Metzora 5774 Volume XXI Number 30 Toras Aish Thoughts From Across the Torah Spectrum of his pupils where their particular strength lay. Eliezer RABBI LORD JONATHAN SACKS ben Hyrcanus, the "plastered well that never loses a Covenant & Conversation drop," was gifted with a superb memory -- an important gift in an age in which manuscripts were rare and the he sages were eloquent on the subject of lashon Oral Law was not yet committed to writing. Shimon ben hara, evil speech, the sin they took to be the cause Netanel, the "man who fears sin," may not have had the Tof tsara'at, the subject of this week's parsha. But intellectual brilliance of the others but his reverential there is a meta-halakhic principle: "From the negative nature was a reminder to others that they were not you can infer the positive" (Nedarim 11a) So, for mere scholars but also holy men engaged in a sacred example, from the seriousness of the prohibition against task. Elazar ben Arakh, the "ever-flowing spring," had a Chillul Hashem, desecrating G-d's name, you can infer creative mind constantly giving rise to new the importance of the opposite, Kiddush Hashem, interpretations of ancient texts. sanctifying G-d's name. I discovered the transformative power of So there must in principle be a concept of focused praise from one of the more remarkable people lashon hatov, good speech, and it must be more than a I ever met, the late Lena Rustin. Lena was a speech mere negation of its opposite. The way to avoid lashon therapist, specialising in helping stammering children. I hara is to practise silence, and indeed the sages were came to know her through a television documentary I eloquent on the important of silence. (See for example was making for the BBC about the state of the family in Mishnah Avot 1:17; 3:13.) Silence saves us from evil Britain. Lena believed that the young stammerers she speech but in and of itself it achieves nothing positive. was treating -- they were, on average, around five years What then is lashon hatov? old -- had to be understood in the context of their Lashon hatov -- one of the most important families. Families tend to develop an equilibrium. If a tasks of a leader, a parent or a friend -- is focused child stammers, everyone in the family adjusts to it. praise. The classic text on this is a Mishnah in the Therefore if the child is to lose its stammer, all the tractate of Avot, "The Ethics of the Fathers": relationships within the family will have to be "Rabban Yochanan ben Zakkai had five (pre- renegotiated. Not only must the child change. So must eminent) disciples, namely Rabbi Eliezer ben Hyrcanus, everyone else. Rabbi Joshua ben Chananya, Rabbi Yose the Priest, By and large, we tend to resist change. We Rabbi Shimon ben Netanel, and Rabbi Elazar ben settle into patterns of behaviour until they become Arakh. comfortable like a well-worn armchair or a comfortable "He used to recount their praise: Eliezer ben pair of shoes. How do you create an atmosphere within Hyrcanus: a plastered well that never loses a drop. a family that encourages change and makes it Joshua ben Chananya: happy the one who gave him unthreatening? The answer Lena discovered was birth. Yose the Priest: a pious man. Shimon ben praise. She told the families with which she was working Netanel: a man who fears sin. Elazar ben Arakh: an that every day they must catch each member of the ever-flowing spring." (Avot 2:10-11) family doing something right, and say so, specifically, The Mishnah is doing more than telling us that positively and thankfully. Rabban Yohanan ben Zakkai had disciples. Every rabbi She did not go into deep explanations, but had disciples. The imperative, "Raise up many watching her at work I began to realise what she was disciples" (Avot 1:1) is one of the oldest rabbinic doing. She was creating, within each home, an teachings on record. What the Mishna is telling us is atmosphere of mutual regard and continuous positive how to create disciples. It is easy to have students who reinforcement. She wanted the parents to shape an are uncritical devotees but never become creative environment of self-respect and self-confidence, not intellects in their own right. It is not difficult to create just for the stammering child but for every member of followers. It is far harder to create leaders. Rabban the family, so that the entire atmosphere of the home Yohanan ben Zakkai was a great teacher because five was one in which people felt safe to change and help of his students became giants in their own right. The others to do so. Mishnah is telling us how he did it. I suddenly realised that she had discovered a He did it by focussed praise. He showed each solution not just for stammering but for group dynamics 2 Toras Aish as a whole. My intuition was soon confirmed in a to accept the majority view on a matter of Jewish law. surprising way. There had been tensions among the (Baba Metsia 59b) As for Rabbi Elazar ben Arakh, he television crew with which I had been working. Various became separated from his colleagues. When they things had gone wrong and there was an atmosphere of went to the academy at Yavneh, he went to Emmaus, a mutual recrimination. After filming a session of Lena pleasant place to live but lacking in other Torah Rustin teaching parents how to give and receive praise, scholars. Eventually he forgot his learning and became the crew started praising one another. Instantly the a pale shadow of his former self. (Shabbat 147b) It may atmosphere was transformed. The tension dissolved, be that praising his students for their innate abilities and filming became fun again. Praise gives people the rather than their effort, Rabban Yohanan ben Zakkai confidence to let go of the negative aspects of their inadvertently encouraged the two most talented of them character and reach their full potential. to develop a fixed mindset rather than engage with There is in praise a deep spiritual message. We colleagues and stay open to intellectual growth. think religion is about faith in G-d. What I had not fully Praise and how we administer it is a understood before was that faith in G-d should lead us fundamental element in leadership of any kind. to have faith in people, for G-d's image is in each of us, Recognising the good in people and saying so, we help and we have to learn how to discern it. I then bring people's potential to fruition. Praising their efforts understood that the repeated phrase in Genesis 1, "And rather than their innate gifts helps encourage growth, G-d saw that it was good," was there to teach us to see about which Hillel used to say: "He who does not the good in people and events, and by so doing, help to increase his knowledge, loses it" (Avot 1:13). The right strengthen it. I also understood why G-d briefly kind of praise changes lives. That is the power of punished Moses by turning his hand leprous -- as lashon hatov. Bad speech diminishes us; good speech mentioned in the last Covenant and Conversation -- can lift us to great heights. Or as W. H. Auden said in because he had said about the Israelites, "They will not one of his a beautiful poem: "In the prison of his days. believe in me." Moses was being taught a fundamental Teach the free man how to praise." © 2014 Rabbi Lord J. lesson of leadership: It does not matter whether they Sacks and rabbisacks.org believe in you. What matters is that you believe in them. RABBI SHLOMO RISKIN It was from another wise woman that I learned another important lesson about praise. Stanford Shabbat Shalom psychologist Carol Dweck, in her book Mindset, his shall be the law of the leper in the day of (Ballantine Books, 2007) argues that it makes a his cleansing, he shall be brought unto the decisive difference whether we believe that our abilities "T priest" (Lev. 14:2) In the opening of this week's are innate and determined once and for all (the "fixed" portion of Metzora, the Torah introduces us to mindset), or that talent is something we achieve through the law commanding a person to go to the priest who time by effort, practice and persistence (the "growth" determined the nature of his 'plague of leprosy' (nega mindset). The former tend to be risk-averse, afraid that tzara'at). If the scab was diagnosed as qualifying, the if they fail this will show that they are not as good as development of the disease required the constant they were thought to be. The latter embrace risk inspection of the priest. Our portion of Metzora opens because they take failure as a learning experience from with the complex details of the purification process once which we grow. It follows that there is good praise and the disease is over. This ritual requires two kosher bad praise. Parents and teachers should not praise birds, a piece of cedar, crimson wool, and a hyssop children in absolute terms: "You are gifted, brilliant, a branch. One bird is slaughtered while the other is star." They should praise effort: "You tried hard, you ultimately sent away. But this is only the beginning of a gave of your best." They should encourage a growth purification process that lasts eight days, culminating in mindset, not a fixed one.