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Forgotten Diary University of New Orleans ScholarWorks@UNO University of New Orleans Theses and Dissertations Dissertations and Theses Spring 5-22-2020 Forgotten Diary Heather J. Richardson University of New Orleans, New Orleans, [email protected] Follow this and additional works at: https://scholarworks.uno.edu/td Recommended Citation Richardson, Heather J., "Forgotten Diary" (2020). University of New Orleans Theses and Dissertations. 2769. https://scholarworks.uno.edu/td/2769 This Thesis-Restricted is protected by copyright and/or related rights. It has been brought to you by ScholarWorks@UNO with permission from the rights-holder(s). You are free to use this Thesis-Restricted in any way that is permitted by the copyright and related rights legislation that applies to your use. For other uses you need to obtain permission from the rights-holder(s) directly, unless additional rights are indicated by a Creative Commons license in the record and/or on the work itself. This Thesis-Restricted has been accepted for inclusion in University of New Orleans Theses and Dissertations by an authorized administrator of ScholarWorks@UNO. For more information, please contact [email protected]. Forgotten Diary A Thesis Submitted to the Graduate Faculty of the University of New Orleans in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing Poetry by Heather Jennings Richardson B.A. Mary Washington College, 2001 May, 2020 Acknowledgments I would like to show my warm thanks to Professor John Gery for his time, feedback, and encouragement. Also, I would like to show gratitude to Professor Kay Murphy and Gina Ferrara for their time and effort in serving on my committee. ii Table of Contents Abstract .............................................................................................................................. iv I. Preface: Masks and the Self ........................................................................................1 II. Almost Lost Inheritance ...................................................................................................................7 Forgotten ..............................................................................................................................8 Carrot Cake and Cursive ......................................................................................................9 Evening ..............................................................................................................................10 Almost ................................................................................................................................11 We Wear the Mask.............................................................................................................12 My Investigation ................................................................................................................13 Tidbits ................................................................................................................................14 Thin Ice ..............................................................................................................................15 Choices ...............................................................................................................................16 Fading into My Self ...........................................................................................................17 Landscape ..........................................................................................................................18 III. Across the City Line Knowledge: Fourth Grade .................................................................................................20 Professional ........................................................................................................................21 My Child ............................................................................................................................23 Genderlect: A Lounge Study .............................................................................................24 Acorn..................................................................................................................................26 Pitstop ................................................................................................................................28 Ordinary .............................................................................................................................29 The Rewards of Human Milk ............................................................................................30 Daughter .............................................................................................................................31 Celebration .........................................................................................................................32 Works Cited .......................................................................................................................33 Vita .....................................................................................................................................34 iii Abstract “Forgotten Diary” is a collection of poetry in which identity plays an important role. The poet explores the roles she fulfills as a mother, daughter, poet, teacher, and survivor through a variety of lenses. Each poem is an answer to the question of who we are and unveils numerous masks that are worn in the quest for self-fulfillment. Keywords:poetry, identity, role, mask iv Preface: Masks and the Self One of the first poems that I can recall reading and remembering was Paul Laurence Dunbar’s “We Wear the Mask.” The words of the first stanza echoed in my ears for hours after reading it: We wear the mask that grins and lies, It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,-- This debt we pay to human guile; with torn and bleeding hearts we smile and mouth with myriad subtleties. (Dunbar 71) Dunbar’s poem has an obvious racial thread. Written from the viewpoint of a black man who had endured years of discrimination, it is hard to miss its reference to the myth of the happy darkie. The mask grins in order to fit a certain persona, in this case that of the polite and gracious African American. As Dunbar is careful to show it is the mask, not the person, that is smiling. The “torn and bleeding hearts” are hidden by the trained distortion of the face. The hurt is only revealed to those within the black community, and it is only through the poem that the world is given a glimpse into what lies beneath the mask. I believe that all people wear a variety of masks to conceal their true feelings, even if not for the same racially motivated reasons that Dunbar refers to. As he is writing, Dunbar wears the mask of a poet. Even as he writes about the mask that he wears, he has created a persona that is then displayed through poetry. Through the selection of certain words, topic choice, details, and point of view, Dunbar is choosing to express himself in a guided manner. He makes choices as a writer to reveal only feelings and ideas that fit his purpose, and the use of specific poetic devices and features are carefully selected to make sure his poem is reflective of one part of himself. In order to be able to reveal what is behind the mask, certain personae must be adopted. Many people only reveal their true feelings to those closest to them, and they hide their darkest desires, tender thoughts, and most painful moments from the public eye. According to the 1 Oxford English Dictionary, the Latin origin of the word ‘persona’ meant “mask” and later it became synonymous with a character played by an actor. It is not our authentic selves that are displayed publicly, but rather a face that we can put on or remove as we see fit. This persona, or role, that we play is so common that many of us may not even be conscious that we are merely accepting a part in set circumstances. For example, a fire fighter may become so used to being in the role of hero and rescuer of others that he is unwilling to accept help from others and is reluctant to show vulnerability. A related meaning of persona can be attributed to the psychiatrist Carl Jung’s studies. Jung believed that in order to understand the human mind, he should look at dreams, myths, art and psychopathology. People’s lives can become unbalanced if they concentrate too heavily on science and logic, so Jung believed they should explore the unconscious in their lives by learning to reconcile the broader world with the individual’s consciousness. Looking beyond the ego, to the symbolic world, is needed to individualize oneself and can be accomplished by investigating dreams, art and religion and how a person operates within society. In his 1928 essay, “The Relations between the Ego and the Unconscious,” Jung identifies the persona as involving a complicated system of relations between individual consciousness and society, fittingly enough a kind of mask, designed on the one hand to make a definite impression upon others, and, on the other, to conceal the true nature of the individual. (305) When we face the world, each of us adopts a persona. It has a dual role in that the mask can both hide ourselves and display certain characteristics that we hope will guide others toward seeing us in a certain light. The problem with this system is that it is possible, according to Jung, for us to lose sight of our true natures. An example of this behavior
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