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Birth of a Daughter (Kanya)

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Birth of a Daughter (Kanya) C H A P T E R 2 Birth of a Daughter (Kanya) Since ancient times, in all patriarchal societies, tlie birth of a female child was an unwelcome event. Tlie son was valued more than the daughter, because he was a permanent economic asset of the family. He lived witli his aged parents and did not migrate like tlie daughter, to anotiio- family, after the marriage. Also, he perpetuated tlie name of his fathei ’s family. As he grew into adolesctjiice and youth, he could offer valuable services to the family in defending against j or at. acking an CTiem>'. The daughta on the otlier hand, had no figliting value whatsoever. Women have potential military value, by giving birth to . ins they contribute indirectly to tJie fighting strength and eiFicienc^' of tlieir community. But this view of situation was not taken into consideration. How'ever, in actual fighting, the>' became a handicap rather than a help. Therefore, the birth of a daughter was not a welcome event, Tlie son was preferred to a daughter. Tlie reasons why daughtei s were relatively less popular are not difficult to understand. The importance of ancestor-worship had increased and sons alone were regarded as eligible for offering oblations to manes; daughters could not perform this ver>’ important religious duty. However, religion had granted one day in the whole year, (on the first day of the month of Ashwin,) when tlie daughter v\ii.li a son, could perform the Slvaddha, of her father, through her son. This rite is called MatamaJm Shradha. This was restricted to daughters having sons only and indirectly she could thus perform tlie rites through her son. After her death, the son would discontinue the performance of tlie rite. Only the rites of her father aie mentioned. Nowhere is her mother mentioned She could pay homage to her father through her son. 65 Child marriages were in vogue, rjiiianiages were prohibited in certain classes, intercaste niairiages were disapproved by the society’. There were hundreds of castes mid sub-castes, all insisting upon mutual cxogairn'. Tliis led to the field of choice for selection of a suitable son-in-law, being vei^ naiTow. llius intensifying tlie ' anxiety of tlie daughter’s fatlier, about tlie proper choice of a bride-gi oom. In addition, if the cruel fate inflicted widow-hood upon the daugliter, the calamity would break the parait’s heait. Remarriages vv’ei e not possible in all the couununities, parents had to bear the heart rendering pain of witnessing tlieir daughter wasting herself in an interminable widow-hood. Sati custom added their grief, for then, they had to pass through the terrible ordeal of watching tlieir daughters buming themselves alive on the funeral pyre of their husband. Ahilyabai Holkar had witnessed 18 Satis in her family, tlie last of tliem was her daugliter, Muktabai. To becorrie a daugliter’s fatlier was thus a source of endless worn’ and miseiy. Hence, a , daughter was considered as a punishment for the past misdeeds of the father. The society felt there was a vast difference between a son and a daughter; the son was a bliss incarnate and a daughter was a root of misery It was also possible that the poignant pain felt by the parents at the time of their separation , alter her marriage, be partly responsible for the general dislike for a daughtw. It seems the feeling of dejection and disappointment, at the birth of a daughter, was a fleeting one. It did not lead to female infanticide, lliere were ' no references of this evil custom found during the study period. Once tlie temporan,' feeling of disappointment was over, the family took a keen interest in the daughter as it did in a son. News of childbirth was communicated through the letters to the relatives and family members. Tliere j was a marked difference in conveying the news of the birth of a daughter and a son. The news of a birth of a daughter was just conveyed, the arrival of a son in the family was a matter of rejoicing ^ However, with this background, Peshwa Narayanrao, atlmonishes Maliipatrao Trimbak Purandai e in a letter. He says tliat tJie Peshwa had heard about tlie news of tlie biitli of a daughter to Mahipati ao, who had not bt coiive>ed it. llie Peshvva furtJier asks Purandare vvhetlier there was a custom of celebrating a birth of a son by distributing sweets (sugar) and not to celebrate the birth of a daughter. He further taunts that perhaps Purandare had found some reference in the Shashtras and therefore had not conveyed the news I j pr The birth of a son was an occasion to rejoice, but there are no records to show that the birth of a daughter was a thing to mourn. The society’ in general considered it as an unwelcome event but how would a mother, herself a woman, receive the newborn? Perhaps she consoled herself, with a feeling that when this girl would grow up and be married, the marriage itsrlf would grant a great religious merit to the father. Krwyadaan, the gifting of the Kaiiya (a daughter) in marriage, to tlie groom, by the father was considered as equal to donating Prithvi (universe Prithvi-daan). The father of a girl was thus enriched by begetting a daughter. A son, on tlie other hand, was no help in this respect. Nimiakciran or the naming ceremony would be perfomied on the 12* day afta- the birth of a son and on 13* day after the birth of a daughter. It could be delayed to any other auspicious day. Rajasbai, was an , illegitimate daughter of Chatrapati Shahu and Viroobai, yet, she was respected and honoured as a princess. When she gave birth to a daughter, all the proper rites of Namakaran or Barasa were performed and womenfolk of the noblemen were duly invited The ears would be pierced on this day by a goldsmith with a gold wire, for which operation he would recei\ e a small fee. Dry coconut-half was a must, the goldsmitli would use it as a lubricant before he pierced the delicate earlobe. Nose too would be pierced, but later on, before her marriage, so that the bride could wear a nose-nng. This nose-ring would be a mark of her marital status, indicating that her husband was alive. The names usually chosen were those of the Goddesses like Radha, Rama, Sat>’abhama, Ahilya, Uma, Parvati or Janaki. or those of the sacred rivers like Ganga, Godavari Kaveri, Narmada. r 'ITie paternal aunt (fatlier’s sister) was a relative of great importance, she had the privilege of naming the iiii'iuit. At ilie age of three, the niece would receive a green colour mini skirt and a blouse (Parkar-polha) along 67 wiLti ifie accessories oi gi een glass umigies, ciiain, ean ings, u aiid llow as to deck Uie liair. Latu, on attaining pubert>', the aunt would felicitate the niece with a saree- blouse, fruits, flowers, coconut etc. In return, during the marriage of the niece, the aunt would be felicitated by the gi oom’s part>' by giving her a saree (Atyechiree) as a token of honour. There was one case which indicates how a female child was accepted by the family. The wife of Visajipant Lele of Pune, delivered a son. Her sister delivered a daughter at the same time. Her sister having desire for a son, the sisters exchanged their babies secretly. TTiis exchange took place within first few days, but the secret was out within a couple of months. Lele’s brother-in-law had wished for a son too, but not in ext.!iange, so he complained to the Peshwa about the matter. The infants were restored to their respective parents. Visajipant was happy to have his son Tlie case needs no comments. Rajasbiii, second wife of Chatrapati Rajaram, delivered a daughter, called Soyarabai. At that time, Girjoji Yadav was the chief of the Private chambers (Sarhavaldar), and as such, when he conveyed this news to the father, he was promised the grant of Deshmukhi of turf Umbraj and turf Targaon in the district of Karhad. Girjoji paid 2000 Hons (gold coins) as Slienii (a present by a successful suitor in a litigation) and received in person the documents on 15 January 1692 A.D. Pumsavan ritual, prescribed for procuring the birth of a son was very popular. Sambhaji, son of Shivaji and Yesubai had a daughter, Bhavanibai, bom on 4-9-1678 A.D. Wishing ^ov son, Putmkatneshti Yadnya (a sacrifice with a wish for a son) v\ is performed at Shrungarpur. Lato' a son, Shivaji or Shahu was bom on 18-5-1682 A.D. However, no such ritual was prescribed or performed for the birth of a daughter. 68 Childhood games : A girl would not play any strenuous games for she was considered a delicate darling; her whole life was spent amongst the four walls of her home and ho: play was in accordance with it There were toys and playthings ' made both of wood and earthenware, which were not perfect and ingenious as those used by European children^^^. Every girl, whether rich or poor, had dolls to play with; some having more than one. Those who could afford, had dolls made of ivory and even delicate ones made of glass. Ivoiy and glass dolls would not be easily available in the markets of Pune, hence, Radliabai writes to Chi.najiappa, residing at the capital city i fSatara, to send ivory and glass dolls for children’s play Most of than, who could not afford the dolls of any kind, did - play itli dolls made of rags.
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