Beyond the Egalitarian

n the Orthodox world (and in the ing out of it, no way to rectib it. Conservative world as well) aget, From the Orthodox perspective, non- I or a Jewish document, is Orthodox Jewry has created many given from the man to the woman. problems. Most of them, however, Because of this fact, and because of are rectifiable. But when a does the fact that the man must give the not require a get in order to officiate get of his own free will, the situation at a remarriage, any children from arises on occasion when a woman is this are mamzerim in the trapped in a marriage she no longer eyes of the halakhah. wants to be in, thus making her what Theoretically, a woman can also is known as an (a "chained refuse a get, but the man is not guilry 7, . woman, l.e., one who cannot re- of adultery if he remarries. Polygamy marry). Recalcitrant husbands (as (the marriage of a man to multiple the get-refusing husbands are called) women) is only forbidden by the rab- are not the only cause of agunah. A bis (derabanan) but not the woman can also become an agunah (debraita). Also, the incidence of if her husband disappears and is pre- women refusing to receive a get ap- sumed to be dead, although halakhic pears to be less frequent than the in- authorities try to find ways (as they cidence of a man refusing to give a do, to a lesser degree, in the case of a get. Or, alternatively, the rabbinic recalcitrant husband) to permit these courts are able to find halakhic solu- women to remarry. If a women who tions allowing men to remarry more is an agunah gets married or engages easily because the prohibition is only in sex, the relationship is considered derabanan. There are few cases of the adulterous (she is still considered male equivalent of an agunah. married) and any offspring are con- sidered mamzerim or illegitimate. Alternative Approaches Mamzerim may only marry other The non-Orthodox Jewish move- mamzerim. Being a is a per- ments have responded to the non- manent problem; there is no convert- egalitarian nature of the get ritual and

Rabbi Leah Richman graduated from the Reconstructionist Rabbinical College in June 2000, and serves the Oheb Zedek Synagogue Center in Pottsville, PA.

48 Sprig2000 The Reconstrrtrtinn;.+ the problem of agunah that results structs its to explain these from it in various ways. The Reform ramifications to the potential divor- movement considers a civil divorce cees. The RRA feels responsible for sufficient to allow remarriage. The explaining to the potential divorcees Conservative movement still requires that if they remarry on the basis of a get- in order to remarry. However, this get that any future children they out of concern for the problem of might have will be considered mam- agunah, many Conservative rabbis zerim by Orthodox and Conservative include a clause in the (called rabbis. the Lieberman clause after its author, We also feel that the couple should Prof. ) through which understand the traditional gender in- the bride and groom give the Con- equality in a get. To prevent the servative Beit Din (rabbinic court) woman from ever being an agunah we the power to penalize the recalcitrant require the husband to sign a state- spouse. ment saying that if his wife ever re- The Reconstructionist Rabbinical quests a second get in order to re-

Association (RRA) has its own get- marry that he will give one to her. procedure. It is often cited as one of Following is a careful discussion of the examples of how Reconstruction- this requirement. ism differs from Reform . In- stead of discarding- a ritual that no Trying to Cover All Bases longer seems meaningful, we recon- struct it to our values. Recognizing The instructions given to rabbis the need for religious ritualat the for the RRA "Egalitarian Get Proce- dissolution of a relationship, Recon- dure" (revised 12/95) include the fol- structionism took an old form and lowing statement: "At the beginning gave it new meaning and power. of this process [meaning the divorce The Reconstructionist get is egali- process] it is required that you ex- tarian. Either party can initiate, or plain the possible ramifications of it can be initiated jointly. The RRA agunah and mamzerim." Education is encourages the execution of a get be- extremely important in this area con- fore remarriage. Rabbis have various sidering the issues as they have been policies as to whether they require a outlined above. The instructions get for remarriage, and each case is continue, "Because of these two is- dealt with individually. Therefore, sues have only the husband sign the there is no issue of agunah in Recon- 'Informed Consent' page." The "In- structionist Judaism. formed Consent" page reads as fol- Our movement, being the only lows: one to have an alternative get proce- "Dear , dure, and recognizing the possible Please be aware that this Recon- ramifications of remarrying on the structionist Egalitarian Get may not basis of a get not accepted by all, in- be accepted by some Orthodox or

The Reconstructionist Spring2000 47 Conservative rabbis. In the interest rabbi's obligation to explain the pos- of klal Yirrael and shalom am please sible ramifications of agunah. "At the read the below statement and sign beginning of the process it is required this form. that you explain the possible ramifi- "I seek to obtain a Reconstruc- cations of agunah and mamzerim." tionist Egalitarian Get with full Each rabbi will interpret this obli- knowledge and understanding of the gation differently. I imagine that above statement. I agree to cooper- most rabbis would explain to the ate fully in obtaining another Get couple something similar to this: should one be required by another "Although I consider this get to be a rabbi for the purpose of remarriage. severance of your marriage and to al- ,> Signature -- low remarriage should you choose, there are other rabbis, particularly Educational Objectives some Orthodox or Conservative rab- bis, who will not see this get as legiti- There are four values that are im- mate and therefore will not consider plied by the instructions given to rab- you divorced. They would require bis and by the letter of consent for another get before officiating at your the husband. The instructions to the remarriage. get imply a value to educate the "The non-egalitarian get can only couple about 1) agunah, and 2) mam- be given with the husband's consent. zerut. The letter of consent, on the This means that women can often be other hand, cites the values of pro- trapped in marriage, unable to re- moting 3) klal Yisrael and 4) shalom marry. Partly to prevent this occur- am. The instructions for the get re- rence, we will require you (husband) quire educating the couple about to sign a form saying that if your wife agunah and mamzerut and note that ever needs another get for remarriage for those reasons, only the husband that you will not withhold it from should sign the consent form. How- her." ever, the consent form itself has no Mamzerim: The rabbi is also re- mention of those issues, but rather quired to explain to the couple that mentions different values, klal Yisrael any rabbi (or Jew, for that matter) and shalom am. It is important to who does not consider the get valid examine the reasons why these val- will consider any future children the ues ate different from one another. woman has as mamzerim, or children In order to do this, it is important to of an adulterous relationship. This separate them. is because the woman is still consid- ered married to her former husband. Values of an Egalitarian Get Mamzerim are considered by some to be outcasts and some rabbis would Agunah: Reading the instructions never officiate at their possible future for the get, one notes that it is the wedding ceremony unless it was to

50 Spring 2000 rpl - another mamzer. conflict between the "two sides" is. I The rabbi might explain that ac- would guess that the Conservatives cording to these rabbis and , only and Orthodox are upset that we are a married woman can give- birth to officiating at that they do mamzerim. According to Jewish law, not necessarily consider to be in ac- these Jews would explain, adultery al- cordance with halakhah. This could ways involves a married woman. lead to either person's anger at those Therefore, if the husband were to re- movements when being told that they marry and have children, his children need another get. This type of anger woulh not be considered mamzerim between rabbi and potential marrieds unless his future wife was also previ- is not good for klal Yisrael. If the pre- ously married without aget (aget they vious recipient of our get was insulted consider legitimate). enough, it could even lead to him or I would also explain that the rea- her turning away from those move- son a woman without a get cannot ments after having approached them remarry, according to some Conser- for marriage officiation, and instead vatives and Orthodox, is not only be- going on to marry through some cause it would be considered an adul- other rabbi and producing what some terous relationship, but also because consider mamzerim. any future children would be consid- The Conservative and Orthodox ered mamzerim. might argue that had we never got- ten into the get business in the first Wider Concerns place, there would be much less po- tential friction. Klal Yicrael: The rabbi is not re- Shalom Am: I have never heard this quired to discuss this with the couple, term before and do not know how it in contrast to the first two issues. is different from klal Yisrael. If I have However, it is included in the letter not heard of it, I am ~robabl~not of consent as the reason the husband the only one and it seems important signs the letter. Why? "Klal Yis- that we should be able to explain to rael"(the worldwide Jewish people) is divorcees these two terms. Therefore, most often used to address issues that explanatory material should accom- are threatening to split the Jewish pany the instructions to the get. community. Both sides are asked to be accommodating for the sake of klal Balancing Innovation Yisrael. In most cases, both sides value something that conflicts with and Tradition accommodating for klal Yisrael, and each needs to decide how far it will I would like to return now to the go in compromising on the conflict- fact that the reason the instructions ing value. insist the man sign the consent form In this case, it is not clear what the is because of the issues of mamzerim

The Reconrtructionirt Spring 2000 51 and agunah. What does "because of not based on any ill-feeling toward these issues" mean? Does it simply the wife but rather based on the prin- affirm that he has been educated in ciple of already having gone through these issues? If so then the woman the Reconstructionist ceremony. would surely sign a form as well. Here we have taken a perfectly po- "Because of these issues" must mean lite person who would have given a "to prevent these issues from occur- halachic get in the first place and ring as often." turned him into a person who refuses. And why do we care if the cases of Therefore we have the consent form agunah and mamzerim increase in the and can say that the issue of agunah world? Maybe we care about the and klal Yisrael are intertwined. cases of agunah because of its impact But what about mamzerim? Why on women, despite the fact that they do we care if those cases increase? It are woman who have chosen of their must be for khl Yisrael, which is men- own free will to get- involved in that tioned as the reason for signing the system. Could our concern about letter of consent. However, it is clear agunah be simply a klal Yisrael con- that his consent will prevent him cern? Probably not. The other move- from making his wife an agunah, but ments may be angry with us for tell- how does it also prevent mamzerim? ing people they are divorced when ac- I can only imagine one case where it cording to some interpretations of would prevent mamzerim, which is Jewish law they are not. But how the case where the woman is going could they get angry with us about to have children and she herself cares the problem of agunah, a source of about the issue of mamzerim and shame within the Orthodox commu- wants another get. In the majority nity, which to this point has yet to of cases we deal with, the woman propose a solution from within the does not want another get after her halachic framework? first one and therefore the husband's There is only one case I can think signing of the consent form really of where our concern about agunah does nothing to prevent mamzerim. could be a klal Yicrael issue. After all, The letter of consent asserts that as mentioned before, agunah- is not a the husband should sign it for the klal Yisrael issue in the way we usu- reasons of klal Yisrael and shalom am. ally understand the term. We don't However, I have just shown that there cause the agunah problem; we actu- is only a minority of cases where the ally have nothing to do with it. husband's consent to give another get Except for one possibility: let's say in the future should one be requested a man gave and received an egalitar- actually affects the issues involving ian get. Then the rare case occurred klal Yisrael. It also affects, however, where the woman wanted another agunah, which is not mentioned in (halachic) get. Then he refused to the letter, and to a lesser degree mam- give his former wife another get - zerim, which is also not mentioned.

52 Spring 2000 7, - RRA Get in Need of Revision in either circumstance, and I do not believe that the fact that this form re- Something should change. Our fers to the remarriage of his former words should reflect our actions. If wife is clear to the husband, nor nec- we are not promoting klal Yisrael, we essarily to the rabbi. (I for one, when should not state that we are. The con- I read it, was not sure to what it re- sent letter to the husband should em- ferred). phasize agunah, and only secondarily mamzerim and klal Yisrael. If we re- A Pre-nuptial Clause? ally care about klal Yisrael as we state in the consent letter, then the woman If we want to prevent agunot, should be required to sign a similar wouldn't we do a better job by requir- consent form. If part of the purpose ing rabbis to get the consent of soon- of the form, as the instructions sug- to-be-husbands before they marry? gest, is to educate the couple about We require very few things in our the issue of mamzerim, then the movement, yet the instructions state, woman is the one who needs to un- ". . . it is required [emphasis mine] derstand the issue clearly. that you explain the possible ramifi- As mentioned before, only the cations of agunah and mamzerim. woman can have offspring who will Because of these two issues, have only be considered mamzerim if she remar- the husband sign the 'Informed Con- ries. The man, if remarried to some- sent' page." This means that in order one who has not been married before, to undergo a heterosexual divorce will be in a state of being married to facilitated by one of our rabbis, the two people, a violation of Rabbeinu man is required to sign that form, Gershom's rabbinic decree, but his which essentially makes him prom- children will not be mamzerim. ise to never make his (former) wife The RRA consent form is vague in an agunah.- its wording. It makes the husband Would it not make much more promise "I agree to cooperate fully sense, if we are honestly concerned in obtaining another get should one about the prospect of agunah, to do be required by another rabbi for the as many Conservative rabbis do and purpose of remarriage." It does not include a clause in the heterosexual specify whose remarriage - his own, ketubah (for example the Lieberman or his former wife's. Both remarriages Clause)? Alternatively some rabbis would be forbidden according to make a pre-nuptial agreement con- those who do not accept our get as cerning the issue of agunah. For us, legitimate. In the case of the hus- this would essentially have the same band's remarriage, it would be for- "consent" as the "informed consent" bidden derabanan, in the case of the form required at a divorce. wife, de'oraita. For Orthodox and I recognize that the Reconstruc- Conservative rabbis, a get is required tionist rabbi often does not meet the

The Reconstructionist Spring2000 . 53 said couple until they are getting a But if we required a letter of consent divorce or coming to himlher for re- from the husband before marriage,- marriage. This is why it is so impor- then we would never officiate at wed- tant to educate the couple about the dings where the man would refuse to issues of agunah and mamzerut be- sign the form; thus we would prevent fore the execution of the egalitarian the whole issue in the first place. We get. would also assert the importance of Even if rabbis take my suggestion the issue if we addressed it at mar- and institute discussion and consent riage. forms at the time of the ketubah, it is A second reason I believe the con- still important to educate at the time sent form is misplaced is because it of divorce. This is for the sake of requires a person to promise that in those who have not previously got- the future, if asked, he will partici- ten that education and for the sake pate in a non-egalitarian (probably of those who received the education Orthodox) ritual. In order to par- as part of their pre-wedding meetings ticipate in our Reconstructionist but subsequently forgot about those ritual, he has to first promise this. issues, never expecting to get di- This is making someone promise that vorced. The consent form, on the at some point he may have to relive other hand, would be better placed the painful process of get. The pro- only at the time of marriage and cess is likely to be even more painful should be taken from the divorce pro- in a context with which he is not fa- ceedings, for reasons I will now enu- miliar. He may have to go through merate. another divorce when he considers himself divorced already! (Imagine Anticipating Issues the pain of his future partner as well.) 1; addition, there are many Re- I believe the consent form requir- constructionists who refuse to engage ing a husband to agree to give an in non-egalitarian prayer services and Orthodox get if requested should be other rituals. I understand that the used pre-nuptially instead of at di- issue here is the protection of the vorce for several reasons. One, as woman; however, we need to think mentioned above, is that the issue of about protecting Reconstructionists' agunah can be better prevented if it egalitarian sensibilities as well. is incorporated in the documents sur- rounding marriage. We could satisfi and Gitin at least Conservative rabbis by in- cluding the Lieberman clause, which I believe that both traditional and gives a Bet Din power to influence egalitarian concerns can be addressed the two people. Even with the at the same time by using the con- Lieberman clause, an Orthodox rabbi sent form at marriage, not divorce. will not be able to help the woman. If at the time of marriage, the man

54 Spring2000 The Reconstructionist refuses to sign such a form because describing the document that might he is opposed to involvement with be used in this non-kiddushin mar- the Conservative or Orthodox move- riage. ments, or because of his egalitarian sensibilities, he should still-have an- A Personal Perspective other option. The couple can decide to work with the Reconstructionist I cannot help but mention an an- rabbi to make a ceremony and ketu- ecdote from . My partner and bah that are not leshem kiddushin (in I got married in Israel through the accordance with what Jewish law official rabbinate. In Israel, there is would recognize as halachic mar- no such thing as a secular wedding riage). The Reconstructionist rabbi that is recognized by the state. If you could even write a letter that could are Muslim, you must get married by accompany the ketubah (or be writ- a state-sanctioned Muslim clergy.- ten inside) which explains the pur- The same is true, respectively, for pose of not doing the ceremony Christians and Jews. leshem kiddushin. It may be that The only state-sanctioned Jewish some halachic authorities would not clergy are Orthodox rabbis who have require a get for a ceremony that had been investigated by the rabbinate been done in this way. Reconstruc- and found to be valid. Therefore any tionist rabbis, who generally prefer a Jew who wants to be married legally get for remarriage, would most often in Israel must be married by an Or- still require a get, even for this non- thodox rabbi or be married outside kiddushin ceremony. This is because of Israel. Luckily, a Conservative the reason the Reconstructionist rabbi dear to us also had been or- rabbi requires a get is not usually dained Orthodox so we had the ben- halachic but rather is to address the efit of having the rabbi we would ritual needs of the couple. have chosen in any case. An example of such a non- I was complaining to an Orthodox kiddushin wedding ceremony (Brit friend about the anti-democratic na- Ahuvim) is found in Rachel Adler's ture of the rabbinate in Israel. He book, Engendering Judaism. She is said that he believes that the Ortho- opposed to kiddushin on feminist dox rabbinate should retain control - - gounds. She believes that since over kiddushin; however, he believes kiddushin is traditionally a ceremony that non-Orthodox rabbis should be by which the man "acquires" the allowed to officiate at - that woman, this ceremony and term can- include a statement that they are not not be reclaimed. She also refuses leshem kiddushin. to use the term "ketubah" for it is part I was completely offended and of the whole system of inequality. I said, "Where would that put people have thus used the word "ketubah" in like me, who want to have kiddushin, quotation marks throughout when but not with an Orthodox rabbi?

The Reconstructionist Spring 2000 55 What about my suffering in that pro- Committment to Klal Yisrael posed system?" He answered that for the sake of klal Yisrael sometimes in- I do not know how committed the dividuals have to suffer. Reconstructionist movement is to I completely disagree with his pro- klal Yisrael. The consent form that posal although I am ironically sug- is required at divorce seems to address gesting something similar. In my sce- the issue of agunah, but not the issue nario, however, doing the ceremony of assuring Conservative and Ortho- leshem kiddushin would require that dox rabbis that there will not be the husband sign- a consent form. If mamzerim running- around. he is such a strong feminist that he If we are concerned with klal refuses to sign the form based on the Yisrael as we so state in the consent fact that he would never participate letter, then the important part of the in a non-egalitarian get, he will prob- work is the educational piece of in- ably be able to be convinced by Ra- forming- the divorcees of their status chel Adler's arguments to do away in the eyes of others. Requiring the with kiddushin in the first place. form to be signed by the husband This does not mean to say that any may placate orthodox feminists, and strong feminist will be convinced that in that regard contribute to klal kiddushin has to go by the wayside. Yisrael, but the rabbis we sgenerally Adler takes a purist egalitarian posi- think ofwhen we think of klal Yisrael tion which may be accepted by do not seem to care too much about sokmeone who also has a purist egali- the issue of agunah. If it was up to tarian position. If he insists on an them, we would make men and egalitarian kiddushin, we are not de- women promise to get an Orthodox priving him of one. He can always divorce if necessary. I believe we need go to a Conservative or Reform rabbi to examine and explore our commit- who would not require his consent ment to klrll Yisrael and how this is about get. reflected in our life cycle events.

56 Spring 2000 The Reconstructionist