SOUTH PARK "P.E.N.I.S Challenge"

BY Tino Gonzalez-Kakouris ACT I INT. LOCAL BAR.

The South Park men are crowding around Stephen Stotch watching a video of Butters on his phone. BUTTERS

WELL, HELLO EVERYBODY. MY NAME IS BUTTERS AND I HAVE BEEN NOMINATED BY MY DAD TO TAKE THE ALS ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE. ALS IS A JUST A, WELL IT’S A JUST TERRIBLE DISEASE AND I WANT TO HELP PEOPLE AND THEIR FAMILIES.

Cut to the men at the bar. JIMBO Wow, that’s great your son is such an activist Stephen.

STEPHEN Well that’s my Butters. He’s really taken an interest in this charity. Back to video on youtube.

BUTTERS And I’d like to nominate my very best friends for the challenge: Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski and Eric Cartman. You have 24 hours to take the challenge. Butters lifts up a bucket of ice water and raises it over his head. A little water splashes on his head. BUTTERS Oh my! That water is really, really cold! Does the water need to have this much ice? STEPHEN Butters, quit being a little bitch and dump the bucket of ice water over your head. Randy walks over to the men watching the video. 2.

RANDY Hey, what are you guys watching? GERALD Little Butters is doing the Ice Bucket challenge.

RANDY Ice bucket challenge? Wh-what is that?

STEPHEN It’s an internet challenge to raise awareness and donations for ALS. RANDY (under his breath) What the fuck is ALS? Back to video. BUTTERS But I don’t wanna. It’s too cold and will make my head hurt. STEPHEN Oh real nice Butters. So you don’t want to save thousands of lives because you’re afraid to get your head cold? BUTTERS I want to help, but can’t I just donate money to the charity instead?

STEPHEN Butters! You pour that bucket of ice water over your head right now, or you are grounded Mister.

BUTTERS Oh hamburgers. (Pours bucket of ice) Owee! Ouch it hurts! My head is frozen. Ahhhh the pain! (sobs) I can’t feel my head! I’m numb, numb all over! Back to bar. GERALD Wow, good for him! 3.

STEPHEN That’s my Butters! MR. TESTABURGER That’s some inspiring stuff.

RANDY (Confused) So how does pouring a bucket of ice water over your head cure a disease?

MR. MACKEY It’s not about curing the disease, but spreading awareness m’kay? ALS is um, bad. M’kay?

STEPHEN The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge was started by using YouTube to get celebrities and people everywhere spreading the message of ALS to get people to donate.

GERALD If someone accepts and completes the challenge they can then nominate others to dump ice water on their own head and donate to the ALS foundation. RANDY Oh, is that right? INT. SCHOOL CAFETERIA.

CARTMAN Oh my God, you guys. The VMA’s were so lame! It was just a bunch of nobodies trying to be famous by wearing the least amount of clothing. CRAIG Did you see that Kanye West announced he’s running for president? CARTMAN Ugh, that is so stupid. First of all, why did the pussy say he’s waiting to run for office in 2020? He obviously knows Donald Trump would beat his ass. 4.

KYLE Donald Trump is... CARTMAN (Interrupting) And secondly, Kyle, Kanye would never win because the U.S. will never allow a black man to be president. TOKEN Then what do you call President Obama? CARTMAN Jesus, Token. We’ve been through this before: Barack Obama is only half black, so he’s not as intimidating as a full on black. You think they’d allow a full black guy in the white house? KYLE What?

CARTMAN It’s true. His mother is some white chick from Kansas. So, sorry to break your balls Token, but whites win again.

KYLE That is the most racist thing I’ve ever heard. CARTMAN Oh, what Kyle? You want butthole Kanye West to be our president? KYLE No. I think he is an arrogant idiot who’s only trying to gain more fame by being a retard. Neither him nor Donald Trump should be considered. Trump is just a washed up racist billionaire who’s bored and wants to take a shot at winning the election. CARTMAN Donald Trump is an American icon and legend. His white Christian values are something to be inspired by and best of all he wants to send (MORE) 5.

CARTMAN (cont’d) all those no good dirty Mexicans back across the border. KYLE God damnit Cartman! Butters walks up to the table with his lunch. BUTTERS Well, hey there fellas. You guys ready for the challenge? CARTMAN What are you talking about gaywad? BUTTERS The Ice Bucket Challenge. I nominated you, Kyle and Stan. CARTMAN The Ice what challenge?

STAN Oh, no. I’m not getting into that crap. BUTTERS It’s this thing you do where you pour a bucket of ice water over your head to save people from ALS. STAN Pouring a bucket of ice over your head doesn’t save lives, Butters. It just makes you an asshole. CRAIG If someone nominates you, you have to do the challenge.

STAN Shut up Craig! CARTMAN Yeah, shut your fucking mouth Craig. So let me get this straight: people are doing stupid things on the internet to make themselves look like idiots AND giving money away to charities? 6.

KYLE It’s supposed to raise awareness and get people to donate, fat ass. CARTMAN Don’t lecture me on donating, Kyle. We all know jews are money hungry selfish thieves who hoard their money like greedy little squirrels. Jews don’t give their money away to charity because they have no hearts and don’t care about anyone else but themselves. STAN Lay off of him dude.

CARTMAN No? Don’t think I’m right? Then why haven’t you donated to this ASL charity yet, Kyle? KYLE Because I think it’s stupid to dump ice over my head. CARTMAN Because you’re a greedy little jew squirrel with no heart!

KYLE God damnit Cartman! BUTTERS ALS is a great charity to donate to fellas. You should consider the challenge. CARTMAN Well since I’m not a thieving jew I’ll accept your challenge Butters and happily donate, but you have to help me with something first. BUTTERS Sure, what is it Eric?

CARTMAN No time to explain now. Meet me at my house after school. Gentlemen, jew.

EXT SCHOOL YARD 7.

Everyone around South Park is catching word of the Ice Bucket challenge and nominating others to partake in the trend. MR. MACKEY This is going to be pretty cold, M’kay, but I’d like to nominate Mr. Garrison to do the Ice Bucket Challenge to eliminate ALS, M’kay. (Pours bucket) Oh boy! That’s cold. M’kay, someone get me a towel.

Mr. Mackey dumps the ice water over his head and the scenes to follow repeat the steps. MR. GARRISON My name is Herbert Garrison and I’d like to nominate Mr. Slave to complete the Ice Bucket Challenge. MR. SLAVE Oh Jesus, I’ve been nominated to take the Ice Bucket challenge and I’m nominating Towelie. (Pours bucket) Oh Jesus, Jesus Christ! TOWELIE Hi I’m Towelie and, and I’m super high. There’s a bucket of water here and I think I’m supposed to do something with it. Hey, maybe if I get more high I can remember! (smokes weed) Hey, I have an idea! What if we pour this water on a cute little gremlin? GREMLIN (Here we see a gremlin from the 80s movie talking cute gibberish. The gremlin then pours a bucket of water on itself to take the ALS challenge but turns into an evil Gremlin and attacks the person videotaping the challenge, kills him and runs away).

EXT SOUTH PARK POND Kyle, Kenny and Stan are walking to the pond to test out their new remote control speedboats, but are caught by a surprise. 8.

KYLE Dude, I can’t believe you got the new Speed Ripper 3000! They’re sold out everywhere.

STAN Yeah, apparently my parents ordered it off Amazon the day it came out to arrive for my birthday. KENNY (muffled speech) I heard these things kick ass. KYLE Yeah, I heard it gets up to 30 miles per hour.

STAN Dude... What the hell? The boys arrive to the pond to see that it is drained and bare of all water leaving dead fish as a result.

KYLE What happened? Where’s all the water? KENNY (Muffled speech) When did this happen? STAN I don’t know dude, I came here a few weeks ago to go fishing with my dad. KYLE The poor animals, they’re dying.

UNKNOWN "Hukaaaaah, hukaaaaaah!" The boys hear a strange sound in the distance. KENNY (Muffled speech) What the fuck is that? KYLE It’s coming from over there. 9.

UNKNOWN "Hukaaaaaaaaah!Huk-aaaaaaaaaahh!"

STAN Oh, no. AL GORE "Hukaaaaaah!" Boys! Be careful, he might be lurking around.

KENNY (Muffled speech) Who’s lurking around? AL GORE (Scoffs) Manbearpig, of course! Why do you think the pond here is all dried up? Who do you think is responsible for causing such destruction to the environment? I’ll tell you who: Manbearpig.

KYLE What? AL GORE I’m super cereal. Manbearpig is trying to destroy all the humans by causing global warming and he’s only getting stronger! STAN Nope. We’re not doing this again. AL GORE I’ve been trying to warn people about this for years, but no one takes me cereal! You guys have to believe me. You’re looking at the proof right in front of you. STAN Last time we tried to help you catch this thing you almost got us killed! AL GORE I was trying to save the human race from Manbearpig. I’m sorry I almost got you killed, but this is cereal. I’m super cereal he is going to kill us all if we don’t put a stop to him and end global warming right now, I’m cereal! 10.

STAN Dude, get away from us.

AL GORE Don’t you want to help these animals? Would you rather them just die here? Think about all the other animals that will die if we don’t put an end to this. Look, I’m cereal guys, Manbearpig must be stopped. Won’t you help me? If not for the safety of your own lives, then at least do it for these poor animals.

KYLE Dude, maybe we should help him. STAN Are you serious? This guy is nuts!

KYLE But he has a point, how can we just let these animals die? Besides, he’s the former Vice President. I’m sure he can get us government clearance to speak to someone about all this. STAN Ugh, fine!

KYLE Alright, we’ll come with you Mr. Gore. Just tell us what to do. AL GORE Are you cereal?

STAN Yes, we’re fucking cereal! AL GORE Then there’s no time to waste. Excelsior! ACT II INT CARTMANS HOUSE

CARTMAN Butters, hey! You’re just in time. Thanks for coming. 11.

BUTTERS Well, sure Eric. You said to come over because you needed my help? CARTMAN I do. It’s regarding something very important. You see, I haven’t been honest with a lot of my friends, but I feel like I can trust you. I can trust you, right Butters?

BUTTERS Of course you can. CARTMAN Sweet. You’ve been a great friend to me, and what I’m about to tell you - I’ve never told anyone else. BUTTERS What is it Eric? CARTMAN Butters, I have a rare disease that I’ve suffered through all my life. It has caused me a lot of pain, but I’m finally brave enough to openly talk about it and share my story with the world. It’s called Panda Express Nausea Indigestion Syndrome or P.E.N.I.S. BUTTERS Oh my!

CARTMAN It’s a serious disease! Every time I eat Kung Pao Chicken from Panda Express I get terrible diarrhea. It’s Goddamn painful I tell you. Do you know what it’s like to vomit from your butt hole? Well, do you? BUTTERS Oh, that sounds horrible!

CARTMAN It is horrible! Doctors haven’t found a cure for it yet, but I’m hoping to raise enough money from people on the internet to finally put an end to my torment. I dream of the day where people like me who (MORE) 12.

CARTMAN (cont’d) suffer from P.E.N.I.S can finally eat Panda Express without having to shit their lives out. It’s a beautiful dream, but one that is yet to exist. That’s why I need your help to assist me in creating the challenge video for my cause. BUTTERS Challenge video?

CARTMAN Butters, you inspired me when you first introduced me to the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. I figured, hey, if that one ALS guy can get a bunch of people to pour water over their heads and donate to his charity then why can’t I do the same? BUTTERS Well, sure I can help you Eric.

CARTMAN You’re a true friend. You’re doing the world, and my butthole, a great service. So just come right over here and stand on the "x" that I’ve marked on the floor. Cool. Now look at the camera when you speak and just read what’s on the teleprompter, okay?

BUTTERS Ok. Hello, my name is Butters and I’m here today to talk about my dear friend Eric who’s suffering from P.E.N.I.S. Eric has been suffering his whole life from this terrible disease and we need people like you to donate in his name. Please, won’t you accept this challenge and donate to help find a cure?

CARTMAN You’re doing great Butters. Now just stand there for a second while I come over and...

Cartman takes out a hammer and hits Butters in the crotch. 13.

BUTTERS AAAAAAHHHHHHH! My weener! CATMAN Very good Butters, you’ve finished the challenge.

BUTTERS You broke my weener! Why Eric, why? CARTMAN Butters, stop being such a little bitch and take it like a man. You’re doing this to raise money and potentially save my life. Have some self respect, for Christ sake.

BUTTERS Oweee. (Crying) CARTMAN (Talking to himself) Excellent. Now to just upload this video to the internet and let the money come rolling in. INT MARSH RESIDENCE RANDY Oh, hey Shelley, pumpkin. Hey, did you by any chance get nominated to do the Ice Bucket challenge? SHELLEY Yes Dad. I took the challenge a few months ago. RANDY Oh so you already nominated other people to take the challenge?

SHELLEY Yeah, so? RANDY So you didn’t think of your own father when nominating people? SHELLEY I only nominated girls, Dad! I nominated Mom if it makes you feel any better. 14.

RANDY You did?! Oh great, thanks hon. Sharon? Sharon! You’ve got to nominate me for the Ice Bucket Challenge.

SHARON What? Why? RANDY Because Sharon, I need to be nominated to so I can take the challenge myself and show all my friends online how much of a humanitarian I am. SHARON Well I’ve already uploaded a video of myself taking the challenge and nominated Sheila and Linda. I didn’t think you’d be interested in such a thing.

RANDY Not interested? God! Well of course I am Sharon. I’m a good guy, remember?

SHARON Well then why don’t you just donate to the ALS foundation? RANDY What’s the point in that? Why would I just throw my money away to some charity I don’t know about without reaping any benefits? SHARON Because that’s what donating to charity is all about. What benefit do you get from dumping water on your head? RANDY The benefit that everyone knows I’m a charitable guy! SHARON That’s ridiculous! 15.

RANDY Oh, is it Sharon? Then why did you take the challenge yourself? SHARON Because I had researched ALS, and wanted to support our daughter by teaching her the lesson of donating. If that means dumping a little water over my head so she learns, then so be it.

RANDY Well thanks a lot for including me in this life lesson for our daughter, leaving no one to nominate me to take the challenge.

SHARON Where are you going? RANDY I’m going to go find someone who cares enough about me to nominate me for the challenge. INT CONGRESS, WASHINGTON DC KYLE Hello council. My name is Kyle Broflovski and I’ve come here today all the way from Colorado to ask for your help. It seems Colorado is in a terrible drought and all the water is drying up. We need specialists to come inspect the problem before it is too late for our environment and wildlife. COUNCIL MEMBER And what do you think is causing this problem? KYLE I don’t know. I guess there’s a lack of...

AL GORE Manbearpig! STAN Oh God. 16.

COUNCIL MEMBER What’s that? AL GORE It’s Manbearpig. He’s the one causing global warming and trying to kill us all. COUNCIL MEMBER What’s a man-bear-pig? Is it half pig/man and half bear?

AL GORE No. He’s half man, half bear and half pig. COUNCIL MEMBER How is that possible? How can something be three halves? AL GORE Because it’s Manbearpig and he’s trying to kill us all and I’m super cereal! KYLE Look, we’re not too sure exactly what’s causing the drought but we need help as soon as possible.

COUNCIL MEMBER So did a bear have sex with a man, who then had sex with a pig? AL GORE I don’t know. All I know is that he’s out there and we have to stop him before he kills anyone else! STAN Can you just forget about the Manbearpig thing for a second and help us deal with the problem in our town? COUNCIL MEMBER But why would a man-bear want to have sex with a pig? STAN Aaahhhhhh!

INT CARTMANS ROOM 17.

Cartman is on his computer checking the status of his charity and viewing video submissions. CARTMAN Let’s see here. Over 874 viewers so far. Oh, here we go. We got another video submission (Video shows a guy hitting himself in the crotch with a hammer). Hahahaha, aaaaah hahaha! This is so totally awesome! I can’t believe these assholes are really buying into this shit. I mean people will do just about anything to look cool and important on the internet. So lame. INT MARSH RESIDENCE

Randy is filming himself taking a challenge. RANDY Hi, my name is Randy and I’m here today because this cause has really touched my heart. I’m actually not too familiar with the disease, but I know it’s very serious and killing a young little boy. So, I want to nominate my friends Gerald, Stephen and Stuart to take the P.E.N.I.S Challenge. You have 24 hours! (Randy hits himself in the crotch with a hammer). Ohh Christ! Holy fucking shit on the Pope. Goddamn that hurts. You see people? I’m very charitable and caring towards others with diseases, fucking shit. (Randy passes out from pain). INT CONGRESS, WASHINGTON DC

The boys are still in congress listening to the same conversation. COUNCIL MEMBER So then two bears gave birth to a man-pig? KYLE Dude. 18.

STAN I told you! COUNCIL MEMBER And how does this "being" affect climate change?

AL GORE All I know is that manbearpig is causing global warming and trying to kill us all! I’m super duper extra cereal. KYLE Fuck this, let’s get out of here. Kyle, Stan and Kenny leave the congress room and are beckoned by a scientist. SCIENTIST Pssst! Hey boys! You’re the ones who spoke about the drought in Colorado?

STAN Yeah? Who are you? SCIENTIST I’m a scientist and professor over at Georgetown University. I think the drought might be bigger than we think. You better come with me. INT SCIENCE LAB

The boys follow the scientist to his lab to listen to what he has to say. SCIENTIST Thanks for coming. It seems the problem you boys complained about is on a much larger scale than any of us could have imagined. If you take a look at this monitor, you can see the water levels across the country. As you can see - the drought over in California is at code red. Throughout the map you have states reaching lower and lower water levels. For some reason water consumption has been rapidly increasing within the last few months, but I still can’t figure (MORE) 19.

SCIENTIST (cont’d) out why. Is there something you’ve noticed? Something that would get people to consume more water than usual?

KENNY (Muffled speech) The ice bucket challenge? KYLE Dude, no way. SCIENTIST What’s that? STAN The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. It’s a stupid trend that’s been blowing up the internet recently asking people to dump buckets of ice water over their heads for charity.

SCIENTIST That must be it! The water being wasted for both the water and ice would be extremely detrimental to our bodies of water. But why would people be so silly as to dump ice water over their heads? STAN Because people are fucking retarded.

SCIENTIST Yes, you’re right. Well retards as they may be, we have to get people to stop wasting water or this may very well be the extinction of life on Earth. ACT III INT LOCAL BAR.

The men of South Park are drinking at their local bar. Randy walks in limping from his injury with the hammer, but with a proud smug attitude. RANDY Hey Gerald, what’s up? 20.

GERALD Oh hey Randy, just having a beer. Did you catch the game last night? RANDY Game? (scoffs) I was too busy being charitable for an important cause. GERALD Oh yeah? Which one?

RANDY It’s called P.E.N.I.S and it’s a very rare but serious disease. I took the challenge myself and nominated you as well. Think you’re man enough for the challenge?

GERALD Of course I am, what do I need to do? RANDY Take a hammer and hit yourself in the genitals. GERALD What? Why would anyone do that?

RANDY Because it’s charitable. You have to be selfless in these situations. GERALD Well that just sounds crazy! I’ll tell you what: you tell me how much money you donated and I’ll match your price and write a check right now.

RANDY Mo-money? What money? GERALD The money you sent to this charity after hitting yourself with a hammer. RANDY Why would I send them money? 21.

GERALD You send money because that’s the whole point of donating. Charities need to collect money to put it towards the betterment of whatever cause they’re fighting for. You mean to tell me you just hit yourself with a hammer for no good reason? RANDY There is a good reason Gerald. It’s called being charitable for the world to see you’re a good person. Whatever, you’re just too scared to take the challenge. Hey Stephen! Hey, I nominated you for the P.E.N.I.S challenge. STEPHEN Is that the one where you hit yourself in the dick with a hammer?

RANDY It’s for charity! STEPHEN Yeah, no thanks. I’m not a retard.

INT AL GORE’S ROOM. Al Gore is recording himself creating a charity video. AL GORE Hi, I’m ex Vice President Al Gore and I am here to tell you about something that is super cereal. It’s called Manbearpig. This creature is roaming our country trying to kill us all and causing global warming at the same time. At 6’9" this half man, half bear, half pig creature will stop at nothing until we are all dead. That is why I am creating the Manbearpig Challenge so that we can put an end to his destruction. I hereby nominate the entire country to take this challenge. Simply crap your pants, slap your bare nipples with fly swatters and do the Manbearpig call. (Al Gore demonstrates this act by crapping his pants, slapping (MORE) 22.

AL GORE (cont’d) his bare nipples with fly swatters and screaming out "Hukaaaaaaaaaaah"). America - you have 24 hours. INT ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. Cartman runs over to Jimmy for a conversation.

CARTMAN Jimmy! Oh, thank God. I need your help. JIMMY What is it Eric? CARTMAN I know you’ve held fundraisers in the school before and I need some help with my own charity.

JIMMY What seems to be the p-p-problem? CARTMAN The stats - they’re just not adding up. The fuck is this? I have over 5,837,498 YouTube hits and only received a total of $10 from Kyle’s dad? Where’s all the money?

JIMMY I don’t know Eric. Sometimes people just don’t feel a connection or a reason to donate to a certain charity. Maybe your cause didn’t relate to them very much.

CARTMAN But people are still doing the challenge! Why would anyone not donate money but still do a stupid act like hitting themselves in the dick with a hammer? JIMMY Because Eric, some people are re-re-re-reaaaah-retarded.

INT. MARSH RESIDENCE Randy is filming another charity video. 23.

RANDY Hi everybody! Randy here, and today I would like to accept the Manbearpig challenge! Yeah, there’s this bear-pig thing that had sex with a man-bear or something and it’s causing global warming and is super dangerous and scary. So since my friends have already proven to be selfish little uncharitable nazi’s, I would like to nominate my son Stan to take the challenge. (Randy proceeds to crap his pants, slap his nipples and scream out the manbearpig call). Stan, my boy, you have 24 hours to complete this challenge!

EXT. CONGRESS, WASHINGTON DC. The boys find Al Gore standing outside of congress. KYLE Mr. Gore, we have some important news! AL GORE You’ve completed the Manbearpig challenge?

KYLE What? No! We just discovered why there is such a large drought in Colorado. In fact, it’s effecting the entire country! STAN Yeah, it’s that stupid Ice Bucket challenge. Everyone’s wasting so much water trying to look cool on the internet that they’re causing damage to our ecosystem. If we get people to stop doing stupid challenges then we can save the Earth. We have to tell everybody right away!

AL GORE (Menacing) I don’t think I can allow you to do that boys. 24.

KYLE What? Why? AL GORE It’s Manbearpigs doing, and he needs to be stopped. I’ve come this far to catching him and I won’t let you meddling kids get in the way. STAN I knew it! This guy is fucking crazy. KYLE Let’s get out of here! Kenny, run! The boys run away from Al Gore in a high speed chase all the way back to Colorado. A large action sequence takes the boys via helicopter, and car/bus back to South Park with Al Gore on their tails the whole time. EXT. SOUTH PARK

The chase leads the boys crashing a gas truck into the side of a mountain leaving them face down in the snow. STAN Kyle? Kyle get up! Are you ok? We have to get to the internet!

KYLE Dude where’s Kenny? AL GORE Looking for this?

Al Gore has Kenny captured and points a gun to his head. AL GORE Don’t you two move, or your little friend here gets it. I’m fucking cereal. STAN Dude, so what. Go ahead, shoot him.

AL GORE What? STAN Yeah, fuck you and kill him if you want to be a total dick. 25.

KYLE Yeah, dude. Kenny always dies, it’s fine. AL GORE You’re willing to just sacrifice your friend? STAN Yeah, it’s not that big a deal. Look, we don’t have time for this we have to tell everybody to stop these retarded challenges. So uh, see you later I guess. KYLE Yeah, thanks Kenny! See you tomorrow, buddy. STAN Later! Al Gore stands stunned with Kenny as the two boys walk away.

INT CARTMANS HOUSE Stan and Kyle come knocking on Cartmans door in urgency. STAN Dude open up! CARTMAN What the hell do you guys want? KYLE Quick, we don’t have much time! Cartman I know you won’t like what we’re about to tell you, but we have to put an end to these internet challenges and we need your help doing so. CARTMAN (Sighs) Okay, that’s cool. KYLE Wait, what? CARTMAN Yeah, that’s cool guys. My P.E.N.I.S Challenge wasn’t really working out how I wanted it to. Sure, it was funny seeing a bunch (MORE) 26.

CARTMAN (cont’d) of idiots hit themselves in the dick with a hammer, but really I just wanted the donations so I could buy the new Xbox bundle. Once I realized that people don’t donate to challenges and only do it to look cool in front of their friends, it kind of lost it’s charm. It seems there are just a bunch of self righteous assholes out there looking to fit in. KYLE Wow, Cartman. That’s very mature of you.

CARTMAN Yeah, whatever. Let’s just do this thing. The boys go into Cartmans room to film a video for the internet.

STAN Hello, my name is Stan. I’m not here to perform the Ice Bucket Challenge, or the P.E.N.I.S challenge, or even the Manbearpig challenge. I’m here today to tell you all to stop. Just stop! All these challenges are just stupid and have become a trend or fad just like "Planking" or "Faith Hilling." Some of these charities mean well but lose their message in between the celebrities and people trying to fit in by jumping on the bandwagon. The Ice bucket challenge in particular - think about how much water is being wasted. We’re damaging the ecosystem, and for what? To look important in front of friends on the internet? What makes things worse, is that the majority of people perform the challenge and don’t even donate money to the charity afterward, making them self-important retarded assholes. And, sure, maybe all this silliness has lead to a greater awareness of the disease but people are forgetting the root of the cause. (MORE) 27.

STAN (cont’d) So do everyone a favor, and stop making a fool of yourself. If you want to donate to a charity that interests you, then just send the money. You’ll be saving yourself a whole lot of the time and embarrassment. Donating is something self fulfilling, so do it privately. You shouldn’t expect praise for your good donations. Just be a decent fucking person and feel good about it inside, and if you don’t then you’re just a retarded asshole. Stans video is watched by different people around the country and drives people to start deleting their challenge videos. INT. MARSH RESIDENCE. With bandages covering his bruised nipples, and an ice pack on his crotch - Randy comes into Stan’s room to speak to him. RANDY Hey buddy, how are you doing?

STAN Fine. RANDY I’m proud of you son. You’ve opened my eyes and made me realize what I was doing with these charities was wrong. I just wanted people to know I’m a good person. STAN Well you shouldn’t have to humiliate yourself on the internet for people to realize that. The internet is an important tool we have, but there are too many stupid people who fall for the trends.

RANDY You’re right Stanley. I’m so glad I have you as my son. Hashtag blessed. Well I gotta go to my Cecil the lion rally. Can you believe that fucking dentist? Who (MORE) 28.

RANDY (cont’d) just hunts lions in Africa for fun? I mean, g’all. We’re going to go throw cow shit at his front door. Want to come?

STAN Do you even know the whole story behind that controversy? RANDY Nah, not really, but he just kind of sounds like an asshole. STAN (After Randy walks away) So do you Dad, so do you.

END