BOJACK HORSEMAN

"BoJack Goes Into Treatment"

written by Raymond Santos

348 W 118th St New York, NY 10026 (786)302-3244 [email protected] FADE IN: EXT. GABRIEL’S HOME - DAY BoJack paces back and forth in front of a picnic table, looking around the outside garden of a gorgeous, suburban home. He exhales. BoJack pulls out his phone and dials a number. INT. MR. PEANUT BUTTER’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - SAME TIME MR PEANUT BUTTER and DIANE sit next to each other, looking down at the ground. DIANE There’s nothing left for me to do. MR. PEANUT BUTTER What do you mean? DIANE I just feel so alone and pointless now - I love you, and miss you when you’re not around, but I also miss myself. From before we got married. MR. PEANUT BUTTER You know what I think? Mr Peanut Butter puts his arm around Diane. DIANE What? The phone rings. Mr Peanut Butter’s ears perk up. MR. PEANUT BUTTER Phone! Phone! Mr. Peanut Butter runs to his cell phone. Diane groans. MR. PEANUT BUTTER (CONT’D) It’s BoJack! "BoJack Goes Into Treatment" 2.

DIANE You’re going to take BoJack’s phone call in the middle of a discussion of our marriage? MR. PEANUT BUTTER Well, you always say the best marriages are founded on friendship. DIANE Yeah? MR. PEANUT BUTTER Well, BoJack’s my best friend! Mr Peanut Butter answers. MR. PEANUT BUTTER (CONT’D) BoJack! BOJACK Hey, Peanut Butter. I need to talk to somebody. Are you free right now? MR. PEANUT BUTTER As a bird that’s out of its cage! BOJACK You could just say “as a bird”. MR. PEANUT BUTTER But some birds are in a cage. DIANE This is why we had to stop talking about our marriage?! "BoJack Goes Into Treatment" 3.

BOJACK Who cares about the bird? I didn’t call to - BoJack turns to see the door he’s been pacing in front of is now open. GABRIEL, an Elephant dressed in a collared shirt and blazer, stands in the doorway. He speaks with an Irish accent. GABRIEL BoJack? Come on in. UP CREDITS INT. GABRIEL’S OFFICE - DAY BoJack scratches the back of his neck as he looks around the room. He’s sitting in the middle of a large couch, on the edge of the cushion. Gabriel sits, leaned back, in his armchair. BOJACK No note pad? GABRIEL Don’t need one. I have a pretty good memory. BOJACK Right. Elephant. Where are you from? You sound all pirate-y. GABRIEL Grew up in Dublin. Moved here, oh, about twenty years ago? BOJACK Have you ever treated a celebrity before? "BoJack Goes Into Treatment" 4.

GABRIEL I don’t think so, no. BOJACK Guess I’m your first. Gabriel strokes his trunk like a beard. GABRIEL What do you mean, BoJack? BOJACK “Horsin’ Around”? I was the star? GABRIEL Sorry, I don’t know it. BOJACK Oh, come on! A single, but impossibly attractive horse adopts three kids and deals with their kooky antics? GABRIEL Oh! You mean, “Equestrian Antics”? BOJACK That British show from the ‘80s? What does that have to do with anything? GABRIEL It was about a young bachelor equine who adopts three cockney orphans into his estate. The series follows them getting into a whole series of misadventures. Similar, no? "BoJack Goes Into Treatment" 5.

BOJACK I don’t see it. GABRIEL So, what brought you to scheduling this appointment, BoJack? BOJACK My friend Emily suggested it. INT. BOJACK’S HOME - FLASHBACK Bojack lays back in a chair, chatting on the phone. BOJACK (laughing) All right, Emily. Same time next week? EMILY (over the phone) Please don’t, BoJack. The suicide hotline is for emergencies only. BOJACK WHY DON’T I JUST KILL MYSELF, THEN, EMILY?! INT. GABRIEL’S OFFICE - BACK TO SCENE BoJack chuckles to himself. BOJACK Whiskey, right? GABRIEL I don’t drink, actually. Do you? BOJACK Only when I’m sober. "BoJack Goes Into Treatment" 6.

GABRIEL Have you ever thought of stopping? BoJack laughs loudly. EXT. MAKE AN ASS OUT OF YOURSELF COMEDY CLUB - SAME TIME Todd passes by the door of the comedy club. He notices a flyer on the wall that reads “Free Open Mic!” TODD I love music! A comedy club’s a weird place to have it, though. Oh, well, artists! Do I usually talk out loud to myself? A BALD MAN (30s), the club’s bouncer, steps out of the door. BALD MAN If you’re looking for the mic, it starts in like two minutes, downstairs. TODD Thanks, man - smooth sailing from here! Todd passes by the Bald Man and enters. The Bald Man shuts the door, which ECHOES in its slam. INT. PRINCESS CAROLYN’S OFFICE - INTERCUT PRINCESS CAROLYN tosses a ball of yarn in the air, looking around the wide expanse of her empty office. The phone rings. She answers. PRINCESS CAROLYN Princess Carolyn, here. "BoJack Goes Into Treatment" 7.

INT. MR. PEANUT BUTTER’S HOUSE - INTERCUT MR. PEANUT BUTTER Princess Carolyn! My favorite agent! PRINCESS CAROLYN I’m your only agent, Mr. Peanut Butter. MR. PEANUT BUTTER That’s what makes you my favorite! PC, I’m going to need another week off from “HSACWDTKDTKTLFO”. Maybe two. PRINCESS CAROLYN What?! You’ve been gone for a month already! And your replacement isn’t exactly working out. INT. HOLLYWOO STARS GAME SHOW - FLASHBACK MIKE TYSON, a Boxer dog dressed in a suit, stands alone on the empty stage, jowls drooling. He reads from the card he’s holding in his paws. MIKE TYSON (lisping) Welcome back to “Hollywoo Stars and Celebrities! What do they know? Do they know things?? Let’s ask!!” I’m your host, Mike Tyson. Mike looks at all the spit he’s spewed out. DIRECTOR (O.C.) We need every mop in the studio! INT. PRINCESS CAROLYN’S OFFICE - BACK TO SCENE Princess Carolyn massages her forehead. "BoJack Goes Into Treatment" 8.

PRINCESS CAROLYN You know what? Do whatever you have to, but don’t blame me if you get fired. I’ve got enough clients to keep me busy. Princess Carolyn hangs up. She looks around, tosses the ball of yarn in the air again. RUTABAGA (O.S.) Miss me? Princess Carolyn looks up to see RUTABAGA RABBITOWITZ, in a wrinkled suit, standing at her office door. Princess Carolyn chucks her ball of yarn at Rutabaga. He ducks it. PRINCESS CAROLYN Now I did. What do you want, Rabbitowitz? RUTABAGA Oh, come on my little artist formerly known as Prince-ess Carolyn, is that all I get for a greeting? PRINCESS CAROLYN Just get to it. RUTABAGA Well, I’m newly single and mega homeless, so I thought... Rutabaga strolls over to the chair opposite Princess Carolyn, and sits in it. ... why not follow through on that promise I broke? "BoJack Goes Into Treatment" 9.

PRINCESS CAROLYN By newly single, you mean... RUTABAGA My wife just divorced me. PRINCESS CAROLYN And you said you were homeless? RUTABAGA Yeah... I was living in my car - then they repossessed it. PRINCESS CAROLYN That’s terrible. RUTABAGA No, it’s fine! I’m still that slick hare that can pitch anywhere. So you still have a job for me? PRINCESS CAROLYN I don’t know, Rutabaga, we’re just starting up. And I don’t trust you, to be perfectly honest. RUTABAGA You couldn’t use another agent around here? PRINCESS CAROLYN It’s already pretty hectic around here as it is. INT. PRINCESS CAROLYN’S OFFICE - FRONT DESK - SAME TIME CHARLIE sits at the desk. The room is empty. He sighs. "BoJack Goes Into Treatment" 10.

CHARLIE Ah! Who was that? INT. PRINCESS CAROLYN’S OFFICE - BACK TO SCENE Rutabaga goes to his knees, begging Princess Carolyn. RUTABAGA Please. Anything, I’ll contact all my old clients and bring them onboard. PRINCESS CAROLYN Fine. I guess we could use some more clients. Rutabaga stand ups, dusting himself off. RUTABAGA Oh my God, thank you so much! Let’s get dinner to celebrate - or should I say... Rutabaga sits on the side of the desk, leaning on it with one arm. RUTABAGA (CONT’D) ...Can you buy me dinner to celebrate? I’m extremely broke. PRINCESS CAROLYN Sorry, I don’t date employees. Princess Carolyn walks out of the office. RUTABAGA (calling out to her) I feel like you and my wife would be friends! Would it be weird if I introduced you two? "BoJack Goes Into Treatment" 11.

A ball of yarn flies through the doorway and hits Rutabaga. RUTABAGA (CONT’D) Ouch! INT. GABRIEL’S HOME - BACK TO SCENE Bojack’s laughter subsides. BOJACK Good one, doc. I needed that. Now let’s get down to my issues. GABRIEL Sorry, BoJack, but our time is up. BOJACK We just started! GABRIEL Actually, we had just started and then you proceeded to laugh for most of your hour. I’m sorry, but we’ll have to wait until next week to speak again. Gabriel stands and walks to the door, motioning for BoJack to exit. BOJACK All right. BoJack stands and walks to the door. Gabriel stops him before he exits. GABRIEL I really do think you should stop drinking, BoJack. (MORE) "BoJack Goes Into Treatment" 12. GABRIEL (CONT'D) If you can, then it isn’t that much of a problem. If you can’t, well... BoJack nods to himself. BOJACK Would it be clearer if I told you I was drunk right now? GABRIEL Goodbye, BoJack. BoJack exits, Gabriel slams the door behind him. He massages the bridge of his nose. On the opposite wall, the door to Gabriel’s home opens. KATE, Gabriel’s elephant wife, enters. KATE You done with the session? I needed to talk to you about Max - GABRIEL LEAVE ME ALONE, KATE! I’M TRYING TO HELP PEOPLE CONTROL THEIR GODDAMN EMOTIONS! INT. MAKE AN ASS OUT OF YOURSELF COMEDY CLUB - AFTERNOON Todd sits with audience, watching the comedian, AARON BURRO, a 30s Donkey Comic. Aaron lets the laughter die down from his last joke. TODD (laughing) That’s not what a phone’s for! AARON BURRO Thanks for your time, guys. Now, let’s start the mic. "BoJack Goes Into Treatment" 13.

The audience claps and whistles. TODD I didn’t know there was going to be comedy here. Must be like the opening act. AARON BURRO Barry? BARRY, a Bear Bouncer in the back of the room, nods. He turns and locks the only door of the room. AARON BURRO (CONT’D) As you know, we’ve started locking the door at the beginning of these mics so no can just do their five and ditch. So let’s welcome our first comic: Sheila Kenning! SHEILA KENNING (20s) walks on stage. Aaron hands her the mic and steps off stage. SHEILA So, I just got dumped. Again! But it’s okay, it’s okay! I just know I’ll be alone forever now. For sure! Sheila laughs, alone. Her laugh morphs into a loud cry. Todd turns to the person next to him. TODD Is this one of those songs that has a really sad talking intro? I/E. PRINCESS CAROLYN’S CAR - AFTERNOON - INTERCUT Princess cruises down the street, bluetooth in her ear. A call comes in, Princess presses a button on her bluetooth. "BoJack Goes Into Treatment" 14.

PRINCESS CAROLYN Princess Carolyn speaking. RUTABAGA (O.S.) Paging Dr. PC - quick query for you: Do I get medical? As an employee, I mean. PRINCESS CAROLYN Yes. Why? INT. PRINCESS CAROLYN’S OFFICE - INTERCUT Rutabaga tends to a series of cuts on his arms and face. RUTABAGA Our latest client is a real wildcat. PRINCESS CAROLYN Latest client? You found someone to represent? That’s great! Rutabaga puts a bottle of champagne in ice. RUTABAGA She’s not the only one either - I reached out to three other former clients of mine and they’re onboard. Why don’t you we celebrate later with some champ-y? PRINCESS CAROLYN Um, sure. Strictly professional, though. Don’t get any ideas. "BoJack Goes Into Treatment" 15.

RUTABAGA Wouldn’t dream of it, my little Princess Carolyn Manuel Miranda. PRINCESS CAROLYN And stop with the nicknames. I’ll see you later - I need to meet with one our clients, first. INT. MR. PEANUT BUTTER’S HOUSE - LATER Diane pets Mr. Peanut Butter on the couch. MR. PEANUT BUTTER I’m glad we talked. DIANE We’re not done talking, Mr. Peanut Butter. You know that, right? MR. PEANUT BUTTER I know. I’m just happy to be here with you. DIANE Me too- A knock on the door. MR. PEANUT BUTTER Door! Door! Mr. Peanut Butter rushes to the door and opens it. Princess Carolyn walks in. Mr. Peanut Butter shuts the door as Diane walks up. DIANE Hello, Princess Carolyn. "BoJack Goes Into Treatment" 16.

PRINCESS CAROLYN (to Mr. Peanut Butter) What the hell are you doing here? MR. PEANUT BUTTER What do you mean? DIANE Uhhhh, hello? Princess Carolyn? PRINCESS CAROLYN Why aren’t you at “HSACWDTKDTKTLFO” right now? MR. PEANUT BUTTER I’m spending time with Diane. PRINCESS CAROLYN Oh, hello, Diane. DIANE Finally! Hello, Princess - PRINCESS CAROLYN So are you paying Mr. Peanut Butter for his time now? Are you giving me ten percent of that? DIANE No... PRINCESS CAROLYN Well hosting “HSACWDTKDTKTLFO” is! DIANE Stop abbreviating it to just letters - I hate how everyone does that. "BoJack Goes Into Treatment" 17.

PRINCESS CAROLYN Don’t be D.U.M.B, Diane - and by that, I mean dull, unoriginal, maudlin, and boring. MR. PEANUT BUTTER Princess Carolyn, I’m sorry for missing all those rehearsals. PRINCESS CAROLYN They weren’t rehearsals. They were actual episodes. MR. PEANUT BUTTER So they were taped rehearsals that millions of people watched and I was contractually obligated to attend! Big deal - I’ve been working on my marriage! Mr. Peanut Butter slides up to Diane and puts his arm around her. PRINCESS CAROLYN Maybe you should be working on your career. MR. PEANUT BUTTER Why would I do that? Do people do that? Princess Carolyn grabs Mr. Peanut Butter’s collar, opens the door, and drags him outside. EXT. MR. PEANUT BUTTER’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Princess Carolyn lets Mr. Peanut Butter go. She closes the door. "BoJack Goes Into Treatment" 18.

MR. PEANUT BUTTER Oh, good. I thought you were taking me to the vet. PRINCESS CAROLYN Mr. Peanut Butter, you need to get back to “HSACWDTKDTKTLFO” and fast. MR. PEANUT BUTTER Why? I think Mike Tyson’s doing a great job! INT. HOLLYWOO STARS GAME SHOW - FLASHBACK Mike Tyson stands in front of Paul Giamatti. MIKE TYSON I’m sorry, Mr. Giamatti, but that is incorrect. Paul Giamatti growls at Mike Tyson. Tyson growls back. Drool spills out of both of their jowls. DIRECTOR (O.C.) Mops! EXT. MR. PEANUT BUTTER’S HOUSE - BACK TO SCENE Princess Carolyn points a finger in Mr. Peanut Butter’s face. PRINCESS CAROLYN You have to go back to work. Or they’re going to fire you. MR. PEANUT BUTTER That’s okay! I’ve been fired more times than I’ve been hired. PRINCESS CAROLYN That’s impossible. "BoJack Goes Into Treatment" 19.

MR. PEANUT BUTTER Anything’s possible when you put your mind to it. Especially if “it” is dating the interviewer, no matter how “married” they are. Princess Carolyn grabs Mr. Peanut Butter by the shirt. PRINCESS CAROLYN Listen, you mutt, you are going back to work if it kills me nine times. Mr. Peanut Butter eases Princess Carolyn off him. MR. PEANUT BUTTER Whoa, whoa, whoa, Princess Carolyn. You’re acting like me going to the vet! PRINCESS CAROLYN I’m sorry. It’s been a mess over at my new agency. And now Rutabaga’s back and - it’s confusing. MR. PEANUT BUTTER Well, it’s been a mess over here too. Diane pretended to be in another country to avoid working on our marriage. PRINCESS CAROLYN How can you forgive her for that? "BoJack Goes Into Treatment" 20.

MR. PEANUT BUTTER Because, even if sometimes I feel sadder with her than I would alone - I also feel so much happier with her than I would alone. She pushes me to feel more. Haven’t you had that? Princess Carolyn sighs. PRINCESS CAROLYN Just get back to work, or... I’m taking you to the vet. MR. PEANUT BUTTER Whoa, whoa - whatever you say. EXT. GABRIEL’S HOME - AFTERNOON BoJack knocks on the front door of Gabriel’s home. Kate answers. KATE What. BOJACK Oh, hi, sorry, I was here earlier. I’m a patient of your husband’s. KATE He’s not here, right now - I’ll let him know you stopped by. BOJACK Actually, he gave me some advice and I wanted to see if I should listen to it. "BoJack Goes Into Treatment" 21.

KATE Well, I don’t know how I could possibly help - wait, I’m sorry, but are you... BoJack Horseman? BOJACK Yes! God, your husband didn’t recognize me and it was really bugging me. KATE Don’t think about it too much - he’s too busy with his patients to do anything... Would you like a drink? Gabriel will be home soon. BOJACK A drink? Why not! INT. GABRIEL’S HOME - BEDROOM - LATE AFTERNOON BoJack wakes up next to Kate. Both of them are naked, covered only by a blanket. BoJack’s eyes are trained on the nightstand next to him. BOJACK Oh, no. BoJack grabs the empty bottle on the nightstand. BOJACK (CONT’D) We’re out. INT. MAKE AN ASS OUT OF YOURSELF COMEDY CLUB - SAME TIME A HUNCHED OVER OLD MAN (70s) walks offstage, handing the mic to Aaron. The room is silent. "BoJack Goes Into Treatment" 22.

AARON BURRO (defeated) Another great batch of molestation jokes. Let’s give another round of applause... Or a first round of applause. Todd, in the back of the room, approaches a SILVER-HAIRED FOX (50s). TODD I’ve heard you can get me things. FOX What do you need? Todd looks around, ensuring no one is nearby. TODD Tiny drink straws. The Fox produces a handful of the small cocktail straws. Todd grabs them, nods to the Fox and walks to the corner of the room. Todd looks around again before crouching down. He starts scratching at a small hole in the wall with a cocktail straw. After a few picks at the hole, the straw bends. TODD (CONT’D) Damn it! AARON BURRO Let’s give a round of applause to our next comic: Polly Ringwald! POLLY RINGWALD (30s), a Parrot, walks onto the stage with a guitar. He tunes the guitar. TODD Music! Finally! Todd makes his way back to his seat. "BoJack Goes Into Treatment" 23.

PARROT Hey guys! Here’s another one of my Parrot-ies! This is “Hey Food”... like “Hey Jude”. Todd turns around immediately. TODD (to himself) No. No. No. Todd uses the wad of cocktail straws he has to scrape at the wall. TODD (CONT’D) No! No! No! PARROT (Singing) Hey, food, don’t taste so bad! TODD NO!!! INT. PRINCESS CAROLYN’S OFFICE - SUNSET Princess Carolyn enters her office. The sunset is visible through her windows. Rutabaga lights a candle that stands on Princess Carolyn’s desk. He sits down in Princess Carolyn’s chair. On the table sit two champagne glasses and a bottle of champagne, chilled in a bucket of ice. RUTABAGA Let’s talk about our future partnership. PRINCESS CAROLYN Get out of my chair, Rutabaga. Rutabaga stands up and makes room for Princess Carolyn. "BoJack Goes Into Treatment" 24.

PRINCESS CAROLYN (CONT’D) And I told you, I don’t date employees. RUTABAGA Is that any way to treat your best agent? PRINCESS CAROLYN You’re my only agent, Rutabaga. RUTABAGA That’s why I’m your best agent. Princess Carolyn shrugs. PRINCESS CAROLYN Why not? Rutabaga pours them each a glass. They raise their glasses in cheers. RUTABAGA To the future. And to business expense accounts. PRINCESS CAROLYN We don’t have one of those. RUTABAGA Uh oh! Rutabaga grabs Princess Carolyn’s glass and pours hers and his glass back into the bottle. RUTABAGA (CONT’D) They’ll take this back, right? "BoJack Goes Into Treatment" 25.

EXT. PARK - SOCCER FIELD - EVENING MAX, a 10-year-old Elephant, stands on the side of a soccer field, illuminated by the park’s field lights. He ties his shoes and adjusts his shinguards. BoJack walks up to Max and kneels next to him, looking around. BOJACK Hey, there. Max, right? MAX My dad says not to talk to strangers. BOJACK I’m not a stranger! I know your dad. Gabriel, right? And your mom too. MAX Okay... Max looks around for other adults and any friends. BOJACK I had a question about your dad. MAX What is it? BOJACK Does he give good advice? MAX What? BOJACK I mean, he’s your dad, right? He’s given you advice before. MAX I don’t know. "BoJack Goes Into Treatment" 26.

BOJACK What do you mean? What kind of father doesn’t give his kid advice? I mean, other than my dad, but that’s just because he hated me. MAX Does my dad hate me? BOJACK Oh, no. GABRIEL What the hell are you doing?! Gabriel rushes up to BoJack and grabs him by the shirt. GABRIEL (CONT’D) Get away from my son! Gabriel shoves BoJack back, knocking him down. BOJACK I want you to know, I only feel because I’m drunk. INT. MR. PEANUT BUTTER’S HOUSE - EVENING A knock on the door. Diane walks up and opens the door. Princess Carolyn enters. DIANE Princess Carolyn. Is something wrong? PRINCESS CAROLYN No, I just needed some advice. Is Mr. Peanut Butter around? DIANE No, he’s hosting tonight’s “Hollywoo”. "BoJack Goes Into Treatment" 27.

PRINCESS CAROLYN Oh. That’s... great. I’ll just go then. Princess Carolyn walks towards the door. DIANE I could also give you some advice. If you wanted. PRINCESS CAROLYN Yeah, sure. That’d be great, thank you. Princess Carolyn closes the door. Diane and Princesss Carolyn walk to the couch and sit down. PRINCESS CAROLYN (CONT’D) Why did you come back? You didn’t seem happy. DIANE Because I love him. And I want to be happy with him. So, we’re trying to be. PRINCESS CAROLYN Do you regret it? Making it work, or trying to? DIANE No. PRINCESS CAROLYN Oh, okay, then. Princess Carolyn stands up. "BoJack Goes Into Treatment" 28.

DIANE But I don’t think everyone has to be with someone. Sometimes, you can’t, or shouldn’t make it work. Princess Carolyn walks to the door. Diane puts her hand on Princess Carolyn’s shoulder as she passes. EXT. PARK - SOCCER FIELD - EVENING Gabriel returns from his car to BoJack. GABRIEL I put Max in the car. So we could talk. BOJACK I’m sorry about all this. You know, whiskey, right? GABRIEL BoJack, I don’t think I can help you. BOJACK Why because I scared your son and - GABRIEL And what? BOJACK Nothing. GABRIEL I can’t treat you because you don’t want to be treated. BOJACK Yes I do! I want to get better.

(MORE) "BoJack Goes Into Treatment" 29. BOJACK (CONT'D) No, you just know you’re supposed to say you should get better, seek help - but you don’t actually think you should. And you do nothing to change that opinion. BoJack has been drinking out of his flask for Gabriel’s entire speech. BOJACK (CONT’D) Is this a bad time to ask for a ride? EXT. PRINCESS CAROLYN’S OFFICE BUILDING - NIGHT Princess Carolyn walks up to a cheap, used car. She knocks on the window. Rutabaga’s head darts up, and he rolls the window down. RUTABAGA Princess Carolyn Rajskub? What’s up? PRINCESS CAROLYN I can’t hire you, Rutubaga. You can keep your clients, and I’ll recommend you to other agencies, but we can’t work together. RUTABAGA What about us? PRINCESS CAROLYN I think I just wanted to do what I thought people wanted me to do. I’m okay being alone. For now, at least. RUTABAGA Okay. "BoJack Goes Into Treatment" 30.

PRINCESS CAROLYN By the way, you’re in a tow zone. RUTABAGA Oh, I know, impound lots are super safe for me and this car. See you on the flip side! INT. MAKE AN ASS OUT OF YOURSELF COMEDY CLUB - SAME TIME A BIKER COMIC (40s) stumbles back and forth across the stage, mic in hand. BIKER COMIC What? That’s not funny? Come on! Laugh! Todd kneels in front of Barry, begging him. TODD Come on, please! Let me out of here! The awkward silences and smell of crushed dreams is too much. Please! BIKER COMIC Anyway, let’s talk about women - don’t worry, my mom was a woman so I get it. Oh, I can’t, Aaron’s giving me the light. Okay, see you guys next week. The Biker comic walks offstage, Aaron walks up right after. AARON BURRO Thank you. We’re almost done, everyone! There’s only one person left! Welcome to the stage: Aaron looks at the sign-up sheet near the front of the stage. "BoJack Goes Into Treatment" 31.

AARON BURRO (CONT’D) Oh, come on, guys. A joke name, really? Fartacus? I need one more five minutes, before Barry will let you out. So, who’s Fartacus? Todd looks around the audience. He stands up and walks to the middle of the room. TODD I, am Fartacus. AUDIENCE MEMBERS look at Todd. A tense moment passes. AARON BURRO Then you should get on stage. EXT. MAKE AN ASS OUT OF YOURSELF COMEDY CLUB - NIGHT BoJack leans against the outside wall, smoking. Todd comes out of the pitch black staircase. BOJACK Finally! Goddamnit, Todd, I was having PTSD flashbacks from this place. TODD You know this place? BOJACK Yeah, of course, I performed here a few times. Bombed every goddamn set. TODD I thought you liked stand up. You’re always telling me to do it. INT. BOJACK’S LIVING ROOM - FLASHBACK Todd is sitting on the couch, leaned forward, head in hands. "BoJack Goes Into Treatment" 32.

TODD What should I do with my life, BoJack? BoJack comes up from behind the couch and starts looking around. He looks down Todd’s back. BOJACK Stand up. TODD What? BOJACK Stand up! TODD Really? BOJACK Yes! Todd stands up. BoJack picks up the remote control Todd was sitting on. TODD I finally have a calling - BoJack turns on the TV. Todd throws his fist in the air and hops. TODD (CONT’D) And I will start tomorrow! EXT. MAKE AN ASS OUT OF YOURSELF COMEDY CLUB - BACK TO SCENE BoJack puts out his cigarette on the wall. BOJACK Of course I liked stand up when I was good at it. I hated bombing. Aaron steps outside. "BoJack Goes Into Treatment" 33.

DONKEY Oh, my god! BoJack? BOJACK Yeah? DONKEY It’s me! Aaron!... Burro? BOJACK Oh, shit! Aaron! I remember you! You were just starting out when I was leaving. DONKEY Yeah, yeah. Still kind of am. BOJACK Nothing pick up for you yet? DONKEY No. Hey, listen, I have a show later and one of the comics just dropped out. Would you want to do a five minute set? Could be less, could be more. I’d really appreciate it. BOJACK I don’t kn- DONKEY Come on! You’re a big enough celebrity that you’ll crush no matter what. (MORE) "BoJack Goes Into Treatment" 34. DONKEY (CONT'D) You could do stupid animal puns for thirty minutes and still kill. What do you say? BoJack nods to himself. BOJACK You know what? INT. BOJACK’S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT BoJack and Todd, in their pajamas, drink from their whiskey glasses and surf channels. BOJACK I’ll start tomorrow. TODD Look! Mr. Peanut Butter’s back on “Hollywoo Stars!” The TV shows Mr. Peanut Butter, reading off an index card to a TURTLE CONTESTANT. MR. PEANUT BUTTER What HBO show ran for three seasons and starred Gabriel Byrne? TURTLE CONTESTANT Uhhhhh... Mike Tyson runs onto the stage and attacks Mr. Peanut Butter. MIKE TYSON You stole my job! You son of a bitch! MR. PEANUT BUTTER Help! He’s waterboarding me with his spit! BoJack and Todd groan and wince as they watch. "BoJack Goes Into Treatment" 35.

MR. PEANUT BUTTER (O.S.) (CONT’D) Ouch! He’s biting my ear! FADE OUT.

END OF SHOW