CONTRIBUTORS

TOM 0'NEILL is a contributingeditor at Us magazine,where he has profiledAnthony Hopkins, Garry Shandling, and Rupert Everett, among others.O'Neillgarnered an ExceptionalMerit Media Award from the National Women'sPolitical Caucus and Radcliffe College for his1995 profile of Lily m Tomlin,"The Incredible Shrinking Woman of SaturdayNight Live."

pAT CAL|f lA joinsOUT as a veterancommentator on gay and lesbian culture.She is a columnistfor Girlfriends,a contributing writer at POZ,and the authorof manybooks, most recently Sex Changes: The Politics of Trans- genderismand DieselFuel. "Provocafive is an overusedword," Califia notes, W butthat's exactly what she plans to bein hermonthly column.

ERIC pRYOR is a creativedirector and stylist who has been creating "storiesand atmospheres" for magazines since 1987, when he moved to New Yorkfrom a farmin Missouri.Pryor says "people should wear whatever makes themfeel sexy and comfortable," although that doesn't excuse colored high- W topsneakers on menor blackballet shoes on women.

LISA KENNEDY comesto OUTfrom Us, where she was managing editor for two years.Prior to that, shewas the featureseditor at TheVillage Voice. Kennedyis "intriguedby the new OUT" and enjoys "the stir it is causing." Butshe is mostexcited about bringing quality reporting and feature stories to rca lesbianand gay audience. She is alsoat workon a bookabout adoption. JASPER TAMEg learnedhis craft "here, there, and everywhere," and the - resultsof thiseducation can be seen in numerouspublications, including - .ffiRaygunand The lndependent. The London- and New York-based photographer triesto followhis "instincts but stay open to themoment" and is at workon a collectionof imagestentatively titled Ihe UnitedStates of Generica. -

CRIST;NA RATHBOTn is a journalistwhose work has appeared in numerouspublications, including New York's Daily Newsandthe Miami Herald. Sheis the authorof Onthe OutsideLooking ln: A Yearln an lnner-CityHigh - Schoot,published last February by Grove Atlaniic Press. Rathbone was raised M in Englandand currently calls, with a Britishlilt, Brooklynhome.

OneHot Mama Witha Broadwayshoq an upcomingnovel, and a newwoman in herlife {her daughter}, $andraBernhard proves she's still here,damn it-and as fiery as ever.

Wfittenby Tom 0'Neill

Thesix-week-old infant sits in a swingingrocker mixof pop-cultureassassination-she goes after in the livingroom of the modestSan Fernando everyonefrom Courtney Love ("What plastic sur- Valleyhome, attended by hernanny, a surpris- geonis goingto fix all the scarsin yourheart, inglyyoung and beautiful dark-skinned woman baby?")to superficialsupermodels ("When asked 'lt's withan expressionlessgaze fixed entirely on her laboutVersace's murderl, Naomi said, beena charge.Except for the gentle rocking motion of teniblething...for me."')-and scathing commen- theswing, they nearly resemble a Gauguin, so still tary(she locates the demise of mankindin the in- andpeaceful on this hot afternoon. And then all ventionof *69),Damn /f/, which opens this month at hell breaksloose from somewhere else in the Broadway'sBooth Theatre, is the kindof workthat's house.Sandra Bernhard, who has excused herself beenmissing from Bernhard'soeuvre for years. to clearher throat in the bathroom,has appar- entlyencountered some resistance with a stub- Sinceher lacerating 1983 screen debut in Martin bornpiece of humanmatter in herlarynx. "Don't Scorsese'sThe King of Comedy,Bernhard's ca- youhate that?1" she shouts, in betweenexcava- reerhas experienced occasional highs (the suc- tionattemots that sound like the Three Tenors cessfulstage run of WithoutYou) followed by in a spittingcompetition. "When it getscaught invariablelows (its off-the-markfilm adaptation betweenyour nose and your throat and you can't two years later). Despitenumerous W roles getit out?"Finally emerging triumphant, Bernhard (Roseanne,Chicago Hope, Ally McBeal) and films runsher fingers through her uncombed tresses (the recentlyreleased Somewhere in the City), (sheis wearingno makeup,a wrinkledtie-dyed Bernhard'sbest work has always been culled T-shirt,shorts, and sneakers) and plops down into fromher own life. Her cynical monologues and a chair."Please do talk about that," she says, eye- thinlyveiled autobiographical tomes (her third, ingthe tape recorder, "me hawking up a loogie'" MayI KissYou on the Lips,Miss Sandra?, is due in November,from RobWeisbach Books) have Whilethere's no needto worryabout Bernhard alwayspushed boundaries as well as buttons. becominga conventional mom anytime soon, one thingis certainlygleaned from an afternoonin Sofor many,it cameas no surprisewhen the hercompany. After a longrun of fabulousparties, comedianannounced last spring that shewas glamorousglobe-trotting, and turbulentrela- pregnantand refusedto revealthe identityof tionships(she's broken off with,among others, thefather or the method of conception.Appear- clubczar lngrid Casares, Sports lllustratedswim- ing in a truncatedHB0 versionof Damnlt! this suit modelPatricia Velasquez, and, of course, summerin a full-lengthsee-through dress that Madonna),the 43-year-oldBernhard has, with clungto herotherwise naked (and seven-months thearrival of herdaughter, Cicely Yasin (on the pregnant)body like SaranWrap, Bernhard Fourthof July,no less),found in motherhood madeii clearthat her comfortzone wasn't whatshe hadn't been able to graspin theworld aboutto be compromisedby hernew role as ex- at large:a mooring."lt justso happens I've raised pectantmother. Much of this shecredits to her a lot of childrenwho happento be in adult's studyof cabala,a medievalform of .Jewishmysti- clothing,"she explains, "So I figured,well, why cismthat has largely overtaken her personal and notgive something to mybaby that I've given to spirituallife and which accounts for herability a lot of otherpeople who really haven't ended to cleanseherself of past transgressions,she up beingin mylife anymore?" says,providing an honest,open space to haveher baby-andreturn to goodwork. Thebirth of Cicely,shortly after what amounted to a careercomeback for Bernhardlast spring, It'sa topicshe'll revisit throughout the afternoon. marksthe dawnof a new era in the singer- Butfirst she veers back to hernew favorite sub- comedian-writer-actress'slife. She receivedher ject:the child in the nextroom, "You know," says bestreviews in yearsfor l'm StillHere...Damn lt!, thenew mom, "the thing I likebest is burpingher, herfirst off-Broadwayappearance since 1988's givingher the littlerubs and taps on the back. similarlyexplosive Without You l'm Nothing.A SometimesI end up burpingbefore her, but she

Photographedbyt{ick 0tley Styledby Pau[ Stura

69 burpsas loud as I do."Bernhard smiles proudly. "She OUT:Some well-known single moms have opted for burps,she farts, she laughs, she eats, she sleeps, and spermbanks so they don't have to worryabout the fa- she'sthe prettiest girl I've ever had in mybed." therturning up in fiveyears seeking custody. Do you andthe father have some type of contractualagreement 0UT:Cicely Yasin. Where'd Yasin come from? protectingyou from that? SANDRABERNHARD: lt'sMoroccan. lt means "messenger BERNHARD:No,no, this was a divinepresence. lGiggles) of goodnews" and "girl with a beautifulsmile." 'Nufsaid. OUT:And Cicely? 0UTrWho does Cicely look more like, you or herfather? BERNHARD:lLaughs) Actually, my ex-girlfriendand I BERi{HARD:lGrinning widelyl She looks exactly like mel werewatching a documentaryon orangutans,and Herfeet look like her father's. therewere these two babies who'd been mauled and 0UT:Was it easyto conceive? weresaved in thissanctuary in Borneo.These orang- BERNHARD:Uh-huh, very. utanswere just the cutestthings in the world,and 0UT:Like, first time? they namedthem Cicely and Gwendolyn.I always BERNHARD:Yeah. Well, when things are spiritually likedthe name Cicely; it's just so English and proper. aligned,you know... 0UT:I wonderhow Cicely's going to reactwhen she OUT:You mean the planets? growsup and learns she was named after an orangutan. BERNHARD:No,not at all.Within myself. I havedone BERNHARD:0h,she'll love it. They're beautiful animals. a lotof intensespiritual cleansing and cleared out a 0UT:ls beinga momeverything you expected? lot of negativityand bullshit. il actuallyconceivedl BERNHARD:I didn't really have any expectations. There's theday after Yom Kippur, which you fast on. So I did reallyno way to knowhow it's going to feeluntil you have a majorfast and just really looked inside myself and thebaby, You have to seewhat the baby's like, because decidedthere were certain things I wantedto clear sometimesyou jive with your kid andsometimes you outof my life,certain behaviors, certain ways of relat- don't.I completelyjive with her. She's a hoot. ingto people.Relationships, indulgences, weaknesses, OUT:How'd the delivery go? thingsthat holdyou back from success on all levels. BERNHARDTWell, I hada C-section.There were some OUT:What would hold you back from success? complicationsafterward, so it waskind of intense. BERNHARD:Being in destructiverelationships and also Forme, not for her. justhaving uncertainty about things. You always have OUT:Were you in gravedanger? to havetotal certainty that whatever's happening isthe BERNHARDTKind of. lCarefully)There was a tension, rightthing. Once you get there, things really begin to kindof a dangerousmoment. For the doctors, not for me. revealthemselves. I wasconscious ona higherplane and I knewI was0K. OUTrBesides your study of cabala,did anythingelse 0UT:Was anyone with you? helpyou reach this place? Therapy for instance? BERNHARD:Yeah, Patricia, my ex-girlfriend, and one of BERNHARDTNo.lt's all beenmy study. my brothers-hecut the cord.Tons of peoplecame 0UT:As with Buddhism,with cabala there's a strong to thehospital right after, and then I raninto the prob- focuson karma,right? lems.But there were a lot of greaipeople around me. BERNHARD:Yeah, it's calledtikkun. But the difference 0UT:lt's a prettycourageous thing to havea childalone. betweentikkun and karmais that with tikkunyou BERNHARD:Well, I don'tfeel alone. The greatest thing havemore control and more options of changingit as aboutthis experienceis there'sa lot of my friends opposedto beingpassive and a victimto it. I don't whowill probablynever have the opportunity to have believein karma.I believein tikkun,and I'm making kids,especially a lot of mymale friends, so I neverfelt mytikkun every day. You make corrections in yourlife. likeI wasgoing into this by myself. 0UT:You made a few remarksin your showabout OUT:So the dad question-we gonna deal with that? Madonna'sembrace of cabalaas well, like, anything BERNHARD:Yeah, l'll dealwith it asmuch as I wantto. that givesher wisdom and insightyou were all for. lLaughs)l'll dealwiih it in 20 milliondifferent ways. But I wasa littleconfused by yourobservation that 0UT:Well, I'm only looking for one: Did you ask some- Madonna'schild choseher and not the otherway bodyto conceivewith you or did you use some siranger's around.Care to explain? stufffrom a bank? BERNHARD:Of course, See, we drawdown souls that BERNHARD:[Sml/es demurely) lt was a generousfriend. wantto cometo us to teachus lessons.The whole OUTrWere there tools involved? pointof that pieceis that we can thinkwe know BERNHARD:lLaughs) Uh, well, yeah, one tool. everything,we can be smug,super successful, and OUT:But was there a pumpon the endof the tool? rich,but maybeit's your child who's going to bethe Couldit alsohave been used for, say, basting a turkey? oneto reallyopen your eyes to whoyou are and what BERNHARD:No.no. no! you'resupposed to knowin this life. OUT:So it wasthe realact? 0UT:So what you meant was that Lourdeshas come BERNHARD:Uh-huh. to teachMadonna, and she's really got a lotto learn? OUnWill this friend play a rolein Cicely'supbringing? BERNHARD:Weall do.lt's not a put-down,just a reality. BERNHARD:No,not necessarily. OUT:Are you and Madonna friends again?

70

BERNHARD:No.We don't hang out. thenthat's who I'm with. At this point, sex just sounds 0UT:ls it truethat she came to your show and had a piua likea bigbore anyway. deliveredto hertable during the middleof youract? 0UT:Oh, come on. BERNHARD:That's what everybody said, but I nevereven BERNHARD:Hmmm, I'm bored. sawher there that night. 0UT:When was the last time? 0UT:Doesn't sound like good tikkun to me. BERNHARD:lt's been about a year. BERNHARD:Well, I don'tknow. I just wish her the best. 0UT:Hold on now,your baby was born last month. OUT:You're not involved with anybody now. Wouldn't BERNHARD:Well, yeah, that's almost a year. it benice to shareparenting with a partner? OUT:lf youfell in lovetomorrow and coupled with the BERNHARD:Yesand no. Probably more no than yes. I person,would you allow them to adoptyour baby? likethe way things are right now. I'm happy. BERiIHARD:Mybaby? No. Absolutely not. OUlYou said in a 1994interview that Patricia Velasquez OUT:What if youhad a commitmentceremony with providedyou with unconditional love. anotherwoman? BERNHARD:Shestill does. We were together five years. BERNHARD:Ewww! 0UT:What happened? OUT:You don't believe in thatstuff? BERNHARD:lLaughs) Well, she's young. She [still had to BERNHARD:Ewwvwvwl Absolutely not! lt's just bullshit. havelsome experiences in life. We're very close, and Eitheryou're committed or you're not, honey. she'sreally been there for me. She's a greatinf luence OUT:When you're in a relationship,do youinsist on forCicely, and Cicely adores her. But in termsof rela- monogamy?Do you believe in that? tionships,I think I'm on hiatus. BERNHARD:Not 100 percent.I don'tthink anybody OUT:From love? does.I don'tthink anybody's capable of it really. BERNHARD:Notfrom love. Love usually isn't in a rela- 0UT:When you tour or travel with a girlfriend,do you tionship.[Laughs) engagein PDAs-publicdisplays of affection? OUI:ln Damn/f/, youtell a storyabout David Kelley BERNHARD:Never. I don't believe in it. Withanybody. lthecreator/executive producer of AllyMcBealJ wanting l'll putmy arms around my friends-l'm a veryaffec- youto playa characteron the show in a "gaydirection," tionateperson-but I do not believe in that. lthink it's andyou replied that you'd already done that on Rose- somethingto beleft at home. anneand didn't want to againbecause, you said, "l'm 0UT:What do you make of thewhole Anne and Ellen notthat thrilled about being gay in myown life." How loveaffair in regardto howit blossomedat that infa- muchtruth is there to that? mous VanityFair Oscarparly? BERNHARD:Everything's pretty tongue-in-cheek. BERNHARD:I think it's cuckoo. OUT:In thatstatement you call yourself gay. I know OUT:Did you see their Oprah appearance? youdon't like labels. BERNHARD:Unfortunately, I missed it. I wouldreally like BERNHARD:Whatever. to seeit. I heardit wascrazy. OUT:Are you gay? 0UT:You're the queenof talk shows-Letterman, BERNHARD:lLaughs, then sing-songsl I'm gayas the Leno,Stern, Robin Byrd. Yet you've never done lhe monthof May!I'm gayin the 1920slyric sense of RosieO'Donnell Show. Why? the word....lBecomes seriousl I don't know.These BERNHARD:Uh, no particularreason. lt's just, you definitionsand commitments, I don't know lf it makes know,there are certain shows that seem like they would peoplehappy, yeah, sure, I'm gay.Whatever, I don't begood for me and other shows that just wouldn't work. care.People can think whatever they want. At the end I'm probablya little too forthright for a showlike that. of theday, we all haveto faceourselves in thesame 0UT:Are you friends with her? wayno matter what our sexuality is. BERNIIARD:We're two shipspassing in the night.I 0UT:Do you get negative feedback from the gay com- mean,I knowher. Whatever. I mean, honey, she's got munityfor your ambivalence? hershtick. I dunno.lExasperatedl Whatever. BERNHARD:Not anymore.Matter of fact, oneof the 0UT:Do youthink she'llever marry Tom Cruise if originaleditors of OUTmade this big proclamation I Nicoleleaves him? shouldbe chastised and expelled from the gay com- BERNHARD:That'll be happening sometime this century. munityfor my lackof commitmentand honesty. iltJ 0UT:Do you find that at all disturbing? wasthis holier-than-thou proclamation when the whole BERNHARD:Honey, you know what? lf peoplewant to outingthing staried, which was so ridiculous-be- getlost in theirillusions, let'em. That's all I cansay. causeif anybody'sbeen on the forefrontof fighting 0UT:lt's gotta be a painfulexistence. thebattle for freedom and expression of whatevertheir BERNHARD:Honey, not when you're depositing those sexualityis, it's me. Listen, I'm an entertainer first and million-dollarchecks into your account. I think it's a I don'twant to excludeanybody from that. I thinkwhen prettyfucking cushy existence. I don't think anybody's youmarginalize yourself it makespeople feel uncom- feelingany pain. fortable.I'm very comfortable inmy own skin and [with] 0UT:Are you friendswith Hollywood'sso-called whoever,whether it's a womanor a man.lf I canconnect lesbianelite? withthem and get some sort of exchangehappening, BERNHARD:No. Well, I guess | (continuedonpase 158)

73 ()NE1|OT MAMA / FROM PAGE 73

knowthem, but we don't hang oui. BERNHARD:Un a breathy,dramatic voicel OUT:What about very public relationships? "Sandra,we need to talk."I said,"We have BERNHARDTI think they'regreat. lt's fan- nothingto talk about,Naomi. My pieceis tasticif that'swhat somebody's comfortable multilayered.lt's notabout you. lt's about doing.I thinkit reallyis a greatequalizer, culture.lt's about media. lt's about manip- and it opensup a lot of opportunitiesfor ulations.And we're not going to getinto it." otherpeople who are having problems deal- lSmileslAt the end of theday, I'm sure that ingwith it withinthemselves. I have my own Naomi'sthrilled that I'm still talking about her. wayof doingthat, but I thinkit's great. lLaughs)That anybody's still talking about her. 0UT:So the "l'm notthrilled about being gay" 0UT:Anybody else you hurt by yourshow? linein yourshow is morefor the laugh.Or BERNHARDTI Laughs) Mariah [Carey]. doyou f ind it difficult? OUT:You said since her breakuo with hus- BERNHARD:There's nothing difficult within bandTommy Mottola she's been trying to get thewhole idea of beinggay. lt's probably more "niggerish,"hanging out with the homeboys. difficultfor mebecause I'm just a veryout- BERNHARDTYeah, like white girls try to do spokenperson. I don't think it hasanything sometimes.Her [former]manager Sandy to do with my sexuality,but when you add Gallin,who's been my manager,called me, thatinto the mixof whoI am,it is another andI said,"C'mon, Sandy, you know my work. levelof shitI haveto dealwith. I thinkyou It'sabout something, it's an observation. All havebetter luck being somebody like k.d. lang of a suddenMariah's lying around the Royal- who'sjust full-on major dyke than you do when tonhotel with Puff Daddy and all theseblack you'relike me. I mean,I'm ambiguous and guys?lt's on MTVbefore the award show, and I won'treally play the game. lt tripsa lotof it'sinsane! lt's absurd! lt's funny and it's not peopleout-straight and gay-because they comingout of theact, so she better toughen wantto fuckingnail you. They want to fuck- up.Tough love, baby," ingpigeonhole you, and I don'twant to be 0UT:Did he understand? pigeonholed.Don't fuckin' tell me how to be. BERNHARD:Yeah, he understood. But she was I'm an individualand I'vefought against a hurt.lt's silly, though. I didn'tsay, "Ewww, lot of stereotypesin my life. MariahCarey's a shitty singer and she should 0UTrIn your show, you tell about a nightout beout of thebusiness." lt's just funny shit. with CourtneyLove and howshe tried to OUT:Have you mellowed since having Cicely? kissyou but you demuned. Fact or fiction? BERNHARD:lGrimacesl No! | had already BERNHARD:Alltrue. guIterrrrryself to a certainplace emotionally 0UT:And then did you really go out and vomit andspiritually in the pastthree years that in thestreet? enabledme to havethe baby,but in terms BERNHARD:Well, um lcagilyJ, metaphorically. of my pointof viewand strength and clear- OUT:Are you guys still friendly? cutview of theworld, that has not changed. BERNHARD:Yeah, I hearfrom her every once CamillePaglia was worried about that. She in a while.She's a veryelusive girl, I like cameto myshow and said lEarnestlyJ, "Please her.I thinkshe's very interesting. don'tlose your bitch. Don't lose the bitch OUT:Why does she appeal to youso much? edge."I said,"You saw me onstage. Do you BERNHARD:I'm always interested in people thinkI lostit?" whoare complex, who are kind of, youknow, OUT:Any plans to tonedown the showfor trainwrecks having emotional schisms all theuptown crowd? overthe place.People like that are always BERNHARDTI think people come to seeme for fascinating.I don't know how much you can whatI do asopposed to somethingtailored relyon them or beintimate with them because toihe audience. the beautyand the natureof theirbehavior 0UT:But howare you going to drawin all is notconducive to closenessand day-to-day thosebl ue-haired theatergoers? hangingout, but I woulddefinitely hang out BERNHARD:Fucking lurid sex actsl [Laughsl withher again. I like her a lot,She's a little Actually,you know, that's a verygood idea. scary-andfor me to saythat is prettyintense. l'll doa tributeto thememory of Times Square. OUT:How about Naomi Campbell? You really l'm goingto bringback 42nd Street!I'm takeher to taskin the show, and she's a friend. goingto bringback,..Show World! lSpeak- I thoughtshe was notoriously thin-skinned. ingin a hushedtone, as if to a raptaudiencel soH BERNHARD:I'vealways done stuff aboui Naomi. "l'd liketo dedicate this entire oiece to Robin NEW YORK I knowshe was hurt by this piece. She told Byrdand the survivalof pornography....". 212965 90 mewhen I raninto her at the Stones concert. 800 280 4N OUT:What did she say? TomO'Neill is a contributingeditor at US magazine.

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