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Home , Acafellas, Artie Abrams, Blaine Anderson, Blame It on the Alcohol, Born This Way (Glee), Brittany Pierce

": (#2.12)" (2011) : Please. I've had mono so many times it turned into stereo.

Santana Lopez: I've kissed Finn, and can I just say: NOT worth a buck. I would, however, pay $100 to jiggle one of his man boobs.

Santana Lopez: Finn only wears that gassy infant look when he feels guilty about something.

Santana Lopez: I'll just marry an NFL player. They're super reliable.

Santana Lopez: I just try to be really, really honest with people when I think that they suck.

Santana Lopez: That's how we do it in Lima Heights.

"Glee: (#1.13)" (2009) : I thought you and were dating? Santana Lopez: Sex is not dating. Brittany: Yeah, if it was, Santana and I would be dating.

Santana Lopez: Look, we may still be Cheerios, but neither of us ever gave Sue the set list. Brittany: Well... I did. But I didn't know what she was gonna do with it. Santana Lopez: Okay, look... believe what you want, but no one's forcing me to be here. And if you tell anyone this, I'll deny it - but I like being in Glee Club. It's the best part of my day, okay? I wasn't gonna go and mess it up. : I believe you.

Santana Lopez: Sex is not dating. Brittany: If it was, Santana and I would be dating.

Santana Lopez: Sex is not dating. : If it were, Santana and I would be dating.

"Glee: (#3.6)" (2011) Santana Lopez: [to Finn] Hey Tubs! Can I talk to you for a second? : Hey, listen here. You can't make fun of Finn anymore. Santana Lopez: [to Rory] Shut your potato hole, I'm here to apologize. [to Finn] Santana Lopez: Rachel's right, I haven't been fair to you. You're not fat. I should know, I slept with you. I mean, at some point I must have liked that you look like a taco addict who's had one too many back alley liposuctions. Rory Flanagan: Whoa. Santana Lopez: [to Rory] Please stick a sock in it or ship yourself back to Scotland. I'm trying to apologize to Lumps The Clown. [to Finn] Santana Lopez: I am sorry, Finn. I mean, really, I'm sorry that the are gonna get crushed by the Troubletones. And also sorry that you have no talent. Sorry that you sing like you're getting your prostate checked, and you dance like you've been asleep for years and someone just woke you up. Have fun riding on Rachel's coattails for the rest of your life, although, you know what, I would just watch out for her come holiday time if I were him, because if I were her, I'd stick a stent in one of those boobs and let the Finn blubber light the Hanukkah lamp for eight magical nights.

Santana Lopez: You seriously think you can out-insult me? I'm from Lima Heights, I was raised on insults. It's how my abuela puts me to sleep at night, and she was not a nice lady. Did you know she tried to sell me once? And it wasn't until I got to kindergarten that I learned my name wasn't Garbage Face.

Rachel Berry: Okay, you know what, Santana? Finn is in great shape and your meanness only highlights your own insecurities. Santana Lopez: Rachel, your mustache is thicker than a Middle Eastern dictator.

Santana Lopez: [to Finn] What did you just say to her? [points at Rachel] : I said I thought you were great. Santana Lopez: No, you're lying. Rachel Berry: No. He literally just said that. Santana Lopez: [to Finn] You told her too? : [stands up] Santana. Santana Lopez: [to Finn] Everyone's gonna know now, because of you. Finn Hudson: The whole school already knows. And you know what? They don't care. Santana Lopez: Not just the school, you idiot. Everyone! Finn Hudson: What are you talking abo... [Santana slaps Finn and there's silence]

"Glee: Pot O' Gold (#3.4)" (2011) Santana Lopez: [to Rory] Here's the deal, pixie-boy. You've got a crush on my girl, Brittany. I understand. She's beautiful, she's innocent, she's everything that's good in this miserable, stinking world.

Sugar Motta: Awesome! More back up for me. Santana Lopez: Ok, you know what? I did not just leave one -driven glee club to join another, so let me write you a reality check, richy bitch. I've seen what you can do, and what you can do is stand in the back, sway, and sing very, very quietly. Sugar Motta: I, erm... I just... wanted to be on the winning team for once? Mercedes Jones: Then turn down the 'tude and you will be

Santana Lopez: You are such a bacon-wrapped bug-eyed hypocrite. It's freaking hilarious how jealous of Blaine you are. Every time he opens his dreamboat a-capella mouth, you're just itching to kick him right in the Warblers.

"Glee: The Purple Piano Project (#3.1)" (2011) Brittany Pierce: I have pepperoni in my bra. Santana Lopez: Those are your nipples!

Quinn Fabray: [to Santana & Brittany] You guys are such suckers for going back to . Santana Lopez: Come on, screw her. This is for us. We can win two National championships this year. We joined Cheerios together, we joined Glee club together, we all slept with Puckerman the same year. We're like besties for life. Brittany Pierce: Yeah, come on, Quinn. We used to be the Three Musketeers. Now Santana and I are like Almond Joy and you're like a Jolly Rancher that fell in the ashtray.

Santana Lopez: When I look at someone, I don't see someone who looks a certain way or has this or that amount of chromosomes. I just see someone I may or may not have to destroy.

"Glee: (#2.18)" (2011) Santana Lopez: The only straight I am is straight-up bitch.

Santana Lopez: I have an awesome gaydar.

Santana Lopez: [to Karofsky] Why don't you just settle down and let Auntie Tana here tell you a little story. It's about you. You're what we call a "late in life" gay. You're going to stay in the closet, get married, get drunk to have relations with your wife, have a couple kids, maybe become a state senator or a deacon, and then get caught in the men's room tapping your foot with some paige. And you know what? I accept that about you.

"Glee: (#2.15)" (2011) Santana Lopez: Hey Britt-Britt. So listen. How about you and I pop in some Sweet Valley High this evening and get our cuddle on? Brittany Pierce: Look. I'd really like to get my sweet lady kisses on, but I haven't been feeling very sexy lately. [whispers] Brittany Pierce: I think I have a bun in the oven. Please don't tell anyone, okay? Especially Artie. Santana Lopez: Yea, sure, your secret is safe with [cuts self off] Santana Lopez: Oh my God Brittany's pregnant. Tina Cohen-Chang: Oh my God Brittany's pregnant! Noah 'Puck' Puckerman: It was only a matter of time. Lauren Zizes: For what? Noah 'Puck' Puckerman: Brittany to get pregnant. Lauren Zizes: Congratulations! : For what? Lauren Zizes: Oh you didn't hear? Your girlfriend's preggo! You're gonna be a baby daddy!

Santana Lopez: Hi. Brittany Pierce: Hey. Santana Lopez: Can we talk? Brittany Pierce: But we never do that. Santana Lopez: Yea I know, but I wanted to thank you for performing that song with me in glee club. Because it's made me do a lot of thinking. And what I realized is why I'm such a bitch all the time. I'm a bitch because I'm angry. I'm angry because I have all of these feelings, feelings for you, that I'm afraid of dealing with because I'm afraid of dealing with the consequences. And Brittany, I can't go to an Indigo concert. I just can't. Brittany Pierce: I understand that. Santana Lopez: Do you understand what I'm trying to say? Brittany Pierce: No, not really. Santana Lopez: I want to be with you, but I'm afraid of the talks and the looks. I mean, you know what happened to Kurt at this school. Brittany Pierce: But, honey, if anybody were to ever make fun of you, you would either kick their ass or slash them with your vicious, vicious words. Santana Lopez: Yea, I know, but I'm so afraid of what everyone will say behind my back. Still, I have to accept that I love you. I love *you*, and I don't want to be with Sam, or Finn, or any of those other guys. I just want you. Please say you love me back. Please. Brittany Pierce: Of course I love you! ! And I would totally be with you if it wasn't for Artie. Santana Lopez: [confused] Artie? Brittany Pierce: I love him, too. I don't want to hurt him, that's not right. I can't break up with him. Santana Lopez: Yes, you can! He's just a stupid boy! Brittany Pierce: But it wouldn't be right. Santana, you have to know, if Artie and I were to ever break up, and I'm lucky enough that you're still single, I'm so yours. *Proudly* so. Santana Lopez: [Crying] Yea, well, wow. Whoever thought that for being fluid, you could be so stuck. [Brittany tries to hug her] Santana Lopez: Get off me!

Glee: The 3D Concert Movie (2011) Santana: I ingest Latisse. It's normally supposed to be applied on your lids to make your lashes grow. I just took it one step further and started drinking it.

Santana: Oh Mercedes, do you hear the sweet sound of all that applause for me? You know, that's really been my favorite part about this tour, because the fans have spoken and I am now officially the sexiest member of the Glee Club. : Not so fast, hot cheeks. Santana: Give it up for Holly Holliday! Holly Holliday: ¡Hola, clase! Hey, is anybody here in the mood for a little Cee Lo? Because I know I am. Hit it! Holly Holliday: Let's go get some tacos!

"Glee: (#2.4)" (2010) Santana Lopez: How can you do a duet by yourself? Its like vocal masturbation or something.

Sam Evans: I'm Sam. Sam I am. And I don't like Green Eggs and Ham. Santana Lopez: He has no game.

"Glee: (#2.14)" (2011) Finn Hudson: Okay, Rachel, since this is your first time at this, I'm gonna break it down for you. Guys and girls fall into certain archetypes when they get drunk. Exhibit A: Santana, the weepy, hysterical drunk. Santana Lopez: [Weeping at Sam] You like her more than me. She's blonde and awesome and so smart. Admit, just admit it! No, kiss me! Finn Hudson: Lauren Zizes and Quinn, the angry girl drunks. : [Yelling at Puck] I can't believe what you did to my body! I use to have abs! Lauren Zizes: Who told you that hairstyle is cool? Geronimo? Finn Hudson: Brittany, also known as the girl who turns into a stripper drunk. Mercedes and Tina, happy girl drunks and then we come around full circle right back to you, Rachel. And right now, you're being the needy girl drunk. Hanging all over me, being overly lovey, it's not cool.

Santana Lopez: [Talking to Mr. Schue] Oh, you're one to talk. How about you crack a Four Loko, Count Boozy Von Drunk-a-Ton?

"Glee: I Am Unicorn (#3.2)" (2011) Brittany Pierce: [to Kurt] The poster that you wanted gave me crippling depression. : I wanted something toned down! Santana Lopez: This is toned down. In the original, the unicorn was riding you.

"Glee: (#1.21)" (2010) Santana Lopez: [about Will telling the students about his regrets] Besides creeping us out, why are you telling us this?

"Glee: Queen (#2.20)" (2011) Santana Lopez: Just because i hate everybody, doesn't mean they have to hate me to.

"Glee: Journey to Regionals (#1.22)" (2010) Artie Abrams: What's the point, Mr. Shue? Coach Sylvester's one of the judges, she's gonna crush us. Will Schuester: Artie, you don't know that. Santana Lopez: Yes, we do, she told us at Cherrio's practice. Brittany: Yeah, she said "I'm going to crush Glee Club."

"Glee: (#1.3)" (2009) Sue Sylvester: Let me get this straight. The glee club got rid of Dakota Stanley, Mr Schuester's back and they're busy at work on a new number more confident than ever. [Cut to scene of Glee Club rehearsing] Sue Sylvester: This is what we call a total disaster ladies. I'm going to have to ask you to smell your armpits. Quinn Fabray, Santana Lopez: [They look uncertainly at each other and then smell their armpits] Sue Sylvester: That's the smell of failure, and it's stinking up my office. I'm revoking your tanning privileges for the rest of the semester. [Santana runs out in tears]

"Glee: (#2.3)" (2010) Mercedes Jones: I don't see anything wrong with getting a little church up in here. Quinn Fabray: I agree. I've had a really hard year, and I turned to God a lot for help. I, for one, wouldn't mind saying thanks. Santana Lopez: Thanks for what? That it didn't come out a lizard baby?

"Glee: The Sue Sylvester Shuffle (#2.11)" (2011) Quinn Fabray: If we go to our cheerleading competition,then we miss the halftime show, and we're out of Glee Club. I'm torn. Santana Lopez: Oh, I'm not. Brittany Pierce: I'm Brittany.

***

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff. "Glee: Britney 2.0 (#4.2)" (2012) Brittany Pierce: [to the camera] My name is Brittany S. Pierce and I finally know how Jesus feels in his house way up at the North Pole because I am on top of the world. Senior year was awesome and now I get to relive every minute of it. I'm Head Cheerio, Vice Rachel of the glee club and now I'm planning a Middle East-style sham election that will install me as senior class president for life. : Brittany, who are you talking to? Brittany Pierce: I thought I was doing a voiceover.

Sue Sylvester: My girls no longer see academic achievement as a worthy goal and yesterday I caught one of them trying to marry a squirrel. Brittany Pierce: That's because I believe in marriage equality for all land mammals.

Brittany Pierce: [to Sue] Tough love feels a lot like mean.

Brittany Pierce: [to Lord Tubbington] I'm not speaking to you. I know you joined a gang.

Brittany Pierce: Sorry I'm late. Somebody took my compass.

Brittany Pierce: I started taking Lord Tubbington's pills for feline depression.

Brittany Pierce: After school I'm hopping into bed, eating cashews and bacon and then watching "The Client List" marathon.

Brittany Pierce: [about to shave her hair a la Britney] Coach Sylvester's taken away my high pony. If I can't have my high pony, I don't want any hair at all.

Brittany Pierce: [to her phone] Kiki, why is everybody staring at me? Kiki: [in an automated African-American accent] Because those fools are jealous. Tina Cohen-Chang: Who's Kiki? Brittany Pierce: Kiki is Siri's super-smart older cousin who's really jealous of how famous Siri's gotten. She lives inside this super cheap phone I found at the laundromat.

Brittany Pierce: My voice is too weak to sing live. I've been up every night this week yelling at the shrubs in my yard that have been making fun of me.

Brittany Pierce: I got a C minus on my U.S. History exam which the teacher bumped up two whole letter grades because I wrote in English instead of my secret language I invented in middle school.

"Glee: (#4.1)" (2012) [from trailer] Brittany Pierce: [to Wade] That's a great haircut, Mercedes. I thought you graduated.

Blaine Anderson: So how's Santana? Brittany Pierce: She's good. She's just really busy with cheerleading practice and it's hard making out over Skype. You can't really scissor a Webcam.

Tina Cohen-Chang: Being popular felt too good. We forgot ourselves. Brittany Pierce: Well, *I* didn't. I was always popular, but I do forget to wear underwear sometimes.

Blaine Anderson: Brittany, I'm sorry, but I won fair and square. You can't just decide not to sing anymore. We all need your voice. Brittany Pierce: I had a song in my , Blaine Warbler, and you killed it. Now I have a dead song in my heart and pretty soon the corpse of my dead heartsong is going to start to smell.

Glee: The 3D Concert Movie (2011) Girl: My favorite character is Brittany 'cause she's so dumb but she's so pretty and she can dance so well. Brittany: I think it has a lot to do with my hair. 'Cause look at how long it is and how beautiful it is.

Brittany: I hope they have an overwhelming sensation about my boobs in "Slave". Because they are 3D and they look really good.

Brittany: I wanna be a Warbler really bad. And I would potentially shave my hair off so I can be a Warbler.

Brittany: [to Blaine] Do you wanna make out? Kurt: Brittany, are you flirting with my man?

"Glee: Hell-O (#1.14)" (2010) Brittany: Sometimes I forget my middle name.

Brittany: [to Santana] Did you know dolphins are just gay sharks?

Sue Sylvester: Anything else? Brittany: Sometimes I forget my middle name.

Brittany: You're a really good dancer. Finn Hudson: Um, thanks, but my feet weren't really moving. Brittany: That was the best part.

"Glee: Sectionals (#1.13)" (2009) Mercedes Jones: I thought you and Puck were dating? Santana Lopez: Sex is not dating. Brittany: Yeah, if it was, Santana and I would be dating.

Santana Lopez: Look, we may still be Cheerios, but neither of us ever gave Sue the set list. Brittany: Well... I did. But I didn't know what she was gonna do with it. Santana Lopez: Okay, look... believe what you want, but no one's forcing me to be here. And if you tell anyone this, I'll deny it - but I like being in Glee Club. It's the best part of my day, okay? I wasn't gonna go and mess it up. Rachel Berry: I believe you.

Santana Lopez: Sex is not dating. Brittany: If it was, Santana and I would be dating.

Santana Lopez: Sex is not dating. Brittany Pierce: If it were, Santana and I would be dating.

"Glee: I Am Unicorn (#3.2)" (2011) Geography Teacher: What's the Capital of Ohio? Brittany! Brittany Pierce: "O"

Brittany Pierce: [to Kurt] The poster that you wanted gave me crippling depression. Kurt Hummel: I wanted something toned down! Santana Lopez: This is toned down. In the original, the unicorn was riding you.

Brittany Pierce: I'm also a unicorn. Maybe a bi-corn. Either way, I'm starting to believe in my own magic.

"Glee: (#1.9)" (2009) Brittany: I find recipes... confusing.

Brittany: It's not that, it's that most of us don't know how to bake. I find recipes confusing.

Brittany: It's not that. It's most of us don't know how to bake. I find recipes confusing.

"Glee: Sexy (#2.15)" (2011) Will Schuester: Artie, you okay? Artie Abrams: My life is over. How am I supposed to support a baby? How could you not tell me about this? Will Schuester: Wait. Brittany, are you pregnant? Brittany Pierce: Definitely. I am so sorry, Artie. I didnt't want to upset you. I thought I could surprise you when it dropped him off. I'm pretty sure it's a boy. Noah 'Puck' Puckerman: Umm. Babies don't get dropped off. Will Schuester: Wait. Brittany have you been to a doctor yet? That's the only way to be sure. Brittany Pierce: I don't need to go to a doctor. I just need to look outside my window. Three days ago, a stork built its nest on top of my garage. I'm not stupid. It's obviously getting ready to bring me my baby. I know where babies come from.

Santana Lopez: Hey Britt-Britt. So listen. How about you and I pop in some Sweet Valley High this evening and get our cuddle on? Brittany Pierce: Look. I'd really like to get my sweet lady kisses on, but I haven't been feeling very sexy lately. [whispers] Brittany Pierce: I think I have a bun in the oven. Please don't tell anyone, okay? Especially Artie. Santana Lopez: Yea, sure, your secret is safe with [cuts self off] Santana Lopez: Oh my God Brittany's pregnant. Tina Cohen-Chang: Oh my God Brittany's pregnant! Noah 'Puck' Puckerman: It was only a matter of time. Lauren Zizes: For what? Noah 'Puck' Puckerman: Brittany to get pregnant. Lauren Zizes: Congratulations! Artie Abrams: For what? Lauren Zizes: Oh you didn't hear? Your girlfriend's preggo! You're gonna be a baby daddy!

Santana Lopez: Hi. Brittany Pierce: Hey. Santana Lopez: Can we talk? Brittany Pierce: But we never do that. Santana Lopez: Yea I know, but I wanted to thank you for performing that song with me in glee club. Because it's made me do a lot of thinking. And what I realized is why I'm such a bitch all the time. I'm a bitch because I'm angry. I'm angry because I have all of these feelings, feelings for you, that I'm afraid of dealing with because I'm afraid of dealing with the consequences. And Brittany, I can't go to an Indigo Girls concert. I just can't. Brittany Pierce: I understand that. Santana Lopez: Do you understand what I'm trying to say? Brittany Pierce: No, not really. Santana Lopez: I want to be with you, but I'm afraid of the talks and the looks. I mean, you know what happened to Kurt at this school. Brittany Pierce: But, honey, if anybody were to ever make fun of you, you would either kick their ass or slash them with your vicious, vicious words. Santana Lopez: Yea, I know, but I'm so afraid of what everyone will say behind my back. Still, I have to accept that I love you. I love *you*, and I don't want to be with Sam, or Finn, or any of those other guys. I just want you. Please say you love me back. Please. Brittany Pierce: Of course I love you! I do! And I would totally be with you if it wasn't for Artie. Santana Lopez: [confused] Artie? Brittany Pierce: I love him, too. I don't want to hurt him, that's not right. I can't break up with him. Santana Lopez: Yes, you can! He's just a stupid boy! Brittany Pierce: But it wouldn't be right. Santana, you have to know, if Artie and I were to ever break up, and I'm lucky enough that you're still single, I'm so yours. *Proudly* so. Santana Lopez: [Crying] Yea, well, wow. Whoever thought that for being fluid, you could be so stuck. [Brittany tries to hug her] Santana Lopez: Get off me!

"Glee: The Purple Piano Project (#3.1)" (2011) Brittany Pierce: I have pepperoni in my bra. Santana Lopez: Those are your nipples!

Quinn Fabray: [to Santana & Brittany] You guys are such suckers for going back to Sue Sylvester. Santana Lopez: Come on, screw her. This is for us. We can win two National championships this year. We joined Cheerios together, we joined Glee club together, we all slept with Puckerman the same year. We're like besties for life. Brittany Pierce: Yeah, come on, Quinn. We used to be the Three Musketeers. Now Santana and I are like Almond Joy and you're like a Jolly Rancher that fell in the ashtray.

"Glee: Duets (#2.4)" (2010) Will Schuester: What is a duet? Brittany Pierce: A blanket.

Brittany Pierce: I was going to order us one really, really long piece of spaghetti like in 'Lady and Tramp.' And I've been practicing nudging meatballs across the table with my nose.

"Glee: The Sue Sylvester Shuffle (#2.11)" (2011) Brittany Pierce: I don't wanna die yet. At least not until One Tree Hill gets cancelled.

Quinn Fabray: If we go to our cheerleading competition,then we miss the halftime show, and we're out of Glee Club. I'm torn. Santana Lopez: Oh, I'm not. Brittany Pierce: I'm Brittany.

"Glee: Grilled Cheesus (#2.3)" (2010) Mercedes Jones: How do you know for sure? You can't prove that there is no God. Kurt Hummel: You can't prove there isn't a magic teapot floating around the dark side of the moon with a dwarf inside of it that reads romance novels and shoots lightning out of its boobs; but it seems pretty unlikely doesn't it? Brittany Pierce: Is God an evil dwarf?

Brittany Pierce: Now I know what Miley [Cyrus] Brittany Pierce: feels like.

"Glee: Britney/Brittany (#2.2)" (2010) Will Schuester: Who can tell me about Christopher Cross? Brittany Pierce: He discovered America.

Rachel Berry: I'd like to dedicate this song to my boyfriend, Finn. I was wrong. I shouldn't try to control you. I just... I've never been this happy before, and I realize that I was trying to hold on to how you were making me feel so much that I was strangling you in my hands like a little bird. I get now that in order for this relationship to work that I have to open up my hands to fly free. Brittany Pierce: Finn can fly?

"Glee: Mash Off (#3.6)" (2011) Mercedes Jones: Ladies! Vocal warm-ups can wait. I was up half the night thinking about our mash-up for the mash-off, and it came to me: . Sugar Motta: I sound just like her. Brittany Pierce: I love her. I think she sounds like how banana cream pie sounds when it sings.

Brittany Pierce: Tornadoes are nature's most destructive force. These violent storms have ravaged America, crippling communities all across our land. Isn't it time we take a stand? If you honor me with being your next class president, I will make tornadoes illegal at McKinley, keeping you and your families at our school safe from their murderous rampages. Also, on Tuesdays, uh, I pledge to go topless.

"Glee: Silly Love Songs (#2.12)" (2011) Will Schuester: Ok, guys I've got one word for you. Brittany Pierce: Is it Love? I'm totally going to graduate now!

Brittany Pierce: That's my man and his legs don't work!

"Glee: Pot O' Gold (#3.4)" (2011) Finn Hudson: Is it true? Brittany Pierce: No, of course not. Finn Hudson: You're not leaving New Directions? Brittany Pierce: Oh. I thought you were talking about Selena Gomez' pregnancy rumors.

"Glee: Journey to Regionals (#1.22)" (2010) Artie Abrams: What's the point, Mr. Shue? Coach Sylvester's one of the judges, she's gonna crush us. Will Schuester: Artie, you don't know that. Santana Lopez: Yes, we do, she told us at Cherrio's practice. Brittany: Yeah, she said "I'm going to crush Glee Club."

"Glee: The Power of (#1.15)" (2010) Will Schuester: Guys, you know, it's come to my attention that many of you haven't been treating the young ladies of our group very nicely lately. You're disrespectful, bullying, sexist, and, I hate to say it, misogynistic. Finn Hudson: I have no idea what that means. Brittany: When I pulled my hamstring, I went to a "misogynist"

"Glee: Blame It on the Alcohol (#2.14)" (2011) Brittany Pierce: [after puking on Rachel at the assembly] Everybody drink responsibly.

"Glee: (#2.13)" (2011)