ABSTRACT Title of Dissertation: LIFE UNCHARTED: PARENTING TRANSGENDER, GENDER-CREATIVE AND GAY CHILDREN Jessica Ann Vooris, Doctor of Philosophy, 2016 Dissertation directed by: Professor Katie King, Department of Women’s Studies Gender non-conformity is often seen as an indication of a future queer sexuality, but children are thought to be too young to actually be gay or trans. Life Uncharted: Parenting Transgender, Gender-creative, and Gay Children seeks to answer questions about what it means to be a "transgender," "gender-creative" or "gay" child, and examines the experiences of families who parent against the norm, raising children who break assumptions about the body, gender, identity and desire. Drawing from media analysis, ethnography of parent blogs and family gender conferences, along with interviews with 28 families, I argue that these parents engage in "anticipation work" as they manage anxiety and uncertainty about their children's behavior, attempt to predict and manage their children's futures, and explain their decisions to others. While television documentaries offer simple narratives that often reify binary expectations of gender, and explain that transgender children are "trapped in the wrong body," my ethnographic research and interviews shows that defining a transgender or gender-creative or gay child is more complex and it is not always clear how to separate gender expression, identity, and sexuality. As children socially transition at younger ages, when memory is just beginning to form, their relationships to the body and the notion of being "transgender" is in flux. Parents emphasize being comfortable with ambiguity, listening to children and LGBTQ adults, and accepting that it’s not always possible to know what the future brings. These children’s lives are unfolding and in process, changing our notions of childhood, queerness and transness. LIFE UNCHARTED: PARENTING TRANSGENDER, GENDER-CREATIVE AND GAY CHIDLREN by Jessica Ann Vooris Dissertation submitted to the Faculty of the Graduate School of the University of Maryland, College Park, in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy 2016 Advisory Committee: Dr. Katie King, Chair Dr. Christina Hanhardt Dr. Marilee Lindemann Dr. Catherine Schuler Dr. Martha Nell Smith © Copyright by Jessica Ann Vooris 2016 Dedication For Fran, I miss you every day. Thank-you for always believing in me. Love, your kiddo. ii Acknowledgements They say it takes a village to raise a child, and it certainly takes a village to write a dissertation. I am grateful for the constellations of people, relationships, and communities that have sustained me, and this work over the past six years. My intellectual and activist roots in feminism and lgbt social justice work began at Bucknell, with the guidance and love of the late Fran McDaniel, the inspired pedagogy of Coralynn Davis and Ghislaine McDayter, and countless conversations with Erica Delsandro during her office hours. I am honored to call these individuals friends and to have continued our connections over the years. Fran, I wish you were here to see me graduate. Ghislaine, John Hunter, and their kids Sasha and Claire will always be second family. I especially appreciate the insight that Claire has given me in regards to children’s understanding of sexuality and queerness as I have watched her grow from a stubborn 4 year old to an independent 13 year old. My dear fellow Bucknellians: Alyssa Schneebaum, Mikaela Mathern, Megan McShea, Chrissy Friedlander, and Morgane Treanton, thank-you for ten years of friendship, activism, laughter and love. The Bucknell LGBTQA Alumni Association has also been a great support over the years. Thank-you especially: Jen Carter, Ann Malcolm and Paul Marin. Six years ago, I came to UMD and became part of another intellectual community. I have loved teaching Intro to WMST courses, LGBT studies, and appreciate the ways that my students have helped me grow as a scholar and teacher. I also appreciate greatly the friendship, comradery and support of my fellow graduate students. I especially want to thank Katie White for helping me learn how to navigate iii grief and graduate school; Melissa Rogers and Cristina Perez for being my cohort members and walking beside me through the program; Avery Dame for all the conversations about trans studies; Eve Grice for yoga, walks through the woods, conversations about pedagogy and feminist practice; Michelé Prince for deep friendship, comradery at conferences, and being a part of my queer family; Jeannette Soon-Ludes for being a mentor, and beloved friend. Also, Sara Haq, Jaime Madden, Jocelyn Coates, Cara Snyder, Clara Montague, Anna Storti, and Tangere Hoagland for many shared moments in the TA room, department lounge, over grad lunches, and meetings of 628. The department wouldn’t run smoothly without the dedication and hard-work of Cliffornia Howard-Pryor, Catalina Toala, and JV Sapinoso. Thank-you also to Annie Carter and Laura Nichols—I hope retirement is treating you well. And a big thank-you for the guidance and mentorship I received from Dr. Rowley in her tenure as DGS. Getting my PhD is part of the “Bucket List” I wrote in my Women’s Circle. This group has provided much support in achieving my academic goals as well as navigating life’s difficulties. Thank-you, Anne O'Connor for your leadership, Ari BenAissa for shared dog-walks, Valerie Brown for writing space, Jo Hurt for your warm hugs, Debra Cook for cups of tea, housing and more, and last but not least, Carson Lee for helping with food in the final weeks of writing. One of the ways I have supported myself through graduate school is by babysitting and being a camp counselor. Many families have welcomed me into their lives, trusted me with their little ones, and have given me the opportunity to witness iv their babies grow and learn about the world. Watching these children has sustained my work, and reminded me of the importance of nurturing the lives of young people. Jack, Josie, Max, Penny, Maya, Sophia, Dylan, Maria, Elia, Henry, Annie, David, Elanna, Audrey, Lily, Zephre, Milo, Benji, and the kids of Impulse City Summer Camp and Camp Aranu’tiq, thank-you for your hugs, laughter, mischievousness, defiance, joy, tenaciousness, creativity and love. A writer would be lost without readers and editors. Thank-you Dr. Kim, Dr. Alexis Lothian, Alyssa Schneebaum, Ann and Norman Long, Cassy Griff-Dame, Avery Dame-Griff, Melissa Rogers, Jarah Moesch, and Chrissy Friedlander for your sharp eyes, and your valuable time in editing various drafts of this dissertation. Thank-you also to my family of birth and choice. Thank-you especially Alison, Chris, Alicia, Emily and Patrick Vooris. Kelly Laughlin. John Hunter, Ghislaine McDayter and Sasha and Claire. Emily Rizzo, Michelé Prince, Eve Grice. Alyssa Schneebaum. I would not be who I am today without your love, support, and guidance. I want to especially thank my grandparents, Norman and Ann Long, who have inspired many of my intellectual pursuits as well as my love of writing, ethnography, and languages. Finally, a big thank-you to my committee, members past and present, who have helped guide this dissertation for the last six years: Thank-you, Dr. Kim for always pushing me in regards to my methodology. Thank-you, Dr. Hanhardt for your classes on queer theory and “dominance and deviance in the city,” as well as helping me think about how I am framing my argument in relation to my own biases. Thank- you, Dr. Lindemann for your guidance through various benchmarks, and for your v comments on the difference between representation of children and actual children’s lives. Dr. Martha Nell Smith, I will never forget your queer autobiography course, and appreciate all our conversations about parenting blogs and identity. Thank-you for being my Dean’s Rep! Dr. Alexis Lothian, thank-you for supporting my work, and for your comments on Chapter Two. I am disappointed that you were not able to be present for the defense, but I know that we were each where we needed to be on that day. I greatly appreciate Dr. Schuler stepping in at the last moment to fill a space on the committee, for your thoughts with regard to online ethnography and terminology, and your sharp editing eyes. Finally, a huge thank-you to my committee chair, Dr. Katie King. I can’t even count the many hours we have spent together—in your WMST 601 class, under your guidance for 618, during your social hours, in meetings about benchmarks, fellowship applications and job applications, as well as the countless hours discussing my dissertation and editing my writing. Thank-you for your generosity and for always pushing me intellectually. You have made me a better feminist, academic, colleague, writer and teacher. vi Table of Contents Dedication ..................................................................................................................... ii Acknowledgements ...................................................................................................... iii Table of Contents ........................................................................................................ vii Chapter 1: The Queer Child, Theories and Methodology............................................. 1 Introduction ............................................................................................................... 1 Anticipation Work .................................................................................................... 4 Chapter Overview ....................................................................................................