THE ONE WHERE WE TALK ABOUT FRIENDS
HEY EVERYONE! WELCOME TO A VERY SPECIAL EPISODE OF BURST YOUR BUBBLE FOR INTERNATIONAL PODCAST MONTH! IF YOU’RE NEW TO THE SHOW, HI! WE’RE EXCITED TO HAVE YOU.
EACH EPISODE OF BURST YOUR BUBBLE LOOKS AT -ISMS AND -PHOBIAS IN POP CULTURE, FROM RACISM IN A TV SHOW TO HOMOPHOBIA IN A MOVIE TO SEXISM IN A SONG. AND AS YOU’LL SEE - ON DAYS LIKE TODAY - EPISODES CAN ALSO FOCUS ON ALL THE -ISMS AND -PHOBIAS HIDING IN ONE PIECE OF POP CULTURE.
SO THANKS FOR LISTENING TO BURST YOUR BUBBLE, AND I’M EXCITED YOU’RE HERE FOR INTERNATIONAL PODCAST MONTH. IF YOU WANT TO FIND OUT MORE, VISIT US AT BURSTYOURBUBBLEPODCAST.COM
AND AWAY WE GO...
AIRING FROM 1994 TO 2004, FRIENDS WAS AN INTERNATIONAL TV SENSATION. IT EVEN INSPIRED A HAIRCUT CALLED THE RACHEL, WITH ITS SHORT, BOUNCY LAYERS. YES, I TOO ROCKED THE RACHEL HAIRCUT - AND SO DID MY SISTERS - IN 1999 OR SO.
THE SHOW FOLLOWED SIX FRIENDS: CHANDLER BING, PHOEBE BUFFAY, MONICA GELLAR, ROSS GELLAR, RACHEL GREEN, AND JOEY TRIBIANI.
THEY WERE ALL 20 SOMETHINGS LIVING IN NYC, HANGING OUT, GOING ON DATES, AND DRINKING LOTS AND LOTS OF COFFEE ON A BIG ORANGE COUCH IN THEIR FAVORITE SPOT.
FOR MANY, FRIENDS FELT LIKE VERY RELATABLE TV. THESE WERE JUST A GROUP OF PEOPLE LIVING THEIR EVERYDAY LIVES. BUT LOOK CLOSER, AND FRIENDS IS A TIME CAPSULE, SHOWING HOW CASUAL HOMOPHOBIA, GENDER STEREOTYPES, SEXISM, TRANSPHOBIA, AND RACISM ALL SNEAK INTO SOCIETY.
I’M MORGAN JAFFE AND THIS IS BURST YOUR BUBBLE.
WHEN FRIENDS FIRST AIRED IN SEPTEMBER OF 1994 AMERICA LOOKED A WHOLE LOT DIFFERENT THAN HOW IT LOOKS TODAY.
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THE INTERNET WAS STILL INCREDIBLY NEW - IN 1994 THE TIMES MIRROR CENTER ESTIMATED THAT ONLY 31% OF ALL AMERICAN HOUSEHOLDS HAD A COMPUTER.1 AND IF YOU WERE ONE OF THE LUCKY PEOPLE TO HAVE IT YOU HAD DIAL UP.
PEOPLE WOULD SMOKE EVERYWHERE - IN RESTAURANTS AND BARS AND WORK. IT WAS EXPECTED AND IT WAS NORMAL AND IT WAS SMOKEY.
GETTING YOUR FILM PHOTOGRAPHY DEVELOPED IN 24 HOUR WAS A LUXURY - AND FOR MOST PLACES IT STILL TOOK 72 HOURS. YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT LET INSTANT SELFIES.
AND WHEN YOU TURNED ON THE RADIO OR LISTENED TO A TAPE YOU’D HEAR NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK AND SELENA AND ACE OF BASE. BUT DON’T LET THOSE POP HITS FOOL YOU - GRUNGE WAS TAKING OVER MAINSTREAM MUSIC.
BUT THAT’S JUST THE FUN POP CULTURE STUFF. THE NOSTALGIA. IT WASN’T EVEN UNTIL 1993 THAT FEMALE SENATORS WERE ALLOWED TO WEAR PANTS ON THE SENATE FLOOR.2 1994 ALSO MEANT THAT DON’T ASK DON’T TELL WAS SIGNED INTO LAW, AND THAT THE 1994 CRIME BILL ACCELERATED THE U.S. PRISON SYSTEM INTO A PRISON INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX.3
FOR BETTER OR WORSE FRIENDS WAS A REFLECTION OF WHAT WAS GOING ON AT THE TIME. AND I IMAGINE THAT’S EXACTLY WHY IT FEELS LIKE IT DIDN’T AGE WELL.
1(2018, September 24). Americans Going Online...Explosive Growth, Uncertain Destinations. Retrieved August 25, 2019 from https://www.people-press.org/1995/10/16/americans-going-online-explosive- growth-uncertain-destinations/
2 Sears, J. (2017, March 22). Why Women Couldn't Wear Pants on the Senate Floor Until 1993. Retrieved August 25, 2019 from http://mentalfloss.com/article/93384/why-women-couldnt-wear-pants- senate-floor-until-1993
3 Chung, E., Pearl, B., & Hunter, L. (2019, March 26). The 1994 Crime Bill Continues to Undercut Justice Reform-Here's How to Stop It. Retrieved August 25, 2019 from https://www.americanprogress.org/ issues/criminal-justice/reports/2019/03/26/467486/1994-crime-bill-continues-undercut-justice-reform- heres-stop
2 SO WHILE TODAY IT’S EASY TO SEE HOW AND WHY FRIENDS CAN FEEL PROBLEMATIC, LUCKILY IT’S ONLY BECAUSE AMERICAN BELIEFS AND VALUES HAVE CHANGED. THIS DOESN’T MAKE IT EXCUSABLE OR NOT WRONG, BUT IT’S SOMETHING TO POINT OUT.
AND SO THE FURTHER WE GET AWAY FROM IT’S FIRST AIR DATE IN 1994 AND IT’S LAST AIR DATE IN 2004, THE LESS I CAN WATCH FRIENDS.
I KNOW IT WAS PROGRESSIVE FOR ITS TIME, BUT EACH PASSING YEAR MAKES IT FEEL LESS AND LESS SO. BECAUSE LOOKING BACK ON IT NOW - AND I DIDN’T REMEMBER THIS UNTIL REWATCHING FRIENDS FOR SOME REASON - WE ARE INTRODUCED TO ROSS, SAD, LONELY, AND FINDING OUT THAT “CAROL MOVED HER STUFF OUT TODAY.” AND WHY DID SHE MOVE OUT? WELL, BECAUSE SHE’S A LESBIAN WHO’S FALLEN IN LOVE WITH A WOMAN NAMED SUSAN. ROSS’S WHOLE STORYLINE STARTS WITH ONE BIG LESBIAN JOKE, AND THE SHOW LEANS ON THAT HEAVILY IN THE FIRST EPISODE AND MOST OF THE FIRST AND EARLY SEASONS. AND THE LESBIAN JOKES GO ON THROUGHOUT ALL 10 OF THE SEASONS, EVEN AS WE HARDLY SEE CAROL ON SCREEN, OR EVEN THE SON ROSS HAS WITH HER.
AND AS YOU CAN IMAGINE, THERE ARE PLENTY OF STEREOTYPES
CLIP: ROSS: THIS WAS CAROL’S FAVORITE BEER. SHE ALWAYS DRANK IT OUT OF THE CAN. I SHOULD’VE KNOWN.
CLIP: CAROL: ROSS, YOU REMEMBER SUSAN? ROSS: HOW COULD I FORGET. SUSAN: ROSS. ROSS: HELLO, SUSAN. GOOD SHAKE.
CLIP: ROSS: HEY! WHEN DID YOU AND SUSAN MEET HUEY LEWIS? CAROL: UH, THAT’S OUR FRIEND, TANYA. ROSS: OF COURSE IT’S YOUR FRIEND TANYA.
WHEN CAROL AND SUSAN TELL ROSS…
3 CLIP: CAROL: “WE’RE GETTING MARRIED.”
THERE IT GOES, A LAUGH TRACK. AND ROSS IS CERTAINLY UNHAPPY ABOUT IT -
CLIP: ROSS: AS IN I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU WIFE AND WIFE, MARRIED?
AND I GET IT. IT’S HIS EX WIFE. BUT A LAUGH TRACK AFTER “WE’RE GETTING MARRIED” DOESN’T FEEL LIKE THE AUDIENCE IS SUPPOSED TO BE LAUGHING AT THE SITUATION FOR ROSS, BUT LAUGHING AT CAROL AND SUSAN. THAT DOESN’T FEEL VERY SUPPORTIVE.
BUT THEN I HAVE TO REMIND MYSELF THAT FRIENDS WAS ONE OF THE FIRST TV SHOWS TO EVER SHOW A SAME-SEX WEDDING. WHEN THE EPISODE AIRED IN 1996, NEW YORK DID NOT RECOGNIZE ANY MARRIAGE FOR LGBTQ COUPLES - AND THAT RULING WASN’T OVERTURNED TILL 2008 - BUT JUST FOR NEW YORK. MARRIAGE FOR LGBTQ COUPLES WOULDN’T BE LEGAL ACROSS ALL OF THE UNITED STATES TILL 2015.
AND SO WHEN CAROL’S PARENTS REFUSE TO ATTEND HER WEDDING, IT’S ROSS WHO ENCOURAGES HER TO GO AHEAD AND MARRY SUSAN, AND IT’S ROSS WHO WALKS HER DOWN THE AISLE - EVEN IF HE HAS A HARD TIME GIVING HER AWAY AT THE END.
THE PROBLEM WITH ROSS AND HIS HOMOPHOBIA IS WHEN THE AUDIENCE ISN’T LAUGHING AT HIM AND HIS BACKWARD VIEWS, BUT LAUGHING WITH HIM.
BUT I THINK TWO THINGS ARE WORTH REMEMBERING: 1) SUSAN AND CAROL WERE BASED ON REAL PEOPLE, WRITTEN BY CREATORS MARTA KAUFFMAN AND DAVID CRANE AS TRIBUTE TO THEIR BEST FRIENDS IN NEW YORK CITY.4 AND 2) I THINK ROSS IS ACTUALLY WRITTEN TO BE HOMOPHOBIC, BUT ODDLY IN A POSITIVE WAY.
YES, HE’S HOMOPHOBIC, BUT WRITTEN IN A WAY TO SHOW THAT HE’S AN EXAMPLE OF A LARGER AMERICAN SOCIETY AND HOW THE COUNTRY, YES, UNCOMFORTABLE, CAN AND WAS CHANGING THEIR MIND.
4 Morgan, J. (2014, January 14). Was Friends homophobic? Retrieved August 10, 2019 from https:// www.gaystarnews.com/article/was-friends-homophobic170914/#gs.y1p4gi
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ROSS DIDN’T HAVE TO BE SUPPORTIVE OF CAROL. HE DIDN’T HAVE TO WALK HER DOWN THE AISLE IN THE ACT OF GIVING HER AWAY TO SUSAN. BUT HE DID.
AND AS THEIR WEDDING STARTS, THE OFFICIANT BEGINS:
CLIP: THE OFFICIANT: YOU KNOW, NOTHING MAKES GOD HAPPIER THAN WHEN TWO PEOPLE - ANY TWO PEOPLE - COME TOGETHER IN LOVE. FRIENDS, FAMILY, WE’RE GATHERED HERE TODAY TO JOIN CAROL AND SUSAN IN HOLLY MATRIMONY.
AND DID YOU HEAR THE OFFICIANT’S EMPHASIS ON “ANY TWO PEOPLE”? WAS THAT LINE TRULY FOR THE FICTIONAL WEDDING GUESTS, OR A NICE REMINDER FOR PRIMETIME TV?
ROSS WALKING CAROL DOWN THE AISLE TO GIVE HER AWAY TO SUSAN IS A REMINDER THAT PEOPLE CAN CHANGE THEIR MINDS. THAT THEY CAN GO FROM DISGUST AND FEAR TO ACCEPTANCE AND ALLYSHIP.
AND ALL OF THIS ISN’T TO SAY THAT ROSS IS A GOLDEN BOY OF A CHARACTER. NO NO, NO. FAR FROM IT. ACTUALLY, I THINK IT’S PRETTY SAFE TO SAY THAT ROSS IS IS NEVER TRULY SUPPORTIVE OF THE WOMEN IN HIS LIFE.
I MEAN, HE’S CONSISTENTLY AN OBSESSIVE AND JEALOUS BOYFRIEND TO RACHEL THROUGHOUT THE SERIES - NOT TO MENTION ALL OF HIS GIRLFRIENDS. AND WHEN ROSS AND RACHEL BREAK UP AND ROSS DATES ANOTHER WOMAN, HE’S VISIBLY DISGUSTED WITH HER AND DUMPS HER WHEN SHE SHAVES HER HEAD. OR HOW ROSS STARTED AN I HATE RACHEL GREEN CLUB IN HIGH JUST BECAUSE SHE WOULDN’T DATE HIM - AND THIS BUT SHE SHOULD LOVE ME BECAUSE I’M A NICE GUY SCHTICK GOES THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE SERIES.
AND IT’S NOT EVEN JUST ROSS’S ROMANTIC PARTNERS, BUT ALL OF THE WOMEN IN HIS LIFE. WHEN ROSS FINDS OUT CHANDLER IS DATING MONICA HE’S ABSOLUTELY FURIOUS, AS IF CHANDLER IS TAKING ADVANTAGE OF HIS LITTLE SISTER, IGNORING THAT MONICA IS AN ADULT AND THAT WHO SHE DATES IS HER DECISION.
AND SO, ROSS TENDS TO TREAT WOMEN LIKE THEY’RE THINGS AND POSSESSIONS. NOT LIKE THEY’RE HUMAN BEINGS.
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AND MAYBE ALL OF THIS IS ALL TIED TOGETHER IN ONE TERRIBLE AND BADLY WRAPPED BOW - ROSS IS HOMOPHOBIC AND TREATS WOMEN POORLY.
AND THEN OF COURSE, THERE’S THE GENDER STEREOTYPES.
FOR EXAMPLE, THERE’S THE TIME ROSS HAS A FIT WHEN HE FINDS OUT THAT HIS SON, BEN, HAS A NEW FAVORITE TOY.
CLIP: ROSS: HERE’S MY BOY, AND HERE’S HIS BARBIE? WHAT’S UH - WHAT’S MY BOY DOING WITH A BARBIE?
ROSS SPENDS THE REST OF THE EPISODE TRYING TO GET HIS SON TO PLAY WITH A G.I. JOE.
AND WHILE AGAIN YOU CAN ARGUE THAT ROSS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A REFLECTION OF SMALL MINDED PEOPLE, I WILL AGAIN REMIND YOU THE PROBLEM WITH ROSS IS WHEN THE AUDIENCE ISN’T LAUGHING AT HIM AND HIS BACKWARD VIEWS, BUT LAUGHING WITH HIM.
AND THIS DOESN’T JUST HAPPEN WITH ROSS. WHEN WE THINK OF JOEY, WE THINK OF A MACHO GUY WHO CAN SLEEP WITH ANY WOMAN HE WANTS. HIS CATCH PHRASE IS...
CLIP: JOEY: HOW YOU DOIN’?
HE SEES EVERY WOMAN AS A CHALLENGE. A CONQUEST. IN THE PILOT EPISODE, WHEN RACHEL SHOWS UP IN CENTRAL PERK, STILL IN HER WHITE DRESS FLEEING HER WEDDING, JOEY DOESN’T CARE. HE HITS ON HER.
CLIP: JOEY: AND HEY, YOU NEED ANYTHING YOU CAN ALWAYS COME TO JOEY. ME AND CHANDLER LIVE RIGHT ACROSS THE HALL AND HE’S AWAY A LOT. MONICA: JOEY, STOP HITTING ON HER. IT’S HER WEDDING DAY! JOEY: WHAT, LIKE THERE’S A RULE OR SOMETHING?
6 WHEN EARLY IN THE FIRST SEASON ROSS LAMENTS THAT HE’S WORRIED ABOUT DATING ANYONE, AND HOW HE’S ONLY BEEN WITH CAROL, JOEY TELLS HIM...
CLIP: JOEY: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, ONE WOMAN? THAT’S LIKE SAYING THERE’S ONLY ONE FLAVOR OF ICE CREAM FOR YOU. LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, ROSS. THERE’S LOTS OF FLAVORS OUT THERE: THERE’S ROCKY ROAD AND COOKIE DOUGH AND BING CHERRY VANILLA. YOU CAN GET ‘EM WITH JIMMIES OR WHIPPED CREAM. THIS IS THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO YOU.
SO YES, JOEY TREATS EACH WOMAN HE MEETS LIKE A NEW FLAVOR OF THE DAY. COFFEE. STRAWBERRY. ROCKY ROAD.
THINK ABOUT IT THIS WAY: WHEN JOEY FIRST MEETS MONICA, HE STRIPS DOWN TO NOTHING AND POSES FOR HER BECAUSE SHE ASKS IF HE WANTS SOME LEMONADE, AND HE THINKS LEMONADE IS A CODE WORD FOR SEX.
WHEN BROOKE SHIELDS GUEST STARS AS ERICA, A WOMAN WHO DOESN’T REALIZE JOEY’S A SOAP OPERA CHARACTER AND JUST THINKS HE’S ACTUALLY DR. DRAKE RAMORAY, HE GOES ALONG WITH IT SO THAT HE CAN TRY AND SLEEP WITH HER.
AND JOEY WENT LOOKING FOR AND FOUND A FEMALE ROOMMATE JUST BECAUSE HE THOUGHT IT WOULD CREATE A SITUATION WHERE IT WOULD BE EASIER TO HAVE SEX WITH HER. HE EVEN KEEPS THE APARTMENT HEAT ON AT AROUND 100 DEGREES, THINKING IT WILL MAKE HER WALK AROUND IN HER UNDERWEAR.
JOEY IS SO CONSISTENTLY SHOWN AS A DUMB WOMANIZER WHO GOES FROM WOMAN TO WOMAN. THIS MACHISMO BECOMES ALMOST LIKE A CHARACTER TRAIT FOR HIM - A BADGE OF HONOR. AND BECAUSE OF THIS, JOEY BECOMES THE BUTT OF THE JOKE WHENEVER HE SHOWS THAT HE LIKES MORE FEMININE THINGS.
THERE’S A WHOLE EPISODE THAT MAKES FUN OF HOW HE LOVES A SHOULDER BAG, HIS FRIENDS ALL CALLING IT A PURSE. BUT JOEY’S JUST HAPPY BECAUSE IT CAN HOLD ALL OF HIS FOOD AND SNACKS. BUT I HATE HOW JOEY STILL CALLS IT A “MAN’S BAG.” IT’S LIKE WHEN PEOPLE SAY GUYLINER OR MANSCAPE OR MANBUN.
7 AS AMANDA MONTELL (2019) WRITES IN WORDSLUT: A FEMINIST GUIDE TO TAKING BACK THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE, ALL THAT DOES IS “REINFORCE THE IDEA THAT ‘FRIVOLOUS' OBJECTS LIKE MAKEUP AND HANDBAGS ARE FOR WOMEN.” (p. 235)5
AND IT’S CONFLICTING BECAUSE I KNOW THE SHOW IS SUPPORTIVE OF STRONG WOMEN.MONICA ALWAYS KNEW SHE WANTED TO BE A CHEF, AND SHE’LL DO ANYTHING TO MAKE THAT DREAM COME TRUE - WHETHER IT’S WORKING IN A POODLE SKIRT WITH FAKE BREASTS AND A BLONDE WIG ON ROLLERSKATES OR OPENING HER OWN CATERING BUSINESS. EVENTUALLY, SHE GETS TO BE HEAD CHEF AT ONE OF THE TOP RESTAURANTS IN NEW YORK CITY, AND SHE STAYS FOR HER CAREER EVEN WHEN CHANDLER GETS TRANSFERRED TO OKLAHOMA.6
RACHEL MAY HAVE STARTED THE SHOW AS A SPOILED LITTLE RICH GIRL, BUT BY THE END SHE’S A STRONG, INDEPENDENT WOMAN. WHEN RACHEL GETS PREGNANT, “...SHE DECIDES TO HAVE THE BABY, REGARDLESS OF WHETHER OR NOT THE FATHER WILL BE INVOLVED. ALL THAT AND SHE BALANCES BEING A MOM WITH HER CAREER.”7
AND OF COURSE THERE’S PHOEBE, A FREE SPIRIT WHO DOES WHAT SHE WANTS WHENEVER SHE WANTS, AND SHE DOESN’T CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK.
AND FRIENDS HAS PLENTY OF MOMENTS THAT CELEBRATES WOMEN’S SEXUALITY, ALLOWING MONICA, RACHEL, AND PHEOBE TO BE JUST AS SEXUALLY FREE AS MEN.8
ADMITTEDLY IT ALMOST WASN’T - NBC EXECUTIVES WERE SO WORRIED ABOUT MONICA HAVING CASUAL SEX IN THE PILOT THAT THEY ASKED A TEST AUDIENCE IF MONICA WAS
5 Montell, A. (2019). Wordslut: a feminist guide to taking back the English language. New York: Harper Wave, an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers.
6 Dray, K. (2019, August 23). Friends at 25: Is the sitcom really as problematic as people say? Retrieved August 25, 2019 from https://www.stylist.co.uk/life/friends-netflix-woke-millennials-problematic-plot- sexism-feminism-homophobia-transphobia/186201
7 Gosling, S. (2018, January 19). Don't knock Friends. It's still relevant, and progressive too. Retrieved August 10, 2019 from https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/jan/19/friends-tv-dated- sexuality-masculinity-young-people
8 Gosling, S. (2018, January 19). Don't knock Friends. It's still relevant, and progressive too. Retrieved August 10, 2019 from https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/jan/19/friends-tv-dated- sexuality-masculinity-young-people
8 “...(A) A SLUT, (B) A WHORE [OR] (C) A TROLLOP.” BUT THE SHOWS CREATORS REFUSED TO KEEP MONICA, ANY OF THE OTHER FEMALE CHARACTERS, OR ANY OF THE OTHER CHARACTERS FOR HAVING CASUAL SEX.9
IN FACT THERE’S AN ENTIRE EPISODE - WHERE MONICA AND RACHEL FIGHT OVER WHO GETS THE LAST CONDOM. EVEN TODAY SOME TV SHOWS AND MOVIES DON’T SHOW CHARACTERS USING CONDOMS, BUT THIS EPISODE OF FRIENDS “...MADE CONDOM USE THE CENTER OF AN ENTIRE EPISODE.”10
AND THERE’S ANOTHER EPISODE WHERE JOEY FINDS RACHEL’S EROTIC BOOKS.
CLIP: RACHEL: I’M NOT ASHAMED OF MY BOOK. THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH A WOMAN ENJOYING A LITTLE EROTICA. IT’S JUST A HEALTHY EXPRESSION OF FEMALE SEXUALITY - WHICH IS SOMETHING, BY THE WAY, THAT YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT, SHE’S RIGHT.
BUT EVEN WITH ALL OF THESE EXAMPLES, IT’S HARD TO REMEMBER SOMETIMES.
AND ON TOP OF THAT, I DIDN’T EVEN GET THROUGH ALL THE EXAMPLES WITH JOEY AND HOW WHEN IT’S A MAIN MALE LEADS ARE PORTRAYED AS FEMININE, WELL THAT’S SHOWN AS A NEGATIVE THING.
IN ONE EPISODE JOEY TEACHES THE BUILDING'S SUPERINTENDENT HOW TO DANCE SO THAT RACHEL AND MONICA DON’T GET EVICTED. I SWEAR IT MAKES SENSE IN THE EPISODE. IT’S DONE AS TRADE, BUT JOEY DOES THEM A FAVOR, AND YET MONICA MOCKS HIM, ASKING...
CLIP:
9 Allen, S. (2014, September 12). The Best Reason to Love 'Friends' Is the One We Never Realized at the Time. Retrieved August 10, 2019 from https://www.mic.com/articles/98732/the-best-reason-to-love- friends-is-the-one-we-never-realized-at-the-time
10 Allen, S. (2014, September 12). The Best Reason to Love 'Friends' Is the One We Never Realized at the Time. Retrieved August 10, 2019 from https://www.mic.com/articles/98732/the-best-reason-to- love-friends-is-the-one-we-never-realized-at-the-time
9 MONICA: SO HOW GOES THE DANCING? GAY YET?
AND AGAIN, THIS IS A FAVOR FOR HER.
AND THEN IN ANOTHER EPISODE, JOEY NEEDS NEW HEADSHOTS FOR HIS ACTING GIGS, AND HIS PHOTOGRAPHER RECOMMENDS THAT HE GETS HIS EYEBROWS WAXED. WHEN HE BRINGS IT UP TO HIS FRIENDS THEY MAKE FUN OF HIM.
CLIP: JOEY: HEY, UH...LET ME ASK YOU GUYS SOMETHING. I HAVE NEW HEADSHOTS TAKEN TOMORROW, RIGHT, AND THE PHOTOGRAPHER SAID THAT SHE THINKS I SHOULD HAVE MY EYEBROWS WAXED. IS THAT WEIRD FOR A GUY?
PHOEBE: WELL, IT DEPENDS. JOEY: ON? PHOEBE: ON HOW FAR ALONG HE IS IN THE SEX CHANGE PROCESS.
AND THIS ISN’T THE ONLY TIME THAT FRIENDS SHOWS BEING TRANSGENDER AS A NEGATIVE THING. THE BIGGEST EXAMPLE IS CHANDLER’S PARENT, WHO HE REFERS TO AS “MY DAD” AND “MY GAY DAD.”
I HAD TO LOOK IT UP - WAS THE CHARACTER THAT WE ALWAYS HEAR AS CHANDLER’S DAD OR A DRAG QUEEN OR A TRANSGENDER WOMAN? THE OPTIONS WE ALWAYS HEAR ARE “MY DAD” AND “MY GAY DAY” AND “MR. BING” AND “CHARLES BING” AND “HE” OR “HIM.” THE ONLY OTHER OPTION I EVER HEAR IS HELENA HANDBASKET - A NICE LITTLE DRAG NAME PUN ON HELL IN A HAND BASKET.
IN 2016 MARTA KAUFFMAN SAID IN AN INTERVIEW WITH THE WASHINGTON POST THAT “HIS FATHER’S TRANSGENDER”11 - MEANING CHANDLER’S FATHER - SO MEANING CHANDLER’S MOTHER. AND AGAIN FOR ME THE PRONOUN CONFUSION CONTINUES. FROM HERE ON OUT I’M JUST GOING TO SAY CHANDLER’S MOTHER HELENA - BECAUSE AGAIN BESIDES HER DEADNAME CHARLES - THE NAME SHE WAS GIVEN AT BIRTH AND
11 Butler, B. (2016, February 18). Should we forgive ‘Friends’ for feeling a little offensive in 2016? The Washington Post. Retrieved August 24, 2019 from https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/ should-we-forgive-friends-for-feeling-a-little-offensive-in-2016/2016/02/18/e8d47280-d0d3-11e5- b2bc-988409ee911b_story.html?noredirect=on
10 NOT NECESSARILY HER CHOSEN NAME WHEN SHE TRANSITIONED - AND HELENA HANDBASKET - AGAIN, WHICH I’M PRETTY SURE IS HER DRAG NAME - WE’RE NEVER GIVEN ANOTHER OPTION.
AND LET’S BE HONEST - IT’S BECAUSE THE CHARACTERS WAS CREATED BY A TEAM OF WRITERS THAT HAD NO UNDERSTANDING OF TRANS PEOPLE AND IDENTITIES IN THE 1990S. AND THAT’S WHAT MAKES FRIENDS EVEN MORE PROBLEMATIC, AND HELENA JUST ANOTHER EASY AND TRANSPHOBIC JOKE.
AND SO THIS IS HER STORYLINE: CHANDLER AVOIDS HELENA FOR YEARS, ALWAYS CALLING HER “DAD” AND “HE.” AND CHANDLER ORIGINALLY HAD NO INTENTION OF INVITING HELENA TO THE WEDDING. CHANDLER HAS NEVER ACCEPTED HELENA OR HER IDENTITY.
WHEN WE DO SEE HELENA ON SCREEN FOR THE FIRST TIME, IT’S WHEN CHANDLER AND MONICA GO TO SURPRISE HER AT HER DRAG SHOW STINT IN LAS VEGAS. IT’S ALSO THE ONLY TIME WE HEAR CHANDLER USE THE CORRECT PRONOUNS FOR HELENA, CALLING HER “MA’AM” WHEN HE ASKS HER TO HIS WEDDING.
THE NEXT TIME WE SEE HELENA IS AT CHANDLER AND MONICA’S REHEARSAL DINNER. AND EVERY LINE, EVERY MOMENT, EVERYTHING, IS ALL FOLLOWED BY A LAUGH TRACK.
MONICA’S PARENTS MISTAKE CHANDLER’S MOTHER NORA FOR HELENA, AND MONICA RUSHES THEM AWAY.
CLIP: MONICA: MS. BING, THESE ARE MY PARENTS, JUDY AND JACK GELLAR. JUDY: IT’S LOVELY TO MEET YOU. JACK:SO ARE YOU HIS MOTHER OR HIS FATHER? JUDY: JACK! JACK: WHAT? I’VE EVER SEEN ONE BEFORE. MONICA: DAD, THERE’S ROSS. WHY DON’T YOU GO TALK TO HIM? JACK: I DIDN’T EVEN HAVE A CHANCE TO ACT AS IF I’M OK WITH IT.
IT’S SOMETHING ABOUT THAT WORD “ACT” - ACT INSTEAD OF SHOW. AND THAT’S NOT WHERE ALL THE TRANSPHOBIC JOKES END.CHANDLER AWKWARDLY GREETS HELENA AND MONICA FOLLOWS SUITE
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CLIP: HELENA: HELLO, ALL. CHANDLER: HI, DAD. MONICA: HI, MR. BING.
CHANDLER’S MOM NORA STILL REFERS TO HELENA AS CHARLES AND USES HE/HIM PRONOUNS.
CLIP: HELENA: NORA. NORA: CHARLES.
AND BECAUSE PEOPLE CAN BE TERRIBLE, NORA ALSO, MAKES COMMENTS ABOUT HELENA’S GENITALIA.
CLIP: MONICA: SO GREAT TO SEE YOU BOTH HERE. HELENA: YES, ALTHOUGH I THINK WE MAY BE SEEING A LITTLE TOO MUCH OF SOME PEOPLE. AREN’T YOU A LITTLE OLD TO BE WEARING A DRESS LIKE THAT? NORA: DON’T YOU HAVE A LITTLE TOO MUCH PENIS TO BE WEARING A DRESS LIKE THAT? CHANDLER: OH MY GOD.
Y’ALL: TRANS MEN ARE MEN AND TRANS WOMEN ARE WOMEN. GENITALIA AND SURGERY DOESN’T CHANGE THAT. THAT’S MY PIECE. ANYWAY, BACK TO THE SHOW.
AND RACHEL, MISTAKES A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT WOMAN FOR HELENA, SIMPLY BECAUSE RACHEL SAYS I DON’T KNOW WHAT *HE* LOOKS LIKE, AND MONICA DESCRIBES HELENA AS “THE MAN” IN THE BLACK DRESS. RACHEL GOES UP TO THE WRONG WOMAN, AND THEN THIS CRINGEWORTHY MOMENT HAPPENS.
CLIP: RACHEL: HI, I’M RACHEL. I’M A FRIEND OF MONICA AND CHANDLER’S. AMANDA: I’M AMANDA. RACHEL: OH, I GET IT. A-MAN-DUH.
12 AND I GET IT - THE 1990S WERE A TIME WHEN PEOPLE DIDN’T REALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT BEING TRANSGENDER WAS - AND MANY PEOPLE ARE STILL LEARNING. REPRESENTATIONS OF LGBTQ PEOPLE IN POP CULTURE WAS STILL SO RARE. THERE WAS THIS SECRET-NESS THAT SURROUNDED EVERYTHING. A SHAME THAT UNFORTUNATELY FOR SOME STILL LINGERS.
AND YOU CAN TELL CHANDLER IS ASHAMED. HE’S ASHAMED OF HIS TRANSGENDER PARENT AND HE’S ASHAMED WHEN PEOPLE MISTAKE HIM FOR BEING GAY, AS IF THE LGBT-QUEERNESS IS SOMETHING HE CAN CATCH. THAT’S WHY WE SEE A GAY PANIC JOKE EVERY TIME CHANDLER AND JOEY HUG JUST A LITTLE TOO LONG. AND WE SEE THIS WHENEVER SOMEONE MISTAKES CHANDLER FOR BEING GAY AND HE’S OFFENDED.
IN ONE EPISODE CHANDLER AND ROSS BECOME MEMBERS OF THEIR COLLEGE ALUMNI WEBSITE. WHEN ROSS ANNOYS HIM, CHANDLER WRITES “ROSS HAS SEX WITH DINOSAURS” ON ROSS’S PAGE. AND THEN THE ONE UPPING STARTS. IN RETALIATION, ROSS WRITES THAT CHANDLER IS GAY. THE ONLY WAY CHANDLER CAN FIGURE OUT HOW TO TOP THIS ATROCITY IS BY CLAIMING ROSS IS DEAD, HIT BY A BLIMP.
AND I HEAR THAT I’VE BEEN PICKING ON CHANDLER HERE, BUT IT’S NOT JUST CHANDLER.
IN ONE EPISODE, ROSS AND RACHEL ARE LOOKING FOR A NANNY FOR THEIR DAUGHTER, EMMA. THEY FIND THE MOST PERFECT NANNY: A SWEET, KIND MAN NAMED SANDY. BUT OF COURSE ROSS HAS AN ISSUE WITH A NANNY WHO IS A MAN. HE EVEN ASKS HIM IF HE’S GAY, REFUSES TO HIRE HIM, AND MOCKS HIM TO HIS FRIENDS.12
CLIP: RACHEL: I LOVE HIM, I LOVE HIM, I LOVE HIM. ROSS: OH COME ON - RACH, HE’S A GUY. RACHEL: SO? HE’S SMART, HE QUALIFIED - GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON WE SHOULDN’T TRY HIM OUT? ROSS: BECAUSE IT’S WEIRD. RACHEL: WHY?
12 Gosling, S. (2018, January 19). Don't knock Friends. It's still relevant, and progressive too. Retrieved August 10, 2019 from https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/jan/19/friends-tv-dated- sexuality-masculinity-young-people
13 ROSS: WHAT KIND OF JOB IS THAT FOR A MAN? A NANNY? THAT’S LIKE IF A WOMAN WANTED TO BE A - RACHEL: YES? ROSS:...KING?
IT’S JUST ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF HOW ROSS IS HOMOPHOBIC AND HOW HE IS SO SO STUCK IN TRADITIONAL GENDER NORMS THAT HE IGNORES THE PERFECT NANNY JUST BECAUSE HE HAPPENS TO BE MALE.
AND THE PROBLEM IS ALWAYS THE SAME WITH FRIENDS: IS THE AUDIENCE LAUGHING AT ROSS BECAUSE HE IS UNCOMFORTABLE, OR IS IT ALL NERVOUS LAUGHTER WITH HIM?
ROSS JUST DOESN’T SEEM TO SEE WOMAN’S WORK AS A VIABLE OPTION FOR A MAN. THE FEMALE CHARACTERS CALL HIM OUT ON IT, BUT AGAIN: WHO ARE WE LAUGHING WITH? WHO ARE WE LAUGHING AT? IT’S HARD TO SAY?
IN THE SAME WAY ROSS COMES AROUND TO CAROL’S RELATIONSHIP, SHOWING THAT HE CAN CHANGE - AND IN THEORY SO COULD ANYONE WHO ISN’T COMFORTABLE WITH LGBTQ PEOPLE - ROSS EVENTUALLY COMES TO REALIZE THAT NOT ONLY IS SANDY THE BEST NANNY FOR HIS DAUGHTER, BUT THAT HE’S UNCOMFORTABLE BECAUSE OF HIS OWN ISSUES OF MASCULINITY AND PAST EXPERIENCES WITH HIS FATHER. ROSS REALIZES THAT HE’S IN THE WRONG HERE, SO AGAIN I GUESS IT’S A LEARNING MOMENT?
AND SURE, I GET THAT THE SHOW ISN’T FULL OF OUTRIGHT SLURS AGAINST THE QUEER COMMUNITY AND NEVER LITERALLY SAYS THAT MEMBERS OF THE LGBTQ COMMUNITY ARE DISGUSTING, BUT BY MAKING THE IDEA THAT BEING QUEER OR NOT CONFORMING TO TRADITIONAL GENDER ROLES IS A PUNCHLINE CERTAINLY NORMALIZES GAY STEREOTYPES AND DISCRIMINATION - NO MATTER HOW SMALL OR BIG THE ACTION.
AND HERE’S A BIG THING PEOPLE HAVE NOTICED ABOUT FRIENDS FOR DECADES: WHILE NEW YORK CITY IS PROBABLY ONE OF THE MOST RACIALLY DIVERSE CITIES IN THE UNITED STATES, ALL OF THE MAIN CHARACTERS ARE WHITE, NEARLY ALL OF THE SUPPORTING CHARACTERS ARE WHITE, AND MOST OF THE BACKGROUND CHARACTERS ARE WHITE TOO. THAT DOESN’T INHERENTLY MEAN THAT THE TV SHOW IS RACIST, BUT SOMETIMES IT’S NOT ABOUT VERBALIZING RACIST THINGS - A LACK OF DIVERSITY AND THE REPRESENTATIONS THAT ARE MISSING CAN BE JUST AS TELLING.
14 AND YES, UNFORTUNATELY THAT WAS THE CASE FOR MANY NETWORK TV SHOWS THAT FIRST AIRED IN THE 1990S - THINK SEINFELD, FRASIER, AND WILL & GRACE - BUT I DON’T THINK THAT GIVES IT THE OK OR A PASS.
AND SO IT BECOMES CLEAR FAIRLY QUICKLY - ONE OF THE BIGGEST PROBLEMS WITH FRIENDS IS IT’S CASTING. THE ONLY “DIVERSITY” THE SHOW SEEMS TO HAVE IS JOEY AS THE STEREOTYPICAL ITALIAN AND ROSS AND MONICA AS JEWISH - BUT THEY’RE ALL STILL WHITE.
THERE’S ALSO RACHEL - WHO NEVER ACTUALLY SAYS I’M JEWISH OR TALKS ABOUT HOLIDAYS - BUT TO ME SHE FEELS CODED AS JEWISH. SHE’S FROM THE SAME TOWN AS ROSS AND MONICA, HAD A NOSE JOB AFTER HIGH SCHOOL, AND GENERALLY SEEMS TO FIT INTO THE SPOILED JEWISH AMERICAN PRINCESS STEREOTYPE. BUT SHE CAN ALSO PASS AS A WASP - A WHITE ANGLO SAXON PROTESTANT - SO AT THE END OF THE DAY SHE - AND ALL OF THE FRIENDS CHARACTERS - HAVE THE PRIVILEGE OF BEING OR PASSING AS STRAIGHT, WHITE, MIDDLE CLASS PEOPLE.
I FEEL LIKE THE ONLY TRUE DIFFERENCE AND DIVERSITY BETWEEN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS WAS THEIR CLASS. CHANDLER, RACHEL, MONICA, AND ROSS SEEMED TO BE FROM UPPER MIDDLE CLASS FAMILIES - THE TYPE OF PEOPLE WHO COULD AFFORD SKI TRIPS AND NOSE JOBS AND IN ONE EPISODE MONICA’S DAD EVEN BUYS HER A PORSCHE TO SAY THAT HE LOVES HER JUST AS MUCH AS HE LOVES ROSS.
AND THEN YOU HAD JOEY, WHO WAS FROM WHAT APPEARED TO BE A WORKING CLASS FAMILY WITH SEVEN SISTERS AND PHOEBE, WHO AT ONE POINT IN HER LIFE WAS HOMELESS AND LIVING ON THE STREETS. BUT BY THE END OF FRIENDS THEY ALL HAVE UPWARD MOBILITY, SECURE JOBS, AND PLENTY OF INCOME. AS ALWAYS YES, WE GET THE AMERICAN DREAM.
BUT THIS LIMITED CLASS DIVERSITY AND HAVING AN ITALIAN AND SOME JEWS DOESN’T MAKE UP FOR EVERYTHING.IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO IGNORE - AS A SHOW, FRIENDS IS VERY, VERY, VERY WHITE. AND WHEN THERE ARE PEOPLE OF COLOR ON FRIENDS, THEY USUALLY DON’T APPEAR FOR MORE THAN A COUPLE OF EPISODES.
THERE’S JULIE, ROSS’S ASIAN, PALEONTOLOGIST GIRLFRIEND WHO WE SEE FOR A COUPLE OF EPISODES. AND THINGS DON’T START OUT GREAT WITH JULIE. SEE, AT THE END OF SEASON 1, RACHEL REALIZES SHE’S IN LOVE WITH ROSS, AND SHE GOES TO THE
15 AIRPORT TO MEET HIM AT HIS GATE AND PICK HIM UP - BECAUSE THIS IS AT A POINT IN TIME WHERE YOU CAN ACTUALLY MEET SOMEONE AS THEY ARRIVE AT THE AIRPORT AT THEIR GATE. BUT WHEN ROSS GETS OFF THE PLANE HE’S NOT ALONE. HE’S THERE WITH ANOTHER WOMAN: JULIE.
ROSS AND JULIE ORIGINALLY WENT TO GRAD SCHOOL TOGETHER, AND THEY RECONNECTED ON AN ARCHAEOLOGICAL DIG TRIP IN CHINA. BUT RACHEL DOESN’T KNOW THAT. SO WHEN RACHEL MEETS JULIE, SHE ASSUMES THAT SHE IS FROM CHINA. EVEN MORE EMBARRASSING, RACHEL ASSUMES JULIE DOESN’T SPEAK ENGLISH. SHE BASICALLY YELLS AT HER, SLOWLY OVER PRONOUNCING
CLIP: RACHEL: WELCOME TO OUR COUNTRY!
AND JULIE YELLS BACK EVEN MORE LOUDLY:
CLIP: JULIE: THANK YOU! I’M FROM NEW YORK!
SO AT LEAST THE SHOW POINTS OUT THE RIDICULOUSNESS OF RACHEL AND OTHERS WHO MIGHT MAKE THAT ASSUMPTION.
AND THEN THERE ARE A BUNCH OF INCREDIBLY MINOR BLACK CHARACTERS ON THE SHOW: A WAITER, A FIREMAN, A NEIGHBOR, ROSS’S DIVORCE LAWYER, A SELF DEFENSE TEACHER, A NURSE, A GUY WORKING AT A COSTUME SHOP, AND A BOSS HERE AND THERE. BUT EACH OF THEM HAD ONE LINE, MAYBE A COUPLE MORE, AND THEY WEREN’T IMPORTANT TO THE STORYLINE.
THE ONLY TRULY RECURRING BLACK CHARACTER IS CHARLIE, ANOTHER ONE OF ROSS’S GIRLFRIENDS. WE SEE HER IN SEASON NINE AND TEN AND FOR A BRIEF TIME SHE ALSO DATED JOEY. SHE’S ALSO A PALEONTOLOGIST, SO I GUESS ROSS HAS A TYPE. ALL OF THESE SEASONS, AND THAT’S REALLY ALL THAT STANDS OUT. YOU WOULD THINK NYC WAS ONLY FULL OF WHITE PEOPLE.
AND REMEMBER, FRIENDS RAN FROM 1994 TO 2004. ACCORDING TO THE 2000 U.S. CENSUS BUREAU, YES, WHITE WAS THE MAJORITY RACE IN NEW YORK CITY AT THE TIME, BUT COMING IN AT ONLY 44.7%. THE NEXT HIGHEST PERCENTAGES OF RACES WERE
16 LATINX PEOPLE AT 27%, BLACK PEOPLE AT 26.6%, AND ASIAN PEOPLE AT 9.9%.13 BUT WHERE ARE THEY ON FRIENDS?
AND ALL OF THIS FEELS IMPORTANT. IT FEELS IMPORTANT TO GO BACK TO SHOWS - ESPECIALLY SHOWS THAT SOCIETY FEELS A WHOLE TON OF NOSTALGIA FOR - AND TO ANALYZE THEM.
IT’S FUN TO LAUGH AT OLD JOKES AND BOND WITH OLD FRIENDS, BUT IT’S ALSO IMPORTANT TO RECOGNIZE THE PROBLEMS WITHIN A PIECE OF POP CULTURE - ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY’RE PROBLEMS THAT NORMALIZE AND DEGRADE AND STEREOTYPE PEOPLE.
AND ALL OF THIS DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN’T STILL WATCH SOMETHING AND ENJOY IT, BUT IT MEANS THAT YOU SHOULD THINK ABOUT WHAT KIND OF MEDIA YOU CONSUMED AND ARE CONSUMING. WHAT ARE THE TOPICS? WHAT ARE THE JOKES? AND WHAT’S DONE FOR LAUGHS?
YES, NOW WE’RE IN A DIFFERENT TIME, A TIME WHEN WE HAVE BETTER REPRESENTATION IN POP CULTURE. FRIENDS MAY HAVE JUST BEEN A CULTURAL REPRESENTATION OF CULTURAL BELIEFS AND ATTITUDES IN THE LATE 1990S AND EARLY 2000S, BUT BECAUSE OF THE WAY IT REPRESENTED LGBTQ TOPICS, GENDER ROLES, CLASS, AND RACE, IT ALSO REINFORCED THOSE SAME ATTITUDES.14
AND ALL I’M SAYING IS THAT NEXT TIME YOU WATCH WELL THAT’S SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO KEEP IN MIND.
I’M MORGAN JAFFE AND THAT WAS BURST YOUR BUBBLE.
THIS EPISODE WAS A SPECIAL FEATURE FOR INTERNATIONAL PODCAST MONTH. YOU CAN FIND OUT MORE AT INTERNATIONALPODCASTMONTH.COM.
13 U.S. Census Bureau. (2000). State and county quick facts 2007. Retrieved August 10, 2019 from http://censusviewer.com/city/NY/New%20York
14 Riedel, S. (2018, May 2). Why Everyone's Favorite 90's Show Is Hugely Transphobic. Retrieved August 24, 2019 from https://www.them.us/story/friends-is-transphobic
17 AS ALWAYS THANK YOU SO MUCH TO JEREMY FERRIS! JEREMY DOES THE WONDERFUL ART FOR EACH EPISODE.
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AS ALWAYS, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LISTENING! I’LL SEE YOU NEXT TIME AND HAVE A GOOD ONE!
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