This Here... “...Loud, Raucous, Even Abrasive at Times...” (T Wayne)
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ISSUE #16 This Here... “...loud, raucous, even abrasive at times...” (T Wayne) (if not necessarily a consistent paycheck, the business having EGOTORIAL its ups and downs and seasonal variation), but the disadvantage of working silly hours (and the taxi columns This Here... might have been collectively titled “Five Twelve” as a nod to the from-jail “Six Twelve” pieces, now mercifully long, long (Series 1): December 1999 - March 2001 (issues #1 - #8) ago) which leaves me not a lot of copious free time to commit fanac, stint as FAAn awards administrator (Series 2): June 2008 - April 2011 (issues #8 1/2 - #15) notwithstanding. Paradoxically, given that I mostly go (Series 3): May 2019 - ?? (issues #16 - ??) nowhere and do nothing on my Friday and Saturday “weekend”, there could be the use of that window for laser- Here we are again, then. “Yes, but why?” comes the focused accing of the fan, which was arguably the plaintive cry from Sid & Doris Fishlifter, ashen-faced case during award admin days, but that’s a fail when and tight-lipped Ron “Knee” Hooper and Sir Herbert you have that BFF which depends upon the Gussett-Charnock not necessarily of Dorset (That’s involvement of others who do not necessarily share enough Private Eye references - Ed.) my scheduled time constraints, eg co-editorial “Why not?” could be a suitable response, of procrastination (abetted by the inevitable and course, but a conjuncture of several reasons unwelcome intrusions of RL) with added has given me the nod, including but not perfectionism, which goes into the same limited to the cessation of the excellent column as Billy Bunter’s postal order and run of G Charnock’s Vibrator, the seeming Curt Phillips’ TAFF trip report. absence of any regularity of A Hooper’s So This Here..., back grinding axes and Flag (needs prune juice?), both in the potentially with a fairly frequent schedule, perzine section, leaving Leigh Edmonds’ although no promises, given that I’ve only zine reading options to devolve to proved that one thing I can do consistently BFFs (“Big Fat Fanzines”, by Leigh’s well is have a hiatus. But I’m taking drink definition) and Banana Wings, the latter a stuff for that. deserved multiple award-winner, and not so much “The Only Fanzine That Matters” (to You’d expect a bit of an upgrade, eight years borrow a musical reference solely on the basis on, but you’d also expect some continuity, of the existence of the Sainted M Strummer, plus ca change... perhaps) but “The Only Fanzine That Gets An Ish Out On A Well, the layout’s the same, though I changed the font on the Decent Schedule”, unlike said BFFs such as - er - BEAM, or title, after which I had to have a serious lay-down due to the Challenger, maybe even Trap Door on the basis that those expected exhaustion of that effort, or possibly the named would be considered “event publications”, a polite consumption of an entire bottle of store-brand whiskey, way of saying there’ll be an ish once a year if you’re fuckin’ suggesting that we must be due another party so Ken Vaden lucky. can bring another bottle of good stuff, and Don Miller can Regular readers of the admirable SexToy will know that I’ve provide some container of his by-now traditional “strange- been plying the trade of taxi driver since 2015, giving the colored alcoholic piss” which has actually of late been more household the advantage of me having regular employment drinkable than in past iterations. While the “Egotorial” has THIS HERE... 1 THIS HERE... #16 habitually been seen as “The Train-wreck Diaries” by over Steve Stiles and Bill Burns winning their respective luminaries such as His Unc-Ness (J) previous post-hiatus categories consistently - Mike wanted to accede to efforts have wisely declined to recap the intervening years, (particularly Steve’s) wishes to not be considered to the and in any case life is chugging along in an atmosphere of extent of disregarding votes for them, whereas I was of the general contentment these days, with the fervent hope that I opinion that, while those worthies were certainly at liberty haven’t jinxed it by saying that. to exhort participants to not vote for them, a formal policy of The “Tunes!” column is here, though as with the change in disregarding votes wasn’t something I could condone. Thus, “series 2” to its philosophy (if that isn’t too grand a with my personal view that the FAAn awards admin should designation, suggesting that it presumes to have one) is once defer to the wishes of the incumbent Corflu chair, I willingly again modified. stepped aside. Little did I realize what a fuckin’ travesty Mike would come up with, and I don’t envy Burnsy the task “Indulge Me” is still here, the usual filler of one-liners and of portraying that lot on the Corflu website, although random distress. Magister that he is, I’m sure it’ll get done. “Rasslin’”, which I haven’t now watched in many years due An example of how tortured it was: Andy Hooper, strangely to the lack of availability on my current TV (no cable or for someone who is producing diligent and detailed research satellite, just streaming services) is replaced by “Footy”, so on that old Worldcon stuff, typically tends to gob off in an we thus include a sample of what the likes of Catherine impressionistic manner on contemporary fanstuff - I Crockett will deride as “sportsball” (and feel free to skip experienced this myself off him in 2018, when he expressed past that section en route to knitting cats for antifa), and yet anger and frustration (which was quite genuine) yet with a perking up others who have a deep interest in that great Trump-like disregard of easily determined facts. Thus, his game. post-Corflu 2019 remarks that he may have been the only It could well be seen as an eye-rollingly obvious quid pro quo voter for Fred Lerner’s excellent apazine Lofgeornost was not to have Charnock (G) in here, and perhaps it is, but I only immediately contradicted by Mike Dobson reiterating personally enjoyed his ‘America the Damned’ polemics, so his stated (if vague) policy of requiring “sufficient why wouldn’t I gratefully provide a venue for their participation” in subcategory voting to garner the award, continuation? but also by four others stating that they’d given Fred the nod, and a statement by Mike that five different apazine It’s all good. titles had been voted for. At least we can thus deduce that Nic Farey, May 2019 there were at least nine voters this year. Further comments on that FB thread included remarks that “I receive Fred’s zine in the mail, and have done so for x years”, thus effectively making the award “Only Apazine I receive in the IS THIS JUST FAANTASY? mail”. Eye roll. No disrespect to Fred, whose ish I also Firstly, and crucially, congratulations to all this year’s FAAn receive and enjoy, and had I voted this year might well have award winners, too many to name given the overall put Lofgeornost in that slot, only balking because I don’t have subcategory/certificate list and the “main” actual trophy the breadth of knowledge of the approx 27 billion apazines, winners. It seems churlish to lazily just name trophy nor the arrogance to designate the only one I get as the recipients, although some are likely to get namechecks “best”, good though it is. further down. The “trophy” awards were generally unsurprising, except I had hoped that Mike Dobson would have the detailed for Alan White’s shocking and welcome ‘Fanartist’ nod. This voting numbers out by the time thish was up, but that’s not is where raw numbers are going to be interesting. Alan the case. I can only conclude that the formatting and didn’t get any of the subcategory certificates, has been commentary of and on those numbers might well take a generally and unjustly ignored in previous ballots, and yet minute, given the unnecessary complexity of this year’s comes out on top with Dobson’s likely tortuous math. ballot, but (a) that’ll give me plenty to gob off about in This I have to add, Steve Stiles, original crazy man, I love you to Here... #17, and, yanno, the FA Cup Final is next week, pieces, but Mike’s method of allowing you to have a ‘Footy’ (qv), so I’m not about to wait on him. “certificate” in a subcategory yet not be counted toward the A brief history, although most readers might be familiar “trophy” award is tincture of pure bollocks. How many with it: having administered the 2018 awards, the original fuckin’ ways do you want it, mate? intention was that I would continue in the gig for 2019. I had some changes in mind, based on that year’s experience of the job, and convened a smoffish group to discuss them. It soon became clear that Mike and I had a major sticking point 2 THIS HERE... THIS HERE... #16 Lennon/McCartney, even though we all know that very TUNES! (CRITIQUE) soon after the early Beatles slices they separated quickly to the point that it’s clear which were the “John” songs and Just for continuity, at least for thish, I’ll keep the “Tunes!” which were the “Paul” ones. Advocates of Jagger/Richard section title before possibly changing up to “Radio Winston” can sound off in the loccol (and compare favorably or for #17, which might be along at some smooth juncture, disfavorably to, say, Difford/Tilbrook), but a much more although like any faned worth the salt I’ve lied shamelessly obvious comparison might be Strummer/Jones in that you and created ever more elastic definitions of “RSN”.