Friday May 15th 2009 e Independent Cambridge Student Newspaper since 1947 Issue no 695 | varsity.co.uk »p3 News »p6 Comment »p8 Fashion Roger Norrington e evil ways of Zac e Amnesty comes to CUMS Efron. Boo! Hiss! fashion show

Foreign fees set

Peterhouse Ball MICHAEL DERRINGER to rise by 10% Gemma Oke Proposals forwarded by the University President quits Council could see fees for international students increase by as much as three times the rate of in ation. As revealed in the University Re- porter, the Council, which is the poli- over ‘illegal’ party cy-making body of the University, has agreed to fee increases for international be involved with or even attend the Ball students in 2009/10 of 4.5 per cent, and Lizzy Tyler on Saturday June 13th. a proposal of fee increases of 10 per  e President of the Peterhouse May Some Petreans have been shocked cent in the year 2010/11. Ball committee has been forced to re- by the severity of the College’s actions,  e projected increase – substantially sign in a recent disciplinary action by a breach of which could result in a ban higher than the in ation rate of 2.9 per College authorities. from their graduation ceremony later cent announced in March – is expected  is step was taken following an un- this summer. A Facebook group called to cover “an expected sharp rise in Uni- authorized house party in Peterhouse ‘Rallying Old Petreans (ROP)’ has re- versity utility, pay and pension costs”. accommodation.  e Ball President, Ben cently been set up to protest against the Fees for home and EU postgraduate Margereson, and the Food O cer, Maria “draconian measures” taken by the col- students are expected to rise by 2.7 per Onyango, were involved in organizing lege.  e group calls for old members of cent in the next academic year. the party on April 24th, which was closed the College to express their disdain for  e University has been quick to stress by the Head Porter and the police. the authorities’ actions and show their the provisional nature of the fee increases. Varsity has learned that windows solidarity with the students a ected. A University spokeswoman emphasised were broken,  re alarms were set o  e group alleges that the students are that whilst the fee increases for 2009/10 and the party, held at 7 Tennis Court also banned from College grounds from could be con rmed, “nothing has been Terrace, was “pretty rowdy”. 1pm on every day of that month, making decided” on the proposals for fee levels One room had been turned into a ball them unable to attend any event held in beyond the next academic year. pit, one of the hostesses wore a small Peterhouse over May Week. Overseas students have expressed “but very much alive” python around  e group expresses a feeling that “the disappointment at the proposals, citing her neck and the walls were plastered administration has grown too somber in that fees for international students at with “some pretty skanky porn pic- recent years”. Cambridge are already comparatively tures”. When the  re alarm was set o A Peterhouse student involved with the higher than those at other universities. for half an hour, comments such as “is Ball told Varsity that “a couple of commit- One student described the suggested this what trendy house music sounds tee members simply feel a bit let down rise as “unacceptable”. like these days?” were elicited. by the behaviour of those involved, they He said, “Although I am funded by A source at the party said, “ e Col- knew they had responsibility for the Ball, a University trust, and may not be af- lege knew about the party all the while and it was clear that College would react.” fected as much by the rise, the reasons that it was being planned, as someone  is feeling seems ampli ed by the for it are unacceptable.  e University in the house told them early on. On the fact that the Ball was cancelled last year should be looking at various ways to evening the porters came an hour before in reaction to the poor academic per- cover expected rises in utility, pay and the guests were due to arrive so there was formance of Peterhouse students. pensions, such as requesting additional nothing anyone could do to stop it.” Another third-year member of the government funding, or drawing on in-  e porters initially came at about College, who is not on the Ball commit- You’ve got to hand it to him vestment income.” 10.30pm and were accompanied by the tee, has also faced the same disciplinary Fees for international students, un- police about an hour later.  e students action. ondon-based sculptor David Begbie poses in front of one of his pieces at like the standardised fees paid by home inside barricaded the doors and contin-  e Ball is set to be a grander occa- the Fitzwilliam Museum. Titled Palm I, 2007, Balbie constructed the piece and EU students, vary according to the ued partying, only stopping when eve- sion than normal, falling on the 725th fromL a bronze mesh and galvanised steel-frame easel.  e work is part of a new subject studied, with some scienti c un- ryone was asked to leave later on. anniversary of Peterhouse, as well as the showcase for contemporary sculpture, unveiled on April 28, which occupies the dergraduate courses costing £12,768 per Margereson and Onyango are under 800th anniversary of the University. Museum lawns fronting Trumpington Street.  e Sculpture Promenade will be year. Levels of  nancial support are lim- instructions to leave College accommo- Peterhouse refused to comment, and open until January 2010. ited, o en forming a partial contribution dation by June 1st and are not allowed to Ben Margereson was unavailable. to total costs on a means tested basis. Mathematics named the cleverest department in the University Beth Staton University Library also made it into the conspicuously lacking from the team’s with just 55 points each. School narrowly defeat the Department  nal four, who competed in the Union’s intellectual repertoire. “ e team had “ e competition celebrates the in u- of Medicine, and organisers attempted A quiz held for the University’s 800th Debating Chamber last Monday. a very balanced pool of knowledge,” ence the university has had on the world to put another long-standing rivalry anniversary has named the department Team captain Vicky Neale claimed she commented. “We like to show that we live in,” said Simon Spiro, one of the to rest by pitting the Divinity Faculty of Pure Maths and Mathematical Statis- that the winning team didn’t spend pure mathematicians have more than organisers of the competition. “Each against Genetics. Although Divinity tics the cleverest in the University. much time worrying about their per- just numbers up their sleeve.” question is somehow linked to the Uni- won the quiz, scholars have not used A er winning against Physics in the formance. “We were pretty consistent 24 academic and administrative versity, though not explicitly - for exam- the victory as evidence for creationism. semi- nal, DPMMS defeated History through the rounds,” she said. departments took part in the first ple a question about physics may some- Cambridge Quizsoc hosts a pub quiz with 170 points to 110 in a  nal hosted Ms Neale also didn’t accept claims round of the quiz, which sent Music how be related to Newton’s theories.” at the Cricketers in Melbourne Place, by Clive Anderson.  e team from the that knowledge of popular culture was and MML to a shameful elimination  e early rounds saw the Veterinary every Tuesday at 9pm. Something to say? [email protected] Friday May 15th 2009 2 Editorial Call the Editors directly on 01223 761541 varsity.co.uk

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Contents Friday May 15th 2009 Got a news story? varsity.co.uk Taking 01223a 761543 / [email protected] News 5 against Tripos xams are undoubtedly important.  e Tripos system is generally an excellent way of measuring academic achievement, Games & puzzles Eand anyone who takes theirCambridge time at Cambridge seriously should want to do as well as possible in their exams. News p1-5 However, they are not theSpies be-all and end-all.  ere is far, far more to Cambridge than the Tripos, as we all recognise for at Varsity Crossword no. 504 Sudoku

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 least two-thirdsThe object is to insertof the numbersthe in the boxes year. to satisfy only one A balance must be struck: Cambridge is justly famed for extra-curricular pursuits such as music, form (5) condition: each row, column and 3x3 box must contain the digits 1 through 9 exactly once. 9 24 Love note about Eastern European Expenses furore p4 capitaldrama made of elegant and paper (7) sport, and some of its best-known alumni – Lord Byron and Hugh Laurie spring to mind – would have put little 10 11 25 Small, sensitive circles are nothing left above boundaries (7) 1 5 9 8 26 Toplessstore nude love infollowing exam maid- success. Moreover, it is slightly disheartening, if not surprising, to see people suddenly  ock to the library in e bad news is, MPs are bastards. e enhead compromise (4,2) 9 3 6 1 27 Good girl to notice a prosthetic 12 13 6 4 partthe (5,3) Easter term – if your subject is so important, then why not work for it all year round? It is this cramming attitude which 5 4 1 2 good news is, our MP David Howarth Down can make Cambridge1 3 such9 6 an unpleasant place to be in this term. 14 15 1 PM on whose farm I am not going 9 8 7 3 isn’t: he has never claimed expenses. to work? (6)Varsity has traditionally acquiesced in this exam-term exceptionalism, by not publishing any issues during the course of 16 17 2 Opportunity to pay a visit (4-2) 2 1 3 Eastern peak to display Wyclef or 18 Lauryn,the for instance,term. by the sound Consider 4 9 this2 issue,3 Corpus then, Christi as a small stab at changing that attitude: life goes on even in the midst of revision, and a of it (5,4) 5 6 7 4 / MADE BY GArEth MoorE www.puzzlemix.com 19 20 4 Unsure of self, tin deity? (8,6) Power couple? 6 In betweennewspaper a salute relating to one should re ect that. We should all try to do more than work this term. Games & puzzles p5 21 22 23 sense (5) The Varsity Scribblepad One evening at Christ’s, a group of 7 Criminal de-veiled a terrible crime merry men and buxom lasses, hav- (4,4) ing got rather merrier (and bux- 8 Unconscious, in a bandage, spend a omer), decided to separate for the A suggestion: do the Sudoku in the 24 25 penny getting up (8) night, into their several couples. 9 Uncompromising attitude granting A former debating queen from a no reward even for one second? similarly pious home found, to her UL stacks. (6-5-3) surprise, that she was paired off 26 27 15 They provoke a negative reaction with the flame-haired chieftain of from various genres, after all (9) Cambridge’s lesser newsrag. She 16 Type of verse ghost-writer might was happy to go along with this begin after digital image? (4,4) plan for a short while – anything 17 Writer of 16 briefly unwell abroad, for networking – but soon real- Across how (5) maybeHave missing Greece? (8) someised the enormity respect of her mistake. for students Cambridge Spies p5 13/19 Dow pun for one of Bob’s finest? 19 See 13 Across She ran off into the night, leaving 1 Farm hand, sorted, so they say, (7,2,2,4) 20 Classic song Joel arranged for two her potential paramour with the after a drink (8) 14 Nearer bat poorly concealed in points (6) line “Sorry, I’m a Varsity girl...” 5 Deviant smiles as mystics circle source of heat underground (12) 22 Tied up initially in Dylan’s provoc- According to our sources, she cer- Sexual shenanigans and boorish boozing.around a point (6) 18 Narrowly in favour of Leonardo ative language, always a-changin’ Last issue’s solution tainly is. 10 Drop of fresh glue sealing in pitch supporter? (12) (5) o College would take kindly to a group of its students organising an illegal party on its property, leading to some 9 1 4 5 3 7 8 2 6 (7) 21 Wee chap in elaborately construct- 3 5 6 4 8 2 7 9 1 Jesus Green 11 Provoke creation in church top (7) ed item popular at formal (5,4) 2 7 8 9 6 1 3 5 4 arguably7 4 5criminal1 9 8 2 6 3 damage and the involvement of the police, as happened at Peterhouse earlier this term. Since Ben 12 A fool made of myself: do it, some- 23 Neither backing party’s musical Set by Hisashi 8 3 1 2 4 6 5 7 9 Menage à trois? 6 2 9 7 5 3 1 4 8 N 1 6 7 3 2 9 4 8 5 Answers to last issue’s crossword (no. 503) 4 8 3 6 7 5 9 1 2 Across: 1 Dissertation, 10 Related, 11 Stress, 13 Ruined, 14 Vacation, 16 Padded cell, 17 Or so, 18 Ably, 20 Favourable, 24 Livelier, 25 As well, 27 Tedium, 28 Inertia, 30 YearsMargereson of study. Down: 2 Ill wind, 3 So there, 4 Ride, 5 At, 6 (a5 9 2 8 1former4 6 3 7 VarsityOne Fashionvivacious vixen took Editor)frivoli- happened to be President of the College’s May Ball, it was not surprising In-tray, 7 Needier, 8 Pre-Raphaelite, 9 Using one’s loaf, 12 Balloon, 15 Scraped, 19 Lividly, 21 Respect, 22 Bleated, 23 Pleura, 26 Riff, 29 Is. ties on last Bank Holiday week- end to a new height, adding not Comment p6 that he was stripped of such aone, high-pronot two, but three new knots le position. All those running the party knew the risks, and must have known that to the old bedpost. Declaring at dinner that she would accompany EDINBURGH FESTIVAL 2009 something like this could happen.an old boy back to his hotel room, so as to be in a better position to Festival Flats have a large number of good properties However, the next step, to inspectban the sheets,Margereson she sealed the and the other organisers of the party from Peterhouse a er June 1st, is dis- Climate greenery p6 available in the heart of Edinburgh, all within walking first deal. Huddling under a tree distance of the various venues during the battle of the next day, proportionate.  eir actions ourmay insatiable have heroine hatched been a foolish, but they were not harmful in the long term; the response – e ectively foolproof plan with a similarly in- Dan Hitchens advocates the need for Please call Carole or Elaine on 01620 810620 if you toxicated blonde bombshell to en- kicking three people out of atrap community the male of their desires into to which they have contributed a huge amount over three years – is grossly unfair. would like us to help find the perfect flat for you. an afternoon of six-footed mis- shared values to save the world. E-mail: [email protected] or [email protected] Peterhousehas a heavy-handedchief. And she attitude scores a hat-trick. to its students, as witnessed by their cancellation of the May Ball in 2008.  at at- Christ’s titude is sadly shared by otherBusta Colleges, does it again who show, by actions such as banning students from their rooms outside term-time Returning also for the annual or forcing them to go to Hall,Pimm’s that confrontation junior on Sunday, members are very low in the pecking order.  is is an educational establishment, Bad Zac Efron p6 our rather sickly and most cer- We are the leading supplier to colleges, May Balls and tainly inebriated reprobate saun- and we who are being educatedtered into deserve a buzzing tucked-away more respect. Anna Dannreuther claims that the student socs and parties. Party wines from £2.99, over 200 drinking hole. A sudden bout of single malts, Port, Madeira, Claret, Absinthe, cans of lager. If vertigo bowled him into the near- you can drink it, we sell it. est obstacle. Finding there not a well-grounded pillar, but an winsome teen star is promoting dubious attitudes. Free glass loan, free delivery, generous discounts, wholesale alarmed member of the fairer sex, New Deadline for Applications: he was apparently not sufficiently accounts available for all CU bodies, socs, clubs etc. satisfied at the imposition he had Double-or-Quits your student discount with our Trivial caused: he threw her newly re- plenished tipple to the floor. The Monday June 1st 2009 Pursuit challenge. No conferring, bickering or face-pulling. silence brought on by the result- Branches at King’s Parade, Magdalene Bridge and Mill ant smash he took as an invitation Road. Edinburgh too. to break into the anthem of the Work fornear-by Varsity gentlemen’s den, much to www.cambridgewine.com the general confusion of those in Magazine p7-14 his vicinity. Applications to work for Varsity are still open.  e deadline is My Week p7 Monday June 1st. We are looking for section editors, reporters, e trials and tribulations of a critics, photographers, illustrators and an online editor. controversial Ball President. Application forms are available at varsity.co.uk/jobs.  e Varsity Week p11 If you have any questions, please e-mail the Editors, ere is SO MUCH going on you simply Rob Peal & Anna Trench: [email protected] wouldn’t believe. Submit your letter for the chance to win a bottle of wine from the Cambridge Wine Merchants. Union book review p12 [email protected] All letters may be edited for space and style. Livvy Potts reviews a new history of the Cambridge Union. Shockingly exciting. Misuse of Milton no time for Dr Schmidt’s unfounded twenty- rst century to hope for a public and fashionably irrational claim that informed by reasonable (rather than Dear Sirs, “religion is the greatest creator and simply free) dialogue? intensi er of human hatred”. Sport p15-16 As a Milton scholar I was delighted by I was confused by the train of his Yours faithfully, Hugo Schmidt’s reference to Milton’s argument. He begins by condemning Varsity darts p15 Areopagitica in Varsity [issue 694, April the prosecution of free-thinkers in the Seb Robins We won, we won, we won! 24th], even if he has, unfortunately, name of freedom of speech, and ends Corpus Christi College failed to understand any of it (Milton by remarking that “the Crown Prosecu- was adamant that speech should not tion Service decided to prosecute the Correction Cooney’s Marathon p16 be free but that Laudian and Catholic makers [of the Channel 4 documenta- In a story in our last issue [‘Ex-Selwyn She’s done it! She may not have come  rst, works should be suppressed, while he ry] and not the imams”, who, by exten- student found guilty of possessing child but Lauren  nished the marathon. valued ‘free speech’ – the promotion sion, he feels should be prosecuted for pornography’ – issue 694], we wrongly of sectarian literature – not as a goal in hate speech.  e relationship between attributed comments to Michael Tilby, itself but as a means to Divine grace). freedom of speech and hate speech whom we described as Selwyn’s Senior In the same vein I found Dr legislation might have made a more Tutor. Dr Tilby did not make the com- Schmidt’s reference to Milton some- interesting theme in his essay. ments, and is no longer Senior Tutor; Get involved what uncomfortably at odds with the Are there really no objective means the comments should have been at- gist of his article, namely that religious of deciding what is in ammatory, ir- tributed to James Keeler, current Senior If you would like to contribute to the May Week sentiment threatens freedom of speech; rational and o ensive, and thus worthy Tutor of Selwyn. We apologise to all Milton would have had absolutely of censorship? Is it too much in the involved for the error. edition of Varsity, please contact the May Week Vars ity has been Cambridge’s independent student newspaper since 1947 and distributes 10,000 free copies to every Cambridge Editors at [email protected]. College, to ARU and around Cambridge each week.

is issue of Varsity was edited by Clementine Dowley, Hugo Gye, Katy King, Joel Massey, Emma Mustich, Robert Peal, Jamie Ptaszynski, If you would like to contribute to Varsity in the Robert Stagg, Laurie Tu rey & Cædmon Tunstall-Behrens Sub-editor Colm Flanagan Illustrators Claudia Stocker & Sarah Woolley Business & Advertising Manager Michael Derringer [email protected] Board of Directors Dr Michael Franklin (Chair), Prof. Peter Robinson, Dr Tim Harris, Mr Chris Wright, Mr Michael Derringer, Miss Lizzie Mitchell, Mr Elliot Ross (VarSoc President), Mr  omas Bird, Mr Michaelmas term, visit varsity.co.uk/jobs, e-mail George Grist, Mr Patrick Kingsley, Miss Natasha Lennard, Miss Anna Trench, Mr Hugo Gye, Mr Michael Stothard & Miss Clementine Dowley

[email protected] or look out for open meetings NEWSPAPERS Varsity, Old Examination Hall, Free School Lane, Cambridge CB2 3RF. Tel 01223 337575. Fax 01223 760949. Varsity is published by Varsity Publications Ltd. Varsity SUPPORT RECYCLING Publications also publishes BlueSci and The Mays. ©2009 Varsity Publications Ltd. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval Recycled paper made up 87.2% of the raw system or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical photocopying, recording or otherwise without prior permission of the publisher. Printed at Iliffe being held throughout the term. material for UK newspapers in 2008 Print Cambridge — Winship Road, Milton, Cambridge CB24 6PP on 48gsm UPM Matt Paper. Registered as a newspaper at the Post Offi ce. ISSN 1758-4442 NEWSPAPERS SUPPORT RECYCLING Friday May 15th 2009 Got a news story? varsity.co.uk 01223 761543 / [email protected] News 3

Sir Roger Norrington named In Brief Student members of Council CUMS Principal Guest Conductor elected Tom Chigbo has been elected to the » Sir Roger to spearhead the drive to ‘expand Cambridge’s musical horizons’ University Council. CUSU’s Presi- dent-elect won the annual election » Celebrated conductors to join Sir Roger in the new ‘Great Conductors’ series last week for student members of the Council, the University’s main Caedmon Tunstall-Behrens classical music map. participate in the future. ty. “He’s very into performance practice governing body. Also elected were Sir Roger will be working closely Lara Acott, a third year music and it will be interesting to see David Lowry, Jesus’ JCR President, Sir Roger Norrington, renowned for his with the CUMS I orchestra, helping it undergraduate at Selwyn and how his views on that feed and Julia Li, a graduate student at St career as one of contemporary Britian’s prepare for his  rst conduct- the second  autist in into his conducting,” John’s. Elections were also held for most distinguished and accomplished ing role as Principal Guest CUMS I, expressed she said. the General Board, the highest aca- conductors, has been appointed Prin- Conductor at King’s Col- excitement that “It’s a fantas- demic body in the University: these cipal Guest Conductor and Artistic lege Chapel on June 12 Sir Roger was tic opportunity were won by Sam Wakeford, CUSU Advisor of the Cambridge University next year, where it will joining the socie- not only for Education O cer for next year, and Musical Society (CUMS). perform the Brahms people in the Yang Xia, a Trinity postgrad. Sir Roger, an alumnus of Clare, will Ein deutsches Requiem orchestra, but work closely with other members of the and another as of yet undecided also for aspir- society to appoint a young professional piece. ing conductors Cambridge busking festival orchestral conductor to take on a new The two-tiered format of CUMS in Cambridge. role as Orchestra Director.  is new means that although provision- I expect more Cambridge was treated to an ex- role will involve close work with Sir ally only those more experienced people will be at- travaganza of contemporary music Roger to “expand Cambridge’s musical players will benefit from Sir Roger, tracted to audition and performance last week when the horizons”. those involved with CUMS second to the society in the Buskers and Street Performers Fes- Simon Fairclough, chairman of orchestra and the wind band may  rst place and also tival 2009 came to town. At 28 loca- CUMS, said the appointment was part graduate in their second or third year for CUMS con- tions throughout the city centre, in- of their plan to “develop high end musi- to CUMS I. ducting,” she cluding from a punt in the Mill Pond, cal opportunities in the world of classi-  e Society is also introducing a added. buskers plied their trade to an over- cal music, not just the Cambridge bub- ‘Great Conductors’ series, commenc- whelmingly receptive Cambridge au- ble. As part of that drive we are hosting ing with Dmitry Sitkovetsky, Principal dience. Event organiser Heather Bev- the world premiere of a Peter Maxwell Guest Conductor of the Russian State an Hunt hailed the festival as a great Davis piece, the CUMS chorus is devel- Symphony Orchestra, in March success as it succeeded in meeting its oping a relationship with the Philhar- 2010.  is will be followed dual aims of celebrating the cultural monia Orchestra.” by Sir Roger in June 2010. diversity of the city while at the same Contacts that Sir Roger has made Fairclough added that the time reminding buskers of the im- over his career, spanning almost half a Society is in talks with portance of the street performer code century, are hoped to be invaluable in Andrew Davis who in regulating their activities.  e en- solidifying Cambridge’s place on the is keen to come and joyment was not shared by all. One passer-by moaned that the Council “should be doing an Oxford” rather than promoting such “glori ed beg- ging”, a reference to last year’s curtail- Darwin sculpture shortlisted ment of busking along Oxford’s main Cornmarket Street. for prestigious prize Edward Hughes

Christos Lavidas Fleming and Carl Linnaeus as well as Development of child literacy being approached by the Royal Mint to A new sculpture located in the Darwin submit designs for the new £2 coin. Professor of Education Maria Nikola- Garden of Christ’s has been shortlisted  e Marsh Sculpture Prize has been jeva gave an Inaugural Lecture on for the Marsh Sculpture Prize. awarded to the best newly commis- ‘ e Power of Language: Literacy,  e work, entitled the ‘Young sioned public sculpture or restoration (mis)communication and oppres- Last year’s Gates Charles Darwin’ and displays Darwin of a public sculpture annually for the sion in literature for young read- scholars on an as he would have looked in 1831 as an past  ve years. It is run by the Marsh ers’ on April 29th. Using books like orientation course undergraduate at the college.  e statue Christian Trust and the Public Monu- A.A. Milne’s Winnie-the-Pooh and is placed on the arm of a bench in New ments and Sculpture Association.  e Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland, Court.  rst ever winner was Maggi Hambling Nikolajeva discussed how children’s  e statue was unveiled by Prince for ‘Scallop’, positioned on Aldeburgh literature encourages and discourages Phillip, the Duke of Edinburgh and Beach, Su olk. literacy. According to Prof. Nikolaje- Chancellor of the University, earlier  e winner will be announced on va, books for children o en make the Gates scholarship this year to mark Darwin’s 200th birth- November 17, at the Whitechapel language “as simple as possible”, but day. Sarah Darwin, the scientist’s great- Art Gallery in London.  e Duke of doing so, however, does not neces- great-granddaughter, was present at the Gloucester will attend the event. sarily encourage literacy: by making winners named ceremony.  is year’s team of judges will in- their language too simple, writers fail clinical rotations as a medical graduate It was designed by Anthony Smith, a clude Michael Paraskos, Research Fel- to engage their readers. She stressed Bhavya Dore I realised that I could only help the per- young British artist of growing reputa- low at Harlow Art Trust, Sue Ridge of that the best literature for children Ninety Gates Cambridge Scholarships son in front of me. An interest to make tion and a Fellow of the Linnean Soci- Chelsea College of Art and Zuleika Do- plays with the rules of language, of- for students from previously unrepre- a meaningful di erence to the overall ety of London. In the past he has been bson, former Director of the Camden ten using it incorrectly in a way that sented countries such as Bangladesh, health of millions of people steered me commissioned to sculpt the bust of Ian Art Centre in London. they can recognize. Mongolia, Slovakia and Venezuela have onto the public health track.” Maylin Tu been announced. Jargal Jamsranjav is the  rst Mongo-  e programme, which selects scholars lian Gates scholar. She spent a year in from over 6,700 international applicants, Cambridge on a Chevening scholarship SEAN JONES was set up in 2000 by the Bill and Melinda studying biodiversity, and then returned Gates Foundation and seeks out schol- to Mongolia to run an ecological re- ars with a strong academic record, social search training program. Jargal, who has 52 Trumpington Street commitment and leadership qualities. a gold medal in Mongolian traditional Cambridge CB2 1RG  e students selected this year in- dancing, will be pursuing a PhD focus- clude both former and new students at ing on the con ict between nomadic FREE CHELSEA BUN the University. Rajiv Chowdhury, from herders in Mongolia and wildlife. With every purchase over £2.00 in the shop Bangladesh, was previously a Common- Gordon Johnson, Provost of the Gates OR wealth Scholar before he returned home Cambridge Trust, said: “Being part of the FREE MORNING to work for the ICDDRB, an interna- Gates community brings with it a respon- tional centre for health and population sibility to use an education gained at one COFFEE/TEA (9am-12pm) research. He will begin his PhD in Public of the world’s leading universities for the With any cake or pastry in the restaurant Health this October and will speci cally bene t of society at large. We are con - e Duke of Edinburgh at the unveiling of the study the role of nutrition and nutrige- dent that the new cohort of Gates Schol- on presentation of this voucher netics in cardiovascular disease. ars will meet this responsibility in a range statue in February and proof of student status Chowdhury commented: “During my of interesting and creative ways.” News Editor: Cædmon Tunstall-Behrens Friday May 15th 2009 4 News [email protected] varsity.co.uk Energy saving e orts are not e ective enough, says Cambridge prof On his website, www.withoutho- Prof.Mackay’s  ndings come at a Mike Hornsey tair.com, Prof. Mackay explains how time when more and more businesses A Cambridge physicist has hit the people need a better awareness of the are adopting environmentally friendly headlines for claiming that household things that can really make a differ- policies. Tesco have halved the amount energy savings are ine ective. ence. “Obsessively switching off the of energy used by their UK stores since David Mackay is a professor of natu- phone-charger is like bailing the ti- 2000, and have plans to install wind ral philosophy in the physics depart- tanic with a teaspoon... I’m not saying turbines in two of their Cambridge ment and is a liated with Darwin that you shouldn’t switch the phone branches as part of a wider e ort to College. In a YouTube video titled charger off. But don’t be duped by the lower their energy footprint. ‘How Many Light Bulbs? From Cam- mantra ‘every little helps’.” South Cambridgeshire District bridge Ideas’, Prof. Mackay describes  e focus, he suggests, should be Council have authorised the turbines how he got so fed up with politicians on things that make a substantial dif- at both the Milton and Bar Hill stores and pressure groups giving bad advice ference; doing just a little will achieve and will decide whether to extend the about saving energy that he measured only a little. program to the Fulbourn store by the the output of utilities in his home to Although he strongly advocates end of the month.  nd out exactly how much energy they the use of renewable energy sources, McKay explains that to provide a used. he emphasises the importance of us- quarter of our current energy intake, Some of his statistics are surprising. ing them e ectively. “Roof-mounted seventy-five per cent of the UK would A phone charger, for example, requires micro-wind turbines are an utter waste have to be covered with biomass just a one-hundredth of the energy of resources...  ey never pay for them- plantations. He says that “we need a needed by a light bulb. Flying to Cape selves. In contrast, roof-mounted solar plan that adds up. The good news is Town and back uses as much energy as water heaters are a no-brainer.” Install- that such plans can be made. The bad driving a car 50km a day for a whole ing a solar panel can heat half of a typi- news is that implementing them will year, the professor says. cal family’s hot water supply. not be easy.” Cambridge MP avoids criticism over expenses second homes allowance last year. His expenses, which are published for MPs to buy property with money constituency of- Caedmon Tunstall-Behrens Mr Howarth commented “I decided to on his website www.davidhowarth.org. from their allowances.  e second fice. He claimed  e MP for Cambridge has come out travel into London every day, rather than uk, reveal that he claims nothing to- homes allowance should be restricted £67,131.55 in the of Westminster’s expenses scandal un- set up a second home, because I hoped wards the Additional Costs Allowance. to paying for hotel accommodation or staffing allowance, scathed, as receipts leaked to the Daily that it would keep me more in touch with  e House of Commons states that this a furnished rental property.” £4,600 for an annu- Telegraph has revealed. my family and with my constituents.” stipend is paid to “reimburse members The expenses breakdown on the al rail season ticket Amid the negative columns writ- H prefers to take the 45 minute com- for necessary costs incurred when stay- website shows that Howarth claimed and the amount for ten about expense abuse over the past mute into London by train. He said, ing overnight away from their main £15,134.53 on for Incidental centrally purchased few weeks, David Howarth, the Lib- “In any case, many Cambridge resi- home for the purpose of performing Expenses Provision stationery eral Democrat MP for the city, has been dents commute to London and I didn’t parliamentary duties.” (IEP), the allowance and post- found to be the only Lib Dem MP out- feel that I should be exempt from the Howarth commented that “there is no to meet the costs age is to be side of Greater London not to claim a experience.” justi cation, under any circumstances, of maintaining a confirmed.

THE UNIVERSITY OF SPECIAL DIRECT SALE PRICE Cambridge £42.50* an 800th Anniversary Portrait *incl UK p&p / RRP £50

o celebrate its 800th anniversary year in 2009, the University of Cambridge has Hardback • 280 x 240mm, portrait • 352 pages Tworked with publishers Third Millennium for over two years to produce this special Over 600 colour and mono illustrations • c.150,000 words commemorative book. Edited by Peter Pagnamenta, one of Britain’s most distinguished documentary producers, this lavishly illustrated, beautifully designed and produced hardback volume traces the University’s growth and development from its small beginnings to tomorrow’s aspirations. This is a volume to treasure for years to come.

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Call Third Millennium Publishing on +44 (0)20 7336 0144 or visit www.tmiltd.com for further examples from the book and to order securely online

Third Millennium has also published books on Clare College, Corpus Christi College, Girton College, Gonville & Caius College, Pembroke College, St John’s College and Trinity Hall, Cambridge. Visit www.tmiltd.com for more details Friday May 15th 2009 Got a news story? varsity.co.uk 01223 761543 / [email protected] News 5

Games & puzzles Cambridge Spies Varsity Crossword no. 504 Sudoku

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 The object is to insert the numbers in the boxes to satisfy only one form (5) condition: each row, column and 3x3 box must contain the digits 1 through 9 exactly once. 9 24 Love note about Eastern European capital made of elegant paper (7)

10 11 25 Small, sensitive circles are nothing left above boundaries (7) 1 5 9 8 26 Topless nude love following maid- enhead compromise (4,2) 9 3 6 1 27 Good girl to notice a prosthetic 12 13 6 4 part (5,3) 5 4 1 2 Down 1 3 9 6 14 15 1 PM on whose farm I am not going 9 8 7 3 to work? (6) 16 17 2 Opportunity to pay a visit (4-2) 2 1 3 Eastern peak to display Wyclef or 18 Lauryn, for instance, by the sound 4 9 2 3 Corpus Christi of it (5,4) 5 6 7 4 / MADE BY GArEth MoorE www.puzzlemix.com 19 20 4 Unsure of self, tin deity? (8,6) Power couple? 6 In between a salute relating to one 21 22 23 sense (5) The Varsity Scribblepad One evening at Christ’s, a group of 7 Criminal de-veiled a terrible crime merry men and buxom lasses, hav- (4,4) ing got rather merrier (and bux- 8 Unconscious, in a bandage, spend a omer), decided to separate for the 24 25 penny getting up (8) night, into their several couples. 9 Uncompromising attitude granting A former debating queen from a no reward even for one second? similarly pious home found, to her (6-5-3) surprise, that she was paired off

26 27 15 They provoke a negative reaction with the flame-haired chieftain of from various genres, after all (9) Cambridge’s lesser newsrag. She 16 Type of verse ghost-writer might was happy to go along with this begin after digital image? (4,4) plan for a short while – anything 17 Writer of 16 briefly unwell abroad, for networking – but soon real- Across how (5) maybe missing Greece? (8) ised the enormity of her mistake. 13/19 Dow pun for one of Bob’s finest? 19 See 13 Across She ran off into the night, leaving 1 Farm hand, sorted, so they say, (7,2,2,4) 20 Classic song Joel arranged for two her potential paramour with the after a drink (8) 14 Nearer bat poorly concealed in points (6) line “Sorry, I’m a Varsity girl...” 5 Deviant smiles as mystics circle source of heat underground (12) 22 Tied up initially in Dylan’s provoc- According to our sources, she cer- around a point (6) 18 Narrowly in favour of Leonardo ative language, always a-changin’ Last issue’s solution tainly is. 10 Drop of fresh glue sealing in pitch supporter? (12) (5) 9 1 4 5 3 7 8 2 6 (7) 21 Wee chap in elaborately construct- 3 5 6 4 8 2 7 9 1 Jesus Green 11 Provoke creation in church top (7) ed item popular at formal (5,4) 2 7 8 9 6 1 3 5 4 7 4 5 1 9 8 2 6 3 12 A fool made of myself: do it, some- 23 Neither backing party’s musical Set by Hisashi 8 3 1 2 4 6 5 7 9 Menage à trois? 6 2 9 7 5 3 1 4 8 1 6 7 3 2 9 4 8 5 Answers to last issue’s crossword (no. 503) 4 8 3 6 7 5 9 1 2 Across: 1 Dissertation, 10 Related, 11 Stress, 13 Ruined, 14 Vacation, 16 Padded cell, 17 Or so, 18 Ably, 20 Favourable, 24 Livelier, 25 As well, 27 Tedium, 28 Inertia, 30 Years of study. Down: 2 Ill wind, 3 So there, 4 Ride, 5 At, 6 5 9 2 8 1 4 6 3 7 One vivacious vixen took frivoli- In-tray, 7 Needier, 8 Pre-Raphaelite, 9 Using one’s loaf, 12 Balloon, 15 Scraped, 19 Lividly, 21 Respect, 22 Bleated, 23 Pleura, 26 Riff, 29 Is. ties on last Bank Holiday week- end to a new height, adding not one, not two, but three new knots to the old bedpost. Declaring at dinner that she would accompany EDINBURGH FESTIVAL 2009 an old boy back to his hotel room, so as to be in a better position to Festival Flats have a large number of good properties inspect the sheets, she sealed the available in the heart of Edinburgh, all within walking first deal. Huddling under a tree during the battle of the next day, distance of the various venues our insatiable heroine hatched a foolproof plan with a similarly in- toxicated blonde bombshell to en- Please call Carole or Elaine on 01620 810620 if you trap the male of their desires into would like us to help find the perfect flat for you. an afternoon of six-footed mis- E-mail: [email protected] or [email protected] chief. And she scores a hat-trick. Christ’s Busta does it again Returning also for the annual Pimm’s confrontation on Sunday, our rather sickly and most cer- We are the leading supplier to colleges, May Balls and tainly inebriated reprobate saun- tered into a buzzing tucked-away student socs and parties. Party wines from £2.99, over 200 drinking hole. A sudden bout of single malts, Port, Madeira, Claret, Absinthe, cans of lager. If vertigo bowled him into the near- you can drink it, we sell it. est obstacle. Finding there not a well-grounded pillar, but an Free glass loan, free delivery, generous discounts, wholesale alarmed member of the fairer sex, he was apparently not sufficiently accounts available for all CU bodies, socs, clubs etc. satisfied at the imposition he had Double-or-Quits your student discount with our Trivial caused: he threw her newly re- plenished tipple to the floor. The Pursuit challenge. No conferring, bickering or face-pulling. silence brought on by the result- Branches at King’s Parade, Magdalene Bridge and Mill ant smash he took as an invitation to break into the anthem of the Road. Edinburgh too. near-by gentlemen’s den, much to www.cambridgewine.com the general confusion of those in his vicinity. Comment Editor: Robert Stagg Friday May 15th 2009 6 Comment [email protected] varsity.co.uk

Web Wit & Dan Wisdom Hitchens e Community in Conservatism Genuine ‘shared values’ are the best way to abrupt a climate crisis

t’s an uncomfortable fact that the for at least some of this, but we must pened yet, but it has begun, particularly that most see this as a concern in which closest communities tend to be the also recognise its corollary. Last year the in one area: the crisis of climate change, personal responsibility comes a long way mostI liberal-minded. Our politicians are University of She eld produced a study an issue to which both public spirit and behind state intervention. Of course, gov- correct in thinking that ‘shared values’ on UK residents’ diminishing sense of ‘collective consciousness’ are crucial. ernments can do a lot. But in a country are the source of social cohesion and belonging. e results were even more If the warnings of Al Gore and with healthy public spirit, the authorities togetherness. But, rather than encourag- wretched than one might expect. “Even Mark Lynas are true – even if they are could work by encouragement, sub- ing attitudes of tolerance and amiability, the weakest communities in 1971 were only semi-true – then the issue of the sidy and advice. When the collective these values in fact enact strict codes and stronger than any community now,” the environment reduces almost every other consciousness has been dissolved, on the customs which distinguish outsiders researchers reported. to near-irrelevance, a claim with which other hand, we see exactly the authoritar- from those who belong, the ‘us’ from the is is especially concerning because most of our generation, having grown up ianism which Eliot warned would follow. ‘t h e m’. of the fact that community spirit is the surrounded by a heightened awareness Consider the actions taken in the Religiosity and patriotism, two such precondition for public spirit. ‘Social of global warming, would agree. I doubt name of environmentalism. e EU has markers, are harmful for the same reason conscience’ starts at home, and is an many Varsity readers would dispute banned most types of lightbulb because Week 4: Expenses that they are valuable: they are the most impossibility in a population deprived the fact that climate change presents they may use more energy. Councils deeply-rooted of emotional a nities, far of the experience of home. To return to a huge danger to mankind’s future place microchips in bins so they can So when do the Forensic Account- more so than the modern liberal’s deli-  ne anyone who gets confused between ants get involved ????? cate attachment to principles of freedom cardboard and glazed cardboard. e and justice. Students’ Union at Leeds recently made it [email protected] e obvious comparison here is with “Both public spirit and ‘collective unlawful to sell bottled water on campus. America. Aspects of the last election ese examples of heavyhanded I am sick to the back teeth and seemed bizarre to a British audience: the consciousness’ are crucial to climate change” desperation is only to be expected when a to my stomach (simultaneously)  agpin controversy, the success of Mike sense of community has withered. Some when i hear the rubbish put 4ward Huckabee, and the attention paid to one see it as a necessary evil: if the worst by the nations mps. these people r candidate’s religious beliefs and to the sacri ce we have to make for our future is supposed to be our moral superiors, other’s military service. American values the earlier contrast: proportional to GDP, wellbeing. But how many people have changing lightbulbs, they ask, then what and while is truggle putting food have some laughable manifestations, but Americans give about two and a half ever cancelled a holiday because only is the problem? It is an attitude which on the table and into my familties they are also the origin of Americans’ times as much to charity as Britons. an aeroplane could take them to their misses the point. mouths (simultaneously) they have undeniable community spirit. Worse still, as public spirit shrinks, destination? Crackdowns only become attractive theyre snouts in the trough. DIS- e point is not that the UK ought the state advances, intervening in realms Global warming skeptics are attacked, as solutions when it is impossible to rely GUSTING. to be more like America. But we should further and further beyond its compe- perhaps unfairly, as ‘Flat-Earthers’. Actu- on genuine community action. Personal admit to the existence of a trade-o tence. T.S. Eliot pointed out in 1939: “By ally, the comparison works much better responsibility, stemming from the feeling gardening_ben, Slough between the ideals of diversity and open- destroying traditional social habits of in reverse. Most people believe in man- of belonging, is always preferable to the mindedness on one hand, and the ideals the people, by dissolving their natural made climate change in the same way we blundering swipes of government, and is shameful series of revelations of togetherness and public spirit on the collective consciousness into individual believe that the earth is round. at is, this is the conclusion reached by envi- is just the tip of the iceberg. For other. In Britain, we have seen   y or constituents... Liberalism can prepare the we know what we think when we stop to ronmentalists. e rest of us, meanwhile, too many years they have had their so years of liberalisation and increased way for that which is its own negation: consider, but such matters barely impinge should remember not to talk of tolerance noses in the trough. no more. tolerance in matters of lifestyle, taste, the arti cial, mechanised or brutalised upon our daily routine, and it is rare to and non-judgmentalism as though they sex, language, religion, and almost every control which is a desperate remedy for hear a conversation on the subject. were attitudes one could never have Voice of Reason, Harlow, Essex part of our culture. We can be grateful its chaos”. Of course all this has not hap- e reason for such indi erence is enough of.

If we le the EU none of this would happen. [email protected] Anna We expect no more than this from the New Labour cheats and hypo- Dannreuther Zac Efron: Patriarch? crites. e ‘Party of the Working Class’, ha, ha! It does remind me of e High School Musical star is promoting some dubious values the pigs and humans sitting around the table at the closing scene of Animal Farm.However, have the eemed “small but beautifully Zac Efron is being used to promote trials and tribulations of Zac, similar to men. In the eight hundred years from the Conservativesb had their snouts in Dformed” by the e T i m e s , a “hor- some rather questionable ethoses. Of the the crusading heroes of medieval epics twel h-century French epic I’m reading the trough too? I fear so... monal Adonis” by the Guardian, and, two Zac  lms I have seen (High School who, on questing to save the maiden to the time of my reading it, nothing rather more questioningly, a “minor Musical 3 and 17 Again), it seems to me from her isolation or imprisonment, re- has really changed. Beauty, chastity and John, UK undercat?” by the Daily Telegraph, that beauty is being used misleadingly to ally have all the fun and leave women as virtue are still the qualities held up as it would seem that Zac Efron has won promote the abstinence from that very merely an a erthought. exemplary for a woman, which paradoxi- tIME to clean out the stables and over even the most begrudging of ageing thing which it provokes. In 17 Again, involving the transforma- cally serve only to increase her desirabil- turn back the tide. journalists. For example, in High School Musical tion of a forty-something man into his ity. Hypocritically enough, none of that In a  lm that extols youth, and more 3, Vanessa Hudgens, Efron’s co-star and seventeen year old bicep-bulging success- did all that much to dissuade me from MetaphorMary, Hertfordshire speci cally high school, as the determin- real-life girlfriend (well, sort of real life) is ful self so that he might  x the wrongs of the two-hour Zac-fest required for the ing factor of one’s future happiness, 17 only ever seen wearing a provocative yet his later life, the spirit of the older Mat- writing of this UIt’s like the nazis in 1933. what Again employs Zac Efron to play the tasteful white dress which never fails to thew Perry manages to tell several giddy article. Call it next? parliament burns down and younger version of bitter, twisted and – fall just above the knee and the neckline girls to respect themselves. “You don’t research. the expenses details suddenly disap- let’s face it – old, Matthew Perry. Here of which plunges no higher or lower than have to respect me,” one says; “You pear? COINCIDENCE? i think not. we see Efron in his favourite type of role, cleavage level. Her lack of coherent or don’t even have to know my name”. despairingly similar to the character he intelligent speech give her less credibility, Whilst this is regarded as a humorous the [email protected] played in High School Musical, throwing and her incessant donning of bare legs moment in the  lm, the result of an hoops on the basketball court and saving and heels make the di erence between obvious con ict-of-generations-and- e Cabinet doth no longer keep the entire high school from the inevitable teeming sexualised object and chaste ideologies, the point made by such a their revels to-night: boredom of his show-tappin’ and song- guard of innocence di cult to de ne. scene is in fact quite a serious one. Take heed Brown and come not bustin’ absence. Instead of kissing they practise more Girls in the Western world, and within the people’s sight; Yes, this is his domain and I imagine wholesome activities, amongst which increasingly globally, are confused. For Cameron & Oberon will be it will remain so in many more hormo- singing, dancing, hand-touching and While the world preaches to them the passing fell and wrath, nally-driven teen  lms to come. I have even waltzing play a large feature. importance of self-respect, self-esteem Because that Brown and his attend- chosen, however to refrain from using ese activities are always initiated by and abstinence, it also throws them im- ants hath taken too much character names throughout this article Zac, who, when not luring the beautiful ages of beautiful celebrities who (despite because, despite Efron’s appearance in Hudgens away from her studies, busies having gone o the rails in terms of Sally Roberts, Australia several squeaky-clean Disney-related himself with being a dab hand on the health and mentality) are clearly desired roles mentioned here, we all know the basketball court and a Julliard-worthy and acknowledged. It’s all the fault of Tracey Playle, this main role belongs to his bulging biceps stage performer. Hudgens contents her- Films such as High School Musical 3 girl i had in for itnerview who didnt and terse torso, for which I have cre- self with yearbook editor and being good and 17 Again do not help the matter by know who hitler was and could she ated my own names which I’d rather at math, which is not as upli ing for the promoting absolute abstention on the read greek could she fuck keep concealed for reasons of general high school or the audience and does not part of women and aggressive activity integrity. (correctly) merit half as many songs as on the part of men, serving only to [email protected] But the swoon-inducing beauty of Efron. She becomes an onlooker to the encourage women’s subjugation to Friday May 15th 2009 varsity.co.uk

MAGAZINETHIS WEEK IN THE MAGAZINE: RENOWNED TAIWANESE DIRECTOR WEI TE-SHENG / BALL DRESSES / OODLES OF LISTINGS / PEAL’S MEALS / A SINGULAR ROUND-UP / THIS WEEK’S DRAMA REVIEWED

Photograph of the week by Liliana Rodriguez aken from a punt“T in front of Trinity, a scale of greens and flowers frame a young man studying, forming three distinctive lay- ers of depth. In contrast to other places along the busy and buzz- ing banks of the river Cam, this area creates an ambiance of calm and tranquillity. Earlier on this term, during the sunny spring days of April, the backs were full of enthusi- astically revising students, but the mediocre May weather seems to have driven most of us back to the libraries.”

If you have a potential Pho- tograph of the week, send it to features@varsity. co.uk

SARAH WOOLLEY My week by Carla Cavort, May Ball President* panic I  ee the meeting room and go Wednesday me into his o ce and tells me I either that isn’t really a joke”. I decide to play Monday for a calming walk across the Market  is a ernoon sees a PR disaster. put the story to bed, or the Ball will be it tactically, and ring up their agent to Copacabana 2009 is in serious trouble. Square, but even the pigeons are trying Someone has leaked to CUSU our cancelled. Four hours later and I have tell him that Chumbawumba are very Our main attraction, a sixteen-foot to oust me from power. As I pass by I plans for the Amazon Jungle Room, dra ed a press release with our Legal willing to  ll in at short notice. A er replica model of Pelé, has been put on can hear them chanting “coup, coup.” where we are going to have   een na- Advisor.  e room shall be renamed a ten-minute wait we get a call from the rocks as the papier-mâché company tive South Americans running around Primary Rainforest and it will be popu- the lead singer telling us not to worry we commissioned it from went bust. I Tuesday naked with blow sticks amongst a for- lated with a racially indiscriminate mix about the cocaine and that he’s still hold an emergency meeting at 4.38am If that bastard Daryl thinks he can est of pot plants.  e CUSU President of fully clad tribespeople. “mad for it”. with the May Ball team to discuss our galvanise support against me, then rings me up in the a ernoon to tell me An anonymous email tells me that options, but their drowsy e orts at he is tragically mistaken. I burst into I am a racist pervert. I put the phone Friday that malignant turd Daryl tipped o brainstorming are frankly pathetic. his room a er supper, kick him in the down on him and think little of it.  e Music O cer Jenny had some CUSU about the Amazon Room. Fif- I leave the room to get my head shins and tell him that I would literally trouble with the band contracts today. teen minutes later I’m hanging him out straight, and through the crack in the kill for the success of this May Ball. He ursday Our main act, who were massive in of his window from his ankles forcing door I hear seditious rumblings from thinks I’m joking, so I calmly inform I nearly choke on my breakfast bar the 90s, demanded in their contract him to pledge his unswerving alle- my Publicity O cer, Daryl. To my him that suicides are very common at this morning when, idly strolling that they get a private dressing room giance to my premiership. Nothing will abject horror, I hear the snivelling little this time of year and remarkably easy through the newsagents, I noticed the complete with naked waiters handing stand between me and the best party in toad planning an insurrection: “She’s to fake.  at did it, at the May Ball front page of e Sun. “EXCLUSIVE round silver trays of cocaine. Jenny Cambridge has ever seen. lost the plot and we have to make sure meeting this evening the whole team CAMBRIDGE COLLEGE IN BRAZIL- chose to ignore it.  e band then this doesn’t ruin the ball.” In a state of are suitably meek. IAN SEX PARTY”.  e Master calls replied that it was “one of those jokes * As told to Rob Peal Fashion Editor: Katy King Friday May 15th 2009 Friday May 15th 2009 Contribute to Varsity Fashion: 8 Fashion [email protected] varsity.co.uk varsity.co.uk [email protected] Fashion 9

You shall go to Cambridge University Amnesty the ball... but ye will be judged Katy King philosophises on FACE Fashion Show why finding the right May Ball dress matters.

n bleak revision days, from the depths of Mary Wollstonecraft, I sometimes dream of a society Owhere what I said and what I did was more important than what I wore or how I looked. It seems that little has changed since 1792, when Woll- stonecraft urged women not find their worth in the looking-glass. Modern life is a constant effort to make sure you have the right selection of material goods; a reflection of your status in consumer Britain. It’s not enough to have the most possessions, you must have the right possessions. A vintage handbag, one of a kind, tells the world I am an individual, aware of current trends but not a slave to Topshop. The right possessions give a sense of self, an identity. Fearful of the critical eyes of others, we brand ourselves, selling ourselves as a desirable possession: a friend to look good on your arm, a boyfriend to dan- gle from your key chain. Dressing well is just another way of asserting your dominance, your superiority over oth- ers. At Cambridge, at this time of year, KATY KING sartorial elegance is edged out by the n the wake of several similar efforts last year, this show succeeded library, exams and, yes, the Vindication where its predecessors fell flat; showcasing wearable, current and of the Rights of Women, but we await excitingI clothes. Add to this the difficulty of sourcing entirely ethical May Week and the chance to emerge, fashion, and CU Amnesty’s efforts look all the more impressive. phoenix-like from the flames of exam Lily Cole’s high-profile appearance can no doubt be thanked for hell, clad in the glorious plumage of our the range of upmarket and competitive designers, including Noir and May Ball Dress. Finding the right May Katherine Hamnett. But the evening’s most memorable appearance Ball Dress is almost on par with finding was that of Sam Roddick and her harem of ethically (un)clad domi- the right wedding dress, but with the natrixes. Roddick, the founder of Coco De Mer and mother of ethical added risk of someone ruining the big erotica, gave a bold and inspiring speech on the savage extortion of day by turning up in the same silk chif- the textile industry, giving the show a weighty backdrop, while the fon confection, hastily culled from the models inserted some serious fun. Monsoon sale rail. Though the show was by no means on a par with other universities’ Whether you buy designer, high annual productions, Hannah Perry and the Amnesty team deserve street or vintage, you are branding high praise for producing a show that was not, in Sam Roddick’s yourself, not only for the night, but for words, “arse-backward”. It was clear that the cause came before the an internet eternity. Never before have fashion, and this was made emphatic throughout. Paradoxically, this so many hundreds of digital cam- is a cause that will ultimately succeed by making itself invisible: the eras flashed at May Balls ‘capturing’ assumption must be that all clothes are ethical, without the need to the night. To remember, but also to proclaim it in hemp. Still, thankfully, this catwalk was hemp-free. upload. Once tagged, they will become Alice Newell-Hanson part of your profile, the finishing touches to an idealised (and care- fully edited and detagged) portrayal of yourself. Look how fun I am! Look how crazy! Look at me jumping off a neil curry waterfall in Thailand! Look at me with HAIRDRESSING this handcrafted vodka luge! Facebook has created a new level of awareness of how we are perceived and how we per- ceive others. There is no more modern May Ball Hair form of PR. The May Ball Dress, then, is far more than a dress; it is a status 01223 464600 symbol, a PR stunt, wish-fulfillment in taffeta, and woe betide she who Thompsons Lane Cambridge CB5 8AT chooses the wrong dress, for she will www.neilcurryhairdressing.co.uk be judged. There’s a lot waiting for you beyond the Cambridge bubble…

If you’re a fi nalist, probably all you can think about right now is getting through exams and the revels of May Week to come. And then what’s next? Are you going to stay? Are you going to go? Or you just don’t know?

Cambridge Alumni Relations Offi ce (CARO) is here to help… As you gear up for fi nishing your studies, don’t forget that on graduation day you may be leaving the student community but you will also be entering the Cambridge alumni community – an amazing network of over 180,000 friends and supporters. CARO keeps Cambridge alumni up to date with all that the University has to off er and provides a gateway for alumni to keep in touch with one another. Here’s how… ● Come and network at events in Cambridge, London, around the UK and across the world ● Keep up to date with University news through CAM, the alumni website and the monthly e-bulletin ● Find a friend wherever you are in the world through our network of over 270 overseas groups ● Stay connected through Facebook – check out the CARO fan page ● Join our alumni group on LinkedIn

Come and see us at 1 Quayside, Bridge Street, Cambridge CB5 8AB Email us on [email protected] Find us at www.cam.ac.uk/alumni Yo u’re Join us on Facebook and LinkedIn about to lose your @cam.ac.uk We’re here! email address! Sign up NOWlife for – seeemail for

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Cambridge Alumni Relations Offi ce Friday May 15th 2009 Want something listed? varsity.co.uk [email protected] Listings 11 The varsiTy Week The comprehensive guide To The nexT seven days

Theatre Music & Nightlife Art & Classical Talks & Events Film

Ongoing until Saturday 16th Friday 15th Ongoing Exhibitions Monday 18th Angels & Demons Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? The Broken Family Band Fitzwilliam Museum (free): Richard J. Evans’ inaugural lecture Arts Picturehouse: (daily except Sun) ADC: 7.45pm (£7-£9) The Junction 1: 7pm (£10) • Kachōfūgetsu – the natural world Law Faculty: 5pm (free) 12pm, 3pm, 6pm, 9pm; (Sun) 2pm, See review, p14. The Broken Family Band describe in Japanese prints (until Sunday The Regius Professor of Modern 5pm, 8pm themselves as “four men playing 17th) History gives his inaugural lecture A sequel to The Da Vinci Code. We The Wonderful World of Dissocia music in a band”. If that weren’t • Changing faces: Anthony Van Dyck on ‘Cosmopolitan Islanders - Brit- have no respect for anyone who Corpus Playroom: 7pm (£5-£6) appealing enough, they formed in as an etcher (until Sunday 31st) ish Historians and the European would choose to watch this. Genu- See review, p14. Cambridge and their latest album is • The Immortal Stone – Chinese Continent’. Professor Evans is inely less fun than revision. called Please and Thank You. They jades (until Sunday 31st) one of the world’s most respected Friday 15th seem exquisitely polite. • Commodore Perry and the open- historian: this chance to see him Synecdoche, New York Art ing of Japan (until July 5th) in action is not one to be missed. Arts Picturehouse: (daily) 2.15pm, ADC: 11pm (£5-£6) Cambridge Band Competition 2009 • Sculpture promenade (until Janu- To seal the deal, there’s a reception 6.45pm, 9.15pm See review, p14. Corn Exchange: 7pm (£6) ary 31st) afterwards. Charlie Kaufman’s directorial debut The final of the lung-running local Museum of Arch and Anth (free): promises to be shockingly quirky Mark Steel music contest. The finalists are • Assembling Bodies (until Saturday Cambridge CAMRA beer festival but probably good – Philip Seymour The Junction: 8pm (£13) Sensible Fun, The Scissors, A.R.T!, 30th) Jesus Green Hoffman’s in it. Plus, it gives you an This is comedy. It will be funny. Ed Hope & Friends and After Effect. Murray Edwards College (free): For a less cerebral experience, head opportunity to talk loudly about the We back Sensible Fun. • Anne Teahan: ‘Footfalls’ (until to Jesus Green for the 36th annual fact that you know what ‘synecdo- Saturday 16th Sunday 24th) CAMRA beer festival in Cambridge. che’ means. (Just don’t pronounce it Science and Sensibility University Library (free): It is the country’s oldest beer festi- ‘sin-ek-dosh’.) ADC: 11pm (£4-£6) • Advancing By Degrees (until June val, and promises well over 300 dif- Ever had the hemisphere of your 20th) ferent drinks. The festival is open on Cheri brain that you predominantly use Botanic Garden (free): Monday evening (£3.50 admission), Arts Picturehouse: (Fri/Sat/Sun/Tue) insulted? This battle of improvised • Carnivores: Plants That Bite Back Tuesday to Friday lunchtime (free) 5pm, 7pm; (Mon) 12.15pm, 7.15pm; wit promises to resolve once and (until December 31st) and evenings (£3.50), and all day (Wed) 2.30pm, 4.15pm (Thu) 12pm, for all the conflict between the arts on Saturday (£2.50). 4.45pm and the sciences. Friday 15th A period drama, based on a French CUSO performs Prokofiev & novel, starring Michelle Pfeiffer. You Sunday 17th Dvořak know instantly whether or not this MAD Festival 2009 West Road Concert Hall: 8pm (£4- will appeal to you. ADC Larkum Studio: 7pm (£4-£5) £12) Is there a limit to crazy? Find Cambridge’s premier symphony Is Anybody There? out at this exciting new writing orchestra plays the music of two of Arts Picturehouse: (Fri-Sun) 2pm; showcase. Runs every Sunday until eastern Europe’s greatest composers. (Mon/Thu) 1.30pm; (Tue) 11.30am; June 7th. Saturday 16th (Wed) 4.45pm Morrissey Saturday 16th A chirpy, sunny Britflick about Tuesday 19th Corn Exchange: 7.30pm Material Intelligence a young boy’s struggle to come The City Weeps & Baghdad Morrissey was the voice of a gen- Kettle’s Yard (free) to terms with death. Fiona from Monologue eration, the pre-eminent popular An exhibition in the gallery section Shameless is in it. Michael Caine The Junction: 8pm (£6-£12) musician of the late 20th century. A of Kettle’s Yard, featuring eight plays “an elderly magician in the Get ready to hear the plucked- slight disappointment, therefore, to artists’ innovative use of everyday early stages of dementia”. string sounds of an ancient lyre, discover that his Cambridge gig is materials. Runs until July 12th. echoing from every corner of elec- sold out. Bummer. Thursday 21st State of Play tronic space. Runs until Wednes- Sunday 17th Material Intelligence: exhibition Arts Picturehouse: (Fri/Sat) day 20th. Wednesday 20th Max de Wardener tour 11.30am, 4pm; (Mon) 4pm; (Tue) The Hold Steady Kettle’s Yard: 12pm (£4-£6) Thursday 21st 11.30am; (Wed/Thu) 9.20pm Wednesday 20th See Pick of the Week. Kettle’s Yard’s Sunday Coffee Con- Kettle’s Yard: 1.10pm (free) Another adaptation of a TV series. The Odyssey certs continue with “a talented multi- An unmissable opportunity for a An investigative journalist, a suspi- ADC: 7.45pm (£7-£10) Thursday 21st instrumentalist and composer”. free tour of Kettle’s Yard’s exciting cious Congressman, a series of bru- Who’s better than Shakespeare, 10 Ton Tongue new exhibition (above), given by its tal murders and Russell Crowe, fat. older than Buddha and the name- Portland Arms: 8pm (£5) Tuesday 28th curator Elizabeth Fisher. Should be sake of the main character in The “Experimental/Lyrical/Grunge”. Cambridge University Wind Orchestra the perfect introduction for those In the Loop Simpsons? Homer, of course. Hattie Excited? Go and see 10 Ton Tongue, West Road Concert Hall: 8pm (£5- who run a mile from ‘contemporary Arts Picturehouse: (Fri-Tue) 9.20pm Naylor’s new adaptation of the big who describe themselves as all those £10) art’, and a million times more in- If you haven’t seen this, you should man’s classic is set to be a corker. things. They’re playing a benefit gig The music of Bernstein, Gershwin teresting than yet another half-hour probably catch this one chance. It’s Runs until Saturday 23rd. for the annual Strawberry Fair. and Hess. in the College Library. a fucking good film.

The Hold Steady Wednesday 20th The Junction 1: 8pm (£15) The Hold Steady are from Portland, Oregon. For a rock band, they are unfeasibly old, and look much older. They are also unfeasibly good. If this doesn’t sell out, it will be an absolutely travesty of justice, so get your tickets NOW to enjoy the lyrical musings of singer Craig Finn and the spectacle of a keyboard player who looks like a garlic-seller. Reviews Editor: Laurie Tuffrey Friday May 15th 2009 12 Reviews [email protected] varsity.co.uk

Peal’s Meals Cocum Restaurant, 71 Castle Street REVIEWS

Graham Coxon Soul Tree Tuesday May 12th  hen I stood on my tiptoes and The ex-Blur man opened the show tious and expertly executed. peered over the stage crew to with ‘Look Into The Light’, a delicate ‘Dead Bees’ was a set highlight. L sMiTh he first curry I saw in Cam- seeW Graham Coxon’s set list taped to number played on acoustic guitar, The track felt raucous and guttural. It pau Tbridge was a pile of vomit an amp, I was hoping a few of my which set the tone for the evening; Cox- was even more pleasing given that its outside Cindies. For the rest of old favourites had made the cut. As I on had many incredibly pretty songs authority came as quite a surprise after my first year I persisted with the scanned the list, I quickly realised this like this to play from his new record. all the delicateness that came before misconception that there were show was for The Spinning Top and The Much of The Spinning Top is very it, a perfect example of how the show just two curry houses in Cam- Spinning Top alone. involved and intricate, an effect which (and the album) switched effortlessly bridge, both catering to legions The Spinning Top is Coxon’s new was amplified during this perform- between styles. of boozed-up revellers who slap record and follows the story of a ance. There were only ever three It is nearly impossible not to think each other with naan bread and man from his birth to his death. On people on stage at a time, between of Mr Coxon’s last band when you’re use papadoms as Frisbees. Tuesday night, Coxon played through them playing a total of six instruments. watching his solo show; they are being However, an unexpected joy it almost in its entirety, every track Despite the stripped-down perform- talked about rather a lot at the moment of spending my second year in a but one. With the new record being ance, nothing present on the record (a headline slot at Glastonbury does tend house halfway to Girton has been quite diverse, the show followed suit. escaped the live show. It was obvious to capture attention). I admit I expected the discovery of a magnificent Coxon and his band kept the set fluid within the first few notes that Coxon is to find myself becoming nostalgic and like that; by the end my only thought colony of curry houses at the top and elegant and never allowed it to feel a gifted musician and there was to be crossing my fingers for a quick, if unlike- was, if all of Blur are this good alone, of Castle Street. Since the New disjointed, despite the variety of mate- no carelessness in this performance. ly, rendition of ‘The Universal’. But the come June 28th, we are in for a treat. Year, Cocum has added to their rial they were playing. His playing was deliberate, conscien- show didn’t leave any time for thoughts Lucy Bryant number. Specialising in South Indian Keralan Cuisine, I knew it would have to be good to cope Singles Round-Up with the nearby competition, but I did not realise how good. This week’s new releases, reviewed and rated By the time I finished my leaves you humming it for the whole for a keg stand? Horrors, it seems to be working; ‘Who papadom, I was completely sold. day. With ‘My Delirium’ under her Can Say’ has all the swagger of the Jesus I would have thought it sacrile- arm as well, Ladyhawke could be one Lily Allen - ‘Not Fair’ And Mary Chain matched with an ace gious to serve papadoms with- to watch at summer festivals. Simply  keyboard riff (nabbing the sound from out the holy trinity of onions, put, brilliant. Taken from her recent album It’s Not the Mancunian miserabilists’ ‘Love Will lime pickle and mango chutney, Me, It’s You, Lily Allen seems to be con- Tear Us Apart’). A short and sweet bit but instead it was a revelation. Asher Roth - ‘I Love College’ tinuing the finger-pointing theme, this of Gothrock. Cocum have a rotating array of  time setting her sights on her underper- home-made pickles and chut- Imagine a Miller-fueled, weed-soaked forming boyfriend. Perhaps someone Deadmau5 & Kaskade - ‘I Remember’ neys. We were served vegetable, frat party in America. A young Asher should tell Lily, then, that the best way  garlic, fish and chicken chutneys Roth is dancing with a naked girl, a to convey disappointment isn’t through Sounding exactly the same as most alongside a coconut and corian- beer bong in his pocket and a piece of employing Johnny Cash’s ex-backing bands with names like Deadmau5 – der yogurt. My dining partner $1-a-slice pizza in his hand... he thinks, band for this strange mix-up of good ol’ that’s you Basshunter/Cascada/Scooter and I were genuinely taken aback Ladyhawke - ‘Back Of The Van’ “Dude, maybe I should, like, put this timey-feel pseudo-country and lyrical – ‘I Remember’ pretty much nails the by their unusual flavours, and our  into a song. Now pass me a joint...” moaning. It’s not all bad, though - listen whole trance-anthem-with-whispery- amiable conversation was very Pip Brown, aka Ladyhawke (above), You’ve just imagined ‘I Love College’, out for the comedy harmonica used to female-vocal thing. If you have a par- nearly lost to a vicious fight for is quickly becoming one of the artists the Budweiser ‘wassup!’ advert of lo-fi censor a lyric halfway through. ticularly aggressive subwoofer fetish, the remnants. of 2009. This brilliant slice of ‘80s re- white-boy rapping. Roth is admittedly a this is for you. Cocum’s menu aims to over- vivalism, which takes the classic wait- man of simple pleasures - he loves col- The Horrors - ‘Who Can Say’ Laurie Tuffrey come the tyranny of the chicken ing-by-the-phone love song and adds lege/drinking/women/college - though  tikka massala with an array of Police-esque guitars and a cheeky new it’s hard not to like the slacker guitar/ Are Faris Badwan and his cast of Tim All the singles reviewed are out this unique Kerala specialities. I opted wave chorus, has one of those hooks drum loop and such lyrical gems as “I Burton extras slowly turning into Joy week, except ‘Back Of The Van’, released for Dosa, a South Indian pancake which buries deep into your brain and am champion of beer pong”. Now, who’s Division? Whatever’s happening to the May 18th. made from lentils and rice stuffed with curry and served with coco- nut chutney and a vegetable soup. Arena of Ambition: A History of the Cambridge Union This enormous dish was fantastic, and all the better for being ludi- Stephen Parkinson crously well priced. Icon Books, out 30 May After a week of evangelising amongst my friends, I returned.  This time I opted for a Biriyani, a ome are born great, some achieve Cambridge Union presidents – and are likely to feel genuine sickness dish I have always suspected was greatness and some have great- their less successful electoral oppo- sweep over them as Peter Bazalgette invented to allow chefs to mix Sness thrust upon them. This isn’t their nents, whose failures are frequently recounts his discovery that the Union leftover curry and rice to serve up story. This is the story of big fish in a and brutally detailed in this book – are was on fire and much of the chamber the next day. However, the menu small pond, and their brief brush with of a very particular breed: willing to destroyed? Probably not many (I had informed me that it is in fact part recognition. put themselves up for election against to set the book aside for a whole day). of the traditional marriage feast Picking up where Percy Craddock’s their contemporaries and friends, This is clearly a book of niche interest: of Kerala Muslims, so suitably 1953 Recollections of the Cambridge shamelessly hack for votes and place unless you’ve endured the convoluted corrected I thought I would give Union leaves off, Arena of Ambition themselves under the scrutiny of and tiresome election process, or sat it a go. Instead of the usual dry details the intricate and continu- the membership. It is both exciting through a members’ business meeting, flavourless pile of rice, Cocum’s ally politicised history of the Union and slightly disconcerting to real- it may be worth skimming over some Biriyani was a wonderful col- with recollections from the likes of ise how little the Cambridge Union of the finer points of constitutional lection of ingredients and spices Arianna Huffington, Michael Howard, has changed in its near-200 year old changes and committee divisions. complemented with raitha and a Norman Lamont and Douglas Hurd. history. Like much of the University But Arena of Ambition is a treasure homemade lime chutney. Stephen Parkinson’s research is it retains its traditions and quirks. trove of anecdotes and juicy details, Leaving for the second time, I meticulous and fascinating, clearly Parkinson, President of the Union in for which presidents would have sold was in a good mind to give up on explained for non-Union aficionados, Lent 2004, does not shy away from their grandmothers to prevent Varsity my exams and dedicate the next and creates a narrative for the Union’s the gorier details of Union disputes. discovering. Arena of Ambition is both two weeks to trying everything sprawling and disparate history, mov- Yet this book is not exclusive: there is well-written and carefully compiled, on their menu. If you need some ing from the Second World War (in a certain voyeurism in reading these and is, doubtless, a labour of love South Indian sun to brighten which the Union was bombed), to individuals’ recollections as they look about a unique institution; it should be your day, Cocum is well worth a the battle to admit women, and end- back on their undergraduate youth, essential reading for anyone consider- walk up the hill. ing (thankfully, for the more recent ruthlessness and vigour with wry ing a Union career. Robert Peal presidents among us) in 1990 with humour and often fondness. Olivia Potts President Reagan’s visit. How many readers of this book (President of the Union, Lent 2009) Friday May 15th 2009 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk [email protected] Magazine 13 Lucky No. 7 rising star wei te-sheng’s first film, cape no. 7, was a runaway success in taiwan last year. on a recent visit to cambridge, he spoke with maylin tu about risking his livelihood and his family for the chance to make it big

claudia stocker t is the stuff of fairy tale if not of Wei was twenty-seven years old and The film received a grant of NT$5 Ilegend: an entrepreneurial writer/ had been working at the television million for production from the director risks house, marriage and station for several years. Taiwanese Government Information sanity to make his first feature film, Originally hired as only a low-lev- Office, but needed an additional ending up £600,000 in the hole and el assistant, Wei got bumped up after NT$15 million to continue produc- on the verge of losing everything. delays in production caused expe- tion, on top of what had already Against all expectation, the film rienced crew members to drop out. been borrowed. The government becomes a box office smash, win- While it was fortuitous career-wise, offered to guarantee 80% of the loan, ning its audience with true-to-life Wei’s rapid ascension ultimately but banks still refused to loan the characters, veracious language and proved to be a mixed blessing. Al- money. As Wei puts it, “Things were local humour, ultimately making though all of the principal produc- bad from the beginning.” more money than any other nation- tion positions were filled by trained But Wei wasn’t about to quit: ally produced or foreign film in its professionals, he found himself “Seediq Bale had already failed, so country’s history – save Titanic. leading a line crew as inexperienced if I didn’t go through with Cape No. This is the story of Taiwanese as himself: 7, then I was going to lose face big director Wei Te-sheng and his debut “I got yelled at [by Yang] every time. I had to do it no matter what.” film Cape No. 7 (2008). day. I got yelled at until I couldn’t By the end of the second week, Cape No. 7 tells the story of old even walk straight – I couldn’t the production already owed money. and new love in modern day Taiwan. walk down the street, couldn’t do “That was a very tense period. If a Aga, a failed rock musician, returns anything without wondering, am I bank hadn’t lent us money, we would home from Taipei to the southern doing this right? I found out many probably have had to stop filming. coastal town of Hengchun, disaf- years later that I was the only person At the last minute, a bank agreed fected and disheartened by his lack he ever yelled at from day one to the to lend us half of what we needed.” of success. Through political and very last day of the shoot. This had That was the first crisis. After one parental maneuvering, he ends up never happened before – I broke the and a half months of filming, an- working as a postman and leading record.” other bank offered to lend them the a band supervised by an irritable Wei maintains that this daily other half and a second crisis was and irritating Japanese ex-model, abuse helped him to learn faster and averted. Tomoko. Tempers flare and cultures that Yang’s demanding habits as a “A lot of miracles occurred during clash as the band prepares for its director proved helpful in the end. the filming of this movie,” Wei says. debut as the opening act for a popu- In the meantime, Wei continued “You can’t imagine what it was lar Japanese singer at a concert held to practice his craft by making like. I would shoot a scene, and after by the local resort. Underneath all several award-winning short films as it was finished, the actors would go this is a cryptic history: seven love “practice”. Eventually, he felt ready to make-up and the lighting techni- letters from a Japanese teacher to to step out as a feature film director, cians would be doing their work, his Chinese ex-student, written after but the film industry was suffering striking the lights and what not. And the reoccupation of Taiwan by the an all-time low: what was I doing? Calling people Chinese Kuomintang in 1945. “I had been in the industry for ten and asking for money.” For a newly minted director of years and I had trained myself to be Wei used all his connections to blockbuster films, forty-year-old the kind of person ready to enter find potential lenders. No amount Wei Te-sheng is disarmingly candid the battlefield. But where was my was too small: “[I would ask], ‘Do about the vicissitudes of low-budget battlefield? At the time it was just you have 2 million? 1 million? filmmaking. Last term, he screened as hard to find NT$100 million as it 500,000? 200,000?’ If they didn’t Cape No. 7 for a mainly Chinese was to find NT$10 million. And so I have it, then, ‘Do you have any audience in conjunction with the thought, why not try for 100?” friends with money? How much can Cambridge Department of East So Wei dreamed up Seediq Bale, they lend?’ Asian Studies, and afterwards we got an historical epic about an aborigi- “I did this over and over again. the chance to talk. nal Taiwanese uprising against the Everyone asked me how I could keep asking for money. The thing is, do “at the time it was just as hard to find you yell ‘cut!’ or do you borrow the money? Of course, you would rather nt$100 million as it was to find nt$10 borrow. Then they ask, ‘But what if you can’t pay it back?’ Well, don’t million. and so i thought, why not try for think about it too much!” In the course of raising money 100 million?” for Cape No. 7, Wei and his wife refinanced their home. As Wei and the production got deeper and Wei started out in engineering, Japanese during colonial rule. The deeper into debt, familial pressures but became interested in film after film would have cost at least NT$200 mounted. serving in the military with a friend million (£4 million) to make. Wei In what he describes as a “really who had studied film. The two even- shot a five-minute trailer for the bad situation,” Wei admits, “I almost tually went to Taipei together to try film to show to potential investors. lost my family. their luck in the industry. Wei tells No one was interested. “Actually, at the time I didn’t me about the two tough years that While he was pitching his epic speak to my wife for three months – followed: to investors, filmmakers in Taiwan she didn’t speak to me, I didn’t speak “My first job was at a television began realizing a great profit could to her.” They did, however, reconcile station. At that time Taiwanese films be made on low-budget films made after the film finished shooting. were getting worse and worse, so for only NT$5 or 6 million. So Wei “Now she laughs about it,” Wei says. a lot of the people making movies decided to write something “a little In a climate of economic and po- were switching to television. If there smaller” to cash in on the trend. litical tension, Cape No. 7 is nothing was a movie to shoot and someone But with one condition; he refused less than a dream come true for its didn’t want to go they would send to sacrifice on quality. “Taiwan has director. me instead. a saying: ‘If you have this much Luckily for Wei, funding for his “They wanted to make television. money, do this many things,’ but I next film, the long-awaited Seediq I wanted to make movies.” disagree. If you want to do this many Bale, shouldn’t be as much of a Wei eventually got a job as assist- things, find this much money.” problem this time around (given ant director on the set of acclaimed That small film – Cape No. 7 – Cape No. 7’s box office success). Few Taiwanese filmmaker Edward Yang’s eventually exploded into a NT$50 people feel trepidation betting on a film Mahjong (1996). At this point, million (£1 million) project. winner. Theatre Editor: Joel Massey Friday May 15th 2009 14 eatre [email protected] varsity.co.uk

View from the Groundlings THEATRE

JOE PITT-RASHID Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? by Edward Albee ADC eatre, May 12th-16th Dir. Robyn Hoedemaker; Stitch in Time 

have never come out of a play so de- married life which does more than just tally,’ were told as if the actors were fully ell, congratulations, I sup- Ipressed. I couldn’t quite put my  nger scratch away the veneer of middle class aware of the pain they were causing each pose. You’ve managed to on why, but it certainly wasn’t the fault of respectability, but actually rips up the other, and not with a sense of disregard. Wsurvive the soaring suicide rates a good production of a di cult play.  oorboards. We soon learn that their  e emotional torment that they were of EXAM TERM and even found Edward Albee’s half-satire, half-mel- guests, fresh-faced newlyweds from way in icting upon each other wasn’t really time to grab a cheeky copy of odrama of bourgeois life in a university out West, are far from perfect either.  e balanced by the idea that they were play- Varsity. So perhaps you’ll join town promised to hit the right note for an plaudits must go to Elizabeth Donnelly, ing a game, which meant that, with each me in a toast to, I propose, all the embittered second-year happy to see  g- who was horny, desperate and magni - shocking revelation, we were o ered no actors, directors and technicians ures not unlike his supervisors su ering cent as Martha, middle-aged wife of Ed comic escape from the overwhelming who continue to believe that there uncharacteristic bouts of maniacal sexual Rowett’s bumbling George, the professor bleakness of murderous impulse and really is life beyond the cramped deviancy. Add to that a dependency upon who hides his cruel insinuations behind Oedipal desire. alcoves of the University Library. alcohol that made the biggest tossers of Latin proverbs and feigned deafness. Robyn Hoedamaker’s production These noble souls, these great your College drinking society look like Martha and George’s intrigues are captured a sense of the tragedy of two beacons of our age, have cast aside Puritans, and the evening promised to largely illusory, but, as the programme middle-aged lives wasted, and the dusty tomes detailing the minu- be a feast of transferable schadenfreude. notes ask, “are they really having fun?” impending horror of marriage that tiae of Latin grammar and are By the end, however, I  ed the ADC in Despite Rowett’s excellent one liners and seems the inevitable fate of their young returning, once more, to the stage. desperate need of a drink and a suitcase Donnelly’s burlesqued sluttiness, the guests. But maybe I was wrong to be so From there they selflessly serve full of Benson and Hedges. answer seems to be that they weren’t. Too depressed – as the play ends George and their fellow students by providing  e play revolves around a series of o en the outrageous stories, such as the Martha hold each other and sing. first class entertainment and an revelations about Martha and George’s time Martha punched George ‘acciden- Pascal Porcheron all too timely chance to chill the hell out. JANET EVANS This week’s Übermensch Art by Yasmina Reza includes the team behind Science and Sensibility, an ADC lateshow ADC eatre, May 12th-15th on Saturday that promises to resolve the conflict between the Dir. Simon Evans; Magic EEL arts and the sciences. With a scuf-  fle between Einstein and Shake- speare and a showdown between have to admit, I wasn’t really looking bit of oriental toss. Totally ghastly, it painting, is played excellently. Argumen- the right and left hemispheres of Iforward to Art. It’s about three friends looked like someone had sicked-up tative, pretentious, a little, well, brassy, the brain, hilarity will no doubt who fall out when one of them pays an an Irn-Bru bar.  e point being, that Rosato gives a spirited and nuanced per- ensue. exorbitant amount of money for what traditionally ‘decorative’ art can be just as formance. Ellie Ross’s Marie is similarly I’m sad to report that things are is essentially a white painting. “I know stomach-pumpingly awful and vile and brilliant. Headstrong and confrontation- a little quiet over the next couple all the arguments about modern art,” artless as anything the modern machine al, Ross plays Marie as though she has a of weeks. Some light amidst I thought to myself, moseying around can churn out. personal vendetta against Sarah that fuels the gloom will be provided by daintily on my high horse; “Isn’t this a Anyway, in a slight departure from her incessant need to callously chip away productions of The Dumb Waiter little out of date?” Quite unsurprisingly, the original script, this production at everything. Lucy Evans’ Eve is equally and The Burial at Thebes, both I was well wrong; Art, let us be clear, is a boasts an all-female cast – and it works remarkable. Desperately trying to bridge at the Corpus Playroom in Week complete triumph. magni cently. Marc, Serge and Yvan are the gap between her friends, Evans man- 6. However, I’d pinpoint Week 7 I knew I was wrong as soon as I sat re-imagined as Marie, Sarah and Eve, and ages to convey a real pool of melancholia as the moment when Cambridge down.  e fairly simple set had a rather that slight feminine touch to the script that sits just beneath the jaunty surface; drama truly returns to its usual neat and witty twist: hung each side of just seems to open up the characters when Sarah and Marie turn on her, it is rude health, as we see five student the problematic canvas were two of the beautifully.  eir prickly nastiness seems quite genuinely heartbreaking. productions, among which will be most disgusting paintings I’ve ever seen. that little bit more pronounced, as does Art is a fantastic play. It manages to Wishful Thinking, the latest in- One was a rather bizarre, fairy-story their vulnerability. be thought-provoking without being stalment from the Footlights, and landscape that looked like it had been It just totally works; and it works preachy and very funny without being The Ugly One at Jesus College. painted by a little pixie version of John because Art is immaculately cast. Sarah frivolous. It is, in short, great, actually. This misleadingly named play is Constable, and the other was an orangey (Eve Rosato), the girl that buys the white Nathan Brooker about a man who becomes too handsome for his own good after ANNA HARPIN plastic surgery. As ever, I wish I e Wonderful World of Dissocia by Anthony Neilson could say I knew the feeling. May Week is, of course, set to Corpus Playroom, May 12th-16th be a Bacchic orgy of theatrical delights. Much Ado About Noth- Dir. Anna Harpin; FallOut eatre Company ing and The Comedy of Errors,  at Clare and Caius respectively, will provide the obligatory dose ’ve lost an hour of my life and I penis at us is frankly nothing less than bored, mentally ill girl. We got it. of Shakespeare in tights. While “Iwant it back!” Believe me, Lisa, embarrassing and awkward in the close Some truly brilliant actors were you’re at it, I’d suggest you catch that is what we were all thinking a er quarters of the Corpus Playroom.  e prostituting themselves in this ridicu- Little Shop of Horrors at Trinity e Wonderful World of Dissocia; al- anal rape scene was vile and le eve- lous play. Abigail Rokison’s decline into Hall. This cult musical tells the though count yourself lucky, for we had ryone squirming and shi ing, and not madness was executed with tenderness story of an impoverished florist lost over two hours. In this term where in a contemplative, thought-provoking and sincerity.  e insecurity guards who achieves fame and fortune by time is tight and tempers taut, directors way. Maybe I sound a prude. Prim made the most of their one-joke parts nurturing a blood-sucking, man- have do to something pretty exception- and properness is not what caused and my hat goes o to them.  e eating plant and the catastrophic al. I am sure that hoards of superior my objections. I genuinely think that group dance ensemble was slick and consequences that follow. Hang critics would be supercilious enough to many of the supposedly ‘edgy’ e ects entertaining. But thank heavens for on, now I think of it, a global dis- eulogize the surreal and otherworldly were simply not entertaining; on the Tamara Astor: she was the saving grace aster brought on by the greed of nature of the piece. I am afraid that this contrary, they were insipidly inane. of the play. When we were writhing a small handful of individuals, it critic is going to be down-to-earth: this  e second half turned the tables and wriggling in our seats out of sheer almost sounds like a credit crunch Alice in Wonderland style play never on the LSD-induced trip that was the unease, it was heavenly knowing that fable. What a remarkably vision- quite hit the mark and was little more  rst half, as everyone knew it would. the antidote lay within easy reach: like ary director. than a pile of pretentious prattle. An audience, especially a Cambridge an addict grappling with the screw Well, that’s what I call a rough Watching Max Barton lick dusty audience, can probably work out the top of the bottle of methadone, we all guide to Exam Term drama. Be hotdogs o the  oor and then sit there actress’s emotion by her... acting.  ere sought out Tamara with her unstinting sure to see everything I men- whilst the slimy sausages are hurled was no need to have an extended energy and hilarious facial gymnastics. tioned. Joel Massey at us is not fun or comical. Likewise, period of silence in a white box to And we heaved a sigh of relief. having an angry Scotsman wave his hammer home the point that this was a Victoria Ball Friday May 15th 2009 Write for Varsity Sport: varsity.co.uk [email protected] Sport 15

Jamie Ptaszynski Cooney’s Marathon

Sport Comment (Continued...) New Balls, Please sweating log-like on playback at three di erent points of the 26.2 mile course too. As I say, I saw some he British can claim to have invent- gled games they play across the pond scrutiny this year. Sepp Blatter is doing where the  rst potentially great British bad shit. Ted a fair few popular sports.  e are actually just re-branded versions of his best to end the dominance of the player since Fred Perry refuses to admit  ough no actual shit. Curbs rules for Association Football were laid our own women’s sports. Baseball is a Premier League in Europe by introduc- that Scotland is part of the United piled high with empty water bottles down right here at Cambridge, William less amusing version of rounders and ing a system of quotas for home-grown Kingdom and speaks in a hideous semi- and drizzled with acidic yellow Webb-Ellis had his famous moment on basketball is simply an attempt by some players which would leave even Stoke American drawl. spewed up energy drinks that a sports  eld in Warwickshire and the confused American to inject some struggling to  eld a team. Some suspect What I propose we do is generously seemed to glisten in the sun were as sound of leather striking willow on a excitement (and plenty of commercial that he bribed the referee to knock to donate football, cricket, Formula bad as it got. And when it got bad warm summer a ernoon is as intrinsi- breaks) into netball. Ice hockey is Uni- Chelsea out of the Champions’ League. One, tennis and any other great British for me, and I felt the call of nature, cally British as warm beer or Prince hoc (as played by eleven-year-old girls) Even the British Grand Prix is on the sports to the rest of the world and get or a desire to check my appearance Harry’s ginger hair. on with the task of inventing some in anticipation of my father’s video But it seems the world is growing more for ourselves.  ese new sports camera, I opted to duck under the weary with our sporting creations. In a would play to our strengths: Perhaps feeble plastic barriers and head to shocking and, frankly, ungentlemanly ‘‘We are and always have been a  ve-day version of football with a the nearest pub. No grotty portaloos display of honesty, Chris Gayle said on bigger pitch and long lunch-breaks. Or for Lauren. Tuesday that he “would not be so sad” a combination of rugby and rounders  ankfully there are many pubs if Test cricket fell by the wayside. As the brilliant at making up rules” where you can get brutally tackled to en route. And the route in general is 20:20 league, funded by India, played in prevent you reaching the bases. Or ten- rather fabby, for runner and specta- South Africa, grows rapidly in popular- nis played with a square ball and more tor alike. Particularly between 11 ity, such important British characteris- cucumber sandwiches. and 18 miles, adrenaline is high: you tics as patience, grit and the ability to sit but on a di erent surface and with extra brink of extinction, with Silverstone We are and always have been bril- cross the midpoint at Tower Bridge, through  ve days of ball-crunchingly punching. To be fair, what the Ameri- out of favour and Donington under- liant at making up rules and no doubt the crowds are full and thronging, dull cricket (when everybody knows cans call football is de nitely a man’s prepared. Ecclestone has repeatedly these new sports would soon catch on and you try to capture the essence that half an hour of rain on day four game, or at least it would be if they said he would be happy to take it to worldwide and be changed to allow for on your camera phone but it turns will probably be the deciding factor) didn’t play while wrapped, essentially, the Middle East, or the Far East, where Chris Gayle’s incredible laziness. But out you took a succession of photos are being hideously undermined by the in a large sofa. the viewing market and sponsorships that’s  ne, because that is our role in the that look like a chin with a spire international sporting community.  ough Test cricket is perhaps the would be “more lucrative”. At least we worldwide sporting community. We coming out of it. Still everyone is It’s not the  rst time we’ve seen our most endangered, it is not the only Brit- have a couple of decent British drivers will never be great players, or drivers, or buzzing and for some magical mira- sports reinvented: Most of the newfan- ish sporting institution to come under nowadays: a great contrast with tennis, hosts: We are inventors. cle reason your legs feel like a car. But at 19 miles my legs cramped over.  e sensual relationship I Darts win for had developed with my physio over Easter was rendered a sham. Moreover, the mental horror of bullish Blues 10-minute miles suddenly taking 30 minutes induced a fear of boredom. Cambridge 3  is is where Peter Andre would have been amusing. I knew I was Oxford 10 going to  nish, and I knew my legs had pretty much frozen for good; I Doug Speed needed some entertainment to see me through the last seven miles. My Last weekend, eight stout fellows from fellow runners were similarly suf- Cambridge made history by claiming fering. We all had our name printed the University’s  rst ever win in the across the front of our t-shirts so thirteen-year history of the darts Varsity the crowd could cheer us on. Oc- Match.  e result looked unlikely when casionally a member of the pack Oxford raced into a 10-2 lead in the broke ahead for a stretch, and the best-of-thirteen match. But, with just the crowd erupted with “John!… Lau- beer leg remaining, Oxford shocked the ren! (cheers guys)… Dream Team Cambridge team when they suggested Katie Price and Peter Andre!...” but the  nal contest become a decider. And this only lasted for 200m, and the thus the eight  nest dartists in Oxford comedy of these brief eruptions faced o against the only eight students quickly overwhelmed any ability to in Cambridge willing to brave the X5. provoke them. Winning the bull o , Cambridge’s And so it was with a smile on my number one opened with a surprising face I crossed the  nish line. My ton. What followed will give scorers dad’s footage even shows a sweet across the country nightmares. While little victory jump. A fortnight on I Oxford mechanically pounded the haven’t stopped telling people how twenty, Cambridge’s wayward darts much I enjoyed the experience, somehow  uked high scores. A solid 60 and am hoping to do it again next was matched by a confused 73, a conven- year. I’m still raising money and will tional 100 by a two-dart 83. remind you of my sponsorship web- Both sides reached an outshot at the site, but  rst I want to encourage you same time. Still Oxford were unfazed, all to run and raise money yourself: having witnessed Cambridge’s previous unlike chums Peter and Jordan, I lame attempts at  nishes: an early throw guarantee you can go the distance. at bull had hit double one, an aim at www.everyclick.com/laurencooney double one had hit the  re extinguisher.  en Oxford made the most treacherous of schoolboy of errors, leaving them- College Catch-up selves with three remaining, needing a one and a double one. Mens’ Cuppers Hockey Cambridge meanwhile had continued A sunny May evening at Wilber- to hit everything except their target and force Astro was to be the scene of a found themselves needing double two. great battle between Emma and Jesus Up stepped Aaron, a rugby player by hockey teams. Early goals from Scot- trade, whose only contribution thus far land U21 Nick Parkes and a Dave had been to scare the bejesus out a poor- Madden drag  ick went unanswered, value member of the opposition called despite excellent mid eld play from Aimsworth. As you will have guessed, Emma. Chances came for the losing he hit double two and the room erupted side in the form of several penalty into a stunned silence. True to their corners, but inept scoops and over- word, Oxford allowed Cambridge to rub complicated routines were absorbed victory in their faces before witnessing a by Jesus’ experienced defence. Emma spontaneous parade round the quad. fought to the end and the  nal 6-0 And so the 3-10 triumph was secured. score line was not a fair representa- Cambridge are now searching for com- tion of their performance. petent players for next year’s return leg. Friday May 15th 2009 varsity.co.uk/sport

Where did it all go wrong?

Jamie Ptaszynski discusses the future of British sport... Sport p15 VARSITY MATCH RUNNING TOTAL: CAMBRIDGE 20, OXFORD 17. NEXT UP: CRICKET, ATHLETICS, TENNIS, CYCLING

AMANDA MORGAN

Jenny Morgan controls her horse around the paddock Cooney’s Marathon and the victorious Cambridge team pose with the trophy (inset). Lauren Cooney

Week 4 In which Lauren nally runs the London marathon...

he plaintive news of Jordan and Peter Andre’s divorce struck Tlike an icy cord on the wee hours of Tuesday morning. Surely this must be the tabloid super-story of insa- nia? No-one knew, or thought they knew, better than me the divinely special bond that held these two to- gether. No amount of OK! coverage could ever quite convey their love. I saw it, I saw it with my own envious eyes. I saw Peter Andre helping his injured damsel across the  nish line of the 2009 London Marathon. Obviously I saw this from my seated grandstand position,  n- isher’s medal proudly hung from my neck, having completed the race a few hours earlier. But I still bloody saw it. And boy would I have loved Peter Strictly Come Prancing Andre to have bunny hopped me along the long, and soul-splittingly » Cambridge secure sixth consecutive victory in Varsity horseback riding competition arduous course. I was that desperate. complex movements. that the replacements would  t the bill. Varsity Sport I saw a lot of things out there, man,  e second round was more of the Juanjo got the team o to a great start a lot of things a player should never Zara Philips wasn’t there. I’m not Simon Cambridge 12 same, with Cambridge relishing the chal- with a clean sheet on his  rst ride while have to see. I saw grown men buckle Barnes. Yet this is an article on horse lenge of some more taxing movements captain Jenny Morgan su ered a refusal over and vomit up Lucozade; I saw riding, on the back page of a respected Oxford 113 and some slightly more normal sized on her inexperienced mount. Oxford three armadillos rub alongside me newspaper. And with good reason, be- animals to ride. Fresher Georgie Mes- matched the pace, putting out two clears before disappearing into the horizon cause Cambridge are bloody good at it. ships and the inclusion of Sam Cutts in senger had to work particularly hard to of their own. When Georgie Messenger (despite repeating constant mental Long established experts at the sitting the British Student Squad. But horses can coax anything like impulsion out of a dif- came a cropper on her second di cult mantras of “just stay in front of the down sports, the Light Blues have an ex- be great levellers and no one was willing  cult mare, whilst Chilean team member ride of the day, it seemed Cambridge’s armadillo, it’s a fucking armadillo, cellent record when it comes to the po- to tempt fate for fear of literally biting the Juanjo Sarralde Tassara made up for a cushion might not be enough. where’s that armadillo going, what’s nies. And last weekend was no exception dust later on. less-than-perfect start with a clean sheet.  e  nal round of jumping was that? Oh, it’s another armadillo… as the equestrian team stormed ahead to  e day started well for the Cam- At the break for lunch (they don’t call equally tense but this time the team just stay in front of the armadillo”); take Varsity honours for the sixth con- bridge four with three riders receiving it the sport of kings for nothing), Cam- performed more consistently, with clear I saw my parents beaming wildly secutive year. zero penalties a er the  rst round of bridge lead by a margin of 113 points. rounds from the  rst two and a couple of at three di erent points of the 26.2 Coming into the two-phase competi- dressage. Consisting of poncing around But there was still all to play for in the rolled poles for the latter. It was enough mile course, and my old man  lmed tion the home side were clear favourites on borrowed horses (enormous, by the jumping: the host farm had lost three of to secure another victory for the Light it so I went home and saw myself a er a year that has included a strong way), the dressage phase depends entire- its jumping horses in the week before the Blues, and individual honours for Cam- Continued on page 15 performance at the National Champion- ly on the opinion of a judge on a series of competition, so it was far from certain bridge’s Sam Cutts. Software Engineers Hardware Engineers £36,000 www.starleaf.com