Friday 30th May. 1997 issue 1089

f ELIXhttp:/A\'w\v.su.ic.ac.uk/Feli x est. 1949 Student Newspaper of Imperial. College

Sir Ronald Oxburgh pits in Something for the himself against the Voice Weekend: Gridlock d, of Reason in a head-to- Absolute Power and a head interview. Follow look at the Gobi gobs- the batde on page six, mackers.

IC stalks Oxbridge in Times league

ALOK JHA our staff-student ratio was graded, as Last Friday, The Times published its THE TIMES 1997 LEAGUE TABLE last year, at a perfect 100 whereas annual league table for British uni- HOW THE UNIVERSITIES SCORED IC's lowest score, 67. was again that versities and, once again. Imperial for accommodation. This is a signifi- College came in third after the cant improvement on last year's heavyweight Oxbridge contingent. score of 34 but remains among the However, recent improvments at IC lowest for the top 50 universities. have dramatically cut the lead of its Other London colleges fared little nearest rival, Oxford, from over 120 1 Catntondga 100 100 100 87 better in this category, reflecting the 96 86 100 points to less than 80, with the 2 Otkxa 91 deficit of Hall provision and inordi- 100 nate rents facing students in the capi- London School of Economics clos- 4 LSE 92 96 82 tal. ing on the 'top two' even faster. 5 Warns* 85 Hie rankings are compiled on the York Other major improvements over 7 UCL last year include the 39 point increase basis of a number of key statistics for 72 S3 S! Andrews in library spending, raising this each University, including library 9 Durham 87 year's total to 83, and bringing it spending, accommodation, research 10 taiwbuBh 79 11 BrMoi more in line with spending at other and teaching. Published results for 79 68 12 L top universities. Encouragingly, each section are ranked and then the 13 NotanofUffl 79 graduate destinations was rated high- highest performer is allocated 100 14 Bm&i Kng'tCdrngt 78 ly at 94 - again one of the highest in points. The remaining Universities 18 16 SrwfMd the table. then receive points based on their 17 Manctwtltr The annual publication of The performance relative to the best. The Times lists again raises questions as eacbing and research grades are cal- to the reliability and credibility of the culated slightly differently; each of rankings, especially given the dra- tee is based on the grades recieved matic changes in higher education by different departments in the asses- prevalent over recent years. The way excercises carried out earlier scores are calculated has, in the past, year, and in these Imperial made ences in awarding policies of differ- colleges in the top twenty were UCL been accused of intrinsically favour- strong showing. ent colleges", according to The and King's with totals of 804 and 740 respectively. ing Oxford and Cambridge, with The teaching points are weighted Times. Individual section scores for some commentators pointing out that ^1 to the research points. This year Imperial scored a total of 854 Imperial varied but most saw an the quality of accomodation offered &o sees the inclusion of upper sec- points out of a possble 1000, narrow- increase over last year. IC's large by a University, and the amount it into the degree classifications ly beating the LSE which scored 849. population of researchers meant that continued on page two ?ade, in order to "iron out differ- The only other University of London Candidates mysteriously appear for third race

Mr Dulloo has not yet been officially to a conclusion, the number of candi- JITEN PATEL declared their intent so far include proposed. Speaking to Felix, he dates running could rise further still "o* that the presidential race has Laurie Tweedale, former Operatic declared that "I have a personal list creating a more exciting and compet- °*ed off for the third time it seems Society chair, Al Hussein, who [of proposers] that I am considering". itive race. Other possible candidates we are finally going to have a dropped out of the last round of elec- Mr Dulloo considered his closest include Paul Brown, current IC ^re of candidates, ranging from tions and Despina Crassa, Overseas rival to date as Ms Tweedale saying Radio chair, who has been given |G president Mo Dulloo to Richard Societies Committee chair. that "she would be very competent in leave from his PhD supervisor and is ^ien, a third year geology student, Although not all the candidates the job" and that "it should be an still "seriously considering standing." * five candidates so far putting have yet gathered the required 20 interesting battle." Rumours persist of yet another candi- 9 names forward. seconders they are not expected to With most exams over or coming date appearing from across the Park. °4er candidates that have fall short of the quota, but unusually 2 NEWS FELIX FRIDAY 30TH MAY Bronze for IC IC scoops gold!

continued from frontpage dent ratios and graduate destinations OUR OWN STATISTICIAN tions, extra weight has been given spends on its libraries are not factors should make the most significant In a startling revelation this week, the crucial academic value oft which necessarily have any bearing contributions to the total. Indeed, a Felix can reveal the long-awaited staff-to-student ratio. This along il whatsoever on the value of the judicious choice of weightings to the results of its annual survey of univer- Imperial's top teaching assessrnt degrees it awards. different categories can produce a sities, colleges and institutes of high- scores have helped IC leapfrog It could be argued, for example, very different ranking, as the Felix er education. The league table Oxford and Cambridge and take the that science and engineering courses analysis below and right shows. (below), based on careful theft and golden statuette for the top British do not, by their very nature, require These reservations aside, The manipualtion of other people's statis- seat of research and learning, as on the same level of library provision as Times rankings are held in high tics clearly show that Imperial official table shows. humanities courses. In a computing regard by schools and graduate College has come up trumps again. A new category, Graduate department, it might be difficult to recruiters. If Imperial is seen as a The annual back-slapping award Destinations, has been included to distinguish directly between spend- 'poor' third by some, this reflects the fight was closer than usual with the reflect prospects of the countries' top ing on libraries and spending on low public profile of the College top three institutions clustered within students. Favourite destinations this computing facilities as reference rather than any failings in teaching three points of each other. In a depar- year are rumoured to include New sources increasingly move on-line. standards. ture from previous year's calcula- York, Bali and the Costa del Sol. Perhaps a better criterion might be the amount spent on teaching labora- ft Q tories, with libraries counting as 'labs' for students on humanities courses. Also under fire is The Times' prac- *0, tice of weighting scores in different categories up or down in calculating the totals and so in awarding the final Imperial 93 85 79 100 83 72 94 67 253 rankings. It could be argued that cri- Cambridge 100 100 100 87 84 100 82 96 252 teria which have little direct bearing Oxford 91 96 100 86 100 83 98 91 on teaching quality, such as accomo- dation and library spending, should LSE 92 96 86 82 81 78 80 68 be weighted down, while staff-stu- Warwick 94 85 71 69 72 82 81 80 1068

EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITIES SUMMER VACATION - 1997

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As in previous years, we are planning to employ undergraduates to work in a number of areas during the summer vacation. Further information can be found on URL:

PHOTO: ROBIN It's just a perfect day to lie in the sun. BMS site workers enjoy the late http ://www. ic. ac. uk/ccs/admin/personnel/ugs97.htm spring sunshine on the Queen's Lawn. If you are interested in working for us this summer, News in Brief please send a copy of your C V and the name of your personal tutor to Sue Vincent by Friday 6 June. MEDIA MENTIONS NO WELLCOME FOR LAB The controversy surrounding the REPORT Sue Vincent examinations marquee attracted A report backed by all the major nationwide media attention last research funding bodies, calling for Centre for Computing Services week, with stories in The action on the 'chronic' state of many Room, 494, Mechanical Engineering Building Independent and Europe's largest University laboratories, will not be Ext 46929 student newspaper, London Student. endorsed by the Wellcome Trust. ICU President, Eric Allsop, and Wellcome maintains that Uni- (e-mail [email protected]) Publications Board Chairman, Robin versities themselves should cover Riley, were interviewed live on GLR overheads on research funded by the FM. College representatives were Trust. The report will be submitted to invited but did not attend. the Dearing Inquiry on HE. SEE WHAT WE HAVE TO Ofrfn AT THE CCS SHOP

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NEWSTEAM some students to declare it "the eye- to a more conspicuous site on the If, as precedent would suggest, the The future of the Junior Common sore on the walkway." Sherfield walkway. Furthermore the Union is asked to contribute as much Room hangs in the balance today as Speaking to Felix, Ian Caldwell, wall of the JCR adjoining the walk- as a third of the cost, negotiations College officials begin a series of Director of Estates, admitted "The way may be recessed, in an attempt may stall. The 'Memorandum of meetings to discuss plans for its JCR is certainly not what it should to alleviate the bottleneck at the main Understanding', which outlines areas refurbishment. be... of all the student facilities it common room entrance. Mr of the Union's responsibility, would Following years of neglect, the needs the most improvement." Plans Caldwell commented "We want to suggest that the Union is under no JCR has fallen into disrepair. The due to be drawn up by IC Estates keep the JCR as a flexible space, but obligation to pay for improvements seats-covers are torn, the decor is Design Office may include the relo- improve the environment." to the JCR, which is College-run. tatty and the lighting is poor, leading cation of the QT snack-bar, possibly At the time of going to press it is Union officials may be reluctant to not yet clear where funding for the part with such a significant fraction project will be found, unofficial esti- of ICU's development reserve before mates of the cost approaching £400 finalising details of improvements in 000. In the past, JCR refurbishment social facilities in Beit Quad, planned has been paid for by a combination of for next year in anticipation of the IC Estates, IC catering and IC Union. medical merger. IC don appointed charity chief MATTHEW BENNETT agenda for meeting the needs of peo- Dr James Deutsch, a Silwood park ple with the disease in light of lecturer, and expert on cichlid fishes improvements in treatment." in lake Malawi, has been appointed On the subject of treatments, Dr Chief Executive of Cruisaid, a Deutsch is positive about the new London based AIDS charity. 'multi-drug' treatments now avail- Dr Deutsch, who is himself HIV able, which have been shown to pro- positive, applied for the job after vol- long life, especially in cases where PHOTO: ROBIN unteering for another AIDS charity, the disease is diagnosed early. Dr No, no come back! The 'tatty' JCR may be refurbished for next year. the AIDS treatment project. He left Deutsch has stressed the need for his job as lecturer in biology to start reliable, effective treatments; with- the new job on 1 May, but will out them, many potential sufferers remain connected to Imperial as an see little or no benefit in taking an Honorary Lecturer whilst working HIV test. for Cruisaid. He will work for a trial Dr Deutsch spoke to Felix about period of six months, with the option his hopes and aspirations for the new of an extended contract covering sev- job. He sees himself taking on such eral years. diverse duties as "welcoming people From studying the explosive evo- to charity benefit dinners and theatre lution of lake Malawi cichlids, Dr openings to working with other Deutsch finds himself at the head of AIDS charities and agencies to meet one of the largest AIDS charities. the needs of people with HIV and Crusaid aims include increasing the AIDS as the epidemic changes in public awareness of AIDS, removing light of new treatments." Dr Deutsch the stigma attached to carriers of the has already been interviewed on disease, raising money to improve radio concerning himself, his the quality of life for HIV and AIDS appointment and AIDS as a whole. patients and helping them to main- Dr Deutsch applauded Imperial tain their dignity and independence. Queers (IQ) for their efforts in keep- The charity supports institutions and ing the Imperial community charities, providing hospice and informed about the disease. He respite care and furthering research. added that while IC students seem to Crusaid also funded the creation of know about the dangers of unsafe Britain's largest HIV clinic, at the sex, the number of new HIV cases is Chelsea and Westminster hospital. rising rapidly among young people. The charity is further hoping to raise He places great importance on safer one million pounds to expand the sex campaigns, concluding that centre into become "the first truly "condoms really are the solution to integrated and HIV patient treatment life's ills!" and research centre." Dr Deutsch urges everyone to take Recently, the charity merged its part in Britain's largest HIV and hardship fund with that of the AIDS fundraising event, 'Walk for Terrence Higgins Trust. Dr Deutsch Life', taking place on June 8. The tfefcf Week/ has reiterated his commitment to 10km sponsored walk in London working in close conjunction with (with similar events happening other HIV and AIDS charities, with across the UK) is still open for regis- the aim of establishing a "unified tration. iCU ents presents, jay

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PART OF YOUR STUDENTS' UNION 6 SIR RON V VOR FELIX FRIDAY 30TH MAY After months of meticulous planning, the time had come. I entered Sherfield, scurried up the back stairs and reached the top floor. Suite Five lay in the distance. Through the landmines, under the razor wire, passing the 'KILL BAKER' and 'SILENCE THE VOICE' posters, I was almost there. My lucky break came when Lynda Davis' machine gun jammed. Our Head of PR and Chief of IC Secret Police hurriedly reached for her revolver, but it was too late. I was in the Rector's Office. Simon Baker, Voice of Reason, talks to Sir Ronald Oxburgh, the Rector, about some of his favourite subjects. Sir Ron Oxburgh

The idea for this interview, or rather chat, actually tations of the Rector, a disaster that could so easily this figure. This would only apply to Clayponds, as came from a very unexpected sources within the have been avoided. far as is obvious, bringing the surplus down to upper echelons of that esteemed building. After lis- about £1.2 million, or free rent for everyone in tening to me bang on about the whys and where- Our conversation then turned to Campus Princes Gardens. No scope for lower rents? I fores of Imperial for the last two years, it seemed a Renaissance. To my surprise and delight, the remain unconvinced that students are getting the good idea to hear from the leader of the Rector stated that the next big priority was Beit best deal. Opposition, namely Sir Ron Oxburgh. No discus- Quad, a combination of increased Union facilities Conferencing remains the big hope for College sion about the College at the moment could avoid and significantly upgraded accommodation offer- accommodation. Again, the Rector cited a the exam relocation farrago; it has been a good ing 270 rooms. I say surprised, since it does not Cambridge College, who by a "careful and clever encapsulation of the general notion that students appear in a recent Estates Major Projects Report marketing strategy" have produced very good feel aggrieved by the attitude of College towards even in the planning section. Beit Quad has enor- returns. Sadly Imperial, whose sixties buildings he them. While I'll agree with the notion that students mous potential, and Sir Ron alluded to a described as "orange boxes, badly designed, badly will always find something to moan about, this is Cambridge model, which is certainly applicable in built", is no Cambridge college. The 'virtuous cir- not a trivial matter. Let Sir Ron now answer. this case (to a certain extent). A figure of about cle' of investment in accommodation stock to "A choice between two evils", the tent and the £7million was mentioned, and we look forward to attract conferencing business that would in turn Great Hall, is a view that most would support. "I the results. help fund more redevelopment looks very appeal- am satisfied the people that were concerned have On the broader issue of student rents, the Rector ing, but with it comes the risk that student rents actually done everything possible" may raise at was reasonably encouraging. Acknowledging that will have to meet the shortfalls from pricing our- least a few eyebrows among our more cynical we do not "have a very good arrangement at the selves out of the market. members. As the Rector pointed out, "the problem moment", he went on to say, "I would like us to developed eight days before the exams," which is have rents as low as possible, but I would like those The more observant of you will have noticed that I true, if one refers to the specific incident causing to be economic rents...any subsidies should be have the odd gripe about Sherfield, both the build- the noise. The broader point is surely that College decided on grounds other than being a first year." ing and the contents. "The role of administration is should have erred on the side of caution by either And so say all of us, but the figures do not seem to to provide the College with an interface with the planning the construction work around the exams bear that out. Of the £4.5 million student rent col- outside world to leave the academics free from out- or relocating the exams much, much earlier. lected last year plus the £2.3 million from other let- side interference and to provide an environment in The suggestion that the last couple of weeks of tings, College was left with a final surplus after all which they can pursue their activities." Most acad- exams may indeed be moved to a variety of loca- costs of £2.2 million. Rents as low as possible Sir emics that I have spoken to would contend that the tions around College means that the latter option Ron? He quickly pointed out that this was a "spoof bulk of interference is not from external bodies but could have been taken with a little more foresight figure" no depreciation charges for ultimate from Sherfield itself. by Estates and the Registry. The new garden replacement of the Halls were included in that fig- I have before now stated that at least half the IC behind Weeks Hall was "obviously considered", ure. Quite so, nor included anywhere else at all, it teaching grant gets taken centrally. 'A totally mis- but rejected because of "access problems". Hang would seem. It is the case that hotels do not depre- leading figure', but one supported by several senior on a minute. Did we not have an almighty row last ciate long-standing properties, but simply keep academics. It is partly a case of how you do your year about access to this garden, deemed so impor- them in good repair. Given the large under-spend sums, but the near universal feeling is that our cen- tant that a path was constructed to it during last in the maintenance budget here, we appear to do tral admin is over-bloated. Sir Ron countered this year's exams? All in all, this is, despite the protes- neither. True, no loan repayments were included in charge by suggesting that we had one of the lowest 7 FELIX FRIDAY 30TH MAY SIR RON V VOR cost, most efficient administrations in the country. of it. What was less apparent from the Rector were dents, whose interests are also of considerable As we can, and did, argue numbers somewhat the potential problems. A senior member of IC importance, begin to be affected. I can, thankfully, fruitlessly, I leave you to draw your own conclu- recently told me that there is a real worry that the only think of isolated examples where this has or sions. Suffice it to say, that 1 have heard a variety "old College" will be neglected as the medical does occur. The Rector did say that he "would be of views on this subject recently, somewhat at odds schools hog the limelight. There is also concern in surprised if we have no voluntary redundancies by the turn of the century." Time will tell. with this vision of loveliness. "College has frankly some quarters about the speed of the mergers, got to sharpen up many of its areas of activity", which will happen in less than 10 weeks; there are 'The College cannot afford to go round in circles still conflicts arising from the far simpler Mary's A number of points become clear as a result of my as it often does", the method of allocating teaching merger which took place in 1988. The mergers pre- interview with the Rector and conversations with money by formula has been described as "abdica- sent an enormous opportunity to strengthen the other illuminati in College. Firstly, Imperial is tion of management'". "Senior academics are College. We shall become the largest UK universi- about to go through a very major transformation, probably the worst perpetrators of ill-informed ty by turnover, which will give us some serious which on the whole will be very beneficial but is chatter." The last quote, lest you were wondering, clout. But within IC, the medics will have 40% of not without pitfalls. This must be acknowledged at was made by the Rector. the personnel and 70% of the money. Money is every level in the College. Opportunities must be power and that's a lot of money. seized, since they will almost certainly not present Sharpening up areas of activity inevitably means The changes are also a big incentive to reform themselves again for many years. services such as catering, cleaning and security, all the way College is run. Rationalisation should be at One thing that has become abundantly clear over of which impact heavily on students. These days it the top of the agenda, given the obvious overlap the course of this undertaking is the lack of trans- is becoming progressively more unusual to find an between the various merging institutions. Some parency in Imperial's undertakings. The evasion organisation trying to do everything in-house pruning has taken place, but only where people and unnecessary secrecy which are the hallmark of many dealings that the 'authorities' have with the themselves. As is abundantly obvious, the core have retired, as far as can be determined. Sir Ron vs Voice of Reason

activity of Imperial College is teaching and seems to favour re-deployment, rather than redun- students are counterproductive, and invariably research, and (after prompting from the Rector) dancy, which is all very well, but rarely delivers results in egg on the faces of the powers that be. "pastoral care of the students". the goods. This a view, to be fair, is supported some senior We are not a cleaning company, catering is not Such laudable compassion is not limited to the administrative staff at IC, and hopefully will give our thing and, while accepting that security is Rector; a senior member of the Sherfield staff the necessary impetus. Students feel much more slightly different from the previous two, it cannot related a story of a man who was up for redundan- contented if they feel that it is not the case of the be argued that we must keep it to ourselves. Given cy. This was put to a senior member of the rulers and the ruled. As for Sir Ron himself, I was the near-glacial pace of change in this area, I was Management and Planning Group (IC's effective broadly impressed. There are clearly areas where I encouraged to hear that the Rector has "no posi- head honchos), who asked "does he have a fami- cannot agree with his stance, a feeling I suspect is tion" on who should own these services. Less com- ly?" Gentlemen, we are not running a charity. The mutual! He is a very adept performer, whose work forting was the very pessimistic stance on con- Rector rightly said that "it is true that universities on the Dearing Committee is vital for the defence tracting out- only problems seemed to be identi- have tried to look after their staff...to try to be a of Imperial's needs. A man with a lot on his plate fied, rather than opportunities; if it is such a bad good employer", which of course is essential for at the moment, I am sure that he will concentrate idea, why are organisations all over the world mov- good morale. But let us not get carried away with on the nitty-gritty of IC once the grand projets are ing in this direction? this benevolent attitude, to the point where stu- up and running. To be fair, it is vital that one approaches these matters carefully, otherwise we, the students, will inevitably suffer most. God forbid what would happen if catering was contracted out and got worse.

The medical mergers are probably the biggest chal- lenges facing the College. "It is a win-win situa- tion", he said, which, I think, most of us agree it could be. Probably the most obvious grievance felt by the South Ken students is the apparent special treatment given to our medical brethren. The Rector was reassuring on the level of social facili- ties in the BMS, describing them as "no more than students have in any larger department...much less than they wanted." This has the potential to turn very ugly if the medics don't get what they were expecting, though it is good to hear that steps are being taken to coax the medics into broader College life. You have all heard the marvellous advantages of the BMS for us all, and I for one agree with much 8 A DOCTOR WRITES FELIX FRIDAY 30TH MAY

This article was originally published in Marmalade Sandwich, the Student Newspaper of St Mary's. However, on reflection it seems that it is perhaps equally relevant to students of the other Constituent Colleges in South Kensington and so here it is, slightly revised in order to make it more generally direct- ed. From the first word, I should point out that it was not written as a piece of anti-Imperial propagan- da, it was written out of a frustration at the escalating level of misunderstanding that exists and, whilst it may seem biased towards St Mary's, this is simply because I am a student there and have a more lim- Despite my being a focus ited experience of Imperial College as a whole unit. Nick Oliver for the frustration of Sf Mary's students, I felt that this article neatly summed up the concern for the future of ICU and the other CCUs. AF

It seems that Imperial College students wish adversity". arrogance. Last year, IC rag week raised to keep medics at a safe distance and they And perhaps he was right, but I believe £920 between 6000 students. St. Mary's rag are now showing their resentment at our that he must realise the fact that this immi- raised upwards of £30 000 between 600 stu- impending invasion by writing bitter edito- nent change, in one way or another, scares dents. A mere week after Mary's rag week rials in Felix. However, the issue concern- or worries every one of us and so any deci- ICU sabbatical positions were once again ing the evolving relationship between St sions which go some way to alleviating decided by the Paddington vote (something Mary's and Imperial is far wider and more some of these fears will be celebrated in a that has been repeated this year). If these two-sided than this. Mary's medics have a way which is perhaps victorious. However, things are a measure of IC substance (and greater resentment at being unseated from for Mr Feakes to go on to accuse us of being can there be better indicators?), then per- what we see as our home (in a physical and, "selfish" is simply short-sighted. haps division was always inevitable any- for want of a better word, spiritual sense) Of course we are being selfish. We are way. and have felt strongly over this for some being uprooted against almost all of our A couple of weeks after this editorial, a years. However, only now, when firm deci- wills and, whilst we realise that without the letter was written to Felix attempting to put sions about our future are being made, is our move, Mary's would have a very short life- forward the Mary's point of view. feeling being truly noticed by the lethargic expectancy indeed, we are merely trying to Unfortunately, this letter slipped down the student body at Imperial and, whilst bitter ensure that despite the geographical unproductive slope of being aggressive and editorials were written, they were perhaps changes, little else about what is a fantastic confrontational (hypocritically something it simply a reaction to articles printed else- place (though St Mary's, of course, has it's accuses Alex Feakes of). For several years where which claim every decision made to weaknesses) alters perceptibly. The sup- now "St Mary's xenophobia", a trait pecu- be a glorious victory for Mary's and a posed "deprivation of other students of liar to all London Medical Schools ever cucumber up the arse for Imperial. funds for their activities" is, bluntly, not our since their inception, has extended to IC. The to-ing and fro-ing of victorious concern and this is something which the I have already skimmed the surface of claims and bitter rebukes in Felix began at "...other students" must raise with the why this has occurred but, unlike Alex the beginning of February after the College. Feakes and Nick Jenkins, I don't believe 'Question and Answer' session with Ultimately, this has been College's free that this is something we should be rapidly Professor Caldwell and Professor Swanson. decision and it must be assumed that it has beginning to unravel. Of course, it has a The conclusions of that meeting were basi- been fully considered, including it's knock- detrimental edge to it but after 3'/2 years at cally promises from Professor Swanson on effect across the whole student body. To Mary's (as opposed to just one exploratory (Deputy Rector of IC) that the funding for criticise us directly for taking away from the term), I've realised that without our xeno- ICSM will remain at it's present level and members of ICU is a pointless twisting of phobia (which, for the most part is purely will continue to be paid through College in fact. We are not "a room full of baying med- posturing - just visit the pavilion bar after contrast to the other constituent Colleges ical students" any more than ICU students any big rugby game) we would lose our who receive their funding through Imperial are a University of simpering apathetics. We fierce pride. And it is this pride which drives College Union (ICU). We were also told are simply concerned and are doing every- us to our fantastic achievements and makes that we could continue to play as a Medics thing in our power to make ICSM a worthy Mary's the undeniably formidable place that team in BUSA and some other smaller successor to Mary's. it is. issues were decided, probably in our favour. Unfortunately, duplication (and even trip- This is just one debate of many to come The conclusions we can draw from this are lication) of undergraduate services is a and it is important to realise that aggressive that i) Prof. Swanson will listen to our con- necessity if future students are to study on triumphalism is not wanted at IC any more cerns and will be reasonable in helping out three such widely spread sites so economics than snide jealousy and resentment are well and ii) if we don't ask, we don't get. OK so states that more funds are required. received at Mary's. This whole process is far? Good. However, the headline in Felix I understand that perhaps our actions will inevitable and, as far as Mary's are con- was "Medics Secure Independence" which, serve to divide the campus into medics and cerned, continuity is what is wanted and in a couple of areas, we have done but, Alex non-medics but to claim that this will be needed. It is undoubtedly going to require a Feakes, Editor of Felix, saw this article as "detrimental to the substance of this institu- lot of work but we will continue to strive to "a stirring story of triumph in the face of tion (Imperial College)" is unwarranted obtain everything that we reasonably can. Desert opens 18 May until 31 August and offers a wide range of kids activites: Dinosaur THIS summer the Natural History Museum launches its new exhibition 'Dinosaurs of the Gobi Desert' Dig, the drama 'Legends just as Jurassic Park II fever is about to hit Britain. These pre-historic 'monsters' may still inspire fear of the Flaming Cliffs' and excitement in children's hearts, but the new exhibition reveals some of their more tender and 'Travel the moments. Heather Holve reports on the first UK showing of these spectacular fossils discovered in the Timeline' and 'Build a 1920s and explains how the exhibition quite literally unearths the domestic life of dinosaurs. Dinosuar' workshop.

s I walked in the exhibition I was immediately struck So what did the audience make of this display of by a towering wall of orange. Having over-enthusias- dinosaur family values? I did a swift straw pole. Two very tically fallen for last year's colour myself I felt in no place unsuspecting kids, Kristen age 10 and Ezesme age 8 to comment at the choice. But one should never judge too gave their expert opinion 'Really great...I loved it all. I quickly: I discovered I was standing at the foot of the especially liked all those BIG teeth'. The new age 'family Flaming Cliffs' of the Gobi desert where Roy Chapman- values' approach to palaeontology obviously passed "Two very unsuspect- Andrews and his team made the dramatic chance dis- these two by. Kristen and Ezesme revelled in the thrill of ing kids. Kristen age covery of the first ever recorded dinosaur eggs. What they knowing that, through a trick of geological timing, they'd 10 and Ezesme age 8 discovered in this extreme and inhospitable landscape, escaped the risk of being eaten by a monster that even gave their expert opin- while, incidentally, looking for proof that Central Asia was their imagination would find difficult to conjure-up. ion 'Really great...I fie cradle of evolution, was one of the richest dinosaur Giles Clarke and Catherine Barr, who have been loved it all. I especially graveyards in the world. This landscape continues to lay responsible for the development of the exhibition, are liked all those BIG bare new fossils which fire the imagination of palaeontol- more than happy with this reaction. They arranged for the teeth'. The new age ogists around the world today. exhibits and information to be at kid height to bring the 'family values' What these first explorers uncovered changed the fossils, if not to life, then so close to the child as to make approach to palaeon- direction of future research. They found nests filled with them seem part of a pre-historic zoo. Visitors can latch tology obviously eggs, dinosaur babies and youngsters at different stages onto whichever theme touches their imagination; passed these two by." of development, which provided important information dinosaurs as monsters, dinosaurs the much maligned about how they nurtured their young and a direct link parent; intrepid desert adventurers past and present. 10SS/I between dinosaurs and their descendants, birds. The link I am still not ready to throw away my ABC book of these explorers uncovered also extended further back dinosaurs, but I can now honestly say that these crea- into pre-history. Many of the dinosaurs found in the Gobi tures have been rescued from the 'mythical' department dessert are more primitive forms of North American dinosaurs, suggesting that major groups evolved in Asia These eggs were discovered in the and later spread to North America across a land bridge 1920s by the adventurer Roy that once joined the two continents. Chapman Andrews (the model for As someone who's knowledge of dinosaurs is limited Indiana Jones) in the Gobi desert. lo impromptu lessons from my elder brother, I was Initially believed to have been stolen instantly lost in the face of all those bones. These skeletal by the dinosaur Oviraptor ('egg-thief), monsters may have held a fleeting resemblance to speci- . they have recently been discovered to mens in my ABC book of dinosaurs, but the impression have been laid in Mongolia by the they left was very different. These beasts were of much mis-named Oviraptor osier 80 million smaller than many of their North American relatives; the years ago. larbosaurus ('alarming lizard') stood about two-thirds the height of its more recent relative the Tyrannosaurs Rex of my memory's storage system and dinosaurs are now [tyrant lizard king'). And with so many examples of eggs, very real to me. These beasts of the Gobi were turned to nests and young I found myself comparing these crea- stone while in the process of nurturing and protecting tures to Sesame Streefs Big Bird rather than monsters like their young from a cruel sandstorm 70-80 million years Godzilla. ago. And every year the Gobi offers up a few more trea- For the first time I gazed in wonder at the ostrich-like sures as the abrasive powers of sandstorms cut into a structure of Gallimus Bullatus ('chicken-mimic'). I had new layer of the landscape. never seen fossils where a series of ages could be com- We still have not reached 'the end' of dinosaur history. pared, and the Gallimus was just the beginning of the Only in 1993, 70 years after its discovery, did the Oviraptor experience. A range of Protoceratops skulls from adults to (egg-thief) finally have its conviction for thieving quashed mere hatchlings showed how this turtle-beaked vegetari- when an adult was found not 'raiding', but protecting a an developed. This small dinosaur, common to the Gobi, nest of 22 eggs. Dr Rinchen Barsbold, Director of the browsed on plants, cropping and chopping vegetation Geological Institute ot the Mongolian Academy of with self-sharpening teeth. What I found amazing was Sciences, quotes from Newton to explain recent success- that the skulls at different stages showed how the 'frill' on es "We stood on the shoulders of giants". He thus hon- the back of the head developed with age. I was looking ours past palaeontologists and hints at the calibre of at how a cute and cuddly baby changes into an overly today's international scientists busy unravelling present large emu-like lizard! day dinosaur secrets.

the golem and other stories m Have the words 'long you may ask. Well, none other than former to buy tickets last time, here's another one. awaited Prodigy album' band-mates Mani and Reni. The working title of New dates are as follows: Cardiff International * become tired and useless words in the album is Under The Pavement The Beach - Arena (November 15th), London Wembley your vocabulary? Do you feel a dull ache in something to do with the French riots in the Arena (16), Manchester Nynex Arena (17), the back of your head any time someone asks 1960's, apparently. Brown also needs to find a Birmingham NEC (19) and Aberdeen Exhibition you if you know when /'/is coming out? Well, record label to release his stuff on after Geffen Centre (20). All tickets cost £15 and they go on prepare for a date. Yes, after more speculation dropped him last year when the Stone Roses sale tomorrow (31st May). and bated breath than someone who is wait- broke up. Finally, a bit of film news. Steve Hanft, better ing for the return of Elvis, we can tell you that Talking of album releases, Oasis are due to known as Beck's video director, is about to the Fat of the Land will be out on 30the of June give theirs to the world in a few months. Be release the film that inspired Beck's hit Loser. (yes, this year). Probably. Here Now will be released on the 18th of Kill The Moonlight \s all about a man who If you enjoyed that little gem, then here is August and will be preceded by a single needs to fix his stock car before a big race. another one. Ian Brown is underway on his release in July. The film is released in Los Angeles in June but solo project. Things are not completely simple, Radiohead have added more dates to their the date for the United Kingdom is unknown at though. 'Who else is playing on the record?', tour in September, so if you didn't get a chance the moment. OCTOPUS KHALED + ANOKHA The Borderline LIVE London Astoria Having never heard of either Khaled or Anokha, I had absolutely no idea what to expect of the show. I had been informed by my Northern African Correspondent that Khaled was an African singer currently living in exile. As for Anokha, I was led to believe that he would provide a more ambient sound spiced with tablas. The Astoria had magically been transformed into a temple filled with a heaving throng of SFTW rampant worshippers celebrating an alien form of music which clearly made their ears go wmm pop. This is a venue where, mere days ago, I had been witness to the traditional rock n' roll 300597 valhalla where Faith No More were playing one of the gigs of the year. There were circles of short blokes dancing around each other with their arms raised above their heads to make them look taller. There were tall blokes with other tall blokes on their shoulders and even in the upper circle, people were trying to reach higher, dancing on the tables and gen- erally strutting their stuff and all shouting '1,2, The Borderline is one of the blest ve 3 Vive L'Algerie!' And this was between ever been to. On the way do\ rn to tl songs... the names of every band tha have Given such a friendly crowd, the two acts there are engraved - a list wl ich could hardly fail and they didn't. DJ Anokha Oasis, Pearl Jam and even $ played a solid set of crowd-pleasing anthems a really g|pd atmosphere a which would clearly have guaranteed a good that the runs a tab... response at various Algerian equivalents of the Octo are meant to be Hippodrome. Musically, it sounded like a com- and-co g indie bands. Visi bination Latin and African rhythms with a mterestm but the first thing u thumping beat and a collection of chant-be- singer. Hi's the son of Ronni| BrSB happy choruses. The mood was that of a sum- Train Rfobper, looks like Stephen mer carnival in a carefree tropical location in Very tall. the sun. Thebqlid on the whole look; The tempo slowed a little as Khaled took to the auaieice don't seem the stage with his nine-piece band, but the they all ctxbuiauco song remained the same. Maybe because fully. This | these are the only references that I have but I Althou felt that a lot of the songs had the potential to ca only burst into a chorus of Yeke Yeke or swing into make muc" ther silly the the Lambada. a surprisin World music, Worlds apart. ing to be h Sid The songs' music THE COLOUR AND THE SHAPE The Foo Fighters ALBUMS A quick history lesson: Dave Grohl, drummer for the mildly influential grunge band Nirvana. MUSIC FOR PLEASURE crystal clear throughout and is necessary to In 1993 Kurt Cobain, frontman of Nirvana, has Monaco make this album sound as good as it does. an unfortunate accident with a rifle killing him- Peter Hook, formerly of Joy Division, got his Ifs not all straight-up guitar pop. Songs like self. Now this leaves poor Dave unemployed. new band off to a flying start with the release Sweet Lips veer away, sending a thumping So instead of signing on, the young lad of their debut and immensely catchy single disco style tumult of energy towards your ears. decides to collect together all those coppers he What Do You Want From Me?. Admittedly I There aren't just a couple of dance tracks earned from tips and the few coins thrown on have only heard a couple of songs by Joy thrown in here either. Four quality affairs stage whilst he was touring the pub circuits Division and. to be honest, I didn't become an abound, like the ethereal trip hop edge of Billy with the aforementioned band and form his instant fan. However, the sheer exuberance of Bones or Junk with its typical bassline founda- own record label, Roswell, and a band, the the aforementioned single meant that I had to tion that features heavily as the backbone of Foo Fighters. He cobbled together the first give the album a listen. I couldn't imagine the whole album. Undeniably there is nothing album in a matter of minutes, playing all the missing out on any similar gems possibly con- dated about the tracks - they are definitely instruments himself and even singing! Five tained within. placed in the sphere of 90s music. days after he recorded the album he got the So, lying back, I let the waves of the first sin- The album closes with a bleak instrumental rest of the band together and was away. The gle wash over me again, which soon brought that sounds as though its sole purpose is to eponimously titled album gained great critical me to the second track called Shine. This was a provide a balance to the cheerful melodies that acclaim. dreamy tune that mixed pop and melancholy adorn the rest of the recording. At the end of And now, two years later. The Colour and sentimentality perfectly. Half of the album fol- the recording, you're instructed to turn it off, but the Shape, is the first Foo Fighters album lows this trend with more guitar pop in the I had to refuse, and reach for play again. (8) recorded by the band as a whole. To call this semi-bluesy Buzz Cum and the summery Jason album punctuated would be an understate- Happy Jack. The 80s New Order influence is ment. It starts off with the gentle, floating track UPSLIOE attitude and defiance with Aretha, Gloria and Doll, all one minute twenty-three seconds of it. the girls in tow. The whole lot is neatly book- And then, BAM!, straight into the mammoth Sarah CracRnell ended by Ready or Not and Can't Stop Now, rock song that is Monkey Wrench, their current So you think you know Sarah, do you? Just both saturated with sweeping strings and single. Indeed this seems to be the snw some random airhead that Pete and Bob honey vocals that unashamedly push all those new Foo Fighters formula, quiet intros 1089/n roped in to give St. Etienne a bit of sparkle, a bit buttons guaranteed to have a tear in your eye. followed by blinding guitar rock, with of that old star class, hell, even to make the Lipslide is certainly a flawed album, but still a quiet end (or any mix and match press shots look better. You bunch of cynics. one to be treasured. (7) combination of those three.) But there KOl^/i You're just the people that Crackers is going to Norm is a more introspective feel to several of the grind under her stacked heels with this album. RED APPLE FALLS tracks especially the acoustic tracks, See You If you were expecting typically Etienne slices of and Walking After you. Songs like these show knowing cool, never sure if they're being ironic Smog the other side to the Foo's muscle rock norm or not, then you're in for a shock. Because Just how depressed do you feel at the and are a great addition to the album. Only Sarah is obviously a hopeless romantic, and moment? Girlfriend left you? Exams getting you the sluggish five minute ballad February Stars while the boys were off footling around with down? Conservative? Well, here's something to takes the introspection one step too far and sequencers and stuff, she's been hard at work cheer you up - you're proably happier than you watch in amazement as the life is visibly with a whole bunch of other producers and Smog, members of that quietly flourishing sapped from your body. However you are eas- songwriters crafting an album of gorgeous breed of indie miserablists who believe that a ily revived by the scorching pop song Up in tunes brimming with love, hope and disap- song isn't worth its salt unless its either (a) slow Arms and the sublime Everlong. pointment. and unhappy or (b) just unhappy. Listening to The Colour and the Shape is a very good Wide-eyed honesty is the outstanding feature this sparse, mostly percussion-free album and album indeed. To describe it as rock does not here. On Coastal Town she gets Grace to its tales of loss and loneliness makes you feel do it justice. Overall it is a big, hard-sounding budge over a bit on the park-bench of happy like an intruder, as though you'd happened album, something that is not popular with the house anthems, and still manages to sound upon a friend's diary and been unable to resist British music buying public at the moment. But wistful in 'a coastal town, after the rain/You're reading it; a guilty pleasure. with popular bands, the likes of Supergrass the brightest star, you're my best friend'. She Most of the songs consist of a strummed gui- and Radiohead, producing a more hard eUyeU yuilui juunj this muy b« 11 ic woy knows that the sweetest things always have a tar and piano, maybe a little Druss; meres no ahead. (8) bitter aftertaste, and by coupling the most exu- bravado, no machismo, the music is still and Ramzi berant electronica with yearning lyrics (Desert quiet. The rough production serves to enhance Baby) you get songs with a mighty emotional the rawness of the sound, the imperfections in punch. She doesn't get it right all the time, the singer's voice are more noticeable, the Smog. But music is a subjective thing, we need though, and as the middle third of the album cracks more like choked-back tears. This all different things at different times to reflect our proves ifs all too easy to slip from musical sim- makes the songs that dare to break into a trot, changing moods. No-one's happy all the time - plicity into banality. Taxi is just too damn bland such as the Giant Sand-esque / Was A it's all about empathy. On the other hand, to have any impact and on Taking Off For Stranger, sound incongruous - an unnecessary maybe they are just miserable bastards and France the ideas are all there but lack the arse- effort to lighten the mood. They are better when I'm in the right kind of mood. Who knows? (7) kicking from Oakenfold would provide. But by they are simply being miserable. the time the disco funk of If You Leave Me A charge of self-indulgence, of navel-gazing K.S. Pulaski comes around, she's back on track strutting to the nth degree could easily be levelled at music GUIDO Your little sister may want to be in the spice AT THE CLUB Unsophisiicates girls but Kenickie are the band you always Kenickie I'm going to confess right now that I think I was wanted to be in, with the songs you always made on the album and although they provide the wrong person to review this band and I wanted to write. The larger than life Lauren balance and depth these are slightly weaker have an unpleasant feeling that I'm about to Laverne, Marie du Santiago, Emmy-Kate tracks - can we believe there are tears behind pan an album that a lot of people will like, still Montrose and Johnny X are here espousing that all consuming confidence? It is wrong to here goes. the joys of glitter, PVC (its waterproof) and black list influences (although they claim The Monies Guido is one of those albums that no-one cherry lipstick. They have blazed a trail of and Aerosmith) or comparisons, Kenickie just can classify so it gets thrown into the trip-ho destruction through the interviewers brave are Kenickie. They aren't pushing back the bin and finds itself nestling uncomfortably enough to take on frontiers of music, but between Lamb and Massive Attack. The music these mouthy they are somehow on the album meanders around to an alarm- geordies. In their still brilliant. The hid- ing degree stumbling from the quite nasty jazz own words they have den 15th track cap- tinklings of Pervert to the far more trip-hop style and they have tures there true spirit - leanings of Straitjacket and even a kind of bas- class; they have cred- Lauren descending tard funk on Riverbank. The universal factor in ibility too, already into giggles whilst these songs is the vaguely irritating voice of having recorded a singing of love over Neal Smart which drawls its way from harsh session for John Peel. fishnet tights. distortion, created by singing through a mega- Yeah, yeah, they are It does not take a phone no less, to straight singing. There are probably younger genius to predict a also a lot of instruments here, leading to points than you as well. star-spangled future where the songs are suddenly invaded by Where have you for Kenickie - and embarrassing blasts from horns and other been hiding if you many have. Their songs where where it seems like there are haven't already songs reflect rather hundreds of instruments vying for your atten- jumped around your than rely on their tion. bedroom to their teenage years and The album is not entirely without merit, how- many shouty punk- should grow with ever. The band are at their best when subdued pop singles such as them. They will tour a and vaguely ominous. This leaves us Punka and In your bit now, be pushed l with an album that is predominately Car? The album At overseas, experience jazz music of the most rambling kind The Club contains yet more life, turn 20, a sort of hideous Portishead-lounge more songs fizzing along with handclaps, then produce another album - it will be mind- music abortion. I can't really recom- thighslaps, personality and wit. It is produced blowing. In the meantime Kenickie are mend this to anyone unless you like by John Cornfield who has also worked on teenagers and I'll just go and listen to true girl Freakpower, in which case you are welcome to Supergrass' albums, and it shares the cap- power just one more time....(9) it...{4). tured youth of / Should Coco. There are slow Speedyj introspective moments such as How I was

Hardboy - Hazel's Hob Nick Cave - Are You The One I've Been Northern Uproar - Any Way You Look Polly Harvey-sounding track that sways with a Waiting For? Fairly light-weight standard britpop fare. foreboding passion. Typically moody and oppressive. Underladen Rockier B-sides are better. with a piano backdrop. This lament deserves Ballroom - Take It recognition amongst other great emotional Tindersticks - Bathtime They fit perfectly within the sexually ambiguous ballads. *ing weird! Imagine Barry White singing a category ofbands such as Suede, SJa^elove p song, backed by an orchestra. etc and, unsurprisingly, sound proily similar tooj^

Beth Orton ^ Naggingly catchy me] lad, wjlt esp<| special, of this I don't Radiohead - Paranoid Androi They're back! And they haven't let us down. This is a cracking single whose tune jumps Jason Foil - Are You Enemy? about with uncaring audacily, but grows on Empirion - b.e.t.a. Quiet bit. Loud bit with pointless screaming. you nevertheless. Nearly made choon of the I normally spit in the face of techno but, horror Quiet bit. Loud bit with pointless screaming. week, but not quite. of horrors, this is not too bad. Nice and light. Quiet bit...

Vitro - Orange Scala - Slide E.P. Bertie Serveert - Co-coward Sounds like an attempt at Jesus Jones. Sub-standard techno/trip-hop which has noth- Pleasant rock ballad with delightful vocals. Mediocre at best. ing new to to offer. Tedious. Martin

music "Whaf s that woman doing on the posters?" This was the question eating away at everyon's subconcious, having noticed the new more sensual approach to IC Choir advertising used by the IC Choir for their Summer con- cert. In fact, there was no obvious reason for this pic- ture to be featured, but then we couldn't think of a more enticing way to advertise a choir concert our- Summer Concert selves, so we let it pass. This year, the Summer concert presented us with a relatively modern collection of pieces, all written between 1945 and 1965. The performance started with spark necessary to grab the listener, which you might Leonard Bernstein's Chichester Psalms (1965). The choir expect this style of music to possess. The blame lies were accompanied by a fair sized orchestra, with a equally with the composer, Sir Michael Tippet, and the robust percussion section, for this rampaging and com- choir. plex piece of music. The number of choir members was The concert endede with Maurice Durufle's Requiem notably reduced with respect to the usual turn-out and in (1947), accompanied by a somewhat reduced orchestra, the Bernstein, the choir frequently found itself overpow- and this was where we got to see what the choir was ered by the orchestra. A highlight of this piece was the really capable of. The orchestra/choir balance was much nervous but very talented choirboy soloist, Gerald Beatty, better than for the Bernstein, and the Requiem was beau- shipped in from the Choir of Westminster Cathedral. tifully sung. On the whole, the IC Choir, with ifs new con- The Bernstein was followed by a collection of five Negro ductor, Christopher Dawe, and ifs slightly rejuvenated Spirituals, from A Child of Our Time (1945/1958) sung women-on-posters attitude had a pleasingly refreshed unaccompanied by the choir and abunch of adult soloists. air. Although technically well performed, the style lacked the Burak and Maria

I don't know; you buy a computer and suddenly every- one thinks that you're an expert. All sorts of things start landing on your desk, such as this little package, a lan- Europress guage tutor from Europress. The cover claims that the i i\im i program uses "proven natural methods", which seems a less than promising, but lets stop whinging about the cover and load the thing up. Language Labs: 30059? Thankfully the application is not too system hungry, requiring only a 486DX with 4Mb RAM and 4Mb of free hard drive space, although when it says that it needs a SoundBlaster compatible soundcard, it declines to mention that you need a microphone. Spanish However, this quibble aside, the user interface becomes feature is that the program gives intstant feedback to your immediately workable with no instruction whatsoever, verbal, written and accsociatative input, which gives a real and much to my annoyance I really started to enjoy it. I 'classroom' feel. I found myself reacting instantly to the chose the Spanish CD, in spite of the general pleas stimuli! and even wanting to go faster, a desire for which around the office for me to try the English tutor. [Believe Rosetta Stone caters wonderfully. I started learning at a me - his dulcit Tyneside Spanish sounds like someone try- truly astonishing rate, and I know this sounds like a some- ing to stad a car but failing - Ea] thing an advert might quote (believe me I wanted to be It uses the "celebrated" and "globally praised" 'Rosetta nasty about this program) but it does work in exactly the Stone' method, which submerses the user completely in way it says it will. Irritatingly, there are no irritating little the language, and uses thousands of photographs to ere features I'd like to latch onto at this point of the review; it is ate the associations with he words, meaning that, if used just nicely skeletal in ifs structure yet slick in ifs presenta- correctly, the user thinks in the chosen language rather tion, very quick to get into and a fine language tutor. than translates from their mother tongue. Another major Thafs about it really. Mr Trout multimedia Felix's summer special is out on June 18th. Please note: there is no issue of Felix on Friday 20th June Absolute Power a subplot con- Now takes real moral cerning Witney's corruption in the estranged Showing highest echelons daughter is of American added to show Love and Other government and he has morals Catastrophes turns it into a despite being a Originally reviewed in Felix digestible thriller, thief. At times 1084, the release of Love in which Clint Witney's antics and Other Catastrophes Eastwood proves are slightly out- was delayed at the last once again that landish, entering minute for some reason or he is much more his daughter's another. Made for around than Dirty Harry and Seth Frank's £20,000 this first film by 23 and The Man year old Emma-Kate houses with such with no Name". Croghan features a day in ease that you the life of five Australian Luther Witney is wonder if their students. Every element of an ageing cat front doors were student life is included, burglar, and is purposefully left from searching for accomo- set for one more open. He also dation and sex to trying to high profile theft sneaks around dodge lecturers owed to end his the White House, work. Unfortunately the lack career. His tar- donning an of money behind the film get is the vault of sometimes shows and awful fake beard Walter Sullivan there's not that much to it, and moustache, but the characters are all (E G Marshall), in order to leave endearing and ifs an the richest man in Washington and the financial backer of taunting messages to those who committed the crime. amusing way to while the recently elected president Alan Richmond (Gene Gene Hackmans' gives an impressive portrayal of the away an hour or so. Hackman). Witney's plan goes well until he sees Sullivan's disturbing President as his henchmen cover up this incon- wife with an unexpected visitor, the President. While venience. He stands in front of the nation openly support- watching the Iwo he witnesses a bizarre murder, and an ing the bereaved and the apprehension of the culprifand extremely amateur cover-up.Witney becomes the prime he has no qualms in ordering the execution of a witness suspect in the murder investigation; the police, lead by just in case she knows too much. Both characters are homicide detective Seth Frank (Ed Harris), want to question similar to those portrayed in Unforgiven, the reformed The Relic him, while the secret service want to remove him since he judging the immoral. After the initial tension, the film's The most decapitations has seen far too much. pace slacks until right at the end, when it finishes amaz- since Highlander and a Absolute Power starts and ends well, but unfortunately ingly abruptly. Magpie Poseidon Adventure-esque escapade combine in this stylish film. Much of the sardonic script is spot-on and he gruesome thriller. Chicago's combines this with some truly hilarious moments. At one Natural History Museum is point the only way the friends can get into hospital and the setting for a battle of wits belween an evolution- hence rehab is to have a critical injury. As a result Stretch ary biologist and the GRIDLOCK^has to repeatedly stab his pal with a blunt pen knife in a "Kathago", an evil DNA o scene reminiscent of Pulp Fiction's needle-into-heart clas- concoction of reptile, insect sic, but far funnier. and human. Humourously Gridlock'd provides a refreshing change to many of the If there is one criticism of the film ifs that ifs slightly handling extremely stereotypes found in films at the moment. It features drug lightweight, with too many shots of the duo fleeing from macabre scenes, including addicts, but they're neither glorified nor patronised. Ifs the police and wandering the streets, rather than devel- beheaded victims, this is about two buddies, one black and one white, but ifs the oping the plot. However, ifs still a very enjoyable film, if suprisingly enjoyable stuff. black bloke thafs the level-headed sensible guy and the only for the great dialogue in places. Chris The cat-like monster, when white one thafs the crazy ass dude. it finally comes out from the The two are Tim Roth and Tupac Shakur, playing Stretch shadows, is refreshingly different to the usual varia- and Spoon. If they sound like a jazz band thafs because tion on Alien, and would be they are, along with Cookie, Spoon's girlfriend. When cute if it didn't have such a Cookie OD's and ends up in a coma the Iwo friends fondness for certain parts decide that ifs finally time to kick the habit and get clean, of the human brain. and the film tracks the day that follows. A series of mix- Despite a slightly disap- ups means they are also wanted by the police and two pointing ending, the joyous villainous dealers but there's something even tougher in way in which each victim is the way of finding help - the System. Bureaucracy. Forms. dispatched means this is Queues. More forms. Spoon takes his mate under his recommended therapy for exam stress. wing as they search for the Holy Grail - rehab. Falling somewhere between a comedy and cutting social commentary, Gridlock'd is an impressive directorial debut by Vondie Curtis Hall. He extracts believable perfor- mances from his stars and has created a very individual, film Beavis and Butthead Do America The Grill The idiotic duo hit the big The unlikely-named heroine of The Spitfire Grill is Percy Despite being a hopeless cook events lead to Percy tak- screen as they leave MTV Talbot, played by Alison Elliot, a young woman just ing over in the running of the restaurant, along with for the first time. After the catastrophic theft of their TV released from prison. She heads for the town of Gilead Hannah's nephew's wife, or something like that. The two they find themselves travel- where the local sheriff arranges for her to work at the become friends and a bit of female bonding occurs ling across America with Spitfire Grill, a restaurant which is owned by Hannah before secrets are revealed, such as the circumstances the FBI hot on their trail, which led to Percy's imprisonment and an explanation for Ferguson (Ellen Burstyn). One is left wondering why laughing at funny-shaped Hannah is so willing to give Percy lodgings and a job con- Hannah's apparently bizarre act of leaving a sack of food buildings and regretting sidering that Percy is treated with so much mistrust and each night outside the restaurant. Ifs not all happy fami- their unsurprising inability to prejudice by the rest of the town. Perhaps the fact that lies, however, as some money goes missing from a safe, pull. You probably know if Hannah's dog takes to Percy is a major influence on her! triggering events which culminate in tragedy. you'll like this film before Light on plot, The Spitfire Grill's main dramatic driving you see it. If you're a fan of force is Percy's struggle to destroy the townspeople's prej- MTV's most intelligent music presenters you'll love udice and her search for a sense of belonging. The film's it, otherwise ifs not for you. strengths lie in the beautiful naturalistic scenery and sym- pathetic heroine, with Jodie Foster look-alike, Elliot, being Anna Karenina an actress to look out for in future. Our sympathy for her is An awful film. Harsh, but made stronger by the fact that very few people are on her true. Leo Tolstoy's classic side throughout the film. romantic novel was filmed Ultimately, however, the film is a little predictable and entirely on location in St overlong. It would perhaps work better on television than Petersburg, but even the on the big screen and probably will do little to satisfy picturesque backdrop can't modern cinema audience's desire for mainstream compensate for the Hollywood fare. Jenny Ho extreme tediousness of this one. Sean Bean would be wise to stick with Sharpe.

This time those student-friendly chaps at the Odeon Kensington have really surpassed themselves. The prizes they have donated for the winners include: 2 sets of Army trousers Special edition film T-Shirts and lighters A large US style poster for the film I N E M A S The first blockbuster of the Summer arrives next Friday, 5 pairs of tickets to see the film at our favourite Odeon Con Air, starring Nicolas Cage and produced by Jerry To enter this "Competition of All Competitions", simply Bruckheimer, the man responsible for The Rock and write the answer to the following on a scruffy bit of paper Crimson Tide. Cage is the unlucky man stuck on a flight and drop it into the Felix Office by next Wednesday. If you containing the most dangerous and notorious prisoners in add your e-mail address we can let you know on Friday if the US, when one of them, Cyrus The Virus" Grissom, you've won so you can see this great film straightaway. successfully hijacks the plane. What follows is one of those "roaring roller coaster rides from start to finish" that "Which incredibly famous superhero is looks like being one of the most successful of the Summer's films. The sun is shining, the birds are singing Nicolas Cage lined up to play next year?" and we're all feeling happy because exams are nearly over, so we're giving away some Con Air goodies. Last week we had a competition to win one of five pairs of tickets to see Absolute Power at the Odeon Kensington. The question was, "In which multi-Oscar win- ning western did Eastwood and Hackman star with Morgan Freeman?" The answer was the brilliant "Unforgiven" and the five winners are: Mark Saunders St Mary's

Gavin Summers Biochemistry Gene Hackman stars as a Clinton- Stewart Jones Maths esque corrupt President in Absolute Power, for which we Ben White Civil Engineering were giving away tickets last week. Chris Gibbs Biology Pick up your tickets from the Felix Office whenever you want, or drop us a line to get them in the internal post.

film Weekly meeting, Rm G02, Materials Aerobics (advanced), Southside Gym Friday30thMay dept. RSM 6pm Bridge Club (Regular) 12.30pm Parachute Club(Regulor) Clubs Committee Room, Union Building 12.00pm Felix News Meeting STEP Aerobics (advanced), Southside Gym. Southside Upper Lounge 7pm Canoe Club (Regular) Felix Office Beit Quad. 9pm Shaft lpm Audio Soc (Regular) Canoe Club Store in Beit Quad, or at the 1pm Hamsoc (Regular) One last glitter balled visit to ....Shaft. Brown Committee Room, Union Building swimming pool at 7.30pm Top Floor, Union Building. Bringing you the very best (and a fair selec- lpm Yacht Club Meeting (Regular) 7.30pm IQ (Regular) IC WARGAMES 1pm Photo Soc (Regular) tion of the worst) disco, pop and general Physics Lecture Theatre 3, Lvl 1. Brown Committee Room, Union Building MAGIC TOUR- Southside Lounge. trash from the last two decades, tonight is 3pm Pakistan Soc (Regular) 8pm ICCAG (Regular) NAMENT 1.10pm RAG Meeting (Regular) the perfect soundtrack to celebrate the end Basketball in the Union Gym, anyone wel- Soup Run for the hornless 5TH EDITIONdBs . of exams. Come ready to boogie, and leave come Meet Weeks Hall Basement BOOSTER1.10p m Islamic Soc (Regular) your musical pretensions at home. Plus, if the 5 pm Circus Skills Soc (Regular) 8pm Da Vinci's Bar Trivia DRAFT Friday Prayer, Southside Gym. (Brothers disco inferno gets a little too hot, you can chil Table Tennis Room, Union Building Get the windmills of your mind turning ... STARTS and Sisters). out in our cocktail bar. Union Building. 9-2. 5.30pm Radio Modellers Club (Regular) DaVinci's Bar Trivia. £50 cash prize for the 1.30PM SUN- 1.15pm Labour CLub (Regular} Free before 9/ £1 after. MechEng Main Workshop (Rm 190), e-mail winning team, plus other prizes. Quiz starts DAY JUNE 1ST Southside upper Lounge. Free Women's Minibus Service [email protected] at 8.30 - be early and don't forget your 5.30pm Fitness Club (Regular) pens!! TABLE-TENNIS 1.30pm Felix Reviews and Science First run at 12.00 midnight. meeting Last run at Union closing time. ROOM, ICU 5.30pm Fitness Club (Regular) Wednesday4thJune Saturday31stMay 12.30pm Islamic Society (Regular) 5 pm fitness Club (Regular) Sister's Circle, Prayer Room STEP Aerobics (inter), Southside Gym 12.00pm Standing Room Only Big Screen - England V Poland. Coverage 12.45pm Sporting Motorcycle Club 6.30pm Chess Club (Regular) The world cup qualifier, live on the DaVinci from 7, bar open from 12.30. (Regular) Brown Committee Room, Union 3rd Floor Southside Upper Lounge 7pm Shaolin Kung Fu Nam Pai Chuan 1pm Wargames (Regular) Beginners are always welcome, Souhside Table Tennis Room, Union Building Gym Monday2ndJune lpm IC Rifle and Pistol Club (Regular) 7.30pm IC Symphony Orchestra (Regular) Sports Centre. Great Hall 12.30pm Artsoc (Regular) Want to write and never had the chance? 1pm fitness Club (Regular) 8pm Frolix! SCR, Union Building Well, now is the time to discover the budding Aerobics (beg/inter), Southside Gym Midweek fun and ..Frolix! Party sounds to 12.30pm Ski Club Meeting (Regular) journalist thafs been hiding away for so 2 pm Photo Soc cheer the saddest mind. 9-12. Free. . Southside Upper Lounge long! Felix Office, northwest corner of Beit. Lessons, Darkroom 12.30pm Fitness Club (Regular) 6pm IC Merhsoc (Regular) Circuit Training, Southside Gym All faiths welcome, Basement 10 2 pm Deadline for Diary, Soc. Pages Princes' Gardens. 5.30pm Fitness Club (Regular) 6.30pm Fitness Club (Regular) Thursday5thJune Aerobics (beginners), Southside Gym Aerobics (intermediate], Southside Gym 12.30pm Amnesty International (Regular) dB's 5 pm Felix News and Features meet- 7.30pm IC Sinfonia (Regular) Forget exams do something worthwhile 5.30pm Fitness Club (Regular) ing Great Hall, All players welcome. with your life e-mail s.trivedi or ns.trasi Aerobics (intermediate), Southside Gym 12.30pm fitness Club (Regular) 6.15pm IC Choir Rehearsals (Regular) Body Toning (beginners), Southside Gym New Members Welcome, Mech Eng 342 1pm Consoc Meeting (Regular) 8pm ICCAG (Regular) Tuesday3rdJune Southside Upper Lounge Meet Weeks Hall Basement 12pm Cathsoc (Regular) for sale: stationery coffee, chocolate 1pm Fell Wanderers (Regular) 8pm Da Vinci's Cocktail Night Mass and lunch, Leon Bagrit Centre, 12.15 Yoga Soc (Regular) Southside Upper Lounge Relax and enjoy a night of glamour and Lvl 1 Mech Eng Yoga Classes, Southside Gym lpm Gliding Club (Regular) bits of fruit..DaVinci's Cocktail Night. Special 12-2 pm 'Fair Trade' Stall (Regular) 12.30pm African-Caribbean Room 266 Aero Eng. happy hour prices and special drinks all Union Building Foyer. Fairly traded goods Soc (Regular) 1.10pm RAG Meeting (Regular) night. 5 -11 FELIX FRIDAY 30TH MAY COLUMNS 17 Westminster Eye - Hamish Common

Last Thursday, decade, calling it "a bad choice" to what is important. Don't fight on plan for Government: witness the * 111 Mr Blair invit- talk with a woman who had been a ground on which you cannot win." speed of reform in the first few ed Mrs Thatch- "disaster" and had "destroyed British Mr Blair had decided on the meeting weeks of this Government if any of i r% er round to 10 influence in Europe". On Tuesday because he liked her on a personal you have any doubts. Both moulded Downing Street for advice on policy The Guardian's quite charming car- level, and that she still is "a figure on the party in their image, and both and strategy. In most other jobs, toonist compared Thatcher with the world stage and knows many of have engendered a sense of trust in incumbents would expect to get Reagan, Hider, Napolean, Genghis the leading players." It seems per- the population, confirmed by their some advice from their predecessors, Khan and what seemed to be fectly reasonable for the pair to dis- comfortable mandates. I'm sure Mr but the office of Prime Minister is not Hannibal Lecter, in an array of per- cuss foreign affairs. Blair would like to see Mrs "most other jobs". This meeting went sonalities Mr Blair was inviting in for There are, of course, a number of Thatcher's reputed understanding of unpublicised until Sunday when a chat. Quite apart from its usual subjects on which Mrs Thatcher is British interests abroad, strong lead- Labour leaked it for some good pub- sledgehammer subtlety, The vehemently opposed to Labour's ership, the youth vote and a firm licity. It is a shame that it came out Guardian is missing the point. Mr plans: Europe springs instantly to hand with her party, added to the list this way, because the meeting was a Blair is not advocating Mrs mind. But although it may be diffi- of common attributes. wholly sensible idea for someone Thatcher's policies, but simply cult for the Labour party to admit, Blair is looking to be seen by his- new to the job. Mr Blair has already recognising her immense political Mrs Thatcher was right about a num- tory as a statesman rather than a sought the advice of Paddy experience on the world stage. Not ber of issues long before anyone else politician, much as Thatcher is Ashdown, and although he declined even her most ardent enemy can saw them. She had built up a close already seen today. He has the John Major's offer of advice on how doubt that she has amassed a wealth relationship with Mikhail Gorbachev advantage that his direct predecessor to handle the IGC conference, he did of experience and contacts, and asso- during the 1980s, culminating in her never had: the chance to implement consult him on Northern Ireland. ciation with her will impress many 1987 trip to Moscow. She is widely fresh policies and break new ground Indeed, Mr Blair is going one step foreign leaders, especially those in respected in Eastern Europe as one of without U-turning on archaic policy. further in inviting President Clinton Asia, who particularly admire her. the first Western leaders to see the Blair's policies have different roots to address the Cabinet, the first for- During the meeting they discussed importance of the reforms and demo- to those of his predecessors: Thatcher eign leader to do so. a wide variety of issues, with a cratic movement there during the pulled the centre of gravity of Britsh So what are we to make of this? spokesman saying "she has strong 1980s. politics so far to the right as to pre- Some people were not slow off the views. She was opinionated and it Among the natural differences cipitate a wholesale change in the mark with their opinions, notably was stimulating ... he didn't find her between Thatcher and Blair, there are Labour party, and ironically shatter Denis Healey, who criticised Mr short of opinions." Her most conspic- certain similarities which Blair the Conservatives. Mr Blair is one of Blair for seeking the advice of uous advice was "Choose your would quite happily see confirmed. Thatcher's children as much as any Labour's greatest enemy for over a ground carefully. Make up your mind Both used their time in opposition to of us.

Having made one slightly askew Union and help formulate policy. presidency on the grounds that they voice should ensure that such people election prediction this year, it was The daily grind of paper work is could not afford to defer a job or never make it past the Tiddly Wink reassuring to find that my psepho- surely more Soc Social Committee.'However, all logical skills have not completely the task of Simon Baker Ty^'Z of the above may be of mere acade- deserted me. the perma- I unexpected mic interest if some of the excellent The latest Presidential election nent Union knock-on potential candidates throw their hats went absolutely to form, and I can't staff and the benefit of into the ring. Cometh the hour, say I'm surprised or disappointed. Deputy pres- this could cometh the man. Commiserations must, of course, go idents etc. well be to to the defeated candidate, but the Before Piers open up the Couple of quick points before my flippancy of her campaign sealed her and Sarah position to a fingers seize up from all this typing. fate a log time ago. Call me an old seek me out wider body Some of you who regularly visit cynic (everyone else has), but it had with a meat of students, Luigi Malone's may have noticed a CV bolstering written all over it. If cleaver, I as hinted at change in their attitude towards the list of names bandied around for would argue in A Swift's large groups at lunchtime, namely the third run are correct, I feel confi- that this is letter last the refusal to accept bookings for dent that we should have a satisfac- where a sab- week. more than ten. A shame indeed, tory outcome before Christmas. batical post While the given their incomparable Santa Fe The scarcity of talent this year would be charges chicken pizza. does raise an important question. If better placed. made against Ever keen to bring you, dear read- we fail to elect someone in the next They are, as I Eric were er, the highest level of service, may I ballot, is it time to move to a non- well know, unfair, the recommend The Rat & Parrot on sabbatical president? I can almost not sitting broader Gloucester Road, on the site of the hear the sharp intake of breath by the around with point about old Harrington public house. The hacks. Scrap a Sabb? Thin end of the their feet up, the cliquey transformation is magnificent in wedge! Next you'll be suggesting and nor is nature of every sense, save for the fact that the cutting the Union Council to a sensi- Eric (as for f ICU was beer is still rather average. The food, ble number. The problem seems to the editor of voice of reason well however, is superb. My suggestion be that too much has been dumped at this august observed. for that Friday long-lunch - Classic the door of the President, necessitat- journal...). The ability to recite the Union Club sandwich at said establish- ing the full-time nature of the post. Moving work from the President Constitution verbatim is not a strong ment, followed by a couple of quick Surely the role of the President is to the DPs and their staff seems a quality in a candidate. Indeed such a pints of divine summer ales at akin to that a board chairman - chair possible solution. In this way, peo- slavish adulation of rules, regula- Southside before closing time. SCR? the key meetings, represent the ple would not be deterred from the tions and the sound of one's own Who needs/wants it? Applications are invited for the position of Applications are invited for the position of SUB-WARDEN in SUB-WARDEN FALMOUTH KEOGH HALL IN FISHER HALL Falmouth Keogh Hall is situated residence in Princes Gardens, which houses undergraduate and postgradu- ate students. Every year Falmouth Keogh runs a lively We are looking for a friendly, social programme of events, and a team of wardens and subwardens facilitate this social programme and provide resourceful and responsible indi- pastoral care to residents. vidual to assist the Warden in the We are looking for a subwarden to join the wardening day-to-day running of the Hall, in team in September 1997. Applications are welcome from all members of College, although the position is particu return for a single person. larly well suited to postgraduate students with at least 18 months to completion of their course. Applicants should be friendly, resourceful, possess energy and a high Application forms are available degree of personal maturity. Rent free accommodation from the Student Accommodation will be provided to fhe successful applicant. Office, 15 Prince's Gardens and Application forms are available from the Student should be returned to Dr RJ Accommodation Office, 15 Princes Gardens. Murphy, Department of Biology by Completed application forms should be returned to the Warden, Dr Andrew Livingston, Department of Chemical 5pm on Engineering, by 5pm on Monday 2nd June 1997 Friday 6th June 1997

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GET READY - GET FRESH! Access, Visa, Mastercard, Cash, Cheques FELIX FRIDAY 30TH MAY LETTERS & EDITORIAL 19 LETTERS TO FELIX

Dear Alex, put up or shut up. Having read the letters page in last The remainder of the inaccuracies ^fFELIX week's Felix I feel I must respond to in M. Swift's letter seem to be rea- Student Newspaper of Imperial College the two letters of criticism, namely sonably covered by Mr Roberts edi- the letters from the Beit Hall resi- torial comment below the letter, save Editor Alex Feakes / Advertising Manager Mark Baker dents and Mr A Swift. for Mr Swift's identity. It may sim- In the present climate of competi- tutions have a high profile, I would like to assure the residents ply be a typo, but Mr A Swift of tiveness and an abundance of league Imperial's attractions have gone of Beit Hall that the Union is indeed Mech Eng II does not seem to appear tables for the public to digest, here at unnoticed by the press and public taking steps to ensure that the Albert in the College's list of registered stu- IC we may take a small crumb of alike. That's not to say that Hall authorities are aware of the dents. It would be a fairly sad day if comfort from the fact that we're Professor Smith gets on the Today impact of the work upon the resi- students felt that they could not criti- gradually getting closer to Oxford in programme or that Dr X is inter- dents, whilst it is indeed true that the cise their elected officials without The Times University League viewed on the News at Ten, but we Union was not represented at the having to assume a pseudonym. Tables. do lack the wonderful glitz and paz- meeting on 15th May we have been As I am sure that most readers of It is there in black and white for zam that say Professor Dawkin's represented at the similar meetings Felix do not wish to see the letters everyone to see: Cambridge, occupation of the Chair of Public over the previous year and found page clogged with epistolary Oxford, Imperial, LSE, Warwick, Annoyance and Iconoclasm at them deeply unsatisfactory forums to duelling on this subject may I sugest York, UCL, St Andrews... except Oxford or Professor Hawking's discuss the obvious issues of con- to any potential respondents that they that most of Jo' and Flo' Public go sage-like pronouncements on the cern. save their comments or criticism for glassy-eyed after the first two (and universe from his lair in Cambridge Currently the College and the my face, in-tray or Email address, that's if they get this far through the seem to manage. Union are having discussions with [email protected]. However, the paper)! Which is a shame, because But as I said at the start, we can the Royal Albert Hall to ensure that best solution would be to attend the there is no point in having a reputa- only pause briefly to relish our the work starting in September this Council meeting on Tuesday 3rd tion as good as ours (as borne out in achievement of drawing closer to year has a minimal impact on the June at 18:00 in the Union Dining the league tables), if nobody has Oxford. The London School of College and its students. It is true that Hall (papers will be available at the ever heard of the damn place. Economics is breathing down our we would be derelict in our duty to Union Office from 09:00 Monday It should be the case that, as in any collective necks (and how sweaty it our members not to be voicing our 2nd June). form of league, the top five are well is too)! We must man the battle- reservations to those who may Yours sincerely, known favourites of the public. ments, research deep in our libraries choose to listen. Eric Allsop ICU President There should be friendly inter-uni- and laboratories, draw our scarves As for Mr Swift's rant, I am sorry versity rivalries between streets and closer round ourselves and above all that he has allowed his prejudices to Dear Students, regions. Estates bedecked in their get some better accommodation. get in the way of objectivity. It is Berhanu International Travel higher education institution's All in all, the College may get a fairly inevitable with any organisa- Agency (BITA) are looking for stu- colours would challenge the scarf good solid third, but it looks as tion such as ours that those whom the dents for employment over the sum- bearing graduates of another. The though we'll have to get more 2:1s members of the Union choose to rep- mer. This is what they said, annual publication of The Times' and firsts to pull ahead of our resent them are seen as being part of "The jobs are: League Tables would be anticipated London rivals and close the gap on clique. However all Union meetings - Two students with an excellent like the FA Cup. the Oxbridge duo and'the acclaima- and elections are open to all mem- knowledge of English language. For Unfortunately, whilst other insti- tion that they receive. bers of the Union, save for a couple preparation of a catalogue. Average of understandable situations such as Czech wage (Including Produced for and on behalf of Imperial College Union Publications Board. the Union Disciplinary Committee. Accommodation) Printed by Imperial College Union Print Unit, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, Mechanisms exist for members to - 20 students. For recruiting London SW7 2BB. Telephone: 0171 594 8071 hold the Union's officials, policy, tourists from different transportation ©Felixl997. Telephone/fax: 0171 594 8072. ISSN 1040-0711 decisions, elections and constitution- terminal and escorting them to al principles to account. If we were Berhanu Hostels. Wage are depen- NEWS: ROBIN; PHOTOS: ROBIN; MUSIC: JASON AND ALOK; FILM: CHRIS; doing a bad job on your account, dent upon the number of travellers GRAPHICS AND LAYOUT: DAVID; with your money and in your name recruited.(No skill is required) COLLATING LAST ISSUE: DAVID then I would hope that the member- Accommodation depends on the type ship had the courage to seek correc- of agreement." tive action. However, if people wish For further details contact BITA at to sit bleating on the sidelines with- [email protected] please mention EVERY LITTLE HELPS out participating or providing con- Felix and IC when writing. ALL STUDENTS AND STAFF SHOPPING AT structive suggestion then could I Stuart Cook SAINSBURY'S PLEASE ASK FOR THE FREE SCHOOL respectively suggest that they either Materials 11 VOUCHERS, AS THE IMPERIAL COLLEGE DAY NURSERY CAN USE THEM IN EXCHANGE FOR TOYS. Letters may edited for content or length. JUST PUT ANY VOUCHERS IN THE INTERNAL 3rd The deadline for letters for the next issue is Tuesday June. MAIL TO SUE THORNETT, DAY NURSERY, 8 PRINCE'S Letters may be e-mailed to: [email protected] GARDENS. MANY THANKS!

IMPORTANT NOTICE: FRIDAY MAY 30th: SHAFT-ED

Due to the licence for this event being refused by the Local Licensing Authority, the Union bars will have to close at 1 lpm this evening. We apologise for any inconvenience this will cause. Admission will now be FREE 20 SPORT FELIX FRIDAY 30TH MAY FELIX SPORT A triumphant season for the handsome young lads of ICAFC fourth team top players were out for various rea- bined effort, but the thirteen players Season 1996-97 was one that nobody recalculated, the truth was realised: sons- and for one game we were on the team photo, along with Jamie, connected with the Fourth Team will Imperial Shit On The Holloway! (All missing nine first-choice players, were the core and casing of the ever forget. It ended in glory; promo- together now... If I had the wings of a needless to say, we didn't win. squad. The young Tippayawong, tion to ULU Division m, and the sparrow...). We played in some remarkable player of the year, simply a superstar Division TV Championship. Albeit, Perhaps not very sporting, but if games this season, for example when in midfield, Darren, who scored 26 in the top spot was achieved by the nar- there's one team I hate (more than we were 2-0 down in the first game 17 games, Sion and his stunning hat- rowest possible margin- level on Bolton Wankerers) then it is RH. versus Goldsmiths with only three trick; the third of which we'll never points with Royal Holloway, but And so it was all the sweeter that ear- minutes to go (honestly). We won. forget. When we were down to ten having a better goal difference by lier in the season our biggest win was Or 2-0 down halfway through the men, the left back appeared in the second half versus UCL V; we won. right winger's position, swung his Thirteen goals were scored in two trusty boot (the one not held together games against UMDS, eight against by tape) and then glory was his! SOP, with none conceded. At home Morgan, the second high- we totally outplayed LSE who fin- est scorer with 13 goals, produced a ished third, thrashed the fourth great contribution which culminated placed team, QMWC IV, away. in him scoring the crucial third goal What a season! in our last game, effectively winning In BUSA we had a remarkable us the Championship, which he sequence; in the London group keeps telling us, though we know it matches, often playing against teams was a combined effort. Andy, David, in higher divisions, we won our Jamie, Paul, Ryan, Adam, Pete, group. The reward for this was a Chris, Mike as well as the other 18 home tie versus the University of who played at some stage during the East Anglia. On another day we season all deserve massive credit. Back: Nak, Paul, Adam, Morgan, Pete, (withheld), Dan, (withheld). might have won, mistakes put us 2-0 Which just leaves me; the 'keeper for Front row: Ryan, Darren, Stu', Andy, Geordie. down early on, and although we whom the phrase, 'Harlington pulled it back to 3-2 down, another Howler' was written, made far too one, that's one, goal! But so what- over them and at the same time break-away goal finally put paid to many mistakes to mention here, but I we've got the medals! emphasising our superiority over the our gallant efforts. The ULU Cup for don't care; we've got the medals; Going into the last game of the rest of the division. It was the first which we were the favourites- borne we've got the Championship. Just season versus Goldsmith Ills we game after the mid-season break (aka remember, 'I'm Stu...'! thought only a victory would give us Christmas Hols) and IC produced out by the fact that the final was Onto the future, Morgan, Mike and the Championship, so after a topsy- their most fluent, skilful performance between RH V and QMWC IV- did- Sion will soon be signing on, Pete turvy game which saw us go 1-0 up, with their full-strength team to win 6- n't go well. In fact, we were defeated will be dazzling Europe next year 2-1 down, miss a penalty, then 3-2 1. It could have been a lot more. in the first round, at home, against a and Andy will lead the fourths to down before finally equalising in the The league should have been won team who would only win one other carry on the fine traditions of IC foot- last minute we were despondent. It by a more convincing margin, and game all season and finish bottom of ball. was not until numerous 'phone calls would have been if a full-strength the entire London League- prover- back and forth to Holloway HQ and team had been available more often, bially 92nd in the Football League! Good luck everybody and thanks then an agonising wait whilst the but events conspired against us to Perhaps it is wrong to single out to everyone at ICAFC, especially goal differences were calculated and such extents that for many games our individuals since this was a com- those wonderful second-teamers. A third sports editorial Cricketers conquer UCL The score was pushed along and after With the summer approaching and I must mention the Thursday Just ten men, that's all it took! The the final five overs were twatted by thoughts of sports mainly drifting nightskate as it really is jolly good day started badly with two last- Jameil Akabar we were in the strong from our collective minds it's nice to fun. It meets at about a quarter to ten minute cry-offs so we went up to position of 197-6 off the 35 overs. reflect on what has been achieved by pm outside Mech eng and finishes at Scotland, or somewhere North of the And all this with only ten men! the brave and bold sportsmen of IC. some point in the morning in M25, without a full team. We lost the UCL's innings saw us take the Above is an extensive account of the Trafalgar Square. Inbetween there toss and were put into bat on a slow, field in a confident mood and we set season of the football fourths. If any are fun and frolics suitable for expert damp, wet pitch with drizzly weather to the task of reducing them to what other teams want the opportunity to skaters down to people who can go conditions which meant the match they were - stinking pools of putrid have your pictures and a retrospec- along and stop but nothing else. This was reduced to a 35 over slog. jelly without a cricketing bone in tive of your season in Felix then all really is a unique and exciting A solid start was made by the two their invertebrate bodies. With 20 you have to do is write from one to evening that allows you to skate the openers scoring 48 off the first 13 overs left we had won the game eas- eight hundred words (or get someone streets of London with some tip-top overs. Then a typical middle order ily - thanks must go to our two leg to write them for you, rugger players) skaters who are willing to help you to collapse saw us staring 54 for 4 in the spinners Barry Richards and Jon and hand them in with or without a improve. So either turn up at nine face. The inning was then stabilised Ainsworth. In the end our first win of picture to the Felix offices in Beit forty five or look on the notice board by a veteran and a majestic 61 from the season was a demolition of UCL. Quad. Simple, really. on the Sherfield walkway. Bye. our Sri-LankanAVest Indian, Jay.