The BEN Model

Behavior – Emotion – Needs - Interests

Wendy Wood, PhD The Karuna Center thekarunacenter.org [email protected]

Wendy Wood, PhD Copyright 2019 What do you think would happen if you were to better understand the needs, interests, positions, and challenges of others who appear to have a completely different ideological viewpoint than your own?

Wendy Wood, PhD Copyright 2019 Behavior

Emotion

BEN Model Need

Wendy Wood, PhD Copyright 2019 ´ Needs are necessary for an organism to live a NEEDS healthy life and are distinguished from wants. In the case of a need, a deficiency causes a clear adverse outcome or dysfunction. INTERESTS ´ Interests are feelings that accompany or cause special attention to something or someone; a POSITIONS concern; underlying reasons, values or motivations.

´ Positions are surface statements of where a person or organization stands, and rarely provide insight into underlying motivations, values or incentives.

Wendy Wood, PhD Copyright 2019 Emotions come first and are universal.

What kind of feeling(s) arise will vary enormously from person to person and from situation to situation because feelings are shaped by individual temperament and experience.

Two people can feel the same emotion but label it under different names.

Wendy Wood, PhD Copyright 2019 6 When Needs are Satisfied When Needs are Not Satisfied Affectionate, Kind Afraid, Fearful Engaged, Interested Annoyed, Anxious Hopeful, In Awe Angry Confident, Assured Averse, Disconnected Excited, Exhilarated Confused, Distracted Grateful Embarrassed Inspired, Refreshed Fatigued, Physical Pain Joyful, Happy Sad Peaceful, Calm Tense Thoughtful Vulnerable, Scared Compassionate, Altruistic Betrayed

Wendy Wood, PhD Copyright 2019 7 Our Needs

Connection….. Love - Affection - Belonging - Equality - Respect - Meaning - Community - Consideration - Compassion - Purpose - Happiness Safety….. Physical & Emotional Security - Trust - Support - Stability - Less Suffering Challenge….. Learning – Growth – Competence - Independence - Stimulation Structure….. Boundaries - Predictability - Reliability - Control - Choice

Wendy Wood PhD Copyright 2019 Emotions and Feelings Our Needs Connection When Needs are When Needs are Not Satisfied Satisfied Love - Affection - Belonging - Equality - Respect - Meaning - Affectionate, Kind Afraid, Fearful Community - Consideration - Engaged, Interested Annoyed, Anxious Compassion - Purpose - Hopeful, In Awe Angry Happiness Confident, Assured Disconnected Safety Excited, Exhilarated Confused, Physical & Emotional Security - Distracted Trust - Support - Stability - Less Grateful Suffering Embarrassed Inspired, Refreshed Challenge Fatigued, Physical Joyful, Happy Pain Learning – Growth – Peaceful, Calm Competence - Independence - Sad Stimulation Thoughtful Tense Structure Compassionate, Altruistic Vulnerable, Scared Boundaries - Predictability - Betrayed Wendy Wood, PhD Copyright 2019 Reliability - Control - Choice This is how to use BEN

First: Pay attention to the behavior or set of behaviors that you are witnessing.

Second: Identify the emotion(s)/feeling(s) that may be behind the behavior(s).

Third: Try to determine what need(s) you think are being met or NOT being met.

Fourth: Ask yourself - Can I/We meet these needs? If so, how? If not, why not?

Fifth: Acknowledge to yourself and/or between the parties that there may be needs that are not being met. Discuss if there is a way to meet those needs, and if so, how? If not, why not? Proceed Wisely

Wendy Wood, PhD Copyright 2019