THE BLUE and WHITE Voe VI, No

THE BLUE AND WHITE VoE VI, No. IV Aprii 2000 Columbia College, New York N Y

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CULINARY HUM ANITIES: A proposal by M a riel L. W olf son

AREA STUDIES DEFENDED II THE LAST DAYS OF RIVER by Prof. Mark von Hagen A Conversation BARNARD SWIPE ACCESS TOLD BETWEEN PUFFS, FROM RUSSIA Blue J. Verily Veritas About the Cover: “Columbia Beauty” by Katerina A. Barry.

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V o l. VI New York, April 2000 No. IV THE BLUE AND WHITE This number of The Blue and White proposes quite a bit of change in the way we do busi ness around here. But as the oldest magazine Editor-in-Chief on campus, we’re also believers in institution MATTHEW RASCOFF, C’01 al memory. Hilary E. Feldstein argues against Publisher Professor Mark von Hagen’s proposal, and in C. ALEXANDER LONDON, C’02 favor is the traditional departmental division Managing Editor o f academic labor. B. D. LETZLER, C’02 For our conversation we visited River Hall, Graphics Editor which is being gutted and totally redone over KATERINA A. BARRY, C’OO the summer. According to URH, River is the Conversations Editor place for “students who march to the beat o f a RACHEL R. ROBERTSON, C’OO different drummer.” Which means, according Literary Editor to residents of River, “students who smoke NOAM S. COHEN, C’OO crystal meth.” We certainly hope River won’t Online Editor abandon its traditions of mischief. MICHAEL SCHIRALDL E’OO <9 Lecture Notes Editor We’ve been up to a little mischief ourselves. YAACOB H. DWECK, C’02 See Curio Columbiana and Blue J for details. *9 Contributors “Letters from Abroad” is a new feature inau HILARY E. FELDSTEIN, C’01 RICHARD J. MAMMANA, JR., C’02 gurated in this issue. We have a note about MARIEL L. WOLFSON, C’02 Israeli kibbutz life and suggestions for sum mer travel in some out-of-the-way northern Senior Editors European and Far Eastern destinations. NOAM M. ELCOTT, C’OO Chances are you didn’t spend your spring M. T. TREADWAY, C’OO break in the Faeroes Islands, but if you see Columbians munching on lutefisk, you’ll know where they got the idea. The B&W invites the Columbia community to <9 contribute original literary work and welcomes lettersfrom all our readers. Articles represent the Finally, we welcome some new members to opinions o f their authors. the Blue and White staff. We’re very excited to http:// www.theblueandwhite.org have: Richard J. Mammana C’02, Hilary E. [email protected] Feldstein C’01 and Mariel L. Wolfson C’02. We are currendy recruiting writers, artists, editors and layout staff for next year. We invite n additional course in the our readers to our general meeting at 8:00 PM core, a new undergraduate on April 10 in the 10th Floor Hartley Library. teaching mission for area If you’d like more information, we can be institutes, a treaty between reached by email at theblueandwhite@colum- Barnard and Columbia to bia.edu. allow mutual swipe access.

A p r il aooo 75 Area studies and the future o f the academy II

by Professor Mark von Hagen

In the last issue o f the B&W, Professor o f History relationship between the social science and Mark von Hagen described the challenges facing humanities disciplines, on the one hand, and the regional institutes that study the non-American the area or regional institutes on the other is world. In this continuation o f his discussion, he two very different but complementary models offers a prelim inary set o fresponses to the critics o f o f organizing similarity and difference. The area studies and suggests how these discussions are disciplines political science and economics related to important changes underway in under most clearly organize their institutional prac graduate education. tices and identities around “functional” simi larities that in most cases are presumed to exist ow do we begin to answer these criti in all societies and therefore transcend nation Hcisms, which are made considerably more al and regional boundaries. The area studies forceful in the wake o f the recent transforma centers, in contrast, are built around the prin tions o f the post-Soviet world toward market ciples of a different set o f unities or similarities, economies and diverse levels of democratiza namely the institutions, practices, social struc tion. These transformations are being under tures, and cultural formations that characterize stood as the triumph of the American way, or a region or set of states with a shared common the triumph o f the market economy, or global predicament that is presumed to be at least ization, and even as the “end o f history.” partly the legacy o f a commonly shared past. If, indeed, the American way has triumphed, (In this sense, they are closer to literature that triumph has already begun to change the departments and history department sub-fields way we understand the American way; but his that are organized closer to regional and torians might remind us that such total tri national boundaries.) umphs are usually not terribly permanent in Another response is that regional scholars any case. Incidentally, very few universities have rapidly become comparativists and enthu have North American regional institutes, and siastically applied theoretical models from out Columbia’s Institute on Western Europe has side the region to understand the once less- not been among the most visible of the region familiar processes o f ethnic mobilization, the al centers; in part, this was because most o f consolidation of democracies and the emer American social science theory has been fun gence of varieties o f post-communist capi damentally Euro-American in its origins and talisms. Even those who had “just” studied the thematic concerns, so there was less of a Soviet Union now face 15 successor states perceived need for Euro-American area stud and the emergence o f regions as political and ies as a distinctive sphere. economic actors. For several years now, the One o f our most important responses has Harriman Institute has hosted the annual been to insist that the two approaches conventions of the Association for the that are contrasted so sharply by our Study of Nationalities, one o f the most critics, the comparative, quantitative, international, interdisciplinary, inter- theory-driven research of the social generational, and inter-regional gath scientists and the deep, contextually- erings of scholars that has emerged based knowledge that is the essence of from the Soviet collapse. And some of area studies, are in fact complementary the most interesting writing about models o f knowledge. At some important nationalism, ethnic identity-formation, level, what we are talking about in the and ethnic conflict has come from

76 T h e B l u e a n d W h it e regional specialists as they struggle to make ture and their counterparts in the social sci sense o f the Yugoslav wars of succession, the ences and professional schools, and especially civil wars and ethnic violence in Transcaucasia with the regional institutes. and Tajikistan. And those same scholars are Let me suggest one very palpable way in reading the works of their colleagues who have which these two approaches differ significant studied communal violence in South Asia and ly, again from the vantage point o f a regional failed postcolonial states in sub-Saharan specialist, and that is in our insistence on local, Africa. In other words, area studies scholars, deep knowledge. In what exacdy does local, including the postcommunist institutes, have deep knowledge consist? I won’t presume to already moved a long distance from the picture offer a definitive characterization, but I think I of intellectual isolation that our critics have can open up some room for helpful discussion drawn. But I think we have also preserved the by focusing on one of the “sore points” of most important part o f our past approaches, regional scholars: mastery o f non-English lan and that is the insistence on local, deep knowl guages as a credential for scholarly authority. edge. Why, in other words, do we in the regional The kind o f local, deep knowledge with studies model place such intellectual and pro which area studies has become identified is a fessional investment in the fluent mastery o f a powerful testing ground for the theory that is foreign language (and moreover some pro developed or evolved in the traditional main longed in-country residence and research stream disciplines. More importantly, the space experience) that is native to the region we of inter-disciplinarity has been the site for study? In still other words, why do we treat many important theoretical “breakthroughs” those who don’t or won’t master a second lan by providing some institutional mechanisms guage with such skepticism as to their skills of for the transfer of knowledge, most often in interpretation? the form o f models or paradigms, from one Because those of us who have reached a cer discipline to another. This advantage of inter tain level of proficiency can appreciate how disciplinarity, by the way, is an important part difficult it is to capture precisely in one lan of the intellectual rationale for the new Center guage what we can express in another with rel for Comparative Literature and Society, which ative ease, i.e., the difficulties of translation, represents another effort to re-imagine the relationships between scholars who study cul Continued on page 90

A Response

rofessor Mark von Hagen makes a strong versity systém. As Professor von Hagen notes, Pargument for regional studies centers. In one local effect of the attempt to decrease the last month’s Blue and White von Hagen dis Eurocentrism in university curricula has been cussed the development o f area studies pro the addition o f the Major Cultures require grams as a response to the globalization of ment to the Columbia College Core curricu world politics. One effect o f the increased lum. interaction between countries has been a However, not acknowledging the influence of growing awareness o f cultural differences and predominantly Western cultures on non- how specific societies respond to them, partic Westem cultures is just as exclusionary as the ularly non-Westem cultures. Regional studies former system o f Eurocentric studies. programs such as the Harriman Institute have According to von Hagen, the subjects con helped to gamer attention for sometimes over tained within each area studies center would looked or misrepresented cultures and have be united by their membership within a region sought to equalize the emphasis on Western or set o f nations with a shared historical, polit- and non-Westem cultures in the American uni Continued on page 9 3

A p r i l 2,000 77 BLUEJ. M utual Swipe Accessfo r Barnard and Columbia; Deconstruct Lion’s Court

his is the stoiy o f the generations of we are famished.” And the Barnard guard said, TBarnard and Columbia. King George II “You may take o f the stew, but you must sell us begot Columbia in 1754. Years passed and your swipe-right. From this time hence, you President Frederick A. P. Barnard saw Alma may no longer swipe into Barnard buildings.” Mater was barren because she had no women, And the Columbians said, “We are starving to and he pleaded with the trustees on her behalf. death, so what use is our Barnard swipe The trustees responded to his plea, and access?” But the Barnard desk attendant a women’s college was conceived. But the two said, “Swear to us first.” So he swore to her an colleges struggled in the womb of Alma Mater, oath, and sold his swipe-right to Barnard and Alma said, “If so, why do I exist?” She dorms. went to inquire o f the trustees. The trustees heard o f the deceit, and they And the trustees answered her: “Two inde said to Barnard, “Your deception was evil in pendent undergraduate institutions are in your the eyes of the trustees. / What shall we do— womb, / Two separate peoples shall issue from raise your student fees? / No, you shall pay / your body; / One people shall be mightier with what you took away. / Your punishment than the other, / and the shall be / no older shall serve COLUMBIA UNIVE R S I T Y Columbia swipe the younger. / By right of for twelve years birth I will allow them to HE 8 times three.” swipe in each The punish other’s dorms / but forev UMBIA ment was bitter er they shall snipe at each PARD for Barnard, and other’s norms / the she cried, “O student] swipe, yea, shall be taken trustees, merciful $ DIOGENES de RAPHAELLO away / by signing in trustees, slow to they’ll be made to pay.” anger, full o f When her time to give limilHIIIIIIIIIIIIII generosity birth was at hand in 1889, there were twins in and truth / I have sinned in your eyes and in her womb. The first one emerged light blue, my own. / Restore to us the swipe access of old like a hairy mantle all over; so they named him / bring us back in from the cold. / We’ll even Columbia College in the City of New York. give back Columbia’s access / If only you’ll Then his sister emerged, holding on the heel end our tremendous distress! of Columbia; so they named her No word yet from the trustees. Barnard College, an Independent Women’s $ College Affiliated With Columbia University. According to Prof. James Shapiro, Columbia Alma Mater was 135 years old when they were administrators go to bed every night wonder bom. ing how much more they’ll be able to get away Once when Barnard’s Hewitt Hall Dining with before students start “screaming and Room was serving stew the Columbia track yelling.” Word has reached Blue J that the team came back from Baker Field, famished. University has applied to the city for a permit And the Columbians said to the guard in to build a permanent building on the site of Hewitt, “Let us swipe our Columbia Cards and the Lion’s Court “shack.” We wish the adminis have some o f that red stew to gulp down, for tration sweet dreams!

78 T h e B l u e a n d W h it e COLLEGE, SEAS AND GS FIRST-YEARS, SOPHOMORES AND JUNIORS

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A p r il aooo 79 Culinary Humanitiesa proposal

by Mariel L. Wolfson

ast forward a few years and imagine your cares if you use the right fork if you can’t tell a Fself at a swank New York soiree. You’re win Bordeaux from a Chardonnay? ing, dining and schmoozing with hoi polloi, Although the syllabus for Culinary cocktail in hand. Thanks to the Core Humanities is still in the developmental stage, Curriculum, you are a veritable foun several mat tain of sparkling conversadon. You ters have been wax rhapsodic on everything from raised in con ekpkrasis in the Iliad to the African sultation with masks on the women in Picasso’s my explorato Demoiselles d’Avignon (which, inci ry committee: dentally, makes for an interesting con The subject nection with the visceral wildness of of food is Stravinsky’s R ite o f S prin g). You are— essential to a the other guests can’t help comment full under ing—such a well-educated, well-rounded, standing o f Western society and culture. In that delightful young person. Yes indeed, you are a famed mythological contest, Athena produced graduate o f the Core, and your erudition daz the olive tree for Athens. Her rival Poseidon zles those who would otherwise lament the offered some H20. The rest is history. Whether decline of American educational standards. Cul Hum will commence in Ancient Greece Geez, all that chatting—you’ve really worked remains to be decided. Will we organize the up an appetite. Oh good, it’s time to sit down course chronologically, geographically, or the to dinner. You’ll chink glasses o f the deep ruby matically? Our Roman ancestors mustn’t be M edoc and exclaim, “How I love these ignored, though they were fond of garum , a California Chardonnays!” sort o f rotting fish sauce likely to assault our Fellow Columbians, are you horrified by such olfactory and gustatory sensibilities. Also ripe a scenario? Could it happen to you? It will, for analysis is the Medieval feast. Furthermore, unless you are a member o f that esteemed we shall debunk the myth o f Marco Polo and minority: the intelligentsia of haute cuisine. his pasta and give ample attention to the New The aforementioned Columbia College alum World’s potato. By the time we hit modernism could be you. For something is sorely missing at the end of the semester, things could get from our otherwise full-bodied education. really interesting. Yes, the Core is plagued by a hitherto Like any good Core Curriculum class, neglected lacuna; a defect that can only be Culinary Humanities will be founded on pri remedied by the addition of a new require mary sources: foods themselves. Music Hum ment that I hereby propose to the esteemed has the listening hour, Art Hum has slide after Committee on the Core Curriculum: “C l 125: slide in those soporific darkened rooms. It fol Masterpieces o f Western Food and Wine.” I lows logically that Cul Hum should incorpo predict that before long “Culinary Humanities” rate direct experience o f the medium under will come to be popularly known as “Cul consideration—the staples of Western cuisine. I Hum” and will earn its rightful place alongside will not deny that this bold new addition may the venerable stand-bys of an undergraduate get pricey: let’s hope “enlargement and education at Columbia. Our Center for Career enhancement” doesn’t rear its ugly head in the Services offers a “business etiquette dinner,” face o f Cul Hum, depriving students o f essen but aren’t they missing the real point? Who tial lessons. I am confident that with some

80 T h e B l u e a n d W h it e maneuvering we can make this innovation dilemma will be addressed carefully. The prob palatable to our alumni friends at Goldman, lem actually raises an interesting question: can Merrill and Morgan. the meat be “reinterpreted” in order to give And if not: hunger strike, anyone? Columbia’s vegetarians an accurate Cul Hum New York City offers tremendous resources for experience? The powers of soy become more studying great works of Art and Music, and the impressive every day. Would such a conversion same can be said for food. With the addition of really be so different from reading the Iliad in Cul Hum, students will go beyond the Met, St. English as opposed to ancient Greek? “Tofu as John the Divine, and the Philharmonic. Le Translation!” I defer to the philosophers on Bemadin? Here we come! I’m sure the admin this one. istration always intended that the Columbia Finally, the wine issue is thorny. Oenology Card would get us into more than a modest could be a course in itself, as it is at Cornell number o f museums. Let’s put our connec- (and at Columbia’s own Reid Hall). Cul Hum dons to work! Reports on restaurant visits will must find a way to give students an adequate be required by all instructors so that students grounding in the principles of wine while may develop the vocabulary o f culinary criti ensuring that the course does not acquire the cism. Some preparatory reading of the late reputation o f a biweekly Bacchic frenzy (and Craig Claiborne and Ruth Reichl classics will they think Art Hum classes are over-enrolled!) be required, which brings me to my next point. The Greeks mixed their wine with water. Having established that the comestibles Medieval folks had kipocras, a spiced, sweet themselves are o f primary importance, some wine. In the spirit of the Core, we’ll discuss supplementary reading is of course in order. these and other topics at breakneck speed! Here comes the third in the series of those cus Culinary Humanities is an addition to the tom-published Columbia readers: The Culinary Core whose time has come. But like a good (or Humanities Primary Source Reader. Applications bad) cheese, the idea will probably be set for the editorship are currently being accepted. aside to age in the dusty files o f Eileen You may fancy yourself a literary savant, but Gillooly. The students will idle, starving for are you versed in the Great Books of the epi knowledge and waiting for C l 125 to come to curean (small e, thank you) world? Does L e fruition. In the meantime, we can only hope Menagier de Paris mean anything to you? How that it acquires an even fuller, more robust about Le Viandier de TailleverP. Soon you’ll be character. So as not to waste any more time in tossing these titles around as if they were the the cave o f culinary ignorance, The Blue and three plays of the Oresteia. W hite hereby assumes the weighty task of edu There’s likely to be a fair amount o f meat in cating the Columbia community in the culinary any study o f Western haute cuisine, and this culture o f the West. brings up one of the more challenging issues surround ing Cul Hum. A substantial percentage of the students in Live it up. But where? any section o f the class are General Room Selection will take place April 10-H likely to be vegetarian, kosher, in Carman Lounge from 9:30 A M till 4:30 PM. This halal, or otherwise restricted in ■ is when you pick a room if you haven't picked in diet. Creating separate syllabi Group Suite Selection with a group of your nearest is surely not an option. and dearest. Now you can look forward to living next Culinary Humanities is not to to a beautiful stranger or that wierd girl who lurks be overwhelmed by the around the classical philology section of the stacks. specter o f political correctness. Be fleet of foot, the best rooms are going fast. My opinion may be unsavory to some. Yet as a vegetarian myself, I assure you that this

A p r il aooo 8 i Columbia Conversations The last residents of River

, ur conversation this month is dedicated to the RR: We only got in trouble because they sent Ofam ed dormitory called River, which will be the janitor to paint over everything, but he did thoroughly renovated this summer. No one is quite n’t do it because he’s nice, and likes us, and sure whether the building will maintain its dis didn’t want to paint over it all. But URH or tinctive artiness and edginess once it has fluores whoever thought that he did and that we just cent -pod-lighting, Lemer-leather sofas and heat. ran over and drew everything back up exactly We visited the dorm, whose address is 545 W114th where it was before. Street, and spoke with some current residents. RF: Which is not entirely unbelievable. Present were Rose Francis C’OO, Travis White KB: So is it mostly juniors and seniors here? C’OO, Josh Krefetz C’OO, M ike Votta C’OO, Steven Tommasini E ’OO, Len Fliegel C’OO, Katerina A. JK: There are sophomores. They have really Barry C’OO and Conversations Editor Rachel E. small rooms. Robertson C’OO. ST: Me and Mike lived in the really small § rooms last year. KB: So what creates this “off-beat” River vibe? RR: And how was that? JK: The reason it has that vibe is because it’s MV: Well, Len lived in the on the verge of Armageddon. same one and he woke up one MV: And plus things are falling down so morning and rolled out of bed there’s this weird feeling o f impending doom, and hit his leg on the opposite and that’s sort o f what gives River its dynamic. wall. JK: Like a dangling sword of Damocles over RR: Oh, and another cool all of our heads. thing about River besides the people and being able to draw RR: Yeah, so, it’s being torn down and they on the walls is that there aren’t keep telling us all this stuff at meetings that are RAs on every floor and you like, “Find out what River’s going to be like never see the RAs and they next year!” and they keep telling us that they’re never bother you. And it going to recreate it with the same vibe and smells like weed all the time “off-beat feel” ... and no one cares. RF: What a bunch of bullshit! ST: You can smoke in the hallway. RR: Yeah. There’s no way that it’s going to be RF: You can spray the fire extinguisher water exactly the same. And also, what people aren’t everywhere. going to get to do next year is, like... MV: And the hallways are situated so that you JK: Draw on the walls. can climb them. KB: Oh, so you guys are allowed to do all this RF: Yeah. We like to climb the walls and touch stuff because it’s coming down. the ceiling. ST: Actually, we’re not supposed to draw on ST: We put a lot of holes in the walls that way. the hallway walls, but we can draw on the walls The janitor came by and put boards over them. in our rooms. RR: Also, River’s very conducive to getting to TW: We got yelled at. know people. Like me, Rose and Travis didn’t RF: We were told we were going to pay money, know these guys until this year. And the same but we haven’t had to yet. thing happened last year. We met a bunch of people.

8a T h e B l u e a n d W h it e TW: Speaking of, I saw Mike Bell and, Rose, he isolated from everything? says you’re a bitch for not calling him. RR: Yeah, because nobody socializes there. RF: No way! We met him here last year and TW: They don’t even have real light bulbs he’s a legend. A lot of legends live in River. there. RR: It’s a legendary dorm. JK: That’s a main part o f River’s hominess. We MV: We’re like the hall of fame. have incandescent lighting while EC’s is fluo RF: Me and Rachel are like the only athletes in rescent. this building. TW: Fluorescent lighting is depressing. RR: Yeah. It’s a very non-athletic dorm. They’ve done studies on that. RF: Our whole team made fun of us about liv RR: Steve broke this light bulb up here by ing in River. They called us the River Rats. punting a football into it. And I was standing under it and all the broken glass fell on my RR: And here’s a theory I have about River. head. I was picking shards o f glass out of my The rat myth about River having rats, which hair the whole next day. isn’t a total myth because there are rats in the streets, but the myth about there being rats in MV: One night me and Rachel got in a fight the building, I think, is perpetuated by the with the fire extinguishers. people who live here to keep the community RR: Yeah, that was crazy. That’s why all those tight and all the bullshit people out. drawings have drips on them. TW: Yeah, but the biggest roaches in the world ST: We had a toga party once. besides South America live in this basement. RF: Did you know the football team’s having a RF: That’s a damn lie! toga party tonight? JK: Travis is trying to spread a myth. JK: See River is like the avant-garde that TW: Oh my God, you guys are crazy! I wish I comes up with all the ideas and then frats copy had a picture. They’re huge! We can go down them. there and look now. MV: Yeah, we draw on the walls and then after ST: I’ve had roaches in my room and my they yell at us about it. They have a River event room’s way cleaner than any o f yours. Except where you can draw on the walls in the base for Rose. But I’ve seen roaches bigger in ment. Carman. RF: Hey, where’s the River rat? We have a mas MV: Oh, the ceiling caved in on Josh’s floor. cot called the River rat. I think he’s in Len’s room. RF: The people at Career Services were telling me their ceiling’s caved in a few times and they KB: What is it? blame it on the billion-dollar infra structure of East Campus. JK: Look, EC just sucks. RR: Yeah. One reason why EC sucks and River is awesome is that EC is like a hotel and it just reminds you of how you have this transient existence that no one cares about at Columbia. But here, you feel like it’s really your place. MV: When you’re here, you’re fam- ily. JK: Rachel, when you’re in those EC rooms, don’t you feel totally

A p r il 2,000 83 RF: Oh, it’s rubber. It’s not real. We used to JK: That’s right. I’m addicted to hundreds o f hide him all over the kitchen. drugs. Oh, the biggest drug in River is not pot, RR: And we freaked out a couple people by but ice. throwing him around the comer when they MV: In smokable form. were walking down the hallway. JK: It’s highly illegal. RF: There’s also a real rat that we call River rat RR: Once the keg in my room exploded in that lives on 114th. Josh’s face. We had a party a long time ago, but TW: It attacked me and Rachel once. the keg was still in my room and it didn’t have RR: Well, it jumped on my ------a tap on it, and Josh want foot and then I kicked it ed to know what would happen if he pushed down onto Travis By accident. J fljjnk ^ ¡Ver jS the d om But the fake River rat on the spot where the tap eventually became a big- for seniors who want to act goes in. I didn’t think any ger part of our community . ^ . thing much would happen and started smoking joints like jreshmen. because I forgot about with us. how the pressure had probably been building MY: He smokes cigarettes, for a month. So Josh too. Without flicking the ash. leaned over it and pushed it and all this beer RR: I think River is the dorm for seniors who just exploded in his face. It also went all over like to act like freshmen. It’s like a freshman my room. I was writing a paper and there was dorm for your senior year. beer dripping down the screen o f my comput JK: Not everyone here is like that though. I er. And my bed was drenched in beer. think some people are unhappy. JK: Then we developed plans to shoot Mike RR: Josh is trying to change that though. He and Len with the keg/beer cannon when they likes to knock on people’s doors, wait for them came back from going out. But that still hasn’t to open it and then pass in a lit joint. happened. We’re pretty social, but don’t you think there’s a lot of solitary people in River TW : Josh, you should tell the tale o f Holt. It’s too? like the legend that River was founded on. ST: Yes. JK: Katerina might have to be high to under stand it. (Josh stops tape. Says to Katerina: “Do RR: They’re not solitary in the depressed sort you smoke dope?” The group ridicules him for of way, though. being so paranoid.) MV: They’re the loners. (Tape begins again) JK: I mean, this is a place for people who have rebellion in their hearts. RR: Steve, were you with me It Was A Very G ood Year when we were peeling the wall Say goodbye to your home away from home anc don't let the door hit you on the way out. Spring away from that hole and trying . checkout this year will be on May 13th. Students must to read the newspaper inside be checked out of their rooms by 12:00 noon. to find out how old River was? Graduating seniors will checkout on May 18th. ST: Yeah, we traced the build Make sure to fill out the room condition reports ing back to 1993. which your RAs will provide. LF: You know, River will never be the same after this year. Hey, are you taping me? Turn that shit off, man!

84 T h e B l u e a n d W h it e BODY IMAGE & HEALTHY EATING W2000y

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A p r il 20 0 0 85 MEASURE FOR MEASURE

In collaboration with the Columbia Review HERMES He nods and Have bitten showing off, the apple of takes a drag through the hole in His palm. AOL Instant Messenger. Across the gap, down in Hell a tormented sinner sees us and HOPE begins to beg for a drop o f water but Fireflies flit changed his mind and Spiral upwards attempts to bum a cigarette instead. Lost in love and a swirl o f wind Jesus says, “That’s a new one” and But flicks him a butt; Uncontrollably tacking across a breezy night And either it hits the even more They still flash their landing lights tormented sinner in the eye or Hoping for something lands perfecdy and gave him one Intrinsically instant of pleasure, thus upsetting Instinctually the whole balance between heaven Right. and hell and thus *■ unseating all the angels; BESMIRCH I can’t remember Say, slippery sauntering she, (I was too busy looking for Sliding past my eyes, my matches). Attired in a viscous pool of shiny slimy gold; so cold; Please, pretty prancing princess Praying prayers for the pets of the rich and famous, Whose “amens” and “alleluias” pitch past my ears; Pray pose a litde closer to my window; what innuendo. She speaks, spraying staccato sounds Straight starboard my shrinking, slinking soul, “ Swing low” Sing low “Lights low” Smile skidding to a slight sensuous smirk, “You know”; we go so low.

ALLEGORY Sitting in the parking lot of Heaven sprawled in between two chariots smoking a cigarette— I turn to my companion and say, “God! This is the life.”

86 T h e B l u e a n d W h it e I. VIRGINS MAKING LOVE two puzzle pieces who have no picture to compare it to

II APPLE I pluck you from the many hanging on this tree, cover you in breath, make you shine.

I bite—break through to juice- DINER let one drop roll from the comer o f my lips— the hour down my chin— has sliced itself in half onto my breast, where it soaks in. and we sit, examining III. ON THE WALL indecipherables— She hated to be beginnings and ends— on top, watching Jesus flap lackadaisically stirring with the wood headboard. soup —Melissa Viscovich, B ’01 we negotiate private morasses of predictions, predilections, distinct indecisions. The hour has split itself in half opening to reveal its machinations with weak, innocent protestations most hours—fleeting but this one, intent on keeping itself the subject of speculation has confused its beginnings and ends with an air o f evasions, complications... You stir your soup, I sip my tea; We shall not ask “What shall it be?” Embarrassed, pretended disparity. And yet—and yet, is this the way that we forget? With slices o f lemon and steam, with a shift and a sigh and a meaningful glance in the other direction? What a question. —Erin Thompson,

The Columbia Review publishes poetry, short stories, creative non-fiction and visual art in its annual magazine and features poems monthly in The B& W . Consider submitting your own work for publication. To learn more, please visit www.columbia.edu/cu/review.

A p r il 2,000 87 CURIO COLUMBIANA

n our constant search here at the B&W to brin g I to you, in this space, different and compelling The most obvious answer to this question is texts that you may otherwise have overlooked in that the whore is inherently more shocking your bustle through Columbia, we have rea lized than a girl in a matador costume. that there is one source o f voluminous information *s> that we ourselves have been overlooking. Also, what Bartley [sic] relies on his living is IVe refer to information saved on the hard drives only ginger nuts because he does not go out o f the various public computers scattered around for dinner nor eats vegetables. Moreover, campus. Here Lit Hum papers unabashedly rub Bartley seems “alone, absolutely alone in the shoulders with doctoral dissertations, and early-in- universe” that it is hard to find a single relative the-semester L&R papers are often as impossible to or friend of his. Now let’s talk about the lawyer. decipher as graduate-level philosophy papers. $ Though, thankfully, they’re usually pretty short. I’m Fast Eddie with the broken thumb For your perusal, then, a brief (and by no means You could pop my heart like bubble-gum representative) selectionfollows. Keep in mind that You could fill me up with helium many o fthese were certainly culled from first, very In your arms I could become rough, drafts, but do read carefully. Some are truly <9 awful, but many are thought provoking and many Obviously, I do not suggest that we slaughter more are just plain weird. And ifyou happen to our children. Although such a plan is quite spot something that looks too eerily familiar, and practical. are inclined to be upset, please take our loving advice: keep it to yourself and smile. Take a deep The reader must view the process of fulfill breath, and remember that ing one’s physical desires as a this is all in good fun, that procedure that although some chances are only yourselj time rigorous, is generally enjoy and some anonymous TA able with no negative conse will recognize your quoted quences. lines, and above all, that, fo r $ the future, there is a reason There are two motivations that a higher power has pro behind my application to the M. vided us with something Phil program: I have not been ca lled th e ‘d elete’ command. intellectually satisfied by under t> graduate study and studying As the opening credits Shakespeare’s, for me, a truly unfolded, I told myself it might not be so bad enjoyable pastime. and that I should keep an open mind, that *9 there must be more to the movie than the pre While ballroom dancing and the cinema were views suggest, and that to ignore the stench indisputably activities o f the elite, in my from the man sitting behind m e... research it was difficult to find women who <9 admitted to having taken part in them. Many Thesis: People who procrastinate are like claimed their parents had been very strict and hunters. would not allow them to go to such things. In

88 T h e B l u e a n d W h it e the contemporary newspapers, however, the Animal movies, just like they have on channel evidence that “modem” women did go to thirteen only they had somehow got them onto dances is incontrovertible. Even the nuns took film... all you could really ever make out o f it their pupils to the cinema. was that the narrator was English. The English <9 are like the reigning authority on animal know Although reflecting on the similarities how. between these two texts proves to be more $ astounding to the mind and much more inter An industrial engineering [sic] has to study esting, their differences however, cannot be the sciences, economics and human fac disregarded. In the Epic of Gilgamesh, Enlil is tors... An industrial engineer is thus a hybrid infuriated by the noise and clamour o f human resulting from a businessman and an engineer. beings and thus is unable to sleep.. .In <9 Genesis, God realizes that the heart of man is Whether GLAAD is able to keep Dr. filled with wickedness. .. This appears to be a Schellessinger [sic] off the air or not, the fact much more justified reason for killing all of that Bill Bradley said her views “make me sick humankind. to my stomach” and A1 Gore spoke at the Gay and Lesbian Community Center the day Theresa Cross was left to be on her own, before the New York primary suggests that a marrying from husband to husband. She was revolution is in the works, and it may get jealous and her marriages were her meal tick messy. ets. She was happy with money; and nice with ¿9 it. This morning, awaking again in the porridge o f self-doubt.. ..Yes, that is how numb I ami

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A p r il aooo % Continued from page 77 via the programs that are centered on diaspora or minority communities in the United States, which amount to cultural interpretation gaps. namely the programs in African-American, (Those of us who live or work in close contact Asian-American, and Latino studies. These lat with non-native speakers of English appreciate ter programs now insist that students of the the density/opacity o f communication even on American experience gain some familiarity matters of the most fundamental indmacy and with the “home” culture of origin that shaped urgency.) Our appreciation o f the difficulties the non-Euroamerican community’s experi of translation produces above all a psychologi ence of encounter with “Anglo-Saxon” civiliza cal state in which we operate as scholars, which tion. These programs and the Major Cultures generally would caution us to be modest in requirement were responses to a perceived our expectations o f how far we can stretch Eurocentrism o f the traditional core. Russia conceptual paradigms that have their origins in and Eastern Europe have a no doubt more Euro-Adantic market democracies o f a peculiar complicated relationship to European (and kind at a specific historical stage. Euroamerican) culture than the other ethnic By all means, those paradigms ought to be groups discussed above. Generations of tested in being applied to other regional cul Russian and East European intellectuals imag tures (as they are being tested in life), but the ined themselves as Europeans, while only assumption that the researcher will find cross- rarely—and this is more true in the 20th centu regional commonalities ought not to be so ry—were they acknowledged as such by strong as to blind her to the resistances that Europeans themselves. On the other hand, for the other culture is offering. Deep, local knowl a good part of the non-European world, Russia edge also means listening to intellectual voices especially was another European colonial from the region as a check on our own often power and the Soviet Union occupied one pole unconcious Euro-American intellectual tri of a bipolar world whose superpowers sought umphalism. In short, the regionalist scholar to establish their dominance in the rest of the believes that learning a language proficiendy world. So Russia, or Eurasia as a more com means learning a culture, both its contempo prehensive and suggestive name, is neither rary institutions and practices, but also its European nor Asian, but has important histor intellectual, cultural, and political traditions, as ical and contemporary pulls in both directions. frameworks and contexts for interpreting polit Think about the Core Curriculum; most Lit ical, social, economic and technological Hum or CC syllabi do not include any works changes. by authors from Russia, Eastern Europe or Which brings me finally to the changing rela Central Asia. Occasionally a Lit Hum instructor tionship of postcommunist area studies to might include Dostoevsky’s Notes from the undergraduates and to some potential links to Underground and an even rarer CC instructor emerging programs (in ethnicity might include some political tracts o f Vladimir and race, comparative Lenin, but for the most part works that have literature, gender) their origins east of Germany do not count as at Columbia and European. So does this mean that Eurasia elsewhere. Our insti ought to be considered among the Major tutes which study East Cultures? This is something that is of course Asia, South Asia, Africa, I open for discussion, but in some important and Latin America, ways reflects some o f the same issues that I what we used to know raised above in other contexts. as the Third World or I’d like to return in closing to a more developing world, practical issue again, namely the relation have begun to enter ^ ship o f the area institutes to the Major into new types o f Cultures curriculum and to the ethnic relationships with undergraduates studies programs. Even before the recent

9° T h e B l u e a n d W h it e appearance in American universities and col number o f high schools across the country that leges, and Columbia in particular, o f the chil now offer some level o f Russian (and occa dren of post-Soviet emigrations/diasporas, sionally Polish, Ukrainian, or Lithuanian) lan Russian and East European area studies ful guage means that the Harriman Institute filled a somewhat similar function, if informal (which has dropped not only the Soviet Union ly, in relation to Jewish studies, since so many from its tide but also the advanced study part of America’s Jewish citizens trace their ances o f its identity) can now look to an undergrad try to lands o f the Russian Empire or former uate population that has the requisite language Soviet bloc. But now, with a substantial num skills that are the key entry ticket to area stud ber of students whose first language might ies. This until fairly recently was not the case. have been Russian, and whose parents left Unlike Spanish, French, German (and else cities in places from Ukraine and Lithuania to where Chinese, Italian and some other lan Uzbekistan and Siberia (or occasionally inter guages), East European languages appeared national students who are very much citizens relatively late in American high schools. And o f post-Soviet states), we have a new popula finally, a recent New York Times article report tion of “heritage” students who are able to do ed that 1,200 American students every year are much more sophisticated work in Russian than spending part or all o f one their academic previous generations or often than their years in Russia or a former Soviet state. If you American non-émigré counterparts. compare this number to the 60 Americans who But even here much has changed. Originally, were allowed to study in the Soviet Union when the Russian Institute was founded, and it when I was an undergraduate (in the 1970s) was renamed in honor of our donor as the W. on the various official exchange programs, Averell Harriman Institute for Advanced Study then the possibilities for acquiring that deep of the Soviet Union, it was assumed that the knowledge of the region are infinitely greater. Institute would be for graduate students and I conclude these preliminary thoughts, which faculty exclusively. This was based on the I hope have helped B& W readers understand assumption that the absence of Russian- and some of the issues and stakes involved in the other East European-language programs in rethinking of area studies and regional insti American high schools meant that only a small tutes, not only the Harriman and not only at group o f American undergraduates at certain Columbia, but across the North American uni colleges might be able to attain the proficiency versity landscape. needed for serious work in the region. The

The Blue and White is recruiting staff writers, editors and artists for next year. Come to our general meeting: Monday, April 10th, at 8:00 PM in the 10th Floor Hartley Library. Contact [email protected].

CCSC. Making things happen. CCSC elections are coming this month. ccsc@columbi a . edu Any questions? dial 1-CCSC The Student Council on the Web w e’ve got answers. http:// www.Columbia.edu/cu/ccsc

A p r il 20 0 0 91 TO LD BETW EEN PUFFS

Verily Veritas has returned from his mission toured the outskirts of Moscow. At the muse to Moscow, and Columbia culture is looking a um displaying a boat constructed by Peter the lot brighter. Don’t get Verily wrong; he adores Great, he could still hear the strains of Boney filling dinners of pickled cabbage and fried M’s greatest hits blaring out of the newly built eggs. Yet after the trauma o f thawed Cold War boat restaurant a quarter mile away. Verily fashions, from terrifying takes on tweed to the confesses that he may have had his own Boney somewhat easy virtue knee-boots-and-noth- M phase in days o f yore, but that was long ing-else attitude so in vogue among eligible before Columbia set him straight on a steady Muscovite bachelorettes, Momingside Heights diet o f Copland Kraftwerk. Thanks to seems a veritable haven o f virtue and good Columbia, Verily knows better. taste, sartorial, gustatory and otherwise. It’s refreshing to see a place like Moscow What’s more, other than such radio where people are free to enjoy accordion bright spots as Alexander Varlamov’s music in smoky restaurants filled with sweet 1938 Stalinist jazz reading of dark-suited, no-necked figures paying ‘She’s a Latin From Manhattan,’ the their respects to some gruff man in a poor Russian Federation is sinking in dangerously ruffled silk blouse open a widening gyre of musical badness. halfway down his chest. In Moscow is a far cry from Columbia DJ Momingside Heights, it may be hard craftsmanship. In Moscow, only those to come by reasonably priced busts of prepared for continuous loops of such Gorky to breathe more socialist realist luminaries as the Backstreet Boys and life into that sluggish CC paper. Really the Spice Girls, as well as all sorts of good borscht stateside remains elu marvelous drug bonuses slipped in sive, although a Ukrainian restaurant one’s drinks, can really enjoy the club Verily knows downtown is home to an scene reputed to be the craziest in adorable pet cat more portly than Europe. Verily restrained himself to Harold Bloom. Just why is difficult to evenings beside the Czar’s box at the articulate or defend, but Verily is Bolshoi. There he could glance at a grateful to be back home again. well-thumbed Pique-Dame libretto Columbia tour guides may not have while balancing opera glasses, all skills tales to match those o f Verily’s practiced on the Columbia campus. Was it not Kremlin guide, who recounted on several in some nook of Barnard Hall where a daz occasions with a wryly matter-of-fact grin that zling Norwegian instructed Verily in the finer Ivan the Terrible’s son Dmitri was "gutted like points o f cradling a glass o f Dubonnet and a sheep." Yet it’s nice to relax in that familiar, looking pensive to Bach partitas? enriching, variegated New York culture after And where better, Verily wonders, than New time in Moscow, teeming capital of the East. York to learn that spirit o f ecumenical There, as many people squeeze into one urban Judaism-cum-economic-ideology that lends mass, struggling to adjust to new influxes of delight to stocking up at the Bolshoi buffet at free markets and bad T.G.I. Friday’s, as there intermission? There, a touch o f the caviar, a bit are in the entirety of tri-state civilization, as of chocolate and fruit, and a generous dose of well as much of New Jersey. Even New York, smooth Russian shampanskoe can run as high the tarnished, indifferent metropolis, seems as four or five dollars. Yet for anything below restful coming back. Verily, succored by high culture, Moscow can be a lonely place. Columbia from mobster Slavs and Eurodisco, This fact impressed itself on Verily while he is finally home again. —Verily Veritas

92 T h e B l u e a n d W h it e Continued from page 77 area students have some flexibility. In the event that a student wants to study a specific ical and economic situation. Although I admire culture and language not addressed by exist this attempt to increase the profile of under ing courses, it is usually possible to design a valued cultures within our educational system, major within the University system that would I also think this system ignores the reality of incorporate both subjects. current world politics. Von Hagen points out the importance of not By way o f example, I’ll relate a personal depending on translations when studying a observation. During winter break, I traveled in foreign culture, but the reality is that most stu Eastern Europe, where the influence o f dents can not master a foreign language before Western European culture has grown rapidly beginning to study the culture associated with since the fall o f Communism. In Budapest—a it. Although he is correct in noting that stu city that has managed to retain much of its cul dents are entering college with an increasingly tural heritage and Hungarian individuality— diverse exposure to non-Westem languages, there are aspects of city life that are undeni the number of them who actually choose to ably mediated by Western influence. The continue language study is not as large. Should recent conversion to a capitalist economy has the University deny students the opportunity resulted in a McDonald’s on every street cor o f studying Eastern ner. Traditional open-air markets still do exist, European politics but they are often in the shadow of towering because they have multi-level malls and supermarkets, an undeni yet to master the ably Western (if not uniquely American) influ nuances o f Russian, ence. To study Hungarian culture as it has Czech and evolved down to the present requires an Hungarian? understanding of the incorporation of Western Once an institu European economics, politics and social char tion begins to select acteristics into modem Hungarian life. Within cultural areas for von Hagen’s proposed area studies centers, fund allocation, a however, such collaboration between Western Pandora’s Box of and non-Western scholars would be difficult cultural divisions opens. since each center would only be comprised of With the already vexing people studying particular regions. question o f just how Southeast Asian studies Yon Hagen distinguishes regional studies fits into the MEALAC and EALAC depart centers from the Center for Comparative ments, the University would no doubt be bom Literature and Society by noting that the for barded by iequests for increasingly specific mer would require a focused and deep knowl Area Studies Centers if it were to comply with edge o f both language and culture. As a von Hagen’s proposal. If a Center for South Comparative Literature major, I know first East Asian studies is established, shouldn’t one hand that my department puts just as strong an also be opened for Northern Asian societies emphasis on language and culture as von such as Mongolia and Tibet? And what about Hagen’s proposed area studies centers. The Northern European cultures such as Iceland requirements for my major are saturated with and Finland? They too are significantly differ a focus on language proficiency in not just one ent from Western European nations and but two foreign languages. In fact, foreign lan deserve the distinction of a separate cultural guage classes make up over half of the total center. departmental credits required of a Comp Lit The issue really boils down to University major. The one difference I can find between funding. As Professor von Hagen points out in my department and von Hagen’s proposal is his first article, most of the professors involved the emphasis on literature, though even in that

A p r il aooo 93 in his proposed area studies centers would still be considered members o f other departments UNIVERSITY as well. With a specific cultural center, profes FOOD MARKET sors would double the chances of getting fund ing. The University system currendy offers stu dents the opportunity to combine two areas of focus into one major if they so desire. Von Hagen’s proposed programs exist; students need only to be interested enough in the sub ject to apply for independent majors. Since such regional studies programs already attract rela tively few students and only those who are highly motivated to study such a specific area, to my mind the only advantage o f having an estab lished areas studies department is to give that particular culture prominence within the uni versity. This exposure, however, can be achieved 2943 Broadway, New York in other ways, such as lectures, film screenings (ACROSS FROM COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY) and cultural events. Separate funding for such • Delivery Service specific studies would funnel money away from other equally lingual and interdisciplinary • Open 7 Days departments. —Hilary Feldstein, C’02 212-666-4190

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94 T h e B l u e a n d W h it e LETTERS FROM ABROAD Reflections of a Kibbutznik, Slouching towards Danzig

Letters from Abroad, a new feature, continues A carrots, seal and stack those bags by your ou r “Columbia International” theme o f October’s self, all without allowing one precious carrot number. We’ll publish pieces by associates o f the to hit the ground. Imagine what would happen magazine and the University who are either now if I screwed up. Piles of carrots. Russian ladies, on foreign soil (as in our first letter here) or covered in delicious carrots, damning yearning to be there (as in our second). The col Gorbachev for forcing them to Israel to have umn will take up the pleasures and travails of some peace in Communism. Imported Thai travellingfa r and near, questing sojourning etc. workers smiling, because that is all they do. Please write us! And an overweight Israeli cursing in Arabic. I $ avoided all of these potential disasters and do not have short shorts or a silly hat. I have managed to keep the entire factory running Iread no A. D. Gordon (important advocate smoothly, and I ate a whole bunch of carrots. of kibbutz life), and still can’t stand the smell MEALS of cow dung. I don’t have a constant body The tray, plate, silverware, and sliced bread odor. But in some unexplainable way, I am a come first. Followed by the main course stand, kibbutznik, with a different silly hat on my usually some form of chicken, often schnitzel. head, my sabra girlfriend in short shorts on Then cucumber salad, sliced cucumbers, my mind, Gordon’s Dry Gin in hand and the cucumbers whole, sliced tomatoes, whole stink o f cow dung seemingly following my tomatoes, cherry tomatoes, tomato salad, path. Well, maybe that just makes me a silly, cucumber and tomato salad, tehina, eggplant perverted, smelly drunk, but I like to think it salad, Thousand Island dressing, etc. Then makes me a kibbutznik. potatoes, clumpy spaghetti, some bland soup I love eating cream .of wheat, toast, cucum and tomato sauce. Then a bin o f oranges. And, bers, and tomatoes for breakfast. I love having finally, water and milk. lunch as the biggest meal of the day. I love With all o f that food, you’d think it could fill seeing the same boots on every man’s feet, you up. But kibbutz food is magic food. It and smelling the odor of an old age home never fills you up (except for twice: once when when I come to lunch early. There is a beauty I ate twenty chicken legs, and the other when to the simplicity, the sharing and the really I ate twenty wings). You eat more and more, boring night life. As Ben Gurion, the first and by the time you have to return to work, prime minister of Israel, once wrote: ‘To you still want more. And then you go to revive the barren, to produce where work, hungry, hungry for more toma all is dead, to be in harmony with toes and carrots. nature and each other, cucumbers THE NIGHT LIFE and tomatoes and a wicked odor Basketball, movies and locked ... that is what kibbutz means to doors...that is all. me.” LAUNDRY THE CARROT FACTORY To have free laundry is a joy I Seventy tons of carrots. If on a now appreciate, but to have free laun strict diet o f my carrots, I could the turn dry that does not require you labeling every entire population o f Manhattan orange. item of clothing with your “Chaver” (friend) Imagine a bulk of those seventy tons coming name (mine is Dudu, which is short for David, your way, on two conveyer belts. Imagine which isn’t my name, which makes me think having to transfer 600 kg (1300 lbs.) bins of that this wasn’t what they had in mind), and grade B carrots, 25 kg (53 lbs.) bags o f grade

A p r i l 2 0 0 0 95 having your clothing with holes returned with always asking to hear about living off the “fat a red patch that says, “Schnitzel is good,” is o f the land,” except I don’t like bunnies nearly even more fantastic. as much. BEING A SPICE BOY $ Being a spice boy, an employee o f the spice stute readers o f the Blue and White always factory, is a great joy. Besides making you feel A write home. Or at least we hope they do. like you’re involved in a lucrative drug trade, it With an aim to inculcate that good habit as is the only place in the world where I can fart deeply as possible in our audience’s minds, and the smell of paprika or dill is more power we’ve compiled a short list o f the places many ful. As I am sure you could imagine, I took full are likely to visit this summer. Read well, peri advantage o f this odor-eating location. As for patetic Columbians! the work itself, I poured 2 kg of paprika into The East European capital o f ex-pat plastic bags, sealed and labeled them, placed American youngsters with wanderlust in the them in boxes, taped the boxes and stacked nineties was Prague. But those in the know in them. Every so often they would ask me to the naughties will henceforth be spending cover a label that read “Cocaine” or “The their time in Carpatho-Ruthenia. Purest Heroin in the Middle East,” with a Balmy Baltic summers always take the mind paprika label, and would mumble, “Damn to Danzig, whose WeinbrennerstraBe knows no printer these days, always making mistakes.” I parallel among towns of the Hanseatic League knew better, and those boxes never made it on as the venue for a good walk with your the truck, and “Dudu” got himself a new pair ladyfriend. This Free City is the only place east o f shoes! of Berlin to party with sauerkraut and beer like there’s no tomorrow. Pack seersucker suits and MY SHOWER gingham dresses, but remember riot gear too! There is some unexplainable humor in being The local Polish population, occupied primari able to piss in the toilet, while under a shower, ly in shipbuilding, is restless. whose head causes a spray to soak the entire There’s no reason not to make use of father’s bathroom, never opening or closing the nonex 200-foot yacht to visit two small maritime vaca istent shower curtain, all while sitting on a tion spots increasingly popular among resi plastic stool. That is my shower. dents of Walpole, Mass. Aland and the Faeroes MY EXPERIENCE both offer breezy shores and friendly denizens Although I don’t feel, as of yet, that I am con to soften the painful pangs of pining for necting with the land, as the pioneers did, I do Columbia’s happy land. feel that I am connecting with my father, also a Aland is a province of Finland to most of the Columbia man (graduate school), and his outside world, but in point o f fact it’s an inde father. To work in a factory, dirty, in the same pendent, demilitarized country unto itself with clothes day after day, thinking about every full power to refuse the salacious advances of thing but the task at hand, because it doesn’t the European Union. Swedish is the lingua require much thinking, and letting the mind fra n ca , and every member o f Parliament has a wonder about the easier days to come is great. webpage, so you can check ahead on the Although my experience is not nearly as gen worldwide web to see the friends I hope you’ll uine as my father’s and grandfather’s were—for keep forever. this is a forced experience and have full assur Far afield in the Faeroes you’ll need a hale ance that I will not be working ever again in a and hearty hybrid o f Icelandic and Danish to factory—I enjoy every moment. I am waiting make your desire for lutefisk known. A high for the time where I can reminisce with my two standard o f living and a p en ch a n t for all-night older generations about our factory days. chess matches makes this a good place to As for the other, non factory, work (cactus duplicate the way Butler used to be. The large garden, cafeteria, maintenance, etc.), I feel like local population of svelte singers of songs the idealistic Lenny from “Of Mice and Men,” makes this the best-kept secret o f the north

96 T h e B l u e a n d W h it e Atlantic for a rising Columbia sophomore in And last but not least, just up the coast is search o f a woman to woo. Kiautschau. The locals like to call it Tsingtao, But surely some must cast their eyes to the but they bow to occidental preference in light East. Ex Oriente Lux, after all! This year you’re of the civic benefits o f such innovations as in luck. Macau is full o f your NYU Film School Wilhelmplatz and the Bibliotek fur compatriots making short flicks in red tones on Liturgiewissenschaft und Kunst. If tensions the local casino mafia. ( Shanghai Triad any betwixt Formosa and the Mainland heat up too one?) But not to worry; Portuguese police keep much, though, you needn’t really go all the way the naughty nihilists confined to the non to Kiautschau to drink in Tsingtao. There’s one tourist quarter, leaving the devout excursioner waiting for you right around the comer at free to venerate the finger bones o f Saint Ollie’s. Francis Xavier. They repose here. URH Columbia University Residence Halls Summer in the City

Whether you're working, studying, or just partying in the city this summer, the dorms are a great place to crash. You'll be living in a community of other students who've decided to spend their lazy days in the Big Apple. It's life in the dorms without the pressure of the regular school year, and there are always people around. If you want to get in on the party, you'll need to apply for Summer Housing through URH. Summer housing applications and important information regarding summer living at Columbia are now available online at http://www.columbia.edu/cu/reshalls/summer.

Calendar For Summer 2000 Housing APRIL 7 Summer Housing Applications Due At 125 Wallach Hall with a $25.00 non-refund- able application fee. MAY 21 Summer Housing Check In, Wallach Lounge 12:00 PM- 5:00PM JULY 1 First Summer Session Check-Out. JULY 3 Second Summer Session Check-In. JULY 24 Last Day for NEW Summer Session Housing Assignments. AUGUST 12 Check out of Summer Session Housing by 12:00 noon.

Remember: You can submit maintenance work orders online through the URH website. If your shelves are busted or your sink is dripping in that annoying way that is just A-rhythmic enough so that you cannot ignore it, go to http:/1 www.columbia.edu /cu / reshalls/ maintneq.html Though this on-line form is for routine maintenance only; if you are having an emergency such as a leak or other potentially dangerous situ atio n , call x4-2779 immediately.

A p r il 2 0 0 0 97 LECTURE NOTES Professor David Albert

hat is a law o f science? Is there any dif These, then, are the most radical grounds W ference between laws of science and sci staked by either side. One more moderate entific facts? These questions are the current position has been put forward by J. S. Mill, topic o f discussion in Professor David Albert’s Frank Ramsey (a friend of Wittgenstein who lecture class, Philosophy of Science W3551. died tragically young), and David Lewis, the Throughout the 20th century Columbia’s Princeton philosopher. They say laws do super Philosophy Department specialized in the phi vene on their particulars, but they are different losophy of science. One of the greatest figures from the ordinary truths because they possess in the field, Ernest Nagel, taught here from both informative explanatory power and sim 1930-1973. With 51 vocal and engaged stu plicity. De facto truths usually seem to possess dents, this course is one of the most popular one or the other. A detailed catalogue of every lecture classes in the Philosophy Department thing observed in the world would certainly be this semester. highly informative but it couldn’t be said to be Prof. Albert explained recendy that there are simple. A tautology such as “either horses are two types o f view about scientific laws. mammals or they are not” is certainly simple “Metaphysically robust” positions hold that sci and certainly always true, but it’s not particu entific laws, like political laws, have “ground larly informative. Consider some laws, on the ing facts.” The grounding facts for political other hand. F=MA is informative about all laws are the inscriptions in the law codes. The sorts of situations. It’s also very simple. The grounding facts for scientific laws might be Mill-Ramsey-Lewis position is attractive thought o f as similarly “written” into such con because it satisfies our intuition that there’s cepts as mass, energy, acceleration, etc. The som ething different about laws, but it doesn’t relations between these concepts may be require us to believe in grounding facts in a thought o f as “out there” in what Prof. Albert dubious law heaven. amusingly calls “heaven.” But there’s a problem. Consider a universe n Opposing the robust position is the meta o f a single static atom. Newton’s laws hold, but physically minimalistic, or nominalistic, side. so does an even simpler law: “Nothing ever Minimalists of the school o f Hume say that happens in 7t.” So according to the Mill- laws are just truths written in a general form. Ramsey-Lewis argument F=MA is true in n but They don’t have a privileged epistemic status it’s not a law because it’s not simple. That above the mere fact that they are true, qualita strikes most people as absurd. tive statements about the world. Some true What is simplicity anyway? Isn’t is a feature of statements happen to be veiy general and our conventions, like our formal language of informative (such as “F=MA”), others happen variables? We could imagine a language which to be very specific (such as “frogs have four took statements about frogs to be simpler than legs”), but there’s nothing more necessary statements about all objects in motion. This is about F in fact being equal to MA than there is the objection o f Bas van Fraassen, another about frogs in fact having four legs. In the Princeton professor. There are no scientific philosophical jargon, this position says that laws, he says, because there is nothing that laws “ supervene on their particulars,” that exist g overn s the mere facts o f the universe the way only in their instances, and not in any deeper the penal code governs citizens. Laws are just sense. One exponent of this view was Nelson facts writ large. Goodman, the Harvard aesthetician and meta Perhaps it was a poet, not a philosopher, who physician. (Goodman was an art gallery owner got it best. W. H. Auden wrote, in a famous before he became a professor!) poem, that law is “like love we don’t know where or why.”

98 T h e B l u e a n d W h it e CAM PUS GOSSIP

plaque has been set in the pavement in enjoy the wild parties in the basement. Afront of Lemer Hall to mark the former $ site o f Ferris Booth Hall. Unfortunately, the Rumors circulate that posters around campus text wore away some two days after the laying for movie showings have been vanishing, of the slab. Our staff epigraphists are still agon including those for the Science Fiction Society izing over some of the glyphs, but they agree and Casa Italiana. Kudos to the Ferris Reel on the following: Film Society, the only major film group to sur On this si## st#od a b###ding ###### vive the rash of poster thefts unscathed, for its ho## to ge##ra#ons ## st###ts expanding role in campus screenings and its Fe#isBo###Ha## highly successful promotion techniques. ###icated in ##60 ## #e ##mory of $ Ferris Holyo## Boo## The Blue and White s correspondents on the (1##3-1###) aristo-frat scene report that Columbia’s storied Colu###a ######## C/a## of ##24 St. A’s is loosening its party requirements. In #udent Lea##r Far##htedBusine#### and addition to invitations, proof o f ancestral pas Phi/an######## Devo### Son ofColu#### sage on the Mayflower now also gets you We hope an inscription in some more through the door. Our man tells us that, since durable material can be placed soon. If not, the advent of the Civil Rights era, St. A’s has then perhaps a marker can be made in memo been a leader in embracing scantily-clad ry of the original marker just in front of it. women o f all races, creeds and colors. The B lu e $ a n d W hite toasts St. A’s for the continued pro It has come to the attention of The Blue and gressive ideals embodied in its 1967 bylaw, White that certain underclassmen, despite the welcoming “all sprightly young vixens of any much-touted value o f a Core education, are ethnicity.” still reading at a high school level. Our corre $ spondent reports that, on a recent night at As part o f an exhibition currently running at 1020, several juniors were heard loudly pro the Wallach Art Gallery, College Walk has been claiming the virtues o f the new campus beautified by a neo-Classical fragment found hotspot: 1020’s basement. Under questioning, in the wastelands of New Jersey. While Art said juniors referred to last issue’s Campus Hum students resolutely claim “Dawn” for the Gossip in which the cool seniors were said to western pediment on the Parthenon, sources be “Underground.” The seniors in question, close to The B & W reveal it as a Pennsylvania who are pleased to know that they are consid Station original. This source—identified only as ered “cool” by the younger generation, are “explanatory sign”—describes a sister statue, greatly encouraged by the confusion generated “Dusk,” whose Antique costume shuns the by their not-so-inside joke. prudish “Alma Mater” in favor o f the liberated They encourage all those still in the dark to “Liberty” and proudly bares one breast. Not

A p r il aooo 99 wanting Dawn to play Leah to her sister’s The Blue and White can’t think o f a better ser Rachel, vandals have spray-painted twice the vice rendered than Harlow’s in the theater exposed bosom the sculptor thought better department this year. concealed. Though some suspect foul play on O Devon o f the rosy-fingered dawn: Ne’er the part of Fiji, others protest that stone before have the walls o f Minor Latham women—however scantily dressed—are not eas Resounded in Hellenic tongue like the body- ily inebriated. TheB& W expects that when day choked Skamander conquered by Hephaistos- breaks and the issue is re-dressed, Dawn fire Or the wine-dark sea pierced by a bolt of should awaken in a more permanent bed: the lighting! Kudos! wooden crate has got to go. $ $ In her popular “Science of Psychology” sur Have you ever seen a man from Wisconsin vey, Professor Norma Graham recendy intro take off his shirt? In Greek? Have you ever duced “the littlest TA,” Christopher Yorganson, seen a blind man screaming? In Greek? age 2, who proved himself a promising appli Chances that you can answer in the affirmative cant for the Class o f 2019. Professor Graham are slim, despite the Columbia Core focus on began with discussions o f the relative growth tragedies that include all of the above. rates o f myelin, nerve tissue and glial cells as Barnard Senior Devon Harlow’s production brain weight increases, as well as other pre of Euripides’ Hecuba last week took a mighty, senting other material from the Princeton blinding stab at remedying this cultural gap in Center for Infancy, a research locus that could the community’s knowledge of ancient Greek explain a great deal about that university’s stu Drama. dent body. Professor Graham then offered We’ve never seen an Odysseus quite so mean Christopher the microphone, where he voiced as Pedro de Bias, or a such toy demands as, “I need car!” Professor handmaiden/Polydorus/Chorus member quite Graham began to point out Christopher’s com so versatile as Katya Shapiro BC’02. The mand at subject-verb-object articulation until a thrice-split tide role came from Tali Gai, Jane dejected Christopher demanded his mike Chen and Meredith Safran—seamless! back. Professor Graham’s subsequent lecturing Agamemnon came through in a twinned-cast- was sometimes difficult to hear, with the ing: Peter Freuler, C’OO and Matt Wilson, C’OO. microphone the almost exclusive domain of Strong delivery, strong-greaved. Christopher, but it featured Professor Graham Richard Mammana, C’02, was blinded, teaching Christopher how to jump. There was bloodied and prophetic—a common trio in also a digression into Freudian development; Greek drama, it seems. His portrayal of asked if he loved a baby doll in his arms, Polymestor showed us what happens when you Christopher answered proudly to a rapt audi seduce a man, kill his children and rip out his ence, “Poo poo! Poo poo!” Professor Graham, eyes. It wasn’t pretty. But he did it handsome- who was elected to the American Academy of !y- Arts and Sciences in 1993, was also overheard And the chorus! Quelle chorus! Alternately at one point to ask, “Can you give your haunting and taunting, naughty and puppy luw vw ? Can you give your nice, they offered narrative odes puppy luw vw ? Give it a kiss! Yay! like we’ve never heard before. Yay!” The Blue and White com The stars of the show, though, mends Professor Graham: were Polymestor’s daughter- you’re only young once, but princesses: Isabel Locosco Da you can warm hearts forever. Silva C’ 16, Catherine Denison $ Quigley C’20 and Caroline TV monitors were installed Denison Quigley C’19. Euripides recently throughout Lemer Hall. would have been proud. They’re ugly!

IOO T h e B lu e a n d W h it e