15 October 2013

ELIZABETH R. OR THE ENGLISH VICE

(parody of HAMLET by William Shakespeare)

Eduard Roth

1 .

List of characters

WALTER (father): Former King of England GHOST: Ghost of King Walter ELIZABETH: Queen of England WALTER (son): Son of king WALTER and Queen ELIZABETH DUDLEY: New King of England after marriage with ELIZABETH CECIL: Councillor of the Queen ESSEX (Earl of): Nobleman SOUTHAMPTON (Earl of): Nobleman BERNARDO: Friend of Walter FRANCESCO: Friend of Walter HORATIO: Friend of Walter MARCELLUS: Friend of Walter STUART: King of Scotland REYNALDO: Spy of Cecil ROSENCRANTZ: Courtier GUILDENSTERN: Courtier OSRICK: Courtier AMBASSADOR: English Ambassador PLAYERS: Actors from a theater company

2 Act I - Scene 1

(Enter Francesco, Bernardo)

Bernardo Who’s there? Francesco Stand and unfold yourself. Bernardo It is now struck twelve. Get thee to bed, Franceso, you have migraine. She came upon her hour. Francesco Yes, I am sick at heart.

(Enter Horatio and Marcellus)

Marcellus If again migraine comes, it will blind your eye. Horatio It will not appear. Bernardo Last night of all, it had made his course till illuminate that side of vision, where now it burns. The bell then beating one. Marcellus Peace, break thee off. Migraine comes again. Horatio What are thou that usurpest this time of night, by heaven I charge thee, go way migraine. Marcellus It is not gone and will not answer. Horatio Migraine is to trouble mind’s eye in the most high and palmy state. I was sick almost to Doomsday with eclipse of my view. But look, migraine comes again. I’ll cross it though it blasted me. Speak to me. Marcellus It faded on the crowing of the cock. Horatio Let us impart what we have seen tonight unto young Walter, for this migraine will also be part of him.

Act I - Scene 2

(Enter Dudley, Queen, Cecil, Essex, Walter)

Dudley Though yet of king Walter our dear brother’s death the memory be green and that it us befitted, therefore long live our sometime sister, now our Queen, the imperial pointress to this warlike state. Now follows what you know. Young Stuart, holding a weak supposal of our worth. He has not

3 failed to pester us with message, importing the surrender of those lands lost by his father, with all bands of law. Thus the business is: we have here to write to Scotland, to young Stuart. Bear this greetings to Scotland, farewell and let your haste command your duty. And now Essex, what’s the news with you ? Essex My dread Lord, though my return to Ireland from where willingly I came to England to show my duty in your coronation, yet now I muss confess, that duty done, I wish to go again towards Ireland and bow to your gracious pardon. Cecil He hath, my lord, wrung from me upon his will and I sealed my hard consent. Dudley Take thy fair hour, Essex, time be thine. But now my son Walter is coming. Walter Yes, I am his son-in-law. Dudley How are the clouds still hang on you ? Walter Not so, my lord, I am too much in the sun. Queen Good Walter, cast thy nighted colour off and let thine eye look like a friend of England. Do not for ever with thy vailed lids seek for thy noble father in the dust. All that lives must die. Let not thy mother lose her prayers, Walter. I pray thee stay with us. Walter I shall do the best to obey you, madam. Dudley It is a loving and a fair reply. Be as ourselves in England. Madame, come. (Exeunt all but Walter ) Walter O that this too sullied flesh would melt. How weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. But two months dead, not so much, not two ! Let me not think on it. Failtry, thy name is woman. A little month, and those shoes were old with which she followed my poor father’s body. O God, a beast that wants discourse of reason would have mourned longer-married with my uncle, my father’s brother, but no more like my brother, within a month she married, incestuous sheets ! But break my heart for I must hold my tongue.

Act I - Scene 3 (Enter Walter, Horatio, Marcellus, Bernardo)

Walter I am glad to see you well. Horatio The same, my Lord.

4 Walter And what make you from Tower-Hill, Horatio ? Marcellus ? Marcellus My good lord ! Horatio A truant disposition, my good lord. Walter I know you are no truant, but what is your affair in London ? Horatio My lord, I came to your father’s funeral. Walter You will see my mother’s wedding. Horatio My lord, I think I saw your father yesterday. Walter For God’s love, let me hear. Horatio Two nights together with these gentlemen, Marcellus and Bernardo, on their watch. Walter Did you speak to it ? Horatio My lord, I did. Walter Did you see his face ? Horatio O yes. He wore his beaver up. Walter What, looked he frowningly ? Horatio A countenance more in sorrow than in anger. Walter Pale or red ? Horatio Very pale. Walter That’s migraine. I’ll speak to it. Upon the platform between eleven and twelve, the hour that migraine comes, I’ll visit you.

Act I - Scene 4

(Enter Essex, Southampton)

Essex My necessaries are embarked for Ireland but let me ear from you. Southampton Do you doubt that ? Essex Walter is violent in the youth of prime nature, for nature does not grow alone, but with the virtue of will. But you must fear the safety and health of this whole state, it fits your wisdom so far to believe in it. If with too credent ear you list his songs, fear it, Southampton, fear it, dear friend. Virtue itself escapes not calumnious strokes. Be wary then. Best safety lies in fear. Southampton I shall the effect of this good lesson keep, as watchmam to my heart, but good my friend, show me the steep and thorny way of heaven.

5 (Enter Cecil)

Cecil Yet here is Essex ? Abroad, abroad, for shame ! The winds sit in the shoulder of your sail and you are stayed for. There, my blessing with thee. Look at your character. Give thy thought no tongue. Be thou familiar but by no means vulgar, bear it that the opposed may beware of thee and be in Ireland of the best rank and station. Be of a most select and generous chief in that. Neither be a borrower nor a lender, for loan oft loses itself and friends. Farewell. My blessing season this in thee ! Southampton So please you, something touching Lord Walter ? Cecil Be merry, well bethought. What is between you ? give me up the truth. Southampton He hath, my lord, of late made many tenders of his affection to me. Cecil Affection ? Pooh ! Southampton I dont know my lord what I should think. Cecil Be merry, I will teach you, think you have these tenders for true pay which are not sterling. Tender yourself more dearly or you’ll tender me a fool. Go to, go to. I do know when the blood burns, how prodigal the soul for Lord Walter believes so much in him, so he is young. In few, Southampton, do not believe in his rows, for they are brokers. I would not, in plain terms, from this time forth, have you so slander any moment leisure. Look to it, I charge you. Southampton I shall obey my Lord.

Act I - Scene 5

(Enter Walter, Horatio, Marcellus)

Walter The air bites schrewdly. It is very cold. Horatio Is it a nipping and an eager air. Walter What hour now ? Horatio I think it lacks of twelfe. Marcello No, it is truck. Horatio Indeed ? I heard it not. I hear trumpets, what does this mean, my Lord ?

6 Walter The king doth wake tonight, he has migraine. Horatio Is it a custom ? Walter To my mind and to the manner born, it is a custom. This heavy- headed revel east and west is migraine. It soils in addition, so oft it changes in particular men that for some vicious mole of nature in them as in their birth, wherein they are not guilty, since nature cannot choose it’s origin. Horatio Look, my lord, migraine it comes. Walter Angels and ministers of grace, defend us ! I’ll call thee Walter, King, father. O, answer me ! Let me not burst in ignorance. What may this mean, that thou, dead corps, again in complete steel, revisits thus the glimpses of the moon, making night hideous and we fools of nature so horridly to shake our disposition. So why is this ? It will not speak. Then I will follow it. Horatio Migraine puts toys of desperation, without more motive, into every brain. Walter My fate cries and makes each pretty artere in this body to pulse hardy. I say away ! Go on, I’ll follow thee. Horatio He waxes desperate, with his migraine. Marcellus Let follow, it is not fit thus to obey him. There is something rotten in the state of England.

(Enter Ghost and Walter)

Walter Wether wilt thou lead me ? Speak, I’ll go no further. Ghost Mark me, when I to sulphurous and tormentous flames must render up of my own migraine. Walter Alas, poor ghost. Ghost I am thy father’s spirit doomed for a certain term to walk in the night and for the day confined to fast in fires. Defend yourself from migraine, freeze thy young blood, make thy eyes like stars shine. Listen, listen, O listen! If thou didst ever thy dear father love. Revenge his fool and most unnatural murder. Walter Murder ? Ghost It is given out that, sleeping in my cherry orchard, a serpent stung me. So the whole ear of England is by a forged process of my death abused. But know, thou noble youth, the serpent that did sting thy father’s life now wears a crown Walter My father-in-law ?

7 Ghost Ay, that incestous, that adulterate beast with witchcraft of his wit, with traitorous gifts. So he seduced the will of the Queen, my most seeming- virtous wife. I was sleeping by a brother’s hand. O horrible ! O horrible ! Most horrible ! If thou hast nature in thee, bear it not. Let not the royal bed of England be a couch of luxuary and damned incest. Adieu, adieu, adieu. Rememberance. Walter O all you host of heaven ! O Earth ! What else ? Ay, thou poor ghost, while memory holds a seat in this distracted globe. Remember thee ? Within the volume of my migrainous brain. O most pernicious woman ! O villain, villain ! That one may smile and be a villain in England. Horatius My Lord ! Marcellus Lord Walter ! What news, my lord ? Walter Wonderful, but you’ll be secret ? Horatio, Marcellus Ay, by heaven my Lord. Walter Never make known what you have seen tonight. Swear it upon my sword. Horatio, Marcellus We are sworn. Walter There are more things on heaven and earth, Horatio, that are dreamt of in your philosophy.

(Exeunt all)

8 Act II - Scene 1

(Enter Cecil, Reynaldo)

Cecil Give him this money and notes. Reynaldo I will my Lord. Cecil Before you visit him, make enquire of his behavour. Reynaldo My Lord, I did intent it. Cecil Enquire me first what English are in Dublin and how and who and where they keep what company, at what expense and finding. Question if they do know Essex, know his friends, do you mark this, Reynaldo ? Reynaldo Very well, my Lord. Cecil What gorgeries you please. Take heed of that and companions noted and known for youth and liberty. Reynaldo As gaming, my Lord. Cecil Ay, or drinking, fencing, swearing, quarelling, drabbing, you may go so far. Reynaldo My Lord, that would dishonour him. Cecil Mark the man who says ‘I saw him enter such a house of sale’ or so forth. Your bait of falsehood takes this carp of truth, you have me, have you not ? Reynaldo I have, my Lord. Cecil Good bye, farewell. (Enter Southampton)

Southampton O my Lord, my Lord, I have been affrighted. Cecil With what, is it the name of God ? Southampton My Lord, I was seeing in my closet Lord Walter down, gyred to his ankle, pale as his shirt, his knees knocking each other and with a look so piteous as if he had been loosed out of hell. Cecil It was an attack of migraine. What did he do ? Southampton He took me by my wrist and pressed me hard, then goes he to the length of his arm, and with his other hand thus holding my waist, he put me over his knees. That done, he let me go. Cecil Come, go with me, I will seek the King. This is the very ectasy of love whose violent property fordoes itself and leads will to desperate undertakings as oft as passion under heaven. That does affect our natures. I am sorry.

9 Have you given him any glance sparkings lately ? Southampton No, my Lord. I am always on the receiving end. Cecil Come, let’s go to the King.

Act II - Scene 2

(Enter Dudley, Queen, Rosencrantz, Guildenstern)

Dudley Welcome dear Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, moreover that we much did long to see you. The need to use you provokes our hasty sending. Some- thing have you heard of Walter’s transformation so call it, to us unknown and afflicting him. Queen Good gentlemen, he hath much talked to you. Your visitation shall receive such thanks. Rosencrantz Both majesties might by the sovereign power you have of us put your dread pleasures into command. Guildenstern But we both obey and lay our service freely. Dudley Thanks Rosencrantz and gentle Guildenstern. (Enter Cecil, exeunt Rosencrantz and Guildenstern) Cecil The ambassador of Holland has joyfully returned. Dudley Thou still hast been the father of good news. Cecil Have I, my Lord ? I found Walter lunatic. Dudley O, speak of that ! That do I long to hear. Cecil Give first admittance to the ambassadors. Dudley He tells me, my dear Queen, that he knows the source of Walter’s distemper. Queen I doubt, it is no other than his father’s death and our marriage. (Enter ambassador) Dudley Welcome, what from our Dutch brothers ? Ambassador The officers that her majesty placed at Deventer and Zutphen went over Duke of Parma along with their fortresses. The English held but the port of Slvis was also lost. His Majesty has no authority on Dutch allies, and is irredeemandly in debt because of his personal financing of the war by more than thousand crowns. But the war is over, thanks to his Majesty’s return and negotiations with Parma.

10 (Exit ambassador) Cecil This business is well ended. Now, your noble son is mad. Mad call I it, to define the true madness, what is it but nothing else than madness. But let that go. Queen More matter with less art. Cecil Madam, I swear I use no art at all. That he is mad, a foolish figure, mad let us grant him then, and now remains that we find the cause of this defect. For this effect defective comes by cause. Thus it remains and the remainder thus. Dudley How is Southampton receiving his love ? Cecil Do you think of me ? Dudley As of a man faithful and honourable. Cecil I would prove so, but what might you think when I had not seen this love. He fell into a sadness, then into a watch, then into a weakness, then into a lightness and, by this declesion, into a madness, wherein now he raves. Dudley What do you think that is ? Queen A bipolar disorder. Cecil Take it from this, if this be otherwise, if circumstances lead me, I will find where truth is hid, though it were hid indeed. Dudley Sometimes he walks for hours in the lobby. Cecil At such a time, I will look south to him and see if he loves him or not. Dudley We’ll try it. (Enter Walter) Cecil Do you know me, my Lord ? Walter You are a fishmonger. Cecil What’s the matter you read in, my Lord ? Walter Stultitiae Laus. Cecil Though this be madness, yet there is method in it. Will you walk out of the air, my Lord ? Walter Into my grave ? You cannot take from me anything except my life. But look at these tedious old fools that enter now ! (Enter Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, exit Cecil) Rosencratz God save you, Sir ! Guildenstern My honoured Lord ! Walter My excellent good friends, what have you deserved at the hands of

11 fortune that it sends you to prison hither ? Guildenstern Prison, my Lord ? Walter England’s a prison. Rosencratz Therein is world one. Walter In the beaten way of friendship, what makes you at London ? Rosencratz To visit you, my Lord. Guildenstern What should we say, my Lord. Walter I know the King and Queen have send you. Rosencratz To what end, my Lord ? Walter That you must teach me. Rosencratz What say you ? Guildenstern My Lord, we were sent for. Walter I will tell you why. What is the quintesence of dust ? Man delights not me nor woman either, though by your smiling you seem to say so. Rosencratz Mylord, there was not such a staff in my thoughts. Walter Why did you laugh then when I said ‘woman delights me not’. Rosencratz Because we know it. Guildenstern There come the players. Walter Gentlemen, welcome to London, let me comply with you in this garb. You are welcome but the King and Queen deceived. Guildenstern In what, my dear Lord ? Walter I am mad noth-east-west but I am pleased with my dear south.

(Enter Cecil)

Cecil My Lord, I have news to tell you. The actors coming with me are the best in the world, either for comedy, tragedy, history... Walter O Jephtal, Judge of Israel, what a treasure hadst thou ! Cecil What a treasure had he, my Lord ? Walter Two fair daughters and no more, that he loved well, Susanna and Judith.

(Enter the players)

Walter You are welcome, masters, welcome all. I am glad to see thee, well- come good friends. Comest thou to beard me in England ? We’ll be like french falconeers: love anything you see, come, give us a taste of your qual- ity. Player What speach, my good Lord ?

12 Walter One speach that is not chiefly loved. That of Aeneas tale to Dido. And thereabout of it especially when he speaks of Priam’s slaughter, if it lives in your memory. Begin at this time: The rugged Pyrrhus ..., so proceed. Cecil My Lord, well spoken, with good accent. Player Among he finds him striking too short... Cecil This is too long. Walter Let them be well used for they are the abstract and chief chronicles of our time. Cecil My Lord, I will use them according to their desert. Walter Use everyman after his desert. Take them in. Cecil Come, Sirs. Walter Follow him, friends. We will hear the play tomorrow. Can you play ‘The murder of Devereux’ ? Player Ay, my Lord. Walter Tomorrow I will insert in it some lines. Player Ay, my Lord.

(Exeunt all but Walter)

Walter O, what a rogue and peasant slave am I ! Bloody, bloody villain ! Remordless, treacherous, lecherous, kindless villain ! O vengence ! This is most brave that I, the illigitimate son of a dear father murdered, prompted my revenge by heaven and hell. For murder, though it has no tongue, will speak with this miraculous organ. I will have these actors play something like the murder of my father in front of my present father-in-law. I ’ll observe his looks. The play is the thing wherein I will catch the conscience of the King.

(Exit Walter)

13 .

14 Act III - Scene 1

(Enter Dudley, Queen, Cecil, Southampton, Rosencrantz, Guildenstern)

Dudley And can you by no drift of conference get from him why he puts on this confusion ? Rosencrantz He does confess he feels himself distracted, but from what cause, will he by no means speak. Dudley Walter will affront here Southampton by accident and looking as he behaves, we’ll judge if it’s the affliction of his love or not. Queen For your part, Southampton, I do wish that your good beauties be the happy cause of Walter’s wildness. Southampton Madam, I wish it may. Cecil Southampton, walk you here. Dudley How smart a lash that speach give to my conscience. Cecil Here is he coming. (Enter Walter) Southampton How does your honour for this day ? Walter I humbly thank you, well, well, well. Southampton My Lord, I have rememberances of yours, words of so sweet breath you composed in your Venus and Adonis or the Rapt of Lucrece. Walter Are you fair ? Southampton What means your lordship ? Walter If you are fair, you should not admit discuss to your beauty. Now the time gives its proof. I did love you once. Southampton Indeed my Lord, you made me believe so. Walter If you be merry, you’ll be a fool. Southampton O heavenly powers, restore him ! Dudley Love, his affections do not that way tend, nor what he speaks though it lacked forma, little was like madness. There is something in his soul. Cecil He shall do well. But yet, do I believe the commencement of his grief sprung from neglected love ? (Exeunt all but Walter) Walter Face is sicklied with pale hue, and enterprises of great pitch and mo- ment with this regard are turned away, and body loses control of action.

15 Who would fear those fardels to grunt and sweat under cover ? But rather bear those ills than fly to others we dont know of and that might bring death, the undiscovered country from where no traveller returns and puzzles will. The dread of something after death. The patient could take unworthy drogs when he himself might cure, simply by staying quiet with bare skin in bed, with pangs of despised love. But this ill makes life a long calamity. Pain gives us pause only when we have shuffled off eaten flesh ’til consummation. To sleep, perhaps to dream. The headache has thousand natural shocks that one can oppose by sleep, no more, and by sleep say we end. Whether ’tis nobler in mind to suffer the slings and arrows of migraine or to take action against this sea of troubles, to sleep or not to sleep, that is the question.

Act III - Scene 2

(Enter Walter and actors)

Walter Speak the speach, I pray you, as I pronounced it to you, trippingly on the tongue. Player I warrant your honour. Walter Be not too tame either, but let your own discretion be your tutor. Suit the action to the word, the word to the action with this especial observation that you overstep not the modesty of nature. Player I hope we have reformed that indifferently with us, sir. Walter O, reform it altogether ! And let those that play your clowns speak no more than is set down for them. For there be of them that will themselves laugh to set on some quantity of barren spectators to laugh too. Player We will, my Lord. Walter Well, go make you ready.

(Exeunt players and enter Cecil)

Walter Will the King hear this piece of work ? Cecil And the Queen too, and that presently. Walter Bid the players make haste.

(Exit Cecil, enter Horatio)

16 Walter What, Horatio ? Horatio Here, sweet Lord, at your service. Walter There is a play tonight before the King. One scene of it comes near the circumstance which I have told thee of my father’s death. I prea thee, when those see that act afoot, even with the very comment of thy soul, observe Dudley. If his occulted guilt does not itself unkennel in one speach, it is a damned ghost that we have seen and my imaginations are as foul as Vulcan. Horatio Well my lord. Walter They are comming to the play, get you at place.

(Enter Dudley, Queen, Cecil, Southampton, Rosencrantz, Guildenstern)

Dudley How fares our son-in-law Walter ? Walter Excellent. Lord Cecil, you played once at University, you remember that ? Cecil That did I, my Lord, and was accounted a good actor. Walter What did you enact ? Cecil Julius Ceasar. I was killed in the Capitol. Brutus killed me. Walter It was a brute part of him to kill so capital a cleric there. Be the players ready ? Rosencrantz Ay, my Lord, they stay upon your patience. Queen Come hither my dear Walter, sit by me. Walter No, good mother. Here’s metal more attractive. Cecil Oh ! Do you mark that ? Walter My dear Lord Southampton, shall I lie on your lap ? Southampton Yes my beloved Walter. Walter That’s a fair thought. Southampton How many my Lord ? Walter Twice two months. Southampton So many, are you gai, my Lord ? Walter I’ll be merry my Lord.

(Trumpets)

Walter The play is as follows: enter a king and a queen very lovingly. He lies upon a bank of flowers. She leaves him asleep. Another man comes and pours poison in the sleeper’s ears, then leaves. The queen returns and finds the king dead. The poisoner woos the Queen with gifts. She seems harsh

17 awhile but in the end accepts love. Southampton What does that mean, my Lord ? Walter It means mischief. (Enter prologue and players) Walter We shall know by this fellow. Southampton Will he tell us what this show means ? Walter I’ll not shame to tell you what it means. Southampton You are naught. I’ll mark the play. Prologue For us and for our tragedy, here stopping for your clemency, we beg you hearing patiently. Player (as the King) My enterprise had inauspicious beginning, a storm dis- persed my fleet and drove my vessels as far as Cork. My forces did not reach the place of rendez-vous till late in the autumn and I was compelled to enter Belfast for the winter. My troops were disminushed by sickness, famine and desertion. Intrigues of various sorts and fighting of a guerrilla type followed, and I had difficulties with both my deputy Fitzwilliam and with the Queen. My offensive in Ulster took form of raids and brutal massacres among the O’Neills. I treacherously captured MacPhelim at a conference in Belfast and had him and his wife executed at Dublin. I arrested William Piers, active in driving the Scots out of Ulster, and accused him of passing military in- telligence to Brian MacPhelim O’Neill. Piers was arrested and MacPhelim O’Neill executed for treason. I prepared to attack the chief Tirlogh Luineach but the Queen commanded to break the enterprise. I had time to massacre several hundreds of Sorley Boy’s, hidden in the caves of Rathlin Island, after an amphibious assault led by Sir Francis Drake. I returned to England but was persuaded to return to Dublin, as Earl Marshall of Ireland. Upon my arrival at Dublin Castle, I died in 1576. Player (as the Queen) My maternal grand mother was Mary Boleyn, the el- der sister of Queen Anne, the mother of Queen Elizabeth. I married Walter in 1561, but I became soon in love with Leicester. Leicester intrigated to have my husband sent to Ireland and encouraged him to commit all kind of murders and massacres. Using his influence on the Queen, Leicester had my husband removed from Ireland where he returned later. He poisoned my husband and married me two years later. A commission concluded that my husband died of dysentry. Walter Madam, how did you like the play ? Queen The lady does not protest too much.

18 Walter O, but she’ll keep her word. Dudley Have you heard the argument ? Walter No, no, they do but jest, poison in jest. Dudley What do you call the play ? Walter The Mousetrap. Southampton You are as good as a chorus, my Lord. Walter I enjoyed your singing, my Lord. Southampton You are on my knees my Lord. Cecil Give to her the play. Dudley Lights, lights, lights !

(Exeunt all but Walter and Horatio)

Walter Let the strucken deer go weep and hide deep. Horatio You might have rhymed. Walter O good Horatio, I’ll take the ghost’s word for a thousand pounds: didest perceive ? Horatio Very well my Lord. Walter Upon the talk of the poisoning ? Horatio I did very well note him.

(Enter Rosencrantz and Guildenstern)

Guildenstern Good my Lord, vouchsafe me a word with you. Walter Sir, a whole history. Guildenstern The King, sir. Walter Ay, Sir, what of him ? Guildenstern Is marvellous distempered. Walter With drink ? Guildenstern No my Lord, with choler. Walter You should signify this to a doctor. Guildenstern My Lord, put your discurse into frame. Walter Pronounce. Guildenstern The Queen is in most great affliction. Rosencrantz She desires to speak with you in her closet. Walter We shall obey.

(Enter Cecil)

Cecil My Lord, The Queen would like to speak with you.

19 (Exeunt all but Walter) Walter It is now the very witching time of night. O heart, lose not thy na- ture. Let not hate enter my soul, Let me be cruel, not unnatural. I will speak daggers to her, but use none.

Act III - Scene 3 (Enter Dudley, Rosencrantz, Guildenstern)

Dudley I like him not, nor stands it safe with us to let his madness range. Therefore prepare you, he will go to Ireland along you. Guildenstern We will keep those many bodies safe that live and feed upon your Majesty. Rosencrantz The single and peculiar life is bound with the strength and armour of the mind. Dudley Arm you, I pray, to this speedy voyage. (Enter Cecil, exeunt Rosencrantz and Guildenstern) Cecil My Lord, he is going to his mother closet. Behind the arras I’ll convey myself to hear the process. I’ll warrant she’ll tax him home. (Exit Cecil) Dudley O, my office is rank. It smells to heaven. It hath the primal curse upon it, a brother’s murder. Pray can I not, with my brother’s blood. Is there not enough in the sweet heavens to wash white as snow ? Whereto serves mercy but to confront the visage of offense ! My fault is past. But what form of prayer can serve my turn ? Forgive me my foul murder ? That cannot be since I am still possessed of those effects for which I did the murder. My crown, my own ambition and my Queen. (Enter Walter, Dudley kneels) Walter Now might I do it, now that he is praying ? And now I will do not. And so he goes to heaven and am I revenged. This is hire and salary, not revenge. No. Up, sword and know thou a more horrid hent. When he is drunk asleep or in his rage, or in the incestous pleasure of his bed. That has no relish of salvation in it. This prolongs thy sickly days.

20 (Exit Walter)

Dudley My words fly up, my thoughts remain below words without words, without thoughts that never to heaven go.

(Exit Dudley)

Act III - Scene 4

(Enter Queen and Cecil)

Cecil He will come straight, look you lay home to him. Tell him his pranks have been too broad to bear with and that your glance hath screened and stood between much heat. I’ll silence me. Pray you be round with him. Queen I warrant you. Fear me not. Withdraw. I hear him coming.

(Cecil hides behind the arras, enter Walter)

Walter My Queen, what’s the matter ? Queen Walter, you have Dudley much offended. Walter My Queen, you have my father much offended. Queen Come, come, you answer with an idle tongue. Walter Go, go, you question with wicked tongue. Queen What wilt thou do. Thou wilt not murder me ? help ! Cecil (from behind) What help ! Walter(drawing his sword) How now ! A rat ? Dead for a ducat, dead !

(He makes thrust through the arras and kills Cecil)

Cecil O, I am slain ! Queen O, me, what have thou done ? Walter Nay, I know not. Is it the King ? Queen O, what a rash and bloody dead is this ? Walter A bloody deed almost as bad, my Queen. As kill my father and marry his wife. Thou wretched, rash, intruding fool, farewell ! Look here upon this picture the two brothers. One has Heperyon curls in the front, another an eye like Mars. This was your husband. Look now what follows like a mildewed ear, blasting his whole brother. Have thou eyes ? O shame,

21 where is thy blush ? Queen O Walter, speak no more. These words like daggers enter in my ears. No more, sweet Walter. Alas, how is it with you that you do bend your eye on cavancy and with this incorporal air do hold discourse ? Forth at your eyes your spirits wildly peep and as the sleeping soldiers in the alarm you, bedded hair like life in excrements, start up and start an end. O gentle son, upon the heat and flame of thy distemper sprinkle cool patience. Whereon do you look ? Walter I had a migraine crisis. Queen Nothing at all. Yet all that is I see. Walter My Queen, confess yourself at heaven, repent what’s past. Avoid what is to come. Forgive me this my virtue. For virtue itself of vice must pardon beg. Queen Be assured, if words be made of breath, and breath of life, I have no life to breath. Walter I must go to Ireland. You know that ? There’s a letter sealed and my two fellows whom I will trust as adders fanged, they bear the mandate. They must sweep my way. Let it work, but I ’ll blow them at the moon. O it is most sweet when in one line two crafts directly meet. Good night, mother.

(Exeunt all)

22 Act IV - Scene 1

(Dudley, Queen, Rosencrantz, Guildenstern)

Dudley There is matter in these sighs, these profound heaves. Where is Walter ? Elizabeth, how does Walter ? Queen Mad as the sea and wind when both contend. Dudley It had been so with us, had we been there. Queen To draw apart the body he hath killed. Dudley We will ship him hence. Walter in madness had hath Cecil slain. My soul is fall of discard and dismay.

(Exeunt Dudley and Queen, enter Walter)

Rosencrantz What have you done with the dead body ? Walter Compounded it with dust. Rosencrantz My Lord, you must tell us where the body is and go to the King. Walter The body is with the King, but the King is not with the body. The King is a thing. Guildenstern A thing, my Lord ? Walter Of nothing. Bring me to him and all after.

(Exit Walter, enter Dudley)

Dudley I have sent to seek him and find the body. How dangerous is it that this man goes loose ! Rosencrantz Where the dead body is bestowed, my Lord, we cannot get from him. But where is he ? Dudley Bring him before us.

(Enter Walter)

Dudley Now, Walter, where is Cecil ? Walter At supper. Dudley At supper ? Where ? Walter Not where he eats, but where he is eaten. Dudley Alas ! Alas ! Walter A man may fish with the worm that hath eat of a King and eat of the fish that hath fed of that worm.

23 Dudley Where is Cecil ? Walter In heaven. Dudley Go seek there. Walter He will stay till you come. Dudley Prepare thyself. The bark is ready and the wind at help. Everything is bent for Ireland. Walter Ireland ? Dudley Ay. Walter Good.

Act IV - Scene 2

(Enter Walter and Stuart, King of Scotland, with army)

Walter Good Sir, whose powers are these. Stuart They are of Scotland, Sir. Walter How purposed, Sir, I pray you. Stuart Against some part of Holland. Walter Who commands them, Sir ? Stuart Myself. Walter Goes it against the main of Holland, Sir, or for some frontier ? Stuart Truly to speak, we go to gain a little patch of ground. Walter Why ? The Dutch will never defend it. Stuart In reality we go to England. (Exeunt all but Walter) Walter All occasions do inform against me and spur my dull revenge ! What is a man if chief good and market of his time be but to sleep and feed ? A beast no more. Witness this army of such mass and charge, led by a delicate and tender prince, and let all sleep while to my shame I see the inmminent death of twenty thousand men that for a trick of fame go to their graves like beds, fight for a plot whereon the numbers cannot try the cause.

Act IV - Scene 3

(Enter Queen, Dudley, messager)

24 Queen Alarm, what noise is this ? Dudley Where is my swiss guard ? Messager Save yourself, my Lord. Essex, in a ritous head, erbears your office. The rabble call him Lord and, as the world were know to begin, they cry: choose me ! Essex shall be King ! Caps, hands and tongues applaud it to the clouds: Essex shall be King ! Essex King !. Queen How cheerfully on the false trail ! They cry ! O, false English dogs ! Dudley The doors are broken.

(enter Essex)

Essex Using my general warrant to return to England, given under the seal, I sailed from Ireland o and reached London four days later. The Queen has expressely forbidden my return but I did not pray any attention to that. Queen Essex, what are you doing in my bedchamber this morning at my palace, before I am properly gowned ? I’ll call my private council and your action will be punished with your confinement at York House. Dudley Essex, I must commune with your grief. Go apart, make choice of your friends as you wish and they shall hear and judge next to you and me. If by direct or collateral hand they find us touched, we will our kingdom give, our crown, our life and all that we call ours to you in satisfaction. But if not, be you content to lend your patience and we shall jointly labour your soul to give it due content.

(Exeunt all)

Act IV - Scene 4

(Enter Horatio and messager)

Horatio What are they that would speak with me ? Messager They say they have letters for you. Horatio(reading) A pirate gave us chase. I became his prisoner. They are dealt with me like thieves of mercy, let the King have the letters I have sent. I have words to speak in thine ear. Rosencrantz and guildenstern hold their course for Ireland. Of then I have much to tell thee. Farewell. Walter.

(Exeunt all, enter Dudley, Essex and messager)

25 Dudley Now must your conscience my acquittance seal and you must put me in your heart for friend. Essex It well appears, and so, have I a noble father lost but my revenge will come. Dudley I love your father and that, I hope, will teach you to imagine. Messager Letters, my Lord, from Walter. Dudley(reading) High and mighty, you shall know I am set naked on your kingdom asking your pardon thereunto. Walter. Dudley Essex, there is a gentleman from Normandy that will give you a masterly report for art and exercise in your defense.

(Exeunt all)

26 Act V - Scene 1

(Enter Walter, Horatio and a clown in a cementery with holes on the soil and a skull on the floor)

Walter That skull had a tongue in it and could sing once. How the knave jowls it to the ground, as if it was Cain, that did the first murder ! Horatio It might, my Lord. Walter Or of a coutier which could say ‘good morning sweet Lord’ ? Horatio Ay, my Lord. Walter There is another one. Why may that not be the skull of a lawyer ? Horatio Not a joke more, my Lord. Walter Is not parchement made of sheep skins ? Horatio And of calves’ skins too. Walter (to clown) What man dost thou dig it for ? clown For no man, Sir. Walter Who is to be burried in it ? clown One that was a woman, sir, but rest her soul, she is dead. Walter How long have you been grave maker ? clown Of all the days in the year, I came on that day our last Earl Essex overcame Mary Stuart. Walter How long is that since ? clown Cannot you tell that ? It was the very day that young Walter was born. But now he is mad and sent to Ireland. Walter Why was he sent to Ireland ? clown Cause he was mad. Walter How came he mad ? clown Very strangely, they say. Walter How strangely ? clown Losing his wits. Walter (looking to skull) Poor Yorick ! I knew him, Horatio, a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know not how oft. I prea thee, Horatio, tell me one thing. Horatio What’s that, my Lord ? Walter Do you think Alexander looked of this fashion in the earth ? Horatio I think so. (Enter Dudley, Queen and Essex)

27 Essex What ceremony is this ? Walter That is Essex, a very noble youth. What is the grief that bears such an emphasis such that phrase of sorrow conjures the wandering stars and make them stand like wonder-wounded hearers ? This is I, Walter of England. Essex The devil take your soul. Walter Yet have I in me something dangerous which let my wisdom fear. Hold of thy hand. Queen Gentlemen ! be quiet ! This is mere madness and thus a while will work on him. Dudley I pray thee, Hotatio, wait on him, and you Essex, strengthen your patience.

(Exeunt all)

Act V - Scene 2

(Enter Walter and Horatio)

Walter An earnest conjuration from Dudley. As Ireland was his faithful trib- utary, as love like the palm might flourish, as peace should still her wheaten garland wear without debatment further, you should put these bearers to sudden death. This was the content of the letter. Horatio How did you seal it ? Walter Even on that was heaven ordinant. I had my father’s signet in my purse, as a model for the english seal. The next day was our sea-fight and what to this was sequent, thou know already. Horatio So Guildenstern and Rosencrantz go to death. Why ? What a King is this ? Walter Think on him. He that hath killed my father and whored my mother. Horatio It must be shortly known to him from Ireland what is the issue of his business there. Walter It will be short. The interim is mine and a man’s life is no more than to say ‘one’.

(Enter Osrick)

28 Osrick You are not ignorant of what excellence Essex is ? Walter I dare not confess that, less should compare him with excellence. But for now, I were a man to know myself. Osrick I mean, Sir, excellence for his weapon. Walter What’s his weapon ? Osrick Rapier and dagger. Walter That’s two of his weapons, but well ! Osrick The King, Sir, hath given him six french rapiers and poiniards, with hangers and so. The King, Sir, has laid that affair in a dozen passes between yourself and Essex, but none shall exceed three hits. Walter How if I answer no ? Osrick I mean, my Lord, your person is in trial. Walter Sir, I will wait here in the hall.

(Exit Osrick, enter messager)

Messager My Lord, Young Osrick brings back to his majesty that you will attend him in the hall. He sends me to know if your pleasure will charge Essex of treason in the trial before his peers. Walter What is the evidence against him ? Messager In early 1601, he began to fortify his house, his town mansion in the Strand, and there he gathered his followers. On the morning of february 8th, he marched out of Essex House with a party of nobles and gentlemen and entered the City of London in an attempt to force an audience with the Queen, who proclamed him a traitor. Finding no support among the Londoneers, Essex retreated and later surrendered, as loyal forces besieged him at Essex House. Walter I am constant to my purpose to follow the King’s pleasure. Messager The King and the Queen are coming down. Walter Since Essex went to Ireland, I have been in continual practice. I shall win at the odds.

(trumpets and drums, enter officers with daggers, Dudley, Queen, Essex, Osrick and all state)

Dudley Come, Walter, and take this hand from me. Walter Give me your pardon if I have done wrong. I here proclaim it was migraine, I was not myself if I did wrong to Essex. Free me in your most generous thoughts, if I have shot my arrow over his House, the Hose d’Evreux,

29 and hurt my brother. Essex I am satisfied in nature. But in my terms of honour I stand aloof. I do receive your offered love like love, and will not wrong it. Walter Give me the foils. Come on. Essex Come one for me. Walter I’ll be foiled, Essex. Essex You mock me, Sir. Walter No be this hand. Dudley Give them the foils, Osrick. Walter, do you know the wager ? Walter Very well, my Lord. Essex This is too heavy, let me see another. Walter This likes me well, These foils have all a length ? Osrick Ay, my good Lord.

(They play fencing)

Dudley You the judges, bear a wary eye. Walter Come on, Sir. Essex Come my Lord. Walter One. Essex No. Walter Judgement ? Osrick A hit, a very palpable hit. Queen I’ll take a drink for your fortune, Walter. Dudley Elizabeth, do not drink ! Queen (drinking) I will my Lord. Dudley (aside) It is poisoned. Too late. Walter I dare not drink yet, madam. Essex (aside) I’ll hit him now. Walter Come the third, Essex. Essex Come on.

(Queen falls down)

Queen The drink ! The drink ! I am poisoned (Queen dies). Walter O, villany ! let the door be locked ! Essex Walter, thou art slain, no medecine in the world can do thee good. In thee there is not half an hour’s life. The treacherous instrument is in my hand. Dudley’s to blame.

30 Walter (to Dudley) Here, thou incestous, murderous, damned, here drink off this potion.

(Walter forces Dudley to drink. The King dies. Then Essex drinks also the poison and dies.)

Walter I am dead, Horatio. Wretched Queen, adieu ! Horatio, thou livest, report me and my cause aright ! Horatio I’ll do, my Lord. Walter What noise is this ? Osrick Young Stuart of Scotland. Walter I die, Horatio. The rest is silence.(He dies) Horatio Good night, sweet prince.

(Enter Stuart with his guard, and Ambassador)

Stuart What is this sight ? Ambassador Our affairs from Ireland come too late. Rosencrantz and Guilden- stern are dead. Horatio You from the Dutch wars and you from Scotland, are arrived. Give order for these bodies, high on a stage to be placed to the view, and let me speak to the yet unknowing world how these things came about. All this I can truly deliver. Stuart Let four captains bear Walter like a soldier to the stage, for he was likely, had he been put on, to have proved most royal.

31 .

Epilogue

Here the play shall I close Take it or throw it away In anger or laugh dispose Yours is the choice anyway

If it’s your will to oppose I will write another play And your will expose Wait not, it’s underway

If many faults arose A last word I say Forget or forgive those

To the author of this play England’s not in cause He loves England in his way

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