Name9 Nov 1' 2001

University of Michigan Law School University of Michigan Law School Scholarship Repository

Res Gestae Law School History and Publications

2001 Vol. 52, No. 5, November 13, 2001 University of Michigan Law School

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Recommended Citation University of Michigan Law School, "Vol. 52, No. 5, November 13, 2001" (2001). Res Gestae. Paper 148. http://repository.law.umich.edu/res_gestae/148

This Article is brought to you for free and open access by the Law School History and Publications at University of Michigan Law School Scholarship Repository. It has been accepted for inclusion in Res Gestae by an authorized administrator of University of Michigan Law School Scholarship Repository. For more information, please contact [email protected]. STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF THE UNIVERSITY 0 F MICHIGAN e.s LAW SCHOOL ~e.stae 13 November 2001 Vol. 52 No.5

What's lJtftl.lf Mlc name9 Nov 1' 2001

The story of the name for the University of MichikA~ i}m lB Catholepistemiad -and the man responsible for its founding, name notwithstanding. by John Fedynsky Like a tree, an institution owes much of title is fairly accurate, considering its existence and identity to its roots. The Woodward was much younger and man most responsible for the roots of this seemed to invest more in Jefferson be fair University is Augustus Brevoort ing his mentor than Jefferson found in Woodward. Woodward being a follower. No portrait of Woodward exists, only caricatures like the one above. Jefferson appointed Woodward to the The Early Years Supreme Court of the Michigan Terri Woodward was baptized in New York tory. After an arduous journey akin to enue. His purported justification for this City on November 6, 1774 and was pre Roman officials travelling their vast em was that the road ran inland from the river sumably born some time shortly before pire, Woodward arrived in Detroit on June towards unsettled areas and thus ran that date. Records indicate his first name 30, 1805. The existence of the Michigan "wood-ward." Woodward Avenue stands originally was Elias, but by the time he Territory by the power of Congress be as his only commemoration in all of De graduated with a B.A. from Columbia came effective the following day. troit. College in 1793, he was Augustus, the name by which he would be known his The Arrival The Law Laid Down torically and for the rest of his natural life. Judge Woodward arrived in the wake Perhaps more important than the roads Upon graduation, he joined his family of the Great Fire of 1805, which had just Woodward conceived is the law he laid in Philadelphia and clerked for two years about leveled the town of Detroit, a settle down in Michigan. Before 1805, Michi at the Treasury Department. He ended up ment of less than 2,000 in a territory of gan only knew military rule and people in Washington, D.C., where he practiced only about 8,000. Woodward kept in his often took justice into their own hands. law and engaged in politics. He became pocketbook a copy of L'Enfant's plan for Woodward instituted civil authority of an acquainted with Charles Pierre L'Enfant, Washington, which he used to help re American kind that disposed of the an the man who planned the city of Wash build Detroit. His ambitious plan for wide cient French and British customs and ington, which proved fortuitous when avenues and grand traffic circles only codes. Congress authorized Woodward Woodward arrived in Detroit. partly materialized, which proved costly to exercise legislative authority in addi when roads had to be widened years later tion to his judicial function. The three The Mentor for automobiles. This was not the first in appointed judges and the appointed gov At some point in his life, Woodward stance of outside forces frustrating ernor of the territory were its legislative established a relationship with Thomas Woodward's grand plans. He did succeed body, although they were limited to Jefferson, a man Woodward would forever in naming the principle thoroughfare par adopting laws already passed in estab admire and occasionally visit at allel to the river Jefferson Avenue. A road lished states and subject to congressional Monticello. One author found fit to dub that happens to be more prominent today veto. Woodward "Mr. Jefferson's Disciple." The he named after himself- Woodward Av- Continued on page 4 II 2 ~ 3L\e5 ®estae 13 J/io\:Jemher 2001 1~--1------~]&~e==S~~=C~St==ae~====T~h=e====Ra n t

Editor in Chief: brought to you by A. Garret Hughes and The Digital Hannah Mufson Now that the Mariners are golfing and the Yanks blew it to a team whose fans argue Managing Editor: about whether it's a ground rule double or a home run if a ball hits the foul pole Nick Janiga (believe it, I was in Phoenix to hear it), the two of us need a new forum for the airing of our grievances ... here goes ... Associate Editor Andy Daly CNN - What the hell is up with these idiots? Do we need to print a step-by-step manual of how to commit acts of terror? My boy Lanza was the first to call it when Senior Contributing Editors: they started talking about anthrax. Two weeks later, our most important national pub Harry Mihas, Russell Krauter, lication, the Enquirer, was attacked through the mail. Now we have smallpox, infiltra Yingtao Ho tionsof poorly-secured airports, and sabotage at Indian Point and other nuclear facili- . ties to look forward to. Also, why do they feel that the American public needs to know Contributing Editors: the day-to-day moves of our military's special forces? If some jackass in Crete, Ne David Boyle, Paul DeGaetano, braska has up to the minute reports, how could multi-million dollar Al-Qaeda (don't John Fedynsky, Adam Hughes, care if it's misspelled) not? The map with the flames on it is a nice touch, though .. . Timothy Martin The Dave Matthews Band- Why do people like them? One of our roommates at The Rick loves these characters, in five-hour daily doses. We were at farm-aid a few Cartoonist weeks ago, where The DMB (the name itself is pretty noxious) played with quality Marshall Seese acts such as Neil Young, Willie Nelson, and John Cougar I Not-Cougar Mellancamp. One of these wacky kids had a Chicago Bears jersey- #41 with "DMB" as the name. I Web Site Editor: had to ask. "It's, like, a song, dude. Are you old and creepy?" Yes I am. F' Dave Jacob Teidt Matthews ...

Res Gestae is published biweekly during the school year by students of the University of MSU 26, Michigan 24 - A wise allocation of State funds in purchasing that last Michigan Law School. Opinions expressed in second. At least this ended the BCS charade that we were really #4 in the nation. By by lined articles are those of the authors and do the way, in Temptation Island Deuce, take Temptation no matter how many points it's not necessarily represent the opinions of the laying ... it'll be a rout .. . editorial staff. Articles may be reprinted with out permission, provided that the author andRes Gestae are credited and notified. The Job Market-What happened to the pre-printed offers that were handed out at OCI last fall like ecstasy at an Arizona State party? Not to say that no one is getting an Res Gestae welcomes submissions. Please place offer - I met a kid last week that has one in Adair, Oklahoma. He has to clean the all articles, columns, or opinion pieces in the Res Gestae pendaflex located on the third floor kitchen once a week though. Damn it, with all the ding-letter opening and fruitless of Hutchins Hall across from the faculty call-backs, we've been busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest. Now mailroom. Submissions may be made on 3.5" we're told to look in "alternative" mar- disk or via email (preferably as a MS Word at kets. Whatthehellisthat? TheAfghani tachment). Res Gestae reserves the right to edit all submissions in the interest of space. firms aren't hiring anymore, and I don't plan on driving a minivan around St. Mailing address: Louis I Bozeman I Provo with Thelma Res Gestae and the twelve kids for the rest of my University of Michigan Law School 625 South State St. life. At least wherever I end up, I'll be Ann Arbor, MI 48109 constantly reminded that "Bowflex is Phone: (734) 615-1288 real... The results are real" ...

Web Site Address: http://www.law.umich.edu/ Bowflex Commercials-STOP IT AL JournalsandOrgs/rg/ READY!!! We get the picture! Bowflex Office: is not fake, nor are its results, and it fits 116 Legal Research (near the Law School Student Senate office) easily in each of our living rooms. We welcome thoghts and comments. Write to us: [email protected] ------~~~~=~==es=·~=e=st=a=e==~=l~3~~~o~u=emb~er=2=00~1==~~=~·~~~q~~~3~11 •d come 7the team captains, Prof. Merritt Once again, the 7U of M Law & Econ W I e "And He Knows How to Wear It" Fox and squad has bitch-slapped its way to victory! Prof. Omri "Been Near, Been Far" Ben- I guess the upchuck is on Bebchuck! Back Shahar. And there's the buzzer. to you, sports fans. Wo rId Bebchuk: "Distribution might matter Of even if we focus on efficiency, because the 0rHER HlGHLIGHTS: ex post distribution may influence ex ante investments. Consequently, the efficient Prof. Fox: "What if there is uncertainty Wo r k- outcome will not be fully determinative." concerning WHO will be your neighbor, Coasehell: Wow! An aggressive open- instead of uncertainty regarding harm or ing play by the visiting team! investment? For instance, you don't know s h 0 S Fox: "You've chosen these terms, ex ante whether the neighbor is a rubber factory, P and ex post. But Calabresi and Melamed a chemical factory, Goldman Sachs, or a by Howard Coasehell don't use these terms." gas station." Hungry for sports action? Tired of the Coasehell: The home team fights back Coasehell: Or maybe all four of them, mild-mannered, noncommittal commen with a defensive play by Merritt "I Can't living together, in the same house, in a tary of the RG' s The Insider? Look no fur Bear It" Fox. new CBS reality series called "Look Who ther than the Law School's Wide World of Bebchuck: "Calabresi and Melamed as Moved In Next Door!" Workshops, where competition reaches sume, as given, that a certain harm will new heights as an endless series of visit occur. I'm calling this ex post." * ing authors enter the gladiatorial arena of Coasehell: Bebchuk fakes left and Jim and Omri's Excellent Adventure Hutchins Hall to face a bloodthirsty drives past Fox to the hoop! At one point in the discussion, Ben-Shahar throng of Michigan law faculty in a ruth Krier: "It's a good thing there are no and Krier began to travel through time. less blitzkrieg of full frontal critique. transactions costs in this model!" Ben-Shahar: "Why can't bargaining be There's a new battle each week, and I, Coasehell: A crushing body blow by pushed back to a moment before? You can Howard Coasehell, will be there to broad Professor Jimbo Krier, the Dennis Rodman always enter a line drawing contest. If you cast the butchery. Unfortunately, the Res of the Michigan faculty! He's sending a have bargaining at one stage, why not Gestae lacks funds for camera equipment, message, sports fans. He's reminding move back a stage?" radio uplinks, or reliable sports reporting Lucky Lucian that this is home turf and Krier: "And what if T1 is 200 years be of any kind. Until then, content your that there's a reason to fear the Krier! fore T2? That's entirely different than a selves with a transcript of the now infa Krier: ''I'm having trouble conceiving T1 and T2 interval of one year." mous match between Harvard's Lucian what ex post is. If time is a continuum, Coasehell: Marty, we've got to charge Bebchuk and the Michigan faculty at the then one generation's ex post will be up the flux capacitor and drive the Law and Economics Workshop on March another's ex ante." Delorean back to Tl! Personally, I think 8, 2001 (brought to you in part by the Coasehell: Slam dunk by the man in T2 was much better than Tl, especially Lawler-and-Economics Fund for Hyper the mustache! But wait, sports fans. Did that liquid robot with the pointy arms. bolic Scatology). I hear the word "ex ante"? You know what Watch out, Arnold! He'll poke that red that means! Surprise, surprise! Power for light bulb out of your eye! Bebchuk v. Michigan - Play-By-Play ward "Ornery" Omri Ben-Shahar comes Commentary by Howard Coasehell off the bench to rescue the lurching March 8, 2001 - 3:30 p.m. Lucian. After listening to Bebchuk's examples Ben-Shahar: "I think that there is more of the polluting factory and downstream It's a beautiful day in the smug little to say about this ex ante perspective. As resort, Krier and Fox decide to set up a burg of Ann Arbor. The cold March air is sume that parties can bargain costlessly. Factory and Resort business. buzzing with anticipation over this What would the ex ante-ex post distinc Krier: "Merritt and I, assuming we have afternoon's showdown between tion solve? It will help solve ex post dis knowledge, may decide the entitlement Harvard's "Lucky" Lucian Bebchuk and tribution." setup before we build the factory or re the Wolverine Law & Econ squad. Coasehell: And it's Omri B-S with the sort." Bebchuk will defend his new article, Prop assist! Coasehell: That's so cute! And Omri erty Rights and Liability Rules: The Ex Ante Krier: "If what you're saying is right, will run a little cottage on the side called View of the Cathedral, and all signs point to then Coase is wrong. And if Coase is Ex Ante's Bed and Breakfast where he'll a high scoring skirmish. The fans are fil wrong, I don't want to be right!" serve up Nash Equilibria and mathemati ing into the bleachers. The Michigan fac Coasehell: Ouch! A low blow by Slim cal/emma aid with a spoonful of love. It'll ulty are taking their seats on the front row, Jim Krier! The name of the Holy Coase be great! courtside. I see Professor Pritchard take has been uttered in vain! If Coase is his chair in the comer, his single pirate ear wrong, nothing is right. Set your ass equal ring gleaming in the stadium lights. Here to zero and solve for X, this game is over! l\.es

1 ·· ion was sallow, and the All honor to the man who as a boy ' ·-...... most striking feature of became interested in the proper ar I ~=- a long, narrow face was rangement of the world of knowl ·- a big nose. He had a edge, who as a man, under circum L Catholeplstemia. - luxuriant crop of dark stances which might well have de .....:... hair; this was his pride terred a less fervent soul, held fast ·~· ~ and represented the to his boyhood's ambition, whose -- only outward evidence work fell on stony ground and never .....::;.... of vanity. grew to be harvested, but who yet is Ironically enough, he responsible for the foundation of the _.: f .... 1·-·::.:::::-· could not find a decent University of Michigan. l -:. I barber in undeveloped, These words are epitaph enough for a ..,...:.. ·-· early Detroit. One unfor man lying somewhere in an unmarked 1· I ~ 1 -.:.. ···-·- tunate experiment with a grave, a man who elsewhere left a much {·-· l~ 1·-!=:::. poorly recommended more important mark that transcends time I > ' T- . I .. .. stylist led Woodward to and space and finds itself touching gen wear a hat indoors and erations of Wolverines to come. Judge Woodward's system for universal knowledge places universal outside for two straight science (Catholepistemia) atop a hierarchy of 3 provinces, 6 classes, weeks! Sources: 18 orders and 64 sciences of knowledge Mr. Jefferson's Disciple: A Life of Justice Woodward, by Frank B. Woodford, Michi of Michigan. In 1837, the legislature es The Measure of this Man gan State College Press, 1953; tablished the University in Ann Arbor. In the final analysis, Woodward should "Judge Woodward and the However, the substance of Wood ward's not be remembered for an obscure book Catholepisterniad" by William W. Bishop, project was never rejected. It lives on to or a set of interesting anecdotes. His tri Michigan Alumnus Quarterly Review July day, striving to reach the summit he set as umph should be in an enduring dream of 28, 1945 Vol. LI, No. 24. its goal and purpose. Almost 75 years af institutionalizing human flourishing ter the original act of 1817, University through enlightenment. President James Angell said, "In the de While in the thick of controversy, to velopment of our strictly university work, which Woodward was no stranger, a loyal we have yet hardly been able to realize friend offered Woodward some words of the ideal of the eccentric but gifted man encouragement: who framed the project of the Be assured, Sir, that when the little bickerings and prejudices of the ~''=6======~=·=9~q=====~=e=s=~==es=t=ae======l=3=~==on=eJ=w=N=2=00=1==~'~1 ----~------ serve as a show of respect to journal mem bers.) Form and Some apprenticeship in Bluebooking, etc. may be natural and useful; if profes sors write articles perfectly, without errors Substance in to check, student editors might learn little. But it is obvious that many professors don't even try to do a good job, or even any job at all sometimes, on large sections Law Journal of their work: one notes illogical connec tions between ideas; plagiarism; horrific citational errors; etc. It almost seems like a form of hazing by article-submitters in Publication general. by David Boyle Speaking of hazing, as pleasant a law school as this often is, there is still, even Seeing all their failures to treat people Although joining a law journal or re decades after The Paper Chase and One L, acceptably, what· point is there to law view is not exactly a contract of adhesion, some redolence of, if not overtly· coercive school or to law journals, really? Focus or a contract with unequal bargaining behavior by faculty, at least derisive or un ing critically on some of that large ques power, parallels exist. How many stu pleasant homosocial behavior (not "ho tion, one can take inspiration from dents get judicial clerkships who have not mosexual;" gays can be some of the worst Harvard Law School professor Duncan been on at least some law journal? In fact, victims of coercive or derisive homosocial Kennedy's article "Form and Substance in how successful are law students in gen behavior, without necessarily being insti Private Law Adjudication" (89 Harvard eral, after graduation, who have not joined gators at all). "Homosocial" here is used Law Review 1685 (1976) [hereinafter at least one journal? Of course, Clarence in a pe~orative sense to imply a "frater "Form"]). "Form," perhaps the first re Darrow didn't even finish his degree here nity" or "old boys' club" atmosphere, al ally famous and seminal article of Critical and was still successful, but he is a notable though not all "male bonding" or male Legal Studies ("CLS"), largely discussed exception. In sum, the prescribed route group activities are bad, one hopes. With contract law but, in its championing of al to success is basically to serve a two-year out citing particular professors' mean truism and principle over selfishness and term on some journal, much of which time spirited abuse of the Socratic method, or formalistic rigidity, can be broadened and is spent checking the citational and other the astounding in-class blustering and generalized to discussion of many legal errors of some professor writing on some swearing no adult need ever produce, I phenomena, somewhat as CLS, suppos topic in which you may have no interest. have noticed far more male than female edly "dead" in its critics' eyes, has inspired If you don't want to do this, you may cut professors engaging in such unnecessary broadly varying critical movements in yourself off from a variety of future op behaviors. And they really are unneces cluding the highly-vital Critical Race portunities. sary. Margaret H. Mack, in "Regulating Theory movement. One may well say, While the outward "form" of law jour Sexual Relationships Between Faculty and "CLS is dead; long live CLS." Before nals is of student participation in the won Students," 6 Michigan Journal of Gender and people get bogged down in theory, derful academic world of their elders, the Law 79, 79 (1999), says that since "the re though, there will be a long detour to less "substance" often seems to be unpaid and lationship between a teacher and a student theoretical matters. sometimes uncredited labor.in helping a depends on trust and benefits from mu People go to law school largely to make professor achieve tenure or rise in status tual respect," and "the faculty member's money afterwards and to stay level or rise (citation analysis studies confirm that in institutional role enacts a power imbal in the class I social structure. However, deed, the more cited an academic's works, ance . . . [which] complicates . .. relation there must be at least a veneer-and hope the higher he I she rises on the flagpole of ships between faculty and students. It is fully more than a veneer-of academic reputation). Maybe there is not enough possible that the institutional model that and intellectual integrity, or else every here to drive law students to unionization, creates and reinforces the faculty-student thing seems a sham. In serving intellec say, but the phenomenon is too unpleas hierarchy should be changed," id. at 94 & tual integrity and the growth of knowl ant simply to ignore or avoid discussing. n.44. Mack's article is largely about sexual edge, professors frequently disseminate (Note: there is a recent movement to relationships, but her observations are their new ideas through the media of law give law journal members here academic applicable to all faculty-student relations. journals and reviews. However, although credit for their service, just as for courses. This hierarchical unpleasantness is rep students may grow in skill and learning Without necessarily endorsing this idea, licated in the structures of many law jour from serving as editors I cite-checkers of it is worth noting that such credit could at nals, maybe as a (subconscious?) form of professors' articles, is the experience truly least potentially remind the community of training/ hazing to prepare future law neutral and reciprocal, or is it slanted to the work journal members really do, firm associates to be deferential to firm the advantage of some parties? which may be considerable, and might partners. (All the current editors of jour------~~~~=~~£5~~~£~5t=a=e~~~l=3~~~o=bcm=b=cr=2=00~1==~~=~=·=~~~==~~7~~~ nals here seem deeply worthy of respect, Wendell Holmes Jr. himself and his views7 nals ostensibly serve, why memberships but that doesn't mean that the old institu- (on eugenics, race, etc.) sometimes were, can't be trusted to elect their new boards, tions they currently represent can't be he was of course correct when he noted and whether a central "father" -like figure criticized.) For example, most journals how revolting it is to keep a law just be- is truly needed to run a journal or review. here have an editor-in-chief and choose cause it was around in the time of Henry Finally, one law review here has an ap their members by having the outgoing IV I have the terrible suspicion that all plication process which actually requires board, third-year students, assign places students on journals are perfectly able to the purchase of a packet costing roughly to the second-year students. Theundemo- elect the next year's board without the twenty-some dollars from a local copy cratic possibilities previous shop. Although that review, laudably and otJfOntheedaforebmoaernd- This hierarchical un- year'sboard, equitably, follows an affirmative action or anyone policy in selecting its membership, does choice process are else, telling it send a good or equitable signalto charge obvious and im them what to a non-negligible packet fe~r any appli mense, not even pleasantness is repli- do. (See cation-related fee at all-to applicants? mentioning issues Ken ned y, Such a fee could be discouraging, even of secrecy, undue "Form" at subconsciously, to the fair number of stu- influence and fa cated in the structures 1776, on for- dents here without much disposable in voritism, etc. m a I i s t i c come. Of course, the destitute may be able However, at least elites' "fear to borrow the packet from a wealthier two journals here of many law journals, of the friend, but again, there may still be a sense follow the, dare masses".) I of trying to join a "club" when applying, one say, more also wonder a sense that could be overcome by either American method, maybe as a (subcon- if an editor- making that packet free to all comers, or of electing their in-chief is at least by printing at the cheapest copy new boards by truly needed, center possible, maybe the Law School having all mem scious?) form of train since there copy center rather than an outside busi bers vote, not just are success- ness. (Other journals may charge recre the outgoing ful journals a tiona! activity or other fees, but a fee for board. Some argue ing/hazing to prepare that do not the actual application seems especially that having all have an edi- daunting, perhaps.) Even an appearance members elect law tor-in-chief, of clubbiness, unnecessary hierarchy, or journal boards will future law firm asso- or at least exclusivity should be avoided by any jour turn the process have several nal. into a popularity (I saw last se- contest; perhaps, ciates to be deferen- mester a then, we should 1995 copy of scrap citizens' vot the Harvard ing rights for the tial to firm partners. BlackLetter President of the Law Journal, U.S. and have Congress alone elect new a journal with a focus on race and civil presidents, since we don't want the " great rights, which listed two editors-in-chief. DISAGREE WITH unwashed" seduced by some "popular The Jess hierarchy; and the more spread ity contest," of course. (Or perhaps we ing of power, the better, unless you are a THIS OPINION? could have all surviving former Presidents big Hitler or Mussolini fan, of course). vote in the next President-same prin Journal boards can run things coopera ciple.) There is also the issue of "tradi tively-including massive input from tion;" certain journals or reviews here non-board members-without necessarily SEND YOUR OWN have been doing the same thing for liter needing an editor-in-chief, just as families ro: ally a century. And changing things can run successfully without having the might annoy hoary alumni, faculty, or ad father (or mother) be "head of the fam ministrators used to the status quo. ily." Why those two objections are irrelevant While journals should have consider [email protected] is, first, that the school is being run for the able autonomy to make their own deci students, not the alumni, faculty, or ad sions about these issues, I think the bur ministrators, period. And, second, out den is on journals here and elsewhere to moded traditions should not be kept just explain to their memberships, and even because of age; as distasteful as Oliver to the general community that the jour- ~~~~S~~~~~·~~~-~~=~~es~®=e=s=ta=e~~~l=3=~=o=b=~=oo=~=2=00~l==~''r------ time. While the increased ERA is reflec tive of such factors as smaller ballparks and better conditioning, it also indicates that teams' fourth and fifth starters, not by Yingtao Ho Greg Vaughn, Tan yon Sturze and the oc to mention half of the guys in the bullpen, CONTRACTION casional relief pitcher, belonged in AAA. are likely to be lit up like Christmas trees The decade of the 1990s is best charac Compounding the problem is the Rays' because they are not good enough to be terized in North American professional hideous ballpark, an indoor monstrosity big league pitchers. Contraction takes the sports as an era of expansion. Each of the foisted upon a part of Florida where the number of big league players from 750 to four major leagues expanded significantly development of regional loyalty is a vir 700, and will certainly improve the qual in the decade, allowing players who do tual impossibility. ity of play through this subtraction. not belong in "The Show" to stay on ma Unfortunately, the two teams most It's time for baseball to look a couple of jor league rosters and to earn the major likely contracted are the Minnesota Twins loser franchises in the eye, and tell them league minimum. Last Tuesday, Major and the aforementioned Montreal Expos. to go to hell. League Baseball owners finally decided Simply put, the Twins should not be con MICHIGAN HOCKEY: that enough was enough and voted to buy tracted. They have a lot of young players THE BIG PICTURE out two of their fellow owners in order to who finally began to produce last year, Last weekend, the Michigan hockey move two struggling ball clubs to the starting with perhaps the second best team completed its first series sweep of Elysian Fields currently occupied by young pitching staff in baseball with Brad the season by going up North and taking teams such as the old Baltimore Orioles Radke, Eric Milton and Joe Mays. Histori a pair of games from the University of and the Cleveland Spiders. cally, the Twins have received fan support Alaska-Fairbanks by scores of 2-1 and 4- Listening to some of the reaction, many when they are winning. With the devel 0. In the process, the Wolverines gave up would have thought that the baseball opment of the young team, good times 64 shots on goal. From what I heard on owners had voted to sacrifice their first were corning back to the Twin Cities. the radio, most of the shots were point born to the baseball gods, rather than sim Even if, however, the Twins do get con shots without much traffic in front of the ply to remove a couple of inept franchises. tracted, all is not lost: a dispersal draft will net. Nonetheless, the fact that the Wol Some members of Congress, who appar redistribute these teams' talent to the re verines gave up 32 shots per game to a ently have nothing better to do at a time maining franchises that need it the most. mediocre team indicates that one should when America is at war, voted to pass leg Both the Twins and the Expos feature still be concerned with the defense. islation that revokes baseball's antitrust · major league rosters full of players who In the big picture, the Wolverines have exemption. The players' union, afraid that can step in and play right away and out suffered four losses already this season. fifty of their least qualified members will standing farm systems that could produce Last season, the Wisconsin Badgers suf ride the bus in AAA baseball next season, the next superstar for a low budget team. fered the most losses among NCAA tour has filed a grievance against the owners. By putting the Expos' and Twins' best nament teams with twelve. If history From where I sit, contraction offers three players on baseball's worst teams, contrac bears out, for the Wolverines to reach the significant advantages. tion will improve the league's competitive tournament, they can not afford to lose First, contraction allows baseball to lose balance. A player like Guerrero or Radke, more than nine to ten games the rest of its two most significant eyesores: the placed on a bad team, can mean an extra the year. For a young team with a very Montreal Expos and the Tampa Bay Devil five to ten wins per season. By the time tough schedule corning up, that will be a Rays. The average attendance last year at the dispersal draft gets to the likes of the tall order. In addition to road games in Montreal was around six thousand fans Mariners and the Yankees, there won't be the CCHA, which are always difficult, the per game. This for a team that featured much for those clubs to choose from. Wolverines will play no less than a dozen the brilliance of one of the game's best all Finally, contraction will help baseball by games against ranked opponents the rest around players in Vladimir Guerrero and sending fifty undeserving players back to of the year including the likes of Michi one of its best young pitchers in Javier the minors or into retirement. To under gan State, Nebraska-Omaha, Miami (OH), Vasquez. Baseball simply cannot survive stand that not everyone in the big leagues Minnesota and Wisconsin. In order to in a city that ignores the game in favor of belongs, look no further than the world reach the tournament, this Wolverine team its year-round obsession with the champion Arizona Diamondbacks. Dur has to find the intensity it had in the Cold Montreal Canadiens. ing the playoffs, Bob Brenly had exactly War against Michigan State, and play up Tampa Bay, on the other hand, is per one reliever he could rely on for the entire to the competition right away. haps the worst organization in baseball. series. Aging veterans like Mike Morgan Michigan's quest for the tournament Ever since the day of its expansion draft, and Greg Swindell no longer belong in big will resume next weekend with four the franchise has never made a decision league baseball. A telling fact is that while games against ranked opponents over a as to whether it should acquire players to the average ERA in baseball has increased period of eight days. Next weekend, the win now, or aim to develop young talent. by more than a run since the mid-eight Wolverines will travel to Omaha to take It did neither. Last season's installment ies, the average ERA of the league's elite on the sixth-ranked Mavericks, who swept of the Devil Rays, with notable exceptions pitchers has not changed much over that a home series against the Michigan State ------~~~~~~es~~~e~st~ae~~~l~3~~~o~be~m~be~r=200~l======~==d~~=====9~11 Spartans last month. On the following p • t weekend, the Wolverines will host the sec- 0 I n about it. Now that is a revolutionary ond ranked and undefeated Minnesota move that could help the game. For that Golden Gophers, as well as number six- matter, almost every major league sport, teen Wisconsin. Given the strength of sh m0 .I nt including football, could stand to shed a these opponents, the fans have no right to team or two. The simple fact of the mat expect more than four points out of the ter is that there are not enough high skill four weeks. by Harry Mihas position players to go around, whether REBUTTAL It's one thing for you to butcher the law. they are pitcher, quarterback, goalie, or Number one rule in the AP Sports Writ This I can tolerate. Half the time, to be point guard. Remember Yingtao, RE ing Handbook: Know when your publi honest, it amuses me. But when you SEARCH is the key to a good article. cation is corning out, and don't predict the butcher sports, now that is sacred terri RED WINGS HOCKEY outcome of games that will have already tory. Death of Baseball?? Now that was Let's talk about something that matters. happened. some insight. Research, young man, will The Great Lakes Invitational is a few Second rule: If you are going to criti do wonders for your writing. One game months away, so we can lay off the col cize someone, at least do the background and you are ready to kill a billion dollar lege hockey. The Red Wings, on the other research and read the other person's work. venture. First of all, every major sport has hand, now there is something to talk Yes, Player 2 was Ricky Henderson; and seen the ratings of its playoffs go down. about. They are only the best team in the yes, the Insider did describe him as 'the If I remember correctly, Survivor was run NHL right now. And the amazing thing most sure-fire hall of fame leadoff hitter ning right up there with the Super Bowl. is, they've only played 15 or so games to of his generation.' [Editor's note: This re Maybe football was having a coronary. gether. Give them another 20 games, and buttal is in response to Harry Mihas' ar Get the paddles out and shock that sport they may actually get used to each oth ticle "Making a Point: How to Give the out of its comatose state. ers' playing styles. Two things can stop Ho a Southwest Beatdown" which ap As you had baseball lying in hospice this team. First: Injuries. They are old and peared in the October 30, 2001 issue of Res care, ready to cash it all in, it only achieved as the season goes along, several of these Gestae. ] one of its best ratings ever with an incred players, including the force of their of ible World Series that finished with a game fense, run a high risk of breaking down 7 that drew 40 million viewers. Finally, if physically. Second, this team has so much you are anything, you are predictable. offensive firepower, it runs the risk of This thing about contraction, don't worry playing lazy defense. We'll see how they respond, but chances are they will make another trip to the Stanley Cup Finals TIE ()F 1Xvr/l: 81# IN~~ ~ MICHIGAN FOOTBALL Enough already about "the second." It> /lellreM/Jd.. ,,k ~ -lk Hlv« /lo....V. That game should have been over with less than two minutes to go. Michigan stopped State on fourth down. Unfortu nately, our defensive back decided to try and yank the head off of Charles Rogers. Now that was a genius move. He was only being double-covered and he was out of the play. Grabbing him by the face mask while a referee watches from five feet away will likely be called for a pen alty. You think? You can only give a team so many chances to beat you, especially when you are playing on the road. Enough with the whining. Take control of the game and finish it off before you allow a timekeeper to make a home field call. ll1o l\es <@estae 13 jf!o\Jember 2001 II

Sparklehorse-It's A Wonderful Life Ocean Colour Scene - New CDs Mechanical Wonder None by Matthew S. Weiler h a v e Despite mastered a spate of Mercury Rev-All Is a Dream the art of fine al writing bums over Mer the lop the last c u r y sided few years, Rev's folk-pop 0 c e an newest t u n e Colour album is quite like Scene has a haunt Mark Linkous, the warbling one-man act n o t ing affair. know as Sparklehorse. Beck in his achieved Blur and Radiohead stature in There are "Beercan" phase comes close, and the Pantheon of Modern British Pop, nor · the ar "Subterranian Homesick Blues" era Bob have they been able to penetrate Ameri cane lyr Dylan probably the closest, but Linkous can airwaves like their less talented con ics, ef is a man apart: "''m the dog that ate your temporaries Travis and Coldplay . In fact, fected by Jonathan Donahue's spectral birthday cake," or so Linkous moans on Mechanical Wonder, their fourth studio re whine; there are the Halloweenish Ziggy the title track. Linkous has been perfect lease, is only their second album to be re Stardust arrangements that waft and curl ing his happy-sad bizzaro since 1996's leased in the United States. throughout the album's ten tracks. In the Vivasectiondixiesubmarine. This time, he There are plenty of jangly piano-driven opening minute of "The Dark is Rising," features brilliant cameos by P.J. Harvey melodies, powered by Simon Folwer's lashing orchestral swells give way to a and Tom Waits and peels off a layer of dis honey-glazed vocal modulations, with the prosaic piano drone. The imagery in "Nite tortion or two from his acid-washed ap occasional plaintive orchestral ballad and Fog" is an uneasy balance between proach. thrown in for good measure, just like their monsters, vampires and the divine, evi It 's A Wonderful Life is more melodic last albums. Fowler scales the rniddle oc denced by an evanescent siren who than his previous two albums, which taves deftly, while hi.s Byrdsy ensemble "moves in other ways." Navigating the wove in and out of Sonic Youth-like dis pushes blithely on, as always. There is "psalms and spells" of Donahue's tortion, only occasionally reaching heights nothing here to match the ebullience of dreamscapes may prove too much for the of aural rapture. In the setting of string, Moseley Shoals' "Day We Caught the Train" uninitiated, but the brave (or the organ and piano arrangements alternately or "Riverboat Song" but during "Up on bodaciously stoned) may find Rev's exer lush and sparse, Linkous' throaty, ethereal the Downside," when dainty xylophone cises in contradiction rewarding. At its voice shows a vulnerable beauty. A pi tones chase a snarly wah-wah guitar riff, best, All is Dream is compelling, in a star ano loop chases Linkous' lyrics in Mechanical Wonder is at its breezy, jaunty tling, beautiful (albeit dark) way, as is "Eyepennies," making his voice a sinewy best. shown in "A Drop in Time," the album's echo, and when Harvey breaks in halfway finest track: "her words profane, her through the song the album reaches its Ryan Adams-Gold mouth divine / I tried to sympathize with most elegant. He's up to his old tricks in both sides/ But I was caught, like a fleet "Dog Door," however, a rickety duet with Ryan ing thought/ Stuck inside of Leonard a growling Tom Waits struggling to Adams' Cohen's rnind." scratch through the sonic wall of feedback boozy bar Mercury Rev has been making and leaden base line; it sounds like an b a n d otherworldly music for ten years, with outtake from Waits' Bone Machine . It's A ~ remarkably little commercial success to Wonderful Life is a collection of off-kilter was once show for it. Their bassist and vocalist ballads filled with counter-intuitive tonal one of the spent two years in orbit with the Flarning modulations, damaged beauty and, as is more in Lips, and the two bands have been push seen in "Gold Day," a yearning for spiri teresting ing each other further into the outer tual purity: "in silver piles of smiles I may side at reaches of power-pop ever since, picking all your days be gold my child." tractions in the mid-1990s new wave up where King Crimson left off twenty Americana movement. But Adams years ago. For the majority of the music moved to Los Angeles, fell in love and buying public, their new album will prob traded his emotive (if mawkish) ably not do much to change their space "Losering" for the roiling aesthetic of oddity status, but it is Rev's most consis "Firecracker": "everybody wants to go tent and coherent effort to date. forever I I just wanna bum up hard and ------lll 3Re.s <@e.stae 13§!obember 2001 c%~ 11 II bright." Yes, Ryan Adams seems to b~e=====:F=:=====~;;;..;,,;,;;;;,;,;;,;;;;;,;,====,;;;;~~~==~='l enjoying his Hollywood makeover. Saxo- 0 re I H a r r y : phone riffs, quasi-gospel backing vocals • Oh yeah. and a clean (almost sterile) production Nailed one make the accompanying banjos and har- by Harry Mihas over the monica sound contrived, although it will The thing I have noticed about life is head. He bring his developing songwriting acumen that golf is a prerequisite to entering a pro- was block_ to a wider audience. He is not the crafts- fessional career. Maybe that's the case ing my shot man that Bruce Springsteen is, and Mar- because the most physical demanding as- on the thir- tin Sexton probably has dibs on his Gram pect of the "sport" is ordering putters t e e n t h . Parsons meets Leonard Cohen pastiche, through the mail Plus, you can serve those big boys up to and a better voice to boot. It's gotten to the point where your ca- the homeless during Thanksgiving. Takes His second solo album finds him in the reer options are seriously impaired by not care of this month's pro bono issue. thralls of sick love. "Nobody Girl" is a playing golf. I know firm partners are I understand there are several problems portrait of a shiftless, self-absorbed beauty probably lining up putts in their offices. with clubbing emus over the head. If you bent on self-destruction; sort of the "Like My future likely depends on whether the ever get near a live emu, stay away from a Rolling Stone" for the Prozac Age: "bet- old curmudgeon shanks one to the left or the feet. Those things have feet like a ter off as the fool / than the.owner of that sinks it into the glass tumbler on his of- Tyrannosauras Rex. Two, if you ever do kind of heart." Or the twisted "Sylvia fice carpet. kill an emu with a club, especially because Plath" where he imagines trysts with abo- Tom: Before I shank, errrr, I mean sink he is ruining your shot, consider carefully hemian, gin-soaked, chain-smoking this birdie, give me your gut feeling on who you tell. The wrong person will call Sylvia-a wry re-imagination of her days Harry. PETA and there is nothing that will kill a as a sassy American bobbysoxer who bit Bill: I really see potential in the kid. law firm career quicker than PETA pro- Ted Hughes on the neck on their first Tom: I agree ... CRAP! Missed it. Send tests outside your office. Finally if you meeting. In "Harder Now that it's Over" the kid a ding letter. He's a jinx! ever do have to dispatch an emu into that he captures the ambivalence of breaking Bill: Not a problem! I'll have another great bird nest in the sky, use a wood, pref out of a dysfunctional relationship: "And scotch. erably a 3-wood. The titanium driver costs you're free f free with a history." These All I am saying is vital issues are de- too much to risk it. are songs of wounded sensuality, vulner- cided on the fairway, and if you don't play Speaking of animals, another com- ability, and finding loneliness in love. That golf, you are on the outside looking in. mon question when it comes to golf. many have trodden this field before Perhaps I should get into it. That way Harry: What happens when a snake should not detract too much from recog- when my future colleagues talk about it, I eats my ball? nition of Adams' talent; he should be com- can be on the fast lane of the partnership Jason: Don't worry, just play the lie. mended for, if nothing else, making Adam track. Step on the tail, pull out the 9-iron and Duritz seem like a croaking high school Tom: Has anyone ever used a 9-iron to give it a good whack! sophomore. A kill an emu? It's ok if you kill the snake. Chalk it V up to taking out one of your own. Maybe r ------, I will have to resort to paying someone to • II Ls playforme. Lastthingineedistoheara bunch of senior partners drone on about Atten t I 0 n a 1 their mulligans. Not to mention the cease less butt kissing session that such a round entails. Maybe the best part of hiring someone is I would avoid the embarrass a n d 2 L S ment of actually playing. A typical round for me usually ends in disaster. The Office of Career Services is pleased to announce that we Announcer: Harry lines up the drive, intensely studying the dogleg. He focuses will launch an interview week the last week of August, 2002, on the ball, as though he were studying before school begins. The vast majority of on-campus inter an unexploded terrorist bomb. Ok, he views will occur during that week, August 26-30, 2002. We wiggles his butt around, draws the club will provide plenty of information about the new early inter back and ... view week program to you throughout the year, but now want OH MY GOODNESS. THE HU MANITY OF IT ALL. Man down, man to remind you of the program so that, as you begin to negoti- down! 1 ate your housing leases for Fall2002, you try to obtain a lease Lthat begins BEFORE August 26, 2002. Thank you. ------~ 1112 3a_es ®estae 13 ~obcmber 2001 II as they did last season. When I put time into watching into a show, I expect some The Island: More good stuff to come by the end of the sea son - if the producers need to take an ac tive role in creating that drama, it's all Tempting Than good with me. Now, there are quite of few of you out there that have moral objections to a show that profits from the misery of poor, heart Ever broken souls. Last week, a woman I was by Timothy Martin ing together whether they are on Tempta watching the show with actually told me that it was making her stomach turn be Yes, the temptation is back. And this tion Island or Long Island. As all the other cause she felt so bad for the chagrined lov time it's apparently too hot to resist. couples were cuddling during their last ers. Come on now, since when do we have Woohoo! I am not ashamed to admit few moments together before the possi to analyze television like this? If it's funny, openly that I am a Temptation Island 2 fan, bly tumultuous few weeks, Thomas and a big fan (for those of you unfamiliar with Nikkole were bickering about not listen then I'm satisfied. the show's lingo, Temptation Island 2 is ing to each other and cutting each other I have no sympathy for these loveless popularly abbreviated as "TI2."). There off while the other speaks. This kind of fools, anyway. Anyone who is stupid enough to place themselves in such a situ can not be more entertaining television comedy cannot be scripted. It's simply the ation and then sob about not wanting to than a show that couples gratuitous eye brilliance of reality television. be on the show anymore once their girl candy with the drama of possible severed Okay, so maybe it's not completely friend or boyfriend starts getting a little relationships. This season, Fox has hinted "real." With the editing choices and the too freaky with the singles does not en that the couples will be more freely hook producers coercing the couples into act ing up with the hot singles and more fre ing certain ways, the show is not really gage my sympathy. Fox may say that the show's purpose is to allow the couples to quently dumping their respective signifi left to chance. Of course, it would not be "explore the strength of their relation cant others. Awesome! any surprise if the producers specifically Not only have the show's teasers repeat found couples that they thought would ships," but anyone silly enough to blindly edly said that the temptation will be irre break up- this is Fox, after all. Hard-core use that as their reasoning for being on the show is not deserving of compassion. sistible this time around, but one of the cheating will definitely heighten the rat I have no qualms about being enter couples, Thomas and Nikkole, fight con ings - at least this way, we won't have to tained at the TI2 cast members' expense, tinuously and I can't imagine them stay- be disappointed if they all stay together because they have brought that pain upon themselves. The disgruntled lovers are similar to those idiotic Jerry Springer IN TJ.IE' CussRooM. • • guests who come onto the show knowing someone has a "surprise" for them. At this point, you are fair game if you do not JLL think through your television appearance enough to know that your Springer "sur prise" or your experience on Temptation Island is going to be on the order of a na tionwide laugh at your expense. Sorry, it's your own fault if you are that big of a moron, and if you are stupid enough to put yourself in that position, your relation ship probably would not have lasted any way. So, let the tempting and subsequent laughter begin!