Why am i on the cover? see pages 14-16. Who would even create me? see page 2. What should I rent this weekend? see pages 20-21. The Carl Recommends by Dan Sugarman Doom [DVD; February 7] THE Wrestler-turned-actor The Rock is a deadly Marine mercenary traveling into Department: space to slaughter aliens by the dozen. Synopsis reads: "Their mission: nothing gets out alive." Too good to be true. TOP 5 History The Coming Tug of War Over the Internet [Washington Post; http://www.washingtonpost.com/wpd Top Five Historical Defenestrations Other Than the yn/content/article/2006/01/21/ Defenestration of Prague AR2006012100094.html]

"AT&T Chairman Edward E. Whitacre Jr. 1. The Defenestration of Austin complained that Internet content providers were getting a free ride: ‘They 2. The Second Defenestration of Prague don't have any fiber out there. 3. The Defenestration of Newark They don't have any wires. . . . They use my lines for free — and that's bull,’ he 4. The Defenestration of the Rea Sea said. ‘For a Google or a Yahoo or a 5. The Defenestration of Musser (voluntary) Vonage or anybody to expect to use these pipes for free is nuts!'’"

Belle & Sebastian’s The Life Pursuit So, what is it exactly about junior year that is making [CD; February 7] How are you preparing for everyone go crazy? I mean, I know Carleton gets like this every term, and everyone has tons of work, but it seems like The indie pop superstars release an everywhere I turn all my classmates are telling me how equally-produced but better album than DORM WARS? overwhelming their workload is. I don’t know. I suppose it Dear Catastrophe Waitress. Standout has something to do with the fact that we officially hav tracks: "Act of the Apostle," "White majors now. Plus, I think at least half my class was gone Collar Boy," "To Be Myself Completely." abroad somewhere last term. So maybe things are just seem- ing difficult because of that. Who knows. That you apply to debate Fox News’ On a semi-related note: good luck to all you compsing Bill O’Reilly [TV; Feb. 7-8, 14-15 & 21- seniors out there! Especially Roddy and Becca, who I know 22] give their talks soon. -John Applicants can enter the "Bloviate with Bill" contest by e-mailing [email protected]. Not a joke; submit your debate topic by February "I might take cooler 7. More details at http://www.foxnews.com/story/ showers." 0,2933,181845,00.html. - Nick Smith ’09 “I don’t live on campus." -Sonya Derman ’06 Bob Jones University Webcam [Webcam; http://www.bju.edu/about/ campus/webcam.html]

Live the thrill of attending America’s most infamous liberal arts college, 24 hours a day. "Workin’ on my GUNS." Enthusiastic But Mediocre’s Top 100 - James Hannaway Singles of 2005 [MP3 Blog; ’09 http://www.furanes.net/ebm/] "Call George W. Bush and mount Pop music enthusiast posts MP3s of his an air strike on favorite 2005 singles, which range "I’m doing a lot of from Head Automatica’s "Beating Heart their asses." organizing, and try- Baby" to Patrick Wolf’s "The - Kaizen Yang ’08 ing to get people Libertine." Each bandwidth-pleasing excited!" entry is accompanied by a witty - Becky Dernbach ’08 blurb. carl carl THE DOORMAT Las poemas de ¡Tú dirás! B. THE DOORMAT

You may not be aware of it, but if you’re in possession of ¡Tú dirás!, C. Guest Column: Katie Berringer on the the Carleton Spanish department’s textbook of choice, you’re also in possession of a found-poetry resource staggering in its depth and pitfalls of being Googled by your mom THETHE SCHILLOMESCHILLOMETER emotive power. To the untrained reader, the English translations of To start off, my mother and I, as a on someone’s blog: I started jacking off TER select words and phrases accompanying the text throughout appear rule, do not talk about sex. Occasionally with the image of Katie Berringer in my only to help clarify the readings. But they are so much more—so we’ll come dangerously close to the sub- mind, an old girlfriend from my freshmen Belle & Sebastian and the New much more. Below, The Carl explores but a few of ¡Tú dirás!’s poet- ject, discussing abstinence only educa- year. If you’ve ever tried to imagine the ic offerings. tion, sodomy laws or Bill Clinton, but it most awkward moment between you Pornographers playing...TOGETHER is tacitly understood that my mother and your mother, this is it. does not want to know anything about "Where did you find this?" A. my sex life. I can’t even talk to her about "I just googled your name and this tampons. guy Chaz’s website came up…" Poem I created a vision in my All this made it awkward when she I kept reading: selections called me into her room one night to ask mind of her naked body laying next to me. Belle & Sebastian and the New me something. She was sitting anxious- Another vision of me climbing on top of her. Pornographers playing...TOGETHER... and ly at her computer with an expression Finally a vision of me poking my dick inside the night before finals critical on her face like she was about to tell me her warm twat. I wanted to mention I analysis I was adopted. would never date someone who used by "I was just wondering," she started. the word twat but that seemed to be Greg "Did anyone you date in high school beside the point. After several more end up going gay?" uneventful visions of her, I gave up. Not of Hunter* In my family, both extended and jacking off, but I gave up trying to do so Sucka [sic] M.C.s immediate, the idea that I am not a les- with a girl in mind. Still fisting my six bian is an absolute impossibility. In their inches, my mind drifted to Brad once again. minds, listening to Ani DiFranco and The entry went on, but my name- being on your high school’s debate team sake’s cameo was over so I assured my makes you gayer than Elton John. So, at mother again that I had never dated first I assumed that this was just anoth- "Chaz" and proceeded to lock myself in er ploy to get me out of the closet. Then my room. After the first waves of utter Skiing-only trails in the Arb I wondered, horrified, if my mother was mortification passed. I reflected that, * Credit to somehow better informed than me. however humiliating my experience Jason Offended and confused, I told her no was, somewhere in the world there was Pipkin for the and asked her why she would think another Katie Berringer whose mother C. Here, the poet does what Hemingway initial that. may have asked her, "Did any ex- failed to do with "A Clean, Well-Lighted discovery "I don’t know, I was just wonder- boyfriend of yours try to jack off envi- Drivers who don’t respect the integrity of Place". An uncompromising portrayal of of ¡Tú dirás! ing…" sioning your warm twat and fail?" And men confined by their surroundings (and crosswalks: RESPECT THE INTEGRITY found "Why would you just wonder that?" this Katie, wherever she was, had to by their own demons), deserving of poems "I was just online and…" answer yes. And that, I think, is the real OF CROSSWALKS redemption but without the means or the I looked over her shoulder and read tragedy here. will, resigned to alcoholism and self- deception. As if they were ever given But BE CAREFUL: roughly one in every A. Overtly spiritual, and ardently so, but another option. Never has "place" meant The Carl’s Recreation five turns, the robot will gain self-aware- without a trace of condescension. A reminder so much, yet so little. Yet so much. ness after a short in its circuitry and to those who believe that the presence of the and Futurism attempt to kill your son or daughter. Holy Spirit is not limited to designated Christian holidays (a misapprehension held, B. A stark depiction of a life lived in isolation, from a loveless child- Department presents: tragically, by too many, according to the poet). Genetically-Modified Apples To hood to an adulthood composed of material comforts and an ulti- The poet avoids now-clichéd critiques of Genetically-Modified Apples [2054] – mately meaningless accumulation of prestige. "To walk/at materialism, concerned more with his still- Basically the same classic word-associa- night/after"? Yes—and alone. Indeed, all men become their fathers. F. Board Games tion game, adjusted for a time when present sense of awe (through which we are organically grown fruits and vegetables all redeemed). have been marginalized by Big Science. F. A contemporary DON’T THINK IT ISN’T COMING. usage of the ancient of the Future D. A jaded reminder of the ever- E. Greek idea of present division between Google Monopoly [2008] – In the future, "deinos" (a term D. America’s "have’s" and "have- by Greg Hunter and Dan Sugarman redundancy is HILARIOUS! expressive of objects not’s". The poem’s air of detach- which inspire both ment is essential in helping to Internet Chess [2013]- The timeless game fear and awe from articulate, without a hint of sen- We’re deep into a Minnesota winter, and of strategy, played in an entirely new the magnitude of timentality, the poet’s indictment for many that means trying to avoid step- arena: ONLINE. their greatness), ping outside at all costs. And what better of those who allow themselves to applied to all of ignore disparities in class. way to pass time indoors than a classic … humankind. The board game? Well, we can think of a few, RISK: 22nd Century Edition [2100] – Robot Operation [2024] – Your children poet reflects on and most involve less effort than a game Featuring the world’s three remaining will delight in watching a small, self- This might already exist. man’s ability to of rock-paper-scissors to determine who countries: China, Chinese Saudi-Iraquia directed robot perform the procedures unite, to destroy, has to be the thimble during Monopoly. and Ukraine (China, after its complete you had to do yourself. No longer tainted … E. Subdued reverence for the and to eat baked But board games of the future? An entire- consolidation of power in the late 2070’s, by the possibility of human error, Robot American wilderness, without goods, in both terror ly different story, friends. occupies 95% of the board). Not fun, but Operation is guaranteed to deliver all the In fact, it undoubtedly does. the self-indulgent gratuities of and admiration. not as un-fun as RISK: Pangaea. fun of the original with none of the stress. the Transcendentalists.

carl THE DOORMAT Carls for Choice Celebrates were delighted for her to be a part of the existentialist would argue that morality wedding--that's not the problem. We provides continuity and security in attended the bridal shower last week, exchange for unfettered freedom, and that and I lent a helping hand with some of the majority of people seek not complete 33 Years of Roe v. Wade the duties. When the shower was wind- freedom, but the security and predictabili- ing down, the maid of honor approached ty of a moral system and daily life. The by amelia hintzen me and asked me to "settle up" for the vast majority of people to high degree fol- party. She announced that my part of the low this pattern; they do no wrong This week Carls For Choice commem- The showing of Dirty Dancing, in the form of the fact that shower was in excess of $100. I was because the benefits are outweighed by the orated the 33rd anniversary (or birthday, beyond its steamy dance scenes with a waiting periods he does help stunned. I have never heard of the flower risks of violating the majority-morality. if the irony doesn’t get to you) of the sweaty Patrick Swayze, did feature a for abortions, women end girl being financially responsible for a Looking at history, those who choose to Supreme Court decision Roe v. Wade. popular culture rendition of the bloody required what is bridal shower at the ripe old age of 5. violate the moral code--the majority of Their week-long celebration featured reality of a pre-Roe world, a reality parental or potentially Because I had no way of paying, I told her those in history books--either end tragical- Mark Frederickson from Planned especially dangerous for poor women. spousal con- a life. I'd try and send something soon. I wasn't ly or are successful in realigning the entire Parenthood, the PBS documentary The Even in a post-Roe world poor women sent, and infor- Although planning on this added expense and was moral code to their liking. A more pedes- Last Abortion Clinic, a showing of Dirty have more of a struggle to receive safe mation require- not central not warned that I'd be asked to pay for a trian example of people who violate the Dancing and discussion, and Robynne abortions. One of the messages of Roe’s ments for to Carls for fifth of the shower. If we accept existen- moral code: criminals. And look what hap- Curlee from NARAL and Professor Kim anniversary thus becomes: we here at women wishing Choice’s tialism's premise that man is not morally pens to them. Smith speaking on the legal issues of Roe. Carleton will not be those most affected to have an abor- approach to bound to any higher authority, then how The week’s activities seemed to center by encroachments on reproductive tion. In its 1992 deci- Roe v. Wade, this can we realistically expect him to behave Hey Alex, around the question, what would happen rights or by an overturn of Roe. sion Casey v. Planned moral question was in a moral fashion? It seems that propo- It was my birthday last weekend, and if Roe were to fall? Or perhaps more Beyond its status as a human right, Parenthood the court not absent. What nents of this theory place too much faith I celebrated with a few friends. It was a polemically, has it already fallen for some which is (perhaps) a bit controversial, reaffirmed Roe but allowed Fredrickson chose to in humanity, even when centuries of his- great time! We had a cake and some gin women? Both questions can only be Roe’s significance is its status as prece- state restrictions as long as they did express seemed to speak for many tory contradict this view. Though existen- and tonics and I even received a few pres- answered if we know exactly what Roe is dent. The Roe decision was issued not impose an undue burden on the others in the group. It is impossible to tialism makes intuitive sense, how can ents. Long story short, what’s the best supposed to mean. January 22, 1973 and held that a woman. What constitutes an undue bur- know exactly what life is and it is equal- one accept it given its implications? way to dispose of a dead hooker? The first issue Mark Fredrickson from woman's right to an abortion falls with- den is not for me to say, but what can be ly impossible to know what the right - Troubled With Theory's Asinine Tenets - 21 And In Trouble Planned Parenthood mentioned in his in the right to privacy protected by the gleaned from Carls for Choice’s decision path is, but in this situation it is better to ASK ALEX speech was human rights. Some may balk fourteenth Amendment. However, the to present this side of the debate is that yield to whoever’s decision it is to T.W.T.A.T- 21- at the notion of abortion as a human right decision allowed for differing levels of abortion rights can be chipped away make. In celebrating the anniversary of Your question seems to be divided into You've got a few options. My best sug- or conversely at Roe being interpreted as a state interest and regulation during the even in the presence of Roe. Roe v. Wade, Carls for Choice has per- two distinct parts, and I'll try and help you gestion, after discussing this with a few of Alex Sciuto is a member of the class of Confused, decision about human rights. However a second and third trimesters. The last main issue of the abortion haps not made the exact meaning of Roe with both. For the bridal shower, reflect on my more knowledgeable friends, is to deeper look revels that to some Roe meant In the 33 years since Roe, it has been debate rests in its moral controversies. clear, but it lies somewhere in the social, 2009. He showers an average of once You--and now all of us readers--are your relationship with bride and maid-of- hacksaw the body into manageable every two to three days, dresses in sweat- quite in a pickle. Let's get straight to the giving poor women access to a service on the state level that abortion rights Mark Fredrickson was asked after his legal and moral framework they have honor. Both of you are friends, and I'm chunks that can fit into a garbage bag. rich women had always had access to. have come under attack. This has been speech how he personally grapples with worked to set up. pants every day of the week, and will heart of your problem, Confused. You're guessing you have been friends long Using a garbage bag will greatly reduce wear the same t-shirt continuously until too scared to confront the louse, and this enough for the bride to ask your daughter the amount of time you will spend clean- its filthiness is perceptible by at least three causes conflict within you. You're writing to perform such an honor. If this is true, I ing your car. Once driving, get to a nice I’ve only got one question for you, Carleton College. Are you ready for war? DORM WARS, that is. of the five senses. With that said, he’s to me to tell you, "It's all right. You're not a have to tell you to suck it up. The maid-of- secluded spot, light a fire, and let her burn. As Becky Dernbach, co-chair of the MPIRG Environmental Justice Task Force has said many times in the probably less messed up than you are, and bad person." Well, it's not all right. Don't honor performed a huge social gauche, no It'll take a good deal of time, but digging a past few weeks, "This is SOOO exciting." happy to answer any question you can be discreet; he's taking library magazines- one will deny that, but remember how hole for the charred remains will be much During the month of February, we, the students of Carleton College, are being challenged to fight toss his way. -magazines everyone reads--into a bath- stressing and tiring the day was for her, easier and less suspect than a typical shal- against energy consumption. By looking inward and conserving energy through changing simple habits room stall to do God knows what with! and also remember that you two are low grave. One more thing: make sure you like turning off our lights and unplugging cell phone chargers when they’re not being used, we will com- Dear Alex, Get some guts and nail the guy. I can help friends (or at least you and the bride are aren't near hunting territory because hunt- pete against one another to find out what place of residence can conserve the most energy. Thanks to Since winter term started, I’ve had you out in only one way. To the weirdo DORM help from facilities, energy output for individual dorms and houses will be measured for the month and friends). So suck it up, forget about it, and ing dogs sure can pick up the spell of burn- trouble balancing academics with my who likes to read magazines in the stalls: move on. Now your second question ing flesh. Trust me on this, I know from will be compared to the output from February of last year. The dorm/house that saves the most energy extracurricular involvements. Any advice Cut it out! Or next time Confused will be excites the philosopher in me. By question- personal experience. wins an awesome prize, featuring Tiny’s hot dogs. Individual Dorm War enthusiasts will also be reward- for managing my time? waiting to have a word with you. ing whether or not people will follow a ed with prizes from different businesses in town. I’ve heard a couple rumors about the suspected prizes, - Swamped in Sevy morality without any supernatural obliga- [Hey reader! If you’ve got a question for and they sound pretty awesome. Blue Mondays gift certificates, anyone? Dear Alex, tion, you are giving short shrift to morali- Alex, email hunterg, sugarmad, or askalex- This war is sponsored by the Green Network which is comprised of SOPE, Greenhouse, MPIRG and Swamped- Sometimes when I go to the beach I ty. Morality functions so much more prag- [email protected]!] other earth-conscious folks, and is supported by the likes of The Office of Residential Life and President A good friend of mine once said, "Stop like to bury metal objects for friends to matically than it is typically supposed. The WARSAre you Oden, among others. It is also part of Energy Month which will be full of many energy-awareness events. to smell the roses, because once you're find. When you go metal-detecting, what by julie brown Stay tuned! dead, you won't have a nose." I don't think are your favorite objects to discover, and it's too much of a stretch to apply the why? ready? aphorism to your case involving extra-cur- - Head in the sand Want to know how you can help your dorm triumph? ricular activities. You are only in college A note to our valued readers once, and you SHOULD stretch yourself H.I.T.S.- as far as you can go. But don't stretch too I've spent more time on your question This is the first issue of The Carl to feature The Doormat section you’re Here are a few interesting facts: far that you can't focus on the activity or than all the other questions for this week presently turned to, edited by Dan Sugarman and myself. With no real prece- class of the moment. combined. After wracking my mind for dent, and with only a fairly-good-but-not-fully-realized idea of what this sec- - A desktop computer plugged in over night burns up as much energy as 2.2 pounds of coal. the past few days, I think I've come up tion is supposed to be, attempting to solicit pieces for it has been difficult. But - Computers left in sleep mode still use up energy. Hi Alex, with my favorite object to discover with it’s here now, before your eyes, hopefully with some semblance of form. And, - A cell phone charger plugged in without a phone attached to it still requires 1 watt of energy. Recently I was in the library men’s my Garrett Master Hunter CX Plus metal having been given that form, it will now need a continual supply of content, - Because of the rise in oil prices, Carleton is projected to spend and extra $1 million on energy costs this winter. room when I saw another student walk detector, but I want to know what my which is where you (might/should) come in. If you’d like to write something out of a stall holding one of the library’s readers think. So send your favorite in the same vein as what you just read, Dan and I would like you to write for Learn more tips on how you can help your dorm win the War in Sayles, where MPIRG-ers will be tabling with magazines. Gross! I didn’t say anything. buried metal objects to The Carl, and we’d like you to write for our section. Because you’re going to fact-sheets in hand. Oh, and meet our mascot. He doesn’t have a name yet, but he’s still pretty cool. If anything, Is there a way I could’ve discretely told [email protected]. get sick of reading our stuff, and we don’t think we can’t keep churning this conserve for him. After all, he’s a penguin…and a knight. Penguins and knights—save energy and win stuff. You him I didn’t think that was okay? can’t go wrong. - Confused Dear Alex, shit out. – Greg Hunter So whether you’re concerned about global warming, worried about a raise in tuition, crazy about hotdogs, proud My daughter was asked to be the of your dorm or think the penguin-knight is an excellent compromise, turn off the lights when you leave your room, flower girl in the wedding of a friend. We and if it becomes a habit, prolong the war. Mascot (right) drawn by Greg Hunter [mascot] In this issue we introduce a new feature called The Document. Every week, we’re going to take a Carleton document and mark it up, placing footnotes over all sorts of words and concepts in order to take it to the next level of deconstruction and interpretation. Kind of like Harper’s does, actually. Jacques Derrida once said that we are all “medi- ators and translators,” and in that spirit, we present to you our first doc- 1 ument: The Carleton College Substance-Free Housing Contract.

The sub-free contract is not a legally binding document, but it is fairly impos- ing. When one of our editors returned from Madrid and ended up in Rice House, she received this document and was told to sign and return it as soon as possible. What does it take to live in a sub-free floor? One freshman says “it’s good if you 2 want quiet, but the social scene is kind of lacking.” Let’s find out why. 1

Disruption appears somewhat subjective. Some sub-free floors remain “lame,” as one current sub-free dweller says, but others remember times when “dis- ruption” had a slightly different definition. Several people mentioned one notorious sub-free floor last year that grew so bold as to actually throw a floor progressive. 3 2

4 Fourth Burton, which has been sub-free for the past two years, was once a notorious party floor. One junior describes his surprise at “seeing people play chess” in the lounge that had previously been known only as a place where people 5 passed out. One junior says that the odor then was so terrible, you practically need- ed to get drunk just to stick around on the floor. 3

6

The one floor that was removed from the sub-free list this year is Third Watson. When this floor was sub-free, nearly 1/3rd of Watson was sub-free. That didn’t stop pioneers like Jonah Ostroff from pushing the limits of the sub-free men- 4 tality, joining the Carleton Singing Knights and growing up his hair.

This statement, as it happens, is false. In fact, this document comes attached to another smaller document, which says it doesn’t matter whether or not you return it, it’s still binding. Huh? 5

What’s interesting about this is that it’s hardly a punishment. This basically says that if you drink on a sub-free floor, you’ll just get moved to a non sub-free floor. It’s like, “we caught you drinking, now we’re going to put you in a place where you can do that without getting in trouble.” 7 6

Signing your name on this line is no small decision. One sub-free freshman says that it was momentous: “I felt,” he said “like I was becoming a part of some- thing bigger than myself.” Others take a slightly different approach. Jonah Ostroff, for one, says that initially there weren’t any problems, but that it eventually “became awkward when I was drunk all the time.” 7

Cold, Hungry and Sustainable

(DAN PULVER) Man, there has got to be a better way. Depriving yourself of things is fun for a little while, but it gets old fast. Try living as sustainably and non-consump- tively as possible. It blows. I’m freezing because the heat is off (CONSERVE FOSSIL FUELS!), hungry for something that isn’t soy (COWS SCREAM LOUD- Smoke Signals. ER THAN CARROTS!) and broke from buying only eco-conscious products Thoughts From The Hill (SAVE THE WORLD – BUY OUR STUFF!). The more we learn about how almost everything corrupts and degrades the environment, the more we feel guilty and responsible for our con- sumer choices. So what if we keep the thermostat at 68 instead of 70? So what if we finish all the food on our plates and eat only veggies and free-range buf- falo? Can we really deprive ourselves to sustainability? Maybe if I do all these self-sacrificing things, I’ll end up con- notesUndercover from at a scantily-covered the crowd: Ebony (JOCELYN KRAUSE, GIDEON STEINBERG, and MEREDITH WEBB) suming as much as only eight Africans in undeveloped countries instead of my was playing the piano. We summoned him repeat- to family therapy. adies and gents, welcome back – we haven’t usual ten. I get to smile when someone edly, as two mothers would, “Gideon! Come back!” Jocelyn just produced the heartiest laugh of her seen you in quite some time. And we regret to tells me about the destruction of the And he responded, “just one second!” Later, life. inform you that we’ve been forced to change rainforest and say, “Don’t blame me!” Gideon doled out a kind dollar to his granddaugh- By the way, today Jocelyn observed that other our location due to the current weather situation, But does this individual-based sacrificial (RACHEL CARROL) a.k.a. frigid and terrible. After a long journey we ter, Jocelyn. She bought a soda. freaks like Meredith write with a claw, too. L crusade for sustainability actually help I’ve sold out. Two weeks into a column ostensibly on together in just three weeks (one less than usual in an already have arrived at Myers, where Jocelyn has promptly Meredith just made a “Clueless” reference and However, Gideon’s being a lefty and his hand being in a meaningful way? Maybe. A little. underrepresented student groups and I’m already backstage compact schedule). Tons of the dancers are freshmen, and the transformed into Moses, leading the Israelites to Gideon and Jocelyn picked up on it! How surpris- much less clawish proved what we’d always sus- Good luck getting any kind of main- at one of the quintessential Carleton traditions: Ebony II. I stress is everywhere. Relative veterans, Lauren Kanner and Zion by parting the Red Sea, where she proclaims, ing! Understanding Meredith’s comment was like pected: Meredith is the missing link between apes stream support for it. Good luck making suppose I could make a group involving 10% of the student Love Anani, make it clear that rather than sacrifice quality, “This is our home.” At least for now. Regional cli- Gideon and Jocelyn having just leapt out into the and humans. any kind of meaningful societal changes. body new and relevant, but as I trip over a tiny freshman I practices became more intense. Lauren is in a dance which matic patterns have forced us to seek shelter. abyss on blind faith alone, not knowing, only hop- This journalist is feeling quite a bit of stress this If we really want to change the way recognize the truth: This sounded like fun. only met three times before the performance. Love, as a The pants Jocelyn is wearing have paint spots on ing, that an invisible bridge would safely carry their evening. Therefore, we must call it quits. Until next we live and be able to sustain ourselves There is nothing like a mass of undercover geeks ready to dancer, choreographer and new director, added three hours of them. This sounds like a tongue-twister to me: tired feet o’er to the other side. Moses has arrived week, keep doing all those things you like do when into the next century without living in a put on diapers and spandex and hip thrust to the Black Eyed duties to his daily commitments, not to mention the 30 extra Jocelyn puts on the paint pants. Does Jocelyn put again. Halleluijah. (Gideon begins to sing “Go it’s cold but don’t like to admit to. (You know what cloud of toxic haze, it isn’t going to Peas. This green room is holding enough enthusiasm to down e-mails. As he avidly explains the process, I don’t ask him if the paint pants on to put the… (Oh my, that’s a Down Moses”) to help us cross the bridge. we’re talking about.) come from individual efforts to ‘buy a cheerleading squad, and it reminds me of exactly why I it’s all worth it. There’s no need. Besides, the loss of sleep tough one.) … to put the paint on the paint pants? It’s a double irony that Meredith’s British man green’ or consume as little as possible. It came to Carleton. isn’t the point. But now we realize it’s a moot point because voice (who we like to call James Herbert) is pro- P.S. This is something we’ve been talking about for is going to come from making bigger A long time ago, in a winter term much like this one, a Between bite of historical info, Lauren walks me through Jocelyn could’ve pantsed Paints. nounced with a silent “H” when the English actual- the whole night but keep forgetting to write down: changes in our world, from groups of nervous high school junior spent a night in Culinary House. dance traditions, including a new one which involves a We are like the familia Buendía of Cien Años de ly pronounce herbs “herbs.” (See diagram.) (You’re we are on a television show, so stay tuned for next people like us, like Carleton, working The weather was awful, the food was forgettable and the Claire’s Body Glitter Puff. Before it can be snatched away for Solitud (That’s 100 Years of Solitude, you dope probably itching in your seats right now, but we’re week’s behind-the-scenes episode – Thoughts From together to change our environment. class was unfortunate, as I had little interest in Argentinean good luck, she lets me see it and explains how it will be fiends) because we’re constantly shifting our famil- getting to the crux of the matter.) Meredith just the Hill: Interpreted and Diagnosed. It will include Keep buying green and don’t waste politics. But the people! I vividly remember sitting on the passed down through later generations of Ebony. Then, as I’m ial relationships. But we still always understand proved Gideon wrong in a battle of wits – to the an interview with the budding journalist Meredith your food or heat, but let’s get some- upper level stairs of Arena and falling in love with these talking to Love Anani, I meet Krystal Stackhouse and Liz that we’re of the same lineage, whether it be grand- death! Which glass, yours or mine? She proved that “Straightshooter” Webb and her trusty sidekicks, thing bigger going. Let’s be ACTIVE in unabashedly goofy students. Of course, at the time I didn’t Clark, the latter of whom gropes his chest in a friendly way father to granddaughter or mothers to son. This it’s perfectly acceptable to pronounce “H”s followed Tango Steinberg and Jossi Josserson, who will of this fight to change our world for the know half the dancers were drunk. as she walks past and blanches when she notices I’m writing requires an explanation. A while ago, Gideon wan- by “E”s in two different ways. We do it here, too. course be sporting her trademark yellow jumpsuit better, for us and our little kiddies and The spectacle hasn’t lessened over the years. In fact, it it down. Finally, as the audience starts to get antsy, Jennie dered off like a little boy to chat with a friend who Family’s coming back to haunt us. We need to go (like April’s). their little kiddies. might have grown. As I open the door, I’m blinded by a hun- Englehardt and Love gather everyone to the center and do a There are tons of ways to get dred sparkly tank-tops, take two steps and trip over one of a good job of rallying the troops. So good, in fact, that some INVOLVED in groups that have much thousand backpacks against the wall. The mirrors in front of dude yells, “We love you directors!” more power to effect change than we me are filled with ladies focused on their eye-lids; to the left, “We love you too!” she calls back, and half the circle starts have as individuals. There is SOPE, a band of boys in short-shorts and suspenders; to the right, cheering. It might be a ploy to keep warm in those Pampers, MPIRG and even a small, unaffiliated girls in wool caps and ties. I slide along the wall to a patch of or the alcohol, but I think not. I think when they grab hands group of students working to get safety amid the pre-show storm and watch everyone crack for the squeeze pass (if you don’t know what that is, ask your biodiesel on campus. Let’s get together out to their own giddiness. The ones that aren’t getting ready mother), even the cynical ones don’t mind that much. They and change our campus. That’s chang- talk and laugh like normal. Then, one girl breaks off mid-sen- were willing to give up sanity and time at a school lacking in ing how 2000 people live, not to mention tence, looking concerned as hell, to practice a hip shimmy to both. Each dancer could have a different reason why, but future Carls, and that sounds like a pret- imaginary music. After a few twists, she’s back. Minutes later, some of it might be the safety to do anything at all. Because, ty good start to me. a guy does the same thing. This time, a small group joins him. according to Love, one dance may be better than another, but It’s Go Time! Together! Part of the anxiety must arise from putting the show at Ebony, nothing can bomb. carl carl RECURRING WORDS RECURRING WORDS The Carl Fashion Ebony: A Carleton Fashion Event Column City(e)Scape by hallie scott by jenny holm

ARENA THEATER, January 21, 2006- Since the first few L is for the way you look at me, O is out chairs for the ladies. The restaurant (perhaps with a dash of Bailey’s or Fra just what you’re looking for. days of winter term, whispered rumors about the costumes for the only one I see, V is Valentine’s at the Nicollet Island Inn, consistently Angelico added for a twist), and a little You can’t help but feel suave when to be worn at the upcoming Ebony performance have been Day?? That’s right, boys, you heard me; rated among the most romantic dining something extra (a rose, your guitar, you step into the Café Havana, a circulating among the vibrant contingency of good-dressers that pesky annual revel in sentimentality rooms in the Twin Cities, offers a 5- poetry, a particular talent for star-gazing) 5 throwback to the steamy nightclubs of at Carleton. As the most buzz-worthy fashion event of the is approaching faster than you think and course dinner that will expand your gas- to keep warm. This is where you’ll find 1950’s Cuba where lounge lizards chain- year, ebony styles have come to be known for their creativi- it’s high time to start making plans. Let’s tronomic horizons with extravagant that huge cherry on the spoon of which smoked expensive cigars and curvaceous ty and sex appeal. This year there were murmurings that the just disregard for a moment that you’re flourishes like poached quail egg and we Minnesotans are so fond. Take pic- hips swayed to sultry rumba and dancers would be the skimpiest-clad ever in the show’s his- sick and you have a 20-page paper to foie gras ravioli (for the record, it’s pro- tures of yourselves in front of it doing meringue rhythms late into the night. tory. write and five midterms to study for and nounced fwah-grah). The spectacular stupid things with real cherries and Red velveteen chairs and luscious plush On the evening of the final performance, the theater was you haven’t done laundry since break view over the Minneapolis skyline is sure spoons. curtains imbue the room with a luxuri- packed with eager followers. The shimmering opalescent ended and goddammit, you don’t even to impress, and major props if you take a If The Walker strikes your fancy but ous, passionate ambiance that finds programs heralded the high fashions that were to come. have a significant other. Stop...take a horse-drawn carriage ride through dinner à la Nanuk of the North does- echoes in the menu’s sumptuous offer- Shivers of anticipation ran through the crowd. The front row deep breath...center your chi. While I Nicollet Island Park after dinner. 4 n’t exactly stoke the fires of passion with- ings. Case in point: there’s no sexier was packed with campus celebrities dressed in their finest. really can’t help you with any of those There’s something sweet and very in you, check out 20.21 Restaurant and dessert than tender fried plantains Most of these decked-out fans opted for casual sophistica- other problems, I do happen to know a endearing about enjoying ice cream Bar. Celebrated culinary artiste served warm and dripping with dolce de tion, pairing big-label jeans with simple, but elegant thing or two about what a girl wants and, 2 cones together, even (and perhaps espe- Wolfgang Puck’s newest brainchild fuses leche and the darkest of chocolate sauces. sweaters. This proved to be the perfect balance of elegance unlike Christina Aguilera, I’m not going cially) in the dead of winter. Kick up the 20th and 21st century art, cutting-edge If you’re taking your date to a movie and modesty for such a style-conscious show. to make you follow me through any class just one notch with extra-smooth, architecture and innovative Asian-influ- for Valentine’s Day, there had better When the lights went up, they revealed a succession of vocal gymnastics routines to figure it out. 6 extra-creamy gelato at Caruso’s Gelato enced California cuisine into a fine din- be something quirky or personally signif- dancers dressed in what would be one of the major fashion Without further ado, I give you my ten Café inside Calhoun Square Shopping ing experience for all the senses. A word icant about it, otherwise we’re just going themes throughout the program- ghetto fabulous. This look best bets for an unforgettable Twin Cities Center. Order absolutely anything— of warning, however: if you’re planning to think you wanted to avoid having to The Ebony dancers in their was best executed in the wardrobe for “Broke Phi Broke: The Valentine’s Day: even the Balsamic Fig induces throaty on making any sort of soft, intimate con- come up with something to say for two fantastic costumes: Jason Reason” dance. The performers for this number came out If there were ever a time to spend murmurs of intense appreciation. versation over your meal, look else- hours. The Uptown Theatre and Lagoon Hitchock, Abbie Noebles, and onto the stage wearing tough-looking sweatshirts, hoods money you don’t have, Valentine’s A winter picnic at the Minneapolis where. Tables here are packed tight and Cinema are both pretty good bets for Leahruth Jemilo in “Call on up, creating an edgy mood. 1 Me” attire (top), Man dancers Day is it. Splurge on the quintessential Sculpture Garden near the Walker the noise level considerable, so 20.21 artsy, independent and foreign films that Pastels were another important trend in the performance. 3 Liam Reilly and Ben Page (sec- Romantic Dinner for Two, complete with Art Center could be the epitome of earns low marks in the romance depart- you won’t find anywhere else. In “Think ‘Bubbly Robots,’” dancers wore shades like violet white linen tablecloths, candlelight, romance if you do things right. Bring ment. But hey—if your date is just a ond from top), “Shimmy Skills, Shake Skills. Pose and robin’s egg blue which mirrored their cute, girlish dance extraneous forks and waiters who pull plenty of blankets, a thermos of hot cocoa friend or a little sketchy, that might be (continued on page 25) Skills” dancers (third from moves. In contrast, the fluorescent pink accessories in top), and the Bollywood troop “Shimmy Skills, Shake Skills, Pose Skills” made the dancers (bottom). look like super-stylish updates of Sandy from Grease with actual dancing ability. The most exciting clothing, however, could be seen in the theme dances. Many of the “Man Dance” performers took the stage dressed in only adult diapers, a major fashion risk which they brilliantly and seductively pulled off. Another highlight from that number took the form of Love Anani’s flattering striped dress, which was perfectly complimented with a Cleopatra-esque wig. The brilliant bejeweled tones and the flashy sequins in the Bollywood-inspired “Did Someone Say ‘Dancefight’?!” were another major standout. In “She Carey’s a Tune Quite Nicely” dancers paid homage to Mariah Carey with their early-‘90s throwback plaid shirts which they knotted just so over their all-black ensembles. However, it was the back-to-the-sexy-aerobics-obsessed-‘80s conceit behind “Yeah, Rollover Minutes!”, or “Call on Me” that truly stole the show. The dancers sported colorful sweatbands and layered leotards, tights, tank tops, tiny gym shorts, and thongs. Some of the hottest, most creative com- binations featured tights with a thong over them, compli- mented with a miniscule tube top. This sexy/sporty look is sure to be remembered and emulated by Carleton students for the rest of the school year. The show ended with a colorful, multi-themed finale, which contained the biggest fashion moment of the entire event: freshman Ben Page whose child-size pink shorts were worn daringly low (and pulled ever dangerously lower as the number went on), revealing his thong. It is for moments like this that Ebony, the haute couture show of all the regu- lar Carleton events, is eagerly awaited every term.

TWELVE / 27.january.06 THIRTEEN / 27.january.06 Sunday night.

n an attempt to infiltrate one of Carleton’s biggest mysteries, an strewn about in well-used fashion. A senior named Ashley Rall has Explore... institution that is often dropped vaguely in Carleton conversa- followed us into the library, evading dinner duty to offer us charming tions, we gathered a team – a team of two, two Merediths. In company. She begins to explain the organization of the setup: the journalist getup, we rendezvoused at CANOE house before navi- paperbacks, the hardbacks, the Doctor Who series and other serialized Igating the residential quadrants of Northfield, Minnesota, Planet novels. But more exciting than the serialized Doctor Who, Ashley Earth to reach our ultimate destination: Benton House, for a replenish- pulls out a novel signed by its author, Naomi Kritzer, a Carleton alum ment of sustenance on a Sunday night. who is now living the big professional sci-fi life in the Cities. She has Upon successful docking at the portal, we timidly began to remove stayed true to her Carleton roots – "It’s a little heavy on the ‘Lesbians our coats and shoes. Suddenly, there was a voice from the distance, are all okay people’ thing, but it’s pretty good," explains Ashley. the inner workings of and an aroma. "Hot chocolate?" Little known fact: this interest house began as the Doctor Who We approached the kitchen, responding to the beckoning call, Club in the 1980s. (Doctor Who was a BBC science fiction show run- where two residents were concocting a steamy meal. The voice, a sen- ning from 1963 to 1989 about a time traveling doctor). Ten of ior named Tim Nelson-Hoy who specializes in culinary finery, then Carleton’s finest – this year, four sophomore and six seniors – have further inquired, "Milk or water?" Thus began our journey into an since been swelling these walls with Sci-fi creativity, activities and alternate universe far, far away, on the corner of 2nd and Winona. genuine zeal for all things science fiction. It is standard procedure that every Sunday night, the residents of It’s easy to see that these housemates are close. They laugh and Benton House eat a home-cooked dinner together and discuss house make fun of each other while fielding our questions, knowledgeable business for the week. Some mill around chatting while two oversee about the particular series and books that make their housemates’ the cooking, and a large gathering in the living room watches West eyes glow. They’re close and spend a lot of time together, but Ashley Wing, occasionally "reminding" us of our volume level. Tonight din- tells us, "I've been pleasantly surprised at the lack of drama. We’ve benton ner has been delayed due to the broomball schedule of the Sci- had intra-house relationships, but they've all ended well, and we've Fi/Fantasy Clubs team. (Record: 0-3. Tonight they scrimmaged them- had no big problems." However, as we sit in the library with the selves. But they’re always winners.) crowd, several references are made to the various Benton House alum Few inches left blank and few sci-fi institutions left unrepresented, couples – five in total – who have tied the knot in the last year. It’s the walls are plastered with all sorts of amusement. Even the bath- love taken to the next generation. Out of this world. room door proclaims a worthy message: "Beware the leopard." And After a while, many housemates have sauntered into the library more once you enter: "The truth is out there." There’s also an "Alien during that social dinner’s-almost-ready period that inevitably exists Life-Form Autopsy Room" which may or may not be the basement. A in any college house. "I’m much more social here than I would be if I makeshift quoteboard on yellow butcher paper drapes in the stair- lived anywhere else," Tim tells us about the club’s relations at well, with magic marker scrawled across it. Our favorite: "Benton Carleton. Every Friday the house hosts a line up of a TV series, and House: more fun than a chocolate-covered coma patient. – Tim." Saturdays are movie marathons. (This weekend was zombie-movies. House House manager Justin Snyder commences our tour, leading us Ashley admits she aborted ship quickly, not being much of a zombie- down the corridor to the club library. Upon entering, we soak in the fan. They kind of scare her.). According to Justin, there are about 15 radioactive waves of sci-fi glory. To the left, there is a wall-to-wall regulars and a few stragglers here and there. Recently, other clubs bookcase, in front of us, there’s another one, and to the right, the have begun to orbit around Benton House. They have merged video collection in the closet, with the board game collection messily libraries, with all the anime DVDs now in Benton’s library.

Wakey and her dinner of orange corn muffins and soup Pay heed to this refridgerator posting!

In place of wireless internet, Benton House has this spidery space-agey o you know tangle of cords

Dwhere Sci-Fi House is? Or the of ficial where Sci-Fi House is? Or the of ficial name of the house? Have you ever watched – and r eluctant- ly enjoyed – an e pisode of Star Trek? Have you ever gone into uncharted territory? We have.

by Merediths (Metzler/Webb) Senior Wakey Nelson is hacking all over the place, just another victim of the lat- BENTON/Sci-fi House est Carleton cold that’s making the rounds. Tim keeps popping his head in, yelling Random tidbits, history, and website surprises from Carleton’s sci-fi interest house at her to go to bed. "He’s my mom," she explains. "And I’m his alarm clock." Wakey wakes Tim every morning or else he misses class. So what’s the gravitational pull towards this universe of sci-fi wonder? "It’s fun and creative, and it’s not what I’m studying!" sophomore Carol Drysdale tells us. She then picks up another book off the shelf, muttering, "Oh, I really need to read this." Sophomore Liz Snider-Lotz puts it simply: "It’s like ‘Whee!’ I don’t have to KEY YEARS think." Wakey, like Spoc, explains the transporting mechanism that is sci-fi: "The PURPOSE intense psychological emotional situations condense emotional drama and human in Benton’s History interaction. In sci-fi, they screw with reality to get across the emotions they want." As taken from the 1993 Charter Carol and Liz roll their eyes, smiling, and mumble something about those silly meeting for CSA funding English majors. After a lonely, drifting plight in high school, many of these kids are glad to finally One of the most ignored and overlooked facets of literature and culture in 1985 live in a place with people who like this stuff, too. Instead of being one of three kids our society today is the growing influence of Science Fiction and Fantasy. Frosh and Doctor Who fan Linnea Johnson '89 arrives at Carleton and in high school to like sci-fi, Wakey explains, "Now I can usually go bug anybody and It is becoming increasingly popular, as shown by the success of such phe- immediately begins to search for other fans of the long-running BBC say ‘Let’s watch this’ and they’ll say ‘Yeah, let’s drop homework and do this!’ It’s nomena as Star Trek, Star Wars, and the popularity of Tolkein, Asaac [sic] like living in a house of your best friends." Benton residents haven’t always known series. She takes out an NNB ad to organize a club devoted to viewing the each other, but their own little Carleton bubble has proven to be a close place. Asimov and even Kurt Vonnegut. Science Fiction and Fantasy have pro- adventures of the peripatetic Time Lord and manages to get a small group Connection! The bubble pops, and another one’s hooked. Suddenly, Meredith vided an outlet in society for the exploration of where science is taking together to watch Doctor Who on Saturday nights as it airs on KTCA Metzler turns around and sees her childhood favorite, "The Last Unicorn" wedged us, and has led to scientific and humanitarian discoveries and discussions. (Channel 2) in Myers lounge. amongst the videos in the closet. After a beautiful testimony of nostalgia, the crowd Yet there are no community outlets for Science Fiction and Fantasy here insists that Meredith borrow the video and watch it. In this moment, we have real- on campus, in either academic or recreational settings. Therefore, we ized something universal about the truth of sci-fi. Although Meredith won’t be writ- ing be writing the sci-fi themed essay (Question from the 2005 application: "If you believe that the Science Fiction Alliance (formerly called the Doctor Who 1990-1992 could be teleported to any other dimension, which and why?") to live in Benton Club, renamed to better express the expanding goals of the group) is a From '89 to '91 we moved around from lounge to lounge a lot, at the whim House, she will, however, be returning the DVD at some point, and she will chat valuable part of the Carleton Community. It exists to provide places and of whatever crowd had taken over the various lounges to watch a show or with these folks again. times to watch, read, create and participate in Science Fiction and Fantasy a video or have a party. We spent a couple of weeks in the Goodhue base- It could happen to you, too! Our comrades in the library emphasize their open- as a group. ment, several discontinuous weeks in Nourse Lounge, a few in Watson ness to anyone on campus stopping by the library at any odd hour to peruse and (with it's wonderful tub chairs), but most of the time in Myers. In my sen- possibly reconnect with their internal, long-lost passion for sci-fi. "We’ve got great ior year, '91-'92, we finally sort of settled in to Watson. The crowd that books and movies for all," and even mainstream stuff, too – everybody loves turned out to watch Trek was so much larger than it had been in years favorites like Buffy and Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. "And look how much past, that we really could hold sway in Watson pretty regularly. attention we give visitors!" Carol adds. Also, if someone in the house owns some- REASONS to CHECK OUT thing that you’re interested in that’s not in the library, chances are they’ll lend it to you. For instance, apparently pretty much everyone in this house owns Firefly. http://orgs.carleton.edu/SFA/ They’re big Joss Whedon fans (for all you: the one behind Firefly, Buffy, and Angel). 1993-1994 But they’re NOT big Scientology fans, even though his books are in their library. Due to the size and remote location of Parr House and the poor TV reception, After explaining to Meredith W. what it is, someone pulls a book off the shelf, induc- the SFA continues viewing Star Trek: The Next Generation in Watson Lounge for ing a torrent of lambasting about this series. Liz describes it as a "money-swindling * Quoteboard Archives its final season (still airing at 6pm Saturdays, but now on Channel 29). The cult." They, too, have a fundamental problem with a religion started by a con-man crowd for this show often exceeds 75 people. The club then makes the trek to who believes in aliens. Photographs and text-only versions of the house quoteboards dating back Parr House for prerecorded episodes of DS9, Blake's 7, The Prisoner, and two Alas, it was soon time to leave. We felt like we were leaving a new family. Carol to Winter of 2001 (approximately). What other clubs can say as much? half-hour episodes a week of Doctor Who. When Babylon 5 begins regular airing knows what you’re thinking about her and the rest of Benton House, so heed the These will make you laugh. in February, that is also added to the schedule. The SFA begins keeping a library force: "We like publicity. We like people, too, despite our reputation!" of people's donated and loaned science fiction and fantasy books, with approxi- mately 200 books total at this point. * Extensive Timeline Need specific dates about the birth and death of various sci-fi shows, TOP: One of Benton House’s trademark movies, games, and more? This website follows large-scale sci-fi institu- posters... but where could it lead? tions’ histories in correlation with the club and house’s own existence and changes. House members’ names are all there, too. BOTTOM: Senior Tim (center) is quite the cook in Benton House, providing weekly rations of fudge, donuts, and truffles * Sci-Fi Links About 20 links to all kinds of internet resources, from fan clubs of the classics to society websites. Connections to Buffy, Star Wars, Star Trek, 2005 HOUSE APPLICATION QUESTION. and more. "If you could be teleported to any other dimension, which one * A Map to Benton House So you can stop by and check out the impressive library! After all, you would you choose and why?" may reconnect with a childhood favorite, just like Meredith M.

Wakey, Carol, Liz, and Meredith W. in the impressive Sci-Fi library How Did You Spend Your Saturday Night?

SAYLES vs CRACK Ebony Party: the ULTIMATE party Ebony After-Party at Crack: Smoky...and Sexy?

Parties. The ultimate form of relaxation after a long, long, long Let us consider the nature of a party: bringing people together, cele- (wasn’t this week long?) week. I know that after a crazy week of bration, drinking and dancing. All good things sure enough. But how work, practice, and homework I need an amazing party and nothing does a Sayles party fit into the genre? Let’s look closer at the Ebony compares to the glory, majesty, and togetherness of Ebony Parties!!! party of last weekend. Sweaty people rub against each other and gyrate I mean really let’s think about it. No other party plays the best to repetitive hip hop and pop songs, clutching vodka filled nalgenes in mix of music than the Ebony parties. I hate all techno parties, all pop their grubby hands. They try to look cool and stave off the loneliness of parties, all hip-hop parties, and basically parties with just one central night by cupping the supple ass of the freshman girl from Intro to IR. thing. So when Ebony parties come around with the best DJ’s, the But what of alternatives? On the final night of Ebony’s winter run, best dancers, and the best venue, how can I refuse? In fact I can’t!! Lower Crack threw their own after-party. Compare and Contrast in 200 So what did I do? I adored the coolest clothes I owned and ran off to words. the Ebony Party without a nalgene! (Drinking at any party is com- Is an off campus party really better? What about the fuzz? The dis- pletely lame. Partying involves dancing, socializing, and making tance? How could it compare to the convenience of Sayles? out. Pre-party instead.) And the Snackbar was still open, drunk For one, Lower Crack maintains its policy about indoor smoking. munchie problem solved. Forget about the life-threatening cold and light a cigarette indoors. All for the Ladies! Also, after watching all those hot people in Ebony, why would I Second there’s no need to worry about loosing your nalgene or wor- go somewhere else? I mean no other party would compare. To all rying that it clashes with your vomit stained halter. Kegs make nalgenes Raffle and Pink Party those off campus parties that dared to challenge the Ebony party: so last year. first, who wants to walk in sub-zero weather multiple blocks in an Tired of dancing? Play some Beirut instead. The living room of crack SATURDAY express t-shirt/jean combo? Not only that, but when I get there the was divided into two sections. One featured two Beirut tables and excit- room is swamped with smoke? Do you know how hard it is to get ing match-play. The other dancing and turntables. No monotony here. smoke out of clothes? Hard. Damn near impossible if I sweat, which Yeah, you can still cop a feel off the drunk girls, there are plenty around. I expect to do at any good party. Sweating is totally impossible to do Nothing will keep your bed warm like a passed out freshman and her while playing Beirut. Beirut is not ideal for a Saturday. Take your crabs. Wednesdays and your mellow Fridays, but give me a raucous Unique to Crack House is the party ambience found only at 208 East Saturday. 2nd street. The house feels like communal property, and the door is Plus just listen to the name. A party at Crack House just sounds always open. It seems not to belong to Laverne or the residents but to a little shady. Port-a- potties are communal and public property and the Carleton community as a whole. Everyone is welcome and people nobody goes there either. I hear Crack House has been securing a DJ from all social groups mingle in a smoky and smelly atmosphere drink- and tables for their parties. I applaud their effort and maybe in the ing lukewarm High-Life and trying to get ass. Drug addicts, whores, future I’ll grace Crack House with my presence. But as long they try athletes, underage girls and pimps as well as Sci-fi house residents all to challenge the giant that is the Ebony party…they shall fail! revel together blissfully. I reject Sayles parties for their artificiality and superficiality. We’re all in our 20s; there are no more bah mitzvahs for us. Let’s not hide our Be prouddesire and to drinkdon’t hideirresponsibly your light andunder dance a bushel! wildly Let behindit shine! false pretenses.

EIGHTEEN / 27.january.06 NINETEEN / 27.january.06 AND POETIC RAGE (GRAYSON SOBEL)

Film enthusiasts like to applaud award-winning films that should be endowed steps outside his boundaries, when she wouldn’t fight back. This is not to say that with quality and substance. Unfortunately, like most theories that sound like candy, women or persons being attacked should give in to predators. Here, the precon- many award-winning films don’t have substance, nor even dare to be brave and ceived notions of men holding power over women, and in turn, the women who challenging. Adult themes, especially, have not been grappled well or intelligently, believe in those preconceived notions because men deem it, are both revealed full if at all. Recently, ‘A History of Violence,’ popular and covered in film festival acco- frontal and knocked down like a brick building. She utters afterward to her friend, lades, tapped into the relation between violence, but it duped itself with ridiculous- “There is nothing in my *unt for that *ucker.” ly poor action scenes and conclusion. However, France’s gem ‘Baise - Moi,’ lightly Regardless of how the film is good or bad, I refute anyone who blasts it as on DVD (tuesday 31)... translated as ‘penetrate me,’ doesn’t settle for less than violence and sexual anthro- pornographic. ‘Moi’ takes the pleasure out of sexual intercourse unlike any other in THEATERS today... pology. character I can mention. ‘Thelma and Louise’ is self - defeatist to the most fricken In order to create a reaction to correct a wrong, you have to strip something of point, but Roger Ebert critic won’t tell you that; at least this film allows its heroines its falsities, and ‘Moi’s’ attempt to do this is unsettling. Two French adult film stars to have their own ending, on their own terms. A lot of critics disliked ‘Baise-Moi’ : Tim Burton’s : have created an ultra-violent, revenge fantasy that is high on sex and flesh, but also (though won’t tell) because the women are in control of the sex they indulge in, not annapolis An against-all-odds story about a guy from the wrong side of the corpse bride Christopher Lee, Helena Bonham Carter, on thought and energy. the men. Yes, its explicit scenes rival “I Spit On Your Grave,” yet this explicitness tracks realizing his dream of attending the Naval Academy. and Johnny Depp provided the voices for Burton’s latest stop-motion : Common day, destitute France. Two women: one a prostitute, Nadine, has self- reduces the human body to its most basic imperfections. We appear insectile and glory road In style of Hoosiers and Remember the Titans, this tells the story of masterpiece. the legend of zorro: medicated through drugs and abusive clients and is continually emptied by her pathetic, and no arousal comes from looking at male treatment of women in any the first all-black college basketball starting lineup and their trip to the NCAA Seven years later, even bringing back much of . mindless life; the other is a violently gang-raped girl, Manu, who is tired of misog- mode, let alone sexual. In the 72 minute (uncut) duration, the tumbling that occu- Championship the original cast for this sequel to The Mask of Zorro doesn’t help this : yny. Snapped into two, the latter goes on a ‘correct the wrongs’ mission to tear the pies almost every scene is nightmarish and gritty in a view from women of a world bubble This film, directed by Steven Soderbergh (Traffic, Magnolia), tells the story film overcome a very shaky plot. bubble: world down with all of its arbitrary stupidity. In a train tunnel, she bumps into that seems increasingly against them under the veneer of liberal hypocrisy. of a murder in a small Ohio town. It is being released in theaters on Jan. 27th , on see above Nadine, and the two carry a friendship built on their mutual breakdown. The The piece’s most absorbing image is near the end. The duo happen upon a sex : cable TV on Jan. 27th, and on DVD on Jan. 31st. Nanny McPhee: Based on the wide- supercross Aaron Carter is a supercross racer who has to learn how remaining of the film is their respective odyssey to kill both men and women in club where couples and groups partake in all acts. It’s flagrantly sick. One man’s ly-acclaimed British children’s novel Nurse Matilda, a mysterious nanny takes to work with his brother through dramatic, sappy conflict. acts after, during, or before sex. remark upon one of the heroine’s refusal to couple is, “What do you think this is, a charge of seven out-of-control children. Unfortunately, of all the critical disgust that doesn’t give a pretense of analysis, mosque?” drives the chauvinism home with racism to boot. The women systemati- no one has even bothered to say how ineffably sad it is. Like ‘Audition,’ another cally execute every individual in the room, but leave special treatment for the club underappreciated work, ‘Moi’ is not entirely about sex or violence but the invasive owner who made the remark. He is forced to simulate sex on the floor and then is belief that men think they know how women react. In fact, these two French anally raped with a pistol and shot to death. Some have described the scene as women articulate male-female relationships on a scale most people don’t care to cheap comparison to ‘Deliverance;’ others have simply labeled it as nasty. Perhaps, notice. Most people would rather gawk at ‘The Forty Year Old Virgin’ that carica- but if you view the entire duration as a rail against how male-female sexuality is so tures, not damns, negative portrayals of women. predatory, no other ending would suffice. ERASERHEAD: The almost unwatchable rape scene deserves mention. Manu quits squirming Ultimately, like ‘Irreversible’ director Gaspar Noe said, “The only way it seems and becomes completely passive to her attacker. Immediately, the rapist loses his to force change is to make people uncomfortable.” ‘Baise Moi’ is primal. Think of A Cult Favorite Newly Adapted For Better erection and flees. The point is surely how these men enjoyed power over her, but Pandora’s box without hope at the bottom. But it’s not muck, and the act of its ‘Moi’ goes a step further saying he is prickless because he cannot react when she poetic quietly-silenced rage guarantees the ramifications of its viewing. Viewing (Pretentious Film Advice)

(ALISTER JOHNSTON)

Eraserhead is every bit as much of a classic as Raiders of the Lost Ark or The This is the basic plot surrounding the movie, which, in of of itself, would not Godfather. It epitomized and defined a genre by borrowing from past sources be worthy of review nor a feature length film. It is the way that Lynch executes yet formulating a vision so original and uniquely its own that it could not help this that gives this movie its power as an undisputed cult icon. but be the standard by which all following movies are judged. It created an Take, for instance, the famous scene in which Henry eats dinner at his girl- instantaneous fan-base and guaranteed its repeated viewing, analysis, dissec- friend’s parent’s house. First he is pushed into a closet by his future mother-in- Brokeback Mountain: tion and ultimate damnation or praise by subsequent generations. law, she approaches him, licks his neck, only to be led gently away by her I pull out my bag of stock phrases (including this one) for two reasons. daughter. Next, Henry is led to dinner where he is asked to carve the chicken. Reviving Ang Lee Firstly, if ever there is a film deserving of such phrases this is it. And secondly, When he tries to do so, it comes to life, oozing a terrible liquid, and sending the way in which this film lives up to these phrases and bullies its way into its the mother into a horrifying shock. Later, Henry hangs his most prized posses- (KEVIN CLOSE) rightful place in film history is so wildly subverted and bizarre that it calls sion, a small worm, in his closet only to have it escape and squirm along the The key to the beauty of Brokeback Mountain is director Ang Lee’s ability to keep Michelle Williams, and reserve his passion for his cowboy lover, Jack Twist. Without attention to the ridiculousness inherent in such phrases. Which is kind of the floor in start and stop clay-mation while screaming in a tiny voice. the story, the feelings and the music subtle while shattering taboos on the big screen. a doubt Ledger’s performance as a slow talking, tough but gentle cowboy represents point of this movie. The disconnect between the two random scenes I chose to focus on is by no Brokeback is an epic love story of two young cowboys in Texas in the 1960s who find a turning point in his career and establishes him as a major Oscar contender and an Although the story unfolds in brilliantly splintered logic, it unfolds stretch of the imagination the biggest or most perplexing disconnect within the comfort with each other while tending sheep on Brokeback Mountain. The story of A-list actor. nonetheless. We aren’t just watching random images director David Lynch movie. This is a movie where many strange things happen, all of them about as their lives unfolds slowly against the backdrop of Rodrigo Prieto’s beautiful cine- Brokeback Mountain also represents a turn around for Ang Lee, whose last work, The found horrifying and surreal, there is an actual story here; and it’s one we dark and dream-like as the two I discuss. They can be interpreted in any num- matography highlighting the unknown beauty of modern western life and the uni- Hulk, failed to capitalize on either his skills as a director or the comic hero box office know. By looking through Lynch’s grossly distorted lens we see our own story- ber of ways (e.g. to show the disgusting, yet silent horror implicit in any versal beauty of love. craze. Lee shifted his focus to a subtle, sad and beautiful short love story written by telling logic staring blindly back at us and realize how irrational, brutal, and domestic situation; the worm is Henry’s dreams, pathetic, useless, and strug- With very little dialogue between lovers Ennis Del Mar, played by Heath Ledger, Annie Proulx, and Brokeback is more reminiscent of his earlier award winning works incomplete it really is. gling for nothing). But the judging should be left to you. There’s nothing I can and Jack Twist, played by Jake Gyllenhaal, Brokeback lets the audience focus on the such as Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and Sense and Sensibility. Jack Nance plays Henry Spencer, the everyman buffoon struggling against a really say about this movie other than to go see it and judge it for yourself. “unspoken” feelings of the brilliantly acted duo. It is a wonder that Ennis Del Mar can The potency of Brokeback lies in its ability to reveal the beauty in the shadows of world that seems out to get him. He steps into muddy puddles, elevator doors Thanks to a recently released DVD personally approved by David Lynch, with seem so cool about his marriage to his wife Alma, played by Ledger’s fiancée, Americana and to scratch below the shallow surface of Hollywood. don’t close for him, and nothing will submit to his will or vision of how it special features and a format almost as twisted as the movie itself, now is the should be. After arriving at his girlfriend’s house for dinner he learns that she best time to watch it. Whether you’re new to Eraserhead or a returning veteran has given birth to his child, a baby he must now take the responsibility to raise. now is an excellent time to check it out. Just don’t watch it while eating meat.

carl carl Next time you’re in Arena theater, be it for THEATER & CRUMBLE THEATER & CRUMBLE Ebony’s next Mandance or the Player’s winter Q&A with campus orgs. The show Twelfth Night, take a look behind you and see by bethany schimmel drama. The food. The life of if you can see the Theater faculty offices. Behind the theater and up a spiral staircase, department and kate alper Carleton’s musicmakers. chair and professor Ruth Weiner’s office looks out A Capella: Sup? on her domain: she has a sweeping view of the Arena. And you know those big round windows you can see on the outside of Arena? That’s her view from the other side. Ruth came to Carleton “several hundred years Three Things about Ebony: ago” (more than thirty in real time), never dream- ing that she would end up Chair of the Theater and 1. Fuck America Dance Department. Small wonder, because when 2. leotards her husband, professor Carl Weiner began, there 3. spandex was no such department. Prior to the class of ’07, theater majors had to declare a special major. Now there are six official theater majors and the depart- ment has plans for major growth. Plans for a new theater are underway, and Ruth has visited the theaters of several other schools to scope out inspiration and potential pitfalls. “I’ve seen things that make my mouth water.” Like

what? “A fly system.” The fly is the area above a Photo: Carleton College Office of Publications stage where backdrops can be hung. We don’t have one now, but in our new theater, it would add a “it definitely caused a kafuffle”. professional flair. Also, in her 30 years she has stayed in touch What is the place of theater at a liberal arts with old students and enjoyed seeing them “move Accidentals Exit 69 KnightEngales Nightshade institution? A report Ruth co-authored for the Arts into productive lives”inlcuding some as actors, at Carleton offers a suggestion, “Our students learn which Ruth explains is “theoretically possible, but that if you want to be an effective artist you must very difficult.” Some as writers for popular TV Signature song? “Wanting Memories” "Sweet Dreams" “Rugged” “Quick! We have but a have something to say.” shows like Frasier’s Bob Daily and NYPD Blue’s by Sweet Honey in the Rock by Annie Lennox second” Asked what it’s like to do theater with Carleton Tom Szentgyorgyi (pronounced St. George), but by 3 words to describe your students, Ruth replied that some students, “live in and large most as lawyers. She has written more chemistry as a group goofy, soulful, luscious quirky, dynamic, cynical chemistry- spastic, lively, snippy Obsessed with nicknames. the theater, are fanatics,” and that “Carleton actors recommendations for law school then anything are physics majors, math majors, English majors, or else. As she says, “lawyers take acting classes”. Rehersal sustanance? chocolate, zucchini bread green tea and each other’s company... Andrea eats cookies The Clear whatever they are, and they always bring such Which might be why “Law and Order” is such Ritz crackers and guards them with her life intelligence and vivacity to what ever they do. And great entertainment. they also bring incredible schedules; nine different Maybe all of those serious lawyer-types are Favorite singing spot? The echoey space The Green Room between Arena and the Concert Hall Dacie Moses House The echoey place between activities.” sobering up Carleton theater. Ruth says that cast Arena and the Concert Hall Which makes for a touch of bitterness towards parties used to be wilder – it’s been years since she other campus groups. As Ruth says, “I have noth- went to one, but she is sure they used to be wilder. ing to say about a capella groups, except that some Well, Carleton actors. That’s something to work of my actors have been in them, making rehearsals on for the future. Let’s show Ruth one of those damn hard to schedule”. wild Carleton cast parties she remembers. Inspirational costume Ms. Frizzle, hot video game superheros... Derek came as the Super Swedish Gales Gone Wild Bare feet put you in touch image: moira hough ideas? characters Transvete weraing a duct tape tube-top... or not fol- with the space Asked if she had ever had a major meltdown at lowing the concert theme at all, we’re good at that rehearsal.:“No.” Pause. “Well…” Back in the days when Coke came in glass bottles, a student NOTICE: Annie Perkins wakes up on top smashed one during a rehearsal. “Anything else

Afterparties? Yes. Yes. Violent ones. of shoes, books, old clothes, and Where? Spotlight on Professor Ruth Weiner [would have been okay]. Hit a chair, stomp your some cereal boxes... foot, but to do something that resulted in broken Since we have a physics class for humanities people that sums it up glass everywhere… well, then I had a meltdown.” (Revolutions in Physics) why not math for actors? Next Meet the Earth -- Feb. 11th Concert -- date, time, Drama in the drama department? year Carleton’s theater department will be offering an Upcoming events? Winter Concert -- TBA Last day of classes with the Knights --Concert Hall Concert!! -- Mar. 5th format TBA Over a 30 year span, Ruth has seen plenty of interdisciplinary course in coordination with the changes on campus and in the theaters. Some Mathematics department. The class will culminate with a Initiation rituals? We’ll never tell 4 am Lumberjack special at the Pinecone Restaurant Wouldn’t you like to know? Putting up with Dave things never change, however. “Streaking has production of a play about the life of Allen Turing, who off Route 35 always been a Carleton tradition,” Ruth explains. “you want some more of At one performance, there was a streaking event. solved the enigma cod in WWII and worked with artificial Orgasmic lyric? thissssssss?... Derek's high note in “The Tracks of My Tears”... there Whether it was successful, Ruth couldn’t say, but intelligence and computers, possibly Snoo Wilson’s Ohhhhhhhhhhh, just say aren’t many words but the audience is squirming “Just like a prayer, I'll take “Quick! We have but Lovesong of the Electric Bear. Perhaps this class will be it!!!” you there” a second” the first AL/MS credit course offered at Carleton. from Good Times In case you’ve never been backstage, Nourse is covered with decades of graffiti. Check it out. Most glorious onstage Dancing with the Afro- Annie Busiek being molested on stage by Braden Hall "Hi, is Giggles in the audi- moment? Cuban Drum Ensemble last year... Andrea forgetting the words to "Waiting shirtless dress rehearsals ence? Apparently I'm Line" because she was drunk... Annie 'Shits'... Giggles? Anyone?" is Carleton’s original theater. It’s famous as the theater in which Bertolt Brecht’s “The Caucasian Chalk and Duncan fighting Nourse Circle” premiered in 1948. In ’98 Carleton celebrated its semicentennial of this performance by inviting the original cast and If your group were a director back to campus. The first African American student to graduate from Carleton, Alvis Tinnin, who starred in the original Sodexho food item, what tater tot casserole the fried mini-snack basket We wouldn't be Sodexho, we'd Kosher performance as Azdac, returned to campus and read with students. would you be? be Chapati... hot and spicy

TWENTY TWO / 27.january.06 TWENTY THREE / 27.january.06

To Love How I Learned Country- Rock didn’t last long. Woodstock- That same July, he was booted type folk singers. Sweetheart As a bright-eyed youth, I by Caine from the band. Hillman quit soon is notable, too, because it’s an album couldn’t stand country rock. My Paul after, and together Hillman and that never would have succeeded as a Nashville father played it constantly – Parsons joined the Flying Burrito release, and the fact that a bunch of rarely was a car ride free from the Brothers, a band started by some folks Northerners made the album (Parsons himself Flying Burrito Brothers, the Byrds, who had been in the International Submarine Band with attended Harvard for a little while) didn’t add Commander Cody and His Lost Planet Airmen, or Parsons. Parsons lasted for two albums: the glorious The credibility. It also didn’t really sell very well, some other agglomeration of annoying urbane kids Gilded Palace of Sin (A&M, 1969) and the less glorious owing both to its obscure artistic vision and uncom- from the 60s and 70s trying as hard as they could to Burrito Deluxe (A&M, 1970), before getting kicked out in promising sound. sound like hayseed po’ boys. I despised what I saw as 1970. My favorite Gram Parsons record is the Flying a total lack of authenticity, and I had no idea how Parsons then released two solo albums, G.P. and Burrito Brothers’ The Gilded Palace of Sin . For a record Gram Parsons (pictured) could sing a line like “This Grievous Angel, before dying of a drug overdose at the age that sold very poorly, The Gilded Palace of Sin has had old earthquake’s gonna leave me in the poorhouse” of 26. (Brief aside: The story of his death is one of rock’s an uncanny amount of influence. Before people even with a straight face, despite being completely full of more bizarre incidents, as Parsons’ body was stolen from open their mouths to talk about Wilco, the Mekons, Son shit. Los Angeles International airport by his ex-manager and Volt, Whiskeytown, Uncle Tupelo, or open their latest Over the past few months I’ve been listening to taken to Joshua Tree, California where it was sacrificially copy of No Depression, they should just listen to The the same few albums that surrounded me in my burned. But that’s another story.) Gilded Palace of Sin about a million times. From the fre- childhood and early adolescence, the music that I What’s important is the music, and the music is so netic opening of “Christina’s Tune (Devil in Disguise)” shunned in favor of punk and whatever they good it’s kind of amazing to the hypermelodic meditations of “Sin City” and played on modern rock radio. Now while my that most people “Wheels,” this album’s combination of reverence and choices were not all bad, to be certain, it’s clear have little iconoclasm is without peer. Also adding a certain that my less-than-convivial attitude toward more craziness is the pedal steel work of “Sneaky” Pete those pioneers was motivated by little more Kleinow, whose fuzzy insanity is basically the polar than youthful rebellion and possible deafness. opposite of Buddy Emmons’ work on Sweetheart of the This winter break particularly, I spent a lot of Rodeo. It’s just one more thing that makes this time with five albums that I consider to be album even better. The Gilded Palace of Sin is gor- really important in the development of coun- geous, unappreciated, and it might be a perfect try rock, all of which bear the unique mark of album. Gram Parsons. I fulfilled a crucial college cliché Burrito Deluxe is not a perfect album. It by getting into Parsons, and in the process, I has a really neat, really long cover of “Wild learned quite a bit about myself. That’s not true, Horses,” on it, but little else to offer. actually – it’s just music, fuckers. Parsons was mostly incoherent through a When I put Sweetheart of the Rodeo into my lot of the recording sessions, and it’s not car stereo, I was surprised at how easily I hard to tell. could sing along with all of the songs. The For some reason, though, Parsons’ solo music had osmotically entered my body work brought the bar back up. For one over the many years I pretended to hold thing, Emmylou Harris did the high har- my ears. I started with the Byrds’ Rodeo monies, which makes these songs much (Columbia, 1968) because most folks in the better. G.P. (Reprise, 1973) is a pretty good know consider it to be the most important album, but the solo work worth owning is album in terms of elevating country rock Grievous Angel (Reprise, 1974). The gorgeous to a status of its own. It effectively bridged opening song “Return of the Grievous (continued from page 12) The Uptown has only one Little known fact: The Twin Cities is the hottest spot avocado salsa, black beans and coconut cilantro rice sim- the gap between country music as played Angel” is so fundamentally brilliant that its screen but it is the largest in the Twin Cities, and playing for American theatre outside Los Angeles and New ply cannot be missed. Turn down the lights and turn up on Music Row and the burgeoning rock hard to really begin talking about it. Emmylou on it right now is “Looking for Comedy in the Muslim 8York. Take advantage of this distinction while you’re the heat! and roll scene that would reach their Harris sings perhaps the most unbelievable har- World,” or what happens when the U.S. government here and get tickets to a show at one of the myriad stages I love candles and starlight and wine as much as apex a year later at Woodstock. mony part ever recorded, and Parsons keeps up sends comedian Albert Brooks on a journey through in the area. The State, Ordway, and Orpheum theatres the next girl, but there is something to be said for In 1968, the Byrds were in disarray. with some of the most inspired singing I’ve heard. I India and Pakistan to find out what makes the 300 mil- typically host the big-name tours (like Les Mis at the 10the point when you feel comfortable enough to do away Only Roger McGuinn and Chris Hillman wish I could just make everyone listen to this song over lion Muslims in the region laugh. Ordway until February 12), but other smaller venues with all those accoutrements and simply enjoy each oth- were left, having kicked out David Crosby and over again until people get it, whatever that means. At some point in your life you’ve probably longed to like The Illusion, Pantages and Théatre de la Jeune ers’ company over a plate of damn good food in the (later of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young) after than a Grievous Angel was released after Parsons’ death, and so back up Bonnie Raitt’s throaty blues lament as she Lune tend to showcase more innovative, experimental morning. That’s what Hell’s Kitchen is for. Please, with- the recording of 1968’s The Notorious Byrd passing familiarity with it. Maybe it’s because the albums this album is sort of a capstone to his short, out of control 7croons, “I can’t make you love me if you don’t.” Bonnie work. The Penumbra Theatre Company, a playhouse hold your judgment until you’ve experienced their Brothers (Columbia). In the six months (!) are a little tough to get into at first – the songs are more career. G.P. and Grievous Angel are actually sold together couldn’t do it, but Auriga certainly can. Don’t believe a dedicated to the maintenance and expansion of the Mahnomin Porridge with dried blueberries and cran- between the release of that album and Rodeo, country than rock, and the instrumentation – pedal steel, on one CD, so if you still buy music you can pick that up. restaurant can wield that sort of power? Clearly you Black performing arts community in the region and the berries, roasted hazelnuts and warm maple syrupy ooze, Hillman convinced McGuinn to enlist Gram fiddle, honky-tonk keys – takes some time to settle in. I think a lot of college students get lured into the Gram haven’t set foot inside this Uptown gem, the epitome of exploration and celebration of difference in American or seen what a caramel-pecan roll smothered in sweet Parsons, the 21 year-old singer of the International Once you get into it, though, you’re there. Parsons mystique, just because he’s so iconic, a Jim elegance without effort. The menu might be character- theatre, will open “Sex Diary of an Infidel” on February cream butter that weighs a forth of a pound actually Submarine Band. With Parsons on board, the Byrds Start with Sweetheart of the Rodeo. What’s most inter- Morrison for the less idiotic. This idolatry probably hap- ized as American Posh, a small selection of seasonal 10th. looks like when they place it in front of you. Brunch recorded their album in Nashville, stocking the stu- esting, I think, about this album is how different it is from pened more often in the late 70s and early 80s, when dishes made from local, organic ingredients and pre- This wouldn’t be my column if I didn’t suggest some- dates, provided everyone brushes their teeth before dio with session veterans and playing almost exclu- both the Byrds’ previous musical output and the popular Parsons’ story was a Big Deal (although it never really pared with impeccable attention to detail. If the soft where to go dancing, so here it is: Tiburón Caribbean leaving the house, can be the sweetest of all. sively Nashville standards. That record, released in music of the time. Nobody was approaching this level of was), but there’s no reason why students shouldn’t get lighting, warm tones, and deep gaze-inducing atmos- 9Bistro offers live salsa music every Friday and Saturday July of 1968, was Sweetheart of the Rodeo. fusion - not the psychedelic voyagers in San Francisco really into this stuff. If you don’t like it you can always phere don’t leave you starry-eyed, the “Three Creams” night for a sizzling 21+ crowd. The 45-foot saltwater So there you have it, folks, I’ve laid it all out for you. Rodeo sounded nothing like any other Byrds (though the Grateful Dead would take great steps in go back to the Decemberists or whatever. dessert with pistachio cookies, apricot bread, local aquarium along one wall, “color-kinetic sunset” along Now all you have to do is make the reservations and, of album, and Parsons’ influence on the band integrating American roots music into rock), and not the honey and cardamom, saffron and rose creams undoubt- another, and waterfall in a third corner make for a course, add a little charm of your own. Remember: edly will. unique (and all-ages) dining experience any night of the chocolate is good, flowers are better, but creativity and week, and the grilled Mango BBQ Marlin served with thoughtful, personal touches always make magic. Tuesday 31 Saturday 4 Tuesday 7 Friday 27 12:00 noon—LTC: Integrative and Interdisciplinary Mid-term Break! Learning in First-Year Linked Science Seminars. Fair Trade Bazaar. 4:30 pm—Jerusalem, 1099: Crusade at the Center of Alumni Guest House meeting room: Tricia Ferrett, the Earth and the End of Time. Leighton Hall 304: Professor of Chemistry Lawrence Wichlinski, 4:00 pm—'Making a Difference'. Sayles-Hill Jay C. Rubenstein will offer a portion of his current Associate Professor of Psychology and others. Lounge: This is also part of the Carleton Civic research on the First Crusade and Its Legacy. Sunday 5 Engagement Series. 12:00 noon—Resume Q & A Session. Sayles-Hill, 5:30 pm—Shabbat Service. Reynolds House: Great Space: Come get your resume questions Mid-term Break! 4:30 pm—Education and Curriculum Committee Service led by Rabbi Shosh Dworsky or students. answered with a Career Counselor Tuesdays and (ECC) Meeting. Sayles-Hill 251: This meeting is Dinner follows the service. Wednesdays from 12:00 - 1:00 pm through February open to faculty, students, and staff. 1st. 8:00 pm—Guest Artist Concert: Yakov Kasman, 7:00 pm—Film Society: Schultze Gets the Blues. piano. Concert Hall: Virtuoso Russian pianist, Yakov 5:30 pm—Torah Study. Reynolds House: Study led Boliou 104: Showing at 7:00 & 9:00 pm Kasman, Silver Medalist in the 1997 Van Cliburn by Rabbi Shosh Dworsky. Dinner is provided. competition, will present a program of Russian piano 7:30 pm—Light Lectureship: Erzhena Zhambalov. music. 7:30 pm—Lecture: 'Art from the Ashes'. 104 Boliou Thursday 2 Gould Library Athenaeum: Erzhena Zhambalov will Hall: Lecture by Hana' Malallah, an Iraqi artist fea- lecture on: Beyond Baikal: Buryatia and its Culture tured in the exhibition Dafatir: Contemporary Iraqi Northfield Option Sign Up for 06-07 begins Book Art. 4:00 pm—Lecture by author Michael Carroll. Gould Library Athenaeum: Lecture by Michael Carroll, author of Awake at Work.

4:00 pm—Cultivating Sanity at Work. Library Monday 30 Athenaeum: Michael Carroll will explore how mind- ful meditation can help us recognize workplace chal- 10:00 am—Border Studies Program. Sayles Hill lenges and anxieties as invitations to wake up and Great Space: A semester on the Mexico - US interna- lead a helpful and uplifted life on and off the job. tional border. Information table.

3:30 pm—Campbell Interest and Skill Survey (CISS)-results. TBA: Discover your career interests. CISS results from 23 January. Monday 6 4:00 pm—Resume Workshop. TBA: Learn how to write strong resumes and cover letters in a 1-hour 8:15 am—Classes Resume workshop. 12:00 noon—LTC: Numbers of Words about 4:30 pm—Lecture by Scott Curtis. Gould Library Numbers with Words. Alumni Guest House meeting Athenaeum: Scott Curtis, Associate Professor, room: How Faculty are Integrating Quantitative Department of Radio-Television- Film, Thinking and Writing in Their Courses. Northwestern University will present a talk, Wednesday 1 Visualizing Growth: Time, Cinema, and Scientific 12:00 noon—Environmental Advisory Committee Conceptions of Life. meeting. Sayles 251. Public attendees welcome. Wednesday 8 10:00 am—Lottery Numbers Posted 4:30 pm—Border Studies Program. Sayles Hill 12:00 noon—Who is Northfield? Panel and discus- Fair Trade Bazaar Great Space: Informational Meeting for Students 12:00 noon—Resume Q & A Session. Sayles-Hill, sion. Severance Great Hall: The panel will offer Great Space: Get your resume questions answered interested in the program. community members' perspectives on the people, 12:00 noon—Let's Talk About...LGBT Civic with a Career Counselor Tuesdays and Wednesdays politics, and local issues of Northfield. Engagement - Brown Bag Series. Hill Lounge Saturday 28 from 12:00 - 1:00 pm through February 1st. (Sayles): A lunch discussion surrounding issues of 3:30 pm—Campbell Interest and Skill Survey LGBT civic engagement. Bring your own lunch, 10:00 pm—Pink Party! Sayles Hill Great Space: 1:00 pm—President Office Hour. Office of the Friday 3 (CISS)-taking exam. Sayles-Hill 251: Discover your dessert provided. Come party for a good cause! Starting at 10pm, there President Laird 100. Schmooze with Oden. career interests. CISS results on 14 February. will be trinkets and toys, and all donations will ben- Last day 1st Five Week Late Drop & S/Cr/Nc Option 3:30 pm—Budget Committee. Sevy Meeting Room. efit the local Hope Center! 4:00 pm—Interview Workshop. Sayles-Hill Lounge: Exercise Deadline An overview of the interview process, including 5:00 pm—Resume Workshop. Sayles-Hill 251: preparation, attire, and advice on how to answer dif- 10:50 am—Convocation: Wendy Kopp. Skinner Learn how to write strong resumes an cover letters in ficult questions. Memorial Chapel: 'One Day, All Children.' Creator a 1-hour workshop of Teach for America. 4:30 pm—Artist Talk: Hana’ Malallah. Gould 8:00 pm—Concert: Guarneri String Quartet. Sunday 29 Library Athenaeum: Iraqi artist, Hana’ Malallah (fea- 5:30 pm—Shabbat Service. Reynolds House: Concert Hall. tured in the Art Gallery exhibition, Dafatir: Service led by Rabbi Shosh Dworsky or students. Contemporary Iraqi Book Art) will lead an informal Dinner follows the service. 3:00 pm—Faculty Recital: Music and Dance. 8:00 pm—ETB: 'The Goat, or Who is Sylvia?' by discussion on 'Art and Life in Iraq.' Concert Hall: Nicola Melville, piano, and guests Jill Edward Albee. Nourse Little Theater. Star cast; 7:00 pm—Goodsell Observatory Open House. Dawe, piano, Dave Hagedorn and Matt Barber, per- masterful performance. Directed by Max Leibowitz, 7:00 pm—CSA Senate Debates. Great Space: Hear Goodsell Observatory: If skies are clear, view stars, cussionists, and Jane Shockley, choreographer, will jew extraordinaire. be joined by Carleton student dancers for an after- what candidates have to say and who will make a dif- nebulas, and planets. Dress warmly! Cancelled if noon of innovative music and dance. ference. cloudy. Courtesy of John Bardes