy Arizona Oak Park: Ascension, Utica: St. Francis DeSales Mesa: Christ the King St. Catherine of Sienna-St. Lucy Wantaugh: St. Frances de Chantal Scottsdale: Franciscan Renewal Center Schaumburg: St. Marcelline Westbury: St. Brigid Tuscon: St. Cyril of Alexandria, SS. Peter and Texas Paul, St. Pius X, Our Mother of Sorrows, Indiana North Carolina Colleyville: Good Shepherd St. Odilia Evansville: St. Mary Charlotte: St. Peter Dallas: Holy Indianapolis: St. Thomas Aquinas Durham: Plano: St. Elizabeth Ann Seton California Fayetteville: St. Patrick Berkeley: Holy Spirit Parish Iowa Raleigh: St. Virginia Burney: St Francis of Assisi Iowa City: St. Thomas More Arlington: Our Lady Queen of Peace Carlesbad: St. Patrick Ohio Richmond: Cathedral of the Sacred Heart, Claremont: Our Lady of the Assumption Kentucky Akron: St. Bernard Sacred Heart Parish El Cajon: St. Luke Louisville: Epiphany, St. William, Cincinnati: St. George-St. Monica Roanoke: St. Gerard Escondido: St. Timothy Cathedral of the Assumption Cleveland: Ascension of Our Lord, St. Malachi, Virginia Beach: St. Nicholas Fremont: St. Joseph - Mission San Jose St. Martha Hawthorne: St. Joseph (Spanish) Maine Columbus: St. Thomas More Newman Center Washington Hayward: All Saints Portland: Sacred Heart-St. Dominic Mentor: St. John Vianney Pullman: Sacred Heart LaPuente: St. Martha Saco: Most Holy Trinity University Heights: Church of the Gesu Seattle: St. Benedict Lemon Grove: St. Westlake: St. Ladislas Tacoma: St. Leo Long Beach: St. Matthew Maryland Wooster: St. Mary of the Immaculate Conception Los Angeles: Blessed Sacrament, Christ the Baltimore: Corpus Christi, St. Francis of Assisi, Wisconsin King, Mother of Good Counsel, St. Camillus St. Matthew, St. Philip and James, Oregon Madison: Our Lady Queen of Peace, Center-LA USC Medical Center (Spanish), St. Vincent dePaul Central Point: Shepherd of the Valley St. Benedict Center Sunday Assembly St. Paul the Apostle Columbia: St. John the Evangelist Portland: Journey and Koinonia Catholic Menomonee Falls: Good Shepherd North Hollywood: Blessed Sacrament, St. Jane Gaithersburg: St. Rose of Lima Community, St. Andrew, St. Phillip Neri, Milwaukee: Good Shepherd, Prince of Peace, Frances de Chantal, St. Patrick Hagerstown: St. Ann St. Vincent dePaul Trinity-Guadalupe Oakland: Our Lady of Lourdes Severn: St. Bernadette Oceanside: St. Thomas More Pennsylvania Canada Orange: Cathedral, Koinoia Massachusetts Philadelphia: Old St. Joseph, Old St. Mary, Ottawa: St. Joseph Pleasanton: Catholic Community of Boston: Paulist Center, St. Anthony’s Shrine, St. John the Evangelist, St. Vincent DePaul Toronto: Our Lady of Lourdes Pleasanton St. Cecelia York: St. Joseph Sacramento: St. Francis of Assisi Newton: St. Ignatius England San Carlos: St. Charles Springfield: Sacred Heart Rhode Island London: St. Gregory, Our Lady San Diego: Ascension, Christ the King, Worcester: Holy Cross College Providence: St. Francis Chapel of the Assumption San Rafael, St. Jude Shrine Wickford: St. Bernard San Francisco: Most Holy Redeemer, Michigan To add your faith community to our list, Old St. Mary’s Cathedral, St. Agnes, Ann Arbor: St. Mary Student Parish Tennessee please contact the New Ways Ministry St. Dominic Detroit: St. Leo, Christ the King Memphis: Cathedral of the Immaculate office via [email protected] San Jose: St. Julie Billiart, St. Martin of Tours Kalamazoo: Lambda Catholics Conception or at 301-277-5674. Thanks! (Emmaus Community) St. Ignace: St. Ignatius Loyola San Luis Obispo: Old Mission of San Luis Obispo Minnesota San Rafael: Church of San Rafael Minneapolis: St. Frances Cabrini, St. Joan of Arc, Upcoming NWM Retreats & Mission San Rafael Archangel St. Stephen For lesbian/gay Catholics, parents, Santa Clara: GALA pastoral ministers, and other interested persons Santa Cruz: Holy Cross Missouri Santa Monica: St. Monica Kansas City: Guardian Angels, St. Francis Spring Valley: Santa Sophia Xavier, St. James June 22-24, 2009 Walnut Creek: St. John Vianney St. Louis: St. Cronan, St. Margaret of Scotland, West Hollywood: St. , St. Victor St. Pius V Understanding Jesus: Whittier: St. Mary of the Assumption Montana The Challenge of Christology Today Colorado Billings: Holy Arvada: Spirit of Christ Avon: St. Edward Nebraska Facilitated by Colorado Springs: Our Lady of Guadalupe, Omaha: Holy Family, Sacred Heart Rev. Diarmuid O’Murchu Sacred Heart Denver: St. Dominic, Christ the King, Nevada Mount Carmel Las Vegas: Christ the King, Guardian Daylesford Abbey Spirituality Center Angel Cathedral Fort Collins: Blessed John XXIII 220 South Valley Road Genessee: St. Francis Cabrini Shrine Highlands Ranch: Pax Christi New Hampshire Paoli, Pennsylvania Manchester: Parish of the Transfiguration Littleton: St. Francis Cabrini (near Philadelphia) Merrimack: St. John Neumann

Connecticut New Jersey Hartford: St. Patrick-St. Anthony Clifton: St. Brendan Lawrenceville: St. Ann District of Columbia Long Beach Island: St. Francis of Assisi October 9-11, 2009 Holy Trinity, St. Aloysius, Trenton Falls: St. Anselm St. Matthew Cathedral Transformed into New Mexico Florida Albuquerque: Holy Family, the Compassion of Christ Ft. Lauderdale: St. Anthony, St. Maurice Shrine of St. Bernadette Melbourne: Ascension Parish Espanola: Sacred Heart of Jesus Naples: St. John the Evangelist Facilitated by St. Petersburg: Holy Cross New York Michael Crosby, OFM Cap Winter Haven: St. Matthew Baldwinsville: St. Augustine Bellmore: St. Barnabas the Apostle Georgia Brooklyn: St. Andrew the Apostle, St. Boniface, Stella Maris Retreat Center Atlanta: Shrine of the Immaculate Conception St. Athanasius, St. Augustine 130 East Genesee Street Deer Park: Ss. Cyril and Methodius Illinois Skaneateles, New York East Islip: St. Mary (near Syracuse) Berwyn: St. Mary of the Celle Elmira: St. Mary Chicago: Immaculate Conception, Fairport: Church of the Assumption St. Clement, St. Gertrude, St. Gregory, Henrietta: Good Shepherd St. Peter, St. Sylvester, St. Teresa of Avila, Manhattan: Holy Name of Jesus, St. Francis St. Thomas the Apostle To register or for additional info, visit www.NewWaysMinistry.org Xavier, St. Paul the Apostle Clarendon Hills: Notre Dame Melville: St. Elizabeth or contact NWM at [email protected] or at 301-277-5674. Page 8 BONDINGS Vol. 29, No. 1 Parents of gays, lesbians: stories of love, pain, joy

By Thomas Fox Catholic parents of LGBT children are have learned is that there are families further 2006, when the U.S. bishops voted over- National Catholic Reporter not just grateful for the organization, they are along in this process and others just begin- whelmingly in favor of a new document called November 28, 2008 fervently so. ning.” “Ministry to Persons with a Homosexual In- Terri and Rich Dalke, parents of a gay Fortunate Families encourages Catholic clination.” In that declaration they asked This is a love story, shaped by sadness, son, wrote in an e-mail: “Fortunate Families parents of LGBT children to share their sto- Catholics again to welcome gay and lesbian pain and hope, and it began in November supports us as we value and treasure our fam- ries as a means of breaking their silence. In persons into their organizations while using 1983 when a 19-year-old boy sat down with ily story, learn to speak it and share it with 2003, Mary Ellen Lopata wrote a book called words taken from the 1986 Vatican statement his mother on their living room sofa and with our friends, our family and our faith family. Fortunate Families, a resource book that tells about “disordered” orientations... tears in his eyes, said, “Mom, I’m lonely. I’m ... Casey and Mary Ellen are the lifeblood of parents’ stories. To get a sense of how it was received by lonely for another man.” Fortunate Families ... prophets of our parents, consider a letter written by As the mother, Mary Ellen Lopata of day.” a mother of a gay son, sent to the Rochester, N.Y., tells the story, her son, Jim, Deb Word, mother of a gay son, Lopatas about the same time. wasn’t referring to any man in particular. His wrote: “Casey and Mary Ellen have “This has been a 10-year jour- words, “I’m lonely,” simply described his ex- great insight and a wealth of resource ney,” the mother wrote. “With the perience of longing for companionship as a materials. By keeping in touch with love and respect of those who came gay man. Lopata recounts that it took years Catholic parents on a monthly basis before us, we have been able to from that encounter for her to face and pro- through their newsletters they remind move from the pain and sadness, cess her pain and years longer before she had us that the struggle still goes on in loss and grief, to joy, courage and the courage to share her story with others. “I other homes. They remind us of the passion, to have a voice in places was shocked and confused. I cried and cried.” need to reach out to our church fa- that our son cannot, to carry the mes- That moment marked the beginning of thers, to tell our stories, to ‘put a face’ sage that God’s love is given to ev- what for Lopata has been a 25-year journey on the issue that our church would ery person, that this precious son of that has done nothing less than revolutionize sometimes like to sweep under the ours is the same son that we and God her life, and give solace to countless other rug.” conceived, carried, gave birth to, gay and lesbian children and their parents. Part of the Fortunate Families and had baptized into the Catholic Lopata’s conversion — and that’s what it was culture involves encouraging parents family. Although he feels too tired — has, by the accounts of many, reshaped to honor, value and share their stories to Members of Fortunate Families join the gay to fight for a place at the table, we will the way countless Catholics, and in some break the silence of isolation and oppres- pride parade in Rochester, NY, in July 2007. spend our last breath carrying the mes- cases their bishops, view and receive gay and sion. “Once parents reach a point of un- sage that God loves each of his precious lesbian persons. derstanding and affirmation of their LGBT To get a wider understanding of the situ- children and we do too.” At first Lopata, echoing stories of other daughter or son,” Mary Ellen Lopata said, ations of these Catholic parents, Fortunate In the final analysis, it’s difficult to gauge Catholic parents of gay and lesbian children, “we encourage them to channel their frustra- Families took a survey last year. Through its the impact of the Fortunate Families network, felt isolated. Her son, she said, was the first tion and anger — which is part of the journey growing network it sent out forms that were the Lopatas say. “Impact is not always tan- gay person she had ever known, and just by — into constructive action to educate others, completed by 229 parents reporting on 242 gible. We talk with people in person, or on being himself he challenged the stereotypes especially in the church, about the whole and LGBT children. Among the principal find- the phone, or have e-mail exchanges. Some- she had of gay people. holy lives of gay and lesbian people, and then ings were these: times, not often, we hear back from them that “The only thing I knew for sure was that to stand together for justice. * Parents are significantly more comfort- our conversation or the resources we had to I loved my son. Everything else was confu- “Parents are in a unique position to make able now than when they initially learned they offer were helpful in healing a relationship sion. Why did this happen? How did it hap- a difference. Others may not agree with us, had a LGBT child. between a parent and a child. Sometimes, of- pen? Am I to blame? What does this mean but no one, no institution can deny our expe- * Parents who know at least one other ten years later, we learn that a parent has at- for Jim ... for his family? Is this a sin? What rience. It is essential that parents first let those parent of a LGBT person are significantly tained the knowledge, wisdom, confidence about church? How can we ever tell our in authority know what it is like for parents more comfortable now. and tenacity to start or be a part of a local friends?” of LGBT daughters and sons in the Catholic * Parents with higher comfort levels are Catholic parents of LGBT children’s group, If knowing other gay persons was a church; and second, be out-and-proud role more likely to share their stories. for faith-sharing and community. Most often stretch, knowing their parents seemed a fur- models for other parents who may not yet * Parents said that advocating for jus- we don’t know how the story ends.” ther impossibility. She started to research the know they have an LGBT daughter or son.” tice in society and church were helpful expe- But the Lopatas are hopeful. “In the 24 subject at her local library, being careful not Word says her son is a musician who riences. years or so that we’ve been attending and fa- to be too public about the books she was teaches in urban minority schools. She writes * About half the parents said they were cilitating parents’ retreats and days of reflec- checking out. She said little to outsiders. that having a gay child has opened her eyes willing to counsel parents of LGBT children. tion, the atmosphere has changed signifi- It was in 1987 that Lopata took another to other gay children in her parish and dio- * Asked if anything else would be help- cantly. In the early years, Kleenex stock must step. Her parish decided to hold a workshop cese who “can’t be out with their own par- ful to them, one theme eclipsed all others: have done well as most parents cried and ex- on homophobia and homosexuality. She ents.” She is more “out,” she adds, than her Parents want the institutional church to be pressed their fears. Now, stock of companies worked behind the scenes to publicize it. “The son, “because I feel like I can be an ac- more accepting of LGBT persons. dealing in blood pressure pills must be doing most important thing that tivist in ways a The pain and discouragement many well as most parents express anger, primarily workshop did was to break gay school- Catholic parents of LGBT children feel is at the institutional church, for how it treats the silence around homo- teacher can’t.” difficult to measure from the outside. That’s their LGBT daughters and sons.” sexuality. I came away from Thewhy storytelling has been so important to Asked what parents without LGBT chil- that experience knowing Dalkes say that them... dren do not know about families with them, that if I loved my son as I their son has In October 1997, in part reacting to the the Lopatas were quick to offer a hefty list. said I did, I could not remain provided “end- seeming lack of compassion toward LGBT On the list were these: silent. Somewhere along the less blessings,” Catholics, and getting input from people like * Families without LGBT children may way, I began to realize what among them “a the Lopatas, the U.S. bishops issued a 20-page think of sexual orientation only as a “sexual a special gift Jim is to me, to deeper level of pastoral message called “Always Our Chil- issue.” In fact, this is not about an “issue,” our family, and the whole intimacy and dren,” aimed at the parents of LGBT chil- but about who they are. body of Christ — not in spite trust among the dren. It is the most compassionate and wel- * They might not know of all the injus- of, but because he is gay.” three of us, an op- coming statement of its kind. It reads in part: tices suffered by LGBT persons. They might That’s the conversion, or portunity to face “Every person has an inherent dignity be- not realize their duty to stand up for the rights core insight, that comes to our own ho- cause he or she is created in God’s image. A of all God’s children. most parents of gay and les- mophobia, to be- deep respect for the total person leads the * Families with LGBT members know bian children. come educated, to live our own ‘com- church to hold and teach that sexuality is a that “gay rights” are not “special” rights, but Lopata and her husband, ing out’ process as parents, a deepen- gift from God. Being created a male or fe- equal rights. Casey, got increasingly involved ing of our faith, and experiences unlike male person is an essential part of the divine * Parents without LGBT children will in gay and lesbian organizations: New Ways any others we had ever taken.” plan, for it is their sexuality — a mysterious never know that unique assurance that God’s Ministry; Parents, Families and Friends of “The greatest burden,” they added, “was blend of spirit and body — that allows hu- love, of course, extends to an LGBT child Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG); and Dignity. to learn that our son was in so much pain and man beings to share in God’s own creative exactly as he or she is — without footnotes In 2004, the Lopatas, attempting to fill a we didn’t know it. That he felt his choices love and life.” or an asterisk. Parents of LGBT persons ex- gap in the gay and lesbian persons network, were to come out to us or to commit suicide. Especially encouraging to the Fortunate perience the revelation of God’s love in un- formed Fortunate Families, based in Roch- He said he felt that by coming out to us he Family network of parents were words that expected ways. ester, with the mission of ministering to risked losing us forever, due to our active in- described their children as children “of God, * Families not blessed with LGBT chil- Catholic parents of lesbian, gay, bisexual and volvement within the Catholic church, bas- gifted and called for a purpose in God’s de- dren do not realize that families with known transgender children. It has grown since, be- ing that on things he read and heard the hier- sign.” The statement was supportive and com- LGBT members are fortunate families. In- coming a national network that reached out archy of the church write and speak regard- passionate, welcoming and embracing, and deed, if you spend much time with a group of with support and encouragement. As Fortu- ing homosexuality.” came under fire from conservatives in the Catholic parents of LGBT persons, a whole nate Families states: “We connect parents to Ten years ago, the Dalkes began their church. new stereotype of gay people emerges — one work for welcome and justice in the church own parish ministry called “Outstretched But the Catholic church’s continued of- where gay people are paradigms of love, car- for their lesbian, gay, bisexual and Hands,” ministering locally to the parents of ficial ambivalence in its response to gay and ing and spirituality. transgender (LGBT) children.” gay sons and lesbian daughters. “What we lesbian persons became clear in November A love story, indeed.