Game for a lay? AR! UM' LOOS MOWN SIXCESS? COMMIE MUM FAO 17 Incorporating magazine Britain's biggest weekly student newspaper May 3, 1996 Woody's women erotic iction FROM FARROW TO FOSTER. KEATON TO SORVINO - 1' IS IT ART OR AN OLD MAN'S FANTASY? The Juicy guide la the hottest juice: Pages 2.3 titles oa the literary top shell BODY FOUND BY SECURITY OUTSIDE LECTURE THEATRES Death on campus shocks university B CATRIONA DAVIES eNt. TIM GALLAGHER

THE discovery of a dead finalist on campus has stunned students and staff at ALL ACTION BRINGS ALL SMILES Leeds University. The body of Alan Jackson. a third year Genetics student. was found behind the Roger Stevens building shortly before 7am on WednesdaN morning, 1-k is thought to have jumped from the window of a walkway 60 rect above the lecture theatre courtyard. The corridor. on level 10. connects the Genetics and Biochemistry departments. A window was later found open on the corridor. Security guards immediately called an ambulance. but on its arrival. Jackson. 21_ was found to be dead. Coroners have not yet confirmed the cha se of death, but police are not looking for anyone else in connection with the incident. A member of university staff. who was there before the police arrived. described the scene: "There was quite a lot of blood around the hotly. Some of the paving stones were smashed where he had fallen." Students on their way to lectures looked on as police removed the body in a bag at around 9am. A spokesman for the university said: "Alan was a hard working and well liked student who was doing well on his course and was expected to go on to postgraduate study The university extends ils deepest sympathies to his family." Counselling staff at Leeds University are providing a special session for distressed students from ..trim toda ■in Clarendon Road ilffiee_

SCENE OF THE INCIDENT: The spot outside the Roger Stevens building where the body was HAPPY HOLIDAY: Kids from Leeds enjoy the high life during a recent holiday in found Pic: Paul Shelley Durham, overseen by volunteers from Student Community Action. Full story: page 2

INSIDE: News 1-9, Comment 6-7, Feature 10-11, Consumer Affairs 12, Science 13, Careers 14, Sport 16-20. Plus 16 page juice pullout magazine

2 I EUDS ST1. i1u.N1 Richly May 3, I tigto News Bottoms up for bizarre pub show Motorway STUDENT TWO CHEEK1 students captive audience after they gathered around the green in :1, I.. .111 Al.h.r;Ot nr phoned Chris Evans' Radio order to get the best possible riot warner ,ere ing snalrm, .11 bared their hum'. -at the One breakfast show to view of the event- "I came canoe crisis LC-Cat I IrWier•LI:. I er,k Original Oak - just as they had this." %111mpoluluti 1:nt,rrqty and rlth..i promised to live on Chris publicise the event to the here especially to -.re ♦ Embarrassed canoeists were ollegex rn and arr•und !red,. •111 Evans' radio show. a ritr,s nation. "I didn't think that we said first year drinker John (tor inurnalisis abide by a code • •: forced to abondon their trailer last lniiv kelk. would get on the radio, but Holdsworth. -I heard it on the conduct_ bat 401 C. it weekend when its wheel flew off PrithiCrke, ideure c.ntatt the F.41.01 Vicky and late had made a when we did_ we had no radio. and my mules and I on the Mr, bizarre pact one year ago that. choice but to do it." said decided we'd come here for writes Catriona Leeds Staderri newspaper Davies. when one of them left Leeds. Vicky. "I was really nervous our Saturday night out.- balk Ueliversk, titian The trailer, loaded with 17 PI) PAZ 157 they would both moon on the before we got on the green. but The ladies have promised bowling green at the once it was all over. 1 was glad that next time one of them canoes, scraped along the its] till •eadingley pub, we did it,• Julie added. leaves Leeds, nil he a full motorway with only one wheel. streak across the lawn. as the other sped away and rolled F.rnint REARING TO GO. Vicky bares all They were guaranteed a Drinkers at the pub Mao Ft•swr into oncoming traffic_ Members for Lai Canoe newt, lAur SI teal Club were on their way to a white Juke 1411or water course in Noning.harn Ramon font when the incident (teethed last Arta Eakin Sunday morning. Club captain irm Blve.11 Vran Stephenson explained: Den 1,4m •1■11Ct.Mel "We've had loads of trouble with mon the trailer. byt you don't expect Flmint Mime, something like this to happen on Renault Itm•nt kin Mantle.. Street drinkers the motorway. We couldn't even grog sir. re. sly where the wheel or nuts got Limn FAMor to so we dragged the trader to the rte oust. embankment and drove on to find remakill & Amtrak. Fillet help." Sewn /ear) They returned several hours adMitlet 14111.t Tema. 5.1.fitrrw ■ later with a friend's thialer to pick up the canoes. hyt were shucked names Mbar fmnron.,,-thrpta to find the trailer had rttokrtrust Vemarrt &Uttar face council ban disappeared. It had been removed %1rt, tit .-s by police and locked in a depot in !hamlet Editor, Barnsley. "Apparently we Clore jstmed. A TRADITIONAL student summer drinking haunt could he all but a distant memory if a local shouldn't have left it there. and Niusie Mann CULTURAL DAY STORY were faced with a £130 fine Slr% t C.r op, councillor has her way. before we svuld get it hack.- :Lad fnxt Arran (Tarn 1∎11,04 Sarah Perrigo. kk-vrcs SUMMER chief time. Fame. Headingley's Labour ("Aetna, cri. • councillor who retained , her seat in yesterday's I- DRINKING 1,,nlarill .1, elections. has instigated Action hots plans to prevent customers from enjoying a pint TRADITION for kids Klan, Wimp outside The Skyrack and %%Irian .104. l'ONY trekking, rock Vick txt. Original Oak pubs on the FACES AXE climbing and lamb reeding Petitertikult-'111c•• • High Street. were among the fun and demands or local residents ILIr I. Councillor Perrino claims games in store for youngsters local residents have got fed having removed tables, walls and on a recent holiday organised kd111.1 benches from outside the pub. I Scot Acy, up with broken glass and by Student Community A spokesperson for the cpurt 1,111... • general disruption caused by Action. wrire3 David Smith_ /ft brewery said: "We have been The children. who live in Met C.o..... crowds on the Otley Road. working in conjuncttnn wi th the Nil Willson deprived areas in Leeds, were .0aglottoi *ors Erb!. local police for a nutrifict of given a break by student Nut fbirkUird., Tradition • months to deal with the volunteers on a week-long Treed NOWA Concerns about the loss of a problem." ;,rust I\-r'+ trip to Durham. including favourite AtITIITICt tradition were Original Oak owners Tetley visits to a farm and nearby Adnerd,ing Meru. dismissed by the councillor who acknowledged the outside Colrain 1141), theme park. Amectent said: "Those days are probably drinking problem but said, 'it Is Eleanor Bull, Chair of \ rim • Over- very difficult to dictate to people Action and co-ordinator of She points out it is against where they drink " the holiday, said: "lt was Heard a good licensing laws to consume However, they do tint seem worth all the hard work to see alcohol outside pub premises - too impressed with tieing the kids' delight as they fed story? Call flu' police in Heading ley had dictated to by the local council, the lambs. p ria111, turned a blind eye but "would welcome dialn•ue -We were so upset at 11 previously. with the local residents.' having to come home that we were caused h Newsdesk But now under pressure from ∎ DANCING QUEEN: African and Caribbean societies from all cried - ev en the students!" Councillor Petrigilthe police are customers. both Leeds universities lolned together last Saturday to Anyone interested in planning to crack down. Punter Nick Gandy. produce a cultural day including traditional dancing. guest helping with the next 0113 Whitbread Inns. owners of contemplating the toss ,d• the children's holiday, planned summer drinking mbil,- said speakers. a fashion show and an African and Caribbean The Skyrack, say they have tor the summer, can contact "We're. appalled cultural meal. Pic: Willem Jaspert 2434127 already complied with the Action on 231 4260. Want to Full-time SECRETARY advertise? *Weather news * Weather news * Weather news Contact in a busy multilingual office Advertising ON THE HORIZON near Leeds University Campus 0113 Requirements: with celebrity weather forecaster • Keyboard skills 2314251 • Good telephone manners Stevie Sunshine • DTP experience preferred Or send a fax on • Knowledge of foreign language(s) Fax Satuniav: Cloud) to start, brightening up with sonic sunny intervals later preferred. 0113 Sunday: Bright and dry with sunny periods. Salary: f 10k (negotiable) 2467953 Outlook jar the rest of the week: Dr) and bright on Monday, beenTTT ;; g cloudy with outbreaks of rain later in the week. e-mail Send CV to: cso4ksu4gps.leeds.cpcuk Formed kindly supplied by Leeds Met. Office. Mr Younis, 35 Cromer Terrace, W'eatheraill Regional forecast available on 0891 500 417 Premium Ruled. Leeds LS2 9)U

News ,,,,,,,,,,,.,,, Fnii..5 %-1,∎ , 1''',,' 3 Euro-drinking GRADUATE INJURED IN DAYLIGHT STREET ArrAcK BY TEENAGERS goes into extra time GLASSES were raised in council chiefs this week as drinking lime in city centre pubs was extended - but (wily If .sauerkraut and even snails are served with your pint, %Titer Niceiu Tern: I CO d've been As part of festivities to coincide with Euro 46, pubs can apply for lieeiice extensions until lam throughout the month of June - but there is a catch_ The council insists pubs who possess the late liCCIKX must hold theme VAGUELY HOPEFUL DJs nights whenever tine of the visiting teams - such as Spain or France - are playing Lorna Cohen. Chair of the Licensing Committee. is confident the council will receive killed many applications-and she says the response shown so far A STUDENT driven out of her home by confirms this view. constant harrassment has been viciously Tetley. Leeds- leading brewery. welcomed the decision attacked by a gang while she was on her way and Tony Roberts, manager of to collect the last of her possessions. the Felon and }firkin. said he Victoria Knight was would definitely be applying for RN CATRIONIA DAVI TS the extension: "You're going to knocked unconscious & Tim Ght.I.M.IFIWI and is lucky to be alive get a lot of pisshetals in Victoria fell to the ground obviously, but I think its a great after being hit on the unconscious and w as later idea." head by a ball bearing taken to Leeds Cienera.l Students agreell it was a pm kl from a catapult fired infirmary suffering from idea. 'The decision is a good by il-year-old youth. concussion. move for landlords," said Murk She was returning to LS6 Coat. "Hut maybe it could lead to She had been walking to pick up the last of her more violence in the city pubs". toward', Hyde Park with possessions and return the friend Barbara Rozoviec. keys of het former house. Russian Studies finalist, having been forced to move Sex attacker last Sunday afternoon out from the Hessles. They called into a shop at She had experienced assaults girl the bottom of Moorland repeated threats and abuse Rd. but were besieged by a from local youths. including A 13 year-old girl was the victim gang of five or six having several fireworks thrown through her letterbox. of a serious sexual assault which teenagers who started took place last Friday evening "It was getting to the stage k'cking and punching where I slept with a baseball near a popular Leeds nightspot, ihelT1 writes William Burgeson. hat by my bed. never live in an area like that again," She had just got off the Barricaded Victoria now lives in a quiet number 57 City-bound bus, which part of Hetidingley. is often used by students, at They barricaded A routine police patrol 620pm outside the Irish Centre themselves inside the shop apprehended Victoria's on York Road when she was and waited for the gang lu attacker, an I 1 -year-old confronted by a man_ After move on_ However, when the blond-haired youth. He was :accusing her ofIlMalllting his two friends emerged 10 later spoken to by an officer younger sister he forced her to minutes later. the gang was in the presence of his parents accompany him to nearby East waiting. No charges can be brought End Park where the assault took They followed them over because of the attacker's age. place. the road onto the park. One of Victoria, who graduated in Police say the assailant V..;!, the youths produced a Russian Studies front Leeds white, in his late teens. about 5. catapult, loaded It with a ball University last summer and is 5" in height with short blond or hearing the size of a 50 pence now on a postgraduate course light bmwn hair. He was wearite.• piece and fired it at Victoria's at Bradford, was shocked by a beige bomber jacket with head, the attack. "There's this gang brown trousers, with a mole on It struck her skull at the thickest part but had the blow of kids roaming LS6 who are his left check. she said. hit her temple. doctors just out of control," "They've got no moralitv believe it would have been blame the parents." ! oils 'Gay hate' paper attacked CLEAR THE DECKS: The budding DJs outside the Fay. The line-up includes Beat King, A- A CAMPAIGN is being But Green, vows the WaXX, Alex Cheeba Fever. DJ Groove. Peter Pirelli, and Chris & Clark Willem Aspen launched against the Yorkshire campaign will continue, with HOPEFUL DJs get The night will also be like Jeremy Healy." Evening Post after it was the motion being re-suhmitted The tits themselves were claimed it is homophobic, in two weeks. She plans to CULPRITT. A phototi filmed for a new programme the chance to show Flax, which will hit the in jovial mood. They were writes Sophie Hollow launch a major campaign off their skills on the screens of YTV later this all brimming with LUU wants to withdraw all against the paper. Police appeal decks when a year confidence. DJ Groove saisJ its advertising from the local She says that the union. Winners get the chance to "Just listen Is' the name and paper after a number of articles which has an equal THE police are appealing for prestigious play a guest spot at lop you'll see I'm the best." were claimed to be harmful to opportunities employment anybody who has been competition comes to Saturday club night Vague. Meanwhile Chris & the profile of the lesbian, gay policy. should not advertise job and bisexual community. vacancies in the 'MP- if its appmeehecl by a male within the Leeds. writes George Kunle Barker. promoter Clark. said: "Four hands are university complex, particularly of the night, said: "The better than two, we've got Laura Green, who is leading articles are indeed homophobic. at cash point machines within Butler competition came about sharp suits, sharp tunes and the campaign. claims that over The YEP claim there is no the area, during the last 12 Next Thursday sees the because it's so hard to break its going to he a multi- the last eight months the evidence to support the months offering to sell and Old Skool at the into the scene. sound force phenomenon." newspaper has cuntittually allegations. supply drugs. Faversham play host to "I challenge certain club The styles are going to printed articles of a Edttor Chris Bye says they Utter, utter nonsense and Please contact the Robbery / the contest with judges snobs to come down and range from "pumping homophobic nature. are - Attempts 10 gain backing totally mischievous. It is totally Drugs action team at Millgarth from 1-d and Muzik take the Pepsi challenge with cheesy house" to "phat from the wider student body at untrue that the YEP is. Police Station on 10113) 241 magazine and Eastern my Ws and I guarantee they American dub disco," an OGM last week fell flat homophobic. 1 take exception 3085- Bloc records. won't know the difference according to the Detectives say all calls will between them and someone competitors. when the meeting was to anyone accusing us of •inounnitte uctaclajtripc.4ni:Weity'retOta.l't he tre ted in the strictest t • cunfi gnu=--- — -

News viewpoint THE REAL STORY BEHIND ANNABELLE Leeds Stilt/on ventures lorth each week to gauge your opinions and uncover your hidden secrets... In the wake of the tragedies in Dunblane and Tasmania. questions have been asked about the availability Investigation: of guns. So Ave asked is there any reason for people to own them?

"There Nhuutd he far tighter controls on guns and they should be left to prolessionals and the military." the murder Hayley Thompson, 2nd year Social Policy

"No, I really hate gun: but I do tote n-iy spudgun.- with no body -This is •a case of a whodunnit with a sub plot of did Brad Wyer, 2nd year Computer Studies anybody do it because there is no body." This was the .Appeal Court judges' introduction to the MSC of Colin James. the father of first year Law student Annahelle who is campaigning for his release. Leeds Student uncovers the aniek. mystery surrounding • the case and asks how he was Special investigation c:onvicted in the first plate. The prosecution at the original fit Vi'Aktki.• I trial relied on forensic evidence car polish. certain types 111 motor int, Will Wright, 1st year Business & Information and an accusation that Mr James Technology wine, mal or gamlening products. was motivated by greed. "Most of these products could be In addition. it was argued that found in a garage housing vintage annahelle's father lied about his cars,- Annabelle insists. "But this new "No. but innitenine (tic whereabouts at key times after his forensic evidence was seen as too won't make any ditto clue. business partner David Marlin, the complex fnr the appeal judges." if people want to use guns alleged murdered tnan. had Poisecution lawyer Nicholas Jarman QC hacked up the forensic they'll manage to get hold of vanished. The fact that no body or evidence with claims that Mr 'James them." murder weapon was ever found was a liar. His travels and actions was ignored. key times around the time of the Specifically, the most:a:talon said a MURDER MYSTERY: Vanished millionaire David Martin at the house disappearance were disputed ti where he lived. But Annabelle doubts he Is really dead. Mark Turley. 3rd year Social Sciences Moody footprint found in Mr Martin's Thames Valley Police. warning of years ago tin a bald tyre, disappearance and that the message lin garage matched u rare trainer to the original trial the defence He dud not speak on his lawyer's the answer-phone had changed around belonging to Mr James insisted that Mr James was simply advice." the tnne of the alleged molder. mistaken. Annabelle confirms this and She denies she is simply cluichma However. Mr Martin's hank Controversial say s she is "horrified- about the way at straws trying in defend the lather account has not been touched since the .y2 Llip, Ms! ?]...• the proacaaaion picked up on this lapse But Annabelle claims this was and made it so significant. she loves: "None of the prosecution day of the disappearanoa tit:NU M 11410 t evidence actually proves that my Head of aontnwersial even in the original trial: Additionally. with evidence from Detective Inspector Blain father murdered David Martin apart The supposed blood was found by lvlr Martin's girlfriend. it was alleged the Police investigation. still views the from the forensic evidence which can case in the saute light: "It has been Mr Martin's gig-In-tend mm a week that Mr James was ripping off David alter the police had examined the Martin to the tune of £212,000. la: undermined. Greed, lying and the proved through the courts with a earage- Annahelle says her father is not right to silence were simply points unanimous jury and has been revisited Harriet Blackmore, 2nd year European manipulated by the prosecution. for appeal and been thrown out." Joseph Aaron, Colin Jall1CS . greedy, suggesting it was Just a simple - Marketing this proves the lawyer, insists dial without the ease of had book keeping. "He really According to DI Blair. totemic evidence the ape is weak wishes now that he kept records of his Alive conviction is safe. With this evidenee He erases this view on the work of busine, transactiotts." she says and the facts she is still accumulating. should he Dr Anthony Dickerson of Imperial The prosecution also picked up on Perhaps most importantly. Cohn Annabelle believes the case College, Londint. who has conducted Mr James asserting his right to silence James' lawyers and Annabelle also re-opened_But Nick Taylor. a lecturer "Guns all* had and new experiments apparently casting throughout the trial. insist that Mr Mania has been spotted in the Law faculty. believes that bullets hurt." doubt on the validity of the lorensic But Annabelle insists that her :iliac and in full fettle at least time Annahelle has an uphill struggle: test used on the blood .sample. rather had nothing to say. —the times since his disappearance in 1992. —there are around SOO eases a year in He say , the 'blood' on the !him accusattlins seemed so ndiculous," she The defence al.so point out that Mr this position after the appeal process.' could have been a whole range of says, "they even brought up his police Martin's briefcase and passport he says, "of these, on average. only substances including chi ome vanished at the time of his four are released Phil, 2nd year Law Bed bugs targeted by boffins Campus DJs reach for the skies -'No, the more guns Mete are in circulation LINIVERSII send in their Nina N preferably BUDDING student Ms have hit an al /sr slid it their was Unfortunately. the more likely it is that something hugging them a theory unwashed. to he analysed A randinn all-time high with their latest publicity their poster only appeared as a stamp- there will he accidents which claims 20 per cent of a pillow's selection of pillows will be sent away stuni, nine Gad Davidmon, fidiet Reed sized advert on the vast Leeds and unneceasary weight is made up of dust mites, for tests and their owners w ill he and Nicola ferry. landscape. frnsiset ire'ttyent panvided with brand new ones. Workers from fir risked fife and Responses to the stunt have. . Researchers from Leeds Paul Stone, Managing Director ut limb to climb the 35-metre varied. with the majority of sat Daniel Solomons, 3rd Year Science University are hernia asked to examine Carries, the company sponsoring the constructton crane currently ohlis ions to the great efforts Ma•e the number of dust mites contained in research. said it would pros ide dominating the Leeds University "1 'ye aeon the crane", say s Nikki Cbmpiled by pillows, as these microscopic hugs an: important medical information, campus to hang up an advertising. (Arkin. "but no batmen What is Louisa Uregson thought to trigger allergies. asthma -We must pal a barrier between banner. anyway'?" and eczema. ourselvea and the house dust mite," he Despite the contractors' offers to The station can he heard on Volunteers ale now being urged to said. have the harmer for them, thrill-seekers 107 WM until May 23.

News 5 JAMES' FIGHT TO FREE HER FATHER Farmyard fun comes to town KITCHEN sink drama Hi Sum'M a low took on a whole new meaning when a Marketing student, said: "It's qudent house was used so exciting having Ennnerdale filmed in your own house." for filming top soap But though the students Emmerdale. were happy to cooperate Sally Ingelby and her initially, the filming itself - housemates who live on planned for the Easter holiday Esteourt Avenue, - hit a snag when the crew Ileadingley. were shocked accidentally triggered the house's burglar alarm. They to he visited by staff from a had arrived at Sam and were television company. fearing seeking the attention of Chris a was about their TV Burrows. sole resident at the licence. time. But they learned with relief it was because their house had Friendly heen cast as a locution in an episode of Ermiserdoir, Despite the set-back. Chris The soap-addicted ti tu den I s said: "The crew were really. sere delighted to find that really friendly." She was instead of facing a penalty particularly pleased when trom licence officials. they Mark Cameron. who plays were to he paid £75 for turning Sean in the snap, greeted her their house into a soap set by name and shook her hand. Bridget Knight, a third year "Mark is a lot better in the flesh than on the screen." Sean and fellow character Kathy were filmed walking down the street to the students' house and knocking on the door. The episode, which also features a shot of the girls' kitchen, will he screened in late May. But Chris had one disappointment. the crew did not clean up the kitchen. but filmed it as it was, leaving LIFE SENTENCE: Is Cohn James SOAPY: Chris, Bridget & Sally dirty dishes on the side a callous murderer or a victim of a tragic miscarriage of justice? (main plc); daughter Annabelle (right): and the James family In happier times (below)

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free spare pair worth £70 Death mourned Alien encounters come to Leeds TULA:SANDS of sightings of interests of ft Iiun.il sc, Must Da ► 0 swat FRIENDS are mourning the parte ipoomis $n totn pails death of popular second year UFOs and aliens arc being covered governments have deliberately withheld information on Parcatated karma mum bit t iO ormion student Tom Lawrence. who up by ginemmenk in top secret X aati Patarl oath wean was killed in a motor files. according to a leading encounters with alien vessels since t. .t 2ati pat, accident over Easter, ri rt-8' researcher who visited Leeds this the 1941/s Naga Munchatv. week. •ria-A Anna Carter. Hundreds of keen IT( Torn. 21, from Tunbridge Timothy Good. who is enthusiasts listened to his tisk • .• (U N I S [. R S I T Wells leaves a partner and a embarking on a nationwide tour alien visitations, child. "He will be sadly lecturing on extra terrestrial life. He said Yorkshire has had its missed," said a spokesperson came to Leeds Universit∎ fair share of alien encounters s 0 N for Leeds University's conference auditorium on Saturday "Them- have been sightings around OPTICIANS Politics department night. He claims that in the the area, particularly in moorland " 6 ,.....s STIIIIENT Fridnis May 1, iSiik, Comment & Analysis STUDENT OPINION Wars, massacres Election special: Ignorance begins in Headingley " /'1.1 concerned about the huge expansion of and local radio student houses in Headingley. Landlords She's reported from Bosnia, Rwanda and should be encouraged to reduce the numbers. It's a the Middle East. Here Kate Adie talks to question of balance." This is not a quotation Ina from some bigoted Yorkshireman CATRIONA DAVIES and ABBIE JONES but from Sarah Perrigo, Labour councillor for Headingley and and tells them how it all started your voice on the local authority. •ATE Adie, award though they are stories she ha. total nightmare of a By the time you read this Penigo clearly told hundreds of times Monday afternoon:* will have been elected fora further w inning BBC Journalist and before. A station at Durham Kate Adie has term of office. no doubt with a holds the fondest memories: clearly come a long substantial inajonty. Many will the woman who brought We used to go out to do vox way since those early applaud this: Labour is traditionally the Gulf War to your pops in a van equipped with a days, She is the BBC's seen as the party with students' living room, is one of large transmitter ariel but never best known interests at hcan. those reporters who can understood why no-one would international But. Sarah Perrigo shows little combine danger, ever speak Its us. One day we correspondent but quick understanding of what student.. want or glamour and a cool- managed to Leach a man to dispel the myth that need from their representative. Her head to such an running away from us down the she's got a glamorous manifesto is full of fine upstanding immaculate degree that street and asked him why job. She emphasises the everyone was so frightened. He time spent on logistics slogans. but its central plank is not to she is in serious danger from digging latrines crack down on the soaring burglary rates of becoming a legend in said. 'Well you kit are the TV in Leeds to stop landlords ripping licence detector people aren't and carrying diesel to students off or implove lighting in Hyde her own life time. you'?' That station was closed waking up in the Park. No, her principal policy pledge is It's strange then, to hear down in the end. We were so morning to find the to stop 'anti-social' (her words) students her talk of the catastrophes had" power station bombed drinking beer outside outside the Original that nearly ruined her early Looking at her now it seems and no electricity or Oak and Skyrack pubs. career because she is hard to believe that this could running water "You know nothing as a Sunshine surrounded by that aura of ever have been the case, but she authority which gives you insists she's had her fair share journalist these days of mistakes. "There were until you've had to get Of course, there can be little harm in a the impression that if a always times doing a news ten other journalists few students enjoymg a beer outside in major world war was about "I did a degree in Scandinavian studies and with that the world doesn't what little sunshine there is this year. bulletin when I'd be praying together to help carry a come knocking at your door" Pic: James Bingham to start. they'd hold it off there wasn't a single listener supposedly small Students can be rowdy. but we are she tells us earnestly, "You have obviously deelicated to her until Kate Adie and her out there. However it's hest to generator." she declares overwhelmingly out to enjoy ourselves. to rely on your instincts a lot and profosion and it wouldn't he mobile satellite station get mistakes out oldie way steadfastly. Damning news for a not to look for trouble. For years police there's no substitute for getting hard to imagine there's little time arrived. early in your career when it generation of young reporters turned a blind eye to what is a harmless out there and seeing for yourself for anything else - we expected Stories. about her time on doesn't really matter too who have never dodged a bullet show of revelry - after all this is what's going on." to be told at length that being a in their lives. supposed to be the 24-hour city. local radio seem to be Kate's much." Kate's recent career reads celebrated broadcast emmalie Li So how does she suggest This is not simply an insensitive piece favourite subject. She site At the age of 30, Kate got her like a series of radio and more of a lifestyle than a job. but budding hopefuls approach a of meddling. There is a deeper problem forwent in her seat as she first job as a television reporter television award nominations. Kate denies this completely. excitedly recounts the years she - again apparently by accident - career in journalism'? One thing underlying Pemgo's attitude: looking except she's won them all - from "It's no different from any spent doing every job from she hadn't realised the job that she keeps coming hack to is that after the interests of students will gain the 1988 Woman of other job. You just have to find making the tea to washing the she'd applied for would involve a reporter has to be able to her nothing in the hallos box. For Achievement Award to the 1990 a balance between your career cat. As she speaks she manages speaking on television. "I had a justify why they're doing a although they make up the vast majority BAFIA Richard Dimbleby and your private life and avoid to give the impression that ors bit of a shock on my fine day. I particular story and who they're of her Headingley constituency, few will Award, they've probably all becoming a slave to your the first ume in years she's just turned up to work and was doing it for. "You should only have voted for their representative in cluttered her mantlepiece. She is work." yesterday's local elections. The legacy of thought of these things even expected to do it all. It was a ever do what you think is ript." the Poll Tax has been enough to remove debating have a big piss-up insteattr Discrimination Officer laid bound to emu: one can only mast of us from the electoral register, and chambers This cued. of course, a hearty down the gauntlet for David hope his witticisms were disillusionment with national political cloaked in cheer of approval. the tire of Foulger on the failure to get new recorded in the minutes for full bickering means our vote is Ant seen AS formality we many that evening. There is now members of Council. for the rest perusal when she finally returns. useless had. for this a general mood of demob of Exec on why they never turn There can be no such mercy for °IMAM( week's happiness among the troops on up to Council meetings Reign Simon 'Chirpic' Caffrey. The 4 o-rekh. sketch (!flalltien1 hutting of the Exec front-line. a new sense anymore, and even. in a jolly President's inclination towards Politicians should be in power to Exec at of freedom that, with time quip to a fellow (Aker, elf the gargantuan exercises in represent all their constituents, not just LMUSU, a running out. they haven't got now depleted Exec over at WU: drinking followed by those who voted fur them But 1(.:H ideals always Ct.sy gathering of loyal followers anything to lose. Suddenly Dom "You want to resign and get a embarrassing stripteases and uneetunately, it seems politics is founder at this time all huddled round three small Margetson, VP Education & ,O(X) handshake. but it just displays of nudity are rag metetisingly becoming the property of Hiif year. Exec tables. Gone were the ex irthy Campaigns. was able to laugh doesn't happen like that." Most becoming legend. As the those who can whinge the loudest. The members who began their teoposale and policy initiatives off his failure to type up an Exec shockingly. however, Spider meeting descended into long silent majority of students remain tenure vs ith talk of designed to improve the lot of report. presenting instead an even dared challenge the might bouts of hilarity. Chirpie's students every whew, the talk disenfranchised and unrepresented, renaissance. revolution and illegible handwritten copy - Deborah Hartman - with shame. or lack of it. were was of staging piss-ups and of albeit in his usual manner Ora The area belongs. as 'web to student> getting a few people to vote whom he is more usually Trt bandied about more and more as it tines to 'loads'_ We require the same the President's propensity to teacher on his first day at school, cohorts • but who now came was reminded of antics at in the union elections find it He services and support as other more streirkine. slightly awkward and apologetic under flit_ tar demanding Kosher NUS Conference which he has really isn't worth all the established groups. Indeed, in a city It had taken Exec this tong to but still undeniably earnest and breakfasts at the recent never had the joy of which is often indifferent or hostile to bother. come up with the idea of a night straightforward. extriferenceS. remembering. And yet for ail students, we need all the protection and Meetings start lo go missed!. on the tiles for the non- Mareeteon, it =spired, had It helped. of et terse. that Hartman the ribbing and mockery. the help we can get from our representative. inmates go unwritten. alarm sahhatical members of the telnn been responsible for such key wasn't actually at this meeting to President's dignity somehow What do politicians like Sarah Perrtgo docks cue ignored. Where once So they could. as they put it. Exec functions as hiagging respond in kind. The VP seemed to stay intact: if propose to do to prevent incidents like you would be greeted by a "bend" Since these members' free place at NUS Conference in Administration has temporarily anything, as with politicians tenne of office are nearly at end, that tuelthghted on today's page three washed-behind-the-ears graduate Blackpool. organising a National vanished. officially because of a who get caught at adultery. It the suggestion of building a recurring? It is the teenage gangs like this keen to a.sese your social tine No Smoking Day campaign so back injury, although any official actually looks to have that are the real anti-social elements team spirit might have just as successful that he re-tank up sexual welfare, new the Exec who tells you as much has the increased his popularity. It Perrigo should be targeting, not students usefully been put to a club smoking, tutd a long holiday, to office is populated by jaded grunge habit of suppressing a appears. even at this Poltucians like Perrigai should already relegated to the get over all the stress grin and a barbed comment at irres erten time of year. bureaucrats wundering what remember the way to integrate students IS Endaleig.h League, Even Exec Then them was Laurie Spieler. the same time. Emboldened by there will always he not to treat them as alien invaders, but a. their job might be come tern's realised as much and, it being so unexpectedly throwing caution her absence. Spider relished fools who fall a valued Nut of the community And the end. late in the day, came up with a to the winds and going for the displaying gentle humour at her for the first step is to listen to what they have to Protocol over meetings has long brilliant solution to overcome jugular - everyone., as it turned expense all meeting. the content President's New perished Instead or the grand say - .1/Cn ignore them. the problem: "Why don't we rue out. The Ethnic and Anti- of which this colunut feels duty- Clothes 6 Comment & Analysis i I H IS i Ft I ,FN 1' I I.,i,!, 51.,. 1, 1,r94, 7

The notorious columnist fires off another round of controversy Madmen with their fingers on the trigger

HE gun lobby has analysis applies. The reason there a phallic-shaped barrel has got to been having a hard are so few under-the-counter Sinclair be suspect. I've no objection to Cis available is because legitimate weird people but I don't think Ttime of it recently. trade in the electric irikes has all but they should he allowed to own a A month ago, when the collapsed. If there were fewer guns lethal weapon. Lei them collect dust was beginning to in the first place, then there would be stamps. less available tor the underground Of course, people should have settle after Dunblane, market. the freedom to do what are) warn, they had just started It is claimed thin shooting iN a. Britain is the oldest democracy in arguing again for the sport. Shooting things is no more a the world after all km there is no sport than ballroom dancing. I'm no benefit to society from allowing need for firearms. great spurt afficianado, but people its own guns. Apparently, Retired majors were understand it usually involves gun owners derive emir mous popping up &lending the running .ihmit_ shoorma is a solitary pleasure front shorting things. Hid pastime, Liestiuetion dressed up as sport of shooting and the need this should he weighed against the worthwhile activity. possibility of the perfectly happy for farmers to blast predatory There is just no need to own guns gun owner thppmg and deriving loxes.. Thomas Hamilton was and anyone 141111 a keen interest in enormous pleasure from shoot log an exception. they said. no shooting is suspect Every time su people. law could have prevented his hear of she run me massacies. Presently. there lc no guarantee rhe gunman that a can massacre of 16 school described as .1 owner isn't children_ perfectly going to go Properly legislated. they ordinal) Apparently, gun mad. The Robert De Niro in Scorsese's Taxi Driver : Obviously. a bit of a nutter. claimed, guns are a useful tool - person who licence of mind of anyone appis ing tor a were outlawed. then anununit ion and a major part of the country's kept owners derive renew als are eon e IN tkivoldhle. Twin the is ,11 err much harder to come bv sporting heritage. themselves us %try else '-1.111 Ails...me [,rood in filmseftsioll ref a And then sonic nutter in Australia themselves but sears That's A ho had a enormous Plenty of tone And near iiittnth, Mew is the st-:',W011 immedrittely be called John Bryant goes and shoots ildi keen interest or NOiilet1111. 111 ...slimier: to son this ma A nailo suspe,t and penativ 35 people dead- Hummer. in shooting. ILISC their aninesty to destroy as Man). ...mild Men he mum ail hear No legislation against firearms is pleasure from Min on soeiei■ Which is like marbles and possible. Detractors will he quick to tt o a sad reties- perfect. If people really want to own point out there will still he guns in that we ha% e to he told to do this. guns. they will obtain them by honk claiming to be decide the shooting things want to kill circulation and will point to the first any action against gun ownership or by crook. However, the reason perfectly their shooting after the amnesty as proof comes from above, It doesn't take a there are so many available is normal. but having a thriving passion for neighbours. It's impossible to say it that such a move just goes to penalise Mensa member to figure out that the hecause they are legal and shooting shagging pat ements someone is sufficiently sound of the legitimate owners: those who longer we use gums, the snore normal is seen as a some kind of normal Gun owners and users are. by mind to shoot a weapon and so. the intend to use a tireami maliciously they seem. the longer freaks like activity. Thus, a sort of basic • definition, strange The desire to obvious solution is to not allow are not likely to hand it in. Thomas Hamilton can continue It ei:t 'Manic supply and demand pose a threat. shoot a small piece of metal through anyone to own one. Surely the state However. if all shooting clubs

IMON Kovar stated in support for peace &sok! a wave of and a porthilio of eases. science is such that people are last week's Leeds suicide bombs and Katyusha rockets_ predisposed to expect the revenge of SStudent that "The Israeli But for a nation surrounded too long Clare Mason, nature C'the prier we pay for cheap army is the most effective by hostile neighbours this cannot come Education Sec. beef', as the vegetarian society terrorist force" in the Middle at the expense of security. campaign officer was quoted as East. saying). As tor terrorimit, we would like to Daniel Zinkin, LUU Jewish Society. To avoid risks we would have It draw Mr Kovar's attention to the Israeli Robert Burkeman, LMU Jewish ?." I retreat to our homes - but eight people Gos ernment's immediately apology Society. lette were hospitalised last year due to alter the distressing events of last injuries caused by place mats! week: we hear no such apology from If the consequence of this scare is Hizh'allah and and Hamas whose clear am writing in response to ontrary to what was that people become obsessed with goal is to target innocent civilians. Mr two of the letters in last reported in Leeds protecting themselves from cows and Kovar's letter is tantactual and entirely week's edition concerning Student (26/4/96). placemais rather than regulation and I C repression, the government will have unrepresentative of the views of the the change of module fee and Professor Lacey has not majority of students we have spoken scored a great victory against anyone the inadequate computing "established the link between with ambitions to change society. to facilities pn mad cow disease and CJD" - Israel first offered peace in 1977 h. campus. We should Get A Life and stop ,I.,, I sot that since both of these any Arab nation oho would come nor is his research "now panicking. uses, s.,tine to my attention after forward. Egypt did so. followed more universally accepted". Christmas I have been investigating ■ recently by Jordan. Tunisia and 'the link between IISL in cos., s and Michael Sa them. I have had several meetings on Morocco. All these countries ale CJD in humans remains unproven. these very subjects. I am sure that the already experiencing the benefits to be Even the government's scientific authors realise that it takes at least six advisors, the source of the current Okay, so perhaps you're the gained from peace. months to get things on University fastest draw in wild West Yorkshire Since September 1993 the Pct) have panic, report that "them are only It) committee agendas and thus discussed and this Gallagher guy's talking a shown a commitment to peace cases to date, and we are not in a and puissibly changed. position to confirm whether or flat load of baloney. Sure thing, buddy, culminating in the recent vote to May I also add that writing to Leeds amend the Palestinian charter calling there is a causal link hetween BSE and tell Leeds Student how ya feelln' Student is not the best way to gel for the destruction of Israel, Surely if the human disease". representation in appealing for the Write to lirth'allith and other such terrorist This is not a scare about a disease. Union to act. The Executive committee Leeds Student newspepe, groups wanted peace they too would but the possibility of a disease passed are more than happy to pursue Leeds University Union adopt peaceful method', and give up to humans through heel. If have recently won a tenner someone's grievance if they are So what is all the fuss about? Lace.s's PO Box 157 terrorism. please collect it from our offices approached directly. Fur the Universit!, argument has caught the popular LEEDS LSI WM The Israeli government and people to lake us seriously we need full details e-mail:csc4ksuegps-leeds.ac.uk in the LMU Student Union have shown time and time again their imagination at a time when distrust tit 7

I N D 9 B DY SPIRIT 7 10 MAY Games Room - all week -come and play!

rUIESDAY - Ice Rink Riley Smith Hall. Come and skate for FREE between 1 lam and 3t)m.

LEEDS UNIVERSITIES NESDAY CHALLENGE I996 Mixed teams from the Uni and the Met, battle it out Gladiator style at Becketts Park. A RT U R Cheap Beer & BBQ 10 - 5pm. A NDERSEN TROPHY

1 HURSDAY eating fietb Massage, Alternative therapies, Story Teller & all sorts! Outside the Union between 12 and 2pm. Come and Relax! Coping with Exams One hour sessions, 1pm and 5pm in LT1 a'osUUlve Body Image "I think my friend has an eating disorder . . .,5 Committee Room D at 1pm FRIDAY - 'WNW 'MU Gook Lunchtime, outside the Union Free Fruit gc Vert': Relaxation Session 1pm. Sign up in Exec.

8 ti tit I Beaten up by road

Britain's biggest weekly student newspaper is a quarter of a century old. To celebrate, we rage yobs present the news that made the headlines 25 years ago. This POLICE are hunting a carload of thugs who ran week: April 28, 1971 one student over - and then in a fit of road rage heat up a friend who came to his aid. FLAMING SOBER STUDENTS Mike Pflanz, a second year Its Tim G tt L.m. it tEk English student, was leaving LETHAL THROWN the Fa% crshant just alter produced a knife and held it to a A WARNING was issued to closing time last Sunday third friend'. stomach, threatening that if he got students this week after cup morning when a car sped OUT OF PUB involved, he would be stabbed. candles were condemned as a round the corner of Mount A PUB landlord told a group The three pals had been fire risk, writes Juliet Reed. of students to leave a Leeds Preston Street and ran straight drinking in the Faversham and West Yorkshire Trading pub saying that he didn't like into him, knocking him to the were on their was home. "We Standards Service have issued a public warning about the the look of them. ground. were just walking up the road," "There had been no Mike's friends, who were said 19-year-old Mike. "1 didn't candles, known us tealights or nightlights. rowdiness and none of us were walking nearby, rushed over to hear the car approaching. It came The alert comes after a drunk. It was only 7.30." attend to him and plead with the up directly behind me. I just number of consumers witnessed commented one of the driver to stop and report the remember sliding off the bonnet". the candles bursting into flames. students. They were then told incident. Doormen fmm the Faversham Contained in a small to get out. were soon on the scene and aluminium cup. the wax may he When asked to he allowed Stunned attempted to pull the keys from the ignmon of the metallic grey white or coloured and is often to finish their drinks, they were But instead of helping stunned escort. But the passengers jumped scented. refused and the police were Mike to his feet. the passengers back in the car and sped NT. Councillor Barry. Midwood. called. of the ear gut out and started Chairman of the West YorAhire The landlord. Mr Buck, Incredibly Mike only suffered punching friend George Butler. Trading Standards Committee. refused to comment on slight concussion, while George knocking him to the ground. had to spend several hours in said: "It would appear the whether in fact the students had They then kicked him repeatedly Leeds General infirmary having problem occurs when the been causing a disturbance. HUNTED: Police are searching for the drivers of a grey Ford in the head temperature of the wax Escort like this one the trio's rescuers were doormen treatment for cuts, heavy bruising I by Gall Das idson (main pis): One of the other passengers become. too high." Compiled from the Faversham pub (inset) Pic: Pete Cotton and a broken now.

a_ w E K710 S ca we AOUATr ONMA LL 21ST JUNE 1996 6PM - 6AM @ ALLERTON CASTLE, KNARESBOROUGH COACHES LEAVING PARKINSON STEPS AT 6 P M & 7.30PM featuring CORDUROY VAGUE EXTRAVAGANZA (inc. TWA. Phil Faversham, Daisy & Havoc) THE YARDBIRD SUITE featuring The Three Deuces, Wot is Hip, Flywheels Visuals and Jazzcotech Dancers THE MILE HIGH CLUB (as you've never seen before) plus SPECIAL GUESTS TEMPORARY TATTOOIST, FORTUNE TELLER MAGICIANS. JUGGLERS & CIRCUS ACTS and FAIRGROUND transport there and back with a shuttle service returning to the Parkinson Steps all night and plenty of toilets this time girls! dRESS cODE: FUNKY BLACK TIE TICKETS AVAILABLE FROM LUU 12-2PM CATS (PLUS BOOKING FEE) LMU INFO POINT 1 0 11111‘,1 1 r 1i 1,1. M.

drunk more than ten pints .4 day you are automatically • hen is a drug classified as an alcoholic. "It's immaterial hots addiction not a much you drink. theoretically you can drink under drug addiction? the recommended weekly limit and still have a The answer is problem." says Jack Stewan from Leeds Drugs How much do you drink? Project: "What matters is the level of dependence when it is an It is when you actually fed like your hotly is Walcohol addiction. asking you to drink and it becomes a crutch that The following rough guide recommended weekly limit for While anxious parents and the you know you arc addicted." There are many ctereotypes about people who only applies to the drinks you men is 28 units, or 14 pints, tabloid press are up in arms at the experience drink problems. The common normally buy in pubs and and 21 units for women. thought of hordes of teenagers Perception i•1 that alcoholics wait until their life a consuming ecstasy every weekend, in tatters us a result of drinking before they are licensed bars_ Home made Don't worry if this seems like willing to admit they have a problem. 'Dominic', they seem relatively unconcerned that a reformed alcoholic in booze tends to be a bit more a typical weekend's fun, but if even more young people are regularly charge of public information lethal and extra-strong brews you are regularly sinking this exceeding the healthy recommended at the Leeds branch of Alcohi dies Anonymous, is Going to yr are twice as strong as amount between lectures... weekly alcohol limit. keen to dispell this myth. ordinary beers. The It would seem that most parents 'The concept of rock bottom would rather have their little darlings is variable. Some people ma, drinking ex getting pissed practically every night of have to lase everything - ONE UNIT the week than popping the odd pill. before they will seek help. is very acct but others will come to us Ecstasy and alcohol are both drugs, but alter experiencing at level of only one is legal. As Nigel Humphries pain much under that.- A an excuse from the al Counselline Service put it. nurnher of the people who "Drink is a drug like any other, the only Dominic sees at the AA arc students who know that too much ditlerenee is that as a part of most social without help they run the nsl, rituals it is acceptable.- ill failing their degrees. "the Nobody would argue. that having a kw students who come to us tend drinks every now and again can seriously to make contact before their problems has(' damage your health. In fact the government completey spiralled out of control. But at the end recently published a report which claimed or the day people have to reach die decision that that having a single glass of wine with every they need help on their own. ss e can't help them unless they want to he helped " VAIN puns Oi I viol go, ,71 evening meal can actually have beneficial Although there is no single to which is AVIV NI* tor. Wool lop results. However, the fact remains that when enough by itself to cause the addiction. manly Or041 erre iMa ripr consumed to excess, alcohol can not only he people turn to drink as a way of dealing with a physically damaging, it cart also become deeper rooted problem they might have. Nigel psychologically addictive. Humphries describes it as a form of self It is not the alcohol to shiekl case that if you drink nine pints a Prescription, - le often use week you are just a social drinker. but if you drink themselves from their mat problems_ The sad I-

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MIGHTY fii434.°:).11 LF4 1114 'JP). 01) D THE BEAST74 _ rr

No 20 May 311 lgga Birdcage Orbital XXX-books Ash vs rUproar ,iti loh

do r(CONCENTRATE VI le lilt oily THIS WEEK'S Woodster's new film, Mighty top single Aphrodite, contains a statutory love interest. Lecherous bastard or Rudolph Rucker-.4 Selection of Cheeses EP irresistible sex magnet? BEN COOK Local hand Rudolph Rocker serve up a samples the evidence smorgasbord of their own fascinating I" ike so many of his say the least, and gets to snug both done their best work for him, tntials. 4 previous features. of them. In the teal world, you can including Keaton. Dianne Wiest only do this if you are incredibly and Farm• In Mighty Aphrodite. Ahmharn tin Woods Allen's new Singles review.% try George attractive yourself, as well Bonham-Carter sheds her British film Mighty Aphrodite as very 6 lucky. but in the make-believe schoolgirl image to play a chain focuses on love, lust and world of Hollywood. dreams do smoking member of the neurosis, and in particular conic true. Manhattan smart set, married his relationship with And so Allen lives out his more to her work than to Allen her beautiful women. Playing dreams. just as he always has husband. She has no time to spend top album himself once again, this done. A succession of stunningly nine mouths having a baby. and so time tinder the guise of beautiful actresses have passed persuades Allen to go along with a sportswriter, Allen is through his casting coueh, her adoption plans instead, who Ash -1977 IIntectiousi able to vicariously live slopping to play nails as his wile. then seeks our the child's natural out his fantasies girlfriend or mistress, and he mother when the boy reveals hints It oxiss, it cries. it shows no signs of becoming of genius. He finds to his horror laughs. U gfirb: it through his film bored. Despite being a neurotic that she is Sorvino's stupid delis as, as they say. making. Like many nerd. Allen is a sort of sex hooker, and after rejecting her The Gods. In Goad of Dennis Putter's symbol. Bonham•Carter has stated attempts to give her services to rinse. With extra scripts, women are she finds him attractive. and that him for free because he has been Gxxlness abundant and his genius and sense of humour nice to her, decides to match her attainable 4 though are "always aphfixlisiacs.- He has with a boxer who aspires to he an Piers Alurrin ii ale Allen's stories are had relationships with many of his onion farmer. ringside ac,ksh and normally more leading ladies: Diane Keaton and This light plot allows Allen to Northern Leinvar go straightforward Mia Farrow to name but two, and concentrate On his real interests, obviously these women would not with familiar topics never far from head to hotel (rr page 4 than Potter's), and work with him for the wages he his lips. Despite ageing the advantage in pays it they did not like hint considerably, it would seem that acting as well as The truth is. Allen writes great Allen has not grown wiser with it. writing means parts for his actresses and, and is thus still struggling to that you always provided the chosen lady is up to understand the women in his life top movie get the best part. it. he is a star maker second to without making much headway. In In his new lame. Mini Survino's Fabulous real life too, this seems to be the Win. Allen plays portrayal of a porn actress who case, and as such his move Twely c NIonkeysi IS) oppiisite Helena also turns tricks would not have towards younger women is an lionham-Carter and been forthcoming had she not had example of life imitating art. Both With a law dropping Mira &Irvin°. neither the fines to build her character on. actresses in Mighty Aphrodite are final twenty minutes particularly unattractive to Similarly, other actresses hase half his age. as was Marie! this is a tilm of tremendous substance. I mitginative. intelligent and mind bogglingly Witty Woody's entertaining. Its still the monkeys bollocks, Film review% on poet. 4. Wilma on. prNe X Leading Ladies Far Left: Mira Sorvitto top book - A whore in the bedroom, but an angel In the Cot at heart. tridigia by Susanna Moore Aphrodite. Allen !Picador latest triumph at capturing beautiful Not just a "Shopping and f""ing novel' but an women) erotic thriller that takes the genre to its limits. Near Left. Diane Intelligent and sexy, Keaton • used more literary and yet down-to- than once, fulfilling earth What mow could roles in Annie Hall. you want? and Manhattan Moiler Mvsten to Enttlei8 t hots up on page 7 mention but ► two. Obviously a Woody favourite. JUICE HOTLINE: 243 4727 213 sisters 'Allen is still struggling to understand the women in his life, without making much headway'

Henirningway when she played ich Diane Keaton won a Best him to try something new. In opposite him in Manhattan, and Actress Oscar, Allen's character, saying this though. mig hty Juliette Lewis in Husbands J. Alvy Singer remains at the centre Apitrodire is probably the wittiest Wises. This penchant for casting of the film. His neurotic Jewish and most Intelligent film around Gina's Older Men younger women against older stand-up comic is probably the at the moment. with some great leading Men] may be a Hollywaxxl closest celluloid character to the one-liners and sublime camera wide movement. but Allen has real Woody. and his worries about work. Far more accessible and been criticised as tieing how to sustain his relationship relevant than some of his earlier ineorrieibly sexist, self-centred with Keaton are probably the hest work, Allen's nonchalant Who benefits more in the old men/ young and conservative in his attitude clue to Allen's thoughts about directing is a breath of fresh air in towards women. Despite many women and relationships in comparison to the modern fashion girls syndrome? REBECCA HOWARD strong roles for actresses in his general. for directors as tyrannical films. his own characters lend to His new filM offers nothing superstars. Woody Allen may be rings Bellman's bell to find out hold centre stage. The jukes are new (other than a Greek chorus past the half century in age. but generally about his angst and which intersperses the action). but his films are always relevant to Id men like young fantastic dramatist.- BlockEyes?- "It's something inability to relate to women. and builds on last year's success of anyone who's ever had a women, The Peter Edwards, the sound you have to do. Irs your the storylines normally revolve Bullets over Broadway. His relationship with the respective 0reason is obvious. recordist on the set of job, and you know you're continued return to forni is opposite sex, and that means around whichever part Allen is But the question remains: BlackEyes, recalls how contributing to the playing Even in Annie Hall. for welcome. but it would he nice for everyone. Potter "fell in love" with production of a great work. Why do young women Bellman, not physically, but It's justified." like old men ? Both in a way that created a very Returning to the theme Woody Allen and Dennis tense atmosphere on set. For of old men and young Woody Allen's finest Potter trail a legacy of publicity of the series Potter women. I couldn't help hour was Husbands and young girls who, having strClititluidy claimed that he feeling Belintan, like others, Wives when not one. fallen for the charms of "had to fall in love with has been cast aside for power and talent. can Bellman's Blacl.EyeA for the younger stuff.-At thirty, she not MC% but three guarantee their own rise production to work on an has been in few productions women vied for his since, and nothing on the to fame. But can they emotional level." attention. Bellman is a striking scale of BlaekEyes. Unlike guarantee themselves any woman. deerlike in poise., "great' men, who.can Far Right: Judy Davis - longevity, or are they cast with eyes suitably dark. In survive death and child aside as soon as they are Nut the most attractive talking about Potter she abuse allegations. the replaced by another of the hunch. perhaps appears protective rather "great- women dm they ditching that handbag source of inspiration? I than defensive. How did she create are stuck without had the opportunity to deal with the nudity in work, or "in meetings". would have won her ask one of these more fame. leading ladies her side of the story Centre: Mia Farrow - Gina Hellman, used to having him all known for hearing all to herself. She later went in Potter's MaekEyes. on to share honours with 1.kas reticent at. any their adopted daughter. whines into her relationship with the Near Right: Lynette his man: "Working for someone like that can be Anthony - You know. daunting, but it was the gorgeous one in interesting. Dennis was Three Up; Two Down. so nice . he was a when you were 12.

„do 13

4

Staying in?? Then why not settle back The Birdcage in front of the new Manga Dir: Mike Nichols video. Ghost in the Shell? Stars: Robin IVilliams, Nathan Lee hasi In The Shell is a Manga animation so Gstunning you'll wish you had seen it on the big screen, It II aboard the bandwagon! presents a colourful yet ditrkl and Ian Pang Alter Priscilla pessimistic vision of a future rot, comes another film with sw mimed by digital information theme. The a drag queen where cybernetic implants are remake Of Birdcage - Mike Nichols the norm. This is a world in !.es Cage Aux the French comedy which people can become so much like machines that only Armand and Albert n Hiatus and the human essence - the Ghost Nathan Lane) arc the gay couple whose son. 01 the title - separates them Iron Val. is engaged to the daughter of alit.' a mass of servos and wirine conservative Senator Keeley Gene The plot centres arourkt Hackman). Problems arise ks hen the artificial intelligent:• .uld .! Keeleys decide to visit their tuture in-lau cvborg anti-term, ..: -,,! ,,,! 1.,: unaware of Vat's parental -arrangement' by Kusangi. a woman whose Williams manages to avoid one of his incredible body is almost typical camp caricatures but seems somewhat subdued - maybe not miscast. but entirely artificial. The squad is in pursuit of the 'Puppet misplaced. As Albert. Lane gives an excruciatingly over the top performance of Master', a criminal who stc,."- Datne Edna proportions. Surprisingly. the infonnation by hacking into Olt: minds of his victims and uses better comic moments conic when the Keeleys get involved: Hackman and Dianne et ariputer generated fantasies to • manipulate diem, leaving their West are perfect :IN the morally proper couple. Teimorizis permanently i .iliag The film tries to degenerate into farce but always seems to he held on a leash. This If ,,,11 want to watch Prrrhuor, Thy "Ii-rrainuror and only serves to dampen any possible come, ad nit led into one effect. Nichols claims he is portraying Idthlernnner mind-hlow, Inv .artisan then Cr.' typical American fantily but in truth Glioq In The Shell. Despite its The Birdcage doesn't really know what 's over-compliemed obit. it trying to do and the result is neither subtle See listings provides enowth maim.. at t ion. nor outrageous enough to he really pages for effective. explosions and uns.e. our \' ,:llti , • to satisfy all tastes cinema times And as for Albert's attempt to he a man... John Wayne will he turning in his pave_ Chris Mitchell Mark Kingston Going out? Then why not up and Sudden Death go to Harrogate ions Present Dir: Peter I bras Theatre to see the Stars: Jean-Cluudc \ an latest Chekhov - Da mite culture, mate! 1 you're after 111,111-N10p action. fighting, stunts and ou really have to feed isports. then the new Jean- sorry for the main Claude Van Dumme movie. ycharacters of The 77ore Sadden Death, will take you Sisrefs. They arc :1111.210% into, ovemme yey. alierfucker' educated but ii.ii,i1...1 la!ti,,i, The -Muscles from Director Peter Hymas has surrounded by theft scinse ot Brussels' stars as Darren produced a 100 per cent strictly. uaste that a journey to Moscow McCord, an ex-tirentan turned 'in-ya-face action movie in of all places - city of vodka and caretaker of Pittsburgh's Ci y iv which no expense is spared on hamburgers becornes their Arena_ Set during the seventh the fast-paced fight scenes :Ind exemplification of happiness and game of the Stanley ('up finals some serious- stunts. Hut it is tulfilinent. Mashn is trapped by can ice-hockey match. our those Boothe as the villain-in-the- her doting but simple husband who don't know I the match is piece who steals the show. and Olga is worn out by being attended by the US Vice- mixing cool humour with an teaching. lieu is disillusioned President- uncotnpromising nahlessness by her first Job which she Then a group of tor mists Even with its trite emphasis voinplains is -toil without lexl by Powers Hot tale take him on American values and the poetry - hostage. and it gets worse when ability of the individual to seek A sense of isolation conies MeCord's daughter is iedemption, Sudden Deguli from each character's attempt to kidnapped and taken as well. world as a formula action movie make sense of lives which are Sudden Death is Me Hard that won't tax your brain as it ultimately controlled by external on ice. without the clever entertain, .si.0 event, which disregard their banter of Bruce 'Yippee eat • Mavis Dwaah needs. The respite Muslim attains '10 of the most a OA timnigh her love for another man pping productions Copycat is soon curtailed when he leaves a Dir:Jon 1ruiel with the army.. Year Stars Sienurney Weaver, Chet, hov's attention to the Holly Hunter minute detail of ordinary life is a 4 Telegraph ies• 2.urys are like virust's !2i,..,ii in ilucnse on mamet's T OUT THIS Metes always some :1 tat am it [kali characters :LW neu mutation." Si. a) illoi iii-% J. y• thrinigh trivial OUPON AND ∎ relies y end familiar ,:, nt, t of devastating serial-crime expert, Helen . er:,:u a Ili t auter than draMaliL chilies. However. the film 1 , ilLI1011. 'fit t+ pi 'ti ltial high points which should. on PRESENT IT Hudson (Sigourney Weaver}, m lifted by tense direction. and the new psycho-.thriller. of tension - a sweeping fur and a AT THE BOX like the recent Seven. it is not ttagie duel - occur offstage. The ouga be missed''. Copy( ur, This ixirti•ultu afraid tit shock. and a reluctance OFFICE TO GET Mutation is a killer who imitates tire is used to create a bleak 4/ Life to reveal too much about the atmosphere of confession and the the erimes of previous killer leads al a nullifier 01 YOUR TICKET PsYchi paths. duel is overshadowed by hurufs genuinely chilling rnornents reactil 41 to her fiances death. FOR JUST £5 Having heetttne agoraphobic Copwar N not perfect, but to There are no tears orgrieffot .111C1 being attacked by manic its credit_ it manipulates him Ina merely a quiet "I know'. ALL AREAS Harry Conmek Jr. Hudson is audience's expectations, and 7.4SPN1 drawn into the world of the The three sisters cr only for following SC1•71, i• confident ITI If only wc ,•;110.,■• TUE-THU ONLY Copycat Killer' when she offers themselves, - its ability to unnerve. This film why we suffer. if only we knew" Pl.tyhrite:m Square Quarry Hill Leeds LS2 7UP to help obsessed cop NJ' indicates that the possibilities 'Irbil/et to availability Monahan ti lolly Hunter) locate in tilts intellectually stringent Ticket Hotline 0113 244 2111 the scrod-killer genre haven't play mai UM I•11 and catch Ern_ The basic plot been exhaa.ted lust yet offers nothing new. and indeed Rebecca Sheasby Phil Steel

5

northern uproar vs ash Northern Uproar begin It's Showtime! And Pop's playground is the the opening exchanges unlikely setting for a bloodthirsty battle of the bands. Do ASH have the killer punch? Or will izszed....aurs; g NORTHERN UPROAR's churlish attitude see Northern Uproar sturinni.c suctuedrv,hyLike. 1 awn They. swagger, for sure, them through? PIERS MARTIN goes the full Northern Uproar i„,,,,„., cos they're beered ap And their trainers are too big. twelve rounds to find out. Actually.. Northern Uproot (Heavenly) isn't a total write-off. it just tacks the imagination that WITH 'THEIR ANORAKS buttoned w.puld make it a sure fire winner. The up high, their rabbit-meets-speeding- songs religiously follow well-trodden car-headlights innocence and their progressions, the vocal harmonies are puppy fat it's easy to sneer at bearable tthough they'd sound nicer Let's 'ave It then, Northern Uproar, to mock their sung and not shouted) while the Stones- you soft Irish cerebrally -challenged lumps of y piano supplements are, well, just brickie pop and to pour scorn upon there_ "So I head across the landing shandies their wonderfully naive manifesto: floor/ I head to the shower door! You ie.-It's just fookin' tunes. man, real know I need some morel Yeah!" Leon tunes, like, know what I mean?" Or Mw., reminisces on the cnotionali)_ something equally erudite. aerie lent "Head Under Water" and you But they're young.five and doubtless kind of wish he'd taken that GCSE in making the loom of life and it's this Creative Writing. Fortunately. it's got a passion and enthusiasm that smashes a head-rushing melody and blistering beet bottle over your head every time guitars and. like the rest of the album. one of their tesrosierone-seeping tunes gives you a glow deep inside for, 000h, bludgeons its way out tai the radio. And a few WO lab at least.. Which is hall' the so their debut offers us two types of idea of pop music. song: fast ones and slow ones. The fast: The other half states that the songs ones, like "Rollercouster". "Liven' It should he even slightly memorable: an Up" and "From A Window- go alien concept in the r4nriliern Uproar "whooah, yeah, mad for it, me!" and camp. obviously. In a nut shell then. make you smile and punch the air as this is plodding iodic nick for people they stumble along in generic three who can't be bothered made by people chord, power pup fashion. The slow who really do care but Just, aren't ones, incidentally, .are as above but less talented enough, Must try harder, as noisy and, as some sort of empty their school reports should read.

Ash - you might have built up. It's good but not 1977 half as spellbinding as "Gone The Dram". a track so accomplished, so stunning that it would sit quite comfortably next to (Infectious) "Wonderwall" ern the last Oasis album and is the best thing they've donc...ever. "Oh A TIE-FIGHTER screeches through Yeah" is how Teenage Fancluh should your head and whoosh. you're MT. sound in an ideal world: unequivixedly propelled into the precociously fertile simple and awash with strings (that's the and warped mind of Tim Wheeler. This way to do IL Mr Uproar, write a song that: 000 41.11a No problem. mate. Our is 1977, Ash's debut album proper and it benefits fivrn orchestration, don't just rucks, it cries, it laughs. it grins: it shove them in sideways1. while "Lei Ii superior looks and delivers, as they say. The Goods. In Flow" sadly doesu't really go anywhere, it musical ability will Good time. With extra Goodness. plods. surely see us through But $1 was always going to be this w.o . Thankfully. "Innocent Smile" sees the surely? I mean. four startling. Ulster trio go Sonic Youth. which is nice, smoulderingly groovy singles in a mu k butisn't as cool as "Angel Interceptor-, one clearly no fluke and the eight other tracks of last year's firmst releases. but then so simply bleed with L' essence de Pop: that few things are. Which leaves "Lost In You" certain cool. that odd sophistication. those to light up a few cigarettes late at night and riffs. danunit The Upstate tellingly. are still reminisce about, hey, that envy thine called swigging Brut. crushed under the weight of love and "Darkside Lightside" to throw their accelerated machismo. For et those stupid punk rock shapes. To great effect. sensationalist drug reVelations. it wets a nice however, especially when the heavenly piece of gossip. but Ash have always been harmonics come in and the keyboards make about killer tunes and slushy. surreal angst these queer sparkly noises, injected with a massive dose of Fun and Ash had set the perfect precedent but cheeky brilliance. have now triumphed beyond all So "Goldfinger" and "Girl Front Mars" recognition. They've hailed up all their 001)@ CSC iriDecZ ) fl ©e 17@LE- n swoon and seduce with their swimming influences along with a smattering. of guitars andgalactic imagery. leaving the teenage genius and made quite honestly a Ash with a convincing K.O. riff-tactic. chunky chards of "I'd Give damn near perfect pop album. Summer is Anything" to shatter any nortantic here. which is all weever expected. PHEW! Chinese burns and half-Nelsons aside, it was a hopelessly one-sided scrap. But boys will be boys and now Northern Uproar are limping cowardly away, licking their wounds and scowling at the holes in their big trousers. It's their own fault though: not enough decent rr@i-717' iL)0?!4 tunes and bugger all humour. Ash, of course, dust down their jeans and head off into the great wide yonder. safe Ash bounce back in the knowledge that 1977 rips the arse out of Northern Uproar. And then laughs at it. Rock 'n' roll dreams, as from the ropes Meatloaf once bellowed, do come true.

15 Atte the best in music brought to you by • the garage • COCKPIT

A Selection of Ch tes DAN JOLIN, always on the In Sides track, strokes his E.R" - Rudolf Rocker beard to the new album from the Grand-daddy's of After their mutt iphant Sound City performance. hand Rudolt techno, ORBITAL Rocker serve up a smorgasbord tcheersi of their own fascinating It il roaent helicopter blades initially Buck". for example. 'fir/cc/test Milk' brit:Ws matak that sometimes sounds like traerview. bring to mind Images of begins with the or Leftfielsrs ixftimn. it The Fall (-moody and snarling), and )rhital's Paul Apocalypse Now. but as undulating sounds of easily compensates by at other times. The Cardigans It-lartnoll The Girl With The Sun Alison Gold frapp's paving a winding aural isweernlow diet-popt yet described his laws.' In Her 1-lead- opens net gorgeous vocals. pathway into refreshingly somehow remaining quite unique. album. In Sides`. eves arid lets out the combined with some new worlds. Every sound Especially the marvellous "Pants testi "soundtrack to light. you rettlise that eimmulsora uplifting is deeply evrewive and Yeah". Cheese without. irony. 4 modem living." ";OU're 1.20Iny strings. ;mil then imitates every tune is 011111r meticulously craned, Well, once you've "Into my World" - tart (Miami on a ...simply another reaffirmation from The haunting chimes Audioweb ,lab. completed a of 'The Box' to the dark. dieseetim. /aid then of Orbital's position as techno amphettimine-infased More quietly-menacing. taken a rood look technoid breakbeats sit entlindling music Iran dub/thrash I pioneers, just a step ahead of at their hr Sides, would-he superstars. which deserves you'll see that the rest. possible net single.) It more than Its fair share of aispiay perhaps isn't all dance music, but and -media attention. Better than modern Zile much nicer than into an industrial. then it's hardly pure 11105101 the tedious efliins nut this isit't so Cambial:a. This first subterranean soundscape. ambient - its music for week but arrived too late to oust rubhish after track is simply euphoric. "Adnans" brings the all rut rods. Rudolf Rocker. all "Belfast" revisited string% hack. although in This album is sine, The almost, and places the more melancholy /matter reaffirmation ill opening. Hart:alit hnithers yin reimin., while strange Orbital's position as distorted familiar groutui. squelehy tenses mix with techno-pioneers, mot ,!, sweli Niles of The rest of the album. inure whirs mai:licks. just a step ahead of ilic distant however. represents more resulting in something rest of the ever- of a departure, as rather like Link's expanding icene, never sheterent from "Antacid", without so afraid to experiment or Snirilisarion as much Acid. surprise. The teeth. with SniviIivanint is from While: In Sides kicks GI Sidi", is not so much a the 81Thin the eclecticism of snunefl r.lck as sr !MC 'he track ' 'I )sy 1:talerw SO Teal "Harley Davidson" Mick Lettfield live Harvey & Anita Lane "Irk 1 Gloriously sexy Ciainshoute classic, given invigontting treatment at the T&C by Bad Seed affiliates. Harvey and Lane. Cover version (WWI yeas, but don't actually know what I still exhilarating now. Makes you was expeeting from this gig. It's absolute think of suannerdays and riding MAYDAY Lefifield's first ever tour. and the townies to complete caustics, motorcycles, but not. weirdly. in a album was pretty celeette it 'Tracks from the album sueh tacky way. Welt. you can dream. MAYDAY could have Nam either a totally as"Inspeent in- and "Sfetce chilledeiet night. or one dime Shanty" were remixed to "Pretty Noose" - MAYDAY beats would keep you butaing hasher. more frenetic heats, and Soundgarden fin- days. If you take 'Black other tunes started with a filtered Bute" and multiply its energy bass loop that you recognise's'. A step-down from the step-down lei and harshness about three times. and then went totally mad. Sortie of "Superunknown". turgid and got the rose get close to how hard. fast respite eame with instrumentals tuneless. despite the efforts of their On Monday afternoon and downright brilliant from -Alm-Left- and ''Original" superior (fig a rock hand) rhythm Leftlield's set was. The beats but they were mixed over by section. The next single will be a were WI massive that the bass hard bass and only hinted at. ballad and will he huge, obviously. that ever so sexy duo Leath Glef! kicked right through your head. /A were one o1 the They were once really quite good, Cool Music from Hot. Countries and the Nound system was best live dance acts ' you know will he launching our arnating -if you got too close to seen, and as the imam sltiled the huge speakers you ended up over the projector screen and "The Pod" - Hum new outside menu just wobbling around on the spot weals at the end. you really did SUMMER COOLERS as the bass turned si iur legs to feel as if you'd been taken eta .11 Sounds alright until the bloody this world for a while. featuring vocal kicks in, and some deluded ene en evil a-,'0 erea Sarah Monk yEsouldirecae Veddeeise thatimthpeesrahiativactsabe Fresh Fruit Milk Shakes no idea of the plot lei alone curs Hawaiian Salads, that 70,s lies mooch Vague - Now & chance of losing it. Elell favourite the Coke Float, Beal ilk over to 99 Shakes, Snow Whites Then (EMI) "Happy Sad" - Pizzicato Five and more. Oh no they - ve sold att. Yet hrnr hack again a club goes to It ma jof Suite tit English. this soureis like lulu Lets an advance ;nal delivers a JAKE, DINER aN, hew Sc. inn out Sister and is a hit 100- compilation of draftee 11 aLk s, two Somehow makes more sense the vaguer-ants cop the right ? Wrong. The ditferenee on the Japanese version, which is communal experience of dance_ -4 of Now and Then, is that it Ili sided with cooler' heats and etc45 Non-. however. moves up to holdh.somelhing deeply overflowing with Oriental charm. romantic: close your eyes and dale, it has a harder rougher visualise the memories of the edge with tunes like "Pop Muzik" - Radio Tip- most awesonueexperienees "Team:at-71 need you" and Top you have had in the hest place -New Dancer as the have your taste buds titillated particular crowd pleasers, the in the world. The tracks chosen claw version that gets tunes that rind the pedestal boitociks ritual have been heart oche city. a mention purely for the fabulous and your aural zones erogenized dancers losing it big time. but the balance is right. (and stupidly dangerous) helium This is Vague doing n for Then take you way hack the version of Babylon Poo's, themselves, yet again. They HYDE PARK CORNER WOODHOUSE LANE slays of "Teske". from the "Spaceman-. Vastly amusing . uplifting mind fuck of "Throw produced, arranged. licensed. LEEDS 6 T.2746075 the madness to the ultimate packaged and cried over this Singled Out by George Vague tune of-Dieco Biscuit" album, so fucking buy it and Abraham through to the most apprOpriatc understand what is rept esems George Butler #reatecet A peep at the best of erotic

1211 Days of Sodom: fiction past and present Marquis de Sade Lurie% Long Voyage: Alina Rev-es The godfather of snuff enjoys a long weekend amongst friends, Vliomart retires to a cave Good. clean fun, strips down and active and to the hear An idolater of A cut above the rest necessities. passive sodomy. but eminently "A strong smell rose from his of the hater. he spent his life damp fur .„.. He .sniffed my having himself buggered, and neck, and began licking rrtv this pleasure. which never legs. y. How could we live in such requires much expense of energ In the age of women of top, CAROLYNN proximity. even as a hear and a was best suited to his means." woman. without forming more FYFFE takes her knife to In the Cut, an erotic . intimate ties_! thriller by Susanna Moore. It caused controversy in the US, but will it get us hot under the collar over here?

did not feel the razor photographing a scorpion in that the man w !,1:111L MI! when he cut me, only my vagina." during the act. or that i1 was / knew it an instant The novel's central so eilod it deserved an later with the sudden character [she has no name ovation, But it means getting rush of heal and pain, is a woman teaching creative a blow-job trout a girl who is the sling of it, the warm writing in New York e ho short." But her astuteness blood slaking down my inadvertently stumbles across turns out to be her downfall arms and over my a serial murder and h ccontes e hen she becomes convinced hands." gradually embroiled in that she's solved the crime. I 1-lave you ever imagined daneemus sexual harem with wish I could tell you how she being brutally :guided'? the detective inveati eat' ne captures the man hhr thinks Could you bring yourself to the ease. She is string. is guilty But that would spoil describe it blow by gruesome independent and intelligent- a funny strict horrific ending. blow'? The average individual spending her spare time In the Cut take, the erotic Lady Charreriev% Our Lady of the would probably consider it writing a dictionary of street thriller genre to its limits. Lover: DH flowers: Jean Genet had luck. But Susanna Moore slang, extracts of which find avoiding gutter sleaze. it' s Lawrence is obviously not your average their way into the hook. strong, compelling, and at its most lyrical when From his cell, Genet weaves wet individual. If your Sexual Seiivally frustrated aristocrat The blurb on the hack of vocabulary's wearing a bit handling the macabre frolieks with her bit of rough, dreatns of beautiful murderers, thin, then you could give it a If you're the kind 01 this hook promises "Intense, "Ik gethererl her lovely, heavy thieves and pimps. explicit ermicism". I boost with expressions like person w ho likes a happy, posteriors, one in each hand and "Someone has flushed the toilet expected a seen it, done it. "broccoli" (pubic' hair), "to sappy ending, don't read and a whiff of never really bought it S&F knack harts" Ito have sexual it. But everybody else pressed them in towards him in a in the next cell resting place at the small of frenzy ...., intercourse) and "to sleep in should find something in he tipped her odour heightens my intoxication. novel (that's shopping and his hack and slid them up and my P'"ine, for those who don't a tent" Ito have a Large it. It's intelligent yet fell with her on the path My stiff penis vs caught in nuisily across the desk. I and know), full of Gucci and sun- well. use your imagirration!)• sexy. gruesome yet is freed by the looked at them. I was short and sharp. he took underpants; it dried tomatoes. Although The only problem with the funny, literary yet down- short and her. nd....Darling! suddenly aroused, worried sharp and finished. like touch of my ha sun-dried tomatoes did come heroine is that she's too to-earth. that they were not for me. intelligent for her own good And there's "broccoli" an animal.- into it somewhere. thankfully that he had taken them off his I was wrong about the rest- HCT tendency to by the bn•ketload! What belt for comfort I, who intellectualise everything is more could you ask for'? In the Cur is full of sex, refused for years to let the but it doesn't take itself too guilty at firm: "I've been husband in Paris realise his using stand-up blow job In Ow tar is eantishea ay Puati,r seriously: "He unhooked a life's ambition of pair of handcuffs from their incorrectly. I thought it meant and cow, eta 44 Let's not talk about sex

fiction, no longer ha, descriptions of Omni... itself. is no longer It nce the bokrbd wit, meaning: no one has lie-ins breasts. "Why me, Kith. transgressive, an imaginal it L. invisible, the veiled like that at any more. We're little striptease into ail ' act fuelling erotic fantasy O object or intoxicated early riser:, The aptly named Wharf is the pow ol taking "Erotic" literature becomes fantasy. Once the hotly was it Fanny )till. the heroine of the off the nightdress'" Until the mete titillation. mere Appay;ionata: pornography. the vast unknown continent - but first notable English erotic 196 ►s, the shock of seeing cooper now it Ws, no secrets. its novel, John Cleland's sexual language let alone description runlet than the Sion of the Eye: terrain has been mapped. its Memoirs calas Wttruut qt. the body - naked and conjuration of sex. The preposterously paths trodden (although the quivering, on the page was Each generation must sek). Georges Banally Pleasure. omit' have learned •• er, tlincen location or the clitoral about it all in the pages Of enough to cause at least a find new and challenging musicians is peninsular is still a mystery to diminutive Iris-son. ways of writing about sex revealed by Noise! Laureate idly century's erotic nta.1/4terpieCe, Just Seventeen. The some intrepid explorers). As a result riot only have The magic words it sex As the Marquis. de Sade 'Then he kissed het— his toilette surrealistic tale of a violently, Sex is eVely% here on lair lair Mental erogenous zones have lost their strong erotic said. "imagination is Ilickeririg over her'...... Rea. radios, on charge, have become pleasure's spur... directs adolescent ....ex oality. screens and become desensitised. the arching against him felt like u annum) swear words. And everything, is the moti le Unforgettable seene with a billboards and in our language of sex 'tacit' ts bonfire bursting into magazines. And it is the very impotent. what we once called the arse of everything - Tu arouse Catholic priest. ubiquity or sex which has Summing up in the Lady erotica Is now an exact our literary imaginations spontaneous flames in the middle "Milk is for the iiussy. isn't it'?" of the Antarctic-" undermined the art of erotica. Chtuterley obscenity tend in science. once more, perhaps oar said Simone. "Do you dare TUC lei the fiction of sexual fantasy. 1959, Mr Grititth-Jones: was Our fate. U5 are gone: best het is to enjoy a penod or celibacy. Sit in the saucer'?" The sexual awakening. the outraged at DI-1 lAwrenee's writing about sex, indeed sex basic theme of all erotic 17 Colombia Sonqiue (S-Express) singing and spinning alls 0 this week's films on tv

White Heat 0949) h BBC2 11 45pm frantic What's wtheo up and Illl hill. I tint', 111.1) has. dirty down in the Leeds Harrison Ford. iti btl', 1 ..11 loot du, i, rattlinglv sunk' ,'polling ITT;TAN II I I here Student hot films lilt the trio t.l hattai iii Gill) .111.11111: he i•sility hi, .:11.111ellped, 'AT lu punish him...tom• Munich parade? then d4ies the gangsters kidnap his wife Had ■qt of ■urso Ming. chasing shadows dn.. l'an-aan ti 'aenev lia, somethirie lit a get his trouble haL k. abl■ alleNs. trying to 'matter fixation, but sue y.,fli 12 MONKEYS assisiell by the detecuhle Emmanuel le etanna he the line to point - monkey Sewner (wire al director Roman this out to him, nutter that he Irna9W- Me thrills come in thick and fast. and Still mad and Mill is? This might date Irian Polanski builds a cloying sense of pant!), ita. 14-19, but the tone is pretty rnaniellous. 'reify something which he's proved particular Is ratliams taws' effort grim kir iiN day. and adept at over the 1.7411.1rNe (11 ht s t-31124.T 1. Itc4'k an untaitiormiliks oh lianIcned crime movie funs out !kalif And The ,tlaiden for none ocen Bruce .thtl Brad toplining should garner more titan a Ilh prodlf). though there are a couple of , hollock, little pleasure fnim watching mottlskn tittcomincing lurches in the plot this master al work, (Monday ITV 10.20pm)

SMALL Monday FACES - a (film of the week little gem. Another independent !tictlitish You Only Live iihr.telpicci,-, this tot:uses on Twice (1967) t ITV 5.20pm 6110. harp._ Liimpol,o-.. also showing... What Bank Holiday ft\:1. weekend would he ci nnitlrtr Sunday Wit1)011 a James Btlnd the role of released. this is Bruce Willis- in sensitive adventure? Sean Cannery lakes BARBED fifth time in Uu, outing mode - previously he'd been brash David WIRE - up Superman III (1983) agent (X/7 lOr the Eaa which was written by master of the macabre Addison in Moonier:bring and hyper-sucker in there with the breast BBC1 2.55pm iandl:reator of a couple of tidy little ltlrnd Date Now of course sensitive Willis No wonder Margot Kidder has ref-wily been► ■feeling under the weather. someone probably children's storieS toot Roald 1)ahl. Bond is movies have become two-a-penny. as lie tries to do for his credibility what countiess no- :hat reminded her about her involvement in the pitted against the dastardly Bloleld (played by last MO super-chunk movies. A classic ease the late. great Donald Pleasance) in some brainers have done for his hank balance, ■of one sequel Leo far. This is the one where ludicrous nonsense about rocket ships and Here. he plays a vietnam veteran who comes Superman hums bad and goes AWOL in a hat. other glorious hits of gadgetry. The usual MIN, to terms with his memories or the conflict and strukshine liquor bottles, then flies to Rats dt his estranged niece, played by Emily Lloyd. COPY CAT - nuke the Leaning Tower of Pisa Mand up Wednesday Not one hundred per star pet? straight_ Someone should warn him not to cent successful!, but Ara idler serial drink and fly. Worth watching for the supptut worth seeking out if killer flick. but post-Seven cast though. which inelndes such luminaries In Country (1989) you've only ever seen ■it Bruce strut his stuff in I•C 41 lame effort. Sivurney as Richard Pryor. Robed Vaughan and (ITV 10.40pm) in a Weaver and Holly Hunter star. Pamela Stephenson. his trademark Siring • T 141-Nrule• OTTI*Tub. Something of a cut-it/say when originally vest ■RICHARD Ill - Bardy iliakespetur with a 20th ■lircennity Nazi-furist tsv ist_ Inventive. intelligent and actually Is this your life? interesting too. Yes. really. ■ House-shoring, sex and survival. Sound familiar? STUART TARBUCK worts on SUDDEN DEATH - dead good. • grown-up youth TV Drama, This Life... 0 sy %fill I Si.'t Jeaf ■I. kakis.' I hat l: i%i... s omit.: la,..s s er, houseshare .■‘,..1.re:,..! I )1( /1..),,; .n ,10, 1,11,t.weilier in the middle ot 1.1italint in intromin.uhm Ibis billet and hardened pint-ay-al lit (ut F ■Alt:if C Xi:rm., .r-1f rrnnA lowing to be the soice of the csnical .ind ulna-sett ,:onst.it ■ti. liritiniti MIGHTY yeneration. Ii1W2 , Tin, Lac- is unlike the ■APHRODITE- god usual American 'road mot - .I V shore s awful? Allitil :lint Ii, LiiplUre .1 centl:ittoll.?. Mon:, nrun)lic LrotIlv.• identity and send the ail-tier' Imo orbit ■Nnatchini2, ft-4 trn Thrrts+onic thoni.!. !v1Tv -, the Reid 11•04,/ nit 1Voody lien 1,hown on channel 4 also I and lit Ar, 111,1i..1, I Golfed laic all honk laic truth:num) angst ■arid made ii t. ool tiv smearing v.:I...cline on the camera tense Unlike those airbrushed American counterpart.. BROKEN ARROW- life in the UK, on ■this evidcnce, seems to he in very sharp shooting blanks? locus_ Tlavnita again, here gal rata Model. lint dues he dell his Ntilly. Miles. Egg and Anna scent to Sia. The usual PC pretensions tit such a vk Oh Christian Slatet Ira therapist that he goes conaging for kicks? together because they 're all they've got ■John thrills arid show - characters with perfect lives and The show is full of smart one-liners. contemporary political agendas - an and not because they get on. It presents an .iction rump trendy sets and contemporary issues but ignored. These lawyers are throroughly ugly and dark side of human nature that is this us not the reason why dislikeable but very familiar Strong This isle is such compulsive viewing which rarely makes it ■good TV. It arrives 31 characters but CynieitI Central just woman Anita may pay lip service to right- to TV. You may hate these as Trairtspotting departs and the message up call to all on post-feminism but ultimately gets her this programme is a wake- For full listings see is 'much the same. It echoes film hero strength from being a devious and bullying those who want perfect friends and Renton's resignation "What can you do? turn Out to he pages 8-15. hitch. Warren, the well- adjusted pyscho- housemates. People always They're a mace" 's life. babbling homosexual may seem the ideal . Housemates Warren. bitArre and rucked-up. That 18

Flavour of the Day Gorillas in the Mist BBC1, 1O.25pm

in this :mini .autohiograph cal ftltn. Altheueli ibis e. .1 eeletaill.. rimed% hosed on the fire of 'huh Foc,,Q,. Nvalch it nethine eke ter RAO, nder cif V.i.tri I aN. thic:C(11T Bakers seintelle - 11/.11Chael4 AIMCCI paints a pielure of a actor, in kicicruti lt4J to titnon whi t ; liicli arc rnluallti indistinvtii\hahlc 'locum.; incrcusingly from firioiaLt of friendship e ith the ,inirn.IIN 101.•,1%,:r BBC1 BBC2 2 Chit 41 Peg going out,„. I I ilTV 6.00 Bustriess Breakfast. 7.00 6.00 Open Urusrer5ity 7.15 See 6.00 GMTV, 9.25 Supertnari,,a1 5.00 4-Tel On View 6.35 The MOOG Factory BBC. Breakfast News; 9.00 Hear Breakfast News, 7.30 Sweep; 9.55 Calendar News. Wonderful Wizard Of Oz; 7.00 Breakfast News Extra: 9.20 Can't JI 11.) 1.1 1 Bash Street • IOW iradle Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles: Weather; 10.00 The 'Time_ The The Big Breakfast; 9.00 The 2 Dance on Arrival - 10 In late. Cook Won't Cook; 9.45 'Choy; 8.00 The Realty Wild Show, 8.25 Place: 10.35 This Morning; 12.20 Gotden Girls: 9.30 FILM: Conflict Cottage Road for a higher stale of Twelve Monkeys ft.40. A 20 10.30 Good Morning With Anne The Little Polar Bear, 8.30 Calendar News: Weather; 12.30 Of Wings 11954 11.05 The Last consciousness £4 NUSi£8 3 Clear - hero hoate end techno And Nick. 12.00 News! Regional William's Wish Wellingtons; 8.40 ITN News Post, 11.15 Timeless Hunters; Weather. 12.55 Horne Hyde Park Picture House night returns, £5 I £6 News_ Weather, 12.05 World The Record: 9.05 Job Bank: 9.15 And Away; 1.25 Chain Letters; 12.00 Fruity Stones; 12,30 Trairteportirig 6 45 Small Pacer 9.00 Championship Snooker; 12.35 Teaching Today: 9.45 Watch: 1.55 Coronation Street 2.25 Sesame Street; 1.30 Alfred J The Mei Going For Gold, 1.00 News: 10.00 Playdays: 10.30 Cats' Kwak; 1.55 Bush Tucker Man. Headz - bent& fur the leaf and High Road 2.55 Shoriland The Lounge Weather. 1.30 Regional News: Eyes; 10.45 Cosrno And Dibs In heed T0-2.SOam. £5 1 £4eanc's Street; 3.20 ITN News. 3.25 2.25 Channel 4 Racing; 4.30 Bad Gage 6.00.820 Weather: 1.40 Neighbours. 2.00 Punjabi_ Followed by COSMO And Calendar News; 3.30 Rasie And Fifteen To One, 5.00 Rescue, Dibs In Measure Ronnie Moon Over Miami: 2.50 Today's English; 11.00 Look And Jim; 3.45 The Treacle People; 5,30 An inspector Calls 11GM Up Yes Ronson - di Disciple. Gourmet, 3.15 Secret Life Of Read; 11.20 Shakespeare 3.55 Bimble's Bucket, 4.25 The 6.00 Hangire With Mr Cooper Twelve Monkeys 5.15. 8.00 plus marshal! & murray 10 m• barbed Wire 3.15 5.45. 8.30 Toys: 3.30 Playdays: 3.50 Shorts; 11.40 The RE Collection; 4.50 Hang On 6.25 Happy Days 4am, Cenernies & corm's. £9 Geeks; Richard the Third 1_00. 5.45 others. Monster Cafe; 4.05 Casper 12.00 English File: 12.30 Working 5.10 Home And Away. Jack 6.50 Terrytoons Sudden Deem 3.25, a 15 Classics; 4.10 Little Mouse On Lunch; 1.00 Shakespeare: heads for more trouble 7.00 Channel 4 News: Weather The Cockpit The Prairie Animated Tales: Twelfth Night: 5.40 News: Weather 7.55 Book Choice Odeon Brighton Beach - The Bird Ceige. 1 50.5 20. 8.10 4.35 Clarissa Explains It All. 1.30 Showcase: 1.45 Words And 5.55 Calendar: Local Weather 8.00 Garden Party. This new 60s Modernism meets the best of Clarissa is determined to Pictures; Copy Cat 1 40, 5,15, 805 the 90s, tnluding Soul and ilex 2.00 The Little Polar 6.30 Tonight gardening programme Is Toy Sidry 1.10, 3 50, 6.05 look good for her school Bear; 2.05 William's Wish lb the lithe room, plus live action 7.00 Bruce Forsyth's Play set to swing in the beautiful Traineportirk 8.35 from chart stars the Lorigisigs photograph_ Wellingtons; 2.10 Open View: Your Cards Right garden of Lamorran in St Broken Arrow 1.15, 3.40, 600, Nee above) 11prrk-4arn. 5.00 Newsround 2.15 World Championship Mauves. Cornwall 825 7,30 Coronation Street. Sieve Mighty Aphrodite 120. 3.45. 5.10 Blue Peter Snooker and Vicky appear in court 8.30 Brookside. Ron gets The Wareham. 815.830 Truly Scrumptious - with Staraki 5.35 Neighbours 6.00 Shooting Stars. Guests Kelly nas some explaining some bad news, and Max 6.00 News: Weather & Hutch hhe sound gallery) £1 include Syd Little, Leslie to do has to take drastic action Showcase (cart 01924 420622 u pint. El 50 tequila stammers 6.30 Regional News Ash and Bill Oddie. 8.00 The Bill, Beech linds out when Susannah wants his for times) 10-dam, £3 Nt/S. Magazines 6,30 The Champions. Mighty Aphrodite, Toy Sinry the truth about an old boss spare room. Richard the Third, Sabo. 7.00 Wipeout. Three 7.20 LMUSU Watch Out. This and a local crime lord. 9.00 Cybill. When Cybill's dale Thtinspotling, Twelve Monkeys. contestants compete for Stomp • Endre S Grunge•test. plus programme leatures 8.30 Expert Witness. The lirsl for the Oscars, is arrested Mary The Bird Cage. different sounds in rr)Cart tWg7. the star prize of a superb jumping spiders, buzzards in a new documentary- for soliciting a prostitute, Hatted Wipe. Sudden Deem Q.ocira.50 holiday. and the language of Seven. Jurnanp• Sense ane drama series which she decides to get even Cal, Hackers, 7,30 Tomorrow's World. Jez flowers, Sensibility, Copy Town and Country Club examines the use of 9.30 Father Ted. Father Jack Broken Arrow Nelson discovers how 7.30 The Transatlantic Love Train • Legendary 706 torensic science in solving has been packed off to SI disco, all abrned £5 !ES eating a banana could Sessions crime Clabbert's Oct Priest's replace intravenous 8.00 Top Gear Motorsport. 9.00 Soldier, Soldier. The Home to be treated for his The Underground The Cooker Jazz Funk' Sail A vaccinations. With a report kern arrival of a new. hard- incredibly hairy hands. But 8.00 Hi•De-Mi. Ted is left out in Pernbrey on Eurocars steamy night (e rare oroove £5 hitting Commanding his replacement turns out the cold when the ballroom 8.30 Gardeners' World Officer shakes up officers to be even more trouble th91, 1Lry- Le Phonographique 9.00 World Championship dancers throw a party. and men alike. 10.00 Roseanne. The Canners The Lizard Club - The best al 8.30 A Question Of Sport. Bill Snooker 10.00 News At Ten: Weather are on vacation in Disney 50s and 70s rock tel./m•2nm Beaumont is joined by 10.00 Have 1 Got News For you, £3 £4 10.30 Calendar News: Weather World and the unexpected Halt Yorkshire Playhouse, Kriss Akabusi and Peter Followed by Video Nation 10.40 FILM: The Island 0980). opportunities for Osuiry Theatre LUU Harvey Milk Ban Scullamore while Ian Shorts The WirisEr, Bey A reporter and his son exCiternenl allow tot oul-ol- Party On - log night out for less Botham teams up with Sue 10.30 Newsnight 7.30pm. ildtets enTo £6 thane tanner (unless you plan to investigating the character adventures. Barker and Mick Channon. 11.15 Fantasy Football League. ticker hotline 0113 244 2111 gel fatally wrecked} disappearance at a ship in 10.30 Rory Bremner - Who 9.00 News: Regional News: With special guests Des the Bermuda Triangle are Else? West Yorkshire Playhouse, Weather "the Guv'ner" Lynam and captured by a band of 11.10 Eurotrash- Featuring Ian Courtyard Theatre 9.30 999. A special programme Clive Thomas She Knows You Know 181h-century pirates interview with both Grace which highlights the 11.45 This Life. Anna has a 7 45prn Crazy! Starring Michael Jones and Beatrice Dalle r jr appalling consequences of passionate one-night ticket hotline 0113 2442111 Caine and David Warner. about French image-maker speeding. What. again? stand 12.40 Hotel Babylon. Dani Behr JP Gouda. 10.25 FILM: Gorillas In The 12.30 World Championship hosts the music, style and 11.40 Flava Packhorse Mist (1988). Stgoumey Snooker. Hopefully with entertainment, in the 12.15 FILM: Upworld [aka The The Attie Weaver turns in a powerful Doogie. rather than dull broadest Sense of the Adventures Of A Gnome performance as crusading David Vine. ' Fenton Named Gnorm] (1993) Punch anthropologist Diane 1.10 FILM: The Maestro word_ 120 American Gladiators, 1.55 FILM; Assassin For Hire Fossey. See today's (1989). A famous Italian (1951). Brisk British B Charlie Porkers City Varieties Followed by ITN News e Corn Exchange) flavour of the day. conductor who has lealure thriller stamng (Th Eddie (milady p 2.15 Jones And Jury The Big Apple - Upfront 12-30 FILM: Fatal Bond (1991). Suffered a breakdown tries 2.40 Late And Loud Sydney Taller as a killer American house tie the core. Free Not even worth listing. but to piece together a mystery Duchess 3.35 Dear Nick tricked into confessing by a before 10pm. £2 50 atter Youth Brigado . Bouncing Souls we have to. from his past. Scotland Yard Detective 1.55 Weather; 2.00 Close 2.45 Close 4,35 Funny Business 5,00 ITV Sport Classics 3.05 Close

LSR on 107.8 FM from 26th April to 23rd May. Call 231 4270 or browse at http://www.sensel.co.ukilsr/ r •a Satur • ay Sun • ay Mon ay Tuesday nes ay urs • ay 056111 R aka tp with NW Make Up with Hannah in 000 to Bed with Juln & Helm • 1900 In Bed with Mks & Helen - 0509 Hike 14 nith Hannah S. (18119 Wake Up with Hannah at 0909 Wake 11..p with 10=0 A Ales aryl •alult wine pniZet Aseri loam:Not liruvratis spacial poolthis. Nterran' waking yos up gentiy but finely Ales • fi45. rude serail., sheep dna Alum . wenn% Torn rowan Utt - with the all sea 'sons the Res' enmoseition WW1 spare Or lire Mart to omit& lemon cake room 19013 Smylere Hippy Hour just US awe eye • and rem Mad pco&ti 1000 The Mee & Tim Show .tile & teen, ftnna Ws as MOO Spice Of Lib - Witte waging • ak4 to tilraell The thinking BHA A Sharnless Nue- for the whin you oved on Sam* monkey &bee eirblack Ingas 1000 Easy Like Monday Morning - hest ut nide. 1200 Denial Harris • dance Bpapiart-Serb nuke* mans Monte 1.1.1t locord lendurg library 1100 shoo Saw with Callon 2300 The Reek !Mow • Si, Quad Ilea wadi timed I La now. wida band features App news a 1200 Hi. Lunchtime Cale - liTICI. 14410 Mhlwaek Hence Party- - ell 04 coo sae. Park • haventy teats 1200 Wake L'e Sanely - portcpcol- 1200 Demo Latino - cool Lean 1061 A Game Or Two Haled • get 1200 The LundrIlem-Cafe • miring, tor !once nits pfetwesa crf dicathera pop, wills teed dance Masa piaynd hack 1400 Noose & Deltyltirda - time indeittial eld suavest awns trom tit and around Leeds so grip with ar LIT Sett; revenge dance Alai a sick frdcr of chat hack by Pout Andy and Mike 1600 Roundtable twocal aucnisron 1400 Pool Rayner • old A. nee 1460 Abbey . prep 1536 Return To S000tkit, • Cacti. 1480 I'm Pats • cc comer:nal r:bc gam & Northam Upsoar micrsiesvoi at a sent titteenon 1400 Dan Crinint' Ailernaosi 1600 1.5 Arta • what% hammed% in 1630 Bleg • mum maw= hmne. her:do:we jungle A inchnu 13% Back to Beam - 2 hour. fret per tine taring 1400 Beets, Rhymes and Beadles% gets e team **ISA picusit. en: - thc kcal rasa= 1700 Set shoo 16001.3 Arta the best in keel and be famous clubs nil • weal otus este for new aimis the beta Xing & A Wean [ling nal den. talk. emnisphae, titan 1700 Crenthe Hat - Ing01116 1427S 1800 Saipan nar-spop 2 iota arodeni theatre, film and writing goat Ralph Lierraisn 1600 Hooch - °epic upugli uc 100 Roundtable topical rhacuaners am A ham. chubs lapis :ro is metre & guitar pop heat. 1700 run*, Doodad= • Tunk, 1800 The Saturday Night Karns- 1800 Sophie Lloyd • the heat in hip bap name 1630 Pack-a-met T1111 adallahni Foote welt Ion Biala 2000 Kieran & Jeff risoutir. happy ltop pisui • stet your night hoc fork. grzA riot & ?.St rout anti up. l$00 Groovy Weary the be UP oldoknol and yam with /ten The Sauer You Hier house brat hop bap 60i Mod. Stax. Northern 5441 and a and ecntoundwg a.-elt a gellunculrey 1800 1900 Up Yer Rniune - pra-club 1060 Bus Streerts • Twisted sounds. 720n Mdse. Rowland - tor.kno the pferan the ttf dectessoic compositions Qattaghare kto p fume funk & nee. elm • eaclustre to 1.311 diseased heats and prod kxmcrt 1900 The Orum & Bias Show little something flaps Klux: min= 4 intrepid &hamsters 2400 Techno Gent Nagel Weaker keeperg your Sunday night on am& 2000 Steve & Seb Show • old & 1800 Basis for dit Mind and tie 2100 Stellar Tertoace - IMO nnpille ptoNstag haws (Ortat. Ma bologna:hen end doettibeat Feet • mega* up heads & bream' Hee Taj - as exemnine into drum& beatmoirng rectin-3 & tied hnuec 2200 Vordbtrd suit Lire • soughs lour yrist a deep dawn boundmiea boas 0200 Itordre team 2300 dub fra-n etie Under:puma at the T&C MO Sims Mu hip hap & electre roma Bricks end Mater - from 2200 Ameba' -gm , dram .11 bait eleenname • vest Abs Nied 2.400 Siberia,- c-oal your bucks and 2100 North. & south - the bait in nog !Yew Bads & AI Then Jam 2000 Cduivalder - drum & & hip-hop to horse tit techno 3.460 Claire R - weato IMO Salle Tortoni - er,4srio es aticcac raulurc sf jana. Nam 210u The Guest Dot 2400 Interesting Bet Net Paric-Inelk fele, rag maid to chill-oat and aro- dulled out brit. caw Leta W 111 Tentplemed & DJ Leon GOO Dap Show - arum tit hem log - if ya dint expect the Immo Ntent sounds 3400 Wel Up For Wookie • chiliad hap•hop, sati ;meted been TAW Session 5 intht pop 0400 TaJ - .:rum a Sim ••ct.ett, then Mien and weep 0206 Cal2 Voir; - techno tnP hoe 2400 Mark Plata drib 0200 Anibal jaa, drum I. be 0240 acn atrnch - allantatnv 0600 Jensen Ramada] Indic WHO Up Yer Baleen - post club 0400 Simon Mu • dub Mee Philip Smith - dcznettre 0400 Nick P Lam WOO Mark & Club • AtZichill 0401 Bala Reverh • rouse 0600 Julian - hip-hop 0480 KiarS11 - house lsr©,edr 0000 Jo Quiff - tack 107.8 FM, 24 hours a day 0600 Jay Bennet - ambient 0800 Kanley - aced 0600 Jon A lab • alseetente 1000 Paul & !Hike - breast

Flavour of the Day Man O'Man, ITV, 7.05pm. the Tonight. that loveable rope Chris Tarrant Malarky of games designed to expose returns 10 our screens in a show which he men's prowess. humour and character ter, says is "a light-heurted look at the sexual "what's that?' the contesunns ask.) Those revolution". In the show ten men humiliate who fail to make thettradeget pushed themselves in a desperate hid 10 convince unceremoniously into a swimming pool the audience Of three hundred screaming Tarrant say s the show will begin to redtc,, girlies that they ;ire the sexiest studs alive. the balance alter "hundreds of years of (Plus the added bonus of winning the beauty contests". Perhaps a little ambitious, ultimate male posing - but certainly. better than the Shane. Richie h i • I ItiVs, di) h the usual

BBC1 BBC2 Ch4 4 nay going out... I I I" i 1 7.25 News Weather, 7.30 Willy 6.00 Open University 6,00 GMTV 9.25 Scratchy & 5.00 4-Tel On View; 6.10 Sesame Fog; 7.55 Robinson Sucroe; 8.15 12.15 FILM: The Desert Song 11.30 The Chart Show; 12.30 Street: 7.05 Little Dracula; 7.35 Tha Music Factory The Raccoons; 8.45 Marvel (1953). The third screen Movies, Games And Videos; World League Football; 8.00 All Nations. Flour one for soul. S-JHM, Action Hour, 9,45 Grange Hill. version of Sigmund 1.00 News: Weather: 1.05 Trans World Sport; 9.00 The .(;.1.1j funk and reg gae Romberg's light operetta Cottage Road Happy. Uplifting house on floors 10.15 Sweet Valley High; 10.35 Calendar News; 1.10 Morning Line: 10.00 The Twelve Monkeys 5.40. 8.20 2 & 3, plus extra balcony The 0 Zone, 10.57 Weather set in Attica, Starring Stuntmasters Greatest; 10.30 NBA; 11.00 Babe 2pm areat0pm.4am. £6rnembars, £8 11.00 Grandstand: 11,05 World Kathryn Grayson and 2.05 FILM: Journey To The Gazette Football Italia: 12.00 non, EIO couples Smart Dress. Championship Snooker: Gordon MacRae. Centre Of The Earth Sign On: 12.30 The Great Hyde Park Picture House 12.00 Motor Racing; 1.05 2.00 FILM: Kiss Me Kate Trainspotting 6.45 Warehouse (1959). Jules Veme's Maratha Small Faces 9 00 Vague. 10.1am, £8 Joining the News; 1.10 Football (1953). Big-screen classic story starring Pal 12.55 FILM: Drums Along The Super-club league with it's own Focus: 1.40 Snooker; adaptation of Cole Porter's Boone and James Mason. Mohawk (1939). Henry The Lounge mix CD, and recently 1.55 Racing From Broadway musical hit_ 3.45 Airwolf Fonda stars in this classic The Bird Cage 6.00, 8.20 showcased on Radio One Haydock: 2.10 Starring Kathryn Grayson Toy Story 2 00, 4.00 4.45 News: Sports Results: Western as a farmer who Badminton Horse Trials: and Howard Keel. Weather After Dark, Morley takes his new bride to his MGM The Orbit. Bililiant techno night. 2,25 Racing; 2.40 The 3.50 World Championship 5.05 Calendar News farm in the Mohawk Valley. Twelve Monkeys, 5 15, 8-00 spin- 2am. Badminton Horse Trials; Snooker and the 5.10 Scoretine, followed by Barbed Wire 3 15, 5,45, 8.30 Info. tel. 2528202 But she's not too keen on 2.55 Racing; 3.10 Badminton Horse Trials Local Weather Richard the Third, 1.00. 5.45 her new neighbours: a Snooker And The 5.50 Rugby Special. Highlights 5.15 Baywatch Nights. Spin- Sudden Death. 3.25. 8.15 The Cockpit gang of marauding Indians. The Garage Rock, Hrphop and Badminton Horse Trials; of this afternoon's off series which follows the Stars Claudette Colbert. Odeon Skatecore 11.00-3 00 4.40 Final Score Pilkington Cup Final adventures 01 lifeguard The Bird Cage 1 25, 4 15, 6.65, C1_5014.00 5.15 News: Weather between Bath and Mitch Buchannon (David 2.50 Channel 4 Racing From 440 Newmarket Copy Cat 1 40, 420, 7.00, 9.35 5.25 Regional News: Weather Leicester from Hasselhoff) in his new Town and Country 5.05 Brookside Omnibus. A Toy Story 1.10, 3 50, 6 05 Top Banana Sounds at the 80s 5.30 Stay Toorredt Twickenham career as a prrvate eye_ Trainsponing 8.35 That'll be fun 10 - 2.30 5.55 Big Break 6.50 What The Papers Say 6.05 International Gladiators. heartbroken Max begs Broken Arrow 1 15, 3.40, 600. 6.25 The New Adventures Of 7.05 News And Sport: More muscle-rippling Patricia not to leave. 8.25 LMUSU Superman. A ruthless Weather 6.30 Right To Reply Mighty Aphrodite 1 20, 3,45, The Saturday Disco. Student action hosted by Ulrike 6 15, 8.30 night nuf said magician arrives in 7.20 Storm Damage_ Susan Jonsson, Mike Adamle 7.00 A Week in Politics, Metropolis with a list of Donald reveals possible and Kimberley Joseph. Including Channel 4 News Showcase (call 01924 420622 LUU Harvey Milk Bar targets that includes Clark evidence which confirms 7.05 Man 0 Man. Great new 8,00 Cutting Edge: for times) Hard to Handle Heavy rock Kent. that Gull War veterans are Mighty Aphrodite, Toy Story series. See today's flavour Bodyguards. Cameras night 9pm-2am, V3.50adv 7.10 Confessions. including a suffering from nerve Richard the Third, Babe, £4door. of the day. follow twenty-two men and Trainspotting, Twelve Monkeys, man who woke to find two damage 8.05 Stars In Their Eyes. women have paid £650 to Mary Riley. The Bird Cage, Primps It exotic birds in his room. 7.50 F D R. With a look at Hosted by Matthew Kelly. undergo a gruelling course Barhed Wire, Sudden Death. Ardon A new nigh! at Leed.., 7.50 The National Lottery Live Roosevelt's response to Seven, Jumenji, Sense and Including Lottery Result to become bodyguards biggest gay club The music 8.05 Bugs. The Bugs team take the problems created by Sensibility, Copy Cat, Hackers, policy is the same as the 8.50 News: National Lottery 9.00 The Gaby Roslin Show, Broken Arrow altitude Keeping ii up 'till six action following an armed the Depression Update: Weather. Gaby Roslin conducts raid at a power plant. 10prn•6am Tel 2446300 for 9.00 Have I Got News For You. followed by LWT Weather three in-depth interviews. more Ho 8.55 News And Sport: With guest Alan Davies. 9.05 London's Burning. Blue 10.00 Drop The Dead Donkey. Weather, followed by 9.30 World Championship Underground Watch reacts angrily to Sally thaws her ice screen National Lottery Update Snooker. Action from the The yardbird Suite - Ian with rumours that Blackwell is persona to show a iii,3q1LEY 9.15 FILM: Bird On A Wire evening's semi-final live music. Doors 8,30. Band at to close, passionate heart while 9 15, DJs until 2.00 £5/6 (1990). Action comedy with session at the Embassy 10.05 FILM: Hush Little Baby West Yorkshire Playhouse. Intoilne is 2302113 Mel Gibson and Goldie World Professional George is in two or three Omen, Theatre (1993). Susan Nolan finds minds over a news story. The Winslow Boy 7.45pm Hawn A state witness is Championship. her biological mother. Edie discovered at a Detroit gas 11.30 Court TV: The Case Of 10.30 FILM: Altered States Landers, who gave her (1980). Ken Russell's sci-fi Weal Yorkshire Playhouse, station by his former Florida v The Newtons. away as a baby, and Courtyard Theatre thriller stars William Hurt fiancee - lust as the man The story of how two invites her to stay with her She Knows You Know, 7.45 he put away catches up parents found themselves as a scientist obsessed ticket hotline 0113 2442111 adoptive family. Starring with him. The pair are being prosecuted by the with his experiments in Duchess Diane Ladd and Wendel forced to run for their lives. sensory depnvation Seven Little Sisters stale of Florida after a Meldrum, 11.00 FILM: Revenge (1989). tragic accident. Followed 11.55 Big Fight Speciat 12.25 Homicide - Life On The The Fenton Kevin Costner plays a by Weatherview 12.40 The Making Of 'Broken Street. Scherzo Twist retired pilot (Kevin, try 12.20 FILM, Powaggatsi (1988). Arrow' 1.25 FILM: Harry And Son doing a retired actor) who A visual essay which Leeds University, Old 1.05 Funny Business. With (1983). Powerful and Pleasure Rooms accepts an invitation to explores the lives and Playhouse Jenny Eclair and Jett moving drama directed by Beck to Basics With guests . Cleo Lane. John Dank.worth & stay with an old friend Cultures of the people of Paul Newman who stars as Tuna into I.SR lor more details The Dankworlri Generation Big 12.55 FILM: The Undead (1957). Asia. Africa and Latin opm-ham. 1.35 PyjamaG a Party, followed by a middle-aged man who, Bartel A prostitute is sent back America. E 10 cent's- .E12 guests ITN News Headlines laid off from work by through time to the Middle 2.00 Words And Music 3.00 The War Of The Worlds illness, locks emotional Ages and condemned to 2.45 Close horns with his 21-year-old die as a witch. 3.50 Customs Classified 2.05 Weather; 2.10 Close 4.35 Cue The Music son. 5.30 News 3.35 Close

28 I'm sincere (almost) when I look back (9) ' II EMI 5 11111 DOWN 11 II III • 1 Noise of people on a gram (5) 2 Diminutive bar is a biscuit (9) Oevsseri by Mail Walker @ •INI NM NM 3 Australasian is against the Post Office and backed by man ACROSS of the Church (10) 1 Percussion instrument or wrial a fisherman does on mouth of 4 Former writers on Ecstasy Charge 17) ■■5 Woman In the street Is thin (7) Severn 191 1 I INI 1 EI•E. 6 Word puzzle concerns coach (5) 6 Refer to register (4) 9 One appendage is in the offing (5) 7 Runs into shrub - broom (5) 10 Before bme mixes Peter a rum (91 ■8 Crooked divert smelt (4,5) SIMI Ill 1 11* 13 I'm getting a lob • its a burden (t0) 11 motivation to rise and depart (3-2321 12 To malt Is to decompose What? (41 14 Gelb of dodgy Loch (9) 14 To walk tike a duck after tea is rubbish (71 10 Find a loom In anus • We not normal' (9) 15 Timothy gets pain playing drums (7) It 1.2.- -1.1.1 18 Strangely rates no poteician (7) 17 Spice sprinkled around Calllornia or the Poles (7) 19 Flowers bloom around the sten at spring with the end of 19 You might do MIS On a windy chit and make a smell {4,.3) •I" • moats (7) 20 Bump off thousand sick (4) MEI - 21 'A carpenters tool described In dela" • a thesis (5) 22 Drug is feersonable and poisonous given to worker (10) 23 Seasoning last orders reponeelty (5) 25 values mapping Iles with Mends (9) RI • II 1 24 Blue talk must be thrown out (4) 28 White man unknown (5) • 11 IIIMI• 2 e ' • • 27 Smelt of coins (US) being thrown around (51 £10 for first correct entry handed in to LMU office • 1 ill

• a • • • 20

Flavour of the Day

Match of the Day BBC1, 10.20pm Going Out... After Key Keegan's amazingly angry Score lull well. You might as well outburst against that miserable old sod watch anyway. because no football Alex Ferguson, the scene is perfectly broadcast is as class us Match of the set for this end of season show-down. -1 J Day with Des "the Guv'ner" Lynam at Cottage Road Edwards Showing live on Sky earlier, by the the helm, plus even analysis from Twelve Monxeys 5.00 8 20 The 7th Night - chip out sounds te time you watch the highlights you'll he Alan "Ihe Boss" Hansen. If you hate refresh and relax. Free entry 6 staggering hack from the pub - either football, stay well out of the way Hyde Park Picture House until tete triumphant or tearful - knowinu the lonletlt. Tramsp0ttine 6 45

Small laces 9.00 The Courtyard Its beautiful gentle soul and BBC1 BBC2 2 The Lounge swing sounds for gentle- people sag c" 4 The Bird Cage 5.30, 7.50 5-10 30pm tree I I I l Trsi Story 3.00 7.10 FILM Dot Arid The Kangaroo 6.15 Open University: Pure Maths; 6.00 GM TV. 8.00 Disney Club, 9.25 5.00 Tel On View 6.15 Trans World The Max (19761. 8.25 Jim Henson's Animal 6.40 Mathematical Models And The Adventures Of Grady Sport 7.10 Take 5: 7.40 The Magic MGM Recovery with DJ Moo (Bar Show. 8.50 Maydays. 9.10 News Methods: 7.05 I Used To Work In Greenpeace, 9.50 James Bond Jig: School Bus. 8.10 Sonic The Twelve Monkeys 5_15, 8.00 Basics) 7-10.30pm, £2 Weather: 9.15 Itallantssimo. 9.30 To the Fields: 7.30 Insect Hormones; 10,15 Sunday Heroes; 10.25 Sunday, Hedgehog, 8.35 The Trap Door. 8.40 Barbed Wire 3 15, 5 45, 8.30 Be A Pilgrim; 9.45 Fast Light. 10.15 7.55 Rome Under The Popes: 8.20 12.10 Link. 12.30 The Powers That Blast Ott 850 Biker Mice From Mars See Hear!. 10.45 The Multimedia Outsiders In - Muslims In Europe Be. 12.55 Calendar News. 1.00 9.15 Saved By The Bell: 9.45 Dumb Richard the Third 1.00, 5.45 Dry Dock Business: 11.00 Local Heroes: 11.30 9.10 Rupert News Weather: 1.10 Jonathan And Dumber. 10.00 The Bird. 10.15 Sudden Death 325. 8 15 Afternoon Live Jazz_ or perhaps Gardening From Scratch. 12.00 9.15 The Littlest Pet Shop Dinibleby 2.00 Murder She Wrote, Stater Sister, 10.40 Rocko's Modern lusl 'Stanley Road on the Juke box CountryRe: 12.30 On The Record: 9.40 X-Men 2.55 Cartoon 1.30 EastEnders 10.00 Fully Booked Life. 11.05 Insektors, 11.20 NBA Raw 3.10 FILM: The Dog Who Odeon all afterrxion 2.55 FILM; Superman III (1983). 12_00 Regional Programmes 12.15 The Wattonst Stopped The War (1986). The Bird Cage 1.50, 520, 8.10 Christopher Reeve slips Into 12.30 Sunday Grandstand: 12.35 1.15 Poor Man's Pug light lamily comedy starring his tights and cape tar another Motor Racing: San Marino 1.45 Channel 4 Racing from Copy Cal 1.40.5 15.8.05 The Underground Julie Martel, Christine Delon round of superhuman Grand Prix; 3.00 World Newmarket Toy Story 1.10, 3.50, 6.05 noon-rpm, Sunday Joint. with Blue and Cleo the St Bernard 4.15 Lonely Planet, loliowea by gymnastics This time the Championship Snooker Trainsporeng 8.35 Bird live (far2). plus Ws and Roast world is under threat by a 5.55 Winners And Losers. 4.50 Robocop News and Weather tycoon who intends to corner Remarkable archive footage of 5.45 Calendar News: Sport 5.05 Zig And Zag's Dirty Deeds Broken Arrow 1.15, 3.40,6.00. Dinner on the menu . the comer. market creatures which were once 6.00 ITN News; Weather 5.35 Hollyoaks 8.25 6-10.30pre. Evening Joint 6 15 Surprise! Surprise! 4.55 Masterchef 1996 thought to be on the verge of 6.05 Babylon 5. Mighty Aphrodite 1,20. 3.45, 8.15. Both events free 7.15 Doctor Finlay. 8.15 5.30 News: Weather extinction The film is shown 7.00 Hidden Kingdoms. You've Been Frarnedl 830 5.50 Regional News tor the test time in colour Carneramai Richard Kemp 5_55 Songs Of Praise 6.40 San Marino Grand Prix. 8.45 ITN News; Weather Duchess of York captures two of Europe's 6.30 Antiques Roadshow Highlights Irom the firth round 9.00 The Knock. rarest, least known animals Showcase (call 01924 420622 for Sunday Service - With the 7.15 No Bananas. of the Formula One World 10.00 The Clive James Show. 8.00 Encounters: The Titanic's times) 8.05 25 Years Of The Two Championship in imohe Featuring TV and video Moonloonies 7 11pm Ronnles. 25 years too many 7.30 A History Of British Art. outtakes from around the Lost Sister. Mighty Aphrtekte, TOy Story £41£3 Members 9.00 Music And The Mind. This 8.45 Birds Of A Feather. 9-15 8.20 The Money Programme. world. Richard the Third. Bate. News: Weather 9.00 Natural Born Footballers. A new series examines the 10.45 The South Bank Show. Trainspotling, Twelve Monkeys. , 9.30 Karnak.. Daniel's pursuit 01 orofile of KOVIll Keegan Melvyn Bragg presents a tern Profound relationship between the lovely Sandra lands him in 9.15 Fantasy Football League. biography or Hollywood sex music and the human bran. Mary Riley. Red Cage. Barbed hospital 9.45 World Championship goddess Marlene Dietrich 10.00 FILM: Critters (1986). Science Wife, Sudden Death. Seven, 10.20 Match Of The bay. See Snooker. 11.45 FILM: A Change Of Seasons fiction shocker Junssnii, Sense and Sensibility, LMU today's flavour 01 the day. 11.45 FILM: White Heat (1949). (1980). Fnllnw&'d by News 11.35 Football Italie Copy Cat Hackers. Broken Arrow The Lighthouse Family 11.15 FILM: Every Which Way But Followed by Weetherview 1.40 FILM; Baharon KI Manzil 12.35 FILM: Cleo From 5 To 7 Loose (1978). 1.15 1.40 Close (1968). 4.10 Profile (1961). 2.00 Learning Zone Weather; 1.20 Close 4,25 Joblindert 5.30 News 2.10 Close PIZZAS DONERS On your Blocks

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Flavour of the Day

The X Files BBC2. 10.00pm and 11.25pm ■iv,,, , ve had their threat, \ Mt. ii' It .011 rr an tale ul eriedied treni the and in the second. ., i i ic. Frisk (Anil uhu iNn•i da∎ then aeir luck!. Bank Holiday Blight corporate LAN:1.111yr is murdered hy his ∎ it \Inkier and Scully take lime i•io hint, pc‘sme ciimpliter fic,lli perlectly helhevohle %tone% ilh then kit till for style niar.,!..t:1,•-• tile' 10 between this lesaival rid lavkle twit intrtgiting mysteries Both lie', /lei - the legal liteSlyie drama eptsoiles are repeal'., but both are which is also well Wl)Ilit a iL otlk Cheek our on page IN k ■offli In 'he lire. Oleic\ the the review IBBC1 BBC2 2 Ch4 4 -1 ODA Roe Planet Earth I I _c111.:-.).111?11 Abs.clutety Fabulous • Student itTV i 6.00 Open University: 6.00 GMT V; 9.25 Supermarket 5.00 4-Tel On View. 6.40 Super Cottage Road night. drinks promo's Bet it's 7.00 News: Regional News: Bill; Physics; 6.25 Data Sweep; 9.55 Bugs Bunny's Wild Dave 7.00 The Big Breakfast. Twelve Monkeys 5 40 I3 20 not champers though Weather: 7.10 Blinky 7.35 Favourite Songs. &00 News Modelling - The Wood World Of Sports: 10.25 FILM: 9.00 The Pink Panther Weather; 8.10 Peter Pan And From The Trees; 6.50 A.R.Y L. (1985): 12.15 News: 9.25 FILM: The Crazy World Hyde Park Picture House Observatory The Price la Right student The Pirates, 8.35 Teenage Silver: A Source Of Weather, 12.25 Breakaway: Of Laurel And Hardy Trainsporting 1: 45 Mutant Hero Turtles: 9.00 News Power For The State 12.30 Coronation Street Small Faces 9 00 night (1964). Classic sequences Weather. 9.05 Mighty Max, 9.25 7.15 See Hear Breakfast News 1.00 FILM: Ernest Goes To from the films of Stan Blue Peter. 9.55 Orville And 7.25 FILM: It's A Gift (1934). Ritzy's - Jail (1990). Dim-witted Laurel and Oliver Hardy. The Lounge Cuddles; 10,00 Playdays. 10.25 Hilarious slapstick comedy The World Ernest finds himself on the 11.00 Black Panthers Bird Cage 6 DO. a 20 FILM: JeMonsl The Movie (19901 in which the great comic wrong side of the law garish student night. Battles at 12.00 Right To Reply 11.40 FILM: Fudge-A-Mania genius of W C Fields 2.35 Stuntmasters £120, pints al £1.30. 12.30 Sesame Street MOM (1995), Family comedy dominates. 3.10 FILM: Joe Versus The 10prri-2erri, free with flyer 1.30 Wowser Twelve Monkeys 5 15, 8.00 starring Jake Richardson 8.30 Thomas Hart Benton Volcano (1990). Believing before 10.30pm, I attei 1.55 Bush Barbed wire 3 15 5.45 8.30 1.10 News: Weather 9.55 FILM: The Strawberry he only has a tew months Tucker Man Richard the Third 1.(X), 5.45 1.20 Regional News: Weather Blonde (1941). Romantic to live. a young man 2.30 Channel 4 Racing from Sudden Death 3.25 KIS Circus Circus - 1.25 Neighbours comedy about a dentist accepts a daring Kempton Park. followed Perfect Pop. Playing er. perfect 1.45 Cartoon who has misgivings about proposition put to him by by News and Weather Odeon nap of the Bo's and 90-s. 1.55 FILM; Song Ot The South his marriage. Starring an eccentric billionaire, 4.30 Fifteen To One The Bird Cage 1.50.5 20, 8 10 {1946). Based on the tales James Cagney, Olivia de With Tom Hanks and Meg 5.00 The Gaby Rosl in Show Copy Cat 1 40. 5.15, 6 05 The Courtyard - of Bret Rabbit. With Ruth Havilland and Rita Ryan. Contender for worst 6.00 The Cosby Show Toy Story 1.10. 3 50, 605 Get ready to Shaul (pre-dub Warrick and James Hayworth, film ever 6.30 Hollyoaks TrainSpotting 835 bar to Planet Earth ) Fiee andy Baskett. 11.30 FILM: Colorado Territory 5.05 News Headlines 7.00 FILM: The Lavender Hill Broken Arrow 1 15. 3 40. 6.00. 3.30 FILM: The King And I (1949). A notorious outlaw 5.15 Calendar News Mob (1951). Ealing (1956). The King of Siam intent on starting a new life 8.25 Le Phone - 5.20 FILM: You Only Uve comedy with Alec tails head-over-heels in is persuaded by the leader Mighty Aphrodite 1 20. 3 45 Mind Your Head. Flock E Twice (1967). 007 is sent Guinness as a bank clerk love with the English of his old gang to take part 615. 8 3CI allernatIve. 10pm-2am, to investigate the who masterminds a bullion governess who looks after in one last job. Starring Elct1pm,E2 Newcastle Brown disappearance of an robbery with the help of his children. Starring Yul Joel McCrea and Virginia Showcase (call 01924 420622 8 Jack Deniers ft 25 American spacecraft and Stanley Holloway. Sid Brynner and Deborah Kerr. Mayo runs into a megalomaniac tor times) James and Alhe Bass. 5.40 Neighbours 1.00 San Marino Grand Prix bent on starting a third Mighty Aphrodite. Toy Story. The Warehouse - 8.30 The Greatest. Frances 6.00 News: Weather 1.50 World Championship World War. Starring Richard the Third, Babe. Boogie Wonaerland Edmonds and Danny Kelly 6.15 Regional News: Weather Snooker Shoorn Connery. Trainspotting, Twelve Monkeys. Yes( Another 70s disco night' 6.20 FILM: Batteries Not 5.35 Winners and Losers are joined by Jeffrey With DJ Starsky Love Pants 7.30 Coronation Street. Mary Riley, The Bird Cage, included (1987). 6.20 Later Presents Mark 8.00 Bob's Fab Ads. Bob Archer to debate the Brame Barbed Wire, Sudden Death, Charming lantasy him from Knoptler in Concert. Monkhouse with 40 years abilities of Sir Leonard I wonder if thers his real name Seven. Jumanji. Sense and Stephen Spielberg, starring Jooks Holland introduces of comical commercials Hutton and Sebastian Coe. Sensibility, Copy Cat. Hackers, Jessica Tandy and Hume one-oft studio session from 9.00 Bramwell. When cholera 9.00 Rescue. Contrasting two Broken Arrow Cronyn. Dire Straits lead singer breaks out at the Thrift, air crashes - the 1972 8.00 EastEnders. Pauline Mark Knopfler Eleanor turns to Dr crash of a BEA Trident returns home reeling from 7.20 World Championship O'Neill near Heathrow and the the recent events. Snooker. Live coverage of 10.00 News At Ten: Weather Kegworth disaster of 1989. 8.30 The Liver Birds. Original the final frames to decide 10.15 Calendar News: Weather 9.30 An Inspector Calls. With Liver Birds Beryl and Duchess who is the 21st Embassy 10.20 FILM: Frantic (1988). The a look at the insurance ♦ Sandra. reunite in the World Champion. Blameless Joyrider the pace of Parisian life picks world 1990s. West Yorkshire Playhouse Fabians Excellent night of live 10,00 The X Files. Spooky up when an Amencan 9.00 Lord Of Misrule. Ex-Lord Mulder and Scully 10.00 Karaoke. Daniel wakes up Quarry Theatre music. head-lined by Chart abroad discovers that his Chancellor William investigate the deaths of in hospital where he was The Winslow' Boy Stars Blameless who recertify wife has vanished from Webster decides to write two men believed to have taken lollowing his collapse 7.30pm, tickets Ircr. hod a hit with 'Breathe" their Seine-side hotel in the Soho karaoke bar about hiS time in office, been killed by a powerful room. Starring Harrison TIckel Hotline leaving no stone unturned. psychokinelic force 11.05 Rude Women. Repeat of The Underground Ford 0113 244 2111 Starring Richard Wilson See Flavour of the Day the film in which rude Jo Brendan Croker and tne Great 12.35 Football Extra. followed and Prunella Scales. 10.45 This Life. Melly is loosing by News Brand links the true stories Indoors r2 50. doors Rpm 10.30 News: Weather patience with Egg's novel- 1.20 FILM: Keoma (1976). At of a grandmother from 10.55 FILM: The Hard Way writing career. the end 01 the war of Peterborough. a group of Fenton (1991). Stars Michael J 11.25 The X Flies. On secession. Keorna returns Kirkby housewives and a Niche Fox and James Woods Hallowe'en. Mulder and to his native town and Redhill lingerie cutter 12.40 FILM: Girl On A Motor Scutty investigate the attempts to restore taw 12.10 The Late Late Show Edwards Cycle (1968). An erotic death of a corporate and order. 1.10 FILM: Hard to Handle cull classic starring executive. See Flavour of Genet,* - hybrid at the best 3.10 The Chart Show (1933). Comedy with Marianne Failhfull and the Day funk and trance 4.05 Champions: Where Are Alan Delon. Video this. 12.10 Close Up James Cagney. They Now? J 2.10 Weather: 2.15 Close 12.30 The Learning Zone 2,35 Karachi Kops 4.35 Jobtinder; 5.30 News 3.05 Close w EVERY SATURDAY DURING TERM :);-.01S„ 514;i:1;40.4, (14f.t1:C41. OROT ► RS, (AST,

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Flavour of the Day

And The Beat Goes On C4. lOpm In the Imal episode of this brilliant Connie and the accident. Set against a going out... Liverpudlian based drama Ritchie faces none too happy background, the drama that age old dilemma; the hand or the hopes to reveal the truth behind the girl? If he's got any sense. he'll chose "Swinging Sixties". Says producer Mal the girl. because the hand are ruhhish. Young. If you were there. reminisce. Pleasure Rooms Meanwhile, the police are closing in on and if you were too young, this is how Tequila Night. Cheap Nick, who knows he must take it was," drinks, especially cheap Tequila. Prepare to get responsibility for the truth about Cottage Road slammed. Twelve Monkeys 5 40, 8,20 Warehouse BBC1 Sugar Club - mainstream BBC2 Ch4 4 Hyde Park Picture House 2 student night acs 0717 Transporting 6.45 I I Small Faces 9.00 The Underground 6.00 Business Breakfast 7.00 6.00 Open University; 7.15 6.00 5.00 4-Tel On View. 6.30 Chicken The Lava Lounge GMTV 9.25 Supermarket The Lounge BBC Breakfast News: 9.00 Breakfast News. 7.30 Teenage Sweep: Calendar News; Minute; 7.00 The Big Breakfast. £3<11pm:•£3.50. 9prn-2am. 9,55 Bird Cage 6.00. 8.20 Breakfast News Extra: 9.20 Can't Mutant Hero Turtles; 8.00 Peter 10.00 The Time .. The Place; 9.00 The Pink Panther, 9.25 Cook, Won't Cook; 9.45 Kilroy. Mex Pan And The Pirates, 8.25 Oakie 10.35 This Morning. 12.20 FILM Background (1953): 10.55 MGM 10.30 Good Morning With Anne Doke; 8.40 Star Trek; 9.05 Belief Top latin night. with DJ Calendar News, followed by Dance 01 Nature, 11.00 Wild Twelve Monkeys 5 15, 8.00 Arid Nick, 12.00 News; Weather. File. 9.25 Christianity In Today's Martin Morales, Also Community Announcement: Barbed Wire 3.15. 5 45, Brazilian food & snacks & 12.05 Room For improvement: World; 9.45 Watch: 10.00 India, 12.00 House To House; 12.30 News: Weather. 12.55 8.30 Samba classics before 12.35 Going For Gold; 1.00 Playdays: 12.30 Sesame Street; 1.30 10.25 Come Outside; Home And Away; 1.25 The Big Richard the Third 1.00, 5.45 10pm Ovide; 1.55 Bush Tucker Man: News: Weather, 1.30 Regional 10.45 The Experimenter; 11.05 Green Boat Show; 1.55 Sudden Death 3.25. 8.15 News: Weather. 1.40 Neighbours Space Ark; 11.15 Wntrng And Ernmerclale, 2.25 Liz Earle's 2.25 Channel 4 Racing From Le Phono 2.00 FILM: Rockets Galore Pictures: Ghostwriter: Odeon 11.30 Lifestyle; 2.65 A Country Chester. 4.30 Fifteen To One: Rorno - Leeds' only weekly (1958). Comedy in which a 12.00 See Hear!; 12.30 Working Bird Cage 1.50, 5.20. 8 10 Practice, 3.20 News; 3,25 5.00 The Mantel Williams Show: new romantic night. thank remote Scottish island is Lunch; 1.00 Teaching Today; 1.30 Copy Cat 1.40, 5.15, 8.05 Calendar News: Weather. 3.30 5.50 Terrytoons, 6.00 The god (...only lokingeGet selected as the site for a Showcase; 1.40 Notch Patch Toy Story 1.10, 3.50. 8.05 those plastic jackets out The Magic House: 3.40 Tots TV; Avengers rocket base causing House: 2.00 Oakie Doke; 2.10 Trainspotting 8.35 again 3.50 Sooty And Co. 4.15 outrage amongst the The Andrew Neil Show; 3.00 7.00 Channel 4 News: Broken Arrow 1.15, 3.40, 10-2am, £2.50. Animaniacs, 4.40 Chris Cross 6.00. 8.25 island's residents. Stars News. 3.05 Westminster With Weather 80p a pint All Mighty Aphrodite 1.20. Donald Sinden, Hugh Nick Ross: 5.10 Home And Away. 7.55 The Slot 3.55 News; 4.00 3.45. 6.15, 8.30 Mandel- and Jeannie Today's The Day, 4.30 Ready. accuses Jack of helping to 8.00 Classic Trucks. Before Faversham wreck his store, Retro - dance. indite & hip- Carson Steady, Cook: 5.00 Oprah mass ownership of cars 5.40 News: Weather Showcase (call 01924 hop. 3.30 Playdays Winfrey; 5.40 The Ladies Of The and fridges. Britain's 420622 for times) 3.50 Monster Cale House, 6.00 Fresh Prince Of Bel 5.55 Calendar, followed by streets were buzzing with Mighty Aphrodite, Toy Story. Charlie Parkers 4.05 Casper Classics Air Local Weather Richard the Third, Babe, small delivery vans Nasty - acid jazz, hip hop 4.10 Dennis The Menace 6.25 Heartbreak High. A new 6.30 Tonight Trainspotting. Twelve 4.35 Out Of Tune student with a troubled 7.00 Emmerdaie. Life becomes 8.30 Brookside. Max finds he Monkeys, Mary Riley, Bird 5.00 Newsround past arrives in Hartley and uncomfortable for Zoe and has the house guest from Cage, Barbed Wire, 5.10 The Lowdown falls lout of Bolton. Emma. Hell, and Jackie is furious Sudden Death. Seven. 5.35 Neighbours 7.10 The Ren and Stimpy 7.30 Jimmy's. Ken Turp hopes about Bev's idle Jumanji. Sense and Sensibility, Copy Cat. 6.00 News: Weather Show. Ren and Stumpy to find out why the speculations Hackers, Broken Arrow 6.30 Regional News find themselves in elf and operation to improve the 9.00 Without Walls: Gore Duchess Magazines gnome world and must blood supply to his legs Vidal's American 7.00 2point4 Children. work hard to graduate to had to be aborted. Leeds Awareness Show 13 A look at the 7.30 EastEnders. Mark and pixie status. Cobbler's 8.00 The Bill. Boulton and Presidency. bands) Ruth confront Pauline with more like. Deakin investigate a fatal imperial expeditions and the evidence they have 7.30 The Technophobes' two world wars which led Belusht's stabbing and become The Price of Ivory amassed against Wicked Guide To The Future. entangled in a family's to America's high noon. Willy Nick Higham investigates web of jealousy arid 9.30 Without Walls: 8.00 Great Ormond Street. one of the biggest changes deceit Like it. Psychoanalysing Diana. West York's Playhouse. Case histories from Great in television history: digital 8.30 The Cook Report In a recreation of a classic Quarry Theatre Ormond Street Children's broadcasting, 9.00 Frontiers. New police The Winslow Boy Freudian case study, 7 30pm. £6 Hosplial.Ahhhh. 8.00 The Works. Darien Leader drama series about the tickets trom psychoanalyst Dylan ticket hotline (1113 244217 8.30 Funny World. 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Followed by followed by News 1.40 FILM: The Dark Past 12.45 Weather: 12.50 Close Weatherview Headlines 12.00 The Midnight Hour With 2.20 Hotel Babylon (1948). Dark chiller starring Lesley Riddoch 3.00 Not Fade Away William Holden as an 12.30 The Learning Zone 4.00 Jones And Jury escaped killer I 4,20 Jobfinder; 5.30 News 2.55 Close STUDENT TRAVEL For a cheap deal on student flights visit ULTRA

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23 Flavour of the Day

Supermarket Sweep ITV, 9.25am going out... Yes. it's a repeat. but anyway. pan you audience. but he also gets the honestly distinguish one episode from contestants to say -Yes, Dale- after his the next'' All that matters is that Dale is every word. Throw away fun or a hack on our telly. and he's in dazzling unique statement on consumer culture-.` Planet Earth form, Not only does he command total I'd say the former. but then. I actually Kinky - Dig out those kinky 111 H E-J boots and get struttin" 9- respect from his contestants and watch this junk. Cottage Road: 3am Sense and Sensibility 5.20. £2.50 NUS. £3.50 a 00 Spirits 50p a shot Hyde Park: LMUSU City Site II Postino 6.45 OTT - Cheap and cheerful BBC1 BBC2 Ch4 4 Mighty Aphrodite 9.00 80s & 90s student piss-up With treble vodka & mixer still ppv 1 Showcase (phone 01924 on E1.75, and biter. lager I PTV 420622 for details): and cider just 85p a pint 6.00 Business Breakfast; 7.00 6.00 Open University: 7.15 6.00 GMTV; 9.25 Supermarket 5.00 4-Tel On View. 6.35 Sharky Broken Arrow, Toy Story. BBC Breakfast News; 9.00 Breakfast News; 7.30 Teenage Sweep, see above!: 9.55 And George; 7.00 The Big Dead Man Walking, Twelve Primoe II Time Tunnel, with the best in Breakfast News Extra. 9.20 Can't Mutant Hero Turtles, 8.00 The Calendar News: Weather: 10.00 Breakfast: 9.00 The Pink Panther Monkeys, Trainspotting. high Sudden Deah, Bird Cage NRG and camp classics. Cook, Won't Cook; 9.45 Kilroy: Lowdown: 8.25 Wishing; 8.40 The Time._ The Place, 10.35 9.25 FILM: Lydia (1941). 1Tpm-2am. Babe, Jumariji. Sense and 10.30 Good Morning With Anne The Record; 9.05 Id Paris, 9.25 This Morning: 12.20 Calendar Romantic drama starring Sensibility Mighty Aphrodrte. And Nick: 12.00 News Weather; Job Bank, 9.45 Words And News: Weather, followed by Merle Oberon as a woman Get Shorty, Before And After The Pleasure Rooms The Good Life . Doors 12.05 Room For Improvement: Pictures; 10.00 Maydays: 10.25 Crimestoppers; 12.30 News: who recalls her affairs with 9.45prn-2am. Admission Numbertime; The Lounge: 12.35 Going For Gold; 1.00 10.45 Cats' Eyes; Weather; 12.55 Home And a number of handsome The Bird Cage 5 40. 8.10 £3.50 NUS. £4 others. Drinks News- Weather. 1.30 Regional 11.00 Teaching Today; 11.30 The suitors. Stars Joseph promotions - £1 a pint F. £1 Away; 1.25 It's A Vet's Life; 1.55 News: Weather: 1.40 Neighbours, Shape 01 The World. 12.05 The Coronation Street, 2.25 Cooking Cotten. Alan Marshal, MGM: 19s. 2.00 Snowy River - The Spanish Collection; 12.30 At The Academy; 2.55 A Country George Reeves and Hans Twelve Monkeys 5.15. 8.00 McGregor Saga. 3.30 Playdays: Working Lunch: 1.00 Sudden Death 325, 5.50, The Dry Dock The Practice: 3.20 ITN News: 3.25 Jaray Citizen Smith - 80's & India 3.50 The Silver Brumby: 4.15 Geography Programme: 1.20 Zig 8.15 Calendar News: 3.30 Alphabet 11.15 Hotel Hawkestone Richard 3 1.00, 3,15, 5.45, with Helen from Bnghton Funnybones; 4.20 Jonny Briggs: Zag: 1.45 Come Outside; 2.00 Beach. Castle: 3.40 Wizadora: 3.50 Britt 11.30 Australia Wild 8 20 4.35 Rugrats: 5.00 Newsround Wishing; 2.10 The Andrew Neil Alicroft's Magic Adventures 01 12.00 House To House 5.10 Blue Peter. Including the Show: 3.00 News; Weather; 3.05 Odeon: the Mex Mumfie: 4.05 Garfield And 12.30 Sesame Street d.o.p.e. 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Avedon fraudulent study. dance night with guest 1.45 Dear Nick. followed by Sonique singing and Robertson head the cast of receives a letter from an 11.00 Friends. Rachel spinning'. Plus residents. this hi•tech (now lo-tech) obsessed fan who News accidentally lets Ross's pet £3.50 NUSI UB40, £4 others thriller threatens to kill his 2.45 FILM: It's A Wonderful monkey escape. 1.35 Weather; 1.40 Close girlfriend_ Followed by World (1956). Two 11.30 Cheers. When Sam's god- Weatherview impoverished songwriters daughter Joyce moves to 12.00 The Midnight Hour With in 1950s London believe Boston Sam decides that Andrew Nell they need only one big hit Woody will be the safest 12.30 The Learning Zone to set them on the path to bet to chaperone her fame and fortune. 12.00 Nightsports 4.25 Jobfinder 5.30 News 6.00 Close STUDENT TRAVEL For a cheap deal on student flights visit ULTRA

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ULTRA - UNION BUILDING, UNIVERSITY OF LEEDS, LEEDS. TELEPHONE: 2314213 Flavour of the Day

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Sizzling tunes. twelve Monkeys 5 15.8.00 from Sucks Fizz to Wham, Barbed Wire 3 15 5 45.8.30 and much much more Richard Me Third 1 00, 5.45 besides Nearly everything BBC1 BBC2 ITV y iCh4 4 Sudden Death 3.25, 8.15 2 80p OPLI VAG Odeon Fiddlers I 1 Bird Cage 1.50, 5.20.8 to 6.00 Business Breakfast; 7.00 6.00 Open University: 7.15 See 6.00 GMTV: 9.25 6.00 4-Tel On View. 6.35 The Soundclash - last month Supermarket Copy Cat 1 40 5.15, 8.05 Tricky graced the Setinciclase BBC Breakfast News; 9.00 Hear Breakfast News; 7.30 Sweep: 9.65 Calendar News: Adventures Of T-Rex, 7.00 The Toy Story 1 10. 3_50. 8 05 decks. tonight it's Spring Heel Breakfast News Extra, 9.20 Can't Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles: Weather, 10.00 The lime.. The Big Breakfast: 9.00 The Pink Tramspolling 8 35 Jack, plus Urban Poets Broken Arrow 1 15, 340, Cook. 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A-4 pICKERING e ESTATE ieta AGENTS

5' Arndate Centre„ Otley Road,

R . adin. ey,...Leeds 2UE. 1 1 Adam's story

Life with o drink problem has its ups and downs, MIKE PFLANZ talks to a self-confessed alcoholic and finds out what its really like to be on the bottle

i6i..dam is 21. and was forced to drop out of Leeds University last summer because of his alcohol and other drug related problems: at the nadir of his alcoholism. he spent two weeks without leaving his house, sending his sister and friends out to buy him a bottle of gin a day. Adam was educated at boarding school. and cites this as a reason that he started drinking mom than average, • 'There was of course no opportunity to drink during the week, so at weekends and during the holidays we'd drink too much". This habit became problematic when Adam found himself with all the time presented to a first year at university. with the money to match. A close friend confirmed that it was at this time that Adam's once heavy school drinking turned into a problem: "once he got to university, things began to get out of hand-.

In his first year he was Getting pissed is always good for a laugh, except when you've got a drinking spending about £100 a week on drink problem, INDIRA DAS-GUPTA finds out why a being an alcoholic is no joke.

Adam emphasis that alcohol was just one facet of his abuse_s, "For me and my particular social circle. thank went closely with other drugs. We'd tang is that it often just exacerteates these cause students to turn to drink out of desperation. of excessive drinking• The university health go out and do E's and he swigging beer at the bar woblerna and so the person thinks more and Dominie front Alcoholics Anonymous believes service has countless leaflets with titles like. -How Some people are purely one or the other, but a lot iefore they know it. they're trapped in a vicious drinking problems have probably always affected to put on a condom" but only has one leaflet on of people I know mix the two," •rele." Nigel is quick to emphasise that the 18.25 year old age group. but it is just that the facts about the potential dangers of drink. It's a Adam estimates that in his first year, he was spending kabalism is only a problem for a minority of the people have only started to pick up on it. "About similar story if you consult the university hand an average of :10I a week on drink. "Once you get into niversity population. but he is willing to concede ten years ago. if you were an alcoholic seeking book. The fact is that alcohol is a psycho-active it. you find how to drink on the cheap. Like for example ad going to university can certainty spark it oil. help. there was virtually nothing on offer Whereas drug and pure alcohol is poison, yet while there shen• casts relatively little for its alcohol content: we'd for a minority going to a place where exces-sive now there are a tot more agencies where you can are government health warnings on fag pat:I.:els drink a couple of bottles between us before going to the :inking is very much accepted, like university fur get help" Dominic also credits the media with there are none on hooks of booze. Even with pub. And even if you only have six or seven pints. that's sample. is an excuse to drink trio much. son raising awareness. 'There are a lot more television inure readily available information. some "hard about 113 or t 14, And that was just on a Tuesday Mehl" f like letting a kid with a sweet Keith run riot in a programmes which discuss various health matters core" students would still regularly drink 'e worst point. in terms of how melt I was andy shop.- these days, As a result people are more likely to themselves into a stupor. but at least it would be a drinking, was in summer 1944. Strangely enough. I'd University has always been an excuse tor most know what constitutes a drink poiblem." more informed choice. les about time we found a girl I realty liked, but for a two week period udents to let their hair down for a few years, and It would be redressed the halance. never left my home. I'd get through a bottle of gin a day. dnig taking as a whole is far misleading to paint 1 just couldn't hr bothered to get nut." Adam finally gave more acceptable in this a picture of the tip his course in late 1994. environment than it is elsewhere. typical student as a Adam is not the cliched depressive man who bunts to where But there IN evidence to suggest complete piss-head drink. Although there have been prohlems in his lire that that alcohol abuse in particular is who would rather counsellor, would trim alisis points', Adam is tin the increase among this be forced to watch surprisingly positive about the whole thing. Swigging )ssively section of the population. -There ten editions of from the bottle of Lahatts lee in his hand, he laughs, -I is nodUUht than we see more "The Shane Ritchie. still think drinking is completely hrilliunt. Youdon't young people now than ever Experience" hack analyse it at the time - there were sons had points, but table is before,- says Andrew Harrison.. to hack than alias I've always•een a 'good' drunk. Yeu know. I never got Assistant Manager at the Leeds last orders at the violent. I just enjoy having fun I think slavish drink De•oxilication Unit. in fact the pule However dependency on drink is terrible. really sad-. Adam never average age of the people we when the general visited any of the agencies, ciao units or sell-help deal with has fallen by ten years student respunse groups in Leeds. "They're good if you really feet you've over the past 18 months". There le the got no-one to turn to, But I'd Just sulk for a hit, suffer are a number of possible reasons recommended from insomnia anti so tin, But then I'd just think 'sort it 11Mommmi for this increase. The recent weekly alcohol out' and get organised." trend for so-called alcoholic soft intake being ten From the low point two years ago, Adam is now nks, such as Hooch and Two Dogs haN been pints is, "Are yeti much more lively and has certainly kicked the "slavish tined for appealing to young people too much. sure'' But I drink &lame)" he abhores don't wake up in the morning while this may help to explain why the mow than that thinking I need a drink, and I don't drink on my own any astge age at which people start drinking is every Friday more. That's just so anti-social.' He now errs Inr tang younger, it doesn't really help to explain night:" it does several stays without thinkine, but says 'if I'm going out, y young perTle are drinking more. mince you or there:, a party or some thing. get pissed, Now Anutha posible reason for the apparent wonder if genuinely know what's going On -.I don't overspend Or FtliSe in the number of young alcoholies is that perhaps there do stupid things. I'd like to sensationalise this as my cut-backs in funding for higher education have needs to be a bit drink and drugs hell. but it just seemieJ such fun", kr an increase in atudent povene lite stress of more public tuning debts combined with the uncertainty of awareness about ally getting a :pa, to pay off these debts tray the long-term risks 27 Pies; Williern Jasper'. •

12 1,,F.EDS STUDEN r Friday Ma. 3, 14,11 Consumer Affairs TOP NOSH LESS DOS 1 INDIAN FOOD og standm d BY ROB CONWAY

1. Restaurant of the week - Darbar - Earkgate 1246 n38 I Situated near the Corn Exchange the Darb:ar provides the best quality Indian food in Leeds. What was once a nightclub provides the opulent upstairs venue for cuisine that is apparently "as subtle as Socrates and as mild as may". Owner Mr Mir ensures high quality is maintained by overseeing the cooking himself_ The menu is MOONEY f the not vast and quite expensive. Atmosphere is relaxed and service very friendly. Daily business buffet is good value at t.5 - Eat as much as e prince of the pans you can. This is a must for any fan of good Indian food. Quality *se** *ea o matter need the luxury of our-hands-on and, could make an Value how we try the Harrods a- worst. the effort. Uni lass are Atmosphere **** Nto disguise it, pound-a-visit this overflowing pans reasonable but even the toilet is a overstretches the blocked with thy are crying out Shebat/ Ea.stgate (246 89881 2. necessity. We may saying 'spending a undesirable crap. for a flush of paint Well known in the north of England only pop in and penny') but This. indisputably-, or un enthusiastic with restaurants in Halifax and pop out but sureh. hygiene is on the is enough to make cleaner. So what Harrogate the Shabah guarantees we deserve a nice lop of my list of you cross your legs can he done? My superb culinary fake combined clean environment. priorities. and hold on. only advice is to go BOGUS BOGS with well chosen traditional Indian where we can We've all Leeds does not before you go to decor and dress. A good location relieve ourselves in experienced the boast the cleanest college and then lay a reasonably PORTALOO, NEXT TO BELUSHI'S near the Odeon and peace. usual no-Ion-roll. toilets in Britain off fluids for the priced menu usually ensures a full I don't think we nothing-to-dry- but the council rest of the day. DECOR: Futuristic gadgetry that would have graced house. Good value individual set meals Hiadrrunner, allows you to try small amounts Or GRAFFITI: You must he joking: every half an hour the several dishes. They also provide a entire place is soused in detergent from widtin..Iust don't caught inside. good promotion at the moment: HYGIENE: See above. order two starters and two main FACILITIES: Excellent; apparently there should courses and get the cheaper main he soothing music too. but it must he broken at the course for free. Set lunch buffet I it ('OR: Tasteful white and cream: one could imagine Oscar Wilde spending a moment. changes daily and is highly quiet hour in repose here, EXCLIISIVENESS: Your own personal Tanks. recommended. GRAFFITI: Used to he a haven of elegant wit and delicate epigrams ( with Quality *sea contributions from tutors R McTurk and D Lindley). but sadly had a thorough and you even spend 10 pennies to spend a penny Value ***a whitewashing over the Easter holidays put paid to that. The roaring traffic outside can be off- Atmosphere *** HYGIENE: Spotless. putting.oused in detergent from within. Just don't FACILITIES: Surprisingly no mirror (a post-structuralist statement on the eel caught inside. 3. Grove Cafe - Brudenell Grove !utility of appearance perhaps). but otherwise superb. including two separate (23027271 cubicles with total soundproofing. HYDE PARK PUBLIC TOILET One of the many Indians in the EXCLUSIVENESS: Better than the Garrick Club. It appears to be the hest kept secret since last term's English exam marks. Leeds 6 area but possibly the best DECOR: If you ever need somewhere to crap out kept secret. The grove provides your opium suppositories, then this is the place. consistently good low priced food GRAFF111: Several suggestive offers from with a further I() per cent off for unstable old men. and plenty of support tin students. Parkinson Court, Leeds Uni Leeds United. Most use it as a take away but HYGWNE: What do you think? you can eat in. Owners are DECOR: Reminiscent of a pre-war chemistry lab: vast open spaces. murky FACILITIES: I didn't hang around long appreciative of your custom and lighting and clanking pipes. enough to find out. service is friendly. Only open until GRAFFITI: Poor; someone has AtWALLY WRITTEN ''Arts degrees. please EXCLUSIVENESS: If you're drunk and around 8pm and not licensed so not take one" above the bog roll. staggering home, do yourself a favour and piss a viable after pub option. HYGIENE: A lingering smell of ammonia adds to the science x ihe- against a wall, Quality sea FACILITIES: Quantity not quality: a massive 20.cubteles and wall to wall Value •rse• urinals. The amount of mirrors would embarrass Ritzy's. Atmosphere '114 EXCLUSIVENESS; All the Internet lrekkies from next door use it (hence the graffiti t: hotel off using the luxurious Brotherton West Wing.

Students Union, LMU City Site

DECOR. Post•Maim-Ulf vleanting chrome. GRAFFTIT The Mel 's occasional use as a club COMO to the hat: are filLe "Heroin is nice" HYGIENE: Varies' tt you're around for the Poly Bop. then puddles of piss and pools of puke arc the norm. FACILTI1ES: More mirrors than actual milers, which may reveal the average Poly Bop punter: pisses on his shim:. while doing his hair. EXCLUSIVENESS: Possibly the only one to have its own bouncer. but it doesn't seem to stop the undesirubles getting in The Old Bar, LUU

DECOR: Bog-standard. GRAFFITI: Respect due to the cleaners: the walls are always spotless. which is saving something. HYGIENE: A permanent lake borders the lung urinal. and at least hall the cubicles are always blocked with u festive mixture of bog-roll and burl. FACILITIES: Amasingly there arc a row of showers. but they are only ever used to pass out in. EXCLUSIVENESS: Only in the race in use the rooms. lockable disabled cubicle.

28

Science I 1 1 Its ',II DI.% I 1.tida, 54,,,s. '. nrs.

DAVE ADAM'S

f l' 1(

..,..,.)„..,,,,ne., it i •:s**, style baby-speak was sister has recently frowned upon_ 1115 earl the hada baby girl. newly •horns were formodi) ANow I have no idea intmduccd tit their new ',‘ [tether the proud parents playmate as "il kink'. do you it tyerl vs MI pot- natal like the feline?" The other suggestion or it they even babres only heard. ''du you believe in it. Personally I like Misr. always thought the idea of After a while the cut-t' ly, the molter talking to her were minimal and replaced stomach whilst the lather with two new ctitkih uws played di viphin noises mid another cat and a hear. Ti' the gently crsoed in t h, babies that had heart the background mvunded a bit wool 'feline' the itew cat was strange. given a token attention. they Anyway it would be too preferred to concentrate at late to coax this recent the new and exciting bear addition to my friends faintly The individuals not informed nun a chosen caner or that it was a cat, and hadn't pattern of life through this 'seen-it, doneal. bought the subtle suggestive technique lab' were equally thrilled As I said, she is already horn. with both new toys. failing to She can now he gently realise that they were being persuaded to think or behave had. The scientists claim that in certain ways by the bearing the eat-label slightly less new-age method encouraged the babies to find of stopping its pocket-money. oat more about it, so Whether such alternative becoming mire familiar with methods can actually aid the it These clued-up bairns baby is difficult therefore recognised to prove as little - the second cat as conclusive data Haggis and nothing, ne ts, can he gathered black pudding preferring the new from unborn stimulus of the hear. babies. ore two foods That is one However, that taste far hypotheses, but I Most students will be familiar enough with alcohol. In fact would like lo offer American better if you paychologists my own.The babies you are all probably experts. But let CHRIS WORKMAN have haw doing are never told are merely exhibiting the next best what they a trait of human thing by are actually nature known as 'oh- show you a few more uses for your hive tipple studying the no reallylatis. which effects that made of can be roughly defined i LS 'the ability most Brazilians could no longer afford to bags and cosmetics. Could they still be spoken words OIL, black-gold, Texas-T. may have to mt.:only- horn of someone to like something buy petrol. The Brazilians did not let this produced in an oil-free world? When the oil babies lion; yv,ai they is inversely proixational to Pretty essential stuff for our mere detail interrupt their love-affair with price rises, then these increased costs arc how much they are told about the automobile. Instead, they adapted theta passed onto the production of such hcve winds may pose a everyday lives you would it'. Examples of this to run on alcohol Their sugar refining consumables. Again. in Brasil, this made 1 Il aid to the learning skills behaviour are numerous but think. Important enough to industries provided huge quantities of waste their oil-based synthests prohibitively 01 a Why. The people who carried largely restricted 10 two molasses, which could easily and cheaply be expensive. But the wily Brazilians, unable warrant the 'mother of all major areas: food and mus h distilled into an alcohol fuel. By the mid- to do without their perfumes and out the research managed to croup together 44 babies Haggis sold hhIck pudding battles' at least. But the '70s the cars had not vanished from the paracatemol managed CO adapt their with which 10 create their are two foods that taste far black gooey stuff ain't Brazilian cities, but the smog had. The left chemical industries in the same way as their very own Brave New Wiria better if you are never told over sugar beet from the sugar refineries automobiles. A significant amount of gonna last forever. So what what they are actually made substances made from oil can also he made programme of brainwashing of. The music aspect is far do we do then? from alcohol. alcohol being a petroleum The unsuspecting infants more crucial, especially to based substance itself, were each given a series of The recent spillage from the Sea Wouldn't it be a nicer if, animal toys to play with, but you cool-student types. We don't really need oil. We could only a selection of them were Never. ever, EVER admit to Empress tanker made me think: is when a fuel tanker largely replace it with alcohol Wouldn't it liking a song until you are oil really worth the trouble? After he a nicer world if. when a fuel tanker actually told what they were told who it is by. The all. the cost to the environment is crashed off the Welsh crashed off the Welsh coast, the news being given, For example, as the, were handed a cuddly consequences to your tired reports showed volunteers gently attending enormous. To ,justify this, the black coast, the news reports cal they were told, that it was can he horrific. as l can only to thousands of seabirds with blinding stuff really must be essential. We all tow readily confirm, Anyone hangovers. So why haven't we made the ea teed., a cat. This being a showed volunteers rem ember a song called know that we need it for cars and switch ? The environmental benefits are qtictly controlled scientific c slx Bment meant lish a -Two Princes- its The Spin aeroplanes. ambulances and lire- attending to seabirds obvious. indeed in the early'80s the le 1,11,$) -wwNy,- oti :lash Doctors'' engines. with blinding hangovers Bra/ilian government was seriously ► But as well as being necessary for considering of convening the entire nation., 2 our vehicles. oil is the major furl for curs to run on the alcohol fuel. Smog would have been virtually producing electricity. Britain has given could also he used as a fuel. This was used. instead or oil or coal, to generate the eliminated from the major cities, snakinr up On coal, nuclear power is unpopular electricity needed to distil the alcohol fuel_ them both more visually appealing and and the technology fair harnessing the This process was so efficient at producing much healthier places to live. Suddenly Ow Junkies cook wind, sun and wave energy is childishly electricity that there was enough left over to price of oil dropped to below $20 a barrel. feeble. The chemical indusirs relies on feed into the Brazilian national arid. Today, people could afford to run their VWs 1111 substances extracted from crude oil to over 211 years later a significant number of good old totally IN) per cent lead-full petrol vehicles running in Brazil are stillLf ome so again and everyone was happy. up a problem produce many medicines. cosmetics, paints and perfumes. Without it there to this unusual fuel Except the asthmatics, the seabirds, the Transport aside. what about 'air carrier residents of Shetland and Swansea- would he no earner bags, credit-cards or contact lenses. We really do need oil for chemists and are likely to keep relying on it well into the next century. r at won't find the recipe the pharmaceuticals using At present we totally depend on oil kir THE TECHNICAL STUFF in /Mar Smith's Winter fairly haste chemical our Western lifestyles. but it we rare on ('Idlection but the problem techniques, and turn it into using it at the present rate, then the known of 'homehaking' illicit its more profitable close supplies will be exhausted within 50 years POLLUTANTS: EFFICIENCY: drugs morphine and heroin relations The prohlent Is so So what's going to happen when the oil is on the increase. Both serious in New Zealand and Burning petrol produces carbon Complete combustion of 1g of petrol eventually. and inevitably, runs Out' these drugs can be made Australia that drug dioxide (a greenhouse gas), carbon produces rune calories of energy. Less For a realistic vision of life without 0 i I from codeine, a common companies arc researching forget Australia and Mad Max. and instead monoxide (a toxin), nitrogen oxides than a third of this energy is unitised by a ingredient in many over- ways of preventing the take a look at Brazil. In the early '70s. the (contribute to acid rain) and car moving at constant speed. less in city the-counter medicines. codeine being extracted severe smog which hung over Sao Paolo hydrocarbons (dirty exhaust smoke). traffic. Unscrupulous chemists from such an available legal was a testament to the Brazilian's Burning ethanol produces 90 per Complete combustion of 1 g ethanol yields can extract the codeine from source. widespread reliance on the motor car. In cent less carbon oxides and virtually seven calories of energy. Only 20 per cent 1973 as the price of oil rose dramatically, so no nitro-oxides or hydrocarbons. of this available energy is wasted. did the price of all its derivatives. Suddenly 2n ARTHUR ANDERSEN 1 4 Careers %Ntrlatisis4 A.. f ■ A HEAVENLY BUSINESS Not everyone wants to be a fat cat executive, so here's a divinely inspired DO YOU HAVE A DIVINE CALLING? career. CLAIRE O'LEARY talks to university chaplain Rev Simon Robinson HERE'S OUR HOLY HOTLINE: BECOMING a vicar is no II Alt Intensely [1,w:tiding still lace some resistance - people ordinary career move, so if kk 1101 CI huhIes yDU to have a need time to adjust to change." So when will we see gay ANGLICAN you're in it just because you lot oi ,titacr all people in both Church :Aid lav communities." vicars? This is Ong issue. It's Rev Dr Simon Robinson thought Richard "II.N a one of the hottest debates in the 14 Parkside green, Item Robe nl n soya. Chamberlain was privilege able to share in Church at the moment. In a LS6 4NY wonderful in The Thorn people's joys as well as being nutshell, the Church doesn't Office in Emmanuel Birds. forget it. Fur Rev there for them in tunes of allow practising homosexuals 1,1 Institute Robinson. "It was not a disaster." He plurals out that. he ordained. l'he bishops believe Tel: 23345070 sudden decision. I just since then! is nu 1:21.act job heterosexuality is what God always had that sense, a specification, each vicar has a intends in semis of human CATHOLIC strong feeling about it that I certain autonomy: it's up to them relations and while there are Rev Peter Clarke can't pin down?' how they organise their some good, long-terra loving Catholic Chaplaincy So how do you get involved? priorities. deciding fir example homosexual relationships, they whether they want to major in believe it's not exactly what God 25 Clarendon Place, "First tat all you work in your dilicese, all the time testing the the pastoral Side Of the Ch1110 I )1' intends. However. a lot of people LS2 9JY in esmblishing links with the In the Church disagree. feeling Tel: 2457421 vocation to make Mire il is Kit a whim The !Milling is king and etimmunity. this to he unfair discrimination. rigorous and. as in any job. there Optimism Another problem lies on the BAPTIST is a still selection pris.xss atter pastoral side: many people Rev Steve Fellows working in the diocese. the Many women are still put off understand hum isesual it y and 38 Woodside View, would-he vicar attends a the Church because of se:smut. find it hard to accept gays. This LS4 20S conference In which they are Hui Rev Robinson is optimistic makes the issue even moor: Tel: 2742869 interviewed by a panel of five for the future: "Considering that difficult" people including a psychiatrist. the Church of England is steeped Nut many go into it for the money. "Wahl. its not a good METHODIST If you are round to he truly in tradition, the changes that haves jilt, taken place timer the last Ili years reason twinning a view. 1 Rev Jonathan Pye committed and suited to the you are then recommended to the arc ffxredible. The ordination of receive a stipend of L[4,000 167 Otley Road. bishop to be accepted for women c icarc shows a great which is a in!.1 allowance tult LS6 30G training.'hlris lasts three years advance in the understanding in And the ti ily load. ' Office in Emmanuel atter winch another assessment Is personnel: ti's a huge step up to the individual h+ x' touch Institute made bell ire you are ordained a luny and ft m- justice_ However, !line ime puts into It: at the Tel: 2335072 curate If you are still dedicated think it will he another 15 yeats ittOinelll I Willi; to XII to the job, you finally become 4 before women vicars are really hours a week. Nut for the thint- vicar. integrated: at the moment they hcaudr REV ROBINSON: Its not all tambourines and Jesus sandals

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16 • 1 1 •ss ! .1 1 I 14 al.11 May 1. 1990 Total Football LEAGUE TABLE TABLE-TOPPING Britain's biggest and best top 50 I GRAF.ME TOPPING f & Ft 426 SIMO-N RHEA TOXIC MIX 421 IAN RAY PANTECHNICON ROVERS. 386 all over..it isn't yet They thought it was MARK STONE THE HAPPY CH APPIES 385 SHAFKIT ABDULLAH NAME DIDN'T FIT FC 3115. IT IS truly amazing how ALEX BRISIIOURNE LOOK LEFT:IA:KW LEFT MO Waits) mirrors reality. With T1 E REFEREE Sunday's 'Tale of the tape' MINION AMES RETURN OF THE NIACKLIMS Just one week remaining of the 381 HELEN FORD FORD'S FC 374 Total Football Season. the coarse doubled to a massive 126 EMILY ARMTIAGE FOOTBALL'S MY UFE 378 finish to our 1995/96 "I hail a feeling he w ould Team name: hew: Mix 01 BIN WHITESIDE RAW 377 competition promises to be just make a useful skipper given his Manager Graerne Topping Si num R hea NICHOLAS REVINGTON GINGER NINJA EC 375 as exciting as the chinas to the attacking play and excellent LMU LUU previous record at United-. Sl'EV EN TAYLOR ADMIRAL SELECT ELEVEN 374 Premiership race. Players: HOWARD CLARK SNAKE AND PONY 171 For Newcastle United. read Gewalt: nualesily ;ulinits. L) James 27 P Schmeichel Both reams are spearheaded DREW 1OHNSON FLOSSIE'S CLIENTS Simon Rhea's *Toxic Mix'. The J Dicks 21 N Cox 373 by the most popular striking 15= NIAIT TRAYNOR ITN (IP-STARTS outright leaders for so king. they 3 S Staunton 9 N Winterhum 31 371 combination of Robbie Fowler 72 PFIER KELLY KICK IT TO KNARISBOROUGH 171 took a seemingly unassailable 19- 4 S Bruce 26 I) Watson and Les Ferdinand - only Alan 17 STUART HINTER I\-1 SHEEP .170 point lead into the Easter break. S R GULLIT 12 K GULLIT 12 I DAVID HOPKINS AFC TORPEDO ENGINES but with a score of -1 this week. Shearer has scored more goals 6 A Hi nchcliffe 9 K Ciiggs 3t.k and also feature Ruud Guflit. The KEN SWAINSON WING COMMANDER SWAINSON _SOH have suddenly stumbled M Draper 14 R Lee 29 Dutch maestro's chances for 24 711 YAMAN ARDEN!? SPAR 2000 367 approaching the final hurdle. K I) Ginola M Degryse 16 keeping a clean sheet against 21 moat. KOMAR, D.N A. Meanwhile. the Red Des its of R FOWLER 90 R FOWLER 90 Total Football are Graeme Blackburn on Sunday will 10 L FERDINAND 68 L FERDINAND 68 .22 DANIEL LEWIS THE POSH REVENGE certainly he enhanced by 2 1 STUART LOVEGROVE PANTS ON FLOOR FC Topping's T.T.W. dti R'. who like I Itcapt. A Kanchelskis 126 S MeManaman 78 Shearers absence, while Fowler 24 PAUL EASINGVI:OOD CHEESY WONDER Manchester United. seem to have courageous) and Ferdinand both have two 25= FAISAL RAHIM THE. KINKY struck a rich vein of form at just SCORE. 42(1 421 MOPPETS games left to improve their ALISON HOLT' MY DEAPEATEST ATTITUDE the right time, POSI'T'ION: 1ST 2ND Graeme. a Liverpool tan %l tics 27= (14141S tXIK)LEY WALLASEY WIDE-BOYS Some key confronations may STEVEN UNDERWOOD Sommer PEOPLE STARE (which explains why his team is well decide the late of the tale, DOMINIC MCCORMACK THE PIE EATERS named after their fanzine 158 especially those between Fowler TOM HIGBEE GENGHIS Through The Wind and Rain'). and Nigel Winterhurn at 31 SAM BAILEY 130Ss irTD 357 was quick to acknowledge the Highbury. and Julian Dicks and i2= GRAHAM EV r_RErr THE WOMBLES 3541 help of his *assistant managers' Ian Amtitage and Philip Moore' Marc Degryse at Upton Park, ANDREW BRACKEN JURGEN BUT .ANDERION SST GO Both will also have to watch out HAYLEY WHITTINCIN AM AYLEY'S COMETS 'They sat down with me to pick for players within, their teams MIL ABRAM CHUNK IC the team, and us such, at least lacing one another- Graeme's ;t, CAR1. HIGSON KIRK SWORDS MEN deserve a few beers should we attention should he focussed on 37 HEN GOLDSWORTHY STORMING ARTOIS manage to win the 1:5(K)." Goodison Park, where the ;5 BRYN STAFFORD STOCKPORT STOWERS 352 Graeme should also he aforementioned Kanchelskis and h1 AT ALLEN THE INVADERS 351 indebted to explosive Russian winger Andrei Kanchelskis lot Hineheliffe will clash with BEN JONES WILTSHIRE WANDERERS 351 his 25 point surge to the lop of messrs. Staunton and Draper SIMON IBBOTSON 11.- STUN 0 ITGIES DREAMTEAM 351 the league. His first hat-trick for w hile Simon will he hoping that 42= IAN LIVESEY VISITING LEEDS 150 Evertnn in a comprehensive 5-2 left winger Ryan Giggs does not MARK HELM It ININHO FOR BORO 350 victory over Sheffield give right hack Neil Cox too 44= UT TOMBS ORANGE TROUSERS 69ERS 349 r•-• Wednesday at Hillsborough saw torrid a time at the Riverside. ANNETTESTANFORD INi IER MY MEN 349 him score 12 points this week, Whatever happens. the final WILLIAM LEA witA.y.s WONDERS 349 and make him the leading 90 minutes are cure to provide a NATHON DYCHE THE STONE ROVERS 1.111 midfield points scorer with 63 ;Ming finale. The question is: MICHAEL TYLER NOT MARTINI As Graeme's 'Captain Who will he celebrating come 49 BENNETT MORRIS YE1.1 Fl Courageous', this total is of Sunday evening? LEADING BY EXAMPLE: Kanchelskis (left) and McManaman clash for the tine Week fifteen players' scores. Will you be jumping for joy, or fighting back the tears on Sunday?

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MOW, 141 Ni(- 110■At I) 72.4 SIN I. IN 01, 4RE145ES MAC' 0 0 111. MORLEY WHA 11 II lt1 FY I, , 210 Pt MBRI1H .1 -• t wRtoirr SRS • rlf Mar II .. iiAlatMii WIN. U ill 034 BARREE1 • F0 iri•L JACK soN • S.-.51 i 114: IN 1111. '0 II }y,1:114.1: WIM (1 Is 11 1,51 541-R I) HCIISISWOR114 WM a 11 TOTAL FOOTBALL IS BRITAIN'S FIRST AND BIGGEST STUDENT FANTASY LEAGUE COMPETITION 32 COI/N7DOWN TO 71/E EUROPEAN 01/AMPION51/1P5 ['I I 17

When England last staged a major football tournament 30 years ago, GROUP A they ended up winning the World Cup. Many people believe that home advantage will prove similarly decisive again. Zoki Cooper elaborates NIT 96 ENGLAND NETHERLANDS SWITZERLAND SCOTLAND Coach: Ten) ‘enahles Coach: Cams Hiddirik Coach: Artur Jorge Coach: Craig Brown

Odds: 7-I Odds: 9-2 favourites Odds: 5(1-1 Odds: fin• I

Two to look out for: Two to look out for: Two to look out for: Two to look out for: PAti ivam, (Rangers) PATRICK. Kit a VERT (Ajax) ClIt Int ) SFOICZA (B Munich) GARY MI A1.1.1tirER I Leeds) If England are to succeed in the Scorer of the winning goal in Currently the hottest property Blessed with great vision and tournament, the eccentric the 1995 European Cup final. in Swiss football. must of the potentially deadly from free WHEN AND Gascoigtic must repeat the he has earned the reputation of play will flow through this kicks, the Scottish captain consistent brilliance he showed in being one of the deadliest general all-purpose midfielder. appreciates that this tournament WHERE Italia 90. At his peak, Gam has all finishers around. May be Adept at both defending and could represent his final chance the hallmarks of a complete forced to watch Eufti 96 from a attacking. his is reportedly on to impress on the international Sat 8 June, 15:00 midfield player prison cell if found guilty of his way to Inter Milan after the stage. England v Switzerland STEVE MCMANAMAN (Liverpool) causing death by dangerous tournament. JOHN COLLINS I Cats: ► (Wembley) The Liverpool front man has driving. ALAN St rrt (Freibourg) Boasting a Sweet left foot and a Mon 10 June, 16:30 Dennis Bergkamp confounded his critics with a series DEsitsis BERtikAstr, IA:sena!) Had an excellent USA 94, but venomous shot, it came as no of excellent performances on the Having initially snuggled to has lost his way a little surprise that the man rumoured Netherlands v Scotland left hand side. With his close live up to his repuution in the recently Instantly recognisable to be heading for the (Villa Park) control and mesmeMang footwork. Premiership. his undoubted due to his Iona blond hair. he Premiership finished as Thu 13 June, 19:34) he will prove a handful fur talent has now shone through will hope to shake off injury Scotland's leading scorer in the oppi wing Earn fullbacks. to win over the North Bank. and regain top form in June qualifiers with four plats. Switzerland v Netherlands (Villa Park) Verdict: Verdict: Verdict: Verdict: Sat 15 June. 15:01) The defence has yer to he TheO performance against New coach Jorge has inherited Although they may find it England v Scotland poverty tested in a high pressure Ireland typified the 'pass and a well disciplined side. with no difficult to hit the back of the (Wembley ) situation. And although the game move' philosophy. instilled shortage of potential match net. their defence. superbly against the Dutch will provide a into the players front an early winners. from English marshalled by Colin Hendry, Tue 18 June, 19:30 real test of international calibre, age. Ruud Gullit reckons the predecessor Roy Hodgson. could prove very difficult to Scotland s Sts itierland England should progress Dutch are capable of winning. However. the defence remains breach. The colourful Tartan (Villa Park comfortably through the group the tournament. and it would unproven and will struggle to Army are expected to travel England v Netherlands stages_ After that, urged on by a take a bras e punter to bet contain the attacking threats south in huge numbers and this (Wembley) %tIciferims home crowd anything against hum posed bs the other teams. could prove the Scots' most owl(' happen valuable weapon.

Back To Basics Drum & Bass Peshay Indie House Yardbird Live Up Yer Ronson Garage SPORTS & CULTURAL CLUBS E.A.S.E. Soul Mark Turner Jazz Alex Knight Hip-Hop Dub Mark Bell Brit-Pop Andrew Weatherall Techno Pop John Peel Funk Cqc iL Jon Nuccle Alternative Mowgli Swing Nigel Walker Ambient Swing Rock LTJ Bukem INNfE\R

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V t.

107,8 FM WC*. THURS 9TH MAY

strictlyrhythmic • Elland Road April 2641-1 — Ancay 23rd Sr Tickets £20 from Info Points / 2314270 http://www.sensei.co.uk/Isr/ bleeds student radio. 33 18 let ns Si111)F Had). Sport RFUse to budge Julian Betts examines the crisis facing British rugby union and tells the rugby bosses to scrum down and pull together RIGHT NOW, THE England football team Is governing hods and the districts ranked 23rd in the world. well With immaculate timing. the below renowned football giants RFC have also angered the other such as the USA,. Atherton and home nations by declaring that Co reached an all-time low in they intend to sign a separate TV the Cricket World Cup. And contract for the Five Nation, now Rugby Union. England's matches_ The RFU feels that, only source of success during having tar more clubsat is entitled the last few years, is facing its to a bigger slice of the TV cake. worst crisis since rugby split Having previously received 25 into two codes in 1895. per cent of the money. they has c lust 12 months after the game now demanded a huge Mt per stied its amateur status. the Rugby cent. Football Union REID has become The HFU seems to he carried embroiled in two serious disputes away with the success of the both centering around the England side in the '90s. Then professional problem of money. If have forgotten That the main these disagreements are nut solved attraction of the Championship is quickly, the worst case scenario its sheer unpredictability. Wales would see England's top clubs and Ireland arc just as important breaking away to form their own to the event as England and league and the national side being France. Las; season was a case in barred from the Five Nations point with Scotland and Wales championship. heating France to hand England victory even though they Loggerheads themselves failed to do the same. The RFU are at loggerheads One can understand the with both the English Professional predicament of the RFU. They arc Rugby Union Clubs tEPRUCi and in a very weak bargaining the Scottish, Irish and Welsh position. The refurbishment of Rugby Football Unions aver Twickenham has left them with a television contracts_ The EPRUC 0,1 million debt and a wanted to negotiate their own maintenance cost of £3.5 contracts for the European Cup and the Anglo-Welsh league. two Finance new competitions due to start next Sky have now formally made se iltit.M. an offer of about £200 million for This demand for separate the TV rights. But it seems that iintracts was refused by the ntghy cannot possibly win. If the RRI's Executive Chait man. Cliff dubs do indeed break away. the Brittle, mainly because the RFT' is REV would probably nut have the unwilling to share out important funds to be able to finance their responsibilities. and see their own league. Similarly it England power and influence considerably is not able in compete in what the weakened. Such obstinacy does RFIJ calls the 'jewel in the not bode well for the future. crown' then there will be no Instead of creating unnecessary winners_ England will he hard tension and conflict, they should pressed to find alternative follow the example .set by New fixtures and the Championship Zealand who have managed to would he devalued without their successfully share the power of presence. Like any working running the sport between the relationship it is a two way affair.

[ SIMON PARKE FACTS AND FIGURES Born: 10.08.72. Oakham Height: 5'11" World Ranking: 5 (provisional) Career: . Captained England to victory in World Team 4, Championships in Egypt, 1995_ at Ashwood Rouse, Handingley Won Mulpha-Head Malaysian Open and Internationaux de France, also 1995. Former World Junior Champion.

• • Sport 1.1137S Sit MINT t;rirkiv t.la tutor 19

1 00 M Nall: Becker takes a bow By Chris Leadbeaier IT'S ALL A BLUR BORIS Becker has got away with it alI these years. Despite his country of birth meaning that some native Brits take an instant dislike to him, sports fans in this country have' always held him iii higher regard than. say Michael 'not so cocky this year, arc you mate' Schumacher and, although Boris alo has a penchant for diving. Jurgen IN PARKE'S LIFE '6 0' Klinsmann. That first title was a magical moment. As Recker's final service heat the outstretched racquet of South But Simon says he'll be back on top African Kevin Curren, he stood with his arms aloft and his face awash with teenage A CONVERSATION with the squash player emotion. The young Simon Parke is both a heartening and champion was His fully 410 illuminating experience. At 23 years old, Parke is unaware that he had just shattered the McEnroe/ relatively unknown in British sport. He is also a Connors/ Borg old guard era rarity in that he is a British champion in his of tennis. chosen discipline. It is td-o. Ions that Simon Parke has an inherent desire to By Darren Behar ACMN R EALAV play squash. which shows in the record of his younger days., the start of the New Year and British squash was a relatively February. The problem is that THIS WEEK IN SPORTS HISTORY dormant sport until his arrival it takes so long to recover on the scene. lie then see the from which has meant I have No. 13: Spurs do the Double game alight by winning nine had to put squash on hold." 6th May, 1961 titles at cc o.!, age level from Despite the obvious mental [2 to In, becoming Junior and physical strain placed on By Zoe Feller World Champion in the hint, Parke will coon be process. playing in some exhibition THIRTY FIVE years ago this weekend. Tottenham became the "I started playing at the age matches. providing some much of eight " Parke recalls_ "My needed match practice. first team this century to dad and I used to go to "It will be great to play in complete the League and Cup Pontefract squash coatis. and 1 front of a crowd aeain" double. a feat only achieved by found myself hooked Parke, -ey en it it rs a non- three teams since then. In a immediately." competiric e match. My real largely disappointing ('up beau inalerdoes Leicester AI 14, he was playing low aim i. to he fit and ready to Spurs order squash in the Yorkshire play in Egypt next month. I am with two second half goals from looking forward io going Bobby Smith and Terry Dyson_- League. the equivalent of a ,, boy playing football in a hack. Leicester were never really regional men's league. By the expected to heat the League Championship champions, and after Chalmers age of seventeen he had become England's youngest He has fond memories of went off injured in the first half pnifeasional squash player. His the place_ This is not with no substitutes allowed to replace him, the result was never sister Emma. who studies at surprising as Egypt was the in doubt. When Danny LM U, is also an international scene of Parke's greatest player: triumph so far in his brief Blanchflower lifted the Cup in front of 100.000 fans. the "I used to go training career. It was in Cairo that an llywhites had sealed their place before and after school from English team held off the I_i in history. Bill Nicholson's team about the age of nine In fact it strong challenge of both had won the Double with his began to dominate my life and Pakistan and Australia to win some used in say that my dad the World Team Squash recipe for attractive football was pushing me tore hard. But, Championship. throughnt passing and even in those day.. it w as III y "It was the pinnacle of my choice. l loved the game front career thus far." beams Parke. the start." "and of the English learn as Second's class "I knew at all early age that well. We had never won the I wanted to he the best. l event its England, although BOTH the Lull men's cz icket wanted to he world champion Great Britain won it in the 70s. teams [ravelled to Manchester and so f trained with this goal Pakistan used to dominate the Iast Sunday confident of victory. in my mind." event because they had the top Peter l&'wnes top scored with two in the world in their team STOOPING TO CONQUER: Simon Parke hopes to return to previous world-beating form 73 for the 2nd XI, and Dan Setback Parkin and Rid* Bann remained of three" one spot in the world been e..tul. It would be now has other goals in his number unbeaten on 46 and 35 Parke is a man full of drive He is referring to the Khan sometime in the future amarang in walk ou[ with all sights. and fuelled by his respectively in a highly creditable and determinatton. But his brothers, Janshir and Jahangir. Before his recent lay-off he the other athletes in the determination to get back on 230.3 from their 50 ovens. enthusiasm is always tempered who were at one time was ranked at number five and opening ceremony and the road to recovery. he fully This proved far too good for hy a level head, which gives unbeatable together and just as rated as a certain prospect for compete in the ultimate sports intends lo achieve his Manchester who could only him an edge over his rivals, good on their own. Parke cites future titles. event. I know from my ambitions. muster 147 all out. with Rob Being cool and determined are the absence of one of them as involvement in the In the tong term I would Diprose taking 3-4g, Neil sure signs of a great working in England's favour. like to win both the World and Ultimate Commonwealth Games what a Johnson 2-28 and Mike Harrison sportsman, but he recently British Open, They represent feeling it is to take.part in a Triumph He is oho ;Dual) a top class with 3-32. suffered a massive setback major games." the two hest events in squash. athilere and deser,es high The 1st XI lost by 3b runs with the shock discovery by "Fortunately for us, only Simon Parke deserves to hr and each holds its own appeal, praise. With the Olympics this after only managing 117 in reply Nottingham doctors of a Janshir was playing last year. held up alongside our other The British Open is the summer you would evpeei to to the filmic side's 1;34 malignant tumour in his right and the rest of their learn was Wimbledon of squash with all see him alongside the other British sporting heroes. His testicle. This put paid to any particularly weak_ Australia the tradition that comes with champions in Atlanta hard work and dedication ie A TRY five minutes from plans laid down for early I996 were stronger and had won the it. But there is something However it is surprising to both overcoming cancer and time by Toby Hooper sealed and forced changes in his sport tournament in 19119. se, they about the title of World learn that squash, unlike beach reaching the top of his victory fur LAW in the second dominated life. had the pedigree. But we had a Champion that is special as it volleyhaIl, is not an Olympic profession make him worthy team final of the Yorkshire -I have not been playing very good squad and managed means you are undoubtedly sport. This is not for want of of not only being given his Student County ('up. since December of last year to overcome Pakistan in the the best in the world. Basically reform, a fact of which Parke chance to compete in the In a tense game marred by because I have been final. 1 think the reef upset was this is my aim." is well aware. Olympics. but also to rear,..• lighting, two earlier tries from undergoing chemotherapy. I that Pakistan beat Australia in Judging by his past record "There have been a number his burning ambition and Grier Campbell saw the had to endure two sessions a the semi-finals."' it would be unwise to bet of campaigns, but none have heCOMe world number one. Netter side run out 25-10 day, five days a week between After this triumph Parke against hint reaching the winners against Sheffield Hallam. r. 35

LEEDS 117 I. " I SPORT ) 1 SPORT _ ,

Six tries send London home ON THE OFF ROAD empty handed

LUU 36 West London '10 Men's Rugby League By Bea Prue TWO priceless tries from TO CYCLE VICTORY ,fez Moran were the

platform for a convincing victory which saw 1,1.1U easily book their place in next week's Student Premiership Final. Coach Rob Lowe had anticipated a difficult game folltiwing the visitors' win over Loughborough in the last “iund. and his fears proved justified as London began well and scored the first try. Hnwever, the wet conditions and heavy pitch made handling difficult, and Leeds' more sensible strategy of forward drives rather than ambitious interpassing was the key to their tactical supremacy. Committed defence forced London into errors. while Leeds' patient grafting was rewarded vs ith the tries from Moran. Shires completed the I irst half scoring with a third Ire. arid superb kicking from Arniviage meant Leeds reached the break leading 18-4. Determination The deficit frustrated the visitors. and their subsequent indiscipline. was punished as penalties lead to two further Leeds irks. First, Penny scored in the corner, and then hooker Sargeant crossed for a deserved try Still London refused to lie ORIENTEERING EXPRESS: Clayton and Purdy together on their trusty steeds down, but the home side's Ai. determination in defence meant SIMON Clay ton and The competition eriOld he and the obligation to carry victory was never in doubt. Helen Purdy battled described in simple terms as all equipment with them. The icing on the cake came against the elements to 'orienteering on mountain On top of all this the when Richardson went the IF YOU'RE A STUDENT AGED 18 OR OVER, hikes' and involves a location as not divulged win the mixed length of the field for a .gruelling two day race over until the week before the PLEASE COMPLETE THE FOLLOWING competition at the breathtaking touchdown. and rugged terrain. This y car's view and the teams do not Polaris/ Ponelle although the visitors snatched ii QUESTIONNAIRE: Challenge attracted 1,200 know where area will be consolation try late on. this was Challenge in riders from as far afield as sleeping until the morning only a tiny blot on a Convincing Northumbria. the Czech Republic. of the race. performance. At the end of the first day The competitors are The LUU triathletes Lowe was relieved they were five points off the given the location of a vietory in the mixed afterwards. "We wanted to lead, with 320 points. A Questionnaire number of checkpoints category placed them ninth reach another final after the hard second and final day's ,.. 4. which are worth a certain overall, a great result disappointment of the el'f'in on the hills. tracks number of points depending considering the strength of 1) Would you iia.g ii me.v he Love 01 YOUf LA Challenge Cup, and for one and rough terrain of Kieldcr on their location. They then the opposition was tOp hour today we were rm,re,1 s v. I hem increase 21Do you want to have. J Secret Affair 7 have seven hours to collect notch. The winners were in unstoppable their score to 535 points and as many points as possible. face two protessionals who If LUU can perform to this clinch first place and the Further hindrance is had competed in lust year's 3) Wrialii vet lit,t, is t* in a 'Casual' ffoladensillp standard next week. the title by 15 points_ provided by time penalties Milk Race. *here yi"Ai i i-i •'et' see other people ' Premiership trophy will surely ■ he theirs, 41 On you want to have a 'One Night Stand' ' 41111- 11 ND i

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