A Not-To-Be-Believed Semester Ending Edition
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A NOT -TO-BE-BELIEVED SEME S TER EN DI N G EDITIO N THE P l e a s e r e c y c l e t h i s Thursday, December 10, 2009 newspaper when you are Volume 47, Issue 14 NUGGET finished with it. YOUR STUDENT NEWSPAPER, EDMONTON, ALBERTA, CANADA nait goes nude! Story page 3 Our Nugget staff gets together to kick off this utterly unbelievable edi- tion, which should not be taken seriously! Photo by Raymond Ip 2 The Nugget note: this FanCiFuL PaPeR is FoR enteRTAINMent onLY! Thursday, December 10, 2009 NEWS&FEATURES NAIT mascot tragedy By ryan fLAherty NAIT is mourning the tragic loss this week of the school’s mascot, the Ooklet, who died while attempting to fly. The circumstances surrounding the tragedy are still somewhat unclear, but investigators are hoping that the results of an autopsy, expected some time next week, will help fill in the blanks. So far, all police are willing to say is that some time between 5 p.m. and 10 p.m. last Saturday evening, the beloved blue owl climbed to the top of the parkade outside the Industrial Technical building and proceeded to fling himself off the upper level, dying instantly upon impact. One witness, who asked that her name not be published, said that every- thing happened quickly. “One minute I saw the Ooklet high- fiving a bunch of basketball fans outside the parkade, the next thing you know I see him hitting the ground,” she said. “He pretty much exploded into a ball of blue fluff and foam rubber.” Authorities are still piecing together the timeline leading up to the Ooklet’s Photo illustration untimely demise. Several amateur vid- Much-beloved Ook, above, takes his final leap, and the eos confirm the owl’s presence at the sad result is shown, right. evening’s basketball games. However, Photo illustration at some point during halftime of the men’s been under the influence of alcohol. Like, a lot theory. game it appears the Ooklet made a hasty exit. of alcohol. Enough to give an entire village “All the Ooklet ever wanted was to be like Whatever the reason, athletes and fans alike “There are reports that the Ooklet got into alcohol poisoning. Then again, he’s an owl, so other owls. He just wanted to eat rodents, rotate are left to grieve the loss of a beloved member some kind of confrontation outside the gymna- who knows if that would have even affected his neck 180 degrees and hoot the night away” of the NAIT family. sium,” stated an Edmonton police spokesper- him? I’m gonna go do some googling.” she said. “I think he wanted to believe so badly “It’s just so sad,” said Campbell. “He never son. “We’re not sure what started it, but prelim- NAIT business student and unofficial Ook- that he was like other owls that he convinced did quite grasp the concept that he was just a inary indications are that the Ooklet may have let biographer Daphne Campbell had another himself he could fly.” guy in a suit.” tory comes clean to the nugget be. I haven’t really had to experience it. with conservatives. Ugh. word for communist. Look at Africa, country, shouldn’t your favourite book OK, well … let’s get started. With That’s an interesting take on the that screwed them up. be something that inspires you to think the whole coalition issue last year, do Liberal party, perhaps not something OK … What about Norway? Nor- critically, produce change? I mean, you ever get worried that the Liberals you should be telling the media? way is the world’s third-largest oil what about the human condition? will begin to slowly take over? Well you said this was a student exporter and because of the way they Sorry I’m not familiar with that First of all, Brittany, you see that newspaper. handle it … they have in effect, figured book. man over there? He’s wearing plaid, he Moving on … your party gets a lot out how to transform a nonrenewable What is the worst part about your has metal balls hanging from his truck flack about the tar sands, and you are resource into a self-sustaining resource: job? BRITTANY BLACK and he says things like “gotsta” and “ya often criticized for oil policies. What do free education, near-perfect health care Pretending that I don’t think things Assistant Issues Editor hear ’bout.” He’s a liberal. you have to say about that stuff? and carbon-neutral? Should Canada like Adam Lambert kissing men on You see that other man? That man First of all, there will always be oil should look to Norway as a role model? stage aren’t funny, and the fact that A high-powered national Conser- has a book in his hand, probably has issues. What are we gunna do? We’re NO-r WAY. this Lady Gaga character never wears vative agreed recently to do an anon- a poli-sci degree and can be a bit of a gunna just shut it down? I mean … Really? That is your answer? I’m pants. Let me be clear, that is gold. ymous interview with The Nugget sh**head (mind my language … can come on, that’s stupid. going to assume you just don’t want to What is the best part about your (something about “In Your Commu- you print that?) but he’s got his head I never said you should shut it talk about politics then. What is your job? nity” “Pretending to Care” type gig, I on straight, and he can spell. He is a down. It’s a well known fact that natu- favourite book? Free gas, I hear the oil industry is am sure) but nonetheless, here is my conservative. ral gas and oil is nearing its peak and Guinness World Records. just killing you guys. exclusive sit-down discussion with this Let me be clear, as long as liter- we know the demand for both are ris- Really. You are a politician, and If you were an animal, which one man, who did not want to be identified. acy continues to spiral downward, ing. And what about the $33 billion in that is your favourite book? would you be? Hi, I assume you are enjoying and trades continue to be popu- the last year that was lost due to oil Yes, it takes my mind off a lot of A lion. the cold weather here? Welcome to lar among young men who support revenues that could have benefited us things. Let me be clear, did you know Why? Alberta! local strip joints, then no, liberals in other ways? Some say we should that there is a snake over 200 pounds? First of all, I kind of look like one. I Yes, it’s not that bad, and I mean, will never run this country. Unless nationalize the oil industry in Canada. I’ll be damned. feel like I am both feared and respected thank God I have a heated vehicle tak- a bunch of feminists take over the Let me be clear, those people are But that’s your job, to constantly be by mostly everyone, while permitting ing me to and from wherever I need to country and boycott reproduction stupid. Nationalize? That’s just another thinking and re-thinking the state of our my wife to do all the work. Thursday, December 10, 2009 note: this FanCiFuL PaPeR is FoR enteRTAINMent onLY! The Nugget 3 au naturel is best The Nugget Room E-128B 11762–106 Street Edmonton, Alberta T5G 2R1 Production Office 471-8866 www.thenuggetonline.com Editor-in-Chief Chris Carmichael-Powell By MacKENZIE MARShALL [email protected] Issues Editor Sports Editor That’s right everyone you see it right. Landon Hommy Clothing is now optional for all NAIT [email protected] students. Assistant Sports Editor “I’m pumped,” exclaimed Johnny Big- Curtis Binkowski wood, a first year meat-cutting student. [email protected] “It’s all about being comfortable. When Entertainment Editor I’m working in my lab, cutting the most Colleen Nuc delicious slabs of meat, I let it all hang [email protected] loose. That’s when I do my best work.” The measure was passed last night at the Assist. Entertainment Editor annual holiday NAIT meeting. The decision Kathy Le was made for a number of reasons. [email protected] Issues Editor Increase attendance MacKenzie Marshall “We’re hoping that it will increase [email protected] attendance, enrolment and support from various nudists from around the world,” Assistant Issues Editor said Pamela Beecup, spokesperson for Brittany Black NAIT. [email protected] “Let’s be honest here, NAIT already Photo Editor offers a very unique education experi- Raymond Ip ence. Our hands on learning environment [email protected] and delivery are second to none. Think of Production Manager doing all that in the buff. Everyone will Frank MacKay want to come here,” Beecup added. Another reason for the change is to try [email protected] to curb the problem of harassment on NAIT For advertising, call 471-8866 campus. Because males outnumber females or e-mail: [email protected] on campus by such a large margin, male suitors, who are in way over their heads, Photo by Raymond Ip Submissions encouraged: Nugget writer Ryan flaherty explains the new dress code at a recent meeting. constantly approach NAIT’s females. [email protected] “When you think about it, everyone is so ner- dents, you’ll know there’s no one with more cred- The deadline is noon on the last “The best thing” vous when they start school.