Elizabeth R. Or the English Vice
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15 October 2013 ELIZABETH R. OR THE ENGLISH VICE (parody of HAMLET by William Shakespeare) Eduard Roth 1 . List of characters WALTER (father): Former King of England GHOST: Ghost of King Walter ELIZABETH: Queen of England WALTER (son): Son of king WALTER and Queen ELIZABETH DUDLEY: New King of England after marriage with ELIZABETH CECIL: Councillor of the Queen ESSEX (Earl of): Nobleman SOUTHAMPTON (Earl of): Nobleman BERNARDO: Friend of Walter FRANCESCO: Friend of Walter HORATIO: Friend of Walter MARCELLUS: Friend of Walter STUART: King of Scotland REYNALDO: Spy of Cecil ROSENCRANTZ: Courtier GUILDENSTERN: Courtier OSRICK: Courtier AMBASSADOR: English Ambassador PLAYERS: Actors from a theater company 2 Act I - Scene 1 (Enter Francesco, Bernardo) Bernardo Who’s there? Francesco Stand and unfold yourself. Bernardo It is now struck twelve. Get thee to bed, Franceso, you have migraine. She came upon her hour. Francesco Yes, I am sick at heart. (Enter Horatio and Marcellus) Marcellus If again migraine comes, it will blind your eye. Horatio It will not appear. Bernardo Last night of all, it had made his course till illuminate that side of vision, where now it burns. The bell then beating one. Marcellus Peace, break thee off. Migraine comes again. Horatio What are thou that usurpest this time of night, by heaven I charge thee, go way migraine. Marcellus It is not gone and will not answer. Horatio Migraine is to trouble mind’s eye in the most high and palmy state. I was sick almost to Doomsday with eclipse of my view. But look, migraine comes again. I’ll cross it though it blasted me. Speak to me. Marcellus It faded on the crowing of the cock. Horatio Let us impart what we have seen tonight unto young Walter, for this migraine will also be part of him. Act I - Scene 2 (Enter Dudley, Queen, Cecil, Essex, Walter) Dudley Though yet of king Walter our dear brother’s death the memory be green and that it us befitted, therefore long live our sometime sister, now our Queen, the imperial pointress to this warlike state. Now follows what you know. Young Stuart, holding a weak supposal of our worth. He has not 3 failed to pester us with message, importing the surrender of those lands lost by his father, with all bands of law. Thus the business is: we have here to write to Scotland, to young Stuart. Bear this greetings to Scotland, farewell and let your haste command your duty. And now Essex, what’s the news with you ? Essex My dread Lord, though my return to Ireland from where willingly I came to England to show my duty in your coronation, yet now I muss confess, that duty done, I wish to go again towards Ireland and bow to your gracious pardon. Cecil He hath, my lord, wrung from me upon his will and I sealed my hard consent. Dudley Take thy fair hour, Essex, time be thine. But now my son Walter is coming. Walter Yes, I am his son-in-law. Dudley How are the clouds still hang on you ? Walter Not so, my lord, I am too much in the sun. Queen Good Walter, cast thy nighted colour off and let thine eye look like a friend of England. Do not for ever with thy vailed lids seek for thy noble father in the dust. All that lives must die. Let not thy mother lose her prayers, Walter. I pray thee stay with us. Walter I shall do the best to obey you, madam. Dudley It is a loving and a fair reply. Be as ourselves in England. Madame, come. (Exeunt all but Walter ) Walter O that this too sullied flesh would melt. How weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. But two months dead, not so much, not two ! Let me not think on it. Failtry, thy name is woman. A little month, and those shoes were old with which she followed my poor father’s body. O God, a beast that wants discourse of reason would have mourned longer-married with my uncle, my father’s brother, but no more like my brother, within a month she married, incestuous sheets ! But break my heart for I must hold my tongue. Act I - Scene 3 (Enter Walter, Horatio, Marcellus, Bernardo) Walter I am glad to see you well. Horatio The same, my Lord. 4 Walter And what make you from Tower-Hill, Horatio ? Marcellus ? Marcellus My good lord ! Horatio A truant disposition, my good lord. Walter I know you are no truant, but what is your affair in London ? Horatio My lord, I came to your father’s funeral. Walter You will see my mother’s wedding. Horatio My lord, I think I saw your father yesterday. Walter For God’s love, let me hear. Horatio Two nights together with these gentlemen, Marcellus and Bernardo, on their watch. Walter Did you speak to it ? Horatio My lord, I did. Walter Did you see his face ? Horatio O yes. He wore his beaver up. Walter What, looked he frowningly ? Horatio A countenance more in sorrow than in anger. Walter Pale or red ? Horatio Very pale. Walter That’s migraine. I’ll speak to it. Upon the platform between eleven and twelve, the hour that migraine comes, I’ll visit you. Act I - Scene 4 (Enter Essex, Southampton) Essex My necessaries are embarked for Ireland but let me ear from you. Southampton Do you doubt that ? Essex Walter is violent in the youth of prime nature, for nature does not grow alone, but with the virtue of will. But you must fear the safety and health of this whole state, it fits your wisdom so far to believe in it. If with too credent ear you list his songs, fear it, Southampton, fear it, dear friend. Virtue itself escapes not calumnious strokes. Be wary then. Best safety lies in fear. Southampton I shall the effect of this good lesson keep, as watchmam to my heart, but good my friend, show me the steep and thorny way of heaven. 5 (Enter Cecil) Cecil Yet here is Essex ? Abroad, abroad, for shame ! The winds sit in the shoulder of your sail and you are stayed for. There, my blessing with thee. Look at your character. Give thy thought no tongue. Be thou familiar but by no means vulgar, bear it that the opposed may beware of thee and be in Ireland of the best rank and station. Be of a most select and generous chief in that. Neither be a borrower nor a lender, for loan oft loses itself and friends. Farewell. My blessing season this in thee ! Southampton So please you, something touching Lord Walter ? Cecil Be merry, well bethought. What is between you ? give me up the truth. Southampton He hath, my lord, of late made many tenders of his affection to me. Cecil Affection ? Pooh ! Southampton I dont know my lord what I should think. Cecil Be merry, I will teach you, think you have these tenders for true pay which are not sterling. Tender yourself more dearly or you’ll tender me a fool. Go to, go to. I do know when the blood burns, how prodigal the soul for Lord Walter believes so much in him, so he is young. In few, Southampton, do not believe in his rows, for they are brokers. I would not, in plain terms, from this time forth, have you so slander any moment leisure. Look to it, I charge you. Southampton I shall obey my Lord. Act I - Scene 5 (Enter Walter, Horatio, Marcellus) Walter The air bites schrewdly. It is very cold. Horatio Is it a nipping and an eager air. Walter What hour now ? Horatio I think it lacks of twelfe. Marcello No, it is truck. Horatio Indeed ? I heard it not. I hear trumpets, what does this mean, my Lord ? 6 Walter The king doth wake tonight, he has migraine. Horatio Is it a custom ? Walter To my mind and to the manner born, it is a custom. This heavy- headed revel east and west is migraine. It soils in addition, so oft it changes in particular men that for some vicious mole of nature in them as in their birth, wherein they are not guilty, since nature cannot choose it’s origin. Horatio Look, my lord, migraine it comes. Walter Angels and ministers of grace, defend us ! I’ll call thee Walter, King, father. O, answer me ! Let me not burst in ignorance. What may this mean, that thou, dead corps, again in complete steel, revisits thus the glimpses of the moon, making night hideous and we fools of nature so horridly to shake our disposition. So why is this ? It will not speak. Then I will follow it. Horatio Migraine puts toys of desperation, without more motive, into every brain. Walter My fate cries and makes each pretty artere in this body to pulse hardy. I say away ! Go on, I’ll follow thee. Horatio He waxes desperate, with his migraine. Marcellus Let follow, it is not fit thus to obey him. There is something rotten in the state of England. (Enter Ghost and Walter) Walter Wether wilt thou lead me ? Speak, I’ll go no further. Ghost Mark me, when I to sulphurous and tormentous flames must render up of my own migraine. Walter Alas, poor ghost. Ghost I am thy father’s spirit doomed for a certain term to walk in the night and for the day confined to fast in fires. Defend yourself from migraine, freeze thy young blood, make thy eyes like stars shine.