THE BLUE AND WHITE Vol. VII, No. I September 2000 Columbia College, New York NY

THE CULT OF THE COLUMBIA PROFESSOR by Dimitri Portnoi

VENDING MACHINES REVIEWED THE LIVING LEGACIES PROJECT by Mariel L. Woljson An Introduction by Prof. Wm. Theodore de Bary Columns

3 I ntroduction 7 B l u e J 14 M e a s u r e f o r M e a s u r e 16 T o l d B e t w e e n P u f f s

21 C u r i o C o l u m b i a n a

22 C a m p u s G o s s ip Features 4 “Living Legacies” Introduced 9 The Cult of the Professor 11 Vending Machines Reviewed 17 “A Clearing in the Distance” 19 Volunteering Guide * About the Cover: “Apotheosis” by Matthew Rascoff Graphics by: Clare H. Ridley; Barbarossa $

T ypographical N o t e The text of The Blue and IVhite is set in Bodoni Old Face, which was designed by ^2 j Günter Gerhard Lange for Berthold. The dis­ play faces are Weiss, created by Rudolf Weiss

T he B lu e a n d W h ite THE BLUE AND WHITE

V o l. V II N ew Y o r k, S eptem ber aooo No. I

THE BLUE AND WHITE University archive located in Low Library. The magazine’s mission, as expressed by Editor Editor-in-Chief Sydney Treat C’1893, was: MATTHEW RASCOFF, C’Ol to give bright and newsy items, which are of inter­ Publisher est to all of us, combined with truthful comments on the same, in order to show clearly the exact tone of C. ALEXANDER LONDON, C’02 the College each week. We thought that, if by con­ M anaging Editor certed effort and a spirited display of College feel­ RICHARD J. MAM MAN A, JR. C’02 ing we could extend the influence of Columbia in Senior Editor any way or raise her to the position which she owns by right of the associations clustered around her B. D. LETZLER, C’02 name, our work would be accomplished. Graphics Editor The mission was pursued mainly in assorted CLARE H. RIDLEY, C’02 regular columns: “Blue J” was devoted to com­ Literary Editor plaining-more or less constructively—about KEVIN Y. KIM, C’02 the school. “Curio Columbiana” reproduced a L ecture Notes Editor primary document from around the campus. YAACOB H. DWECK, C’02 “Told Between Puffs,” always by a w riter under Associate Publisher the pseudonym Verily Veritas, was a witty and JEREMY A. FALK, C’02 self-conscious musing about life at Columbia. Editors There were poems (“Measure for Measure”), HILARY E. FELDSTEIN, C’Ol some serious, mostly not. And there was DANIEL S. IMMERWAHR, C’02 Campus Gossip. ARIEL MEYERSTEIN, C’02 The first Blue and White of the aoth century, MARIEL L. WOLFSON, C’02 Vol. IV, No. L appeared in May 1998 under Founding Editor Noam M. Elcott, C’OO. Since then, thanks to an extraordinary staff of writ­ The B&W invites the Columbia community to ers, artists, editors and publishers, the B&W contribute original literary work and welcomes letters from all our readers. Articles represent the has grown to include feature articles, outstand­ opinions o f their authors. ing original art, and regular faculty essays. Later this year we will begin to publish fiction. Email: [email protected] And in this number we begin a four-year asso­ ciation with the 250th Anniversary aybreak. Committee’s Living Legacies project to publish We begin with history. essays by current Columbia professors about The Blue and White was great figures and moments in 20th century founded as a weekly journal Columbia history. in 1891. After three years of The Blue and White aims to be more than a publication, the magazine magazine. It aims to be a community and an disappeared in 1894. institution. If you would like to participate as 103 years later, in 1997, Ilan S. Salzberg C’99 an artist, graphic designer, poet, writer or pub­ discovered a stack of crumbling copies of the lisher, please send us an email at: old B&W in the Columbiana Collection, a [email protected].

S e p t e m b e r 2 ,0 0 0 3 Birthday Prose for Columbia's 250th An Introduction to the Living Legacies Project

by Professor Wm. Theodore de Bary

hile almost everyone else has been ropolitan outreach, and by the participation of W anticipating the millennium year, a undergraduate and graduate students in a spe­ hardy and resourceful band of Columbians— cial seminar he is conducting. Oral histories faculty, administration, trustees and alumni— are also being recorded for this purpose. have been looking beyond the year 2000 to Distilled from all these materials and findings 1004, the 250th Anniversary of the University’s by John Rousmaniere will be an illustrated his­ founding. A presidential committee co-chaired tory—often described in the Anniversary by Professor Kenneth Jackson, Barzun Committee as “a coffee table book,” for more Professor of History, and Chairman Emeritus relaxed readers of Columbia history. of the Trustees Henry King C’48, has been The idea of having a series of essays on great making plans to celebrate the 250th moments and great figures in Columbia’s intel­ Anniversary in a variety of ways—through aca­ lectual, scientific and educational history—what demic convocations; special seminars held in we call here “Living Legacies”—emerged in the professional schools; exhibitions at key discussions of the Anniversary’s Publication sites in New York City (e.g. Trinity Church, the Committee, the idea being to focus attention Museum of the City of New York, the New on special developments in the recent past York Public Library); producing a documen­ (mostly twentieth centuiy) that should be cel­ tary film; establishing a web-site on ebrated not just as a part of local history, but Columbia’s anniversary; installing plaques to indeed as having national and even interna­ commemorate important sites on our campus­ tional significance. es, etc. Essential to this plan was the idea of having Nor are more familiar genres for recording the essays written by scholars of great distinc­ and interpreting Columbia’s history being neg­ tion, able to speak with authority in their own lected. The writing of an official “scholarly” fields but also, in most cases, on the basis of history has been entrusted to Professor Robert some personal association with the event or McCaughey, who has taught history at scholars and scientists involved in it. Columbia and Barnard for many years. Since A special committee was formed to head up he holds no Columbia degrees, McCaughey this project, and with the cooperation of the has no umbilical tie to the institution, but he publishers and editors of the alumni Columbia knows the place well, and besides a specializa­ M agazine and The B lue an d White, a plan has tion in educational been adopted for a matters, brings his own In anticipation of the Columbia’s quar­ series of special install­ perspective to the sub­ ter millenium in 2004, The Blue an d ments to be inserted in ject from his long-held White has teamed up with the successive issues of the observation post as Anniversary Publication Committee to magazines leading up 2004 Academic Dean and publish a series of “Living Legacies” to the year —and Vice President at essays on great figures from 20th centu­ possibly be yond. Barnard. McCaughey’s ry Columbia history. The essays will Eventually we expect efforts will be assisted appear in these pages over the next four these essays to be gath­ by a University Seminar years. Prof. de Bary, C’41, GSAS’53, ered in a separate pub­ on Columbia History HON’95 introduces the series on behalf lished volume, as a which has a wide met­ of the Living Legacies Committee. complement to other

4 T h e B l u e a n d W h i t e publications of the 250th Anniversary. enduring loyalty of the College alumni to the The focus on the recent past and on special Core Curriculum and to the great teachers figures has more to recommend it than just the they had. obvious advantage that short essays have over Where are those to be found who can still a long history book as convenient reading for engage in the belated effort at recovery of lost busy people. Life at Columbia reflects the memory, not just for sentimental purposes extraordinarily rapid changes in twentieth cen­ (legitimate though these be in themselves) but tury America. Thus, though in for the very serious business of terms of age Columbia is classed understanding who we are as an among the earliest of Ivy League intellectual and educational institutions, there is little ivy on community, heavily engaged its walls or ancient moss under­ with a much larger world? A foot—little sense of living tradi­ measure of the challenge is that tion or institutional memory. the consciousness of this lack With a swift succession of and need was first expressed by administrations, rapid turnover a relative newcomer, Eric in the faculty, and substantial Kandel, while the burden of alterations in faculty structures— meeting it has fallen to an old to the point that few understand what a “fac­ timer like myself, whose earliest memories of ulty” stands for in terms of its educational mis­ the place, going back over seventy years, are sion and responsibilities (as distinct from not of the scientific giants Prof. Kandel writes tenured professors defending their own special about in his Living Legacies essay, but of the interests) —it is no wonder that many students, almost forgotten giants of the gridiron at Baker faculty and even administrators, have lost Field in the late twenties—Ralph Hewitt, Ralph touch with any sense of community history Furey, Hubie Schulze, and, a little later the and often wonder what can be done to recon­ Rose Bowlers Cliff Montgomery and A1 nect with the past. Now there is little even for Barabas (none of whom are likely to appear in the wishfulness and wistfulness of nostalgia to these pages). feed upon—with the possible exception of the Sic transit gloria Columbiae!

Topics and authors scheduled for publication in the Living Legacies series: a selection

- f t Genes, Chromosomes, and the f t - M eyer Shapiro and Rudolph Bilgrami.

Origins o f Modem Biology: Wittkower in Art History, by f t I. I. Rabi, The Manhattan

Thomas Hunt Morgan and his Professor David Rosand. P roject a n d Physics, by Professor

school at Columbia, by University f t - Asian Studies—Its Emeritus Samuel Devons,

Professor Eric Kandel. Extraordinary Early History f t Two Great Classicists: Gilbert ^ f t Mark Van Doren, Mortimer (Dean Lung, Ryusaku Tsunoda, Highet, by Robert Ball, and Adler and the ‘Great Books’ Sir George Sansom), by Moses Hadas, by poet and classi­ M ovement, by John Van Doren, Professors W. T. de Bary, cist Rachel Hadas. with additional comments by Donald Keene and Carol Gluck, - 'f t Paul Kristeller and Medieval former Dean of Columbia f t Lionel Trilling, by Professor Philosophy, by Professor Robert College, Carl Hovde. Emeritus Quentin Anderson, Sommerville. ^ f t History at Columbia in the era o f Carlton Hayes, Allan Nevins, et f t Richard Hofstadter and History, - f t The Great Columbia by Professors Eric Foner and Economists: Wesley Clare Mitchell, a l by Professor Emeritus Jacques Barzun. Fritz Stern. John Bates Clark, Arthur Bum s, et

- f t Sociologists Robert Merton and f t John Dewey, by Professors a l by Gerald Friedman,

Paul Lazarsfeld by Provost and Isaac Levi, Sidney f t Sato Baron and Jewish History, Professor Jonathan Cole. Morgenbesser and Akeel by Professor Yosef Yerushalmi.

S e p t e m b e r 2 0 0 0 5 UNIVERSITY RESIDENCE HALLS DIRECTORY

Director of Residence Halls Administrative Services Ross Fraser, 102 Wallach, 118 Hartley Hall, x44994 x42777 Joyce Jackson, Housing Services Assistant Director 125 Wallach Hall, x42775 Maureen Toro, Manager Rob Lutomski, Assistant Steve Cramer, Manager Director Phone numbers preceded by 85; email addresses followed by @columbia.edu Area Operations AREA I Area Director, Donna Deely 310 East Campus, x49135 BUILDING MANAGER OFFICE AND NUMBER EMAIL East Campus Helen Bielak 2nd Floor EC, x4496l hlbl 8 47 Claremont Helen Bielak Wien Keith Birch Bsmnt Wien, x43709 k b ll Ruggles Keith Birch

AREA II Area Director, John Ricci 110 Hartley, x49133 BUILDINGMANAGER OFFICE AND NUMBER EMAIL Furnald John Morales 101 Furnald, x48278 dv3 Carman John Morales John Jay Barbara Tracy 113 Wallach, x42783 bbt9 Hartley Barbara Tracy Wallach Barbara Tracy

AREA III Area Director, Al Berlingieri 103 McBain, x46847 BUILDING MANAGER OFFICE AND NUMBER EMAIL River Anna Jermyn 101 McBain, x42415 amj4 Woodbridge Anna Jermyn Schapiro Anna Jermyn Watt Michael Gittens 101 McBain, x46847 mbg33 McBain Michael Gittens Broadway Michael Gittens Hogan Michael Gittens

6 T h e B l u e a n d W h it e BLUE J. Install a real RolmPhone at the 116th Street Gates; elegy fo r the seven digit P S C

he Blue J was more than a little miffed to venient public phones. The RolmPhone would Tdiscover he’d have to pay $10 for a campus be safe from vandalism thanks to the full-time phone of his own this year. Over the summer, guard on patrol in the booth. It could even for a moment or two, he considered deserting replace the speakerphone on the wall of the the sweet warbling lady of the Rolm and pur­ Miller, so no new holes would have to be cut chasing a cell phone. He realized, though, that into the granite. without telephone wires there would be fewer * perches from which birds such as himself he J was also unpleasantly surprised that could peer down on their beloved Columbia. (It did occur to him later that there are no This seven-digit PSC had been replaced telephone wires in the City, but his mind was over the summer by a new ten-digit “millenni­ already made up.) um code.” This brings the total num ber of dig­ Whenever Blue J arranges to meet a friend at its the average incoming Columbia student the 116th Street Gates he regrets his decision must memorize to approximately fifty: PSC, not to go wireless. The closest public tele­ Cunix login, Cunix password, Registrar PIN, phones to the gates are across Broadway in Student Identification Number, Lemer Hall front of Ollie’s. Sometimes the J will cross the Box Number, and often a Bank PIN. That’s not street and call his delayed friend, then cast a counting the dozens of websites many stu­ glance back only to disover that his company is dents register for. (At least we’ll keep our already arrived and waiting. The next closest Columbia email addresses forever. See p. 12.) public phones, near the College Walk entrance Blue J calculates that seven digit PSCs are to Dodge, are even worse. The Gates are bare­ sufficient for ten million minus one accounts. ly visible from this spot half an avenue block Ten digits will expand that to ten billion minus away. There is a single RolmPhone black box one. There are six billion people in the world, speakerphone near just inside the Gates, but it most of whom, it is safe to assume, have never only accepts five-digit extensions, and won’t heard of AT&T. allow outside dialing with a PSC. A few weeks ago Blue J was touched by the Blue J has a very simple request: A real, story of a College alumna who graduated handset-type RolmPhone to be placed just Columbia Law School last spring. After seven inside or outside the Gates. The Office of years with her trusty PSC, she reported sadly, Communications Services, which generates her code was finally turned off in early August. profits for the University, should see this as an It brought the J great joy to report that the oppurtunity to increase ACUS call volume by number was not cut because she graduated. taking student callers away from the less-con­ Still missing Alma dearly, she was consoled. LABYRINTH BOOKS SPECIALIZING IN SCHOLARLY & UNIVERSITY PRESS BOOKS 536 West 112th Street, New York, NY 10025 (212) 865-2749

online at http://www.labyrinthbooks.com

S e p t e m b e r 2,000 7 The Cult of the Celebrity Professor

by Dimitri Portnoi

ay back in 1997, I was an incoming have always brought her up as an example to W freshman. Each and every stereotype convince friends that it is okay to cross the you wish to attach to an incoming student I street to take a class. (For the past year I have will willingly accept as true of myself: wide- been amused by a Spec editorial posted on the eyed, bushy-tailed, and a few others that are Barnard political science department bulletin perhaps more negative. From well before day board written by a College student, claiming one of my time at Columbia, I was one of the only way he could remain a poli-sci major Columbia’s greatest supporters, convincing my was by taking classes at Barnard. I always won­ friends to apply, and later becoming a tour dered what the College professors thought guide for undergraduate admissions. As one when they crossed the street and saw that friend has described it, I bled blue and white. there.) I still do. And, like all incoming freshmen, I All that aside, Professor Zisk, whose Intro had a laundry list of professors that I had to class will be taught this semester in a far more meet and take a class with: Alan Brinkley, who comfortable room, has demonstrated that even had written one of my high school textbooks; within the context of the publish-or-perish George Stephanopoulos, Clinton’s former atmosphere of the elite academy, one can still press secretary; Robert Belknap, a renowned take the time out to earn the more important Russian literature professor, who also hap­ title of ‘teacher.’ Her lectures were so gor­ pened to be an old friend of my parents. With geously coherent, innovative and engaging that all due respect to these eminent professors, as her second course was overbooked with stu­ I am getting ready to leave Columbia in just dents who claimed to be enrolling because one more year, I don’t feel that I’ve lost very they were either in or had heard about her much for having failed to take their classes. performance in the first course. Stifling from the lack of air-conditioning, Prof. Zisk took the time to become my aca­ uncomfortable from the spring jabbing my demic, career and personal advisor. At a time backside through the chair (despite the fact when our advising system was in a terrible flux this was the seventh seat I had tried), I sat in (even more so than today), she unofficially Barnard’s largest lecture hall in Altschul on my helped me to work out my class schedule and first day of classes. Though many friends had navigate my major, to look at my career options told me to wait a semester and take more maturely and to work through long­ “Introduction to International Politics” with standing personal problems. In the manner of Robert Jervis, a professor so well known it is a freshman, I undoubtedly achieved a level of virtually impossible to read any article on professor-worship. It’s something I continue to international relations without seeing the ref­ hold on to. erence, “see Jervis,” several times. (He is now It saddens me to think of those students who my departmental advisor, so I “see Jervis,” on a walk away from Columbia without meeting a regular basis.) Too eager to wait a semester to professor they could honestly worship. Or start my poli-sci major, I ignored my friends even an instructor. My CC instructor Zoe and opted for Assistant Professor Kimberly Pappas and Russian instructor Valentina Zisk, someone as new to Momingside Heights Lebedev come to mind as teachers who have as I was. profoundly improved my time here—Zoe, for Since then, Prof. Zisk has become and challenging my mind and always being open to remains easily the best professor, and above all be challenged right back, and Valentina, for the best teacher, I have had at Columbia. I challenging me to work harder than I thought

8 T h e B l u e a n d W h i t e I could. Valentina was known to call any stu­ dent at home, who had missed two classes, not to scold, but to express concern over their con­ dition. Both deserve praise for presenting themselves to their classes as both friends and teachers, without having a Ph.D. My hope is to draw.distinctions between the earned worship, and the unreasonable worship of professors, often sight unseen, often despite their lectures, and often for all the wrong rea­ sons. Interestingly, these two types of worship are visible in the physical structures on cam­ pus. Professor John Howard van Amringe C’1860 (of Van Am Quad fame), was a School of Mines professor whom the University memorialized for his dedication and accessability to his stu­ previous tenure, with students eager to meet dents and as a personal force around campus. the now-renowned lawyer. His first tenure at One might wonder why there are two monu­ the university was overlooked when the build­ ments to him, the one in the center of the ing was named. Quad that bears his name, and then a statue in Even when a professor warrants praise, the Hamilton lobby. During his tenure, students pitch can reach absurd levels. Last year, histo­ felt such affection for Professor van Amringe ry professors Eric Foner and Alan Brinkley that they would would rub his bald head for held classes scheduled one after another. As a good luck before exams. After his death, the result, the classes had a significant overlap in University placed his bust in Hamilton so that enrollment, and the students developed into tradition could continue. You can still find a two camps, the “Fonerphiles” and the few students who will stop by to rub his head. “Brinkleyites,” each vigorously defending their Professor James Kent has a building named professor as the superior teacher. How many after him on campus not for his work as the members of these competing camps actually first law professor, but for what he did outside met the professors is unknown. the classroom. He was appointed to the New Why do we follow celebrity professors, rather York Supreme Court by King’s College grad than seek out the lesser-known, yet potentially Governor John Jay in 1798, then became the excellent teachers? Where we rally behind pro­ chief justice and, later, chancellor of the state fessors we barely know? Court of Chancery (then the highest judicial Part o f the problem lies in the difficulty o f office). The treatises he wrote at the time finding good professors. Many universities shaped common law in the United States and have student-run course guides. The virtually abroad, making him undoubtedly one the defunct student council course-guide boasts nation’s most influential jurists. reviews of 133 courses, approximately three His time at Columbia, however, was not quite per department. At this writing, the site still so successful. Unable to attract students to his advertised that it was updating for 1999- classes, he left after only a few years here. More important is ambition. Many students When he was constitutionally obligated to enter Columbia with a list of professors they resign his office, Kent returned decades later must study under, whether for lust after fame to teach only three courses before resigning or, more commonly, recommendations for again, permanently. Teaching was a profession graduate school. he clearly was not enjoying. I imagine those College should not be spent courting favor three courses were overbooked, unlike in his and they should not be a prelude to graduate

S e p t e m b e r a o o o 9 school. For students, a professor’s influence on how we think is more important that his cita­ tion counts. Professors are people, not idols. W rite us at Quit the cult. Avoid the mob. Do not be swept away by the opinions of your friends, by [email protected] names, by CYs. Seek out the teachers who care about what you think.

L i b r a r y V V e b http://www.columbia.edu/cu/libraries/ your gateway to Columbia's digital library collections and services to

• look-up your course reserves reading lists • find out that Milstein undergraduate reading rooms (in Butler Library) are available for 24-hour study use • ask questions, send suggestions, see what books are checked out to you • connect to research databases, e-journals, reference tools, and more

No drinks, except in spill-proof containers, and no food.

Undergraduate philosophy forum beginning this fa ll. . .

For information, write mzr3@col umbi a.edu or dsi 5@columbi a . edu

THE SIXTEEN COMMANDMENTS University This year URH has revised its rules about prohibited appli­ ances. Due to concerns about the potential risks and hazards Residence associated with their use, the following appliances may not be used in student rooms: Halls 1. halogen lamps 10. oil, kerosene and gas lamps 2. air conditioners 1 1. open coiled appliances 3. coffee makers* 12. popcorn poppers* 4. electrical appliances with heat­ 13. rice cookers* ing elements* 14. toasters/toaster ovens* 5. grills* 15. steam vaporizers 6. hot plates* 16. waterbeds 7. hot pots* 8. immersion coils *May be used only in designated cook­ 9. microwaves* ing areas or kitchens.

IO T h e B l u e a n d W h i t e CULINARY HUMANITIES

Vending in, vending out: Campus machines reviewed

by Mariel Wolfson

hile some self-proclaimed connoisseurs Krispy Treat. All in all, the Wallach machines W of New York haute-cuisine will only will not disappoint (unless you catch them in occupy their palates and their credit cards with their chronically sold-out state), but they are meals that pass directly from the kitchen to the unlikely to provide a memorable vending dining table, there is another world of culinary experience for the discriminating consumer. magic that no college student should ignore: I They do however, offer the convenient perk of write of those comestibles that pass nimbly swipe access. from behind a glass window and into your JOHN JAY hurried and hungry hand—not the drive- Does dinner in John Jay Dining Hall leave through, though it has its own charm, but that boxy snack-food emporium, the vending you less than satisfied? This dorm’s lone snack machine is equally lackluster, void of anything machine. Lose the middleman, gimme that innovative or healthy. The only potentially Twix! And, if you please, put that on my Flex. redemptive attraction: Black Forest chocolate Like many Columbians, you probably already cherry premium cookies. Exactly how premi­ have, or will soon have, a favorite street comer um? We’ll leave that up to the adventurous, but vendor, whether your penchant is for bagels for 65 cents you shouldn’t have to settle! and coffee, hot dogs, gyros or sausages. But Snackin’ Crahams are worth a try, and at the don’t delay in developing a relationship with very least you can make use of your Flex the faceless vendors in our dormitories and Account. academic buildings. With so many choices, knowing where to drop those coins, swipe that HAMILTON card, or slide that dollar bill can be a challenge. At last, a ray of sunshine amongst the dark­ Thus, to help you set forth on the right foot, ness of Van Am quad. If you can look past the The Blue and White offers the results of basement-like decor, you’ll be rewarded with painstaking research and analysis. HARTLEY-WALLACH When all that Living and Learning sets your stomach growling, head down to Wallach’s lobby, where three machines (one for drinks and two for food) provide adequate variety in the mid-to-high price range. You’ll find that perennial favorite, Snyder’s of Hanover Pretzels, standing beside standard offerings from the Dorito, Lays, and Cheez-It empires, all of which will set you back 55 cents. On the healthier side, choose from limited but satis­ factory options: a Nutri-Grain bar, some sun­ flower seeds or the jauntily-named Mr. Nature Energizer Mix. 60 cents will get you a pack of M&Ms (regular, peanut, or crispy at the time of printing) or Twizzlers, and 65 cents will have you munching an American classic: the Rice

S e p t e m b e r tooo 11 value and variety that are hard to beat. As single healthy option is to be found. Should befits the College’s flagship academic building, you work up a substantial sweat at the pool the vending scene in Hamilton is quite a table, rest assured that a bottle of Poland bazaar. Just aced an exam? Celebrate with Spring water can be yours for $1; the third Party Mix—a steal at 45 cents. Hoping to ace it? floor dispenses such disappointing fruity cock­ For the same price you can get yourself some tails as Snapple Kiwi-Strawberry and Mango Smartfood. Heading to the 7th floor via the Madness. Conclusion: not quite at home in the stairs? (Of course you are—elevators are for new millenium. I expected more from a behe­ freight and not for you!) Fuel up with a moth of steel and glass. Still, for those students PowerBar. Clearly, this often-overlooked din- well-endowed by their parents with certain inalienable Flex dollars, Lerner manages to come through with the convenience of swipe access.

WIEN It’s Wien. ’Nuff said. Visit the Sophomore Class Center for some academic guidance and make a day of it. Or, swing by SIPA for an impos­ ing collection of vending delights.

SIPA There are many edible delights hid­ ing within the ing spot can meet just about any dietary need— mazelike halls of SIPA. Are you studying in the and with Fig Newtons, raisins, and Peppermint damp halls of Wien, only to realize that you Patties always in stock, Hamilton passes this have a deep-seated need for an ice cream sand­ reviewer’s test with flying colors. Those with wich, followed by smoked almonds and a hot especially refined tastes will be gratified to dis­ chocolate? Perhaps not. cover both Hershey’s Symphony bar and SIPA features two outstanding collections of “Distinctive” Milano cookies—just the thing to vending machines, maintained by separate and impress your classmates in CC. Hamilton has competing University entities and located near but one caveat: only change or greenbacks the southwest and southeast comers of the accepted here. skylight. On the menu are a wide selection of ALFRED LERNER HALL hearty Bavarian pretzels, chips and ice cream. Let’s hope Tschumi’s masterwork rides its The healthier options are similarly impressive. ramps into Columbia’s heart, because its snack All this is complemented by a well-chosen machines sure won’t get it there. Vending in selection of beverages: Pepsies, Coca Colas, the game room is mediocre at best, and not a assorted fruit juices, Snapples and water. The

11 T h e B l u e a n d W h i t e Blue and White has had reports of students and Café Cappuccino, the machines create a reserving tables at Lehman library for the sole veritable fiesta for those who have food crav­ purpose of a la carte dining at the SIPA ings to attend to. Actually, the selection is machines. almost identical to that of the Mudd machines, but the setting is more attractive. There is nat­ EAST CAMPUS ural light and ample opportunity for people- Not what you’d expect in such prime real watching, as a wide smattering of Columbia estate. The one snack machine evidently thinks folk gather here. Unfortunately, the hours are its “premium” cookie option is enough to sus­ somewhat limited; Uris often closes after thiev­ tain the entire enterprise, which is average at ing—er, business—hours. If you’re on the north best. The menu lacks healthful choices and side o f 116th and absolutely must have a Baby demands a steep 55 cents for not particularly Ruth at 1 a m , head for Mudd. fresh pretzels. More attention has been given to libations, and thirsty swipers can choose from among the sweet nectars of Snapple and To Our Readers; Tropicana. The bottom line: sufficient if you The Blue and White seeks graphic designers reside here, but not worth a trek. and artists. If you are interested in these posi­ tions please send an email message to theblue- MUDD [email protected] giving a brief autobi­ My first-ever foray into this engineering ography, explaining why you’re a good candi­ fortress yielded a sunny surprise: Goldfish! date for the position and telling us which is The first this reviewer had seen, and for a mere your favorite feature of the B&W. Good luck! 45 cents! A sideward glance and packages of Wonka’s Chewy Runts caught my eye—my heart began to warm to this far-off place, even UNIVERSITY with “Computer Science” emblazoned over a not-too-distant doorway. FOOD MARKET You can imagine how I grew even fonder of Mudd when I beheld the three staples of any competent vendor: Fig Newtons, raisins, and of course those Peppermint Patties. Students log­ ging serious hours over here will never suffer for lack of choices (in snacks anyway): the Lays chips come in regular, baked, and Wow! varieties; PowerBars in Harvest and Original; M&Ms in plain, peanut, crispy, and almond; and another colorful surprise: Gobstoppers! When you finally finish that Comp. Sci. project, treat yourself to the Silky Dark Chocolate Dove Bar and skip out the automatic sliding door into the light of day! No, you can’t swipe here, but as long as you’ve got change, you can get Sweet Tarts or Spree candy! A Mudd idiosyncrasy: One machine peddles Smartfood for 45 cents, while two others 2943 Broadway, New York demand a full 20 cents more. Engineers, (ACROSS FROM COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY) explain that one! • Delivery Service UR1S • Open 7 Days Besides being located next to the Uris deli 212-666-4190

S e p t e m b e r 2,000 13 MEASURE FOR MEASURE In collaboration with the Columbia Review

JERUSALEM OF 104TH Or recourse to the Bomb. How could I forget thee? “A vegan” was to be my case, and ample was my proof. I first peaked in that golden place, But something twitched, I felt my face— To score some fried chick-pea, My tongue clung to its roof! How unprepared was I to face, that lamb rotisserie. I moved with my right hand to pry The tongue that stuck had gotten; A Damascene with onyx eyes, But just as I began to try Bade me to taste the Schwarma; I found that hand forgotten! “You’ll find, I think, to your surprise, It tastes like mutton Korma.” I racked my brain for a Plan B And struggled to be calmest; A gentleman from Palestine, A light went off, then, suddenly, Prepared to take my order; I’d outwitted the Psalmist. While others spoke of the Green Line, And tensions on the border. I dipped my left hand in a bowl, With tekhina it did fill; “I’ll start off with an amuse-bouche.; The counter served as parchment scroll, Some hearty Eastern gruel; My finger was my quill. A pita with Bab a Ghanoush, And little side of FuF In Arabic, in sesame, A big “Salaam” wrote I; “But surely you will try the meat,” “I’ll send you all the recipe” My Syrian friend then uttered; I said, and then, “Good-Bye.” “Without it no meal is complete,” He said while oil sputtered. A few months hence, along I strolled Uptown on Broadway north, “Garbanzo is my drug o f choice,” Right past Jerusalem of Gold, I countered with a peep; Al-Quds of 104th. “Not mine,” came back a scolding voice, “You simply must have sheep.” The sun was perched to set along The Hudson, red as lava; By now all eyes were on my own; I belted out this little song, All conversation ceased. And thanked the Lord for fava. And not a single mobile phone, —by Samwa’il On diner’s lips was greased.

I thought to be diplomatique, To handle this with calm; This was no time for fits o f pique;

The Columbia R eview publishes poetry, short stories, creative non-fiction and visual art in its annual magazine and features poems monthly in The B&W. Consider submitting your own work for publication. To learn more, please visit www.columbia.edu/cu/review.

14 T h e B l u e a n d W h i t e with toxins. My choice to dwell in the city at all supports the need to bulldoze all but a few parks in the quest to fit everyone and grow ever upward. Wrested free from the city’s influence, I began to turn against New York. Why, I demanded, does New York even exist? What freak coincidences o f trade and settlement brought us to a state o f constantfrenetic energy? And why do peo­ ple stay? Why do I return, again and again? Only when I had severed myself from New York and had again learned, like a newborn, to breathe and move, could I accept the paradox of dwelling in New York. Eden is in fields, in farms, in the Appalachian trail, in the insignifi­ cance of humanity, in the ability to leave no trace behind us. Yet I am drawn to vitality. The City is life in the rough. New York challenges my notions of gravity and ethics and react to my existence. It might rob us of our heartbeats, but it pulses on its own eight million times. What a great monster! THE SADNESS OF THE CITY: New York churns. It could be four in the RETURNING morning or three in the afternoon and either way, the ground quakes, because ten drills are There is sadness in the nighttime sky o f New excavating 116th Street, because the subway York City. On a clear night, five stars might grinds three storeys below, because a party appear in our diluted soup o f a sky. Instead of rages a flight above. New York is on fire with opening for us uncountable stuff of the cos­ everyone burning alive inside, but this fire mos, our sky is a mirror that shoots the city’s gleams and thrills in defiance. tremendousness back into our eyes. Nowhere Finally, the city is deceptive in its illusions o f I’ve been suffocates in its own glory quite like eluding nature. The most affirming view of the New York. cosmos New York has to offer is not the night Leaving can be a gift. Incomparable was the sky. From the Brooklyn Bridge, from the top of clarity of the rural stars when I stepped back Sulzberger, from Morningside Park, the sky this summer to a Massachusetts farm. The full bleeds red and burns orange electricity, wiping chirping of cicadas in noon heat replaced the the night clean. It is the sunrise. incessant conflicts and crowding of the New —by Nicole Kaufman, B ’03 York sidewalk. I worked with kids to make long houses, to recognize medicinal plants and to farm organically. Every day was wholesome, tiring, glorious. Living in New York last year almost made me stop trusting nature. Like many others, I came to accept that the best way to deal with the infestations of mosquitos carrying viruses near New York is to douse the city

S e p t e m b e r 2 0 0 0 TOLD BETWEEN PUFFS

hat time comes around again when a chill top of the Chicago Mercantile Exchange. A Tfreights the summer breeze and the leaves gentleman, in any case, should not know what wear rumpled robes of many colors. The sun his bank balance is, and should spend his days dims, and Verily feels old. It is also time to studying bearing and diction. This is the choose classes again, and the thought enters English major, and it leads to a fine control of his furrowed brow that his major in Nazi measure and meaning. Word choice, after all, is Pornography, no matter how much fun are the not only a delicate business, but a very impor­ hot chicks of She-Wolf of the SS, may not do tant one in the workplace. Verily asks you to much to keep money in his pocket and food in consider that fearsome day when the time will his stomach. Yet finding honest, fun, good and come, let us say, to encourage your coworkers practicable coursework is no easy to make their interoffice memos effec­ thing. Verily offers herewith his inves­ tive and to-the-point. In the tigation. Machiavellian spheres of workplace Languages, perhaps, are the most intrigue, ‘effective’ and ‘to-the-point’ apodeictically useful courses. Nothing won’t do when you can find other can be said or done—in this post- words that blend slavish affection for Neanderthal age of constant articula­ the boss with hints of future domin­ tion, nothing of note is done without ion over your coworkers. Locating first being said—without knowing the those words demands the precision of proper language. Verily has certainly surgery. “Pithy” is a good word. It needed language skills himself, sounds executive. “Language judi­ whether running guns in Guangzhou ciously chosen” has a prissy, pressed or getting that beat-up old turboprop Ivy League smell, like linen pants and the garbage bags full of drug soaked in vinegar. “Aim for the cash out o f the Yucatán. Yet there is apothegmatic” has a fugitive homo­ something transitive about studying sexuality; avoid it at jobs outside of talk. Rather than studying ideas, one publishing. Here we see that an studies transmitting ideas. It is all so English major can be, if not strictly much communication, and Verily has heard speaking marketable, surprisingly valuable in what to think of communications majors. the workplace. But it is still the study of servil­ Languages are only an expedient to something ity, something which is unappealing to macho else, a complement to real skills for life. The types and even to Verily on his non-“Slap me, Spanish and the smattering of incomprehensi­ ladies!”-submissive days. ble medieval Mandarin that Verily learned at It seems hopeless. Verily despairs of finding the foot of a crazed Ezra Pound in the classes that will lead to clean fun and honest Milanese foothills in 1944 are all well and employment. In his autumnal moods, he good. When push comes to shove, though, aspires only to someday be an oily Washington laundering drug money until cocaine receipts lobbyist, oozing about the Capitol, declaring start to appear in lines of neat, double-entiy now and then, “Let’s do lunch; I want to pick bookkeeping as sales of your “Just in Time for your brain,” a nice old quaint thing to say, the Christmas” album takes more than polyglot kind of colloquialism that can only be prelude chattiness. It requires an econ degree. to financial or sexual improprieties. Come But Verily is an old-fashioned, prejudiced March or April, though, in the proper dew- man, convinced that all economics students are lined season, Verily will brighten. There will be either ink-stained little men in shirtsleeves or sunnier classes for next year. Verily promises. football players set to bellow their way to the —Verily Veritas

16 T h e B l u e a n d W h i t e The man who fashioned Central Park

by Elaine J. Shen

A Clearing in the Distance: Frederick Law workers could relax from the week’s labor. Olmsted and America in the Nineteenth Century Olmsted w rote in Public Parks and the by Witold Rybczynski. Enlargement of Towns that: Scribner, 480 pp., Cloth $28.00; Paper $15.00. Is it doubtful that it does men good to come togeth­ er in this way in pure air and under the light of wanted to like this book. Witold heaven, or that it must have an influence directly 1Rybczynski’s Clearing in the Distance is a counteractive to that of the ordinary hard, hustling biography of the father of the American urban working hours of town life? public park, Frederick Law Olmsted. Olmsted Parks were the lungs o f the city and a refuge was one of the reasons I changed my major— from it. For Olmsted, architecture was the the last week of my junior year—to Urban beauty of the building and consequently the Studies. He designed no fewer than five parks art of the park “should be the other.” The park in New York City alone: Central Park, Prospect was the paragon of the beauty of nature, of Park, Tompkins Square, Riverside Park and our gentle curves and the playful treatment of light own Morningside Park. Knowing that city pop­ and shade. Olmsted saw the utility of parks not ulations would only continue to grow, Olmsted only for their “propalyptic and therapeutic” recognized the need for public green space at value but also as a tool for moral and civilizing a time when most major American cities had instruction. The congregation of the gentle­ none. In the first half of the 19th century, New manly and uneducated classes in these serene York’s Battery Park was the lone exception save surroundings would improve the general qual­ for gated private preserves, such as Grammercy ity of American culture. Park. Instead, cemeteries were the place where Olmsted’s ideas were about more than aes­ families could picnic, children could play and thetics; they were about social reform. Verdant landscape could “refresh and delight the eye and through the eye, the mind and spirit.” By emphasizing the tranquility and sublimeness of nature, Olmsted hoped to lessen the “frontier” condition that he defined in opposition to enlightened civilization. He believed the barbaric state was primarily the result of constant migration, which exacerbated the already-existing dearth of civic and cultural institutions and efficient governments. Olmsted was not a nativist. He understood America well enough to know that its histo­ ry was about transplanted peo­ ple. But to accommodate the

S e p t e m b e r 2,000 human flux the country needed more civilizing If Rybczynski thought Richardson notewor­ influences, which should be provided by the thy enough for a chapter title he should have educated elite. In one letter, Olmsted even rep­ given better indication about his the interac­ rimands the wealthy because they “perceive . . tion with Olmsted. The tendency for weak . superiority in certain respects to the mass of character sketching is all the more frustrating the people . . . and assume [them]selves the when we hear how dear Olmsted’s family was right to live scholarly, secluded and selfishly to him (“I enjoy my children. They are the cen­ domestic and aesthetic lives.” ter o f my life.”), yet we get hardly any descrip­ His ideas on reform were influenced by his tion of his daughters, Marion and Charlotte. travels, particularly in the American West and (What do we know? One was a spinster and South. Before committing to a career in land­ the other went crazy.) scape architecture, his Rybczynski does try to time as a reporter in the close the gap between antebellum South had For Frederick Law Olmsted, verdant the reader and his 19th ciystallized his opposition century subjects with landscape could 'refresh and delight to slavery^ which he vignettes in which he thought was bad for the eye and through the eye, the paints imagined scenes slaveowners as well as of Olmsted’s days. But slaves. The institution of mind and spirit.' these creative experi­ slavery thwarted the exer­ ments are woefully bor­ cise of individual thinking ing and highlight the and responsibility; for owners, it promoted vio­ awkwardness of Rybczynski’s style. His roman­ lence and general inefficiency. Olmsted tic attempts are cliché: “Fate played a major recorded his observations of plantation life role in Olmsted’s career (p. i i i f or “The with such objectiveness and even-handedness Mountain was a part of Montreal—and apart; that his writings to this day remain important natural and magical; healthful and healing (p. sources for historians of the South. 325>” Rybczynski’s description of Olmsted’s mean­ A Clearing in the Distance is Witold dering life is tedious, and his prose is flat. We Rybczynski’s first biography among his several do not get to Olmsted’s landscape design published works, including Home and City Life. career until page 155. This is understandable, I browsed through Home and was convinced of considering that Olmsted had been a farmer, what I had suspected about the author: he is a sailor, surveyor and publisher, yet it was diffi­ colorful and clever writer about urban policy cult to find a strand that connected all of and trends—a rare skill among social scientists. Olmsted’s experience into a life. Rybczynski’s style fits the analytical essay and All the characters remain similarly distant the prose is easy and even entertaining. But he and lifeless. Though the author focuses intent­ struggles with the individuals, personalities ly on all aspects of Olmsted, everyone else is a and relationships that make stories. His specu­ paper doll. A short chapter devoted to lations on Olmsted’s life feel like intrusions. Olmsted’s friend, the architect Henry Hobson Rybczynski’s expertise in urbanism is of no Richardson, reads like a dossier: help in his descriptions of present-day Richardson, son of a successful New Orleans busi­ Olmstedian parks or even his discussion of nessman, was bom and raised in Louisiana, gradu­ Olmsted’s theories and ideas because these ated from Harvard, and was sent to Paris in 1859 to sections are interspersed and isolated. There study architecture at the Ecole des Beaux-Arts, only are interesting points, but lacking fuller treat­ the second American to do so (he was preceded by ment the observations come across as epi­ Richard Morris Hunt). When the outbreak of the grams, not to distinguished analysis. Civil War abruptly cut off his financial support, he Rybczynski may point out a clearing in the came back to Boston where his fiancee lived. Richardson who was sixteen when he left New distance, but he fails to bring us there. Orleans . . . (p. 303)

18 T h e B l u e a n d W h i t e Columbia students volunteer their time for V olunteering a t good works. C o l u m b i a Why would anyone give up a few hours of prime Playstation time to tutor seventh-grade An Opinionated Guide math for free* Don’t they know the collegiate motto is “work hard, play harder'T. Who gives by Hilary E. Feldstein up lifting weights at the gym for lifting ladles at the soup kitchen? For some, volunteering is a means of gaining he B&W strives to investigate, satire, reflect experience for careers in social service, educa­ T and comment on subjects concerning Columbia. One aspect o f campus life w e have yet to tion, law and medicine. Others volunteer examine comprehensively is community service. because they want to help others who have not Though several hundred students participate in been as economically fortunate. Still other volunteer organizations around campus, many o f Columbians volunteer in an effort to amelio­ these programs remain unknown except to those rate current social, economic, environmental intimately involved with them. and health conditions. Volunteering is also a great way to meet other people. As part of the B&W s contribution to the Momingside Heights neighborhood, we will fea­ Some reasons for volunteering, however, are ture various community service-oriented programs entirely selfish. Tutoring an eight-year-old each to raise awareness and inspire others to volunteer. week is especially hard when I am sleep- We begin the series by presenting our readers deprived and have six hours’ worth of reading with an introductory guide to volunteering in the in my bag. However, the pride and renewed Columbia community. energy I sense after completing a lesson with my tutee is irreplaceable. Most Columbia-affiliated programs are locat­ any Columbia students spend their pre­ ed on or near campus, and the few that are not Mcious free time in the warm arms of a will sometimes reimburse your travel expenses. mixed drink, watching Britcom reruns on PBS They often require only a few hours per week. or “The Nanny” on FOX. Sometimes, we cross Whatever our motivations for volunteering, noth Street for a bit of culture or, perhaps, just becoming involved in a community service a better mixed drink. Essential as these activi­ organization is easy enough. With the excep­ ties are to a full education, several hundred tion of the Double Discovery Center, one of students take their hedonism with a mixer of several Columbia-run programs aimed at altruism, devoting some free time to endeavors youth education, all of Columbia’s twenty-plus that benefit others. Approximately 900 volunteer and charity groups are housed in

ONLINE WORK ORDERS University

You can submit maintenance work orders online through the URH web­ Residence site. If your shelves are busted or your sink is dripping just arrhythmically enough so you can’t ignore it, visit: Halls

http://www.columbia.edu/cu/reshalls/maintreq.html

Keep in mind that the online form is for routine work only. In an emer­ gency or any potentially dangerous situation call x42779 immediately. If you have any questions, send an email to [email protected], or the appro­ priate authority listed on p. 6 of this issue of The Blue and White.

S e p t e m b e r 2.000 l 9 Earl Hall and represented by the umbrella The hallway outside Cl’s Earl Hall offices has organization Community Impact (Cl). At the sign-up sheets and brief explanations of each beginning of each semester, Cl hosts an open organization, as well as access to CPs friendly house in which most of its program coordina­ staff in case you have any questions. Most pro­ tors are on hand to explain their assorted pro­ gram coordinators are students themselves. grams in detail and answers The most difficult part of questions such as the day of Community Impact volunteering at Columbia is the week and the length of Open House not actually finding a pro­ time they expect their vol­ gram, but choosing one. How unteers to participate. This Wednesday, September 13, 6 -9 PM did I pick one? I knew I had year, C l’s Open House will a tight schedule. I also knew Lerner Hall Party Space be held on Wednesday, that I wanted to work with September 13, in the Lerner children. I spoke with the Hall Party Space. You can drop by anytime various student coordinators and then relied between 6 and 9 p m , though refreshments will on a gut feeling. It helps to know what you’re probably have been ravaged by the second looking for. hour. Going to the CI open house, talking with If you are unable to attend the open house, friends already involved with programs or or shudder to think of attending yet another checking out the website with an open mind Columbia event, you can always explore CI’s are all ways of figuring out if Columbia offers website, http://www.columbia.edu/cu/ci. a program you’d like to volunteer with. If Most volunteer programs, with the exception you’ve searched and still can’t find a program of some that match up yearlong tutoring pairs, through CI that matches your expectations, readily accept volunteers throughout the year. don’t despair. Start one!

Pasta • Panini • Salad • Desserts 996 Amsterdàofjwenue (becy.»*ti(Ì09th & 110th) 998 Amsterdam Avenue (between 109tK & 1 lOtk) 2 1 2 .662.8822 — IyC HOURS: F»«t ¿ 1* 0) Open llam -llpm Saturday & Sunday BruncL 1 0 a m — 3pm HOUR Fast, Free, Delivery ($7.50 minimum) 11AM - 11PM Catering available Inquire about group rate« Takeout and D elivery O nly Catering available • Inquire about group rates

SOUTH OF HARLEM Bar & Lounge 988 Amsterdam Avenue (Between 108 & 109 Sts.) available for private parties 212.678.0098 Open 4pm - 4am Happy Hour 4pm - 7pm daily

2,0 T h e B l u e a n d W h i t e CURIO COLUMBIANA ast year, after a request published in the March tongues. LBlue and White by columnist Blue ]., the 20. When Columbia sins, it sins in the follow­ College revived two senior year traditions: the ing order: Sloth, Pride, Envy, Greed, Gluttony, Class Poem and Class Prophecy. The 2000 Poem, Anger, Lust. delivered to spectacidar applause at the Senior 21. There are people at Columbia who spend Class Dinner by Bob Hay C’OO, is reproduced here. all their time trying to deduce the necessary THESES ON COLUMBIA and sufficient conditions for the existence or 1 . This is a story about Columbia. nonexistence of certain metaphysical concepts 2. Columbia takes place in a city, but you and there are people who like to watch porn. couldn’t fit it all in one room. 22. These two lists overlap. 3. Columbia has bricks and tiles and trees 23. See if you can guess where. and phones and teaching assistants. 24. Columbia is fond of the comma. 4. Columbia has several thousand people, 25. Columbia still likes to watch Shakespeare. many of whom have torsos. 26. Columbia knows what words mean. 5. Some of these are bigger than others. 27. Columbia tells you about Rosalind 6. There’s a lot of shouting at Columbia. Krauss’s theory of photography and the 7. There’s a lot of coffee at Columbia. indexical signifier. 8. There’s whiskey at Columbia, but not 28. Columbia tells you there is no wholly enough to maintain a well-balanced diet. objective truth. 9. There are men and women at Columbia, 29. Columbia tells you sexual harassment is usually. 10. Everyone comes to Columbia with a sense wrong. of intellectual passion or an eagerness to 30. Columbia tells you eskimos have 2.00 experience the best four years of their lives words for snow but it won’t tell you what but they get used to it. they are. 11. There are old people and young people at 31. There are seven people named Sven at Columbia, but when one speaks of Columbia Columbia, but that will change. one speaks only of young people. 32. Columbia has a lot of condoms. 12. Everything at Columbia is clumpy. 33. Just in case. 13. Columbia is very well-trained in fire safe­ 34. Columbia doesn’t like to walk to and from ty and elevatoretiquette. 105th Street at 3 a m but sometimes it has to. 14. Columbia has more than four thousand 35. If you stacked all of Columbia end to end, genitals between its legs. you’d be in trouble. 15. Some people say that when it’s sunny 36. Columbia has the digital network in the Columbia takes off its shirt and shows its palm o f its hands. clumpy bits to the grass and tries to copulate. 16. But don’t listen to them. 37. Columbia doesn’t want to talk about it. 17. It’s just a rumor. 38. Barnard is not the same thing as 18. Columbia would love to come out for a Columbia. drink but it has a lot of work due Monday 39. Columbia can be a college or a university but you should give it a call next Thursday. or a district or a nation. 19. Columbia likes to drink on Thursday 40. So it depends which one you’re talking except when it likes to do math or speak in about. -B ob Hay C’OO

S e p t e m b e r 2,000 2 1 CAMPUS GOSSIP

he Secrets o f Photography 101: According to protecting Columbians from their fellows, and T a third-hand report, a young man in Katie eliminating a very convenient service mean­ Holmes’ photography class describes her as while. One wonders whether any students “the best-smelling girl I’ve ever met.” were consulted in this decision. Miss Holmes was also sighted stiffing an impertinent employee of the Morningside The Blue and White excerpts: “A Beautiful Heights Starbucks. (As the discourse comes Silliness,” from Christopher Isherwood’s “Down down to us, it went, “You’re on TV, I know you. There on a Visit,” (London: Methuen, 1962.) What’s your name? / Katie. / What’s your last Badinage with E. M. Forster, slanders against name? / Holmes. / You’re not Katie Holmes!” faith, the discovery of poignancy over lunch, and at which point the aforementioned Holmes some puns that wouldn’t work fo r a few decades walks out, poor testosterone-crazed barristo in y et: the lurch.) In capitalism as in golf, The Blue and Septem ber 24. [1938] Yesterday, the White is for strict rules. You order it, you pay Godesberg talks broke down, because Hitler for it, even if the employees move slowly or fail wouldn’t give a satisfactory answer to to genuflect. Chamberlain’s demand that he should promise to withhold from violence during the talks. Email forwarding service for Columbia alum­ Later, we heard that the Czechs had mobilized. ni began over the summer. The B lue a n d White Fisch said, on the telephone, ‘War is inevitable. editors were delighted to hear that we’ll keep London will be bombed within two or three the same email addresses after we graduate. To days’ I went to bed and took a sleeping tablet. register for the service or to find out more, What a tonic for me it was, having lunch with visit http://www.columbia.edu/cu/alumni/for- E. M. today! He says he’s afraid of going mad— ward/. of suddenly turning and running away from people in the street. But, actually, he’s the last person who’d ever go mad; he’s far saner than Did you notice that when you do a “lookup” anyone else I know. And immensely, superhu- at the $ Cunix prompt, for example “lookup manly strong. He’s strong because he doesn’t kh49Q,,” you get the Lemer Hall mail address try to be a stiff-lipped stoic, like the rest of us; but no longer the campus address? ACIS assis­ and so he’ll never crack. He’s absolutely flexi­ tant director Walter Bourne explains that ble. He lives by love, not by will. Student Affairs decided to classify student’s That last statement smells unpleasantly of the campus addressed for privacy and security rea­ Christian jargon. But E. M., o f course, has no sons. This strikes us as almost Bamardesque religion. If he did, he wouldn’t be E. M. I must paranoia. Note that Cunix is accessible only to admit, he doesn’t seem to loathe it as I do; in the Columbia community. Administrators are fact, when he talks about it, he’s very moderate

22 T h e B l u e a n d W h i t e and open-minded. But, all the same, he’s one Dear Butler Circulation, more living proof that nobody who is really A question about fines. According to great can have any truck with that filth. Library Web, “If your library fines and fees While we were eating, the manager of the exceed $70.00, a hold will be placed against restaurant came over to tell us he’d just heard the issuance of your University transcript and on the wireless that Hitler has allowed six days diploma.” Does this mean you can graduate for the evacuation of the Sudeten areas. ‘Six and leave with anything less that $70 forgiven? days! I exclaimed. ‘Why, that’s marvellous!’ At Thanks, once, I felt idiotically gay. ... To celebrate our Bingo reprieve, I ordered champagne, just for the pleasure of being extravagant, and we both got From: Trevor A. Dawes [email protected] rather drunk. E. M. became very gay and made Date: Fri, 19 May 2000 14:46:37 silly jokes. His silliness is beautiful, because it To: Bingo [email protected] expresses love, and is the reverse side of his CC: [email protected] passionate minding about things. . . . We need Subject: Re: Fines E. M.’s silliness more than ever, now. It gives courage. Dear Mr. Bingo, $ It is true that a hold will not be placed on your diploma or transcript if your balance is “UNFORGIVEN”: LIBRARY NOTES below $70. You will still be held responsible From: Bingo [email protected] for the charges however. They will not be for­ Date: Thu, 22 Jun 20 00 10:43:55 given. To: Butler Circulation [email protected] Trevor Dawes, Head, Circulation & Support Subject: Fines Services Columbia University Libraries

% o c O L U M B 1 A copy exp Copies Made Easy

• 5$ Self-Service Copies • Color Copies • 3 Convenient Campus • Evening Hours Locations • Offset Printing Services

301 W Lerner Hall 106 Journalism 400 IAB (next to computer center) (lower level) 854-3797 Phone 854-0170 Phone 854-3233 Phone 864-2728 Fax 854-0173 Fax 222-0193 Fax

Hours Hours Hours 8am -11 pm M - Th 9am - 5pm M - F 8:30am - 8pm M - Th 8am - 9 pm Fri 8:30am - 5pm Fri 11am - 6pm Sat 12pm - 11pm Sun Admit it. You LOVE making copies.

S e p t e m b e r 2,000 23 * Apparently, the honored sir admits almost Online book shoppers have recently noted a exclusively beautiful brunettes to his classes, new addition to the canon. Amazon.com’s “If and is given to stopping in the middle of a you like” feature, which suggests five ostensi­ thought to make such observations as, “That’s bly similar authors to any selected author, sug­ a fetching hat you’ve got on.” On occasion, gests that readers of Shakespeare, Melville, when no one stimulates the motion sensors for Twain, Hawthorne, Poe, Emerson, and even too long, the lights go out, at which point David Hume might also enjoy . . . J. K. Professor Bloom is said to grow disoriented Rowling, the author of the soon-to-be-taught- and spontaneously switch lecture topics. in-Lit-Hum Harry Potter quartet. In all fair­ The Blue and White commends Professor ness, we should mention that Mark Twain’s “If Bloom in his continued commitment to under­ you like” list also includes Jimmy Buffet, the graduate education and Ambrosia-fed much-revered composer of “Margaritaville.” brunettes. Another Amazon.com feature, “Purchase cir­ $ cles,” lets users see what is selling uniquely New Faculty: Lila Abu-Lughod joined the well in particular locales or institutions. Anthropology Department. Prof. Abu-Lughod, Confirming our worst fears, at the beginning who previously taught at NYU, is a highly of the summer seven of the top ten books at respected scholar of gender, poetry and poli­ Columbia were about business, finance and tics in Egypt and the Muslim world. economics. Now it’s down to six. Oh, and No. The Department of Germanic Languages One on the list? A psychotherapy book. appointed Jeremy Dauber as Assistant Columbia University Purchase Circles List Professor. A Rhodes Scholar W underkind of Yiddish literature, Dauber has also cowritten a 1 . Listening to Patients: Relearning the Art o f Healing in Psychotherapy by R ichard G. D russ screenplay and adapted the Scholem Aleichem

2 . Empowerment: The Politics o f Alternative novel Yossele Solevey for the opera. Development by John Friedm ann To them and to other new faculty, Welcome! 3 . Emigration from Europe, 1815-1930 ( N e w

Studies in E conom ic and Social H istory) by

D udley Baines Pronto Pizza, fined by New York City health

4 . Planning a Tragedy : The Americanization o f the authorities last year reportedly for putting rat- War in Vietnam by L arry Berm an eaten pineapples on Hawaiian-style pizzas, has 5 . The Road to Success: How to M anage Growth: finally shut its doors. For Columbians new to The Grant Thorton LLP Guide fo r Entrepreneurs b y the Morningside pizza scene, the Campus M endy K w esterl, et al Gossip editor recommends Sal & Carmine’s of 6 . Security A nalysis by Sidney C ottle, et al Broadway at tooth Street. The service ranges 7 . From Third World to World Class: The Future o f from offensive to merely condescending, but Emerging Markets in the Global Economy b y P e t e r

M a r b e r the cheese is utterly superlative.

8 . The Economics o f Trust: Liberating Profts and Tell them we sent you. Restoring Corporate Vitality by John O. W hitney * 9 . Concepts And Case Analysis In The Taped to the wall near the nothem Law Of Contracts, T hird E dition by

M arvin A. C hirelstein entrance to the 3rd flo o r L em er com ­

1 0 . The Anaesthetics o f Architecture p u ter lab: by N eil Leach ABSOLUTELY NO FOOD % OF DRINK ALLOWED IN Murmur out of Connecticut: THE LAB-ACIS Our Yale correspondent sends Appended below: rumors that Harold Bloom is *Except products by Frito-Lay growing delightfully eccentric. and Coca-Cola.

H T he B lue and W hite