Living A Course in Miracles
Healing Anger & Hurt Week 5 Homework Class
With Jennifer Hadley Living A Course in Miracles With Jennifer Hadley
Healing Anger & Hurt Homework Class ...... 4 Opening Prayer ...... 4 Healing Anger & Hurt ...... 5 What We Think Is Projected onto the World ...... 7 We Are Upset When We Align with the Ego ...... 9 Exercise for Identifying an Anger ...... 10 Invest Time in Healing Anger ...... 11 Tools for Healing ...... 13 A Personal Story for Healing Anger ...... 14 The Antidote to Anger Is Love ...... 16 Living A Course in Miracles Series Offerings ...... 18 Anger Is Reaction To Circumstances ...... 18 We Invest in Thoughts That Are Not True ...... 20 Healing Depends on Aligning with Oneness ...... 22 We Make Meaning of the Meaningless ...... 24 Closing Prayer ...... 25 Upcoming Events ...... 25
Copyright © 2012 by Reverend Jennifer Helen Hadley. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise without the written permission of the publisher. Published by JenniferHadley.com. Printed in the United States of America. For more inspiration to live a life of love, visit JenniferHadley.com.
Week 5 Healing Anger & Hurt Homework Class
Jennifer Hadley Friday, October 5, 2012
Opening Prayer
We begin with a holy breath, a holy breath of love and gratitude, yes. We begin with this holy breath of love and gratitude, so grateful and so thankful that now is the time of our healing. Taking this breath, we're grateful and thankful that we can say, yes, yes, to our healing, yes, to the opening and the expansion. We're grateful and we're thankful to open our hearts and minds to the power and the presence of love which is our true identity. Calling upon divine assistance, we partner up. Breathing deeply, we invoke an awareness of the higher Holy Spirit self. And we are so grateful to invoke divine grace into our heart and mind. Breathing deeply, we're saying, yes, to the love. Love is the healer. Love is the only healer, so we are invoking an awareness of love into our heart, recognizing that the kingdom is here. It’s preinstalled. It is our true identity and we're consciously disconnecting from any false identity that's been created, or treasured, or cherished. We're releasing the false and stepping into the real, the true. We're so grateful and thankful right now to open and accept our healing, to allow it. We place onto the holy altar fire of divine love the meaning that we have made of things.
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We're placing onto the holy altar fire of divine love any upset, any hurt, any fear, any doubt, any worry, anything that we have been disturbed by. All the negative meaning that we have made of things, the interpretations that we have made of things that no longer serve us, we're placing them on the altar. We are grateful and willing to relinquish treasuring that which has no power, only the power that we give it. And we step into the true power which is love, the true identity which is love. We're grateful and thankful to remember ourselves right now. We open our hearts and minds to the power and the presence of true love, true peace. And we're grateful to share the benefits with everyone because we're one with them. In grace and gratitude, we let it be and so it is. Amen. Amen, Amen, Amen.
Healing Anger & Hurt
Yes, yes, yes. Oh, so Healing Anger & Hurt, I have to say this is something that I am now an expert in. You wouldn't think to make a career of this, or to be an expert in it, but I am at this point in time I am very, very grateful that I have this expertise. And it is such a treasure to me, such a profound treasure to me that I am able to declare that I have been able to heal so much. And I'm still healing it. I definitely am. There are times when I can feel oh, yes, there is still something there to heal. And I'm grateful that I can heal it and I can share the benefits with everyone. This is a tool for you, sharing the benefits of your healing with everyone. You might not think of it as a tool. A Course in Miracles calls it extension, extending the love, extending the healing, extending the awareness. But what it is, is it’s recognizing that we are not alone. We are one. We are united. And that's our healing because that oneness, that unification is the love. Love is all.
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And when we remember that we are divinely connected to everyone and we are not separate, that is our healing. And throughout the course of our day it’s very challenging to remember that we're united, to remember that we're one. And the ego thought system, of course, as you all know is all about creating a deep sense of separation. So, it is our responsibility, and we talked a lot about responsibility last night and why it’s critical to our healing. You cannot heal the mind that suffers. You cannot heal the anger and the hurt and the depression and the fear and the worry and the doubt, you cannot heal any of that unless you're willing to take responsibility. I'd like to share just a few things about responsibility, because I know that I used to have a distorted understanding of responsibility. I was looking at it through the ego thought system, through the eyes of the egotistical. And with that point of view, responsibility seems like blame. It seems like blame, or it seems as though it is something onerous, a heavy weight. But when seen through the eyes of the spirit, when we're able to look at it through the lens of love, to see clearly, to know clearly, to feel and hear clearly, when we're on this path of personal mastery, spiritual mastery, masterful living, then we are able to value the purification which gives us the ability to see and know and feel and hear clearly. And when we begin to heal and hear clearly, know clearly, have clear perception, then we can see that taking responsibility is an act of love and love is our healer. If we are able to open our mind to begin to recognize that our experience in this world of form, of density, the 3D human experience is, indeed, a projection of the mind. And how do we know it’s a projection of the mind? Because it changes all the time. That which is real, eternal and infinite is changeless. But in the temporal world, the world of time and space, everything is constantly changing. Why is it constantly changing? It’s because our
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mind is constantly holding different thoughts and so we have different experiences because we're holding different thoughts. This is one of the key things that David shared last night. We move into the space that I am responsible for my experiences. No one is to blame. I am responsible. Blame is of the ego. So, if we're in blame mode, we're totally identified with ego. If we're in the mode of taking responsibility, and we can't assign responsibility to other people, no, there's only our own responsibility. So, if we're in blame, whether we're blaming ourselves or blaming someone else, we're totally identified with the ego. But when we are in responsibility, we're aligned with the spirit, because in that place of responsibility, there's an opening for healing.
What We Think Is Projected onto the World
Catch this. This is so critical to understand. All the effects, this is the world of effects, the 3D world of effects, all of the effects of our projections, all of the effects of our mistakes, so when we think negative thoughts and project them into the world, what’s created is our experience, whether we're projecting loving thoughts or negative thoughts. That's how our experience is created. All of the effects of our mistakes, of our negative thoughts will disappear, ultimately. And the sooner we correct, we course correct, we begin to correct the mind and value that which is truly valuable. As soon as we value that we can truly purify the mind, and that we have this incredible partner in the higher Holy Spirit self, the great I Am presence, the Holy Spirit, the Christ presence, it’s all one, we have this incredible partner. We don't have to figure out how to have a healing, but we do have to cultivate a commitment to being willing to have a healing. We have to cultivate a commitment to being willing to have a healing.
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This is the little willingness that's required. And then as we cultivate that little willingness, it grows into a total willingness, and a total healing accompanies the total willingness. In this world of effects, there is the illusion of free will. And it’s a journey to align with divine will and to no longer value having separate will, which can mis-create and make mistakes. As we purify the mind and think only the thoughts we think with God, the thoughts of love, then we're totally in tune with divine guidance and inspiration and intuition in every moment, literally. And we're always following that divine guidance, which is the greatest joy that we can have in this human experience, is to only be following divine will and divine guidance, which is our own true identity. We never have to do anything that we don't want to do. Only when we're aligned with the ego do we feel compelled to do things we don't want to do. But when we're truly aligned with love in the spirit, we only desire to follow the path of love and light. It becomes a joy to cultivate that willingness. And every time we see, “Oh, I can release this negative thought to the Holy Spirit for healing,” we rejoice. We begin to flow in this tremendous wellspring of gratitude, so grateful and so thankful that we are not lost. We are found. Amazing grace is right here where we are, and we have found ourselves steeped in the love of God, in the grace of God. How wonderful, how magnificent is this? This is where we are headed, and we are all headed there. We are all headed there together. And it is just a question of, will you choose to think the loving thoughts, or will you continue to value the thoughts of separation? Now, it’s time for a sip of my tea. So, we're never upset for the reason we think. Sometimes we're upset for a reason we don't know of. I’m never upset for the reason I think. This is right at the start of the Course. This is one of the very first lessons, “I'm never upset for the reason I think.” It’s so important to
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remember that, especially if you have tremendous anger and hurt. That lesson is going to help you.
We Are Upset When We Align with the Ego
Now, here’s how I break it down. Here’s how I understand it. The only reason I'm upset is because I choose to align with ego. And every time that I am upset, every time I feel even the slightest irritation, or frustration, it’s because I have chosen to separate myself from God and that's why I'm upset. And, inevitably, whenever I examine, what is it I'm thinking so that I can purify the mind and make a holy offering of that negative thought to the Holy Spirit, as soon as I move into that mindset, I can see that the thought that I'm valuing is not true. It’s something I've made up. It’s an opinion. It’s a judgment, a negative judgment. More often than not, every single time that I am even just the tiniest bit upset, the thoughts that I am thinking begins with a should. Something should be different than it is. This is not a true thought. This is not a fact. This is an opinion. And when I travel into the land of opinion and I start cherishing my opinion and thinking that I am right… Remember last night we talked so much about you can be right or you can be happy. This is the critical turning that we're making in Living A Course in Miracles, and truly living this teaching. We must recognize that the only righteousness there is is when we are aligned with love and thinking thoughts of love and compassion and generosity and kindness. And we're extending the patience and the harmony and the peace and the love, the clarity, the freedom, and all the spiritual qualities that are our true identity. This is the only way to stay in balance and the only way to be in peace. It’s to be aligned with the truth that sets us free. When we travel into the land of shoulds, this should be different, when we travel into the land of I don't like it, I don't like it. I want it to be different, then we are like a spiritually immature child throwing a little temper tantrum.
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And we're trying to control and manipulate the universe to be different. We're complaining, yes. So, complaining makes you a crap magnet, a crap magnet. Hello. Who wants to be a crap magnet? Complaining makes you a crap magnet. However, catch this. Being patient, being kind, being willing to be committed to choosing love makes you a love magnet. And that's your true identity. And that's why it feels so darn good. Yes, it does.
Exercise for Identifying an Anger
Let’s take a holy breath here right now. Let’s take a holy breath and open our hearts and minds to the love of God. I'm going to invite you to place your hand on your heart right here. And just bring into your awareness any place where you are really feeling angry, or hurt. And very often, those two go together. In fact, I would say they almost always go together. I’m inviting you just to place your hand on your heart and close your eyes and turn inward. Let’s do some healing here. I'm inviting you to look at where do you… Let’s just pick one place in your life, one thought, one experience that you have. It could be a daily experience. It could be an experience from the past, but something that makes you furious. It makes you go ballistic. An unhealed hurt is probably what you're going to come to. So, if you can think of that thing where you feel really, really angry, if you can look underneath that, what is the hurt? Now this has been very, very, just extremely valuable to me in my own healing because I was so angry. I'm inviting you to look at, what is this hurt underneath? What is the hurt underneath? And you might even just formulate a thought to try and give it some articulation to help you work with it. Although it’s not really necessary, if you could say, if you were going to share with your own self, “I feel so hurt that…” What is that hurt? What is the meaning that you have made of some situation and some
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circumstance? What is the confusion? What is the hurt that is underneath that anger? Just identify, what is that? And if you have a journal you might want to write that down now, “I feel so hurt that…” What is that hurt? Remember to keep breathing. And now if you can ask yourself, what is the thing that I fear related to this hurt and this anger? What is the fear that is most present related to this anger and this hurt? What is the fear? Keep breathing. What is the fear? Breathing deeply… alright. So, these notes are very valuable to you. And just as an aside here, if you haven't already discovered, there is a tool that you can use at the Living A Course in Miracles website. And it’s also included if you purchase the Platinum Book, and CD set, it’s also in the book, in the back of the book. So, if you have already purchased one of those book and CD sets and you have one from a previous Living A Course in Miracles series, you can find that there. But it’s totally free on the website for everyone, the forgiveness letter, the forgiveness letter. Writing a forgiveness letter to yourself about whatever this hurt, this anger, this fear is, will dramatically assist you in healing. I've seen this with, I can't even tell you how many people. I'm inviting you to make an appointment. Print the letter out. Make an appointment with yourself. Give yourself an hour, 90 minutes. Give yourself the luxury of investing some of your precious time and energy in your healing and make an appointment to write the forgiveness letter to yourself, to yourself. And then you may write another forgiveness letter to somebody else. And then when you have these letters you can make a sacred ceremony. Burn them. Release the ashes.
Invest Time in Healing Anger
I invite you to truly to invest yourself, your precious time and energy in the healing. So, as we were talking about last night in the class with David Fishman, very often people will invest tremendous amounts of
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time, energy and money in traveling, going to the guru, reading the books and taking the classes. But it’s all about your personal investment in your healing. That's why these classes are called Living A Course in Miracles because it’s truly about living it, not studying it but living it. Now, another thing you can do with these forgiveness letters that's very, very helpful is you can make an appointment with a friend if you have a spiritual friend, a prayer partner that you can do this work with together. You can write your letters together. You can make a nice afternoon of it, or something like morning of it, and evening of it. Write your letters together in sacred ceremony. Take your time with it. And then as part of your healing, you might consider reading your letter, or letters, to your prayer partner, to your sacred friend there. And then do your fire puja, your ceremony of burning the letters and releasing the ashes together, and then celebrating your healing and your freedom. And when you do that, when you make that sacred ceremony, whether you do it by yourself or with a friend, or you can do it with a group. You might not want to read all your letters in a group. That could get very time consuming. But you can then remember this. Now, this is really valuable. Dedicate your healing to everyone because you're one with them. Share the benefits of your healing, and your experience of healing, with everyone because you're one with them. How beautiful is that? So, you're on your way. You're on your way. Now, some practical things about healing the anger and the hurt… this is critical, at least it has been for me. It has been for me. What I'm inviting you to do is to look at these feelings that you have, the hurt and the fear and the anger. I'll take a little sip of my tea here. Now, this was critical for me. And this was not easy to figure out for me and this is why I love to share it.
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I was a very, very angry person, or so I thought. I thought that was my true identity, that I was an angry person. And once I was really on this path of deep profound healing, I remember going for a walk with my dad and just talking about my life, his life, our lives together. And he said to me that I was an angry child. I had this label on me. I was an angry child. Now, looking back, why was I so angry as a child? And I know for sure, at least I think I know for sure, as sure as I can be in this experience of separation, that it seemed like I came in with this pattern of anger and hurt and fear and doubt, and that I came into this human incarnation with a desire to heal this karmic pattern in myself and to share the benefits with everyone. It certainly looked like that's a major theme in my life. And I used to run from it and now I run to it. And I'm so grateful for it because I've had so much healing and I'm not an angry person anymore.
Tools for Healing
And I never thought that was possible when I was younger. I never thought I could ever get over it. And that's why if you go to my website JenniferHadley.com, you can download for free my Get Over It workshop, the whole workshop totally for free, how to get over it. The forgiveness letter is available for free at the Living A Course in Miracles website. And it’s also available on my daily blog. If you go to JenniferHadley.com and click on my blog my Spiritual Espresso Daily Blog, yes, you can sign up for it there. It’s totally free. You can become a prayer partner and join thousands of people around the world who are my daily prayer partners. We're prayer partners together. But if you click in the categories for forgiveness you can also find the forgiveness letter there. And you can direct people to it and share it. And that creates good karma for you when you share the benefits of the healing.
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A Personal Story for Healing Anger
In my journey of healing this anger and this hurt and this fear, I was angry even as a child. I was constantly throwing temper tantrums and going ballistic, as David Fishman said in the class yesterday, constantly going ballistic. I used to look for things to be offended by. I don't know if any of you have that habit. Do you have that habit of looking for things to take offense at because I did? It’s because I needed to express the anger. I was like a pot that was constantly boiling over. I didn't know that I could heal the anger. I didn't know how to heal the anger. I felt totally clueless, and so I was just this pot constantly boiling over. And to keep me literally from just exploding in rage, I would literally look for things to take offense at in order express some of that hostility that I was constantly feeling, seriously. I mean I really was like a rage-aholic. And I used to just throw terrible, terrible tantrums, even as an adult into my early 30s, yeah. I mean I ruined a lot of events, family gatherings. I just ruined them because I would just get so triggered and I would throw a fit. And I'd just take everybody with me. I didn't care if I ruined everybody’s good time. I would just totally just destroy the peace with the fits of anger. So, I really understand about anger. And for me, what I began to realize when I began to move into the healing, was that underneath the anger was fear. And underneath the fear was hurt, and that the anger was actually a symptom. Catch this. It was a symptom of unresolved hurt and fear. Now, let’s break this down because this is really critical in our healing of the anger and the hurt. When I was a little kid and I would get so angry, I didn't know why I would get so angry. I couldn't articulate it, but what was actually happening in my family was that I would want to work my will and have my way.
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I was very independent, very rebellious. And my parents were, not out of maliciousness, but out of love, or so they thought, they were very controlling and somewhat manipulative. They were trying to control me for my own good. That's what they were thinking. They were trying to teach me how to be a good citizen, how to be a member of the family that they wanted to be. They had me at a very young age and both of my parents were raised by extremely controlling parents. And in part, their parents, my grandparents were very, very controlling because they grew up in circumstances that were very volatile, extreme poverty and shifts of financial circumstances and parents who abandoned them and who were alcoholic and completely undependable. There was a lot of tremendous dysfunction in my grandparents’ families, their immediate family. And so their antidote for all that volatility was to become very controlling. And it served them in the sense that they became disciplined in themselves. And they also were very disciplined in many ways to be generous and kind and even patient, but they were also very controlling and manipulative, emotionally manipulative. It was how they learned to cope with their circumstances. So, that's what they taught my parents. And then like attracts like, so my parents were attracted to each other because they both had this grounding in love from their parents and patience and kindness and generosity and controlling and manipulation. Each generation has got the opportunity to heal the mistakes of the ancestors through healing the pattern in themselves. So, my parents were less controlling, less manipulative let’s say than their parents. But they definitely learned that that's good parenting. So, that's how they were with me. And I'm here to heal those patterns. This is my divine impetus. From a very young child, I experienced that controlling and that manipulation as hurtful and unbearable. I had this tremendous rebelliousness, this tremendous independence.
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Later in my life, now in my life, it actually shows up as, I'm rebelling against the ego thought system. I am actually… Now it’s not even I'm rebelling against it, I'm healing it in myself. It’s intolerable to me, so I don't have to fight it. I just choose love. There is no argument. There is no fight. But when I was a kid, my parents were trying to control and manipulate me to be a good citizen, to be a good member of the family. And I wanted to work my will. I wanted to have my way. And in my mind, in my interpretation of situations and circumstances, I thought when they were trying to control and manipulate me, that the tool that I had was to throw a fit and to be angry, and to be indomitable. I thought that that was my weapon against their controlling. And I learned that at a very young age. And that was the meaning that I made of circumstances and situations, that this was my best defense against my parents trying to control and manipulate me was my being angry and throwing a fit. So, I'm going to invite you right now to go back to that thought of anger that we just got to a little bit ago, the thing that makes you feel so angry when you tap into it when it gets triggered.
The Antidote to Anger Is Love
Is the anger, in any way, related to not liking the circumstances, or feeling controlled, manipulated, like a victim in any way? Can you see that at all? I'm inviting you to look at that because the antidote to that is love. If someone… Think of this. If someone is trying to control and manipulate you, the temptation is to defend yourself, right, to move away, to pull away or to fight back. But the healing for you and for them is love. So, if someone is angry, upset with you, trying to control and manipulate you, if you can move into love, patience, kindness, compassion…
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Now the ego will say, “No, no, no, no. If you do that, they're going to take advantage of you. They're going to walk all over you. No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't do that.” But it’s not true. If you can relax into love, they will stop trying to control and manipulate you. If you can really relax into love, it will dissolve the control and manipulation, because what is underneath the control and manipulation? Fear. You're trying to manage the circumstances. You're trying to manage what’s going on through being controlling and manipulative because you feel weak and vulnerable. And the only reason we feel weak and vulnerable is because we're not in our loving heart. When we are in our loving, compassionate, generous, kind heart, then no one can take advantage of us. It’s only when we're giving to get… And we talked a lot about this in previous weeks. I want to mention here, there's tremendous gold. This series, each one I think is better than the one before. I thought the first one blew my hair back. The first Living A Course in Miracles was off the hook. I mean I had I don't even know how many e- mails from people all over the world saying, “Oh, my God, these classes are amazing.” But they just keep getting better and better. And this one is unbelievable. The first class with Gary Renard, True Forgiveness, was awesome. The class with Gabrielle Bernstein, Healing Self-Esteem was so good. And then the class with Regina Dawn Akers, fantastic, absolutely fantastic in Healing & Relationships, and then last night I thought was awesome with David Fishman, Healing Anger & Hurt. So, this whole series is really good. I'm always amazed at what comes through in the homework classes. You're pulling it out of me. You're pulling it through me. The greatest sharing comes as a result of the greatest listening. Yes, yes, yes.
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Living A Course in Miracles Series Offerings
So, I'm inviting you to consider. If you haven't already, you can purchase those classes. The Silver package is the unlimited replays. It’s a little over $4 a class, unlimited replays all the classes. And the classes we did last year, the people who bought those Silver packages, they're still available. They're still available. They're still listening to those unlimited replays. Then if you're like me, you like to have the downloads and put them on your iPod, your iPhone, your MP3 player. Download them to your computer. Get the transcripts. Print the transcripts out. Use them as a tool so you can read and listen. It’s only $20 more. It’s like 90 cents more a class. When you purchase the Gold Package you also get the Bonus Class which is Healing Self-Sabotage. I’m doing that class in November. And that's a totally free additional class, but you can purchase it separately, so if you only want the Healing Self-Sabotage you can purchase just that for $44. But it’s $87 for the Gold Package. It’s $5 and change for all the 16 classes plus all the bonuses. There's a whole bunch of bonuses, including the Healing Self-Sabotage. And then the Platinum Package is the CDs and the bound transcript which we ship to you within a month, or so, after the class is complete. I’m just saying that this whole series is designed to unfold in a particular pattern. And it’s really designed by the Holy Spirit. I totally get that as we go along.
Anger Is Reaction To Circumstances
So, healing the anger and the hurt that we're experiencing, if you can see that very often the anger that we feel is our reaction to the circumstances, so instead of going to love and having compassion, we go instead to make the meaning that this should not be happening. This should be different. This is the real true cause of the upset. Remember I'm never upset for the reason I think. This is why anger is
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never justified. Anger is never justified. It’s a very difficult teaching to understand unless we're willing to truly cultivate our loving heart. And then we can see that love is the healer. It is the only healer. And we can train ourselves to respond with extending love and extending compassion. We don't actually have to do anything. We open our heart to love. We don't necessarily have to say anything, or do anything. We can just cultivate the practice of not going into making negative meaning of things, and instead cultivating a willingness to be compassionate. So, we don't know how to do these things really, but when we're willing, the higher Holy Spirit self will show us how. And so for me, this is the practice that I've cultivated. When I feel threatened, then I recognize I'm feeling separate. So, it’s only in feeling separate, choosing to think thoughts of separation, that I can feel threatened. Nothing real can be threatened. So, when I identify myself as love, as spirit, I won't feel threatened because I'll recognize there is no threat to love. There is no threat to love. Love is real. The threat is not. The threat is something within the realm of time and space. And we know the threat is not real because it’s always changing. It’s circumstantial. And when it’s circumstantial then we know it’s a projection of the mind and it’s not real. Now, this is advanced teaching, but I know that you can get it. I know that you can get it. And we can get it on an intellectual level, but we have to be willing to have it as a practical level. When, the next time that you feel threatened, if you can actually put your hand on your heart immediately, cultivate the ability to the very second that you feel threatened in any way whatsoever. And you'll notice it because you'll feel it in your physical body. That's how you know you are identified with the ego. You're feeling threatened. The body feels threatened.
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You'll feel anxious. You'll feel upset. You'll feel worried, all of these things. That's when you're in fear. You feel threatened. When you feel that, place your hand on your heart. Take a deep breath. Invoke the higher Holy Spirit self and say, “I'm so grateful I can realize I'm feeling identified with the ego. That's why I'm feeling threatened. Only love is real. Higher Self, Holy Self, Holy Spirit, show me how to identify with love and that which is real and that which is always, always safe. It cannot be threatened. I feel threatened, but there is no threat to love. And my true identity is love. So, we're cultivating the ability to have a living spiritual practice that is healing the ego patterns. When there is anger, there is fear. And the way I describe it is, anger is a symptom like a cough is a symptom. A cough is a symptom that there's some disturbance. There is phlegm. There is irritation. There's something that is irritating the passageway that is creating the cough. The cough is not the problem. It is a symptom of the problem, okay? Now, anger is the same thing. It’s not the problem. It is the symptom of the problem. And the problem is the thinking that is egoic. We're aligned with the ego thought system. We're feeling separate. Now, check this out. When we're feeling hurt and there's a deep, unresolved hurt, and we don't know how to heal the hurt, we're feeling helpless, then what’s happening is we are thinking that things should be different than they are. Things should be different than they were.
We Invest in Thoughts That Are Not True
And we believe this thought and we are invested in it. That's what a deep hurt is. It’s an investment in a thought that's not true. This should not have happened to me. This should not be happening to me. When we feel really hurt, we are thinking those kinds of thoughts. And then, because we are invested, really invested in those thoughts, that's what a deep hurt is, when we are really invested in those thoughts and the meaning that we have made of our situation, whether it’s the past, or whether it’s the present, then we are going to be afraid.
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We're going to be intensely afraid of being hurt some more. We're going to be afraid and on the lookout of being hurt some more. We're going to be afraid because we feel stuck in making the negative meaning and we do not know how to heal the hurt. We think it’s never going to go away. We think we're broken. We think we're not going to get fixed. We think we're never going to get our way. We think that we're right about what happened and the meaning that we have made of it and the interpretation. And we are like a little child that is so, so upset, so, so upset, feeling so, so helpless, but there is an unlimited supply of help. There is an unlimited supply of love. And the healing depends on our willingness to relinquish the belief, the investment in thinking that we are right about the meaning that we have made of it. And the truth of the matter is we don't know what anything is for. Until we can see through all directions of time and space, until our mind has purified and we have purified ourselves of all the opinions and judgments, and all of the negative meaning that we make of things, we won't be able to see and feel and hear and know clearly what anything is for. So, the meaning that we have made, the interpretation that we have made, is driving the controlling, the manipulating, the hurt, the fear and the anger. Now, catch this. In the first Living A Course in Miracles I did two classes on Freedom From Fear, Freedom From Fear. And this is a large part of the teaching of my seven week spiritual boot camp class Finding Freedom. It’s also one of the major thrusts that we work with in the yearlong class I offer called Masterful Living. Freedom from fear is totally possible. It’s totally possible. Now, check this out. This is the crux of it. Why do we feel afraid? We feel afraid because we're entrenched in the ego mind system and we are continuing to believe the meaning that we have made of things. And we are afraid that we are going to continue to choose these thoughts of lack and attack.
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A thought of lack is a thought of separation. Remember that the ego thought system is entirely, entirely devoted to trying to get. And so the ego is constantly saying, “I don't have. I don't have. I don't have. I need to get. I need to get. I must have. I must have. I want. I want. I want. I want. I need. I need. I need.” The ego thoughts system is entirely devoted in trying to get. The spirit is the thought system of, “I already have. The kingdom is within. It’s preinstalled. I cannot lose it. I already have it all.” That is the truth that sets us free. It sets us free. It liberates us. We have to be willing to access our loving heart in order to have it all. Seek first the kingdom. What is the kingdom? The kingdom is love. Who is the king in the kingdom? Love is the king in the kingdom. You are love. That is your true identity. If you identify with a false identity of separateness and lack, limitation, not having, you're always going to be trying to get something. You're always going to be trying to get a healing. You're always going to be trying to get more money. You're trying to get someone to love you, trying to get that job, that career, something, always looking to get. You know if you're thinking thoughts of lack and limitation, lack and attack, not having, wanting, craving, needing, you're aligned with the ego.
Healing Depends on Aligning with Oneness
And you're healing depends on aligning with unity, oneness, love and valuing that which is truly valuable. That's how you heal anger and hurt. So, the only thing that is really the cause of our fear is that we are giving ourselves permission to choose the thoughts of lack and attack. We value them. We give ourselves permission to invest in them and to cultivate the mind that is gathering the evidence to support these false beliefs.
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When that is how we employ our mind, and all the power of the mind, to cultivate the thoughts of lack and attack, we're going to feel afraid all the time. And it looks like, “Well, I feel afraid because I just lost my job.” It looks like, “I feel afraid because my spouse is cheating on me. I feel afraid because my child has cancer. I feel afraid because I have cancer. I feel afraid because I can't heal my body. I feel afraid because I'm not good enough. I think I'm not good enough. I feel afraid because somebody hurt me. They stole my house, my car. They stole my spouse, my job, my whatever.” We think that's why we're afraid. It’s never going to be true. We're truly afraid because we've given ourselves permission to think the thoughts that keep us in the mode of suffering. And we do not value our true identity, which is that we are the perfect givers and receivers of love. Love is the healer. We're denying the healing and we're terrified that we're going to continue to deny the healing the rest of our lives and never discover the holy purpose of our life which is to extend love, compassion, generosity, kindness and the freedom that comes with knowing the truth and valuing the truth. That's why we're truly afraid. So, underneath the anger is fear. Underneath the fear is the hurt. And the hurt is the meaning that we have made of things and it’s not actually true. It is the meaning that we have made of it. When we are willing to expand our view and to align with the Holy Spirit, then we can recognize that we don't know what anything is for, and that there is a holy purpose in every single aspect of our experience. It’s a cry for love or an opportunity to extend love. That is the only reason for every experience that we have. If we did not accept the opportunity to extend love, and instead we treated it as we created a cry for love, we made ourselves into a victim, then we can heal that now with the help of the Holy Spirit. And so this is why we partner up. This is why we partner up. And we make this our daily practice. This is why we write the forgiveness letter, so that we can have our healing. I know because I've done this work.
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We Make Meaning of the Meaningless
I was so angry all of the time. I was a seething mass of unrelenting anger, because the meaning that I made of everything was negative. Every meaning that I made of everything was lack and attack, limitation and separation. And I trained myself for… I really trained my mind to look for the thing that I could attack and to make negative meaning of everything. I looked for things to take offense at because I felt so vulnerable and I thought my only strength was the anger. And the fear and the hurt was unbearable to me. So, I was just a seething mass of anger so much of the time. But I can honestly say that the healing has happened. And I still, every day, judgments arise in my mind. Every day, I'm making holy offering to the Holy Spirit. And every day I'm having healing, every day. Every day I feel noticeably more myself, and more in that flow of freedom. I'm finding freedom in my heart, the only place that it can be found. And now I do feel like I'm living a masterful life and that I am sharing the benefits with everyone. And this is what is available to you. And what it requires is your willingness to cultivate a commitment to that willingness, a commitment to partnering up. And that's what these free classes are all about. So, I'm inviting you right now to place your hand on your heart. And we're taking this breath of gratitude. I'm inviting you. There's so much in this week’s classes to make an appointment with yourself to listen and re-listen. And if you've got the transcripts, write your notes in the transcripts. It will help you listen and read. It will help you to comprehend. Yes, it really will, because you already know everything there is to know. We all do. We're remembering it. This is our inheritance and we're claiming it now.
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Closing Prayer
So, with our hand on our heart, we take this holy breath and we're so grateful and so thankful that our healing is happening now. We're so grateful and thankful that our true identity is love. And no matter how hurt we have felt, no matter how afraid we have been, no matter how angry we have been, our true identity is peace and harmony and love and freedom and wisdom and clarity. We are truly declaring ourselves on a path of finding freedom. We are truly declaring ourselves available and awake to the opportunities to cultivate the loving heart, to seek the kingdom which is within, and to recognize that we already have that which is truly valuable. We have it preinstalled, and we are grateful and thankful to cultivate the awakening mind, the masterful life of love. And we share the benefits of our healing and our expansion with everyone because we're one with them. We're so grateful and so thankful to live this life of love together. In gratitude, we accept our healing. We let it be and so it is. Amen. Amen, Amen, Amen.
Upcoming Events
How wonderful. I love you and I appreciate you. I truly do. I feel your loving heart this morning as I'm recording this class with you. I’m so grateful. I got up at 3:00 this morning because I'm in Hawaii. It’s 5:00 now, just after 5:00 as we're completing the class. What a blessing. What a blessing. And ill just mention that David Hoffmeister and I are here together at the Kalani Retreat Center in Hawaii on the Big Island. We are preparing for our retreat in February. And also we have two retreats, Christmas and New Year at the Living Miraculous Monastery in Utah. And these three retreats, these three one-week retreats that we're designing for you, are restorative. They're energizing. They're healing. And they're designed for us to do this deep healing work together.
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And if you like, you can discover all the information about these retreats at my website JenniferHadley.com on the events page. All the details you can click through and find out about the retreats there. Also the Self-Sabotage workshop details are there. That's the Healing Self-Sabotage in early November. That is the bonus class with the Gold and Platinum packages of Living A Course in Miracles. There's so much that we can share together. And I'm so grateful that we're doing it now. I love you. I appreciate you. I bless you and your healing. Your healing is my healing. My healing is your healing because we are one. God bless.
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