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Jamadi-ul-Awwal 15, 1441 Jan 10, 2020

AL-

MCA Wellness Committee “Whatever is in the heavens and earth exalts , and He is the Chronic Lower Back Pain Exalted in Might, the Wise. His is the dominion of the heavens and earth. He gives life and causes death, and He is over all things competent. He is the First and the Last, the Ascendant and the Intimate, and He is, of all things, Knowing. It is He who created the heavens and earth in six By Dr. Abdullah Sulieman Terkawi days and then established Himself Pain Management Fellow, above the Throne. He knows what Stanford University penetrates into the earth and what Vice President, SEMA US emerges from it and what descends from the heaven and what ascends Friday night Jan. 10 For more Info, email us at Khadija Banquet Hall therein; and He is with you wherever [email protected] After Ishaa' prayer you are. And Allah, of what you do, is Seeing.”

Surah Al-Hadid: 57:1-4

HADITH

It was narrated that Abu Qatadah (May Allah be pleased with him) said: “We were sitting with the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) when a funeral appeared. The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: ‘He is relieved and others are relieved of him. When the believer dies he is relieved of the calamities, hardships and troubles of this world, and when the evildoer dies, the people, the land, the trees and the animals are relieved of him.”

An-Nasa’i Book 21, No.115

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Classes Start Jan 12, 2020 At MCA, Ayisha Room For more information Email us: [email protected] 3 Shura in the family: Why and how? Abdul Malik Mujahid | http://soundvision.com

Gender relations in are not based personal behavior and nourished by the some time to think about how you’d like on male-female competition as is seen in family as a way of life, will benefit the your husband to contribute. a number Western societies today. Rather, Ummah in the long run. this relationship is based on gender Spouses should brief each other about cooperation. (Quran: 4:32). Some Guidelines for Informal Shura work, neighborhood, Masjid, and each other’s activities. Mutual information is In the context of the family, God has Informal Shura is like talking to each other. necessary for mutual consultation made father the leader of the family while It may happen at any place and at any mother is in charge when father is not time. Here are some examples of informal A family calendar will help tremendously available. However, there are limitation Shura and tips you can use: for family time and Shura. In family meetings, go over next month’s dates God has put in place for this leadership Listen attentively: no TV shows, games, position. (teacher conferences, games, next family books or newspaper should be in your way meetings etc.). A large month-by-month The power of this leader, like that of all if your spouse or child wants to talk to you calendar in the kitchen, next to the phone other Islamic leaders, is limited on the Shura doesn’t have to be about family may work well. one hand by the Quran and the Prophet’s affairs: mutual consultation in the family teachings, and on the other by Shura or A family leader must encourage Shura could be about any topic. It was the advice by being positive. If your wife or children mutual consultation - amruhum shura of Umm Salamah, the wife of Prophet bainahum (Quran 42:38). Shura in this are afraid of your reaction, they will not Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon participate in Shura. verse is mentioned by God as one of the him and may Allah be pleased with her, essential characteristic of a believer along which the Prophet followed when Shura in a restaurant: Spouses may meet with prayers and justice. were reluctant to obey him at the end of each other everyday without ever actually The Muslim family, therefore, like all other Hudaybiyah discussing issues. Set a time to go out and talk. Muslim institutions, formal or informal, A serious topic could be introduce must be run with mutual consultation. gradually if Shura is not the norm of the Walking Shura: What about an evening One major cause of problems in the family walk to discuss a topic? Muslim society today is the absence of Many women are afraid of bothering their Formal Shura Shura. The Shura process, if adopted as a husbands with “domestic” stuff. But take Formal Shura is a process to reach an 4 agreement on an issue of mutual interest. there are some etiquettes of giving input thinking their youth and inexperience Everyone should participate in Shura with and feedback in Islam. Some of these are: mean they are too young for Shura. Not an open mind. so. Check your motives (Niyyah) first before Some pointers on how to do this are: opening your mouth. You should be Doing Shura in the family helps kids learn giving constructive criticism only to help how to communicate effectively in a safe, Begin the Shura with Allah’s Hamd, Sana someone, not to make yourself feel better comfortable environment. Parents need and Salawat on our Prophet than others to remember that their love is crucial in you have to be willing to sacrifice your raising their children, but it’s not enough Make Dua for yourself and the person you to raise a well-adjusted, happy child. opinion if it is not accepted even if you are are approaching before you actually do it sure of its soundness Communication is the key for successful Think beforehand and choose appropriate development. Learn the details of the topic under words consultation before you speak Here are some tips to help you encourage Don’t sound critical, condescending, or your kids to communicate effectively and Listen attentively to what others are saying judgmental participate in Shura in the family: Be respectful in discussing each other’s Timing is important: don’t do it when the When they are very young, get them into point of view fight is on the habit of talking with you about their day and their feelings Remember that the process of Shura Criticism is best received when done one involves abiding by what is agreed upon on one Shura is among the choice characteristics Involve all children in the formal Shura of a Mumin. (Quran 42:38) Inculcate it Remember the Prophet said “A Mumin early on. (My youngest child sits down of the family. They come up with brilliant (believer) is a mirror to another Mumin.” ideas during family Shura with a pen and paper So just state what you see. Don’t and takes notes, although he doesn’t’t Avoid being defensive or sarcastic. Be exaggerate. know how to write) rational and reasonable Keep in mind that your information or Children should be full participants of any Make Dua (supplication) for Barakah even your conclusions may be wrong formal or informal Shura in the family (blessings) in your decisions at the end Listen to the explanation attentively and unless the issue at hand has to be between the father and mother exclusively Consider a name change accept it even if it is partially correct in your view Children open up informally more than My children suggest that “Family Meeting” Avoid debating the point formally. Two minute sound bites from or “Family Circle” is a better title for family them in a car may provide more important Shura since “Shura” feels too serious. Know when to stop. Don’t drag out the insight into what they feel than forced They suggest that this forum should discussion if it’s not going anywhere conversation include discussion of any topic from the Just as it’s important to know how to Children love to ask questions. Answer Quran, Sunnah or current affairs. give criticism, it’s crucial to know how their questions with one of yours: “what Nonverbal communication to receive it. Here are some etiquette do you think?” Think of their questions suggestions: as the start of a two-way conversation Shura is about communicating effectively, (mutual Shura may pop in any time). both verbally and non-verbally. Here Thank the person who considers your are some basic pointers on nonverbal improvement important enough to help Let children come up with solutions. communication: you with his/her thoughts. Instead of giving advice, ask “so what would you like to do about this?” or “How Frank and clear conversation with Taqwa Welcome the feedback. Ask advice about do you think this should be handled?” (God consciousness) is the key for success how it could be improved (Quran 33:70) Delegate an area of responsibility to your Explain if there is any misunderstanding child instead of adopting a “ do this, do Nonverbal criticism (gestures, silent Admit mistakes that” style of communication with them. treatment etc.) can cause more problems then we normally realize Bad timing should not deter you from Avoid electronic overload: TV, stereos, listening and benefiting computers etc. are a convenient way for Clearly communicate what you mean. kids to close off from their parents. Set Don’t expect your spouse or others The person criticizing should not be rules for TV (check out these 21 tips by the to magically read your mind, then be stopped because of location, language, or author that can help you do this) disappointed when they don’t manners. Keep your sense of humor. Laughing won’t Nonverbal communication, however, Do not turn the table and start criticizing undermine your authority or sabotage works well in a show of love, thanks, or that person in the same sitting. the lessons. Rather, it will enhance your appreciation. Nevertheless, verbalizing it capacity to communicate when you really mean it is better Make Dua for the person who is criticizing you. Respect children’s opinion Criticism is a type of Shura as well Involving children in Shura Carefully listen to what your kids say Shura does not just entail basic discussion without being judgmental or critical and positive comments. It can also include Children are intelligent, thinking beings criticism. who have much to contribute to Reward a good idea discussions. Too often, parents dismiss However, it should be remembered that the opinions and thoughts of their kids, 5 6 7 Understanding modesty in an Islamic context

By Abdul Malik Mujahid | SoundVision.com

Most of the Muslim world sees America Haya was the third Khalifa Othman ibn I remember choosing not to stay in a dorm through the eyes of Hollywood movies, Affan, may God be pleased with him. in Chicago at a high cost to me because of which is far from an accurate portrayal this common shower area issue. of American morality. Nonetheless, there certainly is a big cultural gap in the way Haya is the reason many Muslim men and A person with Haya is not a shameless women prefer to be seen and treated by a people in the West deal with modesty person. He or she is chaste, moral, and privacy of the body, and the way doctor of the same gender. Haya is also the restrained, upright, and virtuous. He or reason that Muslim men and women avoid individuals in the Muslim world do, she is not immodest, immoral, indecent, regardless of their level of Islamic practice. situations where they will be alone with a lewd, unabashed, unashamed, unblushing, non-related member of the opposite sex. This Islamic sensibility of considering the and unchaste. No, we are not talking about human body of a very personal realm is angels here. A Muslim goes up and down It is also because of Haya that you will not connected to the concept of honor, dignity in his or her faith and practice, but the find the demonstration of public affection and privacy. This is not limited to Muslim ideals of Haya are such. between spouses in public. That loving relationship is considered a private joy. countries. In fact, it is found in many Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings Eastern cultures as well, such as in India be upon him, said that every way of life It is due to Haya that while romance is and China, at a far higher level than in the has its distinct character and for Islam it is there, even in the secularist-run television West. Haya (Muwatta). He also said Haya is the stations of the Muslim world, bedroom What is Haya? Haya, Satr, Nikah, and fruit of faith. (Bukhari, Muslim). scenes, explicit language, and sexual Hijab are four important concepts that innuendo are not part of the shows. Of Haya is not morality to be imposed, but course, all of that is being challenged help explain Islamic precepts relating to something that must arise from within modesty. by satellite television, which brings the a people. But at the same time, it is not Hollywood version of America to Muslim Concept of Haya a private affair. It is an established and homes around the world. accepted social morality which members The concept of Haya is considered a major of society collectively regard as desirable. While Haya is an expected norm of Islamic virtue and an integral part of personal behavior defining social morality, human character. A state, therefore, is expected to be the the basic Islamic personal law taught to organ through which any society mediates Muslim children in homes or weekend Ask anyone in the Muslim world, Muslim its moral values. This is the reason we schools around the world, from the or not, and he or she will know what the find that the Malaysian government asked United States to the United Arab Emirates Arabic word “Haya” is. But if you ask them for the removal of nude scenes from includes the following concepts of Satr, to define it, they will be hard pressed to the Hollywood film Schindler’s List, for Hijab and Nikah. do so. Haya is in the grain of personal and example. It’s ironic that many television social morality, values and behavior. stations in the Muslim world look for The Code of Satr Christian-themed films from America to There is no exact English word which can run on their stations because they feel Satr is another important code to convey the whole meaning of the Arabic these come close to the Haya standards of understand. Muslim men and women term Haya. Most people translate it as their societies. are asked by Prophet Muhammad, peace modesty, shamefulness, and shyness. and blessings be upon him, to observe But all these words have negative Public Haya is also the reason that even Satr. This means Muslims must keep connotations, which the word Haya in secular Muslim countries you will not their bodies from the navel to the knees does not have. Haya, unlike shyness and find collective shower rooms in school covered in front of others of the same sex. bashfulness, does not indicate that a dorms, community gyms, or army barracks The only exception to this rule is one’s person lacks self-confidence. In fact, in where persons of the same gender freely spouse. Islamic history, the person most noted for undress and shower in front of each other. Satr explains why in the traditional dress of 8 SKILLS DEVELOPMENT PROGRAM

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9 Muslim countries, there is no exposure of other by marriage or blood. In essence, cultural imports from the West. However, the human body. Muslims will go to great it is a set of legal and social norms that its strength despite these pressures, lengths to avoid this. In many villages, define gender relations in the public and prompted former U.S. President Jimmy people have refused to see physicians if private space in the Muslim world. Carter to note that the only countries in they needed to undress for them. This Africa where AIDS has not become an prompted Imams to preach that a Muslim Even Muslim architecture incorporates the epidemic are Muslim countries. can undress in front of a physician if this is element of Hijab in defining public and required for treatment. private place within one’s own home. Conclusions The Etiquettes of Hijab The Institution of Nikah The concepts of Haya, Satr, Nikah, and Hijab are Islamic values, norms, and “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze Nikah means marriage in Arabic. This is etiquettes. Although not all Muslims may and be modest. That is purer for them. Lo! the only relationship in which an adult live up to these ideals, social morality is God is aware of what they do...” (Quran man and a woman can see each other’s still defined by these norms in the Muslim 24:30-31) bodies. It is not surprising, therefore, to world. And nudity is nothing but the note that dating still remains unheard of antithesis of Haya, even by those who may Due to secular fundamentalists who in the Muslim world, despite the practice’s not be living by these ideals in the Muslim have banned the “headscarf” in Turkey introduction through Western television world. and France, many people in the world programs in the region. now think Hijab means headscarf. In the Breaking these norms is taken extremely fight for the hearts and minds of Muslim Extramarital sex is considered a major seriously in Muslim societies. Many states women, the headscarf has become a sin in Islam, and Muslims are encouraged treat crimes against these norms so symbol of assertion for Muslim feminists to marry. This is why in several Muslim seriously that they use capital punishment. as well as a symbol of women’s oppression countries, governments offer a stipend for most Western feminists. However, for eligible couples to get married if they Unlike what some in America lead us the concept of Hijab has a much broader cannot afford to. to believe, no one hates America in the Muslim world because of democracy and meaning than a piece of cloth on a Of course, there are people who do have woman’s head. freedom. It is the immorality of America affairs in the Muslim world. But this is (championed by Hollywood), along with The etiquettes of Hijab go beyond a dress considered a serious crime against one’s American foreign policy which defines the code. It defines the relationship that men family, the community, and a major sin conflict between the Westernized elite and and women in a Muslim society maintain from a spiritual perspective. religious elements in Muslim societies. with each other. It lays out the guidelines The institution of marriage in the Muslim for interaction between the sexes, world has been seriously challenged by the particularly those not related to each

10 11

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