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The Fragile Position of Women in Muslim Marriage in North India In C. Vreede-de Stuers Churi: the fragile position of women in muslim marriage in North India In: Bijdragen tot de Taal-, Land- en Volkenkunde 148 (1992), no: 2, Leiden, 270-286 This PDF-file was downloaded from http://www.kitlv-journals.nl Downloaded from Brill.com09/24/2021 04:10:51AM via free access CORA VREEDE-DE STUERS CHURI; THE FRAGILE POSITION OF WOMEN IN MUSLIM MARRIAGE IN NORTH INDIA 'A set of glass bridal bangles (churî) was also included in the presents brought in. It is essential for women to wear some kind of glass bangles. These were of exquisite workmanship . The bangles were small and they hurt Zohra, slightly bruising her hand, but she suppressed al1 cries of pain in the presence of her susral, her in-laws.' (Fatehally 195 157.) 'The car slid by the gleaming bangle-shops. He observed "The bangle,trade seems to flourish here". "We have a mania for bangles", she said, "and happily enough, they are also essential. If I went about without them, Ammajan (Dear Mother) would be more homfied than even by that white sari (of a widow). You know, bare wrists signify widowhood."' (Fatehally 195 1: 173- 174.) Introduction This article is the outcome of my continuing close study of the specialized literature on the attitudes and aspirations of Indian women with regard to certain aspects of family life in general, and Muslim marriage in particular. The questions that arose in this connection were: what are the social factors determining these aspirations, and to what extent are they influenced by their immediate surroundings? The article illustrates how in certain circles the ideal image of women as daughters, wives and mothers is reaffirmed and propagated by the wedding customs described in it. For this I drew on the material of my own research among Muslims in North India in the 1960s and compared my data with those provided by the ever-growing body of literature on Muslim family life. Al1 this plainly testifies how traditional patrilineal joint-family relations continue to be looked to as the ideal to be perpetuated, even where growing individualism as a result of more forma1 education and employment favours independent residence in nuclear households. I have not expatiated on the conflicts that arise between the ideal and the real situation as kinship roles and behavioural patterns in both joint and nuclear households change. But there are implicit indications of conflict CORA VREEDE-DE STUERS is a retired Reader in Family Sociology at the University of Amsterdam, who obtained her Ph.D. in sociology at the Sorbonne in Paris. Her two principal publications are The Indonesian woman; Sfruggles and achievements, The Hague 1960, and Parda; A study of Muslim women's life in northern India, AssenINew York 1968. Downloaded from Brill.com09/24/2021 04:10:51AM via free access Chue The Fragile Position of Women in Muslim Marriage 271 situations in my discussion of the problems presenting themselves in Muslim marriages where young people, and in particular women, rebel against the traditional interpretation of the Muslim personal law, and more specifically such practices as dower and unilateral divorce and the present system of alimony. Now that the average age at marriage for girls in India no longer is below 17, as is clear from the latest census figures, and many girls from the middle and upper classes are given the opportunity to earn their own living as a result of forma1 education, new patterns in the outlook and behaviour of women are emerging. This article wil1 only allude to the subdued protests of this new generation, without reference to the copious body of fiction on the subject, as in the case of my book on Indonesian women (Vreede-de Stuers 1960), notably the first chapter, 'Adat and Islamic Law', and the fourth chapter, 'The Indonesian Novel: Reflexions of the Old and Glimpses of the New'. It has been my intention to demonstrate in the present article.how Islam, through the inextricable interwovenness of bda and Islamic law and the bewildering variety of contradictions with and adaptations to changing circumstances, is providing alternative interpretations of the law, in ac- cordance with either the 'modernist' or the 'traditionalist' outlook of its adherents. In the process, I have tried to identify the problems created by the disparate attitudes among Indian Muslims with regard to the principle and the practice in their matrimonia1 relations and family life. The arrangement of marriages An Islamic legal marriage - essentially the conclusion of a contract including various provisions specified by Koranic law - requires a mini- mum of formalities. The main restrictions on marriage are provided by: l. relationship by consanguinity and affinity; 2. the permissible number of simultaneous legitimate wives; 3. the obligation to come to an agreement before the marriage about the size of the dower (mahr); and 4. the obli- gation to comply with the principle of kafa'a, or equality as determined by lineage, religion, occupation, mora1 character and economic situation. This principle of kafa'a with respect to nasab (lineage) has become so important that it has resulted (among the middle-class ashrap families in northern India with whom I became acquainted) in forms of endogamy similar to the caste endogamy of the Hindus. The only difference is that among the Muslims in India there are no ritual sanctions attached to violation of these rules. 1 The ashraf section of Muslirn society in India cornpnses the various categories of Muslims clairning foreign ancestry, narnely the Sayyad, the Shaikh, the Ansari, the Siddiqi and the Abbasi. Non-ashraf are the descendants of converts frorn among the lower ranks of the Hindu caste systern. See Ansari 1960. Downloaded from Brill.com09/24/2021 04:10:51AM via free access 272 Cora Vreede-de Stuers If a khandan marriage, i.e., a marriage within the kuf or group of near relations, has proved impossible, a wider endogamous circle is sought. These marriage circles (biahdhan) consisting of families of the Same socio-economic status existed only among the middle-class ashraf families I studied. The careful selection of partners for a marriage in these families, in which differences between categories are .very pronounced, implied a strong patrilocal and patrilineal family organization. The authority of the head of such a patriarchal family and the strict hierarchy obtaining among the various members are evident from the classificatory kinship termin- ology, used by both Hindus and Muslims of the Same family background as part of a rigidly institutionalized frame of rules governing kinship behaviour and gender relations (Vreede-de Stuers 1968:8-10; Misra 1964:154-55). Marriage for al1 such families is a 'gala affair', as Misra calls it; it is an important family event arranged and organized according to the specific requirements by the family elders (Misra 1964:78 and 150). The strictly Islamic centra1 part of the wedding ceremonies and festi- vities, namely the aqd-i-nikah, i.e., the formality of the drawing up and signing of the marriage contract, takes place in rigorous conformity with canon law; it occupies a short time and involves little ceremony. From the social point of view the other, traditional ceremonies derive from ancestral customs peculiar to the region where the wedding takes place. Signifi- cantly designated Sm'-achar'(women's customs), they constitute the most popular part of the celebrations of a mamage. Especially middle-class families, who can afford the expense, are very much attached to these - often very costly - festivities, which involve a conspicuous show of the wealth and status of the hosts. In the description of a Muslim wedding oneneeds to distinguish between the preliminary festivities (shadi), held at the bride's house before the pivotal formality of the nikah, and the concluding festivities, staged partly at the bride's and partly at the groom's home. During al1 the various wedding ceremonies, girls, who have yet to enter the domain of mamage, and widows, who have already passed through it, must remain inconspi- cuously aloof. The shadi or preparatory ceremonies The period of the progressive isolation of the bride (mayan) starts with a purification ceremony performed by the married women whose husbands are still alive (suhagan). The marriage songs (suhag) sung during the preparatory ceremonies, which are passed down from mother to daughter, describe the qualities of the bride and the love and sorrow of her mother at seeing herchild leave. The wife of Prof. Moh. Mujeeb, Vice-Chancellor of Jamia Millia Islamia (Okhla, near Delhi) at the time I was there, noted down in Urdu the texts of several of these songs for me. She called them 'Songs of .the Mother'. Although old-fashioned, they are still chanted without alteration. The translation of one of them is as follows: Downloaded from Brill.com09/24/2021 04:10:51AM via free access Chue The Fragile Position of Women in Muslim Marriage 273 'My daughter is innocent, let her grow! She does not know how to relish pindi! And has to fasten her belt, let her grow! Father wants to marry her off early, But Mother is reluctant: let her grow! Her eyes are sweet, her bangles are loose.' [Then follows an,enumeration of the several traditional ornaments that a bride is supposed to wear. The song ends with the mother's worried exclamation:] 'Oh! my inn~cent~daughter,your bangles are loose!' The bride is too young to get married, objects the mother. The pindi referred to here are balls of sweetened rice flour, which are as indispens- able at Muslim feasts as at Hindu ones, but lack the ritual value attached to them at the latter.
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