• The ushers should inform those who are carrying cameras that Policy there are to be no flash photographs taken during the service; for opportunity for pictures will be given following the service. Trinity Lutheran Church • Ushers will usher at the recessional as laid out above. Wautoma, WI

Music

• Since the Christian Wedding Service is a service of worship, the music used throughout the wedding should direct the congrega- tion’s thoughts to the Triune God. This quite naturally elimi- nates some songs for consideration, including the traditional “Wedding March.” The “Bridal March” or “” as it is sometimes called comes from the opera Lohengrin, written by Richard Wagner. This song was never intended to be used as part of a church worship service, and has as its entire focus the bridal chamber and the physical of the . While the church certainly acknowledges the physical consum- mation of a marriage as a God given gift, it is not the God given focus of a worship service. Rather than calling attention to the physical side of marriage, our music should focus on the Spir- itual side. • While sentimental or romantic songs from the time of your courtship may be very special or meaningful to you as a couple, it is more appropriate to include them at your reception than at the wedding service. • The pastor or the organist will be happy to help you in selecting acceptable religious music for your wedding.

The entire marriage rite is designed to lead you and those in attendance to give all glory to God and to seek His blessing. All preparations and actions should work toward that end

Marriage and The Rehearsal

God Himself instituted marriage at creation saying, “It is not • The rehearsal is to begin promptly at the designated time and good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him…The should last about 45-60 minutes. Lord God took one of his ribs, and from the rib the Lord God made a • Those present at the rehearsal will conduct themselves in a man- woman and brought her to the man…Therefore a man will leave his fa- ner in keeping with the setting, before, during, and after the re- ther and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they shall be one hearsal. flesh” (Genesis 2:21-24). Our Lord Jesus Christ added these words: • Attire may be informal, but in good taste. “What God has joined together, let no one separate” (Matthew 19:6). • The needs to be given to the pastor on the day of the rehearsal. Marriage is therefore a lifelong union between one man and one The Wedding woman. Those entering marriage should do so with the highest rever- ence for this holy estate which God has instituted. The wedding service Processional: and the pre-marital relationship of all couples, both young and old alike • The processional begins after the mother is seated and the are to reflect such esteem for the estate of matrimony. aisle runner, if one is to be used, is pulled. • Walk naturally and slowly. The “hesitation step” is not natural. As with other facets of God’s creation, disobedience to God has wrought havoc to marriage and has robbed many of the intended bless- Recessional: ing such as marriage can be. People, by reason of their sinful nature in- • The bridal party exits the church in an orderly fashion, walking herited from our first parents, will experience much heartache within at a natural pace. marriage along with much joy. Indeed, a heavy cross often is laid even • Selected ushers return immediately to escort from the nave the upon many who live godly lives in Christ Jesus. For this reason the immediate members of the ’s and groom’s families, begin- Church Wedding directs the worshippers to the Lord Jesus Christ, the ning with the bride’s parents. Son of God, whom the Father sent “to redeem us from all iniquity and • After the immediate family has been escorted out of the nave, purify unto Himself a peculiar people zealous of good works” (Titus the ushers return and dismiss the congregation, pew by pew, al- 2:14). Jesus, who reconciled us to our heavenly Father, grants peace and ternating between sides. joy in homes where He is honored. Jesus, by whom the Father richly • Immediately following the receiving line, or service if no receiv- grants us forgiveness, empowers the couple who trusts in Him to “be ing line is used, the bride and groom along with two witnesses kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God over 18 must meet with the pastor to sign the marriage license. for Christ’s sake has forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:32). Ushers The Church, in accord with God’s Word, will instruct all partici- pants in a wedding to think upon Him who is called the heavenly bride- • All ushers should be ready to seat guests at least thirty minutes groom, our Lord Jesus Christ. Husbands are directed: “Love your wives prior to the wedding. as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it that He might • The ushers or a designated acolyte will be responsible for the sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of the water and the Word, that lighting of the candles. He may present her to Himself a glorious Church, not having spot or • It is not necessary to ask those entering if they are “friends of the wrinkle or any such thing but that she be holy and without blemish” bride” or “friends of the groom.” Places are designated for mem- (Ephesians 5:22-27). In the same context the wife is directed: “Submit bers of the immediate families involved. For the rest there is no yourselves to your own husbands as unto the Lord, for the husband is special “side.” the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the Church, and He is

• Though not forbidden, weddings are discouraged during the Lenten the Savior of the Body” (vs. 22-23). Each couple is hereby called to season. No weddings shall take place between Palm Sunday and East- give a lifelong, living illustration of Jesus’ redeeming grace and the er. Church’s response of obedience and service. • Neither the florist nor the wedding consultant, if one is contracted, play any part in the directing of the rehearsal or wedding service. The The Wedding Worship Service then should be one of many church does not provide a center aisle runner. If you desire to use one, worship services in which the two standing before God’s altar have you may obtain it from your florist or another source. their thoughts turned toward their Creator and to their Savior, for in • Decoration of the church is to be done only a day or two ahead of the Him alone will they have the power to love and forgive. He alone wedding, but should be completed at least one hour before the wed- will sustain them when the burdens of life become difficult. It is ding service begins. Decorations are not to be attached in any means therefore proper that wedding preparations begin with prayer and that will leave marks on wood, paint, or other surfaces. determination that the wedding and subsequent marriage honor God • Any flowers placed in vases on the reredos (back of the altar) should in everything. be lower than the crossbeam of the cross so as to not take away from it. Couples Living Together • It is the responsibility of the couple to see to it that the flowers (If they are not to be left for church), aisle runner, candles, etc., are re- An increasing number of men and women are living together moved following the wedding service. in a conjugal relationship without marriage license, without wed- • Pictures may be taken prior to the service, as long as they are com- ding, and (at times) without the consent of their parents. Because pleted at least 45 minutes before the service is to begin. Pictures may God’s Word clearly shows that it is sinful for couples to live together also be taken after the ceremony. without marriage, people who persist in behavior that God rejects • A video may be taken if it is done without distraction, but not in the and condemns as sin are choosing a course that may lead to eternal chancel area as mentioned previously. No additional lights may be punishment. used. God’s Word is clear: “If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, but only a fearful expectation of judgment” (Heb.10:26- Expenses 27). And again,we read: “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you • The use of the church is available at no cost to members. A special should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and donation may be in order, however, to help cover expenses for light- honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know ing, heating, and cleaning. God ... The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have • The couple is responsible for the cost of tabulating the Prepare/ already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be Enrich pre-marital inventory. At the present time the cost is $35. This impure, but to live a holy life” (1 Thessalonians 4:3-7). expense is payable at the first pre-marital counseling session, with checks being made out to Life Innovations, Inc. The church and its pastors desire God’s richest blessings up- • Honoraria for the organist should be no less than $50, considering the on all who enter the marriage relationship. However, they know God amount of time involved in consultation, practice, rehearsal, and the cannot bless those who live in manifestly impenitent sins. Therefore, wedding itself. they are faced with the difficult question/problem of how to deal • Honoraria should also be given to vocalists and other instrumentalists. with couples living together in a conjugal relationship and then wanting a wedding in the church. The concern is not only for the couple, but also for the whole church and the confession which it

makes. This practice is an offense to the church and all other ac- Other Important Policies quaintances. By ‘offense’ the Bible means “stumbling block” or “death trap.” Others will be led to stumble and fall into sexual sins Since the Church Wedding as described in the introduction must and possibly be led away from Christ by such behavior. In the first honor the Triune God ~ The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit ~ plans letter the Corinthians the warning is given: “Do you not know that a for the wedding will observe the following policies: little leaven leavens the whole lump?” (1 Corinthians 5:6). • Music must be chosen from a suggested list provided by the That this practice is wrong before God is affirmed by the fact pastor or otherwise be approved by the pastor for use. that, contrary to what those who place themselves in such relation- • Flowers or other decorations must not obscure the cross or the ships and situations may believe, over 80% of so begun altar. No arches are allowed nor any other decorations which end in divorce. Simply put, those who think that they are improving call attention to themselves and detract from the worship ser- their chances in marriage by living together in defiance of God’s vice. Word are in error. • Flowers need not be real, but they must be in good taste. We should seek to honor God with our best, not to degrade Him Therefore, for the good of the couple involved and to avoid by being cheap or tactless. offense to the church and the world: • No flash pictures are to be taken during the wedding ceremo- • No marriage can be performed by the pastor where there is no ny and no video equipment is allowed within the chancel area. indication of repentance (turning from this sin), either verbally An announcement of this policy will be included in the wed- stated or in practice. One cannot ask God’s blessing on those who ding service folder. come under His judgment. • No bird seed or rice should be thrown in the church proper. • If the couple in repentance agrees to separate for the time up to • No alcohol shall be consumed on church property. If either the marriage, then a wedding may be held in the church. the bride or groom are intoxicated or otherwise abnormally impaired at the time of the service, the wedding will not take With this understanding a couple may prefer, in humble re- place that day. pentance, to have a small wedding. However, a large wedding would • Should lewd slogans, signs, etc. be found on cars or in the be appropriate if it is thought of as a celebration of God’s forgiveness church building, the wedding will be delayed until such are and how He may bless us despite our sinfulness. The Church always removed. Please advise your friends. celebrates the joy of forgiveness. • All wedding attire must be modest; in keeping with 1 Timothy 2:9-10, “I desire that women adorn themselves in modest ap- parel, with propriety and moderation...which is proper for women professing godliness with good works.” • The pastor is responsible for the wedding service. If the cou- For Those Who Want a Church Wedding ple should wish to arrange the order of service they will do so under his advisement; bulletins/service folders should not be • Each couple desiring to be married at Trinity Lutheran Church printed until approved by the pastor. must meet with the pastor before he consents to perform the mar- • The tradition of the nuptial kiss, if followed at all, must be riage and before a wedding date is set. discreet lest it detract from the wedding service. • Each couple must arrange to have pre-marital counseling with the • The color of the paraments shall not be changed for the wed- pastor well ahead of the wedding date. ding, but shall follow the appointed color for the church year.

f. If in the first meeting it is discovered that the bride is • The following contingencies are placed on the pastor per- expecting a child, the couple must: forming the wedding: 1) Recognize that their act of fornication is a sin. 2) Confess and repent of that sin. a. In order that the truth of God’s Word not be compromised Upon confession, and receiving absolution, the pas- or a poor witness given, the pastor cannot and shall not par- tor will direct the couple according to options 1 and ticipate with clergy of other denominations (Romans 16:17; 2 in section e., above. However, separation is not 2 John 9-11) recommended if the child has already been born. In this case the mother and father should be encour- b. Normally, at least one of the couple needs to be a member aged to get married right away in order to raise the of Trinity congregation. child in a family setting as God has ordained. c. If neither the man nor woman are members of our congre- gation they must attend the pastor’s adult membership class as a prerequisite for a wedding conducted by the pastor. They shall also be expected to faithfully attend worship services during this time.

d. Members who desire to be married are expected to faith fully attend worship services as a natural part of their res- ponsibilities as members of our congregation. Spiritual One Man/One Woman guidance and nurture are a necessary part of a happy Chris- tian marriage. The marriage policy of Trinity Lutheran Church, a member con- gregation of The Lutheran Church—Missouri Synod, is and al- e. If in the first meeting it is learned that the couple is liv- ways has been consistent with the Synod’s beliefs on marriage. ing together, no commitment will be made for a wedding We believe that marriage is a sacred union of one man and one date unless the couple recognizes their sin and repents woman (Genesis 2:24-25), and that God gave marriage as a picture (turns from it). At this point two options shall be offered of the relationship between Christ and His bride the Church them in the indication of repentance: (Ephesians 5:32). The official position of The Lutheran Church— 1) They shall confess their sin, receive absolution, Missouri Synod, as set forth in 1998 Res. 3-21 (“To Affirm the and separate until the time of the wedding Sanctity of Marriage and to Reject Same-Sex Unions”), is that ho- 2) They shall confess their sin, receive absolution, mosexual unions come under categorical prohibition in the Old and have a small, private wedding service conducted and New Testaments (Leviticus 18:22, 24; 20:13; 1 Corinthians as soon as possible, followed by a period of counsel- 6:9-10; 1 Timothy 1:9-10) as contrary to the Creator’s design ing. Should they desire a “Church Wedding” it (Romans 1:26-27). These positions and beliefs can be found on the would follow this period of counseling and be de- LCMS website (lcms.org), along with other statements, papers and signated as a “Recognition of a Civil Marriage.” reports on the subject of homosexuality and same-sex civil unions and “marriage.” Our pastors will not officiate over any marriage If neither of these options are acceptable, the plans for a inconsistent with these beliefs, and our church property may not be wedding at Trinity can go no further. used for any marriage ceremony, reception or other activity that would be inconsistent with our beliefs and this policy.