Issue: 552 www.varsity.cam.ac.uk 25 January 2002 THE CAMBRIDGE STUDENT NEWSPAPER 20p where sold ANALYSIS TRAVEL SPORT Student party Europe’s finest cities New College League leaders debate explored without Tables published Cambridge politics breaking the bank exclusively by Varsity PAGE 06 PAGE 13 PAGE 31

Government calls for Cambridge to attract those from poorer backgrounds are marred by negative press attention – PAGE 10 AFGHAN AMBIVALENCE Carolyn Lund Carolyn

Katy Long Cambridge students have been involved Open Meeting had been inadequately The student body of Cambridge will not in demonstrations and fund-raising publicised and was therefore “unrepre- be demanding ‘an immediate stop to the events for organisations including sentative of Cambridge students.” He military action in Afghanistan,’ following Cambridge Students against the War alleged that prior to the meeting, stu- Wednesday’s meeting of CUSU Council. and Campeace. Debate over the war dents had been rounded up “in certain CUSU representatives,JCR and MCR pres- has raged in Student Unions across the college bars” and encouraged to attend idents along with external officers voted country, with Bristol University among by supporters of the anti-war motion. not to oppose the current war against those formally condemning the war. When he finally had the opportuni- Afghanistan by a ratio of 3:2. CUSU Council’s treatment did not ty to propose his motion John Stevenson Last term over 100 students attend- address the ‘hardship of the Afghan said simply that, “this is the opinion of ed an Open Meeting that was held in people’ or ‘ the use of indiscriminate the university, it should be passed.” the Union Society Chamber. The two weapons.’ It centered instead on the Three months of controversy over the Varsity Fashion motions passed were ‘to campaign problem of whether those present at the issue was ended when Council voted against the new Anti-terrorism bill’ and Open Meeting were typical Cambridge against ratifying the motion by 28 votes to ‘oppose the current Afghan war.’ students. to 19. For the first time in CUSU his- sees red – Page 12 Student reaction to the war in An Emergency Motion tabled by tory, the decision of an Open Meeting Afghanistan has been mixed. Tom Licence of Magdelene claimed the was overruled by CUSU Council.

The region’s best guide to what’s on – see next Thursday’s Cambridge Evening News 02 NEWS 25 January 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk Inside this issue…

pg 8 Analysis CUCA purges its right wing Rohypnol – date rape drug in Cambridge Molly Birch

The new Chairman of CUCA declared at the Houses of Parliament which the this week that the society had been “out Conservative leader Iain Duncan-Smith of date and out of touch.” His comments will attend. The new CUCA will also came at the relaunching of the associ- aim to provide more direct services to

ation,which has in the past suffered from Rowan Huppert students such as tickets to Prime a poor image, turnout and even cor- Ministers Questions and summer in- ruption allegations.Will Gallagher,who ternships with MPs. pg 9 Perspective stood for election last term promising The changes in the society, reflect Should CUSU oppose the radical modernisation,asserted that the wider changes currently at the national Afghan war? society, like the national party, desper- level of the party. Iain Duncan-Smith ately needs to broaden its appeal and has recently been initiating policy re- pg 10 The Varsity remit moderate its tone. form to move the party closer to the cen- Editor hates everything The society has recently attempted tre ground of British politics. Recently, to distance itself from its old right-wing the Conservative party has attacked Inside Living… image and has attracted a series of high Labour on public services, and social profile and moderate politicians and justice. Influential Conservatives like journalists for the term ahead, including Michael Portillo have asserted that the pg 13 Travel former Cabinet Ministers like Douglas party must be more open to student Spend time in Europe’s Hurd and Kenneth Clarke and younger concerns, and more liberal in its attitudes finest cities new reformers like Oliver Letwin, to homosexuality and to the legalisation Francis Maude and Damien Green. of cannabis. Next month CUCA will be pg 14 Wigger Wags Whitbread As part of its attempt to become a ma- hosting a Fair Trade Lunch with Shadow Sameer Rahim keeps jor force in student politics, it is set to International Development Secretary things “nice” and Neate launch a policy forum called ‘Focus’ next and anti-landmine campaigner, week with Archie Norman. Mr Norman Caroline Spelman, with all proceeds go- has just founded ‘Xchange’, the much ing to charity. Will Gallagher also stress- anticipated “think-tank with attitude” es that the organisation is now “open to You can’t polish a Hurd aimed a pushing the party in a more everyone” who is interested in hearing modern direction. Will Gallagher hopes failed to understand the concerns of stu- card, produced a magazine style pam- influential speakers and joining in de- some of this will rub off on ‘Focus’. The dents; ‘Focus’ is our chance to remedy phlet and launched a new website. bates: “Coming to CUCA does not forum will aim to provide a major op- that, and encourage the Conservatives Outside the university they have forged mean you are a member of the portunity for students to discuss relevant to take a radical new approach to poli- links with major pressure groups like the Conservative Party, and it is this free- issues like drug laws, youth crime and cy.” To raise the profile of the society, Centre for Policy Studies, and the new dom that will, I hope, enable us to move pg 19 Science discrimination with experts. Gallagher CUCA have mailed the entire univer- ‘Focus’ has attracted national interest. forward more quickly in Cambridge 2002 is the year of the… said that “for too long the society has sity with a professionally designed term Next week CUCA will host a reception than the Party can nationally.”

Inside Arts…

pg 23 Theatre Widespread criticism for A* at A-Level Andrew Hayden reviews King Henry VI Part 3 Oliver Duff dates in each subject, comes after a through yet more change for this sum- tinguish between A-grade candidates. decade of increasing exam success, see- mer is a further illustration of the triv- The reaction from academics has not, pg 24 Film A Cambridge don was one of many this ing the proportion of A grades award- ialisation of the government approach so far, been a positive one though. Mike Drew slams Hong week to voice his concern at the gov- ed shoot from 11.9 percent to almost to secondary education. Universities Shadow Education Secretary Kong ‘playa-hatas’ ernment ‘s latest education initiative. one in five. Twice as many students have access to enough data to meet Damian Green was one of the first to Dr Alan Baker, a Life Fellow of now achieve three or more A grades their needs.” attack education policy: “The govern- pg27 Music Emmanuel College, said that “the per- than did in 1990. It was thought that the proposal ment is constantly tinkering with ex- Cambridge Stereo-types sistent debate and doubt about current Education Secretary Estelle Morris would be welcomed not only by the ams for 16–19 year olds and the last and DJ Top Trumps practice must be demoralising for many is reported to be fiercely resisting the brightest students, but also by the top thing anyone needs is more confusion sixth-formers.” move for fear of the confusion that universities, which find it hard to dis- or more complications in this area.” Dr Baker, a former chief examiner would be caused should A* grades be at A-Level, called for the establishment introduced alongside Advanced of a single examining body for the Extension Awards (AEAs), new tests whole country in order to prevent the for high-achieving sixth-formers to Speakers’ Corner “supermarket-like competition” be- be introduced this year. The AEAs tween boards for “customers”, and the have been developed in 17 subjects and Two Union speakers go head-to-head. resulting grade inflation. He also high- are designed to stretch the most able This week, it’s leading figures from the religious world. lighted the impossibility of guaran- students allowing them to demonstrate pg 29 Literature teeing testing consistency from year to a greater depth of understanding than Helen Slater would say year, and so called for an end to the is required by A levels. Christian Jewish “avant-garde en garde” if pretence that grading standards are ab- Teaching unions also objected to the Archdeacon of York President, British she couldn’t think of a solute and not relative. proposed A* grade. John Dunford, gen- Board of Deputies headline His comments were in reaction to eral secretary of the Secondary Heads reports this week that plans have been Association, stated that he was “vehe- Sex before Marriage? No. Sex before marriage? No. Inside Sport… drawn up by Downing Street to intro- mently opposed” to the idea. “I saw the Gay sex? If you are referring to Gay sex? Ye s . duce a higher A-Level grade for the effect at GCSE, which devalued the A buggery,absolutely not. Cannabis? Ye s . brightest pupils in order to combat grade and put bright pupils under enor- Cannabis? No. Pornography – good or bad? Bad. pg 31 League Tables claims that the “gold standard” ex- mous additional stress,” he said. Pornography – good or bad? Bad. Is Britain a christian country? Yes. Everything is better amination is being devalued due to “Independent schools feel as strongly Is Britain a Christian country? Yes. Jewish choral scholars in the King’s grade inflation. If approved, it will form about this issue as those in the main- Jewish choral scholars in the King’s College choir? No. pg 32 Men’s hockey part of the Government’s Green Paper tained sector.” College choir? Yes. National Holocaust Day as important Magpies steal victory on reform of the 14–19 curriculum, to A joint statement from the National Holocaust Day as important for Christians as it is for Jews? Yes. be published next month. Headmasters’ and Headmistresses’ for Christians as it is for Jews? Yes. How do you feel about the alpha The proposed A* grade, to be Conference and the Girls’ Schools How do you feel about the alpha movement? It makes me very awarded to the top 5 percent of candi- Association proved this point: “To rush movement? Its a good thing. nervous.

04 NEWS 25 January 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk Calendar girls dig Varsity CASH FOR GAPPERS The three sexiest models from the Do any of you have firsts? Ros Lester riers to many graduates. Experience year for college, rather than volunteering,” Oxbridge calendar drop into Varsity for a Anna: No. would cut the average debt that a stu- said Ashling Lillis, Academic Affairs of- quick chat. Laura: Yes, I’m a NatSci scholar. Students who volunteer for community dent leaving university bears.” Many ficer for Emmanuel JCR. Roisin: Unfortunately not. service during their gap year could have young people in Britain are currently The plan is likely to be welcomed by Spit or Swallow? a large proportion of their university dissuaded from taking a gap year for ministers for its provision of incentives Anna: Swallow. Should there be a male Oxbridge fees paid, under a scheme proposed this financial reasons. Although UCAS re- for increasing civic responsibility among Laura: Swallow. Calendar? week by the independent think-tank, the ported a 14.7 percent rise in deferred en- the young, “Whether through teach- Roisin: Spit. Anna: Yes. Social Market Foundation.The “experience try applications this year, the number of ing or tutoring a child, walking a beat Laura: Yes, with very little clothing year scheme” is designed to encourage young people from working-class back- with a community warden, building Favourite clothes shop in Cambridge? involved. young people from working-class back- grounds taking a year out remains low. walls or clearing a stream , participants Anna: Browns. Roisin: Definitely. A nude male grounds to participate in voluntary work “Those who do have gap years are of- could develop the civic and social skills Laura: Karen Millen. calendar. and higher education. ten more likely to take a job and save up to last for a lifetime of public work,” Roisin: Karen Millen. The scheme would create 7,000 What do you look for in a man? places for young people of lower income What do you hope to do? Anna: Charm, intellect. backgrounds who would qualify by

Anna: Doctor. Laura: Nice Ankles. Oh, and I like working with organisations such as Long Katy Laura: Work in the city. Architects. Voluntary Service Overseas or Roisin: Doctor. Roisin: Sexy eyebrows. Community Service Volunteers. An allowance of £6,000 would be paid to Would you pose topless? Is the Oxbridge Calender degrading to participants if they volunteered for a full Anna: No. Unless it was for Vogue. women? year, with a further £4,000 as an edu- Laura: If I had bigger breasts. All: No, its just a bit of fun. cation allowance at the end of the year, Roisin: Me too. to help pay tuition fees. Private com- The Oxbridge Calendar,produced by panies could also sponsor a part-year in- Have you ever slept with a lecturer? Rockmodels, features six girls from ternship component to the experience Anna: No. He wouldn’t have me. Cambridge and six from Oxford. All year programme, something that is al- Laura: No. twelve girls will be attending the launch ready common in the United States. Roisin: No. party for the new Varsity today in River Kate Bell and Selina Chen, the au- Bar.You can buy the calendar from today thors of the pamphlet, argue that “fac- What’s your favourite Cambridge ent? for a discounted price of £5. All proceeds ing the immediate burden of repaying Anna: Claire Cellars. go to charity. high levels of debt at the start of one’s Laura: The Trinity Hall event. working life is daunting and poses bar- Roisin: Magdalene bops. www.rockmodels.com FT praises Judge Institute

The Cambridge MBA offered at the It rates as the fouth highest in footsteps of other Cambridge students Judge Institute of Management Studies Europe and the 22nd globally. to achieve great successes world is the most highly rated one-year MBA This is the first year that wide,” said Director Chong Choi . programme in this country, according Cambridge qualified to participate As of next autumn, the Institute to a survey published this week by the and the ranking comes shortly after will be offering three new post-grad- Financial Times. the Institutes EQUIS acreditation by uate courses, geared towards science, The Institute, established 11 years the European Foundation for enigneering and high-technology. It ago, scored well regarding the ca- Management Development. is hoped that these improvements reers progress of its alumni, gradu- “This is an outstanding result, it is will help reverse the current gradu-

Courtesy of Rock Models Courtesy of Rock ate salaries and its international a testament to the quality of our ate ‘brain drain’ towards U.S. busi- Laura Anna Roisin breadth. MBA’s, who have followed in the ness schools. SPS TRIPOS ABOUT TO “CRACK” David Benson

The teaching crisis in SPS this year finally that everyone has chosen the same op- unsustainable: “If politics is consistent- Varsity Editor, said: “I think the problem year is undesirable. But what’s the solu- came to a head at a closed faculty meeting tion; politics. The figures make dis- ly this popular, the tripos has to change,” comes down to personality. If the soci- tion? One idea is to split Politics from on 16th January. Although students weren’t turbing reading: 68 politics students com- says David Runciman, a prominent ologists had the charisma of the poli- SPS completely, creating a three-year represented at the meeting, Varsity has pared with only 8 sociologists. Even if member of the politics faculty. “Within tics lecturers, I might have chosen dif- straight politics degree, or a joint History learnt that certain members of the politics you include the 14 psychologists and 21 the next two years something will crack.” ferently. As it is, like most SPS people in and politics course like that taught at staff were pushing for changes to the tri- students doing joint Soc/Psy Part IIs, Runciman’s colleagues were less keen my year, I was only ever going to take a Oxford. Whilst I suspect that many pos.They feel change is needed to acco- politics is still the most popular by far. to go on the record, but one told Varsity: politics Part II.’ Professor Martin members of the politics faculty are se- modate the huge popularity of their sub- Unfortunately, the teaching resources in “The tripos will look different very Richards of Psychology argued that the cretly tempted by this idea, none of them ject amoung SPS students, and avoid a SPS don’t reflect this. The sociology fac- soon.” relative popularity of the three SPS would put their necks on the line and repeat of this year’s problems of over- ulty, bizarrely, is actually larger than that Juliet Mitchell, the head of SPS, ad- disciplines, “fluctuates”. He told Varsity, commit to it publicly. This suggestion crowding in supervisions.One SPS student of politics. As a consequence many mitted that the teaching imbalance was “There was a stage when Psychology was popular among students. Liz taking Politics Part II told Varsity,“I’m scan- students currently taking politics Part II a factor in the ongoing discussions about was the most popular by far.” Sources in Prochaska, a third year Historian, told dilised by the lack of resources in the SPS are having to fight for the attentions of SPS reform. She was keen to emphasise, the politics faculty refuted the fluctua- Varsity: “If a straight politics degree faculty.If it weren’t enough that I have but their massively over-stretched supervi- however, that whilst the interests of tion argument. The previous tripos was had existed when I applied, I would have three hours of lectures a week, I’m often sors. Geoffrey Hawthorn, a senior pol- undergraduates are important, they must organized in such a way that it was im- taken it. As it was, I avoided SPS because forced to share supervisions with as many itics lecturer, takes all of his supervisions be balanced against what is happening possible to tell which of the three disci- it was so disorganised”. It could be that as four other students. It’s terribly claus- in groups of five or six, despite the fact at graduate and research level. plines was most popular. Since the new if SPS is ever to rival PPE, its more pres- trophobic.” that his paper is designed to be super- Many see the imbalance in popular- tripos has been introduced, politics has tigious cousin at Oxford, it will have to SPS has always prided itself in being vised on a one-on-one basis. The con- ity between politics and sociology as an consistently attracted the most interest. lose the Sociology and Psychology and a flexible degree with wide scope for stu- sensus among politics students and teach- indictment of the sociology teaching in Everyone we spoke to, teachers and focus on disciplines that are more con- dent choice. The problem this year is ers alike is that this situation is Part I. Julian Blake, the irreverent ex- students, agreed that the situation this crete. Where diversity is a strategy, not a program. Citigroup’s revolutionary business model is shaping markets, trends, and quite a few careers. Could yours be next? To learn more about our internship opportunities, visit citigroup.com/newgrads/recruits

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Three leading University politicians get cosy with some thorny issues

Leadership triumvirate or three stooges? Varsity interviewed the heads of the University’s mainstream politi- cal parties to find out…

What is the role of student polit- Hugh Collins ical parties? When it comes to stereotypes, Lib: Many people are involved Cambridge does well for itself: the in single-issue activism – for exam- rowers, the rugby players etc.Then ple environmental issues. We have there’s the nasty ones.There’s the to show that these issues are not con- geeks, with their faces always buried trary to being a member of a politi- in the books, making jokes to each cal party. other using mathematical symbols. Lab: It’s not about changing the Worst of all is the politicians, usually world here and now. That would be long-haired oafs demanding that naive. It is about making socialists cannabis be legalised,or else very se- for life. rious young people with party poli- Con: CUCA offers the chance to tics on their mind.These are the ones speak to senior people. The Tory that spring to mind when one thinks party is taking students down to of Cambridge.Their party is their life, London, and I know from talking to and all their friends share their views. people at receptions that they are be- Given half a chance,they’ll try to make ing listened to. you share them as well. Another stereotype they are Should Steven Byers, the embat- without doubt – but like most, one tled Labour transport minister, Richard Burgon (Lab), Simon Radford (Lib) and Will Gallagher (Con) with a grain of truth. There are resign? many Cambridge students who are Would losing the pound mean los- Does CUSU do a good job? Should cannabis be legalised? truly passionate about their politics. Con: It is time that he does resign. ing our national identity? If you don’t share that particular There’s been so much confusion Con: CUSU should not address Lib: Yes. But weed should be reg- passion, then it’s a fair guess that over nationalisation or denationali- Lab: Our national identity would the big foreign policy issues such as ulated – after all, the free market you won’t get along with them es- sation that people are now more like- be very thin indeed if the best thing the war in Afghanistan, as it is not rel- gave us Thatcher, and that was a bit pecially well. For this reason, they ly to invest in Mexico than in our about our culture was the Queen’s evant here on the ground. of a cock-up. Heroin should be le- are frequently dismissed as bores. railways. head on the coin. Lib: They did a decent job over galised, so that you can prescribe it But everyone is boring to some- Lib: Firstly, the Tories screwed Con: It’s not about national iden- ‘Grants Not Fees’, but people distrust to addicts. I think that certain peo- one. And having a university full of up in the first place by fracturing the tity, but about national interest and CUSU. ple might have a valid need. people who really care about some- railways. Railtrack has completely saving jobs. I don’t believe what is Lab: Pav Akthar does a very good Lab: Nods in agreement thing is better than that other stu- ripped off the country and tax pay- going on in the EU is in British na- job. I think that students are interest- Con: Cannabis should certainly dent stereotype – the apathetic slob. ers have repeatedly bailed them out. tional interest. ed in issues such as Afghanistan, and be legalised, and in fact we should If it weren’t for people who thought It’s time to get someone in who will Lib: Have the French stopped be- I’d like to see them taking standpoints open the debate about legalising all about sport 24/7, there would be lit- do the job successfully. ing French or the Germans stopped on topics like the minimum wage too. drugs. tle sport worth thinking about. If it Lab: We shouldn’t go into issues being German? This is another Euro weren’t for people who were crazy of personality, we have to look at the scare story. If you are that paranoid about maths, or physics, or Twelfth cabinet as a whole and I really don’t about your national identity, you Membership of Century poetry, then these fields think he should resign. should see a psychiatrist. University would never be understood. And if Societies and it weren’t for political bores, we Should Britain join the Euro? Is Cambridge elitist? would be in real trouble. Political Parties To take up politics at University Con: It would be wrong for Lab: Cambridge is totally mis- means sacrificing a lot of time. Britain to join the Euro. We are the representative, both geographically These people do that because, fun- fourth largest economy in the world and in terms of economic back- damentally, they want to change – how can you expect countries as ground, although the Hideous things for the better. To have a re- different as Britain and Poland to Hoorays are only a tiny minority. alistic hope of succeeding, they have share the same interest rate? At the Con: I don’t think that the people to be single-minded and truly de- end of the day, it is about respecting who are interviewing are discrimi- voted. You can bet that Tony Blair difference and the single currency nating in any way against state school was single-minded, and maybe not tries to impose uniformity. people and ethnic minorities. We just the biggest party animal in histo- Lib: That’s a complete load of have to get that message across. It ry. But imagine if no one really toss, the trade-off you are making doesn’t matter where you come from, cared about politics, and countries is that you are giving up your inter- the colour of your skin or your gen- University Party Profiles were run by people who didn’t re- est rates in order not to have differ- der. At the end of the day what is im- ally believe in what they were do- ent exchange rates. You can trade a portant is whether you have the po- Conservative: Founded c. 1920 ing. hell of a lot easier, and that’s good tential to be here. Chair: Will Gallagher People sometimes laugh at politi- for business. Britain will join later Lib: The problem is getting peo- Past Members: Ken Clarke, Michael Howard cians in Cambridge, and think they and regret joining later. ple to apply. It really doesn’t help that www.cuca.org.uk are simply sad. But what they are Lab: What matters most is what people who don’t know much about Labour: Founded c. 1930 doing matters to them, and so it is is best for British working people. it snipe about Oxbridge elitism, like Chair: Richard Burgon worthwhile. The worst thing you The airy-fairy theories that the the Laura Spence thing. Cambridge Past Members: Charles Clarke, Mat Coakley can accuse them of is not repre- Conservatives are giving are not rel- should go above the odds to recruit http://members.tripod.co.uk/CLS senting anyone, and point to just evant to people on the ground. What dons from ethnic minorities. That Lib Dem: Founded 1885 how few people actually vote for matters is whether people have jobs would provide some leadership and Chair: Simon Radford them. But I say these people care, and I think that the Euro will im- people to look up to. It would stop Past members: Martin Bell, John Cleese and are committed. And if other prove this. Save the pound, lose your Cambridge looking like an all-white, www.cam.ac.uk/societies/csld people don’t care, their commit- job! all-male conspiracy. ment is all the more worthy.

08 NEWS ANALYSIS 25 January 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk Date Rape Drug In Cambridge The author of this article wishes to remain anonymous

I am relatively new here and I may be periencing a similar effect. We debat- taken to reduce the potential for drug- wrong, but there does not seem to be a ed the matter as I had just come from induced date rape (men and women well-established drug culture at a dinner with my brand new shiny partial to blue WKD may wish to con- Cambridge. I would hazard a couple of Cambridge girlfriend and wanted to sider switching to an alternative explanations.Firstly,the pressure of work Neil Ramsorrun try my hand at fidelity (the girl in ques- flavour). is such that often you simply cannot af- tion disposed of me without ceremo- ford to spend the morning-after aching, ny a few days later). Everyone in the The next day we sweating and praying for your pupils to room began to voice their opinion on missed morning constrict.Secondly,and perhaps most im- whether or not we should go and have lectures but were portantly, the music with which recre- sex. ational drug use is inextricably linked is The drug is marketed by Hoffman- perfectly compos not well represented in Cambridge LaRoche pharmaceuticals as an anaes- mentis by lunch nightlife.We live in a town of cheese,and thetic and treatment for insomnia. whilst Cindy’s on pints may be fun,Cindy’s Though it is principally known for its The night ended with five of us pass- on pills must be bizarre and unbearable. involvement in a number of high pro- ing out on one bed, huddled together I didn’t try Flunitrazepam (trade file cases of sexual assault, use of as if stranded on a life raft. One couple name Rohypnol) in the spirit of inves- Rohypnol as a recreational drug has did retire to test the drug’s amorous po- tigative journalism – rather it was a reveal almost anything. In any other been steadily increasing. It is natural- tential, and contrary to what you might drunken after-party in the room of a It acts as a mild drug this might be considered a seri- ly tasteless, odourless, and detectable expect, are still together and happy to- new fresher friend situated in an iso- aphrodisiac but ous drawback, but Rohypnol has a built only by an expensive and specific urine day. The next day we missed morning lated corner of one of our larger col- detracts from your in safety valve: anterograde amnesia test in the first 2–3 days after ingestion. lectures but were perfectly compos men- leges. There were seven of us, and a will ensure the next morning that nei- In an effort either to protect the pub- tis by lunch. As for memory loss, we packet of 30 1mg Rohypnol tablets. In ability to attempt ther you nor anyone else will have any- lic or to maintain a tenuous grip on had all taken a low dose, leaving only the true spirit of peer pressure almost any kind of thing but the vaguest notion of what their licence, Hoffman-LaRoche has a pleasantly fuzzy haze over everything everyone took at least a half, which in seduction was said. recently altered the appearance of that took place. I would certainly try retrospect is probably why we had so Rohypnol does not merely lower Rohypnol. The formerly water-soluble Rohypnol again, but only under cer- much fun – the atmosphere and sub- conversation and the physical prox- your inhibitions; it acts as a mild white disc now appears in Britain as a tain conditions, since it would be quite sequent process of talking rubbish were imity of the conversers. The drug has aphrodisiac but detracts from your abil- startling blue-green ellipsoid about 1cm easy to say or do something which may all-inclusive. the effects I have always thought a truth ity to attempt any kind of seduction. I long. The pill releases a powerful be greatly regretted. That said, in a safe You do not come up on Rohypnol. serum would exert: you forget what it remember very clearly when one turquoise dye in clear liquid, and environment with people you trust The litmus test for the increasing effect is which makes your innermost secrets friend suggested we duck out of the par- clouds darker drinks with a murky sus- there are much worse ways to spend of the drug was instead the subjects of secret, and if questioned will probably ty and head back to hers, as she was ex- pension. These measures have been an evening.

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Anna Gunn CUSU Council is made up of second vote; Council bluntly re- of Cambridge students. I could representatives from college JCR’s fused to discuss the matter at all. make wild guesses; there were more At long last, the question on and MCR’s and meets three or four Although a vote against the anti- people who may or may not have whether CUSU should oppose the times a term. Any student can sub- war motion would never have re- been Muslims, and perhaps even an war in Afghanistan has been re- mit motions to this body. In addi- sulted in pro-war CUSU policy, the unprecedented number of Union solved.It shouldn’t.On Wednesday, tion to this, there is the constitiu- matter has come up on three dif- hacks. The point is, it doesn’t mat- Council voted overwhelmingly not tional obligation to hold at least one ferent occasions. If Council deemed ter. Students voted as students, and to ratify the decision taken by stu- Open Meeting a term, requiring at this issue outside its mandate, mem- the decision they took should be dents at the Open Meeting last least 100 students to make policy, bers should have voted it down and judged on that basis. term, on the basis that it was “un- which subsequently has to be rati- not left it in limbo. If students have Council has every right not to representative of student opinion.” fied by Council. the right to submit motions to back an OM decision, but this right Leaving aside whether the war in The anti-war motion was tech- Council, they also have the right for must be regarded with a degree of itself was a good or bad thing, the nically passed as early as last Council to actually vote on them. caution. The OM mechanism is use- confusion surrounding the troubled October. However, more people ab- For the first time in 6 years, an less if it can simply be disregarded. Afghanistan motion has raised in- stained than voted yes or no, an ab- Open Meeting has reached a quo- To avoid setting a dangerous prece- teresting points concerning CUSU surd situation unforeseen by the rum. On the balance of probabili- dent, Council must issue a statement democracy. CUSU constitution. In the interest ty, the people in the room at the explaining Wednesday’s decision. of fairness, the issue was taken to a OM were not a perfect cross section

Helen Salmon Jeremy Brier NUS Exec Former Union Yes (personal capacity) Society President No Bush and Blair’s war has been a disas- How’s this for an appalling bit of reason- ter for the people of Afghanistan and ing? When I asked a member of CUSU at has heightened tensions all over the their last ‘Open’ Meeting why they were world.The claimed war aim of captur- justified in taking a stance on the War in ing Bin Laden has not been achieved. Afghanistan, they answered that it is be- Women in Afghanistan still wear the cause “it affects all human beings” and that burqua.The richest country in the world since students are,after all,human beings, has pounded one of the poorest into it affects students too.What? Do the rubble.Over 3,767 Afghan civilians were National Union of Teachers represent directly killed by the bombing,and many their members’ views on water pollution more will die from starvation. India’s given that water is quite important to chauvinist government and Pakistan’s most humans, and teachers are (on the military dictatorship, both of them nu- whole) human? Of course not.Specific in- clear powers, are using Bush’s war on terest groups have a mandate to repre- terror to justify a renewed drive to war sent their members on matters which re- over the question of Kashmir. late to their specific interests. This war has been part of the post- The same logic applies to a student Cold War project of the spread and union. And this is sensibly enshrined Photo: Bob Parr consolidation of US influence over in the Education Act of 1994. A stu- regions of the world crucial to the dent’s union is defined as an associa- strength of the multinationals. That Different perspectives: voices for and against this military action tion “whose principal purposes include is why it will not stop here. promoting the general interests of its Ominously, when asked what will The justification for the Anglo-American military strat- striking back at those responsible for September 11, they are members as students”. It goes on to state happen if Saddam Hussein does not egy of the last few months falls into two parts. also doing the Afghan people a service (obviously there are that the union has a role as a ‘repre- allow weapons inspectors into Iraq, Firstly, there is a pragmatic defence. Destroying Al-Qaeda a million more desirable ways in which this service could have sentative’ body, but this is within the the US President responded “He’ll by“ bombing its training camps and killing its soldiers is an ef- been provided). context of the earlier definition. So see”. The war has made the world a fective way of preventing them from ever crashing another A worrying consequence of the war in Afghanistan is that CUSU can march against rent rises more dangerous, unstable place. Tony plane into the New York skyline. Removing the Taliban from it has perpetuated anti-American feeling in the Middle East. or fund campaigns against tuition fees. Blair has been acting as Bush’s rov- power means there is one less government in the world that’s Bill Clinton, in this year’s Richard Dimbleby lecture, argued A student union is there to battle on stu- ing foreign ambassador. Every time prepared to harbour terrorists. that way for the US to create a favourable impression of itself dent-related issues. But when it comes he says that Britain stands shoulder Secondly, there is the ideological dimension. Americans, in the non-Western world is not to avoid a military response to international affairs of no direct rel- to shoulder with the US’s war, we more passionately than the people of any other country, be- to September 11, but to continue to help stabilise and mod- evance to students, CUSU has no man- must say we stand shoulder to shoul- lieve in freedom. This is the whole point which the Left are ernise the economies of developing countries once the war is date to hold a referendum (even more der with the victims of that war, and failing to see. Because of what America has done women doc- over. so given the massively low turnouts and with victims of American and British tors and lawyers in Afghanistan have gone back to work for Rather than being an exploitative, nefarious and demon- hence, unrepresentative results). policies the world over, such as the the first time in six years. If there wasn’t a clear humanitarian ic superpower, this current era of American hegemony could So put aside the fact that many stu- 500,000 Iraqi children killed by UN reason for removing the Taliban then the bombing would sim- have positive results for the planet as a whole. dents are probably quite in favour of sanctions. ply be America exacting revenge. Instead, whilst the US are David Benson, Cambridge Labour Students rooting out terrorists that directly threat- There is a long and honourable en their lives, or at least many are un- history of students’ and workers’ or- sure about taking a ‘yes-no’ stance on ganisations taking up campaigns in As the world reverberated from the September 11 at- have had their own agenda in wreaking revenge and vendet-” such a complex issue. But remember solidarity with others. British Trade tacks,terror of a different kind was unleashed in Afghanistan. ta against the Taliban regime, a fact proven by the Konduz that we all pay our money to CUSU Unions opposed slavery in Britain’s The “civilised nations” of the world decided to bomb an massacres of the surrendering Taliban. so that it delivers us student services American colonies. The NUS itself entire“ nation and its innocent people for a ghastly act attrib- If the Bush administration really were the harbinger of and represents us on issues that affect was set up in the wake of the First uted to the Al Qaeda network. Where’s the justice and fair- world peace, perhaps they would also have cared to respect us as students. When it deviates from World War as part of the movement ness in this? Is the War Against Terrorism against Osama bin the traditions and norms of the holy month of Ramadam when that purpose, it breaches it responsi- for a peaceful world. As long as we Ladin, or Al Qaeda, or the Taliban, or the Afghan people? Muslims cease all forms of aggression. The Coalition did not bilities to its members and its compli- live in a world where 19,000 children By bombing Afghanistan, Bush and his administration even let up on the bombing on the day of Eid, the Muslim fes- ance with the law. in the Third World die every day be- have undermined the process of dialogue and negotiation and tival celebrated after the end of Ramadam. Just as the Coalition cause of Third World debt and where sown the seeds of hatred, which will perpetuate the prob- is degrading and humiliating captured members of the Al Next weeks issue: our government bombs thousands in lem of terrorism. By replacing the Taliban with the Northern Qaeda and the Taliban by sedating them, shaving their beards Holocaust Memorial Day our name while they say they cannot Alliance, the Coalition Against Terrorism did absolutely no and transporting them to Cuba. Where is the respect for hu- If you would like to contribute afford to fund free education we must service to the people of Afghanistan despite all the rhetoric man dignity in all this? on the issue email: take up these issues. about a better tomorrow for Afghans. The Northern Alliance Najeeba Khan, second year with family in Pakistan ” [email protected] 10 NEWS EDITORIAL 25 January 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk

Editorial: Now that we’ve got your attention… The Varsity remit I constantly worry about the preoccu- quent national interest initially pro- pations of both the average Cambridge viding an amusing novelty, which has student and their supposedly represen- quickly turned to boredom, and then tative elected executive. But then I’m to irritation. The Mail has since treat- also worried about the development ed John’s students with ignorant con- of the student press in recent months, tempt. One wonders if roving reporter particularly in these ‘hallowed’ pages. Kathryn Knight, author of the Mail’s Recent statistics show the government headlining naming and shaming ‘ex- making headway with their constantly posé’ of Cambridge students, has any reiterated, ridiculously arbitrary target conception of the difficulty in under- of 50% of young people in higher edu- taking an Oxbridge degree. King’s, the cation,and just as well.It looks like we’re greatest friend to Access, has been at- close to producing some of the most for- tacked for overspending on their en- midable gossip columnists the world has tertainments budget, calling into ques- ever seen. Last term’s UCAS statistics tion the college’s charitable status. cited that the fastest growing courses Varsity has subsequently catered for were in media studies (up 22%), closely the middle-market that exists for cof- followed by cinematics (up 16.5%) fee-table gossip. A right royal wheeze. whereas massive losses were felt in The government’s calls for science and engineering. Cambridge to attract those from low- Our professional media, famous for er income backgrounds are, needless ligerent towards the colleges’ apathetic its magnanimous reverence of enter- to say, marred by negative press at- regard of the papers, and rightly so. Letters to the Editor prising success in any shape or form, tention. CUSU and OUSU are fight- Projects such as the compilation of a has leapt at the chance of portraying ing a losing PR battle against a de- central database on rents will raise the us as a bunch of stuck-up, patronising, luded government and an uncaring profile of collegiate hoodwinking. I Letter of the week ignorant louts. Cambridge students media. CUSU President Pav Akthar, await the results with eager anticipa- The winner of the letter of the week receives two free tickets have had to put up with stories about no doubt aware of the effects of his tion. to the Arts Picture House St. Catharine’s naked girls, the subse- own media exposure, remains bel- Rob Sharp I take exception to Nick Hodsdon’s article ‘Queer pressure’ in last week’s Varsity. I agree with his first have been less patronising to the male for improvement and the explanation few paragraphs, but the Cambridge ‘gay scene’ isn’t exactly the Exploitation half of the student community, and that the exec themselves weren't to shallow, back-stabbing shagfest that he makes it out to be. No, less irritating to the female half to high- blame. it’s not perfect and lots of people use LBG events as a chance I am thinking of setting up a lap danc- light that in the pictures used in the ad- What's worse, you misleadingly ti- to pull, what do you expect (and what's wrong with that?), but ing club in my bedroom. The public- vertising. tled the piece “worthless”, with the by- the scene’s not a “world that revolves around sex”. While a ity photo in the ADC brochure for this Katharine Hibbert line (sic) “nobody listens to CUSU”. Fresher, I found it invaluable for meeting other gay people, some- week’s main show What The Butler Saw Clare I have great admiration for the CUSU thing which was very important and helpful to me at a slightly is of a girl in a bra, from the shoulders exec, and I think your ridiculous and unsure time in my life when I hadn’t really come out, or knew to the waist. Clearly, the publicist Please turn to page 4 for Top Tit unbalanced coverage is the main rea- of many other gay people, in college. thinks that this is what is going to drag Action!! (Ed.) son they don't get the respect they de- “The atmosphere is one that looks down on people who val- the punters in. It would hardly be a serve. Varsity should decide whether ue their straight friends in college or share their values”. Really? Cambridge play without a spot of nu- it wants to report and analyse the The implication of the article that making decent friends at dity, and that is fine by me. But I am Slander news, or to irrationally slander people college and making decent friends from the scene are somehow so bored of seeing female sexuality who are genuinely trying to improve mutually exclusive seems quite wrong, at least to me. I’m sure used to sell pretty much everything. What strange force compels Varsity ed- Cambridge. In the meantime please that many people have more faith in the people they meet at If, as the publicist hopes, you are mo- itors to turn every article on CUSU let me express my apologies to CUSU, LBG events than Mr Hodsdon appears to. tivated to go and see the play by the into the same rant on the failings of and advise people not to believe I appreciate Nick’s trying to do some good and I'm sorry he promise of tits to look at, then come Pav Akhtar? Last week you printed everything they read in this paper. wishes he’d never set foot in Gradpad, but to say that the “world round to my new strip bar and get it my article on the CUSU open meet- Dan O'Huiginn of LesBiGay” is “ruining people’s lives” is just bollocks. in a straightforward way. If there is any ing – or rather half of it. To be precise, Queens’ Sam Webster more content to the play than there is you kept the criticism of CUSU, but Trinity to my pole-dancing act, then it would carefully trimmed off the suggestions Your Mum (Ed.)

The A Team : If you would like to contribute to Varsity, turn up to a section meeting (times below) at the Varsity offices (unless otherwise indicated) or email a section editor

Editor: Rob Sharp [email protected] Chief News Editor: David Benson Business Manager: Ed Hall [email protected] News Editors: Oliver Duff, James Hayton, Katy Long (Mon 4 pm) [email protected] Technical Director: Tim Harris News Analysis Editors: Hugh Collins, Neil Ramsorrun (Fri 4 pm) [email protected] Company Secretary: Diana Tapp News Perspective Editor: Anna Gunn (E-mail for details) [email protected] Deputy Editor: Will Bland [email protected] Living Editor: Anushka Asthana [email protected] Director of Design: James O’Connor [email protected] Science Editor: Tim Jarratt (Mon 6 pm) [email protected] Snr Design Consultant: Will Hill Fashion Editors: Clemmie Burton-Hill, Mike Dixon (E-mail for details) [email protected] Design Consultants: Debbie Barrow, Claire Parker, Gemma Partridge, Gary White Interviews Editor: Jack Thorne (E-mail for details) [email protected] Production Manager: Jim Minter [email protected] Satire Editors: Joe Craig, Ali Smart [email protected] Online Webmaster: Alex Mathy [email protected] Food Editors: Johan Duramy, Charlie Rahtz [email protected] Online Editor: John Mills [email protected] Travel Editor: Julia Mason (E-mail for details) [email protected] Photos Editor: Kieran Drake [email protected] Arts Editors: Sarah Savitt, Dave Thorley [email protected] News Photos Editor: Carolyn Lund Theatre Editors: Fiona Kelcher, Mark Richards (Fri 5 pm Bar Ha!Ha!) [email protected] Sport Photos Editor: Rowan Huppert Film Editor: Howard Gooding (Thu 5 pm The Anchor) [email protected] Technical Consultant: James Southgate Music Editors: Jonny Anstead, Ed Maxwell (Fri 4 pm The Eagle) [email protected] Page Setters: C Ashby, S Chen, S Dangoor, P Earis, T Flower, W Hu, Classical Music Editor: Rebecca Taylor (Wed 5.30 pm Eagle) [email protected] S Parris, L Tailby, F Turner, T Walters Literature Editor: Sameer Rahim (Mon 5.30 pm) [email protected] Subeditors: Daniel Crompton (Chief), Sophie Davies, Gavin Kermack, Visual Arts Editor: Hannah Barry (Tue 5 pm The Vaults) [email protected] Emily Norton, Helene Williamson Sport Editors: Nick King, Ben Speight (Fri 3pm Maypole) [email protected] LIVING

FASHION 12 HUMOUR 15 Well red Candid Tortoise

TRAVEL 13 SCIENCE 19 Spending time in Europe’s finest cities This time it’s the year of the...

INTERVIEW 14 FOOD AND DRINK 20 Whitbread wigger Patrick Neate Leg 1 – The Middle East 12 LIVING FASHION 25 January 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk

Well Red

Clemency Burton-Hill

Rouge may well have been the couleur inevitable sexiness that comes with du jour in 2001 thanks to the delights the red territory, they still manage to of Ms. Kidman et al, but it seems that feel as comfy as those old 70s vintage fashion’s love affair with all things red numbers at the back of your cup- is still flourishing. There isn’t a corset board. Typically, Evisu do red with in sight, however, and you can dis- lashings of irony, tesselating jumpers miss all fears of Agent Provocateur- in the brightest shade of pillar-box style PVC too. The modern take on and slashing crimson across the backs red is high on glamour and super- of their trademark jeans. For best re- sexy, but very low-maintenance. And sults, team your poppies, magentas, it looks great on both boys and girls. and traffic-light hues with delicious- Diesel continue the mania for any- ly faded denim, pink for a too-cool thing customised, chopping up t- clash, and lots more red. And for a fi- shirts and decorating them with cute nal touch, make sure you accessorise ribbons and funky old-skool trans- with an intoxicatingly pretty red fers. Their scarlet cords are slung ul- cocktail. We loved River Bar’s sweet Photography: Nishant Lalwani, Alex Winckler tra-low and pre-faded, so despite the strawberry martini. Mmmm… Models: Anna Aryee, Rick Edwards All clothes from Dogfish, 5 Green Street With many thanks to Will and Tariq at Glassworks A 25 January 2002 TRAVEL LIVING 13 www.varsity.cam.ac.uk We’ve gotta get out of this place... Spend time in Europe’s finest cities,without spending all your money

Julia Mason

I’ve got itchy feet and I won’t wait until Easter to scratch. I’ve donned the obligatory black coat and sunglasses, I’m pulling along a smart pull-along suitcase. I’m doing city breaks. Thanks to STA’s city break promotion which runs all this term. (How kind. How convenient. Lucky us). Prepare for fun, frolics and an only slightly dented bank balance.

2nd–3rd February Berlin £108: stead of a smelly river. There is a riv- Better than Tesco er but it doesn’t smell – Venice, take note. It might be a good place to I’m a weekend city break virgin. get healthy mid-term. Just watch out Well, I’ve done it once before but it for goulash! didn’t count. Doing it for the first time with the Germans…dubi- 2nd–3rd March Stockholm £148: ous...still, as time is always of the White girls can’t skate essence, I intend to make full use of the fact that Berlin is opening its mu- Ice-skating opportunities have be- seums until 2am this Saturday – es- come thin on the ground in pecially for citybreakers like me, I Cambridge and I need a power trip imagine. It should beat the 24 hour Mason All others: Anna Main photo: Juliet Brooke. – I’ve always felt meaner with my Tesco for late night cultural enter- feet firmly attached to a pair of skates. tainment. I hear they’re all very good skaters in Stockholm. Apparently the pave- 9th–10th February Amsterdam ments are not paved with gold but £93: Purple Haze ice and they don’t walk, they skate.

It’s Shrove Tuesday on the 12th 9th–10th March Brussels £79: and I reckon if I make the most of Taste the difference my weekend in Amsterdam I should still have the munchies by then. I’m saving up for the excesses of Pancakes, mmmm. Of course I shall next weekend, but I wont miss out not miss out on visiting the Van on my citybreak. So Brussels it is. At Gough ear-retrospective, or Anne just £79 Brussels, ‘the food capital of Frank’s house before I remember Europe’, is the economy baked beans that I’m not twelve anymore. tin of citybreaks. Don’t be put off though. This is the home of NATO, 16th–17th February Venice £193: the EU and, more importantly, the Some are still romantics; others muscles from Brussels himself, Jean maintain it smells Claude Van Damme. Bearing that in mind you might want to take your If no one cares what the ‘new mum with you, it is Mothering black’ is this season, then that’s be- Sunday after all. No, maybe kinder cause Venice is the new Paris. All to leave her at home. young lovers go to Venice to float dreamily on canals and masquerade 16th–17th March Dublin £99: generally. I will be joining them Celebrity Deathmatch- James when a lovely boy takes me there on Joyce v Saint P. a Valentine’s break. And if not? I hear the canals stink anyway. This weekend I will be mostly drink- ing Guinness. Yuk. Grimace plas- 23rd–24th February Budapest tered firmly to my face I’m off to pre- £155: Thermal goulash tend to be hard and celebrate the festival of St. Shamrock Guinness Help, I’m a fat American! All those Patrick in Dublin. Not forgetting the pancakes and valentine’s chocolates city’s other great achievement I ven- have wreaked havoc and I need ture forth Ulysses in hand – I’m detox. Budapest is the only city to be guessing that the only possible way built on warm thermal springs in- to get through it is when drunk.

Seven weekends away. The senior tutor and my bank manager thought I was pushing it. But I didn’t. For the chance to visit loads of other cities this term go to STA on Bridge Street. Prices include travel, taxes and two nights accommodation. Extra nights are available on request, if you’re sure you can really afford all that time off. Have you got an exeat? Prices are very reasonable and frankly, it would be rude not to… Travel Tips

• To avoid your clothes creasing in your luggage, you might like to try Win Europe on a Shoestring rolling up your t-shirts or underwear and wrap your clothes around them at the fold line. • In some countries they will not grant you entry if your passport expires You can’t possibly travel anywhere without a guidebook. within six months of your return home. If your passport is close to ex- No way. That would show 60’s style independence and inventiveness. We have piry, extend it. 5 copies of the Lonely Planet’s, Europe on a Shoestring to give away. • Always take a credit card. The exchange rate is often better, it is safer Email [email protected] with your name and college address and than carrying large amounts of cash and it will often carry an extra answer to the following question to win: guarantee. • Airlines are more likely to give discounts for booking over three weeks What ‘A’ is the capital of Holland? in advance and flights will usually be cheaper if you avoid weekends. 14 LIVING INTERVIEW 25 January 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk Wigger Wags Whitbread Sameer Rahim keeps things “nice” and Neate with controversial Whitbread winner

Patrick Neate. Part-time hip-hop dee- “It’s too ridiculous to be offensive”, jay. Full-time wigger novelist. Winner said Neate in his slightly slurred of the Whitbread Novel of the Year. South London accent, but since he

Runner-up in this week’s Whitbread raised the topic himself twice during Sameer Rahim Book of the Year. He is white, 31 years the interview it seems probable that old, about 5 foot 10 and has some fuzzy Knight’s personal attack stung him. facial hair. His reply in the following week’s Sunday Times was an erudite analy- His whiteness may not seem a par- sis of how popular black culture has ticularly significant or enlightening been bought up by white “corporate place to start, you may think, but it cool hunters” and sold to white, mid- is a fact that most reviewers and in- dle class customers. But he “is fas- terviewers of Patrick Neate seemed cinated by race” and thinks it’s im- to mention first. portant people “can This is because his “If I could choose write whatever the Whitbread Prize- hell they want”. And winning novel one current British yet his recognition of Twelve Bar Blues is this fact didn’t quite set in both an writer to tell stories address the issue of African village how, and perhaps and in amongst around my fantasy more interestingly the black popula- why, a white person tion of the campfire it would be would want to write American deep in the argot of black south. It has sur- Patrick Neate.” African and African- prised, and an- American charac- gered, many com- Daily Telegraph ters. mentators that this Twelve Bar Blues is softly-spoken public school boy who the story of Lick Holden, a fictional grew up in Putney would wish to jazz musician growing up in the deep write mainly about black people. For 20th Century American South. The critics like India Knight, Neate ex- book intersperses his story with those emplifies the white, middle-class of his African ancestors who act as a man obsessed by black culture and fictional precursor to Lick and his who exploits it for his own benefit. friend Naps, and Lick’s mixed raced The word she used in the Sunday descendant Sylvia, an ageing prosti- Times was ‘wigger’ as Neate himself tute living in the late nineties and casually informed me when we dis- searching for her forgotten past. cussed the issue in his local pub in Neate moves smoothly between con- South London. tinents, time periods and styles ex- hibiting an infectious enthusiasm for when he got to Corpus he “expect- tells me that he “is obsessed with scribing himself as a “moral writer his characters and more particularly ed more intellect.” He is pretty prostitutes” and did a lot of research who simply wishes to add to the bank the language they use. scathing about the social life as well, in brothels around England. He has of human stories.” As a writer who The Whitbread judges catapult- “everyone was either from a private made friends with many prostitutes thinks empathy, imagination, ro- ed the book into prominence with school and were socially inept or (two are credited in his acknowl- mance, myths and above all feelings their award describing his book as “a from a comprehensive and had edgements) and tried to find out are the most important things about sprawling and unusual extravagan- worked so hard to get there they about their lives, their stories. He also the literature that he admires and za of a novel… the electrifying prose wants to write. He is, in his own brings to life characters whose ex- words, “a complete pussy” when it periences span one century, several The Famous Five comes to sentiment, crying at films cultures and many colours.” When Each week we ask the same five questions of our “famous” interviewee. and songs very easily. I put it to him asked about this high praise Neate that sentiment doesn’t seem to be seemed slightly abashed, “I was ab- What’s the first word you think of when I say Cambridge? Boring. what modern British fiction is very solutely fucking astonished.” He also What would you say to a 21 year old who wanted to be you? Don’t follow me, be good at. The technical craft of Julian found the award “a bit embarrass- yourself. Barnes, Martin Amis or Ian McEwan ing” given the quality and reputation Who’s your hero? Louis Armstrong. often doesn’t leave much room for of the other novels on the shortlist What did you want to be when you were 21? A writer. flights of the imagination or overtly which included Ian McEwan’s Would you send your kids to private school? No. sympathetic characters. Neate ac- Atonement and Andrew Miller’s knowledges that those writers are Oxygen both on the Booker Prize list “more intellectual” than he is and last year. Nevertheless he did receive were incapable of any intelligent con- met some of their clients and felt un- that they are very skilful. But he also “a few grand thank you very much” versation.” He told me has only one able to comprehend how they could feels unembarrassed about creating (£5000 to be precise) and he was cer- friend from Cambridge that he still “sleep with some twenty-one year characters that you can love rather tainly generous with his money since keeps in contact with. No amusing old Romanian refugee and still live than sneer at, books that make you he bought me drinks all evening. anecdotes of his undergraduate days with themselves.” Like his character feel as well as think. The drink certainly made his con- were forthcoming, he ended up feel- Lick Holden, Neate seems to have Patrick Neate is self-effacing and versation flow. I got the impression ing, as many do I’m sure, “that the an almost childlike innocence about airily modest. “I write very quickly that he is not yet inured to the whole whole thing passed me by.” these issues. It is this innocence that and rarely edit….I don’t pay much interview process that writers now Including sex? There is a prolifer- brings out the strength and attraction attention to structure really.” I liked must go through. Talking about his ation of sympathetic prostitutes in in both his writing and his conver- him, and even felt inspired by him. Cambridge days (he read Twelve Bar Blues. Men, both black sation. He is quite white and middle class Anthropology at Corpus from 1990- and white, are seen degrading He compared his urgent prose but his book transcends that. I am 1993) he presented a picture that women for their own sexual pleas- style to that of a child constantly nag- hopeful that, unlike Lick Holden, some may still find familiar. He was ure, but the prostitutes themselves ging at its parents clothes, “and then Patrick Neate will come to be ap- surprised to get in since he “wasn’t are fully humanised, each with their this happened, and this, and then preciated for the undoubted talent particularly intelligent at school” and own individual story to tell. Neate this!” He has no qualms about de- he possesses. Sameer Rahim A 25 January 2002 BLASPHEMY LIVING 15 www.varsity.cam.ac.uk

Candid Tortoise Drake Kieran

Joe Craig,Ali Smart and Christine Haseldine Never give a sucker a flexible straw Horror-scopes (by the blind seer) If it’s your birthday this week, watch out! Disembowelment is on the cards, so don’t run with scissors. Two Cows…ON FILM Hitchcock: You have two cows. Or do you? Be afraid. Scorsese: You have two cows, but you can’t trust either of them be- cause they’re from New York. Spielberg: In your childhood you had two beautiful cows. Now they are gone, but if you dream hard enough they can be yours again! Kubrick: You have two cows which say very little for a very long PLAYER CAM time, probably meaning something very deep but nobody’s quite sure. Then they die. ANAGRAM OF THE WEEK:HET EKEW Tarantino: You, you muthaf**ker, Woody Allen: You have two have two black cows, OK? You cows? I feel nauseous. HOBO’S HOBSERVATIONS Ð touch my bull and I’ll kick your ass. Billy Wilder: You have two bulls, Strange things that our Hobo saw James Cameron: You have two but they dress up as cows in order huge cows, the biggest ever seen on to escape from the farm because “This week I picked up a packet of raisins. On the label it said earth, and they cost $100,000,000 they witnessed you slaughtering a ‘Try tossing over your breakfast cereal’. I will. But only when I’m out of milk.” each. You like them very much. sheep. HATS OFF TO… Recipe Story behind the face … Bruce Wechsler of Columbus, Bramble Scrambled Ohio, whose tragic case gave rise to the headline: “Suicidal twin kills This is what he calls his ‘haircut’. How to cook Tom Bell’s cat, the only brother by mistake”. Enough said. reason being that he puts pictures of it in TCS to make us laugh. Now the

Kieran Drake Drake Kieran PISS OFF TO… His left eyebrow might look se- laugh’s on you Tom, ha ha ha (or cure now, but this wasn’t always the something). …Mr E De Puss, who appeared case. It was stolen during a mugging in Ilkley County Court this week in 1994, only to turn up 5 months First, let it out the bag. and swore on his father’s life that later just above his left eye. Then kill it (unless Curiosity he didn’t sleep with his mother. has done this for you). Born to cycloptic parents, a trag- Kill it eight more times. ic birth defect left him with an ex- Now skin it (there is more than tra eye. one way of doing this). Be careful not to swing it – there You’ll notice his left ear is at the probably isn’t enough room. same level as his right. This is a con- Cook it on a hot tin roof, unless stant reminder of the horrific ear- it’s raining really, really hard (you relocation torture he suffered as a know what we mean). PoW in Vietnam. Serve it in its own cradle with whatever it dragged in. You can tell a man by his nose. If Chew carefully: don’t let it get the nose is there, the man is gener- your tongue (whatever chance it ally not too far behind. has now it’s in hell). Seals a surface or con- Invite T S Eliot. His lips are sealed. To seal your tainer against the pas- And advice for after dinner: if lips try Ronseal. Does exactly what sage of a gas or liquid you want someone to bugger you, it says on the chin. then the catamite.

Jesus Seeks Brighter Future The Messiah was spotted recently at a J: Well, my father is quite high up Q: I hear that’s all the rage in J: Good story though. Greatest Q: And do you have ambitions to job interview for a position with in the business. He wanted to be a Bangladesh. Any other water sports? ever told. climb the corporate ladder? Linklaters. dancer, but he moved in mysterious J: Wine-tasting. Q: I liked ‘Body Of Evidence’ per- J: Naturally – I have a track record ways. Q: Of course. And you’re a sonally. of swift ascension. Questioner: I already have the Big Q: What a great shame. Anyway, trained first-aider, I see? J: Funny you should say that, my Q: Interesting. Would you be pre- Issue this week, thanks. it says on your curriculum vitae that J: Yes, as it says on my CV “the mum was in it. pared to work a seven-day week? Jesus: No, I’m here for the job in- you enjoy a number of endurance blind and lame came to him in the Q: Didn’t she sing ‘Like a Virgin’? J: No, I spend Sundays at my terview. sports. temple courts, and he healed them” J: Quite literally. dad’s house. Q: Oh, and you are? J: That’s true: I was once crucified. (Matthew 21:14). Q: I see. Now, give an example of Q: That’s a shame. So, do you J: Jesus Christ Q: Only once? Q: I didn’t get that far through. a time when you have adapted to have any questions for us? Q: Calm down. Now, what first at- J: Yes. But I also enjoy water-walk- Your curriculum vitae really is quite changing circumstances. J: Yes: do you ever think there tracted you to the legal profession? ing. thick. J: Well, Good Friday, I suppose. must be something greater than this? 16 LISTINGS 25 January 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk

Film Thursday Robinson Films: GIRTON BALL Arts Picture House Croupier. MARCH 9TH Monsoon Wedding (15) Robinson College REQUIRES WORKERS AND WANDERING ENTS. Listings Fri – Sun 2:45, 300 (Sat Only) 5:30, 9:30pm. £2 APPLY ONLINE AT WWW.GIRTON.CAM.AC.UK/BALL 8:10 St John’s Films: Mon – Thu1:45 (Not Tue,Wed),4:00 Battle Royale (18). In association with (Not Thu), 6:30, 9:10, the Anglo-Japanese Society. Last Orders (15) St. John’s College, Fisher Building. Fri – Sun 3:20, 5:40, 8:00 (+1.00 Sat) 9pm. £2.00. Mon – Thu 2.00,4:20, 6:40, 9:00 Va Savoir (PG)  Fri 1:50, 7:30 • Sat 7:30 LesBiGay % Sun 12:30, 5:15, 8:15 Mon – Thu 12:15 (Thu),1:00 (Not Monday Thu), 3:50 (Tue) 8:45 (Not Tue) CUSU LesBiGay:  The Believer (15) Mixed Weekly LesBiGay social. BOOKSHOP Fri - Sat 5:30, 10:50 • Mon 4:15, 6:40 Grad Pad Wed 1:45,4.45 • Thu 6:10 9pm. My Neighbour Totoro (15) for all current members Fri – Sat 1:10, 4:40 Tuesday of the University of Cambridge – simply show Hitchcock Shorts and Now it can Phoneline: be told (PG) Confidential LesBiGay phoneline. 1 Trinity Street, your University Card Cambridge, CB2 1SZ Fri 2:00 (7)40777. Telephone 01223 333333 We are open Monday to Atlantis the lost Empire (U) 8-10pm Saturday, 9.00 am–5.30 pm [email protected] Sat 12:00 and 11.00 am–5.00 pm on Sundays Harry Ree Interview (Free) Wednesday Sat 12:00 King’s LBG Night: www.varsity.cam.ac.uk Jericho (PG) and Jailbreakers (PG) Popular mixed social with cheese mu- Sat 3:00 sic. Undergrads and postgrads welcome. As You Like It (U) King’s College, Cellar Bar. Sun 3:00 9:30pm. Princess Mononoke (PG) Sun 1:00 Misc Portugese Short Films Sun 3:30 Friday Shower (12) Emma Ents: Tue 1:30 Jazz and Cocktails night. 8-11pm. Mandy (PG) Emmanuel College, Old Library. Tue 9:15 8pm. £4 (3 free drinks with ticket). Un Homme de Trop (15) Hughes Hall: Wed 7:00 Boat Club Bop, Mixed Music and good A Man Escaped (PG) drinks. Thu 7:00 Hughes Hall, Bar. A Midsummer Night’s Dream (PG) 9pm. £2 Hughes Hall, 3 non-HH. Thu 3:00 Jewish Society: Sunday FRIDAY NIGHT DINNER - eat, Robinson Films: drink and relax. Enemy at the gates. The Student Centre, 3 Thompson’s Robinson College Lane. 7/10pm. £2 7:30pm. St John’s Films: Artificial Intelligence: AI (12) Saturday St. John’s College, Fisher Building. Cambridge University Judo Club: 7/10pm. £2 Open to all men and women. THEFT presents Fenner’s Gym, Gresham Road. A Bout de Souffle: by Jean-Luc Godard 6pm. Trinity Hall, Lecture Theatre. Kettle’s Yard: 7:30pm. £2 SATURDAY DRAWING. Drawing TRINITY FILM: with artist Anna Townley. Bookng ENTER THE DRAGON - Bruce Lee Essential. Trinity College, Winstanley theatre,. Kettle’s Yard 9pm. £2 11:30am. £5. The Pembroke College Winnie- Monday The-Pooh Society: TRINITY FILM: Elevenses Meeting - a little smackeral of ENTER THE DRAGON - Bruce Lee, something Trinity College, Winstanley Theatre. Room 2, 52A Trumpington Street, 9pm. £ 2.00 4pm.

Tuesday Sunday CUJS: Samatha Meditation: Film night : CHOCOLAT, with loads Meditation classes for everyone. of chocolate aswell!! Darwin College, Old Library. CUlanu Centre, 33 Bridge Street, 8pm. 9:30pm. Soraya’s 8-week Beg.Oriental Belly Dance Course: Wednesday Learn how this beautiful ancient dance Churchill MCR Film Soc: can get you in shape and be fun!. MALENA (also late show 11pm) Cambridge YMCA, Pye Room Churchill College, Wolfson Hall. 6pm.£36Students,£40 non-students. 8pm. £2.00. A 25 January 2002 LISTINGS 17 www.varsity.cam.ac.uk

Monday SHOW AND TELL: Saturday CAMBRIDGE FIRST MOVE PRODUCTIONS Invites artists of all types Ballroom and Latin Dancing An eclectic mix of music, comedy, and Cambridge University Music Club: UNIVERSITY Absolute Beginners Class: video... Owen Cox,Tom Poster,James Hopkins (music/acting/poetry/stand-up/dance…) to audition for a St Alban’s School Lensfield Road. Emmanuel College, Queens Building. perform Ravel’s piano trio . DRAGHOUNDS 7:30pm.£10 to join; £1.20 per class. 10:30pm. £3. St. Catharine’s College, Chapel. Student Subscriptions: £125 CABARET Barbara Harding Yoga: the raw, unrehearsed show!. 8pm. £5/£3 CUMC members free. to be held week 6 Daily Cap (student rate): £10 Beginners class- all welcome. Emmanuel College, Queens Building. Churchill ents,Newnham ents and Auditions at ADC Bar, Sunday 27 Newnham Old Labs, . 8pm. £2 Student Community Action: January 11:30–2pm Meets: Every Sunday and some 4pm. £3.50 for term pass, £5 drop in. A Burns’night Ceilidh with Cambridge Wednesdays *Bring your prepared piece!* Belly dance: Wednesday Uni Ceilidh band . From more information contact Ida Belly dance for intermediates. Powerful Argentine Tango Dancing - Newnham, Jane Harrison Room. OPENING MEET 2002: (ikl20) or Katy (ksd26) art form. Beginners Course: 7:30pm. £6 on the door. SUNDAY 27TH JANUARY King’s College, Chetwynd room. Stoneyard Center, St Andrew’s Clare ents: AT MILTON PARK, 6pm. £conc.. Street. LOST BOYS, eclectic DnB returning PETERBOROUGH Belly dance for absolute beginners. 7pm. £10 to join; £1.20 per class. to the cellars. FOR FURTHER DETAILS, MEET Relaxing and fun. CU Yoga Society: Clare College, cellars. CARDS ETC, PLEASE CONTACT King’s College, Chetwynd room. 8 week course with Shuddassara 9pm. £3/4. JOINT MASTERS, 7:30pm. £conc. Newnham College, Old Labs. The Boiler Room @ John’s and CU Yoga Society: 7:15pm. £20. CamSAW Nina Barbour: 07789372499 Iyengar yoga with Philippe. Yoga with Shuddassara. Underground. Fundraising for Islamic David Maxwell: 07711670320 Lucy Cavendish College Bar. Newnham College, Old Labs. Relief and Afghan Aid. 5:15pm. £3.50 or termcard - 4 ses- 5:30pm. £3.50 or 10 for termcard (4 St. John’s College, Boiler Room. Also we would be very grateful to hear from any cross country runners sions for £10. sessions). 9pm. £4. interested in running the lines. CUTAZZ: Latin Dancing The Cambridge Union: Beginners tap. Absolute Beginners Class: NIGHT OF JAZZ. Robinson College, Games room. St Paul’s School Hall, Coronation in the Union Bar. 6pm. £2.50. Street. 8:30pm.£2.50 FOR NON-MEMBERS. Downing Dramatics Society Announces Intermediate/advanced tap. 7pm.£10 to join; £1.20 per class. Jewish Society Auditions for Robinson College, Games room. Offbeat: Stage Dancing: Celebration – JSOCs main winter ent 7pm. £2.50. £10 to join; £1.20 per class. Robinson Party Room Cold Comfort Jewish Society: St Matthew’s School Hall, Broad St 8pm, Free Entry Farm Tu B’Shevat -”FRUIT FEST”- loads 9pm. Sunday Saturday 26th Jan of cocktails and fruit smoothies all night. The Junction CDC: Sunday 27th Jan The CUlanu Centre, 33 Bridge Street Dave Gorman’s Better World: the stand ISIS 2 – 4 pm 8:30pm. up does his bit. The 20th Century in Black and White At Downing College Latin Dancing The Junction - A Piano Concerto Celebration: See Porters’ lodge for Location Absolute Beginners Class 8pm. £10/8. Cambridge Union Society, Bridge St Contact eaw28 - 709408 St Paul’s School Hall, Coronation St 2pm. £5 (£4) from Arts Theatre 7pm. £10 to join; £1.20 per class. Thursday Kettle’s Yard: Ballroom and Latin Dancing COFFEE CONCERT. ‘Exotic’ Auditions Tuesday Absolute Beginners Class: Jonathan Powell - Piano. Ballroom and Latin Dancing St Columba’s Church Hall, Downing Kettle’s Yard Measure for Measure Absolute Beginners Class: Place. 11:30am. £3. opening: 25th June St Columba’s Church, Downing Place. 9pm.£10 to join; £1.20 per class. The Arts Theatre a city and university production 7:30pm £10 to join; £1.20 per class. Cambridge University Judo Club: Monday Barbara Harding Yoga: Open to both men and women. CU Troubadours: Actors should prepare any Shakespeare speech (max 1 Beginners class- all welcome. Fenner’s Gym, Gresham Road. Rehearsals of vocal and instrumental minute) and if possible book an audition time – phone Newnham Old Labs 8pm. medieval music. 355853 – or arrive unannounced. 7:45pm. £3.50 term pass, £5 drop in. CU Yoga Society: Jesus College, Octagon Room. Auditions (3.00 – 6.00) at The Arts Theatre: Cambridge University Judo Club: Iyengar Yoga with Yvonne. 7:30pm. Wed 30th Jan • Fri 1st Feb Open to all Men and Women. Girton College, Wolfson Court. Clare College Music Society: Fenner’s Gym, Gresham Road. 6pm.£3.50 or termcard for 10 (4 ses- Andrew Davies (Baritone) and Robin 8pm. sions). Ticciati (Piano). CU Yoga Society: Greek Dancing Club: Clare College, Clare College Chapel. Iyengar yoga with Yvonne. Come have fun by learning to Greek 1:15pm. Pembroke College, New Cellars. dance! Beginners welcome . RedTV’s “Exposure” presents 5:30pm. £3.50 or 10 for termcard (4 Darwin College, Common Room. PRETTY VACANT: Girl rock band sessions). 5pm. £2/ class or £15 / term. play - will be filmed by RedTV. Iyengar yoga with Pavara. Salsa Dancing CCs, Sturton St Pembroke College, New Cellars. Absolute Beginners Class: 8pm. 7:15pm. £3.50 or 10 for termcard (4 St Paul’s School Hall, Coronation The best sandwiches sessions). Street. Tuesday CUTAZZ: 7pm.£10 to join; £1.20 per class. Jewish Society: in Cambridge Advanced Jazz. THE MINIMS CHOIR – traditional United Emmanuel Reform Church, Music jewish songs to modern hits. All welcome. Church hall. The CUlanu centre, 33 Bridge Street and if you love coffee, 8pm. £2.50. Friday 6:30pm Beginners Jazz. Kettles Yard: then you’ll love O’Brien’s United Emmanuel Reform Church, LUNCHTIME CONCERT. Free con- Wednesday Church hall . certs programmed by students. Anglia Sinfonia: 7pm. £2.50. Kettle’s Yard, Symphony and Chorus Concert of mu- Queens Art Society: 1:10pm. sic by Percy Grainger. 43 Regent St. 6 St. Edward’s Passage Life drawing class. Everyone welcome Student Community Action : Emmanual United Reform Church, (materials provided). Salsa band “Bandarriba” and cocktails. 7:30pm. £8, £5 conc. Cambridge Arts Theatre Queens’ College, Erasmus Room. Donations welcome. 7pm. Newnham College, Newnham Bar. Thursday Quiz Society: 10pm. Kettle’s Yard: Fun pub quiz. Free entry. All welcome. The Junction CDC: SUBSCRIPTION CONCERT. A Brain optional. Boogie Wonderland: 70s and 80s Disco Portrait of Richard Baker. •All listings must be submitted on the Varsity website Newnham College, Bar. Extravaganza Kettle’s Yard •All box adverts must be ordered in person at the 8pm. The Junction 8pm. £8.50 for five concerts. 10pm £3.50/5.50adv and after 11. Varsity office by 3pm Monday 18 LISTINGS 25 January 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk

The Cambridge Union: Damon Hill CAMBRIDGE FINALISTS 1:30pm. Tuesday Earn £70 Listings CICCU: Why should I trust the Bible?’ Free We are looking for a team of final- lunch from 12.45. year student representatives from SPY St Andrew the Great Cambridge University to carry out Nu Skool Breakbeat + a live set by 1:10pm. part-time work on a special student project for The Times in February Reedkiller crosstalk society: 2002. The River Bar “Cosmology—a theory of the whole uni- 8:30pm, Entry Free verse” You must know at least 25 Final Leckhampton House off Grange Rd Producers required for exciting Year Students and be Organised 8pm. and Reliable. The Work will take Talk CU Scientific Society : Edinburgh Fringe approximately 6 hours in all. Professor Raven FRS of Dundee to Friday speak on “The Ecology of the To apply for the position, Amoral Sciences Club: Caribbean”. Shakespeare Project please contact: Professor Richard Swinburne (Oxford): Pharmacology Lecture Theatre, . Rob Percival, Trinity Hall “Does Time Have a Beginning?”. 8pm. £1. (previous experience welcomed Email - [email protected] St. Catharine’s, Rushmore Rm but not necessary) 8:30pm. Wednesday CICCU CUJS: Contact dac31 for details “From Chaos to Cambridge - does sci- How Can Britain Help Israel? Michael ence disprove the existence of God?” Gove, David Howarth, Lord Clinton Queens’ College, Fitzpatrick Hall. Davis . THE DRYDEN NATIONAL HOLOCAUST PRODUCING A PLAY THIS TERM? 1pm. The CUlanu Centre, 33 Bridge THE DRYDEN DAY 2002 FANCY A BIT EXTRA ININ THE BUDGET? Cambridgeshire Bird Club: Street, “to provide a national mark of respect for all ARCADIA SOCIETY “Wildlife in Kenya and Tanzania” talk 8pm. SOCIETY victims of Nazi persecution and assert a continuing commitment to oppose racism, anti- INVITESINVITES APPLICATIONS FOR 5 INVITES by Tony Morris. semitism, victimisation and genocide” BURSARIES OF £100-£150 TO Thursday St. Johns Community Hall, Hills APPLICATIONS FOR FUNDING CUSU BOOST YOUR Road Cambridge University Buddhist FROM IRECTORS AND RODUCERS PUBLICITY/COSTUME/TECH BUDGET D P presents 8pm. £1 non-members. Society: APPLICATIONS TO NICK BLACKBURN SEND A SHORT EMAIL TO SAM Gena Turgel MBE BALDOCK AT Jewish society: Talk and discussion led by Dick Allen AT TRINITY COLLEGE Holocaust Survivor [email protected] Dr Aviva Zornberg - world famous (Zen tradition). EMAIL ALYS CUMMINGS (AC338) FOR and Author of I Light a EXPLAINING WHY YOUR PRODUCTION bible scholar . Pembroke College, Room N7. FURTHER DETAILS Candle WOULD BENEFIT FROM EXTRA CASH The Student Centre, 3 Thompsons 7:30pm. and Genocide in Today’s World Lane. Kettle’s Yard: an exhibition 4:30pm. LUNCHTIME GALLERY TALK Trinity College French Fitzpatrick Hall, Queens’ HOW CAN BRITAIN Kettle’s Yard, Society announces Sunday 27th January Saturday 1:10pm. Exhibition from 2.30, Interviews for French- Gena Turgel 3.00 HELP ISRAEL? Jewish society: speaking Director for Play MICHAEL GOVE (THE TIMES) Dr Aviva Zornberg - world famous Theatre L’AMOUR TOUJOURS the film Chasing Shadows introduced LORD CLINTON-DAVIS (LABOUR) bible scholar . L’A T by director Naomi Gryn DAVID HOWARTH LIB DEM COUNCILLOR) The CUlanu centre, 33 Bridge street Friday L’A’AMOUR Divinity Fauclty 7:30pm tracing the life of her father, a survivor of Auschwitz THE ISRAEL SOCIETY 12am. Madhouse/Gods: to be Performed in Week 8 …and this week’s late show at the ADC @THE CULANU CENTRE ‘The Caucasian Chalk Circle’ by Sat 26th and Sun 27th Jan MEIN KAMPF Sunday Bertolt Brecht. 7 – 9 pm JCR Trinity College a powerful and imaginitave back comedy by George Tabori 33 BRIDGE ST CU Pakistan Society: Churchill College, Wolfson Hall. Contact pb283 looks at a fictional episode from the early life of Hitler WEDNESDAY 30TH JANUARY 8PM Who is to blame for the Kashmir crisis? 7:30pm. £4.50. Talk by two eminent south-asian speak- The Junction CDC: ers. Creaking Shadows: Masked horror Trinity, Winstanley Lecture Theatre. about Edgar Allan Poe’s terrifying Christ’s Films 5:15pm. genius. Sunday 27th Jan CUSU Anti-Racism Campaign: The Cambridge Drama Centre, 8pm &10:30pm National Holocaust Memorial 8pm. £8/5.50. AMELIE Day.Talk by survivor + author Gena Thursday 31st Jan 10pm Turgel. Saturday THE WICKER MAN Queens’ College, Fitzpatrick Hall. Madhouse/Gods: 3pm ‘The Caucasian Chalk Circle’ by New Court Theatre, Christ’s Bertolt Brecht. £2 inc. raffle for wine Monday Churchill College, Wolfson Hall. www.christs.cam.ac.uk/cfilms AIESEC - : 7:30pm. £4.50. Work abroad opportunities for final- Wednesday ists and linguists. Find out more. Cambridge University The Fletcher Players require We are looking St. John’s College, Boys Smith Fletcher Players: for talented Room. A quartet of new adaptations from the Ceilidh Band Male Actors Saturday 26th Jan • 7:30pm – 11pm musicians/DJs to 7:30pm. writings of gorey, carver, lorca and Jane Harrison Room, Newnham For Exciting New Drama play at CARE intern scheme,HTB,Henry lewis. If You’ve never tried scottish dancing then Martyn Trust: Corpus Christi College Playroom, . now is the ideal time ‘Nuts’ Week 6,The Corpus CLARE MAY The GAP - opportunities to apply your 7:15pm. £5/4. Tickets £5 advance, £6 on the door Christi College Playroom BALL faith after your degree. Cheques made payable to “Student Auditions 4 – 6 Sat 26 Community Action” (Charity no: 263361) to Holy Trinity Church, Market Street Thursday 4 – 6 Sun 27 ANY STYLE/GENRE Nicky Farrer (Newnham) or Ben Roberts I6, Corpus Christi Contact Andy@ anb32 5pm. Fletcher Players: (Churchill). Advance places confirmed by Contact Anna Jones (arj25) Jewish Society: A quartet of new adaptations from the email, or just turn up on the night?. or Kate@ klj28 Studies with Buddies, 9 classes avail- writings of gorey, carver, lorca and able from Kook, via myth and Bible to lewis. Talmud. Corpus Christi College Playroom. The CUlanu centre, 33 Bridge 7:15pm. £5/4. Listings are free. However, due to space restrictions Varsity Street cannot promise that all listings will be printed 7pm. A 25 January 2002 SCIENCE LIVING 19 www.varsity.cam.ac.uk 2002,THE YEAR OF ... Brief Science Helen Hendry takes us up mountains and through International Years Genetics Knowledge It’s a brand new year, but what will be Tourism associated with natural ar- ning wildlife can justify selective the year is not just to count how many the themes of the upcoming twelve eas and cultural experiences contin- tourists paying high prices. bugs there are and how quickly we’re Park months? If the United Nations has any- ues to be one of the fastest growing 2002 will also be International destroying them. More importantly thing to do with it, you’ll be hearing a sectors of the industry. In 1998, ap- Biodiversity Observation Year. the aim is to instil in the general pub- It has been announced that a Genetics lot more about global environmental is- proximately $110 billion was spent Currently, there are about 1.5 mil- lic the idea that humans rely on bio- Knowledge Park is to be established at sues and sustainable development. Since globally on adventure and nature lion known species on earth and sci- diversity in many ways from the pro- Addenbrooke’s as part of a national pro- the 1960s the UN has been designat- travel. Developing countries are entists have made estimates of how duction of oxygen and water gramme to ready the National Health ing international years with the aim of Service for the genetics revolution. The bringing certain issues to the public eye park will bring together world leading re- on a global scale. In the past a huge search groups from both private compa- range of topics have been chosen, in- nies and the university along with the ex- cluding International Year of the Ocean Melanie Little pertise of the Clinical School of Medicine. (1998), International Youth Year The stated aims of the park are (1985) and the not very succinct twofold. Firstly, to enable genetic re- International Year of Mobilisation search to be used for the benefit of against Racism, Racial Discrimination, both individual and population Xenophobia and Related Intolerance health. Secondly to create wealth for (2001)! both the region and the UK through Just for starters, 2002 brings the the generation of intellectual prop- International year of Mountains. If erty. you’re one of the people who takes www.addenbrookes.org.uk time to enjoy mountains, its proba- bly through climbing up or snow- boarding down them. However, you £5m for still might not fully appreciate the plight of the human populations that Cambridge are dependent on these areas or the vulnerable ecosystems that are found Engineers there. One tenth of the world’s pop- ulation live in mountains and these The Engineering Department has recent- regions provide over half of the ly been celebrating the award of £4.5 mil- world’s fresh water supply. lion of funding for the next 5 years from So what? How can a designated the Engineering and Physical Sciences International Year help? Apart from Research Council to the Engineering Design increasing public awareness of glob- Centre (EDC). ally important issues, the broad aim Along with the money, the gov- is to encourage collaboration and ex- ernment has identified the EDC as an change between governments, de- Innovative Manufacturing Research centralised authorities, non-govern- Centre. However, that is not all. At mental organisations, etc. - the same time, Dr. John Clarkson, particularly relevant with cross-bor- Director of the EDC, was able to der issues such as the environment. announce a grant of £440,000 to sup- During each year there are regional port investigations into research conferences and programs set up as methodologies for Advanced Design precursors to a main, international Methods. Currently the EDC com- conference on the theme. Long-term 2002 is the International Year of the Mountain. prises over 40 researchers concen- programs and projects are also pro- trating on a variety of areas from aero- moted to continue similar work after often rich in natural and cultural her- many more there might still be to dis- filtration, to the supply of bioactive space to healthcare. the 12 months are over. For the itage, but poorer in other, more con- cover. The numbers vary wildly - the compounds for use in pharmaceuti- www-edc.eng.cam.ac.uk International Year of Mountains the ventional economic resources. grand total is somewhere between cals. main themes include watershed Ecotourism therefore has the poten- 2 and 50 million! The above three ‘years’ are not all management, economy, culture and tial to unleash a true market value for We all have some notion that 2002 has to offer! In the UK, it is Launch of conflict. Most of the world’s armed these natural resources and provide mankind is not doing great things to National Science Year, 12 months in conflicts occur in mountains, which a sustainable income to local popu- this incredible biodiversity, due to which the government is hoping to eScience are also home to many of the poor- lations while creating an incentive to our propensity to chop down forests, produce more budding Natscis by est and least food secure populations. conserve ecosystems and habitats. pump out pollutants and hunt down making science more fun and rele- The 29th January will see the launch of vant for 10-19 year olds - there’s noth- the Cambridge eScience Centre, which is Since the 17th century,humans have managed to remove nearly ing like a little deception for the one of eight such centres being established young and impressionable! The throughout the UK to support scientific 1,100 species of plants and animals from the planet Australians are celebrating the Year and medical research. of the Outback and the Americans It is part of a national network that The UN has also designated 2002 Concerns have been raised that the anything that might feed us, make a are commemorating their national offers access to major supercomput- as the International Year of wholesale promotion of ecotourism nice coat or get in the way of build- flower in the Year of the Rose. What’s er facilities and supplies staff to pro- Ecotourism. The concept of eco- by the UN may lead to the further ing a road. Since the 17th century, more, we can now have our inner- vide technical support. The projects tourism is “ecologically sustainable depletion and over-exploitation of humans have managed to remove most personalities analysed from our supported will cover the full spec- tourism with the focus on experi- natural resources. Ecotourism will nearly 1,100 species of plants and an- illegible scrawl or our immaculate trum of science from engineering to encing natural areas that fosters en- not be the panacea for conservation imals from the planet and about handwriting since it’s currently biology, from the theoretical to the vironmental and cultural under- and sustainable development if strict 25,000 are threatened with extinction. International Graphology Year... applied. Using the network will en- standing, appreciation and guidelines are not adhered to for the In the grand scheme of things this So here we are, it’s 2002, stick a able scientists to tackle problems pre- conservation”. So whether trekking limitation of impact plus the direc- might not seem like many, but the rose in your buttonhole, strap on your viously thought impossible. The first through a rainforest in Borneo or div- tion of benefits to local people. Cases current rate of loss is much faster than crampons for a spot of sensitively project is a collaboration between ing in the marine parks of Belize, the where ecotourism is seen to be most any previous mass extinction seen in managed mountaintop ecotourism the Department of Radiology and fundamental concept is low impact, successful tend to be carefully man- the geological record, including 65 adventure and while you’re up there the West Anglia Cancer Network. ecologically minded travel - the an- aged projects on very small scales, million years ago when the dinosaurs count a few plant species (but please www.escience.cam.ac.uk tithesis of mass tourism! where sites of unique culture or stun- were lost. However, the point of don’t pick them). 20 LIVING FOOD & DRINK 25 January 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk Leg 1 – The Middle East

The sand whips around our sandals as we sky falls dark and the heat of the day trudge across the scorching dunes. We are disappears. The fire is our light now. Eating Out leading the camels now, laden as they Someone brings a shisha and the air Anatolia’s *** are with our cargo of spices. The tiny clus- fills with the scent of mint and apple.

ter of houses ahead shimmers in the heat As we talk and laugh together, the Christine Haseldine We have returned to the West now as we bend our heads into the biting Frenchman writes, preserving the an- and our hearts and stomachs yearn khamaseen - the seasonal sand-devils. We cient wisdom of the smiling Bedouin. for the flavours and smells of our have journeyed for many days to come here, I grow sleepy and the soft Arabic journey. The atmosphere here is for this is Al Manama – home to speech flows over me. I dream of healthy, and the music aids our rem- Muhammed bin De’lia, a man above oth- Persia, of the Caliphs of Baghdad, the iniscences. However, the food is not er men, who once cooked for 40 nomad Ottomans and the many other cul- what we are used to or what we kings. He welcomes us into his modest tent tures who have become ingredients hoped for. Admittedly the mezzes and we sit and talk. He gives us dates, tar- in the great aromatic Middle Eastern are not bad – hence the 3 stars – but dina, sanbusaj, madira and shows us fresh cauldron. When I awake, the tent has the kebabs are dry, the sauces unin- sayyadiah and sweet lozenges that he has gone and we are alone. I wake the spiring and the vegetarian options made for his son’s wedding. Frenchman and, with heavy hearts, minimal. On a more positive note, We speak of the great Goha, of we return to our homes. It is with Anatolia’s is ideal for large parties Mas’udi and the dishes of Husain al- pride and honour that we can now re- or groups and the friendly staff per- Kushajim as we learn from the Grand late to you the great secrets that we form some unusual dancing num- Vizier of Arabian cuisine, until the have learned... Our gastronomic journey begins here… bers, creating an atmosphere rem- iniscent of a good belly-dancing club in the middle of Istanbul. Recipes of the week Edited by: Johan Duramy & Charlie Rahtz However, this is not the nostalgia we hoped for and we reluctantly ac- A Frenchman’s Transcripts of Bedouin Wisdom knowledge that Anatolia’s is not the ideal place to appreciate Turkish 2 cloves of fresh garlic food. After a (genuinely delicious) the juice of 1 small lemon dessert and a strong coffee, we leave a healthy dose of olive oil (5–7 – full but somewhat unsatisfied. Charlie Rahtz Jacob Kennedy tablespoons) a pinch or two of salt. Ingredients must be added gradu- ally to the chick peas, adding water Shopping (two tablespoons max) to obtain de- sired texture – Muhammed prefers Al-Sainsbury’s his coarse whilst my British compan- Caters well for cooking from the ion favours smoothness. Capturing region. Tahini, okras, pitta and var- Houmous (Halal and Kosher) the atmosphere of ancient feasts is es- ious other ingredients typical to the Muhammad sits me down and explains to sential and our host insists that hou- region are widely available. me the secret of his recipe for the most fa- mous be served garnished with a driz- mous of all Middle Eastern mezze. Once zle of olive oil and sprinkled paprika Health & Food Shop (South end reckoned to be the simplest and most deli- or chopped parsley. of Bridge St.) cious ways of using chickpeas, modern Other dishes that compliment this Our only purchase there: times unfortunately require us to own a Mezze are falafel, pittas, red meat Burghul (for the Tabbouleh). blender – “Use your neighbour’s...” hints (shashlik grilled on open fires of dry Tabbouleh (for 6–8 starving Bedouins Meanwhile, chop the following: our host. The recipe is as follows: wood anyone?) and tabbouleh. I The Market alongside Houmous and a meat dish) 3 large bunches of parsley Mix: a can of chickpeas mention to him the legend of An excellent place to buy some Muhammed smiles as I tell him stories of 2 bunches of mint 3 tablespoons tahineh (avail- Gardenia’s, and as we smoke the of the herbs and vegetables in bulk. the tabboulehs of my youth and he deigns a bundle of spring onions able in Sainsbury’s in the shisha, he frowns in silent disap- Special mention to the stall oppo- to offer us his first visions of this refresh- (all the white bit and some gourmet section – aka ‘tahini’) proval. site M&S selling massive bunches ingly green salad. A dish originally made of the green parts) of flat leaf parsley and mint. by his mountainous Lebanese cousins, its 8-10 small tomatoes. consistency has changed from the days Mix all the ingredients together in Book recommendation when people’s primary concern was to fill a bowl and add the juice of one more their stomachs. Its preparation requires small lemon, lots of olive oil (about Claudia Roden,A New Book of Middle Eastern Food,Penguin Music to cook to time and much chopping – for the lazy 5–6 tablespoons), and a generous Books ***** £11.99 paperback (Amazon) Anouar Brahem, Astrakan Café Bedouin a food processor can be used. amount of salt and pepper (to taste). **** £11.99 (Amazon) First prepare 150ml burghul (a This delicious salad is best served Simply a must for anyone who wants to cousin of couscous, available in the on a large flat plate, with cos lettuce cook excellent Middle Eastern food. The haunting Arabic melodies of Health and Food Shop) by soaking it or pitta bread to be used as scoops. Drawing from her personal experiences, Anouar Brahem’s masterful play- in salted cold/boiling (depending on As I grow sleepy, Muhammed re- travels and encounters, Claudia Roden ing of the ‘oud provide a perfect ac- packet instructions) water. Leave to counts stories of the freshly picked, provides us with an eye-opening account companiment as you cook. Close rest for 15 minutes or so, then add the sharp young vine leaves he likes to of the diverse cooking of the region. She your eyes and feel yourself trans- juice of one small lemon and a trickle serve with his tabbouleh. combines sensational recipes and their ported to the deserts of Arabia (but of olive oil and stir. origins with personal anecdotes to make mind your fingers as you chop that reading her book both a culinary and cul- parsley...). tural experience. Tip of the week An incredible wealth of Middle Eastern recipes are covered, from the well-known houmous or tab- “When frying chicken or steak, always throw bouleh to ‘Brains Moroccan Style’ and ‘Avgolemono Sauce’. The dif- the meat in when the pan is sizzling hot. This ficulty of cooking varies, but simple recipes for beginners are available, sears it, preventing the juices from running whilst others will prove a challenge even to the experienced cook. A par- and will make the taste far superior.” ticularly good book to delve into when thinking of mezze (starter dish- es) for large dinner parties. THEATRE 22/3 Text: Stephanie Cross; Artwork: Shelley Keight Artwork: Stephanie Cross; Text:

FILM 23/4

VISUAL ARTS 25

CLASSICAL 27

NO, IT’S NOT AN EXPRESSION OF MULTIRACIAL BRITAIN

The ambitious début novel of a twenty- issues as “part of a process. We realise that Perhaps the most intriguing moment something King’s graduate is making lit- there are members of our own families in Stars is when the protagonist is ad- erary waves. Jay Basu is not, however, the who have lived through these experi- vised by his father: MUSIC 28/9 new Zadie Smith: ences...so there is a desire to document “ ‘You haven’t lived yet. You have a “I don’t think my writing wants to do, and witness their stories.... The only way whole past to earn.’ or does, the same things that she does.” that, perhaps, in the West, young people ‘How?’ Although Basu admires Smith, The Stars can keep the lesson and the human real- ‘You earn it by years lived.’” Can Wait is not White Teeth. Set in 1940, in ity of war...is to project themselves imag- Yet Jay writes about events that took German-occupied Poland, it is a concise inatively into that experience.” place 38 years before his birth: and skilfully-constructed fable, tragic yet Stars reflects this philosophy: like the “I think being a person and learning not sentimental: book’s protagonist, Basu’s grandfather is to negotiate this thing called life is “I was quite conscious of trying to make Polish and survived the German occupa- something which takes time, but I don’t something that was simple and focused tion. Jay Basu’s 1999 May Anthologies de- think that it is directly correlative to with The Stars Can Wait…to do something but story is similarly set outside England,in writing a novel. I don’t think the nov- fable-like, and that had a seed of some- Calcutta. Is present-day Britain something el is somehow an expression of one’s thing universal.” of an imaginative desert? Basu disagrees: existence.” The new breed of young British writer “My next book is about England… The stars might be able to wait, but is an ambitious species: White Teeth em- British fiction has been stagnant for a British fiction is crying out for a change, LITERATURE 30 braces a century of multiracial Britain, while, but I really think that with our gen- and with writers like Basu to lead the while Basu addresses Holocaust persecu- eration there will be a new wave of inter- new wave, there really is light on the tion. Basu sees this desire to tackle the big esting, genuinely good writers.” horizon. ARTS 22 ARTS THEATRE 25 January 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk Hooray Henry Andrew Hayden reviews the Trinity Great Hall show

It is rare to see one of Richard, Duke of York, his sons, and on which battles were fought and or- Shakespeare’s sequenced his- the Duke of Warwick (played with nate palaces in which kings were tory plays performed as a relish by Mark Richards). King throned and dethroned (although the stand-alone piece. This is a Henry could solve his own problems smoke machine in the gods did make pity, as the Dryden Society’s in his own way but is too philo- it look as if the play was being per- Third part of Henry the Sixth sophical and too pious to be an ef- formed in the mists of time). went some way toward prov- fective king, happily giving away his If, as a result, the production had ing. The histories, and in par- crown to the disgruntled Duke of a slightly ‘heritage’ feel to it (due in ticular the later Henry’s, York. His wife, the warlike Margaret part to some admittedly lovely RSC have an entirely unjustified (rendered with disquieting echoes of costumes) then perversely the effect reputation for being dull. Thatcher by Laura Coffey), is dis- is not so much to endorse Trinity From the off the play hardly gusted by his weakness and imme- College’s Great Hall so much as to stops to draw breath before diately revokes his renunciation of make one wonder about the stories the interval, chasing its char- the crown, a decision which leads to behind the many coats-of-arms acters through a fearsome the decimation of her family. around the walls. This Henry the array of battles, treacheries, Nick Clark’s production was ad- Sixth gave a compelling picture both changed allegiances, torture mirably pacey, although in earlier of England beginning savagely to and murder. scenes, he and the actors made the claw its way out of the Middle Ages Henry VI (an excellently ironic, common mistake of equating ‘epic’ and a graphic account of just how contemplative Alex Winckler) - who with ‘shouting as loud as possible’. much blood was spilt on that course. is as weak and vacillating as Richard Despite such moments, the majori- the Second was - has lost the terri- ty of the staging had much to rec- The Third Part of King Henry VI was performed in Trinity Great Hall tory in France which his father had ommend it. The minimal set excel- from 12-14 January conquered, much to the disgust of lently suggested both the scrubland Drag? Yes, it did rather Ed Evans is unimpressed by what the butler saw

Shrinks take exams so they Unforgivable were the gimmicks Despite Firouzabadi’s maladroit don’t butcher their patients. employed to prove that this play cosmetic surgery and attempts to If only the same rule applied could still be hip and happening. dress it up, there were some half-de- to theatre directors, it might They only interrupted the unfortu- cent performances from the unlucky have salvaged this show. nate cast. Why was the play halted cast. Mary-Aimée Brajeux pulled off In principle, this should have been for a snippet of Madonna’s ‘Like a not only her clothes, but a passable an easy exhumation, a revival of a Virgin’? Did the script really call impression of an alcoholic nympho- thirty-year old work of Orton’s for it? maniac of a wife. If you ever meet “comic genius”, as the programme helpfully put it. What the Butler Saw Why was the play halted for a snippet of Madonna’s is his last work, a satirical farce set ‘Like a Virgin’? Did the script really call for it? in a psychiatrist’s surgery chronicling the descent into mayhem that ensues And why, just as the play began to Benerridge on a dark night, I can after Dr Prentice is interrupted by develop pace, did we break for an only advise you to run: his manic his nyphomaniac wife in the process interval? The oldies’ comfort break and frankly disturbing portrayal of of seducing a new secretary. merely added to the burdens of Peter Dr Rance managed to electrify an Unfortunately the director, Iona Smith and others as they tried to re- otherwise unmemorable ensemble. Firouzabadi, destroyed any doc- gain the momentum after it. At least This isn’t to say that the rest of the tor/audience trust there might have the break did give me a chance to cast were bad, but that someone had been. The bulk of the performance read the programme. The notes were failed to draw out the much better a worthy contender for ‘Pseuds’ performances that all were capa- Mary-Aimée Brajeux Corner’, telling us of Orton’s use of ble of giving. Perhaps if the director pulled off not only her the Swiftian concept of the ‘World as had let the play speak for itself, con- clothes, but a passable Madhouse’ and of the play’s rele- centrated less on gimmicks and impression of an alco- vance to today’s ‘therapy culture’. pseudo-literary justifications and holic nymphomaniac This elegant dissertation was, how- more on performance, this would ever, spoilt by the assertion that “an have been a revival worth seeing. was given from the rear portion of energetic and sexy cast [would] bring As it happened, this turned out to the stage, apparently to make best to life the manic plot, where every be a dated production that won’t use of the clumsy set design. deviance is catered for.” Girls run- even attract the dirty mac brigade Unfortunately this separated audi- ning around in underwear might anymore. ence from action, but this error could have provided cheap titillation thir- be forgiven – it must be hard, or fool- ty years ago, but FHM now provides What the Butler Saw is on at the hardy, for a director to combine di- this sort of thing better for less than ADC today and tomorrow at 7.45pm recting with set design. the price of this ticket. A 25 January 2002 THEATRE/FILM ARTS 23 www.varsity.cam.ac.uk No more Mr Small Fry Adam Barnard previews the first play to be shown at the newly reopened Corpus Christi Playroom Hold the front page – even to Michael Billington suddenly “realis- Varsity gets it wrong. It’s ing” that Sarah Kane was a genius, not November 1979 and a young an insult to theatre, but...critics, eh? Such man who looks and dresses a a fickle breed. little old for his age has written When Latin! was revived in 1989 at a play. The occasion is a grand the New End Theatre, Hampstead, Fry one – the launch of a new stu- wrote in the programme of the play – dio theatre with the unusual the story of a prep school master’s af- distinction of having two fair with a 13-year-old boy – “Now groups of audience at right Latin! has come back to haunt me.” angles to each other. The With the rebirth of the Corpus Christi young chap in the tweed jacket College Playroom in a new partnership which smells ever so slightly of with the Cambridge Arts Theatre next pipe smoke is embarrassed by week it seems only fitting to shift the his play’s content and uncer- tombstone from the grave once more. tain of its quality, so this Prep schools are a little different to- unlikely comedy of prep day from the 1970s breed with which school pederasty is billed as the Fry was so familiar, but none of the work of a maverick lady comedy has gone from Fry’s remark- named Sue Denim. able script, and there is no better home Varsity makes two blunders. One is to has penned – if only he’d found a little lead to Fry starring with the Footlights in October 1980, the paper is drooling for it than the Playroom. Let’s just be dismiss the play in two short columns as more depth to his characterisation. and within a few years to becoming a over a “classic success”. “This is an ex- grateful that Fry didn’t take his first a failure, an awkward attempt to “revis- Fast-forward almost a year: the household name. “Latin! is, I suppose, cellent contemporary one-act play,” one dressing-down in Varsity too much to it the burial ground of middle-class child- Edinburgh Festival, where the the reason for my doing what I do,” Fry hack gushes, “refreshingly hilarious, bril- heart, throw away the script and his hood, the prep school” with neither con- Mummers are proudly presenting Latin!, later recalled – for Hugh Laurie was liantly written, it crackles with wit.” trademark tweed, and become a viction nor consistency. The other is to written by and starring a slightly more among one of the audiences, and was so Another holds up Fry as an example for banker. fall hook, line, and sinker for the ‘pseu- self-confident Stephen Fry. The play is impressed that he insisted they team up all student writers to follow: “It is a sad Denim’, even going so far as argue that a sensation, winning a prestigious and do funny things together. reflection of the creative talents of this Latin!, Corpus Christi Playroom, 29th the young actor Stephen Fry makes a Scotsman Fringe First award and setting Suddenly, Varsity is eating its words. university that Fry is a member of such January–2nd February at 9.45pm with “competent” fist of the lines Denim in motion a chain of events that would As the play returns for a triumphant run a rare breed.” It doesn’t quite compare Saturday matinée 2pm

Ambi-violence Thrills from the hills David Lewis previews Battle Royale Cornelius brings all your adult gossip

vidual opinion of what happens after intermittently sensitive insights into hu- A Happy New Year and a Associations In the your best friend fills you with ten tons man relationships, driven by some warm welcome to a brand Days of Whore. In of lead.) cheesy and occasionally inappropriate new Varsity feature, second is the lean, After setting off the newly-installed sub-plots, the film is a snarling satire of Cornelius Cunning’s Adult mean Rebecca Kinji Fukasaku’s explosively (and impossible to remove) explosive how the state can react to violence Entertainment Review. Every Ramada. With 20 gruesome film Battle Royale collars of a few resisters, just to show whilst endorsing it in the guise of justi- week in this section, we’ll be flicks under her Joe Harris (2000) takes Running Man, them who’s boss, Kitano hands over to fiable retaliation. Video-game culture bringing you all the latest nips, her male co- Lord of the Flies, and that a smiley-faced, almost computer-gen- is also attacked, as the regular death toll news and gossip from the stars don’t have genre we love to call ‘Reality erated games mistress on a screen who report flashes on our screen through- world of erotica. From both any trouble sink- TV’, and twists them, cring- informs the terrified school kids of fur- out the three-day ordeal like a score- sides of the big pond, who’s ing the pink or ingly breaking their spines ther rules and their equal entitlement board. With the randomness of the chil- hot, who’s not, and who’s wet downing the (while ours are chilling) into to a ration of water, bread, and one drens’ deaths, and the futility of revolt on which set! We start this brown with Rebecca. Says the South sharp, scattered shards of weapon. What she fails to mention is displayed in the weak, trustless alliances week by reviewing the top 5 American sex machine, “I like to swing social and political comment. that some get a saucepan lid and oth- of some of the protagonists, Fukasaku up and cumming girls to look my breasts and ass in front of everyone Set in the near future, the Japanese ers get an Uzi. Fukasaku may think he’s claims to offer a grim reminder of his out for in 2002… and whoever gets the most excited, I government has responded to a chaot- the first man to illustrate how some an- youth, watching classmates killed ar- Coming from behind in fifth place is have sex with him”…What a friend! ic melée of economic meltdown and ris- imals are more equal than others, but bitrarily by American bombers during Monica Mayhem, described by direc- And finally and somewhat unsurpris- ing juvenile delinquency with the I doubt it. WWII. tor Stuart Allen as “about as naturally ingly for all you porn-loving ladies and ‘Millennium Educational Reform Act’, Indeed, it is easy to dismiss the sev- Whether you think Battle Royale is horny a slut as I have seen in some gents out there, in first place is the plas- commonly known as the ‘Battle enty-one year old director’s claim to be a vociferous political comment or a pile time.”’Nuff said, this pert-tittied starlet tic surgeons’ favourite customer, the Royale Act’. Each year, a group of ran- using Battle Royale as a morally plau- of gratuitously shredded pants will ul- is sure to get your new year off with a filthy blond cream-queen domly selected teenagers is whisked sible political statement, just as the timately depend on your assessment of bang. In fourth place is Haven. This herself…Briana Banks. Less than a year off to a deserted island, drugged, sur- Japanese authorities did whilst the film the irony that drives the film’s alleged tall blonde f**k-bunny has yet to do a after making her film-f**k debut, she’s rounded by armed troops and forced was still being made. Naturally, a ma- goal. There are several Hollywood- dozen X-movies but looks set for a got a tasty contract with Vivid to play a game. jor debate ensued: “In Japan, the film style ‘Eat this!’ moments, provided promising career in the industry. A ten- Productions to keep her moist for a This year, a student from teacher industry has always censored itself,” mainly by crazed exchange student der 20-year old, she’s just completed while. This bonking bombshell has Takeshi ‘Beat’ Kitano’s class at B Kobe said Fukasaku in a recent Guardian Kiriyama (Masanoba Ando) who will- her first year as an exclusive contract been dubbed the new Jenna Jameson, High has stabbed him in the bum, and interview, “but they said censorship ingly signed up to the game just for the girl with Jill Kelly Productions. She and fellow fornicator Mark Davis says, he wants revenge. On their arrival on should be controlled by outsiders. They heck of it. As he pumps bullets indis- couldn’t be in better hands…literally. “Briana has star quality written all over the island, he explains the rules of the were foolish.” criminately from his machine gun, his In third, is the filthy French dread- her…She could be one of the all time game: “Only one survivor! Life is a And I’m inclined to agree. The film young, demented smile surely conveys locked minx, Monica. Since contro- greats”. She’s got my vote…Briana, we game, so find out if you are worth it. relies on its extremity to reflect the the crux of the director’s erudite dis- versially marrying performer Brian love you! Fight to Win!” Well, yes. Being that starkness of its message. Alongside the course. Or does it? Surewood in a Vegas ceremony a year See you for next week’s instalment even the lucky runner-up gets to cele- ago, she’s done the lot…double-anal, of Cornelius Cunnings Adult brate in a body bag (or heaven/hell/an Battle Royale is showing at St John’s College on 31st January at 9pm interracial, even getting group-shagged Entertainment Review…Till then, give ant farm, depending on your indi- by a gang of lepers in Extreme her one from me! 24 ARTS FILM 25 January 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk “This fight scene’s too long” Mike Drew slams Hong Kong playa-hatas

Hong Kong: Hollywood shies away from, HK em- home to ram- braces. If they want to drive a motor- pant capital- cycle along the roof of a train, they do ism, cheap it. The Return of the God of Gamblers consumer featured a brutal shot of an unborn goods, and the child sliced from its mother’s womb in high-octane, a jar. Some claim this is at the expense pedal-to-the- of plot, characterisation, and compre- metal, gun-tot- hensibility. These are pedantic niggles. ing, sword- These are the whines of the uniniti- wielding, ated. The characters are not stereo- demon-sum- types but archetypes. Like Classical moning, world Greek theatre before it, HK film relies of eunuch sor- on stock characters - the Redeemed cerers and maverick cops that Assassin, the Beautiful Ghost, and the is the HK movie business. Shaolin Monk. The plots are not de- Now it is true that HK movies have rivative or hackneyed; they draw on Wuxia literally means ‘flying men’ DAMs). John Woo is the most famous comfortably beside the Chinese sense moved on from old chop-socky hits: universal themes taken from our sto- and refers to the technique of using name in this field: his films feature ho- of humour, and reading subtitles can Wong Kar-Wai, Ang Lee, and Kaige rytelling past: for example, John Woo’s wires to make incredible leaps. These nourable men driven to seek revenge become tiring when they seem to Chen have all acquired awards and ac- films are a perfect delineation of the films feature lunatic acts of Martial after terrible things happen to family make no sense: colades with their polished, profes- Revenge Tragedy so beloved of Arts carnage using wires to allow char- and friends, portraying redemption “Check if there’s a hole in my un- sional films. It is true that this spirit Renaissance England. acters to fly. Crouching Tiger, Hidden through ultra-violence. These films derpant?” of professionalism is spreading This is not to say that there is no Dragon made, to Western eyes, an are dark melodramatic numbers in “No! I saw a vomiting crab.” throughout the industry: the days of originality in these films. Far from it. over-the-top foray into this world. which the bad guys die in ridiculous -Full Contact poor sets, cheap film stock and (the Just as Cheech and Chong can smoke Fights in trees and people leaping ways and then the good guys die in People miss the point. HK cinema true bane of foreign films) dubbing are using anything so HK can find a use from roof to roof seemed insanely un- moving ones. Forget Woo’s emascu- is (apart from Bollywood) the one all being phased out. But there is no for anything when it comes to fight realistic but it is merely a use of chi to lated Hollywood output and rent The place where people are free to try any- need for panic. scenes: Jumbo Jets, paint droplets, the HK world. Killer. thing, and if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t The real joy in HK cinema is the playing cards, and hovercraft. The In the ‘Heroic Bloodshed’(Gangster) Many people object to the breath- matter because there are four more fearless nature of its directors: Sammo fight scenes (whatever people make genre, guns never run out of ammo less pace of these films. They have films coming along at the same time. Hung, Tsui Hark, David Lai and Wong out) are often the only reason to watch (except at Dramatically Appropriate trouble understanding what goes on. Where else could you get away with Jing all provide a visual treat with tree these things. The trick is to identify Moments™). If you are a ‘named char- They worry when slapstick farce turns dangling a child out of a speeding car demons, Jiangshi (hopping vampires) which style of fight it is. There are two acter’ (as opposed to a mook) you only into brutal violence. The horrifically by her hair whilst the mother clings to and the invincible air stance. What main styles: wuxia and gangster. die if shot in the head (or again at poignant moments seem to sit un- the bonnet punching the driver?

College Films

You’d be a fool to miss: A Bout de Souffle Godard’s masterpiece? Black Hawk Frown Tit Hall/27th/7.30

Other Films (this week reviewed by Howard Gooding worries we’re being Hood-winked the British Board of Film Classification) Ninety minutes of dizzy, sion depended on, it’s perfunctory and unconvincing. Similarly, despite the pos- And the Somalis are Badasses! Doo- bloody action throb at the insubstantial. Much seems Bruckheimer- turing and camo, it is not really a War rags, painted jeeps, loud music, aviator Enemy At The Gate heart of Black Hawk Down. placed: “I’m here to kick ass”, “Just do- movie as there is no clear war, only sunglasses, cell-phones, Cuban Cigars: (Strong war horror) Remember the beginning of ing my job” etc. More surprisingly Ewen Americans trying to covertly arrest a an American admits the main gunrun- Robinson/27th/7+10 Gladiator? Ridley’s doing more Bremner provides odd Trinculo-esque criminal kingpin. Rather sinisterly it ner to be “urbane, sophisticated”. All in of that here but set near-con- comic interludes as a deafened com- comes closest to being a Hood flick. contrast to a US force so dull it’s some- A.I. temporaneously: Somalia, 1993. batant. Odd moments, like the TV-in- Bruckheimer defended the film from times impossible to tell them apart (Contains moderate sex references, It’s intense cinema; maybe duced epileptic fit or Ewan McGregor’s the NY Times’ accusations of racism, (McGregor’s accent excepted.) This film horror and violence) enjoyable to some, no doubt coffee obsession, and references, like the which centred on the lack of the Somali deserves to be controversial: not for its John’s/27th/7+10 impressive to all: Peter soldier reading John Grisham’s Thee point of view, by saying “A lot of people resonance post-911 (Osama may have Bradshaw termed it “a pure Client, cluster haphazardly around the don’t like our military operations around been behind the ambush) or for the fact The Rock war movie, remarkable in central carnage. the world, and it so happens it was a that McGregor’s character is now in jail (Sex/Nudity? – once,moderate) some ways for the severity- Boiled down the film stands almost black nation”. The trouble with this for sexually assaulting a 12-year old, but Caius/28th/8.30 even asceticism- of its utter outside genre much like Scott himself: chance incident is that cinematic lan- for the insidious transmigration of concentration on deafening the craftsman, not the auteur. The most guage then throws up cues associated SouthCentral to East Africa. One of the Malena and relentless action”. obvious niche is the ’Nam movie and with films like New Jack City, Colors and film’s key images is of a young Somali (Sex/Nudity- some, strong) Helicopters, guns and slaugh- the production plays on this: choppers Training Day: maps of cities with danger kneeling in prayer, baseball-cap back- Churchill/30th/8 ter are exciting to watch (and take off to Voodoo Chile, sergeants bark zones marked, uniformed whites wards and AK over his back: does this here photographed to perfec- one-liners like “you’ll be cleaning boots bundling black bystanders into trucks, betray anxieties over Farrakhan and rad- Croupier tion by Slawomir Idiak) but ’til you can’t taste the difference between constant helicopter surveillance and se- ical Islam? Scott is a superb visual styl- (Strong language, moderate vio- we’re more used to voyeuristic shit and French fries.” The moments lective intervention, even white bigotry ist and technician who professes to ig- lence and sex) glimpses than full-on fetishism. of silence over shots of ocean recall The about black drug use (“by that time of nore all political interpretation. Maybe. Robinson/31st/9.30 Yet this is not quite the whole film. Before Thin Red Line but it’s far from a poetic the afternoon they’ll all be high”)… As Hollywood is a notoriously insular in- the doomed mission commences there meditation on war. Bakaru market (the the roadblocks are set on fire and mobs stitution and the Rodney King riots were Tomb Raider is a small amount of introduction: to hostile area of “Mog”[adishu] into which storm the streets the visuals point back one of the few outside events that came (Contains frequent moderate sex Somalia, to Aideed the Warlord, to the the mission penetrates) we’re told “is the to footage of the L.A. riots or NWA’s close to penetrating it. Now it offers its references) soldiers. But, like the intelligence the mis- Wild West” but the frontier dynamic is Straight Outta Compton video. ultimate dystopian vision of LA. Queen’s/31st/8 A 25 January 2002 VISUAL ARTS ARTS 25 www.varsity.cam.ac.uk Reality put to flight In detail Vanessa Hodgkinson appreciates science The Director of the Fitz on crocodile toes

parallel science, but rather experi- to leave the planet to get a good view The sculptor Eric Gill carved The Russian physicist Peter Kapitza ments in making money grow from of the world; you can see the stars this outline of a crocodile on is credited with the idea, because in tanks. Whilst Hirst’s shark asked us from here. the outside wall of the newly Russia, where they do not exist, croc- to consider The Physical Impossibility of built Mond Laboratory (New odiles symbolise “the great unknown”. Death in the Mind of Someone Living, at Museums Site) in June 1932. We know that Gill visited the Kettle’s Yard we walk into Keith Reptile House at the London Zoo to Wilson’s somewhat tongue-in-cheek do his homework, but made the mis- The title of this exhibition installation based on the asymmetri- take of choosing an alligator as his initially suggested to me cal structure of the fish brain; “po- model. something a little bit wacky, tentially the most revolutionary the- Unabashed as ever when it was something losing all sense of ory to hit the world of science.” Cavendish Crocodile pointed out to him by his friend what is real and what is not But this only serves to highlight the Douglas Cleverdon, he replied “What in a strange ‘art happening’. fresh, playful approach this group of should we know of reptiles who only God knows why. artists has taken in presenting their reptiles know?” Kettle’s Yard Kettle’s The scientific element, the post- empirical views of this world, perhaps Darwinian mentality of explaining of another world. The themes focus everything or seeking to find some mainly on the sky and the physicali- measurable truth has filtered into the ty of the world; there is little interest Louisa Taylor plays Saatchi works of these artists. But in the same in the biological potential of science way as Leonardo da Vinci explored and art. Grace Weir’s dandelion spins Having spent last term striv- you have an artistic side. Maybe not Scheme for students. In keeping but rarely concluded his scientific endlessly on its own axis surrounded ing to introduce character so original, eh? It doesn’t matter with Ede’s principle of art as a part studies and sketches, there is a sense by weeds. Matthew Ritchie’s blueprint to your box-like room, you anyway – your identity had to be of everyday life, an objet d’art by a of the unfinished on these walls. plans describe something fantastic and thought you’d done it. packed up and shipped home, and modern artist such as Richard There is none of the cold, surgical scientific, and Keith Tyson’s cosmos The red glow radiating from your the bedder has expunged the coffee Poisette-Dart can enliven your wall spirit of the past decade’s attempts to is presented on a broken chair. lava lamp created the ideal atmos- stains and swept away glittery traces for a mere £2 a term. With over 200 mutate science and art into one mon- These investigations are not seri- phere, the ethnic throw provided of hedonistic Christmas parties. works available, encompassing ster. The clinical studies of Damien ous, maybe because neither science a subtle opportunity to detail your Faced with this blank canvas, prints and paintings, you can be as- Hirst’s stinking sheep and Marc nor art is. At least not all the time. For gap year, and the Dali poster from Kettle’s Yard provided the answer sured that a Kettle’s Yard piece Quinn’s head seem, in comparison to artists, scientists and those of us none the Freshers’ Week Poster Sale at- for the clued-up few who took ad- won’t become so much of a student the works on show here, less investi- the wiser after leaving the gallery, this tested that, despite being a NatSci, vantage of the termly Art-Loaning cliché as that Ché Guevara poster. gations into new routes of thought to is a worthy exhibition. You don’t need The all-seeing I For art’s sake, James Lindon pens a few words

Stuffed to burst- probrium charts. Museums and galleries that ing on a populist should have been busy collecting, showing and Christmas diet of maintaining art, instead worried about “out- the Eastenders reach”, “inclusion” and “accessibility” appar- omnibus and ently not believing that culture-goers are as self- fistfights with selecting as, say, football fans. Or élitist, to that fellow shoppers matter: A great team is nothing if not an élite. at the Selfridges Now it’s the élitists’ turn to reclaim the cul- Prada conces- tural vanguard. Suzanna Taverne’s recent exit sion, I am now from the British Museum is allegedly due in all too willing to part to her attempts to project a more populist embrace charges image, and to accusations that exhibitions in Joe Harris of elitism in 2002. the Great Court were barely distinguishable To be élitist is no longer a curse, and now it is from the Gift Shop. Tate Britain’s rehang re- élitism’s flipside, populism, that has become un- asserts the older chronological format that had popular. In a post-Dome, post-Cool Britannia been swept aside in the drive for new audi- age, art galleries, museums and ‘visitor attrac- ences, and the Victoria and Albert’s British tions’ should not try to be all things to all people. galleries have not been coolified. The new What is wrong with being an élitist? The museum talks up to rather than down at the high-minded are now massing to ask why, and visitor, and the ethos among museum and to bid farewell to the kind of shabby one-size- gallery officials is turning away from the turn- fits-all populism that measures artistic achieve- stile and towards the idea of quality of expe- ment against the box-office. Ex-MP George rience. Dumbing down? We, the audiences Walden, Conservative scourge of the Blairite should be mugging up, taking responsibility state, has been leading the offensive with a and becoming connoisseurs rather than con- book, The New Elites, and umpteen media ap- sumers. pearances. A debate at Goldsmiths also sparked interest, proposing the motion: “Should the James Lindon is the former President of the Student Arts Be Popular?” At a recent gallery talk, I Art Exhibition and will be a regular Arts columnist even heard populism in the arts described as this term. being potentially fascist, in that it applied a common aesthetic experience delivered from Unmissable this week: the top down for everyone. Paul Klee at the Hayward Gallery, In the first New Labour term, élitists were Flights of Reality at Kettles Yard second only to paedophiles in the public op- Juliano Sarmento at the Lisson

A 25 January 2002 CLASSICAL ARTS 27 www.varsity.cam.ac.uk

Mary’s. A couple of moments of dis- parity and poor tuning marred what could, and should have been a faultless performance from a group of this size Hurst Masterclass and quality. Despite this, the Mahler was as per- fect a performance as one is likely to Dominic Grier introduces a treat for Cambridge musicians hear. The very much reduced orches- tra took superbly to the task of accom- Sunday 10th February pro- Hurst was a pupil of the legendary The master-class, which takes place panying, which they accomplished with vides a rare opportunity to Pierre Monteux and composers from 10am to 6pm, will use great sensitivity. Each player exquisitely observe a masterclass given Copland and Martinu. Over the last Beethoven’s Symphony No. 2 to cov- showed the beauty of their part, in a by the renowned conductor fifty years, he has held positions with er aspects of the conductor’s respon- manner that was always appropriate to George Hurst for students at the London Philharmonic, sibilities to composer and orchestra. the character of a section. Cambridge University. The Bournemouth Symphony, BBC Hurst will tackle issues which Perfect Both Catherine Carby (soprano) and class will not only be of Philharmonic, BBC Scottish Symphony might arise in the rehearsal and per- Andrew Kennedy (tenor) were superb. interest to conductors of stu- and the National Symphony Orchestra formance, including stylistic aware- by Josh Robinson The music enabled Kennedy to make dent orchestras and choirs, of Ireland. He now devotes most of his ness, and traditions of conducting. the most of his sublime tone and ver- but also to players and time to teaching, and his influence on His teaching involves creating an CUCO’s first concert of 2002 satility at all points in the register, al- singers, for whom it will the training of young conductors in this awareness of the effect that a con- was an unreserved success. ways penetrating the rich accompani- serve as a valuable insight country over the last thirty years is un- ductor’s technique can have on all Under the baton of Dougie ment and maintaining the rich timbre into the job of the conductor paralleled. Former pupils include aspects of orchestral playing. Boyd, their performance of of his voice. Carby’s coloratura was rich and its effect on their music- Andrew Davies, Simon Rattle, John Observing the class will allow as Schubert’s Unfinished at all dynamic levels, especially in the making. Eliot Gardiner, and Richard Hickox. much to be absorbed as being put in Symphony and Schoenberg’s highly sensuous final Lied, where the ‘hot seat’. There is also an op- arrangement of Mahler’s Das her pianissimo was almost inaudible. portunity to take part in a session fo- Lied von der Erde was a thor- The sensitivity of both singers was ap- cusing on conducting technique, giv- oughly enjoyable evening, parent throughout, singing the words en by the tutor in undergraduate containing moments of sheer with genuine feeling. Indeed, the sen- conducting at the Royal Academy of magnificence. suality of the piece as a whole was cer- Music, Denise Ham. The first movement of the Schubert was tainly appreciated by some members The master-class and conducting especially well-rehearsed, with beau- of the audience, although a certain cou- workshop costs £20, including tifully crisp chords and sublime ren- ple’s reactions to the music became lunch. It promises to be a valuable derings of the subtleties of Schubert’s rather distracting, and not entirely ap- and rewarding experience. dynamics, showing Boyd’s strong rap- propriate! Application forms are available from port with the orchestra. Playing with a It was a pleasure to hear CUCO play the notice board in the foyer of the great sense of ensemble, the instru- with such passion: their rendition of the music faculty, or by request from Ms mentalists responded admirably to the Mahler was unmissable, and well de- Nora Smythe (nes22). The deadline conductor, making the most of the awk- served the standing ovation given by for applications is Wednesday 30th wardly resonant acoustic of Great St several members of the audience. January. LISTINGS

Saturday 26 January

Gonville and Caius College Chapel, 1.15pm. Gonville & Caius Music Society Saturday Recital Series. Organ: Gavin Roberts. Admission free, retiring collection. King’s College Chapel, 7.30pm The Parisian Romantics Berlioz: Overture – Benvenuto Cellini Poulenc: Organ Concerto, Saint-Saens: Symphony no. 3 – Organ Concerto. Dan Hyde (organ) Cambridge Orchestra, Darrell Davison. Tickets: Cambridge Arts Box Office – £12, £10, £5. St. Catharine’s College Chapel, 8.00pm Cambridge University Music Club – Chamber Concert. Piano trios by Ravel and Haydn. Owen Cox (violin), James Hopkins (cello), Tom Poster (piano). Tickets: – £5/£3. Great Hall, King’s College, 8.30pm. piano4te – music for four pianos. Works by Stravinsky, Saint-Saëns, Antheil and Bach. Ashley Grote, Daniel Hyde, Annabelle Lawson, James Olsen, Tom Poster, George Saklatvala, Christoph Schuringa, Peter Tregear, David Trippett, Oliver Wicker (pianos).

Sunday 27 January

Cambridge Union Society, Bridge Street, 2.00pm “The Twentieth Century in Black and White - A Piano Concerto Celebration”. Piano concer- ti by Ravel, Poulenc and Shostakovich. Tau Wey, Mat Trustram, Matthew Pritchard, Tom Stothart (pianos); David Gange (trumpet). Isis, conductors: Sadaharu Muramatsu, Steven Rajam. Tickets: Cambridge Arts Box Office, or on the door – £5/£4. Girton College Library, 2.30pm Sunday Afternoon Concert Series. Works for violin and piano including Bartok’s First Rhapsody. James Hewitt (violin) and William Ings (piano). Admission Free. Selwyn College Chapel, 8.30pm Selwyn Sunday Evening Recitals. Daveth Clark (organ). Tickets: on the door – £2.50/£1.50.

Wednesday 30 January

Clough Hall, Newnham College, 8.00pm Newnham Raleigh Music Society - Bach at Night. A number of works for solo instruments, in- cluding the Violin Sonata no. 2 and Cello Suite No.1. Admission Free, retiring collection.

Thursday 31 January

Pavillion Room, Hughes Hall, 6.15-7.00pm An Evening of Harpsichord Music: works by Purcell, J. S. Bach and Handel. Jonathan Hellyer- Jones (harpsichord). Admission Free. 28 ARTS MUSIC 25 January 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk

This week we went to the re-open- ing of Clare Cellars where Beatboxer Kela and DJ Vadim Competition rocked the joint. The other day my niece, who is growing more and more loquacious by the day asked me where Never never land was. I was stumped. ‘Errr, miles Name: James Lindon away, I fumbled’ and now I’ve discovered I wasn’t far wrong – it’s in Girton College: Pembroke of course! What many call the land of ‘never never been to’ is soon to be Course: History transformed into ‘never never land’ – and revellers will be transported Favourite item of clothing: My there in pumpkin coaches, so there’s no worries about the distance. Their friend’s metallic silver mini-briefs Spring ball is the perfect opportunity to venture out and explore one of Favourite Album: U2 – Joshua Tree the most fun-loving colleges at its best, decked out in fairy finery – en- Ambition: To be an adjective chanted forests, an Aladdin’s Cave Casino and even little red riding hood, Hero: Myself we’re told! Adjective that best describes me: Lindonian

Name: Olivia Sheringham College: Catz Course: Modern Languages Favourite item of clothing: My black baggy French Connection trousers Ambition: To get my degree Hero: Espriu and Joan Fuster Adjective that best describes me: The Girton Ball takes place on 9th March, offering a large array of Small live acts, from the funky flavours of Dennis Rollins’ Badbone and com- pany to the Counterfeit Stones and the up and coming Rosie Brown (tbc). It’s also an ideal opportunity to check out the best of Cambridge’s student bands and DJ’s not to mention the Life party room for those who are left pining for the centre of Cambridge . Tickets are from just £59 which is Name: Alex Tsangarides a steal considering it’s the third largest-capacity Cambridge ball, and I College: Corpus Christi reckon it’s just the sort of relief your average Canterbridgian needs - a Course: Architecture touch of magic to compensate for the dark days and cold winds of this Favourite item of clothing: My new Lent term. OK - it’s not a May Ball, but then they’re not even in May ei- wool coat ther. Ambition: To be an architect To make your dreams come true, the Girton Ball committee have de- Hero: Ian Wright cided to give away a free pair of tickets to ‘Faerie Tayle’. All you have to Adjective that best describes me: do is answer this simple question... Gooner What did the ugly duckling turn into? E-mail your answers to [email protected] STEREO-TYPES Which students dig this venue? LIVE REVIEWS The Broken Family Band @ The Portland Arms, Saturday 19th January 2002 Thankfully, country music is no melancholia and drowsy psychedelia may be performing with tongue po- Back2Back longer the reserve of yeehaa-ing, ten- about sex, death, love, drugs, Jesus sitioned firmly in cheek. But hey, if gallon hat-wearing, mullet-haired old and kissing behind churches. you want authenticity and integrity Begin your collection of Cambridge DJ Trumps with the first two in the series. men. Skinny Cambridge indie blokes Recently, they’ve resolved to stop you can go and slash your wrists to a And remember – you gotta catch ‘em all! are at it too, and in the Broken Family “getting caned” before they take the Starsailor record. “We can get you off Band, are doing it very well indeed. stage, and we’re told that guitarist the drugs,” sings Adams on ‘Mardi Tonight, the group (featuring ex- Jason (or should that be Hank?) Gras Rescue Mission’. With these members of local favourites Hofman Williams has been off the heroin for songs all you need is a Jack Daniels and Gwei-lo, as well as Bar Hill’s four weeks. Of course, they’re only on the rocks, and the sounds of the postman on drums) effortlessly coax joking, and with Steven Adams’ OTT New West will do the rest. out eleven songs of narcoleptic vocal style, you suspect the five-piece Martin Hemming

Sandpaper Sessions @ King’s College, Saturday 19th January 2002 Shed a tear for lovers of avant- clicks and beeps, machines that nice distraction for those taking a garde, hip and weird electronic mu- sound fallible and alive. It’s infec- break from dancing. At the end of sic. An average term at the tious. For £1 I get a smiley face the night, as some more danceable University of Cambridge must seem drawn on my hand. Tonight’s gath- tunes are played, I’m still absorbed DJ Name: Medium Dave – ‘cos I’m DJ Name: ‘Nish – I used to call my- like a grim 40 days in the wilderness ering is a surreptitious pleasure, and in a giant Japanese adventure car- not that big and I’m not that small – it’s self ‘perverse’ but I didn’t like it.’ of Cindy’s, Funk da Bar and low- soon the small room is nodding its toon of people swimming through just a fucking wicked name.’ Styles: ‘Drum and Bass, Hip hop, grade rubbish peddled by horrible collective head to some nicely space. Lovely. The holiday’s over Styles: Drum and Bass and Breakbeat Breaks.’ themed nights at Queens’. glitchy records – from Autechre-like ridiculously early at 11.30, but the Garage. Weapon of Choice:‘The skratch- Polygon’s ‘Sandpaper Sessions’ on clicks and cuts via Pizzicato Five to good attendance at this one suggests Weapon of Choice: BASS!!! hh.’ Saturday offered a short holiday odd Craig David remixes. The curi- that we’ll hear more from Polygon DJ pulling power: ‘I don’t love hoes.’ DJ pulling power:‘Potent.’ from the sea of lameness. ous videos, projected onto a giant soon. I certainly hope so. Number of Records:‘4.5ft and rising.’ Number of records: 270. Electronica delights in glitches, screen at the back, provide some Nathan Oxley Stamina:‘I mix for 50 hrs every week.’ Stamina:‘I did a 4 hr set in Brixton.’ Special Skills:‘I can bust sucker DJ’s Special Skills: ‘Reading the Library Sessions, Emmanuel College, Thursday 17th January across the cross-fade.’ crowd.’ Emmanuel College, purveyors of the school. And nice it is too. Contrary to exquisite jazz four-piece tucked in the Favourite DJ’s Favourite DJ’s: Giles Peterson and mighty Show and Tell, and the monu- what you may expect from the name, corner, who will be replaced later in the Hype for the parties and Richie Hawtin Tony Vegas. mental Funk da Bar, bring you the all- there is not a book in sight, so don’t ex- evening by The Ben Arnold Quintet, a What tune rocks the Cambridge What tune rocks the Cambridge new Library Sessions, a low-key jazz pect to combine studies with your ex- rhumba band blessed with the best- booty? booty? and acoustic night for which, unlike the tra-curricular jazz leanings here. Just coiffed guitarist Cambridge can offer. ‘Squarepusher – My Red Hot Car.’ ‘DJ SS – Lighter.’ above, you do not need to be a) an as- some rugs, some piles of cushions, 200 It is a simple formula, as you can see. Catch him next@ Catch him next underground@ piring TV presenter or b) too cool for bottles of wine and Garrry, a scruffily But it works admirably. Jonny Anstead King’s Cellars, 9th Feb. St John’s Boiler, Room 26th Jan. A 25 January 2002 MUSIC ARTS 29 www.varsity.cam.ac.uk

REVIEWS

Clinic are an odd bunch: four young Liverpudlians with a penchant for dressing in surgical gowns and masks, seemingly Clinic hell-bent on creating pounding two-and-a-half minute psychedelic spy-film soundtrack songs. Luckily, they’re fantastic, Plinky- plonky keyboards plink and plonk, snare drums sizzle, fuzzy guitars surf from speaker to speaker, and Ade Blackburn spits out his vocals as if they’re the last words he’ll utter before being sectioned. The band rage through the taut amphetamine- Walking with thee fuelled car-chase stomp that is ‘Pet Eunuch’ before slamming on the brakes for the subdued ‘Mr. Moonlight’ and ‘For The Wars’. This is only Clinic’s second album, but they’ve achieved a refreshing level of individualism, originality and insanity. “Who would you disintegrate for?” enquires Welcome. The answer: Clinic. Check in. Martin Hemming 25th February 2002

I had a date last night with Haven, the latest kids from the Northern block. The word is they rock and are set to be Haven key players in the 2002 Britpack. And since I am always keen to meet new talent, I went, bubbling with expectation. Yet as with all first dates, Haven were disappointing. Patiently, I listened to a 45- minute deluge of skilful yet uninspired Between the Senses tales of frustrated love and aching hearts. On the surface Haven have all the necessary qualities: a distinctive falsetto, decent production and a popular sound, with their first single, ‘Say Something’, acting as a catchy chat-up line. Yet these promises proved empty as Haven failed to fill up the room.My friends always tell me to give first dates a second chance. So maybe I will. But one thing’s for sure – I definitely won’t be taking them home. Martha Housden 4th February 2002

‘A thousand years went by/The Buddha sat under the bo tree/rhyming.’ This delightful figure doesn’t come courtesy of Round Sound Twice as Nice’s MC duo; it is the work of the Welsh poet R S Thomas. And yet in my estimation it is extremely relevant to the UK garage scene, or rather to what it might become after another millennium of dirty bass lines and ranting MCs. After all the eminent garage MCs and producers have been shot, stabbed and dissed to death, a delightful peace will fall over the Whadda we like? dance industry, allowing the two-step deadwood to be cleared away and the bo tree to grow and prosper. Thomas’s karmic idyll will be possible. But for now we’ll have to content ourselves with the railing vocals featured on tracks like ‘Whadda we like.’ But even this single contains some promise – there’s one ‘bo’ at the beginning – the seed has been sown. Ed Maxwell 4th February 2002

The End of an Era PREVIEWS Tonight (Friday) sees the launch

Andy Willshire Andy People are always and original. It’s so much easier for of the all new Varsity, which will be telling me that the them to tie some music onto the latest celebrated in style at the River Bar, music industry is film and accompanying video game so get yourselves there from 8pm. dead. Replaced by and cash in on the Britney dolls…. That’s obviously the highpoint of video games and £5.99 or summin’ like that… your week, but there’s still enough blockbuster films, It’s not all doom and gloom though. to keep you going from then on: fated to follow the The dance industry is still producing a Underground takes place in the Easter Bunny, Santa fresh sound in this country, and bands Boiler room on Saturday night. Mr Claus and Railtrack like the So Solid Crew (whether you like Ed, Sleepy Dave and Nish will be into the realm of the them or not) have managed to make playing hip-hop and breakbeat in imaginary. it to fame and fortune… all 32 or is it 33 aid of Afghan refugees. Meanwhile, I heard this story recently about a top of them? But they manage to make it Scottish favouites Lapsus Linguae composer who was invited by a pro- despite the industry, rather than because will be headlining at the Boatrace. Slip of the Tongue ducer to look around a reputed of it. Try getting some radio play for a Not only that, but you’ll also find a American record company. The com- new band in this country. Short of start- night of “Alternative rock with Jonny Anstead talks classical composers with Lapsus poser is sitting in the producer’s office ing your own radio station or tying horns” at Queen’s on the same night, Linguae, Scotland’s most violent band sipping sangria, being played CD after yourself to the railings outside Capital relaunching their indie Shine night. CD of really good music. Fresh talent, FM, suffragette–stylee, forget it. Go to the Elmtree on Sunday Although they have been tipped for bass, and the guitar plays the rhythm.” new ideas – in short, really great stuff. It seems that one of the few ways night for some quality jazz in the greatness in 2002 by Steve Lamacq, On record, Lapsus Linguae sound But none of those bands got signed. The bands can get heard these days is company of Paul Stubbs. University XFM, Radio 1 Session Scotland, and roughly like this: imagine Michael producer explained that when he start- through live gigs. I guess if TV killed rockchicks Pretty Vacant are play- just about everyone else, it is difficult to Nyman’s severed arms, surgically sewn ed in the company you couldn’t walk the Radio Star then DJ’s killed the Rock ing live at CCs (Sturton St) on imagine a smooth path to breakfast ra- to Steve Albini’s flailing torso, fronting two minutes down the corridor without Star. Not that that’s necessarily a bad Monday. dio for Scottish punk-rockers Lapsus a Shellac/At the Drive-in/Mogwai su- hearing live music – everyone lived, thing. Still, lets be honest, when was the If you prefer something heavier, Linguae. pergroup, sitting in front of a grand pi- breathed, ate, drank and slept music. last time you went to see a band you’ve try the Boatrace on Wednesday, In a phone call with front man ano, while brutally, yet gracefully, beat- But now the only sound to be heard never heard of? where Antihero will headline the lo- Magaloof Taylor (yes, it is a stage name), ing The Strokes about the head with a in the whole building was the hum from So, my advice for this week? If you cal Dead Secret Night. Finally, check I try to find out what to expect from the cello. Their new mini-album, You Got the stocks and shares monitor on the are not a musician get your *** over to out DJ Nikon and Tommy Pies on band’s stop-off in Cambridge this Me Fraiche, is out this week on Fierce second floor. one of the gigs mentioned in the pre- Thursday, whose breakbeat and hip- Saturday night. “There’ll be biting and Panda, should you doubt this compari- For me, that epitomises the state of view, and support the local bands. If hop will be accompanied by a live hair pulling,” comes the reply, not en- son. the major labels. Particularly in you are a musician? Learn how to set courtesy of Reedkiller at the tirely out of line with the reports of on- “It’s a sort of classical-hardcore England, none of them are willing to dance. River Bar. stage fighting which scatter their live re- crossover,” Magaloof concludes, giving take any risks and sign someone fresh Justin Read views. Nothing remarkable about that, the genre a label that sounds somewhat until you learn that Magaloof is also the less stylish than the music actually is. If band’s pianist, and that his heroes in- you want to judge it on how it sounds, Hear the best tracks featured on dees pages at Gardenias on Friday and Saturday nights from clude those less than usual hardcore sus- then get yourself to the Boatrace this 11pm. And there’s more... win a kebab by completing this song lyric: ‘Informer.... I’ll lick ya pects, Erik Satie and Igor Stravinsky. Saturday night, where Lapsus Linguae bum bum down’(e-mail your answers to [email protected]. Remember, the first five “Everything hangs off the piano,” he ex- will be supported by London’s correct answers pulled out of a hat will win a Gardi’s kebab!) plains. “We try and move the instru- Echonoline, and local post-rock band ments about so that the piano fills in the CRS. 30 ARTS LITERATURE 25 January 2002 A www.varsity.cam.ac.uk

LISTINGS

CUCWS: Committee

Hitchin’ a Ride CUCWS (Cambridge University Creative Writing Society) is looking for a new committee to organise the Michael Redman replies to a contrary letter Tallulah magazine and events. Anyone interested in the positions Christopher Hitchens is the to be a ‘when I were a lad’ tale full of Letters to a Young Contrarian has the ly argued, his denunciation of mass should e-mail Anita on as410 for in- sort of fuzzy left-winger Mailer-this and Chomsky-that. readable academic style of a good society is well placed whilst not dis- formation. whom television just loves. Anyone who approaches Letters to a essay and some of his points are con- paraging or patronising to the mass- With his foppish hair and Young Contrarian with this in mind will vincing and articulately made. His es or its more intelligent con- CUCWS: Tallulah TV posh accent, he can appear be very disappointed. Hitchens’ book passage on the defence of the elite stituents. This strikes a certain chord on any discussion program of is modelled on Rilke’s Letters to a Young was as pleasing to read as it was un- with those of us who were both And the fourth edition of the sort usually hosted by Poet and states as its aim the educa- expected. Intelligently and logical- ashamed and depressed over the CUCWS’ magazine Tallulah needs Melvyn Bragg and represent tion of the younger generation in the mass outpouring of grief in the af- submissions. Send your prose, poet- his particular leftist philoso- ways of opposition. Indeed, he even termath of Diana’s death. Indeed ry, and generally creative writing to phy. Indeed, whenever he is opposes the use of the term ‘radical’. Hitchens himself was one of the Anita on as410 as soon as possible. on air one always expects to Hitchens would claim my use of the most vocal critics of the phenome- see ‘Christopher Hitchens: term makes me party to the labelling non along with his right-wing broth- Monday 28 January socialist and upset’ scrawled instinct of the establishment which er Peter, a columnist for the Daily along the bottom of the taints all forces of opposition with the Express. Nick Middleton talks about his screen. same brush. Whether this book has the desired new book Going to Extremes, which His is a political philosophy that has Hitchens sees the embodiment of effect of instilling the radical spirit covers the hottest, coldest, wettest, ceased to be relevant in this country the contrarian spirit as existing not in a generation that has become and driest places in the world. Sound and so he has been forced into quasi- only in the Sixties, contradicting the neutered by the cult of populist au- familiar? It’s been on telly too. exile in the United States as a colum- expected ‘in my day’ stance. thoritarianism, I cannot tell. I am Borders. 7pm. Free. nist for the self-proclaimed ‘radical’ Apparently his ex-patriot existence sure that Hitchens would like Letters magazine The Nation. He also writes in the States has matured his rebel- To A Young Contrarian (quite a short Tuesday 29 January books with predictably grandiose lious nature into something more so- piece of work) to be another install- and, funnily enough, ‘radical’ titles phisticated. He draws on a wide va- ment in the series of ‘great contests’, Are you an angry young man? such as The Trial of Henry Kissinger and riety of long-dead and somewhat the starter pistol for which was the Robert Twigger will be appearing to Mother Theresa: The Missionary Position. obscure thinkers as the intellectual 1897-98 campaign of intellectual introduce his new book Being a Man, Hitchens is now a little bit older grounding for the advice he provides Emile Zola in defense of Dreyfus. the follow-up to Angry White Pajamas, and a little more realistic about just for his ‘dear X’. Hitchens informs to- While some may find his militant his politically incorrect terminology how much one angry Balliol man can day’s young contrarians that there are atheism offensive some of today’s for Japanese martial arts. Borders. achieve by pitching himself against ideologues beyond the dizzy heights young contrarians may just find a 7pm. Free. the world order. I expected this work of Naomi Klein. kindred voice in Hitchens. Fancy Some Stressful Reading? Take a look says Helen Slater: avant-garde en garde!

Since the late 1960s, Marxist dialectics. It is deeply engaged straight. As you may have gathered, usually on Modernist developments you can access. John Tranter’s Jacket Cambridge, New York, San in the ‘broken images’ of the modern these poets are by no means easy to in contemporary poetry. For this year’s (www.jacket.zip.com.au) is a free in- Francisco and London have world and the te deum of quotation get to grips with. Understanding comes conference (on 26–28 April, 2002, ternet magazine with a well-trimmed been the great centres of Late and sound-bites. through repeated readings trying to Trinity College), attendees will include collection of essays, poetry and prose. Modernist poetry. ‘Late decipher sense where there seems to Esther Jansma and Jacques-Henri Issue 14 would be a good place to start. Modernist’ implies that the and how our code of poetics works be none. Michot. It is organised by Rod It is a co-production with Salt maga- Modernist project in philoso- as confusedly as a code of war Interested in this process of deci- Mengham who publishes the zine, edited from Cambridge by John phy and art is incomplete – fought by people whose disparate reading phering? The Cambridge Conference Equipage series and Kevin Nolan. Kinsella, a publisher and poet at that modernity is still in lists of Contemporary Poetry, established www.cccp-online.org. Churchill, and with Chris Emery, progress. (www.saltpublishing.com). Drew Which is to say that there are still everywhere prevent freedom of speech, Milne (poet and lecturer at Trinity things to be done and that the avant- of movement, of thought, of style. Hall) edits Parataxis garde is not a myth. You will not find (http://drewmilne.tripod.com). On poets like J H Prynne (Gonville & & when I say I won’t it’s for another rea- this site you can find “experimental Cauis) and John Wilkinson sailing into son and innovative contemporary poetry” the mainstream in the way that Tracy including One Hundred Days a response Emin and Damien Hirst arrived at the Cambridge poet Anna Mendel- “to the early baleful days of the Bush Royal Academy Summer Show last ssohn previously published several administration” in addition to poetry, year. The work of the late Modernists chapbooks under the pseudonym prose, cartoons, photographs, draw- is deliberately published through mi- Grace Lake, and returned to using her ings and other material. A lot of this nor publishers and in small print runs. birth name with Implacable Art. Themes material is available at Peter Riley’s A neatly bound ‘Cambridge School’ like disparate identity, challenging or- shop at 27 Sturton Street, CB1 2QG does not exist, although it is partially thodoxies, demanding a positive atti- (off Mill Road). It has a huge collec- represented in the anthology tude and a call to patience. All these tion of small press publications. Conductors of Chaos, edited by Iain are qualities you will need to engage There is a tendency among most Sinclair. It is influenced by the with the tangle of Cubist imagery these people to ignore work that is self-con- Frankfurt School of Criticism and poets use. They refuse to be transposed sciously and deliberately ‘difficult’. the poets Charles Olson, Frank or layered back across real life, they in 1991, is a weekend of poetry read- For those who feel inspired by this Don’t follow the crowd: The spoken O’Hara and Ezra Pound. This is a involve distorted decisions, a reluc- ings, performances, discussion and type of poetry, or who just want to find stress can fall in ways you would nev- proudly ‘difficult’ poetry of ‘late’ tance and a refusal to face the matter other highbrow events. Emphasis is out more, there are several web sites er have expected. A 25 January 2002 SPORT 31 www.varsity.cam.ac.uk

WOMEN’S HOCKEY BOARDERS COOL Continued from back page… They constantly threatened, usual- ly through the industrious Reeve, whether it be from open play or from BUT SKIERS SLIP For more information visit: short corners, but no matter how hard www.cussc.org.uk they tried, they could not hit the net. Usually it wasn’t the fault of the Blues In skiing, after the first event, the Consolation though was provided by either, because the opposition keeper VARSITY SKIING AND Slalom, Cambridge were lagging be- Chris Caulkin leading the second had an absolute stormer. Diving all over SNOWBOARDING hind the Dark Blues. In the men’s com- men’s side to victory. the place, it seemed that no matter how petition, Oxford skiers held the top Snowboarding brought a very dif- hard the Blues tried, Canterbury would Joe Faraday & Ben Speight three places; the best for Cambridge ferent story. Pete Medland, CUSSC remain untroubled. were Richard Murphy in fourth posi- Snowboard captain swept the board, Then came the chance to score. The Despite the poorest snow conditions tion and Joe Faraday in sixth. For the with a first in the Giant Slalom and top opportunity arose ten minutes from in the Alps for 10 years,the 79th Varsity ladies, a little better as Selena Hedley- spot in the Big Air competition where time when the Blues were awarded a Ski Match and also the 9th Snowboard Lewis came in third. The second day he pulled off a massive backside 360° penalty flick. Rosie Reeve, responsible Match went ahead.The standard was of competition fell foul to deteriorat- with a mute grab. Other successes were for most of the shots produced from impressively high,regardless of the state ing conditions, and the start had to be Nico Perez, fourth overall, and Andy short corners, stepped up but, to the of the slopes on the Tignes glacier,but moved lower down the piste for the Branchflower who came third in Giant form of the whole team, put it wide. Still it was snowboards that prevailed over Giant Slalom due to ice. Despite the Slalom. the Blues tried and then finally, finally, skis in the competition. After four con- tricky slopes, Dez Kingsford, Blues The team now goes onto compete with the last hit of the game, Reeve, who secutive years of Cambridge domi- captain, put in a storming performance in the BUSA series. This is followed had knocked on the door so often dur- nance, Oxford claimed team victory and came out first in this event. This by the BUSC Championships in Les ing the game, received the ball from a overall, and left with more cups than was equalled almost by the ladies’ cap- Arcs over Easter – the next main short corner and launched a shot that they could carry. It was left to the tain, Abi Carswell, who came in sec- event. It is hoped CUSSC can attract deflected past the previously invincible boarders to show the skiers how it was ond. All of this meant that despite more high profile skiers to reclaim the Canterbury keeper. It was the least done, with Pete Medland leading the the captains’ best efforts, Oxford stole trophy next year and perform well in the Blues deserved following the in- charge for the Blues. victory in the skiing competition. the upcoming competitions. cessant pressure of the second half. BLUES TAKE HAWKS AS PREY League Tables BLUES RUGBY Francis Booth Men’s Rugby Men’s Hockey BLUES 47 (Baker 3, Count 2, Newmarch) Division 1 Division 1

P W D L F A Pts P W D L F A Pts HENLEY HAWKS 18 St John’s 10 8 0 2 263 59 34 Emmanuel 751119411 Downing 10 8 0 2 245 46 34 Pembroke* 64112178 Duncan Blaikie made a successful start Robinson 950414712824 Caius 53201768 as Blues captain in a game which Jesus 950410812324 St John’s 64021688 Cambridge never looked like they were Emmanuel 860412916318 Christ’s 64021058 going to lose. In decent rugby conditions St Catharine’s 930616220718 Cambridge City 531113137 it was the interplay and superior cohesion Fitzwilliam 84049814015 Robinson* 622225185 Magdalene 9207413247 Jesus 52121065 of the Light Blues which told,as they grad- St Catharine’s 5113393 ually eased out of reach of a competent Courtesy of Ben Poynter Queens’ 40132121 Hawks side through two tries from Mike Fitzwilliam* 6006123 -1

Count and a hat trick from winger James Rowan Huppert APU* 5005127-1 Baker. Ali Newmarch scores for Cambridge Men’s Football * 1pt deducted Having gone behind to an early However, some neat interchanges down Baker weaved his way through a scat- penalty, Cambridge initially struggled the right touchline near the end of the tered defensive line for the conclusion Division 1 Division 2 to seize control of what threatened to be first period managed to take Chapman- of his hat trick. P W D L F A Pts P W D L F A Pts a scrappy game. A rare appearance at 10 Smith just short, before the stretched A spirited Hawks side managed to St John’s 43108010 Downing 64111469 for Chapman-Smith perhaps contributed Henley defence were again breached fight back through two close-quarters Fitzwilliam 3210617 Sidney Sussex 44001278 to this, as his kicking from hand lacked by Baker in the left corner. tries from number 8 Sean Hardy, who Queens’ 52121067 Trinity 531121137 the accuracy and consistency Amor or The momentum which this score had was also at the heart of a champagne Jesus 3201726 Corpus Christi 52211276 Howard might usually have provided. allowed Cambridge to accumulate was move in the 54th minute. Sadly for the Pembroke 4121135 Trinity Hall 4310516 Still, if his selection at fly-half repre- not lost during the break. Greater flu- visitors, though, the damage had already Girton 3111254 Magdalene 42111735 sented a commitment to a running game, ency to their game soon allowed Count been done. Fullback Ali Newmarch Trinity 3102843 Clare 51221094 it would go on to pay dividend, as his to run in the first try of his brace after re-established the margin of comfort St Catharine’s 1001020 Selwyn 52036194 tenacity and purpose with ball in hand some good recycling, and the match was with another score, after his well-placed APU 30031180 Peterhouse 51136103 later succeeded where his boot had failed. effectively over as a contest. The only kick from deep had caused the Henley Long Road * 100102-1 Girton 61149193 *1pt deducted due to late payment of subs St John’s II 50236112 It was the boot of another scrum-half, non-Blues among the fowards, LX Club defence problems, whilst another try Churchill 40046190 Mark Edwards, that allowed Cambridge Captain Anton Fries and flanker Tony from the forwards meant that even the Courtesy of Pete Edwards to establish a 6–3 lead, before Baker’s Ruakere gave solid performances and consolation provided by Hawks loose- Division 3 first try served to further calm the nerves. contributed well to a pack which began head Kevin Tchachuk in the dying min- Top Scorers The majority of the first half, however, to assert itself. Several line-outs were won utes was scant. P W D L F A Pts saw Blaikie’s side produce a series of frus- on the opposition throw, just as a sur- Blaikie will doubtless face sterner op- Edwards (Trinity) 5 Jesus II 550016010 trating near breaks which lacked only prising number of Henley scrums were position over the course of the year, Gower (St John’s) 5 Caius II 4 3 0 1 10 3 6 Queens’ II 5212895 the extra yard or pair of hands. The turned over. This Blues’ ascendancy in though he could be forgiven for feel- Gounlding (Queens’) 4 Pembroke II 3201534 bustling Marco Rivaro managed to off- the tight produced a score for hooker ing satisfied with his debut at the helm. Huxley (Fitzwilliam) 4 St Catharine’s II 4112363 An ultimately solid performance from load in the tackle with greater consis- Chris Derksen, after Edwards had al- Emmanuel II 2101322 tency than most, though knock-ons and ready crossed the line. Needless to say, the Blues will ensure that they go on with Scambia (Fitzwilliam) 2 Kings 2101342 forward passes prevented Cambridge it also provided a suitable platform for confidence to face the Army and RAF Vardy (Jesus) 2 Girton II 70070210 from asserting their obvious dominance. the back division, as was shown when early next month. Yongman (Queens’) 2 Courtesy of Dave Emery ONE FOR SORROW TWO FOR JOY

MEN’S HOCKEY leased Ian McClive on a counter attack. fought hard. A scrappy affair ensued He went it alone and won a penalty cor- but the Blues’ defence made ‘prison Russell Abel ner, but the Rob Fulford drag flick was bitches’ out of their opposite numbers BLUES 1 not to be used and, frustratingly, a mist- as the Cambridge midfield set up camp (Parker) Rowan Huppert imed routine failed to find the Norfolk in the Harleston half. A penalty corner net. With the student strikers nibbling was awarded to the students and Jamie HARLESTON MAGPIES 2 nefariously at the Harleston defence, Parker fired home from a rebound to more counter-attacks followed. Dickie delay the Blues’ sentencing. Having endured a Christmas fitness Little found Ali Arshad, who opened However, somewhat cantankerous regime that makes the US Camp X-Ray his legs and showed his class, but in umpiring was to undo Cambridge’s look like a ‘Hi-di-hi’ holiday camp, the such a tightly guarded box it was diffi- resurgence. Rusty Abel must have felt Hockey Blues prepared for a titanic top cult to squeeze shots off. like he had reached for the soap in the of the table clash.Their three month un- For all their endeavors, the Blues prison shower, when he was ‘sin beaten run came to a shuddering halt with were destined to head into half time two binned’ for what seemed like a rea- a 2-1 defeat to Harleston Magpies: a de- goals down. Cambridge were for once sonable challenge. The centre back was feat soured by the sending off of Rusty on the receiving end of a destructive unable to counter umpire Alan Lamb’s Abel. drag flick as the Harleston hit man, decision and spent the remainder of the A sluggish start saw Cambridge Jebidiah Walsh, scored with a scorch- match in the hole. With just ten men pinned down by their opposition as ing strike. However, the real damage and ten minutes to spare, the Blues en- the birds in black dominated the open- was done five minutes later. Criminally gineered one final chance but the ball ing ten minutes of the half. In fact, with sloppy marking allowed the opposition flashed past the back post. After their just five minutes played the University striker the simplest of finishes. Finding first defeat since October skipper were given a full pardon. A misdi- himself unmarked in the middle of the McClive found the right words to re- rected back pass ricocheted off goal- itable style. Let off, but still living on Solitary. Cambridge were thwarted by ‘D’ he had the time to pick his spot assure his distraught team: “Our fitness keeper Ashley Jartaman and landed death row, the Blues tried to recover their own loose passing. against a prostrate Jartaman. and counter-attacking play is hard for in the lap of the Harleston striker. With by attacking down the right hand side Digging deep, the students shut out When they came out for the second any side to handle and if we fine tune all the time in the world, he was only and releasing the nippy Jamie Parker, their sloppiness and began to find their half, the Blues were facing lights out, our passing play, Oxford will be run able to fire wide of the goal in inim- who must have felt he’d been put in flow. A jab tackle from Rusty Abel re- with no chance of parole, but they ragged on March 5th.” CANTERBURY TALE Joe Faraday WOMEN’S HOCKEY first period saw the Blues produce a Ben Speight confused display where passes found red shirts and not light blue, and the BLUES 1 restarts were slow. The only things to (Reeve) their credit were two efforts from Rosie Reeve, one from a short cor- CANTERBURY 2 ner and the other a shot following a run only to be denied by a brilliant The Women’s Blues Hockey team lies save from the Canterbury keeper. On second from bottom of the Printwize the other hand, Canterbury were con- East Premier League. Anyone who fident in possession and patiently watched the match last Saturday against waited until the right moment to re- Canterbury would understand why: the lease the ball to the forwards. They team cannot score.Chance after chance constantly threatened to break and went begging, usually saved by the su- when they did, only last-ditch tackles perb Canterbury keeper and as a re- or bemusing umpire decisions foiled sult, despite lots of second half pos- the Kent side. They took a deserved session and chances, including seven lead in the last minute of the half with short corners and even a penalty flick, a short corner. the Blues went down 2–1 to Starting the second half as they fin- Canterbury,a team which relied on des- ished the first, Canterbury doubled perate defending and counter-attacks. their advantage just two minutes from Indeed Cambridge only managed to get the restart. A jinking run from the left a consolation with the last hit of the back saw her into the ‘D’ and round- match;a clear indication that goals just ing the goalkeeper put Canterbury are not coming the players’ way at the into a 2-0 lead. This stung the Blues moment. into action. For the majority of the The first half was a half to forget half, Canterbury did not leave their for the Blues. Taking into account that half and Cambridge turned on the it was the ladies first game since their style. return from the Christmas break, it is Snow Fun for Varsity Boarders – Page 31 perhaps just about excusable that the Continued page 31