Fall of the Knights Templar and Their Bad Ass Last Stand at Their Acre Headquarters
Total Page:16
File Type:pdf, Size:1020Kb
Cold Open: Did you know that the Knights Templar are part of the New World Order? Or that they made in to America before Columbus? Or that they buried treasure on Oak Island? These are just a few of the conspiracies surrounding the Templars we’ll explore today. We’ll also look at the Fall of the Knights Templar and their bad ass last stand at their Acre headquarters. The Templars became incredibly wealthy and powerful and ironically this wealth would be the impetus for the sudden demise when a corrupt French King didn’t feel like paying back on a debt. We’ll talk about Templars fighting Mongols, Templars battling Greek Fire in Egypt, and so much more on this bonus part two edition - the Fall of the Templars - today, on Timesuck. PAUSE TIMESUCK INTRO I. Welcome: Happy Friday Timesuckers! It’s bonus Suck time. Wrapping up your work week with some new, exciting knowledge. Knowledge isn’t just power - it’s fun! I’m Dan Cummins - the grand general head master of the Space Force of the Space lizards and you are listening to Timesuck. A. Reviews and Ratings: Thanks as always for the reviews and ratings. Taking 60 seconds or less to click some stars on whatever app you listen to the Suck on goes a long way. It is much appreciated. B. Behind the Bit: I know a lot of you Timesuckers knew me first as a standup, and a new standup project I did with one of my favorite comics, and comedy people, Chad Daniels, is out on Pandora. It’s called Behind the Bit! Chad and I sat down and talked to each other about where our most popular bits on Pandora came from. What’s the story behind the Smoothie Guy bit, the Dead Squirrel Puppets and Here Comet the Spoons Motherfucker. How did I think up the Squirrelador joke, or the Department of Caffeinated Beverages? How did Chad think up of so many of his bits? It’s a fun conversation, fun look into tracks, and also a bunch of our tracks and the also a bunch of comedy we love all on a new curated, Pandora playlist. Link in today’s episode description. Check it out! https://www.pandora.com/station/play/3978690913982414208? ag=17920720304261509 C. Gifts: Thank you! Suck Dungeon P.O. Box 3891 Couer d’Alene, Idaho 83816 Thanks to Whiskey Emerson for a copy of her awesome book, West of Hell, and to Joyce Rath for a bar of Cleen Ween soap. Not kidding. She sent it in. Has a ween hole and everything. It’s awesome. D. Tour dates: The Flat Earth rolls into Orlando next. July 12-14th - Orlando Improv. Live podcast on the 15th with Tom and Dan from A Mediocre Time. I then I roll into the Comedy Store in La Jolla, California July 20-22nd. Another great club. Dayton, Ohio Funnybone July 27-28th. Many more tour dates and some more live podcasts coming up. Portland, Oregon Denver, Colorado, Tacoma, Washington, Tampa and Palm Beach, Florida, Hollywood and Huntington Beach, California So much more at www.dancummins.tv. Alright Suck Heads, let’s finish up the Knights Templar. PAUSE TIMESUCK INTERLUDE II. Intro/Summary of Part one: A. Summary: So Suckers, let’s recap part one. In the 12th Century, the Knights Templar are born out of the aftermath of the incredibly successful end of the 11th century First Crusade, when some European Christian nobles and their armies took much of the Holy land away from Muslim rulers. Hugh of Payns [pie-yawn] and his small band of religiously motivated knights found a new order in Jerusalem recognized by local religious and civil leaders, and then, a few years later, they’re officially recognized by the Pope while on a big PR mission in Europe. They’re tasked with defending Jerusalem and guarding pilgrims journeys to the Holy land. They’re given the authority to kill without sin by the Pope, and then later given papal permission to force elderly peasants to jerk them off while absolutely not making a sound or making eye contact with them and quickly walking away when they’re done and never speaking of it. Wait. What? That’s, um, I don’t what that was. No. They don’t have to tithe and anyone who hassles them with get a one-way ticket to Hell. Seriously. They’re able to kill, not have to explain their killing, they’re beholden to no ruler of Europe who first name isn’t Pope, and even local bishops can’t fuck with them. And, from various admirers, they’re given LOTS of land and money. One dude alone gave them a third of a kingdom. Wish I knew and was greatly admired by a dude like that. They’re given lots of castles to defend. Templar castles and fortifications are sprinkled from Scotland to France to the Iberian peninsula and along the coast of the mediterranean all the way to the Holy land around Jerusalem. And then, because they have the only consistently guarded series of fortifications connecting Western Europe to Western Europe’s Holy land, they became Europe’s premier bankers. Want to travel to the Holy Land to participate in the Crusades, or start a new life in Jerusalem, or just visit some Holy sites? Well, deposit your money with the Templars in France and then access that money in Antioch [an-tee-ok] or Acre [aker] or a number of other Middle Eastern cities. Better than traveling with it and risking robbers taking it. And, this additional financial aspect allows the Templars to acquire great wealth. They use their massive financial holdings to help a king fund a Crusade, they also are making money owning lots of lands which they lease out for farming, cattle raising, vineyards, etc. They are integral part of the mid 12th century Second Crusade - which does not go well. They lost a lot of men, Europe loses almost all of their foothold in the Holy Land. And they then fight in the late 12th century Third Crusade, when England’s King Richard the First, or, King Richard the Lionheart and King Phillip for France headed to the Holy Land with massive armies to take back Jerusalem. The elderly German Emperor Frederick Barbarossa also attempted to participate in this Crusade, but, he drowned in a river in Asia Minor and his men turned around and headed home. The crusades really didn’t work out well for the Germans. They kept trying to help but just couldn’t get many men all the way down there. And this is where we left off last week. The Templars lost their original headquarters to Saladin, the first Sultan of Egypt and Syria, they established a new headquarters in the port city of Acre [aker], and, in 1191, they hoped, along with King Richard the Lionheart and King Phillip, to take back Jerusalem from Saladin. So, let’s pick up on Monday’s timeline back up with today’s Timesuck Timeline, and head to Jerusalem with the Crusaders in 1191. PAUSE TIMESUCK TIMELINE INTRO III. Timesuck Timeline A. July 12th, 1191: On July 12th, 1191, King Richard the Lionheart and his men, along with some Templars, King Phillip II of France, and Johnny “Two Shot” Frisco from Tampa, Florida took back the city of Acre from Saladin’s forces. Actually, it was Leopold the V, Duke of Austria, who helped Richard and Phillip take back the city of Acre from Saladin’s forces. I WISH it was Johnny “Two Shot” Frisco. That would be such a fun name to add this story. Especially if he did take Jerusalem and became Saint Frisco and that’s where San Francisco got it’s name. Johnny “Two Shot” Frisco! First shots for the ladies, second shot’s for the men. What does that mean? Only Johnny Frisco knows and Johnny Frisco doesn’t answer questions, he asks ‘em! Anyway, Richard and Phillip and Leopold do successfully take Acre [aker] back and then promptly get into an argument of how the spoils of their victory should be divided. Frustrations of who should control what, get what, and who should be put in charge led Phillip and Leopold into heading back to Europe and giving up on the crusade. Richard, having brought the largest army and the guy who ended up getting his way in this particular disagreement, remained. And, to King Phil’s credit, he left 7,000 troops to help out. Richard the Lionheart really was a strong-willed son of a bitch. Not only did he force his will on the other kings, he also had his way with the Templars. After the death of Gerard Ridefort - the Templar Grand Master who’d just been beheaded by Saladin after getting captured during the Siege of Acre [aker], he basically appointed the next Grand Master the Templars, a man he knew well and trusted, Robert IV de Sablé, who had accompanied him on the Third Crusade. Richard started negotiating with Saladin to try and figure out how they could coexist in the Holy Land together, and, since they both basically wanted the same thing, which was ALL of the Holy Land, negotiations didn’t go well. B. August 1191: Negotiations really took a turn for the worst when on August 20th, 1191, Richard, frustrated with how long Saladin was taking to get back to him on some point or another, had roughly 3,000 Muslims he’d captured when taking Acre [aker] - men, women, and children - marched to a hill outside the city gates and then, he had them decapitated.